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Advice from the experts

Toddler Food Battles

Solving a complex problem at work, finally achieving a personal goal is nothing compared to your child finishing a whole plate of food. Isn’t it amazing that no matter how big your accomplishments in your day, NOTHING, absolutely nothing compares to the satisfaction you get watching your toddler successfully finish a meal. You can sleep peacefully know your baby has eaten ‘well’! Having a fussy eater is more common than you may think. While some babies eat almost anything they can get their little hands on, other babies are a lot pickier. Some fussy eaters are simply trying to express their independence with a say in what, when, where and how they eat. Others just need some coaxing, distraction and gentle encouragement. Perhaps your family dinner table has become a battleground? Then it is time to take the stress out of mealtimes with your toddler and child, end the arguments over food, and feed your fussy eaters. There is nothing like a food battle to cause stress and anxiety in parents – take heart and remember fussy eating isn’t just common, it’s normal! Understanding your child A classic time for problems to arise is when your baby is 12 months old. As a child is more aware of the world his natural instincts make him more suspicious of new foods. Nature’s way of protecting us from eating food that is potentially harmful. If you’re one of the lucky parents that sailed through weaning, another common time for problems to arise is during the challenging 2’s. Having lulled you into a false sense of security, your toddler could wake one morning with dietary requirements that even a top chef would struggle to meet. Children’s appetites are affected by growth cycles and they have different taste preferences to adults. You will encourage her appetite to work properly if you give her more when she’s hungry and let her eat less when she’s not interested. Growth slows down and appetites fluctuate between one and five years of age. Studies have shown that most children get plenty to eat even if it seems like they are barely eating at all. Try looking at mealtimes from a child’s perspective. Toddlers have a different agenda: from their point of view, eating is a waste of their playing time, and if we make mealtimes boring by nagging, it’s even worse. Here are some tips to help your little fussy eater learn to eat better, while giving you some peace of mind. 1. Put your mind at rest: If you are concerned about the health of your child, take her for a check up at the doctor to rule out any potential health problems. Keep a food diary for 2 weeks and record EVERYTHING that she eats and drinks (include quantities). You can then get this assessed by a health professional to assess adequate nutritional intake. Give an appropriate vitamin & mineral supplement during the fussy eating phase. 2. Stay off the battle field: Remember picky eating can also be a child’s way of asserting his independence and may have less to do with the actual food than his need to push the limits of your authority and assert some control over his life. This is why pressurizing a child to eat often back fires and you become a ‘casualty of war’. 3. Wean at the appropriate age Weaning late has shown some link to fussing eating. Parents who delay introducing their babies to chewy food and a variety of tastes could find their babies grow up developing food fads. A recent study showed that babies should be introduced to a more varied diet between the ages of 6 to 9 months to decrease the risk of becoming fussy eaters. Babies learning to eat will spit food out, and this is more than likely due to a ‘tongue-reflex’ action than a sign that your baby doesn’t like the food. Keep trying with that food and soon he will get used to it and swallow. 4. Fun food presentation Sandwiches cut into moon shapes, cracker with a smiley face, carrot sticks as soldiers and apple boats can make food presentation more enticing Presenting meals as a smorgasbord from which they can pick and choose from a variety of colours, shapes and textures. Toddlers and young children prefer foods that are identifiable and not one big mush. Using a compartmentalized plate that prevents different foods from touching is a great help. 5. Make mealtimes fun and relaxed Use it as an extension of playtime and time when you and your baby can bond uninterrupted (no cell phone calls or sms’s !!!). Do puzzles, read a book, tell a story. 6. Educate Talk about the food and its value in simple terms. E.g. this piece of chicken will help your muscles grow strong like daddy (or superman!!) and this carrot will give you beautiful eyes like Cinderella! 7. Involve your child in food preparation By involving your child they will be likely to eat what THEY have made and may eat a bit while preparing their meal. 8. Empower your child in decision making Allow your toddler to choose between two food options. Children are more likely to eat food they have chosen for themselves. 9. Serve simple, easy to prepare meals. There is nothing more demoralizing than spending ages cooking a gourmet meal for your baby, who after the first spoonful turns her head away. Prepare easy meals that you know your child likes and should they refuse the food, offer one alternative that is a sure win e.g. Yogurt. 10. Milk intake By the age of one, babies need drink only 500ml of milk daily. Most babies can go onto cow’s milk from one years of age unless health reasons dictate otherwise. Do not substitute milk for meals 11. Social eating People are social beings as are our children. Nothing makes a toddler want his food more than having another toddler after his food. Invite a friend over

May 26, 2017

Play Therapy

Essentially play therapy is psychotherapy for children. As children communicate by means of play, this is the most effective form to assist them with their feelings and understand what is concerning them. Play therapy however, does not mean that the child goes to the therapist to just play and have “fun” and neither does it necessarily mean that the child has to talk to the therapist in the conventional way. Children don’t have the necessary skills to have an in depth discussion with a therapist about what is bothering them, much like adolescents and adults are able to. Play therapy is thus a means for the child to ‘talk’and/or communicate via playing and for the therapist to understand and to ultimately assist the child heal. Play therapy is a researched supported, well thought – out, and developmentally based approach to helping children cope with and overcome difficulties that may arise in their lives. Play therapy therefore encompasses psychotherapy through various methodologies. What that means is that in order to help the child, various methods are used, which are based on diverse theoretical schools of thought, for example, cognitive behavioural therapy, psychoanalysis, and gestalt therapy, to name a few. Many child psychologists tend to be eclectic in their approach to play therapy, therefore they draw on various schools to assist the child. Within the various schools of thought various “tools” are used to assist the child. A skilled child psychologist will take the direction from the child as to what approach and technique would best suit the individual child. Some techniques or “tools”are described here: Bibliotherapy For a long time psychologists have been using books to help children with a wide variety of problems which is called bibliotherapy. There are many storybooks available to help children understand and cope with such diverse problems as divorce, understanding death, and making friends. The stories generally contain a positive role model which children can relate to and give them realistic examples of how to cope with the various difficulties. Art therapy Many psychologists use art techniques to help children communicate and explore their troubled feelings. Because most children love art they learn to communicate their emotions, cope with anxiety, and heal emotional hurts. With art, children can express feelings and concepts for which they don’t yet have words for. Some children naturally gravitate towards art or doing something creative and this is an ideal method to assist children with their difficulties. Puppets Puppets are a useful and non-threatening tool for children to communicate with. It is usually easier for children to express (difficult to communicate) emotions such as fear, anger, confusion, anger and sadness by acting them out whilst utilising puppets. In addition, puppets often provide an opportunity for the play therapist to interact with the child and also to add and solicit material as required. For example, to increase a child’s ability to cope with difficult situations in a positive manner rehearsing or playing out with puppets can serve as a powerful example as to how they need to ‘see’ the new skill, whilst simultaneously talking about it and practising it by the use of puppets. Psychodrama Psychodrama is a method of helping children tell their ‘stories’ and safely express strong feelings. The child creates their own ‘production’ whereby they communicate their feelings. New behaviours and roles are also tried out with the help of the child psychologist in order for the child to learn new skills and develop coping resources. Sandtray therapy/Sandplay Sandplay is another way for children (and adolescents) to express what they have difficulty with, the inexpressible. The process of sandplay/sandtray therapy is to use sand along with miniatures which provide children with symbolic ways to represent their inner world. It is a fun, non-threatening approach where children feel safe to explore feelings that may be otherwise overwhelming for them. Guided Imagery/Visualisation Guided imagery and visualisation is a process whereby children are assisted by using their imagination in a focused way to help with a variety of problems, such as anxiety and difficulty with concentration. The child psychologist provides scripts which are fun and easy to use and which help the child master new skills to overcome their difficulties. Therapeutic Games There are numerous games, developed by child psychologists, that provide a fun way of assisting children and adolescents explore various concerns and learn new skills. Games assist children with specific issues such as divorce, managing anger, mastering social skills, improving self-esteem and dealing with bullies to name just a few.

May 26, 2017

Childhood Allergies

Spring is set to arrive soon and what a wonderful time of the year it is, unless, of course, you’re the parent of a child plagued with allergy symptoms that are exacerbated at this time of the year. Seasonal allergies, commonly known as hay fever, are caused by pollens from trees and grasses or airborne mould spores. Symptoms include sneezing, itching of the nose and mouth, red, watery and itchy eyes and a consistently thin and clear discharge from the nose that may also become blocked. However year-round allergies to house dust, animal dander, feathers, mites and chemicals may also be troubling your child. And then, of course, there are food allergies. In infants the first symptom of a food allergy may be a rash such as eczema (atopic dermatitis) or a rash that resembles hives. This may be accompanied by colic, nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea. However food allergies in children can also contribute to chronic health problems, such as asthma, ear infections, fatigue, headache, irritability, chronic runny nose, acne, bedwetting and even difficulty maintaining concentration (attention deficit disorder, or hyperactivity). Dark circles under the eyes (called “allergic shiners”), along with a puffy look to the face, are frequently seen. (Cow’s milk is very often the culprit here). Allergic children often look wan or pallid and lack vitality. This is because food allergies can also cause digestive problems that interfere with the absorption of vitamins and minerals, no matter how nutritious the diet In the presence of an allergen, a child’s built-in defence system releases histamines and similar chemicals to fight what it perceives as an invader. A string of reactions such as the swelling and congestion of nasal passages and increased mucous production results. Conventional medicine using prescription antihistamines, nasal sprays or decongestants, treats symptoms only. Many of these medications have nasty side-effects and if used consistently may lose their effect or rapidly produce dependency. A Nutritional Therapy Approach To Treating Food Allergies The most common foods that cause allergic reactions in children are wheat, dairy products, eggs, fish and seafood, chocolate, citrus fruits, soy products, corn, nuts, peanuts and berries. On the chemical list are additives such as artificial colourants, preservatives (e.g. benzoic acid), flavour enhancers (e.g. MSG) and sulphites found in some frozen foods, dried fruits and medications. To identify what foods are making your child miserable use an elimination diet or keep a diary recording your child’s symptoms and the foods eaten. (Some children seem to be particularly drawn to a problematic food and actually crave it, so be wary if your child wants to live on peanut butter or wheat bread or dairy products). Simply eliminate the suspected food from the diet for a few weeks and watch for improvements. Eliminating all dairy products would be a good place to start. Dairy foods can stimulate an increase in mucous production. Rice, oats or goat’s milk are possible alternatives. If your child’s allergies are seasonal, it may also be helpful to avoid whole wheat during the allergy season. Good substitutes include buckwheat, corn/maize, rice, millet and quinoa. If all the identified problem foods are eliminated from a child’s diet for at least 6 months and then introduced slowly one by one she should be able to tolerate small amounts of these foods. What Else Can Help? Encourage your child to drink lots of water to thin secretions and ease expectoration. Allergic children need a good wholesome diet comprising mainly raw fruit and vegetables. Avoid giving your child any processed foods as they will contain some of the additives mentioned previously. Nutritional Supplements That May Help Vitamin C, preferably in mineral ascorbate form with bioflavonoids, is a natural anti-histamine and a powerful promoter of a strong immune system, making it the most important anti-allergy vitamin. MSM (methylsuphonyl methane) is being prescribed more and more for its anti-allergenic properties. Essential fatty acids, such as those found in fish oil help to regulate the inflammatory response. Quercetin, a plant bioflavonoid naturally found in many fruits and vegetables, acts as anti-inflammatory agent and stabilises mast cells in allergy sufferers. Mast cells become unstable during an allergic reaction and release large quantities of histamine. A high quality green whole food multivitamin and mineral supplement will ensure optimum intake of essential nutrients and sufficient digestive enzymes. Ways To Prevent Allergies In the past it was believed that it was essential to avoid sensitization of infants before birth and for the first three years of life and so moms were advised to reduce exposure of the foetus/infant to known food allergens. However despite this, food allergy in children has increased world wide. Now there is a new take based on “The Development of Oral Tolerance” whereby it is believed that by exposing an infant before and after birth to small quantities of foreign proteins, the child’s immune system is stimulated to produce anti-bodies. Mothers are now encouraged to eat a wide range of foods during pregnancy, so that small amounts of all kinds of proteins can cross the placenta to sensitize the foetus. Mothers should also breastfeed for at least 4 months while eating a wide range of different foods. For infants that cannot be breastfed, hydrolysed infant formulas and goat’s milk formulas are a safer option than soy-based formulas. Soya is a well-known allergen which can cause as many allergic reactions as cow’s milk. Holding back on solid foods until baby is 5 months old is still recommended and using only one solid food at a time in small portions (1 teaspoon a day) to keep track of any adverse reactions. The latest research also suggests that pregnant women would do well to take supplemental probiotics every day for a few weeks before their due dates and while breast-feeding as this may help prevent childhood allergies. Bottle-fed and caesarian-section infants ought to be given probiotics orally from birth. Encouragingly most children, except those suffering from peanut allergy, outgrow their allergic response. Statistics show that 25% of infants are free of symptoms

May 24, 2017

Anxiety In Children

Most psychologists and other mental health professionals use The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition Revised (DSM-1V R) to diagnose various difficulties or problems in children, adolescents and adults. Having a name or a “label”is useful in many ways, for example without a name and specific criteria it becomes difficult for further research with regard to understanding and developing effective and valuable treatment. (Medical Aid schemes in South Africa won’t reimburse clients without a diagnosis). A name for the difficulty also makes it easier for parents to understand and often provides relief with the next point of receiving effective treatment from the clinical or child psychologist. A common clinical diagnosis in children is anxiety. Anxiety is the umbrella term for various types of anxiety which can be described as follows: Social Anxiety Disorder A child or adolescent with a social anxiety disorder shows significant and persistent fear of social situations in which they perceive potential embarrassment or rejection may occur. They experience acute (immediate) physical reactions to feared social reactions. These children often know their fears are greatly exaggerated, however feel powerless, hopeless and overwhelmed to do anything about them. They often avoid the situation which fills them with dread at any cost to the detriment of their academic and social life. Some children may just be fearful of one or a few social situations. In this instance the difficulty is referred to as a specific social phobia. When a youngster is afraid and avoids many social situations, it is referred to social anxiety disorder. Generally, the symptoms fall into three categories: Cognitive symptoms, what a child/adolescent ‘thinks’. However, are not always evident in young children as they may react with intense anxiety and not be able to verbalise what is distressing for them. Physical reactions, how the body reacts to situations; and Behaviour, which is mostly the avoidance of the perceived fearful situation. Separation Anxiety Disorder The crux of this disorder is excessive anxiety about being separated from the person to whom the child is most closely attached. For most children, this is the parent, especially the mother. Fear of separation from the mother or father is a normal part of development in children between the ages of eight and fifteen months. At this stage in their development, children are expected to object to separation vociferously with tears and other signs of distress. However, in older children extreme anxiety from brief separations from their parent/s is not developmentally appropriate. Separation anxiety disorder thus becomes detrimental to the child and stressful for the parent. Children with separation anxiety disorder typically cry, scream and cling on to their parent when faced with separation. If they have to leave their home or other familiar places they become tense and fearful, especially if they have to go alone. They miss out on many fun aspects of being a child such as going to parties and being free and having fun, or going for sleepovers. Even within their own homes children with separation anxiety are afraid to be left alone. They often follow their parents around and are reluctant to go to the bathroom or to any other room by themselves. Children with separation anxiety disorder often have significant difficulties sleeping alone. A common problem associated with Separation Anxiety Disorder is school refusal, whereby on most mornings there is an excessive upheaval and fuss to get these children ready, in the car and off to school. Difficulties in this regard are worse on Mondays, after holidays or after a bout of illness which required absence from school. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Children with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder have persistent and recurring thoughts “obsessions” that seem to have an adverse effect on their daily life and generally involve exaggerated and irrational anxiety or fears. The children feel compelled to perform repetitive behaviours, known as “compulsions”, in an attempt to ward off anxiety caused by their obsessive thoughts. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when children experience a physical, environmental or emotional trauma. Therefore, if a child has experienced a crime related trauma, such as being hijacked, experienced a burglary or mugging, or whether they experienced a natural disaster such as a flood, or being in a motor vehicle accident they may develop PTSD. One has to bear in mind though, that at times, what children experience as traumatic may not necessarily be perceived to be traumatic by adults (such as turbulence on an aeroplane) but might be especially upsetting to a child. Consequently, a child may experience the traumatic incident again and again via nightmares, continuously thinking about what happened, or by re-enacting the event when playing. Children with PTSD can experience symptoms of general anxiety such as difficulty sleeping and eating. They also tend to be irritable, avoid reminders of the trauma and are easily startled. Specific Phobias Children with a specific phobia experience intense fear of a specific object or situation (such as spiders, dogs, elevators) which is irrational or unrealistic. Children with these phobias often avoid situations linked to their fear. The most common specific phobia is the fear of animals, (especially dogs), snakes, insects and mice. Panic Disorder Children who suffer from panic attacks experience debilitating bouts of unexpected and recurring panic and fear. Panic Disorder is rare in young children, however it becomes more common among older children and adolescents. Panic attacks are relatively short periods of extreme anxiety. During a panic attack, the young person quickly by terrifying mental and physical sensations. The symptoms are: Pounding heart and/or increased heart rate Sweating Trembling and shaking Chest pain Abdominal discomfort and nausea Sensation of choking Dizziness or feeling “light headed” Feelings of unreality or detached from oneself Fear of losing control or “going crazy” Fear of dying Tingling or feeling numb Even when a child is not in the grip of a panic attack, just the thought that it could possibly happen again can make a child extremely anxious. Panic disorder causes

May 22, 2017

Helping the Highly Sensitive Child

There are many children incorrectly diagnosed as being either ADHD or as having Oppositional Defiance Disorder who are really just highly sensitive children who are overwhelmed by the rush of sensory input that they’re unable to filter out. I know; I’m one of them. When I’m in a noisy restaurant I can’t block out the background noise, I struggle to hear the people I’m sitting with and I tend to become frustrated and irritable. I don’t like parties and crowds – I prefer one-on-one interactions in open spaces. Picnics are great! I struggle to learn in a group setting, particularly where there are discussions going on while I need to concentrate. I did my degree by correspondence. I’ve learned over the years to manage this. I take time out for myself. I’ve learned breathing and meditation. I know when I need to step away and which events to simply refuse. But I’m an adult and I have a measure of control over where I do and don’t go and what I choose to be involved in. Most kids don’t have this freedom. They don’t get to decide whether to go to school or not, or which social functions their parents attend to stay out of. There aren’t many public places that have quiet corners. Unless a highly sensitive child is lucky enough to have a highly sensitive parent (they usually do have one) they’re likely to feel very misunderstood out there. They struggle to focus not because they’re unable to but because they need a different learning environment. They struggle to control their tempers because they’re totally overwhelmed (I still lose it completely from time to time!). So here are some tools that I have found useful along the way – teach them to your highly sensitive child (in fact, teach them to all your children) – they will help them to cope in times of overwhelm, help them to feel more in control, help them to focus, and help them to feel understood. The Victory Position: Put your arms up in a V, lift your head and eyes up as if you’ve just won the 100m sprint. Studies have shown that holding this position for just 2 minutes can drop your cortisol levels by 25% (see Amy Cuddy’s talk on how your body language shapes who you are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWZluriQUzE). Cortisol is a stress hormone that affect both how you see yourself and how others see you and can hamper learning and increase aggressive reactivity. If your child feels uncomfortable doing this in public, teach them to find a bathroom or private space they can hide in for 2 minutes until they feel in control again. Look up: Your eyes are connected to your brain and different eye positions are linked to different areas in your brain. Looking down is associated with the emotional centres of the brain and can make you feel worse. Looking up stops the brain connecting with its emotional centres and prevents you from descending into an emotional spiral. This is such a simple tool that can be used anywhere at any time. If you notice your child is becoming overly emotional just click your fingers above their heads and tell them to look up at your hand. Use Parasympathetic Breathing: The way that you breathe will activate either the Sympathetic (Fight or Flight) or the Parasympathetic (Rest and Digest) nervous system. Shallow breathing in the upper chest is associated with stress. Teach your kids that when they feel themselves getting stressed or overwhelmed and on the brink of losing it that they need to double the length of their outbreath. An out breath that is double the length of an in breath forces you to take a very short deep in-breath and then have a slow release. This will kick in the parasympathetic nervous system (acetylcholine) and will calm the sympathetic (adrenaline) and help them to feel calm and will reduce reactivity. A simple way to put this for the little ones is to say that they need to count to ten and breathe. So they breathe in as they count to three, then take a short pause on the number four and then breathe out as they count five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Go into the Learning State: This is a mild form of hypnosis (no, you cannot be controlled by anyone else in this state – hypnosis is really a deep form of relaxation) and like the parasympathetic breathing, it tricks the body into believing that you are really relaxed and everything is ok. To do it, raise your eyes up and focus on a spot on the wall above eye level. Once the eyes get tired, expand your vision to the periphery (everything you can see to the left and right while still looking at your spot). Then bring the eyes back down to level, but keep awareness of the periphery. When we are very stressed (being chased by a lion) we have foveal vision – focusing intently on one spot (the lion). But when we are on the patio of our beach house, we expand our vision to take in the entire scenery. So when we activate our peripheral vision it tells our minds that we are on the beach not being chased by a lion and our physiology responds accordingly! This is particularly powerful when used in conjunction with the parasympathetic breathing. Cutting off the sensory overload: Sometimes we really do need to be removed from the excessive stimulus. Teach your kids to recognize their own warning signs and to learn to step away. Go outside, go into a darkened room, use earplugs / headphones with relaxing music. There are some amazing musical tracks that are specifically designed to relax the brain and it may be worth investing in these if they appeal to your child. If you know you are going to be at a highly stimulating event, make sure that your child has quiet time beforehand,

May 19, 2017

Give your Children the Building Blocks they Need to Find Balance

By Marlinie Ramsamy, CEO of FranklinCovey South Africa Our children are growing up in a different world to the one where we, their parents, spent our formative years. Our children are faced with an overwhelming barrage of media that tells good stories and bad, they are under more pressure to perform on more platforms, and the structure of modern families is often more fluid than we were accustomed to. Equipping our children to navigate through their world is one of the best gifts we can give them, and I believe that there are four key tools that will help them identify their best path, and stick to it, no matter what distractions they encounter: confidence, personal resilience, emotional intelligence, self-worth. Confidence Confidence comes from young people being able to ask themselves questions, identify answers, and to have the strength of character to act on those answers. This gives them the tools they need to identify the tasks, opportunities and obstacles ahead of them, and to plan a strategy to address them all. It also allows them to identify which events are part of their concern, giving them the confidence to choose what they need to do, and not be distracted by what is not important. Resilience Resilience in children comes from them having confidence in themselves and in their personal space with their parents and families. They’re confident that the future will be fine, and that their family institution provides a backstop for all their decisions. While much of this may be tacit in a family, it’s worth learning from bigger institutions – i.e. businesses – and taking the time to create a mission statement for the family, with every family member contributing. This ensures that everyone knows where they fit into the family, and what they need to do to support one another, in turn giving everyone the resilience that they will need to face daily challenges. Emotional intelligence Emotional intelligence is being secure in the knowledge of who/whom you are and what you stand for – and it’s not just children and teenagers that need to learn this skill! Parenting requires emotional flexibility and realising that the rules that we grew up with, such as children being seen and not heard, are no longer relevant. Our children have strong opinions that they need the space to vent – and should know how to do it with respect. A society – and a family – with a high level of emotional intelligence knows that everyone has the right to their opinion, but that they also must be cognizant of others’ needs. Simply, they need to learn confidence and assertiveness, without being arrogant. Self-worth Self-worth is a state of mind, and not a competency. It includes being comfortable with what you look like and who you are, and it forms the basis of learning responsibility at every level. This could be for something as basic as understanding a timetable and packing bags accordingly, or it could be responsibility on a deeper level, relating to decisions made, friends chosen, and the nature of social interactions a young person chooses. It also extends to how they manage their time – or at least finding a sensible balance between academic, sporting and leisure activities. These four tools are built in the principles of the 7 Habits of Happy Kids by Sean Covey and Stephen R Covey, which include: Be proactive – because you’re in charge; Begin with the end in mind – have a plan; Put first things first – work first, then play; Think win-win – everyone needs to benefit; Seek first to understand, then to be understood – listen before you talk; Synergise – because together is better; and Sharpen the saw – because balance feels best! Pull out box: How do you open conversations about abstract life skills with children who respond best to tangible stimuli? Create an environment that is safe and open before you start the discussion Maintain constant and open communication Correct behaviour after each incident, rather than collecting a range of wrongs before addressing mistakes Seek mentors or coaches that can help you Use real life examples to illustrate what you’re describing Understand that children might not grasp the concept the first time you discuss it. Acknowledge and recognise the efforts they make to develop life skills Support them in their dreams Don’t try to correct your own life mistakes by forcing lessons you should have learned, on them Separate the issue and the child – for example, say “I’m really upset when you behave this way,” rather than “You have upset me because…”.

May 16, 2017

Embracing The Digital Gap

It is human nature to find fascination with things that are off limits. The DO NOT ENTER sign ignites our imaginations as to what might lie within, the secret cupboard where the gifts are kept is always the target of sneaky investigations, the age restricted movie is the one we dress up to get into. And so it is with technology and kids. If you say ‘no’ or block things it leads to an internal conflict and most likely some form of rebellion. They want to find out what it is that you’re hiding and then will do it behind your back. The generational gap has become the digital gap and it is growing. We are the infants in this world – we don’t know how to navigate it, we don’t know what the rules are, and we’re totally out of our depth in controlling it. We need to embrace technology. Our children’s world is a digital one, and if we’re not closing the gap we’re going to get lost on the other side of a chasm that we won’t even know how to bridge later on. Like all things – relationship and communication are key. Get involved online WITH your children. Use technology to enhance your relationship with them not to break it down. You need to educate yourself on the programs, places, and sites that they are into. Get onto them. Make yourself at home. Share it with them. Let technology be a family thing. Use it together. Look things up. Share videos. Play games together. If you need to replace the board game with an online family game, so be it. Let them see technology as a way to connect with you not a place where you don’t belong. You need to overcome your own fear of technology and the online world. Find a way to link it to what is important to you. Then link what’s important to you to what’s important to your kids. Make the connections. Communication is all about bridging two worlds – the world in my mind and the world in yours. Find ways for you and your children to connect through the technology and not in spite of it. If you need to block something be clear about why. Communicate. Let your children be involved in the rule making around technology. Let them understand your concerns and the risks involved. Children are far more likely to follow any rules if they understand why they’re in place and have agreed on the consequences. Technology is not going away. It is very much a part of your children’s lives. Find the good in it and enhance that. Use it as a tool to bring you closer together not further apart. Embrace the digital gap by becoming humble to learning from your kids instead of always being the teacher. It’s their world, and if you want to be a part of their world you need to be wise enough to admit that they are the masters of that world and you are merely a visitor. Be a welcomed visitor rather than a hostile invader. Embrace the digital gap and enjoy the ride that your kids will take you on.

May 10, 2017

How to Coach a Teen to Drive Safely

Our youngest turned 16 this year and before too long, she’ll be driving. We already have a used car parked in our driveway that will be getting a tune up, new tires and a full inspection. We didn’t pay much for it and I wouldn’t trust it on long trips, but it will become her transportation to get her to school and to work and back. And each day she leaves the driveway, my wife and I will cross our fingers and say a few prayers, even though she has older brothers who set out on this same journey ahead of her. One reason for our parental worry is what we learned from a recent guest who appeared on my parenting television show at the Enfield Cox studios. Tim Hollister of Connecticut lost his 17-year-old son Reid in a driving accident in 2006. Since that tragic incident, Mr. Hollister wrote the book “Not So Fast: Parenting Your Teen Through the Dangers of Driving.” Visit Mr. Hollister’s Website, http://www.FromReidsDad.org. As the national authority and spokesperson for safer teen driving, Tim Hollister will tell you that he thought he had everything covered as far as training and coaching his son when it came to driving skills. The two most important things that Tim shared with me in the interview: avoid allowing your teen to take passengers and discourage joyriding. The reason is that in the first year of your teen’s driving experience, driving without intention and for just the joy of driving around increases the dangers to your teen. In his book, he offers parents the following tips for coaching your teen through the first few years of driving: DON’T BE BLIND TO THE DANGERS All too often, parents find it difficult to accept the fact that their teen could be at risk. They suffer from the ‘halo effect’ in a sense and believe that, “It couldn’t happen to my child, she’s a very safe driver.” Keep your child safe by accepting that the dangers exist and establish rules and boundaries around the privilege of driving. ENGAGE EVERYTIME YOUR TEEN DRIVES AWAY Mr. Hollister advises parents to know where their teen is headed, what route he is taking, the current traffic and weather conditions, his mental state, the return trip, if there are passengers, and more. It’s a fact that teenagers do not have the cognitive capacity to take all of these preparations into consideration, but the parent does. THE TEEN DRIVING AGREEMENT Every parent should draft an agreement that clearly states the dangers, and lists rules and consequences of the violation of those rules. But its primary purpose is to initiate calm and productive conversations about driving, conduct and expectations. It should also be signed and reviewed regularly to keep the important content in the forefront of the teen’s conscious thinking.

May 9, 2017

Depression in Youth – Spot the Signs

Ryan G Edmonds A new year can often bring an anti-climax, as people realise that the problems of the previous year have not yet magically disappeared, and a whole new array of challenges often await them. This is especially true for many teenagers who, along with the pressures of life and school, can easily find themselves swept away in a stream of stress, anxiety, and depression. Data collected in South Africa shows us that every 24 hours in SA there are 22 suicides and over 220 attempted suicides, and that suicide is currently the fastest-growing cause of death in under 18’s. Who, therefore, is at risk for depression? What is the impact on untreated trauma on adolescents, and can such factors get help and support There is a growing awareness in South Africa, and globally, surrounding the issue of teen depression. Having “grown up,” parents and other adults often dismiss the troubles of adolescence as trivial or insignificant. What is vital to remember is that, regardless of whether parents have recently divorced, there was a nasty break-up with a partner, or a failed exam, in the mind of the young adult even the most seemingly ‘insignificant’ event could very often be the tipping point for what has already been a build-up of stress and depression over a period of time. Malcolm Piers* is a 17-year-old living with depression. “No one knew I was depressed. I didn’t even know. All I knew was that I felt empty on the inside; detached. I had no interest in dating or doing the things I once enjoyed. In an attempt to hide the growing ‘darkness’ within me, I would put on a happy face. It wasn’t long before the thought of suicide snuck in. I could have spoken to someone, but who? Who would understand?” Malcolm’s story is an echo for countless voices of sad, confused, frightened teens that feel alone and don’t know where to seek help. Psychiatrist, Prof. Lourens Schlebusch, international authority on stress and suicidal behaviour, has this to say: “In South Africa there is definitely a lack of access to appropriate psychological care for the vast majority of our youth. It is critical to have a thorough understanding of the risk factors and causes of suicidal behaviour in order to deal with them. It is also essential that school children, and students, be trained to identify, and manage, conflict situations and crises that could result in suicidal behaviour. Stress management is particularly important in this respect.” Many schools have wonderful facilities available to teens who seek counselling or guidance. Unfortunately the majority of South African schools do not have such resources. “Regarding child and adolescent mental health policy, introducing a multi-level system (with the first tier incorporating schools) is important,” continues Prof. Schlebusch. “Risk factors in families, children and students need to be identified. Educators should be made aware of suicide risk factors, such as dysfunctional family backgrounds, problematic relationships, changes in living conditions and potential psychopathology in the young.” By doing so, teachers and peers will be better informed as to the signs and symptoms of depression, and the necessary steps to take, therefore preventing young people from perhaps one day attempting (or committing) suicide. A common complaint from the mouths of adolescents with regard to seeking assistance for issues of mental health is a lack of finances – either money is scarce, or teens are afraid to speak to parents about assisting them pay for psychologists etc, as often domestic issues are a part of the problem. The good news is that there are many organizations in South Africa offering assistance to teenagers (and adults) at reduced rates, or free of charge. One such organization is the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG). SADAG offers callers free telephonic counselling, and referral, for all mental health issues. Once a counsellor knows the problem, the caller can be referred to the most affordable (very often ‘free-of-charge’) means of assistance. By calling 0800 21 22 23 between 8am and 8 pm seven days a week, they will find a counsellor on duty. Many youth prefer a sms service and can get help on 31393. One of the most important structures for assisting depressed, or suicidal, teens involves strong support from family and/or friends. If a person is fortunate enough to have strong support systems, it is helpful to speak to those who might be able to offer guidance or advice – even just a willing, caring ear. Many teenagers have a friend who might see the signs of depression (such as a lack of interest in pleasurable activities) and attempt to assist by encouraging open communication. Friends should remember that they aren’t doctors or mental health professionals, and therefore need not panic about having to “fix” a depressed loved-one’s problems. However, simply by being strong support, friends and family give powerful support for a person who, on the inside, feels isolated and alone. A FEW SIGNS OF TEEN DEPRESSION: Lack of energy, motivation, constant tiredness Anger, aggression, sadness, guilt, fear Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness Drop in marks or sport performance Ageneral ‘change’ in character (can be subtle) For more information on teens and depression, if you yourself suffer, or know someone who is displaying the warning signs of depression or suicide, please call SADAG (toll-free from a landline) on 0800 21 22 23, join our Facebook page ‘The South African Depression and Anxiety Group’ , or visit the SADAG website www.sadag.org

May 5, 2017

Cravings, Cravings, Cravings

‘Cravings’ are often the cause of overindulging and cheating on everyday healthy eating that contributes to weight gain. But…did you know that your ‘craving’ could be the cause of a deficiency in your diet or your body telling you that it needs a certain nutrient. Continue reading, if you want to know which nutrients you really need to nip those ‘cravings’ in the bud. Craving this…. Means you may be missing this… General overeating The science behind overeating, hunger and cravings is vast and can easily fill a book. We overeat for many reasons — hunger (the rumbling in your stomach) and appetite, of course — but also when we are tired or to celebrate, to be social, to soothe and to relieve boredom. However, a lack of silicon (found in nuts and seeds), tryptophan (found in cottage cheese, raisins, sweet potato and spinach) and tyrosine (present in orange, red, green fruits and vegetables, Vitamin C supplement) could also contribute to overeating. If you ‘crave’ the following foods, it could be your body telling you what you really need. Hormones and cravings As many as 70% of women suffer from PMS-related food cravings, bloating, fatigue, sleep disturbances, mood swings and irritability – any of which have the potential to sabotage a healthy diet. First, you have food cravings, usually for sweet, starchy foods with an underlay of fat, like chocolate ice cream. And then, your bad mood makes you say, ‘To hell with it!’ You lose your willpower to exercise and any control over what you are eating. What do we eat when those cravings hit? Chocolate is no. 1 on the hit parade, followed generally by other sweets. Salty foods, particularly chips, are a distant third. The hormonal ebbs and spikes that occur throughout a woman’s cycle are the major culprits in PMS. Cravings during PMS could further be exacerbated by a deficiency in zinc! Cravings, foods and moods Food also influences our mood and mood influences our food choices or could be the cause of you succumbing to that ‘craving’. If you find that your mood changes after meals and snacks, it may be that you’re lacking the nutrients that can help promote good mental health. Anxiety is often due to a deficiency of folic acid and magnesium. Folic acid can be found in foods such as meat, spinach, beetroot and asparagus. Depression could be made worse if your diet is lacking in vitamin B6 and B3 found in lean meat, oily fish (salmon, trout, tuna), whole grains, some fruits and vegetables as well as avocado. If poor concentration & attention is a problem then you need omega-3 fats and Vitamin B1 found in pork, seafood, whole grains, seeds and most vegetables. Insulin: Fuel for cravings Insulin resistance is a condition in which the body produces insulin but the body’s cells do not use the insulin properly. Insulin helps cells use blood glucose for energy. After you eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner, insulin is released into the bloodstream. Insulin’s job is to give muscles and organs permission to access sugar in the bloodstream. When people are insulin resistant, their muscle, fat and liver cells do not respond properly to insulin. As a result, their bodies need more insulin to help glucose enter cells. The pancreas tries to keep up with this increased demand for insulin by producing more. When there is too much insulin present, it contributes to sugar cravings as well as the “mid-afternoon lows.” Eventually, those sugar cravings lead to weight gain if we give in. Insulin resistance increases the risk of developing pre-diabetes, type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease. A person is classified as being insulin resistant if their middle circumference is >88cm (women) and >102cm (men). So get those measuring tapes out……or alternatively your Dietitian would be able to arrange for the necessary blood tests to be performed to determine if you are insulin resistant. Insulin resistance is a major global health concern that proves to be difficult to combat. Are you a victim? Tips on controlling those nasty cravings Have regular meals as well as snacks and DON’T skip meals. This will help maintain healthy blood sugar levels and prevent cravings. Limit starchy carbohydrates intake to meal times only and choose Low Glycemic Index starches. NO Starchy carbohydrate snacks – rather choose lean protein e.g. biltong, a small portion of nuts or yoghurt Exclude refined sugar like jelly, sweets or biscuits – this will only make the cravings worse! Know your metabolic rate: use it as an indication of the total carbohydrates that you need (and are allowed to eat) in a day –Your dietitian would be able to measure this for you. Have yourself checked out! Our dietitian’s take a complete diet history, assess your diet and establish which nutrients you are lacking in. Anél, Caryn or Sanmare can then advise you on how to make the necessary dietary changes to ensure a nutritionally balanced diet. If you are concerned about the nutritional adequacy of your diet, then make use of a good quality, comprehensive multi-vitamin/mineral supplement. Ask your dietitian for advice. Craving sugar and carbohydrates? Then consider using a chromium supplement. Chromium helps to maintain blood-sugar levels, by assisting insulin to do its job and keep the blood-sugar levels even which reduces sugar cravings. You require 200 mcg Chromium, twice a day, for control of cravings. Some forms of chromium may be toxic – so make sure you use the correct supplement. Discuss this with your dietitian, otherwise come and have a look at the practice where we stock the correct brands of chromium. Brushing your teeth is a tactic to help avoid late night snacking, which is mainly something that’s habitual. Many times when we eat late at night, it’s by force of habit, not because we are really ‘craving’ or hungry. Another tactic is to avoid the kitchen after a certain time at night, say 8pm. Many of us go in the kitchen like mindless zombies looking for stuff to munch on, so this “no kitchen re-entry” rule

May 2, 2017

Toddlers and food

Solving a complex problem at work, finally achieving a personal goal is nothing compared to your child finishing a whole plate of food. Isn’t it amazing that no matter how big your accomplishments in your day, NOTHING, absolutely nothing compares to the satisfaction you get watching your toddler successfully finish a meal. You can sleep peacefully know your baby has eaten ‘well’! Having a fussy eater is more common than you may think. While some babies eat almost anything they can get their little hands on, other babies are a lot pickier. Some fussy eaters are simply trying to express their independence with a say in what, when, where and how they eat. Others just need some coaxing, distraction and gentle encouragement. Perhaps your family dinner table has become a battleground? Then it is time to take the stress out of mealtimes with your toddler and child, end the arguments over food, and feed your fussy eaters. There is nothing like a food battle to cause stress and anxiety in parents – take heart and remember fussy eating isn’t just common, it’s normal! Understanding your child A classic time for problems to arise is when your baby is 12 months old. As a child is more aware of the world his natural instincts make him more suspicious of new foods. Nature’s way of protecting us from eating food that is potentially harmful. If you’re one of the lucky parents that sailed through weaning, another common time for problems to arise is during the challenging 2’s. Having lulled you into a false sense of security, your toddler could wake one morning with dietary requirements that even a top chef would struggle to meet. Children’s appetites are affected by growth cycles and they have different taste preferences to adults. You will encourage her appetite to work properly if you give her more when she’s hungry and let her eat less when she’s not interested. Growth slows down and appetites fluctuate between one and five years of age. Studies have shown that most children get plenty to eat even if it seems like they are barely eating at all. Try looking at mealtimes from a child’s perspective. Toddlers have a different agenda: from their point of view, eating is a waste of their playing time, and if we make mealtimes boring by nagging, it’s even worse. Some practical tips Here are some tips to help your little fussy eater learn to eat better, while giving you some peace of mind. Put your mind at rest: If you are concerned about the health of your child, take her for a check up at the doctor to rule out any potential health problems. Keep a food diary for 2 weeks and record EVERYTHING that she eats and drinks (include quantities). You can then get this assessed by a health professional to assess adequate nutritional intake. Give an appropriate vitamin & mineral supplement during the fussy eating phase. Stay off the battle field: Remember picky eating can also be a child’s way of asserting his independence and may have less to do with the actual food than his need to push the limits of your authority and assert some control over his life. This is why pressurizing a child to eat often back fires and you become a ‘casualty of war’. Wean at the appropriate age Weaning late has shown some link to fussing eating. Parents who delay introducing their babies to chewy food and a variety of tastes could find their babies grow up developing food fads. A recent study showed that babies should be introduced to a more varied diet between the ages of 6 to 9 months to decrease the risk of becoming fussy eaters. Babies learning to eat will spit food out, and this is more than likely due to a ‘tongue-reflex’ action than a sign that your baby doesn’t like the food. Keep trying with that food and soon he will get used to it and swallow. Fun food presentation Sandwiches cut into moon shapes, cracker with a smiley face, carrot sticks as soldiers and apple boats can make food presentation more enticing Presenting meals as a smorgasbord from which they can pick and choose from a variety of colours, shapes and textures. Toddlers and young children prefer foods that are identifiable and not one big mush. Using a compartmentalized plate that prevents different foods from touching is a great help. Make mealtimes fun and relaxed Use it as an extension of playtime and time when you and your baby can bond uninterrupted (no cell phone calls or sms’s !!!). Do puzzles, read a book, tell a story. Educate Talk about the food and its value in simple terms. E.g. this piece of chicken will help your muscles grow strong like daddy (or superman!!) and this carrot will give you beautiful eyes like Cinderella! Involve your child in food preparation By involving your child they will be likely to eat what THEY have made and may eat a bit while preparing their meal. Empower your child in decision making Allow your toddler to choose between two food options. Children are more likely to eat food they have chosen for themselves. Serve simple, easy to prepare meals. There is nothing more demoralizing than spending ages cooking a gourmet meal for your baby, who after the first spoonful turns her head away. Prepare easy meals that you know your child likes and should they refuse the food, offer one alternative that is a sure win e.g. Yogurt. Milk intake By the age of one, babies need drink only 500ml of milk daily. Most babies can go onto cow’s milk from one years of age unless health reasons dictate otherwise. Do not substitute milk for meals Social eating People are social beings as are our children. Nothing makes a toddler want his food more than having another toddler after his food. Invite a friend over who has a good appetite and watch how

April 26, 2017

Cultivating An Attitude Of Gratitude

Did you know that the word appreciate has two meanings – to be grateful for, and to grow. That is exactly what gratitude does in your life – the more you appreciate the things, people, experiences in your life, the more you seem to notice things to appreciate and the more good stuff you attract. Teaching kids this basic daily practice is easy and fun – on your way to school get into a habit of taking turns to express things that you are grateful for. It is such an uplifting way to start the day and it helps kids to focus on the positive in their lives – an attitude that will serve them in everything that they do. There are so many things to be thankful for if we stop for a moment and take notice – these can be big or small and could include things like… I’m grateful for the beautiful tress on the way to school. I’m grateful for my family. I’m grateful that today is swimming day. I’m grateful for the person who let me in in the traffic. I’m grateful for the cup of tea that was made for me this morning. I’m grateful for my health. I’m grateful for the car that we’re driving in. I’m grateful for… Listing the positives is easy once you get going. I like to take this to the next level and say thank you for the negatives in my life too… I’m grateful for the headache I have right now. I’m grateful for my grumpy boss. I’m grateful for this traffic jam. The mind is a funny thing, and when we start saying thanks for things that appear to be negative, then it starts wondering, “why am I doing this” and then proceeds to come up with answers… “I’m grateful for the headache because it’s reminding me to drink more water before my kidneys pack up; I’m grateful for the grumpy boss so that I don’t get too comfortable in a job and instead keep pursuing my dreams of working for myself; I’m grateful for the traffic jam for giving me time to really reflect on what I’m grateful for!” Gratitude is like magic in the way it can transform your life – every day list, name, or express your gratitude for at least five things – try it for a month watch how the magic grows. Teach your kids to do this and see what magical lives they create for themselves!

April 19, 2017

Peer Pressure- Good or Bad?

When one considers the connotation of peer pressure, negative images are always conjured in our mind. We tend to think that as a result of peer pressure, our children can only go one way and that’s the wrong way. But is it? Indeed, peer pressure can coax our teenagers into bad behaviour. We see a lot of young people smoking or drinking simply because everyone else is doing it. Research suggests that teenagers are extremely susceptible to influence by their peers whether it be positive or negative. They are much more vulnerable to peer pressure than adults because – scientists believe – they get greater pleasure than adults from behaviours they experience as rewarding. They tend to find being liked by other people very gratifying. During puberty people experience an increase in novelty-seeking and a fascinatingly curious interest in their environment. And the need to fit in and conform is much higher at this stage than at any other stage in a person’s lifetime. Researchers have found that young people who are resilient against peer pressure or influence are those who are more popular and have families with low dysfunction and high communication skills. Although peer pressure affects all teenagers and young children, risky and socially unacceptable behaviour tends to be associated with being popular, creating huge pressure on young adolescents who are less popular or have lower self-esteem. These young ones seem to more easily fall prey to peer influence. However, some people just have a greater need to be different and crave a sense of uniqueness. This no doubt results in personal pressure to create that different person. Whilst these people can easily be seen as having a negative influence on their peers, it could be that they are doing so unwittingly. This type of influence can also have a very positive effect on others, particularly if this need to be different is being handled in a positive way with no negative behaviour involved. Warm parenting with strict boundaries has been linked to teenagers who are more independent thinkers which results in youngsters who are able to make their own decisions without feeling the pressure and being influenced from outside. Allowing your children to grow up in an environment that instils good self-image and confidence, will ensure that as they become teenagers, they will feel less like they need to conform and be less rebellious. They are the ones who will be the positive influencers and who will develop from young leaders of today to tomorrow’s much-needed well-rounded positive leaders. There are ways in which parents can assist their teenagers to get through this complex stage in their life. Talking to your teenager and explaining that they can decline alcohol at a party and going over a strategy that will help them avoid a negative activity and still save face, will give them the confidence to not have to do what their peers are doing just for the sake of it. Equipping your teenager with prepared responses to negative influences and pressure from their peers to fit in, could be the one thing that saves them from making choices that they will one day regret. Parents should thoroughly assess their children’s friends and from an early age keep open and honest communication flowing freely. You can tell your child that you do not like a particular friend without accusation or making them feel incapable of making good choices. Rather discuss the fact that it is a particular behaviour of that friend that you do not like and communicating in a way that allows your teenager to understand that you are not passing judgement on the person, will make it easier for them to see why you would prefer that they do not hang out together. Ensuring that they fully understand that society makes judgement by association should influence them to make their own decision to disassociate themselves with any negative influencers. The following are some tips to help teenagers and young children deal with peer pressure: Stay away from peers who pressure you to do things that seem wrong or dangerous. Learn how to say “no,” and practice how to avoid or get out of situations that make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Spend time with other children who resist peer pressure. It helps to have at least one friend who is also willing to say “no.” If you have problems with peer pressure, talk to a grown up you trust, like a parent, teacher or school counselor. The following are some tips that can help parents help teenagers and young children deal with peer pressure: Encourage open and honest communication. Let your child know they can come to you if they’re feeling pressure to do things that seem wrong or risky. Teach your child to be assertive and to resist getting involved in dangerous or inappropriate situations or activities. Get to know your child’s friends. If issues or problems arise, share your concerns with their parents. Help your child develop self-confidence. Kids who feel good about themselves are less vulnerable to peer pressure. Develop backup plans to help kids get out of uncomfortable or dangerous situations. For example, let them know you’ll always come get them, no questions asked, if they feel worried or unsafe.

April 18, 2017

Are you putting your child at risk with their daily body care routine?

Would you clean your child with a chemical that is also used to degrease car engines? Well the startling fact is that Sodium Lauryl Suphate (SLS), an ingredient still in use in many children’s body care products, is also used to clean car engines! Every day our children are potentially exposed to many chemicals — the vast majority of which have never been screened for safety. I’m not a doctor, a chemist or a scientist. I’m a Mom who believes that my child has the right to be free from exposure to harmful chemicals, artificial ingredients and nasty preservatives. When my son was born I felt it was my duty to understand those long lists of ingredients on his skin care products and that I had a responsibility as his mother to reduce his exposure to toxins. Doing my homework has at times been an enlightening journey of discovery while often a shocking eye opener. I had always thought that for these toxins to be harmful they needed to swallowed or inhaled. What I forgot is that the skin is the body’s largest organ and is absorptive. Whether a chemical is soaked in through the skin, or an aerosol spray is inhaled, or suds wash down the drain and back into the drinking water supply – they can easily end up in your child’s body. What I find most alarming is the fact that many of the children’s skin care products on the market are not only harmful to their skin but also to their long term health. Many of these ingredients are known carcinogens (cancer-causing substances) and they are used by the industry simply because they are cheap. When exposed to toxic chemicals, even small doses can affect your child’s sensitive and developing body, leaving them vulnerable to allergies and frequent bouts of infections, colds, and even behavioural challenges. What research is telling us to avoid The following are just some of the synthetic chemicals that have been identified by scientific studies to be harmful to health. Sodium Lauryl Suphate (SLS) and Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate (ALS )- SLS is a surfactant that creates lather in formulas. Often described as being “derived from coconut”, which disguises their toxic nature, these chemicals are commonly used in shampoos, toothpaste, soaps and bubble baths. SLS and ALS can cause severe skin irritation, and are easily absorbed into the body through the skin, building up in the brain, heart, lungs and liver, leading to potential long term health problems. SLS and ALS may also cause cataracts, and prevent children’s eyes from developing properly. Paraben- Parabens are preservatives widely used in skin care and baby products to prolong their shelf life. They are suspected to be carcinogenic and can cause rashes and allergic reactions. Propylene Glycol- Found in many creams and cleansers, Propylene Glycol can cause skin rashes and contact dermatitis, and has been shown to cause damage to the kidneys and liver. Isopropyl Alcohol- Alcohol is used as a solvent in many skin care products. It causes skin irritation and strips the skin of its natural acid mantle, promoting the growth of bacteria, moulds and viruses. DEA (Diethanolamine), TEA (Triethanolamine) and MEA (Monoethanolamine)- These substances are harsh solvents and detergents that are used in body creams as an emollient. They can cause allergic reactions, and long term use of DEA-based products (such as Cocamide DEA) have been linked to an increase in the incidence of liver and kidney cancer. Mineral Oil- Mineral oil is derived from petroleum (crude oil), and is commonly found as a main ingredient of face and body creams. Baby Oil is 100% mineral oil! It coats the skin like a plastic film, clogging pores and stops the skin from eliminating toxins, which can lead to acne and other skin disorders. Other petroleum based ingredients include paraffin wax, paraffin oil and petrolatum. Polyethylene Glycol (PEG)- PEG is used as a thickener in skin care products. PEGs interfere with the skin’s natural moisture balance, which accelerates ageing and leaves the skin vulnerable to bacteria. Talc- Talc is a soft mineral used in talcum powders. Inhaling powders containing talc may be harmful to long term health. Saccharin- Saccharin is an artificial sweetener added to many types of toothpaste. It’s been banned in many countries. We have become so addicted to sweets, we can’t even motivate our children to brush unless artificial sweeteners have been added to them. How to protect your child from toxins Examine the labels of your children’s skin care products carefully, and learn to recognize ingredients that are harmful to their skin and their health. Don’t be fooled by the words ‘natural’ or ‘organic’ on the label. Many products contain one or two natural or organic ingredients, but they may also contain harmful synthetic chemicals as well. Read all the ingredients and keep an eye open for the ones listed above. Whenever possible, choose products with 100% natural ingredients. Find a company you can trust that will give you simple, safe ingredients. [box type=”note” style=”rounded”]If you value the importance of natural kiddie body care then KiddieKix is offering a limited number of opportunities for Agents to help spread the goodness. Click here for more info. [/box] [hr]

April 14, 2017

Healthy Sensory Habits for 21st Century Parents

Twenty first century parenting is difficult. The demands and influences are escalating and we are continuously being judged by the norms of our society. It is sometimes very difficult for parents to step out or even think out of this mould. We however need to do exactly that in order to nurture our kids optimally without reducing discipline and boundaries. I believe when we understand our children’s stressors and needs on a sensory, emotional and cognitive level, we can prepare them for the life ahead. What is Sensory Intelligence? Sensory intelligence is the insight and awareness of the primitive sensory wiring of our brains and the effect it has on everyday living. How we interpret and interact with the world is the product of sensory filtering through the senses. We see, hear, smell, taste, touch and move and respond accordingly. It is a primitive and unconscious process that occurs uniquely for all of us based on our genetic coding, and is influenced by how we were brought up. What you see, hear, smell, touch, taste and how you move is not necessarily what your child, spouse or friend will hear, smell, touch, taste or how they will move. Due to their unique genetic sensory coding they might be sensitive to a particular sound that you don’t even notice. Our sensory tolerance levels occurs across all sensory systems and will determine what we are sensitive to and thus tend to avoid versus what information we are not registering well and thus seek out. The concept of sensory intelligence is based on the sensory integration theory developed in the 1960’s which was applied to children with developmental or learning difficulties. Yet every child’s senses are a gateway through which information from the outside world is processed and relayed to the brain and this in turn triggers the child’s response to its environment. On a sensory level we as parents are responsible for the stimulation of our children for optimal growth and development. When we know our children’s sensory needs, we are better equipped to optimize their learning environment without under- or over-stimulating them – both extremes may be detrimental to their development. If we strive and work towards providing a balanced environment, we can raise children with a strong self-image and confidence – contributing to their becoming happy, positive, and successful individuals. Some children may thrive in a busy and noisy environment, while others will do better in a quiet, tranquil environment. Some may need multiple sensory stimulation, while others have a low sensory threshold and may very well feel overwhelmed and become irritable with too much going on around them. It is therefore very important for parents to be able to see and experience the world through their children’s individual eyes and unique senses. Sensory intelligence is having the ability to understand your children’s sensory needs and being able to make the necessary adjustments to their surroundings and interactions. Sensory characteristics Some of the characteristics of sensation seekers and sensation avoiders are resembled below. This is a guideline only. How children react to their sensory profiles will be dependent on their home, school, culture and physical environment. Parents should be vigilant and notice the sensory properties of activities and environment to determine for what the child is either sensitive or seeking out. Characteristics of sensation seeking children Active, fidgety, on-the-go, excitable, loud, noisy Continuously engaging, hyperactive, impulsive Take excessive risks, poor regards to safety Constantly moving, touching, biting/mouthing objects Chew on pencils, toys, clothes Bump, crash, tackle – enjoy hard physical contact Move and explore continuously Creative, energetic Need more supervision, safety awareness and strict boundaries When the above symptoms (together with other indicators) present excessively and impact on the child’s learning and development, it is described as SPD (sensory processing disorder). These children are often diagnosed as ADHD (attention deficit disorder). Research do show strong similarities between sensory processing disorder and SPD and then require specialised intervention. Characteristics of sensation avoiding children Emotionally reactive, sensitive, can be anxious Resistant to change, reliant on structure and rigid rituals Hyper vigilant: always scan environment and very intuitive and detail orientated Withdraw from stimuli and/or people Only tolerate limited clothing and/or foods Refuse messy activities Withdraw from touch/cuddles Can be aggressive and demanding When the above symptoms (together with other indicators) present excessively and impact on the child’s learning and development, it is also described as SPD (sensory processing disorder), and in this format sensory defensiveness.Defensiveness can occur in only one system (i.e. touch, auditory) but also in various other sensory systems. Sensation avoiding children have a tendency to experience stress and sensory overload regularly. However, all children, ranging between low to high thresholds, all go through stages of experiencing sensory overload. Sensory overload is often the precursor to stress, anxiety, negative behavior, poor concentration and scholastic difficulties. We tend to live in overloaded and over stimulating worlds and parents should acquire a “less is more” approach rather than “more is more”. Some sensory intelligent tips: Quiet time and spaces are crucial for our children. They need more time out to recharge their batteries. Creating a “womb” space in their bedrooms is a very good strategy. They can use these spaces independently when they are feeling overloaded. It is however very important to stress it as a time-out strategy and not a time-out discipline imposed by the parent! This prepares them for the next activity. Planning and preparation are crucial. When children are prepared in advance they can create internal dialogue for themselves to prepare and get ready. Limit spur of the moment outings and surprises as they prefer predictability and structure. They want to know what, where and how things going to happen. Tactile sensitive children are fussy when it comes to clothing textures. It really does create immense discomfort and sometimes even pain for them. It distracts them continuously and kind of “takes over” the brain so that they get irritated very quickly. Be considerate to their needs when you

April 11, 2017

The Importance Of Speaking To Youth About Underage Drinking

Part of growing up is trying new things and at some point most teenagers experiment with alcohol. It is difficult to know at the outset which teens will only experiment versus those who will use alcohol casually and those who will develop serious alcohol abuse issues. Peer pressure becomes intense during the teenage years and is fuelled by adolescents’ strong need to belong to (or be part of) a group. Many teens also find themselves caught up in social situations where they are pressured to indulge in potentially risky behaviour which is often difficult to handle for fear of being ridiculed, isolated or mocked. This can occur in numerous environments including; school, sporting events, bars, parties and even casual get-togethers. Parents play a crucial role in mitigating some of this pressure to conform to the group and need to step up and speak to teenagers about the consequences of their actions. Alcohol abuse can negatively affect their lives if they are not equipped with the necessary information to make the right decisions. The comprehensive dangers of underage drinking are varied and can have lasting effects on both mental and physical development. Teens also tend to binge drink, which can lead to risky sexual behaviour, sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. The rise in underage drinking in South Africa has recently come under the spotlight with many alarming statistics being reported. Government has even joined the battle to try and combat the problem by considering legislation to increase the legal drinking limit from 18 to 21 years. According to Adrian Botha, Spokesperson for the Industry Association for Responsible Alcohol Use (ARA), “added restrictive legislative measures are not going to make a difference if they are not enforced and increasing the legal drinking age will not have an impact on the 14 and 15 year old’s who are currently drinking. Education and communication starts at home with active parental involvement and this along with the enforcement of the current limit will address the problem.” The ARA distributes a Teenagers & Alcohol information booklet to schools in Johannesburg and the Western Cape, this booklet reinforces the message of the harmful consequences of underage drinking and aims to assist parents in finding a platform to communicate openly and honestly with their teens on alcohol use. “The issue of underage drinking is of great concern to us and it is for this reason that the ARA has funded the production of the “Teenagers & Alcohol” booklet as a practical guide aimed at encouraging parents to communicate with their children from an early age about the harmful effects of alcohol,” says Botha. Open dialogue with an adult role model helps teenagers to make informed decisions about alcohol and research has shown that teenagers who have regular chats with their parents about drugs and alcohol are less likely to use these substances. Talk with your teen about ways to handle pressure from friends to drink. Teach your teen how to say “no” and to suggest doing something different (safe). To feel comfortable talking openly with you, your teen needs to know that you will not punish him or her for being honest. Talk about family expectations and rules about alcohol use. Clearly state and enforce the consequences for breaking the rules. When your teen wants to talk about alcohol, listen to his or her opinions, help him or her make good decisions, and treat him or her with respect. Get to know your teen’s friends. Know where they hang out and what they are doing. Talk with the friends’ parents about alcohol. Do not serve alcohol to your teen or his or her friends. Be a role model. If you drink, do so responsibly. The ARA has also has ongoing partnerships with the organisations that educate teenagers about the dangers of underage drinking including Lifetalk, through their Speak Up initiative, now in its second year, which is run in schools in Gauteng. Speak Up equips teenagers with the tools of assertion, enabling them to ‘speak up’ against peer pressure and encourage fellow teenagers to do the same. The programme is aimed at learners, parents and teachers. “As parents it is never too late to start having conversations with your teenagers about alcohol and the harmful effect it has on young children. Don’t be afraid to consult professionals if you are faced with this situation. They can also phone the school counsellor to get the details of suitably qualified professionals who have experience working with adolescent alcohol issues,” concludes Botha. For more information contact www.ara.co.za

April 10, 2017

Setting a bad example: children unimpressed by parents’ online behaviour

Social media gives us the freedom to communicate with our loved ones, whenever and wherever we want. However, this freedom comes at a cost: blinded by our seemingly happy digital lives we often don’t realise how social media threatens and damages our real-life relationships. New global research from Kaspersky Lab shows that a third of people communicate less face-to-face with their loved ones, and 21% of parents admit that relationships with their children have been damaged as a result of them being seen in a compromising situation on social media. With people’s tendency to post photos of themselves or others under the influence of alcohol, wearing something revealing or even naked in order to get more “likes”, it is evident that social media can damage offline relationships. But while we would expect parents not to approve of their children’s online behaviour, it is often the other way round. More than a fifth of parents admit that their relationship with their children worsened after they had seen their parents in compromising circumstances on social media. In contrast, only 14% of parents said they were annoyed by their children’s online behaviour. In addition, around one-in-five (16%) people also said that their relationship with their spouse or partner has been damaged as a result of them being seen in a compromising situation on social media. Relationships with family, friends and colleagues are changing as people communicate less face-to-face as a result of social media. A significant third of people admitted that they now communicate less with their parents (31%), children (33%), partners (23%), and friends (35%) because they can see and communicate with them via social media. Dr. Astrid Carolus, Media Psychologist at the University of Würzburg comments: “Studies show that today digital communication complements real-life communication. We live in a globalised and highly mobile world resulting in distances between partners and family members. Digital communication is an opportunity to bridge the gaps in our modern lives caused by living in different cities or countries. However, digital communication cannot replace face-to-face communication – at least not always and not completely. Digital communication is less rich in terms of sensory channels affected, resulting in “reduced” sensory quality.” Although people communicate less face-to-face, around half of respondents believe that the quality of their relationships does not suffer at all and is even better as a result of being connected with their loved ones online. Dr. Astrid Carolus warns that although it seems that the quality of our relationships is improving, people cannot always evaluate their online communication objectively: “Under certain circumstances they perceive their online communication as “hyper-personal communication” and thus they can misread and over-interpret the messages on social media. We feel especially close, we blind out the rather negative, focus on the possible positive intentions behind a message, and over-interpret.” With the study finding that although social media can help ease communication channels and bridge time zones and distance barriers, it doesn’t always make people happy. It can strain relationships as well as leaving people feeling down and upset, as they constantly compare their lives to those of others. The hunt for “likes” and social validation leads people to share increasing amounts of private information on social media platforms, putting not only themselves but also their friends, family and colleagues at risk. For those who decide to shut themselves off from social media, the reality of losing a lifetime of digital memories, including photos and interactions, can make it difficult to do. In order to protect themselves and their relationships, people need to be more cautious and cyber-savvy about the information they share on social media. That will not only help to mitigate the risks of the online world, but prevent relationship damage in the offline world. To help people keep their memories safe, no matter how long their online social media journey, Kaspersky Lab is developing a new app. FFForget will enable people to back-up all of their memories from their social networks, keeping them in a safe, encrypted memory container.

April 7, 2017

The Dangers of the Internet for your Child

“Had I only known what she was up to, I might have prevented this “. These were the words of a father who lost his 17 year old daughter to a highly debated “internet suicide cult” in Bridgend, Wales. She hanged herself upstairs in her room while her father was watching TV downstairs. This is the grim reality of the world where our children are growing up today. With instant access to the internet their worlds have expanded to literally the ends of the earth, ironically confined to a small device such as a cell phone or a computer. With the end of 2012 being at hand, most children are expected to withdraw to their bedrooms or study areas in preparation of the final exams. For some parents it is a relief that their children are now spending more time at home, focusing on the exams, but where this has traditionally been viewed as “good behaviour”, the internet poses new potential dangers to our children. While studying, it is common practise to “take a break”, normally by getting in touch with the outside world via the electronic communication systems available. And right here your child has an opportunity to be derailed from their studies by being exposed to all sorts of obscurities within the cyber world. This can include exposure to pornography, undesirable sites or cyber bullying – where your child, is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, or otherwise targeted by another child. Also by visiting certain chatrooms, social sites or live webcam groups, your child could expose themselves as a possible target for online Sexual Predators who see the process of finding and tracking down a child as a game and a hunt. They use methods such as Online Grooming (when Predators develop relationships by offering whatever a child seems to need, emotionally or literally luring them with gifts) or Online Mirroring (when predators are skilled in playing back emotionally what they see in the child) to try and gain access to the child. There is also Online Phishing ( when a scammer tries to trick you into giving or revealing your personal information”), etc It can be disheartening when we are confronted by all the potential dangers that our children are exposed to, but there is hope. Parents can play an integral part in protecting their children by being involved and focusing on the following: Educate yourself regarding the dangers of the internet. (visit www.netparent.co.za ) Investigate new protection software on the internet. Do not underestimate your child’s technical abilities. Ask your teen to help you adjust your PC privacy settings. This will give you a good sense of how ‘savvy’ they are. Engage in dialogue with your child regarding online activities that are important to them. This might not be your field of interest, but this attitude will hopefully lead to an open communication channel. Educate your kids concerning online shopping and regularly monitor billing statements. Computers should be confined to common areas. Don’t befriend their friends – although befriending their parents is quite acceptable. Reassure your child that they can always share their concerns with you, especially cyber bullying! For your Child: They should never give out personal information. They should never post a picture of themselves that could ever lead to embarrassment. Never post slanderous statements or incriminating comments. They should not download pictures, click on e-mail attachments or visit unsolicited web links from an unknown source. They should never respond to messages or bulletin board postings that are suggestive, obscene, belligerent, or harassing. They must be skeptical as to the truth of what’s said online. Avoid face-to-face meetings with individuals they’ve met online without supervision from a chaperone. They should only accept a friend or follow requests from individuals they have met in person. Parents can also protect their children by installing software on their computers, such as NetParent, that will notify them should the child come into contact with predetermined unwanted content. You will receive an immediate E-Mail or SMS warning the moment preselected content is triggered by Netparent, when your child is busy exploring the internet or typing trigger words on the home PC. Now you can also remotely block and unblock the pc screen via sms. As the saying goes: prevention is better than cure. Be an involved parent during this coming exam season and by doing so ensure a safer and better future for your child. Article supplied by www.netparent.co.za South Africa

April 7, 2017

Raising financially smart kids

Type ‘teaching children about money’ into a search engine and most of the information you’ll find makes the point that it’s seldom too early to start. From a much earlier age than most parents think possible, children have the capacity to soak up financial lessons such as understanding the value of things, saving towards something rather than immediate gratification and that money must be earned. Games such as playing shop or even old-fashioned marbles, where the coloured glass balls are the currency, can teach children important financial lessons. Unfortunately, other than the informal market of the playground where marbles or Stikeez substitute for money, most schools don’t formally teach young children ‘money’ or financial principles – it’s largely left up to parents. What are the lessons you should be teaching your children? Marlies Kappers, head of marketing at financial services provider, DirectAxis, says most of the literature touches on seven broad principles. Do you need it? Something that you can do early on is to help children differentiate between wants and needs. Trapped in the supermarket aisle of death leading to the tills, we’ve all seen children, or worse, experienced our own children, whining because parents won’t give in to incessant demands for sweets. Rather than telling children you’re not buying them something ‘because we can’t afford it’, explain that you’re choosing not to spend your hard-earned money in that way. It’s even better if you can say why: ‘I’m saving some money so we can go to the movies together in the school holidays’. Understand the value of money Games such as shop-shop, where children ‘buy’ differently priced items with loose change or even marbles are a good way of starting to teach young children the value of money. As they get a bit older you can take the lessons to the real world and ask them to help you do price comparisons between items in the supermarket. Explain why you make the choices you do. For example, it may seem more expensive to buy a larger bag of rice or potatoes, but it’s cheaper than buying two smaller bags. Using price-comparison apps such as pricecheck, or by visiting https://www.pricecheck.co.za , you can get older children involved in checking where you can get an item at the best price. You control your pocket money There’s no hard-and-fast rule about when to start paying pocket money, but there seems to be a general consensus that about age six is a good time. Pocket money is an important step in teaching children financial responsibility. If you give them some money every time they want something, they may struggle to grasp the value of money and the basics of budgeting later in life. Initially, pay children pocket money once a week. As they get older you can make this once a fortnight and later once a month. This will teach them to make it last. Money is earned Building on the lesson about understanding the value of money, children must be taught that pocket money is earned, not given. They can earn it for doing household chores such as making their bed, tidying their room or feeding a family pet. As they get older and receive more pocket money, so their responsibilities should increase. Learn to save The accepted rule of thumb is that you should save 10% of what you earn. You can encourage younger children to put away some of their pocket money in a piggy bank each week. As they get older, open a bank account and suggest they try save some pocket money and also any additional income they may get, such as birthday money or income from part-time-jobs. Teach them money management Teach children to manage their money from the outset. If they want a toy, gadget or fashion accessory explain how they will need to save for it, possibly sacrificing other treats. Help them keep a record of earnings and expenditure in a book or on a spreadsheet. When you pay pocket money look at the previous month and explain what they did well or how they might better have spent or saved their money. If they do want to buy a big-ticket item such as a bicycle or surfboard and you lend them the money, getting them to pay it back in instalments over a given period will teach them how to manage debt. Let them learn lessons Suggest or advise, but you shouldn’t dictate how children should spend their money. Don’t be disappointed when they make mistakes. The biggest lesson they’ll learn is when they splurge on something and later realise that it was a waste of money. When they do, don’t bail them out. Let them make their own plan to supplement their income by doing more chores or getting a part-time job. Teaching children about money and how to manage it are valuable life-lessons that they will be able to keep applying long after they’ve left home and have families of their own.

April 5, 2017

Children with Disabilities in Dire Straights

Over 597 000 South African children with disabilities did not attend school in 2015, almost double the 280 000 estimated in 2001. This is just one of the shocking findings in a report prepared by a range of high level advocacy groups in the South African inclusive education and disability rights arena. Known as the Right to Education for Children with Disabilities Alliance, they have provided an alternative report to the UN Committee on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities. This was done in response to South Africa’s Baseline Country Report of March 2013. Some of the key issues discussed in the December 2016 report, just released, are: Misspending of more than USD125 million allocated by the Treasury for the expansion of inclusive education; Children remaining on waiting lists for special schools for up to five years; The lack of provision for learners with disabilities before and beyond the ages of 7 and 18 years. There is particular concern about the upper age limits in primary schools, as some learners as old as 17 or 18 remain in primary schools. The state’s failure to assist learners by providing devices or additional classroom support. Most parents must carry this burden. As many cannot afford to do so, their children do not go to school; The lack of legislative protection for learners at special schools and hostels. There is a high incidence of abuse. Protective measures in the Children’s Act do not apply to special schools as they are not categorised as ‘child and youth centres’; The Curriculum Assessment Policy Statements (CAPS) curriculum. This curriculum was introduced in 2012, yet by 2015, 17 out of 22 special schools for visually-impaired learners reported not having received a single textbook, workbook or teacher’s guide for the CAPS curriculum in braille. Only 150 of the more than 600 CAPS textbooks had been adapted into braille. The lack of professional qualifications specifically for teaching children with intellectual and visual impairment, autism, or severe and complex support needs; and The poor data collection and analysis that is leading to inadequate monitoring and reporting of this sector. “We are extremely concerned by the ways in which the South African schooling system compromises the rights and dignity of children with disabilities,” said Robyn Beere, Director of Inclusive Education South Africa. “For example, private space is seldom allocated to personal care needs and buildings are inaccessible to children using wheelchairs, who then have to crawl or be carried. The discriminatory attitudes and practices that prevail in many schools ‒ if children are fortunate enough to have access in the first place ‒ have not been addressed.” The South African Constitution guarantees the right to basic education. More specifically, section 29(1) (a) states that the right to education is unqualified, not subject to the availability of resources, and therefore must be directly and immediately implemented. In its five-year strategic plan (2015/16-2019/20), the Department of Basic Education (DBE) committed to strengthen inclusive education. However, says Silomo Khumalo, Researcher at SECTION27, it has failed to translate this into meaningful action plans, targets or budgets. “Provisions related to inclusive education are scattered across a few pieces of legislation. The existing framework does not place clear obligations on the state to ensure that children with disabilities can access quality education within the general education system.” Comprehensive, transparent and equitable inclusive education budgets are obviously a necessary component of this. “Should the state defend its failure to act on the grounds of inadequate resources, South African courts require a rational explanation of why the government lacks resources, given the immediacy of the right. This was outlined in the Committee on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities’ comment on the Right to Inclusive Education in September last year.” The report makes numerous recommendations to improve conditions for children with disabilities. These span admissions policies and practices, to suitable transport for children. The report can be viewed online at www.included.org.za.

April 3, 2017

Introducing Proteins To Your Baby

I am continually amazed at how parenting manages to derail and confuzzle us mammas. The second we think we have something aced, the next phase swoops in and sweeps us off of our feet. Just as we’ve got the sleeping down to a tee, something like Sleep Regression or Teething Trauma hits. Just as #babyjake was eating like a champion, he decided to only consume finger foods in the shape of miniature balls. And just like that, it’s back to the drawing board, and the next bout of research begins. So for all the mamma bears who’re now facing the Introduction of Proteins, here’s a quick guide to getting started. The good news is that there really isn’t much of a science to getting started on proteins. Getting Started: A month after starting solids at 5 months, I introduced #babyjake to proteins (he was now 6 months at the time). We had worked our way through most veggies and so it was time to add protein to the menu. Remember, there is no set timeline as to when you need to start solids (pick a time between 4 and 6 months based on your baby), and the same applies to proteins. Once your baby is eating well loving their mashed butternut and has gotten the hang of swallowing & digesting food, you can start introducing proteins (my guesstimate would be plus/minus a month or so after starting solids for the first time). In the beginning, just start with one protein a day, preferably at lunch time (remember you always want to introduce new foods earlier in the day rather than later, so that if your little one gets crampy, you wont be up all night). Pick one or 2 of your baby’s favourite veggies so far. If your little one is loving their butternut, then stick to that. Just make sure it’s something they already enjoy. I started off with a little bit of freshly steamed, flaked hake. That’s what my mom did with me back in the day. And for once, I didn’t turn things into a scientific research project – hake it was! It’s also incredibly easy to cook from frozen. It flakes easily (no need to puree – you can just mash it with a fork). How I prepared the hake: Buy a box of pure white, frozen hake medallions. Deboned. Deskinned. And obviously not crumbed. No need for fresh fish. Take out just one fillet (this way, if your baby doesn’t like it, you haven’t wasted anything). And steam or poach it from frozen (no need to defrost). If you don’t have a steamer, just boil the piece of fish in some water on the stove. It cooks pretty quickly. Less than 10 – 15 minutes. Ensure that its firm and white throughout. Cut the cooked fillet in half. Mash with a fork (you don’t need to puree it, it flakes beautifully). Watch out for any bones. Store the other half in the fridge, for the following day. Mix with your veggie of choice (I used butternut the first few times). Feed to baby. If no reaction, then attempt it again the following day. What next? After 2 or 3 days of successful fish feeding, you can now work your way through the following list, in no particular order, trying a new protein every couple of days. You could even try a new protein once a week. Or skip a day here of there. You really don’t need to rush things but you also don’t need to be scared to try all sorts of things. Just remember the basic common sense guidelines: Don’t try more than one new food at a time (otherwise it will be hard to pinpoint which food caused the problem) Try new foods around lunchtime, not for dinner. Otherwise you may be up with a screaming baby all night. While it isn’t necessary to wait 2/3 days before introducing new fruits and veggies to your baby, you may want to take things a bit slower when it comes to proteins. So err on the side of caution, and try one new food at a time, for 2 – 3 days at a time. Obviously if there is a family allergy to dairy, eggs or nuts – don’t try these foods on your baby without consulting your Paed. Write it all down!, so that you can keep track of how many meals per week contained red meat, fish, legumes etc. By 8 months, Jake was eating all types of protein as per the list below. So around 7 or 8 months, you can get started with all the foods on this list! Just follow the guidelines above (and consult with your Paed for further guidance). While various other proteins abound, I like to keep things simple and stick to this practical list. I have compiled this list based on foods that are baby-friendly, fuss-free and practical to cook / prepare / freeze (while still covering the full nutritional range of proteins). By 7 and a half / 8 months, #babyjake was enjoying all of these foods. Fish Hake (Frozen fillets) Salmon (Frozen fillets or tinned) Sardines or Tuna (tinned) but rather opt for sardines How to prepare: I use frozen pure hake or salmon medallions from Woolies. I cook a box at a time. Steam or boil. Then flake / mash with a fork and fill into ice cube trays. Sometimes some of the fatty fish oil rises to the top of the pot, and I scoop that back into the ice cube trays. Salmon is exorbitant though, so use sardines instead to ensure your baby gets all the Fatty Omegas needed. Meat & Poultry Lamb Beef Chicken How to prepare: Lamb is the most digestible meat for babies. It is really gentle on tiny tummies. Buy a pack of stewing lamb (any cut will do but opt for meaty pieces). In a casserole dish, throw in a collection of assorted veggies that you know your baby is safe with – carrots, butternut, sweet potato etc. Cover with

March 31, 2017

Children and Sexual Curiosity

The famous human sexual response researcher, William Masters (1925 – 2001), an American gynaecologist, was known to play a game with newborn boys during delivery: ‘Can I get the cord cut before the kid has an erection?’ He often failed since most boys are born with a fully erect penis. He also observed that all baby girls lubricated vaginally in the first 4 to 6 hours of life, and that during sleep, spontaneous erections or vaginal lubrication occur every 80 to 90 minutes throughout our entire life span. Despite being born with sexuality as an inherent part of a child’s being, expressions of a sexual nature often leave parents with a feeling of discomfort and concern. ‘Sexual nature’ in this context refers to behaviour which includes touching, sexual identification, exploring one’s own body and those of others, sexual language, masturbation, and games or interaction which have sexual connotations. Although children vary in their interest in sexuality, they are all naturally curious about their own bodies and those of others. Investigative peeking games, which entail ‘you-show-me-yours-and-I’ll-show-you-mine’, are quite natural and occur in 85% of children between the ages of 3 and 7. Rest assured that these games are considered normal and are viewed as non-sexual behaviour. Apart from playing peek-a-boo with others, it is also well known that girls discover their magic buttons of pleasure. A girl may become aware of a pleasurable sensation caused by the friction of her panty, riding on her bicycle, climbing ropes or trees or gently rocking or rubbing her teddy between her legs. ‘Masturbation’ is such a weighty word to use when talking about our innocent girls, and although polite society doesn’t freely discuss matters of such delicacy, we should realise that it is quite a natural, non-sexual occurrence. Her private enjoyment of self-stimulation should be viewed in the light and innocent character of all childish diversions. You may find that she masturbates when she is tired, bored or simply relaxing. Perhaps all we need to do is explain to our little darlings that it is a private matter, and as long as she doesn’t pick the supermarket, the neighbours’ Sunday barbeque or the beachfront for private playtime, all is well. To illustrate this principle, we have a lovely account of a father reading a bedtime story to his 20-month-old little girl. Sophie would sometimes enjoy her ‘happy wiggle’ as she relaxed and listened to the calm and comforting voice of her father. In these instances, her dad would pause and say, ‘Do you want to be alone, or do you want to hear the story?’ Although worried about Sophie’s behaviour at first, her parents found that once they had discussed this openly and told her it was something she should do in private, it stopped being such a big deal. Notably, Sophie was educated in a positive way without leaving her with feelings of guilt and shame. Well worth mentioning too is certain sexual behaviour that merits some reason for concern: this includes attempting or imitating sexual intercourse with a friend, dolls or soft toys; attempts to insert objects in her or a friend’s anus or vagina; oral-genital contact; demanding that others take part in explicit sexual activities, and obsessive self-stimulation. Based on the fact that these tendencies are uncommon in emotionally healthy children but common amongst children who have been victims of abuse, these deviances do need intervention from the adult. Please listen when the little ones talk about things that seem grown-up and removed from their frame of reference. They do not have the cognitive capabilities to talk about sexual acts unless they’ve experienced it. Symptoms of possible abuse include a change in behaviour which reveals anger, hostility, aggression or withdrawal, nightmares, bed-wetting and fear of the dark, regression to babyish habits, or displaying reticence towards or fear for a person or a situation. School grades and attention span may also be affected.

March 28, 2017

Combating Stress and Taking Control of Your Fertility

In a fast paced world where people are constantly chasing time, deadlines, and are driven by the need to succeed, high levels of stress are common place. Medical research has shown time and again that chronic stress can have a negative impact on long-term health, but the implications on fertility and the ability to conceive are lesser known. However, recent literature and medical studies have shown that the reduction of stress can account for higher pregnancy rates. This is according to Mandy Rodrigues, a clinical psychologist specialising in fertility management at Medfem Clinic. Rodrigues suggests that the link between stress and fertility is multi-faceted. “Not only does stress inhibit the ability to conceive, but the constant disappointment of not being able to conceive compounds an individual or a couple’s stress levels,” says Rodrigues. “We know that stress has a direct impact on our physical health, which in turn has an impact on our fertility as well as the outcome of treatment,” adds Rodrigues. “We address a very specific type of stress called ‘Time Urgency Perfectionism Stress’. In simple terms this describes a person that is a perfectionist, is constantly chasing deadlines, and is experiencing exceptionally high levels of stress.” Dr Antonio Rodrigues, a fertility specialist at Medfem Clinic, adds that when an individual is continuously stressed, they secrete hormones that inhibit normal immune function and constrict the blood vessels, which in turn affects the body’s ability to conceive. “We recognised the link between stress and infertility about 14 years ago when we were seeing several patients that had a similar personality type,” he says. “Not only were these people extremely hard working, driven and self-confessed perfectionists, they also had other symptoms of stress including irritable bowel syndrome, spastic colon and chronic fatigue.” He explains that there is also a physiological cause, and that many of these patients tend to experience insomnia, bouts of depression, and a feeling of being out of control. Mandy Rodrigues says that there is also a difference between good stress and bad stress. “Most people are worried about normal daily challenges such as the economic situation and crime, but when it comes to the inability to conceive, we are talking specifically about people that are chronically stressed on a day-to-day basis,” she says. Studies have shown that the link between stress and infertility is quite significant with at least 30% of women being affected. Therefore, according to Mandy Rodrigues, not managing your stress might give you the same results as the next person, but managing your stress will give you a better than average chance of falling pregnant. “If we can encourage individuals to manage their stress their chances of falling pregnant are much higher.” Therefore managing stress is a definite component to treating infertility. “Changing your lifestyle is critical,” says Dr Antonio Rodrigues. “It not only increases your likelihood of falling pregnant but increases your longevity.” He explains that the same people who experience fertility problems during their 20s or 30s will have a higher risk of diabetes, conarary heart disease and cancer later on in life. “It’s all about eating properly, maintaining a moderate lifestyle, taking nutrients and managing your stress,” he adds. Another contributing factor is the stress of actually undergoing the treatment for infertility. “Recently published literature has indicated that the emotional reactions and consequences of infertility can be compared to those experienced in a post traumatic stress reaction,” says Mandy Rodrigues. “The woman or couple will experience a constant grieving cycle each month with reactions like shock, disbelief, bargaining, anger and depression. However, instead of acceptance, the couple faces a new cycle of hope again as the next cycle of treatment begins,” she says. “The causes of infertility and the processes one undergoes in diagnosing and subsequently treating infertility, have their own emotional and financial consequences for the individual and the couple. All of these have an impact on the individual and may result in depression, anxiety, helplessness and isolation.” An important suggestion for couples that are thinking of starting a family is to have a fertility plan, which maps out the stages in your treatment plan as well as possible options or reactions after each step has taken place. “This has an important psychological impact, because when people know what to expect, and they have a back-up plan, it offers them peace of mind,” says Dr Antonio Rodrigues, adding that this will also help to manage stress, and in turn promotes better results. “We conducted a study where the pregnancy rates for in vitro fertilisation in individuals that were properly managing their stress and these went up by 40%. The overall pregnancy rate in couples managing their stress was increased to 67% per cycle,” he says. Stress management really changes lives, not just in terms of treating infertility, but by actually creating long-term benefits. “We have had the opportunity to bump into some of patients whom we treated 10 years ago and it’s clear that effective stress management has actually improved their overall long-term quality of life,” concludes Mandy Rodrigues

March 26, 2017

Staying Calm at Bedtime

There’s nothing quite like coming to the end of a busy day with small children, desperate for a bit of quiet adult time and seeing the flicker of light at the end of the tunnel approaching… only to have it stamped out by a child who refuses to go to sleep. It is understandable that in those moments calm and collected parenting gets stamped out right alongside. We need them to go to sleep. We need that time to ourselves to feel sane. We need a break. We need them to bloody well do as they’re told! And in that little word “need” lies the entire problem. The minute we need our children to behave in a certain way for our own wellbeing we are handing over control. Not control over them, but control over our own internal state. The truth is, nobody can make you feel anything (not even your own sometimes impossible child) without your permission. And once we need something from our kids, we’re handing over that permission slip. Our children are not out to get us, not out to disturb our peace, not planning to mess with our schedule. They just are. They’re being kids, being true to their own sense of how tired they are (or not) and what they feel like in the moment. It is us, as the adults, who are trying to impose an agenda on the moment – trying to make it bend to our will. And life always has other plans! We also teach our children in those moments to veer away from trusting their own bodies and listening to their own internal state so that they can learn to self-regulate instead of always needing us to lay down rules and guidelines. This is similar to getting them to finish their dinner when they’re not really hungry. We tell them to override their very nature. So how do we meet our own needs (because let’s be clear, we really do have a need for some quiet adult time and a break from constantly attending to little people) AND meet our children’s need to listen to their bodies and figure out their own schedules? The trick is to have freedom within boundaries. You can, for example, allow the kids to stay up doing something quietly in their room until they feel tired, provided they do not interrupt the adults. The French have been doing this for centuries. They simply state that from 8pm it is adult time and children need to occupy themselves. Most parents I know panic about this idea as they’re worried the kids will then be too tired for school the next day. Will they? Yes, there probably will be a day here and there where they overdo it and don’t get enough sleep. This is called experiencing the consequences of your actions. And it is exactly how children learn to self-regulate. You will also find that when you remove your need and desperation for them to sleep that that anxious energy is no longer a factor at bedtime and everyone is feeling more relaxed and peaceful, and this naturally sets the stage for a trip into slumberland! In short, stay calm, make sure you are meeting your own needs (and not relying on your kids to meet them for you) and let your children naturally fall asleep when their bodies are ready.

March 22, 2017

Is my tween ready and responsible enough for a cell phone?

Deciding if your tween is ready and responsible enough to own a cell phone is something that at some point all parents have to decide. When my girls, who are 11, wrote me a letter explaining the benefits of them owning one as well as why they felt they were responsible enough to own one : I too was faced with those questions. As a child I always hated that my elder brother could do things that I was not able too, and was always told, as I am sure that others were, that it was for my own safety. I recall having some reservations about my eldest son getting a cell phone but not nearly as much as when I had to decide if the girls were ready. This is something that we all are faced with and this is a big milestone that children reach in our modern day society. It is not something that is going to go away any time soon, so the acceptance on my and your part is imminent. Undoubtably there are some benefits. I consider myself to be a reasonable person and that this decision was not something that I could put off for the rest of their lives. I could however make sure that they knew the risks of cell phones, in terms of the bullying that occurs so often using these devices as well as make sure that there were some clear ground rules in place. Cell phones are a great way to stay in touch anytime, anywhere. You cannot beat the convenience of knowing that you are able to contact your child anytime. There is also the safety aspect of knowing where your children are and that if there is an emergency, a cell phone can be crucial if your child needs to reach you or vice versa. That is partly why many parents are buying their children cell phones these days. For your tween, having a cell phone offers the same kind of security it does for you – knowing that you are just a call or text away. We decided that we would lay down ground rules that not only we as parents agreed upon but the girls as well. Ensuring that we were all on the same page was a vital part to ensuring that the trust in our relationships was not only maintained but built on as well. Through all of our rules we clearly explained why we had set them out and gave the girls the opportunity to question all of them. Our rules included the following: No taking cell phones to school. Most schools, including theirs do not allow cell phones at school. They do however have a phone card should they need to contact me as well as we felt that the school would do as they have always done, which is contact us if there was a problem. During the week, there was no telephone calls and no messages to take place. The girls are however allowed to message their family and only contact their friends if there is a concern regarding homework that they could resolve through this means. They were not allowed to join any social networks as yet. They had already expressed their own reservations regarding the risks involved in having a facebook account that we did not need to cover to much in this regard. They were allowed to play their games after their homework and chores were completed. Over the weekends that were able to use their cell phone as they saw fit, however if they broke any of our rules that there would be no cell phone on the upcoming weekend. We would ensure that there was adequate airtime available, however that this was to last for the entire month. If they ran out of airtime, they would have to work in order to have their line unlocked. This airtime would also replace their existing allowance that they were being given. There was to be no sending of any pictures of themselves to their friends. They are allowed to send to their family but not to their friends. Again after explaining that children today resort to bullying through their cells phones that these pictures could be sent through to people that they don’t necessarily want others to have. When we were together as a family, for example eating dinner, there was to be no cell phones and that we would still interact as a family. There would be no bullying of any kind via their cell phones with their friends. They would notify us if any suspicious messages were received and if someone that they did not know made contact with them. There telephone number was top secret and could only be given to their immediate friends, if any parents or adult requested their telephone number. While researching for this article, I found something which sense. Drawing up a contract between parents and children is also a great way to ensure that everyone is on the same page. This is available to download and print by following the link below. Cell Phone Contract

March 22, 2017

Best Diet for your Genes

Ever wondered why some people lose weight on one type of diet and others don’t and why is there is so many conflicting results? It might be because of us. Well, because of our different genes. This specific question led to the emerging science of genetic testing, called nutritional genomics (a.k.a. nutrigenomics) – the study of interactions between genes and diet. Keep reading if you want to know more. GENES, DIET AND WEIGHT LOSS Dieting is often an endless cycle of losing weight and gaining it all back. Thousands of diets exist, but how do you know which one is best for you? The answer may lie in your DNA. The idea of the DNA DIET is rooted in the scientifically proven reality that dieting simply doesn’t work for many people. Popular diets are based on a presumption that ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL. That is NOT true. For some people it is harder to lose weight than for others because of their genes. A now famous study conducted at Stanford University looked at the long-term effects of weight loss using a few different diets assigned at random. Results showed that some participants lost weight on one type of diet, such as low-fat, while others did not. The study then tested participants’ DNA for 3 specific gene variations and found that those using the best diet for their DNA lost 2-3 times more weight than those on the ‘wrong’ diet, not using their best DNA diet. DNA testing and following a weight loss diet based on your genetic make-up makes sense because our genes control hormone levels, enzyme levels – all the basic levels of metabolism. And how we metabolize food determines what happens to the nutrients and calories we take in. ONE SIZE DOESN’T FIT ALL Nutritional guidelines are for ALL individuals, but just like clothes, a “one-size-fits-all” approach is not applicable. These dietary recommendations are based on averages across large populations or responses of people, which could be irrelevant to others. For many years, doctors and dieticians have viewed diet the same way, assuming there is only one optimal diet for all. Research has shown otherwise and that this is likely not the case. Humans are 99.5% the same. Yet that 0.5% difference matters. Why is DNA testing so successful for weight loss? Research has shown that it is extremely important for successful weight loss to know the right amounts and ratios of macronutrients in your daily nutritional intake. Therefore knowing how many carbohydrates, proteins, saturated fats and unsaturated fats you should eat daily plays the most important role in your weight loss management plan. Research found that individuals who dieted using recommendations based on their actual genetic makeup lost 33% more weight than those who didn’t. HOW GENETIC TESTING WORKS It is as simple as 1-2-3! Do a cheek swap DNA testing is easy and painless, by taking a cheek swap sample (like they do in Crime Scene Investigations on TV) and then sending the sample back to the DNAlysis laboratory for analysis. Here they use modern technology to analyse a person’s sample in order to identify genetic variants and study the relationship between individual genes and diet – thereby gaining intimate knowledge about physiological processes that may not function optimally. Unlock your results The DNA DIET report is generated that allows an individual to understand how their genes affect the way he or she respond to foods they consume e.g. carbohydrates or saturated fat. The DNA DIET further determines the right amounts and ratios of macronutrients required on a daily basis by defining your weight loss nutritional type (e.g. Mediterranean, Low-Fat or Low-Carb). By knowing that, you can give your body exactly what it needs! No more cravings and constant hunger you have experienced with previous diets that resulted in unsuccessful weight loss. Optimise your diet and training plan The DNA DIET report is used to refine your nutrition and exercise plan to manage your weight. Providing you with a diet plan tailored to your genes (be it low carb or low fat) and insight into optimal exercise intensity for weight loss. However, some people have the gene where physical activity does not help them lose weight! INSIGHT INTO DNA DIET RESULTS Genetic variations make each of us unique in all sorts of ways, including how our bodies respond to different types of foods, it may also have a powerful influence on what we like to eat (bitter vegetables or sweets) as well as why some people get fat and others stay thin. Some gene variants affect appetite and satiety. Others appear to influence how efficiently people burn fat for energy. Obesity Risk The DNA DIET test will reveal if you have what is called the “increased obesity risk” gene called FTO. This gene plays a role in appetite control, meaning a person with this gene are likely to eat more, feel hungry soon after a meal and crave fattier foods more than someone without this gene. Then there is the gene that tells a person whether they are more likely to gain and regain weight as well as their ability to lose weight more slowly or faster than others. The DNA DIET will also indicate if you are genetically inclined to have a higher body fat percentage and higher waist circumference. Carbohydrate responsiveness Certain gene variants impact your ability to lose weight when carbohydrates are eaten. If a person’s carbohydrate sensitivity is very high, they are more likely to put on weight if they eat lots of carbs. This means to lose weight they’ll be better suited to a low carb diet and would need to restrict refined carbs significantly. If someone falls in the low risk category, they can eat carbohydrates and still lose weight. Eating behaviour Certain people are genetically more prone to forms of food and sugar addiction than others. Part of the reason for this is that some people are more predisposed to seek out pleasure than others. For instance, in our brain, there is a

March 20, 2017

A Pragmatic Response to Bullying

No parent wants to see their child suffer at the hands of a bully. As much as we would like to shield them from horrible people, as parents, we have to be realistic. Our job is to prepare our kids for life in the real world and that means helping them learn how to cope with mean people. The problem is that most parents don’t know how to actually help their kids aside from general platitudes like – stand up for yourself or ignore them. The question is, how does a modern educated parent approach the subject of bullying? We want more than theories and platitudes. We want a pragmatic approach that will actually work for our children. It turns out that there is a very pragmatic approach that really does work. It is a compassionate approach based on the science of behavioral management. I studied cognitive psychology in college and spent time in a dolphin cognition research lab. While there I learned about operant and classical conditioning. The way you extinguish a behavior in an animal using operant conditioning is the same way you get a bully to stop. Not by punishing bad behavior, but by not rewarding it. It turns out that animals and bullies treat negative reinforcement as reinforcement. In order to get bullying to stop, you need to not reinforce the bully at all. This is hard to do because, bullies are really good at getting you to respond, that’s why they do what they do. What we need to teach our children is practical things they can do and say that will help them respond without rewarding the bully. It isn’t enough to say – stand up for yourself or ignore them. Kids need to be told specifically, here is what you need to say, and here is how you say it, now let’s practice it so you can say it under the pressure of active bullying. Most kids can pick up these skills pretty quickly when presented in such a pragmatic way. The key to this approach is to help your child develop a neutral emotional response to the actions of a bully. The best way to do that is to practice and cultivate compassion. It’s hard to do because we are often so involved in our own hurt that we don’t want to let go enough to think compassionately about others. But it is precisely when we let go of our hurt that we are able to respond in a more neutral way because, we are no longer thinking about our pain, we are now thinking about the pain of another. Compassion really is a powerful emotion. Finally, what we know from behavior research is that it isn’t enough to not reward a bully; you have to actually be prepared for what is known as an extinction burst or a blowout. Basically, when you take away an animal’s reward, they don’t give it up without a fight. They work harder and become more aggressive to get their reward. In other words, when you stop reinforcing a bully, they get more aggressive for a period of time before they give up their bad behavior. This well-known extinction dynamic is the main reason why most kids give up trying to get bullying to stop. They make a good faith effort to do what the adults counsel them to do, it makes their problem worse, not better, so they give up. However, when a child is told to expect this escalation as natural part of the process of eliminating the behavior, they are better equipped to handle the escalation and ride it out until it goes away. Again, they key to doing this successfully is having the right frame of mind and that requires compassion.

March 20, 2017

Infant Food Fallacies – “Whole grains are good for you.”

This is partly an excerpt from the “Unlearn” chapter in my book Mila’s Meals: The Beginning & The Basics. Disclaimer: As with everything concerning food there are two sides to any debate raging around every one of the topics in this chapter – both sides will be defended with scientific proof, and ‘absolute’ recommendations. I am merely presenting my beliefs formed by my research and first hand experience of both Mila’s, and my own digestive issues. I encourage you to do your own research should anything mentioned here not ‘sit well’ with you. I am not trying to convince you of anything – I simply hope to provide information, and at the very least prompt you to question what has previously or otherwise been presented as absolute fact and truth. Whole grains ARE good for you and your little one, very good in fact – but here’s the catch – it depends on: When you introduce them, Which grains you eat, and How you prepare them, Eating unprepared grains, introducing them too soon, or eating gluten-containing grains can have negative health effects. When to introduce grains. Many traditional cultures have fed their babies grains before their first birthday – as their first food even – but they were all fermented first. For the reasons mentioned in my “Rice cereal is (not) the best first food for baby” blog post, it is best to wait until your little one is a year old before introducing grains. At this age, he/she will have more of the amalyse digestive enzyme that is needed to digest grains. According to The Nourishing Traditions Book of Baby & Childcare by Sally Fallon Morell and Thomas S. Cowan, if there is a history of celiac disease or gluten intolerance in the family, it is best to wait until your little one’s third year before introducing grains. Which grains to choose Properly prepared grains are nutritious – they are important sources of many nutrients, including protein, fibre, B vitamins and minerals (iron, magnesium and selenium). In order to avoid gluten, you need to avoid: Wheat Barley Rye Spelt Oats (unless the oats are certified gluten-free). See the chapter “Why Not Gluten, Dairy and Sugar?” in my book Mila’s Meals: The Beginning & The Basics for more on why avoiding gluten may be a great decision for you and your little ones. There are many naturally gluten-free grains to choose from including: Rice Quinoa Millet Buckwheat Sorghum Amaranth These grains are nutrient-dense, act as antioxidants and, help the body make serotonin, which improves mood while providing a calming, soothing effect on the nervous system. Preparation Whole grains are the hardest food for the human body to digest, and all grains contain anti-nutrients that must be neutralized before cooking. They all have phytic acid that can block the absorption of calcium, magnesium, copper and zinc as well as enzyme inhibitors that block the digestive enzymes needed to digest it. In order to unlock a grain’s nutritional potential, it is necessary to prepare them in a way that makes them more digestible – such as soaking them for 24 hours, fermenting or sprouting them before cooking. Preparing grains with a dollop of healthy fat (such as ghee or coconut oil) will help the absorption of calcium, phosphorus, iron, B vitamins and the many other vitamins that whole grains provide. I go into this in more detail in the “Feeding with Awareness” chapter of Mila’s Meals: The Beginning & The Basics… Enzymes, Nutrients and Anti-nutrients Digestive enzymes are primarily produced in the pancreas and small intestine. They break down our food into nutrients so that our bodies can absorb them. A nutrient is a substance that provides nourishment essential for growth and the maintenance of life. So what then are anti-nutrients? Anti-Nutrients As scientific research methods develop, new information on nutrition comes to light that challenges what we have previously held to be true about our food. One of these new pieces of information is that of ‘anti-nutrients’. Anti-nutrients interfere with the absorption of nutrients and digestion and, irritate the intestinal tract. Whole grains, nuts, seeds and legumes are all high in anti-nutrients. But these foods are meant to be good for you – right? Well yes – if they are correctly prepared, in a way that reduces the anti-nutrients. Anti-nutrients are part of a seed’s natural system of preservation. Nature has ensured that seeds won’t sprout until the perfect growing conditions exist. Two of these anti-nutrients worth mentioning are Phytic Acid and Enzyme Inhibitors. Phytic Acid Phytic Acid is the storage form of phosphorous – that is, seeds store phosphorus as phytic acid. Grains, nuts and legumes are all seeds and have high levels of phytic acid. So do other edible seeds such as pumpkin and sunflower seeds. When phytic acid is bound to a mineral in the seed, it’s known as phytate. Phytic acid is an anti-nutrient because it binds to essential minerals (such as calcium, copper, iron, zinc, and magnesium) in the digestive tract, making them less available to our bodies. Phytates also reduce the digestibility of starches, proteins, and fats. Enzyme Inhibitors Enzyme inhibitors are present in seeds to prevent them from developing (sprouting) until there are suitable growing conditions. Unfortunately eating seeds with enzyme inhibitors negatively affects our digestive and metabolic enzymes. It is not necessary to avoid foods containing phytic acid or enzyme inhibitors, but it is important to prepare them correctly – as our ancestors did. Correct preparation reduces the phytic acid, neutralises the enzyme inhibitors and increases the bio-availability of the nutrients. Grain preparation Soaking nuts, grains, seeds and legumes Soaking and fermenting nuts, grains, seeds and legumes is something our grannies (or granny’s granny) did and for good reason. It mimics nature’s ‘perfect sprouting’ conditions by providing moisture, warmth, time and slight acidity. As the seed begins to germinate while soaking, phytic acid is reduced, enzyme inhibitors are neutralised and the production of numerous beneficial enzymes begins. The action of these enzymes

March 17, 2017

Reasons You’re Tired ALL the Time

Do you ask yourself, “Why am I so tired?” Do you feel like no matter how much sleep you get, you’re still tired all the time? Feeling exhausted is so common these days that it has its own acronym, TATT, which stands for “tired all the time”. Tiredness is one of the most common complaints at any given time, one in five people feels unusually tired, and one in 10 have prolonged fatigue, according to experts. Tiredness can often be attributed to sleeping too little, but if you are reaching that eight hour threshold and still feeling exhausted, your low energy level may be an indicator of an underlying problem. Let’s find out why you’re always tired. BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE Chances are if you’re always tired, your blood sugar has something to do with it. One of the biggest risk factors for feeling tired all the time is being a “carboholic,” meaning someone who overeats refined carbs and sugary foods. This same person also doesn’t acquire enough healthy fats, proteins, vegetables and essential nutrients that support ongoing energy. Blood sugar levels become unbalanced when your diet is too high in various forms of sugar, which enters the bloodstream rapidly and can cause extreme elevations in blood glucose as well as insulin levels. This puts you on a “sugar high” followed by a “sugar crash”…..which lead to fluctuations in blood sugar and feelings of fatigue, headaches, moodiness, hormonal changes and food cravings. Over time, imbalances in blood sugar can cause serious diseases like insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes. In the case of insulin resistance, the hormone insulin isn’t able to get nutrients, particularly glucose, into the body’s cells. Since your cells aren’t properly absorbing blood sugar, they can’t transfer energy throughout the body sufficiently. High insulin also creates inflammation which can prevent healing, confuse your body, and affect energy levels. The Fix: To get blood sugar levels back under control, you’ll need to really reduce, or even to completely eliminate, all sources of refined sugar from your diet. These include fizzy cool drinks, energy drinks, sweetened coffee or tea, fruit juice, packaged snacks like all cookies, cakes, some cereals and jelly sweets. Even natural sweeteners like raw honey, can still affect blood sugar levels. Also consider reducing your total carbohydrate intake – choose low glycaemic index carbohydrates and combine where possible with protein to ensure stable blood glucose levels. If you are concerned about your blood sugar levels and the possibility of being insulin resistant or even perhaps being diabetic then there are blood tests that can be done to confirm a diagnosis. ANEMIA One of the most common medical reasons for feeling constantly run down is iron deficiency anemia. Anemia occurs when there’s a problem with red blood cells making hemoglobin, a protein that carries oxygen throughout the body, especially to the brain where it is much needed. Anemia is connected to insufficient iron levels within the blood, in addition to low vitamin B12 and folate levels. Anemia can also be caused by a loss of blood or a diet that’s too low in those essential nutrients and, thus, hinder the body’s ability to make enough hemoglobin. Women with heavy periods and pregnant women as well as vegetarians are especially prone to anemia. To diagnose anemia, blood tests would be required. Do check iron stores as well as folate and vitamin B12 – not just hemoglobin! This is very important before taking an iron supplement since unnecessarily high levels of iron could interfere with the body’s ability to absorption other important nutrients such as zinc and calcium. The Fix Eat a vitamin-rich diet! Anemia symptoms can be greatly reduced by improving your diet and including plenty of foods that are rich in iron, vitamin B12 and folate. Iron sources include beef and other meats, beans, lentils and fortified breakfast cereals. Eat iron rich foods together with foods high in vitamin C that helps with iron absorption, such as citrus fruits, berries and cruciferous vegetables like broccoli or cauliflower. Also choose green leafy vegetables that contain a significant amount of iron and folate. Foods rich in vitamin B-12 include meat, dairy products, and fortified cereal. DEHYDRATION The most common cause of dehydration is excessive loss of body fluids, especially of water and electrolytes, simply not drinking enough water, or substituting water intake with only soda or juice. This is a critical mistake as not only does that spike your blood sugar, but also your cells cannot get enough water to function properly! Fact is, when you start to feel thirsty, your body is already dehydrated. The major electrolytes in the body — sodium, potassium, chloride and bicarbonate — are ion compounds that literally help your body to have energy via the force of electricity that keeps your organs (the brain, heart, nervous system , muscles) and cells functioning. Dehydration affects the actual viscosity (thickness) of your blood and the amount that your heart must beat every minute, as it tries to get oxygen to all your cells. When you’re dehydrated, your heart sends oxygen and nutrients to your brain, muscles and organs at a slower pace; as a consequence, you begin to feel fatigued, lethargic, moody, like you have “brain fog”, weakness in muscles, unable to concentrate and perform tasks. The Fix Drink more water throughout the day, increase your intake of vegetables and fruits, and make sure you’re getting plenty of electrolytes in the form of whole foods. To calculate the amount of water you need to drink daily to avoid dehydration, take your weight in kilograms, and multiply with 20ml. In other words, if you’re a woman who weighs 60kg, you need to drink 1200ml water per day, or roughly five 250ml glasses of water to stay fully hydrated. But this is only the amount of water if you do not exercise or do anything strenuous! If you work out or if you are active, then you ideally need to drink at least an extra 250ml for every

March 13, 2017

Tips To Improve Healthy Eating In the Home

A hungry child is a less fussy child. After School is a great window of opportunity to get your child to eat something healthy as they generally come home starving having rushed lunch to spend time with their friends in the playground. A few simple ideas and a few minutes spent in preparation can make a big difference to your child’s diet. Instead of whole fruit in a fruit bowl cut up a selection of colourful fruits and arrange them on a plate. Have healthy snacks like mini cheeses, dried fruit, a bowl of salad with a tasty dressing on the table so that your child eats these rather than crisps or chocolate biscuits. Ways to include anti oxidants in your child’s diet? Use a wide variety of vegetables and prepare them in diverse ways. Aim daily to include 3 different colour fruits and/or vegetables. Crudites and dips are fun for children and make for easy and nutritious snacks. Vegetable versus fruit eaters. Some kids love their cooked veggies, but struggle with salads and fruit. Others will eat salads and fruit but turn their noses up at cooked veggies. Aim not to make an issue of their respective dislikes, rather applaud them for the foods they do eat and do a food challenge with the ones they find more difficult to consume. For example if you have a child that struggles with vegetables, you could make Monday green vegetable day where you and your child choose one green vegetable he is prepared to try. Then come up with a fun way to eat and prepare the veggie/ fruit of choice. Herbs are a great way to get anti-oxidants in the cooking. Hide and mix them in stews and gravies. Peeled baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, cucumber slices SAD sugar free bars Pure woolies fruit rolls Fruit salad Raisins Dried fruit men Fruit juices Smoothies Plain yogurt with fruit pulp “Don’t eat between meals.” “Don’t touch that cookie — you’ll spoil your dinner!” “Snacking will make you gain weight.” Chances are, you’ve said something similar to your children – or maybe heard it from your own mom. But snacking on the right foods is not harmful. In fact, it can have health benefits for kids of all ages. Snacking is not a bad thing – in fact, it’s a good thing – and it can actually help keep kids from overeating at mealtime. Studies show that snacking during the school day improves both mood and motivation, and may impact concentration. Snacks may help children maintain performance during times of high mental demand, like when taking an exam or making a class presentation. But even while we’re bombarded with choices by the snack food industry, it’s not always easy to find healthy snacks – much less get your kids to eat them. Here are six simple guidelines. 1. Relax the Food Ties That Bind While you may have strict nutritional guidelines for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, snacks are the place to give children some wiggle room. Give them a little of what they like (be it potato chips or a small chocolate) a couple of days a week, and you’ll have better luck getting them to eat healthy snacks the rest of the time. 2. Choose the Lesser of the Evils When it comes to ingredients like sugar and saturated fat, you might think most commercial snack foods are pretty similar, give or take a gram. But look a little harder at the label and you may find important differences. If, for example, you have two items that are equal in sugar, fat, and calories, sometimes you’ll find that one contains vitamins, minerals, and fiber while the other doesn’t.Opting for the more nutrient-dense snack will help ensure it has some redeeming value, even if some of the other ingredients are not top nutritional choices. In addition, keep an eye on the sugar content. Some snacks, even seemingly healthy ones like flavoured yogurt, are way over the top when it comes to added sweeteners. The American Medical Association says that when our sugar intake exceeds 25% of our total caloric intake, it impacts us nutritionally. But the World Health Organization sets the threshold at 10% – so sugar is an issue to consider. A quick way to tell if a snack has gone over the line: It’s over 250 calories a serving, it’s probably got too many empty calories. 3. Portion, Portion, Portion While it’s OK to give kids some leeway on choosing what snacks to have, it’s still vital to pay attention to portion size. It’s also important to look for snacks with low levels of fat, saturated fat, and trans fat. Even if the package says a snack has no trans fats, read the ingredient list to be sure. If you see the word ‘hydrogenated,’ it means it has some trans fat, so avoid that snack. If your child is battling a weight problem, paying attention to portion size and total calories is vital, but don’t deny the child the opportunity to snack. 4. Make It Easy to Eat Well Having trouble getting your kids to eat healthy snacks like fruits, vegetables, and whole-grain items? Make these foods easy to munch, and they will eat more of them. No matter what food it is you’re trying to get your child to eat, if you make it accessible, if it’s easy to eat, if it’s there waiting for them in the fridge or on the counter, you will increase the likelihood that they will eat it. But cutting up fruits and veggies into bite-sized pieces isn’t quite enough. Snacks should also be packaged in a way that makes it easy for kids to ‘grab and go’. The key is not only making snacks easy to eat, but also easy to share. Kids love to share their snacks at school and if you help them do that, they are more likely to eat what you prepare, rather then trade up for something from

March 10, 2017

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