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Tolerance doesn’t = lack of opinions & values

Your child comes to you and tells you that her best friend’s dad is a Muslim and because he wears what looks like a dress and a towel on his head some children in the play ground made fun of her.  She also informs you that kids tease her as well because of her beliefs. Our children need to learn, that picking a side of any subject is essential and builds character; but they also have to learn not to judge someone who is on the other side of their opinion. Every person has the right to their own beliefs, whether in religion, how to raise their child, or lifestyles, as long as they are not harming anyone. If we truly believe in tolerance then we need to teach our child that others are allowed the same privilege.  In other words, we do not need to give up having our own beliefs and/or opinions in order to be tolerant.    In fact how can we teach our children tolerance of other people who might be different in how they think and believe, if they do not have a solid hold on what they personally think and believe? We have become so wishy washy in own beliefs and opinions because we feel that is the only way not to offend others. We have to let our yes’s be yes and our no’s be no.  And we have to be accountable for what we believe and do.  Not only do you have a right to an opinion, as a parent you have the right to teach your children why you believe what you believe. What you don’t have a right to do is force your beliefs on them or anyone else. So what is the best way to help our child have solid thoughts on things and yet be tolerant? I believe that answer is to allow them to think independently while still maintaining your own house rules and beliefs.  More than likely your children will not agree with every house rule you have, but if you allow them to disagree with them, but still insist they follow your rules while they live at home you are teaching tolerance and values such as how to respect those in authority over you. How can we allow our children to think independently while teaching tolerance of your rules? In order for this process to be effective and so your children will learn to think and process things out, you have to allow your children the right to have a difference of opinion without feeling judgement from you even at a young age. This is extremely important or they won’t express themselves to you and you will lose the opportunity to teach tolerance.  We need to be aware of what we are teaching our children and what example they see if we decide to be stubborn by not allowing them to be unique and think differently? There is a fine line between a child asking questions out of inquisitiveness or asking questions out of defiance.  What we have to figure out as parents is how to allow them to have a difference of opinion but still expect our house rules to be followed. Let’s say, for example that your child doesn’t agree with making their bed every day.  They believe that it is a waste of their time as they are going to be getting back into bed in a few hours.  Your house rules are that they are to make their bed every day because you believe tidiness is a bigger lesson than time management.  In all things, it is important for you to set the example, in this case by making your bed every day. Having your reasons established in your mind and repeating them as often as is necessary is essential if you want your children to learn how to rationalize their own set of standards to live by.  They will challenge what you think and believe as often as they can. However by allowing your children  to interact with you regarding this will teach them that you have your reasons and it will teach them that you do not have a set of rules just because you are the parent and can do whatever you want. Understand; asking questions is not defiance on their part. If after the discussion they decided not to make their bed, that’s defiance! As my children have grown, I have continued to have even longer and more serious discussions regarding issues much more important than bed making.  I love these discussions.  I love that I have taught them independent thinking.  I do not want them to grow up to be a robot, or another ‘mini me’.   I want them to have solid reasons for doing what they feel is right, believing what they believe is right and to live according to those beliefs. There are 3 positive things that come out of allowing healthy discussions on subjects you might not agree on. 1. It will show them where you stand on any given subject and why you believe what you do. If it is a subject you have discussed often they will also see your steadfastness in what you believe. 2. It will help them solidify where they stand on any given subject and will teach them to understand why they believe what they do. 3. Your children can learn it is ok to be wrong as long as you are growing and trying to continue to learn.  Admitting when you are wrong will teach them you are not so set in your ways that you cannot change if you have been shown something more viable.  Seeing you are willing to admit when you are wrong will help solidify that when you stay solid on a subject, you are not doing so out of stubbornness, but out of confidence or belief. When our children become adults, they more than anyone, should be able to expect

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Salt Swaps – 8 Easy Exchanges

Most of us eat too much salt, which can lead to high blood pressure and eventually to heart disease and strokes. Changing how much salt we eat is not that easy, especially because most of the salt that we eat is already in the foods we buy. Choosing foods lower in salt can sometimes be difficult, and requires scrutinizing labels for sodium content. This is not always that practical during a rushed visit to the supermarket! This month we want to make eating less salt a little easier and more practical. We have come up with a list of 8 easy swaps to reduce your daily salt intake. 1. Swap salted nuts for unsalted nuts As easy as that! You can also swap salted peanut butter for the unsalted version. This is a no-added-cost, like-for-like swap that we all should do. 2. Processed meat for fresh meat Processed meats like polony, viennas, and other sausages are some of the saltiest foods we eat. Prepare a little more chicken or mince for supper, and use it as a sandwich-filler for the next few days. Tuna can also be a better choice, just rinse out the saltwater from the tin. 3. Salty flavourings for unsalted flavours Spices like barbeque or chicken spice contain mostly salt. If you use them together with table salt or stock cubes, the salt in your meal can double or even triple! Try unsalted flavours like cumin, coriander, paprika, curry powder, garlic, or mixed herbs. You can still add some salt to the meal but remember to taste first and only add a little. 4. Potato crisps for home-made popcorn Crips are VERY salty and not something we should eat as a daily snack at work or at home. We can make popcorn at home in less than 10 minutes for an inexpensive and healthy snack. See the recipe here to flavour your popcorn and keep the salt low! 5. Be the best at breakfast Although we think of them as having a sweet taste, breakfast cereals can have a lot of hidden salt we don’t taste. An easy swap is to choose a cereal that has no salt added, like choosing Weetbix lite without sugar and salt instead of the usual Weetbix. Or eat oats porridge instead of bran flakes. You can also look at the nutritional information on the cereal box and compare different cereals for their sodium content to choose the one lower in salt. 6. Swap cheese for cheese Hard cheese, feta cheese and processed cheeses like cheese spread or cheese slices are very salty. One step better is using cottage cheese or sometimes eating unsweetened yoghurt instead. 7. Choose your fat carefully Hard margarine or salted butter can have surprisingly high salt levels. Rather choose soft margarine to spread on bread or oil like canola when you are cooking. 8. Choose a fruit The last swap is an easy one. Swop your usual snack of biscuits, crackers or biltong for a fruit. Fruits are super low in salt, and also high in healthy fibre, potassium and vitamins. Try to eat an extra fruit every day!

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Teenagers and ergogenic aids: Part 2 (sports foods and medical supplements)

Navigating the world of sports supplements can be overwhelming. While some supplements have been proven to provide physical support for the training body, others can be, at best, a waste of time and money; at worst, detrimental to health, especially for the teenager with a still-developing body. The situation is not aided by perpetual advertising from manufacturers of sports products, who often employ smoke-and-mirrors science for their personal gain. Most of these companies are not even legally obligated to justify the claims on their labels! The solution to this pandemonium is good, solid science which reveals just how beneficial or detrimental these products are. To save us the trouble of doing all the research ourselves, sports institutes have grouped supplements into four categories: Group A are those that have sufficient evidence to support their use and can be recommended in certain situations, Group B are those that may have benefit but we aren’t quite sure yet, Group C are unlikely to be beneficial, and Group D are those that are banned. Some supplements act as performance supplements, with the aim of directly improving performance; some as sports foods, providing nutrients you could otherwise get from food; and some act as medical supplements to treat clinical problems. Today we address sports foods and medical supplements. When addressing ergogenic aids, we need to answer 5 questions: (1) Does it really work? (2) Is it safe? (3) Is it necessary? (4) What is the correct dosage and regime and (5) Is it legal? It is advisable to stick to only Group A supplements that have strong scientific support and are legal – so these are the ergogenic aids we will focus on! Sports drinks, sports gels and electrolyte replacement are all proven, safe, and often necessary in sport, including in teenagers and children, but it can be confusing to know when and where to use each product. Sports drinks (carbohydrate-electrolyte drinks such as Energade or Powerade) are a brilliant way to replenish lost carbohydrate, electrolytes, and fluid during exercise. They prevent dehydration, maintain performance, and some studies show that replacing carbs during exercise enhances the immune system. For any activity lasting more than 60 minutes, children and teens should drink sports drink instead of water! On the other hand, sports gels provide readily available carbohydrate without the added fluid or electrolytes, so use these with caution, only in situations where additional carbohydrate is needed over and above fluid. Electrolyte replacement products, such as Rehidrat, are much higher in electrolytes than sports drinks, and should only be used in situations where there is excess electrolyte loss, such as dehydration, ultra-endurance activities, or abnormal sweat losses, to prevent electrolyte overload. Whey protein, protein powders and meal replacement shakes act to replace balanced meals when eating healthily may be difficult. Whey is a protein considered safe in adults and children. It may be particularly beneficial to health, with studies showing it may reduce risk of some illnesses such as cardiovascular disease or cancer.  Because it is easily absorbed, it is a good option for a protein snack after exercise compared to other, heavier proteins which may cause gastrointestinal upsets. For a teenager who needs to be on a high protein, low fat diet for their sport, whey is a nice protein option as many protein foods do add fat to the diet. Meal replacement shakes are convenient, easy to transport, fast to prepare, fast to drink, and work very well when young athletes are on the road. They have the added benefit of having added vitamins and minerals that are typically quite rare in the average teenager’s diet! Some words of caution with whey and meal replacement shakes: Check ingredients on labels, as many manufacturers add many preservatives, colourants and artificial sweeteners. Avoid these if possible, and rather go for shakes with fewer, natural ingredients that you can pronounce! Also watch the volume of these powders your teen is consuming – liquid calories are easy to have in excess, and can easily lead to undesired weight gain. Remember that excess protein can place stress on developing kidneys, so make sure to monitor the amount of whey being consumed with the guidance of a professional. Ultimately, while these supplements can be useful, they are mostly unnecessary, so there is no need to break the bank on them. All teenage athletes can fulfil their nutrient needs with a good, balanced diet, and excess nutrients will go to waste. Lastly, there may be situations where your teen may need to use medical supplements to support their growth, development and activity. Because of the additional demands on their body, and sometimes dietary restrictions associated with sports, teenage athletes can be at risk of vitamin and mineral deficiencies. There may be occasions where you will want to consider a multivitamin for your young athlete, especially in situations where a balanced food intake isn’t guaranteed – this can be whilst travelling, whilst ill, or a strictly restricted diet. Under normal circumstances, supplementation shouldn’t be necessary if your teenager is managing a healthy, varied, balanced diet. Teen athletes can be at risk of vitamin D deficiency, especially if they take extra precautions to avoid sun exposure and sun burn. Deficiency in this vitamin can not only impair sports performance, but lead to health issues such as bone injuries. Supplementation can help performance and prevent health problems, but only if a blood test confirms a deficiency! Be careful of over-supplementing as vitamin D can be toxic. Athletes are also at risk of calcium deficiency, especially young women who may follow low calorie diets and have very low body fat percentages. Increasing calcium intake with supplements can improve bone density and reduce stress fractures, but is only necessary with very low energy diets or in teenagers who don’t take in at least two dairy servings a day. While all these sports foods and medical supplements have a really helpful role to play, they are seldom truly necessary. Before cleaning out the vitamin aisle at

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Teenagers and Performance Supplements

The term ergogenic aids derives from the Greek words ergon (work) and genes (born), and mean any way of improving energy production. Competition is intense in the athletic world, and it can be hard to avoid the lure of sport supplements that promise improved physique and enhanced performance. A recent study revealed that 98% of teenage athletes use some form of dietary supplement, so this is a reality for any parent of a young sportsman. Some supplements act as performance supplements, with the aim of directly improving performance; some as sports foods, providing nutrients you could otherwise get from food; and some act as medical supplements to treat clinical problems. Today we address performance supplements.  When addressing ergogenic aids, we need to answer 5 questions:  Does it really work?  Is it safe?   Is it necessary?  What is the correct dosage and regime and  Is it legal? Being able to discern which ergogenic aids really work is made more complicated by aggressive marketing by sports nutrition companies that isn’t necessarily factually true. The teen desperate to build muscle, lose weight or improve performance can easily be tricked into spending a small fortune on products that really have no scientific support at all. To help us out with this, the Sports Science Institute of South Africa (SSISA) have grouped supplements into four categories: Group A are those that have sufficient evidence to support their use and can be recommended in certain situations, Group B are those that may have benefit but there isn’t enough evidence to support, Group C are unlikely to be beneficial, and Group D are those that are banned outright. It is advisable to stick to only Group A supplements that have strong scientific support and are legal – so these are the ergogenic aids we will focus on! Creatine is a supplement that has been proven to improve performance, strength, and muscle mass, and is very popular with young athletes. It is considered safe for adults, but what about teenagers? Creatine should be safe if your teenager is over 16, has already gone through puberty and is involved in serious competitive training. If not given in recommended dosages, however, excess creatine can damage the kidneys, cause fluid retention, and be broken down in to the toxin formaldehyde. So there are some basics to consider before adding creatine to your teenager’s regime – firstly, she should be following a well-balanced, adequate diet; secondly, the regime should be supervised by a professional and the correct dosages should be followed; thirdly, a good quality creatine supplement should be used.  Of course, creatine isn’t strictly necessary – a good balanced diet with meats provides enough creatine for health. Another supplement that has good research behind it is β-alanine, which has also been shown to increase muscle, especially in combination with creatine, and is safe in adults. Unfortunately, there has been no research on under-18’s, so we really don’t know if it is safe in the developing body. If at all, only take this supplement after puberty, and in recommended dosages as supervised by a professional. Again, this supplement is not essential – your child can increase natural sources of this nutrient in his diet, such as chicken or turkey. Bicarbonate provides a buffering system for acid that is created in the body during exercise, helping with sustained or repeated bouts of high-intensity performance.  It has been proven to be helpful in both adults and children. There is a risk of tummy upsets if no used correctly, so as always, use with supervision of a professional. Caffeine is a favourite for adult athletes (and non-athletes!) as it has been shown to increase the ability to perform in cardiovascular activities such as running, cycling or swimming.  Children are the fastest-growing consumers of caffeine, from sources such as soft drinks, energy drinks and coffee, and a recent study showed that 27% American teenagers use caffeine for sports performance. The problem is, we are not sure if caffeine works for teenagers as well as it does for adults. There have been no studies that show that caffeine improves aerobic activity in children, although one study showed that caffeine may improve strength in youngsters.  And the big question – is it safe? Again, there are not enough studies to be sure, although we have seen that taking caffeine before exercise elevates blood pressure and lowers heart rate in children, which may aid performance.  It is very important to note that caffeine has a diuretic effect, and in some bodies, may cause diarrhoea, so caffeine may contribute to dehydration which in turn will impair performance rather than improve it. Excess caffeine also leads to tremors, headaches and impaired coordination, which isn’t helpful for sports at all! In general, we recommend that all under-18’s consume no more than 2.5mg/kg, which is the equivalent of about a cup of coffee a day for a 50kg teenager. Beta -Hydroxy-Beta-Methylbutyrate (HMB) has been shown to reduce muscle damage and improve recovery from training, with no known adverse side effects. Studies have been done on teenagers with good results and no adverse effects on hormones, but optimal dosage has not been established for children so HMB should be used with caution with a professional’s monitoring. There are good meal replacement shakes on the market with HMB added. If you do decide to place your teen on HMB, make sure not to confuse it with the sedating gamma hydroxybutyrate (GHB)! Although all these supplements have good track records, they need to be used in correct dosages, at correct times and in the correct form, to yield desired results. There is no point spending hundreds on a supplement only to use it incorrectly! Make sure you manage to get the most out of your supplements while staying safe by checking in with a sports professional such as an educated coach or sports dietitian. Navigating the world of sports supplements can be overwhelming. While some supplements have been proven to provide physical support for

Parenting Hub

Five Best Markets For Kids

Make the most of Summer – Winter is on its way! Visiting local markets is a great way to spend weekend days and they’re all the rage right now. It’s the perfect way to get the whole family out the house and the delicious food and fresh produce is a real draw card for parents. We’ve put together a list of our best family market picks in Joburg, Cape Town and Durban. Johannesburg Fourways Farmers Market Opening hours: Sunday, 10am-3pm http://www.ffmarket.co.za/ With lots of seating space and more than 61 vendor stalls this is your one-stop-Sunday-morning-market-shop. Relax on hay bales under tall pine trees enjoying delicious market food and live music – there’s even champagne by the glass. Also located on the premises is the Aroma Café (hyperlink) which boasts a buffet breakfast, a beautiful playground and a kiddies’ menu. Bryanston Organic & Natural Market Opening hours: Thursdays, Saturdays and public holidays, 9am-3pm http://www.bryanstonorganicmarket.co.za/ Organic and natural food is the cornerstone of this market that offers a great variety of foods particularly for allergies and special dietary needs. A huge appeal for families is the Kids Quarter where children can enjoy craft activities, including candle dipping, sand art and a gemstone scratch-patch. Cape Town Tokai Forest Market Opening hours: Saturday, 9am-2pm http://tokaiforestmarket.co.za/ Spend the morning browsing the beautiful Tokai market whilst enjoying the freshest artisanal coffee. The market boasts a jumping castle, jungle gym and pony rides. Coming soon are cooking demos and game afternoons. Organjezicht City Farm Opening hours: Saturday, 9AM – 2PM http://www.ozcf.co.za/market-day/ This organic foodie’s paradise has temporarily moved to the historic Leeuvenhof estate. Bring your picnic blankets, kids and dogs and enjoy a morning of delicious fresh produce. Explore the beautiful the estate and even take a dip in the premier’s pool! Durban Golden Hours Family Market Opening Hours: Sunday, 10am-3.30pm https://www.facebook.com/pages/GOLDEN-HOURS-FAMILY-MARKET/121337227882 Spend a Sunday at this kiddies’ market paradise complete with an exciting play area and activities for kids of all ages. Expect the freshest produce and traditional homemade goodies. The Litchi Orchard Opening hours: The 2nd Saturday of every month, 9AM – 2PM http://www.litchiorchard.co.za/market/ This beautiful market venue on Durban’s north coast, combines top class food and drink with loads of open space for the kids (and dogs) to enjoy. Keep a look out for the playful resident mongooses.

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Insane Parenting

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” – Albert Einstein. There are times in parenting when predictability is useful. When children see that certain behaviours always produce the same results they are less and less likely to try to push the proverbial envelope. They get it. X=Y. There are, however, also times when predictability is downright counter productive. We all know those moments where we have tried the same thing over and over and it never has any effect (or not the desired effect anyway). You see, the person with the greatest range of behavior always controls the situation. We’re stupid like this sometimes, us parents. We’ve had 30 or 40 years of conditioning making us quite predictable in our behaviours, quite limited in our scope, quite easy to read and to manipulate. Kids learn fast. They’ve also had a lot less time to limit their range of behaviours and possibilities. They see when something is not working and try another approach. And then another. And then another. And then another. If we don’t have as many responses in our parenting arsenal, guess who wins?! Sometimes in parenting, it is useful for us to step outside of our boxes – to do something unexpected and unpredictable and out of character. We need to expand our repertoire of behavior, step out of our conditioning and do something surprising and unusual. I’ll give you an example. When my daughter was about 4 years’ old I decided I had had enough of the ongoing tantrums. She’s a very strong-willed child and easily frustrated when she doesn’t get her way. We all know that point when a child’s whine is about to escalate. That is the moment to act. So before she could launch herself properly into her tantrum, I threw myself down on the floor, kicking and screaming and wailing and had my own tantrum! She got such a fright that she just sat there and stared at me… And then went on about her day. The great thing was that the next time she was about to throw a tantrum, she got to that exact same point and then it was like her brain did a little freeze-frame and she stopped, looked around at me, and gave up on the tantrum. In coaching, we call this a ‘pattern interrupt’. It means that we literally interrupt the conditioned pathway in the brain by doing something shocking or surprising before the pattern can play itself out. It works. But you need to act at the beginning of the behavior and you need to commit to going all the way! Now I’m not saying that you should do this for every tantrum. There are times when a child is just tired, or has had too much sugar, or is genuinely upset. But for those times where they are simply playing out a conditioned pattern, it can help to ditch a bit of your own conditioning and have some fun!

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Popular Kid’s Take-Out Meals Contain Alarming Levels Of Salt

Did you know that at least one in 10 children in South Africa are already diagnosed with high blood pressure? Whilst we expect to see high blood pressure in older adults, the phenomenon in children is now much more common and very worrying, especially as these young children will have a much greater risk of developing severe health problems like heart disease, stroke and kidney failure as young adults. We are seeing this shocking trend in South Africa largely as a result of the unhealthy foods we feed our children. An unhealthy lifestyle, which includes a diet high in salt, is the main cause of high blood pressure. Children are particularly vulnerable to our unhealthy environment as they often have very little influence on food purchases, and being young and impressionable, they are often targets for the advertising of unhealthy foods, high in added sugar, salt and unhealthy fats. How much salt can children have? A child between the ages of 4 and 6 years shouldn’t have more than 3 g of salt a day, and for children over 7 years as well as adults, no more than 5 g (1 teaspoon) of salt a day. Yet South Africans typically consume more than double that amount! More than half of the salt in our diets comes from hidden salt in processed foods, and many of these foods are firm favourites of children. Crisps, fried chips, kotas or pies are often bought at school tuck shops and vendors, and recent research has shown that one out of 3 adolescents eat fast foods two to three times a week. Fast foods of course typically contain high levels of salt. With this in mind, we took a look at some children’s meals at popular fast food outlets to see just how much salt these meals contain. The results are quite alarming!   Meal Amount of salt Wimpy Frank and Egg Breakfast for kids Bacon, eggs, toast and a frankfurter sausage 3.4 g Wimpy Toasted Cheese and Chips toasted sandwich 1.8 g Steers Beef Burger Brat Pack 2.4 g McDonalds Happy Cheeseburger Meal 2.4 g KFC Mini Burger Meal 2.9 g KFC 1 piece children’s meal 1 piece of chicken with small chips & cooldrink 2 g Debonairs Pizza Real Deal Cheezy Pepperoni 5.3 g Kota Pronounced ‘quarter’, this is a quarter loaf of white bread, with chips, fried eggs, cheese & polony or sausage 5.7 g What we can take from this is that many of these meals, which are marketed specifically for children, actually provide more salt in that single meal alone than what a child should have for the entire day! And in some cases, it’s close to double! Does this mean that children should never be allowed to eat take-aways? Well having take-aways from time to time shouldn’t be a problem, but it shouldn’t become an everyday norm for our children. While these foods are readily available and tempting to children, we need to remember the importance of providing a healthy start for children and helping them to form healthy habits that will stay with them into adulthood. We don’t want our children to develop the taste for salt in the first place! So the next time you buy take-out for the family, keep these numbers in mind. Rather eat out less often and prepare more meals at home. This way you have more control over what goes in to your family meals. We are also asking the restaurant industry this Salt Awareness Week to act more responsibly and start reducing the amount of salt added to meals, and particularly to children’s meals. If the public starts to make a stand, the industry will need to react!

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5 Tips For Choosing Your Child’s High School

Choosing  a high school for your child can often be more stressful than choosing their primary school. High schools come with a lot more status than primary schools and there is almost more pressure to get in to a good high school, especially if your child achieves at sport or academics. There are a few things to bear in mind when you start looking for high schools that can make the search a bit easier. Do your research. Find out what high schools are in your area, which ones have waiting lists, which ones have a feeder primary school, like schools from Grade 0 – Grade 12. Do they have sports that your child does, what is their academic record. Talk to parents of children who are already there or have been there. Find out as much as you can about the school. Find out how much application forms are to submit as well as what the deposits are. Get in early. Public schools have set times you can get application forms and these are usually the start of the second term of your childs grade 7 year. Find out these dates so you can collect the forms and get them back as soon as possible. Private schools will let you collect and drop off forms earlier, get them as soon as you have decided to apply. It may still take them a few months to decide but at least you will know your child is on the waiting list and not at the bottom. Let your child visit the schools. Most schools have open days. Go to as many as you can, even if a school is not your first choice. Visit the grounds with your child, let them interact with the teachers and students and see what is available. Both you and your child will get a feel for the school. This is important. You may be set on a school but your child absolutely hates it, listen to this! Apply for bursaries/scholarships. Most private schools offer bursaries or scholarships or both. If your child achieves academically, musically or on the sports field, apply for one of these. High schools are competitive, they all want the best and they will “pay” for that talent. Apply at more than one school. You may be set on a school but things may not work out so make sure you apply at more than one school. It gives you and your child options to choose the school that fits you all best. This process can be stressful but it doesn’t need to be. Follow these steps and tips and the experience can be a positive one for both you and your child.

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IMPERIAL Road Safety shows its support of the new Car Seats Legislation

Niki Cronje, Group Marketing at IMPERIAL I-Pledge From 30 April 2015, South African motorists will need to take a more serious approach to road safety, given the country has amongst the highest numbers of road deaths and trauma in the world, particularly amongst children. In the past, the use of car seats has not been compulsory for any age group of children. However, as of 30 April, car seats will now become compulsory for infants under the age of three when travelling in a car. Studies shows that car seats that are correctly installed and used for children aged 0–4 years can reduce the risk of death for infants by 70% and by 47–54% for children aged 1–4 years. However, to prevent serious injury or death; it is vital to use the appropriate car seats for kids– focusing specifically on the weight of the child – which is the most important aspect when selecting a car seat. While wearing a seatbelt will ensure you are kept in place, seatbelts are only designed for an adult’s body. This is why a car seat – the right one for a child’s weight – is so important to snugly and comfortably hold a baby in place, in a vehicle. In fact, research1 by the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has found that a car seat reduces the risk of death among babies by 71% and for toddlers, by 54%. In South Africa, Hector Eliott, chief director of the Western Cape’s Safely Home campaign and Road Safety Co-Ordination, recently stated2 that at least 60% of small child passengers dying on our roads are not being properly buckled up. This is a cause for concern; and parents need to start taking this seriously. Holding your child or letting them sit on your lap is not enough to protect them from the impact of a crash. There are three categories of child restraint systems, each of these car seats have different benefits because each are for different weights – not age. For infants, a rear-facing child restraint is recommended up until he/she is at least 9kg. The next step is a toddler seat that your child should remain in until at they weigh at least 9 – 18 kg. Rear facing is first prize if your seat and space in your vehicles allows for it. The last stage of child restraint is a booster seat; best used when a child has outgrown a safety seat. They are designed for weights from 18 kg to 36 kg, and will give an added boost in height to your child to help him fit properly within a vehicle’s seat belt. He should remain in a booster seat until at least 1.48 meters tall. If we consider that approximately 250 children die a year in South Africa because an adult did not strap their child in, there is no doubt that a strong need exists to increase education around not only strapping a child in, but also ensuring that their child is placed in the correct seat, while understanding the consequences of crash force on a child’s body. IMPERIAL Road Safety encourages all parents to ensure that they purchase the right car seats for their child, as soon as possible, to ensure that they are compliant with the new legislation and that they contribute towards the safety of their children – most importantly. Over the last few years, IMPERIAL, in conjunction with Wheel Well, has been collecting, safety checking and refurbishing car seats – which are then handed over to less fortunate families. If you would like to give the gift of safety to a child; IMPERIAL urges Joburgs residents to please kindly donate their used car seats to Wheel Well, Shop U108, Brightwater Commons, Randburg. IMPERIAL reminds Cape Town parents to get their used car seats ready, as the Car Seats for Kids Campaign heads to Cape Town for the first time later this year, with the help of K-FM – stay tuned.   References http://www.cdc.gov/motorvehiclesafety/child_passenger_safety/cps-factsheet.html http://m.iol.co.za/article/view/s/11/a/634164

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National Road Safety Awareness Week

May 5 – 11 this year is National Road Safety Awareness Week. In a speech focusing on the 2015 Easter Road Safety campaign, Minister Dipuo Peters expressed her “disquiet and disappointment at the high rate of crashes and fatalities experienced during this Easter weekend”, saying the gloomy picture could not be left unchallenged. Peters said the official vehicle population had grown this year and this has translated into an added burden on the road infrastructure network and law enforcement capacity. In December 2013, there were 11 006 184 vehicles throughout the country. By December 2014, this number had grown by 363 741 to reach 11 369 925 registered vehicles. More than half (52%) of these vehicles were in Gauteng (38.76%) and KwaZulu Natal (13.47%).  The number of driver’s licenses issued had also increased from 10 645 046 to 11 148 372, meaning that 503 326 new drivers had recently been licensed to use the country’s road networks she said. In April 2015, it was announced by the Minister that government is in talks to soon introduce a system where metro police officers can randomly stop motorists and retest their driving.  The National Road Traffic Act empowers traffic officers to do this. Most fatalities on South African roads are caused by drunk driving, unroadworthy vehicles, speed and dangerous and negligent driving.  To this end our question is, what are you as a responsible citizen of South Africa, doing to play your part in terms of decreasing our excessively high negative road usage statistics?  It is an unfortunate fact that we do not have public road transport systems like other first-world countries.  This of course has put an enormous strain on families especially where in almost every instance, both partners are working resulting in the use of two cars a day just to get to work and back.  Naturally this leads to the extreme congestion on our roads that almost every one of us experiences on a daily basis and sitting in traffic can only compound the stress that we’re all already feeling. There are certain things that can be done just to relieve the stress of driving in peak hour traffic and a lot of the larger corporates have long ago introduced flexi-time for staff and if you are in a position to take advantage of working flexi hours, we would certainly encourage you to do that.  Regular visits to the gym also helps to relieve stress and with a healthy body and mind, you will find yourself much more able to deal with driving in daily hectic traffic. If we look at other causes of the fatalities in South Africa, driving drunk does not have to be one of them.  There are many companies out there who will ensure that you and your car get home safely if you have had a night out on the town and the responsible thing to do would be to employ their services. The minimal extra cost in doing so can save not only your life, but that of a stranger as well.  It’s important to remember that when fatalities happen there are a number of people affected, not only those involved in the immediate accident. Keeping our vehicles road worthy is an absolute must from all aspects.  As well as it contributing to keeping down fatalities on our roads, it most certainly contributes to a healthier environment for us to live in keeping pollution levels down.  And of course, it’s really not that difficult to keep to our speed limits.  There are reasons why suggested speed limits have been allocated to certain sections of roads and if we just all adhere to them, we would so easily be bringing down the amount of road fatalities experienced in South Africa. So why not let every week be Road Safety Awareness week for you.  Educate your children and your families and work constructively to do your small part because every small part contributes to a more positive outcome.

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Neurofeedback: The Missing Piece of the Concentration Puzzle

Concentration is the key to academic success, and indeed almost every task, but what if our Brain has actually never really learned how? Today’s world is a technological wonderland. Never has mankind had the speed and access to information and for communication that we do today. The opportunities for teaching, learning, business and networking are quite spectacular. But, the very same mechanisms which allow us these opportunities – the internet, email, smart phones, iPods, tablets, and Social Media to name a few – also bring with them a world of distraction and challenges with which previous generations never had to cope. And the effects are plain to be seen in society, and children in particular. It is little wonder that with all the “noise” going on in the environment, the prevalence of learning, behavioural and social-related issues is on the incline. A recent article released by the Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Association of South Africa (ADHASA) estimates that ADHD affects around 10% of learners1. Another infographic published by Assisted Living Today2 cites that attention spans have dropped from 12 minutes to just 5 minutes in the last 10 years… Keeping in mind that the average classroom period is no less than about 20 minutes. The pandemic Attention Disorder diagnosis and hand-in-hand stimulant drug prescription has spurred much controversy and stimulated much research. One area of considerable interest is a study which came out of the Oregon State University. It found that the skills most likely to lead to school achievement and long-term academic success were that of concentrating, taking directions and persisting with a task, particularly when it became difficult3. This even outweighed early introduction to mathematical concepts, music and reading. An important take-away from the Oregon study is that children can be taught the skills of concentration, instruction following and persistence. It follows then, that if children are not taught these skills or the practice of such skills are not sufficiently reinforced by either parents or teachers, a child may indeed never learn how to. Perhaps, then, for many kids (and adults!) who can’t concentrate, its simply a matter of learning how – and the good news there is that neuroscience is showing how plastic our brains are, no matter our age. So how do we learn concentration? Enter Brain Gain Neurofeedback. A simple, safe method of teaching the brain to focus. Using the flow of healthy, oxygenated blood to the frontal lobe of the brain while a client participates in a cognitive activity (such as watching a program or playing a game), a feedback mechanism is created which indicates – in real time – how much attention the brain is paying to the task at hand. As long as the client remains focused on the activity, blood flow is naturally maintained or increased (through a clever physiological mechanism known as Neurovascular Coupling4) and the program continues to play. The moment that the client becomes distracted and their attention wanders, activity in the frontal lobe decreases, followed almost instantly by a drop in the blood flow and the program comes to a halt, alerting the client to their loss of focus. Only once they have regained their concentration and restored blood flow, does the program re-start. By participating in a Brain Gain training program, a client ultimately teaches their brain to enhance the activation of their cognitive centres in the frontal lobe, as well as to maintain it for increasingly longer periods of time. The frontal lobe is responsible for our Executive Functions such as concentrating, learning, problem-solving, following instructions and higher thinking; as well as also controlling many aspects of mood, behaviour, impulse control and social awareness. The beauty of Brain Gain is that it causes real, physical change in the brain which cements this process and leads to long-lasting results, unlike medication which wears off after a few hours. Worth mentioning here is also the fact that a number of learning, behaviour-related and neurological disorders, including ADHD and many others, are shown by brain scans to have a generally low level of perfusion (oxygenated blood flow) within the frontal lobe5. Without adequate blood flow, those people will struggle to access all the crucial activities controlled in that area of the brain – which might very well manifest as symptoms such as lack of focus, impulsive behaviour, restlessness, inability to follow instructions or complete tasks and so on. Brain Gain works to directly address this issue. The truth is that children of today are bombarded with activities and technology which affect their brains and actually wire them towards distraction, instant gratification and social unawareness6. Add to that various other environmental factors such as being less physically active (video games are not a sport) and a generally poor diet, and it is no wonder that many kids battle in an environment like school which demands sustained attention, focus and ‘socially-acceptable’ behaviour. But, all the more likely then, is not every child who battles to focus or finish their homework, is suffering from ADHD. And certainly not every child requires medication. Quite possibly, with a natural, affordable intervention such as Brain Gain, we can avoid the over-prescription of unnecessary drugs and simply teach the brains that never learned how.   Brain Gain has therapy centres throughout South Africa. All training subject to an initial assessment. Testing done from 4 years up. Contact us on www.braingain.co.za for more info, testimonials & to find the therapist closest to you.  

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Rock Around The Clock Tonight: Braving Sleep Training

Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it’s worth.”  Baz Lurhmann: Everybody’s Free (to Wear Sunscreen) When I moved to Jozi as a grad in 2003, I wound up in sales (recruitment). My boyfriend (now husband) had many years of sales experiences under his belt and gave me a piece of advice he’d picked up on a training course: “Clients/ customers only buy goods or services when they feel pain.” In the months following the departure of my first child’s night nurse, I realised that this was how I had come to view sleep training. It was something I knew I probably needed to buy into at some stage. Although I was in pain every time we had a bad night, the agony wasn’t consistent enough for me to attempt sleep training. The idea of sleep training was something I instinctively experienced as a kind of physical fear: the terrorised crying, the guilt of abandoning your helpless infant, the fear of inflicting permanent psychological damage, the self-doubt as to whether the child might be physically ill… it all just seemed too barbaric a concept for me to face. And, in a nutshell, too hard, really. It somehow felt easier to just suffer through four hours of rocking my child and begging her to sleep every three or four nights. Because in between those hellish nights, she’d mostly sleep through and I’d have a chance to recover – physically and emotionally. But when my daughter, Chiara, was 15 months old, something cracked. We just had too many three or four hour stints where I could not, for love or money, get her back to sleep in the middle of the night. (To this day, I don’t know why she sometimes woke up, but I do know that she had no idea how to put herself back to sleep because she had never been given the opportunity to learn that skill). A few hours cradling a baby in an armchair in the middle of the night might not sound like the worst thing on earth – especially if you have the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom in privileged South Africa. But there is something absolutely soul destroying about the experience when you are going through it. I repeat: soul destroying. Perhaps you have to have experienced it yourself to know what I mean… I’m glad I finally reached rock bottom because I would not have had the determination to attempt sleep training otherwise. A few months earlier, I’d had lunch with a friend who was regularly spending an hour and a half putting her one year old to bed. She wasn’t pushy or evangelical at all on the topic but merely stated that sleep training had “changed their lives”. She described how, after the training, her daughter would point to her cot after only a few minutes. It seemed almost too good to be true and I wasn’t ready to put her advice into practice, but I secretly fantasized about a child who pointed at her cot. So, when I was ready (read absolutely desperate and in emotional pain), I emailed my friend and asked her for her “method” for Project Sleep Training. To date, at 15 months old, Chiara, had only ever been rocked to sleep, pushed to sleep or fallen asleep on her nanny’s back or in a moving car. My mother-in-law first mentioned “putting her down awake” when she was six months old. I’d never heard of such a crazy concept in my life and I though my mother-in-law was mad. It was only later that the information started to sink in… My friend’s method was gleaned from a range of online sources and she explained it to me in simple terms: Put baby in cot (yes, awake! Imagine?) Leave room Time three minutes on your phone If s/he is still crying after three minutes, go in and lay your hand on him/her to reassure them for less than a minute. Don’t pick them up. Leave the room and time four minutes on your phone If the baby is still crying after four minutes, go in and lay your hand on him/her to reassure them for less than a minute. Don’t pick them up. Leave the room and time five minutes on your phone… The next day, you start by leaving the baby for four minutes, then five, then six etc. You’ll be surprised at how fast these kids catch on… For me, sleep training was indeed life changing. It took about two or three days of applying the above method by the book before my daughter got the message. I never experienced another night of being up for two to four hours on the trot – which had previously happened about three times a week. Of course if your baby isn’t completely well, sleep training is not a good idea. Rather wait till you feel confident that your child is healthy. As for teething, it can be hellish for some babies but teething goes on for two years so it’s worth fitting in sleep training somewhere along the line. Going away did disrupt my child’s sleep somewhat, but not to the same extent as it had prior to sleep training. I did find that when we got home, it was helpful to re-start the training for a night or two. When my second child came along, I cuddled and rocked him to my heart’s content, secure in the knowledge that I could train him to self soothe as soon as he – or rather, I – was ready.

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One Easy Way to Stop Complaints and Whining

It can be incredibly difficult to hear your child complain when you do so much for her. And then you think back to the little you may have had as a child and then feel this immense surge of resentment when your child complains about what you’ve fixed for dinner. Or it may be why he can’t have an iPhone, what one of her friends has that she wants, having to pick up her toys, or hundreds of other things they object to. One reason some children may do this is because it works; there may have been times in the past when he or she complained and because you were feeling stressed and annoyed, you may have just caved in and completed the task for her or let him have something else for dinner. Remember, children learn from experience on what works and what doesn’t, at getting their way. It doesn’t mean they are awful children or ungrateful. They just do things to get what they want, including getting out of having to follow through on things. And even though you may have experienced a hard childhood, your children just don’t care. You can lecture them all you want about what life was like for you, but if they haven’t experienced it, then they don’t get it. Two powerful words I encourage you to add to your vocabulary and to practice often when a child complains or whines is “I KNOW.” Silly sounding I’m sure, but I challenge you to try it out. And when you say these two words, say them with a calm, relaxed and almost sympathetic tone. Don’t snap the words and don’t shout them, just a calm and lazy, “I know.” No matter how ridiculous your child’s complaint sounds, avoid the urge to argue with them, convince them, or come across as demanding. When you hear, “We always have to eat broccoli,” avoid the urge to tell him how healthy broccoli is or how there are starving children in foreign countries; there’s a good chance they aren’t going to listen to you at that moment. If your teen says, “I think it’s stupid that I have to come in by 9:00 PM on a weekend,” you’re going to say, “I know.” Finally, something interesting may occur when saying these two words. After you’ve grown accustomed to using them frequently, some children and teens will actually resist your calm and sympathetic demeanor. Most of my kids and my step kids eventually responded by saying, “Stop saying that, I hate hearing those words!” I would then calmly say, “I know,” and they would run screaming from the room, covering their ears! It became a new “parent power” I never realized I possessed! I was able to stop the whining with very few words or energy. I’m not recommending that you annoy your children, I’m simply asking you to consider being consistent. You may then find that the whining stops because they don’t want to hear you say, “I know.”

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Why Is Vocabulary So Important For Reading

Vocabulary plays an important part in learning to read. Beginning readers must use the words they hear out loud to make sense of the words they see in print. Children who have a wide vocabulary learn to read more easily as they can figure out unfamiliar words based on the knowledge of words related to the context.  It is harder for a beginning reader to figure out words that are not already part of their speaking vocabulary. Consider this: when your little one starts learning to read and comes to the word cat in a book. She begins to figure out the sounds represented by the letters c – a – t and then very quickly realises that the sounds make up a very familiar word that she has heard and said many times. Thus the instant recognition is quicker and her recall of this word is better as she has the association reading strategy to use: all because the word is in her speaking vocabulary.  Imagine now that there are hundreds of words in your child’s vocabulary so by the time learning to read comes along it is plain sailing.  That’s what all parents want so BUILD VOCABULARY and you will BUILD A READER. Vocabulary also is very important to reading comprehension. Readers cannot understand what they are reading without knowing what most of the words mean.  Therefore the more words a reader knows, the more they are able to understand what they’re reading or listening to. Talking to and reading to children are the two best way to develop vocabulary.  As you introduce new words to your children, keep this in mind: Define the word in a child friendly manner: for e.g. ’enormous’ means really really big. Relate the word to the child’s life experience, ‘remember the big watermelon we bought in the shop, it was enormous’ Ask children to develop their own example of ‘enormous’ Use the word ‘enormous’ often over the next few weeks Parents please continue to read to your child long past the time they learn to read.  The reason is that a parent is the fluent reader and can read vocabulary-rich text that a grade 1 learner is not yet able to read but is able to listen to and understand.  Just because your child has starting reading, do not stop reading to him or her. Conversations are vital for vocabulary development, which in turn is one of the keys to unlocking reading.  Are we talking enough to our children or are our hectic driven lifestyles and too much screen time creating an environment with less one on one dialogue between parent and child? With this in mind consider the following: The consequence of less verbal interaction between adult and child is a child with reduced vocabulary and the consequence of that is a poor reader! No parent wants that so I will say it again, BUILD VOCABULARY and you will BUILD A READER.

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Time to get my Sexy Back!

My life has changed completely since having children. Some of it has been quite shocking, like my boobs that look more like bananas than the “melons” I used to have. Yes some of it is age as I am heading towards 36 years old, but the changes since I had children have been huge. I take off my bra and these boobs take a plunge. Probably the only reason they don’t hit my knees and bounce back up is because my bulging stomach keeps them in place! But it is so much more than a flabby, stretch-marked stomach and saggy boobs that has happened in the last few years. I used to take care of myself and feel good about myself (and I had plenty of time to do that). Mornings now consist of breastfeeding, packing lunches, changing nappies, brushing babies teeth and wiping bums. I find everyone by the door ready to go on time, all scrubbed up, looking smart and ready for the day and I look down at myself in horror and realise I have about 30 seconds to do my hair, get dressed, wash my face and brush my teeth. The days of getting myself ready and spending time deciding what I am going to wear are long gone. I now pull on my trusty jeans, a pair of flat shoes and the closest relatively clean top. As long as my clothing doesn’t have poop or puke on it that fits the requirements for the day. I arrive at the creche looking like a dogs breakfast and see all the other moms dropping their kids off looking like they have just stepped out of a salon and I wonder how on earth they do it? I don’t know if other moms are the same, but when my 1st baby was 2 months old I realised I had been wearing my PJ’s every day, yes I washed them but I didn’t bother getting dressed every morning because I was just so tired and spent all my time breastfeeding and lying on the bed with my baby. I didn’t know it at the time but I am sure I had PND. When I realised I was only managing to brush my teeth at 11am every day and only put clothes on if someone was coming to visit I made a conscious effort to get up every morning, get dressed and washed immediately. And it was an effort for me. After the birth of my 2nd baby I made sure that from day 1 I got up and dressed for the day immediately. BC (before children) every week I would have a bath night that would consist of washing, conditioning and treating my hair, shaving (yes everywhere not just a rush armpit job!), a facial etc. I would then blow dry my hair nicely, lather myself in some lekker cream and I was ready for the week ahead. This is a thing of the past. If I get in the bath now I fall asleep within minutes. I wake up in a cold bath, wrinkled like a prune, hair not washed, still hairy as a baboon and freezing cold. I jump out, dry myself and climb into bed. Not very productive but at least I catch up on a bit of sleep behind closed doors where nobody can disturb me. I want my sexy back! I have never been a sexy, model type but I did feel good about myself and look groomed and smart when I went out. The focus of my life has turned completely towards my kids and my husband. I have not bought any new clothing for myself since the children arrived and I find myself looking grubby and worn on a constant basis. 2015 is going to be a year of change for me. I am going to work on fitness, health and looking after myself again. I am going to get some sexy new underwear, pull out all my high heels, blow dry my hair and put some make up on. I challenge any mom that is feeling the same to join me in a mission to Get Our Sexy Back!

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The Myth of The Happy Family

Your family is dysfunctional. I know you were hoping that if you just used the power of your mind or the power of positive thinking or the power of a decent spanking that it would come right. Or perhaps if you attended another inspirational seminar, read another parenting manual or engaged a few more childhood demons with your therapist. It won’t work. Your family will never be at peace. That’s the bad news. The good news is that everyone else’s family is dysfunctional too. When you look over at Mrs. Jones and think that she’s got it all sorted– that everyone in her home is always kind and loving and supportive and everything flows and nobody fights – it is an illusion (or a really good cover up). It is time to shatter this fantasy of the happy family so that you can get on with living a less than perfect, but real (and fulfilling) life and you can stop judging yourself by unattainable standards. Every family is ‘dysfunctional’. Every family has problems. Every family is made up of human beings who have all traits – the desirable and the undesirable, the hostile and the hospitable, the helpful and the hurtful. Every family has both war and peace. If you look carefully you’ll find the beauty in this. Families, like life, contain a perfect balance of good and bad, elation and despair, order and chaos. Take any moment in your day and look at how effectively you are balancing each other out – the parents are fighting and the kids are getting along well; one parent is screaming at a child and the other parent is protecting them; one child is cooperating and listening and the other is rebelling and ignoring. Show me the storm and I’ll find you the calm. Show me the calm and I’ll guarantee you a storm! Each evening, before I go to sleep, I write in a little notebook beside my bed. I take note of everything I am grateful for in the day, and I also jot down the synchronicities I have observed. I look at things that have challenged me and see what was supporting me at that same moment; I observe the fights that have emerged and where the concurrent peace lay; I find out who was up and who was down at the same moments throughout the day. If you take some time to see the balance always playing out in your family, you will be humbled by the perfection inherent in it. You will also stop labeling the war/fights/challenge/rebellion/chaos as bad and stop labeling the peace/playing/support/cooperation/order as good. All parts are necessary. In fact, growth occurs at the border of support and challenge. Both are essential. Both are what make a family enriching to all members. So would you even want a happy, peaceful family if it meant no growth for your children or yourself? We all need to be challenged, to have our buttons pushed, to have a touch of tumult in order to mature and thrive and make the most of our short time on this planet. Our families are there to provide the fertile ground for growth and development. And we all know what fertile ground is full of! Stop searching for the impossible and embrace what is. Your family, with its blend of war and peace, is a perfect interplay of opposites provided for your evolution and forward momentum. Love all sides and accept all traits. Embrace both the war and the peace and then you will stop reaching for the fantasy of a ‘happy family’ and love the reality of your family exactly as it is. Your family is dysfunctional, and dysfunctional is precisely as it should be.

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Hurt Children… Hurt Children

What has always interested me most about bullying is who is bullying the bully? Bullying is never just a cut and dried case of this child here is the bully and that child there is the victim. In fact, it is very much a group dynamic. In 90% of cases of bullying you will find other children either standing by and not doing anything to help the ‘victim’ or actively participating in the bullying along with the ‘ringleader’ of the problem. And in almost all cases you will find that the one leading the bullying has also been bullied, either at school by other kids at a different time, or by a parent or teacher or other adult in their lives. Hurt children hurt children. Because this is a group dynamic and involves so many levels of victimhood, it is best dealt with as a group. One of the best examples that I have seen of this working effectively was a documentary I watched on a Japanese school teacher. In every case of bullying he halted all his lessons and brought in a group intervention. Every child in the class was expected to participate and they focused on how each one was feeling. He looked at how the victim felt having been bullied, how those watching or participating felt, how the bully felt about doing the bullying and about hearing how the victim felt. He got the bullies to think back to a time when they had been treated like the victim and how they felt then. He got the kids to dig really deep about what was going on and the causes for their own behaviour. He got the group to find group cohesion again – to find unity as a class so that no-one was an outsider worthy of being treated differently. He helped them to find that place where we are all human and we all share a common humanity through the way that we feel. Hurt children hurt children. When their pain is heard and acknowledged it is more likely to heal. It was moving to watch and reminded me of a similar intervention process that was introduced years ago to Australian prisons. In this case the criminals and their victims (or families of the victims in the case where the victim had been killed) met for mediated sessions where the victims could explain to the criminals how their actions had affected them and in all the ways that their lives had been upset; the emotional and physical and financial implications etc. And the criminals were given the opportunity to give their side of the story – what their life had been like to bring them to the point of that crime. It was incredible to see the level of healing and the amazing results the prison system had with reducing recidivism. Hurt people hurt people. If we can get behind the hurt, then instead of just punishing the offenders and consoling the victims, we can start a dialogue of change and reconciliation. We may even find victims comforting the bullies. It has been known to happen. Is this not a more healing and ultimately more sustainable solution to this very human problem? Hurt children (and adults) hurt because they don’t have the skills or understanding to work through their own pain and past experiences. What they need is guidance, from someone who has the relevant skills, the patience and the understanding to see the situation from a greater perspective. Bullies and victims don’t need to be removed from each other, but brought together. With love and guidance. Without such intervention we create yet another cycle of pain. The chances of a victim becoming a bully in another situation or time are high. Hurt children hurt children. I would like to see teachers and support staff trained in mediation and this becoming a standard part of school life. I think every class could halt their lessons of maths, language and sciences to take a day here and there to teach these essential life skills. We need to remind our children about the power of their shared humanity. I’m sure we can turn this around. I’m also sure that healed children will heal children.

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Friend Or Foe? When food becomes the enemy

By Janine Shamos When Jenny was 14, she and her mother went on a diet for Lent. When Lent ended, Jenny kept dieting. She died at the age of 25. Many of us have a love-hate relationship with food. We eat when we’re bored, may not eat when we’re sad, eat differently when we’re stressed. Can you eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re satisfied? Do you eat foods that are right for you or do you insist on eating foods that may make you ill or put on weight? We’ve all heard of anorexia, bulimia and binge eating. But these illnesses are not just about food. Often they are a ‘survival mechanism’ to help people cope with their lives. An eating disorder is an illness that causes serious disturbances to your everyday diet, such as eating extremely small amounts of food or severely overeating. A person with an eating disorder may have started out just eating smaller or larger amounts of food, but at some point, the urge to eat less or more spiraled out of control. Common eating disorders include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorder. An intense fear of gaining weight, disruption in the way body weight is felt, and feeling out of control and dictated to by food are some characteristics of an eating disorder. While eating disorders have long been thought of as ‘white middle class’ the picture is changing. “Anorexia generally starts in the middle teenage years, and by the age of 15, can affect as many as one girl in every 150,” says Health24’s CyberShrink. Statistics also show that more and more bulimics are black teenagers and binge eating occurs in up to 30% of the population. “When we think ‘eating disorders’, we generally think of anorexia and bulimia,” says Johannesburg-based psychologist Lee-Ann Hartman. “But this doesn’t give us a full picture. There are a number of other unhealthy eating patterns and lifestyle choices that could also develop into eating disorders including eliminating whole food groups to lose weight, obsessive counting of kilojoules and grams of fat, an unnatural obsession with healthy foods, and extreme exercising to control weight and eating patterns.” It’s not just females who suffer from eating disorders either. “Although males with eating disorders often exhibit the same signs and symptoms as females, they are less likely to be diagnosed with what is often considered a ‘female disorder’,” says Hartman. Males with eating disorders also experience a distorted sense of body image and other symptoms similar women. However they may also have muscle dysmorphia, a disorder characterised by an extreme concern with becoming more muscular. While girls with eating disorders generally want to lose weight, some boys want to gain weight or bulk up. “I didn’t know what I was getting myself into and I never realised how far it would go,” says recovering anorexic, Tracy Stewart. Eating disorders are often misunderstood and stereotypes abound. Many people mistakenly believe that a person develops an eating disorder merely because of their need to attain a slim body. However, it seldom is that simple. Eating disorders are often underlined by complex psychological issues such as low self-esteem and a person’s need for control over their life. By taking control of their bodies and food intake, they feel more empowered. Offering counselling, information and referral to specialists and support groups through its toll-free helpline 0800 21 22 23, the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) says those suffering from anorexia are often more likely to be perfectionists in all aspects of their lives than people without an eating disorder. “If you ask an anorexic or bulimic girl why she misuses food the way she does, she will tell you that all she wants is to be thin. If she were thin then everything would be wonderful, yet this is patently untrue,” says Natalie Smith-Chandler who specialises in treating eating disorders. Anorexics are very thin but maintain that they are fat. Bulimics are usually a normal weight – for all the agony a bulimic endures, there is seldom a massive weight loss. “An eating disorder is more than just an unhealthy relationship with food. It might begin with unhealthy eating behaviours, but an eating disorder can become an ingrained form of control and power,” says Stewart who has been battling anorexia for 16 years. As a child, Tracy felt that she had no voice of her own. She felt imprisoned by her negative life circumstances, criticism and a destructive home life. “I spent most of my days living in fear of what people thought of me. These people were people who I thought cared for me and loved me, but I was often disappointed and hurt by their actions. I internalised everything that was going on in my family and the only certainty I had was my control over food.” Tracy says she was desperate for someone to notice the pain she was in, to notice how unhappy she was and how out of control she felt. “It wasn’t about the food. It was about the pain that I was experiencing in my life and I felt no one understood this.” There are different types of eating disorders. The main three are anorexia, bulimia and binge-eating. Anorexia is characterised by: Extreme thinness A relentless pursuit of thinness and unwillingness to maintain a normal or healthy weight Intense fear of gaining weight Distorted body image, a self-esteem that is heavily influenced by perceptions of body weight and shape, or a denial of the seriousness of low body weight Lack of menstruation among girls and women Extremely restricted eating. Many people with anorexia see themselves as overweight, even when they are clearly underweight. Eating, food and weight control become obsessions. People with anorexia typically weigh themselves repeatedly, portion food carefully and eat very small quantities of only certain foods. Some recover with treatment after only one episode. Others get well but have relapses. Still others have a more chronic or long-lasting form

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The Benefits Of Learning Sight Words

“One of the most important ways for a beginner reader to become a fluent reader is to be able to read & recognize sight words” What are sight words? Sight words refer to the words that are most frequently used and repeated in books. Emerging readers need to be able to identify words automatically (sight words) and have effective strategies for decoding unknown words (the reading toolbox). What are the benefits of a child learning sight words? Sight word recognition builds confidence When a child is able to recognise over half the words in a sentence their confidence starts to soar. Sight word recognition improves fluency When a child is able to recognise over half the words in a sentence their reading fluency improves. Sight word recognition assists the decoding process Once a child can recognise many sight words they can spend energy on decoding the more difficult words using their ‘reading toolbox’. Sight words are not easy to phonetically decode Some sight words are not phonetically regular and it is better for a child to memorise these words to aid reading fluency and pronunciation. The following 11 sight words appear frequently in sentences and are phonetically irregular – ‘the’ ‘of’ ‘a’ ‘to’ ‘you’ ’was’ ‘on’ ‘are’ ‘they’ ‘have’ ‘from’. Sight words benefit second language learners. The more sight words an English second language learner knows the better their reading chances. How does a child learn sight words? Sight word retention requires practise and repetition. The best way to achieve this without boring a young child is through games and sensory play. It’s repetition using diversity.

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Mysmartkid – The Smart Choice

From the moment that you engage with the Smartbox from Mysmartkid, you will be hooked and more importantly, so will your little one!  Mysmartkid has developed an exciting and interesting early learning development programme for young children specifically designed to cater for every stage of development.  Boasting a panel of experts which includes an educational psychologist, occupational therapist, art psychotherapist, a counselling psychologist and a speech and language therapist, Mysmartkid affords parents an outstanding opportunity to establish all the very basic skills required for their future. Mysmartkid programme is based on six core developmental areas that address your child’s emotional, physical, cognitive and social growth.  Each Smartbox contains carefully selected age-appropriate educational toys that will keep your child occupied for hours and at the same time stimulating and equipping them with skills and brain development necessary for a solid foundation for school. Because Mysmartkid is an interactive programme whereby parents are encouraged to play with their little ones, each Smartbox also contains a Parent Guide book.  Each Parent Guide book addresses all of the six core developmental areas which are : Wellbeing Identity Creativity Concepts Communication My World These developmental areas are in line with the Department of Education’s Early Learning and Development Areas (ELDAs) making parents feel safe in the knowledge that they are purchasing and introducing their children to, a programme that has been well-researched and has the backing of an incredible panel of experts in the field of Early Learning. Mysmartkid philosophy is that a child’s early years are the building blocks for future success. The early years of a child’s life are the windows of opportunity for their future success.  They fully understand that many parents and caregivers already know how important Early Childhood Development is, but that they may not be sure how best to help their child reach their full potential. Mysmartkid believes that the most fulfilling way for a child to learn is through play which results in a well-rounded, happy, confident and connected child who will become actively involved in the world.  The beauty of the programme is that it not only guides parents in terms of each of the important milestones in a child’s development, but it also equips parents with expert tips on how to guide their child’s development in terms of achieving each of those milestones.  Even more importantly, Mysmartkid totally gets that all children are different and that they each develop in their own time and because of this, encourage and advise parents to use the Parents Guide, but to not compare their child’s progress to others.  They make parents feel comfortable knowing that their child will progress and reach each milestone at their own pace and when they are ready. Each Parent Guide book included with every Smartbox plays a vital role in making the most of the age-appropriate toys and educational tools in the Smartbox.  Whilst the toys have been developed for children, adults too will find them intriguing.  There is little more reward than spending quality time with your little one and what could be better than playing together with toys that will entertain your child while at the same time, stimulate those vital skills and brain development required at that specific time in their life. Being part of the Mysmartkid programme is a journey that parents can embark on with their young children – a journey of exploration and discovery.  It is a journey where interest is maintained through the ongoing anticipation of delivery of the next Smartbox and the discovery of new and interesting toys. It too is a journey that begins with setting the foundation for your child’s future – something that every parent wants to achieve for their child. “Helping children to think and solve problems creatively is as simple as providing opportunities to paint, draw, invent, explore and play. Joining in the fun and spending valuable time together has amazing benefits for you and your child alike! The Mysmartkid programme is something we as parents could all use and I am excited to be a part of it!” says Debbie Mynhardt member of the panel of experts at Mysmartkid.

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Give Your Kids THIS, NOT THAT!

If you have attended any of my local workshops or have read any of my content, you know that I’m usually preaching that parents must take charge of their kids use of technology and the Internet. But what sometimes gets missed in my messages is that there are certain things our kids DO need and others they DON’T. One thing that leads parents to not withholding technology, devices and the Internet is their fear that their kids will be left out and fall behind in the digital age. Some even fear that their kids will lose friends or get bullied if they aren’t online and interacting with their peers. So, to help parents get it all straight, here are some guidelines on what our children and young teens should be allowed to have and what they shouldn’t. Keep in mind that these are guidelines are not set in stone as some families and situations may require specific modifications. GIVE YOUR KIDS THIS:  A Computer Keyboarding skills are critical for school age children and a centrally located family computer for your kids and young teens to use is important. It should be set up with a set of rules and limitations on use. The parent should have a discussion on those rules before turning the child loose. They should include a rule on when it can be used, when it should be turned off, and what it can be used for. Parents also reserve the right to look over the child’s shoulder, monitor activity and check out the history from time to time. NOT THAT:  A Smart Phone (or a Cell Phone Too Early) No child needs an iPhone or Droid in their pocket. Give them one is like giving them an unmonitored computer whenever they want it use it. For those seeking guidelines, if you really think your child needs a hand-held device, children under 13 should not have a cell phone and those under 16 should not have a smart phone. For parents who ignore these guidelines, then at the very least, they should consider monitoring their child’s activity on the device to keep them safe. GIVE YOUR KIDS THIS:  Software Knowing how to use software programs such as Power Point, Word, Excel and event Minecraft will help your child go a long way in their education and experience. Many entry level jobs require these technology skills. They also engage your child’s creativity and imagination. But like anything else, all good things should be used in moderation. NOT THAT:  Social Media Just because your kids want a Snapchat or Instagram account, doesn’t mean you should allow them to have one. The use of these apps for social media requires skills our children have not yet developed, such as knowing what information not to share online, knowing who to trust, discerning between a quiz, an advertisement, or a scam, how to protect their privacy, and even how to block, delete, and report predators. Yes, our children are young digital natives but that doesn’t mean they should have access to everything, anytime they want it. It is our job to keep them safe, to minimize their exposure to digital media, and to teach them delayed gratification. According to Dr. David Greenfield at the Center for Technology Addiction in Hartford, CT, technology in any form, for children and adults, should be monitored, managed, and minimized.

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Solving The Math Problem

Shockingly low Mathematics results at Senior School level are cause for concern: the average score for Grade 9 learners who wrote the 2014 Annual National Assessment (ANA) Mathematics test was 10% and only 35.1% of last year’s Matric students obtained a final mark of 40% or above in Mathematics.* “These results are worrying, but there is hope. The key to solving the national Maths problem is in early intervention programmes for children in the Foundation Phase,” says Edublox Director of Educational Programmes Susan du Plessis. Poor results have been blamed on overcrowded classrooms, lack of scholar transport and underqualified teachers. While the Department of Basic Education plans to run training workshops for Grade 8 and 9 Mathematics teachers** and invests in school infrastructure, educational experts say that lasting solutions lie in the Foundation Phase. “It’s completely wrong to say that if there is a huge drop out in Grade 10 or 11 then the problem must be in Grade 9 or Grade 8. That’s not the case,” says Education Economist Nicholas Spaull. “We know that children aren’t acquiring these foundational skills in Grades 1 to 3 and therefore that’s where the focus needs to be. Matric starts in Grade 1.”*** Du Plessis agrees with Spaull and says, “The Mathematics problems seen at Senior School level are due to a weak foundational understanding of the subject in Primary School. Parents should not become despondent about the problem. If they are aware and look out for signs that their child is struggling with the subject, early intervention in Primary School can help to ensure learning problems do not persist to High School level. The saying, ‘Prevention is better than cure’ really is true.” “Before revision worksheets can be of any use, one needs to establish an in-depth understanding of Mathematical terminology. Foundational skills can then improve a learner’s ability at focussed, sustained and divided attention. Children need help in developing the cognitive tools for visual processing and deductive and inductive reasoning. Curriculum-based exercises including mental arithmetic, reading and word sums can further improve understanding. Children who struggle to learn require support in mastering visual, sequential and working memory,” says du Plessis. Working memory is described as “the engine of learning” because it has shown to be the primary indicator of academic performance. It is the cognitive system responsible for the temporary storage and manipulation of information. For example: to solve a problem like (3 X 3) + (4 X 2) in your head, you need to keep the intermediate results in mind (i.e., 3 X 3 = 9) to be able to solve the entire problem. Working memory is necessary when staying focused on a task and blocking out distractions. Learning Mathematics is a stratified process, explained du Plessis. “Certain skills have to be mastered first, before it becomes possible to master subsequent skills. Excelling at Mathematics can unlock many career opportunities in the future.” Parents with children in the foundation phase can easily identify if their child requires additional Mathematics support with this simple checklist: Does my child obtain low Mathematics results? Does my child struggle to do mental calculations? Does my child count using fingers? Du Plessis says that children still using their fingers to count in Grade 4 were at risk of missing out on learning more complicated elements of the subject, affecting their long-term chances of Mathematics success in the High School. It is commonly accepted that children should be able to count before they start Grade 1. To teach your child to count, du Plessis recommends that parents count forwards and backwards from one to 11 with their child. Once this has been mastered, a child should count forwards and backwards from 11 to 21 and then from 21 to 31. This technique should steadily progress up to 100. “Counting backwards demonstrates a thorough understanding of the order in which numbers are placed. Mathematics is all about counting. If a child cannot count properly they will not be able to move on to more complicated sums,” said du Plessis. “Mathematics is important for whatever career you want to do, if you cannot grasp the content then your choices are limited. It is critical to get the basics right from Grade 1. Once you have built a strong Mathematical foundation, it remains forever.”

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How To Hear What Isn’t Be Spoken – anxiety in children

by Dessy Tzoneva According to the South African Stress and Health Study, anxiety disorders are the most prevalent mental health concern in our country, and children are far from immune to this… But without being able to recognise what they feel as anxiety and possibly even struggling to find the words to describe this very personal experience, children often go untreated for quite some time. What can you, as a medical professional, do to identify childhood anxiety and how do you guide the family in finding the best possible treatment? The reality Meryl’s daughter, Gizella developed an intense anxiety around the concept of death, which resulted in panic attacks, and peaked around the age of 5: “Every time she came across anything to do with death – whether it was in conversation or even in a cartoon or movie, she would stop dead in her tracks and not respond. She’d become pale, say she feels very cold, then she’d build up a lot of saliva in her mouth that would lead to her vomitting. Sometimes, she’d also lose control of her bowels.” Anxiety is linked to our fight-or-flight response, which contributes to our survival. But when this response is disproportionate or triggered without a threat present, it becomes unhealthy. Although it may seem that childhood should be largely stress-free, international data shows that 1 in 8 children are affected by anxiety, to which girls are more vulnerable than boys. If left untreated, an anxiety disorder can become chronic and can interfere with a child’s school work, family relations and their ability to form social relationships, resulting in long-standing problems. The onset of many anxiety disorders is in childhood or adolescence. “A lot of adult patients with anxiety report frequent visits to the doctor when they were younger, with diffuse or unexplained symptoms,” says clincial psychologist Lee-Ann Hartman. “The consequences of leaving this condition untreated in childhood include school underperformance and later career difficulties, social isolation, decreased self-esteem and sense of self-worth, and substance abuse, which people tend to use to control the feelings of anxiousness and to make socialising easier.” Identify at-risk children When dealing with a young patient, always be sensitive to symptoms that may be more psychological in nature. This is especially relevant with anxiety disorders and even more so when it comes to anxious children, who tend to experience more somatic complaints. Psychiatrist Dr Kedi Motingoe says: “Childhood anxiety disorders are very common, but frequently missed. Children present mostly with vague physical symptoms – abdominal pains, headaches, nausea and breathlessness. The most common tend to be gastrointestinal problems.” Other physical symptoms commonly associated with anxiety are tiredness, vomitting, dizziness, sweating and heart palpitations. These can vary in intensity and/or may have a tendency to come and go. Other signs include fear, nervousness, irritability, worry, poor concentration and avoidance of social situations or other activities. “Some children even call it ‘this thing in my tummy’, describing a kind of movement in their stomachs, others say it feels like their heart wants to get out of their chest,” explains Dr Motingoe. She says that children most often present to a doctor during transitions – when starting preschool, at the beginning of Grade 0, when moving from primary to high school or when there’s a change in family circumstances. “During these times, any existing anxiety seems to become more prominent.” Because of the largely physical nature of these complaints, parents often seek help from their primary healthcare provider, like their GP, and may themselves be unaware of the psychological nature of the illness. It is for therefore vital for all medical professionals to be aware of the symptoms to look out for. Making a diagnosis There are a number of illnesses that fall under the umbrella of anxiety disorders. Separation anxiety disorder: a child fears that something may happen to them or their parents/caregiver when they are apart and therefore experiences distress when being away from them. Separation anxiety is expected during early development, but should not continue beyond that. Social anxiety disorder: extreme anxiety is experienced in social situations, which may then be avoided because the child fears drawing attention to themsleves or being embarassed in front of others. Phobia: an intense fear of an object or a situation, a fear that is disproportionate to the danger posed. Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD): children worry in excess about everyday responsibilities and events. Panic disorder: children experience attacks of acute anxiety out of the blue and marked mainly by intense physical symptoms like heart palpitations, sweating, breathlessness and dizzyness. Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD): a child experiences unwanted obsessions (anxiety-provoking intrusive thoughts and/or images) and compulsions (repetitive behaviours used to relieve the anxiety). Dr Motingoe says: “With children, a mixed presentation is more common – you may, for example, find that a child has a specific phobia, as well as OCD features.” She further points out that GPs usually get to know families well and are in a better position to pick up on signs of anxiety in children. “An anxiety disorder may be present if you see a child often, they have uncommon presentations, their symptoms don’t seem to respond to typical treatments and there’s a family history of anxiety disorders.” Hartman comments that children as young as 4 and even below can have severe OCD. “Never overlook the possibility of an anxiety disorder because a patient seems too young,” she says. “Look out for changes in eating habits, fear of/difficulty in going to sleep, school refusal, withdrawal from friends and/or parents, tantrums/irritability, insistence on certain things, repetitive or rigid behaviours, and even conflict with siblings.” “Gizella was only 3 when she had her first attack and I felt to blame for bringing up the subject,” says Meryl. “She couldn’t understand what was happening to her and was so scared. The more I tried to talk to her to calm her down, the worse her symptoms got. I felt helpless… It was horrible for me to watch her go through

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Autistic Spectrum Disorders In Children

Autistic Spectrum Disorder is essentially an umbrella term that incorporates Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome. Autistic Spectrum Disorder is not a psychological disorder but rather as a result of diverse biochemical causes affecting the functioning of the brain and therefore is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder. Autistic Spectrum Disorder affects children in three different areas known as “The Triad of Impairments”. Communication/Speech and Language Social Interaction Thinking and Behaviour Children with Autistic Spectrum Disorder can fall on a continuum with regard to their intelligence. In addition, autistic spectrum disorders are complex in that children are affected differently. Thus two children with the same diagnosis may present with different behaviours, abilities, symptoms and struggles. Therefore, whilst any child with this disorder has problems to some extent, (with social skills, communication and behaviour), no child will be exactly the same. What are the types of autistic spectrum disorders? Autism Asperger’s Syndrome Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) There are two other disorders but are not as common as the aforementioned (Childhood Disintegrative Disorder and Rett Syndrome). Since the Autism Spectrum Disorders share many similar symptoms, it may be impossible to distinguish one from the other, especially in a child’s early life. However, many would manifest the following symptoms: Difficulties in Social Interaction: Very limited interest or awareness in other people, or sharing interests and accomplishments (such as looking to see if mum or dad has seen them succeed in something like stacking blocks on top of each other or showing parents a drawing or pointing to a dog etc.) Lack of understanding or cognisance of other people’s feelings Limited or absent ability to make appropriate social contact, in other words the child won’t approach others or may prefer to be alone and can therefore appear to be aloof or disinterested In less severe cases the youngsters may accept social contact, for example if another youngster wants to play with them, however is unlikely to make spontaneous approaches and prefers to play alone Difficulty with making friends and/or maintaining friendships Difficulties in Communication/Speech and Language: Delays in speech Limited reaction to verbal participation from others and may come across as having hearing difficulties Absent or unusual facial expressions or gestures Difficulty initiating or maintaining conversations Tone of speech is unusual, typically flat and monotonous or inappropriate variations in tone or with an unusual rhythm or pitch Repetition of words, questions and phrases, as well as words and phrases being used incorrectly as well as endless monologues about their special interests May have difficulty understanding statements or questions May be too literal, and can miss irony, humour or any abstract communication Disruptions in Thinking and Behaviour: Imaginative play is limited or absent, for example, will have difficulty “pretending” a block is a telephone and has generally restricted ability to engage in other imaginative activities Engages in certain activities repetitively and cannot be persuaded by alternative suggestions Unusual habits such as rocking, spinning toys, arranging toys in lines etc. A need for rigid adherence to routines, structures and order and can get very unsettled by changes to their routine or environment Clumsiness or an unusual posture Furthermore, it is likely that other signs will be noted as well such as: No eye contact (or very limited) Sensory processing difficulties Fearless of activities or acts that are deemed dangerous Self-injury such as hitting head etc. Difficulty regulating their emotions or expressing their feelings appropriately Although there is no cure for Autistic Spectrum Disorders, it is possible to help the individual to manage their symptoms in order to optimize their functioning. If you are concerned about your child displaying some of the symptoms contact a professional that deals with the disorders for a comprehensive evaluation. The professionals who are involved in the diagnosis and the treatment of a child with Autistic Spectrum Disorders include: Child Psychologists; Child Psychiatrists; Speech and Language Therapists; Physiotherapists; Occupational Therapists; Audiologists; Paediatric Neurologists and Developmental Paediatricians and Remedial Therapists.

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The Art Of Listening To Your Child

Listening to your child is an invaluable skill that forms part of your child’s social, emotional and life skills. This allows them to have a holistic and healthy development in their early years. There are a few questions around listening that will help you understand more about listening:  Does your child hear or listen? Does your child just “hear” or are they listening? What is your understanding of the concept to listen? These are essential to your understanding of listening so that you can you’re your child learn effective listening skills. Hearing or Listening: Hearing is the ability to use our ears to hear different sounds whilst listening is far more complicated. Listening is the ability to give meaning to the sounds we hear through speech. Listening is more than just listening to sounds it is our ability to interpret those sounds to give the meaning so that we can comprehend them and responded appropriately. This means that when we listen we use our minds (the ability to think). This means that we use skills such as understanding, comprehending and interpreting information. Conversations and Listening: Listening is essential to having a healthy conversation. Communication is based on the two individuals listening to each other and expressing themselves. The speaker creates and sparks thoughts in the listener’s mind. This inspires them to think and respond in the correct manner. This again links back to the ability to understand emotions/feelings and having the appropriate behaviour to express the feelings. This ability to think and listen must allow the person to create a sense of empathy and understanding of with the other person they are communicating. “Active Listening”: “Active” listening is difficult. You can be tired or over stressed and not able to focus but for children this everyday activity is challenging. Active listening means the child must pay attention to the information being said (at school it may be a task, directions or instructions), then remember the information in a sequenced and detailed manner so that they can do the instructions, directions or task as required. This is an intensive pattern to follow and sometimes the information is just too much for the child to retain. Tips to helping your child: Keep instructions and information being relayed short and simple – level appropriate for your child – and slowly develop their listening ability Be patient and take time Ask your child to repeat back to you what you have said – see if they have understood you correctly – it is best to let them use their own words (it is easy to repeat directly what you have said without understanding) Speak slowly and clearly Occasionally, when speaking add in more information or new a word – see if they have understood and whether they are ready to progress with their “active” listening skills. Did you know that active listening can become a positive everyday habit? A few more steps to help you teach your child to develop this skill: Use eye contact to ensure they are really listening to you Build on memory skills by playing memory games such as learning rhymes , stories and songs and playing visual memory games – matching cards – (whilst applying words to their actions during the game) Ask your child to tell you what they are doing – make sure that they use simple sentences and that the sentences match their actions (this also develops speech and sequencing skills). Use an expressive voice (when reading and when speaking to your child) Discuss emotions “you must be very frustrated as you do not want to go to bed”. By discussing emotions you are helping your child build a vocabulary to express their feelings. Practice (learning new “sounds”, “spelling”, etc:) – it is important to revise these even when the child has finished them at school or has mastered the skills Learning new vocabulary: each day learn a new word, a week later repeat the new word again. Explain the word, use it everyday language (you use and ask your child to use it). Have vocabulary weekly chart where the child can see the new words – if your child is unable to read them – then still post them up in large print and say the words with them every day These are just some of the things you can do to develop your child’s “active” listening skills and help it become a positive everyday habit – Remember it is important to continue to do these steps on a regular basis.

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8 Truths About Teens That Every Parent Should Know

Raising teenagers can be an incredibly difficult job for adults, especially when they often seem to behave strangely. One workshop I conduct frequently for parents of older children is titled, YES, YOUR TEEN IS CRAZY. I rarely have trouble filling the seats for that one. Actually, the title is true. Teens ARE crazy because the structure of their brains is changing drastically during the adolescent years. With that said, there are some truths about teenagers that many parents need to be reminded of. Once we accept these truths and then use the information to alter how we handle our teens, it can change everything. So here are eight (of many) truths about teenagers that parents must be aware of. They Lie – Daytime Emmy Award winner, Judith Sheindlin, star of the daytime show JUDGE JUDY, is often heard saying, “If a teenager’s mouth is moving, they’re lying,” and in a way, she’s right. Teenagers lie and so do children. If you catch your teen in a lie, do not over react and don’t think you can rid them of the habit through punishment or yelling. Work on your relationship with your teen and as a result, they will tell the truth more often. Judgment is a Weakness – Having the ability to plan things out or think ahead requires full use of the prefrontal cortex of the brain, one region that is not fully developed until about age 25. This means that teens still need their parents to create boundaries, rules and limitations to help keep them safe and to make smart decisions. Parent Allergy – Psychologist Dr. Anthony Wolf, wrote about this extensively in his book Get Out of My Life: But First Can You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? Because teens need to shed their memory and perception that they were once a baby, they are in essence shedding their parents as well. That’s why they will tell you they’re embarrassed by you, annoyed with you, and don’t like spending time with you. Relax, it’ll pass. Imaginary Audience – Psychologist David Elkind published his findings in the 1970’s, that adolescents believe everyone is watching them and noticing the finest details about them. That’s why you’ll notice them freaking out about the smallest, newest pimple or changing outfits multiple times per day. Decisions Based on Emotion – Teens are emotional creatures and therefore think and react based on how they are thinking at the time. This means they need supervision and opportunities to have someone other than their parents to talk things out with to bring situations into perspective. They Crave Privacy – Based on issues with their development stage, they will do or say anything they can to convince their caregivers to give them space and privacy. Because the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is responsible for planning and thinking things through, isn’t fully developed, caregivers must give them privacy within reason. That means monitoring or supervising are required in some capacity. Immortal – So they think they are, anyway. No matter how many times they hear news stories of their peers committing suicide or dying in accidents, they still believe that it will never happen to them. Take a look at the video games they are playing; totally realistic destruction that desensitizes them from reality. For this reason alone, we caregivers must keep their safety in mind, first and foremost, when granting freedom and setting up boundaries. Circadian Rhythm Change – Finally, a change occurs in their circadian cycle that causes them to get sleepy later and wake up later. This means that your teen is likely to be up late at night in his or her room, well after you’ve gone to bed. Removing video games, televisions and Internet enable devices from their bedrooms increases their safety and cuts down on the distractions that keep them up late at night. The problem also creates the issue of them not able to wake up on time for school.

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The Beggar Dilemma

It’s a lovely day and you’re cruising along with your windows open, enjoying the light summer breeze, when you spot a beggar at the traffic light you’re coming up to. What do you do? Quickly roll your window up? Put on your sunglasses? Pretend to be in-depth in conversation on your phone? Most of us have absolutely no idea how to deal with this daily dilemma and even less of an idea what to teach our kids. My philosophy is this… Every single human being is of value, just by the fact that they are alive. They should be acknowledged as such and treated with respect. I have spent enough time coaching, and before that doing trauma counseling (and working at the time with a number of homeless people at our drop-in centre), to know that behind every face is an incredible story. And once you know enough stories, you are unlikely to judge. Does this mean that I give every beggar some spare change? Absolutely not. There is nothing empowering about a hand-out and we already have an over-developed culture of entitlement in this country. With regards to beggars (and car guards for that matter) what I teach my kids is this: Let your money go where your energy flows. Spend your money on things and people that lift your spirit. If someone begging at the traffic lights brings a smile to my face by a funny sign that they’ve really thought about, or by entertaining people while they wait for the lights to change, or is friendly and chatty without giving me the “woe is me” long version, then I’m happy to pop them some change. I’m not even adverse to handing out a R100 note if I feel inspired by someone who is really making an effort to help themselves and is positive and friendly and not pandering to my guilt. Teach your kids never to spend their money to alleviate guilt. It’s a bottomless pit. Deal with your guilt and let it go, or use this energy to do something that is actually useful… travel equipped with some useful information (local homeless shelters, who to contact to sell the Homeless Talk, contact details for the Twilight Children) or start a soup kitchen, grow a pavement vegetable garden, teach someone a marketable skill, support local trade. Whatever you do, leave your window down, smile, and acknowledge the human being that stands before you, a real person with a story that you will never truly be able to fathom. In this way you teach your children love over fear, respect over hostility, and kindness over hatred. And be grateful to that person for giving you the opportunity to give your kids these lifelong gifts!

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Learning Difficulties Linked To Headaches

It is the start of the school year and many children are refreshed after the summer holidays. Unfortunately some children are frustrated by learning difficulties or Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). A recent study found something noteworthy: There is an association between headache diagnosis and school achievements. The study, published in Pediatric Nursing, found that learning disabilities and ADHD are more common in children and adolescents who are referred for neurological assessment due to primary headaches than is described in the general pediatric population. Dr. Elliot Shevel, a South African migraine surgery pioneer and the medical director of The Headache Clinic, says the research shows poor to average school academic performance were more prevalent among children with headaches. “We should look deeper at poor performance. It might be more complicated than parents think,” says Shevel. A retrospective review of medical records of children and adolescents who presented with headache to outpatient pediatric neurology clinics during a one year period was done. Demographics, Headache type, attention deficit disorder (ADHD), learning disabilities and academic achievements were assessed. A total of 243 patients met the inclusion criteria and were assessed: 135 (55.6%) females and 108 (44.4%) males. 44% were diagnosed with migraine (35.8% of the males and 64.2% of the females), 47.7% were diagnosed with tension type headache (50.4% of the males and 49.6% of the females). Among patients presenting with headache for the first time, 24% were formerly diagnosed with learning disabilities and 28% were diagnosed with ADHD. When to see a doctor It is crucial that if your headaches persist, you should get to the root of the problem. The longer the headache persists, the more damage will be done to the underlying structures. “A multidisciplinary assessment will need to be done,” is Shevel’s advice. Contact The Headache Clinic for help in this regard.

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IS IT POSSIBLE TO BREASTFEED WHILE SICK?

The first thing that a nursing mom will worry about when she gets sick is the possibility of infecting her baby. This concern may lead to limiting contact with her baby and even to terminate breastfeeding out of fear of making her baby sick. In truth, it is very rare for a mom to have to stop breastfeeding due to illness. Sickness is not transmitted via breastmilk unless bacteria is present in the mother’s blood (such as septicaemia). During sickness, the mother’s body will produce antibodies (specific to that illness) which will actually protect her baby from the infection that she is carrying. Your baby will have been exposed to the illness a couple of days before you even realised that you were sick and so the best thing that you can do for your baby while sick, is to FEED. If baby does get sick, it will most likely be a much milder case than anybody else in the family has suffered. Because of the antibodies which your milk carries, limiting breastfeeding may actually increase your babies chances of getting sick. Contrary to popular belief, breastfeeding during a bout of food poisoning is completely safe unless the bacteria has crossed over to the mother’s bloodstream which would result in septicaemia and ultimately the mother being hospitalised. As long as the food poisoning is contained to your general vomiting, stomach cramps and diarrhoea, breastfeeding can continue as normal. While nursing is the best thing for your baby, it is not always the easiest task to carry out when you are not well. One may notice a slight drop in your milk supply and this could be due to a number of reasons, but it will build up again quickly once you have recovered. Rest well, keep yourself hydrated and make sure that the medications you are taking are safe for breastfeeding. Try to avoid large doses of vitamin B as well as drugs which contain pseudoephedrine (present in most oral decongestants) as well as throat lozenges containing menthol. Though safe for baby, these may decrease your milk supply. Opt for decongestant sprays rather than oral meds and use these sprays for the recommended time period only. Always take medication immediately after feeding to give your body the maximum amount of time to work through your meds. If possible, have someone help you with other daily tasks so that you can focus on feeding and recovering without the hassle of running everyday errands. Feed baby lying down to maximise rest and to minimise the chance of dropping your baby. Although many medications are completely safe while breastfeeding, you may wish to consider a few natural tips and remedies to see you through your next illness: Hot liquids relieve congestion, drink up Drink fenugreek tea to help ease head and chest congestion (fenugreek is also used to increase breastmilk) Inhale a vapour made with apple cider vinegar to help alleviate congestion Massage and hot packs placed on and around sinuses can ease pain and congestion Drinking strong black tea (using 2 teabags) can bring some comfort to a sore / scratchy throat Warm Sprite / lemonade has an anaesthetising effect on a sore throat Make your own rehydration drink using 1/2teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon bicarb, 8 teaspoons sugar, 250ml orange juice, 1l water Drink ginger tea to relieve nausea *please note, this blog is in no way intended to replace medical advice. Ask your doctor should you have any queries or concerns regarding medication that you are taking while breastfeeding.

Parenting Hub

The Benefits Of Multi-Sensory Learning

As human beings we rely heavily on our senses to process information. If children use more than one sense when they are playing and engaging with materials they will grasp and retain the concepts being learnt quicker and more easily. In other words young children learn best if they are feeling, seeing, hearing, touching and moving. Using multiple senses allows more cognitive connections and associations to be made with a concept. This means it is more easily accessible to a child as there are more ways the information can be triggered and retrieved from their cognitive learning centre in the brain. Children have different learning styles. There are 3 different types of learners: Visual learners and like bright colours, graphic organisers, highlighting material and fancy pens to scribble with. Auditory learners do well listening to material presented audibly. Kinesthetic learners need to be moving around as they learn – bouncing on the trampoline as they recite their times table, sitting on a pilates ball at a desk to do homework, throwing the ball at a target as they recite spelling words. The movement (no matter how incremental) helps them concentrate and learn. For very young children (under age 8), who have not established their learning style yet, it is important to use a multisensory experience to help children remember and retain information more effectively. The Raising Readers sensory kits were designed by Marian Bailey, a Remedial Therapist & Mom with just that principle in mind. Get in touch with Raising Readers by visiting their website – click here

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