Advice Column - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Chasing academic A’s limits possibilities

Education, as we have known it for the past 100 years, is fixated on academic prowess. The percentage on the report card has always been the benchmark by which we believe we can determine if a child will become a successful adult, or not. Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres says “Self-worth is too often determined by academic assessments. Emotional walls are built, intelligence is defined, negative behaviours are acted upon, anxieties and depression are pandemic in young people – all because of society’s fixation on that percentage on the report.”

July 25, 2018

Some helpful tips on making subject choices for all Grade 9 learners

Our Grade 9 learners are currently standing at the crossroad of having to make subject-choices. This, in itself, does not seem to be too big a deal… EXCEPT that the subject choices that they make now will impact their path into the future. In addition, many, if not most, Grade 9 learners are not yet sure of what they want to do when they have finished school.

July 25, 2018

Help! My child is writing exams for the first time

The idea of writing exams rarely brings about emotions of excitement and happy anticipation! In fact, feelings of anxiety, panic and outright fear are what most parents and learners experience when exam time comes knocking at their door! Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres says “Generation after generation, people have passed on the baton of fear, anxiety and dread when it comes to exams. The stories are familiar to us all:

July 25, 2018

The benefits of bananas for babies

The children’s song ‘Go Bananas! Eat Eat Bananas!’ carries some good advice for parents. Bananas are a fantastic fruit option for children six months and older as they are soft, easy to eat and they don’t have seeds that could pose a choking risk for young children. However, more than the delicious taste and smooth texture that makes this fruit a firm favourite amongst moms and children alike, bananas also bring several benefits to babies and children when eaten regularly: High in fibre: The dietary fibre of bananas can be useful in helping to keep baby’s tummy regular. While a baby’s digestive system is still developing, adding fruits that contain pectins, such as bananas, can be helpful in alleviating constipation but also preventing a runny tummy. In addition, the high fibre content is useful in aiding digestion. Boosts immunity: Bananas contain several vitamins including vitamin B6 and vitamin C which help to maintain the immune system. This is particularly useful for babies and small children as they are still building up their immunity. Vitamin B6 is also assists in maintaining the nervous system and supports muscle function. Maintains a healthy heart: Bananas contain several essential minerals, most notably potassium. Potassium is important for a healthy heart and it helps to maintain blood pressure levels. Prevents anaemia: Iron is very important in the production of haemoglobin and formation of red blood cells. From six months of age, the iron stores of a baby become Bananas are a source of iron and can help maintain iron stores to reduce the risk of your baby becoming anaemic. Most of the vitamins and minerals that our babies need to growth healthy and strong cannot be produced by the body and need to come from the foods they eat. It is important that children eat nutritious foods, such as fruits and vegetables, from a young age in order to gain the nutrients they need to help their bodies develop and function optimally. The Truth vs the myth about bananas Bananas definitely do NOT cause constipation. As long as ripe bananas are eaten, the fibre and pectin is easily absorbed to keep the digestive system regular. Babies sometimes get constipated due to low fibre in the diet, however if you are breast feeding or formula feeding, this should provide the fibre that your baby needs, Simple fruits, such as bananas with their natural fibre assist in keeping the tummy regular. Providing nutritious foods can sometimes be a challenge for busy parents and that is why companies like De-lish have produced premium quality, wholesome pureed foods for babiesand toddlers. “The De-lish pouch range of products have been created with fresh fruit and are conveniently packaged to take along wherever you go to make sure you have easy access to the goodness of fruit, maize and oats at any time,” says Kate, Clamber Club mom. The De-lish range is available nationwide from Baby City. Contributed by De-lsih Website: http://de-lish.co.za/home-2/

July 24, 2018

6 Simple Practices to Keep Your Child Active and Healthy

No one said that parenting would be easy, but it doesn’t have to be a struggle. Although it’s normal to worry about your kids when they’re heading off to school, you can lower those anxiety levels by preparing for the transition. You also need to accept that your child is growing, and you can’t keep him or her in a protective bubble. In fact, over protective parenting can have far worse consequences for your child, persisting into adulthood. If you’re worried about frequent infections, fatigue or low energy, learning problems, and so on, there are steps that you can take to better prepare your child for the demands and stress of schooling. Before you try to impart good habits and practices to your child, just remember that kids can be quick to call you out on your hypocrisy and double standards, so be a good role model, or learn to cheat smart and not get caught!

July 24, 2018

4 Extended Breastfeeding Tips

As a mother that really struggled with breastfeeding I really take my hat off to the moms that have managed to breastfeed for a long period of time. Any mother that manages to breastfeed until her child self weans is a hero in my eyes.

July 24, 2018

Making Sense of the World Around Us

There is no denying the importance of the sense of sight. Using our sight, we are able to learn through visually exploring objects and the world in which we live, and thereby gain an understanding of the relationships between people and objects. It is for this reason that parents should invest as much time as possible helping their children develop their visual sense. Visual skills are divided in to two main areas; first is our eye’s ability to see; Visual Acuity and second is the brains ability to process, integrate and interpret what the eyes are seeing; Visual Perception. A problem with either of these systems may result in your child having problems related to their visual sense. Visual acuity can be assessed by an Optometrist. Assessed difficulties may be as a result of underlying weakness of the muscles which control eye movements, resulting in jerky or restricted movements of the eye. As a result, these children often have difficulty manipulating objects in their hands and experience fine motor difficulties in tasks such as cutting and writing or may have a slow rate of work as they require additional time to gain the necessary visual information in order to complete a task. Visual Perceptual skills can be assessed by an Occupational Therapist. Visual Perception is a broad term, used to describe a number of different skills which include: Visual Discrimination Is the ability to identify differences and similarities between shapes, objects and patterns based on their individual characteristics and features. For example a square has four sides and four corners, while a triangle has three sides and three corners. Form constancy The ability to recognize and interpret the fact that a shape remains a shape, despite changes in the presentation of the shape. For example, a square is still a square based on a specific set of properties, irrelevant of the size, direction, orientation, colour or texture of the square. Figure Ground Perception The ability to screen out irrelevant visual material in order to concentrate on an important stimulus. This is necessary for a child at the back of the class who has to look across the whole classroom and concentrate only on what is being written on the board. Position in Space The ability to perceive an objects position in our environment in relation to our own bodies. Following instructions related to objects, such as standing next to an object, requires an understanding of how that object is orientated in space in relation to ourselves and requires good position in space skills. Spatial Relations The ability to perceive the position of two or more objects in relation to our own bodies and in relation to the objects. During gross motor activities a child will need to plan movements taking in to consideration the location of other objects in their environment. Visual Closure The ability to recognise and identify a shape or object without having to see the whole shape or object. This requires the child to visually ‘fill in the gaps’. Good visual closure skills will assist a child with reading and comprehending what is being read. Visual Memory The ability to remember what has been seen and to recall it immediately. This skill enables a child to remember what they have read, as it moves from short-term memory in to long-term memory. Visual Sequencing The ability to remember shapes and characters in a specific order. This is a vitally important skill for learning to spell. “It is clear that the development of Visual Perceptual skills is closely linked to cognitive development,” says Kelly Westerman, Occupational Therapist and Clamber Club Franchisee. “In younger children it is important that a child experiences visual perception through the movement of their bodies before they progress to 3D activities like blocks, shape sorters and puzzles and then on to pen and paper tasks which include writing, cutting and pasting.” Due to the fact that vision is so integrated in to everything that a child does, symptoms and impairments may be broad and varied. In younger children, problems associated with the visual sense may result in delayed milestones and can experience a delay in language development as they struggle to grasp relationships and associations between people and objects. There is no doubt that good visual acuity and visual perceptual skills are vital for the acquisition of skills and knowledge that are needed for academic success. It is therefore important that parents create opportunities for the development of these skills in the everyday lives of their little ones. If parents have any concern they should consult with their Doctors or Paediatricians. Occupational Therapist and founder of Clamber Club, Liz Senior, has put together a list of activities and games that can help your child develop their visual sense: Playing ‘I spy’ e.g.: something round, something smaller than the table or my book Ask your child to locate specific items on a page in a book Arranging objects from largest to smallest, and vice versus Draw simple shapes on paper and ask your child to redraw the shapes Covering half a picture of an object and asking your child what the object is Hide the peanut – Place the nut (or raisin) under one of three cups and move them around slowly. Have the child try pick the cup the peanut is under. If he picks the right cup, he gets to eat the prize underneath. Add more cups to make this more challenging (up to five cups) Object games – Place some everyday objects on a tray. Start with 4 objects and show them to the child for 5 seconds. Cover them and see how many he can recall. Add more objects as the child becomes more proficient with this. Try work up to 10 objects in total

July 13, 2018

10 Tips For Raising Creative Kids…

The word out of Silicone Valley is that none of us should be making goals beyond 3-5 years. Why? Because within that time frame around 80% of the jobs that we currently know will be obsolete. You heard me, obsolete. Technology and specifically robotics are progressing much faster than most of us realize and already there are robots taking over many of the jobs in the USA and abroad. So what on earth do they suggest that we do? And what is to become of our children, most of whom are still in a schooling system that trains them for the current market place? Their advice… raise creative kids. The few human careers left will revolve around creativity, and creativity is a skill that allows us to adapt no matter what the world throws at us. Now before you panic that your child is not the artistic type, creativity does not necessarily mean being an artist or designer (although those will be highly valued skills). Creativity is more around the way that you think about things and your ability to solve problems in a less than ordinary way. Science, for example, is a very creative field. So is mathematics. And all children are naturally creative in some way. Until we teach them how to follow the rules, do what everyone else is doing, fit in, and fear making mistakes. So here are some tips to help your children to maintain their natural creativity and to prepare them for a very very different world in the not too distant future! 1. Encourage failure. This would be my number one rule for raising creative kids. If you’re afraid to fail you will never try anything new or different. I suggest playing a dinnertime game where everyone in the family says one thing that they failed at that day and everyone else praises them for their courage to try, for their resilience in making it through and for their bravery in speaking up. We need our children to see that when they (or we) fail this does not make us “failures” – it makes us people who are willing to try. 2. Provide materials not instructions. The standard art lesson with young children is to provide them with very specific materials and then tell them exactly what they’re going to make with those materials today and how to do it. This is not art. This is imitation. For true creativity we need the opportunity to use the materials in a unique and novel way. Take, for example, South African artist, Diane Victor, who creates her artworks using smoke. Provide children with a variety of different materials and let them explore and discover these for themselves. 3. Allow for some rule breaking. Ok, I get it – if we all broke all the rules there would be mayhem. But, a little bit of anarchy can go a long way towards questioning the status quo and towards our progression as a species. We don’t like rule breaking in general, but where would we be without our Mandela’s and Gandhi’s of the world. We need to question authority, bend some rules, break out of some moral structures that were placed down by people in a different time and era where these things may have held some value. Children need to learn, through experience, which rules are worth keeping and which need to be torn to the ground. In a radically changing world they are going to need to be creative in their moral thinking to solve some of the bigger issues they will be faced with. For example, if you are programming a self-driving car, and the car comes into a situation where it needs to either kill the driver or a pedestrian, which should it choose? Which life has more value? When we buy the car do we need to sign that we agree that our car may decide to kill us? These are real questions being answered right now as these technologies develop. Rather than setting rigid rules for children, have discussions around what we need to do or not do to all get along and get our own needs met without violating those of somebody else. 4. Teach them to question everything. And everyone. It is an essential element of creativity not to believe everything that you hear, read or see. Teach children to cross reference facts, to investigate further if something doesn’t make sense, to ask more questions in general. A child should never think that just because something is written in a textbook or just because a teacher told them so that something is true. Questioning is the very basis of creative thinking. The questions that we ask help us to focus on and filter the world in different ways. 5. Never let your children say, “I can’t”. There are certain ways of thinking that shut down creativity. Statements like “I can’t” or “That’s impossible” tell our brains to stop working on the problem because there is no point in wasting energy on it. Redirect your children into saying, “How can I?” The minute we rephrase it as a question then our minds are hungry to find an answer. Suddenly multiple possibilities open up where before there were none. 6. Encourage your children to be unique. In order to maintain their creativity children need an opportunity to express themselves and their uniqueness in all areas of life. Allow and encourage your children to follow their passions (our natural creativity will lie in the area of our highest values), to dress how they like, to play with their food, to engage in unusual conversations, and to hold beliefs that are different from your own. Explore with your children why they like a particular song or fashion style or friend and to go beyond liking things (or not) just because somebody else does. 7. Find the extraordinary in the mundane. We tend to train our kids to always look for the

July 13, 2018

Reactive Parenting…

We’ve all said it at some point: “I’m never going to be like my mother / father”. We know we can be better. We’ve given it a lot of thought. We still remember how hurt or angry or neglected we felt and we will categorically NOT do that to our own kids. No way!! And life, being the ever present comical teacher that it is, makes sure that if we parent in reaction to our own parents, then we will create the same results no matter how hard we try to be different. Let me give you an example of how patterns get passed from generation to generation… A mother feels that she is not good enough (due to her own upbringing) and so she projects this onto and takes it out on her daughter – she shouts at her and tells her she is useless or naughty or lazy or not behaving as she should. The daughter grows up believing she is not good enough and swears she will never be like her mother that she will make sure her own children believe that they are good enough. But, because she hasn’t dealt with this issue within herself, she can only teach what she knows. She tries to be completely different from her mother and so she tells her own daughter that she is amazing and special and gifted and will do amazing things in the world. Her daughter then has all this pressure on her to “be someone” and feels not good enough just being herself and so the cycle continues. Each generation parents in reaction to their own parents instead of from a place of presence and authenticity. The pattern will continue until someone deals with their own issue of not being enough and therefore stops projecting it onto their own children. Being the opposite to your own parents is not the same thing as being a “good” parent for your child. Each child is unique and each moment is unique, and what children really need is a parent who has let go of their past enough to be present with them in the moment and aware of what is actually called for; not what they think should be imposed on that situation due to their own baggage. Could this be you? Can say with certainty that you are grateful for your own childhood and upbringing exactly as it was? That you wouldn’t change anything about it because it has made you who you are and you are happy with who you are? Do you know that you are enough? If not, well, there is still some work to be done. But that really is the joy of parenting – our children will reflect for us those things that we need to focus on, and so they help us to raise ourselves. Instead of reacting to our own parents, we need to slow down and contemplate our own upbringing and find the gifts in it. We need to see our own parents as whole people with multiple traits, none of which are good or bad in and of themselves. We need to acknowledge that they were doing the best that they could based on their childhoods and that not all of it was bad. When we come to a place of gratitude for our own parents and the events of our childhoods and how these have helped us to grow and evolve, only then can we respond to our own children. This is how we finally break the pattern of reactive parenting.

July 13, 2018

Pets in the digital age: what we can do to keep those we love safe

Kaspersky Lab, together with the research agency Opeepl, surveyed 7,740 household pet owners from 15 countries around the world* to find out how modern technologies affect pet safety. It turns out that every fifth pet owner uses some type of digital device to monitor or secure their domestic pet, and for 39% the use of such devices, ended up posing a risk to the pet or its owners. At the end of May this year, Kaspersky Lab published a report on vulnerabilities in cat and dog trackers that allow attackers to manipulate information about the pet’s location or even steal its owner’s personal data. In the course of the latest study, it was found that the penetration of technologies and digital devices in the daily life of pets is not limited to just trackers. Among popular tools cited by respondents were web cameras for watching pets, smartphones and tablets with games designed for pets, digital toys, automatic feeders/water dispensers, and much more. However, can there be any guarantee that a malfunctioning temperature controller will not overheat the fish, or an unresponsive auto-feeder will not leave a cat to starve? Such cases can be distressing for both the pets and those who take care of them. According to the survey, for example, half of the devices used for pets have access to the internet, which makes them vulnerable to cyberattacks. 14% of the surveyed pet owners reported that at least one of the digital devices they use for their pets had been hacked. Other problems reported by respondents included that the device stopped working or started malfunctioning. In the vast majority of cases, this resulted in a risk to the pet’s life (32%), its health (32%), its emotional well-being (23%), and even the emotional well-being of its owners (19%). “Technology makes life easier not only for people, but also for our furry friends. With the help of technology, we can protect our pets, take care of them, and provide them with comfort. However, as is the case with any digital equipment, it’s important to remember the risks: any device can break down or be hacked by a cybercriminal. To avoid any unpleasant consequences, it’s important to implement simple security measures in advance, and have a backup plan in the event of device failure or infection. And, of course, you need to choose your digital device carefully, focusing on the most important thing – your pet’s safety,” saysDavid Emm, Principal Security Researcher from Kaspersky Lab. The experts at Kaspersky Lab suggest the following simple rules to ensure the security of your household pets: If you are the proud owner of a smart home, set safety rules for the pets who live there, like this Kaspersky Lab employee has in his pet-friendly smart home (watch the video here); Pay close attention to the security issues of connected devices before purchasing. Information on discovered and patched vulnerabilities is usually available online and is often easy to find. It is likely that the device you are going to purchase has already been examined by security researchers and it should be possible to find out whether the issues found in the device have been patched. The best choice is to buy products that have already undergone several software updates; Before you start using your device, change the default password and set a new strong password; Do not allow access to your device from outside of your local network, unless you specifically need it to use your device; Disable all network services that don’t need to use your device; Regularly update your device’s firmware to the latest version (when such updates are available); To overcome the challenges of smart device cybersecurity, Kaspersky Lab has released a solution for smart homes and the internet of things – Kaspersky IoT Scanner. This free application for the Android platform scans the home Wi-Fi network, informing the user about devices connected to it and their level of security. *Only those pet owners who used at least one smartphone were surveyed. The survey took place online in May-June 2018. Countries included: Singapore, Australia, India, Japan, USA, Brazil, Mexico, Colombia, Italy, Netherlands, Portugal, Belgium, Turkey, UAE and Russia.

July 12, 2018

CAM Idea Chair for Anywhere

Let your baby be part of any occasion with the CAM Idea Chair For Anywhere. Another innovative design from one of the world’s leading baby furniture producers, the Idea Chair takes the hassle out of finding a space for your little one at social outings. The Idea Chair can literally be used anywhere – from picnics to the dinner table to your own office when needed. With non-slip rubber stoppers that act as a sturdy base, the chair can work on floors as well as surfaces. Adjustable to 7 heights, the chair also has adjustable harnesses and a removable wide tray for meal times. Made with an anatomic seat with soft, removable padding, it’s one of the most comfortable chairs your child could possibly want. The character-based designs of owl and bear not only offer a beautiful neutral colour palette for easy-on-the-eye aesthetics, they also match other products from CAM, including the Campion High Chair and the Volare Changing station. Gorgeous baby furniture you won’t want to hide away when guests come over, grab one today from Hamleys stores, selected Kids emporium stores, www.takealot.com, www.loot.co.za, www.thebabyzone.co.za and www.purplepepperz.com

July 12, 2018

Play with purpose is essential for children with autism

Play is a powerful tool autistic children need to boost their development and an essential way for them to learn a range of skills. This according to Keri Delport, director of Autism Western Cape – an organisation committed to empowering individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) and educating their families and communities on the disorder. Autism is a neuro-development condition that impacts the way the brain works and processes information. In South Africa more than seven thousand children are born with autism every year; this means that 160 autistic children are born in the country every week, which is roughly 23 per day. “Autistics are incredible people who open doors for other people in different ways. They are extremely honest and tend to live in the moment. They focus really well when things interest them and have terrific memories once they understand a concept. It’s for this reason that play is so important. It provides the level of physical and psychological support the child needs and helps to develop language, creativity and problem-solving skills,” she says. Delport explains that engaging in play is the start of an important cycle for autistics, forms an integral part of teaching them how to interact with other children and is “absolutely necessary” to develop their social skills and encourage independence. Play types: Explanatory play – allows children to explore the toy in its entirety and helps him/her learn more about the world through shape, colour and texture Functional play – allows children to use the toy the way it’s designed to be used and helps to develop social skills. Sensory play – an invaluable form of play, provides children with a level of input to support their sensory modulation needs Toy types: Teddy bears and mouthing blocks Puzzles and Lego Play dough and kinetic sand Delport says parents play a crucial role in ensuring that autistic children “play with purpose” and advise that parents introduce children to toys/games that don’t overwhelm or pressurise them in order to boost their self-confidence. “After all, as Jean Piaget said: ‘play is the work of childhood’,” she says. And to encourage a culture of play with autistics and motivate parents to allow their autistic children to engage in play, Delport says Autism Western Cape recently partnered with toy retailer Toy Kingdom to host the first ever Autism Hour in several stores around the country. During this hour, specially trained staff was at-hand to assist and interact with autistic children; and carried-out sensory demonstrations that focussed on toys that stimulate senses. Since this disorder is characterised by several marked differences including social interaction and sensory activities, stores dimmed the lights and turned-down the music to create a safe space and ensure autistics feel comfortable and welcome. “This is a pioneering initiative in South Africa and provided autistic children the space they needed to play and simply be themselves. It also served as a space where parents could come together, support each other and feel less judged. We hope to see more of these initiatives rolled-out in the country in due course, they are extremely valuable,” Delport says.

July 9, 2018

Education Resources For Parents

A Tough Job Being a parent might be one of the most difficult occupations on the planet, but it is also the most rewarding. The thing about parenting though, is you don’t get a lot of praise for doing it, but people definitely take notice if you start doing it poorly. It is a tough job to say the least, but with the right resources it can be a little easier. One of the things that many people with kids often worry about is how they can be more involved in their child’s education. A parent is the most involved teacher of a child whether they realize it or not, and many parents want to make sure that their child is learning at full capacity and taking advantage of every resource available. Thankfully, today there are plenty of options to do just that. The Great Google Is there anything that Google doesn’t do? For decades now, what started as a humble search engine and internet browser has turned into a titan of industry that pervades nearly every kind of subject matter you can think of. Whether it is data management, storage, search engines, technology, the great Google does it all. One of their more exciting recent additions has been Google’s expansion into education. If you are a fan of Google and a parent, then this is a great option for you. Google has recently introduced a school program meant to help kids who may live in areas where it is difficult to get a good education. Many parents agonize over where to live for months and years to make sure their children go to a good school. So Google has put together an outreach program to ensure that rural community kids can get a better education. Discovery Education Thankfully in this day and age, if you have a reliable internet connection, you have a great avenue to properly educate your children. If you want to be more hands on with your approach for educating your kids, Discovery Education offers many free resources. Discovery is a well-established education network that has experience working with children, this is what makes them an excellent option for parents. The internet is a big place, and anyone can put content up. That is why it is important to go with a trusted name like Discovery that has been educating youthful minds for generations. Talk to Teacher Tech Another excellent way for a parent to get involved in their child’s education is to establish more regular communication with the teachers. While this was once a lot more difficult, there are plenty of apps out there today that allow parents to chat with a teacher in real time. Tech tools for parent-teacher communication are becoming more and more popular. Many times a parent wants an update, and through typical programs they have to wait until scheduled parent-teacher conferences to get them. With messaging apps and tools, parents can even get regularly scheduled updates right to their phone about the progress their child is making.

July 8, 2018

Why new moms must re-look insurance needs before baby arrives

Expecting a new baby is always an exciting time, particularly for first-time moms who are exposed to a whole new world of baby related must-haves. While it’s easy to get swept up in pre-baby planning, it’s just as important to ensure you are prepared by updating your insurance requirements before your baby arrives, according to Casey Rousseau, Marketing Manager of 1st for Women Insurance. “Generally speaking, there are five main insurance requirements all new moms should re-look in the run-up to the big arrival – car, home, personal, portable possessions and life cover,” she says. There will be a number of once off purchases which you, or even family members and friends, will make before baby arrives, and with the right insurance policy in place, you can keep it that way. Some of these items include: · Cot: R700 – R11 250 · Compactum: R1 300 – R3 200 · Baby monitor: R600 – R4 200 · Humidifier: R250 – R1 200 · Breast pump: R300 – R1 200 · Pram and carry: R1 000 – R3 000 · Car seat: R1 000 – R3 000 In terms of home insurance, Rousseau says it’s not just about adding all your expensive new purchases to your home policy, but also finding out what insurance would be required for specific baby-related items transported in your vehicle such as a pram, car seat, and anything stored in your baby bag. “In the unfortunate event that your vehicle is stolen or damaged with your critical baby essentials inside, they would in fact fall under the portable possession section of the policy, and not the car insurance policy, meaning it is always best to check with your insurance provider on what type of cover you will need,” says Rousseau. “There are also various personal insurance policies available such as cellphone policies, personal accident or scratch and dent policies to name but a few, which you can also consider adding to your insurance basket to ensure comprehensive insurance that best suits your lifestyle,” she adds. And while baby equipment and gadgets are replaceable certain things are not, and for this reason Rousseau emphasises the importance of thinking long term when it comes to securing the financial future of your child. Life cover is essential if you want to ensure your child is financially well taken care of should anything ever happen to you. “It’s very important for families to think about not only the type of insurance cover they need in preparation for a growing family but to also consider the benefits provided. With 1st for Women for example, our Guardian Angels Lifestyle Assistance benefit includes Nurse@First, a service which moms can call at any time of the day or night to get advice on what to do if their baby is sick, while the Guardian Angel on Call benefit provides emergency medical assistance when you are in a severe accident,” says Rousseau. “By being prepared before your baby arrives and ensuring your insurance needs and the benefits offered through the policies are right for you, it’s one less thing to worry about as a new mom. With insurance specifically designed for women, we know how helpful it is to have less to think about, so that you can get on with enjoying your journey into motherhood,” she says.

July 6, 2018

Cursive writing – Is it still necessary?

Hilda Erasmus: Foundation Phase Specialist We live in an age of computers and technology. Why is it still necessary for our children to learn how to write in cursive? It’s so old-fashioned. Is it not time to move these old habits aside? Year in and year out teachers and parents are frustrated when they have to teach children how to write in cursive, but if it’s still in the curriculum it must be worthwhile. According to a study done by Graham and Santangelo1 learning to write in cursive can be a valuable skill. We list the five reasons why below: It is good for your brain Writing in print only activates one part of the brain, while writing in cursive activates different parts of your brain. It stimulates fine motor skills that help add letters together. So, instead of seeing letters as single sounds, they begin to form groups in the brain that sees and recognises words as a whole. You’ll have to sign your own name one day It might not sound like a worthy reason, but cursive writing gives each person a unique style. A signature that is made in your unique cursive writing is much more difficult to forge than a signature made in print or block letters. To sign your own name in cursive is like a small unique artwork that you can use over and over again without anyone making a perfect copy of it. You’ll be able to read old documents There are many old documents and manuscripts or even old family letters that are written in cursive. If we do not learn how to write in cursive, these documents will become hieroglyphs that no one will be able to read. It helps learners with a learning problem Learners with learning difficulties (especially dyslexia) often experience problems when learning numbers and sounds, especially the b and d sounds. In cursive writing, however, these letters are shaped in such a way that they look visually different. The learner can compare the letters in print and cursive and in this way many of the problems that these learners experience with confusing one letter with another can be solved. It is an art form To be able to write well is an art form. It is something most learners can easily master if they concentrate hard enough. For those learners who may not be top performers in other subjects, it is possible to do well in cursive writing. It can motivate these learners to work harder in other subjects too. Although cursive writing is not yet extinct, we still need to see its value. It is a skill that can be useful in the future. Source: 1. http://schools.nyc.gov/NR/rdonlyres/556F572F-4CDC-4BAC-9EC0-6990AD1AFB0E/0/CIPLteachingcursivewriting_WEB.pdf

July 6, 2018

Review: CAM Smarty Portable Feeding Chair

The CAM Smarty Portal Feeding Chair with tray is certainly the ideal feeding chair on the market at the moment. Prima Baby released these amazing chairs for us to take a test run at and boy were we impressed. The CAM Smarty Portable Feeding Chair comes in a handy carry bag and connects together within minutes. It really is super easy to do! With its 3 point belt for the baby and one for the backrest and another for securing the seat, you will have the ideal feeding station up in no time! The CAM Smarty Chairs folds down which makes it ideal for you to simply carry in your car so that you always have a safe space for your little munchkin to sit and eat their meals. For your younger little one’s, one is able to strap your baby in using the 3 point belt and when your child gets a little older the snap on tray provides the best place for your baby to start learning about food. The anatomic seat with soft removable and washable fabric padding sits neatly on the base with non-slip rubber stoppers. The chair is easy to clean ultra compact in folding and should be on any mom-to-be’s registry list! Ideal for ages 6 – 36 months , weighing less than 2kg’s. Fitted with armrests to contain the body of the baby along with the 5 point harness to prevent baby from falling out. Completely non-toxic and phthalate-free. Available at selected Kids Emporium stores, www.takealot.com, www.loot.co.za, www.thebabyzone.co.za & www.purplepepperz.com

July 6, 2018

10 Tips for Cultivating Green Munchkins

Home is where the ‘hearth’ is Global temperatures are on the rise and when it comes to raising nature-loving children, the home is always the best place to start. The first and most important step in cultivating ‘greener’ habits at home is to practise what you preach. Luckily you don’t have to be an experienced ‘greenie’ to this. Yes, being kind on nature can be as simple as being mindful of the products that you buy and showing your children how to appreciate the natural world around them. Replacing existing habits with healthier ones require time and patience so here are a few simple family activities to get you started during the holidays. And if going green seems like a daunting task, you’ll be happy to know that these activities are kind on nature and kind on parents. #1 De-clutter and donate: The winter holidays are the perfect time to de-clutter and reorganise clothing cupboards so why not involve the whole family? Create a pile of unwanted clothing items and donate it to some local charities. Certain clothing items can take hundreds of years to biodegrade and by donating them you are teaching your children how to give back to the planet and to those who are less fortunate. #2 Upcycle and get crafting: During the winter months, children spend more time indoors. Crafting with upcycled items is a fun and creative activity that teaches your children about sustainability. If you are not already in the habit of recycling, simply add additional bins to your refuse area and label them accordingly. Here are three easy upcycle crafting ideas: 1) Egg containers. Empty egg containers can be used as disposable painting pallets in water-restricted areas. By using them as pallets you are saving water and giving them an additional purpose before they go in the recycle bin. 2) Toilet and paper towel rolls. Toilet rolls are great items to use for making home-made rain sticks. Simply cover the bottom, insert some dry rice, cover the top and paint fun patterns on it. 3) Bottle-tops. These can be used as fantasy food items and/or in craft projects. Why not use them to make a necklace or combine it with a toilet roll to make a motorcar? #4 Get outdoors: The simple activity of being outside have both physical and emotional benefits for your children so make the most of those sunny winter days. By interacting with the outside world your children are getting a first-hand experience of what it is that they are protecting. Make your children aware of their natural surroundings by pointing out bird nests or give them a looking glass through which they can observe bugs. #5 Grow a herb garden: Growing a small herb garden will give your child a sense of ownership and responsibility while teaching them about food production and the natural resources that it requires. Herbs are often packaged in plastic containers and growing your own herb garden will save you money while saving the planet. 6# Eat more greens: One way of being kind to the earth is by getting your kids to eat healthier foods. Here is a great article to get you started! 7# Collect shells and plastic: If you are spending some time near a beach this holiday a simple beach stroll can be a great opportunity to have fun as a family while collecting plastic and shells. 8# Visit educational centres: If you want to get out of the house this holiday try visiting some local environmental centres, or parks. Plan a family trip to the Two Oceans Aquarium, Monkey World or Reptile Park. These centres often have interactive exhibitions on display, providing a fun opportunity for children to learn about the environment. 9# Plant a tree: Tree planting will never go out of fashion and it is a great way to teach your children how to leave a ‘greener’ legacy for future generations. 10# Empower and encourage: When it comes to discussing climate change with your children, it’s best to introduce the topic in a way that is positive, solution-driven and age-appropriate. Children need to feel empowered in the area of environmental protection and it is important that they believe that they’re efforts can make a difference. One small step – one giant leap! The simplest way to introduce new habits is to start small and it’s best to avoid those lofty ideals of transforming your home into an eco-friendly oasis overnight. If every family were to make a few ‘greener’ lifestyle changes, we will be one step closer to helping our planet.

July 6, 2018

The importance of physical activity in the younger child’s development

In today’s sedentary modern lifestyle, pre-schoolers, toddlers and even infants are spending far more time on electronic devices or watching television than ever before. This means less time being physically active at an age when physical activity is vital for the development of the sensory motor and perceptual skills that are essential for learning. The trap of technology Increasing screen time has been linked with delays in cognitive, language and motor development, as well as attention problems in young children. It is therefore very important to limit the amount of time your little one spends on screens and should not exceed an hour per day. To make it seem to your child that he’s watching more — and to keep his little brain from going on autopilot as he watches — break up viewing into 10- to 15-minute increments. Rather, children’s time should be spent engaging in physical activities that boost their development both physically and psychologically. How much physical activity does a young child need? Nicole Hillburn, Paediatric Physiotherapist and Clamber Club Expert says that recent guidelines indicate that infants and toddlers need 180 minutes of physical activity (of any intensity) per day, and children from the age of five need at least an hour of vigorous physical activity every day. “Children of all ages also need to engage in activities, such as climbing playground equipment, which increase their physical strength on a weekly basis,” says Hillburn. What are the long-term benefits of physical activity? “On the emotional and psychological side, active children tend to have lower anxiety levels and improved mood and self-esteem compared to inactive children,” says Liz Senior, Occupational Therapist and Founder of Clamber Club. “Children who are more physically active are also likely to perform better in the classroom due to the impact exercise has on attention, concentration span and physical strength,” she adds. Specifically, the health benefits of physical activity include the development of healthy musculoskeletal tissues, cardiovascular system and neuromuscular awareness, not to mention maintenance of a healthy body weight. How can we keep young children active? The good news is that there are a variety of ways to keep young children engaged in physical activity. Implementing just a few changes in your child’s day can help increase their activity levels – and it can also be a lot of fun! Here are some age-appropriate ideas: Vigorous activity for toddlers: Riding bikes Jumping on a trampoline Dancing Learning to kick a ball Chasing bubbles Vigorous activity for pre-schoolers: Jumping on a trampoline Riding bikes Running races outside Playing with a ball Dancing Playing soccer Moderate activity for toddlers and pre-schoolers: Action songs Water or sand play where there is some movement involved Scavenger hunt in the garden Walking around the shops Strengthening activities are also very important for all ages. These include activities like monkey bars, climbing ladders, fireman’s poles, cargo nets, ring swings etc. You may not have this kind of equipment at home, but Clamber Clubs around the country have specially-designed equipment that enable children to learn through moving their bodies. Get involved in your child’s development Interestingly enough, children with active parents have been shown to have higher levels of physical activity. At Clamber Club, children and parents have an opportunity to be active together, using their imaginations, experiencing the joy of movement and having fun.

July 6, 2018

A balancing act: Developing your child’s vestibular system

The vestibular system is found in the inner ear and responds to head movement and gravity. It connects and organises all other sensory input, contributing to a child’s sense of balance and spatial orientation. Difficulties with vestibular processing and regulation can disrupt everything from gross motor co-ordination and learning to mood and behaviour. Impact on your child’s development The vestibular system works closely with all the other sensory systems to organise and process incoming information about gravity and movement. If you bend down suddenly when holding a new-born, you will notice the baby startle and their arms reach out as if to stop themselves from falling (protective extension). This shows the baby’s developing vestibular system in relation to gravity and space. “One of the most basic of all human relationships is our relationship to the gravitational field of the earth. This relationship is far more primal than the mother-child relationship. Sensory integration of the vestibular system gives us `gravitational security’ – the trust that we are firmly connected to the earth, and will always have a safe place to stand. Children with vestibular processing difficulties do not feel grounded or safe,” says Nicole Katzenellenbogen, Occupational Therapist and Clamber Club Franchisee Trainer. The vestibular system also sends signals to the neural structures that control eye movements, and helps us to understand if we are moving or if an object is moving. “When a child receives correct information from the vestibular, proprioceptive and tactile systems, they are able to feel and understand how their bodies are moving and working without their vision,” says Liz Senior, Occupational Therapist and Founder of Clamber Club. “This also allows for fluid bilateral integration to develop – the ability to use both sides of the body together in a smooth and co-ordinated manner,” she explains. This is necessary for gross motor skills such as hopping and skipping, and for functional skills such as tying shoelaces and cutting. The role of balance “We often take the skill of balance for granted,” says Katzenellenbogen. “Being able to balance is not only about standing on one leg, it is also about carrying a bag and walking at the same time. Balance is dependent on an adequately functioning vestibular system as the sense of movement and gravity is what keeps us upright and helps us understand our relationship to space.” Balance is also dependent on appropriate proprioceptive feedback – our unconscious awareness of our body parts in relation to each other and the environment. Vestibular and proprioceptive impulses also interact to warn the brain of possible injury to the body when it is about to fall. Activities to develop your child’s vestibular system Balance is an important aspect of a child’s development and can be improved by stimulating the vestibular and proprioceptive systems, as well as improving postural control. For babies Vestibular activities: Sitting on a lap and gently bouncing Bouncing on a therapy ball Aeroplane on your legs Swinging in a blanket held by two adults Proprioceptive activities: Massage Tummy time Have baby lie on your legs facing you with her feet on your tummy. Let her kick her hands and push against your body Postural activities: Rolling from tummy to back Teaching baby to reach for her toes Tummy time For toddlers Vestibular activities: Dancing around the room, twirling and spinning Sitting on a lap and playing Horsie-Horsie Swinging in a swing or hammock Proprioceptive activities: Crawling through and over various surfaces Pulling and pushing heavy items Create a crash pad for your child to jump and crash on to For pre-schoolers Vestibular activities: Spinning and running around in circles Holding arms and spinning Swinging in a swing or hammock Merry-go-rounds Proprioceptive activities: Pulling and pushing heavy items Climbing and crawling over various surfaces. Tug of war, wrestling Postural activities: Jungle gyms and free outdoor play Swimming Balance beams

July 6, 2018

Why is reading to your child so important?

As parents, we know that reading a book to our child before bedtime is a good routine to put in place. We also know that after the ‘witching hour’ (feed, bath and bed), our energy levels aren’t at their highest. As a matter of fact, reading a story, sometimes three times in a row at your child’s insistence, is the last thing you want to do. So how important is it that you introduce the concept of reading to a child from a young age? Does it really make a difference in their development? Studies and research say yes. These studies show that early language and literary development start in the first three years of a child’s life. Now this isn’t to say that your toddler should be reading and writing words. This literary development comes in the form of your young child enjoying books being read to them, exploring pictures within those books and the bonding experienced when a parent spends the time reading to them. Reading to your child teaches them all kinds of vital skills. They learn how to physically handle the book and turn pages. It helps increase their concentration and memory. You will find your child pointing to the pictures as you read the words, showing that even at such a young age they have an understanding of the story and recognise different elements and characters. Read to them often enough, and you can even video them babbling along and pretending to read themselves. Still not convinced? Did you know that most children’s books contain 50 percent more unusual or rare words than children’s TV shows, or even college students’ conversations? Which means your child is growing their vocabulary each time you read them a new story. And the better your child’s vocabulary is by the time they reach school going-age, the better chance they have at exceeding in their academic life. Now that you know the importance of reading to your children, where should you start? There are many books out there to choose from. They need to be age appropriate, picture- filled and have a fun story line to follow. Buy books that are soft-covered and small in size – meaning that your tot will be able to handle them with ease.

July 6, 2018

Child drowning – a leading cause of childhood death that is entirely preventable

Drowning remains one of the top causes of unnatural childhood death in South Africa and for every child that dies from drowning, five are left with permanent brain damage from the lack of oxygen that occurs in a near-drowning. Manufacturer of the leading child safety pool cover in SA, PowerPlastics Pool Covers, is on a drive to remind parents that drownings are entirely preventable with multiple layers of safety applied to the pool. The PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover and adult supervision at all times should be included in these layers of safety at all times. The PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover offers parental peace of mind as it completely seals off the entire pool. The PVC cover is drawn over strong aluminium batons that rest on the coping, and a tamperproof ratchet fastening system makes it impossible for a small child to access the water. Small drainage holes prevent rain or sprinkler water from collecting on the cover as just a few millimetres of water can be fatal to a curious child. The cover withstands up to 220kg and is easily deployed by two people, or it can be semi-automated for single person usage. “For years we have been educators in pool safety for children and, with our solid safety cover, parents not only get peace of mind, the cover also allows significant savings on water, power and chemicals, unlike alternatives such as nets and fences which still leave the water exposed,” says Carolyn Idas of PowerPlastics Pool Covers. “But a cover only saves lives if it is actually on the pool. Being lazy about re-securing a pool after use is surprisingly common. For this reason, we developed our safety cover so that it is hassle-free and does not require brute force. Next time you ‘can’t be bothered’, consider the alternative which could be a drowning due to negligence.” The PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover is available in a range of colours, allowing it to blend into the outdoor area, or it can be custom printed with photos and graphics for a unique 3D effect. Thermal pool covers or ‘bubble’ covers that lie directly on the water should never be considered as child safety pool covers as they do not bear weight. These covers heat the pool and save water by stopping evaporation but their purpose does not include child safety. “As part of our education in the community, we launched TopStep, the home of pool safety, an educational website with tips and advice on preventing drownings. Aside from covering the pool, every adult in the home needs to know what a drowning in progress actually looks like as TV has created wide misconceptions around this. There is no noise or splashing nor calls for help. Drowning is quick and silent. Visit www.topstep.co.za to learn more about this.” Even if one doesn’t have children, it is still necessary to consider safety for visitors. Families living in residential complexes with a communal pool should insist that their body corporate install a safety pool cover. “The bottom line is that children need to be supervised around pools, and as long as the pool is covered by us and other layers of safety are in place, the likelihood of a tragedy occurring in your pool is greatly reduced.” Learn about the PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover here or email [email protected] Practical tips for pool safety Don’t let your pool’s water levels drop. Keeping the pool topped up allows for small arms to easily grab the edge if needed. For every two children in the pool, have one adult supervising. The more children, the more supervisors needed. Be aware that children’s pool parties are high risk events. For larger groups, give the designated supervisor a bright hat to wear so the children know who to call for help. Turn off fountains and water features. Not only do they waste water and power, they can cause ripples and splashing, making it harder to see when a child has encountered difficulty in the pool or has sunk to the bottom. Ensure that every adult in the home knows CPR, including domestic workers. Never hire a baby sitter or au pair who can’t swim. Don’t let anyone who has been drinking or on sedative medication supervise children in a pool. Don’t leave toys in or near an open pool as children will be tempted to retrieve them. Teach your child to swim fully clothed and with shoes on. If your child develops a fear of water, don’t ignore this – a child who panics is at greater risk of drowning. Never allow swimming after dark. Discourage your dogs from swimming. Children and pets in a pool are not a good mix. Never leave the pool without securing it with your PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover. Never design / build a pool that cannot be secured for child safety. Drowning myths Television has a lot to answer for when it comes to how drowning is portrayed and there are many myths out there. Be aware of the signs and remember that the appearance of a drowning can vary widely. Myth #1: Drowning children will shout for help Drowning children are physiologically unable to call out. The respiratory system is designed for breathing – speech is the secondary function. Drowning children’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface but while their mouth is above the surface, they need to exhale and inhale before they sink again. There is not enough time to cry out. Myth #2: Drowning children wave their arms to attract attention or will thrash in the water Drowning children cannot wave for help. A person who is drowning cannot perform voluntary movements such as waving or moving towards a rescuer. Envisage the surface of the water as a platform. Someone who is drowning often presses down on the surface and tries to use it as leverage to get their mouth above the water’s surface to breathe. So what the onlooker sees are arm movements that can appear

July 6, 2018

Can Sleep Training harm my baby?

With the stigma around the cry-it-out method – which is what the majority of parents believe sleep training your baby to be – there is no wonder that moms and dads are right to question whether sleep training can harm their baby. In South Africa, the controversial “sleep training” debate has heated up considerably over the last few months. With so many puritan views on the subject, it’s difficult to discern which information is objective, honest and suitable for everyday families. I am afraid that the vast amount of knowledge and information on the internet has also not helped parents, because there’s no way to judge who is right and who is wrong!? And the “shock effect” that is so popular on social media has caused all of us at one point in our lives to share articles titled “Ferber sleep training harms baby” and the like on social media without even understanding the context or information contained in the article. There are two very different spheres of parenting styles that influence the heated debate on baby sleep trainers. On the one hand you have the attachment approach which is applauded by parents who don’t believe mom and baby should ever be separated and on the other hand you have the parent-directed approach, which is comforting for the parents who know they function better on a good night’s sleep. Essentially, it’s the parent-led or baby-led mommy mantra… And everyone wants to pitch in defending their views on the subject. What is sleep training? Knowledge is power, and it is even more powerful in the paediatric sleep debate. I also honestly believe that most of us have a deeply skewed view of the nature and process of sleep training. Sleep training is not equivalent to crying but sleep training might include crying. Sleep is a skill and a discipline. It is us (as parents) that often interfere with the process of our children learning how to sleep well (propping our kids up with bottles, feeds, dummies, rocking them continuously, etc.). Think about a child who’s learning to walk: if your child is always placed in a walking ring and is never given the chance to explore or pull themselves up against a couch, how will they learn how to walk? However, in the same breath, you don’t need to explain to your child which muscles to flex for them to walk by themselves. They’ll figure this all out in a safe environment that allows them to practice. In much the same way, a safe sleep environment, with a parent who respects the need of the child to learn to sleep, will be rewarded with a child who learns the skill and the discipline to do so. I prefer the term sleep coaching or sleep consulting rather than sleep training. It is not supposed to be a sleep training technique or approach, but rather a whole eco system and holistic viewpoint of creating an environment which suits your parenting style and allows your baby an optimum environment for sleeping through the night. Can crying harm my baby? Maybe one of the biggest reasons for the “I hate sleep training” slogan is that parents believe sleep training involves crying. When I was a first-time mom, I believed that baby only cried when he was close to dying. Hence, it was the reason I was in a complete panic the first time I took my baby home and he did not stop crying! However, babies cry. Period. Studies suggest that a newborn baby cries on average for 2 to 3 hours a day! All babies cry. Sometimes because they are wet, cold, hot, uncomfortable, unhappy and/or hungry, and sometimes just because they are babies. Babies cry. A lot. To expect your child to never cry is unrealistic and unnatural. The truth is this – no amount of crying will make a baby sleep without first addressing the fundamental building blocks of excellent quality sleep. Without addressing those, you will only cause unnecessary heartache for yourself. A client recently asked us to help her sleep train her 9-month-old baby. After a more thorough analysis it became clear that the baby was underfed, and this was the reason for it not sleeping through the night. Once we addressed the nutritional issues this baby slept like… well… like a baby. Use your instinct as a mother and more than anything your good common sense! Will leaving your 18-month-old (after you’ve addressed all his/her needs) to cry for 10 minutes rather than responding to a tantrum, undo the love and attentiveness you’ve given her the rest of the day (or life!) and harm her? Of course not. Will responding to your toddler who needs your attention right before you breastfeed your second baby and as such the second baby cries a little, psychologically damage her? Never! So how can a few minutes of crying harm your child? It simply makes no sense. The problem comes in when parents read the wrong information on the subject, and leave their children to cry for hours, night after night, without any improvement or success and then they start doubting the process and proclaim that sleep training does not work. It is highly likely that the child was never properly “sleep trained” in the first place. (And to support this statement, about 85% of the clients that Good Night Child Sleep consultancy work with have done some form of “sleep training” before without success!) What sleep training method should I use? Does that mean then that one sleep training method is better than the other? The truth is that there are many ways to get to same place. You can walk, run, crawl or fly – it all depends on your preferences and your situation. Remember that sleep training a three-month-old is vastly different to sleep training a 9-month-old and the question that you should ask yourself is NOT whether you can allow your child to cry. No child’s needs need to be

July 6, 2018

Back off your Matrics

I will be 42 this year, and I still from time to time have nightmares about my matric exams. I’ve dealt with a lot of stressful situations since then, but nothing quite compares to that feeling that what happens in those few weeks will determine the rest of your life. The truth? It won’t. And it doesn’t matter even half as much as we make out that it does. I had months of sleepless nights and tears and panic attacks to get those good results that in the end have had absolutely no impact on the course of my life. My brother, in opposition to me, did absolutely no work, dropped out of school in Standard 9 and went on to technikon and is doing brilliantly as a computer programmer. We’ve both done just fine in our lives and matric had nothing to do with it. Added to this, my first high school I attended had one matric for every year I was there who committed suicide during the matric exams. Why? Because of the unnecessary pressure that we put on our kids to perform and the false assumptions that we fill them with that if they don’t do well at this they will be a failure. This is not ok. Not ok at all. In calm, rational reality, if a child fails their matric, or even doesn’t do as well as they would have liked, they can always repeat it later. If they don’t take the right subjects for a chosen career, they can always catch them up later too. It may even be that what they really want to do with their lives (not what we have decided they should do) may not even require a matric at all. My kids spent 5 years in a homeschooling environment where I have watched countless kids who have been homeschooled or unschooled getting their matric without any stress, drama, tears or terror. They simply write their subjects as and when they are ready; they focus on things they enjoy; and they have support but not pressure. Some of them complete their matric when they are 9, some when they are 19, and some at 29. Without the erroneously prescribed timeframes they simply do it when they are ready and when they feel comfortable tackling the challenge. Of course we all want our kids to succeed. But what does their success actually mean to you? And what are you prepared to do to them to get them to achieve it? Does it mean straight A’s even though your child hates you, school and themselves by the end of it? Does it mean pushing kids beyond their limits until they run away, retreat into drugs, or commit suicide? Do you really care about what is right for your child or do you care about what looks good for you? Who are they actually getting those marks for? And why? These are tough questions and they may have the hairs on your neck standing up, but I have watched children die trying to achieve the lost dreams of their parents. A child who grows up happy and with a somewhat ‘mediocre’ life is infinitely more successful that a dead child who failed to live up to their parents’ expectations. We have to redefine what is important and what success actually means. There is no report card on the planet that justifies alienating your children, pushing them beyond their limits or creating lifelong anxieties. We need to start putting matric in perspective. It is one round of exams, that in no way defines who you are or what you are capable of. What they really measure is how well you fit into the system, and 90% of people don’t. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t encourage your kids to do their best. Please do. But include in that helping them to see how well they can do while still keeping their lives in balance. Are your matrics eating well, sleeping well, getting some exercise, keeping their stress levels under control, enjoying their relationships with family and friends, finding time for spiritual and creative pursuits, and having some fun? If not, it’s time to back off with the pressure and help them to get their studies in line with the rest of their lives.

July 6, 2018

To Answer or Not To Answer? That Is The Question.

When I first had kids I thought it was important to answer them when they asked a question. So when they hit the “why?” stage (and mine were close together so they were both doing it at the same time) I was answering upward of 50 questions every hour almost every hour of the day. One day as we were going for a walk they asked me why all the dogs in the neighbourhood barked as we went past. I told them that the dogs are protecting their property and think we might be burglars. To which my 3 year old replied, “You’re not a burglar you’re the answer lady!” I liked being the answer lady until they started asking questions I didn’t have answers for. From around 4 they started to ask about what happens after we die and can everything get sucked into a black hole and what is our purpose and how did the universe begin and other such perplexing inquiries.I don’t have all the answers. None of us do. We are not encyclopedias or the Internet or philosophical sages. I realized that by providing the answers I’d been robbing them of the opportunity it to have wonder at the world: To ponder and contemplate and question and be in awe. One of the most marvelous things about life is the mystery that it holds which comes in all the unanswered questions. It’s like the hugest puzzle we’ve ever attempted and we’ll be lucky in our lifetime to place one piece correctly and get a sense of how it contributes to the bigger picture. Children approach the world with this incredible awe and by answering all their questions we take away some of the mystery. We teach them to assume that there is an answer and an explanation for everything and that nothing is particularly magical. We take away some of the excitement of trying to figure out what’s going on for ourselves. So now what I do when they ask me a question, is that I throw it back at them with an… “Aah. That is an interesting question. In fact philosophers like you, throughout time, have been pondering that same thing. I’d love to know what you think about that.” Or if it’s a more factual question I suggest ways they might find out the answer themselves. Or I encourage them to think about it or set up an experiment to test their hypothesis. Or I suggest someone we know who is an expert in that field that they might be able to consult if they want to delve deeper. I’m always open to having a discussion on something they’re exploring, but instead of being the answer lady I prefer now to be the “with you in the wondering lady”. It has helped me to grow as a person to not expect every question to have an answer: To know that some things are beyond my grasp right now and some things will be forever outside of my realm of understanding. The world is a little more alive when we look at it through the eyes of a child and ask “why?” without necessarily expecting an answer. “Why?” shows a fascination with this very extraordinary place that we call home. As much as your children are genuinely trying to understand the world and may even need a concrete answer sometimes, it is important for us to acknowledge and value the questioning as much (or more so) than the answer.

July 6, 2018

What I learned from my journey through Postnatal Depression…

I’m no stranger to depression. From as far back as I can remember I’ve had bouts of it, some severe, some just dragging out like a rainy British summer. So when I read about PND in a pregnancy book I felt sure that I would recognise it if it hit me. I didn’t. The first time I realised something was wrong I was already on my way to familicide. I was literally loosening the top of the gas bottle where my husband and baby were sleeping peacefully when it occurred to me that this was not normal. The thing is, I didn’t feel depressed. All that was going through my mind was how nice it was going to be to have a really long sleep.Depression in the past for me had always meant crying… And crying… And crying. This was different. It manifested as an underlying irritability. Everything and everyone was annoying. My temper was short and my tongue was vicious. And the layers of guilt piled up high on top of that. The morning after that realisation I called the PND help group. Even then I was fighting to stay off meds. I wanted to be a “good mother” and breast feed for as long as possible. I was told that a good mother is one who is alive to see her child grow up and bottle fed babies grow up too. Too true. And so began my journey to figure out what went wrong and how I could shift this depressive state once and for all. My first glimmer of hope came from a talk I went to by a prominent nutritionist. He spoke about research they had conducted into PND and how the vast majority of cases we’re deficient in omega 3s. This specifically affected vegans and vegetarians. I had been a vegetarian for 20 years. I put myself onto a high dose of omega 3 fish oils (yes, I had to do some soul searching and moral debating first) and I weaned myself off the anti depressants within 6 months. During this time I did further research into PND and found four pervasive factors that contribute to your chances of going down this slippery slope: The first is your perception of the birth. Well I definitely ticked that box. I saw the whole experience as the most traumatic event of my life. I had anger at the midwife for misunderstanding my needs and requests. I had anger at my husband for not having to go through it; for just getting to enjoy the good bits. I had anger at myself for being so traumatised that I was unable to bond with my baby. I had A LOT of emotional processing to do. I set out to acquire the skills to do that. I had no intention of spending years in a psychologists office rehashing the event. I wanted results, and I wanted them yesterday. Babies grow fast and there was one growing up in front of me needing me to be in my best possible state to raise her. The second is your relationship with your mother. Research shows that women with a poor relationship with their own mother have a much higher chance of having a traumatic birthing experience and a higher chance of depression post partum. Tick again. My relationship with my mother was not horrific, more like not there. Again, I set about finding the tools for letting go of the past and any lingering hurt, anger and resentment. What I found was a way not just to understand the past but to actually come to a place of gratitude for everything that has ever happened, even the stuff we label as bad. A life of gratitude is a long way from a life of depression. Number three is the instant and dramatic shift in values that you experience. It is like being kicked out of comfort zone so far that you have no idea what your comfort zone even looks like and no strength to crawl back in it if you did find it. It takes time and patience to form a new one and usually if the shift has been dramatic it means that your kids are coming out somewhere near the new top. The fourth idea I came across much later, and that is the link between depression and fantasies. All depression has its basis in an unfulfilled fantasy and nowhere is a fantasy more thrown in your face than in motherhood. The moving pictures and glossy pages that fill your pregnant world are endowed with images of doting mothers, smiling sweetly down at their breastfed babies. They are not filled with bedraggled mothers wincing in pain as their babies latch into their cracked, bleeding nipples. They show you images of happy families, their white clothes blowing in the breeze as they throw their giggling baby into the air on the beach. They don’t show you the mother who cannot leave the house for fear of leaking through the two boat-sized pads she is wearing to soak up the B-grade horror movies’ worth of blood she’s losing daily. They show you happy families snuggling in bed together doting on their newborn with their hair looking gorgeous and their make up already done. They don’t show you the unshaven husband sleeping in the couch because to his sleep deprived wife his snoring is more like a log than a straw breaking that poor camels back. We get sold a well-meaning lie. The truth is uglier and harsher, but real. And acceptance of reality is one of the cornerstones of emotional well-being. I had to face a lot of ugly messy truths, including the one where I was a less than perfect mother. And that is true. And that is ok. You see what makes me good at what I do is not that I was or ever will be the perfect parent. What makes me good at what I do

July 6, 2018

School yourself on feeder zones: A parent’s guide

South Africa, 13 June 2018: “If I buy in Kensington will my kids get into Jeppe?” “Will owning a house in Mowbray get Tanya into Rustenburg?” “Is that Lansdowne house in Livingstone’s catchment area?” Online property company PropertyFox gets asked questions like these daily. Most parents are preoccupied with whether to buy property in an area that may secure a spot at one of the country’s best schools. To assist buyers with better decision making, PropertyFox commissioned research into South Africa’s feeder zones and catchment area policies. Today it released the first ‘PropertyFox School Feeder Zones guide. The company’s research ring-fenced 65 of the top public high schools according to academic success at matriculation level. It found that: 6 specified their preferred suburbs (9%) 6 specified their preferred primary feeder schools (9%) 29 gave preference to learners who lived close to the school (44%) 25 had no explicit zones (38%) Crispin Inglis, co-founder and CEO of PropertyFox – which sells houses at a low commission to ensure customers get the best deal – says, “It is hard for parents to get to grips with exactly where to buy property so that they have the best chance of being accepted into a specific school. And it is a catch-22 because until you have an address and apply, you won’t know if you will get in.” “Catchment area information is extremely hard to find so our aim was to give parents some direction as to how to approach their property search, or how to find a school near their home. We’ve shared as much information as possible – from provincial legislation around policies through to hints as to which suburbs are viable options near schools.” PropertyFox also researched average house prices in some of the top school suburbs in the country – from Rondebosch and Durbanville in the Cape, to Northcliff in Jozi, Glenwood in Durban and Selborne in East London. Inglis continued that the feeder zone guide is aimed squarely at property buyers in the market for a house in the R1.5-million and above level who want to buy near their school of choice. Some of the key take-outs: Although guided by the province, each school has jurisdiction over its admission policy as set by the school governing body (SGB). Living in a feeder catchment area is never a guarantee of admission, it’s rather a contributing criterion. Legislation varies from province to province about feeder zones. In 2018, a default 5km radius for feeder zones applied in Gauteng. The updated 2019 policy gives preference to learners based in feeder zones, along with siblings, and pupils from primary schools that are closest to the high schools in the area. In the Western Cape, there’s no explicit provincial feeder zone policy, but the research shows some SGBs do sway preference towards certain areas. KwaZulu-Natal and the Eastern Cape also don’t have explicit provincial feeder zone policies, but many schools have SGB-determined catchment areas. In the Free State, provincial policy gives preference to learners living near a certain school. Competition for SA’s top public schools is high. Research for the guide revealed that some parents put their kids’ names down for school when they’re still in utero. Others camp outside desired schools all night and some change address, moving as close as possible to their coveted educational institute. PropertyFox partnered with independent education researcher Kerry Petrie on the project. She made personal contact with the person responsible for admissions at each of the public schools listed to compile the guide. Petrie says that public education in South Africa is complex as a result of the country’s history, “It is heartening that many schools have expanded – or are planning to expand – their radius to make sure they accept learners from further afield, giving people from diverse, less affluent suburbs access to the country’s top schools.” Some private schools were also included from a property location perspective. To download the report and for more information on PropertyFox, visitPropertyfox.co.za.

July 6, 2018

Silent Children

When I first had my own kids I knew immediately that the responsibility I felt towards them extended to all the children out there – that only by caring for all the children of the world could I help to create a world where my own children would feel safe and loved. I started exploring… How could I help? Where to begin? How could I begin to bring stillness to such a chaotic world? There seemed to be so much pain, so much hatred, so many children unloved. When I finally came to the journey of coaching, it seemed self-evident to me that I would work with parents and teachers. I had tried to trace things back to where best to intervene in the lives of children, and realized that it was only by helping the parents and teachers to heal their own hurts that their children had a chance. And yet, over the years of working with adults I have come to realize that my work on this planet goes beyond just individually helping one parent or teacher at a time to heal and become whole so that they can pass this legacy on to their kids. It started one day as I was chatting to a good friend and Educational Psychologist and telling her about a little girl I knew who was malnourished and not flourishing. What she said to me has stuck – she said, “You have to be a voice for that child. She is too young to have a voice of her own”. And it was in that moment that I realized that part of what I needed to do was to be a voice for the silent children. Every day, as I work with the parents and teachers, I hear stories of trapped children – of the inner children of these adults who have been silent for 20, 30, 40, 50 years. Children who have been crying out for love, crying out to be noticed, crying out for someone to hear them; but crying out silently. Their cries are not heard, because just like our children now, their cries are not understood. All we see is misbehavior, anger, bitterness, fighting, nastiness and rejection, and yet all negative behavior is a cry. Every day there are a million ways that we can show our children they are not loved – by an unconscious dismissal of them as we chat on the phone, by not really listening, by the constant “just now’s”, the rushed bedtimes, the television babysitters, the disapproving looks, the expectation of performance or specific behaviours, the refusal to see their needs as equal, by the lack of our presence. And yet every day there are a million ways we can show them they are loved – by taking their concerns seriously, by slowing down, by really seeing, hearing and noticing them, by listening to them in their language – even if it is the language of screams and tantrums and naughtiness and obstinance. It is only when we look past the behaviour to the hidden message that we will stop pushing our children away just when they need us most. We need to learn to listen – to our own cries, to the cries of our loved ones, to the cries of our children. Everyone is doing the best they can with the programming they currently have. And everyone deserves to be heard, and every cry needs to be released. There are people I meet in my practice who have been holding back their tears for half a century, hanging on to hurt that everyone else has long since forgotten. I have a head full of stories of silent children, children who could not speak up for themselves because they didn’t have the language to express their pain and they were not allowed to express it physically. Let those children out; Let them cry. Let them find their voices so that the next generation of children can also be allowed the basic right of expression. Please, cry. And let your children cry. Allow the wounds of the past their expression and release. Let us put an end to silence so that stillness can emerge.

July 6, 2018

But Baby, it’s cold outside

As winter takes over in South Africa, temperatures have dropped and there’s a distinct chill in the air. A cooler climate also spells the start of dry skin, cracked lips and irritated complexions, all of which affect your baby’s usually plump and moist skin. Su-Marie Annandale, brand custodian for Krayons in South Africa says that keeping your infant’s skin soft and supple during the winter months is easily achieved by adding a few extra steps to your bath time routine. Use Krayons Baby Aqueous cream in the place of soap to help soothe and moisturise more effectively during winter time. Apply the cream prior to lowering your baby into the bath and splash gently to cleanse when in the water. When bath time is over, pat your baby’s skin down with a soft towel being sure not to rub too hard and irritate the skin. Once the skin is dry, apply a thick layer of Krayons Baby Aqueous Lotion over your baby’s body. If your baby has dry or cracked lips, apply a thin layer of Krayons Petroleum Jelly on both lips to lock in moisture. Repeat the Aqueous cream (particularly on the cheeks) and Petroleum Jelly applications if you are going outside to ensure adequate protection from the harsh winter breeze. Annandale says that keeping a baby’s skin healthy and moisturised is one of the first tasks that mothers undertake when their little one arrives. “Most baby’s suffer from a minor skin condition in the first month – cradle cap, eczema, baby acne or contact dermatitis (a reaction from a product that has come into contact with the skin),” says Annandale. “Mothers need soft and gentle skincare products to use on their little ones – especially at a time when they are dealing with the many other issues involved in a baby’s first six weeks.’ For more information on Krayons products visit KrayonsBabies on Facebook.

July 6, 2018

Social/Emotional Development Starts with Dad

The good news is that according to the US Census Bureau: “Between 1960 and 2016, the percentage of children living in families with two parents decreased from 88 to 69. Of those 50.7 million children living in families with two parents, 47.7 million live with two married parents and 3.0 million live with two unmarried parents.” The bad news is while Dad’s are living with their children they are not seeming to connect with them at early ages as much as needed. I think what we need here is to begin to recognize and accept the fact that Dads are different in how they relate to infants and young children and not only accept it but celebrate it. How do Dad’s relate differently? Research shows men are different right from the beginning. * Dads hold and stare into infant faces for hours to form their bond. * Dads never pick up a child the dame way twice * Dads tend to allow children to struggle longer to acomplish a task and celebrate with children each time they overcome. * Dads are more physically stimulating in how they interact with infants. These things are not ‘bad’ just different and very important for kids. This is how they learn to relate to the world. Men are wired differently and it is this difference that allows kids to develop a sens of anticipation and excitement about life. Dad is just often more exciting to deal with than Mom. There are some women who have a hard time with this and want to protect infants from this “rough housing” not realizing this is meeting a need the infant has which can not be received any other way. Men are just naturally different with children and this builds skills in children who do not regularly relate to men have a harder time developing. Much of the truth of this lies in the trouble children have when entering school. Social/Emotional development is the most important aspect of a child succeeding in the classroom. Children cared for by stay-at-home Dads, and male ECE teachers tend to be more resilient and have a greater ability to handle stress. Thus, they do better in kindergarten where these skills are essential in leaning to manage the more demanding world of elementary school classrooms. Society has long thought that women ae more emotional than men. However, recent psychological studies have shown this is not the case. Men are far more emotional than women however, they are taught to keep a tight reign on these emotions. In fact, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in an interview with Eric Metaxas spoke of a man in an argument can have his heart rate spike to 99 beats a minute which shows he is in warrior mode which if not controlled will cause him to physically strike. Women rarely get to this point in their emotional frustration level in an argument. As an early childhood educator I believe this is why when it come to young boys we see more aggressive tendencies until they learn to gain more control over their emotions. Knowing this explains why men are the actual social/emotional trainers, because they deal with emotions on a much more stringent level than women. Dads also tend to teach kids to think things through by walking kids through the thought process asking questions which asks kids to think through a process. Before age 5-8 when the process of myelination (nerves are coated by a sheath to keep nerve impulses to travel smoothly along nerve endings.) occurs children think out loud. Men tend to pick up on this naturally. The create a bond between Dads and kids. It is this relationship which helps Dads to: * Understand what kids are thinking and ask why * Help kids work out problems by asking open-ended questions * Get into the problem with the children and help them solve the answers So, why does this matter? Dads and their purposeful and meaningful interactions with kids help them to start off with skills, abilities, and temperaments which provide a strong foundation for thier abilities. Plugging into the role of Dad when baby is born is the best thing for kids. Mom’s who encourage Dads to coneet and stay connected are encouraging the relationships all children beed to be able to connect with the world with confidence.

July 6, 2018

Winter boredom busters for kids

Winter school holidays are just around the corner, and with it inevitably comes three weeks of your children sitting at home complaining that they are ‘bored’ and being unable to play outside because of the cooler temperatures (especially inland) . Bored children tend to bicker with their sibling or end up being mischievous. The winter chill is unfortunately unavoidable but the boredom that comes with it can be sidestepped completely. Before cabin fever hits your home, and you start counting down the hours until the start of third term, try one of our boredom buster activities – they are all not only kid but Blue Bird Aupair approved! Holiday Diary – Buy a note book and cover it and encourage your child to write in it every day. If your child is younger than 8, get them to draw pictures, paint or colour their days. They can get creative as they want and stick in photos, do check-lists of activities they want to do and draw pictures to remind them of the ‘winter holidays of 2018’. Gardening – Checkers’ mini gardens have given children (and their parents!) green fingers overnight. Use the holidays to get the children in the garden, planting, weeding and watering! It brings a new dimension to messy play. Make sock puppets by gluing wool on the top of an old sock and using a permanent marker and scraps of material to make eyes, nose and a mouth, then put on a puppet show. Have a tea party with the little ladies (and gentlemen) in your home. Encourage them to dress in their ‘Sunday best’ for the occasion. Don’t forget dust off the good cutlery and crockery! Visit the library. Municipal libraries are packed with books which will the entire family’s imagination FREE! Just take along your most up-to-date municipal bill, complete the forms and choose from a plethora of books (and DVD’s). Bake your favourite biscuit or cake recipe and let your child decorate their creation as they please. You supply sprinkles, icing and sweeties and let them do the rest. Make your own non-toxic play dough by mixing together half a cup of salt, 1 cup flour, 1 tablespoon of oil, 1 tablespoon of cream of tartar, mix in a cup of boiling water and a few drops of food colouring. Board games. Dust off the old Monopoly or Snakes and Ladders set and revive the old-fashioned fun of playing a game that does not require a battery or TV screen. Or, try teaching your children the lost art of chess or backgammon! Remember, that young and enquiring minds need to be stimulated and engaged or boredom and the inevitable unruly behaviour will be sure to present itself. With a bit of imagination (and patience) winter holidays can not only be bearable but enjoyable for the entire family!

July 6, 2018

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