Parenting - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Should You Read Your Child’s Social Media Posts?

There is a lot being written about whether parents should be reading content their Child’s post on social media channels. Before I give you my opinion, let me share with you the two opposing points of view from experts. Some say you should read them and others say you shouldn’t. Let’s explore the reasons given by those on both sides of this issue. First of all, both supporters and opponents of monitoring Child’s social media posts agree on one thing… that it should all start with a conversation: talking about appropriate use of social media, setting up ground rules, and discussing online safety. Parents who will be monitoring their children’s activity also usually advise them they will be sharing all passwords and will be checking their posts at random and without warning. But these two groups disagree when it comes to trusting Child’s ability to behave safely and appropriately consistently when online. Those in support of monitoring believe it is the parents’ job to keep their Child’s safe. They do it because of two facts: Child’s can be influenced easily by peers or predators who encourage inappropriate behaviour, and Child’s lack judgment skills due to a normal underdeveloped brain. Those who oppose having parents read their Child’s’ social media posts stand on two other primary principles: that spying on your Child’s will teach them to hide their online activity better, and the best way to develop trust in your child is to let them know you trust them by not monitoring them. These are two very false premises that are continuing to grow in popularity with some parents. If I have to pick a camp to join, it would be the MONITORING camp. While the anti-monitors know there is a small risk of danger to the child, they are willing to accept it. I on the other hand, cannot allow any risk to our children’s safety and well-being, no matter how small it may appear. Yes, there is always a risk to our children’s safety, whether we’re monitoring or not, but I believe that we should always take reasonable measures to reduce that risk. Providing access to our child to other risk-taking youth, or to predators should never be a viable option. This should be considered nothing more than child endangerment! It is my professional opinion that children shouldn’t have a basic cell phone, nor a social media account, until at least 13 years of age, the age specified by Facebook (smart phones no sooner than 16). And they should be strictly monitored at least up until they reach the age of 16, perhaps later for some teens, depending on their developmental maturity. It’s alarming how young I’m noticing children with smart phones and reading Facebook updates. And commercial companies aren’t helping matters by making smart phone toys for toddlers and preschoolers. It’s actually training children to have a device tethered to them way too early in their young lives.

August 17, 2015

The Busy Parent’s Guide

The days of housewives and lazy weekends in the garden are almost extinct. Most parents that I know these days need the double income and spend their weekends doing shopping and housework and catching up on other personal stuff that doesn’t fit in to their 8-5 working schedule. And then you have people like me telling you to spend quality time with your kids; that they need your presence and your full attention in order to blossom into the awesome human beings they were meant to become. So how do you fit it all in?? Well, everyone’s schedules are different, but here are some ideas to get you going… Firstly, it really isn’t about the amount of time you spend with your kids, but the quality of your attention when you do. So my first suggestion would be to find a gap in your schedule (preferably daily if you can) even if it is only 5 minutes where your child has your undivided attention – no phones, computers, laptops, or mental distractions. If you’re even finding that difficult, find ways to double up on or cut back on some of the things you need to do in a day. Little things, when added up, can make a big difference: Try having a Stinky Friday where the kids don’t have to bath. You’ll be surprised how much time this opens up and the kids generally love it! Try cooking in batches so that you make enough for two or even three meals and then eat leftovers the next night or freeze some meals for later in the week. Allow the little ones to sometimes go to school in their pyjamas, or even have them sleep in a tracksuit and just get up and go in the morning. Make lunch boxes and lay out breakfast things the night before so that the mornings can be slower and allow for some time to connect. Cut back on emailing, Facebook and BBM time – it’s great to connect but it doesn’t need to be every 5 minutes! Another wonderful way to spend time with your kids and do get everything done is to get them to help you. Most little ones love to be included in cooking and hanging washing and gardening and fixing the car and other household “chores”. Involving your children from a young age gives them a sense of significance in the family. Just make sure that you bring a sense of fun and presence to whatever you are doing – remember that they learn from you which things are a drag to do and which are enjoyable. There is nothing inherently painful about washing dishes or folding laundry – this is a learned attitude so help them to learn a good one and you may find many enjoyable moments spent with your child while things still get done. And finally, find solace in the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of other busy parents out there in the same situation. Just do the best that you can!

August 13, 2015

Rethinking The Way We Plan Our Children’s Diaries

As schools reopen for the second half of the academic year, parents will once again be forced to make decisions about what extramural activities their children will take in Term 3. Be it horse riding, piano, rugby, tennis, gymnastics, squash or choir – their carefree winter holidays will soon become a distant memory. “It’s time to rethink the way we plan our children’s diaries,” says Edublox Director of Educational programmes, Susan du Plessis. “Too many children are busy going from one afternoon activity to the next, every day. They hardly have enough time to enjoy unstructured play or complete their homework, let alone succeed academically.” Parents take great pride in their children’s busy schedules without considering the effects, says du Plessis. “They sign their children up for private coaching sessions while ignoring the average school results on their children’s report cards. The likelihood of one’s child representing South Africa at the Olympics, for example, is very small, while educational success is an absolute requirement for their future.” Without excellent school results, a child’s employment opportunities are severely limited. Of 100 learners who start school, only 50 will make it to Grade 12, 40 will pass, and only 12 will qualify for university.* Of those entering university only 15 percent will get a degree or diploma.** “One cannot emphasize enough the importance of academic success for a child’s future prospects,” says du Plessis. Du Plessis said some parents also fill their children’s diaries excessively because they feel guilty that their child is not excelling in the classroom and their afternoon activities are a pleasant distraction. “There is a very long list of nice to have activities but if a child’s academic performance is of concern, this needs to be resolved first. If one doesn’t address foundational educational problems early on they only become more pronounced the longer they are ignored.” The cost of postponing learning support intervention is both financial and emotional if a child must repeat a grade. While sporting activities are recommended for physical wellbeing, du Plessis said that a balance is required. “When planning after-school activities, parents need to act in the best interests of their child, even if this means temporarily withdrawing their child from compulsory school sport activities in favour of educational intervention support.” “A coach is naturally interested in winning the next match and a teacher’s main concern is to ensure that a child passes the grade at the end of the year. Parents however have the responsibility to consider the long-term future for their child and that is to help them have as many future career choices as possible with excellent school results.” Educational intervention programmes that help children improve academically need not be life-long. “Most children need only 240 hours, or ten 24-hour days to resolve their learning problems. If this time is split over an 18-month or two-year period, it is manageable but it requires a careful look from parents at priorities and what is important and urgent,” said du Plessis. She added that as little as 100 hours of extra educational support could also transform an average student from passing comfortably to scoring well above 80%. Five practical steps for parents who want to prioritise their child’s academic success Review your child’s after-school schedule and prioritise what is urgent and important above what is a ‘nice to have.’ Ensure your child has enough time for free play outdoors. Seek a successful learning intervention programme based on substantial proof of improved school results. Include your child in the process. Explain why an academic intervention programme will help them in the long term. Inform everyone including the class teacher, grandparents and sports coach exactly how you are prioritising your child’s academic success and ask them to support you. This is very important, especially if parents have divorced, that both agree to support this process. Reward and recognise your child’s efforts to improve academically.

August 11, 2015

HYPERTENSION AND YOUR PREGNANCY

Embarking on the journey of motherhood should be a pleasurable and memorable experience. For many women though, pregnancy can be overshadowed by hypertension, also known as high blood pressure. Uncontrolled high blood pressure prior to pregnancy or high blood pressure developed during pregnancy poses a risk to both mother and unborn baby. I n this article we would like to make all future and expectant moms aware of these dangers and provide you with lifesaving tips on how to prevent high blood pressure from casting a shadow over this momentous time. High blood pressure can affect an expectant mother in two ways: She might have existing high blood pressure prior to becoming pregnant, or …. High blood pressure may develop in the second half of pregnancy. When high blood pressure is accompanied by protein in the urine, and swollen ankles, fingers and face; it is particularly serious and is called pre-eclampsia. F or both types of high blood pressure in pregnancy, if it is not detected and then controlled, it can cause low birth weight or require early delivery of the baby. High blood pressure and especially pre-eclampsia can furthermore be very harmful to the mother as well, by causing seizures, damaging the kidneys, liver and brain and increasing the risk of stroke. The good news is that early detection and control of high blood pressure and close monitoring of the mom and baby can ensure a safe and happy pregnancy. There are certain factors that can put one at an increased risk of high blood pressure during pregnancy. Factors include high blood pressure during a previous pregnancy, obesity, being under the age of 20 years and over the age of 40 years, having diabetes and other chronic illnesses, and being pregnant with more than one baby. Women with any of these factors should be especially vigilant. Severe headaches and visual disturbances are warning signs that require an urgent visit to your doctor or clinic. How can women with existing high blood pressure prevent problems during pregnancy? Firstly, it is important to control your blood pressure, and speak to your doctor or nurse when thinking about falling pregnant. Discuss with your doctor how high blood pressure might affect you or your baby and how to adapt or change any current blood pressure medication. Continue to monitor blood pressure regularly throughout your pregnancy as advised by your doctor or clinic. Ensure that you are eating healthily, limiting salt intake, being active and avoiding alcohol or tobacco products. In addition, taking calcium supplementation can prevent pre-eclampsia. How can women be sure not to get high blood pressure or pre-eclampsia during pregnancy? Regular visits to the doctor or clinic are important to ensure a safe pregnancy. For a healthy pregnancy one should: First and foremost ensure that you are in the best possible health before thinking of falling pregnant; including managing a healthy weight, being physically active and not smoking. Get early and regular care from a doctor. Follow all the doctor’s recommendations. Do what you can to help manage blood pressure. Eat a healthy diet including plenty of fruit and vegetable, daily dairy, and limit intake of salt and salty foods. Take a calcium supplement as advised and directed by your doctor. High blood pressure has no symptoms or warning signs, therefore checking blood pressure regularly throughout pregnancy and beyond is important to monitor the health and well-being of mom and baby. We would therefore like to encourage all women to know their numbers by visiting their nearest clinic, GP practice, nearest pharmacy or obstetrician to get their blood pressure checked.

August 10, 2015

When Your Child Doesn’t Get An Invitation

Following one of my parent workshops, a woman related an incident in which another parent called her at home to scold her for not inviting her child to a birthday party. The woman relating the story was floored that she would get such a call and asked me what I thought about that. My initial thoughts were two things: it’s so hard to see our children feeling left out and how much more parenting help the woman who called, needs. Stepping up on behalf of your child is one thing, but over stepping boundaries to protect them unnecessarily is another. T hat mother should never have made that call and I at least hope that her child did not know that she was making it. If so, that woman’s child may grow expecting someone else to always solve their problems and they may even lack the ability to handle disappointment and other difficult emotions. So what do you do if your child is left sitting on a bench at the game or off the list of a party? The two most important things is to use the best listening skills you can conjure up and affirm your child’s feelings in that moment. Avoid telling your child that she shouldn’t feel that way and don’t try to make it all better. A child processing their own feelings is a huge step in self-soothing and problem-solving. One day when I picked my young daughter up from school, she was crying and said that a certain girl wasn’t her friend anymore. I remember how difficult it was to see her hurting and I had difficulty fighting the urge to find a way to make it up to her. But I remembered my own childhood, how friends could change in an instant and for no obvious reason. I let her cry it out and asked lots of open-ended questions to get her to talk about it. I wanted her to know that I was there for her and ready to listen. By the time we arrived at our destination, the tears had subsided and I was amazed to hear her sooth herself by saying that she still had a few other friends in her class. She even talked about having some play time with those other friends. In addition to letting them vent, it’s equally important to let a child know that what they are feeling is OK and that it’s normal. Avoid talking too much in the beginning, but when they are ready to listen, validate their feelings with phrases like, “It must have really hurt your feelings when you didn’t get an invitation,” or “Wow, you must have been so disappointed.” I found it helpful to offer examples from my own life when I experienced disappointment or hurt, being sure to use stories that she could comprehend. In summary, don’t rescue, don’t try to “make things all better”, and don’t minimise the experience. Instead, be present, be silent, and be encouraging. Allow your child to experience life!

August 6, 2015

The Problem With Mommy Groups

Falling pregnant is (relatively) easy. Being pregnant, and then spawning a baby, is the hard part. It’s only until you have this tiny, helpless infant in your arms that you think to yourself ‘so, now what?”. I think I spent my entire pregnancy in denial – under a false illusion that once baby was here I would know exactly what to do, and that everything would magically fall into place. Except, it didn’t. Suddenly, I had this brand new pink, squeaking, frog-like human in my arms and panic set in. How will I know when to change its nappy. What size nappy? What brand of nappy? When does it eat? How does it eat? How much does it eat? #OhMyGodWhenAmIEverGoingToEatAgain And so, I sought advice from the experts. Other moms. Facebook, with all its faults, does offer us one great thing – groups. And if there’s one thing a mommy loves, it’s a mommy group on Facebook. Before my baby was barely more than some drying wee on a dipstick, I had been added to more Facebook groups than I could remember. Breastfeeding groups, gentle parent groups, Joburg groups, groups about groups, groups about those groups who group together. You get the point. My newsfeed was filled daily with panic stricken moms asking for consultations on their babys rash, moms asking for reliable family photographers and moms looking to sell little Johnnys ‘barely used’ burp cloth. At first, I loved it, I sucked in the information like an alcoholic on relapse. Everything fascinated me! No ‘is this poo even normal’ question was too much for my insatiable appetite, no requests for ‘it’s little Julies birthday in 7 minutes and I need one hundred million gluten free Frozen themed cupcakes’ could scare me away. Oh no, I was mommy group befok. Until I started asking my own questions… They started off innocently enough. One day I asked if anyone could recommend a good book to read during maternity leave (haha!). I also posed on the group the day before my son was born, and the love poured in. Then, I had the absolute gall, the CHEEK, to post about something that required a point of view. Circumcision. Words like ‘baby massacre’ and ‘genital mutilation’ spring to mind. My post elicited hundreds of responses where woman, who I have never met and who have never met me unleashed their verbal abuse at me. I’m not alone. I have seen hundreds of woman torn to shreds for even mentioning the word ‘bottle fed’ or (gasp!) ‘C Section’. Questions around how many ml’s a baby should be drinking were met with very angry woman lambasting anything that didn’t come out of the boob. Cute pics of ‘babys nursery linen’ were followed with Internet links to cot deaths and SIDS stats. Don’t even get me started on Bumbos and baby walkers… Eventually, I started to unfollow the most of the groups, and retreated into the corner like a scolded school kid. From there, I observed, and watched more innocent woman fall to the merciless hands of the know-it-all-parent. I have chosen to remain on a few Facebook groups, where abuse is met with a quick removal by the page admin, but having been burnt a few times I am hesitant to post anything more than an innocuous update about something that can’t offend anyone. Motherhood is tough. We all have our days where we have no idea what we’re doing. I’m still so grateful to the few groups I remain on and the 99% of moms out there who are genuine and helpful, and don’t mind a difference of opinion. To those moms, the invisible personas behind the profile pictures, I thank you. We may have never met, but you have helped me in more ways than you know. PS – I still can’t help anyone with a hundred million gluten free Frozen themed cupcakes. Sorry.

August 6, 2015

The Importance Of Taste Experience With Your Child

One of the biggest challenges I see in my practice is picky eating, whether in healthy children or kiddies struggling with underlying medical issues. While it is generally “just a phase”, it’s a phase we would ideally like to avoid – it can be incredibly frustrating for mom and dad, and has repercussions for health– at this critical stage of development, you want your toddler to be getting all the protein, healthy fats and micronutrients she can get, as well as avoiding toxic refined carbs and trans fats that come with toddler preferred foods . If this is what you are currently sitting with, relax – picky eating can be managed, especially if you catch it early (a good paed dietitian or occupational therapist are highly recommended). For those of you who haven’t quite reached the picky eating stage, there are steps we can take as early as pregnancy to prevent this hair-pulling fussiness that is so characteristic of the terrible twos (…or threes… or fours!). Eating is not just for nourishment – adults certainly don’t choose lemon cheesecake and steaming hot chocolate for the fuel it provides. We choose lemon cheesecake because we’re sitting around a table with friends and we are all sharing a treat and a giggle. We choose hot chocolate because it’s raining outside and there’s nothing more comforting than a sweet hot drink by the fire. Eating is an experience – a social experience, an emotional experience, a taste experience. And when it comes to experience, most of us will choose one that is comfortable, one that we know, one that doesn’t scare us. If someone came to you and asked you to jump out of an aeroplane, speak in front of 200 people, or try a fried tarantula (a Cambodian delicacy) – chances are, you would refuse, because these experiences would be foreign to you and completely out of your comfort zone. The same applies to our littlies. If they have almost no experience with bitter tastes (brussel sprouts, broccoli, dark chocolate) or sour tastes (tomatoes, oranges, balsamic vinegar), how can we expect them to accept them as safe and comfortable? It’s unrealistic. A phrase I want you to remember is experience leads to acceptance. This refers to tastes, textures, or heck, even a new baby brother. So it’s all about increasing experience and exposure to that food, taste or texture, and getting your bubs to the point of acceptance. Let’s start from pregnancy: Try your best to eat as much variety of tastes as you can – bitter vegetables, fatty fish, spicy curries, garlicky meats, herby roasts, tangy fruit. These tastes do get transferred to your amniotic fluid and baby uses his sense of smell and taste to experience them. Studies do show that this kind of exposure in the womb does influence baby’s preferences after birth – for several years at least! The famous example is babies from Indian families – from six months, these little guys are perfectly comfortable eating strong curries and hot spices. Why? Because they got exposed to them day in and day out in mom’s belly and from mom’s milk. If your morning sickness meant that all you could eat for 9 months was dry crackers and pickled gherkins, don’t despair – breastfeeding is another optimal time for taste experience. Again, tastes do get transferred into breastmilk, so do your best to go crazy with healthy, whole food flavours. Of course, if you have never touched a chilli in your life before, don’t stress about exposing baby to that hot spiciness – the aim here is to get baby to accept and love the family foods, the foods you will be feeding him for the next 18 years. However, this may also be a good time to look at how you and the family eat. Does everyone get enough fruits, enough vegetables, enough fish? Maybe everyone needs to branch out a bit, not just for baby, but for your own health. Remember the importance of variety in the whole family’s health – you are unlikely to be well nourished if you only ever eat 10 different foods. So many parents come to me complaining of picky eaters, only to confess that they themselves never eat salad or sweet potato – it is unreasonable to expect baby to eat a perfect diet if mom and dad only live off boerewors rolls. Weaning, of course, is another valuable window period – please don’t be nervous of flavours in this stage of development. There is no need to introduce a new fruit or vegetable every week. It will take you many months to reach a varied diet – precious months where baby could be learning about tastes and textures and flavours. A new fruit or vegetable can be introduced every day, and you can cook these foods with garlic, cinnamon, ginger, rosemary, turmeric, cumin, basil – whatever fresh or freeze dried herb or spice you can find. Protein foods only need three days between introduction, and these can also be cooked with any natural flavours you can think of. Note: please avoid honey in the first year. Now kiddo is over 1 year old and it’s too late to worry about flavours in utero or in milk. Still, don’t despair! It’s never too late to start exposure. By this stage you might struggle to get your little one to actually put flavours like cabbage or avocado in their mouth, but don’t forget other kinds of experience. Mom, dad, nanny, crèche teachers all eating and enjoying food (vocally if possible) in front of toddler is invaluable experience with those foods. Games, toys, or videos with food characters count as experience. Playing with foods is experience, as well as playing with different textures such as goo, shaving cream, mud, or coloured spaghetti. Simply having food on a plate is experience. It’s all about teaching your child that these foods are safe and predictable and comfortable. This all may seem like a

August 5, 2015

Top Tips For Healthy Kids Parties

Growing up in the 80’s, parties typically involved red frankfurters with tomato sauce, sugary fizzy cool drinks such as Coke, Cream Soda, Fanta as well as multi-coloured jelly and chips loaded with colourings, preservatives, bad fats and sugar. Parents didn’t seem to be nearly as conscious of party food as they are now. We all love the memory of those retro party treats but it is a cause of concern that our children are being filled with such nutrient-poor foods – particularly when a birthday party seems to be a weekly event for many children. Children parties however, is an occasion to celebrate and to have fun. Parties unfortunately very often involve excessive amounts of sweets, treats, snacks and drinks that contain too much sugar and poor quality fats. If children have more than one party over one weekend, this is more than likely what they’ll be filling up on. We all know too well what the consequences are… uncontrolled blood sugar levels with adverse effects and healthy, nourishing food are replaced by those foods with very little nutritional benefit. So how can parents ensure that kids enjoy parties but do not overload on second-rate food? Read on for some handy tips. The offenders at Kids Parties Salt Many of the snacks found at kids parties are high in salt. A high salt diet during childhood could increase the risk of other conditions later in life. Like anything there is place for a small amount of salt in a child’s diet. If your child is healthy and have a healthy weight, or on cheat days. What’s more, in small amounts, salt can even encourage nutritious eating. Some kids might love homemade popcorn if it had a little salt on it – which is a much healthier snack than commercially produced crisps or savoury biscuits which is loaded with salt and hydrogenated fats. Always remember, moderation is key! The daily recommended maximum amount of salt children should eat depends on age: •1 to 3 years – 2g salt a day (0.8g sodium) •4 to 6 years – 3g salt a day (1.2g sodium) •7 to 10 years – 5g salt a day (2g sodium) •11 years and over – 6g salt a day (2.4g sodium) Sugar: Sugar intake escalates very quickly if a child eats or drinks lots of processed foods or beverages – foods usually found at kid’s parties. The problem with sugar is that it provides empty calories (energy of no nutritional value) that rob the body of nutrition to strengthen the immune system. Too much sugar also causes cold-like symptoms e.g. runny noses, excessive mucus, cough and symptoms of sinus infections. It contributes to tooth decay and behavioural problems. The sudden glucose spike & subsequent glucose drop below normal blood glucose levels contribute to an increased adrenaline production and this causes hyperactivity in children. Excess sugar may lead to stomach ache in children and subsequently they will eat poorly when healthy nutritious food is offered. Large amounts of sugar put children at risk of health problems that can show up as early as adolescence e.g. overweight, obesity, insulin resistance, pre-diabetes and type 2 diabetes. The average primary school child should not consume more than six teaspoons of added sugar per day. The American Heart Association recommends limiting children’s sugar intake to 3-4 teaspoons per day. Added sugar includes sugar that you add to tea, cereal and other food, but also the sugar added to refined or processed food. Sugar content of some processed food: Product Equivalent amount of sugar Fizzy cool drink (Coke, Fanta etc.) – 340ml can 10 teaspoons Oros – 300ml 6 teaspoons Ice tea – 340ml 6 teaspoons Flavoured water – 500ml 5 teaspoons Jelly sweets – 75g (small packet) 14 teaspoons Bite-size chocolate bar 2 teaspoons Plain chocolate – 4 squares 3 teaspoons Tomato sauce – 2 tablespoons 5 teaspoons From this table you can clearly see that consuming party foods with hidden sugar, a child can very easily exceed their daily recommendation for the next few days just by going to one party in a week. Fat: Fat comes in different forms and has different qualities, thus are some better than others. Although it is recommended that fat should be limited in the daily diet – children are still growing and developing and need a certain amount of fat, especially the beneficial ones. The problem with children’s parties is that most of the typical party foods are very high in Trans-fats or Hydrogenated fats. Trans-Fats or Hydrogenated (man-made) fat are the worst fats and are found typically in processed foods such as hard brick margarine, biscuits, chips, crackers, cakes, commercially baked goods e.g. pastries, doughnuts. It is usually listed as “partially hydrogenated” or “vegetable oil shortening” in the ingredients list. These fats increase the risk of disease (e.g. cancer, heart disease). In large amounts trans-fatty acids can also affect brain function as it interferes with the role of omega-3 fatty acids in the brain. Another problem with the fatty party foods such as boerewors, ‘slap chips’, chips and melted cheese is that it contributes to constipation. The type of fat present in these foods slows down the movement of food through the digestive track increasing the risk of constipation, especially if your child is prone to constipation. Top Tips For Kids Parties Before the party Make sure your child has eaten a healthy well-balanced meal or snack before the party starts. Children’s eating behaviour is usually driven by hunger. A hungry child will spend most of the party time around the sweets table eating whatever is available but generally children prefer to spend their party time playing if they’re not hungry. At the party Children will eat what is served at the party. If healthier food is offered at the party – that’s what they will eat. If healthy foods are served together with unhealthy options, chances are that the children will choose the unhealthier options. Therefore it is better to

August 4, 2015

Healthy Parent-Child Relations Through Discipline

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual – and yet it is arguable the most important job on earth. Why then, do we get it wrong so often? Is it because we don’t know any better? At Contemporary Parenting we have devised a 4 module course to explore you as parent, and the challenges and opportunities that are open to you to bring about lasting positive change in your homes. One of the big parental areas of confusion and contention is that of discipline. How is it that we facilitate children into their goodness and greatness? Have you ever considered that connection is key to positively influencing children? Have you ever thought about positive guidance through relationship as opposed to through threats and consequences. Could you imagine a different and better way to move your children towards behaviour that you require from them? Punishment rarely teaches accountability and can stir up significant negative emotion and resentment in the child. Consider how you felt as a child when you were grounded, sent to your room or had privileges taken away. What were you thinking and feeling? Where you considering your wrong doing and pondering improved behaviour next time, or plotting revenge? When we parent punitively, through punishment, we often get the result we want in the short term as children are too scared not to obey, but do we really want compliance through fear, or do we want compliance and cooperation because children come to understand the reasons behind our requests? At Contemporary Parenting we have come up with some ideas to deal with those ‘sticky’ situations. 1. Let your child find the solutions: I notice that you haven’t managed to complete your school work before bed time – I wonder what the best solution would be? Using observation and clever question asking is key to helping children to find their own solutions. It is empowering and it can be fascinating what children can come up with. 2. Partner with your child: If the child coming up with a solution doesn’t work then work with them shoulder to shoulder to show them that you are committed to win:win problem solving. It also may require some short-term compromise while you get them into solving their own problems thoroughly. In other words, hair may need to go unwashed tonight in order that their solution of showering in the morning is honoured. Work to together to MAP: Make A Plan to move forward. Create a sense of team and truly consider even their most out of the box ideas. 3. The power of the ‘may’: Who knew there was such power in 3 letter words? Consider the difference between the statements, and play with them in your own homes; “take your shoes off now.” “Can you please take your shoes off?” “You may take your shoes off now?” The latter is a clear but passive statement with built in respect and guidance 4. Offer a ‘rewind’: I see you are not keen to bath right now, but being rude isn’t what we do in this family. Would you like to do a rewind? Giving a child a chance to redo a behaviour teaches so much to them. Make ‘rewinds’ a part of your everyday life. Less than ideal behaviour can escape being the source of blame & shame and can rather be seen as a learning experience in which all memebers of the family get a do-over to try it again. 5. Pro-active steps alleviate a lot of resistance: Connect with your child before you direct them. Honour where they are at before requesting that they transition to something new. Where possible, give ample warning too and always try and be mindful of the time – transitions under time pressure are a ticking bomb waiting to go off. 6. Be a friendly spy into their inner-worlds: No behaviour is ever, ever random. There is always a reason and if we become investigators and are curious about a behaviour we can start to find out what is behind it and address that rather than the symptom which is the behaviour. Children find big feelings scary so they will often suppress them in the moment, for instance the rejection that they felt at school, and it may come out at the dinner table when they are rude to you, or aggressive with a sibling. If you aren’t curious you will just suppress the behaviour and thus compound the negative emotions behind it. When we make connection and relationship our key endeavours with our children we have a far greater chance of peace, cooperation and joy and in our homes. Part of this is letting go of always needing to be right and to make the children wrong. When we are in relationship we do this thing called life together. As the adults we have more experience but that doesn’t mean we are better people. Children are bound to make mistakes, repetitively, they are wired for it. Our job is to sculpt their brains, their wiring, in their best interests, and the most positive way to do this is when we are connected to them and they to us. Fear thwarts learning. Love builds happy children. Love instills boundaries, but kindly. Go on – connect with your kids today.

July 27, 2015

You Are Good Enough

When I was 22 years old, I fell pregnant with Jamie, this was the biggest life changing moment, I knew everything was about to change. Little did I know that the effects of these changes were so drastic. Even though I had a relatively easy pregnancy, my body was not my own, I was swelling in places I didn’t know existed and feeling uncomfortable with my body and self-image. It wasn’t all glam. A swim in the pool made me feel like a beached whale and the view of my tummy and feet from my angle looked 10 times worse that it really was. When Jamie was born I became somewhat obsessed with losing the 15 Kilograms I had gained during the pregnancy. (For me this is a lot) Previously, I would wonder why woman “let themselves go” after their pregnancies, now I know why it is so tough, and although this is a reality, there are ways that we can make ourselves feel beautiful. (And I’m not talking about weight here) If we feel beautiful, we will display that beauty on the outside and it will shine. I attempted exercising for a couple of days after getting the go ahead from my Gynae, but that was short-lived. Damn, new born babies are hard work! My Body had changed for good, my ribs weren’t were they used to be, my stomach muscles were lazy, and lets not talk about my boobs! There was no turning back to my 21-year-old body and at this moment, I knew I had to start treating myself better, emotionally, and “get your shit together” became my mantra! After the pregnancy, I naturally began neglecting myself, and in this time I could not find the motivation and strength to get up and do something about it. We have all been there, envying the pretty girl with the rocking body, but It is not about looking at the next person and envying their beauty, wanting a better body, a permanent bronzed tan or legs so beautiful it would make Barbie jealous. And it is certainly not about the fear of being judged by others and their worthless opinion of your image. It’s not about losing an excessive or unhealthy amount of weight, eating celery for breakfast, lunch and dinner, or wearing fresh make up to bed (please don’t do that) It’s about who you are, being comfortable in your own skin, what you were given in this life, and how you use it. It’s about treating yourself better, in a way that makes you feel fulfilled. If you are not content with the way you feel, it’s about time you start finding your balance and do what you need to do to make you happy. Once you are satisfied, the only weapon you have to defeat the fear of not being good enough is to embrace it. Own it. Psychologically, we put ourselves in a state of mind portraying that we are either okay or not okay with the choices we make in our everyday lives. Whether it be the outfit you picked, the number on your scale, or the way you did your hair (or didn’t). We use some sort of psychological defense mechanism. Yet, when we wake up and look in the mirror we are faced with reality – “I am not happy with this”, “I need to do something about this”, “why am I so unhappy with myself”, “I need to make time to do my hair and manicure my nails”. Let’s face it, we as moms have a tough job. Endless responsibilities and needs that have to be fulfilled daily. Yes, it makes us Strong, Brave Women, but we hardly find time for ourselves. We put our entire family’s needs (including the dog) before our own. Don’t let it drown your soul. You owe it to yourself to do whatever it takes to make you look at yourself in the mirror and smile with content. Many times when I have some much needed ‘off duty’ moments, all I want to do is catch up on sleep or sit with my feet up, reading, or catching up and watching re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy. As nice as that sounds (wouldn’t that be great RIGHT now??), Instead, often I take that time to make myself feel pretty, for me (try relaxing in the bath, reading a book, while waiting for your nails to dry). Often I have walked out the door feeling unhappy with the way I have neglected myself and exposed it for everyone to see. Irrespective of the fact that I generally couldn’t care less what people think, I know for sure that if I am unhappy with my self-image, it will show and I will put my emotions in a vulnerable state, and I will be left feeling insecure about myself and taking people’s judgement of me, to heart. So, Moms… it’s never too late. GET UP! DRESS UP! SHOW UP! Because you are Good Enough. Buy the dress. That lipstick DOES look good on you, and your bum looks great in those jeans! Have confidence, and treat yourself and your body better. Find comfort in accepting yourself. You are beautiful inside and out. Let your light shine.

July 27, 2015

Providing Choices To Your Child… Gains Trust

Children like adults enjoy having choices. You don’t have to eat the vegetables but you don’t get the desert. If you want free time with friends clean up your room so nobody trips because it is your responsibility. If you hit other children, we can’t have them around you because they need to be safe. If you can’t apologise to your friend, then he won’t be able to come and play until you understand the importance of caring for others. Having a friend is being a friend. Sharing might require having the child remember a time another shared with them or didn’t share with them. Recalling those feelings emphasises the learning. Parents can be as innovative as they want with instructions. The parent has to perceive themselves as the teacher and not the child. If we act like our children, then we have no parenting going on. Children don’t complain yell or hit to anger us or retaliate against us. They are not necessarily planning to mess with our minds or hearts. They are surface most of the time and our anger is due to the requirement we have to give more time and effort to an erring child. We would rather continue our conversation with a friend or more appealing activity. At a party there is plenty of food and camaraderie so taking time for reprimanding in a teaching moment is not attractive due to the effort needed. Other days we are just too tired to manage the energy to deal civilly with our child. After working all week and then cleaning, cooking, shopping, and doing laundry on the weekend, parents might feel overwhelmed. As much as children try to amuse themselves, they need our time and attention. They strive to get it in negative ways if positive ways yield no results. Children can be included in household jobs. By working with us it gives us time to listen and speak with them while we work. Expecting gratitude is not in the parenting rule book. Respect should be in everyone’s guidebook. Kids deserve respect. Belittling them hurting them or embarrassing them is uncalled for and not necessary. As parents we have huge expectations from our kids the moment they are born. We have total criticism of our own parents and believe they did so many things wrong. We on the other hand intend to do everything right. As we begin our journey we realise how involved, parenting is. Loving our child or children is imperative but it is because of that love that we are willing to make all the sacrifices needed, so that we can accomplish all of the necessary work that is tied into raising kids. By discussing problems bothering our child, even as a toddler, we instil trust and concern. They can question us when they feel the need. They may question our rules. That is when real learning transpires. We can explain why they cannot ride on the street or travel alone. Even if they don’t like the rule, they begin to understand our spoken explanation. Understanding encourages learning and acceptance. Disapproval only serves to discourage our kids. When you are upset, attempt to keep your attitude civil. Try not to ever attack the spirit of another human being, especially when they are young. Walk away, stop what you are doing, take a break. Gain control over your own emotions, and remember the individual is vulnerable. Respect, and discipline with love.

July 23, 2015

Why Fathers Are Important To Young Children

On May 15, 2013 Bristol University published in Psychological Medicine in the United Kingdom a report on a study done to look at the impact of absent fathers in the timing of a young child’s (younger than age 5) life and adolescent mental health. The study shows as do others that young children develop depression because of fewer coping skills and an undeveloped circle of support. The study shows that girls may be more susceptible to depression because of the tendency for girls to be more affected by family dynamics. Over the last year I have been looking at the effects of fathers on young children. Primarily how Erickson’s stages of Psychosocial Development and fatherhood and are related.The first three stages of the scale are Trust vs.Mistrust, Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt, and Initiative vs. Guilt. In the research I have been reading fathers are key to children developing in all three areas. This leads me to suspect that the researchers findings that children whose fathers become absent during their early years are less able to cope with issues. Children’s whose fathers either stayed in the family or remained an important part of their children’s early lives have fewer problems adjusting to life’s changes. Traditional thought about father’s states that they are the providers of home and physical provisions not really necessary in the early years as are mothers. However, studies are showing the relationships between fathers and young children are necessary to the development of these stages. An article on the Zero to Three Website“ How Men and Children Affect Each Others Development” shows that fathers’ can spend hours holding and staring at their new born children. One might speculate that it is this interaction of being securely held and face to face interaction may strongly contribute to a new born’s sense of security and trust . Some research also shows that fathers tend to wait longer to help children when they are struggling, giving tips and encouragement but not reaching in to help until the child has given it a good effort. This tendency in my opinion shows children that their father’s think of them as capable and that belief fosters a stronger belief in themselves and their abilities. These two paragraphs show how fathers help to build trust, autonomy, and initiative in children. It is these tendencies in men that allow children to develop coping skills, resiliency, and self-esteem leading to a belief in themselves and their ability to cope in the world. Young Children need constant and interpersonal relationships with their fathers to develop these skills.

July 16, 2015

Understanding Relationship Dynamics

Ever had one of those uncomfortable experiences when a relationship with someone in your family that suddenly goes bad without warning? What about the incidents that catch you totally off guard when you receive an email, phone call or letter, informing you that they are ending the relationship because of something they claim you did or did not do? How about when they won’t tell you what it was? What about the incidents in which the person doesn’t return your calls or emails, or you detect something’s wrong in their voice or tone. Worse yet, they just stop communicating with you altogether, for some reason that is unknown to you. Even others in the family are aware of some sort of problem but won’t or can’t tell you? So you try and reach out to them to make amends, even though you’re not really sure what it was you did. What if it WAS something you said or did that was unintentional or misinterpreted completely wrong? And of course, there are those incidents in which you make an honest mistake and see that they took your action or words so hurtful that it seems that the damage may be irreversible. Whether you’re an active person in your business or family world, one of these situations has likely happened to you and it was probably painful, especially if you’re the sensitive type. Your network of family members and business associates has so many “moving parts” (relationships) that your chances of experiencing one of these bristly events is high. Initial feelings in the aftermath might be, anger, fear, disappointment (in you OR the other person), and more. You may experience some or all of these uncomfortable emotions, all within a short time period. Eventually, it may hit you in your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings; your self-doubt about who you are and what you are capable of. Your self-esteem may even take a hit. Every flaw you feared you had is now throbbing. In order to recover quickly, it’s important to keep in mind that it may not really have anything to do with you, you just became the object of something that is going on with them. This concept is hard to grasp when you’re feeling the hurt. If the other person won’t reveal what happened or even if they do, it may be hard to see their point of view. It is best to make any repairs that you may be responsible for, remain open to learning from the experience, and allow yourself to heal. I’ve heard many sad stories from parents of older children who told me that they were no longer welcome to see the grandchildren and didn’t know why. Clues later revealed that the parents said or did something unintentionally that offended the daughter or son-in-law. Sometimes it’s unfair and can’t be undone. Give the other person or family time and space to do their own healing. Never make assumptions or decisions based on the experience, and always make any relationship repairs that you’re responsible for.

July 14, 2015

The Dangers Of Purchasing A 2nd Hand Car Seat

There is no denying that car seats are expensive, with prices ranging anywhere from R1 000 to R4 000. While that is a hefty price for many to consider, they are an absolute necessity for your child’s safety and can reduce the risk of death for infants by 70% and by 47–54% for children aged 1–4 years. IMPERIAL Road Safety, and its established partner, Wheel Well, who clean and safety check all car seats collected through the IMPERIAL Car Seats for Kids Campaign; have noticed a distressing trend, which is on the increase of late, especially since the use of car seats is now legally compulsory. Peggie Mars, from Wheel Well explains: “Many consumers, who are likely cash strapped and need to save money, are purchasing used car seats via online sites such as OLX and Gumtree. While this may seem innocent enough, it is actually a serious safety concern, as these seats have more than likely not undergone a proper safety check before being sold to the buyer.” “Unless you’re buying a car seat from someone well known and trusted, you have no real way of knowing a used seat’s history or the exact age thereof (older seats may not be accepted as safe anymore) which is a real danger. In addition, when you are purchasing second hand goods, they may be missing their installation instructions, and so in the case of a car seat, the buyer may not how to truly install the seat properly – which is one of the major hazards when it comes to in-car child safety.” “Moving away from safety and focusing on health – in general, it is said that car seats are usually dirtier than the average toilet, where scientists at University of Birmingham took swabs from 20 cars and homes and found that the seats had 100 different strains of dangerous bacteria including E. coli and salmonella bugs! This should be a real concern to parents, even more so if the seat is second hand and has not been properly cleaned and safety checked.” Niki Cronje, Group Marketing at IMPERIAL knows all to well the dangers of a car seat that isn’t properly safety checked. “IMPERIAL partnered with Wheel Well from the very beginning of our Car Seats for Kids Campaign, to ensure that all seats collected underwent the proper inspections and refurbishments, before being handed over at the car seat collection points.” The problem is that many parents don’t realise that even a light ‘fender bender’ could affect the structural integrity of a seat, without it necessarily showing external signs of damage, rendering it ineffective should you be in a serious crash in the future. Even though a new car seat may be quite expensive and put a dent in your budget – you really cannot put a price on the safety of your child. Mars concludes: “However, we understand that a new car seat may be out of reach for many parents who are battling to make ends meet. I advise that if you are going to purchase a car seat online, that you ensure the seller provides you with the entire history of the seat, and that you make sure the car seat was never in any crash and that all parts are present and in good working order.” “Further to that, if you are in the Johannesburg area, we encourage parents to bring through second hand car seats to Wheel Well at Brightwater Commons for a full safety check, clean and help with installation into the vehicle. Cleaning a seat costs R150, but all the other services are for a donation only if the parents feel that we have given them good service.”

July 13, 2015

Stop The Flu, Before It Stops You!

There’s nothing worse than having the whole family down with a cold or the flu, so here’s some helpful tips from Clicks Pharmacist Waheed Abdurahman to help you get through this winter hassle-free. Get the flu jab – The flu vaccination can be effective even administered as late as July. It’s really a case of better late than never! Avoidance – Try to stay away from those who are sick. If you are the sick one, rather take the day off work and stay at home until you are better. Keep it clean – Wash your hands with soap and water and cover up when you cough or sneeze. If you do get the flu, it’s best to treat systematically: Remember to drink plenty of fluids; Cover your nose and mouth when coughing or sneezing, and keep your hands clean with a waterless hand sanitiser; Use a humidifier to thin the air and improve breathing; Gargling with salt water may soothe a sore throat; and Get plenty of rest to give your body the best chance of recovery. Stock up on the following flu relief essentials: Decongestants or a nasal inhaler may provide comforting relief for congested nasal passages. Antihistamines are helpful for sneezing and a runny nose. Throat lozenges to soothe a sore throat. Pain relievers to help reduce severity of pain and fever. Cough medicines to combat a dry or wet cough. Probiotics if your doctor has put you on antibiotics, should you get a secondary infection.

July 10, 2015

Sleep Training The Gentle Way

Most sleep deprived parents will be ready to try anything to get a good night’s sleep. Most likely you are holding onto the hope that you can change your little ones unhealthy sleep habits without resorting to letting him cry.The good news is that sleep training does not have to mean leaving your baby to cry for hours on end on his own. All methods of sleep training entail some fussing and crying. You are teaching your baby a new skill and breaking old expectations. While some crying is unavoidable the ‘Crying it out’ method is not advisable, as it can make your baby feel abandoned and emotionally insecure. The goal of sleep training is not only to teach your baby to sleep through the night but: To teach your baby to fall asleep independently and to put himself back to sleep should he wake during the night. Because babies pass through light sleep states every 45 minutes at night (up to an hour in toddlers), it is not possible to prevent your baby stirring at night (due to sleep cycles) but it is possible for you to teach your baby to go back to sleep without your assistance. This means that you will give him a chance to see if he can put himself to sleep (or back to sleep).you do not leave your baby on his own for long periods of time and by portraying a message of consistency and confidence your baby will feel secure not abandoned. When controlled crying for sleep training is done in the correct manner to meet your child’s needs on all levels, especially his emotional needs, there should be no negative effects whatsoever – in fact a well-rested child with well-rested parents plays an important part of creating a loving and secure home. Have the courage to be firm, without guilt or fear that your baby will resent or love you less. Before you start: Decide on an appropriate time to begin Rule out medical causes of night waking Ensure your baby’s diet is adequate for his age, with sufficient milk and age appropriate solid food Your baby’s sleep zone must support sleep and be a consistent and calming environment. Encourage a comfort object (dummy, soft toy) A consistent bedtime routine is an excellent way of preparing your baby for sleep. If you are both working, arrange for a days leave on either end of your weekend, to allow consistent time to change the unhealthy sleep habits. Try to rest during the day as it essential that you are rested for the night ahead. If you are not prepared, you will be more likely to give up or be inconsistent out of sheer exhaustion. If possible, take shifts with your partner to allow you to have some undisturbed sleep somewhere along the line to recharge! If you have other children or demands, try to elicit help and support from other care-givers for the first few days, so that you can invest sufficient time and energy into the programme. Reassure your other children that you will make it up to them later – don’t forget to do this! Earmark a reward for yourself at the end of it all Confidence It is important to communicate confidence and calm to your baby when you begin. He needs to see an emotion that makes him feel secure that you are comfortable with what you are doing. Consistency It is no good to start with sleep training at bedtime only to relent later out of desperation and give your baby his ‘crutch’ (such as feeding to sleep). The message that your baby receives in this case is that he must cry long and hard to have the old method reintroduced. Any inconsistencies will simply prolong the process of sleep training. Collaboration Sleep training is an act of teamwork between you, your partner and your baby. It is completely essential that you all work together and do not undermine the process for each other. Doing it If your child has developed a habit whereby he is dependant on you for sleep, he will protest within minutes (probably even seconds!) of you leaving the room: This is where the hard bit comes in. Accept that your baby is going to cry, however, you are going to control how long he is going to cry for and you are going to be there for him every step of the way. There are two methods of handling this – neither one is better than the other – do what feels right for you at the time. One thing though, remember to be consistent and stick to one method for at least a week. Staying with your baby If you are anxious about separating from your baby, and if you feel uneasy about leaving your baby on his own whilst he is learning to put himself to sleep, you may want to stay with him for the process. All sleep coaching is hard work and may be very emotionally draining, so if you feel angry and frustrated when your baby cries and feel that you might physically harm your baby out of tiredness and frustration, then this is not the sleep coaching method for you. Leaving your baby for short periods of time This method allows you to pick up your baby when he is crying and comfort him until he is calm, but it differs from the first method in that you actually leave the room for short periods of time from the beginning, before returning to pick him up to calm him once more. If you feel that you could possibly harm your baby physically (out of sheer exhaustion and frustration) this may the method of choice for you as you are able to step away from the situation for very short periods of time in order to catch your breath and re-focus on the goal in sight. Changing unhealthy sleep habits is exhausting and the key to

July 9, 2015

How To Teach Your Child To Be More Responsible

Starting with the small things will make the big things easier to handle. When our children are in a hurry and they open a granola bar and miss the trash when tossing the wrapper, it leaves us with two choices. We can request they do it properly, or we can toss it in for them because they are watching their favourite movie at the moment. Maybe they were well-behaved that day and we don’t want to bother them about this one small transgression. If we don’t summon them back we have reinforced their poor behaviour and broken our own rules. By inviting our children to redo the chore properly regardless of what it is they are doing, we will be encouraging them to do tasks correctly the first time. You are teaching them habits that will serve them at school and in the community. The message hasn’t harmed them or demeaned them in any way. When there is responsibility, children learn self-reliance and independence which builds confidence. We have to fervently implement the directions for what we seek to manage. This takes time and effort but we are rewarded with easier children to manage. It is difficult when parents disagree on discipline methods. . When mom and dad disagree about discipline techniques, it causes fights and undisciplined children. Never argue the rules in front of the children. The children will pounce on a weak link as far as a certain rule is concerned. This will promote unruly children who are manipulating the rules, and parents who spend more time discussing rather than acting. Parents need to negotiate between themselves and then follow the practices agreed upon. Encouraging our children to comply with the guidelines is the last step. Unless we are in agreement, our children will take advantage of our conflicting views, and do whatever they want until parents agree. Children might set one parent against the other when parents are divorced. If the child is excited about going someplace with one parent, the other parent feels the competition. Children remember the feelings of love that they spent with us far more than the silly trinkets or day trips. Just sitting and listening, talking, hugging, going to a park, and kissing our child more often is critical. We are not divorced from our kids and we must continue to parent. Parenting is the finest and most honourable job in the world. We need to value all children. Our kids are a reflection of us and we hold the power to produce something worthwhile. We can’t ignore kids. Effort is necessary if we expect them to flourish. If simply stated, it takes a lot of time, determination consistency and effort. We love our kids but they can be difficult and trying especially when we are in a bad mood or had a horrible day ourselves. Discipline requires effort and consistency. We can’t preach how to behave one minute and then make disobedience acceptable the next minute. If we don’t want children jumping on beds, then that’s the rule. If we allow it to happen when our children have friends over for a visit, then we have broken the rules. With divorce there are 4 disciplinarians and fairness becomes more difficult. Still it helps to agree on certain terms for the kids’ sake.

July 9, 2015

How To Help Your Child Form Healthy Habits

“Good discipline requires time. When we have no time to give our children, or no time we are willing to give, we don’t even observe them closely enough to become aware of when their need for our disciplinary assistance is expressed subtly.” M. Scott Peck Disciplining with love, time and effort is the most crucial thing we can learn if we want compassionate empathetic and loving children. It takes stamina to explain how spiteful their behaviours were. Making analogies to past events, allows the child to comprehend why their deeds were unacceptable. It also allows them to appreciate situations, and reasons parents are upset in the first place. By observing what is unworthy, they learn what is vital. I don’t think it is relevant to criticize a child in front of others. We might take a child aside or into a quiet private area and resolve the issue. We must be good observers, and pay attention to our child’s actions, well before an issue arises. What transpires before a skirmish is important to know. Kids can’t always explain in words, how things happened. An earlier conflict they suffered might make them retaliate at a later time. As parents, we may only be privy to the current upsetting conduct. By treating kids with respect, we give them the chance of explaining why they did something cruel. We teach by explaining how they might have handled it. Nobody needs to be destroyed physically or emotionally. I remember one parent always stating it hurt her ears when her child screamed. Her child was quick to stop when she’d mention this during a screaming match. Another parent softly spoke to her child and stated, “When the yelling stops we can talk.” She always made it a priority when the child was ready. The child had the power to dictate the time, but the parent had the control to dictate the terms which the child had to follow. This gave the child ownership of the situation, and the next step. When the child has ownership of their actions, they take the responsibility of accepting the consequences. The last thing parents want to do is be on opposite sides regarding discipline. We need to compromise. Agree to the rules and then do not argue with each other in front of the children. The children will pounce on a weak link as far as a certain rule is concerned. This will promote unruly children who are making the rules, and parents who spend more time in discussing what should be done instead of acting on it. We can’t preach how to behave one minute and then make disobedience acceptable the next minute. If we don’t want children jumping on beds, then that’s the regulation. If we allow it to happen when our children have friends over for a visit, then we have broken the rules. Our instructions are no longer valid. What we sow we reap. Teaching a peaceful way of living is important. Let them know that you will always love them unconditionally, regardless of any mistakes they make. Model a peaceful way of living by your actions. Being a good parent requires diligence attentiveness and love. When love is always at the forefront of discipline we will not hurt our children emotionally or physically. We will be attuned to their feelings. They understand so much more than we give them credit. Talking and explaining is best.

July 9, 2015

Healthy Ways To Spend Time Together As A Family

It might seem like technology has taken over our lives, but there are still so many activities we can do for entertainment that will keep us fit and healthy. Cape Town’s ice rink, The Ice Station, is one such place where the only reason you’ll need your cell phone is to take photos of how much fun you’re having. The secret to keeping fit and being healthy is to have fun along the way. If you’re having fun then it won’t feel like you’re working out. Kids these days are also being pushed to do more homework, and school sports and extra mural activities take up a lot of time, leaving very little to be active as a family. There are many ways to burn kilojoules, but ice skating is definitely one of the most fun ways to do so, especially as a family. It’s a far better way to spend time together if biking, or surfing isn’t your thing and you get to have a break from TV and video games, not to mention your cell phone. Did you know, according to the calorie counter – Map my Walk, a female, aged 20, measuring 1.6m tall and weighing 50 kilograms burns 1770 kilojoules for every 60 minutes of ice skating. That’s phenomenal considering the total kilojoules a woman her height and weight needs daily are between 8000 and 10 000 and just one hour of ice skating burns approximately 20% of her daily intake. This shows ice skating is a great way to keep fit and have fun doing it. There are a number of ice skating rinks around the country. But if you’re in Cape Town during the school holidays (year round), pop into the Ice Station at GrandWest Entertainment World in GoodWood. Every Wednesday during the school holidays kids get to take part in a snowman building competition during the morning session from 10h00 to 12h30. You also get a chance to ice skate while the kids build snowmen. There are prizes are up for grabs for the best dressed snowman so make sure to bring along plastic spades, buckets, gloves and decorations. The cost is just R10 per child excluding skate hire so why not come down and chill out. The Ice Station is open every day of the school holidays from 10h00 until midnight with four sessions per day. Join our FACBOOK page https://www.facebook.com/theicestationcapetown?ref=ts&fref=ts to get all the latest info about events. For more information please visit http://www.icerink.co.za/ or to make birthday or group bookings contact The Ice Station on 021 535 2260 or email [email protected]

June 26, 2015

The First Glimpse

My nerves were so high I broke out in hives, I couldn’t think straight. I was struggling to sleep until eventually substituting to crying myself to sleep. This was the last time I would feel you moving and kicking your way around in my tummy. It was the most bitter-sweet emotion. I was physically ready but my emotions were far from prepared. The day arrived, waking up, I put my make up on, brushed my teeth, just like every other day, but knowing this day was going to change my life forever, it felt so dissimilar, everything I did, every reoccurring daily routine was like doing it for the first time. I felt lost. On the way to the hospital I took notice of more than I had ever before. Almost as if I had a sense I had always been unaware of. I was overwhelmed at the idea that I was about to become a Mother, I was about the meet this little boy that I had been waiting months to meet. Our moment that I had been dreaming about was about to become a reality. The sweet little eyes I had been trying to place a picture of in my head would finally see the world. It was finally our moment. I booked myself in and as they began hooking me up to the monitors and taking blood tests, everything became surreal. They began explaining the procedures and preparing me for one of the most intense moments of my life. It was time to meet you. Finally. I was ready. Filled with mixed emotions, they wheeled me into theatre. They began with the spinal block, it worked quickly and as I was placed on the operating table, my body was ready to bring you into this world. I felt the tugging, and I heard the sounds. The sound and smell of burning skin, the doctors casually talking about their holiday with the effort to distract me, and the song playing in the background was all I could hear, I tried to remain focused. The assistant whispered in my ear asking me if I was ready, she explained they would put pressure on my stomach and the doctor would remove him from the tiny incision he had made in my lower stomach. The sound of her voice was so intense, it was as if hearing something pertaining to life and death. It made my emotions rush in fast, it went quiet. I closed my eyes and all I could hear was my heart beat. Focus Leigh. He is he almost here. Suddenly the sound of suctions and struggle became blatant, I couldn’t see what was going beyond the sheets, but I could hear you. You let out a little cry, and the doctor finally said, “Here he comes” They lifted you for a split second to give me a glimpse of your beautiful face, for what felt like hours, I reveled in the most breath-taking sight of you, your wrinkly expression and eyes so dark I could see right into your innocent soul. The sound of your boisterous cry is one of the freshest and fondest memories I have and I can still remember the sweet smell of you. The next hour felt like a life time, in recovery all I could think of was you and how I craved to have you in my grasp, to hold you, look into your eyes and whisper sweetly how much I already loved you. They placed you in my arms, and there it was, you looked at me. You looked into my soul. This love was deep. It was considered more than I could bare. Everything I thought I knew, everything I had planned, the ideas I had created in my mind and how it would feel to meet you for the first time, it had all dissipated. The knowledge I thought I had, had become worthless. I knew from that moment that this was it. This was our moment, and for a moment, in all the chaos around us, it was only you and I in that room and then, you blinked almost as if you agreed, and nothing could stop us. On this day, a life long bond was formed. I gave birth to you, even if by Caesarean Section, an operation which in no way is considered to be natural, you became my son. No matter my decision on how to bring you into this world, that made me a Mother, a privilege that fills my heart with a paramount of gratitude, daily.

June 24, 2015

Down Syndrome Awareness

Children with Down syndrome are keen to be social and their interactive communication skills (the ability to understand and participate in conversations) are good. This strength should be recognized and every effort made to enable them to communicate in all the settings that they are in at home and at school. Increasing the quantity and quality of everyday communication experience for children with Down syndrome is an important intervention (Buckley, S. 2000:27). The following ideas and activities may enhance and develop language skills: Talk to your children – they understand more than they can say. Talk about what your children are doing and their experiences. Expand what your children are saying by repeating and elaborating on their sentences. e.g. If the child is saying “Dog sit”, you say, “The dog is sitting”. Follow your child’s lead in communication settings – this includes active listening and it may encourage more communication from your child. Incorporate all the senses when you teach your children new concepts, e.g. let them: listen to, look at, feel, taste and smell an object. Signing could be a useful tool which may allow more effective communication and less frustration. Musical activities may be beneficial: The repetitive, fun and engaging elements of music and musical activities, such as singing songs, rhythm and experimenting with musical instruments may also enhance and develop memory and attention qualities. Visual learning activities may support language learning and comprehension skills. For example: Playing language games where words are printed on cards. This could also help with learning individual words and their meanings. Reading books and pictures – an interactive and enriching activity for all! Time well spent and definitely one of the most valuable sources of language development. Most children with Down syndrome understand more language than their expressive language skills suggest and therefore their understanding may, very often, be underestimated. This means that their social interactive skills and non-verbal communication skills may be seen as areas of strength (Buckley, S. & Bird, G. 2001:5). However, facial muscle tone, articulation and phonology may need specific attention and support. The following activities may prove to be beneficial and help with speech production: Blowing bubbles or any other blowing activities (for example: blow balls and bubble fun). Create pictures by blowing paint over paper with a short straw. Blow up balloons. Blow whistles. Play Blow Soccer by using a rolled up ball of aluminum foil / a cotton ball on the floor or on a table. Sucking activities – use straws and vary the thickness of the straws. Licking an ice-cream. (Please be careful of allergies / intolerances) Spread peanut-butter on lips, the child can lick it off. (Please be careful of allergies/ intolerances) “They might be a little slower, but that also slows life down for everybody around them.” – Joshua Tillotson, father of Down Syndrome twins.

June 19, 2015

The Ultimate Balancing Act

When it comes to balancing family and career there is no more harassed adult than a parent. If you do manage to balance all the tasks you set out for yourself daily, you will still have to manage the huge emotional burden we all carry around as parents, with feelings of guilt and stress being foremost. Most of us have wondered what it would be like to trade in the work suit for fluffy slippers and be a stay-at-home parent. The reality though is that in this economy more and more of us need to work and contribute. While work pressure makes the alternative seems so appealing, it is also a challenge being home all day with little ones. There are various reasons but the biggest of these is the need for a salary, a longing to communicate with other adults and to stay intellectually satisfied. There are only so many daily routines one can take before feeling cabin fever when stuck at home. A stay-at-home parent has many stress factors too and many parents will tell you that your daydreams of outings and long visits to the beach usually don’t work out as planned. Children are often more interested in the small things and tend to be realllllly preoccupied with their snack, for example, while you would love for them to be looking at the diving dolphins swimming past. Children can also be manipulative and will especially be able to dictate to a parent who is emotionally prone to feelings of guilt and anxiety. Therefore, one needs to put guilt in its correct place amongst the plethora of emotions wrought on us as parents. Much of the guilt that we as parents feel can’t be tied to specific actions or issues, it’s just a vague sense that we’re doing everything just a little bit wrong. No matter what the situation, we feel guilty that we aren’t as perfect as the parents portrayed in the media. According to www.psychcentral, Guilt is an emotional warning sign that lets us know when we’ve done something wrong. It prompts us to re-examine our behavior so that we don’t end up making the same mistake twice. Guilt works best to help us grow and mature when our behavior has been offensive or hurtful to others or ourselves Unhealthy guilt’s purpose, on the other hand, is only to make us feel badly for little legitimate reason. Be aware that not every emotion, and certainly not every guilty feeling, is a rational one. www.psychcentral suggests we remember to be skeptical the next time we feel guilty – is it trying to teach us something rational and helpful about our behavior, or is it just an emotional, irrational response? It’s a simple fact of physics that a working parent isn’t going to witness her offspring’s entire day. It’s okay to be sad about missing out on the precious moments and milestones reached. If you let yourself be sad for the things you’re giving up by working, it may be easier for you to enjoy the things you’re gaining, for example your salary and some financial freedom. Copyright Georgia Argyropoulos, 2015 Write down your own motivations. Once you’ve reassured yourself that the salary and quality time you do have is worth the trade off, you may feel better about the emotional impact of guilt for not being a stay at home mom Time management is essential. Ensure you block off time for focused attention to your children, doing things that are important to you all. Then simply let go of the guilt. Find ways to reassure yourself that your child is in good hands during your working day. Nanny-cam and mobile connections like viber, whatsapp, live stream etc, make keeping in touch with your child’s caregiver so much easier (and free). Insist on some photos of their daily activities and you should be able to contact them during the day if need be to reassure yourself. When you do get home and are able to spend quality time with your child, set up at least one (or all) of the following daily routines: A fun bath-time ritual for your little ones can include things like soap-crayons and soap play-dough. You can find any manner of inexpensive toys for the bath and just go with the flow of things. Let this time of day be flexible and as relaxed as possible so that you enjoy the time as much as they do. If your child is a bit older, please consider reading to them every night just before bedtime. Reading to your child will be an especially calm activity and may instill a love for reading in your child. Reading remains one of the most essential academic functions in this day and age. If you have a teen and are scratching around for a novel way to spend quality time together, consider taking turns planning a dinner, setting the table and cooking a meal everyone wants to eat. Or bake! The action of preparing creates a favourable expectation and the reward isn’t just a great meal, it’s also that you spent quality time doing something fun. If you don’t have time to cook dinner then at least eat the dinner together at a table without the TV on. It may be the only time of day you have to chat with your family where everyone is not busy with a hand-held or other device. A really important part of managing the ultimate balancing act as a parent is this: Spend time alone so that you can build up your emotional reserves!!! One harassed working mom says, “I was reaching breaking point trying to manage my 2 and 3 year old toddlers, a booming business, a demanding husband and my household. I felt like I had Copyright Georgia Argyropoulos, 2015 reached my limit. So I found a really inexpensive B&B and booked myself in for the whole day. I slept, read a book and did nothing. All day! It

June 17, 2015

When should a child be referred to an occupational therapist?

Following is a few easy questions that could help you to determine if a child should be referred to an O.T. What is fine eye-hand coordination? This is the ability to use eyes and hands together to perform a task. We all use this skill every day in all different kinds of situation: tying shoe-laces, writing, cutting, dressing, the list is endless. How will I know if a child has a problem? Drawing shows poor orientation on the page and the child is unable to stay within the lines when colouring/writing. Your child will struggle with activities that kids the same age finds easy e.g. buttoning small buttons when dressing, picking up small objects Your child will rather get involved in gross motor activities e.g. swinging than doing colouring, pegboard tasks, etc. Threading activities will be difficult or avoided Child will find it difficult to cut neatly on a line Handwriting won’t be neat. Muscle tone Muscle tone refers to the natural stress in the muscle when at rest. It is not the same as muscle strength. A child with a natural lower tone in his muscle will use his muscles with more effort than a child with a natural higher muscle tone. How will I know if a child has a problem? Tires easily / or moves around the whole time to maintain muscle tone Appear clumsy / uncoordinated Child will over emphasize movement / use exaggerated movement patterns Lean on to objects Find it difficult to maintain one position for a long time Slouch in chair Use broad base of support when sitting Drool Fidgety – uses this to build up tone when sitting for long periods of time Usually doesn’t part-take in endurance sport What are visual perceptual skills? These skills are necessary to interpret seen information in the brain. These skills are the building blocks for reading, writing and maths. How will I know if a child has a problem? Kids who struggle with foreground-background will ‘steals’ words/letters from other sentences/words and add it to the word/sentence they are busy reading. They also find it difficult to find specific words/numbers on a page. Kids with a limitation in position in space and/or spatial-relationships will confuse p/b/d, switching of words in a sentence or switching of syllables. Kids with a limitation in form-constancy will struggle to read different types of fonts/hand writing and to copy writing from the black board. Kids with closure impairment will confuse letters with each another when different fonts of writing are used e.g. a/d; u/a; c/e. Kids with impairment in discrimination will for example struggle to find words/numbers that is the same. Kids that struggle with analysis and synthesis finds it difficult to read words that they have to spell Kids with a limitation in memory will for example struggle to copy work from the black board Kids that struggle with consecutive memory will for example find it problematic to copy words/sentences/numbers correctly from the black board. What is bilateral integration? That is the ability of both sides of the body to work together to perform a task. How will I know if a child has a problem? Appears to be uncoordinated when doing tasks Difficulty in performing gross motor tasks e.g. skipping, galloping, jumping-jacks, etc. Prefers not to cross the imaginary midline of the body Not choosing a dominant hand to write/draw/colour (after age 5) Swapping hands when doing tasks What is dyspraxia? Praxis (a.k.a motor planning) is the ability of the brain to conceive, organize, and carry out a sequence of tasks/actions. Praxis is the ability to self-organize. Praxis includes motor planning, cognitive events and communication. The child may present with the following: Appear clumsy Poor balance Difficulty with riding a bike Poor handwriting Difficulty with remembering instructions and copying from the blackboard May have difficulty with speech and the ability to express themselves Bumping into objects Late establishment of laterality (right- or left-handedness) Poor sense of direction Difficulty in learning new motor skills (crawling, using utensils and tools, catching a ball, penmanship) Difficulty in completing tasks with multiple steps (playing board games, sports, solving puzzles and learning math skills) Difficulty in doing tasks in the proper sequence (dressing, or following directions with multiple steps, putting together words and sentences in the right order) Difficulty copying designs, imitating sounds, whistling, imitating movements Difficulty in adjusting to new situations or new routines Difficulty in judging distance in activities (riding bicycles, placing objects) or with others (standing too close or too far away) Present with delayed skills – remaining in the early stages of skill acquisition Poor at holding a pencil Forgetful and disorganized Have a poor attention span Need to go right back and begin again at the very beginning of the task when experiencing difficulty, instead of just ‘getting on with it’ Have difficulty using tools – cutlery, scissors, pencils – lots of handwriting problems (although not all handwriting difficulties are the result of motor Dyspraxia) poor balance; Have poor fine and gross motor co-ordination Have poor awareness of body position in space Have difficulty with reading, writing, speech and maths Other signs/symptoms Child acts immature (cries easily, separation anxiety, etc.). Concentration difficulties / easily distracted by things/people/sounds around himself/herself. If a child is struggling with reading, writing, spelling, maths. If a child’s school progress is behind the other kids in the class. If a child has a physical impairment that is influencing his/her playing, walking, running, etc. Hurts himself or other children / appear to be aggressive – when children struggle with certain developmental skills they may become angry easily because of frustration. Kids who have poor self-control/impulsivity often cannot control themselves physically when angry. Hyperactive child / child who fidgets / cannot sit still / talks non-stop – this child may have ADD or ADHD Children who turn the paper when drawing/colouring/writing – this may be because the child is avoiding to cross the imaginary midline of the body A complete occupational therapy assessment will be

June 12, 2015

Redefining The Perfect Mother

Due to the work I do with parents I find that people often look to me as an example of a perfect mom. Am I? Well what is your definition of a perfect mom? If it is someone who never loses her temper, never says something inappropriate, never needs a holiday from her kids, never hides from them, is always fully present and patient and understanding and oozes love every moment of the day and never sits crying in a heap on the kitchen floor, then no. There is no perfect parenting state that you can reach and then all is hunky-dorey. Parenting is a process of growth – both yours and your child’s. It is a relationship with another human being, and it is always these close relationships that help us to grow the most, that push our buttons, that challenge us. And this doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent – it’s part of the deal. You are raising yourself, not them. YOU are growing – as a person. And your kids need to see you fall apart at times – to see that you can crack and lose the plot and scream and cry… and that you recover afterwards, admit your weaknesses and apologise for any harm done. It is this very humanness that helps them to accept themselves with all their own human frailties. By seeing you fall apart and recover, they know that when they fall apart they, too, can come right again. So let’s redefine the perfect mother as a woman, who happens to have a child, who lives and accepts herself with all her perceived faults and problems; for such a woman will also love her child with all their limitations and will raise that child to love themselves no matter what. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for – unconditional love? Start by giving it to yourself.

June 11, 2015

Should Kids Get An Allowance?

One thing that parents do is connect chores with allowance…. bad move! But they think that their kids are automatically motivated by money, as they are themselves. So Mom holds Sarah’s allowance over her head to get her to finish her work. Some even hold it over their kids heads to just be good or to do their homework. Truth be told, it might work in the beginning and for some kids more than others, but what happens one day when your child tells you the she has enough money and walks away, declining to complete her chores, her homework, or be nice to her brother? Although many will disagree with me, it is my professional opinion that connecting a child’s allowance to chores is wrong. In fact, giving an allowance to younger children all together is a mistake. My main reason is that we want our children doing their chores and contributing to the family because they should, not because they are going to get paid to do it. If the child equates getting money in exchange for doing chores and they don’t care about the money, they may not care about the chores either. If you do decide to give an allowance, I suggest you give it for the sake of giving it and not holding it hostage to get your needs met. It just sets up younger children with the wrong idea about money and getting paid. One family I know suffered a financial hardship. Dad was laid off from his job and spent years recovering before he was able to acquire employment again. As a result, the parents had to stop the payment of the allowance in order to pay for critical needs. The children didn’t understand and became confused and fearful about money, chores, and Dad’s lack of work. Your teenagers may be in a better position to earn an allowance once they begin to understand the value of money, saving, and spending. Somewhere around the age of 15, the parent is likely to begin teaching his or her teenager life skills. That’s where paying an allowance may come in handy. The teenager is likely to begin thinking about paying for some items on their own and it gets them started down the road of earning an income. Different from an allowance, I do support paying a child for hard labor; tasks they complete that are above and beyond the expectations of daily or weekly chores. Cleaning out a garage, mowing a lawn, or weeding a garden are great examples of tasks you can pay them to complete that are worthy hard labor. When my own children were young, I would prepare a list of larger sized chores that, if completed, were a big help to their parents. I would assign a monetary value to each one and let them pick from this regularly updated list.

June 11, 2015

The 7 P’s – Marketing Mix

13 April – up to here Anyone who studied marketing and got their degrees years ago, would relate to having been taught that there were 4 P’s in the marketing mix that were ultra important and that all had to be taken into consideration as a package deal so to speak. These were always : Product Place Price Promotion So in a nutshell, you had to have the right product in the right place at the right time, at the right price and promote it effectively and you would have the perfect mix. Marketing is a business function that identifies consumer needs, determines target markets and applies products and services to serve these markets. It also involves promoting such products and services within the marketplace. Marketing is integral to the success of a business, large or small, with its primary focus on quality, consumer value and customer satisfaction. The way in which we do business has evolved (fortunately) and the way in which we market our businesses has also evolved (fortunately too). Thus there are in fact seven main aspects that need to be taken into consideration for the perfect marketing mix : Product Place Price Promotion People Process Physical evidence Product There are so many products and services out there to satisfy every want, need and desire imaginable. This means that companies need to work so much harder at making their products or services stand out from the crowd. This involves Design Technology Usefulness / Features Convenience Value Quality Packaging Branding / Image Accessories Warranties Place Having your products or services in the right place means that you need to be offering your clients easy access to your products or services through : Retail Wholesale Mail order Internet Direct sales Peer to peer Multi-channel Price At first glance, pricing seems to be a simple function. However, when deciding on a price for your product you need to consider the following : Positioning Discounts Credit Payment methods Free or value-add elements Penetration Competition Promotion So having a product to sell or a service to offer is all good, but if you don’t promote it and get people talking about it and interested in it, your products won’t get off the shelves and your services will be useless. Thus good promotion involves : Advertising Special offers Endorsements User trials Free gifts Competitions Joint ventures Public relations People Interestingly people do business with people, they do not do business with companies. Therefore having the right people to represent your organisation is key : Employees Management Customer service Culture Process Effective business process is what drives a successful organisation. This involves having great IT systems that are customer focused and business led : Research and development IT Customer focused Management leaders Physical Evidence From a business perspective, all the above is just great but if you have no absolute physical evidence to both the business in terms of how well your products are selling and to your clients in terms of supporting your claim to them needing to purchase your products or services, then you basically should shut your doors. It’s so important for you to know your business inside out and that means knowing your clients through : Customer relationship building Great sales force Accounting systems (supported by IT) Financial control When next you look at your own organisations marketing mix, make sure that you consider all 7 of the P’s.

June 11, 2015

Your Role In Your Child’s Education

from Foundation Phase to Intermediate Phase The Parent: The first step, as a parent, is realising that your child is not an independent learner during foundation and intermediate phase. This implies that your child needs to be taught and helped in their learning. The second step is to realise that your role is to teach, guide and assist your child in their educational, physical, emotional and social development. This role is critical to your child’s growth. Your child cannot progress positively without your assistance. The third step is acknowledging that it is vital that you work with the teacher so that your child progresses successfully through school. Homework should be guided and checked by you. If your child is battling with concepts, you should work with them until they understand the concepts and can work with them independently. The parent, the phases and the teacher: Foundation phase: this phase is about developing a solid base of knowledge for your child and helping them further themselves in the school environment and life. Foundation phase is all about the basics in educational knowledge. Remember that your child has never been exposed to these concepts. They need to learn them and learn how to apply them. They need to be assisted at home to build a strong foundational knowledge that will assist them through school and later lead them to becoming independent learners. It is your job to reinforce the knowledge taught at school and to ensure that your child understands, and can apply, the concepts introduced by the teacher. Intermediate phase: this phase is about using foundational concepts to build their knowledge and learn new concepts. A child with strong foundational skills is more likely to succeed in this phase, and to develop a sense of independent learning. Your role as a parent in this phase is to guide and instruct your child, and for them to attempt the work individually without your continuous involvement. This does not mean your child is expected to work unassisted, but that they are required to work for periods independently, knowing that you are available should they get stuck. This phase teaches them how to use their previous knowledge to learn new concepts. Your child is now at a stage where they are learning to work independently and develop their skills, but they are still reliant on the teacher and yourself to teach, instruct, and help them. The parent and the teacher: The teacher’s role is to introduce and practice new concepts in school. It is your role to practice these at home, and to bring to the teachers attention any concepts your child cannot grasp. This is followed by a teamwork approach between the teacher and yourself. This may include extra lessons or extra work to do at home. This is time consuming but essential. The teacher cannot do this individually and relies on you as a parent to be involved in your child’s education. Some tips for Parents: If you are unsure of the concepts yourself ask the teacher to show you – remember the teacher works with these concepts constantly. If you are unsure how to teach or reinforce concepts at home, ask the teacher for tips, methods or recommendations. If your child is struggling, make notes and bring these to the teachers attention. Do not leave concepts that your child does not understand for the teacher to address – work with the teacher. If your child is struggling, invest in extra lessons – do not wait until the later grades for tutoring, because then the child has to return to the basics in order to understand the current concepts. Homework should be done in the afternoon. Do not wait until the evenings – most children are tired and unable to focus. If you are unable to do this ask a relative or friend. Another option is to hire someone who can assist your child. Also look into aftercare facilities that offer homework assistance. Do not ignore or underestimate the importance of the foundation phase. Intermediate phase homework should be guided, and the child should be able to do some of the work independently. By the end of grade 6 a child should be able to do the majority of their homework independently, but may still require some assistance.

June 4, 2015

Learning To Love After Loss

I’m the mother of two boys, both dark haired, big eyed and extremely precious to me. The only thing is; only one is with me, the other is with the angels. I’m by no means naïve, I knew babies didn’t always make it through the 9 month gestation period. I’ve read up on the subject and have met people who lost their kids, it just never occurred to me, that it could happen to me. I didn’t know that over 6 months into my pregnancy when the room was all done, the car seat ready, and I’d seen a 3D scan, that my baby could die, not mine. I had good medical aid, and he was in a state of the art Neonatal Unit, but still my son died. In 2011 my husband, Robin, and I were excited beyond belief at the prospect of being parents, although he was away at police college he kept in contact almost constantly as we planned our lives as a family. But one evening, March 5, the day Robin returned from college, the unthinkable happened; I suffered a placental abruption. The placental lining had separated from my uterus. This extremely rare occurrence (1% of pregnancies world wide) often ends in death for both mother and child and that was very nearly the case for my son, Logan, and I. I had gone into hospital complaining of stomach cramps, but things quickly deteriorated. In the end I had lost so much blood they had feared for my life as much as they did Logan’s. My husband was even told to prepare himself for the worst as it didn’t look like either of us would make it. Well in the end, I did, thanks to the fast reaction of the medical team, a blood transfusion and lots of prayer. I’m told a prayer circle was formed in the waiting room of the hospital, through social networks and even my co-workers came together after hearing the news. Unfortunately Logan passed away a day later from bleeding on the brain. March 7 2012, the day my life changed forever. His life, albeit a short one, made quite the impact. Suddenly I was not the mother I had planned to be. My friends who had been pregnant at the same time I was, found themselves in a precarious, “let’s not look too excited” situation. No one really knew how to react to me, some saying the most hurtful things in the name of love. “You can always try again”, “You are still young”, “I’m sure you will get over this” were phrases I dreaded, but heard all too often. All I really wanted was someone to be okay with me talking about my son, for his life to be validated in some way, and for people to make it “okay to grieve” but that was not always the case. When I got pregnant again, many people thought it was too soon and weren’t afraid to let me know. Others thought they were “home free” and could now say anything they wanted seeing as I was pregnant again, and would now be over “what had happened”. But being pregnant didn’t make things easier in fact now that the rose tinted glasses were shattered, I lived in fear. Every cough or cold or “just not feeling okay” freaked me out beyond belief. To make it worse I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was somehow cheating on Logan.I was in and out of the doctor’s office making sure everything was okay. At the same time one of the people closest to me in the world, my Godmother, was diagnosed with cancer. The nine months I was pregnant were the same nine months that would be her last. She passed away and was buried the day after my baby, Aidan, was born. The birth was supposed to be pretty straight forward, but nothing ever is. Despite being booked for a caesarean I went into labor, which was not ideal as my womb was so scarred, they worried that it might tear. So my second son’s birth didn’t bring with it the sigh of relief I was expecting, instead I was told that he was born unable to breath, he had fluid on his lungs and was rushed to NICU (an incubator away from where Logan died). I can still remember how my blood ran ice cold at the news and I found myself unable to breath. I couldn’t believe that history was repeating itself in this callous fashion. I ended up having to stay in hospital for almost two weeks while Aidan learnt to breathe on his own. It was the longest time of my life, the little arrow on his breathing apparatus would sink just a little and I’d expect the worst. My baby was subjected to pipes and drips and a multitude of tests which included a lumbar puncture. All these fears of the unknown made it difficult for me to bond with him, I was afraid to love and have that love ripped away again. Even the fact that I couldn’t breastfeed made me feel like a failure, it was like my body was failing me again, maybe I wasn’t cut out for this “mother thing”. I kept on trying to breastfeed – I guess it’s the only thing I could do while his life was in the hands of doctors and God. Home remedies were followed by medication and endless cold nights in the hospital pumping room to get the milk flowing. Even when we finally brought him home I felt a little out of my depth, and with Aidan being colicky my emotions were even harder to control. He would just scream and cry and fuss and nobody could tell me why. My cruel mind told me it was because I was an awful mother, no wonder his brother was taken away. Turns out he suffered from reflux and because of the issues with his chest he needed to use a nebulizer when sick-a tough situation to say the least. I couldn’t sleep, I’d watch

May 25, 2015

Tolerance doesn’t = lack of opinions & values

Your child comes to you and tells you that her best friend’s dad is a Muslim and because he wears what looks like a dress and a towel on his head some children in the play ground made fun of her. She also informs you that kids tease her as well because of her beliefs. Our children need to learn, that picking a side of any subject is essential and builds character; but they also have to learn not to judge someone who is on the other side of their opinion. Every person has the right to their own beliefs, whether in religion, how to raise their child, or lifestyles, as long as they are not harming anyone. If we truly believe in tolerance then we need to teach our child that others are allowed the same privilege. In other words, we do not need to give up having our own beliefs and/or opinions in order to be tolerant. In fact how can we teach our children tolerance of other people who might be different in how they think and believe, if they do not have a solid hold on what they personally think and believe? We have become so wishy washy in own beliefs and opinions because we feel that is the only way not to offend others. We have to let our yes’s be yes and our no’s be no. And we have to be accountable for what we believe and do. Not only do you have a right to an opinion, as a parent you have the right to teach your children why you believe what you believe. What you don’t have a right to do is force your beliefs on them or anyone else. So what is the best way to help our child have solid thoughts on things and yet be tolerant? I believe that answer is to allow them to think independently while still maintaining your own house rules and beliefs. More than likely your children will not agree with every house rule you have, but if you allow them to disagree with them, but still insist they follow your rules while they live at home you are teaching tolerance and values such as how to respect those in authority over you. How can we allow our children to think independently while teaching tolerance of your rules? In order for this process to be effective and so your children will learn to think and process things out, you have to allow your children the right to have a difference of opinion without feeling judgement from you even at a young age. This is extremely important or they won’t express themselves to you and you will lose the opportunity to teach tolerance. We need to be aware of what we are teaching our children and what example they see if we decide to be stubborn by not allowing them to be unique and think differently? There is a fine line between a child asking questions out of inquisitiveness or asking questions out of defiance. What we have to figure out as parents is how to allow them to have a difference of opinion but still expect our house rules to be followed. Let’s say, for example that your child doesn’t agree with making their bed every day. They believe that it is a waste of their time as they are going to be getting back into bed in a few hours. Your house rules are that they are to make their bed every day because you believe tidiness is a bigger lesson than time management. In all things, it is important for you to set the example, in this case by making your bed every day. Having your reasons established in your mind and repeating them as often as is necessary is essential if you want your children to learn how to rationalize their own set of standards to live by. They will challenge what you think and believe as often as they can. However by allowing your children to interact with you regarding this will teach them that you have your reasons and it will teach them that you do not have a set of rules just because you are the parent and can do whatever you want. Understand; asking questions is not defiance on their part. If after the discussion they decided not to make their bed, that’s defiance! As my children have grown, I have continued to have even longer and more serious discussions regarding issues much more important than bed making. I love these discussions. I love that I have taught them independent thinking. I do not want them to grow up to be a robot, or another ‘mini me’. I want them to have solid reasons for doing what they feel is right, believing what they believe is right and to live according to those beliefs. There are 3 positive things that come out of allowing healthy discussions on subjects you might not agree on. 1. It will show them where you stand on any given subject and why you believe what you do. If it is a subject you have discussed often they will also see your steadfastness in what you believe. 2. It will help them solidify where they stand on any given subject and will teach them to understand why they believe what they do. 3. Your children can learn it is ok to be wrong as long as you are growing and trying to continue to learn. Admitting when you are wrong will teach them you are not so set in your ways that you cannot change if you have been shown something more viable. Seeing you are willing to admit when you are wrong will help solidify that when you stay solid on a subject, you are not doing so out of stubbornness, but out of confidence or belief. When our children become adults, they more than anyone, should be able to expect

May 21, 2015

Salt Swaps – 8 Easy Exchanges

Most of us eat too much salt, which can lead to high blood pressure and eventually to heart disease and strokes. Changing how much salt we eat is not that easy, especially because most of the salt that we eat is already in the foods we buy. Choosing foods lower in salt can sometimes be difficult, and requires scrutinizing labels for sodium content. This is not always that practical during a rushed visit to the supermarket! This month we want to make eating less salt a little easier and more practical. We have come up with a list of 8 easy swaps to reduce your daily salt intake. 1. Swap salted nuts for unsalted nuts As easy as that! You can also swap salted peanut butter for the unsalted version. This is a no-added-cost, like-for-like swap that we all should do. 2. Processed meat for fresh meat Processed meats like polony, viennas, and other sausages are some of the saltiest foods we eat. Prepare a little more chicken or mince for supper, and use it as a sandwich-filler for the next few days. Tuna can also be a better choice, just rinse out the saltwater from the tin. 3. Salty flavourings for unsalted flavours Spices like barbeque or chicken spice contain mostly salt. If you use them together with table salt or stock cubes, the salt in your meal can double or even triple! Try unsalted flavours like cumin, coriander, paprika, curry powder, garlic, or mixed herbs. You can still add some salt to the meal but remember to taste first and only add a little. 4. Potato crisps for home-made popcorn Crips are VERY salty and not something we should eat as a daily snack at work or at home. We can make popcorn at home in less than 10 minutes for an inexpensive and healthy snack. See the recipe here to flavour your popcorn and keep the salt low! 5. Be the best at breakfast Although we think of them as having a sweet taste, breakfast cereals can have a lot of hidden salt we don’t taste. An easy swap is to choose a cereal that has no salt added, like choosing Weetbix lite without sugar and salt instead of the usual Weetbix. Or eat oats porridge instead of bran flakes. You can also look at the nutritional information on the cereal box and compare different cereals for their sodium content to choose the one lower in salt. 6. Swap cheese for cheese Hard cheese, feta cheese and processed cheeses like cheese spread or cheese slices are very salty. One step better is using cottage cheese or sometimes eating unsweetened yoghurt instead. 7. Choose your fat carefully Hard margarine or salted butter can have surprisingly high salt levels. Rather choose soft margarine to spread on bread or oil like canola when you are cooking. 8. Choose a fruit The last swap is an easy one. Swop your usual snack of biscuits, crackers or biltong for a fruit. Fruits are super low in salt, and also high in healthy fibre, potassium and vitamins. Try to eat an extra fruit every day!

May 18, 2015

Cookie	Duration	Description
cookielawinfo-checkbox-advertisement	1 year	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Advertisement".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional	11 months	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy	11 months	The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_ga	2 years	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to calculate visitor, session, campaign data and keep track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookies store information anonymously and assign a randomly generated number to identify unique visitors.
_gid	1 day	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the website is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages visted in an anonymous form.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_gat_gtag_UA_18530557_4	1 minute	No description
pron_ip	session	No description
pvc_visits[0]	1 day	This cookie is created by post-views-counter. This cookie is used to count the number of visits to a post. It also helps in preventing repeat views of a post by a visitor.
tk_ai	session	Gathers information for WordPress by themselves, first party analytics tool about how WP services are used. A collection of internal metrics for user activity, used to improve user experience.