Advice Column - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

When it is the right time to wean your baby off the bottle?

When is it the right time to wean your little one off of the bottle? Paediatricians are now recommending that the phasing out of bottles should start within the child’s second year. As much as I feel that it is not appropriate to set strict deadlines on any important aspects in your child’s life there certainly are some benefits to weaning them off. Research shows that prolonged use of bottles can cause tooth decay, it could lead to your child being too reliant on his or her feed rather than making use of the meal that has been provided to them to sustain their hunger and provide the necessary nutrition they need as a growing toddler. Excessive milk consumption can lead to excessive weight gain or an imbalance in nutrition because the milk being used as a substitute for food. So helping your child get to the point where they are ready to say goodbye to that bottle, is important. But how? Many parents don’t think to offer a cup until the child has reached the end of the their first year. One is able introduce a cup, with or without a lid from between 6-9 months of age, but it important to see the signs of readiness. If your child has strong motor skills and is already holding the bottle on their own, he is more likely to take to a cup right away, but if those skills are not apparent there is still no reason not to start. Which ever approach you take depends on your child’s attachment to the bottle and whether or not you feel that they are ready to take this next phase. A good way to start would be to assist your child by holding the cup for them and allowing them to take small sips at a time. If your child is one that is reluctantly willing to give up the bottle, take it slow. Start by introducing a supplemental source of liquid for several days. Offer this to your child and allow them to play with the empty cup afterwards. By familiarising the child with the new item this could win them over! Replace the bottle for a sippy cup once a day for a week and slowly build up to replace all day time beverages with the sippy cup. There are great one’s on the market at the moment, so shop around until you find one that you feel will best suite your child. Don’t go with the current market trends but rather what is best for your child’s particular needs. Removing the bottles from view so that you child wont ask for them is also a great idea. There is nothing worse than seeing something and not being able to have it. If you have older children, get them involved as well. Young tots love to imitate their siblings so make it a family affair. Nighttime (when you get to that phase) can prove to be the greatest challenge. The key as with all things parenting is consistency. Once you make that decision to remove the night feeds and replace them with a small cup of water before bed, there should be no going back. Create new routines during this transition for bedtime, creating a little soft fun like a bedtime story or extra cuddles reaffirms the child that there is still a warm comforting environment without the bottle and makes the transition easier for your child. Giving up the bottle needn’t be a stressful time for mom or tot, but rather a time of excitement as you and your family celebrate this new chapter.

September 21, 2013

20 Tips for Caring for Special Needs Children

Although I cherish parents of all children, those responsible for raising special needs children and teens are courageous adults who somehow make it through each day. They are tasked with greater challenges and frustrations than other parents. They are not always able to get to school related and networking events because they are probably scheduling and driving to extra appointments for their children. And finding someone to step in for them so they can have a break is not quite as easy as it may be for other parents. These ‘other‘ parents I speak of are those with children without special needs. But parents of children with special needs have additional, unique opportunities that put them in survival mode for getting through each day and spending any extra time they can find at researching the disorders and medical conditions that their precious child arrived with. I am writing this article with some personal experience as my granddaughter was diagnosed with severe attention deficit hyperactivity disorder at a very early age. I helped my daughter care for that sweet little girl in the first few years and remember well all of the challenges my daughter faced. And although my wife’s oldest son was never officially diagnosed, he demonstrates the classic behaviours associated with Asperger’s Syndrome. I’ve heard all of her stories of the extreme challenges he provided to her in his early years, and see those behaviours now in adulthood. Here are my top tips for caregivers of children with special needs. The first two are not at the top of the list by accident. Giving these first two priority over the others will increase your success at implementing the rest: Create time with your non-special needs children. Make extra time for your children that do not have special needs to reassure them that they too are loved and are special in their own ways. Seeing their sibling receiving special attention can generate jealousy and drive them to act out and behave in their own challenging ways. Take extra care of yourself. What will keep you going longer and stronger is your own charged batteries. Take time out for you whenever you can and avoid living according to the standards others may try to set for you. Get organised to make things easier. Use an easy-to-update calendar to keep track of all special appointments and medications. Keep it readily available and readable for those who may come in and offer you relief. Stay organised. When behaviour issues or tantrums occur, that is NOT the time to go in search of items you might need to get the children (or others) ready for events and for transitions. Setting up clothing, lunches and supplies the night before will keep things moving in the morning. Stay on top of your child’s IEP. Although the school is responsible for ensuring that all components of the plan are carried out, don’t wait for the school to follow up. Keep it up to date and request reports on progress as needed. See that your child is reevaluated every three years (or at intervals outlined in your child’s plan). Create routines for you and your child. Although all children do better with sameness and routine, those with disorders need it for self-soothing and comfort. Both you AND your child will benefit by creating patterns that everyone involved can expect and look for. Challenging behaviour may be communication. Whether a child has special needs or not, resistance, meltdowns and tantrums are usually the child’s way of telling you that something is wrong. Remain calm and do your best to understand what might be the trigger of sudden change in behaviour. Provide physical activities often. The more that we provided physical stimulation for my granddaughter; the easier it was to acquire her cooperation later in the day. I spent many afternoons at activity centres where she could climb, run and jump. Remain calm and move forward with intent. When your child’s emotions erupt, you must be the ‘lighthouse in the storm.’ Remaining calm can influence your child to calm down sooner. Avoid allowing them to change your mind or your purpose in the moment. Remain quiet, be still for a moment and ease them into the transition. Speak in a quiet tone often. Auditory sensory issues can disrupt peacefulness and cooperation without warning. Gaining the attention of many special needs children more effectively means teaching others around the child to speak softly with low volume. Make bedtime routines a high priority. Adequate sleep is critical for children with special needs and increases the success of working with them the following day. Create as much routine as you can around bedtime events so they will ease into the sleep schedule in a timely fashion. Avoid sensory overload when meltdowns could occur. Knowing your child means being able to predict when the conditions are right for the possibility of a meltdown. When these conditions occur, shut down or reduce audible or visual chaos that could bring on a meltdown. Plan ahead. Packing backpacks or putting out clothes the night before can help keep everyone on schedule by creating expectations and minimising surprises. This means having to stay five steps ahead, knowing what you and your child will need for the coming appointments/events. Surround yourself with encouraging people. Although we should all take this one to heart, parents of special needs children need an encouraging circle even more. Remove toxic and unsupportive people from your life and hang out with those who support you. Use visual timers and schedules. When a special needs child can see a change approaching, the caregiver is more likely to get the cooperation she needs in moving the child forward. TimeTimer.com and Schkidules.com are two of my favourite resources for these products. Pick your battles. If you find your child having a fit because she doesn’t like the way an item of clothing fits or the existence of a tag or waist band, don’t fight with them.

September 16, 2013

What I wish I knew

A recent campaign run by Lil-lets ‘We are Women’ called, ‘What I wish I knew’, has revealed some startling myths around periods. It’s hard to believe that in this day and age when we talk openly about every possible sensitive subject from HIV/AIDS to practising safe sex, condom use, sexually transmitted diseases and many other previously taboo subjects, there remains little or no dialogue about menstruation. Why does it remain an embarrassing topic between mothers and daughters, in schools or in the media? Surely something that is totally natural and happens to half the population of the world every month should be something we can talk about. The result of keeping it secret is a collection of myths – some of which can be potentially harmful to young women, others just causing inconvenience. So during Lil-lets launch of its smallest ever tampon – the Nano tampon – and a new Compact Applicator tampon, both in response to consumer needs, the company has decided it’s time to debunk all these myths and do some straight talking. According to Darlene Smith, Marketing Executive of Premier Home and Personal Care, the most common myths, from an anonymous survey, include: Myth You can’t fall pregnant when you have your period Fact Although it is unlikely that you will fall pregnant, it is not impossible. But a condom should always be used to protect against sexually transmitted diseases. Myth Women menstruating can catch a cold easily and should avoid cold water or iced drinks Fact There is absolutely no reason why women who are menstruating should avoid cold or ice drinks and they will not catch a cold easily. So keep drinking those milkshakes girls. Myth Tampons can break your virginity Fact The word virgin means that you have never had sex with a man. Only sex can break your virginity. Myth You can’t exercise or do strenuous activities while menstruating Fact You can exercise as long as period cramps do not inhibit you. Remember if you are going to swim, which is quite acceptable, you need to wear a tampon not a pad. Myth You can only use a tampon when you are much older or have had babies Fact You can start usingtampons at any age as long as you are comfortable. Start with smaller tampons which are easier to insert and more comfortable, like the new Lil-Lets Nano tampons, so you can get used to wearing them or use a mini Compact Applicator tampon for easier insertion. Myth Period pains are cause for concern. Fact Period pains are quite normal. However, if your daily activities are disturbed it is best to discuss this with your doctor or clinic sister. Myth PMS is made up by men and is all in your head. Fact Craving chocolate, being snappy, headaches, bloating, weight gain, anxiety and depression even joint pain are all part of Pre-menstrual syndrome according to medical experts. Myth Heavy bleeding only happens to women who have given birth. Fact Heavy bleeding can happen to anyone at anytime. Your period flow can even vary from heavy to light or light to heavy in one period or from period to period. This is not unusual and is quite normal. Lil-lets is the only brand that offers a comprehensive range of sanitary protection that caters to your varied flow. Myth During your period you get snakes in your stomach and this causes the pain Fact There is absolutely no truth in this statement. Period pain is normal and is caused by your uterus contracting to help expel its lining when your egg has not been fertilised. We are Women. We have periods and they aren’t fun. But it is part of what makes us women. We need to be more open, to talk and help those who are not getting the reliable information they deserve. Let’s start the conversation NOW. Join the ‘We are Women’ conversation on Facebook, MXIT and Twitter or go to www.wearewomen.co.za for advice and additional access to information.

September 16, 2013

Bullying – Empower your child

The topic of bullying has become the focus of increasing attention and concern in recent times. Whereas in the past there may have been a tendency to downplay bullying and regard it as part of growing up, there is now an increasing awareness of it being a widespread social problem that can have serious short- and long-term consequences for both victim and perpetrator. Recent statistics show that up to 50% of school children are bullied each year. It is an issue which we ignore at our own peril! What constitutes bullying? What is it that makes it different from someone simply fighting with your child, calling of names, being mean or teasing? The essential elements of bullying are as follows : A more dominant child repeatedly exhibits aggressive behaviour towards a less powerful person. There is a conscious intent to hurt the other child, either physically or psychologically, and the bully derives pleasure from this behaviour. There is no justification whatsoever for the bullying behaviour. The intensity and/or duration of the bullying are damaging to the self-esteem of the victim The victim is vulnerable, often because of physical or psychological qualities, and cannoteffectively defend himself The victim feels isolated and is not supported by either peers or adults The bully knows that the victim wants the behaviour to stop but will persist with thebullying. The effects and potential damage of bullying is difficult to assess, largely due to the varying vulnerability of children. However, for most there is a significantly negative impact on the victims’ general well-being. Self-esteem is inevitably damaged, there is heightened anxiety, signs of sadness and distress, withdrawal from social interaction, often general health problems develop such as headaches, stomach aches, disturbed sleep and even bed- wetting. There is often a deterioration in school performance as the bullied child becomes increasingly distressed and unable to concentrate. Other warning signs that could signal that your child is being bullied include unexplained cuts and bruises, torn clothing, loss of appetite, reluctance to go to school, “loss” of possessions or pocket money, complaining of being starving when getting home from school (often a sign that the lunch box has been raided by the bully), becoming withdrawn, reduced social interaction, unexpected mood changes, irritability and temper outbursts, tearfulness, talking about suicide. How do I help my child if I suspect that he is being bullied? It is essential that when the child tells the parent about them being bullied, that they take what the child is saying seriously and act decisively. To ignore or minimise it would be the worst possible outcome for the child, already feeling over-whelmed, helpless and alone. Whilst most schools have an anti-bullying policy, it is often difficult to implement and despite concerted efforts to eradicate bullying, it continues to occur. Perhaps a more proactive approach is to teach your child to deal with the bullies that they may encounter. One such approach is to teach your child to be assertive. The ability to be assertive is a life- long asset. Although it is necessary to be passive or aggressive at certain times in social situations, many children tend to be overly aggressive or passive. Children with poor assertiveness skills and who frequently display passive behavior, feel negative about themselves and do little to protect themselves, making them more vulnerable and more likely to be bullied and manipulated. Bullies prefer children who are unable to fight back or who withdraw from confrontation and cry when attacked. Likewise children who tend to be overly aggressive in their interactions are sometimes labeled as bullies and are often disliked by their peers. In teaching children to be assertive, they learn to identify and express their feelings, be mindful of the feelings of others, have the confidence to say what they want and develop the skills to deflect difficult or unpleasant social situations. They develop strong self-esteem and are able to stand up for themselves in a pleasant but firm manner. Without wishing to be pessimistic, it would seem that bullying is a perennial problem, very difficult to eradicate and likely to get worse as the stresses and pressures of life continue to escalate. It is a problem that is likely to confront most children at some point in their lives but by creating assertive, confident children hopefully the bullies will find fewer targets and may themselves learn to behave in more socially acceptable and positive ways. Written By: Margie Wilson

September 7, 2013

What is HELLP Syndrome?

Ruby was born at 30 weeks gestation via emergency caesarean and was a tiny 1044 grams at birth. She suffered from tachycardias (when the heart beats over 100 bpm) and was given caffeine to help prevent bradycardias (when the heart beats under 60 bpm). Ruby was required to be on a continuous positive air pressure (CPAP) machine to keep her airways open. She had jaundice, requiring phototherapy several times and suffered from continual apnoea episodes throughout her stay in the neonatal intensive care unit. Due to being intubated, Ruby developed an oral aversion so in turn she came home with a nasal gastric tube. Her hospital stay was 10 weeks in total. So why did all of this have to happen to Ruby? The answer is because I developed a life threatening and rare complication called HELLP syndrome. My kidneys and liver were failing. I was at risk of seizures and there was a chance that I may lose my life. Ruby was at risk of losing hers before it had even began. HELLP stands for H (hemolysis, which is the breaking down of red blood cells), EL (elevated liver enzymes) and LP (low platelet count). The most reported symptoms of HELLP syndrome are the following; Headache Nausea and/or vomiting Visual disturbances Swelling High blood pressure Epigastric tenderness and upper right quadrant pain (from liver distention) Protein in the urine Ruby is now 16 months old. She continues to have issues with her feeding, causing her weight gain to be slow. Ruby also has experienced hypersensitivity, which has caused her some distress in social situations. The experts said that Ruby would grow to be a strong person, and she has proven that. They said she may have issues with her sight and hearing… Apart from the earlier hearing tests, Ruby has blitzed every test since. They said she might struggle with feeding… And that she has. However, Ruby surprised us recently and moved onto ‘soft lumps’ from her normally pureed foods. They said we may come across issues with Ruby’s brain development due to her prematurity… And so far we have seen none. Ruby is one clever little girl. She is clapping, ‘high fiving’ everyone and playing peek-a-boo just like all of the other 16 month olds. They said that Ruby would be smaller than most other kids her age… She is smaller yet just as capable. They said she would be 18 months old before she took her first step … And now Ruby is walking, months ahead of when she was expected to take that first step. They also said that Ruby would rise up and beat her obstacles like many of her premature peers… And that she continues to do each and every day. It is so easy to forget how precious it is to be alive. Help us raise awareness of HELLP syndrome. Visit www.facebook.com/littlemiraclebook. There you will find details about a 100% non-profit book I wrote for children that began life in a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). ‘Little Miracle’ is a heartwarming children’s book that journeys through the ups and downs of a NICU experience. It is a tale of how nothing, not even separation, can break the bond between a mother and her precious child. All proceeds are going to charities that share my vision of HELLP syndrome awareness.

June 24, 2013

10 Super ideas on how to empower your domestic worker or nanny

There are approximately one million, mainly African women, who are domestic workers and nannies in South Africa. According to CASE (Community Agency for Social Enquire), in the last decade very little progress has been made in reducing poverty. To date the recession has not helped this progress. As the employer of a domestic worker or nanny in your home, you have the opportunity to make a difference. Here are some wonderful empowerment ideas you can offer your domestic worker or her child. Nanny training courses for domestic nanniesGive your nanny the confidence she needs to care for and stimulate your child in a safe environment. Training your domestic worker to become a nanny is upgrading her job status and salary from a char to a child carer, giving her more responsibility and a better income. Price range: R1600 – R1800 First Aid courses for domestic nanniesGive your nanny the confidence to deal with home emergencies or any crisis that may occur while your children are in her care. Providing her with lifesaving skills not only enables her to help your family, but she is then in a position to provide assistance to her own family and community with her First Aid and CPR skills Price range: R350 – R600 Cooking classes for domestic nanniesTeach your nanny to cook a nutritious, home cooked meal. By teaching your nanny how to cook a variety of meals, you can ensure your family is getting fresh, nutritious food. Not just the quick readymade meals available from our local supermarkets. Having meal times already prepared or even just prepped, will give you quality time with your children in the afternoon and evening. Price range: R1500 – R2000 Swimming classes for domestic nanniesTeach your nanny how to swim. If you have a pool and your children are allowed to swim, it is vital that the adult present, can swim, in case of an emergency. This is a great life skill which will give your domestic worker or child carer a wonderful sense of achievement. Having a nanny who can swim allows your children to have fun at the pool. Price range (R1100 for 8 lessons) Housekeeping course for domestic workers and nanniesUp skill your char from a domestic worker to a super-efficient housekeeper. If your nanny shows initiative and pride in her work, offer her the skills she needs to become your housekeeper. An efficient housekeeper can clean the home, she knows how to delegate her time according to her tasks, and she has the ability to plan head and can manage any maintenance issues and workers in your house. Price range: (R800 – R2000) School education for your domestic nanny’s child.Help your nanny’s child get a good education. This is the most powerful way to make a difference to your domestic worker and enable her family to move into a better social class and have higher earning potential. Many families who can afford to pay will send their nanny’s child to a local school in the suburb where they live. Business skill training for your domestic workerTeach your domestic worker how to run her own business. If you feel your domestic worker demonstrates the ability and drive to run her own business, you can enlist her on an enterprise development programme called the Clothing Bank. They offer a 2 year holistic training programme that empowers unemployed mothers to start a small retail trading business. Retirement planning for your domestic nannyProvide your nanny with a pension fund. Give your nanny that peace of mind to know that she will have some financial stability later on in her golden years. Many loyal domestic workers mostly retire without any pension of provident funds savings for their old age – making them financially dependent on the state pension, which is currently R1260 (2013) per month. Most domestic workers are prepared to contribute if their employers are willing to meet them halfway. By taking the financial pressure of the next generation, will also give her children a better chance to further themselves. Old Mutual does offer pension funds for domestic workers. The low monthly premiums start from R125 a month and up. Skills development programs for your nanny’s childSchool leavers especially young men can study and train through the Military Skills Development System (MSDS). This is a wonderful opportunity for school leavers whose mothers (domestic nannies and chars) do not have the funds to send them on for a tertiary education at technikons or universities. If these young adults have a grade 12 qualification, they can join this program under the SANDF. The aim of this new training is not to provide the youth of the country with only military skills, but rather to teach them basic life skills that are required in a work environment. The military environment is just used as a platform to instil discipline, routine and work ethic. The new recruits will undergo various training aimed to providing specialists to the SANDF such as engineers, pilots, doctors, dentists and naval combat officers. The recruits that do leave can apply some of the skills they learn in the Defence Force to their private sector jobs as well.

June 12, 2013

A Teacher Breaks Through to Tough Teens

On a recent episode of my public access television show, I interviewed Mr. Dan Blanchard, an author and speaker on motivating teens. He’s also a school teacher in one Connecticut’s largest inner-city high schools. Mr. Blanchard is the author of’ the book, “Granddaddy’s Secrets,” a teen leadership book series that defines the importance of one generation passing wisdom to the next. During my interview with Dan Blanchard, I asked him for some advice for parents who are having a tough time getting through to their own teenagers. Here is what he said: “There’s no one easy way to do it. I’ve had parents come to me in parent teacher conferences or pull me to the side to talk. I’ve seen the frustration in their faces for years and years. They say things like, “My kid won’t listen to me. I tell my kid something and he does the opposite. It goes in one ear and comes out the other.” So one of the things I try to tell them is to just relax. I tell them that believe it or not, they’re getting it. They’re hearing you; their just acting like they’re not hearing you.” “Therefore, the worst thing the parent could do is to give up and worse, go into a combat mode. You can’t go into ‘combative mode’ with your teen; you have to stay in the ‘love mode.’ You have to just keep giving them your messages over and over again, calmly, even though maybe it feels like it’s been a million times that you’ve given them that same message. Do your best to keep giving it to them with warmth and love and know that at some point, they’re going to say, “Remember when you said ‘such and such’?” I can’t count how many times I’ve been a witness to that.” To summarize all of what Mr. Blanchard’s had to say, I listed his point here as a summary: Pass wisdom on to your kids and teens through storytelling. Your teens must reject you as part of their normal development; don’t take it personal. Continue conveying your messages to your teen, even if they don’t seem to be listening. Convey those messages with calmness and love; avoid getting combative with them. Establish a nonnegotiable homework time each day, Sunday – Thursday PM. Be ready to give them homework if they rarely seem to come home with any; have them read a book or magazine article and write a review. Parents should remove distractions (such as the Internet) during homework time. Use kindness and encouragement with tough teens. Write them encouraging notes. Teens need to know how much you care, even though they act like they don’t. Dan Blanchard has done his homework. He’s been an inner-city school teacher and athletic coach for 20 years and has a passion for teaching, inspiring, and working with teens. As an award winning author, speaker, and educator, Dan shares real-life lessons and inspiring stories with audiences of teens, adults, educators, and sometimes a mixture of all three. His goal is to positively influence the way we think about what is possible, regardless of how old we are. Visit his website: GranddaddysSecrets.com.

May 24, 2013

Help, I’m turning into my mother

My mom turns 70 this month and I’m thinking about what I will do to celebrate Mother’s Day with her. I cherish the fact that I have her to spend time with and that I live close enough to spend several evenings per week, playing her favorite table game with her. Without revealing details, my mom experienced some great hardships when I was a child. She often apologizes for some of the bad things that happened to us and to me, but I often give her a hug and say, “All of that doesn’t matter now. Thank you for giving me life and choosing to keep me.” When I think back to some of the “parenting” things she did in raising me, I realize that many of them were not very effective in helping me to grow into the emotionally balanced, spiritual and grounded man that I am today. It took many years of healing on my own to undo some of the effects of her mothering. We’ve had a few mother-son discussions about this and the fact that the methods of parenting that I now teach differ greatly from what she did. She sticks by the methods she used but she respects the work I do. All of this reminds me of a message that someone once posted on my parenting Facebook page. The person stated, “I’m turning into my mother and I don’t like what I’m doing!” She was referring to the phrases that were coming out of her mouth and the methods of parenting she was using that were classic of what her mother use to do. This woman knew they weren’t very effective and was seeking my help in learning what she could do differently. This inspired me to list the top five things we should refrain from doing when it comes to raising children in today’s modern world; things that many of our mothers probably DID do with us when we were children. If you’re already doing any of these things, it’s never too late to change your methods. Begin by acknowledging what you’re doing, making the effort to pause before reacting, and choosing something different. Constant Correction. Although they meant well, many of our moms constantly corrected our words and our actions because they had specific expectations for us. They believed it was their place to point out our short comings and build us into the best children possible. While they may have been successful in keeping us on the straight and narrow, it also caused us to doubt ourselves and fall short in the area of self-confidence. For some of us, our authenticity may have been sacrificed. Guilt and Shame. As a means for correction, many of us were shamed for what we did with moral judgments or warnings. It was intended to make us us feel bad about what we had done. I remember hearing the words, “Nice boys don’t _____________.” This made me feel as if there was something wrong with me and that I was not like other boys. It also taught me not to take risks because I would most likely do something wrong or end up embarrassing my mother. Cleaning Your Plate. Economically, times were tough for my parents who were scraping by and pinching every penny. In spite of that, they made sure that we had full and healthy meals to eat and they did not like wasting food. Therefore, it became common to hear about other children less fortunate than my siblings and I; children who were starving in far away countries because they had no food. This guilt had me eating every last morsel on my plate, whether I was hungry or not. Don’t You Dare Say “No” To Me. I’m reminded of this limitation every time I receive a request from someone and must decline. I have to take into consideration my time and effort, and then have to respond as to whether I can accommodate that request or not. When I do have to decline, it starts as a firm “No” deep down inside. But subconsciously, providing that “No, I’m sorry I can’t do that now,” becomes difficult to do, thanks to the early years when my mother did not allow me to say no as a child. Rescuing When Things Don’t Go Well. I loved the game of baseball. During my very first Little League practice, I got hit in the head when the pitcher served me the ball. Then at the few practices that followed, it became clear that I had trouble grasping the art of catching the ball with my glove. Soon after that, my mom pulled me from the team because she wanted to spare me the heartache of not being able to play the sport well. It’s possible that if she allowed me to remain, I might have adapted to playing the sport as well as I had always dreamed of playing. Now don’t get me wrong, there are many great things that our mothers did well. In fact, I could write volumes on the many wonderful things my mother did that I’ll remember forever. I especially appreciate the things she did that kept me safe and out of harm’s way so that I could be here today to write this article. What our mothers did, they did because that’s how it was done back then. But we know differently today because the world has changed in many ways and so have we. So when you hear something come out of your mouth that you’re heard your mother say, stop yourself and ask, “What is it that I’d really like to say to my child?”

May 7, 2013

10 Things That Will Fight A Dangerous Addiction

It’s like a drug, they can’t get enough. They’ll mysteriously forget about homework assignments just to get it. They’ll fight you tooth and nail not to lose it. It’s one of the biggest issues that reduce cooperation for many parents and if they could, they would pass up sleep and food just to have more of it. What I’m talking about is entertainment media for children, and it is highly addictive. It’s also referred to as SCREEN TIME and it exists in the form of video games, television shows, computer usage and the Internet, and it must be controlled, supervised and allowed in moderation. If parents would just understand and implement this, they would get a bonus of more cooperation from their children. Chores would be done as planned and homework would be completed as agreed. According to a recent article that appeared on numerous news Web sites, British research is warning parents that too much screen time in childhood will lead to a greater level of screen addiction as they mature. Watching something can have the same chemical effect in the same regions of the brain as substance abuse and gambling. These activities result in the release of the ‘feel good’ chemical Dopamine that acts as the reward for doing something you enjoy. This leads to the drive in the brain (addiction) to want to engage in the addictive behavior more often. There is well-established literature showing the adverse effects of screen experience on the cognitive development of children under three and, as a result, the US Pediatric Association has recommended no screen time before this age. As children get older, screen time should be managed and allowed in moderation. Too much screen time can interfere with being physically active, reading, doing homework, spending time with family, and even playing with friends. Experts have even tied screen time to problems with attention span in children. It’s becoming such an issue that technology addiction centers are beginning to pop up around the country. If you’re a parent who is ready to step up and manage screen time for your children. Here are 10 things to begin implementing immediately to fight this dangerous addiction: Place computers that the child uses, in a common area for you to monitor Install monitoring software on the computer if your child is able to use it when home alone Establish a 30 – 60 minute daily limitation on screen time during the week Ban screen devices from bedrooms (TVs, computers, and handheld devices) Don’t allow games on the same electronic reader device that your child uses for books Secure your wireless router and put parent control on all your children’s’ devices Handheld devices should be “signed out” for use and then “signed back in” Smart phones aren’t for children or young teens and should be monitored Walk your talk and limit your own screen time to set a healthy example When you implement these changes, don’t get angry when your child objects

March 28, 2013

10 Simple Ways To Love Our Earth

Anyone who knows me knows that I love my quotes and use them every day for inspiration. This particular quote is relevant for us today- “I am only one, but I am still one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. ” – Helen Keller We take care of our family and the things that we love so why not take a bit of extra care for our Earth, the world that we live in that supports us and is a living, breathing system. Let’s show this planet that we call home a bit of care and affection. 1. Plant a Tree. It’s good for the air and the land. It can cool your house down with the shade and also add value to your property. Trees also provide a habitat for birds and insects. 2. Go Without Plastic. Glass is good for storage whether it is food or water. Glass is also better for the planet: made from all-natural, sustainable raw materials, glass is 100% recyclable and can be reused endlessly. Glass, unlike some plastic bottles, does not contain any harmful chemicals such as BPA, phthalate, PVC, or polycarbonate, so nothing can leach into your water from a glass bottle. 3. Go Outside. It’s so easy to stay inside where it is warm and cozy, but maybe today, venture out, get some fresh air and exercise. Try to be extra observant and see the beauty in the outdoors, wherever you are. We hardly ever come into contact with nature. But if we do not know, see, and experience nature and the great outdoors, how can we love it? 4. Be Mindful. It might sound obvious, but I’m sure many of us go about our days without thinking about how our little daily habits impact the earth. Today let’s go about our routine a little more mindfully, and make little gestures of love like turning the lights off when we leave the room, turning off the water while brushing or shaving, picking up that litter, or even just starting up a compost or recycle bin. 5. Meat Free Monday. One less meat-based meal a week helps the planet and your diet. Cutting out meat one day a week will help prevent four of the leading causes of death: heart disease, stroke, diabetes and cancer. Eating less meat can help minimize the ecological footprint of your food because stock breeding and farming has a detrimental impact on the environment. 6. Rethink Bottled Water. Roughly 2.7 million tons of plastic are used each year worldwide for disposable drinking bottles Nearly 90% of plastic water bottles are not recycled, instead taking thousands of years to decompose. Buy a reusable container and fill it with tap water, a great choice for the environment, your wallet, and possibly your health. 7. Live Simply. Wealth, possessions and a high standard of living are not the be all and end all in our lives. For an eco-friendly life we need to seek quality of life instead To be honest, we need to live more simply, so that others may simply live. Any fool can make life complicated; it requires genius to make it simple. 8. Less Toxins in Your Home. Use less harmful products when cleaning the house and washing clothes. Learn about alternatives to household cleaning items that do not use toxic chemicals. Review labels of household cleaners you use. Consider alternatives like baking soda, vinegar, lemon juice or a little more elbow grease. 9. Buy Seasonal and Local. Consider the amount of pollution created to get your food from the farm to your table. Whenever possible, buy seasonal fruit and vegetables or at local farmers’ markets. You will be supporting your local economy and reducing the amount of greenhouse gas created when products are flown or trucked in. 10. Share! Take what you’ve learnt, and help spread the word. If every person you know just took one step towards being greener, the collective effort would be huge. We can make a difference. [hr]

March 18, 2013

Teaching children the importance of recycling and caring for their environment

From a tender age, we’re filling our children’s absorbent minds with need–to-know information. As parents, our goal is for perfect manners to become second nature, and for important habits to be instilled as early as possible – like brushing teeth, packing away toys and putting on seatbelts. The future of recycling lies in the hands of our youth, and these are also the individuals who will carry the burden of higher carbon footprints if it is not reduced. As parents, we have the opportunity to help develop a generation of eco-warriors. We teach our children to say please and thank you, we tell them not to talk to strangers, not to litter, and so many other small yet essential life skills that we don’t even consciously think about. Why then should lessons in environmental protection and recycling be any different? The Glass Recycling Company (TGRC), South Africa’s national organisation responsible for facilitating the recovery of waste glass for recycling, is working hard at encouraging citizens to increase glass recycling quantities. It’s up to us to empower our children by educating them as to the positive effect that recycling will have on our environment, and how they can make a difference. Recycling is easy; you don’t have to start big to make an impact. Tips from TGRC to educate your family (and yourself) include: Find your nearest glass bank. Visit The Glass Recycling Company website www.tgrc.co.za call 0861 2 GLASS (45277), or sms ‘GLASS’ to 45686 (SMS charged at R1.50) Whenever you purchase something packaged, think about how you can reuse or recycle the packaging. Glass is 100% recyclable and can be recycled again and again without losing its purity or strength Plan your trips to bottle banks to fit into your daily schedule – it will become part of your routine rather than a chore! Take your kids with you and show them how and where to put their bottles Get your child’s school to register for The Glass Recycling Company school competition. Not only will this mean a conveniently placed glass bank at the school, but also a chance for schools to win fantastic cash prizes. For more details, visit www.tgrc.co.za Explain to your children what is recyclable and what is not. Glass containers, such as those used for food and beverages can be recycled Other types of glass, like window glass, ovenware, pyrex, crystal and light bulbs are manufactured through a different process and cannot be recycled through South Africa’s glass manufacturers Reuse old containers – they are great for storing paint, crayons, buttons and arts and crafts tools such as paint brushes, rulers and much more In South Africa, it’s not necessary to wash glass before placing it into “Glass Banks”, or to place different coloured glass into separate banks. Recycling is just so easy By making recycling a way of life as habitual as the other lessons we teach our kids, before we know it, we will have a generation of recyclers working together to build a sustainable environment.

March 18, 2013

HOW TO CREATE A BEDTIME ROUTINE WITH YOUR 3 MONTH OLD

When your baby turns 3 months, you can start creating a routine, like singing the same lullaby every night with the lights dimmed. But try to put your baby in the bed while half awake – not fully asleep. Lay him on his side with a wedge or rolled up towel/blanket behind his back or on his tummy if you have a breathing monitor. If he stirs, go back in, do not make eye contact as this signals play time and do not pick him up unless he has a wind. Simply place a dummy/pacifier in his mouth, tuck a teddy/blanket under his arm, give him a few gentle pats on the bum (upwards) while saying ‘Ssshhhhhh’ for a short while and then walk out. Next time, turn your baby on other side (this could shift the wind) and repeat. If your baby is crying a distressed cry, he might have a wind. Pick up, burp him gently and then place him back in bed. Your baby still needs a lot of touch and cuddles in between naps. If you focus on your baby’s cry, you will begin recognising the different cries. Start to differentiate between a tired cry, a wind, an over-stimulated or an uncomfortable cry. Try and treat each cry appropriately. Sometime when a baby has been carried around too much, he might be uncomfortable from being passed from one set of hands to another. Settle him by using the swaddling method and then put him down in his cot. Gently pat him rhythmically on his bottom with your one hand while applying firm, deep pressure on his shoulder with your other hand and saying ‘Sshhhhh’ quite loudly in his ear. Remember to teach dad the different types of cries and facial expressions you have learned to interpret and understand. Look for cues for tiredness before swaddling. Don’t wait too long because an overtired baby is harder to settle. Up until the third month, your baby has been used to being picked up every time he cries. This was correct and very necessary, but now the pattern starts changing. You can start this transition to the next stage by keeping him awake after a feed. Let your baby’s cycle gradually change to: A nice, long sleep; waking up hungry; feeding; time for stimulation like bathing, nappy changing or ‘playing’; calming down time; and putting him back in the cot so that he puts himself back to sleep. They need to learn to ‘self soothe’, in other words, put themselves back to sleep. At around eight weeks it is also a good time to start introducing cooled down, previously boiled distilled water in a bottle. The benefits of this are: It can help to stretch him till the next feed (aids in establishing a healthy routine), Offering him this through the night, will encourage him to not wake for a feed He will drink more milk in the dat and less during the night, On very hot days, some babies can get thirsty and enjoy water instead of milk, and Gets him used to using bottles so that weaning later is not a problem. Hint: Slip a small blanket through the ring of a dummy/pacifier. This way if it does fall out of his mouth, he can ‘find’ it easier by just turning his head.

February 27, 2013

Choosing a good sunscreen for your family

According to CANSA South Africa has the second highest incidence of skin cancer in the world after Australia, as far as Caucasians are concerned. By the time a child reaches adolescence, nine out of every ten of them will have UV related skin damage. Children should be taught from as early as possible the dangers of the sun and how to protect themselves from it. It should be part of their daily routine as is brushing their teeth or bathing. So we all understand how vital it is that we lather our kids with sunscreen. This is a costly but necessary exercise so how do we ensure we are using the right one? What do we need to look out for when purchasing a sunscreen? Choose a sunscreen that offers both broad spectrum UVA and UVB protection. UVA rays are not blocked by the ozone layer and penetrate the inner layer of skin and contributes towards long term damage on skin such as premature ageing and wrinkles. UVB rays are blocked by the ozone layer but are more damaging than UVA rays. They affect the outer layer of skin and are more aggressive than UVA rays and cause sunburn faster. They are also the major cause of skin cancer. Ensure that you purchase a sunscreen that include any of the following ingredients: avobenzone, titanioum dioxide or zinc oxide. Choose a sunscreen that is SPF 30 or higher. The sun protection number (SPF) suggests how long it will take a protected sunbather’s skin to burn compared to someone not using sunscreen. The higher the SPF number, the more protection you should get. (E.g. SPF 30 means you can spend 30 times as long in the sun than if you were unprotected). It is also recommended to choose a sunscreen that is water resistant. How to apply sunscreen. Seems silly to explain how to apply sunscreen but did you know that most people only apply 25 to 50 percent of the recommended amount of sunscreen. Ensure you put sunscreen on your child at least 30 minutes before they go out into the sun. Whether you prefer a cream, lotion or gel it does not matter. All work just as well. Mixing different sunscreens is not a problem. Reapply sunscreen every two hours. Especially if you child is swimming or sweating. Parenting Hub recommends you use sunscreens with CANSA’s Seal of Recognition. These sunscreens pass the stringent protection requirements and qualify for the CANSA Seal of Recognition. New Harmonized COLIPA (EU) UVA Protection Claim Recent skin cancer research has highlighted the need for more effective UVA protection provided by sunscreen in terms of the mean critical UVA wavelength; UVA Protection Factor (UVAPF) and photo stability of sunscreen chemicals – as determined by the new Harmonized Colipa (EU) UVA Protection Claim – currently the most stringent standard for sunscreen protection internationally. Whilst EU sunscreen manufacturers are compelled to be Colipa compliant, several proactive South African companies have also reformulated their sunscreen – and many other local companies are in process of doing so. All CANSA Seal-bearing sunscreens will be COLIPA-compliant by 1st April 2013 and will display the new CANSA SunSmart logo to show this. Click here for a list of Colipa Compliant sunscreens from CANSA or visit www.cansa.org.za for more info.

February 20, 2013

Homework Hell: How to Turn It Around

Are you nagging your kids to do their assignments and fighting with them over each maths problem? If you and your child are battling nightly over schoolwork, read on to hear some solutions that can help you. Parents get stuck in homework battles with their kids all the time. Either their children get distracted halfway through and want to give up, or they resist doing the work in the first place. As many parents know all too well, this resistance can often take the form of acting out behaviour: kids will yell, start fights with you, or even throw a tantrum to avoid doing their work. Sometimes they start their homework and then throw their hands up in the air and say, “This is too hard,” or “I’m bored,” or “Why do I have to do this stupid stuff anyway?” As hard as it can be to not take that bait, my advice to you is to avoid getting sucked into power struggles with your child at all costs. So why is homework time often so difficult? In my opinion, one of the major reasons is because it can be hard for kids to focus at home. Look at it this way: when your child is in school, he’s in a classroom where there aren’t a lot of distractions. The learning is structured and organized, and all the students are focusing on the same thing. But when your child comes home, his brain clicks over to “free time” mode. In his mind, home is a place to relax, have a snack, listen to music, and maybe watch TV and play video games. So for better or worse, kids often simply don’t view home as the place to do schoolwork. The good news is that there are effective techniques you can use to end the nightly battle over homework: Start Early I always tell parents that the earlier they can begin to indoctrinate their children with the idea that schoolwork is a part of home life—just as chores are—the more their kids will internalize the concept of homework as being a regular part of life. Make Night time Structured Time When your kids come home, there should be a structure and a schedule set up each night. I recommend that you write this up and post it on the refrigerator or in some central location in the house. Kids need to know that there is a time to eat, a time to do homework and also that there is free time. And remember, free time starts after homework is done. By the way, when it’s homework time, it should be quiet time in your whole house. If your child doesn’t have homework some nights, it still should be a time when there is no Facebook, TV or video games. They can read a book or a magazine in their room, but there should be no electronics. In our house, homework time was usually after dinner, from seven to eight o’clock. The whole idea is to take away distractions. The message to your child is, “You’re not going to do anything anyway, so you might as well do your homework.”</p> Don’t Fight with Your Child Make it very clear that if they don’t do their homework, then the next part of their night does not begin. And don’t get sucked into arguments with them. Just keep it simple: “Right now is homework time. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can have free time.” And when you establish a nightly structure, it will be easier to avoid power struggles over homework.</p> Know Your Child’s Homework List I think it’s very important to know what your child’s homework is—parents need to make sure it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle. Having good communication with your child’s teachers is key, because your child will have homework every night as he or she gets older. If your child is not handing in their work on time, you can set it up so the teacher will send you any assignments that your child didn’t get done each week. And the bottom line is that you want to hold your child accountable for doing their work. </p> Establish a Token Economy in Your Home Don’t forget, we want to pay kids in a currency that they desire. Extra carrots are not going to get much out of your child, but an extra fifteen minutes before bedtime or extending their curfew by half-an-hour on Friday night will. (call out This kind of system is called a “token economy”. The “tokens” become the currency, and in this case, the extra time playing video games, watching TV, and using the computer is the money. You want to withhold it or give it out according to how your child is earning it. Map out a List of Rewards and Consequences Parents should have a list of rewards and consequences mapped out for all their kids. It should be a pretty big list, and might include things like going to the park or to the movies. I have parents sit down with their kids and say, “All right, when you do well and I want to reward you, what kinds of things would you like to do?” Be sure to include activities that don’t cost money, too, like going to the beach, taking a ride in the car, or playing board games. Then, if your child is able to finish his homework on time for a whole week, at the end of the week he gets rewarded from the list you’ve compiled.</p Keep in mind that our job as parents is to help guide and coach our children with their schoolwork, but it’s also our job to let them experience the natural consequences when they don’t get it done. That might mean that they get a poor grade, which is the result of not following through on their responsibilities. It’s so important to let your child experience the disappointment

February 18, 2013

Myths About Infertility

Infertility is a universal problem that impacts many people across the world. It is also a growing problem in spite of medical science developing new methods daily for improving treatment. There are some common myths, shared by men and women alike about infertility. These myths seem to transgress cultural boundaries, and appear to be universal. Myth 1: Infertility is a female problem While this belief is widely held, it has no factual basis. One too easily assumes that infertility is a female problem. However, in nearly a third of all infertility cases, a male factor is the main cause. The most well-known causes of male infertility include: damage to the testicals from infections like mumps, failure of the testicles to properly descend, damage caused by chemotherapy and radiation, or the loss of a testicle due to torsion or trauma. In some instances, men are actually born without the vas deferens tube which carries the sperm from the testes. Myth 2: Once a woman adopts a child, she will conceive There are cases where one reads of woman adopting and then conceiving themselves. However, this only occurs in about 5% of people who adopt, and this is not reason enough for one to adopt. We are not sure why this happens, but it could be that the couple achieves a peace of mind about the process of infertility; and this causes a corresponding physical reaction in the body which makes one less prone to the stress related to infertility. This relationship is however very unclear. Myth 3: The more we have intercourse, the higher our chances One assumes that the more one has intercourse around time of ovulation, the more sperm, and the higher the chance of a pregnancy. However, having intercourse every day can lower the sperm count significantly. Every other day is probably a better option. Similarly, abstaining for long periods of time, does not improve the store of sperm. In fact, after three days the quality of the sperm starts decreasing somewhat. Myth 4: If a man is producing semen, then he must have sperm This is a common perception. However, one must not confuse semen with sperm. Semen is the fluid in which the sperm swims. It is just a vehicle for the sperm to survive in until they reach the egg. A healthy male has millions of microscopic sperm in each drop of semen. To have spontaneous conception the sperm count should typically be more than 10million and the sperm motility should be more than 40%. In instances where a man has no viable sperm in their ejaculated sample, a fertility specialist will proceed with a testicular biopsy procedure to extract a small amount of tissue from one testicle, which can be used to fertilise the egg. Myth 5: Men can have children no matter what age they are Even though Charlie Chaplin fathered a child in his seventies, and we see many older men fathering children with their second younger wives, men also have a biological clock. Not only does the genetic DNA start showing more problems such as in birth defects but the longer one lives, the more one is exposed to the environment and lifestyle factors. Recent research is showing strong evidence for lifestyle factors contributing to male factor infertility such as smoking, obesity and stress. However, the good news is that these can be managed. Myth 6: Men cannot have a vasectomy reversed A vasectomy is considered a form of permanent birth control. During the procedure, each testicle is cut or sealed to prevent the release of sperm. Fortunately, a reversal can be effective in a huge number of cases. And if a reversal is not possible, there are other more invasive options available. One would need to consult with a specialist urologist to ask about further options. Myth 7: Relax and you’ll conceive When you tell someone to relax, it is impossible to obey. The relationship between stress and fertility exists, but it is not as simple as that, or as direct as that. Infertility is a disease, and has a physical component as well as an emotional component. To tell someone to relax, will simply stress them more and be counter productive. Support and empathy help; as well as a plan forward with some hope. Myth 8: It’s so easy for other couples to conceive While a couple is going through the process of trying to have a child, it does feel like everyone else is falling pregnant easily. But the fact is that one in 10 people are battling to conceive, and even when a couple is absolutely healthy, they only have a 25% chance every month of conceiving. Myth 9: It takes months to get an appointment at a fertility clinic, and a referral letter from a doctor is needed A couple doesn’t need to be referred by a family doctor or gynaecologist to see a fertility specialist. A husband and wife are able to make that call on their own, and book their own appointment. Even though fertility clinics are busy and appointments may take some time, ask to be placed on a cancellation list. There are always cancellations; and one can usually get a sooner appointment. Myth 10: Does going to a fertility clinic mean we have to do invasive treatment like IVF? This is a common misperception. Firstly, just because a couple has been struggling for only a few months, it doesn’t mean they can’t go seek a specialised opinion. By seeking this opinion in the beginning, the basics can put right so that conception happens quicker. Medical assistance should be considered in couples under 35 who have been trying to conceive for over a year without success, or after six months in women over 35. There are very few clinics that only do IVF, and most have a variety of less invasive options that they start off with and if conception difficulties are not identified, then more involved tests are done. Myth 11:

January 17, 2013

We Choose to Hover

My husband and I have live under constant scrutiny for our helicopter parenting style. Not only don’t other parents understand, but many of them don’t even care to try. Just like the extra effort needed to stay involved in their children’s lives, it isn’t easy, but it’s so worth it. Please don’t misunderstand and think that we intend to bash those parenting styles that don’t mimic our own, we don’t. The truth is that we feel everyone has a right to decide what works best for their family. Children prosper when they are part of a tight knit family that recognizes their importance to the family unit and humanity. Regardless of your parenting style choices, the most important thing to remember is that we are all doing what we feel is best. We take great pride in attending to our daughter’s every need. The amount of involvement hasn’t lessened as she’s grown, it’s just changed. Staying involved in all aspects of your children’s lives is exhausting, heart-wrenching, and difficult. Let me also say it’s loving, caring and highly rewarding. Helicopter Parents know the best thing for our children is guidance. We tell them what is expected, we show them, we make sure it is done and we discuss how they handled the situation. This differs from the “free range” parenting style, which promotes freedom from worry as children navigate life. Just as we seem overprotective to lenient parents, we feel they are neglectful and risky. The tasks are the same; however the way we allow them to be accomplished is very different. Helicopter Parents are described as over-parenting their children by paying extremely close attention; harming them in the process. Aren’t we supposed to know what goes on in our children’s lives? If hovering is so wrong, then why do many children feel the need to garner attention from us? We believe it’s because they aren’t getting it at home. Their parents believe that limited guidance builds character. In contrast, we impart knowledge. Why should they suffer through the tribulations without being taught what to do? We disagree that Helicopter Parenting harms our children. Our teenager enjoys a wonderful loving bond with her parents and extended family. Most children her age aren’t speaking to their parents. She knows we support her; admittedly, this support is unsolicited most of the time. She can rely on us as we head into more serious topics such as driving and sex. As she matures, she leans on us less; we view this as success. She has the tools necessary to circumvent precarious situations. We treat her respectfully and with dignity; the naysayers forget this when condemning our style. We don’t restrict her rights, free will or beliefs. In short, she didn’t raise herself while we stood on the sidelines hoping for the best. We made a conscious choice to involve ourselves. Kids grow up all too soon, let’s not be so fast to push them into this great big world alone.

January 17, 2013

We Choose to Hover

January 17, 2013

Myths About Infertility

January 17, 2013

Secondary Infertility – A Psychological Perspective

There is much written about the journey of infertility and the emotional roller-coaster that one goes through. There is also a lot of literature and support available, whether it be on-line or from friends and family. There is empathy – albeit it often misplaced and unintentionally wrongly communicated. However, there is very little written and limited support for another type of infertility – secondary infertility. Once you have had one child the expectation is that you will have no problem conceiving in the future. However, this is not always the case, and secondary infertility is a common problem. When one looks at infertility in general, it causes a myriad of psychological consequences such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. These all have an effect on our daily lives, our relationships and the way we view ourselves. When we are faced with secondary infertility, the emotional impact is sometimes worse. Firstly, there is very little empathy from others. They believe we are being selfish as we already have a child and should be satisfied. This makes us feel guilty in communicating this sense of loss with others. So, we keep it to ourselves and the result is an acute feeling of isolation. We feel guilty for wanting a second and we feel resentment that others have more than one child but expect us to be satisfied with our only child. The fact that we have “been there” and had a pregnancy and a child makes the experience of infertility bittersweet. We have experienced the joy, the feeling of being parents and loving unconditionally; and now we can’t have it again. It makes each day and each experience with our child seem like it may be the last. We long for those simple experiences again and feel like we are in a constant mourning process as each new developmental milestone is met with feelings of “this may be the last time…” It puts pressure on us to actively enjoy each day with our child but this is difficult when going through the depression and anxiety that infertility causes. Each day is met with thoughts of having to enjoy the time but longing for something more. This leads to yet another consequence – guilt. We feel guilty towards our child. We feel they may pick up that we are unsatisfied with them. We feel guilty that we may make them feel like they are not enough. Some older children have verbalised this when they have seen the sadness associated with their mother’s longing for another child. The other guilt is towards the child itself, and the inability to produce a sibling for the existing child. Even when the child is young, one worries about a playmate into the future. When the child is older and asking for a sibling, there is a constant sadness for the child. So how do we manage it? Understand that you are entitled to feel the way you do. Just because you have had the joy of pregnancy and parenthood does not mean you are not entitled to experience it again. Acknowledge that the journey of secondary infertility may be worse in some ways, and easier in others. When you do not have children, you are able to avoid certain environments in which you feel worse such as children’s parties and school functions. When you have a child already, it is very difficult to avoid these situations. So you are constantly faced with your ‘fertility triggers’. Understand that those around you will not necessarily understand your loss. It is not because they are hard, selfish individuals, but they often say the wrong thing because they are really trying to say the right thing and to make you feel better. They haven’t been through the process. In terms of your child, do not share too much of your journey with them. You can let them know you have tried to have another child when they are a bit older, but try not to let them take on your sadness. If it never happens, they will be okay. They will have a life that will still be rich and fulfilling as only children. Finally, secondary infertility is a topic frequently misunderstood. There are counselors, therapists and medical specialists who are available to talk to. Make use of them if you are battling. Don’t be afraid to chat to a fertility doctor, and discuss the options for assisted conception. Even though they may not be able to change the outcome, you needn’t be alone on the journey.

January 17, 2013

Mommy, I have an itch ‘down there’!

Springtime is wonderful, bringing glorious, sunny days filled with fun! It is time to pack away warm, winter clothes, to put on a swimming costume and run through the sprinklers. Unfortunately, it is also during this time when it is more likely for our little girls to complain about an ‘itch down there’. Reassuringly, it is not uncommon; young girls also experience irritation and discomfort in the vaginal region. Take a little private time out, and if necessary, it is advisable to have a look and establish exactly what the problem is. The most common complaints include: a painful vagina with no redness or itchiness a sore, itchy vagina which looks slightly red with no discharge a sore, itchy vagina with a whitish discharge or white spots (tiny blisters) sitting in the folds and/or around the outside of the vagina discomfort when urinating. The most likely causes include: sweat and friction vaginal infections an allergic reaction a foreign object in the vagina sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is beyond the scope of this article. If you suspect that it may be a possibility, you are welcome to contact the author on [email protected] a to get detailed information on the signs and symptoms of sexual molestation. Sweat and friction: This is a problem that is more prevalent during spring- and summertime as children may be running around in swimming costumes – often all day long. They may also wear synthetic underwear and tight-fitting clothes, which is often also synthetic. Try to avoid the synthetics (costumes, undies and leggings) as these create friction and sweating which may cause vaginal soreness and induce secondary bacterial infection. Nappies too provide both warmth and moisture, which creates an environment that encourages fungal growth, and it is therefore best to change nappies frequently. Vaginal infections: Vaginitis refers to the inflammation of the vagina, and it is usually caused by infections like thrush (yeast infection) and bacterial vaginosis. To identify thrush, look out for a white, cottage cheese-like discharge, itching and irritated skin. This can be remedied with an over-the-counter, anti-fungal clotrimazole cream, available from your chemist. Bacterial vaginosis on the other hand, causes itching and burning and the key identifier here is a fishy odour. In this case, it is sensible to take your little kitten to the doctor since she needs to be treated with antibiotics. Allergic reactions: Allergies can be caused by perfumed soaps, bubble baths, coloured and perfumed toilet paper and nylon undies, and these are certainly worth avoiding. Foreign objects: Lastly, young girls may insert anything from pieces of toilet paper to small toys, cheese curls or peas into their vaginas and these foreign objects can cause a very smelly and offensive discharge. Moms can gently try to remove the object with clean hands by letting her girly stand with one leg elevated, let’s say, on the toilet-seat. If this exercise is too traumatic for mother or child, it is best to consult a doctor. Moms and Dads, here is our plan of action to help our precious little ones maintain a healthy vagina throughout summertime. If we follow these basic guidelines, we’ll keep our kittens untroubled and happily purring away: Change your baby girl’s diapers regularly. Avoid scented or coloured toilet paper, creams, and save bubble baths for special occasions. Use warm water and an unscented, ‘soft’ soap regularly, such as Elizabeth Anne’s, to clean the genital area once a day. Teach her to always wipe from front to back. She must wear cotton panties (white is always best) and change her underwear daily. Encourage her to wear loose-fitting clothing to allow this sensitive area to remain as cool and chafe-free as possible. Do not let her play in her bathing costume all day long. If she experiences recurring thrush, she should be taken to a doctor and have a swab taken from her vagina to determine the exact cause of the infection. Be aware of urinary tract infections (UTIs) as they are quite common in little girls. If you suspect a UTI (which is normally accompanied by a burning pain in the vagina, or pain during urination) do consult your doctor.

January 10, 2013

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viewed_cookie_policy	11 months	The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_ga	2 years	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to calculate visitor, session, campaign data and keep track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookies store information anonymously and assign a randomly generated number to identify unique visitors.
_gid	1 day	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the website is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages visted in an anonymous form.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_gat_gtag_UA_18530557_4	1 minute	No description
pron_ip	session	No description
pvc_visits[0]	1 day	This cookie is created by post-views-counter. This cookie is used to count the number of visits to a post. It also helps in preventing repeat views of a post by a visitor.
tk_ai	session	Gathers information for WordPress by themselves, first party analytics tool about how WP services are used. A collection of internal metrics for user activity, used to improve user experience.