Advice Column - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

The monster around your middle

Metabolic syndrome is a health condition that everyone’s talking about. Although it was only identified less than 20 years ago, metabolic syndrome is as widespread as pimples and the common cold. It is estimated that around 20-25 per cent of the world’s adult population have metabolic syndrome. Indeed, metabolic syndrome seems to be a condition that many people have, but no one knows very much about. So what is this mysterious syndrome — which also goes by the scary-sounding name Syndrome X — and should you be worried about it? Keep reading for some insight. UNDERSTANDING METABOLIC SYNDROME Metabolic syndrome is not a disease in itself. Instead, it’s a collection of the most dangerous risk factors: high blood sugar, pre-diabetes, diabetes, high cholesterol levels, high blood pressure and abdominal (tummy) fat. Obviously, having any one of these risk factors isn’t good. But when they’re combined, they set the stage for serious problems. People with metabolic syndrome are twice as likely to die from and three times as likely to have a heart attack or stroke compared with people without the syndrome. They have a fivefold greater risk of developing type 2 diabetes!! The underlying cause of metabolic syndrome continues to challenge the experts but insulin resistance and central obesity (excess tummy fat) are considered the most significant factors responsible for this syndrome. What comes first, the chicken or the egg? Insulin resistance is very often the starting point of metabolic syndrome. Insulin is a hormone that helps your body convert food into glucose and enter your cells to be used as fuel. Insulin resistance occurs when cells in the body (e.g. muscle cells) become less sensitive and eventually resistant to insulin. Glucose can no longer be effectively absorbed by the body cells and therefore remains in the blood, so your body keeps making more and more insulin to cope with the rising level of glucose in an attempt to process the glucose. Eventually, this can lead to diabetes. Even long before diabetes happens, excessive amounts of insulin is causing damage to the body. The dangerous part of this syndrome is the long term effects of raised insulin levels to your blood vessels often leading to premature heart attacks, strokes and type II diabetes. METABOLIC SYNDROME – ARE YOU A VICTIM? To identify if you have metabolic syndrome it is necessary to take a few basic measurements. There are five risk factors that make up metabolic syndrome. To be diagnosed with metabolic syndrome, you would have at least three of these risk factors. Body Mass Index (BMI) BMI of 30kgm/m2and higher Waist circumference For men: 102cm or larger For women: 88cm or larger Cholesterol: High Triglycerides Either 1.7mmol/L or higher or Using a cholesterol medicine Cholesterol: Low Good Cholesterol (HDL) Either For men: Less than 1.03mmol/L For women: Less than 1.3mmol/L or Using a cholesterol medicine High Blood Pressure Either Having blood pressure of 135/85mm Hg or greater or Using a high blood pressure medicine Blood Sugar: High Fasting Glucose Level 5.6mmol/L or higher Even if you don`t have these measurements available it`s possible for you to know if you are at risk by asking yourself a few basic questions. The American College of Endocrinologist has identified that if you have 2 of the following risk factors you are at risk for developing metabolic syndrome, or may have insulin resistance already: You have ever been diagnosed with coronary heart disease, high blood pressure, polycystic ovarian syndrome, non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. You have a family history of type II diabetes, high blood pressure or coronary heart disease. For women: you have a history of pregnancy-related diabetes or impaired glucose tolerance in pregnancy. You have a sedentary lifestyle and do not engage in regular exercise. You are overweight with a Body Mass Index (BMI) of greater than 25kg/m2 OR if you have a waist circumference measurement greater than 102cm (male) or greater than 88 cm (female). You are older than 40 years of age. CAN METABOLIC SYNDROME BE REVERSED? YES!! Controlling and normalising insulin levels is key to improving metabolic syndrome. Physical activity, weight loss and healthy food choices help the body respond better to insulin. Studies showed by losing weight (through cutting carbohydrates, fat, calorie intake) and being more physically active, people with metabolic syndrome may avoid or delay developing type 2 diabetes or suffering a stroke or heart attack. WHAT TO DO? Weight loss Research confirmed that people with metabolic syndrome can significantly improve their health by losing 5 to 10 percent of their body weight. Weight loss is often a difficult task when you are insulin resistant and have metabolic syndrome. Not only will you have cravings for carbohydrates most of the time, your body is resistant to fat breakdown due to the high amounts of circulating insulin. Normal weight loss diets and quick fixes are ineffective to aid weight loss seeing that the raised insulin levels are not treated. Not only do we need to decrease the calorie content of the diet, one need to look at what your diet consist of. Certain foods are known to worsen insulin resistance and others to improve insulin resistance. Rethink refined carbs and sugar Carbohydrates and sugar in your diet is known for increasing the amount of insulin in your blood. It is therefore necessary to exclude sugar as much as possible. The other concern lies with the amount of carbohydrates that is consumed per meal as well as during the whole day. Insulin levels can be dramatically increased by the amount of carbohydrate as well as the type of carbohydrate consumed. It is crucial to eat only carbohydrates which are low in Glycaemic index (GI). The Glycaemic Index is a ranking of foods based on their immediate effect on blood glucose levels. It is a physiological measure of how fast, and to what extent, a carbohydrate food (starch containing food) affects blood glucose levels. If the glucose reaches the blood stream quickly, your insulin levels will rise dramatically. Low GI foods will result in a smaller insulin response and help with losing

November 30, 2016

20 Things To Remember As A Couple With A New Baby

The baby books have been read and now neatly stored on the book shelf. The baby showers are over and the initial panic has subsided…sort of. In the middle of the emotions that you go through as you welcome your new addition to the family, certain things need a special mention… Take deep breaths. Life can be overwhelming and in certain situations, stop, take a deep breath and continue. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Ever. You may not want to cut your baby’s nails because you are afraid of hurting her. However, if you don’t cut your baby’s nails, she will end up hurting herself…and you! Talk to each other. If something is bothering or upsetting you, talk about it. This is a whole new chapter of learning and understanding, keeping stuff in will only lead to an unnecessary blowout later on. Figure out which white noise calms your baby and make it available on every device in your home and car. This is a simple lifesaver. Ours is the noise of a fan. Once baby is in bed at night, sit and watch an episode of your favourite series together. This takes your mind away for a short while and relaxes you. Remember not to punch people who say, “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” They clearly don’t know what they are talking about. Ignore anyone who tries to make you feel bad about any decision you and your wife make regarding your baby. Everyone has a different opinion anyway. Make a decision together and go with it. Keep a to-do list. Add things that need to be done or bought. This will help you prioritize everything in order of importance and stop that overwhelming feeling of ‘where the hell do we start’ Stock up on dummies. Seriously. Misplacing a dummy can lead to panic attacks. Eat dinner together. Always. Even if it’s at 9pm. Always check the nappy, it’s often the reason for a fuss. Don’t beat yourself up over every little thing. After all, babies have really low expectations. If she is wearing a nice outfit, it is likely that your baby will poop. If you are wearing a nice outfit, it is likely that your baby will poop. Don’t sweat the small stuff, it’s OK to go to bed without washing the dishes or brushing your teeth. Don’t be afraid to cancel plans that you have already committed to, having a baby is completely unpredictable, friends and family will understand. Take each and every minute in, the time goes by so fast, faster than you realize, treasure every cry and every hard day, every giggle and every smile. Get out of the house. Even if it’s just a walk to the mailbox. Cabin fever can set in fast when you have a newborn around. Remember YOU are doing a great job, you are the very best parent your child will ever have!

November 30, 2016

Breast Feeding For Beginners

If you are fortunate enough to be able to breastfeed your baby, you will find that there’s probably nothing else that can compare to the bond and love that you share with your baby at this time. And of course, breastmilk is a complete food. It contains at least 400 nutrients, as well as hormones and disease-fighting compounds, that aren’t present in formula milk. Its nutritional makeup even adjusts to your baby’s needs as she grows. Mothers are encouraged to try to breastfeed for at least six months. This is particularly good for your baby but also great for mom! Breastfeeding can help you lose that pregnancy weight quicker and is said to : Lower your risk of breast cancer Protect against ovarian cancer before menopause Reduce your risk of developing type 2 diabetes Feeding baby breastmilk can improve baby’s cognitive development and could even make baby more intelligent. Babies who are exclusively breastfed from birth are much less likely to become ill in their first year of life because breastmilk fends off illnesses such as : Gastroenteritis Pneumonia and bronchiolitis Ear infections Whilst there is no scientific proof, breastfed babies do tend to have lower rates of severe eczema than babies who were fed on formula and breastfeeding could delay the onset of eczema if baby has this tendency. Studies have shown that adults who were breastfed as babies, when compared to those who were formula-fed : Had lower blood pressure Had lower cholesterol levels Were less likely to become obese Were less likely to develop type 2 diabetes Whether or not you feel comfortable about breastfeeding in front of other people, you do have the right to breastfeed in public places. Whilst shirts that you have to unbutton and are fiddly to deal with, will make you feel exposed as you feed, stretchy tops that you can pull up work well with a Baby Wrap Carrier, you can easily pull your top up without being exposed in any way. Drape a scarf, muslin or blanket over your shoulder and chest while you feed. This will give you and your baby privacy. Do make sure, however, that your baby can breathe easily! Breastfeeding your baby when she’s hungry is your first priority, so try not to feel self-conscious about doing what’s best for her. If you feel unsure about any aspects of breastfeeding, don’t hesitate to consult your nearest clinic or healthcare practitioner – they are the experts and will always be able to steer you in the right direction. Above all, enjoy the opportunity to breastfeed and treasure these special moments with your baby – it won’t last forever!

November 29, 2016

Children and Technology

By Juazel de Villiers (née Pieterse), Clinical Psychologist Technology has become integrated in our daily lives, it has grown to be our means of communication, socialising, planning and working. However, it is important not to become desensitized to the effect technology or ‘screen time’ can have on our family, and especially our children. Screen time refers to watching television, playing computer games or entertainment on a phone, tablet, etc. For many of the questions parents have around technology, the first most important factor to take into account is the family circumstances, each family is unique, and so are their needs and responses to technology. The various limits will be influenced by the personality, characteristics and needs of each child and parent. That being said, there has been a notable increase in research regarding technology and family life, which can be used to guide each family in finding the healthy balance needed. The biggest consideration in the use of technology is how much is too much. Screen time should be monitored and limited where possible. Recent research has shown that children under the age of two should preferably not have screen time of any nature. Research has further shown that educational baby programmes have not been as beneficial as previously thought, or to a degree that counteracts the negative consequences of screen time for babies and toddlers. Children between two and eight should be limited to one-hour screen time per day, and those older than eight should be limited to a maximum of two hours of screen time per day. These limits should not be viewed as the recommended amount of screen time, but rather a maximum amount of time, less than one-hour screen time is still preferable. One of the reasons why this is of such importance, is because of the lack of other stimulation that children receive if they spend too much time with technology. Enhancing childhood development has become somewhat of a catch phrase, yet the different areas of development is not always recognised. It is important for children to move, in other words be physically active; movement is not only important for physical development but also for neurological (brain) development. Children also have a need for personal family interaction, social skills development apart from technology, writing skills development without a keyboard, and so forth. Early childhood is especially important for the very young child to develop social interactions with face-to-face contact. It is also of great importance for them to have extended periods of creative play to develop language, problem solving skills and their imagination. The increased time that children spend on technology not only takes away from other skill development, but it has also been linked to an increase in a wide variety of childhood difficulties, examples include increased weight gain, occurrence of anxiety and difficulties with concentration. This is one of the difficulties or challenges that Skidz Clever Activity Boxes has attempted to address. The boxes and curriculums provide parents not only with information on development, but also with a structured programme as an alternative to screen time which encourages healthy development across a range of areas. The other important consideration that needs to be made when using technology is whether or not parents should know their children’s passwords. Parents want to be able to demonstrate their trust in their children, and as a result they are often reluctant to invade their child’s privacy by insisting on knowing their children’s passwords. However, it can be of great importance to know the password, as children and adolescents are especially vulnerable to the dangers of technology. Technology has been amazing in creating a world where we are easily connected to one another, where information is ‘at our fingertips’, but this information could easily be about your child. During the childhood and teenage years, the responsibility of the parents is to protect their children, and to teach them right and wrong. The expectation is that the child or teenager is still learning and not yet able to protect themselves from the various challenges and dangers they are exposed to. The same way you would not leave your child alone in a strange home with people you do not know, it is unsafe to leave your child ‘alone’ in the world of technology. By knowing their password, you are able to learn about what environment they are in, it allows the parent to access the information that their child is being exposed to, to know who their child is interacting with, and if their child is safe. In the same manner, it is important for parents to supervise the use of technology and what their child is accessing or watching during screen time. Parents are advised to always supervise when their children are engaged in screen time and to make us of filters and blockers. Young children often click on the ‘flashing button’ without being able to, or taking time to, read where it could take them, it is for this reason that it is very important to ensure that you as parent take time to familiarise yourself with how the filters and blockers work. Without the proper control and supervision, the benefit parents often cite of technology ‘keeping your child entertained with minimal supervision through screen time’, can also be the biggest danger of screen time. Background of Juazel de Villiers (née Pieterse), Clinical Psychologist The Psychology Practice of Juazel Pieterse was started in 2013 by Juazel, a Clinical Psychologist. At the practice we provide psychological intervention for a range of psychological difficulties, including depression, anxiety, stress, adhd, autism, family difficulties, parenting skills and support, change of life difficulties, and so forth. Our focus varies between prevention and treatment as needed. Our passion is to work with individuals, groups and the community to create awareness of psychological difficulties and well-being. References: Graber, D (2015) How much ‘Screen time’ is too much? Why that is the wrong questions. Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diana-graber/how-much-screen-time-is-too-much-why-thats-the-wrong-question_b_7285212.html Powell, A (2015) Keeping an eye screen

November 29, 2016

So what does dyslexia really mean?

(All information was obtained from Stark – Griffin’s book Dyslexia) Definition of dyslexia – A neurological-functional problem manifesting as a deficit in word decoding (reading), encoding (spelling) and nemkinesia (writing) due to a minimal brain dysfunction and/or differential brain function. More use full information regrading dyslexia Eidetic: give meaning to text in general and recognising words from previous experience. Phonetic: allocating a sound to each letter and using these sounds in groups to produce words. People suffering from dyslexia usually have an average to above average intelligence. 10% – 20% of all children suffer from dyslexia. Children suffering from dyslexia feel confusion, frustration, anxiety, withdrawl and compensating behavioural patterns. These children are often teased and humiliated by their classmates.Dyslexia may lead to poor self image and even depression. These feelings may manifest in behavioural problems which inlcude aggression, vandalism, disruption of class and a hostile attitude. Types of dyslexia Dysnemkinesia Deficit in the ability to develop motor engrams (memory trace) for written symbols Child wil revers letters A child should have no letter reversals by Gr. 4 When writing the alphabet 1 reversal is acceptable in Gr. 3 When writing the alphabet 3 reversals are acceptable in Gr. 2 When writing the alphabet 5 reversals are acceptable in Gr. 1 Dysphonesia Deficit in visual-symbol and sound integrations Child will struggle to read unknows words as he cannot decode them / will have difficulty spelling e.g. slow/solw, does/dose Dyseidesia This type of dyslexia is genetic Deficit in the ability to perceive whole words and to recognise words from previous experience. Child will struggle to read words that he cannot relate to a picture e.g. did / will struggle to read sight words / will struggle to read word that cannot be divided /will spell word the way they sound e.g. does/duz Dysphoneidesia Mix between dysphonesia and dyseidesia Dysnemkinphonesia Mix between dynemkinesia and dysphonesia Dysnemkineidesia Mix between dysnemkinesia and dyseidesia Dynmemkinphoneidesia Mix between dysnemkinesia, dysphonesia an dyseidetia One has to rule out the following deficits before a diagnosis of dyslexia can be made: Problematic vision and/or eye muscle functioning Impaired visual perceptual skills Impaired auditive perceptual skills Cognitive impairment Emotional problems/psychological factors Attention deficit disorder Health factors: e.g. nutrition, infections, allergies, trauma Environmental factors Treatment The child needs to be evaluated by a professional (usually an occupational therapist/speech therapist/educational psychologist/optometrist) that is registered with RADA (Red Apple Dyslexia Association). The test used is called the Dyslexia Test developed by Stark-Griffin. If dyslexia is identified it needs to be specified which type of dyslexia as each one has a different treatment approach. All types of dyslexia can be improved although the percentage differs from person to person. Dyseidesia cannot be 100% cured as it is genetic. Dysphoneidesia is the most difficult type of dyslexia to treat. Dysnemkinesia is easily treated. Build on the child’s strengths and later give attention to the weaknesses. Work around the problem to improve reading/writing and spelling. Famous dyslexics No matter what your dissability – you can still be successful !!! Just look at these famous dyslexic people: Pable picasso Tom cruise Richard Branson Leonard daVinci Thomas Edison Whoopi Goldberg Development of the child checklist The Developmental checklist will assist you in determining whether you child is functioning according to his/her age level. Download your order form Here It is divided into 29 categories namely: Movement (Activities of daily living) Communication skills (Cognitive skills) Personality traits / temperament (Playing) Ball skills (Coordination) Perception (Grasps & hand function) Basic concepts (Body concept) Number concept (Form concept) Colour concept (Size concept) Building with blocks (Working with beads) Cutting with scissors (Drawing / painting) Drawing a person (Picture-reading) Story-time (Writing) Eating / feeding (Sleeping) Prepositions (Senses) Teeth When determining if your child is developing according to his/her age level it is important to remember that each child is unique. Each child develops at his/her own pace; therefore no 2 children’s milestones will be achieved at exactly the same time. Please give a 2 – 3 month leeway to either side of the time frame given (e.g. if it says that a child has to walk when he is 1 year old it can mean that the child may start walking when he is 9 months old or 15 months old). When you see that your child has a delay in more than 2 important areas, please consult your developmental paediatrician and take him/her for an occupational therapy assessment. A child that has a developmental delay usually reaches a plato when 12 years old. Thus it is so important that a child receives therapy from as early an age as possible.

November 28, 2016

Why Reading With Your Child Is So Important – 5 Tips to Make it Even More Beneficial

There is such a sense of joy, warmth and togetherness that comes when we read with our children. It is a time when we can cuddle up together and let our minds float to the places the story takes us. This is a time for bonding with your child; a time when you are both relaxed, unhurried and un-harried. By spending some quality bonding time doing reading together, you are also giving your child a deep-seated love of reading. Your child learns that reading opens doors to the imagination and he can learn interesting facts about his world just by reading a book. Reading is such an important life skill, that helping your child learn to read and to enjoy reading is one of the keys to helping him onto the path of success. Here are five tips to help you and your child get the most from reading together: Make sure your child is sitting next to you and can see the words and pictures. Even if your child is too young to have begun learning to read, you will be improving his concept of printed words. By looking at the picture and trying to see all the details described in the story, he will be developing his visual perception in preparation for reading. If your child has already begun learning to read, you can point out some of the words he has learnt; this reinforces his learning and helps him realise how useful it really is to be able to read the different words because he sees them in the story which he is enjoying with you. Use the story as an opportunity to discuss aspects of his own life. Link the story to concepts he is beginning to learn, such as sharing with friends, avoiding conflict, good sportsmanship, or coping with bullies. By relating to the story, you can open discussion in a relaxed way. Talking about the characters in the story, rather than directly about him, helps your child feel safer to share his concerns. Stories do not only have to be about morals and coping skills, simply sharing views and thoughts with each other on how the characters are behaving, laughing together at their mistakes, yet noting what they could have done if they were wiser, gives you so many fun, light-hearted and relaxed opportunities to discuss life, behaviour and morals with your child. Paired reading. This is a great way to support your child once he has begun to learn to read. You begin reading a book which is at his level of reading. He must follow the words you read with his eyes (no pointing allowed) and then you suddenly stop reading and he has to carry on for awhile. He then stops and you have to carry on. This helps him learn to track with his eyes while you read more smoothly and slightly faster than he can. He therefore learns to improve the flow of his reading; similarly, he also learns to read with tone. You will probably find that he initially only wants to read a couple of words before stopping to make you take your turn. This is fine at first but as he develops his reading skill, you can make a rule that no-one can stop before having read a whole line, or two lines. When the story is finished, ask him which parts were his favourite. This helps him build his memory and comprehension. He must not feel that this is a test. He must know that you enjoyed the story as much as he did and that you are enjoying thinking back on the fun things that happened in the story. Find words. At the end of the story, choose about two or three words that are new to him but within his reading capability. Point them out to him and see if he can sound them out, then ask him to see how many times that word appears on the page or even on the next three pages. This builds his reading vocabulary as well as developing his visual figure-ground perception for written words. Figure-ground perception is the ability to notice the figure (or word, or letter) against the background and is very important for reading text. Remember that children learn best when they are having fun. Spending time with you and enjoying the written word together is the best way you can instil a love of reading. Many of the children who come to me for therapy first need me to undo their fear of learning to read; they associate reading with a sense of failure. That is why I decided to write a book for parents, sharing my methods which use therapeutic strategies and fun to reduce the barriers to learning to read. For those of you interested in finding out more about my methods, go to: http://sharonstansfield.weebly.com/unique-reading-program.html Reading is communication. It is how we communicate over distance and even time. By reading, we are able to learn from people far away or even those who died before we were born. It is a crucial life skill and every child deserves the best input to help them enjoy reading.

November 25, 2016

Developing reading skills to help children triumph against dyslexia

There were two important educational issues in the local and international spotlight during September and October 2016: Literacy Day, observed on 8 September 2016, and Dyslexia Awareness Month, which is observed annually during October. In support of Dyslexia Awareness Month, Edublox reading, maths and learning clinic examines the surprising root cause of dyslexia and shares tips on how parents can address their child’s reading difficulties. ‘The importance of literacy to prosperity and democracy in South Africa’ was a topic discussed at a Literacy Day breakfast event and panel discussion, hosted by the educational development programme, help2read. Panellists highlighted some of the key issues and challenges faced by the South African early education sector. According to Dr Nick Taylor, former CEO and current head of Education Evaluation and Research at the Joint Education Trust, the country’s most urgent educational priority is to promote reading and schooling from an early age, as brain sensitivity for the development of children’s foundational language skills is the greatest in the first few years of life. A study by Van der Berg supports this statement in concluding that potential access to university is already largely predetermined by Grade 4*. Susan du Plessis, Director of Educational Programmes at Edublox, explains that the issues around the promotion of basic literacy skills and creating awareness around dyslexia are more intertwined than many might think. “Reading difficulties are a major culprit when children experience learning difficulties. Often, a variety of symptoms are simply grouped together, diagnosed and labelled under the umbrella term ‘dyslexia’ – a word feared and dreaded by many parents. We believe that a strong focus on the development of foundational reading skills can be the key to unlocking learning potential in all children – including those diagnosed with the problem,” she adds. “An understanding of the causes of dyslexia can help parents support their children in overcoming it,” says Du Plessis. “Two important facts are especially relevant: firstly, that reading is not a natural or instinctive process, but an acquired skill that must be taught. Secondly, parents must remember that learning is a stratified process, during which one skill has to be acquired first, before it becomes possible to acquire subsequent skills. At the heart of this process and as the bottom rung of the ‘reading ladder’, is language. Skills, like visual processing, auditory processing and auditory memory form the second rung of this ladder, and must be taught first,” she explains. Du Plessis shares some tips on how parents can help children prevent and overcome reading difficulties: Since language plays a vital role in reading, it is important to provide children with enough opportunities to hear language from infancy. If your child is experiencing problems like letter reversals, difficulties with letter order, poor comprehension, mispronunciations and poor recall, the best approach is to take immediate action. Approach a professional reading clinic specialising in cognitive development that focuses on aspects like concentration, perceptual skills, memory, and logical thinking. Before setting up a meeting with an educational practitioner, it often helps to list your observations and your concerns. Be sensitive toward a dyslexic child or a slow reader’s feelings. Most children look forward to learning to read and do so relatively quickly. For these children, however, the experience is very different. For them, reading, which seems to come effortlessly for everyone else, appears to be beyond their grasp. Parents can breathe a sigh of relief as children’s academic performance can improve despite dyslexia. Abigail de Robillard, a mom from Durban, enrolled her dyslexic son at a reputable reading clinic and noted a change. De Robillard highlighted improvements in his overall self-confidence, his ability to manage schoolwork on his own, and his overall reading and concentration after just one term. “Dyslexia is a learning barrier – and I now truly believe that through hard work, the clinic will break these barriers and allow my son to harness all his real gifts, talents and abilities to be all that he can be, and above all, happy,” she says. Edublox is a leading specialist in cognitive development with 26 reading and learning clinics across Southern Africa. Edublox offers multisensory cognitive training, aimed at developing and automatising the foundational skills of reading, spelling and Mathematics. For more information about Edublox, visit www.edublox.co.za or contact 0861-EDUBLOX / 0861 338 256.

November 24, 2016

The perfect packing list for sleepover camps

Packing correctly for camp is actually one of the most significant things that will determine whether your child’s camping experience is enjoyable or not. It’s all about getting the essentials right. Packing for your child’s holiday camp can really become a complicated task if you don’t know what to expect. It’s sometimes difficult to get the balance right between what your child needs to survive and enjoy camp and what is luxury. Some parents pack too little as they expect an informal “survival camp” where all they need is the clothes on their back. Other parents seem to pack the entire household as they expect that their child won’t survive if they don’t have everything in their bedroom. Here are some packing essentials that you should always pack in your child’s luggage before they head over to a sleepover camp: 1. Checklist of things to do before packing: It’s important to ask the camp about their luggage restrictions, as you may not be able to pack some luxury items like skateboards etc. Ensure that all your child’s clothing and personal items are clearly labeled with your child’s full name. 2. Medication: One of the most important things you need to send with your child is definitely their emergency/chronic medication. This would include Asthma pumps, Cortisone, Epipens, and ADHD medication etc. This medication needs to be carefully packed in an easily accessible, zip lock bag with a clear description and dosage information. 3. Day bag with essentials inside: Have a backpack with essential items inside for your child’s daily activities: Water bottle Sun Stick/Sun block lotion Bathing Costume Beach Towel Peak Cap/Sun Hat Flip Flops Takkies/Trainers Raincoat/Waterproof jacket Insect Repellent 3. Clothing: Old, inexpensive, casual clothing is the best type of clothing for camp. Skirts and dresses aren’t recommended for camp. Every camper should have the following items packed in their bags in the quantity relating to the number of days that they will be spending at camp: Shorts Tracksuit pants T-shirts Long-sleeved shirts Underwear Sleepwear Beanie Laundry Bag (To separate the clean stuff from the dirty. This can be a simple plastic bag.) 4. Personal / Toiletry Items: Even at camp, feeling fresh and clean makes you feel good. Personal hygiene is essential to enjoy the outdoor experience and keep all campers feeling confident throughout the day. The following items should be packed in a toiletry bag: Toothbrush and toothpaste Hair brush and shampoo Shower gel Deodorant and/or antiperspirant Bath Towel (In addition to a swimming towel) Shaving gear / Feminine Products/ Hair dryer (if applicable) 5. Other sleepover camp essentials: The primary purpose of camping is to relish the leisure of the outdoors and get in touch with nature in the company of other people. Below are a few other camping essentials you should to take to camp: Sleeping Bag Torch Pen & Paper Snacks An item of something that you enjoy doing. For example, a book if you enjoy reading, or a skateboard with your protective gear if you enjoy skateboarding). Simplify the preparation process by refering to this packing list when your child goes on their next sleepover camp. You can’t go wrong!

November 23, 2016

What is Klinefelters syndrome?

Klinefelters syndrome (KS) is not as rare as one may think, it is not life threatening but has life altering consequences. About one in 500 boys are born with an extra X chromosome, this affects learning, behaviour and growth. This was identified in 1942 by Dr Harry Klinefelter who was working with male patients at a hospital in Boston Massachusetts. This is a genetic condition where a male baby is born with 1 extra X chromosome. This due to an error in meiosis at conception known as meiotic nondisjunction. The condition is also known as XXY. Normal boys are XY while girls are XX. The KS baby develops an abnormal pituitary gland and hypothalamus part of the brain. Klinefelter syndrome is a random disorder and it is not hereditary. It appears that its occurrence may be linked to the age of either parent. It is not more prevalent in any specific race .This is the most common sex chromosome disorder. According to research done in Australia only about 20-30% of males with KS are ever diagnosed, partly due to the hesitancy of men to seek medical attention and the somewhat non-specific nature of the symptoms. Often men only find out they are KS when they present with fertility issues. They are almost always sterile. Unfortunately there is little awareness about the syndrome, even amongst health professionals, which often sends parents on a diagnostic odyssey trying to find out why their boys are different and the underlying cause remains unidentified. Another difficulty with it is that the symptoms are highly variable, sometimes subtle and sometimes not present at all. Only about 35% present with stereotypical symptoms but up to 80% have learning difficulties and behavioural issues. Many will have developmental delays and trouble with their muscles (low muscle tone) and motor skills. Dyslexia, reading difficulties and data retrieval problems are common. A large percentage are attention deficit (ADD) While their intellect is not compromised, their verbal IQ is below average, they often have difficulty expressing themselves. This often leads to frustration and angry outbursts. It is unclear whether some behavioural difficulties are directly caused by the syndrome or are exacerbated by early speech and learning difficulties. KS in very young boys is especially difficult to recognise and only at puberty do some of the more obvious signs begin to show. The physical characteristic common to all KS males is that they have very small underdeveloped testicles. It is because of this that they cannot produce enough testosterone to produce sperm. This androgen masculinising hormone is also responsible for producing secondary sexual characteristics. Other more common signs are: They are often somewhat taller than genetically expected, their limbs are slightly proportionately longer. They often have knock knees (genu valgum) and high arches (pes cavus). Taurodontism (Large molar teeth with thin enamel) is common. They will have more feminine fat distribution and rudimentary breast development, (gynecomastia) high pitched voice and sparse hair. They usually have “softer more girlish faces and are generally more sensitive than most boys, they tend to be emotional and cry easily. 33% of KS males experience psychosocial issues particularly shyness and low self-esteem. KS men also have added complications whereby they have a predisposition to developing diabetes, osteopenia and osteoporosis It must be noted however that Klinefelter syndrome does not affect sexual orientation. When correctly treated with supplemental testosterone KS men can have normal sexual relations in adulthood. If you suspect your son may be KS you will need to consult a geneticist. They will probably request blood tests which will include a karyotype. An endochrinologist will monitor further treatment. Klinefelters syndrome symptoms can be mitigated by correct intervention. Testosterone supplementation must continue throughout life. This can be administered by injection or with creams or a patch. If KS is identified early there is a better chance of normal development. A thorough psychoeducational examination will need to be conducted to determine what educational interventions are required as KS boys need assistance with the learning issues most of them have. A speech therapist can assist them and occupational therapy is recommended. Many KS boys also have motor dyspraxia. While this all may seem alarming particularly that the syndrome is so relatively common yet somewhat unrecognised there are some positives. These are wonderful sensitive human beings. They can be encouraged that they are usually taller than average, tend to keep their youthful looks, have better intuition and emotional skills than most men and usually get on really well with women. Further reading : www.xxy47.co.za www.andrologyaustralia.org www.checkyourballs.com.au www.csvxy.org Plus information taken from: Lawley pharmaceuticals KS info brochure 2016 Amy Herlihy BSc, Grad Dip Genetic counselling : Thesis 2010 Exploration of prevalence and psychosocial aspects of KS in the context of population based genetic screening.

November 22, 2016

Childhood obesity in South Africa to soar unless we act now

If obesity in South African children continues to increase at the current rate, 3.91 million school children will be overweight or obese by 2025. On world Obesity Day, the Heart and Stroke Foundation South Africa, together with the World Obesity Federation, calls for decisive action from government, private sector and parents. Today is the second annual World Obesity Day and the theme is Ending Childhood Obesity: Act today for a healthier future. The Heart and Stroke Foundation (HSFSA) supports the World Obesity Federation (WOF) in this initiative to stimulate and support practical actions to address obesity. South Africa’s obesity epidemic could be described as complex. Our country’s past of poverty, inequality and a lack of education, coupled with rapid urbanisation has created a vulnerable population amidst a nutrition transition. The population group that is most vulnerable to this ‘obesogenic’ environment is children. Both children of overweight parents and children subjected to malnutrition during pregnancy or infancy are likely to become obese later in life. Children are brought up in an era of energy dense foods, increasing screen time and sedentary behaviour. The World Health Organisation (WHO) reports the fastest growth of obesity in the African region, where childhood overweight and obesity has more than doubled from 1990 to 2013 1. Childhood obesity in SA – our girls at greatest risk According to the most recent national survey, 14.2% of primary school children are already overweight 2. This prevalence is highest at 30% in girls living in urban areas. Being overweight as an infant increases the risk of being overweight as a child, which in turn increases the risk of being overweight as an adolescent and adult. Results from the Birth to Twenty study in Soweto recently showed that girls who were obese between the ages of 4 – 6 years, were 42 times more likely to be obese as teenagers compared to their normal-weight peers! 3 Clearly interventions should already be addressed at infants and toddlers. Cultural beliefs and poor knowledge of the consequences of obesity lulls many parents into inaction. Childhood obesity is not prevented, recognized or treated adequately. New figures from the World Obesity Federation estimate that by 2025, 3.91 million South African school children will be overweight or obese. This will result in 123 000 children with impaired glucose tolerance, 68 000 with overt diabetes, 460 000 with high blood pressure, and 637 000 with first stage fatty liver disease 4. The global action plan The complexity of the obesity epidemic is often cited to explain the little success in turning the tide and perhaps as an excuse not to make the changes we know are necessary. The 2016 WHO Report on Ending Childhood Obesityclearly outlines a comprehensive action plan. Recommendations include addressing norms, treating children who are already obese, promoting intake of healthy foods and physical activity, improved preconception and pregnancy care, healthier school environments, and curbing the marketing of unhealthy foods. The South African Department of Health have incorporated these guidelines in their own Strategy for the prevention and control in South Africa of obesity framework. Childhood obesity is singled out within this strategy as a specific area of focus, “given the large perceived benefit the interventions may yield”. We can end obesity if we act now Obesity is not a complex problem, for we have the tools to address it. We can end the childhood obesity epidemic if we act together. The President of the World Obesity Federation, Professor Ian Caterson, calls for decisive action “If governments hope to achieve the WHO target of keeping child obesity at 2010 levels, then the time to act is now.” Government action In the National Obesity Strategic Framework, Deputy Minister of Health Dr Joe Phaalhla writes “…It is our responsibility to empower people to make informed decisions and to ensure that they have access to healthy food by raising awareness and increasing the availability of effective initiatives and interventions.” The Government has shown intent by announcing tax on sugar-sweetened beverages, strategies to increase school sport, and draft legislation to restrict the advertising of unhealthy foods to children. Swift and effective implementation of these policies are vital. Professor Caterson from the WOF urges governments to act “Introducing tough regulations to protect children from the marketing of unhealthy food, ensuring schools promote healthy eating and physical activity, strengthening planning and building rules to provide safe neighbourhoods, and monitoring the impact of these policies.” Private sector and in particular the food industry There is no singular solution for obesity, and involvement of all sectors is needed. Food industry and especially fast food restaurants – still largely unregulated – needs to become part of the solution by producing healthier products and meals that are lower in added sugar, salt and fat, and by partnering with government and civil society to make healthy food choices more affordable. Collective advertising spend on unhealthy foods and meals are staggering, overpowering education efforts by government and NGOs. The HSFSA calls on the food industry to realise the vital role they play in South Africa’s obesity epidemic. It is time to make a choice to either help or hinder- practicing responsible marketing of foods aimed at children is a good place to start. Parents and caregivers Professor Pamela Naidoo, CEO of the HSFSA implores primary caregivers “Parents have the single biggest influence over their children’s risk of obesity. Mothers should aim for a normal weight before pregnancy, appropriate weight gain during pregnancy, and exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months. Parents should introduce healthy eating habits from six months onwards and lead by example to create an active lifestyle for the whole family.” Prof. Naidoo concludes “The HSFSA will continue its efforts to advocate for a healthier environment and create public awareness to prevent obesity as a major risk factor for heart diseases and strokes”. The Heart Mark is one such tool used to make it easier for consumers to make the healthier choice when faced with a variety of options at the supermarket. It helps

November 21, 2016

3 ways parents can keep their child’s device ‘clean’

Raising children in the digital age has become a little bit of a ‘ying-yang’ experience. Consider this, Dad is comfortable with his little angel getting the latest smartphone because she has done well in her academic year but, Mom doesn’t think it’s a good idea, considering the increased exposure she will have to the Internet. There is cyber criminals, uncontrolled content and cyber bullying, just as a start, to consider. What do you do as a family? Parenting has truly changed, not so long ago children played outside far more, whereas today approximately 56% of them now spend their time communicating with friends on social media platforms – a totally different reality. As a parent, wouldn’t you feel better knowing what your daughter or son is saying to his/her friends? Or what the online world is saying to them? Kaspersky Lab’s research shows that globally, 40% of children disclose sensitive information about themselves or family, which is not surprising, given that 28% of parents in South Africa feel they do not have any control over what their children see or do online. It’s not doomsday though, as we can all agree that the Internet is one of the best invention ever when it comes to finding anything and everything one needs – it just makes life easier. Today, however, given this, the responsibility lies with us, to ensure we educate our kids about staying safe while online and why it is important not to share any sensitive information, as well as how to avoid downloading any malware onto their smartphones or devices. It is not easy explaining this to a 6 or 10-year-old, but don’t avoid the subject because you think your children are too young – in fact the younger you start the conversation, the easier it will be for children to assimilate and understand your views. We understand that it is a challenging subject to address, however so is the reality and impact of cyber bullying or sextortion. The new Kaspersky Internet Security – multi-device 2017 – includes some features that will assist you in keeping your children safe. The Parent control feature – this feature will assist parents to monitoring online activities of their children. For example, as so many kids love to ‘check-in’ online – with this feature, as a parent, you can make this function private, as check-ins are another way cyber criminals keep track of their victims. Cleans apps – as downloading an app is easy, the Software Cleaner function in this solution informs parents when a child installs an app, both from a credible source, or even from a not so credible one. Upon receiving a report from Software Cleaner, you are able to either remove or leave the app on the device. Lastly, there is room for privacy – privacy should not only apply to adults, it applies to everyone who has a digital profile. The Secure Connection feature of this solution, ensures that your children connect to the Internet safely and that their data is protected. This feature will protect your child’s sensitive information. The new Kaspersky Internet Security – multi-device 2017 offers parents wanting to give their children access to the Internet, the ability to do so in a safe and controlled manner. Despite the risks, don’t avoid going online, but rather ensure you are informed and educating your family about cyber safety.

November 18, 2016

Choosing a Preschool

As a first time mom, finding and choosing a school for my daughter was one of the most daunting things I had to do. I had no idea what to look for, how to screen for potential problems, or even what the law was regarding the qualifications of teachers and preschool owners. And so my poor child, and then the next child too, got moved from school to school almost yearly before I decided to homeschool. So let me just say, from the outset, that every school will have its problems. There is no such thing as a perfect school, but there may just be a perfect school for you and your child – one where they don’t bother about things that are not on your priority list and do care about the same things as you. If I were to do it all again, I would do the following: I would make a list of what was important to ME in terms of childcare. For example, it is important to me that my kids eat nutritious food and not junk, that their caregivers are caring and not overly disciplinarian, that there is no shaming or naughty corners or physical punishment, and that kids are allowed to be kids and have lots of free play. I would absolutely INSIST on spending a week at the preschool with my child. Most schools discourage this as they say the kids settle quicker if the parents are not around, but a small child cannot articulate problems to you when they arise. I would like to see for myself how certain issues are handled. For example, at one school my kids were at I found out years later that if they cried they were shamed by being put into nappies. I knew my daughter was unhappy at the school (the school kept telling me she was very happy there) but she was only 4 and couldn’t express what it was that was bothering her. I would hang around at the end of the day and chat to parents of kids who are already in the school. Of course the school will tell you they are marvelous, but you may get a different picture from the parents. I would have a list of questions for them such as what they like most and least about the school, if they’ve ever had an issue with a teacher and how the management handled it, etc. Get a broad overview from a number of people. I would find out what qualifications each of the teachers has and what additional training they are exposed to on a regular basis. We had one teacher who had never even heard of a sensory integration disorder and so was shaming my child for coming to preschool in her pyjamas when she was tactile defensive and literally couldn’t handle wearing much else. The same teacher used sarcasm with her class (telling them she would cut their tongues out if they spoke in class), something that children can only cognitively start to comprehend at around age 8. Teachers need to be up to date on current research, childcare philosophies, and childhood growth and development. Other questions I would ask the management would be around the size of the class, the teacher to child ratio, the teachers’ working hours, and even their salary if they will disclose that. I would want to know that the teachers are not overworked and underpaid and unhappy. And lastly, I would trust my instincts. This was a tough lesson that I learned through all of this – where I had a feeling that things were not ok and yet when I asked I was told that my children were happy and playing and everything was fine. You know your child. Trust that. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. And do not be afraid to change schools if you need to. Of course the ideal is to get your child into one school where they are happy and make friends and are settled, but kids can and do adapt to change. Rather keep looking until you are completely satisfied than settle for something less than ideal because you are afraid of making the change. For us, in the end, homeschooling was what best suited all of our needs, but that is also not for everyone. There are pros and cons to both and you need to look at your unique family, your own values and needs and then find the best solution for you. Good luck!

November 17, 2016

What people without special needs kids need to know

Parenting is a tough job. Parenting a special needs child is a tougher one. And as human beings interacting with a special needs parent, we have the opportunity to make things a little bit better or a little bit worse. Here are some things you need to know if you’re hoping to do the former. It is rude to stare. Kids with special needs will often look different or behave differently to other children. This does not give you the right to stare, judge or gawp at them. These kids and their parents already have their plates full. They don’t need the added discomfort of your judgements. What to do instead? If you see a child having a meltdown in the shopping centre, how about asking the parent if there’s anything you can do to help. Don’t offer sympathy. It may seem strange to those of you not in this situation, but parents of special needs kids want to be treated like normal families – not like some charity case to be pitied. Yes they have bigger challenges, yes they have things they feel sad about, but they’re also proud of their kids, and have incredible gifts from their children that you could never understand if you didn’t stand in their shoes either. Never use insulting labels. Believe it or not, there are still people who will call a child a ‘retard’ or other such derogatory names. Please be aware of the language that you use and how hurtful this can be. We’re very aware of racist or homophobic comments and so should we be with any kind of intolerance. Be inclusive. If there is a special needs child at your school or in your child’s class, include them in parties and play dates. Go beyond your own fear and discomfort and allow these children to be part of the greater community. You will be surprised how much you will learn from them and you will give your own children the opportunity to go beyond labels and judgements. Don’t judge the parents. Parents of special needs kids are likely to be more tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with daily tasks than you are. Give them a break. If you see them losing their temper, know that they have probably been pushed beyond their limits. Give them a break. Even better, lend them a hand. Stop talking about your perfect child. Parenting a special needs child can be scary and lonely, and parents can often feel jealous of others whose lives are less complicated. They may even resent you and your child for getting to do the ‘normal’ childhood stuff and celebrate the ‘normal’ childhood milestones. Of course you are happy for your child, but be sensitive about not rubbing it in. Watch your questions. Please do interact with parents of special needs kids, but don’t bombard them with questions. They will talk when they are ready to talk, and some days (like all of us) they just don’t feel like discussing the intricacies of what they are going through. Have normal conversations. Speak to them like other parents – they are. And don’t ask: “What is wrong with your child?” Special needs parents are parents just like you. They love their children. They have good days and bad. They have challenges and joys. They worry about their child’s future. They want to talk about their child’s achievements. They need friends and date nights and girl’s nights and time out and a shoulder to cry on – just like you. Every child is special. Every child is unique and has their own specific challenges, talents, gifts, and difficulties. Keep this in mind whenever you want to judge any parent, and particularly one with a special needs child. You have no idea what someone else is dealing with, what kind of a night they’ve had, when last they slept, what new obstacle has just been thrown in their path. If we start every interaction with another human being by first understanding where they’re coming from, we are more likely to be kind, considerate and compassionate. Every parent is trying their best. Let’s start with that assumption.

November 17, 2016

Why should we limit out children’s screen time?

Our kids are growing up in a technological age. They are confronted with tablets, smartphones, laptops, DSTV and so much more. Your phone is seen as part of your image and our kids want the latest and greatest. So why should we limit them? The biggest concern I have is that kids are not spending enough time outside playing. The reasons for this are: It’s not safe Preschools are focusing more on academic performance More and more screen time is available in different formats Safety In the society we live in in South Africa it is a valid concern that our kids are not safe to play outside by themselves any more. Kids are told to stay indoors and this force them to play stationary games or be involved in screen time. Screen time The inventors of children’s television shows and games/apps target the primitive brain. They use fast moving images and bright colours to target our visual system. They use loud and quickly changing sounds to target our auditory system. When I ask parents how long their child is able to concentrate they usually tell my ‘O he can watch television for hours’. This is not concentration ability!!!! This is your child’s primitive brain being targeted and activated. Our poor teachers have no way to compete with TV and games and apps and we wonder why our children cannot concentrate anymore and why ADD and ADHD is being diagnosed more frequently in our kids!!! According to research a child younger than 2 who watches television has a 15% higher risk of developing ADD/ADHD. Thus a child under 2 should not be exposed to ANY screen time. Another big concern is that parents don’t play with their children any more. Most families are dual income households and thus mom and dad work full day and are too tired to play with their kids. This is not ideal but this is what is happening. Out toddlers don’t know how to play any more as they are not used to thinking up games or spend time inventing games. Creativity suffers. We now have to teach our kids how to play house-house, how to play with cars and how to entertain themselves by playing in the garden. Screen time takes away creativity. Academic performance We as a society are placing more and more pressure on our children to grow up faster. Some pre-schools tend to focus more on academic performance like counting and getting to know the letters of the alphabet than playing outside. Children should be playing outside nearly all day long to facilitate the necessary skills they need for development. Benefits of playing outside: Bilateral integration Postural control Activating the proprioceptive system Activating the vestibular system Sensory integration Socialising Gross motor skills Eye-hand coordination Eye-foot coordination The impact of limited outside play: Poor postural control So what is postural control? It is the ability to have stability at your big joints and to maintain different postures. Our kids are not able to sit still any more. The reason for this is that they don’t get enough vestibular (movement) and proprioceptive (deep-pressure) input. These 2 systems underwrite postural control. Children tend to slouch in their chairs, support their heads while doing table top tasks, exhibits fidgeting, rides on their chairs, changes their posture frequently while sitting. All of this is their bodies craving movement and deep pressure input. So what happens in class? Most teachers tell the learners to sit still. This will cause postural control to diminish thus postural control will decrease. Now the learner with spend so much energy and effort staying upright and still in the chair that no energy is left to pay attention to what the teacher is saying or to complete given work. These kids tend to rush through tasks or tire easily and fine motor skills then decrease thus they write untidily and make unnecessary mistakes. Poor vision Kids start using ipads /phones at a very young age, when the visual system is not yet fully developed and not able to withstand this prolonged visual demand at near. This leads to a generation that is becoming increasingly myopic (nearsighted), as we have seen in China in the last 20 years. Digital screens also emit a lot of blue light, which has been shown to cause premature aging to our eyes – our children will need reading glasses 10 years earlier than what we do, and research shows that degenerative eye diseases due to this excessive blue light exposure is happening at a much younger age (up to 15 years earlier than in the previous generation). Weight gain Obesity in our kids is getting out of hand! This leads to many other health and self-esteem issues Poor communication skills This affects their ability in making friends, initiating conversations and to resolve conflict So what can we as parents do? I am a mom myself and I know we sometimes use the television as a nanny. When we want to prepare a meal or have some time to ourselves it is easy to switch on the television and entertain the kids. When you have to do this please then make sure it is a program of some value and appropriate for your child’s age No screen time for kids under 2 years of age Children’s screen time should be limited to 1 hour daily while in primary school and to 2 hours when in high school Have certain times during the day when no screen time is allowed e.g. while eating dinner/having a braai No televisions/X-boxes allowed in children’s rooms Set the parental control on your television and internet (especially google) Spend time playing outside with your kids doing gross motor tasks e.g. kicking a ball, rolling down a hill, playing in the sand pit or sliding down a slide. Have their vision and eye-muscle functioning evaluated by an optometrist If you suspect that your child has poor postural control – take your child to an occupational therapist to assist you in improving this

November 17, 2016

An open letter to divorcing parents

Dear Parents, Divorce/separation sucks for the simple reason that when two people get together and have children, they make plans to build a future together. They do not plan for an eventual separation. So when it eventually happens, everything as they know it, crumbles. Everything will be different, and that is scary as hell. Today, thanks to extensive resources available, providing a wealth of information on all aspects of separation and referencing many people having gone through a separation before, separating parents are being presented with more options to separate with less trauma, and receive more knowledge on how to face and proceed mindfully with this life changing event. It gifts them a head start to engage on this journey in a manner that will not only allow them to move forward with less anger and bitterness, but mostly in sparing their children from broken childhood memories. Yet, there is increasing evidence of a rise in parental conflicts, court battles, evasion of parental roles and responsibilities, and using the children to control certain outcomes of their agreements not being met. Life is a never ending learning process. To discard available information and valuable support, is choosing to be a victim of your circumstances. Yes, a separation is distressing and hard on a person. It can make you feel like there is little justice and that life isn’t fair, but it should not become an excuse to waste your life focusing on a dream that did not materialise. Instead, evaluate if your conflicts are about hurting your ex or rather hurting your sons and daughters, because your conflicts are wounding your children in ways they cannot control. Recognise that there is in fact no problem. What you see as a problem is actually a change of direction. It’s not the end, it’s not a beginning. It’s a transition that allows you to plan for some different and new life choices. The time has come for separating and separated parents to address the crisis their families are in when going through a divorce/separation. Parents who are hostage to an acrimonious battle over custody and/or maintenance are not fighting for what is in the best interest of their children, they are out to hurt and destroy each other, no matter who stands in the cross fire. It is time to raise awareness that being in control of your emotions is the solution to forgiveness and healing, so that you can mend, and not destroy, your children’s families. The time is now to change the way you, parents, separate, so that you can give your sons and daughters a life which feels normal being happy and not which feels normal being broken. The Law doesn’t raise children, parents do! Nadia Thonnard

November 16, 2016

Choosing Medical Aid

Most medical schemes have launched their benefits and contributions for 2017 and it is the time when you should be re-looking at your existing medical aid cover or, if you are wanting to join a scheme, investigating which one suits you best. The medical aid landscape can be tricky to navigate so it is important to compare options and schemes to ensure you find a medical aid that works for you and your family’s health and is within your budget. Dr Bobby Ramasia, Principal Executive Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund, helps guide you through choosing the best plan, whether it’s through the open market or through an employer. If you are already on a medical aid scheme Before you choose the best medical aid option, you need an idea of what your typical health care costs are. You should also consider the following for you and your dependants over the past twelve months: How much you spent on day-to-day healthcare expenses Where you or any of your dependants admitted to hospital Did you need to visit a specialist regularly How much often do you or your dependants visit a GP Do you and your dependants have any chronic conditions How much do you spend on dentistry, optometry and over-the-counter medicine Did you exhaust your day-to-day benefits and/or savings this year How much did you pay in co-payments and/or deductibles Then consider which of the expenses listed above were once-off and won’t come up again soon (like childbirth) and which are likely to come up again and again (such as flu). You should be able to find a list of your medical claims on your current medical aid’s website. The day-to-day detail: Often the cost containment measures medical schemes apply for the day-to-day benefits are broad. So investigate, or bear in mind, the following: Does your medical aid contract with doctors and specialists and, if so, are you willing to use them? Using contracted or network doctors usually means obtaining full or improved cover levels, while using doctors outside of the network usually results in restricted benefits or co-payments. It also helps ensure you are getting more value for money as doctors on your medical scheme’s network will not charge you more than the rate agreed with your medical scheme. Must you be referred to a specialist by your GP? Does your medical aid offer additional GP consultations, which they will pay for, after you have exhausted your day-to-day benefits? Does your medical scheme offer any additional benefits such as maternity, preventative care or wellness benefits that are paid from risk and not savings or day-to-day benefits? You can also follow these tips to get more value for money: Use generic medication wherever possible – get into the habit of asking your doctor and pharmacist about this Try to keep your claims within any specified sub-limits, e.g. optometry Find out if your option has any day-to-day benefits that are paid by the scheme from risk (not from your day-to-day sub-limits or savings). Two examples where this sometimes applies are dentistry and optometry. Additional benefits: Ask what supplementary benefits might be available to you that can potentially save significant day-to-day expenses. These could include the following; Preventative care benefits, ranging from basic screenings (blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar and body mass index measurements) through to mammograms, pap smears, prostrate testing. In some cases this extends to maternity programs, dental check-ups, flu vaccinations and more. These usually require authorisation from the scheme, failing which they are simply met from your day-to-day benefit limits. A mammogram costs in the region of R900, so don’t look a gift horse in the mouth! Age impacts your decision If you have young children, ensure that the medical aid option you select provides sufficient child illness benefits. For young couples looking to start a family, check that your option provides sufficient cover for maternity benefits. However, if you are slightly older then ensure that the option you select covers chronic conditions and provides sufficient in-hospital cover in the event of hospitalisation. Ensure the affordability of the medical aid plan selected. When comparing the different medical aid options available, consider all the costs involved before you make your final decision, such as: The monthly contributions, as a rule of thumb, you medical aid contributions should not exceed 10%of your monthly income at an individual or household level Other costs associated with your medical aid option e.g. if your option only allows consultations with doctors on a network, then you must ensure that the cost of travel to a network doctor (including hospitals and other healthcare service providers) The cost of co-payments for various benefits claimed. A medical aid co-payment is a fee that the member is liable for when making use of certain medical services. The medical aid would not cover 100% of the costs and the member would have to pay for a certain percentage of the medical service before the medical aid pays their portion. These co-payments usually apply to specialist or elective medical procedures. This will differ from one medical aid scheme to another. It is one of the reasons why you should always do thorough research before deciding which medical aid scheme is the best option for you. The ideal option would of course be the one that does not require many or any co-payments from the member.

November 15, 2016

Raising a Millionaire

Children do bring additional financial strain, and many parents spend a large portion of their focus on money. Or the lack of it. How can we help our kids to do better with their finances than we are? How can we possibly hope to raise a millionaire if we’re not millionaires? The answer to all of this comes in a term much loved by investors the world over: Compounding. Let’s say that your child is already 5 years’ old. If you put just R400 per month into a simple investment (without high costs) – something like the Tax Free Index Trackers offered by companies like the eftSA (http://etfsa.co.za/ ) – then by the time your child is 15 they will have almost half a million rand. You will have only invested R50 000 and the rest of the R450 000 will come about by the compounding of that money sitting in that investment. Right now there is a lot of fear and panic around the stock market and investing in general, but what the rich know and use to keep getting richer, and the poor don’t and so keep perpetuating their cycle, is that the stock market crashes every 7-9 years. And this is not a bad thing unless you buy into it while it’s up and sell while it’s down. If you do it the other way round, and buy while it’s down (think of it like a sale) and leave your money accumulating interest for a long period of time, then over time these ups and downs balance out and the overall trend is up. It sounds complicated, but essentially what I’m saying is that if you commit to a monthly amount and keep putting this in no matter what the market is doing, in THE LONG RUN you will come out with a lot more than you put in. But you have to be prepared to invest in the long run – so for 15 or 20 years; not trying to access the money in 2-5 years. Where most parents get caught is that they get offered these fancy education funds and investments for their children but don’t realize that the high costs on these accounts are eating away at most of the interest that they would be earning if they just invested in a simple Index Tracker. Something as little as a 1% difference in fees can mean the difference of hundreds of thousands of Rands once you factor in the compound interest that you would have earned on that over 15 years. You don’t need to be a financial guru or brilliant with money to start investing for your children and their futures. Start small and keep it simple. Now where do you find this R400 per month? If you’re like most parents I know you’re going over budget every month, not under. Well, in the financial world there’s this lovely little idea called the Cappuccino Factor. It looks at the small expenses that you’re barely even aware of and adds these up over days and weeks and months to see what they really add up to. Let’s say you stop and buy a coffee on the way to work every day and your coffee costs R20. If you do this every one of the 21 working days in the month, then that is already R420. Now your coffee might be a Coke, a chocolate, a manicure, a take-out lunch, or any other small but regular expense that seems insignificant until you add it up. Go take a look through your expenses, find your Cappuccino, and eliminate it. That small change in a small habit can mean the difference between being a millionaire or not. Now my last caution is in what is done with this money in the long run. I’m all for saving and investing on behalf of my kids, but they need to learn to do this for themselves. If they haven’t learned good money habits along the way then if you hand them a lump sum when they’re 20 or 25 they will probably blow the whole lot in the next year. Most lottery winners end up in the same or worse financial situation a year after their winnings. It’s about developing good habits. My agreement with my own children is that the money I have invested for them will only become theirs once they’ve matched how much I initially put in. So for every Rand that I contribute, they have to contribute equally before they get access to that investment. This teaches them to be aware of their own spending habits, to put money aside and to keep a vested interest in their interest! In other words, they will only benefit from the investment once they have earned the right to it by developing and maintaining good money habits. And this is the start of your good money habits too. Once you’ve found that R400 for them and watched it grow, why not do the same for yourself? You and your kids could be millionaires if you just take some time and focus today to invest in your future. It isn’t scary or difficult or only for the rich. It is purely about developing good habits. Small, habitual effort now = great rewards later. Bring on the millions!!

November 14, 2016

Matric Stress – When is enough, enough?

As hundreds of thousands of young South Africans are busy writing their Matric exams this month, they have entered into what is, for the majority, the most stressful, charged and demanding experience of their schooling experiences. A certain measure of pressure to perform can certainly be highly motivating. But the line is thin, and it is all too easy for the pressures of writing these final schooling exams to mount unbearably, putting matriculants at risk of being overwhelmed just at the time when they most need to feel confident, alert and focused. People react to stress differently, and students experience different kinds of stresses. Some have high expectations of themselves and may become anxious and fearful that they won’t achieve their own goals. Others may feel extreme pressure from others to perform, such as from parents or teachers they really want to please. What is important for both parents and students to understand is that stress is going to be a factor over the next few months, and it needs to be consciously managed so that it does not derail the efforts of our current Grade 12’s. We asked Claudia Raats, Research Psychologist and Academic Development Manager from SACAP (the South African College of Applied Psychology) to provide some essential tips on monitoring and managing stress: 1. Know Yourself “The question of when is Matric stress, too much stress, needs to be answered individually. It helps for both parents and students to reflect on this. Naming the fears and anxieties, and identifying the sources of the pressures the student feels brings important awareness to particular danger areas for the individual. When the triggers are known, they are easier to anticipate, monitor and manage. It’s also helpful identify the individual’s habitual reactions and behaviours when they are under stress. What works to help relieve stress for you? What makes stressful situations worse for you? If this is clear to you then it is easier to identify when you need to take a different action such as going for a run or whether you need to temporarily avoid engagement with a particular person. Some people react to stress by trying to distract themselves by getting involved in an absorbing activity such as watching TV or playing digital games. While it may result in temporary relief from the stress in the short term, it can potentially create more stress if it causes the student to get behind on their study plan. If this is the case, a different way to release stress needs to be found.” 2. Look After Yourself “A balanced mental and emotional state provides us with resilience in the face of stress, enabling us to manage our reactions better and recover quicker when the stakes have got too high. Our mental and emotional well-being is inextricably linked to the state of our physical health. It is vital for students to get enough restful sleep every night, to be physically active regularly, to eat healthily and to have some time set aside in their busy study schedule for relaxing and socialising with supportive, encouraging people. Parents can play a vital role in helping their child to achieve this balance over the next months. They can ensure that healthy foods and drinks are available in the house. They can encourage their child to get out and take a walk with them when they’ve had long hours at their desk. They can help to promote healthy sleeping habits, and also provide a loving, compassionate connection full of encouragement.” 3. Avoid Stressing Yourself Out by Listening to Your Inner Critic We all have an inner critic which is the negative internal voice that often comes out when you are stressed and anxious. It is very important to be highly aware of negative self-talk that only inflames your fears, anxieties and stresses. It is also helpful to have strategies to quickly and effectively silence this inner critic so that you can restore a state of balance. When you find yourself aware of running thoughts like ‘You will never pass Matric’ or ‘There’s no way you’re going to get an A’ or ‘You’re just not bright enough’ or ‘You won’t amount to anything’, you will have identified the voice of your inner critic. It often echoes the voice of a critical parent, or an intolerant teacher or a bully who has impacted on you. The best way to deal with this downer-character is to become aware of it, gain insights into where it came from and then challenge it with evidence from your real life that it is wrong. For example, if you are busy studying Maths and your inner critic pipes up with: ‘You can’t do Maths, you’re going to fail this’ you can challenge this negative thought it with the reality that since you are busy studying Maths at Matric level, you have passed a lots of Maths tests and exams, and therefore you can do it. Don’t hesitate to talk back to your inner critic and show it the proof of your success. You can also dilute the impact of your inner critic when you engage in positive self-talk. Regularly affirming that you are smart and that you can do it builds confidence, increases your energy and puts you on the road to success – after all, everything starts with an idea. Let your Matric exam experience start with the idea that you can ace it. Find success quotes and ‘can-do’ statements that inspire you and make you feel motivated, and put them up in places where you see them often during a day. Another effective tactic to take power away from your inner critic is to externalise it. It might seem silly in the written word but in practice this works well. If you are battling an inner critic, disempower it by giving it a silly name and calling it out. ‘Hmmm, Negative Nancy is at it again’ or ‘Oh look, Pessimistic Pete has come out to play’. Of course, you

November 11, 2016

8 Kid-Friendly Yoga Poses for Peaceful Mornings

As parents, getting our sons and daughters out the door every morning can be a monumental task. Whether it is getting them to eat their breakfast, tie their shoes, find their homework, or brush their teeth, something inevitably goes wrong. However, by taking a few minutes everyday to teach our kids yoga, we can help our kids stretch, strengthen their cores, and naturally clear their minds. This can make a big difference in how our children’s and even our own day unfolds. Why Yoga For A Peaceful Morning? Each morning is a new day offering us the possibility to teach our kids confidence, relaxation techniques, and help them be a little more grounded as they start the day. Yoga offers to help our kids release pent up tension and emotions, while helping them physically. In addition, yoga can be done with the whole family, within a matter of minutes, without requiring a gym or host of athletic equipment. Adding yoga to our routines can help us all be more mindful throughout the day.. Yoga teaches our children to breathe, re-center, and notice their emotions, which is a life skill that they can carry with them into adulthood. Not only is yoga good for the soul, but research has repeatedly proven exercise helps kids perform in the classroom. Oh, and did we mention that it’s fun! 8 Kid-Friendly Yoga Poses for Peaceful Mornings Introducing our boys and girls to yoga while they are young is beneficial and helps them develop lifelong healthy habits. Whether you watch a child centered yoga class online or create your own workout, remember to have children breathe as they move. For example, stretch on inhale and release their muscles while breathing out. Listed below are poses to get the entire family started: The Sunrise and Sunset Pose. Stand tall and take 3 to 5 deep breaths. On the last inhale, raise your arms above your head and press your legs into the ground. Stretch your spine up, toward the sky. On exhale, bend at your waist and bring your upper body toward your feet, similar to diving in a swimming pool. Reach down as far as you comfortably can go and inhale again, slowly opening your arms as you stand, reaching for the clouds. Repeat 6 to 10 times. Help children see the resemblance to the rising and setting sun. The Mountain Pose. Once again, standing tall, press your feet down and straighten your spine. Slowly roll back your shoulders, bringing your palms together in front of your chest. Take several deep breaths. The Cat/Cow Pose. Get down on all fours, resembling a cat and cow. For the cat position, exhale and gently arch up your back with your head looking at your belly button. As you inhale, gently reverse your back and push your stomach to the ground for the cow. Exhale, and return to the cat pose. Repeat three or four more times. The Cobra Pose. Lay down on your stomach, stretching your legs back with the tops of your feet pressed on the floor so you resemble a snake. Spread your hands out and place them under your shoulders so you can raise your torso up. Stretch your head back to open the chest. Hold for 5 deep breathes. The Downward Facing Dog. You want to create a V shape by putting the palms of your hands on the ground and lifting your hips up toward the ceiling. As children get better at this, encourage them to straighten their legs or stand flat footed. The Fish. This pose resembles a fish jumping out of a river. Lay down onto your back and use your elbows to prop up your body, arching your chest up so your head rests on the floor. Hold for 3 to 4 breaths, coming down as you exhale. The Bridge Pose. While you are on your back, press your feet down into the earth and thrust your hips into the air. Hold for 3 to 4 breaths and come down slowly on an exhale. The Resting Pose. Lie down on your back and take in a deep breath. Exhale. Now, wiggle your body and then rest. As you breathe, imagine that you are filling up with a warm light that starts at your feet and spreads up your body slowly. When you are ready, sit up slowly. What yoga poses do you use with your children?

November 9, 2016

Belt up or else ….. Car safety for our kids

South Africans follow trends in first world countries for so many other things, gadgets, cars and technology to name a few. I was curious to find out what the latest news was on car safety. Daily we see accidents on our roads and our ears are bombarded with horrendous statistics in the news. The Medical Research Council states that car crashes are the leading cause of injury and/or deaths among children under the age of five years – but do we actually modify our habits? Daily we can see toddlers jumping around on the back seats or standing between the two front seats. Is it any wonder our children do not survive the impact? Over the years I have spoken on this topic with many parents who say “ I can’t handle another screaming match about car seats” “I don’t have time for a fight before we get in the car” “ Anything for peace”. As a coach, I have worked with many parents who have lost a child due to an “accident”, a drowning, a car accident, a child who ran out into the street. The list of regrets, “what if’s” and “If only’s” parents have is nothing less than self–torture as the mourn the loss of their child. If it is against the law for us not to be wearing seat belts as adults, why do we think our children should not be appropriately restrained? If we as parents say our children are the most precious things in our lives, why do we not give them the greatest protection in the most dangerous of situations? When my now grown up children got their drivers license, I was thrilled for them that they had achieved their rite of passage to independent mobility but I also told them they now “had a license to kill”. That might sound rather macabre but what I wanted them to understand was that being behind the wheel of a car, is one of the most responsible and dangerous can take on. As parents we have a responsibility to ensure that our children are as safe as possible wherever they are. Children will follow what we do if we give them clear instructions and clear boundaries on what issues are non- negotiable. My children new that “Mom’s car did not go if everyone was not in their car seat with belts on. Its not to say we didn’t have a fight or tears occasionally but I would not turn the car on until seat-belts were on! Once the children were old enough to do up their own car seats, we would make it a race between them and I would just check it was locked properly. Older sister helping younger sister was another way to teach them how important this process was. On one occasion I remember driving through the suburbs, my girls were about 5 and 7 years old and having an argument over something seemingly unimportant. The 7 year old decided she needed to prove a point and got out of her seat and the 5 year old screamed “Mommy, Hannah’s getting out of her strap”. I asked her to get back into her seat immediately, she refused, the issue with her sister was of great importance! I checked in the mirror, and pulled over and parked. I turned to both of the girls and said” I would not be driving again until they were both in their car seats”. They were eager to get to their swimming lesson but we were going no where until they were both safely in their car seats again. Even now they refer back to the day Mom stopped the car! It was also a universal rule – any person who travelled in our Kombi had to wear a seatbelt. Plenty of first time refusals of friends, became compliant around this rule in our car. While I love children of all ages to be curious, question, explore possibilities and engage in discussion, play and adventure there are a few things in life which are non-negotiable – car seats and seat belts is one of them – they save lives. A new law in SA on May 1st 2015 Motorists who have children under the age of three unrestrained in their vehicle will be fined. I am not sure that this new law will make us compliant as drivers. I hope that the desire for your child to live a long and healthy purposeful life will be sufficient to motivate you to do the right thing from day one! And when you get the natural resistance of the toddler and pre-schooler, that you will provide the next size of safety car seat which will keep her safe until she can use the adult seatbelt. Be safe rather than sorry!

November 8, 2016

Cut to the chase…

I work with a lot of high-school aged people, in fact they form about half of my professional interactions. As a result of this, I come across many who self-harm in one way or another. It can be hard to understand why people deliberately hurt themselves. Cutting is a way some people try to cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or relationship problems. They are often dealing with feelings and situations that seem insurmountable. Some people cut because they feel desperate for relief from their emotional state, while some people cut to express strong feelings of rage, sorrow, rejection, desperation, longing, or emptiness. It can also form a system of self-punishment or punishment to those who love and care for the person in question. People who self-harm may not have developed adequate ways to cope with their challenges, or their existing coping skills may be overpowered by emotions that are too intense. When emotions aren’t expressed in a healthy, regular way, tension can build up, like a pressure cooker, to the point of boiling over. Cutting and other types of self-harm are often attempts to release the pressure and tension felt. For some, it seems like a way of feeling in control. For others it’s just a way of feeling something…anything. How common is it? Much more common than it used to be. Studies from the 1990’s suggested rates of 3% or lower. But more recent studies focussed on females, suggest that as many as 20% of girls between 10 and 18 years of age are now self-harming. Researchers at Yale University recently reported that 56% of the 10- to 14-year-old girls they interviewed reported engaging in self-harm at some point in their lifetime, including 36% in the past year. Cry for attention? So many people will take one look at the behaviour and say that it’s just a cry for attention and should be pandered to. Sometimes they are half-right in that it is a way of drawing attention to themselves, but to ignore it? Never. Think of it this way: If your child does not know a better way of drawing attention to themselves and their emotional turmoil, that is a huge, flashing warning sign that they have inadequate skills for dealing with their challenges. Why don’t they just talk to us? The urge to cut might be triggered by strong feelings the person can’t express such as anger, hurt, shame, frustration, or alienation. People who cut sometimes say they feel they don’t fit in or that no one understands them. Cutting might seem like the only way to find relief or express personal pain over relationships or rejection. They often lack the perspective required to realise that even if we don’t fully understand what they are going through, we can still be of help and support to them. It’s addictive. When we are injured, you brain releases a bunch of dopamine (our most addictive happiness hormone) to compensate for the pain. It becomes like a distraction from the mental pain that a self-harmer goes through, a really exhilarating one at that. It’s something that can be leant on when they are not feeling happy and need an instant “fix”. Think about the stressed person who needs a quick smoke to relax and you’ll be a bit more in the picture. Except that this “smoke” can accidently kill you a lot more quickly and maim you in a much more visual way. It’s dangerous! Firstly, there is the risk of accidental death as a result of self-harm. An artery or vein pierced or nicked accidentally can be fatal. A head bashed against a wall can cause concussion or fitting that could lead to death or permanent brain damage. Burning can lead to full combustion… let me not go on. Aside from this there is the risk of infection and septicaemia. Take it from someone who nearly lost an appendage to a simple thorn-prick, it’s no joke. Types of self-harm to look out for: Scratching or pinching: severely scratching or pinching with fingernails or objects to the point that bleeding occurs or marks remain on the skin. This method of self-injury is probably the highest reported type. Impact with objects: Banging or punching objects to the point of bruising or bleeding. This is no joke and I’ve seen one person repeatedly break their wrist this way. This same individual took his own life many years later, sadly. Cutting: Usually synonymous with self-harm, this type of self-harm occurs in roughly 1/3 of cases and is more common among females. This is accomplished with anything from scissors to surgical blades and can be the riskiest in terms of accidental death. Impact with oneself: slapping or punching oneself to the point of bruising or bleeding. Ripped or piercing skin: This type of self-harm includes ripping or tearing skin, usually with objects like needles, pins, hooks or other jagged surfaces. Carving: this type of self-harm is when a person carves words or symbols into the skin and is considered separate from cutting. Burning/Branding: using lighters to brand themselves is a very common as its relatively quick and uncomplicated. Look for tell-tale “smiley” marks. One thing to note, 70% of those who repeatedly self-harm use multiple ways to self-harm with the majority reporting between 2-4 self-harm methods used.

November 8, 2016

When do we get back teeth?

This panoramic x-ray is fascinating in the detail that it shows of a seven-year-old child growing and developing. Let us look at the x-ray very closely so that you will understand why back teeth are so important in looking after from an early age. The first thing that you might notice is that the permanent teeth are in the process of development sitting under the roots of the primary(baby). All the primary teeth are still in the mouth except for the two lower front teeth. Both permanent lower central incisors are erupting. On the upper arch there is a full complement of primary teeth. The roots are still intact and these teeth except for the 2 upper front teeth will probably stay in the mouth for another four years. On the lower jaw the primary teeth are still firmly attached to the bone. As the permanent teeth develop and move upwards they cause the roots of the baby teeth to dissolve. At the age of approx. 11 these baby teeth loosen and fall out allowing the permanent teeth to erupt into the mouth. The permanent teeth that are most well developed are the first molar teeth which can be seen at the back of the mouth. These teeth have now erupted into the mouth at the tender age of between six and seven years old. These are called the six-year-old molars. All the teeth are in an ideal state of growth and development. These teeth should last a lifetime in a healthy pristine state…with proper care and good dentistry But, the reality is often not so. Why? Because they erupt into the mouth at such an early age, they are extremely vulnerable to ravages of dental decay. They need very special care and attention. They are precious. Great responsibility is needed on the part of the parent and child himself or herself to keep them sound and healthy. This involves effective plaque control; a controlled diet of as little sweets as possible; and possibly fissure sealants in the grooves on the biting surfaces of these teeth Little cavities must be detected early and treated appropriately. If not, further decay develops. It is important to understand what happens when these molar teeth become ravaged with the passage of time and inadequate care… A large filling may fail if improperly restored; the tooth then needs to be root treated; the root treatment fails; the tooth is then extracted; followed by leaving a space or placing an implant… A downward cascade with the negative consequences which all could have been prevented.

November 7, 2016

7 Benefits of Working as a Camp Counselor

Not all people were made to sit behind a desk, or in front of a computer screen all day. Working as a camp counselor is a perfect fit for young adults who prefer being hands on in a casual and dynamic working environment. A camp counselor is a young adult between the ages of 18 and 28 assigned to supervise a group of children at a holiday camp. The roles of a camp counselor include supervision, leadership, ensuring the children’s well-being and safety and making their camp experience as fun and rewarding as possible. If earning an income in a fun, outdoor environment isn’t a good enough reason, then here are seven more long-term benefits to working as a camp counselor: 1. Food and lodging are usually included. Many holiday camps offer accommodation and/or meals as part of the standard job package on top of the basic wage. This structure is perfect for students who are looking to make some extra spending money without having to worry about grocery or rent bills. 2. Meet new people. While living in the digs-style accommodation, counselors will undoubtedly meet new people from all over the country and the world. Some counselors only work during their university vacations or when they need extra cash, and others make a career of it and stay for years. There will always be a continuous cycle of new faces to meet and get to know. Some best friends and even married couples have met while working at camp. 3. Improve your fitness. Looking after children is a full time job, even more so at camp. Counselors are expected to instruct and participate in the camp’s activities and program with the children. Therefore, you can expect to always be engaged in some fun form of exercise, whether it’s swimming, surfing, rock wall climbing, playing paintball and a whole lot more. 4. Disconnect. Camps are usually a technology-free zone for children and counselors (during working hours). This allows you to fully enjoy and be present in every moment of your day without the distractions that come with cellphones etc. This in itself can be revitalising, because it allows you to reflect in your quiet times and then build strong interpersonal relationships during your busy times of face-to-face interactions. 5. Learn new and valuable skills. There are many valuable skills to be learned while working as a camp counselor. Some of which include Emergency First Aid, basic life guarding, public speaking, teaching, leadership and team work. On top of these, counselors can also learn to master and then become an instructor in a new activity like surfing, yoga, rock wall climbing, stand-up paddle boarding etc. There are many opportunities for both professional and personal growth at camp. 6. Make a difference. Many people often leave their everyday corporate jobs to pursue one simple, yet significant desire – the chance to make a difference either in the lives of people or in the world in general. This is why many people who are passionate about children choose to become camp counselors. A camp counselor from Sugar Bay Holiday Camp, describes his personal experience: “Coming to camp as a kid changed me from being a shy, introverted child to a highly energetic and friendly person. Sugar Bay had turned into my second home and family. [As a counselor] I was given the chance to be a role model to many kids who need the motivation to be better and make them happier and more confident. This itself fills me with joy.” 7. Build your resume. Employers often seek employees who are great communicators, life-long learners, leaders, team players and creative thinkers. Fortunately, these are some of the primary qualities of camp counselors. The work experience gained at a holiday camp like Sugar Bay will open up doors at international summer camps, au pairing agencies and careers related to fields in education, social work, child psychology and sports. If you’re passionate about kids and have an interest in working as a camp counselor, give Sugar Bay Holiday Camp a call on 032 485 3097. Ask to speak to the Head Counselor, Tape, who will happily give you more details and answer your questions.

November 4, 2016

IS THERE A PROBLEM IF MY BABY DOESN’T CRAWL?

You might have heard some people say that crawling is vitally important, while others say it is not. Many people have said “My baby never crawled and he is fine” or “I don’t think it’s that important”. Personally I prefer not to listen to everyone’s opinions, but to look at the research. Not only do I work in this field, but I am a mommy of a son who didn’t crawl. A super intelligent boy who has low muscle tone and is double jointed. So I too was wondering what all the fuss was about when our Paediatrician sent us to the baby Physio. What advantages are there to crawling? It is important to understand that the development of Gross motor skills is essential for the development of fine motor skills. These two go hand-in-hand. Firstly crawling builds strength in all the muscles around the shoulders. Without strength in these muscles, he will have great difficulty in stabilising his arm while doing intricate functions with his hands, such as drawing or doing a puzzle. Here you can see that crawling is essential for physical development. It develops gross and fine motor skills, balance and hand-eye co-ordination. This is where the problem was lying for us. My son is double jointed in his shoulders and he could physically not carry his own weight there. The strengthening of these muscles are vitally important for fine motor skills as well. Muscles getting tired easily and quickly means that holding a pencil in the correct pencil grip is a challenge for example. Secondly it develops bilateral co-ordination. This means that both the left and right sides of the brain and body communicate with each other at the same time. This is called cross-lateral integration, and it builds a foundation for future skills such as speech and language development, as well as movements that cross the mid-line like reading, writing and tying shoe laces. Another obvious advantage is the freedom to explore. Yes this means bumping of head and packing away anything that could be dangerous but it has so many benefits. It helps develop visual spatial skills and depth perception. It also builds self-confidence as baby learns to make his own decisions and to take risks. What do I do if my baby doesn’t crawl? There are many ways to determine the problem and help. As a start it is important to not push baby to crawl too soon. The average is at around 9 months, but if he is a little slower it doesn’t necessarily mean that there is a problem. If you are concerned have a chat to your paediatrician about it. There are also lots of games and exercises you can do to help encourage weight bearing on the arms. Before actually crawling baby needs to be able to stand on all fours with his bum in the air, you can help him do this by rolling a towel underneath his tummy and lifting him up into the crawl position. Once baby can do this himself, he will start rocking and many start moving backwards first, before crawling forward. My son did the bum shuffle, and never actually crawled on all fours. If your child is the same don’t despair you can help develop all these skills and muscles at an older age too. Play crawling games as a toddler over an obstacle course is a good option. You can also do wheelbarrow walks or races. This is where your child walks on his hands, while you hold his feet. These and many more are all activities included in the SkidZ Clever Activity Box curriculum. It includes daily activities for all the different milestones and helps baby develop all the necessary skills through play. The program was developed by experts in the field of early childhood development and so you can have the peace of mind that all areas are covered. The program is not only good for parents to know what age appropriate activities to do with baby, but it is perfect for nannies too. Children learn and build relationships through play and this is what our program aids in. For more info please contact me at [email protected] You can also get in touch via our facebook page www.facebook.com/skidzsa and our website www.skidz.co.za

November 3, 2016

Reading and writing: Confidence is the key

Many parents find themselves in a daily battle with their little ones over reading and writing homework. It seems like no matter how much you try to correct your kids they just don’t seem to be improving and they don’t appear to want to learn. Homework often ends up in a screaming match or at least a battle of wills. Let me tell you about a research study that I read recently. It was about kids with really bad handwriting. They took a group of kids with terrible writing and divided them into two groups – one group got the usual teacher feedback of red lines through their work, admonitions, and pleas to try harder. With the other group, the teachers were told to ONLY focus on what the kids did right – so to underline their good words and praise them for these, to point out what they had done well – even if all they could find was one letter that was formed nicely the teacher would tell the child – look at that “a” over there, now that is a beautiful “a”. They were not to comment AT ALL on their poor performance. Within two weeks the group with positive feedback had improved by 100% and the other group had degenerated. So the moral of the story is this… Kids cannot learn under stressful situations (such as a shouting or even disapproving parent). When we are stressed, the blood vessels to our prefrontal cortex (the part of our brain used for thinking, problem solving and learning) constrict and all the blood is redirected to our hindbrains (which are purely for fight and flight reflexes). So a child who is shouted at literally CANNOT learn. It is impossible. They don’t even have enough blood in the part of their brain necessary for learning. In order for your kids to improve in reading and writing what they needs most is not extra practice or more instruction or help, but a better learning environment. 90% of reading ability is not skill but confidence. The kids who read and write well are the ones who believe that they can. As a parent, you need to focus on the relationship with your child – on who your child is as a person, not on what he/she can do. We will all have areas of strength and weakness, but what everyone wants most is to be heard and understood. So next time you sit down with your little one to work on homework, think about what he/she might be going through. Homework may have become something that their brain automatically associates with stress and so they’re stressed before you even get going which makes them more likely to get it wrong. Discuss this with your children. Tell them that you realise they must be stressed about it and it isn’t easy to learn to read and write, particularly at a young age. Apologise for shouting in the past and let them know that you’re human and also lose your temper and get frustrated, but that you’re going to try to do better, just like them. Then take some time for both of you to do some stress-relieving exercises –do some breathing or visualisation, go for a short walk, have a cup of chamomile tea, and make sure you’re both feeling relaxed to start. Your child WILL learn to read and write, but at what cost. Let them learn a little more slowly if necessary, in their own time, and focus on caring about your child and what he/she is going through. Studies show that whether a child learns to read at age 4 or age 9, their reading and comprehension levels by age 11 are exactly the same. There really is no rush, other than the unnecessary pressure that the school may be putting on them. A child who learns slowly, but with love, care and confidence will go on to become an adult who loves reading. One who learns under stress will always associate reading with pain and this is much more likely to squash their overall educational achievements in the long run. And be gentle and kind to yourself too – new parenting doesn’t happen overnight and you will find times when you have other things on your mind and your stress levels are higher and you crack. This is normal. Stop. Take a few deep breaths. And apologise. Children learn a lot from our mistakes and how we handle them!

November 3, 2016

Exam Stress

A moderate amount of stress can be a good thing. It can sharpen concentration and performance and help to create the energy and motivation we need to keep studying. Too much stress, however, can be overwhelming and stop us from being able to study and function healthily in life. Undoubtedly, it would be disappointing if you do not do as well as you hoped. Thus, instead of thinking negative thoughts it is helpful to challenge the thoughts (I won’t get a good job, people will think I am stupid, my future is over) with a more realistic assessment of the situation. Enlist the help of a friend, counsellor or tutor to help you to do this. It is very common to think that we will be judged solely on our academic achievements rather than as individuals with contributions to make in all sorts of ways. If someone believes that his/her self-worth depends on academic achievement, there will be considerable anxiety surrounding any academic assessment. Too much anxiety can be paralysing. If the pressures to succeed from family or others is extremely high it may help to contact your local counselling service in order to talk about this. WHAT IS STRESS? Stress is part of the body’s natural response to a perceived threat. It causes our bodies to go into a fight or flight response. The main physiological reaction is the release of a rush of adrenaline which gives us the energy to act. If the perceived difficulty is not physical but psychological, the adrenalin is not used up and this can cause increased muscle tension, heart rate and breathing rate. This then leads to physical changes (headaches, neck aches, stomach problems), mood changes (irritability, tearfulness, feeling low or anxious) or behaviour changes (sleeping problems, increase or decrease in appetite, difficulty in concentration). Exams lead to stress because the marks will influence final degree results. Thus, the stress is derived mainly from the additional meanings which get attributed to exam results. ORGANISING YOUR TIME Draw up a weekly timetable including everything you need to do such as revision, eating, sleeping, lectures and relaxation. Allow for sufficient flexibility due to the unexpected. Be realistic about how much time you can spend revising – if you divide the week into 21 units (3 a day), you should work for a maximum of 15 units per week. You should have 6 units to do other things. Allow yourself time for relaxation as it will decrease your stress levels. This is not wasting time as it will help you work more effectively. Plan how you will use your time during your revision periods. Decide on the order of topics and how much time you will spend on each. Stick to your deadlines. Prioritise – do the most important topics first and allow more time for subjects you find difficult. Set specific goals for each revision period. WHAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY CAN DO TO HELP Listen to the individual’s concerns, be sensitive and give him/her support. Encourage him/her to take breaks and go out from time to time. Inform them about various strategies. Help them to seek additional help if the stress is getting too much for the person. Reassure them that this is a sign of strength, not weakness. Ensure that they are having regular meals, times of relaxation and emotional support. Give positive feedback. Keep distractions to a minimum. SLEEPING BETTER Do not work in or on your bed. Stop working at least an hour before you intend to sleep. Stick to a regular bed time and getting up time. Maintain good sleeping patterns – 6 to 8 hours a night are recommended. Do not drink too much alcohol – it will prevent you from sleeping properly. STUDY PATTERNS Take regular breaks from studying. When you notice that you are distracted, get up and take a break. Fifteen minutes when you can concentrate is better than three hours of staring into space and feeling guilty or anxious. TECHNIQUES TO COPE WITH STRESS Some individuals may use alcohol, smoking and drugs as a means to manage stress. These may have a calming effect in the short term, however, they are not ideal solutions since it may cause one to feel worse afterward and thus impair the ability to think clearly. Eat at least one proper meal a day and keep the body hydrated. Exercise. This increases the blood flow around the body which increases clearer thought. Just a 10 minute walk a day can be helpful, especially in using up some of the extra adrenaline created by the stress. BASIC REVISION METHODS Step One: Read your notes and seek answers to questions. Be as active in your reading as possible – talk to yourself, walk around the room, speak into a tape recorder. Step Two: Close up your notes. Step Three: Actively recall what you have just been reading, asking again the same questions without looking at your notes. Write down what you have recalled in brief notes. Step Four: Check the original notes with the new ones. If you recalled all the answers to the questions then you have created a master card which you can use to re-revise without having to consult lengthier notes. Step Five: If not all the questions have been answered, re-read your original notes, looking particularly to those you missed. Repeat steps two to four. ON THE DAY OF THE EXAM Do not try to learn any new topics since this may impair your ability to recall those you have learnt previously. Look at some brief notes or revision cards. Do not study for the last hour before the exam. Time your arrival at the exam room so you do not need to wait about outside with others who may increase your anxiety level. Give yourself time to settle before reading the questions and starting to write. Use a breathing exercise to regulate your breathing and calm yourself down. Have a plan for how you will use your

November 3, 2016

Four Ways We Teach Children – Can you think of others?

Asking Questions. Our children are smarter than we give them credit for. We are so worried that they are not going to do what is right, or we are in such a hurry that it just seems easier to give our children marching orders. But asking them questions is a far more effective teaching tool. Often, they know exactly what to do and when they come up with solutions to their own questions or challenges, it builds their problem-solving skills. I always encourage parents to refrain from telling their children what to do or from answering their questions so quickly. Instead, ask them questions such as “what do you think?” “what will you do now?” “what did you notice?” Asking children questions also builds their own confidence and strengthens their faith in themselves. Coaching. Taking the art of asking questions one step further, coaching adds two more elements that teach a child greater problem-solving skills: Telling a child what you see, and offering to help. Putting these three concepts together creates a powerful method for parenting that will build the child’s coping skills. You are not always going to be at your children’s side to protect them, so you have to arm them with the ability to cope and survive. Telling your children what you see provides a perspective that they can compare to their own assessment. Asking them questions invites creativity and solutions. And finally, offering to help gives them the courage to take on things that they might feel are too big for them; whether it’s putting on a bandage, choosing a book report project, or finding solutions to teen problems. Living Out Loud. Similar to living by example, this concept takes teaching one step further and works best with younger children. By living out loud, you seek opportunities to set an example by narrating what you’re doing. For example, you are watching television and your child is playing in the same room. You want your child to learn that television is not what life is all about and that it should be limited, so as you turn it off you say out loud for anyone to hear: “That’s enough television for me today.” If your spouse does something for you that demonstrates respect, say out loud: “I love it when mommy gets me a glass of water.” If you’re serving the meal and your child is at the table and watching, you could say: “Everyone gets a small serving of pasta because they need to leave room for the vegetables.” Using this narration will teach many wonderful messages about respectful living, boundaries and limits. Accomplishments. One final method for teaching your children is through the examples of your actions and individual accomplishments that will speak to them for many years. It is more than living by example and the things you do on a regular basis. It is about what you create that influences others. I think of these things as “our works” that contribute to making the world a better place to live. Doing so teaches children important lessons about the power we each have to give back to the world, and inspires them to do the same.

October 31, 2016

ADD/ ADHD And Alternative Treatments

Over the past years there have been many debates and controversy discussions around what Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is? Furthermore how it is diagnosed and what are all the options to treating the disorder? The definition of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) has been updated in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). This revision is based on nearly two decades of research showing that ADHD, although a disorder that begins in childhood, can continue through adulthood for some people. Changes to the Disorder ADHD is characterized by a pattern of behaviour, present in multiple settings (e.g., school and home), that can result in performance issues in social, educational, or work settings. As in DSM-IV, symptoms will be divided into two categories of inattention and hyperactivity and impulsivity that include behaviours like failure to pay close attention to details, difficulty organizing tasks and activities, excessive talking, fidgeting, or an inability to remain seated in appropriate situations. Children must have at least six symptoms from either (or both) the inattention group of criteria and the hyperactivity and impulsivity criteria, while older adolescents and adults (over age 17 years) must present with five. Treatment options There are a number of treatment plans that are available to parents when making the appropriate decision when treating their child for ADD/ADHD. Nutritious meals, play, exercise, and learning better social skills are all part of a balanced treatment plan that can improve performance at school, improve your child’s relationships with others, and decrease stress and frustration. Pharmacological Treatment Stimulants such as Ritalin, Concerta and Adderall are often prescribed for attention deficit disorder. Such medications may help your child concentrate better or sit still, however there is a general debate as to whether or not medication is a ‘quick fix’ and what about the long term affects as well as immediate side effects of appetite suppression, insomnia and an overall change in the child’s personality? For some parents they have found medication to be the best result for their child, while others look for alternative treatments and see pharmacological treatment as the last resort. Homeopathy There are many other effective treatments that can help children as well as adults with ADD/ADHD to improve their ability to pay attention, control impulsive behaviour, and curb hyperactivity. According to Dr Raakhee Mistry who is a Homeopath, commented that Homoeopathy has often been used to assist with ADD and ADHD and has been effective. But unlike conventional medicine, there is no one particular homoeopathic medicine for these conditions. The ADD and ADHD symptoms for that particular child and factors that aggravate or ameliorate the symptoms, are taken into account when selecting the remedy for the child. Homoeopathic medicines do not numb or block symptoms, instead they work with the body to re-establish a state of equilibrium. When the patient is in this equilibrium state, the symptoms ease and the patient is able to function better. The aim of homoeopathic treatment is not to keep a patient dependent on medicine, but rather to bring the patient to the space where he/she can maintain this equilibrium state. Many homoeopaths also incorporate other modalities to their treatment such as supplements, herbs and probiotics. A child’s restlessness and ability to concentrate has also been linked to the state of the child’s gut Nutrition Good nutrition can help reduce ADD / ADHD symptoms. Studies show that what, and when, you eat makes a difference when it comes to managing ADD/ADHD. The following tips can be seen below By scheduling regular meals or snacks no more than three hours apart is a useful tip, which will help keep your child’s blood sugar level, minimizing irritability and supporting concentration and focus. Try to include a little protein and complex carbohydrates at each meal or snack. These foods will help your child feel more alert while decreasing hyperactivity. Check your child’s zinc, iron, and magnesium levels. Many children with ADD/ADHD are low in these important minerals. Boosting their levels may help control ADD/ADHD symptoms. Increasing iron may be particularly helpful. One study found that an iron supplement improved symptoms almost as much as taking stimulant medication. Add more omega-3 fatty acids to your child’s diet. Studies show that omega-3s improve hyperactivity, impulsivity, and concentration in kids (and adults) with ADD/ADHD. Omega-3s are found in salmon, tuna, sardines, and some fortified eggs and milk products. However, the easiest way to boost your child’s intake is through fish oil supplements Tips for supporting your child’s treatment In order to encourage positive change in all settings, children with ADD / ADHD need consistency. It is important that parents of children with ADD / ADHD learn how to apply behavioural therapy techniques at home. Children with ADD/ADHD are more likely to succeed in completing tasks when the tasks occur in predictable patterns and in predictable places, so that they know what to expect and what they are supposed to do. Follow a routine. It is important to set a time and a place for everything to help a child with ADD/ADHD understand and meet expectations. Establish simple and predictable rituals for meals, homework, play and bed. Use clocks and timers. Consider placing clocks throughout the house, with a big one in your child’s bedroom. Allow plenty of time for what your child needs to do, such as homework or getting ready in the morning. Simplify your child’s schedule. Avoiding idle time is a good idea, but a child with ADD/ADHD may become even more distracted and “wound up” if there are too many after-school activities. Create a quiet place. Make sure your child has a quiet, private space of his or her own. A porch or bedroom can work well too as long as it’s not the same place as the child goes for a time-out. Set an example for good organisation. Set up your home in an organised way. Make sure your child knows that everything has its place. Role model neatness

October 28, 2016

Setting the stage for a successful Matric

At the end of this month, the country’s latest cohort of aspiring matriculants will begin to write the 2016 National Senior Certificate examinations, the most important, and probably the most ‘knife-edge’ experience of their education so far. It is a six-week event that doesn’t just test what these South African teens have learnt and mastered over the past years; it also puts their self-esteem, their outlook on life, their courage and their resilience on trial. We asked Raydene Naidoo, Counselling Psychologist and Head of Work Integrated Learning at SACAP (the South African College of Applied Psychology) to provide some essential tips on how the current Grade 12’s can prepare themselves optimally for the mental, physical and emotional rigours ahead: Know Yourself “Before you plan, before you draw up your study schedule, it’s important to take the time to do some self-reflection. You need to think about things like how much sleep you need, the activities that are important to supporting your well-being and whatever else you need to operate at your best academically. Think about, and then also make a list of your strengths and your weaknesses. This is very important because you want to make study plans and devise a schedule that optimizes your strengths and mitigates your weaknesses. For instance, it doesn’t help to decide to follow a recommended study schedule that involves four-hour blocks of dedicated study time if you are prone to get restless after an hour. It might work well for your friend, but if you do that, you are likely to study effectively for just one hour, and then waste three hours of every four-hour block you have scheduled with your struggles to keep focused and still. You need to know yourself well, so that you are empowered to customize a study schedule that works optimally for you. If you know that you are distracted after an hour, you can devise a schedule that gives you regular short breaks that enable you to return to your desk and effectively pick up when you left off.” Identify your peak times “We all have particular times of day when we are most effective, and this differs from person to person. For instance, some people are raring to go in the mornings while others struggle to get themselves started. Some fade in the evenings and others find that they are highly productive at night when life around them is quieter and still. Once you know your peak times, schedule your most challenging studies exactly then, while topics and subjects that are much easier for you can be scheduled during your off-peak hours.” Don’t just think about it, create your study timetable, share it and commit to it “Give real form to your study timetable. Map it out in a graphic form. Make sure it includes your study breaks and covers all the work you need to do. Stick it up prominently in your study space so that you can see where you are at any moment, at a glance. Think of it as your trusty guide over the next weeks – there to help ensure you don’t get any last-minute surprises or setbacks that feel like disasters. Sharing it with your peers and family members can also help to keep you on a committed track. Monitor your progress on a daily basis. Some shifts and adjustments may be necessary in practice, but you need to make sure at all times that you have got all your topics and subjects covered according to the priorities.” Plan for balance “Yes, the most important thing you need to do over the upcoming weeks is study and it does take precedence over a lot of other things in your life at this time. However, you still need some balance in your life, and you can plan for this. It is important to look after your mental and emotional well-being as this affects your intellectual performance. Even though you need to be very focused on your studies, you will still need time to relax, time for physical activity and time for socializing. While you will probably have to cut back on those times, you shouldn’t eliminate them completely. While you may not be able to spend three hours playing soccer four times a week, you can find the ways to schedule four ten minute runs around your neighbourhood that will help you to keep active, relieve stress and re-energise you. While you won’t be able to ‘binge-watch’ the latest TV series, you can still make the time to watch a favourite programme every now and then. And while, late-night parties are probably not the best idea while you are studying for matric, you can still schedule shorter, lower-key occasions in the company of friends that give perspective and provide support.” Commit to your well-being “Studying for, and writing your matric exams will probably rate as one of the most stressful experiences of your life. There’s no better time than to care deeply and well about yourself. The upside is that in being tested this way, you have the opportunity to discover new and deeper aspects of your strength and resilience. You can think of the experience as being on a ‘Hero’s Journey’ where you want to be facing challenges with all your wits about you so that you can achieve the best results possible. For that to happen, you need to ensure your physical and emotional health. It’s important to eat healthily, get enough sleep, be physically active and feel connected to the people who support your success in life.” Parents play an important role in supporting their matriculants and ensuring that they go into the exams in the best frame of mind possible. Naidoo has some tips to help parents best support their matriculant: When facing a stressed and anxious matriculant, replace a ‘been there, done that, now you can too’ approach with ‘I understand’ and encouragement; Acknowledge your child’s efforts. Noticing and affirming their choices such as turning down

October 26, 2016

Aggressive Behaviour in Young Children

First Comfort the Victim. The next time you witness younger children fighting or hurting one another, your first response should be to comfort the victim without pity or drama. If possible, you should also include the aggressive child in comforting of the victim. Ask him to retrieve a cloth, a blanket, or even a drink of water if it’s appropriate. Be sure to use a quiet, calm and respectful tone as you take control. Your immediate feelings may involve anger or frustration toward the aggressive child, but maintain control and stay calm. Once the drama has cooled and the victim is cared for, take the aggressive child aside and remind him calmly and respectfully about boundaries and acceptable behaviour. This more peaceful response to the situation will provide an outstanding model and learning tool for both children. What is Bullying? Bullying is any form of physical, emotional, or verbal mistreatment in which one holds an unequal power over another, purposely and repeatedly with the intent to hurt or humiliate. A bully can be one tough kid harassing someone who is different in some way. A bully’s behaviour can be as simple as name-calling or as serious as confrontation resulting in injury. No child is ever exempt from being picked on by a bully at some point in his life, and neither are adults. In a recent study released by the American Medical Association, it was estimated that 3.2 million children are victims of bullying each year. Being able to defend oneself when attacked by a bully requires both courage and skill – traits you can begin instilling in your child at any age. Teach Them How Not To Be A Target. A bully’s common target is someone who demonstrates a lack of confidence and exhibits characteristics of weakness or insecurity. Teach your children to stand tall, use a full voice, look the other child directly in the eyes, and exhibit confidence when stating what they want. If your child does this, it will help to reduce the risk of being targeted by an aggressive child. You can teach this to your child by modelling it yourself. The most effective way of teaching children a new behaviour is to role-play with them. Allow them to see what the behaviour looks like by modelling it for them, then allowing them to practice. A child who stands, acts with and speaks with confidence is less likely to become a target of a bully. Teach your children. Teach them that they have the power to stop anyone from touching them, hurting them, or taking their things. One of the most effective actions you can teach your child is described in many self-defence and confidence courses. Stand tall and erect, and distribute weight evenly on both feet. Hold your head high, extend their hand straight out in front of them with their flat palm toward the other child, saying “STOP!” in a loud and strong voice. A bully halted in his or her tracks by a child drawing a clear, personal, physical or emotional boundary is more likely to walk away, often even respecting a child who had represented a potential victim.

October 25, 2016

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