Advice from the experts
Parenting Hub

How to Stop Your Child’s Whining

Few things are more irritating to a parent’s ears than the sound of whining. It’s not just the tone of the voice but the repetition that is torture to us. Most kids whine at some time or another but you can break the whining habit and reinforce positive behaviour pattern in your kids. Why do they do it? Whining generally starts when children are toddlers and it is often a natural response to the overwhelming feeling of being out of control. Your child might have had a particularly busy day or feeling tired or hungry. They also don’t have the vocabulary to fully express themselves and their frustrations so they resort to whining. Children also tend to build up emotions and let them out in different ways. Unfortunately whining is one of them. Your child may not even realise that they are whining. Call their attention to the behaviour by demonstrating what they sound like. You can record their voice and play it back to them or you can mimic them and let them hear how it sounds. Diet and behaviour are often connected and sugar can definitely affect your child. Sweets, soft drink and other packaged foods are sometimes packed with sugar and you can exceed your child’s tolerance for it. Once the sugar high is gone, the low then comes. And with the low comes whining. Pay attention to your child’s eating habits, and make connections to their behaviour. Perhaps some simple changes will make all the difference. Plus, whining is generally effective and often works so they continue with the behaviour. Stop the whining Spend time listening to your children and getting to the bottom of what they really want. Is it your time and attention? Spend some focused time together reading or cooking, or doing something else the child enjoys. Connecting in this way can make a huge difference for your family. Ask your child to repeat their message without whining. Tell them you can’t understand when they whine and to speak in a normal voice. Ignore them until they comply. Try and remain patient and don’t get angry as this can often make things worse. To reinforce proper behaviour, tell the children when they’ve done a great job and that you are glad they are using their words properly. It makes them want to continue the good behaviour. You could try and call the whining something else, like the “moaning minny”. So when your child whines you can say “oh no, it sounds like moaning minny is back, let’s try and get rid of her”, this might also lead to a laugh or giggle which is also a good distraction. Talk to your kids. Explain how whining makes you feel and discuss acceptable ways that they can express themselves the next time they feel like whining. Keep it friendly and don’t bring up problems from the past. Talk about solutions for the future. Try and be consistent in your message that you pass on and let them understand that whining is unacceptable behaviour in your family and will never get them what they want. The more you give in to the whining, the more your child will use it against you. Respect works both ways. Listen and speak to your child respectfully and then ask them to treat you the same. Whining also becomes much less frequent as children get older so remember that “this too shall pass”.

Parenting Hub

‘White Gold’ – Help Decrease Infant Mortality

In South Africa, one premature infant dies every 20 minutes. In the fight against this unnecessary loss of life, International Breastfeeding Week is calling on mothers to breastfeed their babies and donate breastmilk to help decreasing infant mortality and malnutrition. The South African Breastmilk Reserve (SABR), currently the largest human-milk-banking partner of the South African Department of Health, warns that breastfeeding rates in South Africa are dangerously low with only 7,2% of South African women breastfeeding. These low rates result in the loss of the most vulnerable members of our society, including 20,000 babies under 1,8kg and 70,000 babies under 5kg annually. The International Baby Food Action Network (IBFAN) of Africa credits breastfeeding as the single biggest influence on decreasing infant mortality and malnutrition, especially in the least developed countries of Africa. Based on this core belief, SABR is urging mothers to breastfeed their own babies for at least the first six months of their lives, to ensure optimum growth and development. “We believe that breastfeeding, access to mothers-own-milk, donated breastmilk and education are the keys to unlocking infant survival”, says Stasha Jordan, breastfeeding activist and executive director at SABR. “We are calling on all mothers to donate breastmilk at local breastmilk-banks to ensure that the young lives that do not have access to their mothers’ breastmilk get the best chance of a healthy start to life.  Not just during International Breastfeeding Week but on an ongoing basis. Whilst International Breast-feeding Week reminds us of the importance of ‘promoting, protecting and supporting breast-feeding’ we should live every day to ’empower inspire and counsel’ mothers and communities in breastfeeding and ‘baby-friendly’ care for the most vulnerable. Educating mothers living in poverty and with HIV and AIDS about safe infant feeding practices is also a key focus for the SABR, to ultimately avoid vertical transmission (from mother to baby) of HIV and AIDS. “We invite mothers with babies to visit our milk-banks across the country to learn more about home-methods for heat treatment of breastmilk and through this, promote food security in a continent where poverty and malnutrition are rampant,” says Jordan. In the previous financial year, the SABR had 889 donors and supplied breastmilk to 1295 infants, which contributed to saving an average of 5,000 premature infants from infection and mortality associated with lack of breastfeeding, since its inception in 2003. “Health care professionals and mothers are becoming increasingly sensitised to the importance of the use of breastmilk in perinatal care, which is in turn increasing the need for more breastmilk-banks across the country,” says Jordan. In realising the value this ‘white gold’ holds, the SABR, in partnership with the Free State Department of Health, has recently expanded human-milk-banking to a further four provincial hospitals, bringing the countrywide total 44 human-breastmilk-bank facilities. “Despite great success over the past ten years, the lives that need to be saved remain many, says Jordan. “We have a mammoth task ahead of us to turn around infant mortality rates in Africa, therefore we need the support from the breastfeeding community to help drive the change toward higher breastfeeding rates and ultimately lower infant mortality.” In reducing premature infant mortality rates, over-stretched hospitals also save millions of Rands annually, which advances the healthcare of the entire nation over the long run. To get involved and alleviate the challenges faced by the SABR, including low breastfeeding rates in South Africa, sourcing donor mothers when so many women are HIV positive, and funding for the operation of the milk-banks, please visit www.sabr.org.za or call 011 482 1920 or e-mail: [email protected]. About South African Breastmilk Reserve The South African Breastmilk Reserve (SABR) was founded in 2003 as the first registered human-milk-bank in South Africa. The main objective of the SABR is to facilitate the establishment of human-milk-banks in as many communities as possible, with the aim of providing human milk (and the necessary equipment and funding) to babies in need, particularly babies orphaned as a result of AIDS. Today the SABR supplies in excess of 60 hospitals and is constantly working to gain favour for human milk banking in these hospitals, including: Bloemfontein Universitas, Bloemfontein Pelonomi; Boitumelo Hospital; Bongani Hospital, Dihlabeng Hospital; Edenvale (cnr); Kalafong Hospital; Kimberley Hospital; Manapo Hospital; Netcare Alberlito (cnr); Netcare Blaauwberg; Netcare Cuyler PE; Netcare Femina; Netcare Kuils River (cnr); Netcare Olivedale; Netcare Parklane; Netcare Parklands; Netcare St Augustine’s (cnr); Netcare The Bay; Newcastle Provincial H; Northdale (cnr); Pietermaritzburg H Complex; Potchefstroom Hospital; SABR Head Office; Sandton MediClinic; Tembisa Hospital; Witbank Hospital.

Parenting Hub

Leapfrog Unveils Leapband

Prima Toys South Africa has just announced the launch of the Leapfrog LeapBand, the first wearable activity tracker for kids, to get them active and learning whist having the most awesome time doing so. The LeapBand combines playful physical activities with a personalised virtual pet to encourage them to keep going, and track their progress. With over 50 different activities and challenges the child’s physical movements are tracked through the LeapBand, so the more active the child is, the more points their earn with their virtual pet. As the child earns points through play, they can unlock additional games, challenges, levels of play and virtual rewards.  The band is styled with kids in mind, including an accelerometer, high resolution colour screen, rechargeable battery and water-resistant design.  The device also doubles up as both a cool digital and analogue watch. With fun activities such as ‘leap like a frog’, ‘pop like a popcorn’, or ‘spin like a helicopter’ and many, many more, ,kids will love the interactive aspect of getting fit. Leapband is available at all leading retail outlets at the recommended retail price of R499.00 About LeapFrog LeapFrog Enterprises, Inc. is the leader in educational entertainment for children. LeapFrog’s award-winning product portfolio helps millions of children achieve their potential by delivering best-in-class curriculum through engaging content, fun multimedia learning platforms and toys. The Learning Path, LeapFrog’s proprietary online destination for parents provides personalised feedback on a child’s learning progress and offers product recommendations to enhance each child’s learning experience. Through the power of play, LeapFrog’s products and curriculum help children of all ages prepare for school and life success. LeapFrog’s products are available in more than 45 countries. LeapFrog is based in Emeryville, California, and was founded in 1995 by a father who revolutionised technology-based learning solutions to help his child learn how to read. Come see the learning at www.leapfrog.com. TM & © 2013 LeapFrog Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved

Munchkins

Manners Become Our Values

Our beliefs become our thoughts; Our thoughts become our words; Our words become our habits; Our habits become our values; Our values become our destiny. – Gandhi Children are not born with manners. This is another aspect that needs to be taught and modeled by parents. Sometimes I would tease my grown children and say, ‘Didn’t your mom teach you any manners?’ But it is so true, if your mother doesn’t teach you, who will? It does not come naturally. Obviously cultures differ, but here are some examples that would be helpful if they could be taught and modeled before leaving home. Burping in public Picking your nose in public Shouting Slurping when drinking Scratching your private areas Picking in your teeth in company Wait till everyone is at the table before you start eating Say thank you to the cook for the food Excuse yourself from the table Offer others before taking a second helping Boys should hold the door and let girls/women go first Girls/women should then acknowledge this courtesy with thanks Saying please and thank you Greeting and communicating with people while making eye contact Closing the door when you use the bathroom Ask before you take Knock on doors and wait before opening Interrupt when someone is talking Scratch in someone’s handbag Helping yourself to things in the cupboard – ask first Pushing in front of people in a queue Wait patiently for your turn Shake hands with a firm grip and many more One little five-year-old told her mommy, ‘Only daddies are allowed to pick their noses, right Mommy?’ Besides modelling these habits, there are fun ways of teaching these skills. For example, with younger children, have a tea party and over-exaggerate the good manners. As The get older, Dad can take them on a formal ‘date’. This teaches girls what respect to expect from their future boyfriends and models for boys how to treat their potential girlfriends. Dr James Dobson had a good example of teaching young people how to communicate. He suggested you stand across from them with a ball. throw the ball at them letting it bounce once before The catch it. Then they have to return it the same way. Explain that conversation is similar in the sense that when you have the ball, you talk and the other person does not interrupt. Then you throw the ball (conversation) to the other person and give them a turn to respond. This can go on and on as long as the ball is returned to the other person. However, if your reply to someone’s question is simply a yes or a no, it kills the ‘game’. The ball stops. Giving examples to a child is always helpful. You can say things like, ‘When someone asks if you enjoyed the food, instead of just saying yes, thank you (keeping the ball), what sort of questions can you think of that you could ask?’ Some suggestions could be, ‘Did you use a recipe for this?’ ‘Was that real chocolate you put in there?’ ‘Is this the first time you made this or is it a family favourite?’ While driving down the street, I watched as a mother threw litter in the street, two paces away from a public refuse bin. Her little child was watching her, and proceeded to do the same. How sad. If her parents do not teach her these things by example, who will? I am sure we could all think of a few adults we know whom we would like to ask, ‘Didn’t your mom teach you anything?’ Don’t let your child become one of those people one day.

Munchkins

Communication

When someone does not feel heard, it can be extremely frustrating. When your child speaks to you, put down your phone, if possible switch off the TV, thereby reassuring him that what he has to say is important to you. However, remember, that mutual respect is very important. If you are texting while you are talking, the chances are that your child will soon be doing the same. So modelling the behaviour you expect is important and very effective. Effective communication There are two basic principles that one can apply to help the other person understand you better: Learn to listen. Learn to respond appropriately after you have listened. There are also two basic principles that one can apply in order to be better understood: Learn to be in touch with your own feelings. Learn to share your thoughts and feelings with the other person. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. – Anonymous Children are often not encouraged to make eye contact when an adult addresses them – they are busy sending a text or watching some sort of screen. Socializing without social media is becoming obsolete. Insisting on eye contact is a basic way of showing respect to and interest in the person speaking to you. Once that basic foundation is established, children need to be taught to respond appropriately and not just stare blankly or avoid making eye contact with others. It is important to speak to your child in a tone of voice that makes him want to listen and which shows that you care. Different viewpoints have equal validity. Open and closed responses To encourage conversation, use open responses that the other person can respect and give feedback on. When you use closed responses, this kills the conversation. Here are some typical examples: Commander: This is the sergeant major! He screams out commands like, ‘What is wrong with you? If you ever do that again, I will never …’ Moralist: This is the frustrated preacher inside of some of us. He doesn’t let an opportunity go by without finding a way to ‘preach’ about what should have happened: ‘Now that is no way for a Christian to act!’ Lecturer: This style is wonderful when it comes to giving advice, lectures and arguments. He sounds a lot like the Moralist, but not quite as spiritual: ‘I would never lose my temper like that! What really helps in a situation like this is …’ Judge: He always gives judgement on what is right and what is wrong. In actual fact, the judge is always right, and the child always wrong! ‘You were wrong to react in that way, so go to your room until you can admit what you did!’ Bully: There are parents who use sarcasm, insults and teasing to chastise their children: ‘You are such an idiot! Who do you think you are, acting like that? Get that pimple face out of my face!’ Psychologist: Some parents like to analyse and diagnose their children’s behaviour. This gives them a sense of power over their child: ‘Puberty is a time of storm and urgency where you focus your efforts to form your identity and discover your uniqueness!’ Comforter: They use classically sweet, superficial clichés in an effort to at least say something, but without exposing themselves to anyone else’s pain: ‘Oh shame! I’m sure everything will be just fine. God will provide!’ Detective: This is the investigator who is not concerned about other people’s feelings or reactions when he is trying to get to the bottom of what happened. He sees himself as the one that cross-questions all concerned and scratches everything open. He typically wants to find out, what, who, where and when: ‘Who hit first, was it you or him?’ ‘Why is your suitcase in such a state?’ Orator: This parent tries to control the child through logical arguments: ‘The fact of the matter is …’ ‘There are four points I would like to mention …’ ‘I understand what you said, but …’ A closed question of this kind creates the following responses: It has more chance of breaking down the relationship. It doesn’t help the person to brainstorm his idea or problems with anyone. It humiliates the person with the problem. It raises the emotional temperature of the person instead of solving the problem. It is not typically the way one would talk to your friends. Active listening By contrast, active listening has the following elements: It acknowledges that someone has the right to ‘feel’ what they are feeling. There is acceptance, even though we might disagree with their way of handling things. It concentrates on the verbal and non-verbal messages that are given by the sender. It decodes the messages that we receive and sends back to the other person a message to respect on and confirm that it is an accurate interpretation of what was heard. There are few things that build a relationship as much as Active Listening. It is said to be the greatest act of love. When someone truly listens to you, you don’t feel alone and you feel that someone has come very close to you and cares for you. We need to learn to really listen to our children and not just to hear them. Here are some examples that you could consider using: ‘It looks like your day hasn’t started too well.’ ‘You look really upset! Would you like to talk about it?’ ‘It looks like you really need someone to talk to today.’ You can leave what you’re doing and sit next to your child and wait till she begins to talk. Am I hearing or listening? Simply hearing what someone has said can be likened to hearing the birds or music in the background. Truly listening is an art that can and should be developed. This poem truly describes how most of us feel about how we would like to be heard: Listen When I ask you to listen to me

Nutripaeds

Why go for rice cereal when we have so many other delicious options?

Honestly, as a Mom and dietitian there is no reason to start food introductions with rice cereal. Rice cereal has been a long-time staple of the food introduction folklore, but there is no science or even practical reasoning behind it.  Rice cereal has very little nutritional value.  It is starchy, full of carbohydrates with little to no protein or fat and very few vitamins and minerals.  Even the iron that is added to most brands is very poorly absorbed and frequently contributes to constipation. And that whole “add rice cereal to the bottle to make them sleep through the night” idea?  Sorry, it’s a myth. Why go for rice cereal when we have so many other delicious options?   Here are some ideas for the different age groups: 4-6 months, pureed food (the Allergy society recommends to wait until at least 4-6 months before introducing solid foods.  I strongly agree.  There is no downside to waiting past 4 months, as mothers milk is by far the best and most nutritious food.) Avocado (a great first food!  Full of healthy fats, mild in flavour) Carrots (add a drizzle of olive oil to increase the calories) Sweet potato Hubbard squash/butternut/pumpkin (mixed with a little cinnamon – yum!) Pear Banana Apple Mango 6-9 months, pureed food, start small finger food Berries (except strawberries, which can be allergenic – wait until 12+ months to introduce those) Broccoli, kale, chard and other “brassica” family vegetables Cucumbers Yogurt Cream cheese Poultry (even though it’s expensive, organic is really the best) Ostrich or venison Lamb Pork Egg Nut butters Beans and lentils (mixed with some chicken stock – yummy!) Sunflower and pumpkin seed butter (thinned) Grains like oats, rice, quinoa, buckwheat Blackstrap molasses (you can add a little to just about everything to increase iron and calcium) 7-12 months, mashed or finger food Orange and other citrus Strawberries Grapes Tomato Barley, rye and wheat Mushrooms Honey Soy Beef (pureed beef stew in tomato stock is so delicious!) Obviously there are a lot more foods.  Fruit and Veggies can be introduced daily, new one every day to increase range and variety. With the protein foods – Start with one food at a time and wait 3-4 days before introducing a new food (this is to see if there is a delayed food intolerance that may not be immediately noticeable). Once one food is well tolerated you can mix and match (or mix and mash) – e.g., chicken and pumpkin, avocado and peas. There are lots of opinions on how to introduce foods and when to add spices and herbs.  Personally, I think adding flavour is a great idea while the child’s palate is still developing.  Many infants start with extremely spicy curries and peppered dishes.  I don’t recommend that – unless your family is already used to some heat – but definitely consider adding a dash of cinnamon, a pinch of paprika, or some ground herbs like basil, thyme or oregano.  Just remember that infant portions are very small, so the spice needs to be proportionate. Making your own is so much more fun (and less expensive) than buying baby food jars.

Parenting Hub

Play Is Very Important For Your Child’s Development And Education

As parents we constantly worry that we are not giving our children the very best educational foundations to prepare them for the adult, working world. We want our children to be a success in this highly competitive, fast-moving world of technology and we will pour our time, effort and money into extra-mural activities and extra-lessons in order to achieve just that. Sadly, this often comes at the expense of time spent in simple, unstructured play. More and more today, play time is being lost to structured learning activities. This does not simply reduce the freedom and joy of childhood; it removes a cornerstone of development. Yes, play is actually an essential part of child development and therefore of learning! Let’s look at how play helps your child’s development: Gross motor skills: It is easy to see how running, jumping, climbing and swimming develop your child’s muscle strength and coordination. What is less obvious is that if your child’s sporting activity becomes too regulated too soon, he is going to specialise before he has developed an overall good coordination. The more diverse a child’s physical play can be, the more chance he has of developing his muscles and overall coordination in a balanced way. He is less likely to develop early tight tendons ( I see many children with tight tendons at the back of the knees) and less likely to develop weak core muscles (we are seeing more and more young children walking around with poor posture due to weak core muscles). So encourage your child to do unstructured physical fun activities, such as climbing trees, sawing wood, jumping on a trampoline, before you set him on the road of specialised coaching in a specific sport. Fine motor skills: So many parents, in their keen desire to prepare their child for school, give them workbooks and pencil and paper tasks. Many parents begin teaching their child to write so that they can “hit the ground running” when they enter school. Unfortunately, this can have the negative effect of your child developing an inefficient pencil grip, which hampers writing for many years to come. This is because using a pencil correctly requires a child to have finger and thumb stability and a fairly high level of coordination. The best way to help your child be ready to learn to write is to play lots of hand-strengthening games at home. Games that include flicking marbles, crumpling paper, cutting, beading, tying knots and weaving pieces of paper to make table mats. Climbing on the jungle-gym is also a very good way to help your child develop both the coordination and hand muscle strength to prepare him for easy and efficient writing. Sensory Integration: We need all our senses to work and interact together so that we can be comfortable in our environment. Children begin developing their senses and the communication between them through interaction with the environment. The more opportunity children have to play with diverse media and in different sensory settings the better they can develop their sensory systems. A child with an inefficient sensory system struggles to work and learn at his real potential. Visual perceptual skills: Visual perception develops through a child’s interaction with his environment. When a child stretches his arm to reach a high branch, or climbs through a tunnel in an obstacle course, he is developing his spatial perception. Shape perception is developed by a child grasping and manipulating many different objects in play. When he cannot find the toy he wants and has to search for it in his toy-box, he is developing figure-ground perception. Figure-ground perception helps him separate the words from a body of text for reading and find his place when he is copying from the board in school. Verbal skills and Language: Children playing are constantly talking, either with themselves, explaining the aspects of the imaginary situation, or with the other children involved. Researchers have found that less verbal children speak more during imaginary play. In imaginary play, children are therefore experimenting with and developing their language and communication skills. Playing games where word sounds are changed and learning silly rhymes or making up nonsense words, helps children develop their phonics skills and auditory processing. If these are simply taught in a formal way, the child feels no real ownership and finds it harder to remember all the different sounds the written letters represent. If he plays games and experiments with the sounds in words, his feeling of being in control of the words and the sounds is greater, making it easier for him to learn and remember his phonics. He develops an actual concept of how sounds make up words. The reading programme I developed uses play to build phonics skills, the games continue the child’s reading development with fun and movement. This reduces the sense of apprehension so many children have around learning phonics and reading and allows them to develop their skills, while discovering that reading and the written word is fun. Thinking skills (cognition): Thinking is a kind of “inner speech”. We talk silently to ourselves to think through things and solve problems. Children in imaginative play begin to develop this skill through talking aloud and explaining everything that is happening in the game. (Think of the children playing in the “home corner” in your playschool and how they tell each other what to do and talk to the dolls and teddies). Slowly, as they become more practiced, this talking changes to become “inner speech” (they think it but don’t say it out loud). This is a major foundation for developing thinking and reasoning skills. We also know that showing a child how to do something has far less educational impact on him than providing him with the material and allowing him to play and experiment and discover for himself. Reading: To read well, a child needs to have developed the ability to notice the separate sounds in words. He also needs to be able to recognise

Good Night Baby

What Role Does Nutrition Play When It Comes To Your Child’s Sleep?

Not as much as you might be thinking…. Very often, when we talk to clients their main concern is that milk, milk supply, solids or the lack thereof, are the causes of their child not sleeping. This is a natural reaction due to the kinds of information new mothers are exposed to. In hindsight, I am embarrassed to admit, that I was shoving (and I mean, literally: forcefully, SHOVING) rice cereal down my 3 month old’s throat because I was convinced that he was hungry. This was supported by the sage advice of the older generation, who insisted that once I started feeding my solids, he’d magically start sleeping through. I also tried (with little success) “topping up” my baby’s breastmilk with formula because—as the nurse was telling me—he continued to wake at night because he is NOT receiving sufficient nutrition from me. I was also informed by loving friends and strangers alike that I should change the formula that I’ve selected for the young one, because my baby might in fact be lactose intolerant, therefore the current formula was causing him discomfort as it was being processed by the digestive system. Does any of this sound familiar? With the popularity of this type of ill-advice, it is very easy to fall into the “over-nutrition” trap. Moms, just because you are breastfeeding does not mean your child is not able to sleep through! What If I told you that only 5% of sleep problem cases have their root causes in nutrition challenges!? It is far more likely that that your baby has not yet developed the skill of soothing him/herself, and therefore nutrition is not the problem. The fundamental rule to remember is that your baby’s sleep is regulated by his/her brain and not by the stomach. When nutrition does play a role: Nevertheless, a hungry baby will not sleep well either; so here is a checklist to use to rule out whether nutrition is the problem: Is your baby growing according to his/her growth curve? Essentially, is your baby gaining weight steadily? Is your baby older than 6 months? If “yes”, solids can be introduced. How old is your child? If your child is younger than a year, milk is more important. If your child is older than a year, solids should be the primary source of nutrition. Does your child receive protein rich nutrition if he/she is older than 6 months? Does your child have a sufficient intake of minerals like Zinc, Magnesium and Iron? Does your child eat/drink too much salt, sugar or caffeine? These additives could spike energy levels, leaving the child in a hyper-alert stage. Is your baby drinking too much water, rooibos and/or juice? Remember, juice has a high concentration of sugar/fructose. Sugar is a drug – like it or not. We would live to believe that the hype around sugar is no more than drama-mongering by puritan foodies. Unfortunately they are right. People die from diseases every day that started (and ended) with their relationship to sugar. By sugar I am referring to high fructose corn syrup, which appears in just about every kind of sweetened convenience food, drink and confectionary. As well as good old table sugar. Of course there is a place for sugar, but when the average person has no idea about moderation it is good practice to abstain as much as possible. Possibly the most interesting research regarding sugar is not only the effect on the endocrine system, but the effect on the brain.  Researchers reported in the “Neuroscience & Bio-Behavioural Review Report” in 2008 that “intermittent dietary sugar consumption alters extracellular dopamine in the brain, much in the way an addictive drug does. Moreover, when this intermittent sugar consumption ceases, dopamine levels are affected and signs of withdrawal can become evident. Not only can extracellular dopamine levels be affected but so too can the dopamine receptors themselves.” The sugar addicts and chocoholics were right! To  initiate  a  restful  sleep  we  need  to  encourage  foods  that  support  sleep-inducing  neurotransmitters  such  as  serotonin  and  melatonin.  Traditionally  these  are  foods  rich  in  tryptophan  and  B  complex  vitamins.  Growth  hormones  are  also  released when  we sleep  and these are essential for not only growth but also healing and repair.

Parenting Hub

How To Grocery Shop With A Baby

Yesterday I started a baby massage class. I was disappointed to find out that it would be me massaging my baby, and not the other way round. Surely I deserve a little bit of deep tissue love? It should be payback for never having any time for myself. Carter’s going through a growth spurt (well, that’s what the books say, as apparently ‘possessed by demons’ isn’t appropriate). This means that my days of having 3 hours in between feeds while he napped and I leisurely applied makeup, showered or pumped boobs are over – at least for the next few days. Just yesterday I ate an omelette with my hands, like a sandwich. I have the deepest amount of respect and sympathy for moms who have had niggly babies from day 1. It’s tough – you love them more than wine, but it’s near impossible to do anything if they don’t let you put them down for even a second. Short of drugging them, the only thing to do is wait for hubby to get home from work or wait for the growth spurt to be over. With this in mind, I wanted to share a few handy shortcuts to motherhood that I heave learnt in the last 5 weeks. Venturing out. When leaving the house for any reason at all, make sure you are always in gym clothes and are slightly disheveled. (Moms, I hear you laughing ‘cos how ELSE does one go out with a new born, right?). The reason for this, and no, it’s not to actually Go to gym, silly, is so should you bump into anyone you know, or even don’t know, they will automatically assume you’ve come from a 90 minute spin class, and will immediately think you Wonder Woman for exercising while looking after a baby. Extra points for smudged or no makeup and vomit on your top (people will just assume it’s  protein shake). Cooking. When making anything, anything at all, make sure you make enough to feed a soup kitchen. Then freeze the leftovers and re-heat for breakfast, lunch and dinner the following week. Your husband will grow to love tofu noodles, promise. Exercise. IF you ever get the inkling to actually do anything of the aerobic nature, then having a goal is key. And by goal I mean a fancy cappuccino or blueberry muffin. I like to take brisk walks to the local Seattle down the road and reward myself with a grande latte and a cheese sandwich. You may not ever lose weight, but it’s a lot more rewarding than going to the gym. Wine. Is very important. I am not ashamed to admit that I now buy wine in boxes as its a lot easier to pour when you only have 1 hand. Just be careful you don’t drop the glass. I mean the baby, don’t drop the baby. Makeup and personal hygiene. Invest in a deodorant that promises 48 hour protection, and you’ve saved yourself a day. Sleep with waterproof makeup on, and wear the sports bra to bed that you plan on wearing the next day. That pretty much leaves brushing your teeth and tying your hair in a mom bun, and you’re good to go. Grocery shopping. I made the fatal error of going to the mall when my baby was asleep in his pram. Taking full advantage of this I thought it was a magnificent time to buy all new wine glasses, drinking glasses, soup bowls and blankets for the house. This left me walking back to my car pushing a pram, a trolley of breakables, a nappy bag a handbag and a 6 pack of milk. School girl error. If you need to do a grocery shop then leave the baby in the very capable hands of another adult and go alone. Although I can’t promise that you won’t dash out for sesame seeds and nipple cream and come back with a thousand rands worth of Woolies goodies and a new lounge suite. Oh, and before you think “but the bitch has time to blog” please note that baby is with granny and I’m writing from the comfort of the hairdressers chair, while holding a dog named Leo. As you do.

Parenting Hub

Typical Teen or a Teen in Trouble?

By Janine Shamos Teenagers have their good days and their bad ones. But every so often, a learner will sit in class and he or she isn’t simply ‘having a rough day’; they didn’t just miss the bus or just break up a relationship or just fail a test. They are struggling in life. And like most teens, they try very hard to hide it, to seem normal and unaffected. But, if you know your learners, if you really see and feel your classroom, you’ll understand that something deeper than a ‘just bad day’ is going on. “We see our kids in the classroom daily, in the playground and on the sportfield which gives us a repeated look at their patterns, personalities, and concerns”, says High School educator, Rose. “We sometimes know kids better than their own parents because we see very different sides to them at school. We are perfectly positioned to recognize the warning signs when things go wrong.” Depression is not only a grown-up concern. Thousands of teenagers struggle with depression each day. Trying to manage all that teenage life has to present is hard enough for the average, happy kid. So, when any form of depression sets in, their issues multiply, their troubles magnify, and they begin to see life through less hopeful eyes. According to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), an estimated one in five children and adolescents has a mental health disorder, and one in 10 has a serious disorder and may have considered suicide. In South Africa, suicide is the second leading cause of death in the 15 to 24 age group. The facts are scary: 90% of people who develop a mental disorder start showing warning signs during their teen years; youth with a mental health disorder will often have significant impairments at home, school or with peers, and over 60% of youth with a mental health disorder don’t get the treatment they need. According to the National Youth Risk Behaviour Survey (2008), 23.6% of South African youth felt so sad that they stopped doing usual activities, 20.7% were considering suicide, 16.8% have a definite suicide plan, and 21.4% have attempted suicide at least once. The prevalence of suicidal and depressed feelings increases by grade – 19.5% of Grade 8’s, 21.4% of Grade 9’s, 24.2% of Grade 10’s, and 29.7% of Grade 11’s feel helpless, hopeless and depressed. What does that mean in terms of your typical high school classroom? Teachers have been shown to be effective in detecting mental health issues in their learners. “Teachers are in a great position to identify teens at risk, because they have the greatest access to the adolescent population over the longest period of time”, says psychologist Liane Lurie. “Therefore they have the greatest opprtunity to observe changes in teen behaviour and performance, identify vulnerable kids and take appropriate action.” Mental health problems in teens are real, painful and, left untreated, can have serious consequences. Knowledge and education are key if we are to save lives. “The more you know about teen depression, the better equipped you are to intervene”, says SADAG’s Cassey Chambers. SADAG offers teachers’ workshops as well as school-based talks to empower teachers and learners to recognise the warning signs and take action. . SADAG is open 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm on 0800 21 22 23 (toll-free) or SMS 31393. “Some warning signs and behaviours may be simple, obvious to pick up, while others are more hidden and complex. But no matter how depression presents itself, we can help”, says Chambers. Seeing the signs, talking about the problem, taking appropriate action and offering support can go a long way toward getting a teenager back on track. “We must remember that most depressed or vulnerable teens are looking for help but have no clue how to ask for it”, says Chambers. The sooner a mental health disorder is recognized, the greater the likelihood that treatment will be effective. What you know and what you do will make a real difference in a teen’s life So how do you know if a grumpy teen is being ‘typical’ or if they’re ‘troubled’? Teenagers face many pressures, from the changes of puberty to questions about who they are and where they fit in, and trying to assert their independence can lead to fights with parents and teachers. With all this ‘natural’ drama going on in a teen’s life, it isn’t always easy to differentiate between depression and normal teenage moodiness. If you’re not sure whether a teen is ‘typical’ or ‘troubled’, read the warning signs at the end of the article and consider how long the symptoms have been present, how severe they are, and how different the teen is acting from his or her usual self. “While some ‘growing pains’ are to be expected as teenagers grapple with the challenges of growing up, dramatic, long-lasting changes in personality, mood, or behaviour are red flags of a deeper problem”, says Lurie. There are 6 most common symptoms that teachers see in the classroom that are warning signs that something is wrong. Remember that while a teen might not be depressed, there may be other problems or issues they are grappling with. Loss of enthusiasm and interest: It’s true that some high school learners don’t show much drive, most have some level of investment, whether academically or on the sports field. When that shuts down for an extended period of time, your warning bells should be going off. Headaches: Headaches have always been an early indicator of stress and depression, so be aware if a learner continually talks of headache pain. Fatigue: Teenagers do admittedly sometimes look and behave like zombies. But when a learner continually looks exhausted, take notice. Hygiene and appearance: While teen fashion is often odd to say the least, a general disinterest in caring for himself is a clear warning sign that something’s wrong. Closely watch the learner whose physical appearance declines and remains that

Parenting Hub

Busting The Myths About Teen Suicide

By Janine Shamos All teens are moody; all teens are rebellious; all teens are angry and irritable; all teens are depressed. Aren’t they? Yet most of us still find it staggering that a teen could take his or her own life. Shouldn’t the world be filled with hope and possibility as a teen – not despair so deep that ending your life seems the only option? Teen suicide is a reality for many families. 9.5% of all teen deaths in South Africa are due to suicide and suicide as the fastest growing, and second leading, cause of death in the 15 – 24 age group. The National Youth Risk Survey found an alarming number of high school teens were depressed and suicidal – over 20% had considered suicide in the last month. But despite its prevalence, teen suicide is still shrouded in myth and misconception. It’s crucial we break the myths – there is no better way to prevent teen suicide. The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) runs the only toll-free suicide crisis line in the country (0800 567 567) and the only teen suicide prevention programme in schools. “The Suicide Shouldn’t be a Secret programme now eleven years old, is aimed at educating teens and teachers about the warning signs, facts and interventions of teen suicide”, says SADAG’s Cassey Chambers. The programme has been implemented in schools across the country in rural, per-urban and urban schools. Teen suicide is a hard thing to think about, and many people turn a blind eye hoping it’s a problem that will solve itself. LOTTO, has taken the bold step of supporting SADAG’s teen suicide prevention initiative at 30 more high schools across Gauteng. SADAG will be talking to the teens as well as their teachers to demystify the issue of teen suicide. “Teachers have a lot of face time with their students and often see problems before the parents do”, says Chambers. “Too often they don’t recognise behaviour changes as potential problems and don’t know what to do or who to turn to for help. The programme offers that insight and quick access to assistance.” The SADAG programme is open to applications from schools who feel they are in need of such intervention. “If you have students who are at risk or you feel that prevention is key, let us know”, says Chambers. Schools can call Clare or Adri on 011 262 6396 for more information. “I thought that teen depression wasn’t an issue in our school, I thought our kids were ‘fine’ – until we had a Grade 10 student kill himself. It was so out of the blue, so sudden – and he was not the kind of person I would have thought would ever be depressed or want to take his own life. We all need educating”, says High School Educator Dianne. The myths surrounding teen suicide are numerous – and dangerous. “There is still a lot of ignorance – and prejudice – about suicide generally”, says Chambers. “Not only does this mean that those in need of help, don’t ask for it because of fear and shame, but also those who have lost loved ones due to suicide have a far tougher road to acceptance and healing.” US Researcher, Dr Thomas Joiner, refers to suicide as “the most stigmatised of human behaviours.” Many people mistakenly believe that you can’t intervene or make a difference – that a teen who wants to kill themselves will just keep trying until they get it right so ‘why bother’. “I used to think there was nothing you could do, then I heard a SADAG counsellor use the analogy of a heart attack. We don’t just resign ourselves to a loved one having repeated heart attacks until they die, we act and intervene. We need to do the same for teens who need psychological help”, says High School teacher Prudence. One of the biggest and most damaging myths is that if people want to die by suicide, we can’t stop them. The truth is that even teens who are serious about killing themselves can be helped. In the majority of cases, teens don’t want to die – but they see no other alternative. Providing another ‘way out’, another way to ease the pain is often the answer. Many adults are scared to talk about suicide, afraid to bring up the subject in case it makes the teen think about it. This isn’t true. “Simply talking about suicide won’t make your teenager more likely to try it”, says psychiatrist Dr Frans Korb. Frank conversation about suicide could have quite the opposite effect – and save a life. Many parents, teachers and peers believe that teens are all talk. “My friend used to always tell me she wanted to die, and that she was going to kill herself. I never took her seriously”, says 17-year-old Naomi. SADAG warns that up to 80% of teens give some kind of warning prior to a suicide attempt or completed suicide so, while your child may not always do what he or she says (like clean their bedroom), when it comes to talk of death and suicide – take it seriously. Most teens show a number of warning signs. “The key is knowing what to watch for and this is the power of the Suicide Shouldn’t be a Secret programme”, says Chambers. Teenagers who drink a lot, use drugs, run away from home, withdraw from friends, write or draw pictures about death, have trouble at school or go through a break-up may all be at risk for suicide. “There are many warning signs and the SADAG programme helps people understand what these signs mean and helps them put all these signs and triggers into context”, says Chambers. SADAG is open from 8am to 8pm 7 days a week on 0800 21 22 23, or visit www.sadag.org. The programme answers questions like: “My teen listens to metal – they sing about death and sometimes suicide. Does my

Parenting Hub

Your Diet During Pregnancy, How Important Is It Really?

With so many myths out there about diet and pregnancy, no wonder new mothers-to-be feel confused about the do’s and don’ts of their own diets. To eat appropriately is the one thing a mother have a lot of control over, and wants to get 100% right, but is so afraid of getting it wrong. We are regularly told that our weight, nutritional status and health during pregnancy and breastfeeding have effect on a baby’s risk of developing disease in future, birth risks, the baby’s health and growth both in the uterus and after birth. Scary as it may sound, with the right dietary advice and support it can actually be quite easy to get your diet right with a few easy tips. Will what I eat in pregnancy influence my child’s eating habits? Want your child to love veggies? Start early. Very early! New research shows that WHAT a woman eats during pregnancy not only nourishes her baby in the womb, but can influence a baby’s palate and food memories before he/she is born. The study found that a mother’s diet shapes her baby’s food preferences and acceptance later in life. Flavour perception develops as early as in the unborn infant and taste and smell continues to develop once they are born. In the womb, a fetus is surrounded and nourished on amniotic fluids, which is filled with the flavours of what the mom has eaten in the last few hours. The fetus starts to swallow large amounts of amniotic fluid from about 12 week’s gestation. By the time a womb reaches her third trimester the fetus’s brain starts to communicate with the taste and smell receptors – for the baby to start to associate with certain flavours and odours in the amniotic fluid. A baby therefore already starts to build a memory bank of tastes and flavours during pregnancy. Amniotic fluid is therefore the first food for the baby to feast on and contains protein, sugars, fat and different flavours of the food that the mother eats. The fetus can detect these tastes and flavours – forming memories of these flavours and will prefer flavours that were previously experienced in the amniotic fluid. It was shown that if mothers who consumed carrot, anise or garlic flavoured food during pregnancy, their infants would be more accepting to flavours later in life. The flavour learning continues when infants experience the flavours of mother’s diet transmitted in breast milk, especially flavours such as anise, garlic, carrot, mint, vanilla. When babies start solids they showed greater liking for and acceptance of flavours to which they had early exposure. This means you can teach your baby to like broccoli from an early age! This varied experiences with food flavours increase food acceptance and may help explain why children who are breastfed are less picky during childhood. Formula tastes the same day-in and day-out. If you plan to formula feed your infant, and worry about the lack of variants in flavours just make sure you introduce your baby to the largest variety of solid food and flavours early on in the weaning period. To conclude, if you want your children to eat a healthy diet (e.g. their broccoli) or more adventurous diet, you should expose them to all the right, healthy flavours early on. Will WHAT I eat during pregnancy affect what diseases my child may have in later life? There are some studies that show that the mother’s diet may affect whether children have the risk for developing diabetes, heart disease, obesity or high blood pressure later in life. During the war, when pregnant women were exposed to very little food, especially in the first trimester, their children were more likely to be born heavier, taller and develop heart disease in adulthood. Some studies suggest that when an expectant mother has too little protein and too many carbohydrates in her diet, the child may have a risk of high blood pressure later in life. This also applies to when you do not supplement your diet with the recommended vitamin and mineral supplements e.g. folic acid, iron calcium and vitamin D. “Over nutrition” during pregnancy also has detrimental effects and may cause the fetus to grow faster than the fetus’s organs and can lead to liver, heart and kidney disease in adulthood. There is also a suggestion in research that if your diet is rich in omega 3 fatty acids (mainly available in oily fish and seeds) during pregnancy it can protect the baby against ailments such as high blood pressure and heart disease in adult life. Should I avoid certain foods during pregnancy to prevent my child from having food allergies? Many scientific studies have been done to investigate whether mothers who avoid certain foods in the diet during pregnancy can control the presence of allergies and eczema in their babies once they are born. They all concluded that babies might or might not present with food allergies and eczema, regardless of the mother’s diet, especially when there is a strong family history of food allergies. They also concluded that avoiding certain food in the pregnant mother’s diet have shown to affect the mother and the baby’s nutritional status. Both may run the risk of missing out on essential vitamin and minerals contributing to an inadequate nutritional intake and is therefore not recommended. You can actually do more harm than good by avoiding anything in the diet for instance nuts, fish, eggs, milk, citrus fruits to prevent allergies in your baby. If you as expectant mother do suffer from food allergies and need to avoid certain foods it would be of benefit to consult a dietitian who would be able to provide you with a nutritionally balanced diet and ensure both you and your baby get all the nutrients you require. Super foods for pregnancy Eggs: It contains choline that helps to reduce the risk of neural tube defects, such as spina bifida. In addition, studies suggest that choline is key to the

Mia Von Scha

Getting Some Sleep

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. We all know this, and yet as parents we somehow expect ourselves to go for months or years without sleep and still function (and even be wonderful, calm, kind people). I’m sorry, but if specially trained soldiers crack under this particular form of torture, what makes you think you will be any different? So if your two, three, four or even seven year-old is still keeping you up at night, let’s look at some possible questions you can ask to get to the bottom of the problem. Now step one would be to make sure there are no serious health complications keeping the child awake. A quick trip to the GP can set your mind at rest and get you started on the following investigations! I always start by looking at the kids’ diets… what are they eating? Are they eating more carbohydrates than protein for instance? I would start by cutting out all sugar and refined carbs (wheat, flour, baked stuff etc) and increase fat and protein intake especially at night. It can also help to give a Magnesium supplement before bed (you can get these in a delicious syrup for kids, but please check with your healthcare advisor before adding supplements to your child’s diet). Do you have a proper routine that you stick to daily? i.e. Dinner at a certain time followed by bath, story and bed? Do you start winding down in the afternoons? A consistent routine can help a child to settle more quickly and to adapt to change more easily. How much TV are they exposed to? Television is highly stimulating. Definitely cut out TV right before bed (a bedtime story is much more calming), but you can even try cutting this out altogether and see if it makes a difference. Have they always slept less than other babies? Do they still have a daytime nap? With an older child you can try cutting this out – if they make it through the afternoon in a generally happy state, then leave the nap. If not, add it back in. My kids stopped their daytime nap at 18 months and were perfectly happy without it (and then slept well at night), so don’t always believe that a child needs a daytime nap until they are 4 or 5. What time do they go to bed? What time do they wake up? Do they then seem tired or ok? Some children need less sleep, and putting them to bed before they’re ready is a recipe for disaster! If your child is keeping you awake tossing and turning in your bed, then you need to ask… Have they always slept in your bed? Do they feel safe in their own room? Is there something they need to help them feel more comfortable/safe there? Keep in mind that as adults we generally share a room with a partner and even then we still sometimes get scared in the night and yet we expect a 5-year-old to cope on their own. Do they go to sleep in their own room and then come to you? It may help to lie down with them in their own room until they fall asleep and then do this every time they wake in the night and come to your room – I know it’s time consuming and frustrating especially if you’re sleep deprived, but worth it in the long run. Or if you’d like to keep your child in your room, but still get some sleep, consider having their cot or mattress in your room but not necessarily having them in your bed! There are so many possible factors involved when it comes to children not sleeping, that it is worth doing some investigating to find out where things have gone awry. Hopefully these questions will help you to get started. It is then also worth examining your own belief systems around what is enough sleep, when kids should sleep and where, and whether your needs are less important than theirs. Happy families are a balancing act of making sure that both the parents and children’s needs are being met, and your need for sleep is essential not only to your own well-being, but to the well-being of the entire family. Keep this in mind as you investigate.   And sleep tight!

Parenting Hub

Stay Well Watered This Winter

If you thought you could cut back on or forego the water drinking during the Winter months you have been gravely misinformed. Although in Winter we do not perspire as much or get as thirsty as we do in Summer, there are many other reasons why we still need to take in adequate amounts of water no matter the season. Read on to learn why we are actually at great risk of becoming dehydrated in cold weather. Water Is Critical To Health You probably have heard that two-thirds of your body is water. This is why humans can go for forty days without food but cannot survive more than a week without water. Three quarters of your brain is water. Your blood is 82% water and your muscles are 70% water. Water is an important structural component of skin, cartilage, tissues and organs and is used by the body to carry out almost all bodily processes. Water improves oxygen delivery to the cells, transports nutrients, cushions bones and joints, lubricates and absorbs shocks to joints, regulates body temperature, removes waste and flushes out toxins, and much more. So What Happens If We Don’t Get Enough? The first sign that you’re not drinking enough water is thirst but did you know that by the time you experience thirst, or a dry mouth, you are already under-hydrated? Taking in too little water can also result in headaches, dizziness, lethargy, muscle weakness and cramps, loss of appetite, constipation, depression, and brain fog. Waking up not feeling refreshed and with aches and pains in your legs may also be a sign. Little or no urination or dark yellow urine is a sign of more serious levels of dehydration. If your urine is clear you know you are hydrating your body sufficiently. Dangers Of Dehydration Continuous water loss over time will speed up aging as well as increase risks of some serious health conditions. Symptoms of the body’s deterioration begins to appear when the body loses 5% of its total water volume. In a healthy adult, this is seen as fatigue and general discomfort, whereas for an infant, it can be serious. Reductions of 15% below our healthy hydration levels could be fatal. In an elderly person, a 5% water loss causes the body chemistry to become abnormal, especially if the percentage of electrolytes is overbalanced with sodium. High blood pressure, rapid ageing and disorientation may result. Even moderate dehydration can result in nasty conditions such as urinary tract infections, kidney stones, eczema, acne, sinusitis, gout and arthritis. In Winter, lack of water and the dry air will dry out the mucous membranes of your lungs, nasal passages and gut, Since these are protective barriers against bacteria, viruses and pollutants, allowing them to dry out leaves the body susceptible to colds, coughs, flu and sinusitis. The reason allergies abound in Winter is probably due to increased dehydration. Water is essential to the functioning of the digestive tract and the removal of toxic waste. If your intestinal transit time (the time it takes for food to enter and leave your body) slows down, then more toxins are retained. Higher levels of toxic waste products in the bowel, lymph, and bloodstream is a proven contributing factor to many illnesses such as chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and psoriasis. How Do We Become Dehydrated In Winter? The average adult loses about 2.5 litres water daily through perspiration, breathing and elimination. One may argue that water loss should then be less in Winter because we do not perspire much. But have you noticed that we urinate more frequently in cold weather? As a temperature control mechanism our bodies have to get rid of the excess fluid and since we don’t perspire much, our kidneys take over and get rid of this excess through increased urination. The breathing process uses water to moisten the oxygen we breathe in and breathing in cold, dry air actually takes up more water. But there are more factors which come into play in Winter and can leave one considerably dehydrated: In cold weather, most of us will increase our consumption of warming drinks such as coffee and that glass of sherry or red wine in front of the fireplace is exceptionally comforting and warming. However caffeine and alcohol act like a diuretic causing us to urinate more frequently. Fireplaces and heaters dry the air in the room and as such draw moisture from our bodies too. Being outdoors in the cold, dry air will also dry out your skin causing overall water loss from your body. Our change in diet in Winter is also a factor. Raw fruit and veggies such as cucumber and lettuce contain as much as 95% water. So if you eat these you can drink less water. However in Winter we ditch the cold raw salads for more warming foods which have lost their water in the cooking process. How Do We Stay Hydrated? The unfortunate fact is that we just don’t feel as thirsty when the weather is cold. That is why we need to make a conscious effort to ensure we stay hydrated. Start your morning with a large glass of water before breakfast. Your day’s supply of 2 litres water needs to be within easy reach so you can sip at it all day. Take it to work with you in a glass bottle and keep it on your desk or wherever you spend most of your time – not in the fridge where it will be out of sight, out of mind. Take water with you on your travels – preferably in glass bottles or a flask. Make an effort to eat some raw foods with your meals. Salads and fruits are very hydrating as are fresh vegetable and fruit juices made in your home juicer. Reduce your intake of caffeinated drinks and alcoholic beverages or at least have a glass of water with each drink. In a heated room keep the air humidified by placing bowls

Heather Hansen

Parenting In The Information Age

There’s no doubt that parenting is not an easy job. It requires enormous dedication, self-sacrifice, patience and love. Even with all that, there is no guarantee that our children will emerge from their childhood into the adults we hoped for. As parents we have a huge influence, however our children are also influenced by their outer circle – siblings, extended family, friends, teachers, school peers, sports coaches, etc. Nowadays we also have the Age of Information to contend with – an ever-increasing influence on our developing children. We had to gradually accustom ourselves to this digital revolution, but our children have grown up with it. It has influenced how they communicate, socialise, learn, think and play. They are continually bombarded with a sea of information through radio, TV, video games and the internet via pc’s, laptops, i-pads and cell phones. They must evaluate whether the information is relevant or not – not a simple task when your brain is still developing! We may remember our own childhoods being carefree, innocent, playful, filled with imagination and wonder but the world wasn’t really like that – we were just blissfully unaware of what was going on around us. So is it possible to raise our children to be responsible, upstanding adults who care and contribute to society? Yes, definitely; we just have to be more aware and in touch, keep up to date with technology and be good role models. We cannot bury our heads in the sand – we have to embrace this information age and keep ourselves and our children informed of the potential risks and consequences of using all the devices they have at their disposal. Some of these are: Addiction Many kids (and adults) are completely addicted to their cell phones. They feel out of touch and concerned they’ll be left out if they are not in touch 24/7. Children may also be addicted to playing games on their i-pads, playstations, x-boxes or computer video games. Health Risks The jury’s still out, but some medical research indicates that EMR’s (electro magnetic rays) emitted by devices like cell phones and i-pads can affect our children’s brain development and affect their sleep patterns. Many kids stay on their devices until the wee hours every night eventually causing sleep deprivation. RSI (repetitive strain injury) aka BlackBerry Thumb from all that texting is on the increase. Brain tumours, breast and testicular cancer are also a potential threat. Social skills Some sociologists worry that soon kids may be unable to make friends and maintain relationships without their cell phones. They don’t always give one-on-one interactions the attention they deserve due to being distracted by their phones. Face to face communication skills are being affected. Not everyone has good cellphone manners! Inhibitions lowered With the press of a key, a child can have his/her reputation ruined. Sexting is becoming a huge problem – sending inappropriate photos or text messages which are then distributed far and wide. More and more boys are accessing porn (even 9/10 year olds) which gives incorrect information, takes away the sanctity of sex, objectifies girls and women and is quite possibly linked with entitlement or violent behaviour later on, in addition to affecting their sexual response system as an adult. Cyber bullying It’s on the increase everywhere including SA. A study done in 2012 indicated that one in five high school learners in Gauteng have been a victim. Children don’t realise that putting their nasty thoughts into words online can have a huge impact on their target and on themselves. It may not just break school rules, but may also have legal implications. Predator risk People can be whoever they want to be on the internet. Children are particularly vulnerable because they may equate their popularity with the number of contacts on their cell phone, FaceBook, Twitter, SnapChat, Instagram, Tumblr, etc. Throw in the fact that they are going through puberty, unsure about their attractiveness and want to fit in and be accepted, and it’s potentially a recipe for disaster. Children accept other kids as contacts even if they’ve never met and are “followed” by total strangers. Predators cast their nets out far and wide and children are often targeted and groomed for nefarious purposes. Children don’t realise that the digital world is like a huge filing cabinet and everything they say and do is stored there for a long time, if not forever. More and more schools, universities and potential employers are looking at social media profiles to get an idea of who the person is before they make a decision on whether or not they will accept them into their institutions. One tiny mistake can have a ripple effect and make a lasting impact on a child’s life. Parents should be friends with their children on BBM, FaceBook and other social media platforms to keep an eye on their status and watch out for inappropriate posts and content. You don’t have to overdo it and make comments all the time – respect your child’s space while watching over them. You should also check out their cell phone from time to time (you should have their passwords). Explain that your responsibility to keep them safe overrides their right to privacy!

Heather Hansen

Does Your Daughter’s Social Media Profile Reflect Who She Really Is?

The other day I read an excellent blog written by a mother of boys addressed to all the young teenage girls out there. In it, she says: “I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel. Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it?  You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you? And so, in our house, there are no second chances with pics like that, ladies. We have a zero tolerance policy.  I know, so lame. But, if you want to stay friendly with our sons online, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent.  If you post a sexy selfie (we all know the kind), or an inappropriate YouTube video – even once – it’s curtains. I know that sounds so old-school, but we are hoping to raise men with a strong moral compass, and men of integrity don’t linger over pictures of scantily clad high-school girls.” It got me thinking because I have two sons – one soon to be 15 and the other turning 12. I too hope to raise boys with a strong moral compass. I too question some of the photos posted by young girls on SnapChat, Instagram, FaceBook, Twitter and other social media platforms. I don’t think these girls take the time to think about the fact that by posting scantily clad or pouting, provocative poses, they are giving our boys a message. They are doing themselves and other girls a disservice by encouraging male sexual objectification. Sexual objectification occurs “when a girl or woman’s body or body parts are singled out and separated from her as a person and she is viewed primarily as a physical object of male sexual desire” (Bartky, 1990). Not only this, but Fredrickson and Roberts (1997) asserted that women to varying degrees internalise this outsider view and begin to self-objectify by treating themselves as an object to be looked at and evaluated on the basis of appearance. This can lead to various issues like eating disorders, depression and sexual dysfunction. We need to keep reiterating the message to our kids that there’s a lot more to girls than just how they look. How they act is so much more important! Having said that, girls need to think carefully about the message they’re putting across when they go out wearing tight little shorts or tiny minis and skimpy tops showing lots of cleavage. Just because celebrities do it doesn’t mean it’s okay at their age. One of the questions I ask in an exercise I do with boys is: “Do you think girls are asking for trouble if they wear revealing clothing?” The vast majority say YES. There’s a fine line between trendy and sluttish. Interestingly, many of the boys I’ve talked to said that although they’re happy to look at (and perve over) “hot girls”, they’re far more likely to have a longer-term relationship with girls who are comfortable enough to be “one of the guys”, confident and comfortable with themselves, funny, honest, loyal and intelligent. Girls have so much power – they don’t need to be sexually provocative to attract boys – at least not the right kind of boys – the ones who’ll stick with you through thick and thin! So here’s the thing. You may get the attention you crave if you portray yourself as a sexual siren, but will it be from the sort of boys you want – boys with integrity, who really care about you as a person – not just you as a sexual object to be used and then discarded for someone else? Bottom line is girls, if you want to be taken seriously, don’t sell yourself short. If you want to be respected, treat yourself with respect. Think before you post.

Munchkins

Natural Consequences

It’s a parent’s job to make the rules, it’s the child’s job to try and break them. – Anonymous A natural consequence is a result of an action happening from inexperience or an accident. For instance: ‘If you ride your bike over the step, you will fall and hurt yourself.’ ‘We have asked you repeatedly not to play with your ball in that area. However, you kicked your ball where there was a thorn bush and it punctured. I am sure you are really disappointed.’ A logical consequence is that as a result of disobedience there is a price to pay to help you remember the next time. For instance: ‘If you forget to put your bike away, it will be taken away for a few days.’ I asked you to sit and drink your juice. You chose to get up and so it all spilled. Unfortunately you cannot have any more.’ Both of these examples are extremely effective ways of encouraging a change of behaviour. Allowing children to suffer natural and logical consequences allows them to experience disappointments from making small mistakes or bad decisions, yet still develop winning skills in the process. If they never learn to feel and overcome such feelings of disappointment, they will struggle to cope with the hardships of life. Showing them empathy and unconditional love through this process helps them to feel like winners every time they ‘lose’.

Parenting Hub

Perception vs Reality Of An Insufficient Milk Supply

There are many reasons that a mother may believe there is a problem with her breast milk. You may worry that your milk is not rich or satisfying enough. Perhaps it is causing excessive gas or even an allergic reaction in your baby. But by far, the most common concern when it comes to breastfeeding is that you simply do not have enough milk. This is universally the most typical reason for a mother to give up breast-feeding just a couple of weeks after her baby’s birth. But, studies show that a very limited number of women who terminate breast feeding for this reason actually have a low milk supply. One may suspect a low milk supply when you lose the feeling of ‘fullness’ in your breasts or when your breasts stop leaking. This usually happens at around 6 weeks post birth and is simply a sign that your breasts are adapting to meet the demands of your baby. Often, this coincides with your baby’s first growth spurt. A baby who is going through a growth spurt will want to feed more frequently leaving your breasts feeling less full than normal. This again may cause a mother to believe that she does not have enough milk for her child and she may want to supplement feeds. The key to determining whether your baby is getting enough milk or not is learning about and recognising normal newborn behaviour. Breastfeeding is going well and your baby is getting enough milk if: By day 4 your baby is producing at least six wet nappies in a 24 hour period Your baby is producing pale, diluted urine By day 4 your baby is producing three or more stools in a 24 hour period that are yellow or at least turning yellow Your baby is feeding 8 – 12 times in a 24 hour period Your breasts feel softer after a feed You are not experiencing pain during or after a feed Your baby regains his birth weight after 10 – 14 days Your baby is gaining 150g – 240g per week You can hear your baby swallowing during a feed Your baby is alert during awake times Your baby is content between feeds Genuine Low Milk Supply A genuine low milk supply does and can occur at any time in your breastfeeding journey but can usually be corrected. This is often caused by an incorrect latch, limited time at the breast, improper positioning, illness, a baby’s inability to suck properly or supplemented feedings. A mother may also notice a drop in her milk supply if she is particularly tired, stressed or simply not consuming enough calories in her daily diet. Many second or third time moms will experience a low supply at some point and this is largely due to the fact that life is much busier than it was when you had just one baby to look after. The first thing that one must look at when it comes to increasing your supply is to find the cause of insufficient production and to fix it. Many mothers may be able to increase milk production by simply altering your pattern of feeds and increasing the number of times that you feed in a 24 hour period. However, if your baby is not latching correctly or if she is unable to remove milk from your breast optimally, this will need to be corrected before you can begin to breast-feed successfully. It is a good idea to visit your local well baby clinic or to contact a breastfeeding consultant if you are at all worried that your baby is not getting enough milk. Once you have eliminated causes such as an incorrect latch or illness you can focus on upping your supply. Actions for increasing milk production: Rest as much as possible. relax during feeds as this will encourage milk flow Take a ‘baby break’ and spend 100% of your time with your baby for 48 hours. use this time to focus on increasing feeds and resting. Take special precautions to prevent sore nipples (use a pure form of lanolin, check latch, air dry nipples) Use galactagogues – foods, drinks or herbs used to increase production Use a hospital grade electric breast pump to provide additional stimulation for your breasts – pump for 10 minutes per side after each feed Improve your diet – focus on eating protein with every meal and snack of the day and try to include a breastfeeding or pregnancy specific shake in every 24 hour period Feed your baby at a time when he is alert and hungry to optimise milk removal Resume night feeds if they have been dropped Nurse for comfort if your baby is fussy Encourage your baby to feed more frequently and for longer time periods On the rare occasion even after trying all of the above, a mother may still be struggling. In this case, it may be worth asking your doctor about various drugs that one can safely take to encourage milk production.

Parenting Hub

My Divorce Discipline Dilemma

I didn’t realize that a year after my divorce , with a group of unruly children on my hands, that I and I alone had contributed to their lack of discipline.My once , well mannered ,obedient children were now bordering on juvenile delinquents that I hardly recognized and most defiantly did not like. As always, we are able to see others faults and never our own and it wasn’t until someone pointed out to me that I was about to just give in to save myself the “fight” , that I realized I’d become a “guilt ” mom. One of those parents who just gives in .So why you may ask , if I’d successfully brought up 6 amazing children and with so many years child care experience did I make this fault?  Was I just lazy? Did I give up on parenting? Had I forgotten to put my children first? There are many factors , from stress to financial and lifestyle changes . We suffered the loss of not having our family structure complete, and I personally missed my other children who are provinces away from us. Our lifestyle changed as I went from a full time stay at home, home school mom to suddenly working the 8 hour day and the children attended school for the first time. Thrown into the mix were special needs , learning disabilities , homework ,after care issues , school runs , a new province , no support system and trying to be both parents, emotionally , physically and financially ,  to my children as they adjusted to this upheaval. I don’t believe I ever intentionally didn’t put them , their emotions or needs first but truthfully, it became easier to give in than to “fight “and see them “hurt ” all over again. I was also exhausted , overwhelmed and trying to keep it together when everything was falling apart around me.The biggest problem with this is that I created a catalyst for myself. We lost our familiarity and structure. Struggling to gain a daily routine my children began to act out looking for their safe comforts. I was unable to see this , amidst the chaotic new lifestyle we began. So , how do you fix these issues?To fix a problem you first have to see it . Then acknowledge it and take ownership for the part you’ve played in creating the problem. Being responsible by changing what’s wrong to ensure the problem is resolved is a lot easier said than done. That takes courage , resolve and patience.I had to remind myself , I had created this problem over a year , it wasn’t going to fix itself overnight. And yes , I still find myself tempted to just give in . But , seeing how much calmer our home is and watching my children return to their loving selves is enough to keep me from giving in.It took some tough love on my eldest son, 17, but firm boundaries and following through with my words and actions were an asset in reinforcing family and home rules . It took many tears , mostly mine . Some guilt and hours of beating myself over for being a bad mom .With the younger children , 13 and 11, it was easier . By setting stricter rules and not allowing myself to get caught up in the emotion behind the misbehavior I am able to keep control  and of course following through with what I say. We will never have the same structure or family dynamic as before but our home rules haven’t changed . We finding a new groove to slot into, one that works uniquely for us. And yes , it is that easy.We all make mistakes as parents . None of us are given a rule book to follow and all the advise in the world is just advise if you haven’t walked that road. My children and I are on a road we’ve never traveled before and we doing it one day and one mistake at a time.

Ati2ud

Does your relationship feel like it’s falling apart? 

Are you constantly fighting and in the “here we go again” cycle….? Do you want to fix it? Everyone faces challenges in their life or relationship where they need a little help, I’m here to tell you that you do not have to face this time alone.  You are probably moving through one of the phases of the relationship cycle that every couple experiences in their relationship. Conflict is often seen as a negative and something that many seem to avoid at all costs instead of as an opportunity to grow. We experience conflict in all areas of our lives on an ongoing basis, within ourselves, with our partners, our children, our families and even in our working environment. Do any of the following statements resonate with you? You’re unhappy in your relationship and want to fix it It feels like you and your partner are living seperate lives You have a good relationship but you’ve got into a rut and it’s boring You want to start a new relationship and not repeat the same mistakes from previous ones You keep fighting about the same things over and over again and want to stop You want your relationship to be one that is loving and caring You can’t understand why your relationships never last You struggle to keep and maintain friendships You are uncomfortable in social situations e.g. networking People have mentioned you come across as abrupt, abrasive or insensitive Imago Relationship Therapy, founded by Harville Hendrix (PhD), teaches us that we connect with a person as a result of an unconscious match between a mental image of our parents/caretakers, created in childhood (called Imago) and certain character traits of that person (our trigger points) shaping who we become, our thought patterns and our behavioural traits. This then contributes to how we manage relationships and conflict in our adult lives. A key aspect to note is that children model themselves on their primary caretakers (usually their parents), hence the developmental years of a child’s life are the most crucial, as this forms the foundation of a child’s emotional development. This is where we learn how to communicate, manage conflict, express emotion, feelings and vulnerability. If children are exposed to a negative, confrontational environment, they soon will develop behavioural patterns that align to the environment they have been exposed to. The converse also applies. When these children then grow up and form relationships of their own, similar patterns and traits begin to play out time and time again. As a Relationship Wellness Coach, Paula Quinsee helps couples whose relationships have gotten stale reignite the fire that they once had so that they never have to worry about having to go through a painful divorce or break-up. She also works with individuals to help them understand their relationship patterns, why their past relationships did not work and how to fix this. Attend one of her regular monthly workshops for great empowering tools. For more information go to www.ati2ud.com  

Parenting Hub

Inspiring Challenges, Stimulating Experiences, Healthy Results

Recently, my eight year old told me that I’m his greatest challenge in life and that he is tired of challenges, he just wants support. (The topic of our conversation was respect so you might see where he was going with this). I assured him that a challenge is not a bad thing for when we choose our challenges they can stimulate and inspire us. He looked at me disbelievingly, so I picked up the cue to change my language. He loves lego. He’s been mad about lego building for the past 5 years, and this falls into his top 3 loves at the moment.   Here is the conversation that followed: Mom: When you play with lego, you are doing something that you enjoy, and I don’t have to beg you to do it, right? Son: Nods his head. Mom: Do you only build the easy things? Son: Sometimes and sometimes I like making difficult things. Right now I’m building a dragon that is so big, and I’m doing it all by myself and it is taking me ages, hours, days. T here are some parts I need to do over because they need to be just right otherwise he won’t move. And he has to be able to move, that’s the point. The enthusiasm experienced while engaging in a loved activity aids the individual to enter into what artists and sports people call ‘The Zone’. The place of manifestation. During this time we have such intense concentration, clarity and vision. Everything around us fades away as we become absorbed and immersed into the moment. Encouraging our children to follow their hearts and to cultivate a connection with their inner voice gives them personal fulfilment as well as stimulating the brain, enhancing intellect and aiding physical growth. When we love what we do and do what we love our body, mind and soul is nourished. Inspiration causes our mind to say, “This is fun! I love this!” Then our brain reacts with happy neurons sending messages to the blood saying “Hey, come get your boost of the most power packed organic supplement ever, and guess what, its’ free!” The cells absorb this goodness that aids them to release even more and maintain the flow going. It really is this simple. Dr. John Demartini, human behaviour specialist, explains in his course The Breakthrough Experience that human beings grow most at the border of support and challenge. An activity that a child does because s/he wants to has just the right dose of both. Such experiences are not only gratifying for the moment but have long lasting effects such as increased involvement and enjoyment of learning. In their book, ‘Light up Your Child’s Mind’, Dr. Jospeh Renzulli and Sally Reis discuss how a child whose passions are noted and fulfilled can shine in all other areas of life. One such case study is about a boy called Ross whose work at school was declining. After spending some time with Ross, they found out that he loved trains. When asked how school could be made more meaningful for him Ross responded by saying he would love to make a movie about the switching station under the bridge. So he did. It took many months and though he missed some classes he willingly made up the work. “Here was the payoff: Ross’s enthusiasm for school increased dramatically, his grades reflected that enthusiasm, and he was later accepted into a highly regarded university.”   What does your child love doing? When last has s/he engaged in this activity? How can you make this passion part of everyday life? With kindled creativity, children learn to deal with, understand and respond positively to challenges of all kinds. Sometimes the solution is not complicated, sometimes it is as simple as enjoying life.

The South African Depression and Anxiety Group

Bullying and Teen Suicide

by Stephanie Harel “For 2 years, Johnny, a quiet 13-year-old boy was a human play-thing for some of his classmates. The teenagers badgered Johnny for money, forced him to swallow weeds and drink milk mixed with detergent, beat him up in the restroom and tied a string around his neck, leading him around as a pet”. (Olweus, 1995 – as cited in Marsh & Wolfe, Abnormal Child Psychology, 4th edition, 2010, p. 164). Someone once said that suicide happens when the fear of life exceeds the fear of death… A most chilling definition of what it means to take one’s life. The literature on teen bullying is voluminous and yet, it is a social ill that remains largely ignored. Bullying is an old concept that we are all familiar with. However, bullying in schools today continues to be rife, and South African schools are not exempt from it. This hostile form of antisocial behaviour has almost gained the status of social pandemic. It is a phenomenon that often has tragic consequences, as is apparent in websites entitled ‘bullying stats’. Nowadays teen suicides by victims of bullies are more frequently reported. Bullying happens when one or more people expose another to unpleasant actions that take the form of physical offense, verbal insults and deliberate alienation from a group. Irrespective of the angle that bullying takes, its overriding intention remains the same throughout the world: it presents itself as coward disguised as macho, it creates an imbalanced power relationship where the victim is incapable of defence. Although it is important to note that girls differ from boys in the ways they bully others, whereby girls use more indirect forms of social aggression such as gossiping and spreading rumours whilst boys are more directly threatening, it is just as important to bear in mind that whatever form it takes, bullying is universally offensive and can cause death. Understanding the profile of a bully may help to create awareness and may increase the knowledge of those who are empowered to make a difference in schools. Typical bullies are usually aggressive towards both peers and adults. They are often impulsive, have a need to dominate others, are physically stronger than their peers, have little empathy and derive satisfaction from inflicting pain on their victims. More recently, bullying has adopted technology as an additional means of inflicting harm on its victims. The widespread access to the Internet and cell phones has led to new forms of bullying. Threats, insults, harassment and intimidation now reach victims by emails, text messaging and defamatory websites. This new channel of violence has taken on unprecedented momentum – Internet bullying in the USA is believed to be even more common than face-to-face bullying. “Technology has wider implications. Because social media never sleeps, bullying today has no boundaries. Previously home provided some reprieve from bullying at school; today a victim has no place to hide. The onslaught continues 24/7, beyond the classroom and the playground, via cyberspace. Technology has stretched the limits of bullying by adding a timeless psychological element to it that could intensify its impact.” Without major school interventions and policies, the prevalence of bullying will remain high. Besides suicide and other tragic consequences that this social menace brings, bullying has further implications. In the USA research has shown that nearly 40% of boys who were bullies in school were convicted of repeated criminal offenses by the time they were 24 years old. So bullying has a long lifespan. Furthermore, in discussions on bullying, the spotlight is often on the bully; to date, not much consideration has been given to reactions of the victim that survives. Victims might be stereotypically thought of as anxious, submissive and physically weak, but resentment is most definitely a trait that they could possess, a dormant trait that is nonetheless present. Once resentment awakens, it could be fuelled by the incessant pattern of bullying, it could spiral out of control. Resentment leads to anger and from there on to full blown retaliation that may know no boundaries. When a ‘victim turns perpetrator’ the number of casualties could be fatal. Albeit reluctantly, we are reminded of the school shootings in the USA – could those terrifying acts have perhaps been products of a long history of bully victims?

Paarl Dietitians

My life as a Dietitian but a MOTHER to a fussy eater

Thrown away yet another plate of your child’s food? OR is he/she refusing to eat anything else than french fries for the last two days – if anything at all? Have you gone from begging, to nagging to screaming just to get in one bite of veggies? Well, JOIN THE CLUB! I am a dietitian (yes dietitians too can have children with eating troubles) and a mother of a 4 and 2 year old. My 4 year old daughter has been introduced to every possible fruit and vegetable as a baby and ate it all – from potatoes to leeks and peppers!! But once the terrible two’s hit she started refusing all her favourite healthy foods and everything on top of that. She would not even taste something new. If she could eat mini cheddars for a month she would and will NOT get tired of it. I wanted to pull the hair out of my head and became worried that she’ll develop nutritional deficiencies. I simply started implementing my knowledge as dietitian and it really worked – we are making great progression and every week she started to taste something new and the next week she will eat it – like it’s just another French fry… As parent we make a common mistake and assume kids won’t eat or like certain foods and there is a perception that kids like chicken nuggets, fries and sandwiches and we are hesitant to introduce foods we fear they won’t eat. Our attitude towards food are just as important as the foods we offer. I want to share a few tips which really worked for me: DO NOT make separate food for your child – I cannot stress this enough..If he doesn’t want to eat the food you prepared for him..whatever you do..DO NOT give in to temptation and give something else!! Children are master manipulators and food is one of the mayor ways to manipulate parents. This you should keep on implementing, but it worked like a charm Eat at least one meal together as a family – monkey see..monkey do! Let them help in food preparation – it helps them to learn about certain foods and get familiar with it. Give small portion and praise your child for eating…even if it is just a bite. Don’t give anything else than water in the hour before meals, this will ensure your child is hungry Minimize distraction – try and avoid watching television while eating Whatever you do try to not bribe with dessert or don’t use food as a reward. He will start to think of sweets as good and veggies as nasty. Try and organise to eat with friends whose children eat well – good examples work well, but do not give too much attention NEVER force a child to eat. If he rejects the food, stay calm, remove the plate, keep it in the microwave and when he complains he is hungry later on, offer the same food Be patient. Some children are slow eater Remember … kids eat with their eyes. So if you have to make a flower with cucumber and tomatoes or a sun with oranges, just do it, because the last thing you want is a teenager who still needs to have the crusts cut off of the bread and eats nothing but starch and meat!! Keep introducing a new food with every meal. It takes 10-15 times for your toddler to see a new food before he/she will try it Remember children’s tastes changes, so one day he’ll hate something, next month he will love it, so KEEP CALM … and KEEP COOKING !

Parenting Hub

Cutting in Adolescence

The following is not meant to invoke fear, though it may, but rather, inform you as to a trend starting in early adolescence that has existed for decades in the dark. There is a plethora of means to self-harm, such as anorexia, or starving / restricting food intake; bulimia, or purging / vomiting up food soon after consumption; and so on. However, the form of self-harm briefly discussed here falls within the realm of self-mutilation, known as cutting. Burning oneself is also included as another form of self-mutilation. The information to follow may be difficult to read, though awareness is necessary. Take breaks in reading this article if need be and do not continue reading until you feel more settled. Emerging adolescence is an extremely challenging time developmentally, emotionally, psychologically, culturally, and socially. As such it is not uncommon for adolescents to experiment with various means, such as sex, drugs, and alcohol, as well as exercise, and academia, to sooth their plight. Another means is cutting. Often cutting involves the straight, parallel, mild to severe, incisions to the skin. In addition, words, patterns, and symbols may present. These injuries are commonly located on the outer and inner forearms, biceps, shoulders, and the outer and inner thighs. Cutting has been also known to occur, in even more severe instances, on the hips, in the nooks and crannies of the palms, under the feet, between the fingers and toes, on the breasts, as well as on other genitals for females, and for males. Though cutting is significantly more common in young girls and older women, cutting definitely occurs among clusters of young boys and older men as well. In fact, cutting has become increasingly popular among male youths. Commonly, cutting is an isolative and secretive experience in terms of the action itself, and in concealing the outcome. In general, adolescents hide their more risky behaviours, and, in general, we adults tend not to see the extent of those behaviours. Thus cutting may occur for many months, or years, or may never be discovered. Though few who cut wear their injuries like a badge, most hide their wounds with thin, long-sleeve tops and jeans, even in extreme heat, and insistently avoid shorts, dresses, short-sleeve tops, and the like. More seasoned self-mutilators will knowingly wear shortened clothing to avoid suspicion, and cut on the fewer hidden areas. The point here is to be aware of unusual behaviour and potential warning signs, and not to assume self-mutilation when faced with fashion choices we simply do not understand or we outright dislike. Self-mutilation or cutting may occur with almost any implement, for example, kitchen knives, forks, pocket knives, scissors, razor blades, glass, paperclips, paperclip removers, nails, keys, box cutters, bottle openers, barbwire fencing, thorny bushes, open canned-food lids, nail clippers, paint peelers, and the like. The list is essentially endless. It is impossible to eliminate all items that may be used for cutting; however, one may take note of implements that are oddly located, stained with dried blood, missing, and so on. In addition, note whether plasters, tape, bandages, cloths, gauze, and/or disinfectants, are empty frequently, or inexplicably. Furthermore, note whether blood-stained clothing is placed in the wash, even within, or under other clothes; and/or whether clothes have ‘disappeared’ at a highly unorthodox pace. Those clothes may have had dried blood on them, and so, discarded. The reasons behind cutting as a means of coping or self-soothing are far too vast to explore in-depth here, however, briefly, most cutters tend to self-harm to anesthetise, ‘zone-out’, distract from, or numb feelings, such as despair, helplessness, self-hatred, emptiness, frustration, rage, hopelessness, regret, guilt, shame, and so on. In contrast, cutting also may be used in order to shift from a state of numbness to a place of feeling, such as feeling in control, free, special, accepted, joyous (usually from an endorphin or adrenalin rush), powerful, focused, calm, relieved, and so on. Though this is a general description in understanding self-mutilation, it is important that the individual cutter become aware of their idiosyncratic reasons for doing what they do. Despite the myth, once an adolescent has found cutting as a means of coping or self-soothing, it is generally quite difficult to just simply stop the behaviour, and relapses or re-occurrences are expected, even in treatment. The hope is to reduce the frequency and severity of the cutting over time until it becomes needless and purposeless. Use the analogy of an alcoholic and his or her alcohol to grasp the difficulty involved. In that, it is always important to keep a complete and unexpired first aid kit regardless of whether cutting occurs or not. It is important that adolescents are approached calmly and gently when engaged by his or her worried, panicked, frustrated, confused, angry, and/or saddened parent or caregiver, upon questioning, or discovery, of any cutting or self-mutilating behaviours. As stated earlier, adolescents tend to not fully disclose their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours to their caregivers. As such, adolescents who are unable to talk about, or even articulate, their cutting to their parents or caregivers, should be referred to their nearest or most trusted healthcare professional, such as a psychiatrist and/or psychologist. In more severe instances, visits and/or admission to the nearest medical or psychiatric hospital or treatment facility may be most opportune. In that, though cutting itself differs from an actual suicide attempt, accidental death may occur in certain circumstances, and in a few severe instances, suicide attempts may co-occur. It is then better to err on the side of caution, than avoid, dismiss, or ignore. In terms of understanding cutting better, two excellent books to read are Marliee Strong’s (1998) A Bright Red Scream: Self-Mutilation and the Language of Pain; and Steven Levenkron’s (1998) Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation.

Lynne Brown

Diet & Delinquency – A Connection?

We are all aware that “we are what we eat”, however our knowledge is usually limited to the fact that the wrong foods could cause heart attacks, obesity and compromise our immune systems but the idea that they can also affect our minds, even our behaviour is less known. However Patrick Holford in his book “Food is better medicine than drugs” says: “…children and adults with ADHD often have one or more nutritional imbalances that, once identified and corrected, can dramatically improve their energy, focus, concentration and behaviour” and “The combination of the right vitamins, minerals and essential fats can truly transform children with learning and behavioural difficulties.” He quotes the following four nutritional solutions that have been well proven to make a difference: Sugar-free and low GL diets Essential fats especially Omega-3s Vitamins and minerals Allergy-free and additive-free diets Go sugar-free There are a number of possible causes of ADHD but the most common is blood sugar problems. Sugar is rocket fuel to an ADHD child so you can expect him to get out of control. Dietary studies consistently reveal that hyperactive children tend to eat more sugar than other children and while going from sugary drinks to sugary snacks throughout the day, some of these kids consume 50 teaspoons of sugar in a day. Yes, for proper brain function he does need a constant supply of glucose to his brain but this is best achieved by controlling insulin levels. Do this by ensuring your child has protein and carbohydrate at every meal and snack, e.g. fruit and nuts or rice and fish. Eliminate sugars and refined carbohydrates such as white bread and white rice from his diet and replace with complex carbohydrates such as brown rice, rolled oats, lentils and barley. Also replace fizzy drinks and fruit juices with clean water. Essential Fats Children diagnosed with ADHD often show symptoms of essential fatty acid deficiency, such as excessive thirst, dry skin, eczema and asthma. Omega-3s are found in oily fish such as sardines, salmon and mackerel but most ADHD children will also need to take fish oil capsules daily, containing at least 200 mg EPA and 100 mg DHA. Flax, sunflower and pumpkin seeds are good sources of omega 6 and 9 and should be added to food or used as snacks every day. Pumpkin seeds are also high in magnesium which is calming. Use only olive oil in cooking and salads. Vitamins and Minerals It is well documented that academic performance improves and behavioural problems diminish significantly when children are given nutritional supplements. A whole green food supplement, such as the dried juice of barley grass, would be best here since it is easily digested and contains enzymes, vitamins and minerals that work together synergistically. Nature knows best! ADHD sufferers are commonly deficient in two minerals in particular, namely magnesium and zinc. Identify food sensitivities One study showed that ADHD children turned out to be seven times more likely to have food allergies than other children, the most common being dairy products and wheat. A very high percentage of ADHD children react to food colourants and flavourings, MSG, dairy, chocolate or oranges. Other problematic foods are corn, yeasts, soya, peanuts and eggs. If your ADHD child also exhibits some of the following symptoms of nasal problems and excessive mucus, ear infections, facial swelling, tonsillitis, digestive problems, bad breath, bedwetting, then a food allergy test is worth doing. Otherwise avoid all processed foods and treat your child to natural, wholesome food that you have prepared yourself! A treatable disorder Though it may take trial and error to find out what works for your child, it is well worth the effort. Effective treatment will allow individuals to realize their abilities and intelligence, making huge differences in their self-esteem and capacity to function in the world.

Parenting Hub

Smoking and Your Baby

Mothers’ smoking during pregnancy is well-recognized as carrying a range of serious health risks for the unborn baby including fetal mortality, low birth weight, premature birth and a range of serious birth defects such as cleft palate, club foot and heart problems. Heart Defects Congenital heart defects are the most common type of birth defects, contributing to approximately 30 percent of infant deaths from birth defects annually. Tobacco exposure in the womb may be a huge contributing factor. According to study results just published in the 28 Feb 2011 issue of the journal Pediatrics, women who smoke during the first trimester of pregnancy increase their unborn child’s risk of being born with congenital heart defects by 20 to 70 percent. The study, conducted  by the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), found a link between tobacco and defects that inhibit blood flow from the right side of the heart into the lungs and openings between the upper chambers of the heart. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) SIDS, also known as cot death, is marked by the sudden death of an infant that is unexpected by medical history and remains unexplained after a thorough forensic autopsy and a detailed death scene investigation. However, studies show that infants of mothers who smoked during pregnancy are three times more likely to die of SIDS than those whose mothers were smoke-free. Furthermore, exposure to secondhand smoke doubles a baby’s risk of SIDS. According to the US Surgeon General’s Report, infants who die from SIDS tend to have higher concentrations of nicotine and conicotine (a biological marker for secondhand smoke exposure) in their body fluids than those who die from other causes. Yet another good reason to ditch the cigs. I know quitting smoking is no easy task but it just has to be easier than grieving for a lost child! Second Hand Smoke A pregnant mother who does not smoke and breathes in secondhand smoke has a 23% higher chance of delivering a stillborn baby or a 13% higher chance of giving birth to a child with congenital birth defects. This is what researchers from the University of Nottingham, England, revealed in the journal Pediatrics. As we still do not know when the effects of secondhand smoke may begin, it is important to protect women from environmental tobacco smoke not only during pregnancy, but also beforehand. Expectant fathers need to be aware of the harmful effects their smoking might have, and ultimately, in the interests of their partner and their unborn child, the best option would be to give up completely (Men also need to know that smoking does have an impact on sperm development and hence the prospects of the resulting foetus. Please quit before you even try for a baby). Enter Third Hand Smoke. Unheard of before but now thought to be the reason why babies who sleep in their parents’ bedrooms exhibit nicotine levels three times higher than those that sleep in another room – even though the parents don’t smoke in their bedroom. These figures show that they suffer from what is known as “third-hand smoke”, in other words the harmful smoke particles that impregnate their parents’ skin, clothes and hair. This third hand smoke – the invisible remains of cigarette smoke that deposits on carpeting, clothing, furniture and other surfaces – also poses a serious health hazard to babies crawling on carpets. So what to do? In view of all the above, the guidelines to parents are clear: Do not smoke during pregnancy (mothers and fathers). Never smoke or let anyone smoke near your baby. Never smoke or let anyone smoke in a room where your baby will sleep. If you smoke, do not sleep in the same room as your baby. Don’t hesitate to ask visitors not to smoke near your baby. Avoid visiting smoky places with your baby. Any of the above will make your baby smoke passively and increase his/her risk of health problems significantly. Baby will also be more prone to colds and airway infections and have an increased chance to develop asthma and other diseases. Quitting is the single most important thing a couple can do to give their baby a chance at better health. So how about quitting today!

Parenting Hub

ADHD?

“There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very, very good, And when she was bad She was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.” This is quote from the British Satirical Magazine, Private Eye. Amusing maybe but also very sad, and makes me wonder how often a perfectly normal child is diagnosed with ADHD. Ritalin Deficiency? ADHD is characterized by impulsive behavior, inability to concentrate, short attention span, ease of distraction, and hyperactivity. The number-one drug used to treat ADHD is Ritalin, a central nervous system stimulant. Is it possible we are breeding a new generation of children who are Ritalin deficient? Highly unlikely. Try this theory rather: ADHD is caused by the food that children of this generation are putting into their mouths. How do we expect a child to have normal behaviour if he is fed refined grains, sugars, processed foods loaded with chemicals, juices and fizzy drinks? Then add to that 90 percent fewer vegetables than required along with an overabundance of omega-6 fats and a virtual lack of omega-3 fats. Fish oil does it again A study by the University of Adelaide in Australia found that fish oil improves the symptoms of ADHD more effectively than drugs like Ritalin and Concerta and without any of the side effects. When 130 children between the ages of 7 and 12 with ADHD were given fish oil capsules daily, behaviour dramatically improved within three months. Furthermore, after seven months, the children were not as restless and showed improvements at school in concentration and attention, reading abilities and vocabulary. When the researchers compared their results to studies of Ritalin and Concerta for ADHD, they found that fish oils were more effective. This poses the question: “Why treat millions of ADHD kids with drugs more powerful than cocaine when a simple food change is far more effective?” – I leave that one for you to think about. The Cleverness Capsule The Daily Mail reported the following on 10 May 2005: “Jamie Oliver may be responsible for revolutionising school dinners, but now it seems one simple change to children’s diet could not only boost their brain power but also make them better behaved.  A major new study found that adaily dose of fish oil supplements had a dramatic effect on the abilities of underachieving children in Durham.” Apart from the fact that parents reported a significant improvement in their behaviour, after just three months on the fish oils, they were reading at18 monthsabove their age.In addition, most of the pupils showed a 10 – 20% improvement in memory. The supplement was also given to children without behavioural or learning difficulties and in some of these cases a dramatic and even immediate effect was reported. Numerous studies Numerous studies conducted in all parts of the world on the effect of supplementing with Omega-3 from fish oils have shown similar results leaving a strong suggestion that some children with developmental problems, including ADHD and dyslexia, can benefit from taking omega-3 supplements. And no adverse effects have been reported to date. Researchers believe that fish oil works via effects on brain function. You simply cannot have a healthy functioning brain in a child that is not given the proper ingredients to develop optimal brain function. What else is needed? If you have a child with learning or behavioural difficulties, before you allow him or her to be labeled ADHD and placed on Ritalin, it may be worth giving fish oil a chance. However this will need to go hand-in–hand with a healthy diet and a good multivitamin and mineral supplement. All the fish oil in the world is not going to help a child who is still being fed junk food.

Parenting Hub

Healthful Tips For A Healthy Pregnancy

You have just found out that you are pregnant – all excited and ready to let the world know that you are about to bring forth a new life! But once the initial excitement is over, you begin to ponder over what you should or should not be doing to ensure you have a healthy baby. Good nutrition plays a vital role for both the mother and the unborn child. An expectant mother should therefore be aware of the influence her nutritional choices will have on her and her little one. Here are some common questions and answers to help empower those moms-to-be! How much weight should you gain? Should pregnant women really be eating for two? What kinds of foods should be included, limited and avoided? How to manage nausea? What about supplements? What is gestational diabetes and how do you manage it? What about high cholesterol levels during pregnancy? How Much Weight Should I Gain?  The amount of weight gain will vary depending on your pre-pregnancy weight. If you are at a healthy weight (BMI between 18.5 and 25) before pregnancy, your weight increase over the pregnancy period should be between 11-16kg. If you are overweight (BMI between 25 and 30), you should not gain more than 7-11kg. If you are obese (BMI above 30) you should not gain more than 7kg. If you were underweight prior to conception (BMI less than 18.5), you should gain between 12-18kg. Adequate weight gain as well as following a healthy, balanced diet is required to ensure the health of your baby. Should Pregnant Women Really Be Eating For Two? Eating for two from the beginning of your pregnancy is a common myth which, if followed, can result in unnecessary weight gain. During the first trimester, you should only gain about one or two kilograms of body weight, as nutritional requirements only increase from the second trimester onwards (i.e. from the fourth month). To put this into perspective, during the second trimester energy intakes should increase by about 1,420 kJ (equivalent to 2 dairy and 2 starch servings) per day and a further 470 kJ (equivalent to 1 starch and 1 fruit serving) per day in the third trimester (this being for someone who had a healthy BMI prior to conception). Note: energy requirements increase due to growth of the baby and the mother’s increased body weight. Additional energy requirements will differ from person to person and is also dependent on the mother’s level of physical activity. What Kinds Of Foods Should Be Included, Limited And Avoided? The Heart and Stroke Foundation South Africa (HSF) recommends including a variety of foods from the different food groups (dairy, starch, protein, vegetables, fruit and fats) before conception as well as during pregnancy. The minimum number of servings per food group should be as follows: Low fat or fat free dairy (milk, yoghurt, cheese, buttermilk or maas) – to provide adequate calcium and protein (3 servings per day – 1 serving is equivalent to 1 cup (250 ml) milk, 1 tub (175 ml) yoghurt or a matchbox size (30g) of cheese) Unrefined starches (whole wheat bread, rolls, cereals, rice, pasta and potatoes) – to provide fibre, proteins and B vitamins (7 servings per day – 1 serving is equivalent to 1 slice of bread, ½ cup cereal, porridge, cooked pasta or rice) Lean proteins (meat, fish, chicken, turkey, ostrich, soya, eggs, legumes and lentils) – to provide protein, iron and B vitamins (7 servings per day – 1 serving is equivalent to a matchbox size (30g) of meat/chicken/fish, 1 egg, 1/3 cup of beans or lentils) Vegetables and fruit to provide vitamins and minerals (at least 5 servings per day – 1 serving is equivalent to 1 medium sized fruit, ½ cup cooked vegetables or 1 cup of raw vegetables or salad) Healthy fats (mono and polyunsaturated such as vegetable oils, soft-tub margarines, avocado, olives, nuts and seeds) (around 3 servings per day – 1 serving is equivalent to 1 teaspoon oil or soft tub margarine, ¼ avo, a small handful of nuts or seeds) Note: The quantities of food should be adjusted to meet individual requirements to promote appropriate weight gain. Pregnant teenagers and underweight women may need greater quantities and should preferably consult a dietitian or health care professional. Water: Drink plenty of clean, safe water daily. Increasing fibre intake without drinking adequate water can lead to constipation. Artificial Sweeteners: Moderate use of these sweeteners has been deemed safe even though some sweeteners can be transmitted over the placenta. It must be noted though that women with a rare metabolic condition, phenylketonuria (PKU), should avoid these sweeteners. Caffeine: Caffeine intake should be limited to no more than 2 cups of coffee or 5 cups of tea per day. Alcohol: No alcohol should be consumed during pregnancy as it can lead to foetal alcohol syndrome (resulting in slow growth, slow mental development, eye problems, face and skull abnormalities and low birth weight). Although some health professionals will advise on moderate drinking, we don’t know at what level the harmful effects start. Therefore it is better to completely avoid alcohol. For Food Safety Reasons To Reduce The Risk Of Food Borne Illnesses, Avoid: Processed cold meats or deli meats unless they are reheated until very hot Avoid cured but uncooked meats like smoked salmon or Parma ham. Cooked cold meats such as smoked chicken, ham or beef can be eaten if you buy from a reputable store, make sure it’s in date, and store meat in a fridge without letting it stand outside at room temperature. Soft cheeses like feta, brie, camembert and blue veined cheese unless they are labelled ‘made with pasteurised milk’. Other options like mozzarella, cheese spreads and cottage cheese can be safely consumed Refrigerated paté or meat spreads. Canned or shelf-stable paté and meat spreads can be eaten Eating smoked seafood that is refrigerated unless it’s an ingredient in a cooked dish like pizza Raw/seared fish or shellfish as well as rare meat cuts Unwashed vegetables How To Manage Nausea? Nausea is common during pregnancy and you can try one of

Parenting Hub

The Pursuit of Excellence, Not Perfection.

We live in a society where doing your best is simply not good enough anymore. From work commitments, to social gatherings, school fees to rent. We are bombarded in every aspect by a consumerist society that just wants us to do more! Unfortunately it is having negative ramifications on our children. The children of today are being brought up with a perfectionist attitude and its becoming an epidemic. Perfectionism is unachievable. It would be great if we could achieve all we set out to in life but unfortunately that is simply not the nature of the world. A perfectionist viewpoint is essentially setting us up for failure, so then what? You may ask. We need to teach our children to pursue excellence. Perfectionism leads to a fear of failure and an irrational belief that everything has to always go our way. Excellence however is both rational and achievable. You are simply doing the best that you can. This paradigm shift thus serves to eradicate anxiety, fear and dread and rather encourages excitement and motivation. The perfectionist will never be happy with her efforts which effects self esteem, self worth and confidence. One can never attain true happiness if they work from a fear based paradigm. However excellence on the other hand allows people to free up their creative mind and actually enjoy the process. Life is at the end of the day about the journey, and if you and your children are not going to enjoy it, then what’s the point? Try shifting your own mindset and that of your children. Here are a few examples to get you started… A perfectionist is driven by fear of disappointment, yet in the pursuit of excellence we are inspired by passion A perfectionist’s self esteem is based on external sources of accomplishment, whereas in the pursuit of excellence you have an intrinsic value and an internal positive locus of control As a perfectionist you feel you must be strong and not show vulnerabilities, yet in the pursuit of excellence you can share doubts and vulnerabilities with others

Raising Kids Positively

Games Are Fun And Really Good For Us

One of the easiest and fastest ways for grown-ups to feel like kids again is to play games with them. It turns out playing games are actually really good for us. Carol Surya, author and child psychologist who has developed the children’s self esteem game, InnerMagic™ explains why:  1. Games promote family fun and togetherness Playing games naturally connect us with others, giving us a chance to be together in a “present-moment” way. By having regular ‘game time’ we’re giving the whole family ‘time off’ to be together and have fun. We’re also showing our kids that play is important and that we value spending quality time with them.  2. Games teach patience, sharing and good sportsmanship Even simple games like hide and seek or snakes and ladders involve taking turns and learning to respect others’ feelings. Kids can learn to regulate their own emotions by learning how it feels to ‘win’ and ‘loose’, inevitably building awareness of rules, ‘good play’ and fairness. Much needed life skills! 3. Playing games are fun and make us happy Instantly ridding us of seriousness and bringing us into the present, games are a sure way to make us happy and can even help kids feel more confident. The interaction and hands on time spent with us is what they thrive on. 4. Through game play we can master a ton of skills By playing the same game repetitively, a child’s brain can learn concepts that could take a lot longer to master in the classroom setting.   Developmentally games provide a easy, fun way for children to tackle eye-hand coordination; manual dexterity; colour, number and shape recognition; grouping and counting; letter recognition, reading and more. 5. Games help develop motor skills Spending lots of time sitting (in class or in front of TV), their gross and fine motor skills can easily become neglected. Simple games like Twister, Simon Says and rope jumping develop gross motor skills, improving balance and flexibility. Board games need dexterity and improve fine motor skills, whereas balancing games offer a complex multi-sensory activity. Even if your child gets frustrated at first, encourage him to keep trying and he’ll learn to persevere! 6. Game playing stimulates intellectual development Einstein said “play is the highest form of research”. Letting kids figure out things on their own is part of gaming fun! Using reasoning, logic and planning in a fun environment allows kids to build important ‘brain skills’ that promote intelligence. Don’t be too quick to help if they are stumped, encourage and give small hints rather than saying what to do, or taking over. 7. Games can help release excess energy Racing games, tree-climbing, hopscotch, hide and seek get kids moving a lot more than TV or online-game time. Physical games allow them to expend excess energy (and feelings) in a healthy way that otherwise may spill out as ‘bad’ behaviour. 8. Playing games expands creativity, flexibility and imagination Tapping into a world of fantasy, games inspire creativity, with kids often inventing their own way of playing, making up new rules and inspiring them to create their own games. So give yourself a break moms and have some healthy fun gaming. The InnerMagic™ children’s self esteem game is a great developmental tool for the whole family. This interactive emotional intelligence game aimed at 6 to 12 year olds is played between a parent and one or two children and improves self esteem, emotional intelligence, expression, lifeskills and relationships. The game’s central focus is to offer children choices, while moving along rainbow coloured stars which pose real life questions and self esteem building activities, in order to get into each of the six developmental centers and perform a task to win a token. Cleverly designed, the game is fun and challenging, improving critical thinking, communication, decision making, literacy skills and problem solving while teaching children how to express and manage their feelings. Once children start playing, they can’t get enough of InnerMagic™ and parents too love seeing all the positive benefits the game brings. For more information about Carol’s excellent parenting book, Great Kids and the InnerMagic™ children’s game or to purchase your own copy visit the Carol Surya Website Today.  

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