leading expert advice
Bethwel Opil

Parental Control report reveals chats, games and narcotics most popular among children

Kaspersky Lab’s latest report shows that children around the world spend most of their time online using communication tools such as social networks, email, chats, etc. (accounting for 67% of online activity). Globally, gaming portals (11%) and websites containing information about alcohol, narcotics and tobacco (9%) came second and third, respectively. At the same time, there is a noticeable difference between children’s interests in different countries. In South Africa, the figures are as follows:  Social networks (56%) Email (12%) Chats (6%) Gaming (9%) Drugs (7%) The report, covering 12 months, shows anonymised statistics from Kaspersky Lab solutions for Windows PCs and Macs with the Parental Control module switched on, and presents the share of visits or attempted visits to websites with potentially harmful content that fall under one of the 14 preset categories*. The statistics show that during the reporting period, children cut back on visits to communication media and adult-themed websites. This trend can be explained by children moving most of their sensitive activities to mobile devices, which were not covered in the report. The “Internet communication media” category was most popular in Mexico (86%), Russia, Brazil and Italy (all slightly more than 70%). The least communicative during this period were children in China (30%), Germany (31%) and the UK (32%). Interestingly, the less popular this category was in a country, the more popular the “Computer games” category was. Children in the UK (28%), Germany (26%) and Australia (21%) are most likely to play online, while children from Mexico (4%), Italy (6%) and Japan (7%) do so less frequently. When it comes to watching videos, listening to music and downloading software, kids in Japan are the clear leaders (12% of all Parental Control notifications). They are also more likely to shop online (17%), as are children and teenagers in China (20%). The category “Alcohol, tobacco and narcotics” racked up the most notifications in Germany (23%) and the UK (25%). In its turn, adult content generated most interest among children in China (23%) and Japan (5%). This topic was of least interest in the UK and the US (both less than 1%). “The popularity of certain types of websites among children in different countries can be linked to each country’s cultural traits and economic conditions. We see that children are becoming more self-reliant online: they choose what music to listen to, what movies and cartoons to watch, and what software to install. This independence is great, but on the Web, as well as in real life, it is necessary to guide youngsters and teach them how to behave wisely, safely and responsibly. We at Kaspersky Lab believe that to prevent encounters with harmful content, parents need to combine a comprehensive security solution with constant communication. Conversations educate young users about online threats and help to build trusting relationships in families, while security solutions provide a basis for such conversations and a safe environment for all the family,” says Anna Larkina, Senior Web Content Analyst at Kaspersky Lab. The Kaspersky Total Security – multi-device and Kaspersky Internet Security – multi-device consumer solutions include a Parental Control module to help adults protect their children against online threats and block any sites or apps with inappropriate content. Kaspersky Lab also offers the Safe Kids solution that allows parents to monitor what their children do, see or search for online across all devices, and to show them what is dangerous or inappropriate online.

July 12, 2016
Bethwel Opil

Your child is never too young to learn about online safety

From a young age, children today are curious about accessing the Internet. In fact, more often than not, we find that our children have a better understanding and know more about our devices around the household than we do. And as they grow, they become very savvy about how to use technology to remain in constant contact with friends. If you are a parent who have children over 10, I am sure you will agree that they are constantly on their phone, PC or tablet (if they have these devices), chatting to friends online, playing games or researching information for a school project. While these devices are great and allow our kids to connect to a host of new and interesting information, there are of course a number of potential dangers that your child could face while they are using these devices to connect online. For example, accessing Wi-Fi – be it at home or in a public space where public Wi-Fi is available – might seem ‘easy or safe’ enough. However, without the right online protection this small act could mean that your child becomes vulnerable to cybercriminals – especially if they are accessing public Wi-Fi that is open and not protected. Why? Well, open Wi-Fi generally does not have the necessary security in place, which means that cybercriminals can hack into your child’s computer or mobile phone, over this open connection and can gain access to a plethora of information/images and data about your child and yourself. In fact more often than not, cyber criminals use a public Wi-Fi space as an ‘easy’ opportunity to steal confidential information from devices – information like passwords, pictures from social media or even their instant messages may be shared. While being connected is part of our daily lives, as parents, we must remember that any Wi-Fi access point is a window to the Internet for any device attached to it. It’s not only PCs or tablets that we have to worry about – your child can connect to public Wi-Fi via their mobile devices, which if compromised, can inadvertently lead them to dangerous content sites; invite them to download infected files (where they think it’s a new game upgrade) or even enter data on a phishing page. The possibilities for exposure are endless. However, it is not all doom and gloom. There are a few tips that can be followed to educate children about being savvy online, especially while using public Wi-Fi. Use 3G cards to access the Internet. If you are at an airport or at a coffee shop and your child wants to connect to the public Wi-Fi, rather give them your 3G Internet card to use, which, already has the necessary protection in place. Alternatively, if you do want to use the Wi-Fi in public venues, make sure that the Wi-Fi network is password protected. Enforce Virtual Private Networks (VPN) on your child’s mobile phone. VPNs provide a secure connection over the Internet between your child and websites they connect to. This means it encrypts the data exchanged across that connection. This can assist with protecting your child’s online activities while they are connected to the Internet as well as the content they can have access to – keeping them safe from cybercriminals. Try, whenever possible, to avoid letting your child connect to public Wi-Fi –rather ask your child not to use the public Wi-Fi and encourage them to play games offline. Implement a reliable security solution on all the devices that your children make use of, to ensure proper protection exists against all emerging threats. Parents should also consider solutions that incorporate a parental control feature, to allow you to set website access restrictions – ensuring that your children are not exposed to potentially harmful content. Education – teach your kids about Wi-Fi and the differences between open access, public and private Wi-Fi. The more your child is aware of these differences, the more they will understand if they can, and should, connect when they are out with friends. As public Wi-Fi is readily available, it is essential that as a parent you take the time to note these realities and spend time educating your children on the potential dangers that come with connecting to open Wi-Fi.  Don’t let yourself, or your children, fall prey to cybercrime.

June 9, 2016
Parenting Hub

Keeping your kids safe on the Internet

Us South Africans are an incredibly security conscious bunch. We tend to focus a lot of attention around security in our homes and in our vehicles, especially when it comes to protecting our children. But what about the virtual realm? Are we doing enough to ensure their safety when it comes to things like the Internet, social networking, and mobile devices? The Internet is a veritable treasure trove of information on any conceivable topic. In the past, we had to go to a library to research a project or to find out more about a particular subject. Today, thanks to faster and more affordable Internet access, we are connected around the clock. Irrespective of whether we are using a tablet, smartphone, laptop, or a good old-fashioned desktop computer, access is taken for granted. As parents, we have a responsibility to balance the benefits the digital world brings with the risks that are out there. Children need to be protected against contact with undesirable people, inappropriate or harmful content, and malicious software or attacks. Social networking and online gaming have made it easy for our children (and ourselves) to interact with people from all over the world. Sadly, this has also made it incredibly easy for cyberbullies, paedophiles, and other nefarious people to get in touch with children. Growing up in a digital environment has resulted in teenagers and younger children having quite different notions of privacy than what we had. It was easy not to talk to strangers before the Internet. Now, you do not even know who a stranger is, as identify theft is common and malicious users can gleam much from even the basic information people share online. In fact, tricking children into sharing personal information is one of the easiest ways that they can be exploited. As mentioned, accessing content on a variety of topics has become as easy as typing a query into a search engine and viewing the results. From links to Web pages, images, and videos, there is nothing that cannot be found quickly and easily online. Sadly, this also means that it is not that difficult to find sexually explicit content or download music and video files illegally. Often, these searches start off with the best of intentions. Your child might be searching for photographs for a project or even video clips on how something is made. A few clicks later, and that benign search suddenly transforms into explicit images. Understandably, it is not always easy for parents to talk to children about online safety when they themselves are unsure of how the technology works and what it could be used for. Kaspersky Lab has created a list of easy to remember ‘rules’ for children that parents can discuss with them. These should be seen as almost as important as road safety rules that are there to keep them safe and out of harm. Do not give out your name, school, or home address to anyone over the Internet. Even if you think you have made a friend online – if anyone asks for these details – you never give them out. In fact, please tell your parents or an adult immediately, so they can check this out for you. If someone tries to ‘friend’ you on the Internet, be careful. Be sure, you know who you are talking to online, and if you do not know this person, do not give them any details and rather report this to someone you trust. Be careful about what photos you place online or what videos you upload. While it is such fun to share our photos and videos with friends and family – make sure that photos and videos do not give away any clues about your location or where you may live. If you have an older sibling or even your parents that use a smartphone – make a note to tell them not to use the function of ‘geo-tagging’ on social media sites like Facebook. This is a function which tells everybody on Facebook where you are – like at a restaurant or at the movies. But by doing this, it can be unsafe as it gives away your location. From a parenting perspective, here are a few steps you can take to reduce the chances of your children being exposed to any such risks: Talk to your children about the potential dangers that they may face online. If possible, make use of 1 family computer and place it in a central ‘family room’ in the house. Try to make the computer a shared family experience. Encourage your children to talk to you about anything they experience online that upsets them or makes them feel uncomfortable. Restrict the content that can be accessed via the computer using an effective Internet security solution. You can also provide clear guidelines that let your child know what they are allowed and are not allowed to do on the Internet. For example, your guidelines could tell your child whether they are permitted to: Register with social networking or other Web sites. Make online purchases. Download music, video, or programme files. Use instant messaging programmes. Visit Internet chat rooms. If your child is allowed to use instant messaging or visit chat rooms, it is worth explaining to them that it is dangerous to chat with or send messages to anyone that they do not know and trust. In addition to these steps, you can also install a rigorous Internet security solution (like that of Kaspersky Internet Security – multi-device 2016) that is capable of defending the computer against malicious programmes and hackers. Many security software products combine anti-virus capabilities and advanced parental control features that make it easier to protect your children when they are online. Despite the risks, you should not avoid going online. There are numerous benefits to the digital world. Just remain informed and educate your children on the dangers that are out there.

October 28, 2015
Parenting Hub

Should You Read Your Child’s Social Media Posts?

There is a lot being written about whether parents should be reading content their Child’s post on social media channels.  Before I give you my opinion, let me share with you the two opposing points of view from experts.  Some say you should read them and others say you shouldn’t.  Let’s explore the reasons given by those on both sides of this issue. First of all, both supporters and opponents of monitoring Child’s social media posts agree on one thing… that it should all start with a conversation: talking about appropriate use of social media, setting up ground rules, and discussing online safety.  Parents who will be monitoring their children’s activity also usually advise them they will be sharing all passwords and will be checking their posts at random and without warning. But these two groups disagree when it comes to trusting Child’s ability to behave safely and appropriately consistently when online.  Those in support of monitoring believe it is the parents’ job to keep their Child’s safe.  They do it because of two facts: Child’s can be influenced easily by peers or predators who encourage inappropriate behaviour, and Child’s lack judgment skills due to a normal underdeveloped brain. Those who oppose having parents read their Child’s’ social media posts stand on two other primary principles: that spying on your Child’s will teach them to hide their online activity better, and the best way to develop trust in your child is to let them know you trust them by not monitoring them.  These are two very false premises that are continuing to grow in popularity with some parents. If I have to pick a camp to join, it would be the MONITORING camp.  While the anti-monitors know there is a small risk of danger to the child, they are willing to accept it.  I on the other hand, cannot allow any risk to our children’s safety and well-being, no matter how small it may appear. Yes, there is always a risk to our children’s safety, whether we’re monitoring or not, but I believe that we should always take reasonable measures to reduce that risk.  Providing access to our child to other risk-taking youth, or to predators should never be a viable option.  This should be considered nothing more than child endangerment! It is my professional opinion that children shouldn’t have a basic cell phone, nor a social media account, until at least 13 years of age, the age specified by Facebook (smart phones no sooner than 16).  And they should be strictly monitored at least up until they reach the age of 16, perhaps later for some teens, depending on their developmental maturity. It’s alarming how young I’m noticing children with smart phones and reading Facebook updates.  And commercial companies aren’t helping matters by making smart phone toys for toddlers and preschoolers.  It’s actually training children to have a device tethered to them way too early in their young lives.

August 17, 2015
Parenting Hub

How To Role-Model Healthy Technology Use For Your Children

When I provide my talks to school children on cyber sense, they often nod in agreement when I mention that they aren’t the only ones who need to learn to find a healthy balance in their lives between social interaction, activity and technology. Adults are just as bad as children when it comes to overusing the technology we have at our disposal. The disturbing part is that is that we’re meant to be role models to our kids. The days of ‘do as I say, not as I do’ are over. Whether we like it or not, kids are pretty informed these days about their rights and they’re strongly influenced by outside forces. It’s far easier to set boundaries for children when they can see that we’re setting them for ourselves. Technology has a way of insidiously creeping into our lives and then spreading its tentacles until it has taken us over completely, reducing our real-time interactions with others. For many of us, life has become so busy that if we don’t fill every moment, we feel guilty. When (and why) did it become a requirement to be available every minute of the day? It fascinates me that the more independent and ‘free’ we have become, the more bogged down we actually are. Few of us take the time to ‘stop and smell the roses’ – as in relax, breathe, do yoga, dance, exercise, play, read, be still. Instead, we tend to go back to our crutch, technology, to get off the endless treadmill. Many of us are so addicted to our gadgets and unused to spending time with our own thoughts or conversing with others that we feel lost without a cell phone or other gadget in our hands. We’re losing our ability to think creatively (just ask Google!) and do things with our hands – play a musical instrument, paint, build, create. The real point I’m trying to make is that our children are losing out. Aside from learning unhealthy habits, many feel neglected and sad that their parents spend more time on their devices than with them. The message they’re getting is that work (and social media) is more important than making time for them. Here are a few ideas for being a better technology role model: Walk the talk – When kids are around, set an example by using media the way you’d like them to use it. Eat together at the dinner table where you can catch up on each other’s day. Put all cell phones on silent or off in a basket nearby. Only keep the phone on if you’re expecting an urgent call, but try to keep that time together sacrosanct. Turn the TV off if no-one is watching it – record or PVR shows to watch later. Remove or switch off all distractions during important family time. Just like you’d want your child to turn their devices off when they’re studying, doing their homework or at a social interaction, you should do the same. Note: If you’re really desperate about your child’s over usage, look into new apps like ‘DinnerTime Parental Control’ which enables parents to restrict when children can use their smartphones and tablets. ‘DinnerTime Plus’ lets parents manage the apps their children use, see what they are watching in real-time plus you can purchase reports on how much time they are spending on certain apps. With ‘Screen-Time’ parents can push a button on their android phones to block usage on their children’s devices and they can also set daily time limits for particular apps. ‘MyMobileWatchdog’ is an app that allows parents to keep a check on what their children are up to on their phones (not advisable unless you have reason to worry). Set boundaries – It’s a good idea to start setting time limits on the use of devices when your children are young. You can discuss these with them and if necessary, gradually increase these limits when they get older. Work out how much time they can spend on their i-pads, playing video games, watching TV and using their cell phones. There are health implications to all the electro-magnetic rays we are all being exposed to and some scientists believe that children are especially vulnerable, as their brains are still developing. It’s really important that we set boundaries for ourselves too by separating work time from family time – this will set a good example to our children, improve relationships and help them create healthy habits later on. Use media together – Whenever you can, watch, play with and listen to your children. Ask their opinion of movies, TV shows, ads, social media. Share your values, and help kids relate what they learn in the media to events and other activities in which they’re involved. Share posts from your FaceBook and Instagram accounts with your older children. Ask if you can be their friend on social media sites so you can keep a benevolent, watchful eye over them like a helpful guardian – don’t embarrass them by being too involved! Set a good example of cell phone etiquette – Put your phone on silent when you’re with your child, a friend, or anyone else – unless you’re expecting an important call. In that case, if it rings, answer it and explain you’re busy but will phone them back when you’re free. It isn’t good manners to chat away loudly on your cell phone while everyone has to sit around listening to you. Usually it isn’t anything that can’t wait. If it is something you absolutely have to deal with right there and then, excuse yourself and explain why you have to take the call. Turn phones off or on silent while at movies, at weddings, funerals, school meetings, etc. Unless you have hands free, don’t talk on your phone while driving. Aside from setting a bad example, you are endangering your life, your passengers, and others on the road. More and more accidents are being caused by drivers

June 18, 2015
Parenting Hub

Should You Let Your Child Play Minecraft?

A client of mine asked me what I thought about her child playing Minecraft on the family computer. She said he is constantly begging her to let him play and complains that all of his friends are playing it. This child’s school is even dabbling with allowing the kids to use it in the classroom. My simple answer was YES, but it comes with a more complex HOW and WHEN to let him play it. Let me explain in more detail. What is it? Minecraft is an interesting and time-consuming game that was created in 2011 by an independent company Mojang, a Swedish software developer. In September of this year, the company was purchased by Microsoft for $2.5 million. The developers also released another game called Scrolls. This first person, sandbox type of game has few rules, no story line, and allows users to create items and buildings from resources they find around them. It is an open-ended, exploration type of game that also has monsters the users can fight using swords and bows. This game is a bit primitive from a graphics standpoint and there is no blood and gore. Many have referred to it as a Legos-type video game. The Positives Kids who play this game develop problem-solving and design-thinking skills. They learn creative thinking, geometry and even a little geology as they create imaginative block structures and collaborate with others in building structures and communities. With this game, they can use their imagination to build and show off their digital creations. Experts suggest that children be 11 years of age and older, yet many parents believe that children as young as 8 years can master it and learn. The Drawbacks Parents need to know that this game is part of a large online community, hosted by private, adult-run servers that are not moderated in any way. This means that your child can be contacted by adult strangers online through chat conversations, who play the game and participate. Other risks include your child being exposed to adult-natured conversations, profanity, and sexually oriented objects or digital images (for example, phallic-shaped buildings). Precautions Many parents will think that the benefits to their child of allowing them to play, outweigh the risks if some rules and boundaries are set in place. Here are some suggestions if you decide to allow your child to play Minecraft. Locate a common-use computer in a well-traveled area of your home where your child can play the game. This will allow you and other adults to “check in” and observe your child as they play. Ban all computers from bedrooms of children and younger teens. Limit your child’s play of Minecraft to 30 – 60 minutes on weekdays and no more than 2 hours on weekend days. Setting these limits will keep time on the game in perspective with the rest of your child’s world, and make more time for active play, reading, homework and family time. Engage your child in conversation about the game and their experiences often. Invite them to show you what they are building and consider participating with them on some level, especially if they are under the age of 11. Finally, get to know the parents of your child’s friends they visit for playtime in their homes. Find out what supervision and computer access your child may have there when they visit and play.

November 13, 2014
Heather Hansen

Parenting In The Information Age

There’s no doubt that parenting is not an easy job. It requires enormous dedication, self-sacrifice, patience and love. Even with all that, there is no guarantee that our children will emerge from their childhood into the adults we hoped for. As parents we have a huge influence, however our children are also influenced by their outer circle – siblings, extended family, friends, teachers, school peers, sports coaches, etc. Nowadays we also have the Age of Information to contend with – an ever-increasing influence on our developing children. We had to gradually accustom ourselves to this digital revolution, but our children have grown up with it. It has influenced how they communicate, socialise, learn, think and play. They are continually bombarded with a sea of information through radio, TV, video games and the internet via pc’s, laptops, i-pads and cell phones. They must evaluate whether the information is relevant or not – not a simple task when your brain is still developing! We may remember our own childhoods being carefree, innocent, playful, filled with imagination and wonder but the world wasn’t really like that – we were just blissfully unaware of what was going on around us. So is it possible to raise our children to be responsible, upstanding adults who care and contribute to society? Yes, definitely; we just have to be more aware and in touch, keep up to date with technology and be good role models. We cannot bury our heads in the sand – we have to embrace this information age and keep ourselves and our children informed of the potential risks and consequences of using all the devices they have at their disposal. Some of these are: Addiction Many kids (and adults) are completely addicted to their cell phones. They feel out of touch and concerned they’ll be left out if they are not in touch 24/7. Children may also be addicted to playing games on their i-pads, playstations, x-boxes or computer video games. Health Risks The jury’s still out, but some medical research indicates that EMR’s (electro magnetic rays) emitted by devices like cell phones and i-pads can affect our children’s brain development and affect their sleep patterns. Many kids stay on their devices until the wee hours every night eventually causing sleep deprivation. RSI (repetitive strain injury) aka BlackBerry Thumb from all that texting is on the increase. Brain tumours, breast and testicular cancer are also a potential threat. Social skills Some sociologists worry that soon kids may be unable to make friends and maintain relationships without their cell phones. They don’t always give one-on-one interactions the attention they deserve due to being distracted by their phones. Face to face communication skills are being affected. Not everyone has good cellphone manners! Inhibitions lowered With the press of a key, a child can have his/her reputation ruined. Sexting is becoming a huge problem – sending inappropriate photos or text messages which are then distributed far and wide. More and more boys are accessing porn (even 9/10 year olds) which gives incorrect information, takes away the sanctity of sex, objectifies girls and women and is quite possibly linked with entitlement or violent behaviour later on, in addition to affecting their sexual response system as an adult. Cyber bullying It’s on the increase everywhere including SA. A study done in 2012 indicated that one in five high school learners in Gauteng have been a victim. Children don’t realise that putting their nasty thoughts into words online can have a huge impact on their target and on themselves. It may not just break school rules, but may also have legal implications. Predator risk People can be whoever they want to be on the internet. Children are particularly vulnerable because they may equate their popularity with the number of contacts on their cell phone, FaceBook, Twitter, SnapChat, Instagram, Tumblr, etc. Throw in the fact that they are going through puberty, unsure about their attractiveness and want to fit in and be accepted, and it’s potentially a recipe for disaster. Children accept other kids as contacts even if they’ve never met and are “followed” by total strangers. Predators cast their nets out far and wide and children are often targeted and groomed for nefarious purposes. Children don’t realise that the digital world is like a huge filing cabinet and everything they say and do is stored there for a long time, if not forever. More and more schools, universities and potential employers are looking at social media profiles to get an idea of who the person is before they make a decision on whether or not they will accept them into their institutions. One tiny mistake can have a ripple effect and make a lasting impact on a child’s life. Parents should be friends with their children on BBM, FaceBook and other social media platforms to keep an eye on their status and watch out for inappropriate posts and content. You don’t have to overdo it and make comments all the time – respect your child’s space while watching over them. You should also check out their cell phone from time to time (you should have their passwords). Explain that your responsibility to keep them safe overrides their right to privacy!

August 7, 2014
Heather Hansen

Does Your Daughter’s Social Media Profile Reflect Who She Really Is?

The other day I read an excellent blog written by a mother of boys addressed to all the young teenage girls out there. In it, she says: “I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel. Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it?  You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you? And so, in our house, there are no second chances with pics like that, ladies. We have a zero tolerance policy.  I know, so lame. But, if you want to stay friendly with our sons online, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent.  If you post a sexy selfie (we all know the kind), or an inappropriate YouTube video – even once – it’s curtains. I know that sounds so old-school, but we are hoping to raise men with a strong moral compass, and men of integrity don’t linger over pictures of scantily clad high-school girls.” It got me thinking because I have two sons – one soon to be 15 and the other turning 12. I too hope to raise boys with a strong moral compass. I too question some of the photos posted by young girls on SnapChat, Instagram, FaceBook, Twitter and other social media platforms. I don’t think these girls take the time to think about the fact that by posting scantily clad or pouting, provocative poses, they are giving our boys a message. They are doing themselves and other girls a disservice by encouraging male sexual objectification. Sexual objectification occurs “when a girl or woman’s body or body parts are singled out and separated from her as a person and she is viewed primarily as a physical object of male sexual desire” (Bartky, 1990). Not only this, but Fredrickson and Roberts (1997) asserted that women to varying degrees internalise this outsider view and begin to self-objectify by treating themselves as an object to be looked at and evaluated on the basis of appearance. This can lead to various issues like eating disorders, depression and sexual dysfunction. We need to keep reiterating the message to our kids that there’s a lot more to girls than just how they look. How they act is so much more important! Having said that, girls need to think carefully about the message they’re putting across when they go out wearing tight little shorts or tiny minis and skimpy tops showing lots of cleavage. Just because celebrities do it doesn’t mean it’s okay at their age. One of the questions I ask in an exercise I do with boys is: “Do you think girls are asking for trouble if they wear revealing clothing?” The vast majority say YES. There’s a fine line between trendy and sluttish. Interestingly, many of the boys I’ve talked to said that although they’re happy to look at (and perve over) “hot girls”, they’re far more likely to have a longer-term relationship with girls who are comfortable enough to be “one of the guys”, confident and comfortable with themselves, funny, honest, loyal and intelligent. Girls have so much power – they don’t need to be sexually provocative to attract boys – at least not the right kind of boys – the ones who’ll stick with you through thick and thin! So here’s the thing. You may get the attention you crave if you portray yourself as a sexual siren, but will it be from the sort of boys you want – boys with integrity, who really care about you as a person – not just you as a sexual object to be used and then discarded for someone else? Bottom line is girls, if you want to be taken seriously, don’t sell yourself short. If you want to be respected, treat yourself with respect. Think before you post.

August 7, 2014
Bill Corbett

Parenting 101 on Keeping Kids Safe on the Internet

There’s going to be a lot of Internet-Enabled devices hidden in gift-wrap this coming holiday season and many will be for children and teens.  With this fact in mind, the timing for this topic may be right on schedule.  Consider printing off this list of guidelines for you to read or share before turning your child, tween or teen loose with new access to the Internet. For most adults, the memories of the “playground” conjure up the play area located behind the school or down at the local park.  It usually included swings, the slide and jungle gym climbing bars.  But now that we live in the digital age, the playground for today’s child has become the Internet.  They are on their smart phones on their way home on the school bus, they jump on the computer once they get home, or they can be found with a microphone/ear piece attached to their head while playing Call of Duty on their xBox game console. According to the Journal of Adolescent Health, in 82% of online sex crimes against minors, the offender used the victim’s social networking site to gain information about the victim.  Predators out to victimize children did exist when we adults were children, but were less likely to approach us on that playground.  They weren’t as brave and many did not want to risk being seen.  But predators are braver today and can easily hide on the Internet. Here are tips for parents on helping keep kids safe on the Internet: Invest in the Relationship:  It’s been stated that rules without relationship can result in rebellion, so before you put rules in place and enforce them, work on developing your relationship with your child.  Spend time talking about Internet safety and share with them how best to use the Internet safely.  Set up movie nights with the family to watch the 2010 movie ‘Catfish’ or the 2011 movie ‘Cyberbully’ with your tween or teen child. Know your child’s friends:  If she is invited to a friend’s party, consider setting up a meeting with that other parent to get to know them.  Use that time to share your values to assess how safe your child will be in the care of the other parents.  When dropping her off or picking her up at/from the party, physically go to the door to make the exchange.  If any of her friends live in homes with few or no boundaries, don’t ban that child from your child’s circle.  Instead, establish a rule that this friend is always welcome in your home, but limit your child’s visit to that other home. Establish ground rules:  Set up rules around the use of computers, the Internet and social media.  Rules such as, only accepting friend requests from people your child has met in real life and only using the computer when an adult is at home are good guidelines to start with.  Encourage your child to notify you if they receive messages from anyone they don’t know. Become Educated:  Avoid turning your child loose on a device or application that you yourself have not yet used comfortably.  If you allow your child to use social media, become familiar with all of the application’s capabilities and security options.  Using the excuse that it’s too complex is not acceptable if you plan to allow your child to use it; ignorance is no excuse when it comes to a child’s safety. Be a Parent, Not a Friend:  Determine time frames that your child can use devices and the Internet, and enforce the limitations.  Secure your wireless router with a password and change it often.  Working with your router can be a bit complex so consult your wireless router’s manufacturer to learn how to do it.  Ban Internet-Enabled devices in your child’s bedroom and during established homework time.  It was reported that the mother of the 12-year-old Florida girl who committed suicide, gave her daughter the smart phone because she wanted her daughter to like her. Take Charge of the Computer:  Locate the computers your child uses in a common area where adults are likely to walk by often, and learn how to check the history of your computer’s Internet browsers to see where your child has been.  Children have codes or acronyms they sometimes use to warn friends while instant messaging.  POS may mean “parent over shoulder” or PIR can mean “parent in room.”  Do a search on the term NETLINGO to learn more.  Lock up Internet enabled devices when adults are not at home. Use Parent Controls:  There are many software packages available at a reasonable price that can be downloaded and run that filter what websites your child can visit.  Many others can capture keystrokes and website addresses and even generate reports for parents to review off line or after hours.  Our children’s safety trumps privacy in the digital age.  You don’t want your child to frequent sites such as Omegle.com, Chatroulette.com and Chaturbate.com.  Not sure what I’m talking about?  Visit those sites when your children aren’t around and see for yourself. Educate Your Children:  The three biggest dangers on the Internet to our children are bullying, sexting and predators.  Take time to explain each one and why they are a problem.  Remember that education is a powerful weapon that can keep your children safe.  Set up guidelines regarding sharing information about their likes, their friends and locations.  Promote positive relationships around your child and be an example for them to learn from. Don’t Suffer From the Halo Effect:  The term is a psychological description of a type of cognitive bias.  It’s when our overall impression of a person influences how we feel and think about his or her character. I’m borrowing this term as a way of describing how some parents have difficulty considering that their child might do something inappropriate.  When a child demonstrates an inappropriate behavior on the Internet, they are not a bad child.  They were most likely influenced by their

October 31, 2013
Parenting Hub

Cyber-Bullying has reared its ugly head!

In a previous article that we published on bullying amongst our children in South Africa, we touched lightly on cyber-bullying and promised you a separate article on this subject, as it is so vast.  We’ve all heard the term and no doubt as parents you have already felt the need to educate yourself as to exactly what cyber-bullying is.  For those parents out there who have your days caught up in the hectically crazy world that we live in, MAD Pups has prepared the following information.  We have tried to touch on the most important aspects of cyber-bullying to bring to your attention and then give you some useful tips on how to deal with this difficult subject. What exactly are we talking about here?  In a nutshell, cyber-bullying is a form of teen violence that can do lasting harm to young people.  This form of bullying has been made possible because of the advances in technology and social media which has made it possible for more young people to have access to cell phones and the internet.  It takes place on all social media platforms.  Bullies use text messaging or digital images, emails, instant messaging, web pages, blogs and chat rooms or discussion groups. In a poll taken as early as August 2006, the Chicago Tribune reported that about one in every three children between the ages of 12 and 17 and one in every six children ages 6 to 11, are victims of cyber-bullying.  We all know the story of Megan Meier, a 13 year old girl from Missouri, who committed suicide in 2006 after allegedly receiving cruel comments from a boy on MySpace.  The boy who befriended her turned out to be a mother of one of her classmates!!  How scary is that? This was seven years ago!  Although the poll is outdated, it still gives us a sense of what is going on as our rational minds can only tell us that this has escalated as the number of people who have internet access and access to technology has also escalated. This could very well happen to one of your children and the damage that it could do both psychologically and emotionally could be just as devastating.  Just imagine how much an adult posing as a child can outwit and outsmart your child. Therefore knowing that people can hide their identity online is critical to how important you view this subject.  It’s also important to remember here that there is huge peer pressure focused on our young children (perhaps a subject for another article) and because of this, children are not always going to disclose that they are victims of cyber-bullying.  This makes it even more important for you as a parent, to keep those channels of communication open as much as possible. You need to educate yourself and your children about social networks, how they work and how to manage them.  Teach your children about the dangers of social networks and chat-rooms and teach them also not to respond to or forward any threatening or abusive messages.  Get them to understand that whilst you are okay with them with being connected – after all they are the ‘connected’ generation – they need to conduct themselves and behave online, in a responsible and mature manner and that it’s okay to ask for your guidance and advice ie you will not judge them or find fault with them in terms of the decisions that they make or want to make in any way. Talk to your children about cyber-bullying and explain to them that it is wrong.  Many children do not understand that they are doing harm when they post something or that they can be hurtful in their responses to messages etc.  This is also why MAD Pups regularly runs courses for children on assertiveness, entitled Assertiveness for Life, where children are taught to make the distinction.  Ensure that they understand the difference between photos and images that are socially acceptable and those that can be offensive.  Let them know that should they become the target of cyber-bullying, they must keep the messages and share them with you so that should the situation become out of control, there is material proof to pass on to authorities.  Let them know that they should not be sharing or posting any information on-line that they would not want to have public They should never ‘friend’ people that they do not know as well as never share information, images, photos etc with strangers.  If anyone is continuously harassing them, sending them messages that are mean, nasty, inappropriate and make them feel uneasy, let your child know that it is better to remove them off their friend list and even better, block them. It is vital that parents: Know which sites your child visits Monitor their on-line activity Help them be smart regarding what they post about themselves and discourage them from sharing anything that could be hurtful or damaging to either their or their friends’ reputation Encourage them to keep their passwords safe and know what their passwords are Encourage them to change their passwords regularly and to keep you updated as to what they have changed them to Block unwanted messages Keep internet access to a shared family space Encourage your child to have times when all technology is switched off such as at family meals Check your child’s phone and social network accounts regularly and remove anything that you think is inappropriate Tell your child that at no time should they post or share any personal contact details online or with anyone that they don’t know – ever! Install parental control filtering software if necessary Establish clear and consistent rules regarding the use of computers, cell phones etc Keep the channels of communication between you and your child open and honest at all times Cyber-bullying is a very real monster.  It is happening all around the world and whilst it cannot be stopped, we owe it to

September 28, 2013
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