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Advice from the experts

How to be sure your child has a positive inner voice

In 2004, I started reading Dr. Phil McGraw’s book Self-Matters it is the first place I heard of and learned about the concept of elf-talk or the inner voice. I love the way he explained it. What I took away from it was the concept of a quietly running tape which urns underneath all the other voices in your life and this voice is the one where people live from. It is based on all the things you heard as a child not only about yourself but about the way life works in general these are the voices primarily of your parents. Therefore, it is what we hear our parents say about us and life that creates the foundations of our inner voice. As a parent coach, this caused me to step back and examine my whole concept of what it means to be an effective parent. I have concluded that effective parents have several things in common when it comes to creating a positive inner voice for themselves first and as a result for their children. I have found this can help even if their children go differing messages early if parents are willing to communicate these inner changes with their kids. Authenticity Examination of own Inner Voice Recognition of Values and Self Positive Parenting Authenticity is defined as living a life true to yourself. I believe authenticity is about aligning your life so the following parts of you are congruent. Beliefs Thoughts Feelings Words Actions As I was reading Dr. Phil’s book it began to occur to me I had no real idea what my self-talk was and how it was shaping my life. I began to wonder if other people felt the same way. At the time, I was working with a group of moms and I began to talk with them about what I was reading and how it was affecting my life and I wondered what they thought. It was amazing every woman in the group of 12 shared the same feeling. Exploring your own self-talk-taking the time to stop and get your mind and surroundings as quiet as possible while thinking about a decision. Finding out what our own inner voice was saying and deciding about whether this is what we wanted for our lives. We began to think about and create a space where we could be open and vulnerable with one another about how do develop our own self-talk. As we did so something interesting started to happen, the kids started to respond differently to how we interacted with them. Upon reflection, we recognized in developing our own connection with our inner voice it causes significant changes in our outer voice as well. This is where I began to realize that authenticity is the true foundation of parenting. I call authenticity living a life based on what I truly believe, and let that be the basis from which I think, say, feel, and act. Bringing my life into congruence. This causes me to be clearer on what I want and what I expect. Living an authentic life is not easy. If you want to learn more about it. I wrote a post for Inspire Me Today which gives a short post on how to start. Exploring your values and goals-Being authentic is primarily about exploring who you are and what you want in your life. I have created a list of ten questions I ask every client today. You can use them to help you think not only about the values you consider important. But, also why they are important to you. 1. What is the most important thing in your life? 2. What is your biggest dream? 3. Who are the most important people in your life and why? 4. If you could do anything in the world for your work life, what would it be? 5. If you could do anything in your personal life what would it be? 6. What do you spend the most time doing? 7. In one to three sentences write down what you would want people to say about you after you die. Are you living in a way in which people would say that? 8. What are your most important roles in life? Why? (I.e. mother, father, sister, friend) 9. What would you say living a spiritual life is to you? 10. If you could sit down to dinner with three important people in your life dead or alive and have; what three people would you ask> What would you ask them? These questions get down to the core of your belief system and therefore get to the heart of what your inner voice is saying to you. It was not until I came up with this list and answered the questions myself that I began to really define what my life was about and why. It was this understanding which gave me the courage to strike out on my own and start a nonprofit organization based on effective parenting. I firmly agree with Dr. Phil when he says, “you can’t lead where you haven’t been”. We adults need to know, understand, and adjust our own inner voice to be a positive one before we can ever get our children’s inner voice to be positive. This is because it is our voice which forms the foundation for the future inner voice of our kids. If we are not positive, they will not be either. How we answer the above 10 questions will help to know what you value and why. Once we know this we can then step back and examine how we feel about things and weigh what we think, say, and do based on these insights. Here is how we change our voice. Know our values and why we think they are important. Based on these values create positive statements to replace the negative ones which may come up. When making decisions listen to our inner voice for any negative feedback.

November 21, 2017

How to get consent for your child to move to overseas with you

What do you do when you want to move overseas and your ex doesn’t want to give permission for your child to go with you? This is exactly what happened to Sunette* “My ex and I have a terrible relationship. It was a terrible time in my life. As a father, he has not been very involved.” When her new husband received a great job opportunity in Australia, she was torn. “I thought, he’s never going to let us go. He will just make it as difficult as possible.” There’s a common misconception that if you’re not married to your child’s other biological parent, then you can’t leave South Africa. Not so, according to migration lawyer David Dadic. “The misconception generally stems from the requirement of most governments that in order for one parent to emigrate, he or she requires the other biological parent’s consent to the emigration. Often, and because of, the fractured relationship between the parents, the remaining parent is uninclined to give the necessary consent (even when the emigration is unquestionably in the best interest of the child), leaving the migrating parent with a severe sense of frustration and hopelessness.” Fortunately, the common misconception is just that, and the migrating parent does in fact have several options available to him or her to facilitate their migration with their child, should the remaining parent resist giving the necessary consent. Court Order The most common recourse in situations such as this is for the migrating parent to make an application to court seeking a court order that he or she have the sole decision-making role as to the child’s migration, thereby disposing of the need for the consent. These applications can be quite cumbersome, particularly when there is much acrimonious history between the biological parents. Additionally, the motivation that the child’s best interest is being best served by leaving South Africa, and then growing up in Australia away from the remaining parent, needs to be very well evaluated. So, considering that success of this application may ultimately affect your entire migration it’s sensible to instruct lawyers who are well versed in such applications. However, all is not lost. “Recently, there have been many cases where the migrating parents have successfully obtained the court orders necessary to either force the remaining parent to consent to the emigration or disposing of the consents altogether,” says David. Fundamentally the court must decide what’s in the best interest of the child – either to stay or go – but it’s these recent cases that have largely turned the tide in favour of the migrating parent. Agreement Most split parents will know that the practical administering of a child’s care is ultimately decided between the parents by an agreement. Even after many months or years of ugly litigation they are eventually able to come together and through a formal agreement decide on things such as maintenance, contact, schooling etc. Parents will also know that, because the agreement is usually made an order of court, should one of the parents breach their obligations that parent then becomes susceptible to further court orders (and related legal costs) forcing their compliance. In the way that general child care issues are agreed to between the parents so can any issues regarding emigration. The parents can regulate, and agree on, how often the child will telephone or Skype call the remaining parent, how often and for what duration the child will come back to see the remaining parent or in fact that parent coming to visit the child. This agreement can also, as with those ordinarily done between parents, be made an order of the South African court. For Suzette, the road ahead is a long one. “My ex won’t give us consent, so now we are turning to the courts to let us go. I have a great lawyer that’s helping us. The frustrating thing is that my husband had to go to take the job, so we are here on our own while we wait.” So, if you’re finding yourself in the predicament where you have the opportunity to raise your child or children overseas, but are having issues in getting their biological parent to agree, don’t feel disheartened and give up on your dreams, you are most certainly not without options. “But be aware that because the mirroring of the court orders from South Africa can be somewhat complex it’s best to instruct as lawyer who has experience in local and international law,” concludes David. *Name changed to protect identity About Pathway Lawyers and Migration Agents Headed up by practice principal David Dadic (MARN 1785371), a vastly experienced multi-jurisdictional lawyer, Pathway’s lawyers are qualified and experienced in the South African and Australian legal systems, and also registered with MARA. Our capable and reliable team of migration consultants can assist you with all matters related to your migration to Australia, whether legal or personal, whether in Australia or in South Africa. We are also able to offer advice on business investor visas. For this reason, only Pathway can offer you truly tailored and unrivalled bespoke legal and migration services that best fits your personal circumstances

November 16, 2017

5 Things New Parents Can do to Increase Infant Attachment

Attachment is the process through which infants bond with their caregivers. This usually means Mom, Dad, and if there is another caregiver in the picture nanny or early education professional. Building this relationship is about establishing trust, safety, a sense of comfort and connection. Men and women bond differently to their babies but both kinds of bonding are valid and necessary. Men bond through face to face interaction. Holding the baby and gazing into their faces. I can do this for hours. Studies also show men never pick up their infant the same way twice, this adds a variety in the interaction and give infants a sense of adventure and knowing the world can be unpredictable. While, moms also gaze into baby’s face, they also tend to talk to baby and cuddle more. Holding the infant close to the body and nurturing them. The important thing is a child is bonding with both parents. There are five things parents can do to purposely bond with their child. Hold them as much as possible during the first year. Meet the need they are crying about quickly. Talk, read, and interact with them consistently. Eliminate all screen-time before age 3. Spend time together as a family. 1. Hold them as much as possible during the first year Hold them as much as possible the first year. There is an old piece of advice which says if you hold a child too much they will expect it, so it is best not to hold them too much. However, the research supports holding infants is the best way to develop an emotional, physical, and life long bond. Touch is very important to infants. The discovery was made as researcherswanted to know why some orphanages has an infant mortality rate of 30+% and also a failure to thrive rate as well. The answer was not enough touch. I am not saying you should never put your child down. You have a life to live and they need sometime to just be. But, do not hinder yourself from holding them you will not spoil them by holding them too much. In fact the opposite is true. Holding your child and helping them develop a secure attachment is what gives them the security and confidence to explore the world when they are developmentally ready to do so. 2. Meet their needs as quickly as possible Children are new to the world and we teach them about the world by how we treat them and what we do for them. A child whose needs are met quickly develop a sense of trust and reliability on their parents and the world. Are you always going to be able to meet their needs now! No, and I do not expect you to and you should not expect that of yourself . However, meeting the need as soon as humanly possible is a key component of developing a secure bond between you and your child. Keep in mind sometimes meeting the need is tolet them cry. If you want your baby to be able to put themselves to sleep; an important part of that process is to allow them to cry themselves into an exhausted sleep. Is that easy. NO! Is it necessary? It depends do you want to rock them to sleep forever? 3. Talk, read, and interact with them consistently Human beings are social creatures and need interaction with others. You need to be this connection for your infant. So, talk to them you can just speak. Pretend they can understand everything you say and just talk. The more you talk the them the sooner they will begin to understand and the sooner they will talk back to you. I have one friend who is a complete chatter box. Her son was speaking in complete sentences by age 3. Hold them and read stories. There is so much connection in holding a book and your young child and reading and holding the book. Interact,move them around and build arm and leg strength by letting them hold onto your finger and pull, or by gently bending their legs and letting them brace their feet on your hands and push on your hands. Play peek-a-boo, blow raspberries on their necks and tummies, take something bright and colorful and let them follow it with their eyes as you wave it in the air. Just love them and play with them. It is this activity which build love, connection, trust, and attachment. 4. Eliminate all screen time before age 3 The research is ever growing that brain development and screen time are mutually exclusive. Young children need and crave the complexity of human interaction. Screen time numbs their brain activity and eliminate the brains ability to make complex neuroconnections needed in later life. I am no expert on this but a site I follow has a blog by someone who has the pulse on this issue; I suggest you read it! The long and the short of it for this post is that screen time can literally cause brain damage in young children! 5. Spend time together as a family Bonding among the rest of the family and the baby is most cemented by spending time together as a family. As much as possible include the infant in the activities the family enjoyed be for the birth. If the family enjoyed camping before then camping after may have to include a trailer or RBV to ensure the baby has all of their needs met. You may have to think outside of the box in order to accomplish this however, family life should not stop because there is now a baby. Instead find a way to incorporate the baby’s needs and continue on with living. It is a mistake to make the family’s life surround the baby. These five points will help you to build bonds with your infant and strengthen bonds with each member of the family. I hope you enjoy this time! Believe in Parenting

November 15, 2017

The unwrapped gift of the gifted child

When we think of gifted children the first name that springs to mind is usually Einstein. I can’t help but wonder how many therapies Einstein would have been in if he had been born today. Rumour has it that he only started speaking at age 3, so already we have delayed development, paeds and speech therapy. Some have said that he would have been diagnosed today with autism or aspergers and would probably end up in special ed. He was known for long periods of daydreaming, something we treat these days with ADHD meds. Would we even pick up the underlying genius at all? I doubt it. Most gifted kids end up like an unwrapped gift – they are a group of the most unrecognized and misdiagnosed children around today. They are some of the children most often found in a variety of therapies because they don’t fit in the normal schooling mould and we don’t know what to do with them. They often have inconsistent developmental rates where they’re very advanced in one area and quite behind in another and so we surmise that they can’t be gifted if they’re not coping or at a similar level as other kids their age. Gifted kids tend to have one or more over-excitabilities including physical (misdiagnosed as ADHD and put on meds), sensory (misdiagnosed as sensory integration issues and sent to OT), emotional (misdiagnosed as emotional problems and sent to play therapy). It is up to us as parents to inform ourselves and trust our instincts when it comes to our children. Just because some professional tells you your child has a problem does not necessarily mean it is true. Get another opinion. Do some research. Dig a little deeper. Gifted kids may even need some therapy and may even have a learning disability that comes alongside their genius but often they are simply misdiagnosed in our modern day obsession with fixing children and making them all alike. If you suspect your child is gifted, they probably are. Here are the typical traits of a gifted child (keep in mind that gifted children, like all children, are unique and may or may not display all of these traits): Unusual alertness, even in infancy Rapid learner Excellent memory Unusually large vocabulary and complex sentence structure for their age Advanced comprehension of word nuances, metaphors and abstract ideas Enjoys solving problems, especially with numbers and puzzles Often self-taught reading and writing skills as preschooler Deep, intense feelings and reactions Highly sensitive Thinking is abstract, complex, logical, and insightful Idealism and sense of justice at early age Concern with social and political issues and injustices Preoccupied with own thoughts—daydreamer Learn basic skills quickly and with little practice Asks probing questions Wide range of interests (or extreme focus in one area) Highly developed curiosity Interest in experimenting and doing things differently Puts idea or things together that are not typical Keen and/or unusual sense of humour Desire to organize people/things Vivid imaginations (and imaginary playmates when in preschool) Parents are actually very good at judging whether their child is gifted or not, so trust yourself. Gifted kids, like special needs children, have different requirements in terms of education, stimulation, and emotional support. The sooner you unwrap your gift, the sooner you can figure out exactly how to nurture your unique child into fulfilling their potential.

November 14, 2017

Some games are good for cognitive development – experts say

Certain toys and games play an integral part in a child’s cognitive development and one of the best ways to nurture a young brain is through play – it challenges thinking and the ability to process information. The body as an “architect of the brain” Parenting expert Nikki Bush explains that the body is an “architect of the brain” during childhood and in order to best understand the world around them, children need to be exposed to a range of scenarios to ensure the brain remains stimulated. She says that school, home and the outdoor environments are important; and so are toys and games with educational value, like Lego, and arts and crafts. Engaging in conversation with both adults and children is also a “big advantage” and encourages interaction and open communication. Different stages; different needs “Children go through different stages of development that all play a role in their ultimate cognitive development. Different environments, different people and different toys with value help to stimulate the young mind and assists children to interpret new information accurately,” Bush says. And a young brain learns easily, she explains that during childhood the brain is “extremely plastic and elastic” and with the result, learning is much easier for young children than older people. “Ever hear the saying that a child’s brain is like a sponge? That’s because it’s 100 percent correct, much learning happens when they’re young as they’re able to absorb information and understand things quite easily,” she says. Phases of learning: Concrete Semi-concrete Abstract The concrete learning phase is most important, Bush says no images on screens or in a book can substitute the real thing, “real trumps everything in early learning”. The Child Development Team at Toy Kingdom South Africa says stocking toys that are good for cognitive development is high on its priority list. The range of Hape products, along with Lego are just few developmental toys on the store’s shelves. “Children thrive on three-dimensional learning. And the concrete phase allows a child to interact with a real object with their bodies. They are able to feel that an apple is round, see its colour, taste and smell it,” she says. Bush says children should be able to internalise and experience with their bodies for an ultimate memorable learning experience.

November 14, 2017

Collaborative Learning

by Prof Rita Niemann Gerlach (2004) explained that collaborative learning is in essence a natural social act, implying talking about and discussing topics, which results in learning. In applying collaborative learning in terms of an educational approach, it means learners working together to solve problems or challenges in order to complete a task. How can collaborative learning contribute to the learning process? Collaborative learning can contribute to the learning process if the following elements are catered for: Some tips for effective collaborative learning Constituting the group Ideal size: 4-5 learners. Set up the groups prior to assigning the tasks. Place groups in a way to optimise collaboration (e.g. around a table). Assigning the task Plan meticulously (e.g. the purpose, handouts, resources, etc.). Use real-world problems to stimulate problem-solving and critical thinking skills. Link emerging ideas to the purpose and objectives of the tasks. Allow sufficient time. Align tasks to the learners’ experiences, access to resources, skills, etc. Present task in a visible manner. Group member interaction Allow for questions, if learners are not clear about what is expected from them. Insist on proper behaviour. Set ground rules for how groups have to operate. Account for the diversity in and between groups, Assign roles to the members of the group or allow the groups to assign their own roles. Determine whether the team members have the required resources or allow for sharing resources. A group name or logo builds group cohesion. Allow for ample communication between members. Allow learners to conduct research/explore options to solve a challenge/conduct an activity. Allow for applying their own ideas. Facilitator’s role Have incentives/rewards to excite members to accomplish their goals. Include an element of competition. Monitor the groups’ progress, but do not interfere with their work. Let groups give feedback (orally or in a written form). Give constructive feedback on what worked well and where learners were on the right track and make suggestions for improvement. Allow learners to reflect on their group experiences. Discuss/present the outcome/s to get critique. Support learners who fall behind. The usage of technology should be considered (e.g. chats).

November 9, 2017

Child Care Choices

It doesn’t matter at what age it happens, the decision to leave your baby with another person is one that is fraught with anxiety and maybe even guilt. To allay these two negative emotions and make the transition easier for you and your little one, make the right choice for your baby. These are the guidelines you should bear in mind as you make your choice: Your baby adores you and you are the best person to care for your baby but sometimes ‘life happens’ and due to work and financial pressures, you need to find someone else to care for your little one. If this is your reason for seeking childcare, you must know that it will not hamper your relationship with your baby and having someone else care for your baby can be a positive experience for you and your little one. A caring and consistent family member is a wonderful surrogate mom or dad while you are at work. Having extended family interactions can enrich babies’ lives and so a caring granny or loving aunty are wonderful solutions for childcare, or even just to give you respite and a little free time. Babies can be very happy and continue to develop wonderfully with a caring nanny. Living in Africa affords us the privilege of fabulous and not exorbitant childcare options. A nanny in your baby’s familiar environment (his home) is a brilliant option for little babies – it means he won’t be exposed to too many germs and you can keep his familiar sleep routine and space consistent with the weekends too. If you place your baby or toddler in a crèche, there should be a ratio of no more than 4 babies to one carer until your little one is at least 3 years old. Try to introduce the carers to your baby’s signals and preferences as well as his daily routine. Any carer needs to be trained in childcare and/or be an experienced parent themselves. Doing a CPR course is invaluable for any mom, aunty nanny or crèche teacher. If you are considering child care options for your 2 to 3 year old then look no further than PLAY SENSE, a home based childcare program that uses free and guided play to enhance social learning and prepare children to be creative, engaged and excited to learn. For more info visit www.playsense.org

November 9, 2017

The 6 Skills your child needs more than stranger danger

It is probably the worst fear of any parent – that their child might be kidnapped or molested. It’s the stuff of our nightmares and the kind of movies you can never watch again once you’ve had your own kids. The whole idea sends such waves of terror running through us that we inadvertently teach our kids the very thing that is likely to make them a victim – fear itself. You see, pedophiles are predators, and predators look for the weakest link. Their eyes are peeled for the timid child – the one who is afraid and nervous and wary: The child who acts like prey. They don’t want to get involved with a child who will voice their opinion or dislike strongly, they don’t want to hassle with a child who can’t be manipulated, the definitely aren’t going to try to prime a fighter. When we teach children stranger danger we are teaching them to act like victims. I suggest that we rather empower our children with life skills that are not appealing to predators. Instead of filling our children with fear, let us rather teach them to: 1. Carry themselves with confidence: How does your child feel about him/herself? We teach confidence by allowing children to do things for themselves, by giving them independence, by describing their achievements without praising them, by acknowledging their struggles without jumping in to do things for them, by allowing children to make choices. Ensure that your child gets their daily dose of love and attention – hugs, kisses, kind words, time together. A child whose needs are not being met is much more vulnerable. 2. Have body integrity:Children need to know that their body is theirs and nobody gets to do anything to it without their consent. As parents we need to step back sometimes and see how often we give them the opposite message – insisting on washing them, brushing their hair, forcibly dressing them, insisting that they hug/kiss relatives. We have to start respecting our child’s right to refuse these things. It’s a hard pill to swallow as a parent and it isn’t always easy to trust that they will not grow up filthy with a permanent bird’s nest and no manners. Body integrity has to start at home and if we don’t respect this we are already priming them for other people disrespecting their bodies. 3. Trust their instincts:Our brains receive so much more information on an unconscious level than we ever become aware of consciously. We’ve all had those moments when we feel that something is not right and it turns out to be so. We can’t explain how we knew, we just did. That is the power of responding to subtle cues from the unconscious mind. We need to teach our children to tune into this wisdom and to trust it. We do this by listening to them when they say they don’t feel like doing something, or respecting them when they don’t want to be around a particular person, or even allowing them choice in what they eat (and knowing that their inner wisdom knows better than you what is good for them on this particular day). 4. Voice their opinion:Children need to know that “no” means “no” and the only way to learn this is if we allow them to say it and respect them when they do. If you ask your child to share their toys or eat their dinner or give you a lick of their ice cream and they say “no” then no means no. Children need to know that their voice is as important and as relevant and as respected as any adult’s voice. They learn this by being given opportunities to talk, being included in family decisions, being really listened to when they have a problem or want to share something. It is very challenging raising a strong-willed child, but that trait that we dislike so much is the very trait that can save their lives one day. 5. Know what to do in an emergency: Rather than teaching stranger danger, focus on strategies for what to do in certain situations. For example, what do you do if you lose your mom in the shopping centre? My strategy with my kids was that they should find a woman with a baby or child and ask for help. What do you do if someone that you don’t know asks you to come and see their new puppies? First check with your mom if it is ok to go along. What do you do if someone touches your body without your permission? Tell an adult, scream for help etc. The best way to teach these skills is to play role playing games or even use puppets or toys to act out different scenarios. Let your kids come up with ideas for what they would do and then discuss these with them. We must also be careful in our daily lives with our kids that we don’t mistakenly give the impression that screaming and making a scene are never appropriate – sometimes they are essential and kids need to know that they can try this out. 6. Be able to defend themselves:I honestly believe that every child should have some martial arts or self-defense training in their lives. Knowing how to handle ourselves in difficult situations gives us the kind of confidence that is very off-putting to predators. It also gives children the added advantage of having the element of surprise in a dangerous situation. Hopefully your children will never need to use these skills, but if they ever do, then it is better to have some skills than none. And then, of course, we need to calm our own fears so that our children are not picking up on our nervousness and belief that the world is essentially a bad place. Of course we need to be alert and awake as parents to potential dangers, but we also need to

November 9, 2017

Early School Years Crucial for Cultivating Emotional Intelligence in a Child

Of the twelve years that children spend at school, the foundation phase – years one through four – are the most critical for cementing the long-term potential of children and enabling them to become successful adults, an education expert says. “It goes without saying that academic excellence is important, but developing children’s emotional intelligence may literally make the difference between success and failure in their lives,” says Chris Van Niekerk, head at Founders Hill College, part of Africa’s largest private education provider, ADvTECH. He says that when undertaking the important task of investigating schooling options, parents and guardians should consider more than the academic or sporting achievements and track record of a school, and also enquire about a school’s approach to instilling vital life skills. “Nurturing emotional intelligence should be considered as important as teaching children to read, write and do arithmetic – if not more – and schools, parents and communities have a duty to ensure this fundamental life skill is not left by the wayside,” he says. Van Niekerk says the younger the age at which children acquire these insights and skills, the better. “It’s in years one to four that children learn to love learning; learn about a world that challenges and rewards; and learn what makes them who they are: unique human beings who hold a wealth of potential and who can do anything they put their hearts and minds into. “It is during these years that these skills become part of the child’s character and personality: guiding their decisions, helping them make sense of the world, and being the foundation of their relationships with others. Starting with five-year-olds is the best place to start.” Emotional intelligence can be described as a set of softer skills that help children grow up to become “likeable”, successful human beings who can accept that not everybody in the world is going to be like you, agree with you or think like you. More than this, it’s understanding that this diversity is not only good and desirable, but to be celebrated and embraced. “It’s learning how to give and take: to compromise and to negotiate. It’s learning to relate to others: to empathise and communicate your own feelings in a situation. It’s learning to listen to what other people say, and how to speak your own mind. It’s acquiring the skills and the confidence to articulate your feelings and ideas, and it’s learning to identify what it is, exactly, that makes you respond the way you do to people and situations around you. Critically, it’s learning how to manage those feelings, instead of letting them manage you.” Van Niekerk says that emotional intelligence skills aren’t ones that can be taught in lesson slots on the timetable. Instead, they should form part of all interactions, whether they be during academic, social or physical activities. Additionally, provision should be made for assisting children who show signs of needing early intervention to reach emotional intelligence milestones. “Success cannot only be measured academically and professionally. It is measured by the quality of our relationships, and by our ability to lead meaningful, effective lives,” he says.

November 9, 2017

Your child is sick, and you feel guilty. Why?

There is nothing worse than when your child is sick. As a parent, you feel the need to do everything in your power to take care of your child. “But, the truth is, although you can do everything in your power to try and prevent your child from getting sick, or getting hurt, these things happen,” says Carla Yssel, brand manager for Linctagon®, “and mommy guilt is a real thing.” We don’t account for the guilt that a parent feels when their child is sick. “Mommy guilt, and daddy guilt are real emotions that almost all parents feel – it’s the feeling that you haven’t done enough to protect your child from anything and everything,” says Yssel. Yssel says parents need to give themselves a break and she gives them following advice: At night instead of looking at all the things that went wrong during the day, congratulate yourself on the things that you did right. This will enable you to see that you did succeed during the day and not everything is as bad as it may seem. Give yourself a break. Remove yourself from the guilt for a little bit – go for a cup of coffee, meet a friend for dinner – remember who you are as a person and not only as a parent. This will give you a break, and when you return you will be able to focus more on your children. Be prepared (as much as you can be). When it comes to children things can tend to go a different direction than expected, and you need to have the basics covered in case they do. Keeping a stocked first aid kit including band aids, and antiseptic ointment are a must. Children get sick – deal with it. Your child is not sick because you have to work, or because you gave them fish fingers one night for dinner instead of vegetables. Your child is sick because that is what happens. Linctagon® boasts a full range of medicines to help deal with any aspect of the common cold or flu, and Linctagon® Effervescent Junior can help children get over colds quicker than usual. It contains the active ingredient Pelargonium sidoidesand through its active support can shorten the duration of the common cold as well as reduce the severity of symptoms. It also contains added vitamins A and C, anti-inflammatory MSM and immunity enhancer Zinc.

November 9, 2017

The lighter side of technology

By: Juazel de Villiers) Clinical Psychologist, PS0117692 Practice Number: 0496359 [email protected] The dangers of technology are often emphasised, as there are so many. Children’s use of technology is also often viewed in a negative light as it has slowly taken over various aspects of family life. Although there are real concerns and considerations around the use of technology, there are also a multitude of benefits to technology. The obvious benefit is the vast amount of information available on the internet, be it research for projects or instructional videos on doing creative crafts at home. A large amount of research has been done on the “VAK learning styles” in other words: visual, auditory and kinaesthetic learning. Technology has provided a way for each of these learning styles to find additional study methods online. Parents and teachers are able to use technology to not only provide course notes (visual information), but audio files of classes and videos demonstrating the information learnt in a practical manner. The various technological formats allow children from all learning styles to take in and make sense of the information presented. For younger children numerous educational ‘apps’ (applications) have been developed, games that assist in memory development, concentration skills, helping them to learn colours, numbers, letters and so forth. For children with special needs technology has also opened up a whole new world of education and resources. Many applications are now freely available to turn a smart phone or tablet into a therapy resource. For children with speech difficulties, applications are available to enable them to communicate by selecting pictures or typing. For children with attention difficulties, applications such as the “ADHD clock” is now freely available. For children with social skills difficulties, applications are available for them to write their own social stories or to interact with a cartoon character that provide immediate feedback on their social communication. Technology has also been found to decrease anxiety for certain children and adults. Research has shown that children, teenagers and adults learn better if more than one of their senses (sight, touch, smell, auditory, taste) are involved in their learning process. Furthermore, the more interactive the learning is, the better the individual is able to recall the information after a delayed period of time. New formats of learning that incorporates these principles is now easily available through technology. The important part is the type and amount of access to technology, and of course maintaining a healthy balance of utilising other games, activities and learning tasks that is not on technology, such as the SKidz boxes. The Skidz Clever Activity boxes, is not only fun but an incredible tool for parents and caregivers to use. It focusses on all major developmental milestones and includes activities for each learning style. Each box comes with the equipment needed as well as an easy to follow manual with over 100 activities each. For those children who stay at home with a caregiver it includes a daily curriculum. This way all the work has already been done for you and all that is left is the fun. The boxes range from birth until 5 years and are divided into the following age groups. 0-6 months, 6-12 months, 12-18 months, 18-24 months and 2-5 years. The boxes cover a wider age range to minimise the cost to the parents, but are divided into smaller age groups with age appropriate activities. For instance the 6-12 months box has activities for 6-9 months and 9-12 months without having to purchase another box. This is also not a subscription service so you don’t need to sign any contracts. You buy one box, once off and when the time comes for baby to get the next one you can purchase that one. For more info on our boxes or to order it please visit our website http://skidz.co.zaWe are also available on facebook at www.facebook.com/skidzsaor via email at [email protected]

November 9, 2017

Gap Year: Benefits of working at a summer camp

Making a career choice at the age of seventeen and committing to it for a lifetime is a pivotal decision that comes with a lot of pressure. However, times have evolved and we are no longer restricted to working one specific profession for the rest of our career. During a staff training meeting held at Sugar Bay Resort, young adults were given a career guiding lecture by the Director, Zoe Ellender, who said, “Unlike in the past, you no longer have to serve in one position at one company until you retire and get yourself a golden watch for your services. These days, you are allowed to change your career choice as many times as you want to. The diversity in occupation allows for a variation in skills, which plays a significant role in creating outstanding résumés.” Her encouraging discussion with the youngsters opened their minds to realize that it really is okay to make the wrong decisions and start over, as nothing goes to waste. She also explained the importance of taking a gap year and not rushing into a career choice, especially, if you are doubtful. Ellender shared her story of how she spent her college years working long hours to obtain her Law Degree, and one day realized that it simply wasn’t for her. “I looked around one day and realized that everyone around me was miserable. All we had to deal with as lawyers were people’s problems. This wasn’t a happy environment,” said Ellender. Soon enough, Ellender realised her dream to run an American-styled kids camp, a place that was happy and safe for children in a way that also nurtured their development. Ellender quit her career as a lawyer, and her husband Nicholas, who was an engineer at the time did the same. Together, they worked to build their dream, which is now a running success sixteen years on. Members of her audience were given the opportunity to share their experiences. Here’s what some of them had to say: “Sugar Bay appealed to me as an ideal place to work, build experience in working with young people and at the same time learn to be responsible, develop myself and gain life experiences. Sugar Bay is a great place to learn during a gap year. On both my previous visits, the counselors were true role models and I was inspired by them to be the happiest and most positive version of myself that I could be. They were always super positive and uplifting. They are also easy to relate to and I have been able to do so in my short time here. I feel Sugar Bay can be a great place for many adults.” – Emilio (high school graduate – Sandton) “I had left school and always wanted to take a gap year, but didn’t know what to do. I ended up applying to varsity and got accepted for B. Com. Marketing which was something I was excited to do. However, two years into studying, I found myself extremely bored and unmotivated, with no interest in continuing. So, this year, I set out looking into summer camps in America, and while doing this, I came across Sugar Bay. I sent my application and got accepted. Before arriving at Sugar Bay, I found it extremely hard to step out of my comfort zone and was very scared of change. After 3 weeks of being at camp, I have seen my confidence grow; my ability to approach change has grown and is also still growing with every passing day. I wake up every morning excited to take on a new day working with the children at camp. I feel that the children and the counselors are the reason why I have grown while working at Sugar Bay. I am loving every day here and I am extremely happy I have found something that interests me.” – Rourke (high school graduate – Johannesburg) Many youngsters between the ages of eighteen and twenty-six join Sugar Bay during their gap year as a camp counselor often in pursuit of becoming a camp counselor in the United States, or as an opportunity to learn more about themselves and what passion and skills might warrant a future career. The two-week staff training program allows young adults to not only gain experience working with children, but they will also be trained in Emergency First Aid and CPR, as well as be introduced to child psychology, theory and practice of teaching, activity instruction and leadership training. The significance of this experience is that it allows young adults to learn more about their strengths and weaknesses while preparing them for making important career decisions. For more information about being a camp counselor at Sugar Bay Camp, and about the application process please visit www.sugarbay.co.za/work-for-us, or email [email protected].

November 1, 2017

7 Things every mom should know about trampolines

We know that moms, always being the cautious ones, often feel skeptical about trampolines and the prospect of their kid bouncing on one. Much of it is due to unfounded rumors or exaggerations. It’s only unfortunate that the benefits of trampolines don’t get passed around as often… to the detriment of everyone involved. Let’s clear up some of the misconceptions and find out why moms all over America have taken to trampolines and enjoy bouncing with their kids! 1 Trampolines Are Very Safe Compared to the trampolines of yesteryear, most of the trampolines on the market now come equipped with a plethora of safety features to minimize the risk of any accidents. Almost all trampolines come equipped with an enclosure and generous safety padding to ensure maximum safety. An overwhelming majority of trampolines we’ve tested meet the minimum safety requirements. Safety is also enhanced if you abide by the recommendations, which state that only children above 6 should bounce on the trampoline. Also, never let more than one child bounce. Most of the accidents happen when jumpers collide with one another mid-air, not when someone falls off (which the enclosure prevents anyways). Our extensive database of trampoline reviews can help you make the optimal purchase decisions and we put special emphasis on the trampolines’ safety features. As you’ll see, these trampolines are in no way like those old beaters without a safety net or even stable legs! 2 You Can Keep an Eye on Your Kid If you had a trampoline, where’d you put it? In your back yard, of course. And where would your kid play? In the back yard, as well, bouncing on the trampoline! This way, your child will always be near you and you can easily see what they’re doing. There is no risk of them running around the neighborhood unsupervised. You can simply relax on your patio and be safe knowing where your child is at any time, instead of not knowing where your child is and calling all the moms in the area sick with worry. 3 It’s Healthy for Your Kids… Trampolines are an excellent way for your children to exercise. Think about it – these days most of the kids are glued to their phones or computers and won’t do anything outside. And even if they do, parents feel uneasy as the neighborhoods of today are not what they used to be. Luckily, trampolines solve both issues. It’s in your back yard and the kids can be active. Bouncing on a trampoline burns 60% more calories than jogging, according to a NASA study. It is a low impact exercise, meaning it doesn’t strain the joints and ligaments the way running does. The forces are much more evenly distributed all over the body, thus eliminating knee and foot pain common when jogging. Exercising on a trampoline is a great way of maintaining healthy body weight and fighting the obesity epidemic. They are especially good if your children don’t have a semblance of athletic prowess nor any inclination to do something about it. Instead of nagging and urging them to exercise, they will happily bounce on the trampoline, as they will view it as a fun game instead of a boring exercise. They’ll be none the wiser and won’t ever get the wind of your devilish scheme! 4 … And You And by that, we don’t mean only in a physical way. Any benefits already stated (and much more that we had to left out) also apply to adults. But the benefits aren’t only physical. Yes, trampolines are a great way of reducing stress and unwinding after a particularly tough day at work. And yes, they will help you keep trim and slim, strengthen your bones and your lymphatic system. But they will also let you bond with your kid better – by being near them – and your partner as well. The children will be more tired and will go to bed earlier, thus saving you a lot of frustration and arguing with your spouse – a sight too often seen in homes all around the country. 5 You’ll Be the Coolest Mom Enough with the health talk – now it’s vanity time! Seriously, we all want for our kids to have the best we can provide. It can be disheartening to hear that your kid wants to play elsewhere because their friend has that cool toy that their parents bought them. Why not bring out the big guns? With a trampoline, your kid, and as a consequence, you, will become the coolest folks in the neighborhood – and everyone will flock to your back yard (if you so desire, of course). It can be a boon for your kid’s social life, and who knows – a nice opportunity to catch up with your neighbors as well! 6 They won’t break the bank People often have a misconception that trampolines are something ridiculously expensive and only the richest people can afford it. While trampolines that cost a king’s ransom certainly exist, even a modest budget will go a long way. There are a lot of trampolines that are both affordable and well-made. As little as $300 can get you a fair, decently-sized trampoline of about 14ft with all the usual safety features that make trampolining a worry-free exercise. However, not all trampolines are the same. To help you separate the wheat from the chaff, our handy review database will do all the work for you! 7 They Liven Up the Back Yard Trampolines need not look ugly and drab. There is a plenty of models that look fresh and sharp. A nice trampoline is a great way to improve the look of your back yard, especially if there is a lot of empty, unused space. They come in various sizes and shapes, and if you prefer rectangular over oval or round trampolines, there is plenty of choice. Now that you see that trampolines are loads of fun for everyone involved, it’s time

October 30, 2017

Fun Ways to Surprise Your Child on Their Birthday

A birthday is a special occasion that comes just once a year. Kids and family alike wait the entire year to celebrate that special day with family, friends, and relatives. As the big day nears, the excitement of receiving gifts becomes unbearable for the little one! But besides gifts, why not try to make the day even more special with a few fun surprises? Feel free to use some of the following surprises to make the birthday of your child an even more awe-inspiring one. Have a surprise character show up at your party What else can be greater than a surprise visit from your child’s favorite character? If you have dogs, make sure that they make an unannounced special secret visit. Even better yet, if your guests have doggies, have them bring them along as well. If pets are out of the question, make sure to have your child’s favorite character make a surprise impromptu visit. Your child can enter the world of their favorite cartoon character, sports figure or celebrity with all their friends. This will make your child enjoy their party to the fullest as they will feel as special as the party entertainersplaying the characters! Make a countdown chain You can easily make a celebration countdown chainwith construction paper say 30 days before the big day. To do this, make 30 links in the chain and each day simply rip off one of the links. Kids love to watch the chain get smaller because they know that when the chain is gone, their big day will have arrived! Leave chalk messages on Your child’s belongings When your child gets home from school, surprise them with chalk messages a few days or weeks before their party. You can decorate whatever toys they might have with a chalk written birthday message. It can be the bat your child plays with, their dolls or action figures, a trampolineor any other surface that chalk can write on. You can even leave a chalk message on the sidewalk when they come home that says “your birthday is coming in 3 days!” Be creative with ideas. Secret surprise messages will excite your child with anticipation of the big day. Mention their age everywhere Children love aging and the number of their age is something very close to their hearts. You can wear the number on your face with face paints (but beware of the kisses you may get in return). You can also mention their age on balloons, on the tile in the tub, on a cupcake, or on the walls of the house. You can also create their giant birthday number in the yard. Have a surprise sleepover party the night before their birthday How about surprising them by inviting their friends over to your house the night before their birthday and have a celebration at midnight to kick off the big day! A night like that could potentially be the most fun night of your child’s entire life. Fill Their Rooms with surprise Balloons Balloons are a colorful and attractive way to make your child enjoy and rejoice all the fun of their birthday. Balloons are not very expensive but the impact they can create is out of this world. On the birthday of your child, you can fill their room with dozens of beautiful balloons. Each corner of the room should have balloons so that your child can jump around in the balloons and enjoy every moment of their birthday. Hide their gifts How about a new tradition where the birthday child gets a surprise gift the night before their birthday? Imagine the smile on their face when you notify them of this special surprise. The only caveat is that the present is hidden and it must be found. You can give your child clues or tell them if they are hot or cold when searching for the gift. You can also additionally have the birthday guests that come to the party the next day hide their gifts around the house. Anticipation is sometimes better than the actual present! Leave a Stuffed Bear in their room with flowers Need we say more? These are some simple fun ways to surprise your child on their birthday. Remember, it is not what you do to make them feel special on their birthday, it is how you do it. Every gesture of yours should reflect the love for your child. We hope these ways can help you make your child happy on their special occasion. Fun surprises will aid in making the actual day as distinctive as possible and they surely will make their birthday a most memorable one for your child. KidsParties.partyis an exhaustive birthday party directory for parents to help them find fun local entertainment services, party entertainers, party venues as well as unique birthday party ideas. Facebook https://www.facebook.com/KidsParties.party/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kidsparties_ Google Plus: https://plus.google.com/113158303928733875420 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kidsparties-party Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kidsparties.party/

October 27, 2017

How to Talk to Kids about Death

Let’s just get it out there: nobody really wants to talk to kids about death. Death is a part of life none of us really want to deal with, and helping children deal with grief can be really difficult, as a parent. So, how does a help when your child has suffered a loss? First, deal with your own grief and sadness. Remember, we are the models for kids. How we deal with death and grief is how they will deal with it. We must determine how we feel about death and dying, preferably before we have to help children deal with it. Talking to kids about death is important, but we can’t do it until we have had a conversation with ourselves. Questions to ask yourself about death and grief: What do I feel about my own mortality? How did I handle my last bout with grief and sadness? What do I believe about the afterlife? What do I want to teach kids to believe? What do my employers believe, and how can I support them in dealing with grief and sadness? What do I want to tell the children about remembering the (person or pet) we need to say goodbye to? Could I benefit from group or individual grief counseling? I suggest that, as you think and talk about these questions with your loved ones, you keep a journal. Doing so will allow you to revisit your decisions and not have to rely on your memory. Organize everything you think of as associated with grief in one spot, so it is easy to grab and use. Once this is done, you will be more relaxed and less stressed, should something inevitable happen. Now that you have thought about your position on death and grief, you are better prepared to help the children. General Tips for Helping Kids after a Death There are several things you can do to support children during times of grief and sadness. Communicate. Talk about your feelings and theirs, read books for kids about death, grief and sadness together. Give the children words they can use to discuss their feelings. Be physically affectionate. On purpose, give more hugs, and let children be close while reading, watching TV or movies, or playing games. Be active. Provide a variety of activities for children to get involved in. Children need physical and mental distraction, and trying new activities in addition to their favorites may help them to move on. Pay attention. Pay close attention to how the child seems to be processing through their feelings of grief. Consider grief counseling. Discuss any plans for children to attend a children’s grief support group. Grief counseling is vital if the child experiences the loss of a parent. One important thing to keep in mind when n children experience a death is that children are naturally egocentric, which means that – right or wrong – they believe they are linked to everything that happens. It is a safe bet the child somehow blames himself or herself for the death. For example, a child may think: “I did not finish my vegetables and that is why my dog, Scooter, died.” When talking to kids about death, emphasize that death is part of life and that no one is to blame, but that the child especially is not at fault. How you handle your approach to death and grief will largely depend on the age of the children. If a child’s grieving behaviors last for more than three months, it is time to speak with the child’s pediatrician about intensive specialists for children’s grief counseling. Talking to Kids about Death: Birth to Age Three Many people make the mistake of thinking of children and grief as incompatible at this age; people believe that infants and toddlers do not have emotions like the adults. This is not true. Babies can and do feel grief and sadness, especially if the loss is of a parent or caregiver. Infants and young children who are sad, stressed and showing signs of grief may begin to: Show signs of lethargy Complain of frequent tummy aches Become cranky and clingy Take a developmental step backwards, such as a potty trained child having more accidents, or a child’s talk reverting to babble or baby talk. Book suggestions: Are You Sad, Little Bear?: A Book About Learning to Say Goodbye by Rachel Rivett What Happens When We Die? by Carolyn Nystrom These two books about children and grief can help to give you the words to use to talk to kids about death, as well as the basic concepts to help advance the child’s understanding of death. Talking to Kids about Death: Ages Three to Five Children of this age tend to exhibit their grief in a variety of ways, especially depending on the child’s maturity. Do not assume the child will grieve by being sad – instead, remember that the stages of grief include anger, denial, and bargaining. Children of this age may rebel, use their imagination in new ways and to the extreme, or attempt to make “deals” more than before. Responsibilities for adults may be less about talking to preschool-aged kids about death, and more about listening to them. Kids of this age experiencing grief tend to: Be crankier than before the loss Cry more easily than before the loss Seek out more comfort than before the loss Revert to a previous developmental stage Display some personality change. Usually a shy, quiet child becomes loud and belligerent, or an animated child becomes more reserved. Book Suggestions: Always and Forever by Alan Durant. The Purple Balloon by Chris Raschka These books are age-appropriate to help children actively discuss their grief, while showing them that other people experience death and have empathy for their feelings. Talking to Kids about Death: School Age (Kindergarten-5th Grade) Children this age are still egocentric and can blame themselves for illness, tragedy, or death. However, the older a child gets, the better he or she understands the differences between cause and effect. Grief counseling can be

October 26, 2017

Raising Independence

The six things your children must be able to do for themselves by the end of Primary School. I recently heard about a mother who was quite literally still wiping her child’s bum at the age of eight. I was horrified. Now when I have such a strong judgemental reaction to any trait that I come across in another I like to look and see where I might be doing that too. So no, I am not still wiping my kids’ actual bottoms, but I wondered where I might metaphorically be playing this out in my family. And I found more than a few examples – making their lunchboxes, running their baths, brushing their hair, getting involved in their squabbles. When our children get to Primary School age it is definitely high time to step back and let them start living their own lives and taking on some responsibility. I work with too many young adults who are debilitated by well-meaning parents who have never let them grow up. I propose that by the time your kids leave Primary School they should be able to do all of the following: 1. Make their own lunchboxes and even prepare a family meal.Food is an essential part of life and our children should never leave home without a clue on basic nutrition and how to prepare it for themselves. Growing and preparing food ought to be the most primary thing that we teach our kids, and preferably as early as possible. 2. Take care of their own personal hygiene. Washing behind their ears, brushing and washing their hair, caring for their teeth, washing their clothes, keeping their environment hygienic… If we’re still on their case about this at high school age then our kids have not internalized the need for personal self-care and we need to hand that over ASAP! 3. Earn and manage their own money. Children need to learn that money doesn’t just arrive in your bank account (or pocket) and that when it runs out it doesn’t just replenish itself. It sounds basic, but we give our kids so much information on saving and budgeting and other money issues that we consider important and yet skip the step about how you get money in the first place by just handing them an allowance. 4. Solve their own problems.Children learn to problem solve by doing just that. As much as we want to protect our kids we aren’t doing them any favours by interfering in sibling fights, contacting the parents of their arch-enemies to sort things out, or calling parent-teacher meetings for every little disagreement. Definitely be a sounding board for your child’s current issues, but keep throwing that ball back into their court. We want empowered kids who know how to state their boundaries and stand up for themselves and who learn the basic skills of negotiation and interpersonal conflict resolution. 5. Manage their own needs and schedules. Even from the first grade children can wake up with their own alarm, check a timetable, pack what they need for the day, ensure they have lunch and snacks and additional warm clothing if necessary. Us parents need to stop checking and double checking, running to school to drop off items left behind, and sneaking in an extra sweater in case our baby gets chilly. One day without lunch, one cold evening without the right clothing, or even once having to use their own cash to replace a lost item will teach a child much more about personal responsibility than any lecture from you about looking after themselves and their stuff. 6. Speak up.We need to encourage our children as early as possible to ask questions, voice their opinion, express their needs, request help and make announcements. As parents we must stop answering other adults for our kids and let our children know they have a voice and what they say counts. We need to start thinking about the main goal of parenting – to raise independence. We want kids who are capable, confident and skilled enough to make it in life on their own. The family home is the place to practice life skills and make mistakes with a decent safety net still in place. It is the training ground for an independent life. In order for our kids to be prepared for life outside the home they need plenty of opportunities to make their own decisions, face their own consequences, and manage their own lives. We all kind of know when it is appropriate to stop wiping their bottoms, so why do we have such a hard time letting them become independent in all areas of life? It is time to ask ourselves which apron strings need to be cut!

October 26, 2017

Self Confidence Activities For Children

Ensuring that your child has good self confidence is very important. For your kid to do well in life, it is critical that he/she believes in himself/herself from an early age. You do not want your kid to feel inferior or inclined to worry too much about his/her inabilities rather than abilities. You need your child to acquire selfconfidence so as to be able to face what life brings along with courage and pluck. If your child seems to be unsure of himself/herself, or looks as if he/she feels inferior to others, you need to take action immediately. There are practical ways how you can help him/her avoid this predisposition. Most likely your child has a particular trait which will help him/her to excel or do well at something. For instance, if he/she is very creative, it may be a good idea to enroll him/her for art classes. If he/she has a lot of energy, encourage to choose a sports discipline and take him/her to classes for such sport. Extracurricular activities can go a long way in helping kids acquire self confidence as they will feel that they have a forte in that area. So focus on finding their hidden talent/s and you will surely notice a significant boost in their self confidence. To improve your child’s self-confidence it is also a good idea to encourage him/her to talk and interact with others, including kids with his/her interests. Being a part of a team or group greatly helps in developing a sense of belonging in kids, and it improves self confidence as a result. Encourage your kids to make choices, rather than making all of their decisions for them. It is also highly recommended to have them help around the house from an early age as this will help them to feel useful, while enabling them to acquire more competence and realizing that their help can make a difference. You could also go on a hike or camping experience with your child. During such an outing you should encourage him/her to pack his/her bag, set up the camp, and help out in various ways so as to make the trip or activity successful. It is also a good idea to have your kid help in organizing events such as a party, or if it is safe, ask him/her to go for an errand for you, such as shopping at a nearby shop. Obviously these will depend on the child’s age. The key is to have the child feel competent and able. Last but not least – do not be overprotective as this could impede their acquiring a good level of self confidence and self esteem. Allow your child to take risks, as long as it is healthy and safe.

October 24, 2017

The importance of play, age by age

Play is the occupation of children – a child’s work. A baby’s main tasks in the first three years are to master the world through movement, to develop a great self esteem, to learn language and other cognitive skills and to feel mastery and a sense of accomplishment. To achieve these goals a baby works very hard and he does this work through play. Play can entail toys and books or may simply involve interactions with others. You are your baby’s favourite toy and you will quickly notice that you get more squeals of delight and joy when you are playing with your baby than when he is left to play with a toy alone. When your baby experiences enjoyment, his neurons fire in a way that stimulates way more brain development and growth. So before you rush out and buy expensive toys bear in mind that you are really all your baby needs. Having said that, if you are looking for ideas to keep your baby playing happily that also have purposeful value, this list will help you choose toys that work well for each age and stage. Birth to three months Controlling eyes and visual focus – To develop visual skills, it is worth making or buying a black, white and red mobile, to hang over the change mat. Learn about body schema – Touch is the best way for babies to learn about their body. A great play activity for this age is baby massage. Identify where sounds come from and what they are – Rattles and simple toys with a noise are lovely tools for this age. Encourage your baby to identify where the sound comes from. Controlling hands and arms – Objects that have a handle that is small enough to be grasped can be given to your baby to encourage voluntary grip, which emerges towards the end of this stage. Develop back muscles – Tummy time is vital but some babies resist the position. Aside from regular exposure to tummy time, you can invest in a play mat that has lovely tactile and visual attachments so your baby is playing and engaged while strengthening his back muscles. Three to six months Rolling and moving – While your baby is on his play mat, set up a mobile near his feet or buy a ‘kick and play’ activity center. Kicking while lying on his back helps your baby to develop strong tummy muscles for rolling and crawling. Reach, grabbing and releasing – This is the stage when your baby starts to use hands intentionally – a play gym that your little one can lie under to reach for interesting items is a great way to stimulate eye-hand coordination. Sitting balance – Aside from propping your baby amongst cushions, a fun game to develop sitting muscles whilst eliciting squeals of delight is to get an empty box that your baby can fit in and pull him around on a tiled floor, while he tries to balance supported on all sides by the box. Clapping – Put your baby on your lap and play ‘Pat-a-cake’ – not only will this fun activity enhance sitting balance but it will also prepare your little one for the task of clapping. Movement stimulation – The sense of moving through the air is not only loads of fun, but is vital for stimulating the sense of movement and muscle tone. Play airplanes – whizzing him through the air. Always play within his comfort levels and go slowly at first. Six to 12 months Engaging the desire to move – From the sitting position, its time to start inspiring your little one to move into the crawling position. Place fun, bright toys just out of his reach to encourage him to move. Manipulating toys – Small toys such as blocks and balls that can be grasped in one hand are great for this stage. They will eventually be transferred between hands, which develops bilateral hand use. Sit with your little one and give him a block in one hand – then give him a block in the other hand. Then offer a third one so that he has to decide which one to let go of. Develop object permanence – Games that involve hiding objects will be great fun at this stage. Take a favourite toy or his dummy and hide it under a cloth (while he watches) then ask your little one where it is gone. During this stage he will learn where to look and slowly develop object permanence (the awareness that an object still exists when you can’t see it). Language burst – During this stage, your baby’s understanding of language will blossom – he will soon understand much of what you say. Play games using words, such as “Where is the bird?” Then point to a bird. This game teaches non-verbal communication such as pointing as well as the label of an item (bird). One to two years Repetition makes sense of the world – Your toddler will love interactive play with you and will want to repeat games, actions and activities over and over. While this can seem boring or pointless to you, it is the way your baby learns from the world. Watch how subtly he changes the game each time you play it – he is experimenting with his world. Learning games – Your toddler is ready to be challenged cognitively. Puzzles are a brilliant game for this age. Start with 4-piece puzzles and work your way up to more complicated puzzles. Your baby will learn shapes, colours and spatial form through puzzle play. Chase games – Toddlers love to be chased. Games that involve finding and pursuing each other are excellent for motor skills such as running and balance. Anticipation develops cognitive skills and anticipation. Obstacle courses – Build an obstacle course inside or outside, using boxes, cushions and furniture. Clambering over the course will develop not only coordination but spatial awareness too.

October 20, 2017

5 Parenting Tips For Children With Autism

When autism is diagnosed early the long term outcome is almost always better since you can start behavioral therapy early on. Being a parent is a demanding task that requires a lot of effort. If you have a special needs child then you will find parenting even more challenging. No parent is prepared when they find out that their child has autism and it may seem completely overwhelming, however there are some steps that you can take that will help you to cope easier and help you to assist your child better. Here are some simple parenting tips for children with autism: 1 Structure, Routine & Safety All children need structure, routine and safety but children with autism need it even more so. An autistic child will struggle to apply things learnt in one setting to another, so it will be important to find out what your child is learning at school and in therapy so that you can also apply those things at home. Consistency also needs to be applied to the way you deal with your child’s challenging behavior and interact with your child. Try and keep your daily routine the same as far as possible, so therapy times, meal times, play time and bedtime should be the same as far as possible. There will be times that you will need to break your schedule, so when this happens let your child know in plenty of time and help your child prepare for the change. While it may seem easier to keep your child at home due to unpredictable behavior it is important for your child to learn how to deal with the outside world too. Choose some regular errands that you do with your child such as grocery shopping so that your child can get accustomed to doing it on a regular basis. This should be included in your schedule and over time it will get easier and you child will become better adjusted. It is a great idea to set up a safe zone for your child in your home. This space should be a quiet area where your child can be comfortable, relax and feel safe. You can mark this space out clearly for your child. Keep in mind that your child has sensory sensitivities. This means that your child is super sensitive to sound, light, touch, smells and movements. Take this into account when you create this safe zone. This is going to be the place for your child to get away from it all and be safe. 2 Put Emphasis On Play Play is important for all children, as well as children with autism. In fact it may be even more important since your child will be doing a lot of therapeutic activities. Try and keep play as fun as possible, focusing on things that will bring your child out of his or her shell. Keep in mind that verbal skills is not your child’s forte so try and get some non-verbal activities that you can do together too so that your child can relax and not feel too much pressure. Remember to keep play fun rather than therapeutic. Make sure that you put loads of play time on your schedule and try to make it at a time that your child is most alert. 3 Positive Parenting Positive parenting is important for all children, but even more with special needs children. It is important to be patient and accept your child at whatever stage he or she is at. Focusing on the positive behaviors in your child with praise and rewards will go a long way. Be very specific when you praise your child so he or she knows exactly what it is that has been achieved. Find ways to reward your child for positive behavior that will reinforce your praise. Your child will regularly have tantrums and difficulty controlling his or her negative behaviors. Try to be patient and not to let this affect you, rather keep focused on figuring out what the trigger is for this behavior. Your autistic child will have more difficulty communicating and this can be a huge source of frustration for your child. Try and learn your child’s non-verbal cues. 4 Figure Out What Works There is no one thing that will work for all autistic children. Your child will have his or her own unique triggers and ways of communication. Since your autistic child will struggle with verbal communication you will need to pay special attention to your child’s non-verbal communication. Learning about autism and specifically about your own child is key here. You will need to try out different things to find out what really works for you and your child. Trust your instincts and try to be patient with yourself and your child. There are so many different types of approaches to treating autism so if you try one type of therapy and it doesn’t work don’t let if get you down. Keep trying until you find the unique plan that works best in your unique circumstances. 5 Get Support Looking after yourself is essential so that you are emotionally, physically and spiritually strong enough to look after your child. While you may feel that taking some time off from your child is selfish and that it is your responsibility you do need the time off to look after yourself. Get a family member to look after your child regularly or a carer so you can rest a bit. Joining a support group for ASD will help you immensely since you will be able to meet other families that are dealing with the same things you are. You will be able to get advice from other people that are facing the same challenges as well as get emotional support when things get tough. Dealing with a special needs child can take its toll on you emotionally, so you (or your parter) may suffer from depression, stress or anxiety. Consider getting counseling for yourself,

October 20, 2017

How to Replace Screen Time with Foundational Reading Skills

Most parents are very aware that too much screen time for young children isn’t a good thing, but many are just as uncertain about what exactly the problem is and, importantly, how time can be more constructively spent without it becoming an additional daily burden adding to the stress of the adults. “Taking the guesswork out of quality family interaction, which also assists in the development of the child, is half the battle won,” says Barbara Eaton, Academic Development Advisor for the Pre-Primary Schools Division at ADvTECH, Africa’s largest private education provider. Eaton says parents who rely on some screen time to get a bit of a breather shouldn’t feel guilty, but adds that they should ensure they also spend time every day connecting with their children through activities. Activities, which are both fun and will aid the cementing of the skills they will require for reading success in future, can be woven into the daily routine. “We are constantly researching improved methods of teaching foundational reading skills from Grade 000,” says Eaton. “Research into the reading brain indicates that 40% of children learn to read easily, but 40% of children are at risk and 20% at severe risk. Over twenty thousand studies of children failing at reading in the USA indicated that the bottom 40% of readers lack phonemic awareness, which is the ability to hear, identify and manipulate individual phonemes – the smallest unit of sound in the spoken word.” Eaton says the human brain is wired for developing spoken language which is why, with good personal interaction, babies develop speech from an early age without intentional teaching. “But there is no automatic brain wiring for reading and spelling, so all aspects of these skills need to be taught systematically and explicitly. Modern life has increasingly seen young children spend significant amounts of time in front of screens, which focus their brains on visual more than auditory content. “The major problem with screen time is that much of the spoken content of what they watch is too fast and often indistinct, making them less likely to concentrate on it. This has impacted on the development of accurate listening skills.” This all sounds quite negative, but the good news is that brain repair and the re-routing and development of neurons are possible and that with correct teaching, the children who would have learned to read easily will read at a higher level while the ‘at risk’ children will be able to read well. So how can parents help their children? 1 – BY TALKING AND LISTENING “In these days of digital media, we are talking less to each other and much of the communication taking place is instructive: ‘It’s time to bath. Pick up your clothes” etc. Instead, try to focus on generating discussions, for instance talk about the highs and lows of your day; introduce topics such as, ‘if you could do anything you wanted, what would it be and why’, ‘tell us about the best thing you saw today’.” Eaton says it is important to ask open-ended questions (which don’t have a yes or no response), to elicit full answers. Dads are especially good at this! 2 – BY READING TO THEIR CHILD Read both fiction and factual books from a very young age and join the library to give a wider choice. Choose quality stories that link to your child’s interests, not just Disney ones, Eaton advises. “Let your child see you reading books and magazines. When you read a menu, shopping list, or road sign, involve your child and discuss how wonderful it is to be able to read and understand the information around you.” 3 – BY SINGING AND RECITING Sing songs, recite rhymes together and read poems. “Rhyming is such an important pre-reading skill, but fewer and fewer children learn any rhymes at home. Nursery rhymes are basically historical nonsense but children love them and they are easy to memorise,” Eaton says. 4 – PLAY WITH WORDS Play with compound words – breaking popcorn into pop and corn, fishtank into fish and tank etc. They make good car games, and make a walk to the shops shorter and more fun. I Spy is another fun favourite but use the sound at the beginning of the word, not the name of the letter. Cat starts with ‘c’ not CEE. Eaton says activities as listed above should be fun for adults and child, and should not become another chore for parents, but rather an easy, entertaining way to connect as they go through their usual routine in the morning and the evening. Additionally, to build solid listening skills, parents should not repeat instructions and comments, as this programmes a child not to listen the first time. “Parents should make eye contact (lower the phone!), and pay attention to what their child is saying so that they model the desired listening behaviour. Above all, be excited about your child’s developing language and literacy skills. “Investing quality time in your children can be achieved by including them in daily routines. Complementing this time with activities such as the above can make a tremendous impact on setting a child on the path to their own personal academic excellence,” she says.

October 10, 2017

Why it’s good to have boundaries

“No. Is a complete sentence.” Anne Lamott This week we’re talking about boundaries and the need to set them. Establishing what people can and cannot do or say to you (or in your presence) is incredibly healthy for any individual. Setting these emotional boundaries is useful as they establish baselines of acceptable behaviour in your world. They also tell the people that come across your path what you are prepared to accept and not. That way, when you are building relationships, people know upfront how you expect to be treated. More importantly, in this way, you proclaim your self-respect, and it helps to establish the mutual respect so crucial to building successful long-term relationships. The benefit of clearly communicating boundaries is that it helps people to avoid unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships. One way to figure out if those around you are aware of and respect your boundaries is the presence of people who leave you physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained after you’ve interacted with them. These people tend to expect you to drop everything and jump into whatever drama is playing out in their lives at the time, with no consideration for you or whatever is happening in your life. They can be inconsiderate, unpredictable, unreliable, and passive aggressive. They do it time and again, without ever offering to reciprocate the time and effort you invest. They are often close friends or family members, and dealing with them can be challenging (to say the least). The first step towards establishing boundaries is realising that some behaviour is inappropriate, and the second is communicating it. Both can be hard, as this may have been happening to you all your life. You see it as the norm, plus the people concerned are master manipulators. Just know that putting boundaries in place is essential to your emotional health and mental well-being. A wonderful way to deal with such people is to plan a kind but firm strategy in advance. For example, if you have a friend who resists all efforts to nail down a time for something like a Friday lunch, communicate the plans you’d like to include them in, but also provide a firm deadline by which you expect to hear from them. Tell them that your plans will proceed without them. And then stick to your guns, and do what you said you would. These people are sometimes known as “energy vampires”, and they will likely push back against your boundaries or ignore them entirely. In that situation, it’s up to you to continue communicating clearly and to stand your ground. One of two things will happen: they will give in and begin to respect your boundaries, or they will drift away from you – and both outcomes are good for you. Lastly, know that you have every right to establish boundaries. Not only are they essential for strong mental health, but they will also help weed presences from your life that aren’t contributing positively to your well-being. And that’s a huge win. If you need help to put boundaries in place or if you need to learn how to communicate them effectively please don’t hesitate to reach out. I have various coaching packages for individuals and organisations based on your needs and requirements. If you do not respect and honor yourself by putting boundaries in place, no one else is going to either.

October 10, 2017

Last minute shopping for your hospital bag – don’t forget the car seat!

Being an expectant mom or dad is an exciting time for both parents, whether it’s your first and even your third child. However, as you count down to the arrival of your little one, it’s important to remember to pack the correct essentials for the arrival of the new bambino. This is often a daunting task for new parents but it doesn’t have to be. While packing your bag, consider the bare essentials that you will need during your hospital stay and, more importantly, for the first trip home with your little one. In fact, the safety of your infant should take priority when thinking of what you need to pack and so – not only for your first trip home, but while traveling anywhere else – a car seat is one of the most important things to pack when getting ready to bring your baby home. In fact, did you know that it is illegal for an adult to travel with a child in a car that is younger than three years without being strapped into a car seat? The consequences of driving with children who are unrestrained are far reaching, where children can be killed or seriously injured, even in the slightest collision. It therefore comes as no surprise that many private hospitals have included a clause that no newborn children may leave the hospital premises without them being strapped into an infant car seat. It is therefore, important that, as an expectant parent, you are educated around your child’s safety, while on the road. Here are a few tips to consider when purchasing a car seat: How reputable is the brand of the infant seat you have chosen? When purchasing a car seat – one thing that most people consider is the brand reputation, by reviewing what is being said about a specific product either online or from a family or friends’ experience on a specific product. It is important to do your research and make sure that inferior products are not being sold locally – this means understanding which brands are leading and which are inferior. If it seems too good to be true it probably is. Is the car seat correct for the weight and height of your baby? Height and weight are key factors to consider when selecting the right car seat for your child. It is not about age but rather about their specific frame – given that not all age-similar children are the same in height and weight. Below is a guide to which car seat your child should be using – depending on their weight and height: Group 0 seats are designed for babies from birth to 9kg, Group 0+ seats are designed for babies from birth to 13kg Group 1 seats are designed for toddlers weighing between 9kg to 18kg Group 2 seats are designed for children from 18kg or absolute minimum of 15kg Once your child has outgrown the highest adjustment of the booster seat, your child should sit on a “bum” booster until they are 1.5 metres or taller As a parent – will you be able to safely strap your baby into the seat when required, and do you know how to strap them in correctly? Strapping your children in correctly is by far one of the most important factors when purchasing a car seat. In most instances, you would choose the one that is easy to install and uninstall however, it is critically important that you know exactly how to strap the actual car seat into the vehicle, as well as that you understand how the buckle system on your child’s car seat works. There is no point of having a car seat if it is not strapped in correctly, or if your child is not buckled up as per the instructions. How much does it cost – is this really a factor? You definitely can’t put a price on your child’s safety however, the good news is that you don’t have to. While there are a number of retail outlets that sell a range of car seats (from very expensive to reasonably affordable), there are also outlets where you can buy/donate money towards a refurbished car seat which has been safety checked, cleaned and as good as new. Rather take this route to save costs if you need to, than settle for an unknown brand that may compromise your child’s safety. These are all important considerations that you need on hand, to safe guard your little one when travelling. The benefits of having your child strapped in a secure car seat cannot be stressed enough – here are a few key aspects: The seat provides comfort and protection When fitted in a rear-facing position the baby does not feel any potential harsh breaking The straps will keep the baby secure and steady from unwanted movements that might be harmful in the event of an accident/minor bumper bashing The cushion of the seat is water resistant and can help in cases where their nappies might leak or milk and juice might spill during travel. Always make your child’s safety a priority, no matter the circumstance or situation, as your child is dependent on you as a parent to safe guard them from potential harm. So, while you are doing your last-minute shopping for the hospital stay remember to make an appropriate car seat purchase a top of mind priority! By Niki Cronje, Group Marketing at Imperial Road Safety

October 5, 2017

Former NASA Astronaut on Living Maths Space Tour in SA

If you have ever been curious about what it is like to be shot off the Earth into space and to live and work in a shuttle while orbiting the Earth then don’t miss the upcoming Living Maths Space Tour 2017 with astronaut, Dr Don Thomas. South African students and families will have a unique opportunity to get into the same room with a bona fide spaceman when Dr Don Thomas visits the country for a series of public talks and school visits. During his seven years with NASA, Dr Thomas completed four sensational shuttle missions, logging over 1040 hours of adventuring in space. His inaugural mission aboard the STS-65 Columbia in July 1994 set a new flight duration record for the US Space Shuttle program with 236 orbits of the Earth and 6.1 million miles travelled in 353 hours and 55 minutes. Living Maths, a STEM-based NGO, is bringing Dr Thomas to Cape Town, Johannesburg and Durban for the Space Tour 2017 from 30 October to 9 November. Steve Sherman, Chief Imagination Officer at Living Maths says, “Our mission is to inspire and excite South African children about Science, Technology, Engineering and Maths. Space is undoubtedly one of those key topics that can ignite a lifelong passion for these subjects. How many of us actually get the opportunity to meet a real astronaut? For some, it’s a dream come true! The Space Tour will be a rare and special opportunity for the daydreamers, the imagineers, the scientists and the curious in our country to learn more and be inspired.” Space travel is arguably the most profound way to experience our world and our place in the universe. Many astronauts report the ‘Overview Effect’, a fundamental change to their worldview due to witnessing the Earth from the vantage of space. Dr Thomas says, “I am taking part in the Living Maths Space Tour for two reasons. As only 550 humans have had the opportunity to fly in space, I feel a sense of responsibility to share what I have seen and experienced with others. I have completed 692 orbits of the Earth and have seen first-hand the beauty and fragility of our planet, and I think it is important to share important lessons with my fellow citizens of Planet Earth. And secondly, I am keenly interested in having humans set foot on Mars in the future. I know I am too old myself to undertake a mission to Mars twenty years from now, but I hope I can excite and inspire your young learners to follow in my footsteps and perhaps, become future Mars explorers.” Dates and Venues: Cape Town 30 Oct – Jan Van Riebeeck Primary 6:30-8:30 pm 1 Nov – Bergvliet High School 6:30-8:30 pm 2 Nov – Parklands College Preparatory 6:30-8:30 pm Johannesburg 7 Nov – King David Victory Park Primary 6:30-830 pm 8 Nov – Saxonwold Primary 6:30 -8:30 pm Durban 9 Nov – Durban Girls College Auditorium 6:30-830 pm Tickets can be purchased through Webtickets, and prices range between R50 and R80, with Family ticket options available too. Space Tour 2017 is powered by Protea Hotels-Mariott and their support has assisted us to bring Dr Thomas to Cape Town, Johannesburg and Durban from 30 October to 9 November. Further information is available at www.livingmaths.com Depending on demand, additional dates may be added to the tour.

October 4, 2017

Help, my child is behaving badly at school!

The trouble with bringing children into the world is that they do not arrive with user manuals! How much easier would it be if we could troubleshoot in a manual and find the solution that would solve their problems with minimal mess and fuss! As parents, one of our deep-rooted fears is that our children may behave badly whilst at school, upset their teacher, classmates or, worse, the Principal (whom we have learnt to fear from our own childhood misdemeanours)! As a mom and teacher, Cindy Glass Co-Founder and Owner of Step Up Education Centres can relate. She offers some advice and a new perspective to parents who are navigating the world of not-so-perfect kids. She starts out by acknowledging that negative behaviour at school can affect all who associate with the individual who has behaved badly. Parents, in particular, can feel angry, frustrated and even helpless when their child consistently chooses negative, self-harming behaviours. “It is very easy for a parent to slip into ‘reaction’ mode and punish the child in ways that they may have experienced as a child. It takes great courage, however, to choose to understand these behaviours and find positive, creative solutions,” says Cindy. She adds, “Consider this: Every choice we make, every action we take is based on how we feel about ourselves as a person! Negative behaviours at school have a solid and powerful root – FEAR. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear that the teacher will notice that he is struggling to understand the work, fear of being alone and fear of not being noticed and acknowledged. Think about it! Many children would rather get into trouble for negative behaviours than it be discovered that they are not coping with the pressures of school!” So what can you do? Cindy says that children need to understand that all actions have consequences. “Positive choices result in positive consequences and the same applies to negative choices. Being consistent in your expectations and consequences is essential.” “Fair, dependable boundaries are key to establishing a sense of stability within children. It takes courage not to shout, get excessively angry or perhaps even physically harmful toward a child who consistently misbehaves. I STRONGLY recommend that you read the book: ‘Have a new kid by Friday”, by Dr Kevin Leman. I did and it completely changed my approach to dealing with my children!” Cindy exclaims. Most of all she reminds parents that harmful words and actions destroy children and says that you should try teaching your child to value WHO HE IS and is so doing, overcome his fears. How? “Do this by choosing to value who YOU are!” says Cindy. There are no easy solutions, but with determination, patience and tons of love, you will be rewarded with more positive behaviours and it will be worth it! About Step Up Established in 2016, Step Up Education Centres is a dynamic after-school remediation and tutoring franchise with a difference. Step Up offers children an opportunity to succeed in a schooling system that is, at times, very unsympathetic. From the moment, a child walks through a Step Up Education Centre doors they feel different. They no longer feel silly or stupid. They no longer feel misunderstood. They no longer feel judged. After just one lesson they feel hope. They see possibility. After a few sessions, they walk taller, feel smarter, do better. Why? Because Step Up believes that every child has potential…And our passionate educators will not give up until they reach it!

October 3, 2017

Letting Go of the Guilt and Enjoying Our Kids

As parents, but especially mothers we tend to be so hard on ourselves. We easily compare ourselves to others and find fault with what we do. This causes so much guilt. We judge ourselves harshly if we are working moms for not spending more time with our kids, or if we stay at home we do the same for not doing enough, not playing enough or for just being too tired. We spend hours on Pinterest looking for ideas of age appropriate educational activities to do with our kids, which we just don’t get to doing because preparing the activities takes too much time and effort. By the end of the day we are exhausted and still feel that we have not done enough. As mom’s we need to relax and deal with ourselves with some grace. That mom you saw yesterday who always looks like she has it all figured out, also has her struggles and breakdowns, today you just didn’t see it. What do our kids really need? They need us to be present when they are with us. Pack away your phone, switch off from work and chores and just spend some FUN time with them. It doesn’t have to be for long, but they need to have your undivided attention. They need to play and laugh, and you do too. Children build relationships differently to adults. Children learn to love, trust and learn through play. So if you want a strong trusting relationship with your child, play with them, listen to them. If you want your child to be successful, to love acquiring new knowledge and to enjoy learning (and later to enjoy school), they need to learn through play. That is the way they learn. That is the way that their brains are wired to learn. I know most of us are busy and don’t know where to start, especially when our kids are still very young, and can’t talk or take initiative yet. And although a baby is super cute and her smile melts your heart, the question remains, how do we play with them, so that they learn and build all those little neuro pathways in their brain that they need later on in life? Those little pathways only develop in the first few years of your life and then they are all you have to use for the rest of your life. The answer is seems simple, we need to do purposeful play, but where do we even start when our lives are so busy? That is why Skidz has developed an awesome product which takes the work out of it for you as the parent and gives you all the info and equipment needed to enjoy the time that you have with your child, playing. SKidz Clever Activity Boxes covers the age range from birth to 5 years in 5 boxes. The ages are divided as follows, 0-6 months, 6-12 months, 12-18 months, 18-24 months and 2-5 years. How it works is that you buy the box appropriate to your child’s age, which includes the equipment needed as well as an easy to follow manual. There are over 100 activities in each box which are all age appropriate and helps your child learn through play. It also includes nursery rhymes and sensory play ideas. You can then just choose what activities to do with your child and have fun while spending some quality, uninterrupted time together. The other option is to follow the curriculum. This is also ideal for little ones who stay at home. The curriculum has divided the activities into a more formal structure, where it tells you what activities to do each day of the week. It also works in a 3 week cycle so that you do not repeat the same activity every time. The activities are also divided into 3 month age gaps. This means that when you for instance purchase the 6-12 month box, the activities are divided into 6-9 months and 9-12 months, which you get in the same box. More info can be found on our website http://skidz.co.za/ and you can follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/skidzsa. We can also be contacted directly at [email protected]

September 13, 2017

Sensopathic Play – More Valuable Than Parents Realise

In a fast-moving digital world, where children are glued to the couch with a handheld device in-hand, give them an opportunity to experience the world through touch – a fun and engaging way to play and learn with endless developmental benefits. Parenting expert Nikki Bush says sensopathic play uses the sense of touch, the biggest sensory system in the body to help children better understand the world around them. “Sensopathic play is a very real, concrete and experiential way to learn through personal experience. And as Albert Einstein said: ‘Learning is experience. Everything else is just information’,” Bush says. Yet, in the modern world fewer children engage in sensopathic play, and instead spend more time in front of a laptop computer or playing video games. Bush says the digital world has evolved so much that these days real toys and games have even been replaced with similar screen-based games. “Screens don’t provide three-dimensional learning. And these days a 4-year old can play a shape matching game on a tablet, but can’t do it in the real world. Similarly, a 5-year old can build a 64-piece puzzle on a computer game, but struggles to build a puzzle in class,” she says. Parents are advised to encourage this type of play, and Bush says the options are endless. Drawing on a child’s back with bubble bath during bath time; allowing him/her to draw pictures on the patio door and window with shaving cream, and crafting little figures out of play dough are just a few examples that guarantee fun, interactive multisensory experiences. And there are many developmental benefits attached to each, including fine motor coordination and teaching a child how to feel emotionally safe and secure. “Balance children’s time on screens with even more time doing real activities in real time with real objects and real people and you’ll be surprised at the results,” she says. There are dozens of toys on the market that encourage sensopathic play and the Child Development Team at Toy Kingdom has carefully selected and curated a range of toys that encourage this form of play, including finger paints and play dough, as well as dolls and plush toys. “Every child needs an opportunity to experience the world in a very real sense and through the sense of touch. By ignoring sensopathic play, your child will not learn as effectively as when they are fully, physically engaged in their own learning creating meaningful experiences,” Bush says.

September 8, 2017

Loveys, Blankies, Burpies, Teddies….

Linus from the “Peanuts” comic strip is infamous for carrying around his security blanket while sucking his thumb. An attachment object or “lovey” as it is better known, is very helpful when you are trying to help your child have restful deep sleep. It becomes something of comfort when one of the parents is not around. A comfort object, transitional object, or security blanket is an item used to provide psychological comfort, especially in unusual or unique situations, or at bedtime for small children. Among toddlers, comfort objects may take the form of a blanket, a stuffed animal, or a favourite toy, and may be referred to by English-speaking toddlers as blankey and loveys. Here are the most frequently asked questions concerning comfort items. 1. How does it work? Because these objects help a child make the transition from complete dependence to independence, experts sometimes refer to security objects as transitional objects. It takes the place of the mother-child bond. A security object can give a child both emotional and tangible comfort, especially during times of stress. In addition to providing security, the transitional object allows the child to show his autonomy. The young child enjoys having authority over something. It also becomes an association with certain scenarios. When used for sleep, the child may associate the particular item with sleep. 2. What is a good choice for an attachment object? It is vital to make safety your first priority. Make sure the object doesn’t have any hard parts/edges, sounds or lights that could eventually disrupt your baby or toddler in the night. You’ll also need to think about choking hazards – no loveys that have small, detachable pieces, or even pieces that are sewn on but could potentially detach (think stuffed animals with small, plastic eyes sewn on). It could be a taglet, a soft toy, a blanket or “spoegdoek”/burp cloth. Whatever lovey you choose, buy at least two or three and secretly rotate them so that they each become equally loved and used. If the main lovey goes missing, you could easily replace it without your baby being any the wiser. Also note that although you may be intentionally introducing a lovey, your baby may make an association with something completely different. It’s important to be flexible. 3. How do I introduce an attachment object? In the first stages of baby’s life, you do not necessarily put baby down with his lovey, but having it around or even between you at all times will help your baby associate it with comfort. You really can start using it from the start although your baby won’t make an association while he/she is so young. Long before you start to put baby down to sleep on his own with the lovey, make sure the lovey is present at nursing, soothing, reading and relaxing times. Have the lovey be a part of your day. Use it to play peek-a-boo, or have the lovey snuggle with you and your baby during feedings. Give the item some personality! And (most importantly), incorporate the lovey into the bedtime and naptime routines. Maybe you kiss the lovey then baby, or just simply snuggle them together. Try to ensure that the lovey’s always present. You can also wear the item so that it smells like you. 4. What if my child does not become attached? Previous studies have shown that up to 70% of young children develop strong attachments to objects such as toys or blankets. The phenomenon tends to be confined to the western world, where children usually sleep apart from their parents at an early age (http://www.theguardian.com/science/2007/mar/09/psychology.uknews). Children’s needs differ when it comes to transitional objects. Some children never even have a security object, some jump from one object to another in short periods of time, and others cling onto one object for years. Take your child’s lead but don’t give up to soon. (See next point). 5. At what age should it be implemented? Attachment to a transitional object tends to develop at around six months of age. The attachment peaks at about eighteen to thirty months of age. The security objects are generally most important when the child is about two-and-a half years old. This may be because between the ages of two and three children develop the necessary skills that allow them to emotionally relate to people other than the people most important to them. Thus you can start introducing the lovey from as early as 1 day, but continue to try to introduce it for up to about a year. 6. When should a transitional object be taken away? I personally believe that the child should give it up when it is ready, especially when the child is not walking around with it but actually only using it for sleep. Sometime between the ages two and five, most kids are ready to bid farewell to their blankies (though they may occasionally cling to these during times of stress). The attachment is rarely abnormal, but do keep an eye out if your tot is always snuggling his lovey instead of playing with toys, running around outside, or socialising with peers. If so, consider whether there’s an underlying cause, such as a stressful situation at home or a problem with a child-care provider. Weaning an older child away from a cherished blanket or doll requires that parents acknowledge the symbolic importance of the transitional object. If the object is simply taken away, that will rarely work. An alternative is to offer the child new and more satisfying things and it may take a while until the right combination is discovered. A child may need a transitional object at night for a few years after giving it up. “It’s easier for children to cope with stress during the day when other people are around than at bedtime when they are by themselves Here is some more tips on letting it go 7. How should a lovey be used when used for sleep? (Should it

September 7, 2017

Teaching Your Child How to Save

By Thami Cele, Head of Savings & Investments, at Absa Retail and Business Banking To avoid the next generation making bad financial decisions and to help them enjoy financially fit lives, children need to be taught the essentials about money. If you’re a parent, this doesn’t mean filling your child’s head with financial facts and figures, but rather offering them age-appropriate money lessons. It’s never too soon to start either, as research by bestselling author Beth Kobliner in her book Get a Financial Life reveals that children as young as three can grasp financial concepts, particularly around saving and spending. Good financial skills are vital to ensure we are able to get through life as adults without too many pitfalls. From making a savings plan to guarantee security after retirement or as back-up in case of emergency to avoid falling into a cycle of debt, a healthy understanding of the concept of money is essential and it is important to start implementing these learnings from a young age. If you are a parent, here are five simple ways to teach your children about saving money: Get a piggy bank This form of savings is more meaningful for younger children who can’t add or count too well. Keep the savings visible: you can try the old jam jar system as a savings mechanism for both short-term and long-term savings and allow them to even draw pictures to illustrate what they are saving for – like a toy guitar or teddy bear for short-term saving and perhaps a trip to an exciting destination for long-term purposes. Take them to a bank to open their account This helps youngsters understand where their money is going and introduces them to the concept of financial institutions. In doing so, you help your child prioritise short-term and long-term savings. Model good spending and saving habits As parents, you have the biggest influence on the way children save or spend. Examine your own spending habits: next time you dash out to get the latest designer handbag or shoes, ask what message you are really sending to your impressionable children. Show them the money We have to remember that children today don’t see cash and financial transactions the same way we saw them when we were growing up, so we have to consciously make sure that children understand cash as the basis for learning more about money later. When giving children an allowance or income, give the money in denominations that encourage saving. For example if the amount is R50, give out five R10 notes and encourage that at least one be set aside for savings. Also talk about money in front of your children. Many people avoid this, but if you have healthy discussions about money in front of them, they are more likely to develop the right attitudes towards savings. Teach the difference between a want and need Talk to them about how adverts are designed to make them feel a need for the item they are selling – and how to differentiate between what they want and actually need. It will stand them in good stead when they are adults. Teaching your children how to save is an important step to prepare them for financial responsibility and a secure future. But it won’t go very far if you don’t “practice what you preach” and save for the future yourself. Whether we like it or not, most of us take after our parents and emulate the habits we observed in them during childhood. In other words, you need to start acting how you want your children to act when they grow up.

September 6, 2017

Help Your Child Develop Study Strategies

Parents and guardians can, and should, help their young children develop good study habits from an early age, to help them achieve academic excellence throughout their school years and beyond, an education expert says. “In primary school, learners will start bringing homework assignments from school, and be required to study for tests. These early years are the best time to guide children and equip them with the strategies and tools to ensure that study discipline comes naturally in later years,” says Clare Pretorius, Senior Deputy Principal at Trinityhouse High Randpark Ridge, a brand of Africa’s largest private education provider, the ADvTECH Group. Pretorius says once parents have left behind the frazzled and often anxious toddler years, they will be faced with a whole new myriad of uncertainties and frustrations once their school going children are required to start studying and performing to the best of their ability academically. “Every young person differs when it comes to attention and dedication to studies, homework and exam preparation. Some parents have intrinsically motivated children, while others need to constantly spur them on. Regardless of where a child falls on the spectrum however, parents can guide and equip them to ensure they are able to grow and develop to ultimately realise their full potential,” she says. It is important for parents and guardians to first establish what a child’s intrinsic learning style is – auditory, visual, or a combination of the two? “It is possible that the child learns through doing rather than seeing. The preferred method, if used correctly, will facilitate successful learning.” It is also vital to ensure that children have a suitable study environment. “This refers to both the physical environment and the atmosphere created for the studying child,” says Pretorius. “Daily routine needs to be established, and this includes when meals are served and when family outings are arranged, as children need little to distract them from the task at hand. Preparation of the environment also includes ensuring that all necessary equipment is available. As children get older they will organise this themselves, but initially a parent needs to assist and demonstrate best practice.” Once the groundwork has been laid, parents should assist – with varying degrees of involvement – with the actual study process. “Intrinsically motivated children may need firmness and guidance as to when enough is enough. Avoid allowing children to study into the small hours of the morning only to sit their exams in an exhausted state. On the other side of the spectrum, many children will need firm encouragement just to get going. These children do well when study schedules are drawn up with the help of parents, with lots of encouragement to get with and stick to the programme.” Pretorius says study programmes must be realistic and give adequate time to each subject. “It must be flexible and make allowances for last minute emergencies such as power failures or illness. Such a programme should be set up well in advance, as that in itself brings a sense of control to the situation for both parent and child,” she says. “Supporting your studying child can be a cause for stress, which is exacerbated if the child also doesn’t enjoy writing exams or studying. So parents should understand that they are key to the maintenance of a relatively stress free environment. There are years ahead of our children that will be filled with homework, tests and exams. If we can engender a positive attitude and a diligence in approach to academic work right from the start, it will go a long way to cultivating positive and diligent young adults who realise their potential.”

September 1, 2017

Stimulating Language and Listening Skills

Language is considered a verbal behaviour which is learned by means of the environment. A parent / caregiver and other significant adults in a child’s life provide modelling and reinforcement of these learned language structures and of speech (Allyn & Bacon, 2001). The caregiving environment is therefore extremely important to the child’s development. Early in a child’s life, as they start pointing to objects, parents often automatically label these objects and thus form the beginning of the child’s vocabulary acquisition. Once the child has some words, he might point and say “ball” and the parents would say “yes, that is a ball. A red ball. Do you want the ball?” The parent is thus modelling the sentence construction and the combination of words into a sentence, as well as reinforcing what the child is saying each time. Listening skills and auditory processing skills involve processing information through our hearing, memorising this information, and processing and reasoning the details to provide an output. These skills also include awareness of sounds in words (e.g. rhyme, sounding out words: c-a-t) which are crucial for later reading and writing. It seems that with the advances in technology, this generation of children are being more and more exposed to visual input such as televisions, iPad’s and smart phones, potentially reducing the necessity of the use of their auditory skills; The skills so crucial for many activities of daily life. The following ideas for activities may be used in order to stimulate your child’s language and listening skills: Make language a part of your daily routine. During bath time and dressing, name the parts of the body and your child’s clothes. During cooking, name the ingredients and make use of short phrases, such as “put it in the bowl.” and different actions e.g. “stir,” “pour,” “crack the egg.” Although your child may only learn to produce rhyming words later in their pre-school years, nursery rhymes are a fantastic way to teach rhyming incidentally. Playing games such as “I spy with my little eye” assists in your child’s listening, auditory memory and reasoning skills, as well as, creating awareness of the initial sound in a word. Playing “I am going on a picnic, and I’m going to bring…” assists in developing your child’s auditory memory skills. These are crucial for recall of details for following instructions and other important tasks. On a daily basis, your child should be provided with instructions that should be followed. These can even be silly instructions for example, “Take the spoon and put it on your head and walk to the door.” You may take turns giving each other instructions. This also gives your child a chance to express themselves and verbalise steps to be followed. Try to lengthen the complexity of the instructions, for example, if your child is able to cope with 3 details in the instruction move to 4 details (e.g.. draw a red circle under the square) or 4 steps (e.g. colour the girl’s hair in brown, draw grey eyes and then give her a mouth and nose). Identification of common labels such as Coke, Mac Donald’s, Pick ’n Pay, is an early pre-reading skill. This teaches children that symbols are associated with a meaning. Reading is such an important part of your child’s learning, language and development. From infancy, your child will learn the vocabulary and language structures, as well as early pre-reading skills such as holding a book, turning pages and that reading occurs from left to right (in English). This is crucial for language development and later reading skills. Furthermore, the love of books and of reading is an immeasurable asset. Ultimately, it seems that we need to go back to our roots and learn to enjoy and apply some of the games of our youth and our parent’s youth. For more information and ideas on how to aid in your child’s development, look at the SkidZ Clever Activity Box program. It is filled with age appropriate activities for language and listening skills as well as other areas of development. The program provides an option of a daily curriculum which includes activities for everyday of the week. The SkidZ program is not only comprehensive but provides hours of fun for little ones. For more information on the SkidZ Clever Activity Boxes visit their website at www.skidz.co.za Written by: Jemma Roets – Speech- Language Therapist and Audiologist Jemma Roets qualified as a Speech-language therapist and Audiologist at the University of Pretoria in 2007. She later completed her Masters degree in Early Childhood Intervention, specialising in severe disabilities, in 2013, at the University of Pretoria.

August 31, 2017

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