Advice from the experts
Sharon Atkins

Feeding Teenagers

As teens become more independent in their food choices, they tend to make wrong choices- even teens who are brought up eating healthy. Here are the four worst food habits teens may develop and some tips as to how you can help them. Skipping breakfast is the number one leading bad habit for teens. According to a recent study more that half of male teens and more than two thirds of female teens do not eat breakfast on a regular basis. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Eating breakfast can kick starts your teens metabolism, which helps with weight control, mood and school performance. You can ensure that your teen eats a healthy breakfast by making the foods readily accessible to him. Make it part of your routine to put breakfast on the table and sit with your teen while you both enjoy a healthy breakfast or if time is a problem then do a grab and go breakfast . The next unhealthy food habit teens have is increased foods from the treat group. Teens tend to eat too much high fat and calorie snack foods. You can help teens break this habit by having healthy snacks available. Turn your house into a safe zone, where healthy, tasty snacks are easily accessible and treat snacks are non existent. Increased eating outside the home. Teens hit the take aways and fast food outlets much more often than they did when they were younger. This is often because of school, sports and work schedules overlapping regular mealtimes. Talk to your teen about limiting fast food once a week. Help prepare some easy to eat meals in advance like a healthy sandwich, or last nights meal leftovers. Last but not least is the over consumption of fizzy drinks. Help your teen by limiting the amount of fizzy drinks available in the home. Encourage water, cordials homemade iced teas. One common denominator for getting teens to eat healthier and avoid these bad food habits is your active role in providing healthy foods. When you get in the habit of making these foods more available to your teen, you will see a change in the eating habits.  

Sharon Atkins

How to Avoid Toddler Tantrums

You’ve all seen other toddlers performing, screaming, lying on the floor and causing a scene in the shop or restaurant. You used to shake your head and wonder why the parents couldn’t control their child. Now, you are the parent and when your toddler is performing you either want to walk away, pretend you don’t know them or grab them and run out of the establishment. There are normally reasons for the meltdown so be prepared and plan your trips. Try and prevent the temper tantrum from happening by being aware and taking note of the following: Keep them updated.Tell your toddlers your plans and the activities for the day so that they can be prepared and now what to expect. By doing this, they will not be surprised and stressed in an unknown and new environment. Also, why shouldn’t they know and be aware of the plans for the day! Food glorious food.  We all know that hungry toddlers are impatient and unpredictable. Either feed them before you go out or always carry around healthy snack options with you. Snacks will keep your toddler busy and also tide them over until the next meal. Take snacks that are easy to clean up if spilled as this will probably be inevitable. Peanuts and raisins or small pieces of fresh or dried fruit are a good idea. Tired toddlers.Life is busy and it is often very stimulating when you go out. Try and plan ahead so when you do go out the toddler is well rested. If you do need to go out at other times, let them sleep in the car on the way or make the visit short and not too busy. Rewards and Incentives.If you have a tricky toddler then let them know that after the event, if they behave, you can do something fun with them or they can have a treat. This does not have to involve screen time or sweets but could be something simple like a bike ride or a visit to the park. The anticipation will hopefully give them the motivation to see them through the visit or trip. Toddlers get bored easily so keep things for them to do in the car and in your bag as distractions. These could be toys, books or in the car, C.D.’s with stories or music to sing along to. Hopefully these suggestions will help and prevent the toddler tantrum and make the experience an enjoyable one for all. If not, then don’t forget to breathe, stay calm and know that this stage will pass and make way for the next.  

Edublox - Reading & Learning Clinic

The Importance of Spelling and Handwriting in a Digital Age

It’s a fair question for parents to consider: why should my child learn to master the skills of spelling and handwriting in a world governed by spellcheckers and keyboards? Isn’t the mere notion of teaching these skills as archaic as attempting to master trigonometry without the use of a scientific calculator? Edublox reading, maths and learning clinic investigates the importance of handwriting and spelling in the learning process and shares some tips on how to identify problems that children may be experiencing.  “Over the last 30 years, we have witnessed many technological changes in the educational landscape. Certain skills, like spelling correctly and being able to write legibly by hand, however, still remain universally relevant,” says Susan du Plessis, Director of Educational Programmes at Edublox. “Although various spell checkers and autocorrect functions may serve as proofing tools in order to communicate clearer messages, it should not deter children from learning the skills in the first place,” she adds. Du Plessis’s view is one that many educators agree on. In an article published in The Guardian, Edouard Gentaz, Professor of Developmental Psychology at the University of Geneva, articulates how pens and keyboards bring into play vastly different cognitive processes. “Handwriting is a complex task which requires various skills – feeling the pen and paper, moving the writing implement, and directing movement by thought. Children take several years to master this precise motor exercise: you need to hold the scripting tool firmly while moving it in such a way as to leave a different mark for each letter*.” If children do not master these skills, their spelling is likely to suffer as a result. According to the authors of the book Introduction to Learning Disabilities**, handwriting errors can cause a word to look like another word, where slow, laboured writing of letters may cause a student to forget the word he or she is trying to write. Du Plessis continues: “The skill of spelling embraces many subskills – the ability to perceive the whole in its individual parts, auditory perception of letter sounds and auditory memory, and decoding skills. Together, spelling and handwriting are important foundational skills in the learning process.” According to Du Plessis, the problem with teaching spelling in a digital age is that good language and strong spelling skills have become optional in the way that we communicate on social media and through the various devices available to us. Search engines are also incredibly forgiving and simply suggests the correct spelling of search terms without even prompting the user to consider where they went wrong. “Traditionally, spelling does not allow any room for ‘creative’ answers or ‘style’; a word is either spelled correctly or it is misspelled. It’s important that parents encourage their children to learn to spell correctly and to use spelling applications and emoticons as secondary tools in the communication process,” she explains. If parents notice that their children are struggling to spell despite an effort to do so without the help of digital tools, there might be underlying shortcomings that a reputable learning clinic can help to resolve. If the problems are caused by poor handwriting, which includes illegible or exceptionally slow writing, a child might be struggling with dysgraphia (a Greek term that encapsulates symptoms like trouble with pencil grip, mixing up cursive and print, and inconsistent spacing between words). “Ironically, there are many online programs that are wonderful tools in a reputable learning clinics’ toolkit when it comes to reading and consequently spelling,” adds du Plessis. “Parents must look out for programs that aim to resolve learning and spelling problems and not simply enable the child to manage them better. Search for something that is visually engaging and fun to work with and one that tracks progress so that parents are aware of the child’s improvement.” “Proper spelling and neat handwriting have definitely not become outdated skills. Especially with the rise of the digital age, parents should pursue solutions if their children are struggling and to value these ‘manual’ skills; without it, we may see language take a back seat in years to come,” concludes du Plessis. *Chemin, A. (2014). Handwriting vs typing: is the pen still mightier than the keyboard? [Online] Available from: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/dec/16/cognitive-benefits-handwriting-decline-typing [Accessed: 2017-04-04]. ** Hallahan, D. P., Kauffman, J., & Lloyd, J., Introduction to Learning Disabilities (Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall)

Mia Von Scha

Your Child’s Language Development and How it Affects Later Success

I recently attended a fascinating lecture by Suzy Styles, who is a professor of Psychology and Linguistics at the Nanyang Technological University in Singapore.  Her research is all around how language modulates brain development, shapes sensation and co-creates our conscious experiences. There were a number of things she discussed that are fundamental bits of wisdom for parents and educators to be aware of. Babies’ sensory systems are already in place before birth, and by the time the baby is born they have already been primed for the kind of auditory world they are going to emerge into including large amounts of information about their native language. Babies at birth can already recognize a story that has been told to them in the womb, can tell the difference between different languages and can recognize their mother’s voice. The sounds that they hear in the womb and in early life are literally changing the structure of their brains as they make new connections. Prem babies often have difficulty with language later on. This is due to the nature of the sounds that they are hearing outside of the womb when they should still be in it… The sound of the mother’s voice and heartbeat are replaced by aircons and ICU noises and unfiltered speech. Prem babies need to have the sounds of the womb simulated in order to have optimal auditory development. When we speak to babies we naturally hyperarticulate vowel sounds (we do this when we speak to foreigners and Siri too!). Babies LOVE this! It matches the way they are hearing at this developmental stage and is linked to faster hearing skills later on. Even the toys that we give to children can make a difference to their language acquisition. For example, babies who have teething toys that get in the way of their tongues are unable to recognize sounds like “t” that use the tongue tip. Between around 6-12 months babies lose the ability to distinguish sounds that they don’t hear regularly. For example, Japanese babies can no longer tell the difference between “ra” and “la”, and Spanish speakers can’t tell the difference between “ba” and “va”. This means that these early years are the optimal time for a baby to be exposed to another language. However, babies only learn a new language (or even words in their own language) in interaction with real live people. Television and radio do not count, no matter how good the program they might be watching. The only time that babies learn from a recorded sound is when they are exposed to it together with an adult who discusses it with them or interacts with them and the show – using the TV or radio as a prop for interaction. Up to six years old children still have some neural sensitivity to adapt to new languages. The benefits of learning a second language go beyond just social convenience. Studies have shown that bilingual people (and only those who have learned their second language early in life) recover better from strokes and don’t show early symptoms of Alzheimers. The more you talk to a baby and the more interactive and fun this is, the more their hearing is increased. Whenever emotion is involved in learning there is more consolidation of the learning. Their studies show that children of professional class parents are exposed to around 30 million more words than a working class child by the time they reach school. And this directly correlates with school performance later on. Hearing more words has a protective effect against later learning disabilities. It is not enough for the child to just be around chatty adults – the speech actually has to be directed at the child and needs to be fun. Even reading to a baby only makes a real difference if the reading is fun and interactive (NOT instructional). It needs to be like a game, for example making jokes that violate expectation. The book is more like a prop for some kind of linguistic interaction with the child. The more fun the experience, the more the language ‘sticks’. Children are affected by our attitudes to learning and how much fun is involved at all ages. Children who are judged on what they say in class will disengage and have lower grades. In terms of language development, the greatest predictors of whether children will do well in school are: Interaction. How much and how fun and how child-directed the experiences are. The number of words they are exposed to. Whether their caregivers use instructional speech (tie your shoe, put on your clothes, eat your food) or expanding type speech (ooh, I see you’re putting on your shoes. Those are the same shoes you wore yesterday. And the ones you nearly left at the beach last week. You love those shoes, don’t you? You would have missed them if we hadn’t found them…) The core lesson for me that comes out of all this research is that we need to be present with our babies and children – engaging them in fun, interactive ways and exposing them to as much of our linguistic worlds as we are able. KEY ACTION POINTS: Speak to your baby in utero. Sing to her, read to him, tell them what you’re thinking and feeling. If you have a multi-lingual family, have the other parent or grandparents chat to the child in a different language while they are still in the womb and beyond. If you want your baby to learn another language make sure they are exposed to it before 12 months old (or definitely before 6 years old) in fun, interactive ways with a caring adult. Prem babies can have improved language skills later on if you are able to simulate womb sounds in the hospital – filter the mother’s voice, expose the baby to a recording of her heartbeat, and cut out as many of the sounds of the hospital as possible. If this is done for

Doug Berry

BWRT: Reworking our Emotional Wiring

A short time ago, I attended a weekend seminar that introduced myself and several notable psychologists and psychiatrists to an emerging therapeutic technique with thus far, amazing results. BWRT is the acronym for Brain-Working Recursive Therapy and I’d like to tell you a little about this potentially life-changing approach to modern therapy. Brain Working Recursive Therapy® is an innovative new concept of psychotherapy, completely unlike anything that has gone before it. It presents an entirely new view of the subconscious mind – one that is extremely ‘user friendly’ and easy for the client to understand – as well as an elegant way of providing psychotherapy that gets easily beneath the Conscious Critical Faculty. The mind behind this amazing therapy is a man by the name of Terence Watts, who together with his South African counterpart, Rafiq Lockhat, have taken this approach from concept to practice over the years and are now training mental health professionals to utilise it for their client base. BWRT® has been designed to disconnect emotive responses from memories that are deeply troubling and create new, adaptive neural pathways that do not have the old undesirable emotional responses attached to it. This therapy is largely content-free, which means that it is not always necessary for the client to divulge their troubles in great detail, and of short duration, using the client’s own thought processes to effect a release from the symptomatic pattern – and there is a strict protocol which ensures maximum effectiveness and safety. In essence, we are creating new “emotional memories” that attach to the recorded memory of an event or period or anxiety-provoking situation. The client does not necessarily forget the event, but has altered the emotional response to it to be much less traumatising, allowing them to process the event from a healthier, less disruptive vantage point. Conducted by qualified, trained and experienced professionals, there is no significant risk to the client. Their wellbeing and emotional needs are paramount. They must be willing to engage on a level that will have them dealing with an emotional event and related trigger. The risk is that the technique doesn’t work for them, although every effort will be made to the contrary! Clients are informed that this is a short duration therapy process and with effective treatment, they shouldn’t have to present for more than 3 sessions with their therapist! BWRT is proving truly effective with the following concerns:  Commitment Anxiety Phobias,  Panic attacks,  Generalised anxiety disorder,  Exam anxiety,  Social Phobia,   Success Inhibition,  Fear of failure,  All types of Performance Anxiety,  Self-Worth/Self-Confidence Issues, Fear of Authority, Relationship Issues, Grief, PTSD and many more.   The list of professionals using this type of therapy is growing with every training conference, and the results are proving outstanding! If you’re interested, please don’t hesitate to contact myself for further information!

BLM Photography

So many photographers…. How to choose one?

There he was, a kid with a budget to spend in a toyshop.  Turns out it wasn’t just torture for me.  It was for him too. (Side note: I swear they should put a coffee lounge area in these shops to help parents stay sane for the eons that it takes their kids to decide what to buy. Honestly. Have you ever walked in to the toyshop and your children immediately chose something that is useful or at least suitable and that’s within budget? It never happens!) What could be better? Toyshop.  Money.  Lots to choose from.  Only he was just standing there crying.  Crying because he, “Just couldn’t decide what to get.” Having choice is a wonderful thing. In a lot of ways it’s a symbol of freedom. Too much choice though is tough, really tough.  Sometimes just so tough that no selection is ever made. So when someone on Facebook is looking for a photographer and I add my web details to an already very long list of replies I actually feel kind of bad. Not in the ‘I can’t compete with these photographers’ kind of way bad.  I am confident in the service and product that I offer.  I feel bad because I know how hard it must be to choose between all of these people offering to make my baby/my family and even me “look amazing” and “capture my memories for eternity”. It must be a little intimidating, to say the least, going through such a long list of potential suppliers all hoping to get your business.  They all have websites, Facebook pages and Instagram feeds that show lovely photographs and promise to meet your every need. Choosing who to trust with your memories (and your hard earned cash) can be a difficult decision. So here are some tips to help you choose the photographer that’s right for you and the project you have in mind.  Assuming of course that you’ve already discarded the ones who don’t appear to be competent at all. Is what they’re offering what you really want?Sounds simple enough.  I want beautiful photos and that’s what they do.  Right?  Not exactly. There are many different categories and styles of photography.  Given the same brief (and even the same location and subject/s) each photographer’s photos will look different.  There are journalistic style photographers and those who offer a more posed style.  There are lifestyle photographers who photograph you in a natural way in your home environment or outdoors on location and there are photographers who work only in Studio.  Some photographers may prefer to use natural light only and others are comfortable using flashes and strobes.  And then there are those who’s editing and shooting style is romantic and soft or contrasty and dramatic or grungy and textured. I’m sure you’re getting the picture.  It’s really important that you like the style of the photographer that you choose and that it suits your project.  You wouldn’t for example choose someone who only shoots in studio with flashes to take photographs of your birth story in low light with no flashes.  Style matters. Can I be myself around this person?And will my family or partner or whomever is going to be part of the session open up to them? I’m sure you’ve met people before whom you just feel uncomfortable around or who rub you up the wrong way.  Someone like this isn’t going to get the best out of you and it’s going to show in your photographs.  I’ve heard many stories of wedding photographs that just don’t live up to expectations.  The photographer has a stunning portfolio and it’s exactly what style you would like for your photos but they just don’t look the same.   It may have been that you and the photographer just didn’t “click”.  It’s a very collaborative process and you need to inspire the best out of each other. Bear in mind also that your photo shoot (and all of the before and after service of course) is an experience.  In fact if the experience is not great you may not like your photos at all even if they are gorgeous.  Choose someone who makes you feel comfortable and the rest will follow. Safety.  Naturally you would be hard pressed to let a photographer put you in an unsafe environment and I’m sure that you’ve taken steps to make sure that the security risks of shooting at your location are being managed. However, there are some other very important safety aspects when working with expectant moms, children, babies and newborns.  Please be sure that your chosen photographer takes this seriously.  I have seen way too many risky poses with newborns.  Know that many of the poses that you see in newborn photography are actually multiple images combined to make it look as if the baby was positioned like that.  Many are also taken with the parent or assistant supporting the baby’s head and then the hand or finger is edited out in postproduction.  Knowing how to work with a newborn baby safely should be a very important pre-requisite when choosing a photographer. Another safety aspect is the health of the photographer.  As a photographer you cannot risk infecting someone with the flu or a tummy bug if you are sick.  I have even on occasion phoned a Mommy to say that I am fully up to the task of doing the shoot with their toddlers but am feeling like I am coming down with something and if one of her children is perhaps immune compromised that we should rather reschedule. Do they have my best interests at heart?  Does the photographer really make the effort to understand what you want to create and what you’ll be working with. Price and valueI’ve deliberately put this one last because although it might be a deal breaker for you should never select your photographer solely on price.  Of course very few have unlimited funds to spend on photographs and

Advtech Group

Private Doesn’t Always Mean Perfect: How to Choose the Right School for your Child

With registrations for the new school year now open, thousands of parents are considering sending their children to private schools. While many of them would not have considered this option before, the rapid expansion of the private offering is seeing an influx into this sector. However an education expert warns that just as they would do with public schools and higher education, parents must do their homework before simply signing up with any school by virtue of it being a private one. “Just as with public schools, quality and performance vary from school to school, and it is incorrect to assume that just because a school is private, it is automatically the best choice for your child,” says John Luis, Head of Academics at ADvTECH Schools, home of 91 private schools across South and Southern Africa, including Trinity House and Crawford Schools. He says the philosophy, approach and capacity of various private schools are vastly different, and that a school should be selected only after consideration of the specific needs of the child to see how they match to potential schools. Additionally, parents should carefully scrutinise promises against track record. “Parents must firstly make sure that the overall ethos of the school is a good match to the family and the child,” he says. “When visiting schools – a non-negotiable part of the process of selection – parents should observe the learners and their interactions among each other and with teachers. One should ideally get a good sense that the environment is safe and stimulating, and that the school has all the resources and facilities one expects from an environment in which academic excellence can become possible.” Luis adds that parents should also look at the long-term performance of schools and their students, to ensure that learners are equipped not just to excel at school, but also to flourish in higher education and beyond. Very importantly, parents should find out from the school how they are incorporating the very important 21st Century Skills as identified by the World Economic Forum into their teaching methodology and curricula, says Luis. “Schools should no longer be operating in the way they did ten or even five years ago, with the approach of imparting knowledge top-down, and learners being exam-focused parrots. That does not serve us in the real world out there anymore, and will do so even less in future. Globally schools are moving towards empowering learners with the kinds of skills they need for our new workplaces – skills such as being able to creatively problem-solve, research, communicate and self-manage.” STEPS FOR CHOOSING A PRE-SCHOOL Trudie Gilmore, Assistant General Manager at ADvTECH Junior Colleges, says there are few things that instil more anxiety and apprehension in parents than the task of finding the right school for their child’s first foray into education. “The choices can be overwhelming, the deadlines are impossibly early, and the pressure to get it right is huge,” she says. She advises parents to structure their search as follows: Start your search at least one school year prior to attending, and note that many schools take applications as early as just after a child’s birth.Schools should have viewings scheduled throughout the year, and you should attend these at all of the schools you have identified. If you missed the boat on timing, call around and arrange as many visits as you can. Most have waiting lists, and there are often last-minute openings. Be persistent by checking back in and being proactive. The Viewing. You can attend an Open Day or Expo to hear about the philosophy, admission process and much more, then submit the application and registration fee. You can view the school while classes are in session, and we recommend that you bring your child to spend time in the classroom. Be ready with a notebook on the viewing, and bring a list of all your questions to be answered. Know how often and how long you’d like your child to attend. Children usually attend preschool anytime from 3 months to 6 years of age.  Most schools should offer half-day and full-day programmes. Check that you are happy with the programmes for both the morning and the afternoon if your child will be there for the full day. Gilmore says parents should check for the following to ensure that a pre-school programme is well-run: Assess the quality of children’s relationships with the staff. Pay close attention to the language used in the classroom and the friendliness of the staff. View a few different classrooms while school is in session to see how the teachers interact with the children. Home-to-school connections are important. Preschools that have high family involvement are often the schools with the strongest programmes. When families are involved, children do better, teachers feel supported and everyone works together for the children’s learning and development. High-quality preschools have structure: They follow a specific philosophy or model and have specific guidelines for addressing challenging behaviour. Discipline policies should emphasise positive approaches to teaching children new skills and proactive strategies for behaviour management such as classroom rules, routines and social-emotional lessons or curriculum. STEPS FOR CHOOSING PRIMARY AND HIGH SCHOOLS Morag Rees, Principal of Crawford College Sandton, says that to be academically excellent, a school should not only provide enriching, empowering and meaningful learning opportunities which challenge students’ thinking, assumptions and abilities, but should also ensure that these learning opportunities provide a foundation for further study and successful future lives. She advises parents to consider the following when looking at schools: The culture of the school, which includes things such as diversity, community awareness, priorities (e.g. academics, leadership development, cultural activities and/or sports), student interaction, and commitment to learning. Travelling distance is also a consideration – especially if the child and parents want to be fully involved. Teaching philosophy and school ethos should align with the learner and parents’ expectations. The school’s track record over the long term, which means not just looking at last year’s matric results. The options available to learners

Parenting Hub

Signs Of Reading Readiness

Parents raise readers and teachers teach reading The best advice I can give you is, do not rush your child into reading.  Preparation is key; the better and more sound the foundation for reading is the easier and quicker your child will learn to read. If your child is showing the following signs he is well on his way to becoming a reader.  Give yourself a pat on the back; you must be doing something right.  Well done Mom and Dad. Signs of reading readiness Your child: Knows about books – i.e., holds a book the right way up, knows where its starts and ends Knows letter names and sounds Good use of language – speaks clearly, understand instructions, articulates his thoughts and feelings using the correct words Loves to listen to stories Able to sit still and listen to a story Can rhyme simple words – cat, hat, sat Recognises own name and start recognises simple words like, mom, dad Becoming aware of print and will say things like, ‘what does that word say’, whilst being read to. Awareness of print around – billboards, advertising signs like MacDonalds, coke, etc. Begins to relate what is being read to him to his own experiences, for example whilst reading a book about dogs your child may say, ‘I have a dog called….’ As parents continue to read daily, give plenty of support and encouragement as your child starts experimenting with reading, but DO NOT push.  Learning to read takes time and develops in stages, just enjoy the journey. The greatest gift you can give your child is the gift of reading.

Parenting Hub

Why is my baby crying?

When your baby is crying a cold sweat accompanied by the question “WHY?” is the likely reaction. While we would love a recipe to interpret each cry, it is important to realise that every baby’s cry is different and every cry can mean a different thing. The best way for you to determine why your baby is crying is by process of elimination. Ask yourself these questions: Is my baby hungry? Newborns need feeds between two and four hourly. If your newborn is crying this could well be the reason. Even older babies on good routines will become teary and cry when they are hungry. Toddlers become difficult to manage when their blood sugar levels drop, If your baby is hungry feed him. Is my baby sick?When your baby cries you may well wonder whether pain or sickness is the culprit. Usually this is not the case but if your baby has been a happy contented little one and suddenly become fractious and cries a lot you should be concerned and if this is accompanied by a loss of appetite, take him to your doctor or speak to your clinic sister. Is my baby tired or over-stimulated? By far the most common cause of crying, especially colic in the first three months is overstimulation and over-tiredness. So how do you calm your baby who is already crying and unplayable due to overstimulation [unordered_list Swaddle your baby – the deep pressure and containment provided by a swaddle is the best calming measure. Your overtired baby will then no longer be bothered by his flailing arms and will feel calmer when swaddled Decrease stimulation– do not over stimulate your baby or toddler when he is already fractious. Take him to a dim room with quiet lullabies instead of swinging him through the air to make him laugh. Hold your baby and carry him – do not worry about spoiling your newborn, as babies up to four months old do not form habits. However, they do have sensory needs and movement such as that provided in a sling is a great way to calm colicky newborn or fractious toddler alike. Lie with your baby on your chest – when the wheels are falling off, and  mum and baby are falling apart, Dad can be a great support. Take your little baby and lay quietly with him on your chest and sooth him with your calmness and gentle touch. White noise – white noise provided by water, a radio tuned to static or a white noise CD are wonderful sounds for calming babies. If possible play white noise at the volume of your baby’s cry and he will calm down.

Parenting Hub

Why sleep is important?

Every function in the body is affected by sleep. And for a child, the risks of sleep deprivation are much more serious than simply waking up in a grumpy mood. Research shows that children with sleep disturbances have more medical problems – such as allergies, ear infections, and hearing problems. They are also more likely to have social and emotional problems. Sleep is as important as nutrition and exercise. It’s when the body repackages neurotransmitters, chemicals that enable brain cells to communicate. 1. Sleep promotes growth – Growth hormone is primarily secreted during deep sleep. 2. Sleep helps the heart. 3. Sleep affects weight – There’s increasing evidence that getting too little sleep causes kids to become overweight, starting in infancy. 4. Sleep helps beat germs – During sleep, children (and adults) also produce proteins known as cytokines, which the body relies on to fight infection, illness, and stress. 5. Sleep reduces injury risk – Kids are clumsier and more impulsive when they don’t get enough sleep, setting them up for accidents. 6. Sleep increases kids’ attention span – Children who consistently sleep fewer than ten hours a night before age 3 are three times more likely to have hyperactivity and impulsivity problems by age 6. 7. Sleep boosts learning – Sleep aids learning in kids of all ages, and education experts are finding that naps have a particular magic. The simple fact is that kids sleep less today than they used to. And unless we make an effort to get that sleep time back, their health will suffer.

Parenting Hub

Kangaroo Care for Baby

Whilst in recent years, Kangaroo Care or Skin-to-skin care for babies, has become a very popular method of treatment particularly for pre-term babies, this form of care has been around since the late 1970’s. Kangaroo Care was initially introduced in Bogota Colombia, in the late 1970‘s due to the alarmingly high death rate of premature infants.  At that time death in premature infants was as high as 70% where babies were dying from infections, respiratory problems and sadly, lack of attention.  Researchers found that babies who were held close to their mothers’ bodies for large portions of the day, thrived and survived! Kangaroo care, or skin-to-skin care, is a technique practiced on newborn, usually pre-term infants where the infant is held, skin-to-skin, with mom and sometimes even with dad.  This form of care is generally restricted to a few hours a day but if babies are medically stable, that time may be extended and some parents may even keep their babies in their arms for many hours per day. The benefits of this practise are astounding!  The physiological and psychological warmth and bonding that takes place is phenomenal.  And of course, mom or dad’s stable body temperature helps to regulate baby’s temperature more smoothly than an incubator as well as allowing for readily accessible breastfeeding when mom holds baby in this way. This is where you just cannot be without a Hugseez Baby Wrap Carrier.  It is the perfect tool to use with Kangaroo Care or Skin-to-skin Contact.  The Hugseez Baby Wrap Carrier, is comfortable to wear, easy to use and offers both warmth for baby and privacy for mom whilst breastfeeding. It is highly recommended that skin-to-skin contact should be initiated immediately after birth and the benefits have been scientifically proven. In terms of classification and proper defining for research purposes, the following aspects that categorise and define skin-to-skin contact have been proposed: Initiation time, (minutes, hours from birth), ideal is zero separation. Dose of skin-to-skin contact, (hours per day, or as percentage of day), ideal >90%. Duration, (measured in days or weeks from birth), ideally until infant refuses. Safe technique should ensure that obstructive apnoea cannot occur. Since the mother must be able to sleep to provide adequate dose. The Hugseez Baby Wrap Carrier is perfect in this instance as it is made of a soft breathable cotton lycra fabric that fits around mommy’s body very naturally. This cotton lycra fabric is also wonderfully stretchy with no belt and buckles! The available evidence does show that early skin-to-skin contact produces better outcomes, very specifically with respect to breastfeeding, but also with regulation of physiological outcomes. Whilst we are aware that Kangaroo Care for low birthweight and pre-term infants is a must, we have no doubt that you will agree with us that this form of skin-to-skin contact should be regarded as normal and basic for all newly born babies. Hugseez Baby Wrap Carrier is a must for all new mommies and their babies to help make this intimate and superbly natural way of caring for your baby possible.

Prima Toys

Encouraging Literacy

Finally, your child can read. For parent, teacher and child, the process of learning to read, of understanding sounds and knowing the alphabet is a pivotal and exciting one. The process is pivotal as it is the foundation for a lifetime of reading, writing and understanding. The ability to read and write provides the foundation for communication and interpreting the world around is. The process is also an exciting one, simply because it is such a critical milestone in a child’s development. The process is one to be enjoyed, it should be fun and it should be a journey of discovery. Here are some ways that you can foster your child’s abilities when it comes to reading and writing: 1.Talk to your child. This may seem quite rudimentary, but in this day and age where we have an almost constant information overload, it is important to switch off cellphones and screens and talk. Have a conversation with your child. Ask her questions and prompt her to ask you things too. 2. Give your child writing tasks. Give him a pen and a piece of paper and ask him to write down what happened during the best or the worst part of his day. Just a few sentences will do. The exercise is aimed at helping your child organise his thoughts and express them in a way that makes sense to others. 3.Put aside time to read with your child. Even if this is a few minutes each day, but try to read with your child, either at bedtime or during bath time when you have their attention. 4. Make sure that the books you buy for your child are age appropriate and that your child can read the book with ease. If your child stumbles on too many words, then chances are the book is too difficult for her and this will cause her to be frustrated. Rather let her read something that is easy for her to read so that she enjoys the story. She has her whole life to read difficult books. 5. Ensure that he has access to a large variety of books. Take her to the library every two weeks and let her choose her own books. She will love you for it! LeapFrog has a wide range of literacy products that can help your child learn the basics of sounds, language, and the alphabet. For more information go to www.PrimaToys.co.za

Prima Toys

Prima Toys launches new Peppa Pig range

Peppa Pig is an energetic piggy who lives with Mummy, Daddy and little brother George. Good news for fans is that there is a new range of Peppa Pig playsets now available at toy stores. Peppa Pig made her debut on television a few years ago and since then she has become a favourite character for many children. Peppa Pig loves to have adventures and they always end happily. She loves to play, with her brother and with her friends, and she always provides a positive underlying message such as co-operation, playing together and the importance of family and friendship. The Peppa Pig range includes characters from the television series as well as lots of fun playsets such as the Classroom Playset, Peppa Pig Car and the Outdoor Fun Swing and Slide. The toys are aimed at pre-schoolers, especially those who enjoy imaginative play and role play. Peppa Pig figurines and playsets are ideal for ages three years and older. Available at leading retail outlets nationwide. For more information go to www.PrimaToys.co.za   

Prima Toys

Sofia the First adored by little girls!

Sofia the First has become a firm favourite for little girls, especially those aged three years and older. Sofia the First is the Disney Channel series which follows the life of Sofia, a regular girl whose life is changed when her mom marries a king. Sofia adjusts to the life of a princess and has different adventures along the way. The series has inspired a range of toys that includes dolls, playsets and more. Toy stores and retailers have an amazing range of Sofia the First products for little girls. Sofia the First dolls are ideal gifts for girls who enjoy playing with dolls. There is also a range of accessories including the Sofia Musical Amulet and the Sofia Magic Wand. The Sofia Musical Amulet plays iconic songs from the series allowing little girls to sing along and dance. The Sofia Magic Wand is a beautiful light-up wand that sparks the imagination. Sofia the First beauty set has everything a little girl needs to style their own hair and look like a Princess. The set consists of a comb, brush, clips and mirror. Sofia the First products are ideal for girls aged three and over who enjoy princess play, and are available at toy stores and retailers countrywide. For the full range of Princess Sofia toys, visit www.primatoys.co.za

Mia Von Scha

Potty Talk…

Potty training isn’t the easiest thing to do, but for the most part it runs fairly smoothly – a couple of accidents here and there, a bit of frustration, many hours of potty entertainment, and eventual mastery. But what happens when you seem to have got it all down and suddenly your 3 year old is afraid to make a poo? Before you go rushing off to play therapy, there are a couple of things you can consider… If your child is under 4 years old, this behaviour is not out of the normal age range, but if your child was doing really well with toilet training up until this point and then suddenly regressed then it may be something that needs addressing. Firstly, make sure your child is not constipated. The majority of issues come about because of constipation, which then makes it uncomfortable or even painful to pass a stool. Make sure your child drinks lots of water (they sometimes forget when they’re having too much fun), gets enough fruit and veg every day, and maybe even add some prunes or something similar to her diet for a while. Try cutting out constipating foods like bread, pap, red meats, bananas and sugar. Constipation can also be the result of being afraid to go to the loo, where kids hold it in for long periods of time. Compacted faeces can cause greater issues, so if you suspect this, follow the guidelines above and consider seeing your family practitioner. Sometimes potty issues can come about due to strong emotional experiences at the time of potty training. Ask yourself if any major changes have happened at the same time – a parent going away, divorce, death in the family, arrival of a new sibling, even going on holiday can be stressful for some kids. If there is an emotional connection, speak to your child about this, address her fears, lay off the pressure on potty training for a while, and consider doing some relaxation exercises with your child. The next question to ask is if there are any benefits for your child for soiling her pants. Does she get additional attention (even negative) or anything like that? If there are some hidden benefits to it, you’ll need to address those in more positive ways first. You also need to look at how potty training is handled at school. It is worth digging in to this a bit, as the school may tell you that accidents and messes are handled well, but in my experience this is not always the case. Address whether it is possible that there was some shaming or embarrassment that has happened to your child, or even one of the other children at school. You need to reassure your child that everyone messes sometimes (even adults) and it is not a big deal. I would never offer rewards for going to the toilet – this may add additional stress. Your child may be genuinely unable to consciously control it. Also, never shame your child for soiling their pants. Make sure she knows that you are not cross or upset by it. The less emphasis you put on it the better. Explain that you know she is doing her best and that you are there if she needs to talk to you about anything that is worrying her. And then leave it. Don’t push for information, just be present. When your child does soil her pants, don’t make a big deal out of it. Explain that all kids do that sometimes and it is really ok (if you have a story about yourself doing it as a child then it is worth relating that). Show your child how to deal with it so that if she wants to she can clean it up herself (give her some power back in her life) – show her how to empty it into the loo, and to rinse her panties in the sink and how to put them in the wash, or however you handle it. She probably won’t do a very good job about it, but praise her for her efforts. Again, don’t force her – only if she wants to be involved. You could also offer her the option of wearing a nappy for a while until she feels ok to go to the loo again – be careful how you handle this though – she mustn’t feel like she’s regressing or that it is a punishment. Point out other kids her age still wearing nappies and explain that it is normal at her age to still have accidents. Maybe she won’t want to do this at school but may be ok to wear one at home, or even just when she feels she needs to poo. Also, make going to the toilet as natural as possible. Let her come to the bathroom with you when you go and be chatty about making a poo and how good it feels etc. You may also look for books at the library or online that can help you to address the subject with her in a fun way. Here are some you can check out: It Hurts When I Poop! a Story for Children Who Are Scared to Use the Potty Where’s the Poop? I Can’t, I Won’t, No Way!: A Book For Children Who Refuse to Poop “Bloop, Bloop!” Goes the Poop Try taking this relaxed, no big deal approach and see how she does. Be patient with her. If she did have someone shout at her at school or is feeling stressed because of it, it may take her some time to reestablish trust with the toilet! Give it a try and if you still don’t come right then consider taking your child to see a play therapist or someone with experience in dealing with these issues. Good luck!

Parenting Hub

Toddler Food Battles

Solving a complex problem at work, finally achieving a personal goal is nothing compared to your child finishing a whole plate of food. Isn’t it amazing that no matter how big your accomplishments in your day, NOTHING, absolutely nothing compares to the satisfaction you get watching your toddler successfully finish a meal. You can sleep peacefully know your baby has eaten ‘well’! Having a fussy eater is more common than you may think. While some babies eat almost anything they can get their little hands on, other babies are a lot pickier. Some fussy eaters are simply trying to express their independence with a say in what, when, where and how they eat. Others just need some coaxing, distraction and gentle encouragement. Perhaps your family dinner table has become a battleground? Then it is time to take the stress out of mealtimes with your toddler and child, end the arguments over food, and feed your fussy eaters. There is nothing like a food battle to cause stress and anxiety in parents – take heart and remember fussy eating isn’t just common, it’s normal! Understanding your child A classic time for problems to arise is when your baby is 12 months old. As a child is more aware of the world his natural instincts make him more suspicious of new foods. Nature’s way of protecting us from eating food that is potentially harmful. If you’re one of the lucky parents that sailed through weaning, another common time for problems to arise is during the challenging 2’s. Having lulled you into a false sense of security, your toddler could wake one morning with dietary requirements that even a top chef would struggle to meet. Children’s appetites are affected by growth cycles and they have different taste preferences to adults. You will encourage her appetite to work properly if you give her more when she’s hungry and let her eat less when she’s not interested. Growth slows down and appetites fluctuate between one and five years of age. Studies have shown that most children get plenty to eat even if it seems like they are barely eating at all. Try looking at mealtimes from a child’s perspective. Toddlers have a different agenda: from their point of view, eating is a waste of their playing time, and if we make mealtimes boring by nagging, it’s even worse. Here are some tips to help your little fussy eater learn to eat better, while giving you some peace of mind. 1. Put your mind at rest: If you are concerned about the health of your child, take her for a check up at the doctor to rule out any potential health problems. Keep a food diary for 2 weeks and record EVERYTHING that she eats and drinks (include quantities). You can then get this assessed by a health professional to assess adequate nutritional intake. Give an appropriate vitamin & mineral supplement during the fussy eating phase. 2. Stay off the battle field: Remember picky eating can also be a child’s way of asserting his independence and may have less to do with the actual food than his need to push the limits of your authority and assert some control over his life. This is why pressurizing a child to eat often back fires and you become a ‘casualty of war’. 3. Wean at the appropriate age Weaning late has shown some link to fussing eating. Parents who delay introducing their babies to chewy food and a variety of tastes could find their babies grow up developing food fads. A recent study showed that babies should be introduced to a more varied diet between the ages of 6 to 9 months to decrease the risk of becoming fussy eaters. Babies learning to eat will spit food out, and this is more than likely due to a ‘tongue-reflex’ action than a sign that your baby doesn’t like the food. Keep trying with that food and soon he will get used to it and swallow. 4. Fun food presentation Sandwiches cut into moon shapes, cracker with a smiley face, carrot sticks as soldiers and apple boats can make food presentation more enticing Presenting meals as a smorgasbord from which they can pick and choose from a variety of colours, shapes and textures. Toddlers and young children prefer foods that are identifiable and not one big mush. Using a compartmentalized plate that prevents different foods from touching is a great help. 5. Make mealtimes fun and relaxed Use it as an extension of playtime and time when you and your baby can bond uninterrupted (no cell phone calls or sms’s !!!). Do puzzles, read a book, tell a story. 6. Educate Talk about the food and its value in simple terms. E.g. this piece of chicken will help your muscles grow strong like daddy (or superman!!) and this carrot will give you beautiful eyes like Cinderella! 7. Involve your child in food preparation By involving your child they will be likely to eat what THEY have made and may eat a bit while preparing their meal. 8. Empower your child in decision making Allow your toddler to choose between two food options. Children are more likely to eat food they have chosen for themselves. 9. Serve simple, easy to prepare meals. There is nothing more demoralizing than spending ages cooking a gourmet meal for your baby, who after the first spoonful turns her head away. Prepare easy meals that you know your child likes and should they refuse the food, offer one alternative that is a sure win e.g. Yogurt. 10. Milk intake By the age of one, babies need drink only 500ml of milk daily. Most babies can go onto cow’s milk from one years of age unless health reasons dictate otherwise. Do not substitute milk for meals 11. Social eating People are social beings as are our children. Nothing makes a toddler want his food more than having another toddler after his food. Invite a friend over

Parenting Hub

Play Therapy

Essentially play therapy is psychotherapy for children. As children communicate by means of play, this is the most effective form to assist them with their feelings and understand what is concerning them. Play therapy however, does not mean that the child goes to the therapist to just play and have “fun” and neither does it necessarily mean that the child has to talk to the therapist in the conventional way. Children don’t have the necessary skills to have an in depth discussion with a therapist about what is bothering them, much like adolescents and adults are able to. Play therapy is thus a means for the child to ‘talk’and/or communicate via playing and for the therapist to understand and to ultimately assist the child heal. Play therapy is a researched supported, well thought – out, and developmentally based approach to helping children cope with and overcome difficulties that may arise in their lives. Play therapy therefore encompasses psychotherapy through various methodologies. What that means is that in order to help the child, various methods are used, which are based on diverse theoretical schools of thought, for example, cognitive behavioural therapy, psychoanalysis, and gestalt therapy, to name a few. Many child psychologists tend to be eclectic in their approach to play therapy, therefore they draw on various schools to assist the child. Within the various schools of thought various “tools” are used to assist the child. A skilled child psychologist will take the direction from the child as to what approach and technique would best suit the individual child. Some techniques or “tools”are described here: Bibliotherapy For a long time psychologists have been using books to help children with a wide variety of problems which is called bibliotherapy. There are many storybooks available to help children understand and cope with such diverse problems as divorce, understanding death, and making friends. The stories generally contain a positive role model which children can relate to and give them realistic examples of how to cope with the various difficulties. Art therapy Many psychologists use art techniques to help children communicate and explore their troubled feelings. Because most children love art they learn to communicate their emotions, cope with anxiety, and heal emotional hurts. With art, children can express feelings and concepts for which they don’t yet have words for. Some children naturally gravitate towards art or doing something creative and this is an ideal method to assist children with their difficulties. Puppets Puppets are a useful and non-threatening tool for children to communicate with. It is usually easier for children to express (difficult to communicate) emotions such as fear, anger, confusion, anger and sadness by acting them out whilst utilising puppets. In addition, puppets often provide an opportunity for the play therapist to interact with the child and also to add and solicit material as required. For example, to increase a child’s ability to cope with difficult situations in a positive manner rehearsing or playing out with puppets can serve as a powerful example as to how they need to ‘see’ the new skill, whilst simultaneously talking about it and practising it by the use of puppets. Psychodrama Psychodrama is a method of helping children tell their ‘stories’ and safely express strong feelings. The child creates their own ‘production’ whereby they communicate their feelings. New behaviours and roles are also tried out with the help of the child psychologist in order for the child to learn new skills and develop coping resources. Sandtray therapy/Sandplay Sandplay is another way for children (and adolescents) to express what they have difficulty with, the inexpressible. The process of sandplay/sandtray therapy is to use sand along with miniatures which provide children with symbolic ways to represent their inner world. It is a fun, non-threatening approach where children feel safe to explore feelings that may be otherwise overwhelming for them. Guided Imagery/Visualisation Guided imagery and visualisation is a process whereby children are assisted by using their imagination in a focused way to help with a variety of problems, such as anxiety and difficulty with concentration. The child psychologist provides scripts which are fun and easy to use and which help the child master new skills to overcome their difficulties. Therapeutic Games There are numerous games, developed by child psychologists, that provide a fun way of assisting children and adolescents explore various concerns and learn new skills. Games assist children with specific issues such as divorce, managing anger, mastering social skills, improving self-esteem and dealing with bullies to name just a few.

Kaboutjie

Top 10 Fun Outdoor Games and Activities for Kids

A happy kid makes a happy parent. And what a better way to make your kids happy than by letting them engage in some outdoor activity? There are endless activities that your kid can engage in. However, some of them tend to do more harm than good. It’s wise to choose an activity that matches your child’s age and physical abilities. This will ensure that your kid gets the most from it. So what are some of the best outdoor games and activities your child can participate in? Below we look at 10 recommendations that might work with your child. 1. Camping You know what; your kid is not too young for camping. This outdoor activity teaches your kid a thing or twoabout survival and other responsibilities that prepare them for adulthood. You can choose to camp together so that your kid doesn’t feel left out. However, your kid can do it solo in case the camping ground is within the home. In this case, you’ll need to have some good monitoring to guarantee the safety of your child. 2. Stargazing Most kids have a love for shiny things and it’s even more amazing when you give them the chance to explore lots of the shiny things. These are none other than the stars, something that won’t cost you even a penny. Just go out on a cloudless night and let your kid appreciate what the heavens have to offer. In case your kid seems to take more interest in it, then it’s time that you take it to the next level. You can purchase a kids’ telescope and download a star map to make the stargazing activity more engaging. 3. Hiking Not all of us are lucky to live in areas where mountains are within easy reach. But that doesn’t mean that your kid can’t benefit from taking a hike. It doesn’t have to be a mountain; a small hill might just suffice. Hiking works to develop your kid’s strength and endurance. And it’s, even more, fun when you do it together. Just ensure to take some rest in between the hike so that it does more good than harm. 4. Riding balance bike Riding is one outdoor activity that many kids just can’t resist. However, to get the most out of it, your kid has to start small. Forget about training wheels and instead get your kid a balance bike. The good thing about this outdoor activity is that it requires close monitoring from the parent, hence a strong bond between parent and child. To add more fun, you need to ensure that you choose the right balance bike for your kid; one that’s got a perfect balance of comfort and safety. This outdoor activity can be done just at the comfort of your home. 5. Flying kites Seeing a kite soaring up high in the skies is one thing that your kid just can’t resist. Though there are some kites available for purchase, it would be more fun in case you and your child make one for yourself. The right moment for this activity is when there’s a gentle wind blowing. However, you have the chance to do it on a calm day. What you need is just tie the end of the string on your child’s balance bike and off you go. 6. Gardening We live, eat and walk nature. Therefore you need to give your kid a chance to add something to mother nature. And there’s no better way of doing that than by showing your child some gardening skills. You can start small by letting your kid water the plants after which you can teach on garden maintenance. Let your kid plant something and see it grow by the day. It’s something that will literally make your child want to do more. 7. Riding electric car There are many ways through which your kid can get that wonderful ride. But many require some effort from both the parent and child. Electric carseliminate all the hassles of pushing and pulling. They provide a more leisure ride and come with a remote control operated by the parent for maximum safety. Some of these cars can fit more than one child, something that makes them a valuable purchase. You can choose to do it at home or go a little adventurous by letting your kid take a ride in the neighborhood. 8. Fishing Fish is among the most popular delicacies. But why let your child eat without knowing how to fish for some? Take a tour of that stream in your neighborhood and locate some hot spots where your child will have a high chance of making a catch. Fishing at a pond might seem more effective. However, making a catch in moving water proves to be more fun. Use fishing lines instead of fishing nets to make it a little bit of a challenge. Get two lines so you can fish together. 9. Landscaping A well-trimmed lawn or hedge makes any home stand out. Why not let your kid give you a hand in letting you achieve that? Go ahead and teach your child some landscaping skills. For the safety of your child, you can start out with those toy-like landscaping tools. Once your kid gets a grasp of the tools, you can upgrade to the real landscaping tools. This is an activity that teaches your kid some home maintenance skills. 10. Limbo The game of limbo is among the most loved athletic endeavors that give your child an opportunity to have some fun and test their flexibility and balance. This activity doesn’t have to cost you that much. All you need is just some upbeat music and a pole. It’s, even more, fun when two adults participate in the game. This means that both parents need to be involved. Conclusion These are some of the best outdoor activities that your kid can engage in. Apart from letting them have some fun, some of these

Sharon Standsfield

Help Your Child to Read

Helping your child learn to read and to love reading is probably the greatest gift you can give them. Reading opens a whole world of communication, learning and imagination. So, when you help your child learn to read, you open up the whole universe for them. Reading is not centred in just one part of the brain and that’s one of the main reasons that it can be so difficult for some children to learn to read. There are different parts of the brain that need to work together, at exactly the same time. These parts of the brain have different functions and are even on opposite sides of the brain. So the communication between all the parts of the brain needs to be at its best. Just think what you are actually doing when you read and you will realise the complexity of this wonderful pastime that we can spend so many relaxing hours doing once it is mastered. In my work I see many children struggling to develop early reading skills and parents want to help them but often just don’t know where to begin. Very often all the input to help the child actually starts at the stage of actually reading and trying to sound out words. This is starting too high up the ladder for many children. That is why I just had to share my own experience and methods, creating a program that parents can use to build visual skills, auditory skills and develop close communication between the different parts of the brain involved in reading. A fun and games approach to developing the basic skills to really learn to read. When we read, our brains have to link the visual codes our eyes see with the sound code that each letter represents; and visual and sound processing are done on opposite sides of the brain. There are subtle differences between the parts of the visual code (letters) as well as between the different sounds they represent. Children need to be able to recognise the similarities as well as the differences of the sounds and of the printed letters. And this has to be done in an instant! We also have to notice the subtle differences between the different letters. For example, ‘b’ and ‘d’ are the same but just back to front and ‘t’ and ‘f’ also confuse many children who struggle with perceiving subtle visual differences. We need to be able to notice when letters are close together, making a word and when there is a small gap between the letters of different words. This is visual perception and develops through our interaction with the real world around us. From the moment we are born and we start moving our hands and legs, we are learning about where things are and what size and shape they are. The more we play with real objects and move them and move ourselves around them, the more we develop our visual perception for shape, size and special relations (what things are close together, far apart, back-to-front, upside-down). So the first thing you can do to begin preparing your child for reading is to let them play obstacle courses. Who would have thought this was step one of learning to read? By the way, spatial perception is also important to maths. So, get your child to make obstacle courses! As your child develops his control and understanding, you can let him make letters out of play-dough and draw letters in sea sand or snow or on a mirror, using shaving foam. But knowing the shapes of letters is no good on its own. He also needs to be able to recognises and differentiate the sounds that letters represent and he must be able to separate the different sounds in the words he hears. I frequently meet children in my practice who have good a vocabulary and speak well but struggle to tell me what the first sound or last sound of a word is. When we read we are joining sounds together to make words. When we spell, we are working out the sounds in a word and then assigning the correct letter to represent that sound. Both these tasks need us to be able to notice the separate sounds that combine to make a word. We also need to be able to hear the subtle differences between the sounds: ‘ch’ and ‘sh’; the soft ‘t’ versus the harder sound of ‘d’ or ‘c’ and ‘g’. Parents can teach their children rhymes and play word games, such as “I Spy”. These games help develop the auditory processing to separate out the different sounds in words. Play good old-fashioned games with rhyming and skipping or rhyming and clapping. This way, you will help your child develop the sense of rhythm and rhyme and the communication between both sides of the brain to help speed up his ability to link the sight of letters and words with the sound. There is a lot you can do to help your child be ready to learn to read; and most of it is fun and games! Once you’ve helped him develop the underlying skills and enjoy playing with words and letters, he will be ready to learn to read and to love reading.

Lynne Brown

Childhood Allergies

Spring is set to arrive soon and what a wonderful time of the year it is, unless, of course, you’re the parent of a child plagued with allergy symptoms that are exacerbated at this time of the year. Seasonal allergies, commonly known as hay fever, are caused by pollens from trees and grasses or airborne mould spores. Symptoms include sneezing, itching of the nose and mouth, red, watery and itchy eyes and a consistently thin and clear discharge from the nose that may also become blocked. However year-round allergies to house dust, animal dander, feathers, mites and chemicals may also be troubling your child. And then, of course, there are food allergies. In infants the first symptom of a food allergy may be a rash such as eczema (atopic dermatitis) or a rash that resembles hives. This may be accompanied by colic, nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea. However food allergies in children can also contribute to chronic health problems, such as asthma, ear infections, fatigue, headache, irritability, chronic runny nose, acne, bedwetting and even difficulty maintaining concentration (attention deficit disorder, or hyperactivity). Dark circles under the eyes (called “allergic shiners”), along with a puffy look to the face, are frequently seen. (Cow’s milk is very often the culprit here). Allergic children often look wan or pallid and lack vitality. This is because food allergies can also cause digestive problems that interfere with the absorption of vitamins and minerals, no matter how nutritious the diet In the presence of an allergen, a child’s built-in defence system releases histamines and similar chemicals to fight what it perceives as an invader. A string of reactions such as the swelling and congestion of nasal passages and increased mucous production results. Conventional medicine using prescription antihistamines, nasal sprays or decongestants, treats symptoms only. Many of these medications have nasty side-effects and if used consistently may lose their effect or rapidly produce dependency. A Nutritional Therapy Approach To Treating Food Allergies The most common foods that cause allergic reactions in children are wheat, dairy products, eggs, fish and seafood, chocolate, citrus fruits, soy products, corn, nuts, peanuts and berries. On the chemical list are additives such as artificial colourants, preservatives (e.g. benzoic acid), flavour enhancers (e.g. MSG) and sulphites found in some frozen foods, dried fruits and medications. To identify what foods are making your child miserable use an elimination diet or keep a diary recording your child’s symptoms and the foods eaten. (Some children seem to be particularly drawn to a problematic food and actually crave it, so be wary if your child wants to live on peanut butter or wheat bread or dairy products). Simply eliminate the suspected food from the diet for a few weeks and watch for improvements. Eliminating all dairy products would be a good place to start. Dairy foods can stimulate an increase in mucous production. Rice, oats or goat’s milk are possible alternatives. If your child’s allergies are seasonal, it may also be helpful to avoid whole wheat during the allergy season. Good substitutes include buckwheat, corn/maize, rice, millet and quinoa. If all the identified problem foods are eliminated from a child’s diet for at least 6 months and then introduced slowly one by one she should be able to tolerate small amounts of these foods. What Else Can Help? Encourage your child to drink lots of water to thin secretions and ease expectoration. Allergic children need a good wholesome diet comprising mainly raw fruit and vegetables. Avoid giving your child any processed foods as they will contain some of the additives mentioned previously. Nutritional Supplements That May Help Vitamin C, preferably in mineral ascorbate form with bioflavonoids, is a natural anti-histamine and a powerful promoter of a strong immune system, making it the most important anti-allergy vitamin. MSM (methylsuphonyl methane) is being prescribed more and more for its anti-allergenic properties. Essential fatty acids, such as those found in fish oil help to regulate the inflammatory response. Quercetin, a plant bioflavonoid naturally found in many fruits and vegetables, acts as anti-inflammatory agent and stabilises mast cells in allergy sufferers. Mast cells become unstable during an allergic reaction and release large quantities of histamine. A high quality green whole food multivitamin and mineral supplement will ensure optimum intake of essential nutrients and sufficient digestive enzymes. Ways To Prevent Allergies In the past it was believed that it was essential to avoid sensitization of infants before birth and for the first three years of life and so moms were advised to reduce exposure of the foetus/infant to known food allergens. However despite this, food allergy in children has increased world wide. Now there is a new take based on “The Development of Oral Tolerance” whereby it is believed that by exposing an infant before and after birth to small quantities of foreign proteins, the child’s immune system is stimulated to produce anti-bodies. Mothers are now encouraged to eat a wide range of foods during pregnancy, so that small amounts of all kinds of proteins can cross the placenta to sensitize the foetus. Mothers should also breastfeed for at least 4 months while eating a wide range of different foods. For infants that cannot be breastfed, hydrolysed infant formulas and goat’s milk formulas are a safer option than soy-based formulas. Soya is a well-known allergen which can cause as many allergic reactions as cow’s milk. Holding back on solid foods until baby is 5 months old is still recommended and using only one solid food at a time in small portions (1 teaspoon a day) to keep track of any adverse reactions. The latest research also suggests that pregnant women would do well to take supplemental probiotics every day for a few weeks before their due dates and while breast-feeding as this may help prevent childhood allergies. Bottle-fed and caesarian-section infants ought to be given probiotics orally from birth. Encouragingly most children, except those suffering from peanut allergy, outgrow their allergic response. Statistics show that 25% of infants are free of symptoms

Sharon Atkins

Should We Get a Pet?

Every parent has heard these words “Please can we get a pet?” Children are drawn to animals and just love to play and cuddle with them. Pets however, are a huge responsibility so you need to make sure the whole family is ready for the commitment. Here are some questions for you to ask and answer before you make your decision. Are your children old enough and responsible enough for a pet? Does your child enjoy the outdoors, exercise and sports? Are they responsible for their own homework? Do they show compassion for other animals? Are they responsible and do all their chores without too much whining? Is the family ready for this commitment? There are costs involved which include food, kennels, and vet bills. Can you manage this? Do you have the time in the family’s busy schedule to care for the pet and exercise the pet? Is there someone at home during the day or will the pet be on its own for the day? How will the pet be cared for when you are away on holiday? Are you prepared to care for the pet for its whole life? Some important thing to consider about your lifestyle before getting a pet:  Other animals in the house. Consider how the new pet will fit in with your other pets. Garden concerns. How fussy are you about your landscaping? Dogs dig holes and their urine can affect the lawn. The elderly and small children. Do you have an infant or an elderly family member living in the house? Consider their safety when choosing your pet. Home environment. Are you very particular about having a perfect home? Dogs and cats leave hair on carpets and furniture. Cages take up space and need cleaning. The benefits to having pets are: Exercise. Kids with pets go for walks, run and play more. Taking a dog for a walk, riding a horse, or simply chasing a kitten around are fun ways to fit healthy daily exercise into your schedule. Confidence. Looking after a living thing that is reliant on them will make your child feel needed and valued. This will help boost their self-esteem. Compassion. Having a pet in the house teaches the child to care for another life. Sibling bonds are also strengthened when sharing the love and care of a family pet. Responsibility. Looking after and feeding the pet encourages childhood responsibility. Commitment. Looking after a pet every day and ensuring it is happy and healthy is a great lesson in committing to do something and seeing it through. Calming. Cuddling a pet reduces stress and anxiety. Animals give humans unconditional love so if your child is having a difficult or stressful time then giving the pet some attention is the perfect antidote. Values. Empathy is learnt in the unconditional caring for the pet. Love is also shown in the affection and cuddles. If you have made the big decision to get your family pet then teach your kids that they are not toys or play-things but breathing, living needy beings. Pets do require a lot of our attention. Set up a chore chart and a schedule and decide who will do the feeding and the walking. The best time to get a pet is probably in the holidays when everyone is at home. The pet will then have a chance to settle in and not feel too lonely.   Have fun and enjoy the love, companionship and loyalty that your pet will bring into the home and family.

Parenting Hub

Anxiety In Children

Most psychologists and other mental health professionals use The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition Revised (DSM-1V R) to diagnose various difficulties or problems in children, adolescents and adults. Having a name or a “label”is useful in many ways, for example without a name and specific criteria it becomes difficult for further research with regard to understanding and developing effective and valuable treatment. (Medical Aid schemes in South Africa won’t reimburse clients without a diagnosis). A name for the difficulty also makes it easier for parents to understand and often provides relief with the next point of receiving effective treatment from the clinical or child psychologist. A common clinical diagnosis in children is anxiety. Anxiety is the umbrella term for various types of anxiety which can be described as follows: Social Anxiety Disorder A child or adolescent with a social anxiety disorder shows significant and persistent fear of social situations in which they perceive potential embarrassment or rejection may occur. They experience acute (immediate) physical reactions to feared social reactions. These children often know their fears are greatly exaggerated, however feel powerless, hopeless and overwhelmed to do anything about them. They often avoid the situation which fills them with dread at any cost to the detriment of their academic and social life. Some children may just be fearful of one or a few social situations. In this instance the difficulty is referred to as a specific social phobia. When a youngster is afraid and avoids many social situations, it is referred to social anxiety disorder. Generally, the symptoms fall into three categories: Cognitive symptoms, what a child/adolescent ‘thinks’. However, are not always evident in young children as they may react with intense anxiety and not be able to verbalise what is distressing for them. Physical reactions, how the body reacts to situations; and Behaviour, which is mostly the avoidance of the perceived fearful situation. Separation Anxiety Disorder The crux of this disorder is excessive anxiety about being separated from the person to whom the child is most closely attached. For most children, this is the parent, especially the mother. Fear of separation from the mother or father is a normal part of development in children between the ages of eight and fifteen months. At this stage in their development, children are expected to object to separation vociferously with tears and other signs of distress. However, in older children extreme anxiety from brief separations from their parent/s is not developmentally appropriate. Separation anxiety disorder thus becomes detrimental to the child and stressful for the parent. Children with separation anxiety disorder typically cry, scream and cling on to their parent when faced with separation. If they have to leave their home or other familiar places they become tense and fearful, especially if they have to go alone. They miss out on many fun aspects of being a child such as going to parties and being free and having fun, or going for sleepovers. Even within their own homes children with separation anxiety are afraid to be left alone. They often follow their parents around and are reluctant to go to the bathroom or to any other room by themselves. Children with separation anxiety disorder often have significant difficulties sleeping alone. A common problem associated with Separation Anxiety Disorder is school refusal, whereby on most mornings there is an excessive upheaval and fuss to get these children ready, in the car and off to school. Difficulties in this regard are worse on Mondays, after holidays or after a bout of illness which required absence from school. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Children with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder have persistent and recurring thoughts “obsessions” that seem to have an adverse effect on their daily life and generally involve exaggerated and irrational anxiety or fears. The children feel compelled to perform repetitive behaviours, known as “compulsions”, in an attempt to ward off anxiety caused by their obsessive thoughts. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when children experience a physical, environmental or emotional trauma. Therefore, if a child has experienced a crime related trauma, such as being hijacked, experienced a burglary or mugging, or whether they experienced a natural disaster such as a flood, or being in a motor vehicle accident they may develop PTSD. One has to bear in mind though, that at times, what children experience as traumatic may not necessarily be perceived to be traumatic by adults (such as turbulence on an aeroplane) but might be especially upsetting to a child. Consequently, a child may experience the traumatic incident again and again via nightmares, continuously thinking about what happened, or by re-enacting the event when playing. Children with PTSD can experience symptoms of general anxiety such as difficulty sleeping and eating. They also tend to be irritable, avoid reminders of the trauma and are easily startled. Specific Phobias Children with a specific phobia experience intense fear of a specific object or situation (such as spiders, dogs, elevators) which is irrational or unrealistic. Children with these phobias often avoid situations linked to their fear. The most common specific phobia is the fear of animals, (especially dogs), snakes, insects and mice. Panic Disorder Children who suffer from panic attacks experience debilitating bouts of unexpected and recurring panic and fear. Panic Disorder is rare in young children, however it becomes more common among older children and adolescents. Panic attacks are relatively short periods of extreme anxiety. During a panic attack, the young person quickly by terrifying mental and physical sensations. The symptoms are: Pounding heart and/or increased heart rate Sweating Trembling and shaking Chest pain Abdominal discomfort and nausea Sensation of choking Dizziness or feeling “light headed” Feelings of unreality or detached from oneself Fear of losing control or “going crazy” Fear of dying Tingling or feeling numb Even when a child is not in the grip of a panic attack, just the thought that it could possibly happen again can make a child extremely anxious. Panic disorder causes

Mia Von Scha

Helping the Highly Sensitive Child

There are many children incorrectly diagnosed as being either ADHD or as having Oppositional Defiance Disorder who are really just highly sensitive children who are overwhelmed by the rush of sensory input that they’re unable to filter out. I know; I’m one of them. When I’m in a noisy restaurant I can’t block out the background noise, I struggle to hear the people I’m sitting with and I tend to become frustrated and irritable. I don’t like parties and crowds – I prefer one-on-one interactions in open spaces. Picnics are great! I struggle to learn in a group setting, particularly where there are discussions going on while I need to concentrate. I did my degree by correspondence. I’ve learned over the years to manage this. I take time out for myself. I’ve learned breathing and meditation. I know when I need to step away and which events to simply refuse. But I’m an adult and I have a measure of control over where I do and don’t go and what I choose to be involved in. Most kids don’t have this freedom. They don’t get to decide whether to go to school or not, or which social functions their parents attend to stay out of. There aren’t many public places that have quiet corners. Unless a highly sensitive child is lucky enough to have a highly sensitive parent (they usually do have one) they’re likely to feel very misunderstood out there. They struggle to focus not because they’re unable to but because they need a different learning environment. They struggle to control their tempers because they’re totally overwhelmed (I still lose it completely from time to time!). So here are some tools that I have found useful along the way – teach them to your highly sensitive child (in fact, teach them to all your children) – they will help them to cope in times of overwhelm, help them to feel more in control, help them to focus, and help them to feel understood. The Victory Position: Put your arms up in a V, lift your head and eyes up as if you’ve just won the 100m sprint. Studies have shown that holding this position for just 2 minutes can drop your cortisol levels by 25% (see Amy Cuddy’s talk on how your body language shapes who you are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWZluriQUzE). Cortisol is a stress hormone that affect both how you see yourself and how others see you and can hamper learning and increase aggressive reactivity. If your child feels uncomfortable doing this in public, teach them to find a bathroom or private space they can hide in for 2 minutes until they feel in control again. Look up: Your eyes are connected to your brain and different eye positions are linked to different areas in your brain. Looking down is associated with the emotional centres of the brain and can make you feel worse. Looking up stops the brain connecting with its emotional centres and prevents you from descending into an emotional spiral. This is such a simple tool that can be used anywhere at any time. If you notice your child is becoming overly emotional just click your fingers above their heads and tell them to look up at your hand. Use Parasympathetic Breathing: The way that you breathe will activate either the Sympathetic (Fight or Flight) or the Parasympathetic (Rest and Digest) nervous system. Shallow breathing in the upper chest is associated with stress. Teach your kids that when they feel themselves getting stressed or overwhelmed and on the brink of losing it that they need to double the length of their outbreath. An out breath that is double the length of an in breath forces you to take a very short deep in-breath and then have a slow release. This will kick in the parasympathetic nervous system (acetylcholine) and will calm the sympathetic (adrenaline) and help them to feel calm and will reduce reactivity. A simple way to put this for the little ones is to say that they need to count to ten and breathe. So they breathe in as they count to three, then take a short pause on the number four and then breathe out as they count five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Go into the Learning State: This is a mild form of hypnosis (no, you cannot be controlled by anyone else in this state – hypnosis is really a deep form of relaxation) and like the parasympathetic breathing, it tricks the body into believing that you are really relaxed and everything is ok. To do it, raise your eyes up and focus on a spot on the wall above eye level. Once the eyes get tired, expand your vision to the periphery (everything you can see to the left and right while still looking at your spot). Then bring the eyes back down to level, but keep awareness of the periphery. When we are very stressed (being chased by a lion) we have foveal vision – focusing intently on one spot (the lion). But when we are on the patio of our beach house, we expand our vision to take in the entire scenery. So when we activate our peripheral vision it tells our minds that we are on the beach not being chased by a lion and our physiology responds accordingly! This is particularly powerful when used in conjunction with the parasympathetic breathing. Cutting off the sensory overload: Sometimes we really do need to be removed from the excessive stimulus. Teach your kids to recognize their own warning signs and to learn to step away. Go outside, go into a darkened room, use earplugs / headphones with relaxing music. There are some amazing musical tracks that are specifically designed to relax the brain and it may be worth investing in these if they appeal to your child. If you know you are going to be at a highly stimulating event, make sure that your child has quiet time beforehand,

Mia Von Scha

No Such Thing As A Naughty Child

Naughty children, naughty corners, treats for good behavior, consequences for bad behavior, identifying one child as the naughty on and the other as the good one… It’s quite hard for our kids to grow up without some sense of themselves as either good or bad. The thing is that every single person on this planet has both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ traits. We are all sometimes helpful and sometime unhelpful, sometimes stingy and sometimes generous, sometimes pleasant and sometimes grumpy. Labeling a child is the first step to creating lifelong problems. When I work with parents I look at the limiting beliefs that they have picked up over their lifetime. The most predominant of these are a variation on one of the following: I am not worthy I am not lovable I am not good enough The main reason that 99% of adults are walking around with these beliefs running their lives is because they were given the message that we are supposed to always be good. Always be kind, happy, helpful, agreeable, loving, sharing. And so we end up rejecting one half of ourselves. EVERYONE is also mean, sad, uncooperative, difficult, hateful and stingy – sometimes. It depends on what is important to us how and when we display these traits, but we all have all of them. Labelling a child as naughty makes them believe that they only have the so-called negative end of this spectrum and not the ‘good’ traits. This is just as unhealthy as striving in vain to only have the ‘good’ traits and avoid the bad. In order to love ourselves and other people we need to embrace both sides. My favourite quote is by Dr John Demartini: “No matter what I have done, or not done, I am worthy of love”. Love is about wholeness. And most of our discipline gives the message of separation. No child can be one sided and this obsession with trying to make them this way is the very source of all our problems with discipline and the reason that our kids end up with limiting beliefs about themselves. Please do away with the naughty corner and the grow good corner. There is no such thing as a naughty child or a child that needs to get rid of one half of themselves to be ok. Every child will be cooperative sometimes and uncooperative at other times, helpful and unhelpful, respectful and rude – just like all the rest of us. Children deserve to be loved no matter what they have done or not done.

Parenting Hub

Detecting Body Image Issues in Teens

In a country run by social media, teens often struggle to compete with the rigid and difficult to obtain beauty standards set forth by popular media.  Flawless celebrities with lavish lifestyles and large public followings have created a system of believe that beauty, popularity, and the acceptance of others is desirable above all else but only if they can be perfect. Issues such as substance abuse, eating disorders, and self-harm, can arise as a consequence of low self-esteem and often these issue have corresponding support groups online that encourage children to endanger themselves further.  Social media will continue to influence and encourage children at younger ages as they become more and more accessible; parents have little choice but to take extra efforts to educate themselves and remain connected. Social media is truly an ever-changing landscape of hashtags, language, and trends full of innuendo and multiple meanings.  Parents can feel intimidated by the constantly changing platforms and lingoes used in social media however remaining vigilant, connected, and aware is essential.   It can be upsetting and difficult to understand when a child as young as 9 years old is concerned with their body and beginning to show signs of low self-esteem. Children struggling with body image issues often turn to social media for encouragement and validation however some may find themselves discovering dark avenues and receiving harsh criticism instead of support.  Parents are in a difficult position when their encouragement and support isn’t equally valued to Instagram or Tumbler and yet the desire to teach self-acceptance and express love is still so important. Ultimately, parents may find themselves struggling to monitor social media while demonstrating trust and respect for the child’s independence nevertheless control and monitoring social media is necessary.  It is natural for teens to have wavering self-esteem as they develop, this can sometimes create distance from their parents as they struggle for independent self-expression.  A parent’s strongest tool is education: it’s important for parents to learn about childhood development and the encouragement of self-esteem starting at a young age. Truthfully, staying connected and communicating can easily become strained when teens are constantly distracted by social media. Parents can use this infographic to give themselves the education needed to identify dangerous trending topic and develop ideas on how to help teens manage social media pressure.

Parenting Hub

Give your Children the Building Blocks they Need to Find Balance

By Marlinie Ramsamy, CEO of FranklinCovey South Africa Our children are growing up in a different world to the one where we, their parents, spent our formative years. Our children are faced with an overwhelming barrage of media that tells good stories and bad, they are under more pressure to perform on more platforms, and the structure of modern families is often more fluid than we were accustomed to. Equipping our children to navigate through their world is one of the best gifts we can give them, and I believe that there are four key tools that will help them identify their best path, and stick to it, no matter what distractions they encounter: confidence, personal resilience, emotional intelligence, self-worth. Confidence Confidence comes from young people being able to ask themselves questions, identify answers, and to have the strength of character to act on those answers. This gives them the tools they need to identify the tasks, opportunities and obstacles ahead of them, and to plan a strategy to address them all. It also allows them to identify which events are part of their concern, giving them the confidence to choose what they need to do, and not be distracted by what is not important. Resilience Resilience in children comes from them having confidence in themselves and in their personal space with their parents and families. They’re confident that the future will be fine, and that their family institution provides a backstop for all their decisions. While much of this may be tacit in a family, it’s worth learning from bigger institutions – i.e. businesses – and taking the time to create a mission statement for the family, with every family member contributing. This ensures that everyone knows where they fit into the family, and what they need to do to support one another, in turn giving everyone the resilience that they will need to face daily challenges. Emotional intelligence Emotional intelligence is being secure in the knowledge of who/whom you are and what you stand for – and it’s not just children and teenagers that need to learn this skill! Parenting requires emotional flexibility and realising that the rules that we grew up with, such as children being seen and not heard, are no longer relevant. Our children have strong opinions that they need the space to vent – and should know how to do it with respect. A society – and a family – with a high level of emotional intelligence knows that everyone has the right to their opinion, but that they also must be cognizant of others’ needs. Simply, they need to learn confidence and assertiveness, without being arrogant. Self-worth Self-worth is a state of mind, and not a competency. It includes being comfortable with what you look like and who you are, and it forms the basis of learning responsibility at every level. This could be for something as basic as understanding a timetable and packing bags accordingly, or it could be responsibility on a deeper level, relating to decisions made, friends chosen, and the nature of social interactions a young person chooses. It also extends to how they manage their time – or at least finding a sensible balance between academic, sporting and leisure activities. These four tools are built in the principles of the 7 Habits of Happy Kids by Sean Covey and Stephen R Covey, which include: Be proactive – because you’re in charge; Begin with the end in mind – have a plan; Put first things first –  work first, then play; Think win-win – everyone needs to benefit; Seek first to understand, then to be understood – listen before you talk; Synergise – because together is better; and Sharpen the saw – because balance feels best! Pull out box: How do you open conversations about abstract life skills with children who respond best to tangible stimuli? Create an environment that is safe and open before you start the discussion Maintain constant and open communication Correct behaviour after each incident, rather than collecting a range of wrongs before addressing mistakes Seek mentors or coaches that can help you Use real life examples to illustrate what you’re describing Understand that children might not grasp the concept the first time you discuss it. Acknowledge and recognise the efforts they make to develop life skills Support them in their dreams Don’t try to correct your own life mistakes by forcing lessons you should have learned, on them Separate the issue and the child – for example, say “I’m really upset when you behave this way,” rather than “You have upset me because…”.

Parenting Hub

Matrics: Public University or Private Institution?

With the rapid growth of private higher education in South Africa, prospective students now have a wealth of options when choosing not only what to study, but also where. But these students must do their homework before they settle on a course or university, to ensure that they select the best path which is most likely to lead to success for them as individuals, an expert says. Dr Felicity Coughlan, Director of The Independent Institute of Education, says the general public is increasingly becoming more aware of the benefits of pursuing a degree or other qualification through a private higher education institution, despite the fact these institutions are legally not allowed to call themselves private universities. “People are beginning to understand that public universities and private institutions are subject to the same oversight and regulation, which means that you will be getting the same quality education regardless of whether you opt for a state-funded university or a private institution. “Having said that, it is of course very important to still check on individual institutions and choose yours wisely, because just like the quality varies between universities, with some ranked top in Africa and even the world, while others are beset with serious challenges, in the same way quality varies between the offering at different private institutions,” she says. Coughlan points out that with the realisation that prospective students can pursue the same qualifications and degrees at private institutions, registered and accredited in the same way as those at public universities, there has been a consistent and substantial increase in students who opt for private higher education over the past five years. “Although some have ascribed this to the challenges in the public sector, students are specifically choosing private study for a number of pull reasons, rather than push factors from the public sector.” Coughlan says that while some prospective students have very specific reasons for electing to study at a university, based on their unique needs, requirements or background, others are increasingly opting for private study due to one (or a combination of) the following factors: Not needing to relocate to a new city in order to pursue their dreams is a big drawcard for some, while also being easier on the pocket. With smaller campuses and classes, access to support and staff is vastly improved, as is interaction with fellow students. Because a large percentage of lecturers are not only academics but actively working in their industries, students get up close and personal with the real world of work and opportunities while still studying. As private higher education institutions receive no state subsidies, they are reliant on student fees, which means that students are treated as valued customers, and generally receive good service. Additionally, if they do not offer value for money and a credible, quality educational offering, they face having to close their doors. Many private institutions offer niche qualifications that are not available elsewhere, and equip students for emerging careers such as game development.   “Success rates are generally much better in smaller environments, because it is easier to access help and support timeously when needed,” says Coughlan, “which means that students usually complete their degrees within the prescribed period, and enter the workplace sooner than others who may have to repeat one or more years.” She adds that because employability is a key success factor for private higher education institutions, most qualifications offered are closely related to the requirements of the career in the real world of work, and an increasing number of career focused postgraduate qualifications are becoming available. The tools of the higher learning trade also look different in the private sector. “Assessments can be more interesting, because the marking load on lecturers is lower so there is less reliance on things like multiple choice questions. Additionally, technology use is often flexible and tailored to student needs, because it is possible to do that in flexible environments.” In the end, prospective students must ensure they investigate all their options – in the public sector, in the private sector and by course offering. “Things have moved on significantly from the days when the only credible qualification was a 3-year degree from a public university,” says Coughlan. “Parents, schools and teachers should assist learners in their process of identifying everything offered on the higher educational buffet before making one of the most important decisions they will ever make.”

Good Night Baby

IS MY CHILD UNRESPONSIVE TO SLEEP TRAINING?

Sleep training. What a heated debate. Ask any parent that has been parenting in this century and they are sure to have an opinion about whether they are for or against it. In our experience, it has a great deal to do with what parents believe sleep training is, as many individuals don’t fully understand what it involves. That being said, some parents embark on the process of working on sleep problems by eliminating possible props and working on positive sleep associations… after a night or two of “sleep training” they feel that their child is “angry” at them and or more clingy than usual. Is this real? Or is it a perception that becomes reality? Laying the groundwork first Let us first stress that for the sake of this article we are going to assume that all fundamentals are in place. We cannot stress enough how important it is to have a holistic approach to sleep rather than diving straight to sleep training.  Furthermore, attachment, and grounded parenting are even more important than sleep. Understand what your baby is going through If a child has always relied on drinking himself to sleep, or on multiple bottles at night, or any other series of events which have now changed with a new sleep regime, it is likely to result in some unhappiness and possibly crying – or just plainly less sleep. It is thus logical that for a day or two – while your child is going through these changes –your baby might be more cranky and/or tired. Allow them to catch up on sleep and don’t wake them from naps.  Rawshanda Roth, Sleep Coach says: “You are asking him to do something new that he has never experienced before. Something that he has very few skills in and no confidence. Once the sleep skills start to develop, his confidence around sleep will improve. His temperament will be back to normal, but he should emerge much better rested which usually results in a happier, more emotionally balanced child.” Mother’s guilt – we all know this too well… As a mom you will know exactly what I am talking about. When we become parents we are born with a natural amount of guilt. We feel guilty about everything: we work too hard, we work too little, we don’t make healthy food choices for our kids, and we feel guilty for wanting more sleep or alone time… Be careful that when you are sleep training, that you are not self-projecting your own emotions and guilt onto your child. Could it be that you simply feel guilty about taking your baby’s dummy away? Could it just be a bad night? We wholeheartedly believe that babies – and adults – sometimes just have bad days for whatever reason. Never take one night or one day as an indication of how your baby responds or feels about something. It might just have been a bad night or day. (For example, if your child has been struggling with teething and you buy a product believed to help with teething, it would not be advisable to confirm the validity of the product after using the product for only one night or day). Trust yourself and your parenting There is a very thin line between trusting yourself as a parent and knowing when to ask for help. You have to trust yourself that you know your child best and that you have his/her best interest at heart. If something does not feel right, we advise you to look for all the factors that play a role – try to think about it logically, gather VALID evidence and then make a decision. Furthermore, once you have made a decision, it is important that you do not feel guilty about it, nor should you feel like a bad parent for changing your mind, changing direction or asking for help. Statistically, it does not happen often… Good Night recently conducted an informal study within the international sleep consulting sphere to determine whether other sleep consultants often get feedback from clients where they perceive their children to be clingier and unresponsive when performing sleep training and the result was a resounding “no”. More often than not it can be an empowering connecting experience if the parent can move beyond the “crying is a bad thing” to “crying is my child’s way of communicating”. In the case where your child is the exception to the rule and responds by being clingier – then respond with abundant love and assurance as in all cases where we’ve encountered this reality, it does pass very quickly.   Remember also that your child’s temperament will have an effect on how they respond to sleep training. In a nutshell… Consequently, in a nutshell, do NOT ignore the root cause of any behaviour. Often, with a child not sleeping well, sleep training will be like treating the symptoms without curing the disease, in which case it is advisable to work with a professional. As Ann Caird, an expert in emotional wellness with over 30 years’ experience reminds us: “parents’ validation, connection and attuned response with crying usually has the opposite consequence of enhanced connection which supports the secure attachment.” An extra hour of time with your child with complete mindfulness might be all that your child (and you) need.

Mia Von Scha

Embracing The Digital Gap

It is human nature to find fascination with things that are off limits. The DO NOT ENTER sign ignites our imaginations as to what might lie within, the secret cupboard where the gifts are kept is always the target of sneaky investigations, the age restricted movie is the one we dress up to get into. And so it is with technology and kids. If you say ‘no’ or block things it leads to an internal conflict and most likely some form of rebellion. They want to find out what it is that you’re hiding and then will do it behind your back. The generational gap has become the digital gap and it is growing. We are the infants in this world – we don’t know how to navigate it, we don’t know what the rules are, and we’re totally out of our depth in controlling it. We need to embrace technology. Our children’s world is a digital one, and if we’re not closing the gap we’re going to get lost on the other side of a chasm that we won’t even know how to bridge later on. Like all things – relationship and communication are key. Get involved online WITH your children. Use technology to enhance your relationship with them not to break it down. You need to educate yourself on the programs, places, and sites that they are into. Get onto them. Make yourself at home. Share it with them. Let technology be a family thing. Use it together. Look things up. Share videos. Play games together. If you need to replace the board game with an online family game, so be it. Let them see technology as a way to connect with you not a place where you don’t belong. You need to overcome your own fear of technology and the online world. Find a way to link it to what is important to you. Then link what’s important to you to what’s important to your kids. Make the connections. Communication is all about bridging two worlds – the world in my mind and the world in yours. Find ways for you and your children to connect through the technology and not in spite of it. If you need to block something be clear about why. Communicate. Let your children be involved in the rule making around technology. Let them understand your concerns and the risks involved. Children are far more likely to follow any rules if they understand why they’re in place and have agreed on the consequences. Technology is not going away. It is very much a part of your children’s lives. Find the good in it and enhance that. Use it as a tool to bring you closer together not further apart. Embrace the digital gap by becoming humble to learning from your kids instead of always being the teacher. It’s their world, and if you want to be a part of their world you need to be wise enough to admit that they are the masters of that world and you are merely a visitor. Be a welcomed visitor rather than a hostile invader. Embrace the digital gap and enjoy the ride that your kids will take you on.

Parenting Hub

What to Get the Tech-Savvy Mom

Incredible Connection Mother’s Day is fast approaching and we all want to make sure that our mom’s feel appreciated and loved.  And given mom’s busy schedule, it is also important to make sure that everything she does, on the day, is effortless, efficient, fun and memorable – so what do you get the tech-savvy mom? Well, look no further as we have the perfect tech list to help you make it an incredible Mother’s Day: If your mom likes to not only stay healthy, but be on top of her daily tasks, work, family and social life – what about getting her a fitness tracking wearable, which will help her fitness journey by tracking her steps, distance, calories burned, floors climbed, active minutes and even sleep patterns. Every mom wants to savour the time spent with their families and ensure those precious moments are captured – and a camera is the perfect gift to not only keeping those memories safe, but giving mom the ability to relive the moments anytime she wants. Make sure you get a camera that best suits your mom, if she likes scrapbooking look at getting her a Polaroid camera that will allow her to instantly print the pictures or if she is always on the move get her a user friendly digital camera that is compact and easy to use for those everyday Instagram moments. To keep mom at ease while at work or travelling, get her a home networking security kit that can allow her to keep her eyes on the home front through her smartphone. The security kit makes for easy usage as it connects wirelessly and has a good signal range where mom can program a number that can be automatically called should the security kit pick up any movement in the house while the family is away. Mom is always trying to make sure that the family is well fed with healthy and nutritious recipes. So why not make life easier for her by buying her a tablet for use in the kitchen where she can easily download all her favourite recipes on, get subscriptions to her favourite magazines and stay in touch with the world – anywhere, anytime. Make sure you pamper her this Mother’s Day – and let her know that all the love she gives to her family is appreciated – and what better way than through a thoughtful gift – suited just for her.

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