Advice Column - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Emergency First Aid For The State

Helping your kids to cope with and process strong negative emotions is an important and necessary part of parenting, however there are also those times where your child may just be stuck in a pattern of mild negativity, or “grumpiness” and it’s great to teach them some tools to break a niggling negative state too. Here are some of my favourite ways of “snapping out of it” which you and your kids can try and see which ones work best for you… or even better, grab a pen and paper and brainstorm some fun new ones! Imagine a time when you were really happy. Imagination is a powerful tool – mostly because the unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality – so just imagining yourself in a happier frame of mind can transport you there instantly. Jump up and down. Have you ever seen a miserable child on a trampoline? No, of course not. Physical activity releases endorphins into the blood stream, telling our bodies that they’re happy and feeling wonderful. So jump, run, swim, dance, whatever you can that will get that energy flowing. Listen to some uplifting music. We all have that song or album that really lifts our moods, makes us smile, and brings joy into our lives. Introducing your child to some of your music can be a fun and fulfilling sharing experience on its own, but you can also help your child to find the beats that move them out of stuckness! Google baby animals. Or anything that gives you that “aaahhh” feeling, that sense of wonder and beauty and the awesomeness of the world we live in. Gratitude. Finding just a few things in your immediate surroundings to be grateful for is one of the quickest and simplest ways to shift a negative state. In fact, it’s a worthwhile thing to do every day no matter what state you’re in. Gratitude is about focusing on the positive aspects of your life and the more you do this, the more things you create to be grateful for. Laughter. Now this may seem like an odd thing to do when you’re feeling glum, but smiling or laughing for no particular reason is so incongruent with feeling miserable that you simply will not be able to maintain your misery as you laugh. Again, Google is your friend – find a funny clip on Youtube, watch a funny movie, think of a funny thing someone said, tell each other jokes, or even just make yourself laugh for no reason at all (try it – breath out heavily and right at the end of your outbreath make a deep, guttural “ha ha ha” sound. Before you know it you will be laughing for real – and your kids will love it! Happiness is a choice and the choice can only be made now. Make it, and be the change you want to see in your kids!

July 3, 2014

Nanny, Creché, Au Pair – What’s Best For You?

There are few things in life that are more daunting for any parent than handing over your precious little child to someone else to care for. Whether it is a Mom returning to work after maternity leave, or a stay at home Mom needing some help at home, finding the right child care, and the right person to care for your child is a decision that requires a lot of thought and planning – and ultimately, following your instinct. In an ideal world, or one the pictures in magazines would have us believe, we could all blissfully stay at home with our kids, frolicking in parks, doing crafts or baking, and not having a care in the world. However, in reality, most Moms today need to work, whether from home, or traveling to an office each day. Most stay-at-home Moms are also finding that they need some assistance with the kiddies, to get other tasks done, or simply for sanity sake. Moms feel tremendous guilt about “outsourcing” their childcare. But we need to acknowledge and understand that there is nothing to feel guilty about. In past times, wealthy families would also have “governesses” or nannies, and even in the poorer families, older children and family members would help to care for smaller siblings and children. The only difference now is that we have considerably more choice about who can look after our children, and where they can be cared for. But there are always factors to consider in selecting the right childcare option. A few questions parents can ask, when selecting the best child care are: Do we have a family member that can assist caring for our child? What budget do we have for child care? Would we prefer our child to be in a group of children, or receive one-on-one care from a caregiver? What are the most important characteristics we need in the caregiver/school/nanny? Is my child in good health, or prone to getting ill (kids with lower immune systems should be kept home)? If my child attends crèche/school, who will be able to tend to child on sick days/during school holidays – so I have a granny, friend, maid I can leave child with? These questions will help to guide you with regards to whether having someone care for baby at home, or taking baby to crèche are more suitable. With home-based childcare, you normally have the option of an Au Pair, or a Nanny. The main difference between Au Pairs and nannies are that Au Pairs tend to be young ladies who are studying, or have just completed studies, and are working to either gain experience, or tide themselves over. An Au Pair will have a car and driver’s license, and are well suited to position where children can be taken to and from activities and extra-murals, and can help with home-work. In my personal experience as someone who trains and places child-minders, I have found that you do get some Au Pairs that are suited to caring for infants and small children, but I have found that the most value in Au Pairs is found when they are assisting older, more active toddlers and school going children. Au Pairs are costly though. The current cost of an Au Pair can range from R7 000 – 12 000pm for a full day Au Pair. Nannies are generally ladies that have a more basic education, and are very well suited to infant and child care. Because the majority of nannies range from 28-58years of age, these ladies are maternal, and often have had children of their own. A well trained nanny will be able to do all day to day care of the baby, such as nappies, bottles, sleep routines, bathing, feeding etc… as well as have a good knowledge of what to do in the event of an emergency. A nanny should also understand the importance of play, and will mentally stimulate a child as well as taking care of the physical needs of the child. A good nanny will make sure that the child develops not only by growing, but through play and social stimulation as well. Most nannies are also prepared to have an element of domestic work as part of their day-to-day duties; however, it is crucial that the nanny and parent both acknowledge that the care and well-being of the baby or child will come first. Many parent’s also employ a nanny-domestic to perform domestic chores in the morning (when kids are at school/crèche) and tend to kids in the afternoons or if the kids are off school ill, or on school holidays. Nannies can either reside at the premises of the employer (generally Monday to Friday), or can travel to work daily. A good Nanny or Nanny-domestic will cost from R2 500 – R4 500pm, depending on hours, duties, experience etc… Crèche’s are available all over, and today, we are seeing more and more companies opening day care facilities and crèche’s for the children of their staff – making it easier for working parents to drop and collect children from crèche. All crèche’s do need to be registered with provincial government, and need to adhere to certain regulations regarding safety, caregiver-to-child ratio’s etc… Children attending crèche are also exposed to other children, and thus have loads of social interaction. Unfortunately, due to this social interaction, children attending crèche are often prone to picking up bugs from one another, for this reason, most Paediatricians’ recommend keeping kiddies home until 3yrs. But that can be quite long for many kids, who do need the interaction sooner. Most crèche’s open early in the morning, and cater to parents who can collect their kids a little later (around 6pm). Some crèche’s cater to parent’s who also want to send children half-day, or a couple of days a week. Crèche’s can range from around R2 000pm-R5 000pm. At the end of the day, there are no right or wrong answers, and the choice of child care is a

July 1, 2014

Preparing Your Child to Make Good Choices in Mates

As I’m putting ink to paper this week to write my column, I’m having great difficulty blocking out the news of another tragedy where senseless killings were carried out in Isla Vista, California. Another 20-something male decided to end his life, and took six innocent young people with him. What makes this incident more difficult for me is the fear I feel for my 16-year-old who is starting to date. She is going to meet young men and develop relationships. But what if she rebuffs a young man who feels like the California killer did, alienated and rejected to the point where he decides that death is the appropriate punishment. Domestic violence, bullying, and teen dating violence are very serious issues that too many people feel too apprehensive and uncomfortable talking about. But how can we stop these incidents? We certainly can’t know or make accusations about someone else’s mental stability, and we certainly can’t lock up our teens and young adults to keep them from meeting the wrong people. What we can do to minimize the chances of our teenagers getting into relationships with those who are emotionally unbalanced, is to take necessary measures to strengthen our sons’ and daughters’ intuitions. We can help them realize that the initial feelings they get when they have an experience are both real and valid. We can help them understand that those initial responses – whether they are good or bad – are telling them something about the situation they are in. Here are 6 things you can begin doing immediately to help your child discover, recognize, listen to, and trust his or her own intuitive feelings and inner wisdom: Share Experiences From Your Own Life. Create comfortable conversations with your child so you can share experiences where you listened and followed your own intuition and strong feelings to a good outcome. Help Them Learn How to Trust Their Own Intuition. Talk openly about intuition – what it is, what it feels like, and how to respond to it. Invite them to come up with examples of times when they’ve experienced their own intuition. Respectful Treatment by Others. Be a good role model on how to treat others, and set clear guidelines for your children on how they should expect others to treat them. We Tell Others How to Treat Us. Share with your children that how we act around others, how we dress, and even how we talk can set precedence for how others will treat us. Create More Silence. Create moments of peacefulness for you and your child. Ban media devices from their bedrooms and minimize unnecessary noise from televisions and radios. Prayer, Meditation, or Just Moments of Silence. Promote prayer or meditation with your family, or simply create moments of silence. Teach them how to find and listen to the peacefulness within. Once our children ‘spread their wings’ toward adulthood, we can’t very well control who they interact with, or especially, who they choose to date and invite into their lives. The power we possess is with what we choose to do now while we still have them at home with us. Don’t let the fear of the unknown for your child’s future paralyze you. Let it sharpen your parenting knowledge so you can do what’s best now to better prepare them for what lies ahead.

June 23, 2014

Recording a Family History

What if you or your children wrote down the history of your family or the experiences of senior family members for future generations to read and share? What if you encouraged your children to interview grandparents to learn about their earliest experiences and recorded those interviews for inclusion in a family manual? Here is an idea on that very premise from a great book on family meetings. The book is OUR FAMILY MEETING BOOK (Free Spirit Books, 2002) by Elaine Hightower and Betsy Riley, and I had the honor to interview the authors when the book first hit the market. Unfortunately it is out of print today, but a quick search on Amazon or ebay often times turns up used copies in very good condition, and for very cheap. In this fabulous book, Ms. Hightower and Ms. Riley offer up 52 family meeting agendas, along with suggested activities and topics for each meeting. One meeting agenda and topic suggestion comes along in week 7 and is titled RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. In the description it offers a Ghanian proverb, “Because your parents took care of you while you were cutting your teeth, you should take care of them while they are losing theirs.” The description for the week’s exercise goes on to point out that modern generations of families are often times living far apart and distant from family members. Have you thought about having your children interview senior members of the family to learn about their accomplishments and achievements in their earlier years? What about asking them questions such as “Where did you live when you were my age?” “What was your school like?” “What was your favorite food or toy?” “How did you celebrate holidays? My own great grandfather fought in World War I and I remember asking him about his experiences in the war. He was an infantry soldier and the tales he told me when I was a boy were hard for me to grasp back then. I wish I had formally interviewed him and recorded the stories he told to me so that I could have had the details to read and understand today. My maternal grandfather did not go to war, but he worked at the Springfield Armory, making weapons and artillery for use by the U.S. military. As a young adult, I took every opportunity to ask him questions about his work, what the conditions were like, and how he paid his bills. Some of the most difficult times he shared with me were getting to work when weather and road conditions were treacherous to travel. There was not much of a department of public works back then and employers didn’t care much about what it took to travel to the armory. My wife’s father was considered somewhat of a spy in World War II. He had amazing drawing talent and was sent into enemy territory to record camp layouts and troop movements. He did an amazing thing by recording his experiences in a hand-written, book-length journal, complete with illustrations. My wife and I will soon publish his book for many to read and enjoy for years to come. Are you fortunate to still have your parents or your grandparents in your life? Perhaps now would be a good time to schedule some time with them to interview them about their childhood or experiences from long ago. Your children will cherish them for many years to come.

June 16, 2014

Baby Led Weaning

Weaning is the gradual change that a baby makes from having breast milk or formula as her only food source to eventually having no breast milk or formula and this change over can take on average 18 months. When one thinks of introducing the first solids, a picture of an adult spoon-feeding a baby pureed butternut or cereal comes to mind. This approach is the most common weaning approach in the western world and rarely questioned. If one Google’s the dictionary definition of spoon-feeding you come up with: ‘to provide with so much help or information that one does not need to think for oneself. Baby led weaning on the other hand encourages a baby’s confidence and independence by following her cues. Solid feeding starts when a baby is able to move objects comfortably to her mouth, sit supported with good neck control and starts showing an interest in what the caregivers are eating. If given a chance most babies will show their parents that they are ready for something other than milk simply by grabbing a piece of food and taking it to their mouths The process of baby led weaning includes the following: Your baby sits at the family mealtime table with you and joins in when she is ready. She is encouraged to explore food as soon as she is interested, by picking it up with her hands – it doesn’t matter whether or not she manages to eat any at first. Food is offered in pieces that are the size and shape that the baby can handle easily, rather than as purees or mashed food. It is up to your baby how much she eats, and how quickly she widens the range of foods she enjoys. Your baby continues to have milk feeds and will show you when she is ready to reduce them. The first experiences of eating solid food can have an impact on the way a baby feels about mealtimes for many years, so it makes sense to make them enjoyable. Unfortunately weaning for many baby’s – and their parents – isn’t much fun. Not all babies’ mind being spoon fed in the conventional way, some though become resigned to spoon feeding as oppose to really enjoying it. Babies’, who are allowed to feed themselves, overall seem to enjoy food. Baby led weaning is most appropriate for infants over the age of 6 months as these infants are more able to co-ordinate hand to mouth movements. The benefits of baby led weaning are numerous and include but are not limited to the following ; It’s enjoyable and fun for the whole family It’s a natural way of weaning – prior to the 1900’s parents would instinctively bring babies to the table when they were able to sit supported on the parents lap. This would lead to baby being given food from the family table. Learning about foods: babies who are allowed to feed themselves learn about the look, smell, taste and texture of different foods. Learning to eat safely – being allowed to explore food before it goes into their mouth teaches babies about what is chewable and what isn’t. Learning about their world – babies never just play, they are always learning. Reaching potential – feeding themselves allows babies to practise important aspects of their development at every mealtime. Using fingers to get food to their mouths practices dexterity and pincer gripe. Chewing on food vs just swallowing strengthens facial muscles. Gaining confidence – allowing babies to do things for themselves not only enables them to learn but gives them confidence in their own abilities and judgement. Trusting food – they are more likely to trust foods as eating is always in the context of a family mealtime so your baby sees you eat the food before she decides to try it. Appetite control – they determine how much they can manage and need at one time. Less pickiness and mealtime battles – eating is enjoyable and babies eat normal family foods from the start. So are their any disadvantages to Baby Led Weaning: There are some concerns around baby led weaning and the biggest one is the fear that a baby will not take in enough food to nourish itself. This can happen if a baby is drinking too much milk for too long and doesn’t make the transition to solids. Breastfed babies who are not eating sufficient solid intake after 6 months are at risk of suffering from iron deficiency inadequate protein intake. Some moms are not comfortable with this approach as it is less structured with minimal boundaries. Family mealtimes should be the goal in all homes; however, this may not always be realistic: three meals a day 7 days a week. Baby led weaning requires a baby to consistently mimic eating and eat together with one other trusted person. Take heart, if you like the idea of baby led weaning, and the idea of spoon-feeding also appeals to you, you can do both. It is more the principles of baby led weaning that you need to embrace, how you implement them will be guided by you, your baby and your circumstances. Finger feeding and self-feeding together with Spoon-feeding. If you have successfully spoon-fed and your baby is older than 6 months you can add the concept of baby led weaning alongside spoon-feeding by introducing finger foods at meal times while you are spoon-feeding. You can introduce baby led weaning snack times using the Baby led weaning principles discussed in this articles. Here are some examples of appropriate baby led weaning/finger starter foods: Steamed florets of cauliflower or broccoli Steamed, roasted or stir fried veggies Raw sticks of cucumber Thick slices of firm avo Fruit such as pear, apple, banana, peach, mango, nectarine – either whole or in strips Take a bite out of a whole fruit before you give it to your baby to make it easier for him to get to the flesh. Dried mango strips Keep

June 16, 2014

Getting Kids to do Chores

Do your kids whine and moan about having to help you around the house or yard? Does it seem like pulling teeth to get them to do the smallest of tasks? And if you do assign them some household chore, do they avoid doing it until you are yelling and doling out punishments? If you’re finding yourself in this situation way too often, let me offer some advice. When you think back to your own childhood, you probably hated the thought of having to do your chores too. Why? Because many parents ruled with the “iron hand” of autocracy to ensure that you did what you were told. Most parents today have replaced that unhealthy approach to parenting with more democratic means for raising their children. The bottom line is that when you remove fear from rearing children, you leave room for opinions, feelings, and resistance; all things that get in the way of efficiency. So how do you get kids to do their chores? If you’re using more respectful and democratic parenting methods at home like I am, then the secret is to extend that style of parenting to chores. This means setting things up in advance, incorporating their opinions and ideas, and establishing verbal and written agreements. It also means using respect to get them to follow through when they fall short. As part of your next weekly or bimonthly family meeting, establish the list of chores the grownups will do and ask everyone to help construct a list of all the other chores that need to be done. Listen to your children’s and teen’s ideas on how and when these chores will get done. Draft a schedule that everyone agrees to and consider getting everyone to sign it. If any of your children are extremely resistant and uncooperative, postpone the discussion until the next meeting. Chore assignments will be more effective when you have a unanimous agreement by all family members. It’s also equally important that all chores have an assigned date, time, and schedule for completion. There should be no question as to when it should be done and what the finished job looks like. I cannot emphasise enough the importance of using very specific parameters when getting kids to complete tasks. And most importantly, you do not have an agreement with a child until they utter the words of the entire agreement! Whenever you notice that someone did not complete an assigned and agreed upon chore, commit to NOT coaxing, reminding, or scolding. In fact, do not speak at all! Simply find that child in question and placing your hand on his or her back, gently and lovingly guide them to the location of the chore that wasn’t completed. If they resist and fight your guidance, then something in your relationship with that child needs to be addressed before this follow-up method will work. Finally, I’m often asked at what age a child is old enough to help with chores. My suggestion is that children as young as preschoolers can do some chores, but of course, the task assigned to them must be age and ability appropriate. Getting children this young to cooperate with chores and tasks requires that the assignments be few, simple, easy to do, and implemented with lots of fun, excitement, and praise when successfully completed.

June 15, 2014

Five Ways of Turning Your Husband into a GREAT Dad

Father’s Day is here and many spouses or partners are probably trying to come up with some unique ideas for helping to make their kids and step kids’ dad feel special this weekend. My own kids will be here for a picnic and my wife will do another fantastic job of orchestrating another great day for me. But there is more to helping a father feel like a great dad than cake, new tools and gourmet burgers on the grill. It requires some relationship techniques that any partner or spouse can master to make any caring father an awesome dad. In turn it will contribute to a stronger and more loving relationship between you and him. Here are 5 things for turning your husband into a great dad: Praise Him Privately. If you don’t feel that he’s sharing parenting duties with you fairly, it could be that he’s not feeling encouraged enough to step up to the plate. Commit to giving him lots of encouragement away from the kids, even if he makes mistakes. If you notice that he’s not handling a situation very well, avoid the urge to run in and take over. Go for a walk and let it go. Things will work out on their own. Correcting him in front of the kids or forcing them to pick a favorite parent are not good ideas. Speak Respectfully in His Absence. It’s normal for the kids to complain about one parent to the other. Commit to always speaking respectfully when he’s not around. Encourage the kids to bring up their complaint directly to him or bring them together to talk and you facilitate. Don’t take sides, even if their dad behaved badly, but definitely let them talk about what happened and how it made them feel. Also avoid joining in on husband-bashing conversations when out with girlfriends. It could get back to him or at the very least, it will fuel you’re negative feelings about your relationship with him. Men and Women Show Love Differently. If he demonstrates his love for the kids differently than you, don’t instantly try and convert him. A woman I know complained that her husband didn’t show her any love, yet he would always clean the snow and ice off of her car before he left for work each morning. Just because his means of loving the kids doesn’t look exactly like yours, doesn’t mean he should be corrected or changed. Read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman for more help on this topic. Find Out How He Was Parented. Many adults recreate the way they were parented in their own families. Talk to his parents to learn more about the style of parenting they used when he was a boy. If you were each raised differently, take a parenting class or read a parenting book together to learn new methods. Some men don’t like to read self-help books but they might listen to an audio version in the car. Be ready to be vulnerable to learning new methods yourself and avoid thinking your way is the only way. Focus on Your Parenting Skills, Not His. Finally, if your attempts to get him to step up to the ‘parenting plate’ have been futile, remain steadfast in being a good, positive parent yourself anyway. If you’re able to obtain successful results with the kids, he is likely to see them and wonder how you did it. This may be enough to make him curious to want to join in. Be kind and supportive of him as your husband and a father. As my grandmother use to say, “You’ll attract more bees with honey, not vinegar,” meaning, you’ll get more of what you want with kindness and not bitterness.

June 12, 2014

Parenting Mistakes You Don’t Know You’re Making!

Have you ever though about the underlying messages that your children pick up from the things you’re doing or saying? We experienced this with my 6-year-old one weekend when we were away with friends. She approached my husband and asked him, “Daddy, why do you love those people more than me?” He was, of course, shocked and said that of course he didn’t’, to which she replied, “Then why do you spend all your time with them?” Children are making all sorts of assumptions based on our behavior, and these hidden messages that you don’t know you’re giving off directly affect their self-image, confidence and later success in life. Imagine that you are in a restaurant with your little one and he blows bubbles in his milkshake (as all children do) a little too hard, spilling it all over the table and your new bag. As you freak out – “Arrrgh, what a mess, you’ve ruined my new bag, why did you have to do that?!”, could there possibly be a hidden message that the bag is more important than him? Or that it’s not ok to make mistakes? Do we really want our kids growing up afraid to make mistakes? Isn’t fearlessness and the ability to take action and recover quickly from mistakes the mark of a successful person? And aren’t people ALWAYS more important than things? Or perhaps imagine yourself on the phone to Telkom for a neverending issue that you’re having with your ADSL (I think we can all relate). As you scream and swear and generally lose the plot, what do you think your child is learning about the worth of other people? About how to handle challenging situations? About what constitutes something worth getting worked up about? About our ability as human beings to remain peaceful within regardless of what is going on around us? How you spend your time, your reactions to little daily occurrences, these are the things that your children are watching and learning from, not the things that you consciously lecture them about over dinner. What are they learning from you? You’ll be surprised how much they pick up on – even when you think they’re not watching or listening. Little sponges, remember! So remember, the best lessons that your children get from you are all from how you live your own life. In other words, be the change you want to see in your kids.

June 8, 2014

Constructive Criticism that doesn’t Damage Self-Esteem

I was reading an article recently that said that most children at pre-school level have a very high self-esteem compared to only about 30% who still felt this by the end of Primary School. There are a number of things that we can do to safeguard against this loss of confidence such as having a high self-esteem ourselves, allowing for mistakes, not comparing our kids to each other and being present for them, but the one I’d like to point out is the need to watch the way in which we criticize. We all need to correct our children at some point, and it is important to do this in such a way that they still feel loved and valued. Part of this is to continually reiterate that they are not their behavior – if something needs to be corrected, it is the behavior that is problematic and not them. Another useful tip is to use the feedback sandwich. A feedback sandwich means that we begin with a compliment or some form of positive feedback, then move on to the thing or behavior that needs to be modified, the criticism itself, and then end with another positive reinforcement. For example… I am really impressed with the effort you have put into your schoolwork this term (positive feedback) AND I think that even though you really need to put in a bit of extra time on your maths (criticism), that if you keep working this well you are going to ace this year (positive feedback). Please note the use of the word AND rather than BUT. When you say something and then add a BUT to it, your child will disregard the entire first part of the sentence as untrue. You will notice that this kind of criticism leaves the child feeling good rather than feeling terrible and wanting to give up. Please keep in mind that the positive feedback must be genuine – it shows that you have really noticed something that they are doing or are doing well and that you’re not just making something up to make them feel better. And remember to compliment your children at other times too – let’s put as much effort into catching them doing things right as we do into catching them doing things wrong!

June 8, 2014

The Slippery Slope of Girls’ Friendships

Years ago, after I’d had my second son, I remember a friend (who had girls) saying to me that I was lucky to have boys, as when they’re teenagers, they’re a lot easier to handle than girls! Now that my boys are in their adolescent years (well, one is almost there) I realise there is some truth to that statement. Why, you may ask? Well, because of girls’ friendships. I have a niece who went through absolute hell for two years – she confessed to me years later that she actually contemplated suicide – and another who is going through a really difficult time right now. Why are girls’ friendships such a minefield? Girls appear to have a strict social hierarchy based on what society tells us is “ideal femininity”. Girls police each other on who is breaking the laws of appearance, clothing, interest in boys and personality. Up to about the age of ten (although it’s getting younger and younger), this isn’t a big issue, but when puberty begins to bud, it becomes more and more important to conform to these ideals. In a rather interesting theory by two professors of zoology at the University of Cambridge, it is suggested that females of a variety of species use passive aggressive or indirect tactics to thin out sexual competition. In their article published in the Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, they postulate that females evolved to use a lower risk form of breeding aggression by forming exclusionary social groups or “cliques” and generally being mean to females they see as a sexual threat. Sound familiar? How does this affect girls’ behaviour? Girls are really hard on themselves and on each other. They constantly compare themselves to each other and to the totally unrealistic female ideals they see portrayed in the media. If they don’t match up (which is unlikely), they may feel down about themselves. During adolescence the need for acceptance and approval by peers is paramount. If they are socially rejected, it may lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like eating disorders, cutting, drug/alcohol abuse or risky sexual behaviour. Girls should know what defines a healthy friendship and when to get out of a toxic friendship. Healthy friendships include qualities like mutual respect, trust, honesty, support, fairness/equality, separate identities and good communication. In unhealthy friendships, girls may be controlled, criticised and coerced into conforming to group standards they may not necessarily agree with. They should be able to differentiate between popular girls who are liked because they’re nice people, powerful girls who may be “popular” because they’re intimidating rather than likeable, and good leaders – who are able to recognise the value of individual girls who work as a team and are respectful and supportive of each other. Envy and jealousy are rampant diseases in girl culture, encouraged by social media platforms. Since society decrees that girls should be good and well behaved, these feelings lie hidden and fester inside them. There is a hidden culture of aggressiveness in girls, depicted in many teen movies including “Mean Girls” and written about in books such as “Reviving Ophelia”, “Queen Bees and Wannabes” and “Odd Girl Out”. Girls form exclusionary social cliques, and some – like the “Queen Bee” and her Court – are skilled at putting down, excluding and being nasty to girls who are perceived to be threatening. They weaken others’ friendships, thereby strengthening their own power and influence. This behaviour is known as Relational aggression (intentionally hurting someone by harming their relationships to others) and it’s prevalent in girl culture. It includes things like eye rolling, ignoring, building alliances, “bad” teasing and put-downs, spreading rumours and gossip, forming exclusive cliques and cyber bullying. It starts in about Grade 5 or 6 and peaks in Grade 8, at the beginning of high school. Fortunately, it tends to decrease later in high school as girls mature, their friendships become more stabilised and they learn to interact and support each other. Relational aggressive behaviour is usually surreptitious and flies under the radar of parents and teachers. Many times, the perpetrators are “popular” girls who have quite a following – a.k.a. “Queen Bees”. Targets often don’t understand what they did to cause the behaviour and take on some of the blame. As adults, we don’t always understand how devastating it can be for a young girl to have to deal with this kind of social rejection. Targets may feel totally alone and isolated. Many of these incidents are caused by misunderstandings or assumptions in turn caused by girls’ fear of direct conflict and possible isolation. Witnesses (bystanders) to this kind of relational aggressiveness are extremely important as they have the power to either enable the bullying to continue or stop it in its tracks by confronting the bully/bullies about their mean behaviour. What can targets do about it? Girls have to learn the art of direct communication and know that disagreements and confrontation in friendships are normal and healthy. Just like with other bullying, instead of keeping the pain of relational bullying or a breaking friendship to themselves, targets need to talk about it – to other friends and to adults who can offer advice and help them move on. They need to accept that although it is awful to go through, it is part of girl culture. They have to learn to be resilient and build up their self esteem again by keeping busy, pursuing their own unique talents and interests that make them feel happy and good about themselves and starting to make new, healthier and affirming friendships.

May 31, 2014

Empower your Child with Healthy Thinking Habits

How many of us teach our child to read, the times tables, how to ride a bicycle, cooking skills or manners? As parents we are constantly teaching, sometimes without even realising it. While children learn and absorb all that is being taught there is one common denominator that is being used. The Brain. Our thoughts are a soup of all sensory experiences reaching from today back to our formative years. For most of us, children included, memories and emotions from all different time frames pop up in our minds at random moments without explanation. This subconscious part of our brain is dominant when our minds drift, we daydream or perform actions on auto pilot. How often doesn’t that happen? 95% of the time. This can be distractive as well as destructive. So how can the youth take charge of their mind, their body and their life? Constructive training of the mind. When we learn something new we are in a heightened state of awareness, by repetition our conscious and alert mind steps back, yawns, and says “Been there done that” and so the automatic subconscious takes the front seat. The subconscious area of our brain, the holder of habits, is where all of our automatic responses arise from. Thus through repetition of constructive exercises the subconscious will ensure healthy reactions. For example, if a child repeats daily affirmations focused on current values, when posed with a challenge the automatic response will be, without thinking, ‘Yes I can’ rather than ‘No, I can’t’. During my creative work with thousands of drama students between ages four and eighteen years, along with my continuing experience as a full time mom I have found the following practices really work: Affirmations – “I am … “ (fill in the gaps with what the individual would like to enhance, the emphasis being on detail). Eg: instead of “I am clever”, rather “I am in control of my mind, I can easily understand maths sums”. Let the child write their own affirmation about what is important to them as this will empower them and assist them to remember it and repeat it daily. Breathing – Shortness of breath can add to high emotions and unclear thoughts. This brain refresher should be used throughout the day when needed: Breathe in deeply and slowly, fill your lungs completely and exhale completely, breathing slowly. Listening – Quieten the mind by listening like a sponge. For a period of ten minutes ask your child to not think of responses while some one else is talking, just listen. This encourages the child to be present in the moment and really absorb the information that is being relayed. Visualising – This tool uses the mind to assist in problem solving or reaching a specific goal. Target a specific area that the child wishes to change and/or improve. Create a scene that solves the problem or reaches the goal. The more details the better. The child should visualise the scene with eyes closed for at least five minutes. The more it is practiced the more effective it will be. Thought Control – A child tends to verbalise thoughts as they occur so it is easy to hear thought patterns. Monitor this and if the child is bashing the self down instead of building the self up stop him/her immediately. Explain, for example: “You can’t expect to win the prize for english if you keep judging and criticising your work”. Encourage and remind the child to stop a negative thought as it happens and replace it with an affirmation. Have your child make and place cards around the house as a reminder of the above. By regularly following these few easy steps you will give your child the gift of leading a fulfilled life through mature self-confidence, determination and inspiration. Dr Wayne Dyer, an American psychologist and international best seller of “When you change your thoughts, you change your life”, says: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.

May 31, 2014

How can Food affect your Mood

As a parent, you will face many challenges as your children grow up, ensuring that you look after yourself physically will be a positive step in the right direction when it comes to coping with life. Mirror the lifestyle you want your children to lead so no better way than to start with your food choices. The bonus, you will feel stronger, healthier and even be happier!! Food is a major part of our lives, but everything you’re swigging, dipping, chomping down on, and sipping could be leading you straight into a sad state. These days, we are eating a lot of Unhappy Meals. Everyday foods void of important nutrients, minerals, and healthy fats are also laden with jaw-dropping levels of sugar and dangerous fats that research has linked to depression. The stress of modern-day life makes it easier to cave in to the temptations of fast food and convenience diet. Eat a Diet High in Nutrients – Nutrients in foods support the body’s repair, growth, and wellness. Nutrients we all need include vitamins, minerals, carbohydrates, protein, and even a small amount of fat. A deficiency in any of these nutrients lead to our bodies not working at full capacity — and can even cause illness. Fill Your Plate With Essential Antioxidants – Damaging molecules called free radicals are produced in our bodies during normal body functions — and these free radicals contribute to ageing and dysfunction. Antioxidants such as beta-carotene and vitamins C and E combat the effects of free radicals. Antioxidants have been shown to tie up these free radicals and take away their destructive power. Studies show that the brain is particularly at risk for free radical damage. Although there’s no way to stop free radicals completely, we can reduce their destructive effect on the body by eating foods rich in antioxidants as part of a healthy diet, including: Sources of beta-carotene: apricots, broccoli, carrots, peaches, pumpkin, spinach, sweet potato. Sources of vitamin C: blueberries, broccoli, grapefruit, kiwi, oranges, peppers, potatoes, strawberries, tomato. Sources of vitamin E: nuts and seeds, vegetable oils, wheat germ. Eat “Smart” Carbs for a Calming Effect – The connection between carbohydrates and mood is linked to the mood-boosting brain chemical, serotonin. Carbohydrate craving may be related to decreased serotonin activity, although experts are not sure if there is a link. So don’t shun carbs — just make smart choices. Limit sugary foods and opt for smart carbs, such as whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and legumes, which all contribute healthy carbs as well as fibre. Eat Protein-Rich Foods to Boost Alertness – Foods rich in protein, like turkey, tuna, or chicken, are rich in an amino acid called tyrosine. Tyrosine may help boost levels of the brain chemicals dopamine and norepinephrine. This boost helps you feel alert and makes it easier to concentrate. Try to include a protein source in your diet several times a day, especially when you need to clear your mind and boost your energy. Good sources of healthy proteins: beans and peas, lean beef, low-fat cheese, fish, milk, poultry, soy products, yogurt. Eat a Mediterranean-Type Diet – The Mediterranean diet is a balanced, healthy eating pattern that includes plenty of fruits, nuts, vegetables, cereals, legumes, and fish. A Spanish study, using data from 4,211 men and 5,459 women, found that rates of depression tended to increase as folate intake decreased. The same increase occurred for women — especially those who smoked or were physically active Folate is found in Mediterranean diet staples like legumes, nuts, many fruits, and particularly dark green vegetables. B12 can be found in all lean and low-fat animal products, such as fish and low-fat dairy products. Get Plenty of Vitamin D – A 2010 national study found that the likelihood of having depression is higher in people with deficiency in vitamin D compared to people who are sufficient in vitamin D. In another study, researchers from the University of Toronto noticed that people who were suffering from depression, particularly those with seasonal affective disorder, tended to improve as their levels of vitamin D in the body increased over the normal course of a year. Vitamin D receptors are found in the brain. Select Selenium-Rich Foods – Selenium is a mineral that is essential to good health. Studies have reported an association between low selenium intake and poorer moods, although evidence isn’t conclusive on whether supplementation can help. The good news is that foods rich in selenium are foods we should be eating anyway. They include: Beans and legumes Lean meat (lean pork and beef, skinless chicken and turkey) Low-fat dairy products Nuts and seeds (particularly brazil nuts) Seafood (oysters, clams, sardines, crab, saltwater fish, and freshwater fish) Whole grains (whole-grain pasta, brown rice, oatmeal, etc.) Include Omega-3 Fatty Acids in Your Diet – We know that omega-3 fatty acids have innumerable health benefits. Recently, scientists have revealed that a deficit of omega-3 fatty acids is associated with depression. In one study, researchers determined that societies that eat a small amount of omega-3 fatty acids have a higher prevalence of major depressive disorder than societies that get ample omega-3 fatty acids. Other studies show that people who infrequently eat fish, which is a rich source of omega-3 fatty acids, are more likely to suffer from depression. Sources of omega-3 fatty acids: fatty fish (anchovy, mackerel, salmon, sardines, shad, and tuna), flaxseed, and nuts. Sources alpha-linolenic acid (another type of omega-3 fatty acid): flaxseed, canola oil, soybean oil, walnuts, and dark green leafy vegetables. Watch Your Lifestyle Habits – Many people who are depressed also have problems with alcohol and/or drugs. Not only can alcohol and drugs interfere with mood, sleep, and motivation, they can also affect the effectiveness of your depression medications. In addition, drinks and foods containing caffeine can trigger anxiety and make it difficult to sleep at night. Cutting out caffeine or stopping caffeine after noon each day can also help you get a better night’s sleep. Stay at a Healthy Weight – Findings published in the journal of Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice,

May 22, 2014

The Magic of Melatonin

Is it really so easy? – Just give my child a magic pill? I wish I could create a magic formula that would make children sleep better at night. Imagine! You just sprinkle them with this magic fairy dust and they will happily travel to la-la land… Believe me, individuals (and companies in it for the big bucks) are continually trying: Just bathe your baby in these special salts Just feed your baby this special Night-Night baby food Just put on this light during the night Just switch on this special CD Just wrap them in this special blanket I’ve heard it all before… in fact, I tried most of this on my own child when he wasn’t sleeping. And while some studies have shown that melatonin can be helpful with autistic children or children with ADHD most babies and children do not need melatonin; they need to be taught good, independent sleep skills (which, unfortunately for us you can’t find in a magic formula. It takes hard work). Here is the scary part: because melatonin is contained naturally in some foods, the US Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994 allows it to be sold as a dietary supplement which does not need to be approved by the Food and Drug administration. This means that although Melatonin could possibly affect growth, sexual development and puberty and cause side effects like headaches, drowsiness and stomach aches it is not tested because it is seen as a “natural” “homeopathic” type medicine. (Gasp here!!!) But what is really alarming these days is the number of clients we work with that are giving their children sedative medication or a Melatonin supplement. The sad truth is that Melatonin is definitely not a long term solution for your child’s sleep problems. Do we really want to give our children something of which we can’t prove the side effects, of which we don’t know the long term effects and which cannot be proven to solve the underlying problem anyway? Consider that when we are born we have the most Melatonin in our bodies that we will ever have during our lifetime as it does get less as we grow older. So is this drug really the answer to our problems! My opinion? A resounding no! To read more about Melatonin and what it does click here

May 22, 2014

10 Steps to Tantrum-Free Shopping

I’ve just spent most of the weekend at a busy shopping centre (luckily without my kids) observing the general weekend chaos of parents and kids doing the weekly shop. This is a stressful experience for most – both kids and parents alike, so here they are – the Golden Rules for a peaceful shopping experience… Shop without your kids. Too obvious? Really, if you can (and I know there are times when you can’t which is why there are another 9 rules) leave the kids behind. Do the shopping when they’re at school, or leave them with your partner, your mother, a friend or child-minder. Shopping is quicker and a whole lot easier without attachments!! Shop at quieter times. Shopping centres can be very overwhelming with all the lights, loud noises and people. Try to do your shopping at times when the centre will be quieter, like during the week or early in the morning on the weekend. Keep it short. I find that I am exhausted after an hour or two of shopping, so imagine what it is like for your kids. Keep your shopping trips short and focused. Make a list. And stick to it. This makes the shopping quicker, and you can also explain to the kids before you go that you are only buying what’s on your list. Then the answer to every “Can I have this?” is – “Well, is it on the list?” Make a wish list for your child. Have a little notebook and pen that you keep in your bag and every time they want something tell them it’ll be added to their wish list. In this way you don’t have to buy everything they want, but they know they have been heard and acknowledged and that it is normal to want things. And, when birthday times come, you already know what they would like! Make sure your kids are not hungry, thirsty or tired. Even adults get cranky when they haven’t eaten or slept well, so do your shopping after nap-time, feed them before you go, and take healthy snacks and water along on the trip. Take some entertainment along. Kids sitting in trolleys get bored. Take a book, toy or colouring-in materials along and let them entertain themselves. Give your child an important job to do. If they’re old enough you can get them to push the trolley (some shops have mini trolleys for kids so that they can have their own one), or they could be in charge of crossing things off on the list, or counting the items in the trolley, or spotting an important item that you mustn’t forget. Let them know how much they’re helping you. Have fun! How can you expect them to enjoy the shopping if you aren’t? Race the trolley, play “I spy”, chat to them, and find ways to make it an enjoyable shared experience. Expect cooperation. Children are naturally cooperative – they want to please their parents and do the right thing. So if they’re not doing this, know that something has gone awry and stay calm enough to figure out what it is. Are they tired, hungry, bored, frustrated, feeling ignored, not feeling needed, uncertain of what to expect or how long it will take…? Take a few deep breaths, slow down, and figure out what is going on before it escalates. Shopping is a part of our lives, not something that must be rushed through so that we can get back to living. And it doesn’t have to be stressful. Slow down, and find ways to make it an enjoyable part of the time you spend with your children.

May 16, 2014

Children Need to Run Wild and Free

Many parents have fond childhood memories of playing in the street with friends, roller-skating and riding bikes until the street light came on, with parents often not even knowing how far down the street the children had roamed. Things like building a neighbourhood fort, or going over for a swim at the neighbours were some of the many activities children could indulge in when they were young. However, as we are all aware, times have changed. The need to be vigilant against hijackings, robberies, child abductions, inconsiderate road users and bullies means we now make ‘playdates’ for our kids, and don’t let them out of our sight for a second. Riding bikes in the road is only permitted if there is strict supervision, and as busy parents we tend to rather shove in a DVD and tell them to be quiet. Whilst this will most likely mean most of us will never have to experience the tragedy of losing a child, it also means a sad loss of a really meaningful childhood for our children. They will not learn life’s lessons in the same way we did – falling out of trees or having to stand up against that bully. They will most likely learn these from watching the telly. It is for this very reason that Zoe Ellender founded Sugar Bay Luxury Holiday Resort for Kids & Teens, on the north coast of KwaZulu Natal. Zoe believed that in order to grow independent, responsible young adults, children need the space to be able to participate in great adventures, make friends from around the world, learn to flex their wings in a safe environment, and experience the holiday of a lifetime. The birth of Sugar Bay gave campers these privileges. Now children return home from Sugar Bay having met children from around the world, from different walks of life, having participated in activities that have challenged them physically, as well as mentally. Children also feel comfortable expressing their emotions in this safe and non-threatening, non-judgemental environment with the emotional support of their counsellors, who become like their older sibling for the duration of camp. The challenge for parents is to allow their children these opportunities to grow and develop without tightening the restraints, but rather granting them the freedom to develop into well rounded individuals. Holiday camps offer parents peace of mind so that they can let their children go, knowing that they will be having a fantastic time in a safe and fun environment.

May 16, 2014

Decorating your Child’s Room

Decorating a child’s room can be exciting and fun. You don’t have to be an interior decorator to come up with great ideas for the bedroom… My son’s room has evolved from soft cream and blue to a stone and navy blue colour with accessories in green because green is his absolute favourite colour. My daughter’s room was pink and white and is still pink and white with some purple because those are still her best colours. The bedroom should reflect your child’s personality, with you hopefully bringing in some of the good taste. If you are decorating your child’s room, then I have 8 tips on how to do it… Speak with your child – This is one room that your child is going to love to spend time in and entertain their friends too, so ask them what their likes and dislikes are. Take into account what fairy tales or cartoon characters they like, what their favourite colour is and the type of activities they enjoy. Work all of their interests into a design that is going to make them feel happy, comfortable and safe. Go for a fun theme – Allow your child to select the design theme. The choices are endless. Here are just a few: firehouse fun room, starry night, angels, rainbows, unicorns, sports, princesses and castles, underwater scenery, outer space, racing cars, planes and helicopters, trains, jungle motifs, wizards and dragons, and dinosaurs. Add colour and texture with wallpaper or paint – With wallpaper or paint, you can add texture and colour to the room. Simple wall decorations can also brighten up your child’s room. You can paint the room with bright colours to give it a fresh, new look but you should limit any strong colour to only one wall. For example, paint one wall fire-engine red and the others a soft peach or pink. Use wallpaper to add interest and texture. You can apply decorative borders along the walls like stripes or characters, and clouds or stars on the ceiling. Make it so that the room is multi-functional – Children use their bedroom for many other activities besides just sleeping. Therefore, it should consist of different zones. You could have a space to play and a music area. Also, create a comfort zone area in the room, for cuddling up and reading. Think about using big pillows, plush or inflatable chairs, anything your child might enjoy to sit on and relax in. Storage should be priority – Containing that clutter in the kid’s bedroom is going to be one of your biggest challenges. Try large decorating wicker baskets, plastic see- through containers, book shelves and cupboards with lots of shelves. The right lighting is important – For the bedroom, it is important that you choose the right lighting. This should include a lamp that is used for reading and homework. If you can, try and put a dimmer switch on the overhead lights to create a more soothing mood. Other lighting effects kids enjoy include disco lights, rows of flowers with light effects, and glow in the dark items. Accessorise – Fun accessories can also be used to decorate your child’s room. Pom poms, fringe or sequin trim on pillows, blankets, curtains or shelves can be made use of, in decorations. A selection of frames can be displayed in groups with photos, or your child’s artworks displayed inside the frames. You can make use of fun paintings and posters to decorate the kid’s room in a funky way. Balloons also convey a sense of joy and fun in the room. Fluffy throw rugs or shaped rugs can be placed on the floor, to make it look lively. A rug not only makes the room attractive but also gives your child a warm and cosy place to read, colour or play. Stripes that pick up the colours on the wall or the bed also look fun on a rug. Let your child help – As you are decorating the child’s bedroom, allowing your child to help is a good idea. Let them have a say in the fabrics, colours and collectibles that they would like to have in their room. The design should be something that the child likes. Working together on a decorating project is a great bonding opportunity. Children love being involved in making decisions. Research ideas in magazines and on the internet and have fun with it.

May 12, 2014

How I breastfed My Twins

Our twins were in the NNICU when they were born because they needed to develop the sucking reflex which comes in after 36 weeks. They were a bit small and were tube fed until they gained a bit of weight. I expressed milk for them into bottles which the nurses fed to them via the tube. They soon put on weight and developed a bit so that I could breast feed them. There are a few different positions you can use but the most comfortable one for me was the “rugby hold”. One baby under each arm with a pillow under them to raise their heads a bit. The babies lie on their side facing you. I would attach one baby and then the other. I found the best place to feed them was on the bed. It gives you the space to handle them and is more comfortable for you too. Deciding which baby got which breast was easy enough as the one baby preferred the left, so I left it like that. Baby A got the left and baby B got the right. The more I tried to make one baby feed on the other side the more stressed out we all got. They say you could get lopsided breasts as one baby might feed more than the other , but that didn’t happen with us. I fed on demand and they were happy enough. I did have to eventually stop breast feeding because they were both reflux babies and they had to have formula to help with that. Finding a comfortable feeding cushion will help but there are not many twin feeding cushions in SA. Make sure you are comfortable, there is nothing worse than when you have successfully attached both babies and now you have to move because you are uncomfortable. Turn off your phone and try relax. Feeding your babies is all you need to worry about. Stress will affect your milk supply. Have a glass of water within arm’s reach in case you get thirsty. They say when you feel thirsty you are already dehydrated. Make sure you look after yourself. There are different products on the market but I used the Schlein Blackberry Elixer. It tasted good and it helps with milk too. As soon as your babies are born , and you are able , start pumping. It will help your body start producing milk and keep the supply up. Even if your babies are in NICU , you can still feed them your milk and it will go a long way to give your babies that boost. You can get great double pumps that will save you time and a lot of effort. Ask for help when you are in the hospital. If you battle to latch them at first, don’t give up. It may take a few feeds before you all know what you are doing. Both you and the babies are learning what suits you best. The nurses in the hospital should be able to give you contact details for a lactation specialist near you. My number one tip and something I try to always do is LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!! No one will know your babies as well as you do. Being a mother of multiples is not easy. Don’t sweat the small stuff and do what suits you. It doesn’t matter what your friend, auntie, neighbour says . Take the info you want and ditch the rest. If you need any advice or support SAMBA- The South African Multiple Birth Association is a great place to get much needed advice, support and to meet other families with multiples. SAMBA does a fantastic expectant parent seminar, you can check on the next date on their website. Well done and enjoy this amazing journey with your multiples.

May 12, 2014

Rev Up for Reading

How does your child fare with reading? It’s one of the first skills taught at school and has far-reaching consequences throughout your child’s life. In simple terms, literacy is the ability to read and write as well as understand and analyse the written word. Susan du Plessis, Director of Educational Programs at Edublox Reading and Learning Clinic, says that the implications of a child struggling to read is a serious one — a poor reader is inevitably a poor learner. The PIRLS study conducted in 2006 compared the reading abilities of children in 40 countries. South African readers were placed last. Of the Grade 4 learners tested, only 13% reached the lowest benchmark, compared with 94% internationally. Stats like this are cause for concern. The benefits of healthy reading stretch far beyond the classroom. So why is reading such a crucial skill in a modern age? Reading builds vocabulary Reading will help your child learn new words and build his vocabulary. Children also learn better language skills as they read — from sentence structure and good grammar, to new words not encountered in the child’s immediate surroundings. Reading also helps children to learn how stories are structured and the more kids read, the better writers they become. Many subjects, especially in high school, require written essays where good writers can obtain better marks. Reading improves concentration and aids relaxation Taking time out to read can help your child learn to concentrate better and focus on one task. Modern kids are so bombarded with sound, light and movement from electronic gadgets, that reading is actually relaxing for the brain. Readers are better spellers SMS language or ‘text talk’ — where 8 is ate and y is why — is contributing to a generation of poor spellers. Reading and spelling form a two-way street — each aids the other. In the higher grades, marks are deducted for spelling errors, so better spelling means better marks. In business, poor spelling is unprofessional… and before you hit spell check, remember, it’s never completely accurate! Reading can be a social activity Parents and caregivers can make reading to a younger child a special daily bonding time. Book clubs or library story time bring children from all walks of life together. They learn listening skills and then have an opportunity to articulate what they have heard and give their own opinions on the story with their peers. Words are building blocks — even in technology Many people believed that the birth of the Internet spelt the death of the written word, but the reality is that words and reading have become an even bigger part of our lives. Words are building blocks that are required in all walks of life — from writing a letter to a friend, to a slide presentation viewed by hundreds of people at a business conference. Being able to read and write is essential for communication in our technological age — just think of the number of e-mails sent around the world every day. Digital devices have an important role to play in our children’s lives but parents should also encourage kids to read print books. Digital does have some advantages over print (it’s interactive and helps to develop hand-eye co-ordination), but holding a book and turning pages is a tactile experience for children. They also tend to concentrate more on reading the actual words and understanding the story than anticipating what clicking on the next icon will bring. Reading is key in education and enrichment While reading is crucial for learning and achieving throughout the school career and into university, reading can also enrich a child’s life outside of the classroom. Avid readers often have an excellent general knowledge. Reading is a brain exercise — the more you do it the better you get!

May 11, 2014

Is Homework Becoming the Be-All and End-All?

Let me paint a picture… Sarah, a career driven woman, is climbing the corporate ladder with two degrees behind her name and is about to get her third. As she works full time in a large corporation, she has no choice but to leave her children in after care until 5:30pm because her husband owns his own business and does not get home before 7pm. Sarah’s day does not end there because, even though her children go to possibly one of the top private schools in the country, they always come home with incomplete homework, assignments due for the following day, and a test thrown in just to make life a little more interesting. All this divulged to her while she is trying to put a semi-nutritional dinner together for her hungry family. Sarah has no choice but to hurry them all through dinner and bath time just to settle in to all the homework that her children have not managed to complete during their time in after care. Somewhere around midnight and after many tears and tired yawns Sarah has managed to get her two children aged 8 and 10 into bed with just the bare minimum of spelling words learnt and a very average project on volcanoes completed, which Sarah did all the research for herself. Too late and too tired to spend time with her husband who couldn’t take the arguing and tears and already surrendered himself to bed, Sarah falls into bed herself only to be kept awake by the thought that she is not spending enough time with her kids and asking herself WHY? “Why is there so much homework and why can’t my children do their homework on their own?” For many parents like Sarah, homework really is the be-all and end-all. But let’s take a moment to look at this issue from the child’s perspective: They are lumped with their week’s sum of homework which might include mathematics revision and reading for every day, a project or an oral on the theme of the particular module that they are on and a weekly test to prepare for. Simple really, when looked at on paper, however, some children look at this giant lump and don’t know where to begin: perhaps they don’t know what the teacher is asking or they don’t know how to plan their week or they simply need a firm but guiding hand to get going. All of this comes down to the child learning to work independently, a skill that will need to be acquired by high school and most definitely by adulthood. But for one to be able to work independently, he or she will need a certain amount of confidence in their academic ability. For something as fragile as “academic self-esteem” to be healthy, a child will need to have an organised method of tackling their daily work so that they feel that they are in control of their work. If you have a child that suffers with a low “academic self-esteem”, your child’s road to working independently and confidently starts with you! First of all speak to your child’s teacher because having an open and understanding relationship with your child’s educators will allow all parties concerned insight as to what the main root of child’s low academic self-esteem is and how to go about tackling it. Secondly, provide a space where your child is comfortable to work in with no distractions and enough space to organize him/herself. Thirdly and most importantly have a facilitator, YOU! And if you lead a busy life like Sarah get someone who can do it in your place. This facilitator must not simply do the homework for your child, because, believe it or not, homework is there to reiterate and therefore refine what has already been taught in the classroom, but merely provide the tools that the child can use to complete his/her work independently. These tools may be assisting the child with understanding what is expected of them and providing the child with guidelines as to how to complete the work as well as providing the child with the tools to plan, organize and prioritize his/her daily homework. Once the child is able to do this on their own, one can take a step back and observe how the child utilises these tools on his own and therefore will begin to acquire a confident attitude towards their work. If you recognise that your child may need help with their homework, don’t delay!! From being unable to complete homework independently there can be a dangerous downward spiral towards a low “academic self-esteem” which can be pretty difficult to come out of and if YOU can’t do it then contact someone who can…

May 4, 2014

CAN YOUR WHITE NOISE MACHINE DAMAGE YOUR BABY’S HEARING?

A study in Paediatrics suggests that some noise machines can produce sounds so loud that they could potentially damage infants’ hearing and auditory development. If SIDS isn’t scary enough! Now we are potentially damaging our children by playing them white noise? As with all things baby, we thoroughly believe that white noise should be approached with a balanced view. The study states that loud noise (85dB)…like putting a hair drier or blasting music 12″ from a baby’s head for 8 hours straight…is potentially damaging to a baby’s hearing. Unfortunately, this article is being used to scare parents and ignores the key benefits of using white noise. When you work on changing your baby’s sleep habits, start where you want to end. In affect this means don’t automatically include white noise in your sleep regime if you don’t have any reason to other than “everybody’s doing it”. Tired parents always need to be reminded of the safe way to do things. Swaddling is great, but you don’t want to overheat a baby or restrict the hips or do it past 8 weeks…car seats are great, but they can actually cause infant deaths if not properly installed. And similar caveats are true for white noise. Surprisingly, babies cry usually reach levels up to 100 dB (as loud as a power lawnmower…and 10 times louder than a hair drier ). Loud sounds, like vacuum cleaner and hair drier sounds, have been recommended by paediatricians and parenting books for decades to calm fussy babies. But, it is very important to remind parents to only use very loud noise during infant crying. However, the new study just released by the journal Paediatrics omitted 3 critical points as Doctor Karb points out: In the womb, all babies are exposed to the sound of whooshing through the arteries…that is louder than a vacuum cleaner (measured at 75-92dB)…24/7. Moderate sound – used all night – is perfectly safe and has been shown to be helpful in boosting sleep, which is why so many families use white noise CDs and downloads. Noise injury is primarily related to the high pitch of sound. A pitch, which with most infant white noise machines are not reached. When considering recommending white noise for babies, it is extremely important to consider the potential life saving benefits of proper sleep, which in return means the benefits of using white noise machines correctly. Poor infant sleep causes parent exhaustion..and that leads to many very dangerous situations…including postpartum depression, maternal obesity, child abuse and sleep deaths because the exhausted parents put the baby on the stomach or bring the baby into their bed…which causes ~1000 accidental suffocation deaths/year. By enhancing sleep (and reducing crying) low pitched, rumbly white noise may help prevent these very serious problems. So once again we have to weigh our two options up against each other. So when a baby cries, increase sound level – for a few minutes – to the level of a vacuum cleaner. And, for safe naps and all night sleeping keep the sound about the level of a soft shower IF your baby needs it. (I encourage you to place the sound within a few feet of the baby’s sleep area…and to listen to the sound themselves…to judge whether it is too loud.) I want to reiterate again that white noise should only be used in the case where it is needed. You don’t have to start off with a white noise machine just because your friend uses one with her baby. White noise in itself will never teach your baby to sleep! Article Credit: Doctor Karb from the happiest Happy, Education Association

May 3, 2014

Food to Boost Brain Power

You are what you eat. Fuel your brain with the right foods to boost mental stamina and improve memory and learning. Did you know that even though your brain is the body’s command centre, it only accounts for about two percent of your total body weight? If you eat the right amount of calories to maintain your weight, about 20 percent of that energy is used to power up your grey matter. The brain comprises of billions of neurons which send and receive messages from the entire nervous system. Signals are passed from one neuron to the next and certain nutrients are needed to produce neurotransmitters which make the jump between the neurons. Serotonin, dopamine and acetylcholine are common neurotransmitters that can have a big impact on your mood, your sleep patterns, mental sharpness and thought processes. The continual activity within the brain requires a high level of energy to keep going. It’s your body’s job to supply its control centre with a good stream of glucose energy. The right nutrients can help to boost mental productivity and help your body cope better with stress and the demands of a busy modern lifestyle. Omega-3 fatty acids are vital for good brain development. These good fats help to regulate serotonin levels in the brain, of which a low level may be linked to depression, mood swings and lethargy. Omega-3s improves mental sharpness and concentration. DHA, one form of omega-3, is found in oily fish like salmon, herring, trout, sardines and tuna. Other foods high in omega-3 are flax seeds, walnuts, olive oil, green leafy vegetables, strawberries and avocados. B-vitamins Vitamins in the B-range can help to improve mental stamina and memory and relieve the affects of mental exhaustion and depression. Foods rich in vitamin B include vegetables like cabbage, cauliflower and broccoli or high protein foods, like meat, egg yolk or peanuts. Whole grain foods are rich in vitamin B6, which plays an important part in synthesising some of the neurotransmitters. Bananas are often labelled as brain food because they are high in vitamin B6, contain potassium and provide glucose energy for the brain. Brown rice and oatmeal are good sources of vitamin B6 and some bread and cereals may be fortified with B12. Oysters contain a good amount of vitamin B12 and they are rich in zinc and iron, other important elements for the brain. Folic acid (vitamin B9), is essential for the development of a baby’s brain and nervous system during pregnancy. Leafy green vegetables and liver are high in folic acid. Protein and Carbs Foods high in proteins also help to maintain a healthy brain function and good mental performance for learning. Good protein brain food includes eggs, almonds, walnuts, meat, soybeans, milk and other dairy products. Proteins can also be paired with carbohydrates to supply the brain with a good boost of glucose energy. Food combinations of protein and carbs, like yoghurt with muesli and nuts or whole wheat toast and a scrambled egg are good breakfast choices. Antioxidants Antioxidants are the protectors of the brain and nervous system and guard against ‘free radicals’ or molecules which damage cells and contribute to aging. Antioxidants also help to improve memory and cognitive ability of the brain. Foods rich in antioxidants include spinach, tomatoes, broccoli, strawberries, raisins, plums, pecans, sunflower seeds, dates, red kidney beans and the cocoa bean. Whatever foods you choose to power your body and your brain, it is always important to eat a balanced diet, with food choices from the different groups. Also remember to reach for that refreshing glass of water — it’s essential for your brain! Just as dehydration adversely affects many different body functions, a lack of water also causes mental fatigue.

May 1, 2014

How a bespoke Last Will & Testament will save your business

Take a moment. ….Now take a deep breathe. Imagine that was your last. Nightmare! You can’t imagine anything worse, right? Wrong! Now imagine this night terror… You’re unprepared for death. Everything you’ve spent your life working so hard for, your business, your immortal legacy, your white Pickett fenced home, your precious children and your loyal Labrador are all wasted away in the hands of the South African default system and the taxman. If you do not have a Last Will & Testament (“Will”) in place, this is the detrimental reality your empire and your loved ones face. If you have a template “google” version of a Will, be cautioned that that is potentially more hazardous than not having a Will in place at all. Entrepreneurs and business owners are often concerned with limiting business risk. In order to do so it is vital to engage in an estate planning exercise which ensures that your business interests and your empire are given mechanisms to survive your death, whether it be that your business interest is inherited by a family member or your business co-owners are given a mechanism to pay your business interest over to your loved ones. Failing to do so is likely to result in major losses and the crashing of an empire. It is imperative to have a bespoke Will drafted by a professional who, through their vast knowledge of the law, is able to tailor the most suitable estate planning mechanisms which give effect to your intention … and a little less for the taxman. What to put in your will… Your voice and instruction, enforceable by law, as to the division of your assets (your business in it’s entirety, the house, the car, investments, the special ring you want your daughter to have). i.e “who gets what”. As a business owner a valid will allows you to leave an immortal legacy. Often sole trader and partnership run businesses are left in a detrimental situation on the passing of a key player. The business is abandoned, only to later be sold for well under market value, by an executor with no relevant business experience or who isn’t given sufficient powers in order to protect your business interests during the winding up process. Powers granted to your executor in terms of your Will. As well as mechanisms to ensure your loved ones are protected against your enterprise’s debt liabilities. A business owner will always have debt liabilities from which your loved ones need to be protected; In practice, we often see many a business having to be liquidated or sold just to cover taxes payable. There is a dire need to minimize tax and estate duty payable whether through the creation of separate business and personal asset trusts, or otherwise. There are options available to every circumstance and every lifestyle to sidestep many of the financially detrimental consequences of your passing away. It is your benefit to make use of these. As a parent of minor children, the appointment of the desired and most compatible guardians for your children. Leaving the appointment of the caretakers and the future of your children, where you are not here to safeguard them, should not be left in the hands of a Court or a distant relative you haven’t seen (or liked) in years. An Executor who will be responsible for winding up your estate and manage your affairs as if he or she had set foot in your shoes. Bear in mind that the executor is entitled to remuneration of 3,5% of your gross assets and 6% of any cash value of your estate. Value which rightfully belongs to your family, not a financial institution. For this reason we advise our clients to nominate a family member as executor who is then able to appoint professional agents to assist in the winding up process for a mutually agreeable fee. A Testamentary Trust– it’s structure and inner workings to assist you in “asset protection, estate duty savings, dilution of income tax and the protection of beneficiaries such as minor children and/or incapacitated” heirs. Means for the maintenance of your dependent heirs are similarly put into place in this way. What makes a will valid… Validity hinges on a number of formalities which include:- signing within a certain measurement of the text at the end of the Will as possible, signing in the presence of at least 2 witnesses over the age of 16 and of sound mind, requirements to be met where a testator (or testatrix) is only able to sign by making a mark or otherwise, effecting valid amendments and formatting formalities. Please note that is by no means an exhaustive list Lack of compliance with these formalities has resulted in the Master’s Office rejecting Wills, leaving families deprived and having to resort to financially and emotionally costly High Court litigation. When not to use a free DIY online template… “Using a DIY will is like pulling out your own tooth with a pair of pliers instead of going to the dentist” A bespoke Will is an affordable investment for your estate as well as your heirs. Special Offer… As a ParentingHub affiliate, MBI is offering you a 30% discount on all Estate Planning services which include drafting a Last Will & Testament, liquidity determination and strategy. Valid until end of February 2015. For a Free, no obligation, consultation to ensure your families future is taken care of, give our dedicated team at MBI Attorneys a call on:- Chantelle Martins Beverley Brown [email protected] [email protected] 082 837 1358 082 573 9680 “Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now”.

April 29, 2014

Dyslexia Symptoms and Signs: How to Recognize Dyslexia

“Deer momee and dadee I bo not wont to do to shool eny more becouse the children ar lafing at me. I canot reed pleese help me your sun david” David is not a dunce. In fact, according to the evaluations of a few professionals, he is rather intelligent. Yet he certainly has a problem, and he shares his problem with millions of other children and adults. David is dyslexic. The term “dyslexia” was introduced in 1884 by the German ophthalmologist, R. Berlin. He coined it from the Greek words dys meaning ill or difficult and lexis meaning word, and used it to describe a specific disturbance of reading in the absence of pathological conditions in the visual organs. In a later publication, in 1887, Berlin stated that dyslexia, “presuming right handedness,” is caused by a left-sided cerebral lesion. He spoke of “word-blindness” and detailed his observations with six patients with brain lesions who had full command over verbal communications but had lost the ability to read. In the century to follow the narrow definition Berlin attached to the term dyslexia would broaden. Today the term dyslexia is frequently used to refer to a “normal” child — or adult — who seems much brighter than what his reading and written work suggest. While the term is mostly used to describe a severe reading problem, there has been little agreement in the literature or in practice concerning the definition of severe or the specific distinguishing characteristics that differentiate dyslexia from other reading problems. Instead of getting involved in the wrangling over a definition, one could simply use the “symptoms” below as an indication that a child has a reading problem and therefore needs help. DIRECTIONAL CONFUSION Directional confusion may take a number of forms, from being uncertain of which is left and right to being unable to read a map accurately, says Dr. Beve Hornsby in her book Overcoming Dyslexia. A child should know his left and right by the age of five, and be able to distinguish someone else’s by the age of seven. Directional confusion affects other concepts such as up and down, top and bottom, compass directions, keeping one’s place when playing games, being able to copy the gym teacher’s movements when he is facing you, and so on. As many as eight out of ten severely dyslexic children have directional confusion. The percentage is lower for those with a mild condition, she says. Directional confusion is the reason for reversing of letters, whole words or numbers, or for so-called mirror writing. The following symptoms indicate directional confusion: The dyslexic may reverse letters like b and d, or p and q, either when reading or writing. He may invert letters, reading or writing n as u, m as w, d as q, p as b, f as t. He may read or write words like no for on, rat for tar, won for now, saw for was. He may read or write 17 for 71. He may mirror write letters, numbers and words. SEQUENCING DIFFICULTIES Many dyslexics have trouble with sequencing, i.e. perceiving something in sequence and also remembering the sequence. Naturally this will affect their ability to read and spell correctly. After all, every word consists of letters in a specific sequence. In order to read one has to perceive the letters in sequence, and also remember what word is represented by the sequence of letters in question. By simply changing the sequence of the letters in name, it can become mean or amen. The following are a few of the dyslexia symptoms that indicate sequencing difficulties: When reading, the dyslexic may put letters in the wrong order, reading felt as left, act as cat, reserve as reverse, expect as except. He may put syllables in the wrong order, reading animal as ‘aminal’, enemy as ’emeny’. He may put words in the wrong order, reading are there for there are. The dyslexic may write letters in the wrong order, spelling Simon as ‘Siomn’, time as ‘tiem’, child as ‘chidl’. He may omit letters, i.e. reading or writing cat for cart, wet for went, sing for string. Dyslexics may also have trouble remembering the order of the alphabet, strings of numbers, for example telephone numbers, the months of a year, the seasons, and events in the day. Younger children may also find it hard to remember the days of the week. Some are unable to repeat longer words orally without getting the syllables in the wrong order, for example words like preliminary and statistical. DIFFICULTIES WITH THE LITTLE WORDS A frequent comment made by parents of children struggling with their reading is, “He is so careless, he gets the big difficult words, but keeps making silly mistakes on all the little ones.” Certainly, the poor reader gets stuck on difficult words, but many do seem to make things worse by making mistakes on simple words they should be able to manage — like ‘if’, ‘to’, ‘and’. The following are indications of problems with the little words: Misreads little words, such as a for and, the for a, from for for, then for there, were for with. Omits or reads twice little words like the, and, but, in. Adds little words which do not appear in the text. It is important to note that this is extremely common, and not a sign that a child is particularly careless or lazy. LATE TALKING Research has revealed a dramatic link between the abnormal development of spoken language and learning disabilities such as dyslexia. The following are just a few examples: A study in 1970 of Doctor Renate Valtin of Germany, based on one hundred pairs of dyslexic and normal children, found indications of backwardness in speech development and a greater frequency of speech disturbances among dyslexics than among normal children. According to Doctor Beve Hornsby, author of Overcoming Dyslexia, about 60 percent of dyslexics were late talkers. In her book Learning Disabilities, author Janet Lerner states, “language problems of one

April 27, 2014

School Need Not Be a Nightmare

Dumb, stupid. Definitely two of the most repugnant words in the English language; words that ought to be regarded as swear words! Still, that is how children label themselves when they experience school as a nightmare. A reading lesson means hours of struggle, the confusion between letters like b and d is a frightening reality, words are being reversed and everything needs to be sounded out. Whereas Sis passes her afternoons in the pleasant company of bulky books, little brother prefers paging through comics — that is, if you can get him so far as to actually open one. Words are few and pictures tell the stories: one sure way to avoid reading… Sounds familiar? Do we hear a sigh of despondency escape from your lips? Yes, the two of you practise spelling late into the night, but somehow everything is misspelt during the next day’s test. You as parent are at your wit’s end and the teacher is worried: he is falling behind because he writes too s-l-o-w-l-y. From our own childhood we remember how cruel children can be, and that has not changed. Classmates are quick to tease the slow, under average performers. That is, if the child who struggles with reading and spelling is not already burdened by a self-imposed label, the forerunner of a negative self-esteem that can become so entrenched in his psyche that he may live his entire adult life under the misconception of his own inadequacy. Misconception, yes, because this worrisome plodding does not paint the true picture of your child’s intelligence. You may find that there is a brilliant mind hidden behind those low test scores, someone who will one day proudly graduate in his field. The possibility of a professional career is definitely not ruled out. Richard Branson comes to mind. A dyslexia sufferer, he did not achieve academically but that did not stop him from becoming a brilliant businessman. He compensated for his reading problem and today his wealth is estimated at well over 4.6 billion American dollars. Fortunately, help is available these days. It is unthinkable that a child is doomed to struggle. Even dyslexia is no longer the academic death penalty of years gone by. It is no longer regarded as a learning disability, but simply as an inability that can be turned into an area of strength with the right intervention. Research results recently published in the Journal of Neuroscience show that brain differences between dyslexic people and ordinary readers are the result, not the cause, of their reading problems. Research also tells us that the brain constantly forms new pathways or neurons, and this means that children with dyslexia can be helped to overcome it. Surely it is every parent’s dream to provide only the best for his/her child, and when you see your young one struggling with reading and spelling, it is time to call for help. The opportunity is available — give your child a fair chance.

April 21, 2014

Are You Spending Too Much Time Fighting Fires?

We can take two approaches to anything that we dedicate ourselves to maintain in our lives: proactive steps to avoid emergencies and reactive steps to handle the emergency when it occurs. Let’s examine our health. The proactive steps, or what I call preventive measures, are exercising regularly, implementing smart eating habits, and getting regular check-ups with our primary care physician. When we don’t do this on a regular basis, we risk a health-related emergency that could cause us to have to take reactive actions, or what I call firefighting measures — drastic means to bring our health back or to just stay alive. In our world of finance, we know that we should be using preventive measures by making regular deposits in our various financial accounts, paying our creditors regularly, and keeping a watchful eye on our credit. When we let it all slip and a financial emergency occurs, we must react with a fire fighting solution to find more money, seek financial assistance, or sell our possessions. We could not exist in this world without our relationships. We need others to care for us, to love us, to work for and with us, and to help us achieve our objectives and goals. Preventive maintenance of our relationships means checking in with people, providing things for others, letting them know we care, mentoring, and so on. But, when we get too busy and don’t use the preventive measures that keep us connected, we may see emergency situations occur in our relationships such as backbiting, avoidance, sabotage, or abandonment of the relationship. This could require firefighting actions to save the relationship such as making amends and apologies to others, or finding replacements and having to start over. Have you noticed that the actions are different? Preventive discipline action items are completely different from firefighting discipline action items. The actions you would take as preventive measures on your car, such as regular oil changes, tune-ups, and gasoline fill-ups, are not the same actions you would take to implement firefighting measures if it stopped running. Understanding and using this preventive vs. firefighting approach to anything in life, results in action plans for preventive management. This reduces the chances of more costly and difficult firefighting actions required to save or repair what we have. Raising and disciplining children requires the same approach. Firefighting discipline methods are actions a parent takes when the child is misbehaving and uncooperative. At this point, we are at our wits’ end, ready to call for help, send our kids to the zoo, or find a parenting class. Preventive discipline methods are actions a parent takes the rest of the time; when the children are NOT misbehaving. It is difficult because it requires proactive measures when the kids are behaving well. Usually when our children are cooperative and calm, we use this time to avoid disturbing them and to get things done. But the fact is, if we spend more time using preventive discipline methods, we’ll spend less time using firefighting methods.

April 16, 2014

Cognitive Skills Determine Learning Ability

Research has shown that cognitive skills are a determining factor of an individual’s learning ability. Cognitive skills are mental skills that are used in the process of acquiring knowledge; according to Oxfordlearning.com the skills that “separate the good learners from the so-so learners.” In essence, when cognitive skills are strong, learning is fast and easy. When cognitive skills are weak, learning becomes a struggle. Many children become frustrated and find schoolwork difficult because they do not have the cognitive skills required to process information properly. Many employees find themselves stuck in dead-end jobs that do not tap into their true vocational potential due to weak cognitive skills. In the later years of life, a lack of cognitive skills — poor concentration, the inability to focus, and memory loss — is a common problem that accompanies us. It should be noted that, irrespective of age, cognitive skills can be improved with the right training. Weak cognitive skills can be strengthened, and normal cognitive skills can be enhanced to increase ease and performance in learning. The following cognitive skills are the most important: Concentration Concentration is the ability to focus the attention on one single thought or subject, excluding everything else from the field of awareness. It is one of the most important abilities one should possess, as nothing great can be achieved without it. Students need to concentrate and focus on completing a homework assignment, a project, or review for a test in order to excel in school, learn the subject, and get good grades. Athletes need to concentrate on performance, execution, and strategy in order to do their best and overcome their opponent. Entrepreneurs need to concentrate on all the factors involved in starting a new business and promoting their product or service. They need to do this in order to get their idea off the ground and make their enterprise into a profitable entity. Business leaders need to concentrate on their company mission, vision, and strategies, as well as the work at hand, in order to stay ahead of their competitors. Workers need to concentrate on their jobs and fulfilling their supervisor’s goals, in order to complete projects and advance in their careers. Improving the ability to concentrate allows a person to avoid the problems, embarrassment, and difficulties that occur when the mind wanders. Better concentration makes studying easier and speeds up comprehension. It enables one to take advantage of the social and business opportunities that arise when individuals are fully attuned to the world around them. It helps one to focus on one’s goals and achieve them more easily. Perception Sensation is the pickup of information by our sensory receptors, for example the eyes, ears, skin, nostrils, and tongue. In vision, sensation occurs as rays of light are collected by the two eyes and focused on the retina. In hearing, sensation occurs as waves of pulsating air are collected by the outer ear and transmitted through the bones of the middle ear to the cochlear nerve. Perception, on the other hand, is the interpretation of what is sensed. The physical events transmitted to the retina may be interpreted as a particular color, pattern, or shape. The physical events picked up by the ear may be interpreted as musical sounds, a human voice, noise, and so forth. Lack of experience may cause a person to misinterpret what he has sensed. In other words, perception represents our apprehension of a present situation in terms of our past experiences, or, as stated by the philosopher Immanuel Kant (1724-1804): “We see things not as they are but as we are.” Deficits in visual perception can hinder a person’s ability to make sense of information received through the eyes, while deficits in auditory perception interferes with an individual’s ability to analyze or make sense of information received through the ears. A classic example of a deficit in visual perception is the child who confuses letters such as b, d, p and q. Many adults find their reading speed to be inadequate as a result of underlying perceptual deficits. By improving accuracy and speed of perception, one is able to absorb and process information accurately and quickly. Reading speed will also improve and reading problems can be overcome. Memory Memory is probably the most important of all cognitive functions. Roughly speaking, the sensory register concerns memories that last no more than about a second or two. If a line of print were flashed at you very rapidly, say, for one-tenth of a second, all the letters you can visualize for a brief moment after that presentation constitute the sensory register. When you are trying to recall a telephone number that was heard a few seconds earlier, the name of a person who has just been introduced, or the substance of the remarks just made by a teacher in class, you are calling on short-term memory, or working memory. This lasts from a few seconds to a minute; the exact amount of time may vary somewhat. You need this kind of memory to retain ideas and thoughts as you work on problems. In writing a letter, for example, you must be able to keep the last sentence in mind as you compose the next. To solve an arithmetic problem like (3 X 3) + (4 X 2) in your head, you need to keep the intermediate results in mind (i.e., 3 X 3 = 9) to be able to solve the entire problem. A poor short-term memory may lead to difficulties in processing, understanding and organization. By improving one’s short-term memory, one is better able to process, understand and organize incoming information. Long-term memory is the ability to store information and later retrieve it, and lasts from a minute or so to weeks or even years. From long-term memory you can recall general information about the world that you learned on previous occasions, memory for specific past experiences, specific rules previously learned, and the like. Research has shown that, on average, within 24 hours

April 13, 2014

Raising a Food Smart Kid

I often find myself reminding parents that children learn to eat much in the same way that they learn to walk, talk, read and write. It is with encouragement and by example that children learn and this applies to healthy eating habits as well. Children will experience hunger and through a process of introducing solids to complement a once milk only diet, children learn to chew and swallow with relative ease. Making healthy food choices is not, however a natural instinct. When given a choice, most young children would choose the least healthy option. The responsibility of maintaining a nutritionally sound diet, therefore, remains the responsibility of the parent. While you cannot expect children to be responsible for their food choices, you can certainly teach them how to eat healthily by ensuring that you: 1. Provide a variety of healthy foods at meal times. This might seem fairly obvious but by presenting a healthy, well balanced plate of food, you are teaching without words. Children cannot be expected to choose healthy foods without exposure from an early age. 2. Eat as many meals as possible together as a family. Meal times should be a positive experience as they are a great opportunity to promote a healthy relationship with food. Shared meals are also a perfect opportunity to set an example as parents. 3. Set the example for healthy eating. If you do not eat something, you cannot expect your children to eat it. At the same time, eliminating foods from your children’s diet based on parental preferences is not advisable. Each different food offers a different benefit and it is therefore important to present your children with the opportunity to eat a varied diet. If you are not willing to compromise on occasion, creativity will be essential. Use the lunch box if necessary. 4. The option to make a healthy choice must always be available. Even if your children do not like vegetables, make them and serve them. It is best to pair one liked vegetable with a not-so-liked vegetable (just 1/2 a cup will do). Do not force your children to eat it but do not allow them to dictate what is served. Then be sure to eat that vegetable off your own plate. 5. Educate your children in fun and creative ways. Do not leave the responsibly of nutrition education and creating healthy eating habits to your child’s school teachers. While lessons on healthy eating might be covered, they cannot be revisited sufficiently nor can they have value without the daily practice of healthy eating. Growing vegetables with your children can increase their interest and the likelihood of consumption. It need not be a very big garden, Start with green beans, cherry tomatoes or spinach. Nurturing vegetables will nurture responsibility. Involve your children in shopping and food preparation with age appropriate activities. Weighing the fruit and vegetables is a task you can delegate to children from a fairly young age. Chopping veggies or setting the table are subtle ways of encouraging the intake of healthy foods and introducing children to the responsibility that good nutrition requires. Involve your children in weekly menu planning and within reason, allow them to the choose meals they would like to eat but you must have the final say and be sure to include the vegetables they may intend to avoid. Planning a weekly menu can encourage variety and open the door for discussions about food and healthy eating, outside of meal times. 6. Do not make a fuss of your child’s eating habits. As mentioned above, positive, relaxing meal times are very important and I really cannot stress enough just how vital it is not to create issues surrounding food. Children will not starve themselves easily but if you allow them to use food to manipulate you, they will not hesitate. As I said, the responsibility lies with the parents and this includes control. Do not force a child to finish their food or punish them for not doing so. Never use treat foods as a punishment or reward. Making the effort to help your children develop healthy eating habits from the get go and subtly encouraging them to make healthy choices will reap untold rewards.

April 10, 2014

Making Learning Fun

The early years are regarded as most critical for establishing the foundation for development and academic success for children. Play is vital for children to learn new skills such as fine and gross motor skills, language and communication, cognitive skills and social and emotional development. All of these skills combined form the basis for early childhood development. Teaching these skills is as simple as playing a game. Take for example playing “Peek -a-Boo”. This simple game teaches them about object permanence (the fact that something still exists even if you can’t see it). The usual fit of laughter that accompanies the game is what play is all about. Most babies develop physically, mentally and emotionally in a similar pattern. These developmental steps are known as milestones. Reaching certain milestones prepares the child for more advanced development later on. Missing a milestone could have adverse consequences later on, for example, a baby who does not crawl and immediately starts to walk may suffer from low muscle tone and/or problems with fine motor skills such as holding a pencil. Another important element of learning is repetition. Repetition provides a more comprehensive understanding of concepts as the child is able to take in different information each time. Repetition is also important for physical brain development as nerve connections that are repeatedly used become stronger. Repetition allows the child opportunities to strengthen these connections. Little Thinker has designed and developed the THINKER BOX – an innovative home stimulation program to help you ensure your children reach their core developmental milestones through play. The THINKER BOX contains age appropriate and fun activities to do with your children. By encouraging learning through play, you can make sure your child reaches all their important developmental milestones. Each module covers a three month period and includes five boxes (Monday to Friday) containing flashcards and the items for the activities, a milestone development tracking chart and two reading books. Our product has been reviewed by a physical therapist, so you have the added comfort that the activities are indeed focused on the core developmental milestones per age group. How the THINKER BOX helps you: We’ve done all the research on early child development – so you don’t have to Flashcards are simple and easy to understand The age appropriate activities are easy to do The equipment for activities is included The structured, yet fun format ensures that you do the right activity at the right time A developmental milestones chart helps you track your child’s progress and identify possible delayed development areas

April 8, 2014

Reading Comprehension Problems

Reading comprehension is the heart and goal of reading, since the purpose of all reading is to gather meaning from the printed page. If a student says words in a passage without gathering their meaning, one would hesitate to call that reading. By age six to seven children should be sensitive to such characteristics of stories as the main character, sequence of events, inferences, the motives and feelings of characters, and sentence order. As they get older, children should be more efficient at recognizing and recalling facts, recognizing and inferring main themes and relationships, drawing conclusions, making judgments and generalizations, predicting outcomes, applying what has been learned, and following directions. The comprehension goals of the intermediate grades address these abilities as well as those required for independent study: skimming, using reference materials, outlining, summarizing, altering reading rate and focus as the purpose of reading changes, use of headings, note taking, and so on. For many learning-disabled students, reading comprehension is a major problem. There are mainly three causes for poor reading comprehension: 1.) The person has a language problem: Language plays a vital role in reading. Its role in reading can be compared to the role of running in the game of soccer or ice-skating in the game of ice hockey. One cannot play soccer if one cannot run, and one cannot play ice hockey if one cannot skate. One cannot read a book in a language unless one knows that particular language. If a child’s knowledge of English is poor, then his reading will also be poor, and naturally also his reading comprehension. 2.) The foundational skills of reading have not been automatized: When a person attempts to speak a language in which he has not become automatic yet, he will necessarily have to divide his attention between the content of his message and the language itself. He will therefore speak haltingly and with great difficulty. As Yap and Van der Leij explained in the Journal of Learning Disabilities, “if the skill on the primary task is automatized, it will not be disrupted by concurrent processing on the secondary task because automatic processing does not take up attentional resources. If, on the contrary, the skill is not automatized, it will be disrupted by concurrent processing of a second skill because two skills are then competing for limited attentional resources.” This also applies to the act of reading. The person, in whom the foundational skills of reading have not yet become automatic, will read haltingly and with great difficulty. The poor reader is forced to apply all his concentration to word recognition, and therefore has “no concentration left” to decode the written word, and as a result he will not be able to read with comprehension. 3.) The reader is unable to decode the written word: The decoding of the written word is a very important aspect of the reading act. Without being able to decode the written word, reading comprehension is impossible. This explains why some children can “read” without understanding what they are reading. To decode the written word the reader must be able to integrate what he is reading with his foreknowledge. Foreknowledge can be defined as the range of one’s existing knowledge and past experiences. If one reads something that cannot directly be connected to or tied in with knowledge that one already possesses, one cannot decode or decipher the contents of the message. As Harris et al. state in Learning Disabilities: Nature, Theory, and Treatment, “What a child gets from a book will often be determined by what the child brings to the book.” A decoding skill that is closely related to that of integration is classification. When a person sees a chair, although he may never have seen a chair exactly like this one, he will nevertheless immediately recognize it as a chair, because he is familiar with the class of objects we call “chair.” This implies that, whenever a name is ascribed to an object, it is thereby put into a specific class of objects, i.e. it is classified. The Gestalt principle of closure means that the mind is able to derive meaning from objects or pictures that are not perceived in full. W- -re s-re th-t y– w-ll b- -ble to und-rsta-d th-s s-ntenc-, although more than 25 percent of the letters have been omitted. The mind is quite able to bridge the gaps that were left in the sentence. The idea of closure is, however, more than just seeing parts of a word and amplifying them. It also entails the amplification of the author’s message. No author can put all his thoughts into words. This stresses the importance of foreknowledge. If it were possible for an author to put everything related to the subject he is dealing with on paper, the possession of foreknowledge would not have been necessary. That, however, is impossible, as an author can at most present a very limited cross-section of reality and the reader must be able to expand on this before comprehension becomes possible. Poetry is a good example of the importance of foreknowledge. Any person, who is unfamiliar with the Arthurian legend, will probably derive little meaning from a reading of Morte d’Arthur by Alfred Lord Tennyson. Lastly, imagination plays a role in decoding. It is doubtful whether a person really understands something unless he is able to think about it in terms of pictures. When we read, the words and thoughts comprising the message call up images in our mind’s eye. If this does not occur, the message will not make any sense. If you read or hear a sentence in an unfamiliar language, it will not make any sense to you, simply because none of the words will call up any pictures in your mind’s eye. This ability plays a very important role in the decoding of the written word. Furthermore, by using one’s imagination while reading, one’s emotions can be addressed during the reading act.

April 7, 2014

Decorating Your Baby’s Room on a Budget

Creating a sweet space and decorating your baby’s room does not need to cost a fortune. We will give you some tips and suggestions on how you can design and furnish without breaking the bank. Decorating your Baby’s Room on a Budget So, you know the sex of the baby, you’ve started collecting clothes but you’ve been putting off thinking about the nursery as it is such a daunting task. Keep calm and don’t panic. Firstly you should decide what your budget is. Then list all the things that you think you need. There are certain items that are essential- a cot, changing table a chair and some sort of storage for clothes, nappies and toiletries. Then there are the other smaller items and accessories that will warm the room up and make it look pretty like lamps, rugs and pictures. Work through the list and see what you can borrow, refurbish or add on at a later stage. Next, you will need some inspiration. Page through magazines for ideas or spend some time on Pinterest and get an idea of what colours, themes or styles you like. Look at the room and visualise the space that you want. Go to a paint store and collect swatches of colours that appeal to you. Recycle Take a look around your house or at second hand shops for items you can restyle or up-style. An old cabinet or chest of drawers can be converted to a changing table. Just sand it down, paint it white and replace the drawer knobs with something fun. Old wicker baskets can be found at flea markets and spring cleaned and used for storing clothes or blankets. That old rocking chair from your Grandmother’s house can be given a distressed treatment and made comfortable with fluffy cushions. Friends and family Add the items you want for the nursery onto the list for your baby shower. Friends can join up together and buy those bigger priced items. ‘You can’t hurt from asking’ is one of my mantras that I live by. See what people have to share or pass on. Children grow up so quickly and all parents find themselves with changing tables, cots and other accessories and no place to store them. You can offer to store it for them; in your home. Design Adaptability is the keyword here so keep the colours neutral and the designs simple. As your baby grows you then do not have to redecorate every year. You can keep the walls a clean colour and then add a patterned border as a feature. You can also paint one wall a fun vibrant colour and have this as your accent wall. Or paint designs such as wide stripes a large checkerboard or polka dots on one wall. Detail Small accessories will add a personal touch and some fun. A pretty lamp or light shade. A simple bookshelf on the wall displayed with soft toys and some books makes a great feature. The bookshelf can be brought at a hardware store and painted white. Artworks add a great touch. Simple white frames from a discount homestore can be filled with family pictures or pattered scrapbook paper or fun wrapping paper. Striped or shaped rugs add some warmth and colour and can bring the whole area together. Letters in wood that spell out your child’s name can be positioned above the cot or get a whole lot of numbers and paint them and hang as a feature. I have decorated my son’s bedroom and helped countless friends out with their nurseries. I always try to create a space that the child can relax in and grow into. Have fun with it, share ideas and don’t forget to ask for help from friends and family.

April 6, 2014

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