Advice from the experts
Toptots Head Office

When your toddler’s language takes its time to develop

As parents we spend the first year worrying about our children becoming actively mobile and then generally secondly worrying about their language development or lack thereof.  In most cases there is no need to worry.  The vast majority of children learn language without a problem.  Language or the ability to use language has its own piece of software in the brain and most linguists are now convinced that language is instinctive, a behaviour which happens just like eating and sleeping. After all humans can’t help but talk. Some children do speak earlier than others but do we always recognise their babble as words?  Children start talking by cooing or babbling and if you listen closely you will notice that it has a rhythm similar to our communication.  To the young child these babblings, sound just like what they hear when they listen to our conversations. When engaging back to your child, listen intently to what your child is babbling and try to respond back with proper language. After babbling comes the next phase of using either single or double syllable sounds.  The child understands what he is trying to say long before the penny drops with the parent.  Try and make the association and recognise that your child is referring to something or someone and respond back appropriately.  Don’t be tempted to repeat the baby language, this may only delay speech further. What do you do if you have a late talker?  The first step is to have the ears checked.  Even a small amount of hearing loss may cause speech delays.  For every ear infection your child has, he may lose 6 – 8 weeks of full functional hearing which may delay his speech development.  There are two parts to language development – receptive language and expressive language.  Some children will have good receptive language skills (understanding the words you say) but take longer to actually talk. They are able to respond to your requests and can follow simple instructions.  Expressive language is when your child uses the words he can say to communicate with you. Between 2 and 3 years of age your child’s expressive language skills should increase to about 300 words.  It is important for children to develop good oral-motor skills in order to be able to chew their food efficiently as well as perform good oral motor movements for speech production.  These skills can be developed by getting your child to imitate you by performing different movements with your mouth, such as puffing up your cheeks, smacking your lips together, sticking out your tongue or licking your lips.  Oral motor skills can also be stimulated by getting your child to suck through a straw, blow bubbles or windmills and through eating chewy foods such as biltong, apples, carrots etc. Girls tend to speak earlier than boys.  Boys are more physical than girls.  They are often referred to as the “walkers” and the “talkers”.  The little one zooting around being very physical may take longer to talk than the little one sitting quietly and taking in everything around them. The third or fourth child may also take longer to talk than their older siblings, especially if the older ones are very vocal.  They just can’t get a word in or the older children tend to talk on their behalf.  However the opposite is also true, some younger siblings talk quicker as they are exposed to more language in the home environment. A toddler has little motivation to talk when everything is handed to him as soon as he points to something.  If he understands what you are asking of him, he is busy building language skills and the words will follow.  The frustration of trying to get others to understand you compels you to try harder, linking sounds to people, objects and actions.  From this a communicator is born. Thumb sucking or extended use of the pacifier (dummy) may also delay speech development, by delaying the fine oral motor skills needed for speech.  If your child is not letting go of his dummy, then insist on him taking it out of his mouth to talk to you. Language development also depends on how much language the child is exposed to.  Children have to hear language to be able to develop the skill.  Start early and talk about everyday things.  Read to your child on a daily basis, making reading to him part of your daily ritual. Singing along to songs will also help to develop language skills.   Extended viewing of the television is never a good thing.  Communication happens between people and not between you and television characters. The language instinct is being supressed so much by screen time these days that it’s rife.  Limit viewing time. There is never any substitute for verbal interaction.   Language and vocabulary is very important because it is the foundation for phonetic reading skills.  If you have a feeling there may be a speech delay, then don’t hesitate to communicate with a professional Speech and Language Pathologist.  Having a one on one consultation can put your mind at ease as they know exactly what signs to look for.  If there is advice they can give you to do at home, what a bonus as you are learning something new to help your child. If they pick up a disorder then hopefully you’ve caught it early and can prevent academic issues later on. It is very easy to have a chat with a professional.  The wait and see approach must be avoided if you have a gut feeling.  Parents must trust their gut! Note = If you are concerned about your child’s language development then it is advisable to have your child assessed by a registered Speech and Language Pathologist.

November 29, 2018
Toptots Head Office

Why is music important to the development of children?

Music in its basic form – rhythm and melody – stimulates brain activity (the release of neurons) in a child’s left and right side of the brain. For example, when a child thinks or talks about the sounds they hear, they only use the left side of their brain. However, when a child engages in music making, irrespective of musical ability, they will use the right side of their brain. Dr Jean Houston of the Foundation for Mind Research said children who do not have access to music basically do not develop both sides of their brain equally – which impacts on their learning and thinking skills. Another researcher in the field, Roehmann, said that music helps children develop skills such as reading, writing, maths and science. According to psychologist Frances Rauscher, music activities build new spatial reasoning, while improving a child’s perceptual and cognitive skills, as well as self-discipline, dexterity, coordination, self-esteem, thinking skills, creative ability and personal expression. Music is a wonderful medium as it stimulates more than fundamental learning; it is a pleasurable way for children to express themselves. Music is basically creative energy captured in sound that allows children to cope with the environment. There are so many physical, emotional and external changes taking place in a toddler’s life. Music helps children to understand this environment and to express their feelings about their environment – especially when words are not available to do so.  Allow your child to bang around on pots and pans to explore sound. Provide good soothing music for your child to listen to. Have music playing in your home. Children love to move to the beat of music.  Maracas are an excellent choice of instrument for a child to play and learn to keep to the rhythm of a song. Sing, dance and be merry! 

November 27, 2018
Ali Samuels

Making Your Home Toddler-Proof

In South Africa, a child is most likely to injure themselves at home – far more so than anywhere else. This is largely due to children’s confidence and curiosity at home, together with an adult’s inability to be everywhere at once, or to have eyes on children at all possible times; it’s human nature. The importance of being vigilant with pool safety cannot be overstated. The same is true when it comes to keeping your children safe in the home – particularly toddlers, who are keen to explore and gain some independence (without necessarily taking much heed of parents’ rules). Putting certain steps in place within the home will help you keep your child as safe as possible while allowing them to continue to learn, explore and develop. Teach your kid how to be safe in the kitchen The kitchen is often a favourite place of toddlers, what with it being where food is made. An interest in food and cooking should be encouraged from a young age, but the kitchen is clearly a particularly hazardous place for toddlers. Keep all electrical appliances out of reach and always make sure all pan handles are facing into the wall, away from the edge of the hob. Make any budding young chefs your ‘sous chef’, assigning them their own area of the kitchen while making sure they know the rules of the kitchen (for example, asking you, the head chef, for permission before attempting a new task). Give the toddler their own apron and child-friendly cutlery, as well as a safe task to do. Giving kids a task like cutting mushrooms will keep them busy and in your eyeline, also giving them a rewarding and educational activity in the process. Make your bathroom safe Never leave a toddler unattended in the bath. Not only can children drown in just a few inches of water, but slips and burns are most likely to occur in the bathroom. To prevent the risk of scalding, turn the cold water tap on first before using the hot water, and make sure the water is no hotter than 120°F. Place an anti-slip mat on the bottom of the bath and underneath the showers. Mop up any spillages on the floor immediately and consider using tap covers to prevent curious little people scalding themselves by turning the hot tap on. Finally, make sure that any medicines, razors and electrical appliances are kept high up in a cupboard and out of reach from children. Keep hazardous items out of reach Toddlers love to open drawers and empty them. With this in mind, make sure you keep anything that is potentially dangerous out of their clutches. This includes earplugs, tweezers, and medicines, which you may absentmindedly keep in your bedside drawer. Scissors, glue, and detergents are other examples of things that must be kept out of sight. For peace of mind, put child-safety locks on any cupboard doors containing potentially harmful objects. Be vigilant and realistic As a parent or carer, the responsibility of looking after a toddler can feel overwhelming at times. Let’s face it, accidents are going to happen; you cannot prevent that. However, many child accidents and injuries at home can be prevented. By putting sensible measures in place and keeping an eye on your toddler’s play at home, you give yourself the best chance of keeping them safe.

November 22, 2018
Toptots Head Office

Me do it !

Me do it! A popular cry from most two to three year olds. Sound familiar?  This is usually followed by mom’s exasperated look as she knows this is going to take twice as long. Patience, count to ten and let her try. She isn’t wasting your time, in fact she is busy laying the foundation for future competence in whatever task she is attempting.  At this age it’s usually getting dressed herself or cutting her own meat – a skill you would want her to be able to do in the near future unless you plan on doing it for her for the unforeseeable future. So how do we cope with this Me Do It attitude? Plan, work in the extra time into the schedule. And most of all be patient after all this could take a while to perfect.   If you are less pressured so will she be and will more than likely manage to get the task at hand done.  Resist taking over, stand back and let her be.  You may give some pointers like – loosening the laces if she can’t get her shoes on.  Purchase some stickers of animals for example and cut the stickers in half.  Put the head in the left shoe and tail on the right shoe and this will help her to get her shoes on in the right way.  The toddler who wants to do things by herself will soon master those skills required, making your life so much easier. Keep boosting her self-esteem. Tips to help them master the skills. Give her choices. Do you want to wear this dress or these pants? Two or three choices at the most. When shopping do the same. Which one of these two would you like to have me buy for you? Compliment her choice, don’t criticize a mismatched outfit.  Rather just make a suggestion. The red t-shirt will look nice with the denim shorts. Teach them to look for the label to find the back of shirts and pants. Mark items if there is no label or sew a ribbon on the outfit. Potty training panties or underpants with a picture on makes it easier for them. Button from the bottom up. Buttons are a problem for most toddlers as they don’t have the fine motor skills yet. Get them to just line up the buttons at the bottom of the garment – they will eventually master the skill. The shoe matching stickers are great for teaching which shoe goes on which foot. Alternatively place them in the right order or explain that buckles /Velcro normally goes on the outside of the foot. Have fun and remember this too will pass.

November 16, 2018
Toptots Head Office

When can I go and play, Mommy?

Play is the single most important activity in a child’s day. Children achieve 90% of their learning through play.  Through play our little ones are making sense of the new experiences they are encountering on a daily basis. Furthermore, our little ones are learning to understand and process the complex emotions attached to these experiences by ‘acting them out’ in a neutral medium, where they are more in control of the outcomes, through play.  Play is also incredible socially reinforcing, allowing our little ones a safe and contained environment in which to learn and practise their developing skills of sharing, turn-taking, coping with disappointment, winning, losing, leading and following. Our children are practising their imitation skills, practising their roles and responsibilities within relationships, extending their vocabulary, learning valuable problem solving skills, and categorising information and experiences into their current understanding of the world.  And yet society nowadays is so quick to move children into an academic context, with Preschools offering Grade 000 classes in an attempt to formalise your 3-4 years olds’ education. Parents are exposing children to 2-3 extra-murals a day, five days a week from the age of 3 years old, and families are spending a large proportion of their time in front of the TV or computer. Where, in all of this, does the play fit in?  Toys are also becoming more and more complex, leaving very little part for the child to play in the process apart from pushing a button, sitting back and observing. Cardboard-box cars and houses have been replaced with miniatures of the real thing, and designer outfits prevent our little ones from the fabulous sensory experiences of sand and water play. As parents it is imperative that we encourage play throughout our children’s day, right up to formal schooling days (Grade 1) and beyond. In an older school going child, play is vital for their leisure time, down time and relaxing time away from all the hustle and bustle of their busy school day.  As much as your child may enjoy extra-mural activities, and benefit greatly from the skills they learn in these activities, we should caution against overloading our children’s schedules with multiple extra murals a day, and be extremely careful not to use these extra murals to replace play. Young children have the rest of their lives to hone their skills and become proficient in sports, chess, drama and ballet, it is not imperative that they become skilled to a professional level by the age of 5. In our uber-competitive society, we convince ourselves that in order to be the best parents, we need to offer our children access to all these activities and more from an incredibly early age, convincing ourselves that they really enjoy them. However, often many of the hours spent engaged in these activities our child would far have preferred to be spending this time simply playing.  Children really only require the basics in order to play their hearts out – a wide open space, some loving supervision and the freedom to follow their hearts desires and go wherever their imagination leads them. So come on Mommy, let me play!

November 13, 2018
Toptots Head Office

What to do with your little one when you go back to work

You know the day is coming.  You think about it every spare moment. You dread it.  What to do with your little one when you go back to work! Let’s face it, very few parents are lucky enough to have the financial means to let mom stay at home for a number of years before junior starts play school. In an ideal world we would all love to be stay at home mommies. The reality is that with our economic climate two incomes are often needed to keep the ship afloat. Now that we have faced the reality and know there is no other option, what do we do about baby?  In your circle of friends and family you will have such conflicting advice that you will most probably end up even more confused.  The voices shout “Send him to day care, my Mia went and she loved it.”  “Keep him home with a nanny, Zack thrived.”  In the end you have to choose the option that works best for you as a family.  To help you decide let’s take a closer look at both options. The day care – You should preferably be looking for a small group. A day mother, who only has four or five little ones in her care is best, a home away from home.  If this option is not available you need to visit day care centres and see what the ratio is to caregiver and baby.  Does this care centre cater for older children as well?  If so, are the babies separated from the toddlers at all times.  Toddlers are curious about how eyes work and don’t mean harm but will investigate.  What do they offer in terms of stimulation for your baby?  Take a close look around and check that there is not row upon row of seating devices. This would be an indication that your baby will spend very little time playing on the floor.   This could lead to later developmental delays and learning problems.  Remember although we do want a nice clean environment I would rather have the caregiver barefoot and sitting on the floor playing with my child, than making sure that there are no toys lying around.  Children who attend day care and play groups get sick. Many parents don’t have other support systems and send their children to school even if they are not well.  Are you prepared for this?   The one argument that is always given is that the baby needs to be socialised. This will happen in good time.  Babies love other babies but learn interaction from us at first.  It’s only closer to three that that start to play with each other, interacting on a social level. There is some research that shows that toddlers in play groups start this slightly earlier however there is no evidence that this makes them more socially skilled later. Keeping baby at home is not less scary for a parent. The horror stories are out there as well.  Why then would I choose this option? Your baby is in his own environment, sleeping in his own cot during the day. This helps during the night sleeps as he is familiar with his room. He has one caregiver that dotes on him. He is receiving one on one stimulation and attention. If you already have someone in your employ that is suitable, have her trained. There are many such facilities country wide that do CPR, and child care certificates.  Watch how she interacts with your baby while you are still at home. If employing someone new make sure she is already trained, has spent time looking after babies and that you feel comfortable with her. Ask for references and follow them up.   Keeping him home for the first year or two allows him to have his own routine. For him to play freely and not be restrained in a walker or sitting device for extended periods.  You can dictate what he plays with and where he plays.  The biggest bonus is that there is less chance of him getting sick. If choosing to keep him home make sure that you have contact numbers at the phone for you, your husband and other family members.   But, as always no amount of research can tell you what is best for your family.  No one’s experience is the same.  Ultimately it’s a decision that only you can and should make. Don’t be influenced by peer pressure.

November 9, 2018
Toptots Head Office

Why do I need to stimulate my baby from a young age?

Parents to be, have the unique opportunity to create a better brain for their unborn child from day one.  When a baby is born she born with unlimited potential but the experiences she has in her life will determine the outcome of that potential. Experience = learning.  No experience = no learning. Lots of experience = optimal learning. Your unborn children will face many different challenges to you.  In all likelihood they will be working in fields that have not even been developed yet. You will have very little knowledge of what they are doing, as it will not be part of your frame of reference. We as parents need to equip them with the best tool (a ready brain) to deal with this onslaught.  There are very simple things that you as a parent can do to help ensure that your child is equipped to deal with the challenges that may face her.  In order for you to understand this we need to go back and look at the brain. The brain is made up of three layers (Triune model) these layers have a window of opportunity to develop to their full potential.  A window of opportunity is just this brief period that we have for optimum development of that part of the brain.  The first layer is the primal survival brain – the fight or flight centre of the brain.  The next layer is our emotional brain – here we learn to love and care and feel.  The last layer is the thinking brain or the cortex.   The first window of opportunity is during the first 14 months from birth; during this time we need to stimulate the survival brain in order to create strong muscles so that we can send messages to them that they will respond to in the correct way. We do this through encouraging movement. Once we stimulate the senses the message has to travel via neurochemical pathways (roots) to the muscles to react.  How do we create these neurochemical pathways in the brain?  By allowing our babies freedom to move and explore.  Nothing is more detrimental to a child’s development than being cooped up in a chair or stroller for the better part of the day.  Simply by stimulating the senses through massage and exposing them to different experiences during these crucial 14 months, you are creating the networks (roots) that she will need to help her learn and help her reach her full potential.  By repeating the actions you are creating the insulation (myelin) that makes it permanent. Repetition is good for a child, it is how they learn. The next window of opportunity is from 14 months to 4 years and during this time your child will be working on the emotional brain.  This area of the brain processes feelings and emotions. This is the glue that holds the survival brain and the cortex together.  We have to keep our emotional bucket full in order for learning to take place.  Only between 4 and 11 years will the thought processes be laid down.  This is the area of the brain that focuses on language, creativity, thought etc. As parents we can create a whole brain experience with an excellent root system that allows messages to come through easily to the brain just by stimulating our children.  It is imperative to enrich a child’s brain with as much experiences as possible during these windows of opportunity.

November 8, 2018
Prima Baby

Disney Grow With Me Musical Walker

Disney Baby, world-renowned leaders in child care products, have released a revolutionary new developmental item that acts not only as a walking aid, but brings out all the musical talent and fun your child could possibly dream of – just grab those earplugs moms, it’s going to get crazy loud! The Grow-With-Me Mickey and Minnie Musical Walkers are one of a kind.  Designed to keep your baby grasping and balanced, the wheels will turn to initiate steps and the sensory buffet will keep your little one intrigued for hours. How many times have you looked for your cellphone only to find it in your child’s hands?  Well, now they have their own – detachable as part of the table, alongside a detachable 5-note piano keyboard for them to start making little musical notes and melodies – or just enjoy the noises.  The keyboard has flashing lights, turning gears, a sliding melody button, a flop book and a reflective mirror. The walker also has rattle spinners, spinning balls, animals sounds buttons and fun melody and sound effects.   It’s simply the coolest, craziest and noisiest fun your child can have whilst learning balance and steps. The Disney Baby Grow-with-Me Walker is available from the following retailers: Babies R Us, Hamleys, Me, Mom & Dad (Greenstone), selected Kids Emporium stores, Loot.co.za, takealot.com, purplepepperz.com, thebabyzone.co.za and others.

November 5, 2018
Parenting Hub

Top tips for Summer outdoor fun with your little one

Summer has officially arrived in South Africa. With the heat, we all need a reminder on how to tackle hot days with little ones – it’s the handy hints from fellow moms that make beach visits or pool time a breeze with teeny tots. Su-Marie Annandale from Krayons – a brand designed specifically for kids – says that there are a couple of easy ways to make summer far more enjoyable for the whole family. She lists the following handy hints for pool, beach time, or just a picnic in the garden: Start with zip-lock bags: whether its snack preparation (because a selection is always required), or just to keep things sand-free, zip-lock bags make life much easier. Pop your phone or camera in one too so you’re able to snap a few pics of your babes. A little known fact for beach visitors is that baby powder works like magic to remove sand from little one’s skin. Hold the sandy foot or leg in one hand and use the other to sprinkle the powder. Rub it in a downward action and voila! No more sand. As an adult, you might choose to leave your shoes inside or in the car, but the sand is very hot for tiny feet. Pop a pair of neoprene water shoes, or closed sandals into your bag for your tot. No beach umbrella can contain an enthusiastic little one. Opt for a beach tent in the garden or, on the sand, for much more coverage. It’s also great to demarcate a quiet area for nap time. Beat the heat between 10am and 2pm – take the time to have lunch and let them nap – go on your outing in the early morning or late afternoon. Stay hydrated! Be sure to keep offering your little one water, they will be distracted with playing; so, remember to offer water and even cold fruit to keep them hydrated and happy. Of course, no summer day is complete without a splash. Bring a bucket outside and place in a shady spot. Your child will love the water play, hopping in and out of the bucket, and this doubles up as bath time. Grab a bar of dermatologically approved Krayons Baby Soap to gently wash sunscreen and grime off your little one’s skin.  When it’s time to head inside, massage a layer of Krayons Aqueous Cream into the skin to restore hydration and leave it feeling soft and smooth. For more information, follow Krayons on their Facebook page

November 1, 2018
Prima Baby

Lalaboom – 5 in 1 educational beads range

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”.  Lalaboom has achieved this famous quote by bringing numerous basic but essential play values into one simple, yet effective toy – involving manipulation, textures, eye-hand coordination and intellectual challenges.  At Prima Baby we pride ourselves on distributing toys that will not only entertain small minds, but keep them busy, whilst nurturing basic learning skills – and we are proud to add the Lalaboom products to our repertoire from late October 2018. Lalaboom addresses basic needs in more than one stage of age development. 6 months-old babies will start to use the primary functions of the toy and will progressively and instinctively discover new possibilities as they grow. This makes Lalaboom a long lasting classic toy that develop a child’s abilities from 6 months to 3 years old and up.  Some of the primary functions of this unique new toy include: Snap, twist, mix ‘n match, construction and lacing. SNAP FUNCTION: 6 months and up. This is the primary function of the item, allowing manipulation and sensory exploration of various bead textures, colour recognition, gross motor skills and hand/eye coordination. TWIST FUNCTION: 12 months and up. Has a screwing system that allows each bead to open and close easily.  Boosts motor skills and general coordination. LACING FUNCTION: 12 months and up. Thanks to an inner hole, kids can string several beads.  Lalaboom is the first toy that offers a lacing function below 18 months and the best part is there are no small parts. COMBINATION MIX ‘N MATCH: 24 months and up. All beads are interconnected allowing unlimited combinations.  Children can stack and play with half beads as well. CONSTRUCTION: 18 months and up. Child can use half or whole bead to stack and divide any part of the construction. The ultimate developmental toy, Lalaboom beads are available in packs of 24, 48 or 64 and will be available at retail and online vendors just in time for Christmas.

October 25, 2018
Trinity House

How to raise a multilingual child

The benefits of raising a multilingual child are plenteous. From improved cognitive performance to increased marketability in the future workforce, the multilingual child has the advantage over his/her peers and in life. We need to explore this matter quite seriously as educators and parents. Parents can begin the process of teaching their child languages from infancy! Research done by Dr. April Benasich, Little Pim Advisor and Director of the Infancy Studies Laboratory at the Center for Molecular & Behavioural Neuroscience, Rutgers University has revealed babies learn languages in a different manner than a person who already knows a language. Those individuals learn a new language primarily through memorisation, studying what letters make what sounds, and so on. On the contrary, a baby’s brain unconsciously follows sound patterns, changes in pitch, stress, or tone, and identifies slight changes. According to various studies, teaching your child new languages between the ages of birth and five years old is the best time to accomplish this goal. Make learning languages fun and creative, implementing multilingual videos, flashcards, storybooks, songs, and games (the latter as is appropriate for the age). Use the immersion technique. Since young children are able to differentiate between phonemes, which are the “sound elements or building blocks of language,” it makes sense that immersing them into an environment where they are continually hearing the language, teaches them effectively. Create a routine that you and the whole family can consistently stick with. Language learning videos, storybooks, and singing can be weaved into a routine for your child, making the whole concept of learning languages familiar and fun. Help your older (speaking) child to find opportunities to use his or her newly developed skills in the acquired language. This will build confidence, as well as give practice. Learning a second or third language is so much easier for a child, and in today’s world it is fast becoming a necessity to know more than one language. Many parents are taking the step to introduce their child to the wonderful world of language(s). By Hilton Scott, Principal of Trinityhouse Preparatory Randpark Ridge

October 25, 2018
Munchkins

Green and Red Lights on the Road of Raising Siblings

Few things in life are equally as delightful as they are demanding. Having – and raising – siblings is one such a hybrid happening. Here are a couple of “traffic lights” (or common daily themes) on this complicated journey of taking care of more than one creature – as well as the politics between them. Should you stop or proceed? At the traffic light of ownership In a home with multiple minors, everything from parents’ attention, space on the couch, toys and food must be shared – often not without a battle. Green Light: Teach sharing Nothing imposes sharing on a poor little child like the arrival of a sibling! This is a good thing. Encourage your brood from a young age to be generous and to think of others’ needs. Let them experience the joy of altruism by highlighting things like, “Doesn’t it make you feel good to see how happy you made your brother?” or, “See how nice it is to play together!” Red Light: Prohibiting individual ownership However, there is a case to be made for personal possession. A child whose toys are always snatched, food always stolen or opportunities always ruined by a sibling will not walk away with a healthy sense for sharing. It may instead produce anxiety and self-defensiveness that could trigger the contrary of sharing: self-absorption and stinginess. Ensure that no child is being bullied in the name of “sharing”. Consider having a “special possession box” for each child, containing a couple of items that he is not required to share unwillingly. At the traffic light of nurturing Loving and disciplining your children (which, by the way, are two sides of the same coin) become less straight-forward when you are surrounded by multiple personalities, developmental stages and demands. Red light: Unfair treatment Each child warrants an equal amount of loving care from you – regardless whether they “deserve” it or not. Favouritism and being inconsequential with rules or consequences among siblings could do great harm. Green light: Differential treatment Being fair, however, does not mean that you should deal with every child in exactly the same way. Each one of your little ones is unique and may have different love needs and different temperaments. It will, therefore, require a special strategy to raise each one of them. Make sure you know how to reach each one individually. At the traffic light of conflict Among plenty of other new titles, you gain the one of “referee” when you become a parent of more than one. Managing quarrels is an inevitable part of the job. Green light: Assist in conflict management Older or stronger children can easily undermine more vulnerable ones. To protect the latter and guide the former to use their power in uplifting ways, you will often need to get involved. Teach them positive ways to handle conflicting interests (e.g. to take turns) and negative emotions, such as anger (e.g. counting to ten). Also, your own example in dealing with conflict (especially with your spouse!) will speak very loudly on your behalf. Red light: Constant interference On the other hand, always intervening in your children’s battles may thwart their development. Allow them room, in the safe and supervised space of your home, to practice the skills you have taught them. “Debriefing” an incident is sometimes more beneficial than stepping in amid the heat. At the traffic light of rivalry Siblings are natural competitors, and the supportive childhood home could be a beautiful training ground for the big bad contest that is adult life. Red light: Comparison Never compare one child’s performance, behaviour or appearance with another’s. Be careful what you discuss “behind their backs” – little ears can hear remarkably well! Encourage and develop each child’s unique talents and strengths. Green light: Allow winning and losing Being better or worse than others are an inevitable part of life and there is little use in protecting a child against this truth. Celebrate each child’s successes – even if they are more accomplished than a sibling. Make them feel like they are part of one another’s victories by cheering one another on in the home. Moreover, if someone loses – help her overcome her negative emotions rather than always awarding a “fake win”. An essential foundation of good sportsmanship is knowing your value as a person apart from your performance – something which almost nobody can impart to you like your parents can. Although it is hard work to be a mother to many, the value that those one-of-a-kind sibling relationships add to your own and your children’s lives make the journey totally worth the effort!

October 23, 2018
Prima Baby

Assorted Dou dou

A dou dou cloth is one of the essential baby items. Nattou Lapidou dou dou’s are soft and supporting friends for your baby. They are with your baby as they explore the world, when they drift off to sleep and all the other moments of their first few months.  Lapidou dou dou gives your little one the trust, security and comfort they need in the crucial early stages of their growth and development. The Lapidou dou dou can also be used as a handpuppet and thus turn into baby’s companion. They come in 5 assorted characters in beautiful neutral tones which include the Snow Leopard, Hippo, Valentine Mouse, Adele Elephant and Snow Panda. Now in store at Hamleys stores, www.loot.co.za, selected Kids Emporium stores. www.takealot.com and www.thebabyzone.co.za

October 22, 2018
Parenting Hub

Food’s influence on childhood behaviour and learning

Worldwide, allergies are on the rise, and in South Africa a staggering 40% of sufferers are children, according to the Allergy Foundation of South Africa – affecting quality of life and learning potential. The problem, and solution, to common allergy symptoms, says world-renowned nutrition expert Patrick Holford, is diet. “One in three children with behavioural problems have allergic reactions to foods. Other than overt physical reactions, individual food allergies can affect thought processing and cause irritability, agitation, aggressive behaviour, nervousness, anxiety, ADHD, autism, hyperactivity and learning disabilities,” says Holford. A trial study conducted by Dr Joseph Egger, head of the Pediatric University Hospital in Munich, Germany, and his team in 1985, which studied hyperactive children to find out whether diet could contribute to behavioural disorders, found that 79% of the children participating reacted adversely to artificial food colourings and preservatives, but also found that different foods produced the same symptoms in different individuals. “In the 1980s, researchers found plenty of evidence that allergies affect any system in the body and are behind a diverse range of symptoms, yet this research has largely been ignored since,” says Holford. Patrick Holford is a pioneer in new approaches to health and nutrition, specialising in the field of mental health. Having suffered throughout his childhood and adolescence with migraines, sinus infections and ear infections, Holford sought a solution and discovered that his troubles were due to milk and yeast allergies. “The truth is that the majority of people are likely to suffer for years not knowing that they have an allergy – but also not knowing how to treat it,” says Holford. Not to be confused with an intolerance or sensitivity, an allergy is an exaggerated physical reaction to a substance where the immune system is involved. As our personal defence system, the immune system releases chemicals when it comes across a substance it doesn’t like. The chemicals released by the immune system in response to an allergy result in symptoms such as mood-, attention-, memory- and intellectual impairments, as well as behavioural problems, overt physical ailments and delayed reactions that make pinpointing the allergy difficult. Other symptoms of a food allergy include nausea, cramps, flatulence, fatigue, throat trouble, sweating, skin rashes, acne and boils, migraines, apathy and confusion, depression, and paranoia. “The good news is that you can grow out of most food allergies and reduce your child’s allergic potential,” says Holford. According to Holford, the best way to prevent and reduce allergic potential in your child is to stick to the following dietary guidelines: Completely remove wheat and dairy products from their diet for a month or so and see if their symptoms improve. Have an IgG ELISA food allergy test done and see a nutritional therapist. Improve your child’s digestion by including plenty of fresh fruit, vegetables and seeds in their diet. Ensure you keep antibiotics and painkillers to a minimum, as they damage the digestive tract. Include fish in their diet to ensure that they are getting sufficient Omega 3 oil, Zinc and Vitamin A. Avoid foods containing chemical food additives. The most common ones to look out for are aspartame, tartrazine and MSG. Eat whole, natural foods as much as possible. Choose organic food (free from pesticide residues).   For further information on food allergies, nutrition and childhood behavioural problems, visit www.holforddirect.co.za.

October 19, 2018
Capriccio! Arts Powered Pre-School

Capriccio! Arts Powered Preparatory – A creative learning solution for foundation phase learners.

Preparing to take the next steps in your little one’s learning journey can be extremely daunting. The gap between Grade R and Grade 1 is ever increasing and finding a school that facilitates your child’s individual growth, rather than promoting conformity, is no small task.   At Capriccio! Arts Powered Schools, we realized the demand for an alternative, creative learning pathway for foundation phase learners, which is why we decided to establish Capriccio! Arts Powered Preparatory –  a creative, inspiring, family-like learning environment designed with the cognitive, emotional, physical, social, and artistic development of young boys and girls in mind. Capriccio! Arts Powered Preparatory is an arts-powered, Montessori inspired learning environment registered with Impaq Education, offering learners a holistic and creative educational experience. Our innovative approach to primary education is specifically designed to provide learners with an enriched curriculum, incorporating elements of Montessori, Waldorf, and Reggio Emilio into the CAPS curriculum (the official national curriculum prescribed by the Department of Basic Education, which oversees primary and secondary education in South Africa), against the backdrop of our Christian ethos.   The current methods of mainstream education implemented in South Africa can essentially be described as mass-produced learning. In contrast, at Capriccio! Arts Powered Preparatory, we believe that education should be experienced as an enjoyable adventure – It should provide children with a safe space in which to truly explore their creative potential in its widest sense. In the process, their curiosity should awaken naturally, gently propelling them forward to want to know more, instilling in them a life-long love of learning.   Albert Einstein once said “Logic will get you from A to B.  Imagination will take you everywhere.” This belief has formed the foundation upon which we have designed our unique educational offering. With many well-researched models of education available, we believe that it makes sense to integrate different elements that best serve our children’s educational interests in modern times.  Our unique, creativity-infused learning experience remains true to our arts-powered roots, drawing on our passion for and belief in the power of art education in all its forms, namely music, dance, drama, and visual art. Furthermore, by integrating elements of well-proven educational models such as Montessori, Waldorf and Reggio Emilio, with more traditional mainstream methods, we have created a curriculum that will cultivate the primary school learner’s individual potential and allow our children to flourish at their own pace. For a more in-depth view of our educational philosophy and curriculum please contact us at tel: 021 551 7008 or email: info@caprischools.co.za. We look forward to hearing from you!

October 19, 2018
Prima Baby

Octopus Plush

Nattou cuddly toys are famous for being one of the world’s best plush manufacturers.  The characters are unique and exceptionally soft in material.  A great plush makes a wonderfully supporting friend for your baby.  These Nattou cuddlies are with your baby as it explores the world, when it drifts off to sleep and all the other moments of its first few months. Nattou cuddly toys give your little one the trust, security and comfort they need in the crucial early stages of their growth and development.  This cute Lapidou octopus is especially designed with the natural grasp reflex of new born babies in mind. With subliminal connection to the umbilical cord, this innovative cuddly is therefore also fit for premature babies. Available in coral, blue, green and grey. Grab one now at Hamleys stores, www.loot.co.za, selected Kids Emporium stores., www.takealot.com & www.thebabyzone.co.za

October 15, 2018
Toptots Head Office

Playdate Rules

Put more than one toddler in a room with toys and it’s a recipe for disaster. We want our toddlers to play together but often it causes more friction between you and your friend than it is worth it. So how do you do it and still remain friends? Rule # 1. Don’t do the play date thing every day, maybe once or twice a week. It’s hard work, for you and for the toddler who is expected to share and play nicely. Rule # 2. How to tell if it’s too much? If he happily looks forward to going to play with his friend, then he is up to it. If he moans and complains that little Dylan doesn’t share he might not be in the mood for playing and being on his best behaviour. Rule # 3. They can’t cope with long play date sessions. An hour to an hour and a half is all a two year old can muster.  So don’t make the play date an extended lunch with your friend to catch up on gossip. Rule # 4. Avoid play dates during his nap time or when he is hungry. This will just make him cranky and less likely to behave. Rule # 5. Don’t make a party of it. Two toddlers is hard enough to cope with but three is just looking for trouble. Rule # 6. Be sensitive to him sharing HIS toys. You don’t share all your favourite things. Let him decide before hand what they are not allowed to play with and put it away safely. This gives your toddler some control and may make sharing easier. Rule # 7. Start with a snack, just make sure everyone has the same number of cheese sticks on their plate. Rule # 8. Keep an eye out all the time. This will help prevent accidents and keep the peace. Rule # 9. Don’t be afraid to discipline both children and don’t take your guests side just because they are the guests. This won’t sit well with your own toddler. If sharing is a problem use a timer to indicate whose turn it is. Rule #10. The more we socialise the better we get at it. Persevere it will get better.

October 9, 2018
Clamber Club

Toddlers, technology and learning language

Today, technology is part of our everyday lives – a telephone call, a quick SMS or WhatsApp, a glance at our friend’s new Facebook post, updating our Twitter feed, writing up an urgent email, the list goes on. But how does this affect our children? The answer is: We are still learning. Does parental interruption by technology affect my child’s ability to learn language? Clamber Club Expert and Speech and Language Therapist Savannah Senior explains that, “a recent study by Reed, Hirsh-Pasek and Golinkoff (2017) gives us a glimpse into the impact technology is having on our toddlers – particularly on their learning of language.” “This study aimed to discover whether a toddler was still able to learn new words when their communication partner (e.g. parents) was interrupted by technology i.e. A WhatsApp message or a telephone call,” adds Senior. Here is what they found: Toddlers learn words in social situations, when parents or caregivers respond to their toddler verbally in the present moment. When trying to teach your toddler a word or conversing with your toddler, you get into a social rhythm (i.e. verbal and non-verbal back and forth conversation). This is frequently done during play. Usually, a toddler will learn new words within this rhythm of back and forth conversation. When this rhythm is interrupted (in this case by a phone call or a parent being distracted by social media), learning is hindered. Your toddler will not learn new words from this social interaction. Joint interruption, such as a doorbell ringing shifts the attention of both you and your toddler. You still have joint attention. This is different to a phone call in which shared attention is broken. What have we learnt from this research and what do the findings of this paper suggest for the future? Even though more research needs to be done, it is important that we start to think about the impact that technology has on our little ones – the way that they learn and how it changes our interactions with them. Here are Savannahs top 5 tips from this research: Find a time in your busy day to give your toddler undivided attention. This means turning off your phone or tablet, switching off the TV and focusing all your attention on him, with no interruptions. This may even be for 10 minutes a day. Put your phones and tablets away when playing with your children, as frequently as possible. Talk to your toddler. This is how he will learn new words. Mealtimes are frequently a social gathering for families. Put technology away during mealtimes. Focus on eating and enjoying the meal together. Make time for serve and return interactions when playing with your toddler, remembering that it’s not what we do to our children but how we INTERACT with them while doing it, that makes all the difference. These back and forth interactions are the bricks that build sturdy brain architecture and solid language skills.

October 8, 2018
Prima Baby

Plush Musicals

Nattou cuddly toys are famous for being one of the world’s best plush manufacturers.  The characters are unique and exceptionally soft in material.  A great plush makes a wonderfully supporting friend for your baby.  These Nattou cuddlies are with your baby as it explores the world, when it drifts off to sleep and all the other moments of its first few months. Nattou cuddly toys give your little one the trust, security and comfort they need in the crucial early stages of their growth and development.  The musical toy, available in the quirky Snow Leopard, Snow Panda and Hippo will comfort your baby with the melody “La-le-lu” and can easily be attached to cradles, highchairs or bouncers.  Also available at Hamleys stores, www.loot.co.za , selected Kids Emporium stores, www.takealot.com and www.thebabyzone.co.za

October 8, 2018
Toptots Head Office

Sensory Diet

As a parent you are very aware of giving your toddler a balanced diet.  Five fresh fruit and vegetables a day are what we are aiming at. How many of us even consider that we need to give them a varied sensory diet as well? Creating a sensory rich environment for your toddler will help them strengthen their bodies and their brains. Mature thinking and learning are based on neural pathways that develop as a child masters physical coordination, balance and skilled movement.  Yet many parents view “child play” as an outdated activity.  We live in a digital age- let them master computers, electronic games so they may conquer the universe!  How wrong they are! We need to get our children back to the games we played, back to exploring a three dimensional world where they get full of mud and run and jump in puddles. Let’s look at Emily, a four year old. She is a bossy little girl who tells her parents what to do. She is a fussy eater that would eat yoghurt all day if she could, refuses to dress herself and does not play well with other children. If they brush against her, she pushes and shoves. If she shows affection she hugs too tightly. Dad thinks she needs stronger boundaries from Mom.  Mom feels she is just expressing a strong will. At school Emily never likes to play with blocks or draw. When she does use the crayon it is with hard strokes which often break the crayon frustrating her even more.  When Emily runs, it is with a clumsy gait and she often falls.  At the end of the day she is tired and irritable. Is Emily just being naughty or is there more to this behaviour? Research done with children showing similar patterns indicate that this may be a sensory processing disorder. This is a common but very misunderstood problem that affects behaviour, influences the way children learn, move and relate to others and feel about themselves.   Emily needs to learn how to modulate her senses in order to cope with day to day life. She exhibits this bad behaviour when she can’t cope with what’s happening around her, when she feels overwhelmed.  So how do we help Emily and all the little ones like her? What we need to do as parents is to focus on developing and maintaining a balanced sensory diet for our children. As they develop and grow we need to relax and think about incorporating sensory experiences in to their day to day life. Let’s begin by looking at tactile stimulation.   A child can be hyper or hypo sensitive to touch. In both cases it will affect learning and the way we interact with people. Emily might be hypo sensitive, hence she pushes or hugs too hard. Not everyone realises that we have internal senses as well, called the near senses. These play a vital role in our development especially in the early years. Movement is the only way to stimulate this internal sense.  Emily needs more movement to help with her balance. Smell and taste are interlinked. Expose them to different smells and let them explore different tastes, even ones they don’t like.  Emily is sensitive to the textures of her food and that could be the reason that she is a fussy eater. The eyes and ears are the senses that can give us the most problems later. If we don’t process what we see and hear we have auditory or visual processing problems which lead to learning difficulties at school. Emily finds the noise of the classroom too much and prefers to be on her own. For this week don’t just think five fresh fruit and vegetables think five sensory activities to enrich their learning experience.

October 4, 2018
Toptots Head Office

Making sense of the world

A toddler’s day to day job is to play and not to be learning the ABC’s and doing math.  Many parents today lose sight of the goal of being a child. That goal is to explore the world around them and make sense of it. Creating a sensory rich environment for your toddler will help them strengthen their bodies and their brains. Mature thinking and learning are based on neural pathways that develop as a child masters physical coordination, balance and skilled movement.  Yet many parents view “child play” as an outdated activity.  We live in a digital age – let them master computers, electronic games so they may conquer the universe!  How wrong they are!  We learn by taking in information via our senses, process through that information and then act on the information that we have received in.  The most important aspect of the learning process is the ability to store the information that we have learned and retrieve it when necessary.  This is referred to as memory.  As a child learns new things through his sensory system, a connection is made in the brain.  When these sensory experiences are repeated over and over again, the connections in the brain become stronger until they are imprinted in the child’s memory. Experience is learning in a child.  The more he is exposed to and allowed to discover, the more “brain power” he is developing.  Therefore it is imperative to enrich a child’s brain with as much experience as possible during the developmental stages.   We need to feed our children’s brains.  Talking, singing and interacting with our children is important in building connections in the brain that a child needs to develop their communication skills.  Hugging and showing love and affection helps to develop emotions.  Touch floods the brain with feel good hormones which enable the child to develop feelings of love and empathy towards others.  Continual movement and interactive play time helps make their little bodies strong, so that muscle strength, coordination and balance develops and strengthens.  Movement is important in developing the senses which the brain relies upon to increase its power.  The more a child moves, the more neural connections are made within the brain and the cleverer the child becomes.  Every child needs exposure to different stimuli in order to grow and develop physically and mentally in a healthy way. What we need to do as parents is to focus on developing and maintaining a balanced sensory diet for our children. As they develop and grow we need to think about incorporating sensory experiences in to their day to day life.  We need to get our children back to the games we played, back to exploring a three dimensional world where they get full of mud and run and jump in puddles.  Have you taken the time to see the scientist come alive in your toddler?  Watch the botanist, the entomologist and the geologist in your child as he explores the garden on a sunny day. At the beach he becomes an oceanographer watching and learning. This natural instinct to discover and go on adventures often doesn’t last past the toddler years. Once formal education begins the hands on approach is often replaced by hands off. So how do we keep the scientist in your toddler motivated to keep on discovering new and wonderful things? Start at home with simple things. Teach them to classify. How are things the same? How are they different? Look at everyday items with new eyes. Look at the fruit bowl. Which fruit can I eat just like this and which ones do I have to peel?   Collect leaves and look at them closely. Some are big and some are small.  Some have many veins and some only a few.  If you have earthworms in the garden dig some up and have a closer look at them. Plant a small vegetable patch or herb garden. You only need a very small patch for your toddler to keep control of. If using herbs involve him in cutting them when you need them for cooking. Collect some balls and have your child sort them from smallest to largest. Once he has the hang of this let him sort other items around the home from largest to smallest.  Look at heavy and light. Let him experience heavy by filling a soft drink bottle with water.  Have one that’s empty so he can experience the feeling of lightness. Fill and empty containers, collect things that sink and float.  Make ice together and watch it melt on a sunny day. Get into the habit of looking through the window every morning and comment on the weather. Become weather savvy – it will help your toddler become more sensible when dressing and it’s something that’s done every day at preschool. Remember that free unstructured play is important for your child’s development.  Don’t always gravitate to electronic media, we have a world out there waiting to be discovered.

October 2, 2018
Prima Baby

Cuddly Plush

Nattou cuddly toys are famous for being one of the world’s best plush manufacturers.  The characters are unique and exceptionally soft in material.  A great plush makes a wonderfully supporting friend for your baby.  These Nattou cuddlies are with your baby as it explores the world, when it drifts off to sleep and all the other moments of its first few months. Nattou cuddly toys give your little one the trust, security and comfort they need in the crucial early stages of their growth and development.  Cuddly Valentine Mouse and Adele Elephant are two incredibly cute, unconventional characters to introduce to your child via toys.  Available at Hamleys stores, www.loot.co.za, selected Kids Emporium stores, www.takealot.com & www.thebabyzone.co.za

October 1, 2018
CAMI

Should toddlers be exposed to technology?

By Anne-Marie Reed Watching your two-year-old princess swiping effortlessly through the apps on your iPad does not necessarily imply that she’s ready to be exposed to technology. That said, it is natural for toddlers in their explorative phase to prefer playing with tech toys over traditional toys and games. Traditional toys and games all have one feature in common – the child needs to engage with them in order to give them any entertainment value. Engagement implies that the child has to make them work, they don’t just provide entertainment by pressing a button. In addition, traditional games require a fair amount of creativity and personalisation, whereas most digital games are pre-set; creativity lies in the hands of the programmers. A comparison between a lifeless box of wooden puzzle pieces and Candy Crush on your phone should explain this point sufficiently.  The “good” stuff always requires more effort. We know this from all sectors of our lives: health, fitness, relationships, etc. But does this mean that we should keep those tiny, inquisitive hands off our digital devices?  Research reveals that parents mainly use technology, including television, as a babysitter when the going gets tough. As a parent myself, with vivid memories of those incredibly rewarding (and exhausting) times with two toddlers, I understand this completely. The question, however, remains: is it damaging for children between the ages of one and six years old to be exposed to technology? Dr Michelle Ponti, a paediatrician and chair of the Digital Health task force at the CPS, reported that, based on recent research in Canada, children under two years old should not be getting any screen time at all, while children between the ages of two and five should be limited to a maximum of two hours a day – and that includes television time. Once you start searching for research reports on this topic, you realise that the question is not necessarily whether young children should be exposed to technology, but rather, why you would want to share your tech gadgets with your toddler. So, before exposing your toddler to technology, consider the following:  Children should have a screen time limit, based on age. A maximum of two hours screen time per day is a good general guideline for toddlers.  Technology steals the time your child should be using to explore, create, craft, or for imaginary play. You cannot replace this time at a later stage – if your child missed out on these activities as a toddler, it cannot be caught up when he or she is older. Screen time can be divided between education and entertainment. However, to do this successfully, you must ask yourself why you want your child to sit in front of the television instead of playing with his toys. Is it to learn something? Or is it to keep him entertained without breaking anything or hurting himself? Incorporating educational digital content, such as interactive digital storybooks, where the child can hear the correct pronunciation of certain words, can be very advantageous. Another good example of a locally developed digital program for kids from the age of four, is the CAMI Perceptual Skills Builder. This program addresses basic perceptual skills such as colour, shape, spatial orientation, retention and quantity in both English and Afrikaans. Technology can be a useful tool to actively spend family time together as it serves as a platform for parents to play age appropriate games with their children while actually having fun themselves. We know that the best time spent with children is when you enter their arena, not when you invite them into yours.  Exposing toddlers to technology before the age of two is not recommended. As they get older, however, the true value of technology for toddlers lies in shared experiences with parents, whether that is to read an interactive book or build a shelter in Minecraft together!  When in doubt about allowing technology in your toddler’s life, keep in mind that the playful learning and cognitive development that happens when a little girl dresses her doll before they visit the queen for a tea party, cannot be regained at a later stage. 

September 25, 2018
Mia Von Scha

Why We Should Replace Time-Outs With Time-Ins

I realize that parents are frustrated with a lack of options with regards to disciplining their children. First we’re told no spanking, then no naughty corners, what next? What I’m hoping to do here is to help you to see that us parent-educators are not trying to limit your options but rather to give you alternatives that will actually work. My plan is to explain to you why time-outs don’t work, and what exactly you can do instead. This is not a short-term solution. Yes, spanking and time-outs can work in the short term to quiet a screaming child or stop some misbehaviour in its tracks. But they don’t work in the long run and end up causing you way more problems further down the line when your children are not small enough to pick up and remove from the scene if necessary! Time-outs don’t work because they don’t take into account the real reasons behind cooperation. Children cooperate because they care. They have amazing adults in their lives and they want to be like them and get their approval and most of all make sure that they retain their love. Time-outs don’t just reject the behavior; they also reject the child. This serves to break down the very relationships that would have fostered cooperation in the long run. When a child is in a time-out, I absolutely guarantee you that they are not thinking about the wrongness of their behavior, what they can do to make amends, or how they can improve in the future. What they are thinking about is either how much they hate you and how they can get revenge, or how much they hate themselves and what a terrible, unworthy human being they are.  I don’t think any of us want children who hate themselves or us. This is not the route to long-term cooperation. Misbehaviour is always a form of communication. And most often this communication is around themes such as not feeling loved, heard or understood. Even our most hardened criminals are people who have or do feel blamed, shamed, abused, neglected, unloved and lacking in confidence.  People who behave well are those who feel confident, secure, loved, at ease, and who know how to meet heir needs in positive ways. That is what we’re trying to nurture in our kids. What we need to start doing instead of time-outs, are time-ins. Time-ins are a special time of connecting with our children that happen when they are upset and acting out, but also happen in the in between times. We can have a special chair or space in our homes where we go to cuddle, connect, chat, and breathe together. The idea is to connect deeply and nurture your child. It is to make sure that your child feels safe and heard and knows that they are loved regardless of their behaviour in the moment. In time-ins, you will sit with your child, holding them close (if they’re open to that) and just being calm and at ease yourself. If your child is having a tantrum, you need to be the calm in the storm… not part of the storm. So breathe. You don’t need to force your child to focus on their breathing – just do it yourself. Make sure you are calm and centred and ok. And then allow whatever emotion your child is having to come and then to pass. Be patient. You are not trying to calm the child down. You are simply allowing the storm of emotion to have its time and then go. This quiet presence communicates to your child that you are not afraid of them or their emotions, that you are calm and present even when things get rough, that all emotions are acceptable, that your child is loved no matter what. Then, eventually, when your child has calmed down again, you can chat about what happened and how he/she felt and you can brainstorm what you can do in future if behaviour needs to be limited. You can also make your child aware of anything he/she can do to make amends if someone was hurt or something was broken. Children who understand what to do to fix a situation don’t need to carry around the guilt of wrongdoing. During this time-in, you can also reflect on what might have brought your child to this point and if there is anything you can do to prevent this in future. Can you pre-empt problems like hunger, boredom, stress or tiredness that may have contributed to the meltdown? Can you be more present with them so that you can contain any physical acting out before it begins?  The focus, always, is on how to build your relationship. Children’s behaviour is never a personal attack on you, or an attempt to make your life more difficult. They are just communicating in the best way that they know how with their limited knowledge of the world, language, societal expectations, and an undeveloped pre-frontal cortex.  What “bad” behavior needs is more love not less. What tantrums need is more calm, not less. What aggression needs is more closeness, not less. What cheekiness needs is more adult modeling of great communication, not less. When we respond to our children with love, empathy, patience, care and understanding, we are teaching them how to behave in the world. We are teaching them their own worth and how to value worth in other human beings (no matter their size or status). When we have time-ins instead of time-outs we show children that even though we all have strong emotions and behaviours there is enough love and forgiveness in the world to make things right again. 

September 20, 2018
Toptots Head Office

Carseat battles

Many children fuss when placed into a car seat. If you had just found your feet and was relishing in your new found independence so would you!  Children hate being restrained but this is one battle you must win! There are no if’s and but’s in this. It is scary to drive past parents and they are strapped in but their precious child is loose at the back of the car roaming around the open space. Not a good idea! There are enough demos of what happens to children when involved in an accident to place a very real fear in you.  Rather have a screaming toddler than one you are not going to hear ever again. Fortunately if you persist they will get the message in the end and resign themselves to the car seat. Here are some tips that may help: Make sure your child is comfortable, the straps must be firm but not too tight. Make sure the car seat is big enough. Toddlers grow so fast. Instead of announcing that you are going to strap her in, try and distract her by    pointing to something outside or talk about going to the shops. Put on her favourite CD. Keep some car toys that only get seen when you go out in the car. Attach them with a shoelace to her seat so that you don’t add to the stress of losing a toy. As you get in the car, say something like “Mommy’s buckled up as well.” Lead by example. If she wriggles out of the belt use an old fashioned nappy pin to secure your little one in. Allow no exceptions!

September 14, 2018
Advtech Group

Developing children’s EQ crucial for future success in rapidly changing world

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is increasingly becoming a greater determinant of future success across all spheres of life than IQ, an expert says, adding that it is more important than ever before that EQ is nurtured from a young age. “The introduction of social media into our lives as well as the lives of our children has created an environment where people are required to efficiently manage a variety of relationships simultaneously and successfully,” says Chris Van Niekerk, head at Founders Hill College, part of Africa’s largest private education provider, ADvTECH. He says the acquisition of knowledge, while obviously important, is less critical in the current information age, and that the emphasis for success has more to do with what can be done with the knowledge at hand. “This requires the ability to collaborate across gender divides, age gaps, cultural differences, and the like. A well-developed EQ will position a child well to positively engage 21st century challenges in adolescence and ultimately, adulthood.” Van Niekerk says that emotional intelligence can be defined as the ability to understand our own feelings, as well as the feelings of those around us. This includes concepts of self-awareness, empathy and dealing sensitively with other people. “In a world where we are required to manage a matrix of personal and professional relationships instantly and efficiently, the need to have a well-developed sense of self, alongside good empathetic social awareness is critical. It is widely accepted that IQ alone does not guarantee success in adulthood, in either the workplace or at home. “Our potential, and that of our children, will only come to fruition if our cognitive abilities are enhanced, complemented and communicated through a well-developed EQ which entails sound self-awareness as well as the awareness of the emotions of those around us.” Van Niekerk says that a well-developed EQ can, literally, be the deciding factor for success in adulthood. “This places an exciting, but onerous burden on us as parents and educators to ensure that our children are not only well versed in the Social, Natural and Commercial Sciences, among others, but also have the emotional savvy to manage their own feelings and behaviours, while being able to understand the feelings of others.” He advises parents who are serious about prioritising the EQ of their children to start incorporating strategies to develop it in their daily lives. There are a few practical ways in which to do this: Role model the behaviour that you expect in your children. Normalise talking about emotions. Acknowledge positive and negative emotions in your child. Teach your children that feelings and behaviour are in fact separable. Negative emotions do not have to lead to inappropriate behaviour. Keep your expectations, and subsequent guidance, age appropriate. Love them unconditionally. “The need for Emotional Intelligence is introduced naturally to our children from early cognition, when they learn ‘acceptable behaviour’, learn to manipulate others, and respond to their environment to get what they need, and more often, to get what they want,” says Van Niekerk. “The ‘how’ of introducing EQ to children is dependant on their emotional capacity, which is usually linked to their age. Six-year-olds, normatively, are able to follow basic instructions, can express their feelings, fears and problems, are reasonably self-sufficient and are able to compare themselves to their peers. With this specific ‘emotional skill set’ in mind, parents and teachers can get creative with exploring learning opportunities related to identifying and naming emotions, reflecting on the emotions that accompanied certain experiences during the day, as well as exploring different ways of expressing emotions.” Van Niekerk says it is widely accepted that people with well-developed emotional intelligence do better in the workplace than those of similar IQ, but who are less proficient in areas related to “people skills”. “This is true for the entire life cycle of our careers, from the entry point during the interviewing process, to ultimately fulfilling our professional potential later in our careers. Academic excellence is important and it matters in the workplace, however people drive workplace processes, and the degree of an individual’s success is reliant on combining these various skill sets. “Equally, in personal relationships, a realistic and well-grounded identity, coupled with positive feelings about our concept of self, create an ideal position for us to choose and enjoy fulfilling and healthy family and social lives as adults. And the best time to start this journey to personal success, is in a child’s early years.”

September 11, 2018
Toptots Head Office

Brushing those teeth

Do you have problems with brushing your little ones teeth? Most of them do at some stage or another. It’s his mouth and he is letting you know that he has control over it. It’s just another struggle on his part for self-determination. He is not going to give in and it would not be wise for you to give in because even baby teeth need to be cleaned. So what now! Enlist the help of a third voice. You know the dentist has much more clout than you have. We had the most fantastic dentist when my kids were little. He started checking their teeth from a very young age and would ask to count them, having a quick look at the same time. He then told them that they had such lovely teeth and must be looking after them very well. At home all I had to do was say “Remember Dr Robinson said you had to brush your teeth to keep them healthy.” This worked very well. The other option is to give them a choice. Have a few toothbrushes on hand. Different colours, some with pictures on. Let him choose which one to use, it helps them feel in control. The third trick is to let him brush his teeth himself, this will help to develop his motor skills and independence and then you finish up with a good clean afterwards.   It really is only at around seven years of age that they can be relied upon to brush properly so don’t let them do it on their own until then.  Limit the bottle with juice. Sugars in the juice remains in their mouths and eats away at the tooth enamel causing cavities.  Rather give your child lots of fresh water to drink. When all else fails let them scream… at least you can see the teeth!

September 5, 2018
Parenting Hub

What is the correct age to give a child a cellphone?

The modern-day child is being thrust into a rapidly expanding digital and cyber world, whether they are ready for it or not. The question that was posed to me was, “At what age should a child receive their first cell phone?” If only it were that simple and if only society had written rules on how to govern social media and its appropriate etiquette. Sadly, too many children and parents find themselves in a situation way over their heads when it is too late to reverse the precedent that has already been set. As parents, we should aim to be pro-active. In an ideal world, if parents could agree on unwritten regulations, then we could minimise the added cyber peer pressure that our children are experiencing. I find myself in the advantageous position of being a parent to a tween (pre-teen) as well as a high school teacher for twenty years, teaching Life Orientation, Social Sciences and English. Thus, I have made it a priority to try to best equip myself and to empower my own children and pupils. At the beginning of the year, I assigned a task to my grade 7 pupils to interview various age groups regarding cellphone usage. Based on their findings, they had to formulate their own cell phone etiquette policy. Their findings were astonishing. Many tweens had already encountered cyber bullying or inappropriate usage of social media. When conducting my own research amongst pupils, teachers, psychologists and parents, one thing became clear: Cellphones are unfortunately a necessary evil. While we do not have the choice to ignore the necessity of our children having a cell phone, we should be intentional in our navigation and set our own “terms and conditions”. When our children learn to drive, they first need a learner’s license and adult supervision. Why then, can we not create a similar platform with cell phones, before we just toss them the metaphorical keys and expect them to know how to drive? Cell phones are intriguing and as exciting as getting your first car. The sense of independence and freedom combine to make the user want immediate access and license. However, we never grant a child a license before they learn how to drive and pass the test. Receiving your first cell phone should be a significant rite of passage and an exciting phase in your teenager’s life. It could be likened to getting your first bicycle.  Accompanied with the thrill, is the need to learn how to ride the bicycle as well.   Most Parents and teachers agree that thirteen is an acceptable age to receive a cell phone, provided that the child is mature enough to abide by rules set at home and at school. The determining factor should not be a matter of convenience only, whereby parents simply hand down their old phones to their children in order to satisfy a desire and keep them occupied. Did you know that Facebook has an age restriction of 13? WhatsApp has now changed its age restriction in the European Union from 13 to 16 years of age. One can assume these age restrictions have been put in place for a good reason. Larian Botha, Teacher and Parent – Southdowns College

September 4, 2018
Toptots Head Office

Why puzzles are important for stimulating young minds

There is nothing new about the fact that children love doing puzzles. In most shapes or forms, puzzles can keep your child entertained for hours. And the really great news? Puzzles can help turn your child into a genius. Okay, perhaps not all children who do puzzles will automatically turn into mini-Einstein’s (here’s hoping though), but studies have proven just how much they can really help your child. From a very early age, your child starts to learn a variety of things through play. These learned skills often assist your child as they grow up and are faced with academic challenges. As parents, it is our job to put them in an environment where they have access to play time that teaches them things. Something as simple as a puzzle can do the trick. One of the biggest perks to puzzle building is fine motor skills. This is the ability to manoeuvre small objects and strengthen small muscles and joints in your child’s hands. This skill can never be developed too early and will assist them with vital skills such as writing. Another one is hand-eye co-ordination. As your child attempts to place each puzzle piece in the right space, they are actually strengthening the connection between what their eye sees and their hand does. And while they are trying to figure out which pieces go where, they are practising their problem solving skills – which is one thing they will definitely need throughout their lives. Puzzles also introduce your child to a world of creativity. They learn that they can build something from scratch, and are rewarded with the finished product. Of course toddlers favour instant gratification, but slowly figuring out how to put the puzzle together will teach them patience too. Their memory can also be strengthened through puzzle building. If a piece doesn’t fit, they have to remember to come back and try it again later. It is important to buy a puzzle that is age appropriate for your child, as to not dishearten them with a difficulty that is beyond their ability. The more colourful the puzzle is, the better. Especially for your toddler, who will be gaining the ability to identify colours and shapes every time they attempt to build one. Toptots Tip: Once your child has built a puzzle a few times, why not stick it onto a board and frame it. It makes a great wall piece for their room and a memory for when they are older.

August 31, 2018
Toptots Head Office

These shoes were meant for walking

Are they really? The best shoes for your toddler are no shoes at all! You often see moms so obsessed with buying the correct shoe that they forget that their toddler needs to walk barefoot as well. Walking bare foot helps build arches and strengthens ankles. Walking on uneven surfaces like sand and the grass helps to further strengthen those muscles and adds great tactile experiences to the sensory system. Running and playing outside is best done without shoes. Climbing a jungle gym you will find that your toddler has better balance without shoes as they are able to feel the rung and “grasp” it with their foot. So what about that special occasion where shoes will complete the outfit? Choose shoes that are closest to no shoes. They must be flexible. Leather or rubber soles are best. You should be able to easily bend the shoe between your thumb and forefinger. Although the brand names look ever so cute you cannot see what is happening inside the shoe and what it is doing to the bones in the feet. The shoes must be low cut and preferably be leather so the feet can breathe. High cut shoes do stay on better but experts believe they restrict ankle movement.  Flat bottoms and heels!  A toddler has enough to cope with just practising to balance without adding to it with slippery soles and heels.  Look for soft flexible shoes in leather with plenty of room for those cute toes to move in. Bigger is better. Keep checking the fit as toddlers feet seem to grow overnight. Don’t pass shoes onto siblings and friends. Shoes mould to the foot and wearing shoes that have moulded to someone else’s feet is not a good idea. The exception here is shoes that have hardly been worn. Remember that socks that are too tight have the same implications as shoes that are too small. Bare feet running around the house and playing outside is ultimately best for your toddler.

August 31, 2018
Load More

Sidebar Image

Scroll to Top