Toddler - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

15 Chores a toddler can do

Helping out around the house is a normal part of being in a family. And for pre-schoolers, getting to help like the grown-ups do can seem as wonderful as a trip to the toy store. Unfortunately, what’s tough for most parents is finding stuff that a pre-schooler can do without creating a bigger mess or requiring constant help. Here are fifteen ways you can let your pre-schooler get involved in doing regular chores. Remember, you’ll need to do a little initial training; show and explain, in simple terms, how to do a chore several times, and be available to help. Your children will catch on quickly. Be sure to give lots of praise when they do it all be themselves. 1. Make a bed. Don’t expect bed-making perfection, but most kids (from about 3 years-old on up), can manage to pull a sheet and cover up to the right end of the bed. Or, if that’s a bit too much, divide the bed-making responsibility. Mom or Dad can help with the big covers, and your child can place pillows and stuffed animals appropriately. 2. Wipe the bathroom counter. Unless your bathroom counter is a km long, that is. Keep some non-toxic cleaning wipes in the bathroom, and have your pre-schooler do a quick swipe of the bathroom counter in the morning and/or every night after brushing teeth. 3. Clear dishes. From about age 3 up, kids can help carry dishes from the table to the kitchen counter. Watch for breakable glasses or things that will easily slip (trying to balance utensils on a plate may be too much at first) but don’t be afraid to let your pre-schoolers try. Older pre-schoolers can learn to scrape their scraps into the trash or compost bucket and then place their plates on the counter, in the sink, or even in the dishwasher. 4. Wipe the table. Don’t expect perfection, and do expect that crumbs will end up on the floor. But pre-schoolers can easily use a clean, wet washcloth to wipe off the table after eating. 5. Feed a pet. A pre-schooler can scoop out the appropriate amount of food for a cat, dog or other family pet. If you have a plastic container handy, and your pre-schooler can use a step stool to reach the sink, he can also fill the water dish. 6. Sweep. Most pre-schoolers can’t handle a full-size broom very well. But a hand broom, such as might be used to sweep off a table top, works great with a dust pan for a pre-schooler-sized sweeping tool. Give your child a small area to sweep. My 4 year old sweeps under the chairs and table after our meals. I still do a thorough sweep at the end of the day, but she gets most of the crumbs first. 7. Mop. Kids love mops, in my experience. Alternately, a spray bottle filled with nontoxic cleaner plus a child-sized sponge mop (you’ll find lots of “toy cleaning supplies” at any major toy store, and many function well) is a great option. Again, you’ll want to assign a specific space. And tread carefully; pre-schoolers tend to be trigger happy with the cleaning spray. 8. Collect rubbish bins. My 3 year-old son easily handles the chore of bringing the rubbish bin from his bedroom and the kid’s bathroom to the kitchen, where I empty them into a rubbish bag. He then returns them to their spot. Keep your rubbish bins small if your pre-schooler has trouble moving them when full. 9. Help unload the dishwasher. Take a few moments to teach your pre-schooler where forks, spoons and serving utensils go; they can take charge of emptying the silverware tray. (Just remove those sharp knives, first.) 10. Pick up toys. One of the most important chores a pre-schooler can tackle is learning to pick up their own messes. Make it easier by having them clean up one thing at a time: blocks or dolls. Facing a huge mess is as overwhelming for a child as it is for an adult. 11. Help with laundry. Pre-schoolers can help sort laundry and can carry clean laundry back to their rooms. 12. Dust furniture. A furniture polishing cloth, or just a soft cloth, works great for pre-schoolers who are learning to help out. They may not do a perfect job, and they can’t reach high surfaces, but they can get chair legs, table tops, even TV screens. 13. Vacuum. Older pre-schoolers can learn to handle a hand vacuum or even a full-size vacuum if it isn’t too heavy. Pushing the vacuum across a rug or carpet is often too difficult, but a pre-schooler can use the vacuum wand or the hand vacuum to swipe up crumbs, get in corners, and clean out under furniture cushions. 14. Pick up sticks/ garden debris. When you get out to do that garden work, take your pre-schooler with you. They can help grab sticks, pine cones, and other garden debris and put it in a pile for you, or into the wheelbarrow to be removed. 15. Wipe up spills. Designate a low drawer for cleaning cloths and old hand towels; when your pre-schooler spills a cup of water, he can easily grab a towel and mop up the spill. Teach your pre-schoolers to use a towel to get up the wet, and then to follow it with a wet washcloth for sticky messes (milk, juice, etc.). Author: Annie Mueller

January 6, 2016

Guilt: No Parent Can Escape It

If most working parents are honest with themselves, they’d agree that with Monday morning comes a big sigh of relief. You pick up your bag, kiss your little darlings good bye and head out the door to work. Freedom! At work the prospect of chasing your toddler around trying to get them dressed, wiping sticky finger swipes off the walls, washing endless loads of bottles or wrestling whinging, tired children is a distant memory. You can sip quietly on a cup of tea and have adult conversations without frequent, high-pitched interruptions. It’s easy to see how mothers and fathers alike suffer from a continuous tinge of child-related guilt. Parents who work and parents who don’t – no-one is immune to it. Shakil Ahmad from baby brand Krayons says that there are a couple catalysts that set off parental guilt. Leaving the child with a carer to return to work Relying on television at ‘difficult’ times of the day – like bath time! Feeding the child convenience or junk food Reprimanding the child at any time. “Every parent suffers from it, and there’s no real solution bar giving yourself a break,” says Ahmad who works on the 80/20 rule in his household. “I try to stick to limited television time, limited junk food and distraction-over-discipline 80% of the time – it’s more realistic to know that you can’t be perfect 100% of the time. Then when you slip for 20% of the time, you don’t have to beat yourself up.” Ahmad says that scheduling one hour of every work day to really bond with your child also helps him relieve guilt of leaving his kids between 7am and 6pm each day. “I allocate an hour of my time to bath my kids every day – it’s a special time for just us where we chat, play and enjoy the time together. There are limited distractions and I make sure that I leave my work issues, and my cellphone outside of the bathroom.” Instead of focusing on what you might be doing wrong – focus on what you know you’re doing right with your kids, and do more of that. Remember that the best thing you can give them is the gift of your time. Undivided time.

December 7, 2015

Listening Tips For Parents

We all want our kids to listen to us, but how often do we really listen to them? Are we excellent models of attentive listening? Or are we teaching them how to half listen whilst otherwise distracted? If you really want your kids to listen to you, the first step is to know how to do this yourself. Here are a few tips… Be present. The average adult is only present for around 3% of their life. The rest of the time we are lost in remembering the past, imagining the future or off in some fantasy in our minds. On top of this we are distracted by technology, to do lists, work and personal drama. No wonder our kids haven’t learned how to listen. To really hear someone you need to be there, actively listening. The easiest way to stay present in a conversation is to focus on your breathing. If part of your awareness is on your breathing you can’t get lost in your mind. So put aside your phone, tell your mind that you will deal with everything else just now, and breathe and listen. Paraphrase. Learn to mirror back to your child what they have said to you. Paraphrase what they’ve been talking about to show them that you are listening and to clarify that you have actually understood their message. Ask them if you’ve understood correctly and as they correct you on what you’ve misunderstood you will gain a deeper understanding of where they are at. Be patient. We’re often too quick to jump in a finish a sentence or try to get to the heart of the matter before our kids have finished speaking. Let them ramble a bit. It may take them some time to organise their thoughts or to really get to the point of what they are getting too. They may repeat themselves or skirt around the real issue. If you interrupt or jump in with questions you may miss out on the crux of the issue by directing the conversation in a different direction. Use all aspects of communication. Sit facing your child, look at how they are using their body (look out for facial expressions, gestures, posture), keep your body language open, listen for changes in tone, pitch and speed of their voice. Only 7% of communication is in the words that we use. If you pay attention you will see that there is a lot of non verbal stuff going on too and this can often tell you more about what your child is going through than what they say. Ask interesting questions. We say that we want our kids to open up to us, but then we ask the most arbitrary, meaningless questions. “How was your day?” invites a response such as “Fine”. “What was the weirdest thing that happened today?” may get you a slightly more interesting answer. Try asking about things that are meaningful to your child. Children feel loved, heard and understood when we show an interest in things that are important to them, even if they are not important to us. True communication involves putting aside your own agenda and truly getting to know somebody else and what makes them come alive. Active listening is something that anyone can learn. It takes some practice, but the rewards are worth it – children who feel loved, heard and respected and so are more likely to love, hear and respect us in return.

December 3, 2015

Holiday Guilt

Mothers, particularly, are notorious for the amount of guilt they carry around. It starts right from the birth… the natural birthers feel bad that their babies have squashed heads; the caesarians feel bad that they couldn’t not cut-it! Then the working moms feel guilty for not being with their kids and the stay-at-homers feel guilty because their kids are driving them nuts and they wish they were elsewhere, and that they’re not adding to the household income; and the half day moms feel bad because they’re neither properly contributing at work or at home. And on and on it goes. And then come the holidays… Just to compound the guilt a little, the working moms wish they could take more time off, the ones at home wish they could have a break, everyone feels bad because they don’t have the cash to do all the million holiday activities that are out there and screaming for enrolment. At some point we’ve got to all just STOP and accept that we are good enough, we are doing enough and our kids are going to be ok, whether they do the vacation cooking/drama/tennis/pottery class or not. And the real crux of the matter is that, as with most things, it is the quality and not the quantity of time with our children that really counts. If you have 5 minutes or 5 hours with them, make sure that in that time you really connect, on their level, focusing on what they want to do, meeting them where they’re at. Switch off your phone, clear your mind of the myriad other things you need to do, and simply connect. And holiday activities with the kids do not need to break the bank – I bet that your children would be just as happy with a picnic in the park, a visit to a friend, or riding their bikes up and down the road if it meant that they got your full attention for the duration of whatever it was you decided to do together. Let’s all take a break from the guilt this holidays and just do the best we can and let ourselves off the hook when we can’t. As I always say to my clients, it’s about baby steps – if all you can manage is 5 minutes of playing Barbies on the floor, then it’s 5 minutes more than yesterday, and these little moments of presence with our children add up and make for the most special holiday memories they’ll have.

November 26, 2015

THINGS EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW ABOUT LITTLE GIRLS

They are show offs My daughter knows just how to turn it on. She knows that dimpled smile is a “sure thing” to anything she wants. You will be powerless to their charms They are master manipulators It took me a long time to train my husband in my ways. It literally took her minutes. He is no longer whipped by me but by a tiny little girl. Some days I see her looking at me with a glint in her eye and smurk that says “His all mine now!” The nerve! They have medicinal powers No matter how cheesed off I am at the world. She just has to lie on my chest and all is right with the world. They has Diva tendencies Before she learnt to walk or talk but she learnt to “Diva”. She knows how to get her way. Her father stops just short of fanning her with palm leaves while she loungers with her favourite cocktail of Lactogen. I am almost expecting her to demand all white gardenias and Perrier bottled water with her two minute noodles. They are attention junkies Our world already revolves around her but that is not good enough for her. Oh No. If she catches your slipping on the attention front she cracks her proverbial whip. I have seen this tiny human fake laugh to get attention. Last week I took my eyes off her for a second and this attention seeker “accidentally” broke my sunglasses. Quickly back in line! They are fearless I have watched her put her hands in her poo and straight to her mouth! She can stomach just about anything my princess. They are witches She has powers. In the 10 years I know MY husband I have seen him cry a handful of times. None of those times were at my wedding. That very expensive wedding dress, professional make-up, nor those touching vows inspired a single tear drop. Its 10 years and I am still upset about it! This little sorcerer crawls and tears!!!!! Holy Crap! She is good They dance to the beat of their own tune. She stood up without holding onto anything a month ago , My husband grabbed his phone and I froze and held my breath my baby was about to take her first steps. The world stopped turning for me. I was about to witness a human miracle. And what did She do…she started to dance on the spot. Psyche! She did this For two weeks too before she decided to walk. Clearly just to mess with us! Your tot is hands down the cutest you will ever lay eyes on! Made you giggle? Share it, Kennedy will take it as a standing ovation. All Hail Queen Kennedy!

November 20, 2015

Stopping Night Feeds In A Young Toddler

It is important to note that everyone wakes up spontaneously many times during the night. So, even if your toddler is ‘sleeping through’ the fact is that he is probably waking up at least 4 – 5 times a night. Most of the time he will simply stir, turn over or call out, but will be able to go back to sleep. Should he wake fully, he will be able to go back to sleep independently by using comforting and familiar methods that he knows such as finger sucking, holding onto or snuggling down with a security object. Poor sleepers, however, wake in the same way, but are unable to self soothe to go back to sleep without some sort of external intervention from a care giver such as being stroked or tickled, given a drink or having a parent sleep alongside them. These children therefore have difficulty staying asleep and wake up frequently in the night. As long as your child is not ill, it is important to know that toddlers do not need any nutritional support during the night in the form of milk feeds. A bedtime milk feed is always a good idea as it is a lovely end to the day where you can spend some quality “cuddle” time with your little toddler. Try to ensure that the feed is completed before your child falls asleep. Getting rid of night time feeds Remove the expectation of this middle of the night “event”, and he will no longer wake up for it. So, if he is used to breastfeeding or getting a bottle of milk or juice in the middle of the night, stop offering it, and he will soon stop waking for it. As long as weaning off the breast is done with a lot of emotional support from all the child’s parents, nanny etc, it should not interfere too much with his sleep patterns. However, if he has a sleep association with the breast, he will need plenty of reassurance when he wakes in the night expecting a feed !! Stay with him, hold him and rock him until he is asleep (no matter how much he protests!) Do this each time he wakes. Offer him sips of water in case he is thirsty. When he is happy to comforted without a feed, but still needs you to be there, begin sleep training. Be firm and loving, and most of all consistent. Yes, it is as simple as that! It is important to implement sleep training with each waking session no matter how much he protests. If you are trying to break a feeding-to-sleep habit, pick him up if he does not settle, and gently rock him until he falls asleep, no matter how much he protests. Only place him back into his cot when he is asleep. Repeat this each time he wakes. It may take a few sessions (maybe a day or two) for him to learn that he doesn’t need to feed in order to fall asleep. With a bit of luck he will simply stop waking, but he may need some persuasion to go back to sleep totally unassisted, so you will need to move to the next step when you are ready. Getting rid of rocking to sleep habit Sometimes it will be easier for you to settle your little one, then leave the room for short periods of time to enable you to catch your breath and regroup your emotions, so when he wakes you up in the middle of the night expecting to be rocked back to sleep, Pick him up and hold him close until he stops crying. As soon as he is calm and drowsy, but not asleep, place him gently back into his cot. Say some soothing words and walk away from the cot, even if he begins to protest. Stay away from him for one minute, then return to his side if he is still protesting. Pick him up and settle him (no matter how long it takes). Reinforce the sleep object. When he is calm and drowsy, but not asleep, place him gently back into his cot. This time, wait for two minutes before going back to him if he is still crying, then repeat your calming strategies. If necessary, repeat the procedure, each time adding two minutes of crying time before going back in to soothe or settle him. Keep going each time he wakes in the night, starting from one minute of separation at the start of each session. The hardest part, of course, is to follow through with the behaviour management each time he wakes in the night expecting to be fed or rocked back to sleep. Persevere, it will be worth it! BY ANN RICHARDSON

November 18, 2015

Childhood Obesity

Globally, obesity is rapidly on the rise. For the first time in the history of mankind, the number of people who are overweight or obese measure up to the number of people who are underweight due to hunger. It has been estimated that if something is not done about the surge of obesity, half of all people will be overweight/obese by 2030. The most worrying is that this trend is not only seen amongst our adult population but also amongst children. Over a decade, overweight has increased from 10.6% to 18.2% in South African children aged 2 – 5 years. Consistently, girls and female adults are more affected. South Africa further carries a double burden of malnutrition with not only rising rates of childhood obesity but also still high prevalence of child undernutrition. Undernutrition places a child at especially high risk for developing obesity, which then promotes the vicious cycle which we are grappling with in the current socio-economic environment. Being overweight or obese increases one’s risk of heart disease and stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes and certain cancers. Overweight or obese children have an increased risk of developing these diseases earlier in life and are more likely to remain obese throughout their adult life. Not only does obesity have far reaching health effects for a child, but it also has vast social and economic implications. These can include bullying, teasing and low self-esteem, as well as increased healthcare costs and loss of income later in life. So what then is the cause for the increase in obesity amongst our children? Poverty, unhealthy diets and physical inactivity are largely to blame. According to Dr Vash Mungal-Singh, CEO of the HSFSA, “Our children are being brought up in an obesogenic environment where unhealthy foods are aggressively marketed to them, time in front of computers and televisions are increasing and appropriate environments for children to be active, safely, are few and far between.” With urbanisation we have also seen an increase in the consumption of sugar-sweetened beverages, energy-dense, nutrient poor foods and lower consumption of fruit and vegetables. Poor feeding practises early in a child’s life further exacerbates the problem. Studies have shown that there is a link between low birth weight and overweight later in life due to overfeeding as an infant. The introduction of ‘weaning foods’ too early (<6 months of age) is another key driver of obesity later in life. In fact a child’s risk starts even before birth with the health and diet of the mother, a concept referred to as the importance of the first 1000 days of a child’s life (from conception to 2 years of age). Poverty has an overarching impact within this context. Lower income groups tend to have higher obesity rates as they opt for foods that are cheap and the most filling, which often means high in energy, fat, sugar and salt with very little other nutritional value. The pregnant mother and young child are most affected. It is clear that obesity is in fact a very complex problem that requires a multi-pronged approach. We are therefore very fortunate to have the support of the National Department of Health in tackling this epidemic with a clear strategy and bold target to decrease the prevalence of obesity by 10% by 2020. This strategy builds on the guidelines of the WHO initiative on ending childhood obesity and includes a wide spectrum of activities including policy and legislative change, education, access to healthy foods and safe places to be active. The HSFSA wants to encourage all parents and caregivers to take action and play their part to prevent overweight and obesity in their own children, starting with the pregnant mother. It is imperative for all pregnant mothers to get appropriate care before, during and after pregnancy to ensure the healthy weight and growth of their babies. Exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of an infant’s life, followed by appropriate complementary foods is a very effective way in reducing the risk of obesity. Providing healthy foods for young children and adolescents, limiting the intake of sugar-sweetened beverages and encouraging play time rather than TV time are all great strategies to combat overweight and obesity. Sources: For the first time in the history of mankind, the number of people who are overweight or obese measure up to the number of people who are underweight due to hunger. (Global Issues. Obesity. (2010). URL: http://www.globalissues.org/article/558/obesity) It has been estimated that if something is not done about the surge of obesity, half of all people will be overweight/obese by 2030 (Dobbs, R. et al. (2014). Overcoming obesity: an initial economic analysis. McKinsey Global Institute.) Over a decade, overweight has increased from 10.6% to 18.2% in South African children aged 2 – 5 years. (Shisana, O, et al, & SANHANES-1 Team (2013) South African National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (SANHANES-1). Cape Town: HSRC Press.) Studies have shown that there is a link between low birth weight and overweight later in life due to overfeeding as an infant. (Vasylyeva, T.L., Barche, A., & Chennasamudram, S.P. (2013). Obesity in prematurely born children and adolescents: follow up in pediatric clinic: Nutrition Journal 2013, 12:150, http://www.nutritionj.com/content/12/1/150) Consistently, girls and female adults are more affected. South Africa further carries a double burden of malnutrition with not only rising rates of childhood obesity but also still high prevalence of child undernutrition. (Arington, C. & Case, A. (2013). Health: Analysis of the NIDS Wave 1 Dataset. National Income Dynamic Study. URL: http://www.nids.uct.ac.za/publications/discussion-papers/wave-1-papers) The Heart and Stroke Foundation South Africa (HSFSA) shines a spotlight on ending childhood obesity.

November 16, 2015

Your Child’s Development – Making it Fun!

“Just as my maternity leave was coming to an end, I was asked by Parenting Hub to review the Skidz Activity Box for 0 – 6 Months.” Our Parenting Hub reader to whom we gave the Skidz Activity Box was preparing to go back to work after being at home for the last four months with her beautiful little boy. Because her baby boy is going to be at home in the care of his Nanny, she told us that she had been trying to find ways to keep him stimulated whilst she was away at work and so the Skidz Activity Box came at just the right time. “What I particularly liked about the Skidz Activity Box is the fact that it comes with manual loaded with information so relevant to my baby boy who is now four months old.” The manual not only gives you a list of activities that you can do from birth to six months but includes detailed instructions on how to do everything as well. These include various physical exercises that you can do with your baby, what will be achieved through these exercises, how to do them and when is best to do them. “The manual is also broken up into a weekly curriculum for 0 to 3 months and 3 to 6 months outlining exactly what you can be doing with your baby every day. What I found so helpful with this weekly curriculum was that I was able to give it to my baby’s Nanny who can follow each activity on a daily basis.” If you don’t want to follow the detailed curriculum, you can set one up that works best for you and your baby and the manual includes a section to guide you as to how to do this – brilliant! The box includes everything that you need to work with to follow the curriculum. Stimulating fabrics, toys, textures, colours and sounds. Everything that you need is included in the box. From our Mom, a big high five to Chantelle du Toit who put together this programme. She told us that she would recommend this product to all moms of little children. “Especially where you have to return to work and you’re not going to put your baby in crèche.” Skidz Activity boxes can be obtained through the Skidz website www.skidz.co.za

October 15, 2015

Food Fun For Fussy Families

If you think that everyone is going to love food as much as you, you’re wrong. Some of us just have no interest in the stuff other than to fill the gap. In fact, balance in a family almost dictates that if one person really loves food there will be someone else who doesn’t value it at all. So fine for us adults, we can take our chances with sub-par nutrition, but what if your little one is refusing all but their favourite five? Here are some tips for getting your kids to develop a healthier and broader view of food and to help the fussier ones to expand their palates. Get your child onto a good multivitamin. That way you can relax about their nutritional balance and take the fight out of mealtimes. The first step to expanding your child’s love of food is to make food something that is fun, relaxed, and choice-driven. Never force a child to eat something. Get your kids involved with the cooking. Cook, bake and generally have fun in the kitchen together. Even if they don’t eat what you’ve prepared together they will start to have positive associations with food. Start a veggie garden. Let your child have their own patch of garden where they can grow a variety of vegetables and fruit. Understanding where food comes from and experiencing the joy of your first harvest can go a long way to enticing kids to eat things out of their comfort zone. Enjoy your food. Yes, you. The more they see you enjoying a variety of foods, the more likely they are to try something new in the future. Eat meals together. Comment on your food – point out what you like about it – the colours, texture, flavours. Pretend that you are a food critic who has just received the most amazing meal ever and let them know why. If you don’t enjoy food then start by examining your own relationship to food before you address your child’s. Make sure your kids understand digestion. Read books together, find fun documentaries, discuss what happens when your food leaves your mouth. Use metaphors for the little ones if necessary, but get your kids to have a thorough understanding of their own bodies and WHY they need to eat a variety of foods. Show them other kids enjoying food. Let them eat with other children, invite kids over, watch Masterchef Junior, have cooking parties. Keep presenting new foods to your child. Even if they only eat their favourite few, just keep offering them some variety. Something at some point will pique their interest, particularly if they keep seeing you enjoying it. Don’t make a big fuss when this happens – just let it be a normal, natural thing for a child to eventually start broadening their reach. Give your kids some control. Children will sometimes use food as a control if the rest of their lives feel out of control or if they are lacking in independence. Make sure that your children have choices in their lives. Keep as much routine as possible when going through major life changes (death, divorce, moving house/schools, holidays, new babies etc). Make sure that the food issue isn’t just a symptom of something else. Food aversions often occur alongside other disorders such as autism, sensory integration issues, stress, other medical conditions. If you’re not sure, have your child checked by an Occupational Therapist, Gastroenterologist, Psychologist, Neurologist or Dietician. Have fun with food. Help your kids to see the joy of food outside of just eating it. Food is a full sensory experience – give them opportunities to explore it as such. Set up a still-life and let them paint a beautiful picture of food, let them sculpt with mashed potatoes, let them roll around in a tub of jelly, make potato stamps. Play games where you identify food by smell or touch. Have a food fight. Keep in mind that there is a difference between a fussy child and a child with food aversion. A fussy child will probably eat eventually if you just don’t offer their favourites and they get hungry enough, but a child with a food aversion will literally starve before trying something new. But whichever one your child is, every child can be enticed to branch out a bit when you add some love and fun into the food mix.

October 13, 2015

A Simple Solution To Sleep

If your child is anything like my children, early morning is what it is all about. It seems to be the question every mother asks… how can I get my child to sleep longer. Obviously there is no simple fix and this is simply something that parents deal with each day. However, once your child reaches the age of being able to understand their little world around them, there certainly are solutions available to aid in getting that lie in that you have been dreaming of. Anyone that knows me, knows that I love clever products. I love innovation and products that can truly change and assist my world. My youngest set of twins were very keen to try this product when it was sent through for us to review. Not only do we battle to keep them in their beds each night, but I have not personally slept late in a long time! Bring on…. The Gro Company GroClock. Firstly my twins loved the idea of them having a clock in their bedroom, especially one that changes all the time and they were keen to give our test run a go. The GroClock is really appealing to the eye and it provides a simple yet affective function. Anything and everything has been thought out when putting this product together. So how does it work? The basic function of the GroClock is to indicate to your child when it is time to go to bed and when it is time to get up each day. The colour and changing display, changes throughout the night. Starting at a warm blue, which is particularly calming for a child’s bedrooms through to sunrise orange and then a little ray of sunshine indicates when it is time for your child to get up in the morning. The GroClock has various settings that you can enable. Not only do you set the sleep and wake up mode but you are able to add additional settings for a day-time nap. The screen brightness is also adjustable ensuring that your child is not disturbed by other night lights. The recommended age for the GroClock is from 2 years +, and is definitely a must for all parents. Available at leading baby stores and online retail outlets like the BabyGroup or visit their Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/ElegantBambino

October 9, 2015

7 Things Every Child of Divorce Needs

PARENTS WHO LISTEN MORE AND SPEAK LESS. A child’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviour may be unstable during this difficult time. They need to be able to express how they feel without their emotions begin stuffed. Some of the things they say may be difficult for the parent to hear, so don’t dismiss or minimise what is said or how they feel. REGULAR ACCESS TO GRANDPARENTS. Relationships with your extended family may be difficult for you, but the kids still need them. Determine what access grandparents and other extended family members will have to your children and remain open to the fact that these adults can be very helpful during this difficult time. It can often times be easier for children to express their feelings to grandparents and others. PARENTS WILLING TO TAKE A PARENTING CLASS. I’m not talking about the inexpensive divorce class that most states require all divorcing parents to go through, I’m talking about a multi-session parenting class in which parents learn about the development stages of childhood and what constitutes normal and abnormal behaviour. Getting this additional help from a class or even a parent coach can prepare you for major behaviour challenges caused by the divorce. FIRM BOUNDARIES AND LIMITATIONS. Even though many children and teens will push the limits even further during a divorce, they require firm rules to know that the parents are still in charge and care. Firm boundaries creates feelings of safety and love, especially during difficult times such as divorce. Avoid the urge to give in and bend rules, just to avoid hearing the dreadful statement, “I want to go live with my Dad (or Mom).” RESPECTFUL TALK ABOUT THE OTHER PARENT. Your issues with your ex are your issues, not your child’s. No matter how terrible of a person you feel your ex was to you or to the kids, your children will most likely still see them as the wonderful, flawless parent they once were. You don’t have to speak affectionately about them in front of the kids, just respectfully. CONSISTENCY ON RULES OF ACCESS TO INAPPROPRIATE MATERIAL. Your son comes home from a visitation with the other parent, with a new smart phone, tablet, violent video game, or any other object you normally don’t allow him to have. Avoid thinking that he can keep it just because the other parent gave it to him. Calmly and kindly hold on to that item until the next visitation occurs. You can’t do anything about what your child is exposed to in the other parent’s home, but you can in your own. PARENTS WITH EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. Going through a divorce can be devastating and something no one should go through alone. Seek out support groups in your community to get the help you need. Many churches offer a continuing workshop and support group called Divorce Care that is open to anyone, even if you are not a member of the church. Your children need you emotionally strong and able to provide the support they will need to get through this difficult time.

September 24, 2015

The Amazing Sleep Trainer for Young Children

Toddlers are inquisitive little people. Their heads are filled with new exciting ideas, their hearts are full of adventure and they start each morning full of energy for the new day. Buy, this start might be at an entirely inappropriate time for parents! As a parent of a toddler, there is nothing worse than hearing your child at 5am and realising that they are ready to start their day right away. It is socially acceptable for a toddler to have a daytime nap, but that is less acceptable for tired parents! However if we consider for a moment how the toddler must feel, we realise that it is not as simple as just going back to bed. As adults, if we wake in the night we can check our clocks and know that we have hours more sleep to have before we need to be up. Toddlers don’t yet have that ability. How do they know the difference between 3 minutes until wake up time, and 3 hours? During the sunny summer months, with late sunsets and early sunrises how do they know that daylight outside doesn’t necessarily mean it is time to wake up? Thank goodness the Gro Company has the solution. Introducing the Gro-clock is a toddler sleep training clock that can help the entire family to manage their sleep patterns. By aiding children’s understanding of day and night, it can help prevent early morning wake up calls. The Gro-clock has an illuminated LCD screen with friendly images of stars, and a sun to communicate ‘sleep’ and ‘wake –up’ time. It comes with a free bedtime book called ‘Sleepy Farm’ that explains in a simple and toddler-friendly story, why to use the clock, and why it is important to stay in bed until the sun. The clock is set by the parents, who designate a ‘wake-up’ time. At night the toddler and their parent read the story, and then say goodnight to their clock. The clock ‘goes to sleep’ (the screen shows a sleeping star surrounded by small stars. Through the night the stars count down and in the morning at the designated wake-up time, the screen changes to a happy yellow sun. If the toddler wakes in the night, they will be able to see the stars and understand that it is not morning time yet. They know that it isn’t morning until the sun comes up. By counting down the stars and waiting for the sun to come up, children learn what time they can get out of bed – as set by their parents. The Gro-clock teaches a healthy sleep routine which can transform families’ lives. There is a digital clock display for older children, which is great for encouraging number and time recognition. For toddlers who want to press the buttons on their clock, there is a parental key lock option! The Gro-clock allows parents to enter two different wake up times, so their child can use the clock for their night time sleep and their daytime nap. The brightness on the screen is adjustable and in case it is needed, there is also an alarm clock option. The Gro-clock genuinely changes parents lives, in the UK there are over 1500 5* reviews on Amazon, and parents all over the world can’t stop talking about it! ‘I don’t think I could be without our Gro-Clock now and I would highly recommend it for toddlers!’ Laura Evelyn Bee- Parent Blogger and mum of 3 year old girl. ‘Darcie rarely wakes now and if she does she normally can self soothe. I really don’t know why I have waited so long to try this amazing product …! So if you’re struggling with bedtime and getting them to stay in their own room, make sure you give this a try’ Mummy Burgess- parent blogger and mum of 2 year old Darcie 5am wake ups can be a thing of the past with the Gro-clock- How do you get your children to understand when it’s time to get up? SIMPLE “stay in bed until you see the sun!”

September 21, 2015

Appropriate Boundaries In Parenting

What do parents most want from children? Is it obedience – for children to do what parents think is best whether for the benefit of the child or for the parent? Could it be love – that parents want their children to love them unconditionally as parents try to love their children unconditionally? What about becoming good citizens who are responsible, pleasant to be around, non-offensive to others, and working toward success and independence? And, does love equal respect? So, how do parents get what they most want from their children? The answer is setting appropriate boundaries. These boundaries look and feel different depending on the chosen parenting style. There are typically three styles of parenting with some parents jumping from one style to the other depending on what point or convenience they believe is important to make at the time. The first boundary style is called “lines in the sand” as described here: 4-year old Jody and her mother are eating lunch at a local restaurant. Jody wants some gum out of the gum ball machine and asks her mom for some money. When mom says “Not now, sweetie”, Jody continues to ask and mom continues to deny the request. Mom decides to call a friend on her cell phone and while mom is distracted Jody goes into her mom’s wallet, gets a handful of change, puts the coins in the machine and comes back to the table with some gum in her mouth. After a bit, Mom finally notices Jody chewing gum and tells her friend the whole story as Jody listens. Mom expresses to her friend she just doesn’t understand why Jody doesn’t obey her. Jody is never personally scolded for her poor choice or instructed how to make a better choice. Although many parents want to have fun with their children, when a parent draws a line in the sand as the boundary for the child to follow, the relentless waves of the tide come in and wash the line away each time it is drawn. Therefore, what did Jody learn? If this parenting style is used often, Jody will relentlessly test her mom and other authority figures just to see where the boundaries actually are. Often, foster parents are unsure of where to place boundaries on foster children and may be overly lenient to compensate for the hurt foster children have experienced. “Lines in the sand” parenting tells foster children that 1) they are not good enough to have set or standard boundaries and will need to set their own, 2) the parent is incapable of setting appropriate boundaries, or 3) they are special and don’t need to follow the same boundaries as other family members. This parenting style leads birth and foster children toward rebellion breeding chaos, fighting, disrespect and a low sense of self- worth. The second style of parenting is described as a “brick wall”. Picture it … a tall, thick, red brick wall. Does it signify protection, strength, a sense of durability; or could it be described more cold, looming, harsh, and impenetrable? Children need the protection and strength from parents but never do they need parents to be unwelcoming, forbidding, rigid or unforgiving. Children also need the opportunity to learn to make good choices. A safe and comfortable home environment is where children can experience many opportunities to practice making choices. Being allowed to make choices encourages confidence. If children find the answer to their requests always being “no”, and / or a place where guilt and un-forgiveness is the rule of the day, then those children will seek acceptance elsewhere and usually in unfavourable settings. This parenting style also leads children to rebellion breeding chaos, fighting, disrespect and a low sense of self-worth. Often children run from rigidity because their inherent sense of free will or freedom of choice is being squelched. Foster children have often been reared in homes which have neglected their needs either through moving or non-existent boundaries, such as “lines in the sand”; or very strict boundaries described as “brick wall” parenting. The two extremes in parenting have been explained leaving the third parenting style of the “deep-rooted tree”. Picture a tall sturdy tree whose branches spread out over the yard giving shelter, shade, beauty, freedom, creativity, recreation and a feeling of being tested over time. One of the benefits of this parenting style is the manner in which life’s storms are weathered – with grace, flexibility and wisdom. There’s no room for arrogance, impatience or pity. A quiet strength is rooted in good soil rich with healthy nutrients expressing the importance of taking care of oneself and of others. There are no inappropriate expectations nor judgement but a joy when family members choose to spend time together under the tree. Delightful flowers and foliage often bring forth delicious fruit allowing others to share from the bounty and the beauty this style offers. When the storms come, deeply planted roots hold the tree upright with a strong trunk. The branches know just how far to bend without breaking from the wind. And so it is with this parenting style. As children need strength and wisdom from their parents, they also need flexibility. “Deep-rooted” parenting has a strong foundation supporting children to learn from their personal experiences through proper guidance in making effective choices. These teaching moments become life lessons which mould children’s character and prepare them to respond appropriately in future situations. As foster parents, strength with flexibility offered to all children shows parents care about children as individuals, that parents believe in children and trust their ability to make good choices for their level of development. Children experience freedom and peace when acting within appropriate boundaries. In return, through time parents will receive the love and respect that they demonstrate to others. Although flexibility is the key element in appropriate boundaries, determining how far a parent is willing to go and being consistent in not going beyond the boundary limit is crucial. A

September 10, 2015

4 Things to Help Your Kids to Dream Big

I watched my grandparents work every day of their lives, doing what they became good at and because it paid the bills. Whenever I tried to talk to them about what it might be like to do the work they REALLY loved, they would tell me that was what hobbies were for; a outlet for what you loved to do. During his prime, my grandfather was a carpenter and worked for a hard-to-please boss on a crew that built houses. When he wasn’t slaving away for that task master, he loved to work in his basement workshop, being creative with wood. Of the many things he made by hand, the most beautiful were the hand carved ships wheels. He only made them for those he was close to and he never accepted money for them. I feel fortunate that I have one of those huge wheels mounted on the wall of my office and I think of him every time I look at it. What do you dream of doing if you didn’t have to go to work each day to make your living? Is there something that you love to do and wish you could do it full time? Have you already found it and spend your leisure time working on? Wouldn’t you want your children to find that one thing they feel most passionate about and do it full time? Here are four things you can begin doing immediately as a parent to help your child DREAM BIG. Let them explore. Encourage your children to try new things by giving them opportunities to try them out. Avoid putting pressure on them to succeed and focus more on the experience of different activities. Speak of abundance and avoid scarcity. You want your children to know that anyone can do anything they put their minds to. Avoid mentioning that your family doesn’t have the means, supplies or money to do things. Allow them to help you come up with ideas for doing the things they love to do. Create a vision board or dream book. Purchase composition books for yourself and your children and have them draw pictures in the book that represent what they want to acquire or experience. Allow them to cut out pictures from old magazines to paste into their dream book. Teach them to add a new entry in images or text whenever they have a thought about something they dream of. Find movies and books that illustrate someone who dreamed big. Watch movies with your children or read books to them in which the main characters dreamed big and made it all happen. You want them to know that anything is possible if you dream it, think about it, illustrate it and see it often enough. They say that those who dream big and then follow those dreams will live longer, live happier, and attract healthy, supportive people into their lives. What parent wouldn’t want this for their children? Now you know what it takes to help your child begin their journey toward dreaming big!

September 9, 2015

Diabetes – Who Will Be There For Your Child When You Can’t Be?

The one thing that all parents seem to agree on is that children are unique and those who have diabetes react differently to the same set of circumstances even though they have the same condition. Some teachers will tell you that in their experience, when a child is hypoglycaemic, or hyperglycaemic for that matter, the behaviour exhibited by the youngster is out of character at best and insubordinate when nearing its worst. One teacher stated “I believed that a child with diabetes in my class was genuinely misbehaving, only to find that when insulin was administered normality was quickly restored.” The problem is that “I was a relatively new educator to the school and didn’t have any idea of how to deal with this child.” This is a worldwide problem. Many teachers still do not understand any of the basic concerning issues of diabetes and are ignorant of the consequences. I recently spoke to a mom whose diabetic child went on a school tour . She mentioned how her child, a ten year old, continuously ate and then at meal times had sugars of 20 plus. “I spent the entire 3 days worrying,” she said. Children will be children and we, as adults, need to be aware of how our own kids may react to the temptation of sugar-laden foods. Responsibility is key! Everyone needs to share this responsibility in order for kids to be able to manage their diabetes. The more information that one can supply to teachers and other supervising adults, like one usually do with coaches, the more successful one will tend to be. Sometimes people in authority can forget or even ignore children with diabetes. This oversight can become life threatening. The most successful way to communicate and control your child’s diabetic condition is to form partnerships – with teachers, parents, coaches, drivers, peers and more importantly, other diabetic children. This is possibly going to stand your child in good stead when he or she needs assistance. One needs to be able to be ensure that someone will know what to do in the case of an emergency, or even in the everyday management of the condition, like a friend gently reminding your child to test when he or she “forgets” to do so. All children with diabetes should be encouraged to share their diabetic management plan with their classmates, teachers and basically anyone who they may be around when their parents are absent. In a world where our children are under immense pressure to perform, we need to remember that the added strain on these little ones, who are trying to cope with all of life’s battles as well as managing their diabetes, is a particularly heavy load that even us as parents and adults sometimes forget. I believe that a team effort needs to be made with the schools and districts in provinces all around the country. Also, programmes need to be set up to inform individuals at all levels to assist diabetic learners whatever their needs may be, both inside the classroom and outside on a sports field. What is certain is that all children who are diagnosed with diabetes will need ‘a little help from their friends from time to time. By Mark Moore Mark Moore is a principal of a public primary school in Gauteng. He has a Higher Diploma in Education, a B.Ed Honours, and has recently completed a M.Ed by dissertation at WITS entitled “The Management of Diabetic Learners in South African Schools.”

September 4, 2015

All You Need To Know About Co-Sleeping

Parenting is fraught with tough, controversial decisions. What makes the decisions tough is that there are such varied opinions and every ‘expert’, mum and family member seems to have a very firm opinion on how you should raise your baby. Without question, one of the most highly charged discussions revolves around co-sleeping. Should you? Should you? These are questions you will be asking yourself. The benefits of co-sleeping There is evidence that babies who co-sleep breastfeed for longer than babies who don’t. This is probably due to the fact that these babies have more free access to their mum’s breast for night feeds. Sleep researcher, James McKenna believes that babies who co-sleep have better immunity, possibly due to the benefits from breastfeeding. Of course there is above all the convenience of sleeping with your small baby. Instead of getting up to check on your little one or to feed her, you can simply roll over to check on or feed her. Some research indicates that children who share sleep spaces with their parents experience emotional benefits such as security, emotional stability and are in the long run more likely to be well-adjusted. The risks of co-sleeping In recent years, co-sleeping has become recognised as a risk factor for cot death or SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). The American Association of Paediatrics recommends that parents do not co-sleep at all. An enormous amount of recent research points towards the risks of co-sleeping. Most of this research highlights where you co-sleep and the parent’s state whilst sleeping. Falling asleep on a sofa is very risky for the baby and has been conclusively linked to cot death. Likewise a parent who has had even one glass of wine or a painkiller should not co-sleep with their baby as suffocation is much more likely when a parent sleeps deeply while co-sleeping. Even removing these confounding factors, co-sleeping in a bed with your baby under 6 months of age does increase the risk of cot death (SIDS). The question is whether the risks outweigh the benefits and this is where the discussion on co-sleeping takes place. Co-sleeping safely If you are choosing to co-sleep, you can do so safely and be confident in deciding to do so, if you take the following into consideration: Your baby must sleep on her back. Do not have a pillow near your baby. Do not cover your baby with your duvet, or use an electric blanket or hot water bottle. Place your baby on the outside of the bed next to you, not between you and your partner. Have a sleep nest that creates a space for your baby in your bed. Do not co-sleep if your baby is exposed to cigarette smoke during the day. Do not drink alcohol or take any form of pain medication before bedtime. Managing co-sleeping with your newborn and young baby Co-sleeping with your newborn may feel like the most natural way to sleep. You can feed on demand through the night and don’t have to get up to feed or check on your little one. If you are on pain medication do not co-sleep with your newborn. The risk of suffocating your baby, rolling on her or increasing her body temperature with your body heat or blankets is increased. Making changes The safest place for your newborn to sleep is in a crib next to your bed or in a co-sleeper cot. At this age, your baby will find the transition to sleep in her own space easy. Moving your baby from your bed to her own sleep space becomes increasingly difficult after 6 months of age due to habits and expectations. Co-sleeping and toddlers While toddlers should sleep in their own space, strangely enough this is the time in which co-sleeping is most common. Making changes Since habits will become firmly entrenched at this age, now is the time to make the move. It is preferable to make the move to her own room before your baby is two years old, that is while your little one is still in a cot. Once in a bed, boundaries need to be instilled which raises another whole set of issues. If you need to instil bed space boundaries, be firm and consistent. If you find the battle is too great, you can move to a halfway space – where your toddler has a sleep space next to your bed – a mattress on the floor is fine. At the end of the day, regardless of your baby’s age, you will need to make a call that you are comfortable with regarding sleep space and co-sleeping. Like all other parenting decisions – it’s a tough one and really there is no right or wrong – there’s what you do and don’t do.

August 3, 2015

Understanding Your Child’s Hyperactive Behaviour

Jamie has always been an extremely ‘hyperactive’ child. At only a few months old I knew I was in for an undoubtedly rough time. When he was approaching the two year old mark, there were expectations of the dreaded “terrible twos” . Waiting for those moments, it never happened. There were uncontrollable outbursts of energy, but never tantrums and all of the undeniably terrifying moments that you await when dealing with a toddler. When reaching 3 years old, it hit me! Hard. Jamie had realised that he was able to take full control of me. I had never felt so vulnerable. He knew no boundaries and testing my patience was becoming habitual. Running away from me and throwing tantrums were the norm. I had difficultly comprehending the idea that I was unable to control my 3 year old child. I doubted my skills and authority as his Mother. I would become angry and reprimanded him for everything he was doing ‘wrong’. It was very hard to determine the difference between the typical mischievous behaviour of a “boy” and that of a child with an intense overdrive. I started researching and comparing his behavioural characteristics and came to realise that he was unable to help himself cope with the activity transpiring in his innocent little mind. I would take Jamie to a party, and he would get extremely anxious upon arrival, clinging on to me, grinding his teeth or sucking/biting on his thumb in hope of finding a self –soothing method that worked for him, he would only jump on the jumping castle if there were no other kids jumping. He would be visually and audibly stimulated and find it difficult to process what he had seen and heard through-out his day. Resulting in a karate-kicking, bungee-jumping (off the couch), dinosaur-dragon-roaring monster (it’s possible) most nights just before bed time. Any particular sound, smell or sight would awaken his senses. It would take us no less than an hour to get him to sleep. After many nights of fighting I became extremely tired of the struggle, I realised that he was not in full control of his reactions, and I had to find a way to help him. Upon intensive research, my Mom found some information on something called Sensory processing disorder (SPD) also previously referred to as Sensory Integration (SI) . Every characteristic described Jamie. Luckily for us, we caught it relatively soon and I began further research to gain some knowledge on how to assist him. I took him to an occupational therapist at Polka Spot Early Intervention Centre earlier this year and have received an incredible amount of support and knowledge in regard to the condition. I am currently in the process of practicing routines and methods to guide him and make our lives easier. So far I have seen a remarkable difference in his behaviour. In the interim, I would like to share some information with you in hope that it will give you some peace of mind that you have not done something wrong, nor have you eaten something of poor quality while pregnant that may have harmed your child and caused him/her to be this way (yes, we as moms ask ourselves these questions at times). Sadly, this condition is often overlooked and misdiagnosed. There may not be a cure, however, there are many ways to guide and help you and, more importantly, support and assist your child to cope with it. What is SPD? Sensory Processing Disorder refers to the way the nervous system receives messages from the senses and turns them into appropriate motor and behavioural responses. In order to successfully complete an activity (whether it be riding a bike or reading a book) it requires the co-ordination and processing abilities of your senses. It is a condition that occurs when sensory signals are unable to process into appropriate responses. A child with SPD will find it difficult to process and act upon information received through the senses, which creates challenges in performing everyday tasks if not treated correctly. Motor Clumsiness Behavioural problems Anxiety Depression SPD can affect children in one sense on its own – for example, touch, sight, or movement – or in multiple senses. There are two different types of Sensory disorders; Over Responsive This suggests that a child will over-respond to stimulation such as the feeling of clothing (for example, doesn’t like to get dressed), physical contact, light, sound, food (fussy with food textures) or any other sensory input that will be unbearable. Under-Responsive This suggests that a child will show little or no reaction to stimulation such as pain, extreme hot or cold. Stats One study suggests that 1 in 20 children’s daily lives are affected by SPD. Another research study suggests that 1 in every 6 children experiences sensory symptoms that may be significant enough to affect aspects of everyday life functions. While most of us have occasional difficulties processing sensory information, for children with SPD, these difficulties can be chronic, and they disrupt everyday life. SPD is most commonly diagnosed in children, but adults without treatment can also experience symptoms and be affected. If SPD is not treated, this may result in them reaching their adulthood with the inability to appropriately interpret sensory messages. Subsequently this may result in difficulties performing routines and activities and in severe cases; they may experience depression and social isolation. If you are in any way uncertain of your child’s behaviour, I encourage you to consider meeting with a professional Occupational Therapist, you could save your child’s social abilities. It is important to educate yourself about the difference between the possible diagnoses of your child’s behaviour and treat them accordingly.

July 23, 2015

Cetaphil Daylong Kids SPF 50+

As South Africans, we all love our long hot summer days. We know that we have to protect our skin from the sun’s harmful rays, even during winter when the sun only appears to not be as harsh. Cetaphil Daylong Kids SPF 50+ is a sun protection skin cream that takes a scientific view to protecting your skin from the effects of the sun. It provides a medical approach combining optimal quality, exceptional protection, and great skin feeling. The pump action container makes it easy for you to quickly apply. Cetaphil Daylong Kids SPF 50+ is dermatologically tested, very water-resistant, non-greasy and won’t block pores. “I was so impressed to see that the pump dispenser provides exactly the recommended dosage amount for absolute total sun protection. It was also so convenient that I could apply the same sunscreen to my child’s face.” Said a Parenting Hub mom when recently asked to try Cetaphil Daylong Kids 50+ sunscreen on her children. Another Mom said “As we are all fair-skinned people in my family, I decided to visit Galderma Laboratories’ website to see if I could find out more information about protecting my childrens’ skin and was pleasantly surprised to see that they have loads of information about all skin types. I did find that particularly useful and will definitely only be using Cetaphil Daylong Kids 50+ for my children in future.”

July 11, 2015

Learning Through Play

Research shows that children who actively engage in imaginative play and other sorts of play such as creative activities, are usually happier and more co-operative than those who don’t. They are much more willing to share and take turns and particularly more creative in their activities. They demonstrate a larger vocabulary than children who engage less in these childish activities. Through play, children build a solid foundation for future learning and open themselves to a world of learning opportunities. Early childhood development practitioners all agree that play for young children is essential. It is vitally fundamental to a child’s social, emotional, physical and intellectual development. Through healthy play activities, young children are better prepared to enter school and generally grow into secure and self-confident teens and adults. Interestingly through happy play, children begin a love of learning and prepare for life itself and for every parent, this is so important. Through activities such as cutting and drawing, they develop the muscles in their hands and fingers preparing them for future skills such as writing. When sharing materials used for creative activities, children learn to be cooperative with one another which is vital for their future social interaction on a higher level and forms the basis for positive self-esteem. And this is where the Mysmartkid programme succeeds in bringing this all together. The team at Mysmartkid understand the importance of early childhood development and how challenging it can be for parents and caregivers to ensure that their children are reaching those essential developmental milestones. This is the very reason why they created this unique programme which provides members with the guidance, expert advice and tools necessary to helping your children progress and thrive. The Mysmarkid play and learn programme is tailored to your child’s age and six key developmental areas and helps your child to reach those important milestones. The Smartbox is filled with toys, activities and expert advice and is delivered to your child every two months. You will also receive two free useful welcome gifts when you join and have immediate access to exclusive resources and member discounts. Mysmartkid will be with you every step of the way and in addition to your bi-monthly Smartbox which features carefully selected and age-appropriate books, puzzles and toys, Mysmartkid provides you with a wide supplementary range of innovative and educational games, toys and products as well – easily purchased from the Mysmartkid online store. The benefit of belonging to the Mysmarkid programme is that members have access to early childhood development practitioners such as an educational psychologist and speech and language therapist to name only a few. Playing and learning is the foundation of the Mysmartkid programme. The team are of the firm belief that teaching children through play is how they can help you give your children the best possible advantage. Through the programme they can help parents to develop those necessary key skills, build relationships and expertly navigate through what is your child’s most vital developmental phase. Mysmartkid also offers members access to the Mysmartkid blog which allows you to clearly seek out articles pertaining to the six development areas : Wellbeing Identity Concepts Creativity Communication My World This well-presented and well-written blog allows you to search for articles broken down into age groups within the six development areas, making it so much easier for you to find exactly what you’re looking for. The most popular articles are highlighted within the blog and so parents can easily see what other parents are reading. This can be a great help to parents to know that other parents are experiencing the same difficulties as them. Mysmartkid has taken pains to ensure that they cater for the needs of young children and their early childhood development. However, through the Mysmarkid programme the team has recognised the necessity to educate parents in terms of their child’s development and so at no time do parents feel like they are out of their depth with no access to those in the know. They are provided with reading material and instructions within the Smartbox to give them all the relevant tools to work with their children in providing them with the means to play, learn and grow. The programme is sound, well researched and established and as such, you can depend on Mysmartkid to be there to support parents and their little ones on this important journey.

July 8, 2015

8 Ways To Be A Better Role Model On The Road

Providing a list of rules to teach your kids about road safety may be useful, however children can learn better if parents become role models for them on the road. When faced with a particular traffic situation, the behaviour of children can often be unpredictable. Here are 7 essential ways in which your actions can influence your kids: Slowing down, in general. If you are always hasty in getting in and out of your car your children will be too. Letting them out on the curb side if possible. Whenever your child is getting out of a car, try and ensure it is the rear side of the passenger seat. Always wearing your seatbelts while driving a car and always wearing a helmet while driving a bike. Remaining calm while driving and never yelling or shouting at pedestrians or other drivers. Obeying the traffic signals and signs and also explaining them and their significance and importance. You can use these games to have some fun here. Demonstrating: How a car works, how it goes forward and back, what you can see in the review and side mirrors. This will help them understand how easily another driver cannot see them in a driveway or when crossing the road. Avoiding devices. The statistics say it all, cellphones are one of the leading causes of car accidents. Be an example, especially to older kids who will be driving soon. Behaviour is habitual and can be taught, don’t teach them a dangerous habit. And make sure to reward a child when he/she shows good behaviour pertaining to road safety. Such an act always inspires children to repeat the behaviour. By demonstrating such important rules on road safety, you are not only helping your child become a good citizen, but also playing your part as a responsible citizen. The snowball effect will benefit all.

July 7, 2015

Safety Tips For All Kinds Of Kids Transport

The “have a password” tip was a great one that circled around the internet for a while. If you didn’t get to see it the tip simply advised that you discuss a “safe word” or password with your child, so that if someone else ever needs to collect them from school one day you can give them this password and insist your child asks for it. If you are one of our Soccermom clients this may be a good idea even if you already have a long-standing driver, you never know when it may be useful. Every situation is different and every family if different, mixed with younger kids and older kids, and all sorts of means of transport options that you may use. So here are a few additional useful tips that we have compiled for all sorts of transport: Bus Transport When waiting for the bus, stay away from traffic and avoid fooling around or other behaviour that can lead to carelessness or can accident Wait until the bus has stopped and the door opens before stepping onto the roadway At your stop, wait for the bus to stop completely before getting up from your seat. Then walk to the front door and exit, using the handrail Getting off the Bus: Make sure that the driver can see you Stay away from the bus’ rear wheels at all times MyCiti or Rapid Bus Transport Wait back from the curb at the bus stop Once on the bus, don’t block doors or lean on them Hold on if you are standing while the bus is moving Understand city buses are not school buses-when passengers exit, city buses move away and other traffic does not stop Avoid standing or walking in zones where drivers cannot see you Train Transport (You never know when one of your family member may need to use the Gautrain, they may even need to do it alone). Do not sit on the platform edge Do not play on the platform Watch your step entering and exiting Hold onto something if you are standing Do not lean on doors General public transport tips Look for an official badge or permit Take note of logos and colours Stay awake and alert at all times Keep close control over your bags and packages Know where you are going Know how to call for emergency help Teach your child that no matter what form of transport they take ultimately they are responsible for themselves and getting to their destination. So stay alert and stay aware and you will yourself safely there! Safe driving, The Soccermom Team

June 30, 2015

Down Syndrome Awareness

Children with Down syndrome are keen to be social and their interactive communication skills (the ability to understand and participate in conversations) are good. This strength should be recognized and every effort made to enable them to communicate in all the settings that they are in at home and at school. Increasing the quantity and quality of everyday communication experience for children with Down syndrome is an important intervention (Buckley, S. 2000:27). The following ideas and activities may enhance and develop language skills: Talk to your children – they understand more than they can say. Talk about what your children are doing and their experiences. Expand what your children are saying by repeating and elaborating on their sentences. e.g. If the child is saying “Dog sit”, you say, “The dog is sitting”. Follow your child’s lead in communication settings – this includes active listening and it may encourage more communication from your child. Incorporate all the senses when you teach your children new concepts, e.g. let them: listen to, look at, feel, taste and smell an object. Signing could be a useful tool which may allow more effective communication and less frustration. Musical activities may be beneficial: The repetitive, fun and engaging elements of music and musical activities, such as singing songs, rhythm and experimenting with musical instruments may also enhance and develop memory and attention qualities. Visual learning activities may support language learning and comprehension skills. For example: Playing language games where words are printed on cards. This could also help with learning individual words and their meanings. Reading books and pictures – an interactive and enriching activity for all! Time well spent and definitely one of the most valuable sources of language development. Most children with Down syndrome understand more language than their expressive language skills suggest and therefore their understanding may, very often, be underestimated. This means that their social interactive skills and non-verbal communication skills may be seen as areas of strength (Buckley, S. & Bird, G. 2001:5). However, facial muscle tone, articulation and phonology may need specific attention and support. The following activities may prove to be beneficial and help with speech production: Blowing bubbles or any other blowing activities (for example: blow balls and bubble fun). Create pictures by blowing paint over paper with a short straw. Blow up balloons. Blow whistles. Play Blow Soccer by using a rolled up ball of aluminum foil / a cotton ball on the floor or on a table. Sucking activities – use straws and vary the thickness of the straws. Licking an ice-cream. (Please be careful of allergies / intolerances) Spread peanut-butter on lips, the child can lick it off. (Please be careful of allergies/ intolerances) “They might be a little slower, but that also slows life down for everybody around them.” – Joshua Tillotson, father of Down Syndrome twins.

June 19, 2015

The Ultimate Balancing Act

When it comes to balancing family and career there is no more harassed adult than a parent. If you do manage to balance all the tasks you set out for yourself daily, you will still have to manage the huge emotional burden we all carry around as parents, with feelings of guilt and stress being foremost. Most of us have wondered what it would be like to trade in the work suit for fluffy slippers and be a stay-at-home parent. The reality though is that in this economy more and more of us need to work and contribute. While work pressure makes the alternative seems so appealing, it is also a challenge being home all day with little ones. There are various reasons but the biggest of these is the need for a salary, a longing to communicate with other adults and to stay intellectually satisfied. There are only so many daily routines one can take before feeling cabin fever when stuck at home. A stay-at-home parent has many stress factors too and many parents will tell you that your daydreams of outings and long visits to the beach usually don’t work out as planned. Children are often more interested in the small things and tend to be realllllly preoccupied with their snack, for example, while you would love for them to be looking at the diving dolphins swimming past. Children can also be manipulative and will especially be able to dictate to a parent who is emotionally prone to feelings of guilt and anxiety. Therefore, one needs to put guilt in its correct place amongst the plethora of emotions wrought on us as parents. Much of the guilt that we as parents feel can’t be tied to specific actions or issues, it’s just a vague sense that we’re doing everything just a little bit wrong. No matter what the situation, we feel guilty that we aren’t as perfect as the parents portrayed in the media. According to www.psychcentral, Guilt is an emotional warning sign that lets us know when we’ve done something wrong. It prompts us to re-examine our behavior so that we don’t end up making the same mistake twice. Guilt works best to help us grow and mature when our behavior has been offensive or hurtful to others or ourselves Unhealthy guilt’s purpose, on the other hand, is only to make us feel badly for little legitimate reason. Be aware that not every emotion, and certainly not every guilty feeling, is a rational one. www.psychcentral suggests we remember to be skeptical the next time we feel guilty – is it trying to teach us something rational and helpful about our behavior, or is it just an emotional, irrational response? It’s a simple fact of physics that a working parent isn’t going to witness her offspring’s entire day. It’s okay to be sad about missing out on the precious moments and milestones reached. If you let yourself be sad for the things you’re giving up by working, it may be easier for you to enjoy the things you’re gaining, for example your salary and some financial freedom. Copyright Georgia Argyropoulos, 2015 Write down your own motivations. Once you’ve reassured yourself that the salary and quality time you do have is worth the trade off, you may feel better about the emotional impact of guilt for not being a stay at home mom Time management is essential. Ensure you block off time for focused attention to your children, doing things that are important to you all. Then simply let go of the guilt. Find ways to reassure yourself that your child is in good hands during your working day. Nanny-cam and mobile connections like viber, whatsapp, live stream etc, make keeping in touch with your child’s caregiver so much easier (and free). Insist on some photos of their daily activities and you should be able to contact them during the day if need be to reassure yourself. When you do get home and are able to spend quality time with your child, set up at least one (or all) of the following daily routines: A fun bath-time ritual for your little ones can include things like soap-crayons and soap play-dough. You can find any manner of inexpensive toys for the bath and just go with the flow of things. Let this time of day be flexible and as relaxed as possible so that you enjoy the time as much as they do. If your child is a bit older, please consider reading to them every night just before bedtime. Reading to your child will be an especially calm activity and may instill a love for reading in your child. Reading remains one of the most essential academic functions in this day and age. If you have a teen and are scratching around for a novel way to spend quality time together, consider taking turns planning a dinner, setting the table and cooking a meal everyone wants to eat. Or bake! The action of preparing creates a favourable expectation and the reward isn’t just a great meal, it’s also that you spent quality time doing something fun. If you don’t have time to cook dinner then at least eat the dinner together at a table without the TV on. It may be the only time of day you have to chat with your family where everyone is not busy with a hand-held or other device. A really important part of managing the ultimate balancing act as a parent is this: Spend time alone so that you can build up your emotional reserves!!! One harassed working mom says, “I was reaching breaking point trying to manage my 2 and 3 year old toddlers, a booming business, a demanding husband and my household. I felt like I had Copyright Georgia Argyropoulos, 2015 reached my limit. So I found a really inexpensive B&B and booked myself in for the whole day. I slept, read a book and did nothing. All day! It

June 17, 2015

Alternative Therapy For ADD / ADHD?

Neurofeedback is a non-invasive learning strategy that works to improve the brains ability to produce certain brainwaves without the need for medication. You can think of it as “exercise for the brain”. By creating awareness about your own brainwave characteristics, you can learn to change them. Neurofeedback instruments show the kind of waves a person is producing, making it possible for the individual to learn to change in ways that improve attention and facilitate learning. It is essentially self-regulation training ideally suited to those with ADHD, ADD and specific learning disabilities. What are brainwaves? Brainwaves are the electrical wave patterns found in every person’s brain. Through EEG technology we can determine the strength and frequency of brainwave activity as it flows through the different areas of the brain. Beta is the fastest brainwave and is produced during focused activities and is essential for attentiveness and learning. Alpha is a slightly slower brainwave and is associated with a relaxed yet alert state of mind. Theta is an even slower brainwave and is associated with dreaminess, relaxation and sleep. Research indicates that children with ADHD are less able to produce Beta activity and experience excessive slow wave activity. In fact, when challenged with academic tasks, such children show greater increases in Theta activity and a decrease in Beta readings. In order for your brain to concentrate and learn, your brain needs to emit a high level of Beta waves, which the ADHD child is unable to do. No wonder children with ADHD have trouble concentrating! Other children become increasingly anxious in exam situations, generating too much Beta activity which also interferes with the learning and retrieval process, creating increased levels of anxiety. Assessment & Treatment The assessment procedure begins when a teacher / parent becomes concerned about a child’s ability to concentrate and learn. A thorough evaluation must be carried out in order to determine whether the clinical picture is consistent with ADHD. A useful tool for Neurofeedback practitioners is the involvement of a QEEG (quantitative electroencephalogram – computerized EEG evaluation). If the pattern of ADHD brainwave activity is detected, and fits in with the clinical picture, Neurofeedback training can commence. Through Neurofeedback training it is possible to increase Beta and decrease Theta, allowing for more focused learning in most children. How does one “train your brain”? Much like a clinical EEG sensors / electrodes are placed on the child’s scalp and fed through an amplifier into a computer programme. The child then proceeds to play computer games or watch a movie, the only difference is that the child must use their own brainwaves to control the game / show. When the child is focused in the correct way i.e. producing the perfect amount of Beta and Theta brainwave activity, the game / movie will play, if not, the screen will fade and the brain will know to readjust. The treatment is non-invasive and does not involve any medication. Individuals learn to voluntarily control their brainwave activity through operant conditioning. Is this a cure for ADHD? Neurofeedback never claims to “cure” any diagnosis. The goals of Neurofeedback are to teach the child to become increasingly self-aware and to train the brain to be more flexible. The goal of Neurofeedback training is not to change the child, but to make the child more self-aware and provide tools for the brain to re-organise itself and quickly shift into a more focused mode when required. It is important to remember that as humans we operate within a system and, as with more traditional therapies, additional support and guidance will be needed to treat the person as a whole. With Neurofeedback the child can still be the person they are, but with increased focus and awareness and an ability to “change gears” without relying on medication, thereby learning valuable and lasting skills. What are the results? • Finishing tasks • Listening better • Less impulsivity • Greater motivation and focus • Higher self-esteem

June 10, 2015

10 Things To Do With Children Who Don’t Take Disappointment Well

Eight year old David is playing a board game with his sister. Everything is going along well until the girl wins. David gets mad and a meltdown ensues. In another common scenario, five year old Sarah is watching a cartoon on her mother’s iPad. Mom tells Sarah that it’s time to leave and she shuts off the iPad. Sarah throws herself on the floor and begins screaming. Before I go further with this problem, please take note that this or any of my other articles are not substitutes for family therapy. They contain basic parenting advice for common situations. If your child is demonstrating serious challenging behaviours it is always a good idea to seek out the advice of a behaviour health professional. Start with your child’s paediatrician to determine appropriate next steps. From toddler to school age, the kind of behaviour I described in the first paragraph can drive parents nuts. Their first response is often scolding, sympathy, or even lecturing. I’ve seen many parents go right to the child and begin rationalising with them that their response to the loss or the end of an activity was unnecessary and over the top. The parents mean well as they try to reason with the upset child that it’s “no big deal,” or that there will be a next time. But trying to change a child’s perspective in the heat of the moment while they are experiencing intense emotion is usually a waste of time. What’s most important in that moment is: For you to remain calm and quiet Sooth or comfort the child if you can Keep them safe from harm caused by the physical aspect of their outburst The better time to reason with a child is after the emotion has subsided and they can actually hear you and think clearly The actual causes of this kind of behaviour could be many. From personality trait, temperament, a lack of parental boundaries, or even physiological influences such as hunger and fatigue. It could also be just a phase the child is going through at the moment. The most important thing you can do as a parent is: To learn the patterns of when this sort of behaviour occurs. Take note of what the activity was, the time of day, and any events just prior to the explosive-like behaviour Keeping a journal will help if you decide to seek help from a therapist or counsellor Use this information to: Plan your child’s activities to minimise the outbursts Stay one step ahead of them by setting up clear boundaries for your child with visual limitations on play Invite your child to help you determine how long an activity will occur and plan out transitions between activities by including your child in the planning stage Visual timers and schedules work well because your child can see who much time is left before transition occurs, or they can see the activities that will be taking place. Provide encouragement when your child does not get angry at an outcome. Bring their attention to how well they transitioned and ask them open-ended questions that lead them to their own conclusion about how things turned out.

May 26, 2015

Five Best Markets For Kids

Make the most of Summer – Winter is on its way! Visiting local markets is a great way to spend weekend days and they’re all the rage right now. It’s the perfect way to get the whole family out the house and the delicious food and fresh produce is a real draw card for parents. We’ve put together a list of our best family market picks in Joburg, Cape Town and Durban. Johannesburg Fourways Farmers Market Opening hours: Sunday, 10am-3pm http://www.ffmarket.co.za/ With lots of seating space and more than 61 vendor stalls this is your one-stop-Sunday-morning-market-shop. Relax on hay bales under tall pine trees enjoying delicious market food and live music – there’s even champagne by the glass. Also located on the premises is the Aroma Café (hyperlink) which boasts a buffet breakfast, a beautiful playground and a kiddies’ menu. Bryanston Organic & Natural Market Opening hours: Thursdays, Saturdays and public holidays, 9am-3pm http://www.bryanstonorganicmarket.co.za/ Organic and natural food is the cornerstone of this market that offers a great variety of foods particularly for allergies and special dietary needs. A huge appeal for families is the Kids Quarter where children can enjoy craft activities, including candle dipping, sand art and a gemstone scratch-patch. Cape Town Tokai Forest Market Opening hours: Saturday, 9am-2pm http://tokaiforestmarket.co.za/ Spend the morning browsing the beautiful Tokai market whilst enjoying the freshest artisanal coffee. The market boasts a jumping castle, jungle gym and pony rides. Coming soon are cooking demos and game afternoons. Organjezicht City Farm Opening hours: Saturday, 9AM – 2PM http://www.ozcf.co.za/market-day/ This organic foodie’s paradise has temporarily moved to the historic Leeuvenhof estate. Bring your picnic blankets, kids and dogs and enjoy a morning of delicious fresh produce. Explore the beautiful the estate and even take a dip in the premier’s pool! Durban Golden Hours Family Market Opening Hours: Sunday, 10am-3.30pm https://www.facebook.com/pages/GOLDEN-HOURS-FAMILY-MARKET/121337227882 Spend a Sunday at this kiddies’ market paradise complete with an exciting play area and activities for kids of all ages. Expect the freshest produce and traditional homemade goodies. The Litchi Orchard Opening hours: The 2nd Saturday of every month, 9AM – 2PM http://www.litchiorchard.co.za/market/ This beautiful market venue on Durban’s north coast, combines top class food and drink with loads of open space for the kids (and dogs) to enjoy. Keep a look out for the playful resident mongooses.

May 8, 2015

One Easy Way to Stop Complaints and Whining

It can be incredibly difficult to hear your child complain when you do so much for her. And then you think back to the little you may have had as a child and then feel this immense surge of resentment when your child complains about what you’ve fixed for dinner. Or it may be why he can’t have an iPhone, what one of her friends has that she wants, having to pick up her toys, or hundreds of other things they object to. One reason some children may do this is because it works; there may have been times in the past when he or she complained and because you were feeling stressed and annoyed, you may have just caved in and completed the task for her or let him have something else for dinner. Remember, children learn from experience on what works and what doesn’t, at getting their way. It doesn’t mean they are awful children or ungrateful. They just do things to get what they want, including getting out of having to follow through on things. And even though you may have experienced a hard childhood, your children just don’t care. You can lecture them all you want about what life was like for you, but if they haven’t experienced it, then they don’t get it. Two powerful words I encourage you to add to your vocabulary and to practice often when a child complains or whines is “I KNOW.” Silly sounding I’m sure, but I challenge you to try it out. And when you say these two words, say them with a calm, relaxed and almost sympathetic tone. Don’t snap the words and don’t shout them, just a calm and lazy, “I know.” No matter how ridiculous your child’s complaint sounds, avoid the urge to argue with them, convince them, or come across as demanding. When you hear, “We always have to eat broccoli,” avoid the urge to tell him how healthy broccoli is or how there are starving children in foreign countries; there’s a good chance they aren’t going to listen to you at that moment. If your teen says, “I think it’s stupid that I have to come in by 9:00 PM on a weekend,” you’re going to say, “I know.” Finally, something interesting may occur when saying these two words. After you’ve grown accustomed to using them frequently, some children and teens will actually resist your calm and sympathetic demeanor. Most of my kids and my step kids eventually responded by saying, “Stop saying that, I hate hearing those words!” I would then calmly say, “I know,” and they would run screaming from the room, covering their ears! It became a new “parent power” I never realized I possessed! I was able to stop the whining with very few words or energy. I’m not recommending that you annoy your children, I’m simply asking you to consider being consistent. You may then find that the whining stops because they don’t want to hear you say, “I know.”

April 29, 2015

Why Is Vocabulary So Important For Reading

Vocabulary plays an important part in learning to read. Beginning readers must use the words they hear out loud to make sense of the words they see in print. Children who have a wide vocabulary learn to read more easily as they can figure out unfamiliar words based on the knowledge of words related to the context. It is harder for a beginning reader to figure out words that are not already part of their speaking vocabulary. Consider this: when your little one starts learning to read and comes to the word cat in a book. She begins to figure out the sounds represented by the letters c – a – t and then very quickly realises that the sounds make up a very familiar word that she has heard and said many times. Thus the instant recognition is quicker and her recall of this word is better as she has the association reading strategy to use: all because the word is in her speaking vocabulary. Imagine now that there are hundreds of words in your child’s vocabulary so by the time learning to read comes along it is plain sailing. That’s what all parents want so BUILD VOCABULARY and you will BUILD A READER. Vocabulary also is very important to reading comprehension. Readers cannot understand what they are reading without knowing what most of the words mean. Therefore the more words a reader knows, the more they are able to understand what they’re reading or listening to. Talking to and reading to children are the two best way to develop vocabulary. As you introduce new words to your children, keep this in mind: Define the word in a child friendly manner: for e.g. ’enormous’ means really really big. Relate the word to the child’s life experience, ‘remember the big watermelon we bought in the shop, it was enormous’ Ask children to develop their own example of ‘enormous’ Use the word ‘enormous’ often over the next few weeks Parents please continue to read to your child long past the time they learn to read. The reason is that a parent is the fluent reader and can read vocabulary-rich text that a grade 1 learner is not yet able to read but is able to listen to and understand. Just because your child has starting reading, do not stop reading to him or her. Conversations are vital for vocabulary development, which in turn is one of the keys to unlocking reading. Are we talking enough to our children or are our hectic driven lifestyles and too much screen time creating an environment with less one on one dialogue between parent and child? With this in mind consider the following: The consequence of less verbal interaction between adult and child is a child with reduced vocabulary and the consequence of that is a poor reader! No parent wants that so I will say it again, BUILD VOCABULARY and you will BUILD A READER.

April 28, 2015

The Effects Of Trauma On Children

Unfortunately, trauma is an all too common occurrence in South Africa. Trauma has many different guises and can encompass anything from criminal occurrences (such as muggings, hi-jackings, smash and grabs, house robberies etc.), natural disasters (floods, etc.) or any other unexpected event (such as witnessing or experiencing abuse, being involved in a motor vehicle accident, divorce of parents, having a family member that is ill, etc.). In addition, some children can also experience a secondary traumatization when their school peers for example, undergo a traumatic experience and re-tell the event. If parents are concerned that their child has undergone a trauma they need to be aware of some of the possible signs and symptoms of trauma: Anxiety, manifested by excessive worries and fears especially about the safety of significant others and themselves; Mood changes, such as irritability and whining; Behavioural changes, such as decreased levels of concentration and attention, withdrawal, aggression and over-activity which can adversely affect school performance; Somatic complaints, such as headaches and stomach aches etc.; Increased talk and awareness regarding death and dying; Sensitivity or a startled response to various sounds and noises; Talking about the traumatic event repeatedly as well as recreating the event via play; Regression in younger children, such as ‘wanting to be a baby’ and not performing age appropriate tasks that they were completing before such as eating by themselves, sleeping in their own beds etc. Adverse impact on issues of trust, security and safety; Symptoms of depression, such as lack of interest in usual activities and changes in sleep or appetite and withdrawal; Anger, as well as hateful statements; and Avoidance of people, places, or situations that remind them of the traumatic event. Not all children will experience trauma in the exact same way as well as manifest all the above symptoms as not all circumstances are the same for every child. In addition, children have different personalities and temperaments which affects the way they experience a traumatic event (for example, an anxious child may react differently to a laid back child if they were to experience the same trauma). Moreover, trauma can be subjective in that what is traumatic for one child may not be perceived in the same way by another child, or indeed an adult). If you are concerned about your child with regard to a trauma consult with a child psychologist who will determine the best course of action, such as play therapy or parental guidance to help you assist your child.

March 27, 2015

Values, Discipline & Respectful Communication

Every child, just like every adult has a set of values, a hierarchy of things that are from most to least important to them. With children under 10, their highest value will usually have something to do with play, although this will differ from child to child. For example, one may like playing with dinosaurs and another with dolls and another may like playing ball games. Once they reach the 10-20 age range their values will normally shift to be around socialising, and again specific to each individual child. Every one of us, regardless of our age is inspired to do things linked to our highest values. These are the things that we don’t need to be motivated from outside to do – that we just do without being reminded, they are the things that we enjoy, that give us energy, that we do with enthusiasm. We also feel heard, understood and loved when someone else acknowledges our values, and we feel hurt, misunderstood and unloved when our values are challenged. Most of what parents call disciplining their children is trying to get the kids to live within their values, not understanding that a child has their own set of values that do not necessarily match those of the parent. Every person has a set of values that are fingerprint specific to them, so your child’s values, even if similar to yours, will never be exactly the same. Now, I’m not talking about values as in social idealisms, like honesty or trust or dependability. I’m talking about things that are genuinely important to you in your life as it currently stands. So, a mother may have her children as her highest priority, followed by her career and then socialising. The father may have finances, then spirituality and then knowledge as his priorities. And each child will have their own list of things that are important to them. If we understand and respect each other’s values, instead of trying to force our own onto the other members of the family, then we open up a new level of communication and respect where discipline can be completely redefined. We will never need to bribe or punish a child to do or not do something if they can see how doing or not doing it is helping them to fulfil their highest values. For example, my daughter has dinosaurs as her highest value. She is intrinsically inspired to learn about, read about and play with dinosaurs. So if I want her to come and bath (I have a higher value on cleanliness than she does) then instead of fighting with her and insisting that bathing is good for her because I say it is (imposing my values into her) I simply say, “Hey Kai, I heard a rumour that there are some glow in the dark dinosaurs getting up to no good in the tub, just waiting for you to come and play with them”. You can spend an hour of shouting and bribing and insisting that a child get in the bath when they don’t want to, or you can appeal to their values and have them actually enjoy doing what you want them to do. It is worth finding out what your children’s values are, as you will need to communicate differently with every child as every child is a unique individual with a unique set of values. Respect their values, link what’s important to you to what’s important to them and you have respectful communication rather than discipline.

March 19, 2015

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