Advice from the experts
Parenting Hub

Good Parenting Boosts Happiness

I have worked with children my entire life up to this point in time.  I have raised four children, and at present, have seven grandchildren, I was a children’s librarian, worked at a day care facility, pre-schools, private school system, and many years at public school systems.  I have a dual certification in special education and elementary education.  I have been a witness to the upsets and stresses placed on our children.  When so many children are hurting, it is time to ask ourselves why?  Speaking for the children is important to me. Many educational books have been written.  Many parenting books have been written.  All of these books that give excellent advice have been ignored, because things are worse, not better. Words have not reached or penetrated anyone because the problems keep increasing. It is time to look at this dilemma with new eyes. We can’t fix it with the old way of thinking.  Our challenge as parents is to look at the facts.  The facts do not lie. Witnessing what is missing in our homes might promote an aggressive attempt at a new approach.  It is essential that parents be included in this new endeavour.  For too long society has left out these key ingredients: mother and father. Success comes from the love and nurturing at home.  Teachers can’t teach without parental support. Society can’t reteach or rehabilitate broken children easily, or possibly ever, without parental involvement. Against all odds, some children grow up in poor circumstances but rise to become superstars. T he difference in their home environments was love, encouragement, and support from their parents, or another caring adult. The power of love has been greatly underestimated.  Although we all love our children, demonstrating this with hard work is paramount. This means placing our children’s needs first, constant watchfulness, and guiding them with integrity and righteousness. Minds will be open to an alternative way of thinking and solving our academic problems.  Functional problems at home result in most of the academic and behavioural problems at school.  I am devastated and diminished from the hurts and emotional scars children endure daily I hope to reach parents, administrators, and authorities on an emotional level, by sharing my own experiences, and those of others.  Stopping the unconscious mistreatment of children is my goal.  By stopping some harmful choices we make, children improve emotionally and academically.  It certainly is worth the determination for all of us to make an effort. We all make mistakes, but not all of us admit it to ourselves.  We can all improve, but not all of us will attempt to correct what is wrong.  Telling someone to improve, or encouraging someone to make progress does not usually work if that person cannot believe or see they are deficient. Most people worry about their own sense of importance. We constantly compare ourselves to others and fall short by our standards.  I think it is because we are measuring the wrong things. Parenting has taken a back seat the length of a mile.  It is not even considered something we should contemplate. Good Loving parenting promotes huge feelings of success.  Parenting is fulfilling rewarding and happiness producing. It is a worthy goal to accomplish and the highest goal any of us can ever achieve.  Again I say “don’t ask yourself if you are happy, instead ask yourself if your life has meaning and if you are a parent It most definitely does have tremendous meaning.

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What Forms A Memory?

There are moments in time, that are  imprinted  in our minds, and often we replay them over and over.  If we remember a time a parent brought comfort or support, then at a difficult moment in the present, we recall that thought, and it might bring tears to our eyes. It can be both good memories, and happy memories, but they have remained etched within our brains. We retrieve them when necessary. I think these are helpful crutches, but I believe we stretch the memories to fit our needs. When someone hurts us, by reflecting on a time when a parent soothed us, or a past love supported us, we ache for that time period and resent the present.  When our mood changes for the better, we place the memory into the back of our minds, and keep it handy to summon it again when necessary. Perhaps  the past wasn’t quite as tender,  as we make it, and we leave out the bad pieces, only focusing on the good. That is fine, as long as we don’t confuse the reality  of the situation. The past with its problems and emotions, should remain in the past. Recalling happy times is wonderful, but the poorer times in the present, may seem to get exaggerated, when compared to the past. It is helpful to use the comforting thoughts of the past, as a support for the present, but when the pain is subsiding, accept the embellishment we made of our past. No one from our earlier years, is as good or as bad as we portray them to be. They were humans with their vices and virtues. It is as harmful to forget their bad effects, as it is to forget the worth. When we fight with our husbands, a previous love appears awesome. We put their ill features out of our minds. Same is true with our parents. We sometimes recall everything good and block the meanness. Likewise we might remember the hurtful moments but delete any pleasant  times. I think we can use the former joyful periods, as a security blanket, when we need it. I also believe we may recall the tough phases of our lives, as a reminder to be thankful for the pleasant present, we are currently enjoying. If we experienced a problematic childhood, use it to be a better parent and discipline with kindness. Try not to think of any negative occurrences, as wasteful stages. On reflection, as we reminisce, face the ghosts you have hidden, and realise they add dimension to your life in many ways. Embrace the heartache you endured, and accept the anxieties and fear. Turn them around in a way that helps you deal with the current problems in your life. Hiding our emotions doesn’t resolve anything. Facing them gives us the assertiveness we need to diminish them. What might have seemed terrorising as a child, when looked at it from an adult point of view, is manageable. Of course I am not talking about huge trauma issues, which may require professional help. I am concerned with the many small issues, that develop with people, due to unreasonable teachings and fears. To this day I do not take a nap, even if I was up half the night. It is totally due to the fact, my mother thought naps were terrible. She reasoned naps were for lazy people. It  was drilled. Even during pregnancies it was a no no in my mind. I have resolved this to a point, but the engendering is hard to overcome. How simple this appears, but the power of our suggestion as a parent is amazing. Parents have far-reaching influence. Likely we must take the good of the learning, and leave behind the crazy notions. The peacefulness of recapturing blissful times is rejuvenating. After the time out, we can cope better with our glitches. I am left with answering what makes our memories, and I know it isn’t our major outings nor our expensive gifts. It is those times that are full of emotions of any kind. if we are full of high spirits when we are with our family, chances are it will set in cement. Unfortunately, anything forceful of a negative manner, such as anger, screaming, yelling, and intense threatening emotions, will also play back again and again in our recall system. I would suggest we watch what remembrances, we are embedding within our kids psych. We do not want to teach anger and revenge, with constant fighting. In a divorce situation, we must worry about revenge and hate, as well as distrust. What a child experiences becomes their memory bank. We should realise how much we underestimate our child’s ability, to observe more than we think. All  we need to think about, is how much we remember from our own history. Secrets spurred our interest. Knowing  the thoughts of our past, might help us to refrain from the same mistakes. Of course we will definitely make our own errors, but when parenting with thought, our mistakes should be lessened. How we make others feel, is what will be remembered. When I went through a trying situation, what I remember is anyone who said some needed words or gave me physical contact with a hug. At those moments some of my fear was diminished and released. I and all of us can’t explain the power of the emotions, to work miracles, but none of us can deny it. If you really want to be a good parent, discipline, teach, comfort, and even when you must get angry, always do it with love. That is what will sustain them years from the moment, and all of their memories will be positive.

Maz -Caffeine and Fairydust

9 Things I Learnt From My Working Mom

Recently my maternity leave ended and I shared with you my feelings about being a working mom.  Every now and then the guilt creeps in and I have to remind myself why I am doing this… My mom is my hero, and ever since I can remember she has been working her butt off to give me everything I ever needed.  I remember a time before my dad came into the picture and it was just me and my mom, I used to sit up with her at night and watch her make jewellery to sell at her stall.  My mom still makes her gorgeous jewellery, but now owns an amazing shop that she sells it in. We all struggle to get over the guilt of leaving our kids to go to work, and we all struggle to perfect the juggling act.  The truth is, no matter what anyone says or try to make you feel… working moms are awesome! My mom is the best example, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve learned from her.  ** To avoid confusion, I refer to my stepdad as ‘dad’ as this is exactly what he is to me – although not by blood, he is my dad and I have never seen him as anything else.** No Dream Is Ever Too Big  My mom has always had this dream of owning her own shop.  When I was very little and it was just the two of us, she used to make jewellery at night and sell it at her stall (that stall led her to my dad in the end – very romantic story).  She worked at an insurance company during the day and also sold her jewellery to her co-workers.  After getting married my mom worked as my dad’s secretary and although she still sold her jewellery and paintings on the side, the dreams of her own shop had to wait a bit as I am sure my three sisters and I were a hand full.  One day she took the plunge and resigned. She started her tiny little shop almost 8-years ago, today she owns a successful and popular Arts & Gifts shop where she sells everything she loves – restored and refurbished furniture, her own clothing line, her jewellery, art and so much more!  Her shop has more than tripled in size and she gets to follow her dream every day.  My mom has always encouraged us to follow our dreams, she is a true inspiration. Hard Work Pays Off – Nothing Is Going To Fall In Your Lap You can’t expect to sit back and have opportunities, jobs, promotions etc. just fall in your lap… well, unless you look like Megan Fox or your last name is Kardashian. Successful people are not just gifted, they work hard and succeed on purpose. Finding Balance Is Challenging, But Doable At times it might seem impossible – there is so much to do and not enough hours in the day!  Through careful planning and time management it is doable, in time you will find your rhythm. When You Earn It, It Makes You Appreciate It That Much More Anything that is easily given holds no value.  Few things feel better than working really hard at something and seeing the results at the end. Be Independent The ability to be independent is something that not everyone possesses.  From when I was a little girl, it was my mom’s  Wonder Woman, “I am Woman, Hear Me Roar” attitude that made me the woman I am.  I know that if I want to achieve something, I will.  That is not said out of arrogance; it is because I will not give up. I love knowing that I can succeed on my own, I love not relying on anyone else and I love being financially independent. I can stand my own ground, because that is the way my mom raised me. Ask For Help Many people mistake being independent for never asking for help – that is not the case. The reality is that sometimes we can’t do it all.   Accept this fact and build a trustworthy support network. Ever heard the saying “It takes a village to raise a child”? Learn to delegate… say I, the control freak. Taking Care Of Yourself Is Part Of Taking Care Of Your Kids We often put others’ wishes before our own in life – it kind of comes with the territory when you become a mom.  You’re never your best self to others until you take care of your needs and nourish your own soul first.  It does not make you selfish, it does not mean you do not care about your kids.  It just means that you understand the value of your own happiness and how it affects every aspect of your life. Make some time for yourself. Your Kids Will Not Love You Less I have this irrational fear that my kids might forget what I look like while I am at work, I am also scared that they will start loving their caregiver more than they love me.  Crazy? I bet you feel the same.  My mom worked her ass off, and I cannot recall ever feeling neglected or like she did not have time for me.  I cannot love my mom more if I tried, it is a kind of love that is impossible to explain. Having A Job Does Not Make You A Bad Mom Recently I was referred to as a ‘part-time’ mom… bitch please. You know all the cooking and cleaning, the organising and the helping with homework, the washing and ironing, the bath-times, poo nappies and feeds… I do all of that too.  In no way do I think that I am better than Stay At Home Moms – you guys have your own challenges and it is definitely not easy.  Just understand that I am a full-time mom, I am a damn good mom – and so are you.  My mom was and is the best mom, if I could be half the woman she is I know my kids will be just

Parenting Hub

When You Feel Like Your Best Is Not Enough

Your role as “Providing Parent” is a lot more work that you initially thought it would be and you just don’t get around to doing all the things you want to do.  You feel best when all your chores are completed perfectly and your children have had your undivided attention…but that hasn’t happened in a very long while because maybe, just maybe, your expectations of what you are able to achieve as a non-superhuman is too HIGH! Sound familiar?  You feel like you are running on low reserves from the moment you wake up You feel anxious about the day ahead even though in the past you may have handled the same workload with ease Your day’s work does not cover the needs of your family and your house is a mess (even though you have been cleaning since you got home) You feel like life is driving you in the fast lane without brakes The normal background sounds of your co-workers, spouse, friends and children is too loud, everything is just too loud! In spite of working very hard all day, at the end of the day you feel unsettled and anxious for all that you still need to do In spite of the efforts you make to meet your role as “Providing Parent” you still feel as if you are failing miserably You find that negative inner-speech clouds your day and makes you feel inferior Take a step back. Imagine you were your own employer. Would you really be so demanding, harsh and criticising toward an employee? If you would treat an employee with more regard than you do yourself, it may be time to rethink your workload. Are you expecting too much for one person to manage in a working day?  If you don’t expect an employee to manage everything you are trying to achieve, why do you expect the impossible from yourself?  What is behind that drive?  Is it healthy?  The answer is no, it isn’t and you need to reprioritise. Are you expecting to do the work of several people? Are you expecting to be skilled in the fields one would rather leave to the professionals? Can one person really be the one to earn, doctor, teach, cook, clean and manage quality time with your family? AND maintain some semblance of a healthy personal routine? The answer is NO, you cannot do it all on your own.  Should you manage to do it all, there will probably be a breaking point or massive burnout. So what is a harassed, busy parent to do? Here are some pointers in the right direction: Make a list of priorities Every good employer has a specific list of essential goals or priorities that remains the focus regardless of the situation at the work place.  Set up your own list of essential goals or priorities. This seems like a very easy basic step but one that many people don’t take.  Sit quietly and focus on what will bring most meaning to your life.  What is your focus?  What are you passionate about?  What makes you feel energised? List the key factors in your life in order of importance.  Now indicate how many minutes / hours a day / week you dedicate to each item.  You may be surprised to see that what you indicated as the top five most important things are allocated less time than you would like. What can you do to fix this?  It probably isn’t too much.  However, keep in mind that some duties are necessary to maintain your top priorities.  For example, you may list time with your children as the top on the list of priorities but you find that work takes up 8 hours of the day. You cannot decide to resign for this sole reason as your income ensures a good standard of living for your children.  But if you find that you can cut back on something, and reallocate some time to your top priorities, do so.  As long as it does not disturb the balance you are trying so hard to maintain, go ahead and make that change. Delegate Being able to delegate appropriate tasks to each member on the team is a key managerial skill essential to any workplace.  Why not see this as an opportunity to delegate some tasks to appropriate members in your support team.  Do you really need to do EVERYTHING on your own? Is there anyone in your family or support group who can assist with even just one task weekly? Your best friend has a responsible teen?  Great!  That may be the baby-sitting services you need while you get organised or cook a wholesome meal.  Does the neighbour walk her dog daily? Ask her to take yours along too in exchange for some doggie treats.  Get creative. Reach out. Make friends.  Ask for help and offer something in exchange even if it is something like handing over the remote control to the teen who helped you with babysitting. Don’t be afraid to ask your children to tidy up their toys and put their laundry in the basket. Create a list of chores and make sure you reward members who do their share. It is an educational process and vastly beneficial to everyone. Manage your time Now that you have a list of priorities and have delegated some small part of your workload, get organised with how you appropriate your time.  Pretend time was as finite as your monthly pay-check.  Your money will run out if you don’t carefully consider each expense.  The same is true for your time. It is a resource, spend it wisely.   Make a Time Budget and stick to it for a week.  If you find you have had HOURS extra at the end of the week, you will have rewarded yourself with the ultimate luxury: Time to spend any way you choose. Get organised It pays you to be organised as the time you save is worth the

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Fewer Tears With Colief®

Colic is extremely common, affecting between one and three out of ten babies1, often causing excessive and inconsolable crying when your baby appears to be otherwise perfectly healthy. Although colic is temporary and doesn’t cause any harm to your baby, it can last until they are 3-4 months old, which can be exhausting and distressing for parents. Colief® Infant Drops is clinically proven to reduce colicky symptoms associated with temporary lactase deficiency. This is when some babies are temporarily unable to fully break down lactose, a complex sugar that is found in both breast and formula milk, causing wind, bloating and discomfort. The lactase in Colief® Infant Drops is a natural enzyme which breaks down the lactose in the milk by up to 70 percent, aiding digestion and helps reduce the hours of crying. Colief® Infant Drops have been formulated to be: Safe for use from birth 100% natural Clinically proven Effective with both breast and formula milk Gentle to wean off Trusted by mums and healthcare professionals for 15 years, Colief® Infant Drops can be used when breastfeeding or feeding with formula milk, allowing you to continue with your preferred feeding method. When your baby’s digestive system has matured and your baby has stopped showing signs of colic, the amount of Colief® Infant Drops being used can be gradually reduced for gentle ‘weaning off’ of the drops. New mum, Jemma Cornah, 23, said: “When my little one had colic, her screaming would start at 11pm and last right into the early hours of the morning.  Sometimes, my partner and I would end up joining in, as we’d be so distressed. Eventually, a friend recommended Colief® Infant Drops – they were amazing! After just a few days we noticed a vast improvement. I wish I’d known about colic before, and how common it is. I’d assumed the crying was my fault, when it wasn’t at all.” Sister Rose from Manor Baby Clinic commented: “Coping with an inconsolable baby can be very distressing, or even traumatic, but it’s important to not blame yourself and make sure you take time out if you need to.  If your baby has colic, there are things you can try such as a soothing hold, checking your feeding and winding technique, and avoiding over-stimulation such as bright lights and noise. Many mums also find that lactase drops can help to ease the colicky symptoms.” Colief® Infant Drops are available in 15ml/90 feeds (RRP R163 (Dis-Chem/Clicks)) at leading pharmacies. For more information visit http://www.skymedsa.co.za/colief-infant-drops-scalp-oil-vitamin-d-drops

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Emotional Pain Of Bullying

Bullying takes root in children, who many times have been the victims of intimidation themselves. To soothe their own injured spirits, they appear to have the need to wound another person. It might have to do with gaining back some semblance of power into their lives. It might also stem from their desire to overcome their own fears, derived from victimisation. I am aware that when a child is intimidated by a parent, or a person they love, they are helpless to stop it or control it. Some children fear for their safety every day. They get back their control, by victimising another person. Most bullies, likely have been mistreated. The extent of their torment, might be measured in the amount of bullying they are guilty of. Actually bullies do not feel superior or impressive. They are angry and full of distrust and rage. They seek revenge because they live in fear. Their answer is to attack before you are hurt. Bullies simply do not comply with the rules, and in the process create hardships and troubles. We need to take a look at the way we interact with our children. Do we intimidate verbally, strike, or  become aggressive with our child? Do we threaten, hurt, or torment the pets in our household? Once we correct it in ourselves it will be easier to amend it in our children. Watching or encouraging our child to aggressively interact with other children, promotes an acceptance of this behaviour. Infringing on the space or items of others, must be acted upon, through adult intervention. Those moments we observe our child take another child’s turn, or grab another child’s item, while we smile without interfering, we have condoned the actions. It really is demoralising for other kids, to be pushed aside or shoved out-of-the-way due to a gentler nature, or younger aged child. Might does not make it right. Stepping in to correct it a bit late, is also possibly giving a blessing to the actions. It is lame to always correct our child with the words, say you are sorry. If we make no effort to retrieve the toy from our child, we have made no point of instruction. Kids are capable of such kindness, but perhaps they believe parents expect them to behave aggressively. The parents may not strike their kids, but they expect roughness on the playing field, and in life in general. There are times to be aggressive, but there are more times we need to display an empathetic quality to our natures. Bullying in children is cutting a line, taking someone’s seat on the bus, threatening, hitting, and being aggressive verbally or physically. Bullying is also intimidation in the form of asking for part of another child’s snack at school, asking for snack money, or threatening another to refrain from telling on them. Bullying can also be deciding who will be in the club, who will be ignored, who will not get to hold a treasured item, or touch or handle a treasured toy. It can be when a child receives their paper last every time a certain child is the paper passer. Bullying can be the snarling looks one child gives to another child behind an adult back. It might be a refused request to join a game. It’s also when one is made to feel inferior. Bullying is making others do things or say things they likely do not want to say or do. When one student deliberately crashes into another student, but then states it was an accident, red flags should go up. It can be sitting on a swing so another child can’t use it. Children refrain from complaining because they fear the retaliation from a bully. Harassing is one child stepping on someone’s toes accidentally on purpose. Parents uphold a child’s persecuting of others when it is not dealt with at home, after a notification of such an incident. Home environments that encourage bullying, prevent it from being eradicated. Unless more consideration is given to these matters by parents, bullying will most likely increase. Parents must use the easiest answer of all, which is simply teaching children to stop terrorising and harassing others. By promoting kindness and respect, bullying will be wiped out. Simply following the rules teaches children how one engages respectfully with others. It is important in the scheme of life, to be aware of tolerating others. We are all required to refrain from illicit actions conducted on another person. The sooner we learn to relate to others, the quicker we have harmony. We perhaps should ask ourselves how it would feel to be in the other person’s shoes. Would we enjoy climbing aboard a bus, to be confronted with intimidation? Do we browbeat our own children, causing them to frighten others? If we do nothing to stop bullying as conscientious adults, then we have become enablers. We will continue to have and endure the difficulties we are creating. By refusing or ignoring to remedy the taunting, places an infringement on the freedom of others. In essence, kids must be saved from the tormenters they encounter in their lives. People form friendships which are wonderful. These friendships become less wonderful when they become a clique to the point of excluding others. When a chance arises, oppression will occur again. Harassment of others, perhaps stems from the degree of their own oppression. Teenagers face even more bullying with the improvement of technology. They may have no relief from these encounters with bullies. The saddest part is they will complain less because they are ashamed, demoralised and believe they are old enough to deal with it themselves. Parents may not even be aware of the extent of their child’s torments. It’s possible that adults may have started the epidemic by physically punishing their own children. Question our motives. Think about the bullying damage we do. We can’t take it back, any more than we can collect all of the feathers we dumped, from

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Nurturing Parents

It takes perseverance to steer and guide the child throughout their childhood. Iron-clad skin is a must, along with the ability to exhibit extreme effort in most circumstances. Demonstrating an endless capacity to forgive, and to be dependable twenty-four seven are definite qualifications. We cannot omit a limitless time for talking and listening and patience when we have none left. It is necessary to show restraint especially when it is least deserved. Sharing a quiet stillness when they are young, and more importantly as they grow older, will be required. Last, we have to put our children’s needs first before our own. It is essential to model the virtues of kindness, patience, responsibility, honesty, truthfulness, forgiveness, gentleness, and empathy if we aspire to see it in our children. Children require decent role models more than they need constant criticism and unkind words. Most importantly of all is love. It’s not just our knowing that we love them but more importantly, their awareness that we do. Selfless is the word that comes to mind rather than selfish when giving our children time and money. There is a demand to make the commitment to never have mental, physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual aggression ever placed in our children’s lives. We can’t put our children in the background of our existences and then assume they will magically grow into astounding adults. Being a parent means relinquishing our own wishes. Ask yourself if a plant would grow without any light, water, nourishment or care? Our children require far more watchfulness. The day we stepped into parenthood, whether desired or undesired, planned or unplanned, is the day it became necessary for us to be mature, accept responsibility, and suddenly place someone else’s requirements before our own. If we do this we potentially have a chance at raising beautiful children. Although there are still no guarantees regarding the outcome, The odds of our being successful are tremendously enhanced. Parenthood is such an overwhelming and daunting task that it would make one question why any reasonable person would want to take on this job in the first place. We all have the potential to be worthy parents. The dilemma is that it takes extreme effort. We do need to give some thought to what parenting requires and just how we are accomplishing this remarkable duty. It will undoubtedly be the most demanding, rewarding, and significant calling we will ever have in this lifetime Once we comprehend the magnitude of parenthood, we will not treat our children as objects that interfere with our lives. Each individual child is our own life’s essence. How we nurture our children and how much importance we give to them reflects the amount of value we have for life and each other. The excuse that ‘my parents didn’t do it for me’ just doesn’t work. If we believe we were cheated, we need to question whether we want to repeat the mistakes or make our children’s lives wholesome. We are the adults now , with the ability to make things better for our children.

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Questions To Ask Your Prenatal Exercise Trainer

There is a lot of information out there on the benefits of exercising during pregnancy. Simply put; it increases mothers’ energy levels, decreases the amount of weight gained, keeps joints supple, helps prepare your body for labour and helps your body return to its pre pregnant shape. The benefits are countless. As a general rule whatever exercise you were doing before you fell pregnant is ok to continue during your pregnancy. However, it is important to always listen to your body and not to overdo any exercise. Many pregnant women look for trainers or group classes to join during their pregnancies which can be greatly beneficial to both mother and baby…if they have the right trainer. Here are a few questions to have in mind when looking for a Personal Trainer, Pilates or Yoga Instructor: Do they have a CPR certificate? Fitness professionals are required to update their CPR knowledge every 2 years. Are they familiar with pregnancy complications such as pre-eclampsia or gestational diabetes? They need to be aware of any complications which may arise during a pregnancy to know whether it is safe to continue training or not. Does the trainer know how to modify exercises? For example; it is not advised to lie on ones back after 20 weeks. Do they know how to work stomach muscles correctly? Traditional crunches or Pilates Stomach Series are a big no no! Also knowing how to get up and down correctly is important as well to avoid a separation of abdominal muscles. Are they familiar with pregnancy specific movements such as pregnancy squats and movements to reposition a baby? Knowing which muscles to strengthen or lengthen during pregnancy is very important as the needs of a pregnant woman differs for each trimester. How much experience do they have teaching pregnant women and if they feel comfortable with it? Some trainers may avoid training pregnant women all together. Just a few questions to your would be trainer could make all the difference in the quality of training that you receive. If you are not comfortable with one trainer then continue the search until you find one that is right for you. The safety of both you and your baby always come first.

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Should You Read Your Child’s Social Media Posts?

There is a lot being written about whether parents should be reading content their Child’s post on social media channels.  Before I give you my opinion, let me share with you the two opposing points of view from experts.  Some say you should read them and others say you shouldn’t.  Let’s explore the reasons given by those on both sides of this issue. First of all, both supporters and opponents of monitoring Child’s social media posts agree on one thing… that it should all start with a conversation: talking about appropriate use of social media, setting up ground rules, and discussing online safety.  Parents who will be monitoring their children’s activity also usually advise them they will be sharing all passwords and will be checking their posts at random and without warning. But these two groups disagree when it comes to trusting Child’s ability to behave safely and appropriately consistently when online.  Those in support of monitoring believe it is the parents’ job to keep their Child’s safe.  They do it because of two facts: Child’s can be influenced easily by peers or predators who encourage inappropriate behaviour, and Child’s lack judgment skills due to a normal underdeveloped brain. Those who oppose having parents read their Child’s’ social media posts stand on two other primary principles: that spying on your Child’s will teach them to hide their online activity better, and the best way to develop trust in your child is to let them know you trust them by not monitoring them.  These are two very false premises that are continuing to grow in popularity with some parents. If I have to pick a camp to join, it would be the MONITORING camp.  While the anti-monitors know there is a small risk of danger to the child, they are willing to accept it.  I on the other hand, cannot allow any risk to our children’s safety and well-being, no matter how small it may appear. Yes, there is always a risk to our children’s safety, whether we’re monitoring or not, but I believe that we should always take reasonable measures to reduce that risk.  Providing access to our child to other risk-taking youth, or to predators should never be a viable option.  This should be considered nothing more than child endangerment! It is my professional opinion that children shouldn’t have a basic cell phone, nor a social media account, until at least 13 years of age, the age specified by Facebook (smart phones no sooner than 16).  And they should be strictly monitored at least up until they reach the age of 16, perhaps later for some teens, depending on their developmental maturity. It’s alarming how young I’m noticing children with smart phones and reading Facebook updates.  And commercial companies aren’t helping matters by making smart phone toys for toddlers and preschoolers.  It’s actually training children to have a device tethered to them way too early in their young lives.

Parenting Hub

Health Benefits Of Breastfeeding

Becoming a new mom is an exciting time, but can also be daunting as you make numerous decisions before the big arrival. Of course, one of these is breastfeeding! Advice comes from loved ones, doctors, strangers and, of course, Google. Ultimately however, you have to make the best decision for yourself and the new addition. With that, comes the need to understand the benefits of breastfeeding as well as how you can incorporate breastfeeding into your life so that… well, you still have one! Health and emotional benefits Breastfeeding is proven to provide many health benefits. In fact, benefits of breastfeeding extend well beyond basic nutrition. In addition to containing all the vitamins and nutrients your baby needs in the first 6 months of life, breast milk is packed with disease-fighting substances that provide defence against illnesses and allergies. In pre-term babies, breastfeeding can not only reduce the risk of inflammation and infection in the tummy, but also protect them from infection. For full-term babies, it reduces the risk of stomach bugs, coughs and colds as well as middle-ear infections. Additionally, breast milk may also help children avoid a host of diseases that strike later in life such as eczema, diabetes and childhood leukaemia. In addition to the nutritional advantages, breastfeeding also provides health and emotional benefits to you as it helps the womb return to its normal size, while reducing the risk of ovarian and breast cancer, as well as osteoporosis. From the emotional side, breastfeeding also helps you maintain the close relationship that you have built with your baby. In fact, especially when you return to work, breastfeeding can help you deal with the separation emotionally as you continue to nurture and provide for your child as only you can. Mothers who are unhappy about being separated from their baby have found that continuing to breastfeed has helped them to cope better emotionally. Being separated from your baby for any length of time can be traumatic. In many cases, working moms experience separation anxiety when they first returned to work. Getting back to ‘normal life’ Most mothers return to work simply because they feel they have to. Whether it is by choice or necessity, working mothers need any help they can get when trying to juggle work and being a full time mom. Some moms feel like they are pressured into breastfeeding and that their lives are on hold while this happens. The good news, though, is that there are options available today that ensure you can experience the true bond that breastfeeding offers while ‘sharing the responsibility’ with your spouse. There are many ways in which breastfeeding can occur alongside going back to work. If there is a workplace crèche or some form of child care nearby, you could visit your baby during the day. If you cannot visit your baby during the day or bring him/her into work with you, there are products such as breast pumps that can allow you to express milk, milk storage containers that enable you to store your milk for up to 5 days and milk warmers keeping the milk at the right temperature when needed. This gives you the freedom you want without the guilt – while involving the dads in this important task. Expressing for convenience  Expressing breast milk ensures your baby always gets the very best in nutritional feeding while giving you more flexibility. You may be going back to work, your partner might like to be more involved in feeding your little one, or you may just want to treat yourself to a long overdue rest – or night out. Additionally, there may be times when your breasts feel full and uncomfortable, but your baby isn’t ready to feed yet. That’s when using a pump can give you some relief. Later, once you’re up and running with breastfeeding, expressing can help to build your milk supply, along with your baby suckling. You’ll then have a store of milk handy for when you need it. Expressing breast milk is really easy with practice, although it’s best to wait four to six weeks after the birth to let breastfeeding become established before you start – unless a healthcare professional recommends otherwise. However, just as breastfeeding is a skill that needs practice, so is expressing breast milk. It is worthwhile to practice at home before you actually go back to work. It is also a good idea to have a pump so that you can store up some milk before you go back to work so that you have supplies on hand before you start working – just in case. How often you should pump also depends on a few factors. Do you intend to pump enough during the day for the baby to have exclusive breast milk the following day? If you want your baby to drink breast milk alone then it is a good idea to empty your breasts about as often as your baby feeds. However if you can’t pump as often as your baby feeds, you shouldn’t stop nursing altogether. Some workplaces are just not conducive to pumping. This doesn’t automatically mean that you your milk will dry up. Pumping just once a day will give you some stimulation, stop you from becoming engorged, and help maintain your supply. Arm yourself with info Bringing a child into this world is certainly an exciting time, but it can also be daunting. Arming yourself with as much information as possible is critical at every point – including breastfeeding. A lack of information can lead to misguided views and choices – so never be too scared to ask! Equip yourself with the knowledge and know-how when it comes to breastfeeding, as well as the benefits and options that are available so that you can make the best decision for you and your family.

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The Busy Parent’s Guide

The days of housewives and lazy weekends in the garden are almost extinct.  Most parents that I know these days need the double income and spend their weekends doing shopping and housework and catching up on other personal stuff that doesn’t fit in to their 8-5 working schedule.  And then you have people like me telling you to spend quality time with your kids; that they need your presence and your full attention in order to blossom into the awesome human beings they were meant to become. So how do you fit it all in?? Well, everyone’s schedules are different, but here are some ideas to get you going… Firstly, it really isn’t about the amount of time you spend with your kids, but the quality of your attention when you do.  So my first suggestion would be to find a gap in your schedule (preferably daily if you can) even if it is only 5 minutes where your child has your undivided attention – no phones, computers, laptops, or mental distractions. If you’re even finding that difficult, find ways to double up on or cut back on some of the things you need to do in a day.  Little things, when added up, can make a big difference: Try having a Stinky Friday where the kids don’t have to bath. You’ll be surprised how much time this opens up and the kids generally love it! Try cooking in batches so that you make enough for two or even three meals and then eat leftovers the next night or freeze some meals for later in the week. Allow the little ones to sometimes go to school in their pyjamas, or even have them sleep in a tracksuit and just get up and go in the morning. Make lunch boxes and lay out breakfast things the night before so that the mornings can be slower and allow for some time to connect. Cut back on emailing, Facebook and BBM time – it’s great to connect but it doesn’t need to be every 5 minutes! Another wonderful way to spend time with your kids and do get everything done is to get them to help you.  Most little ones love to be included in cooking and hanging washing and gardening and fixing the car and other household “chores”. Involving your children from a young age gives them a sense of significance in the family.  Just make sure that you bring a sense of fun and presence to whatever you are doing – remember that they learn from you which things are a drag to do and which are enjoyable. There is nothing inherently painful about washing dishes or folding laundry – this is a learned attitude so help them to learn a good one and you may find many enjoyable moments spent with your child while things still get done. And finally, find solace in the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of other busy parents out there in the same situation. Just do the best that you can!

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Rethinking The Way We Plan Our Children’s Diaries

As schools reopen for the second half of the academic year, parents will once again be forced to make decisions about what extramural activities their children will take in Term 3. Be it horse riding, piano, rugby, tennis, gymnastics, squash or choir – their carefree winter holidays will soon become a distant memory. “It’s time to rethink the way we plan our children’s diaries,” says Edublox Director of Educational programmes, Susan du Plessis. “Too many children are busy going from one afternoon activity to the next, every day. They hardly have enough time to enjoy unstructured play or complete their homework, let alone succeed academically.” Parents take great pride in their children’s busy schedules without considering the effects, says du Plessis. “They sign their children up for private coaching sessions while ignoring the average school results on their children’s report cards. The likelihood of one’s child representing South Africa at the Olympics, for example, is very small, while educational success is an absolute requirement for their future.” Without excellent school results, a child’s employment opportunities are severely limited. Of 100 learners who start school, only 50 will make it to Grade 12, 40 will pass, and only 12 will qualify for university.* Of those entering university only 15 percent will get a degree or diploma.** “One cannot emphasize enough the importance of academic success for a child’s future prospects,” says du Plessis. Du Plessis said some parents also fill their children’s diaries excessively because they feel guilty that their child is not excelling in the classroom and their afternoon activities are a pleasant distraction. “There is a very long list of nice to have activities but if a child’s academic performance is of concern, this needs to be resolved first. If one doesn’t address foundational educational problems early on they only become more pronounced the longer they are ignored.” The cost of postponing learning support intervention is both financial and emotional if a child must repeat a grade. While sporting activities are recommended for physical wellbeing, du Plessis said that a balance is required. “When planning after-school activities, parents need to act in the best interests of their child, even if this means temporarily withdrawing their child from compulsory school sport activities in favour of educational intervention support.” “A coach is naturally interested in winning the next match and a teacher’s main concern is to ensure that a child passes the grade at the end of the year. Parents however have the responsibility to consider the long-term future for their child and that is to help them have as many future career choices as possible with excellent school results.” Educational intervention programmes that help children improve academically need not be life-long. “Most children need only 240 hours, or ten 24-hour days to resolve their learning problems. If this time is split over an 18-month or two-year period, it is manageable but it requires a careful look from parents at priorities and what is important and urgent,” said du Plessis. She added that as little as 100 hours of extra educational support could also transform an average student from passing comfortably to scoring well above 80%. Five practical steps for parents who want to prioritise their child’s academic success Review your child’s after-school schedule and prioritise what is urgent and important above what is a ‘nice to have.’ Ensure your child has enough time for free play outdoors. Seek a successful learning intervention programme based on substantial proof of improved school results. Include your child in the process. Explain why an academic intervention programme will help them in the long term. Inform everyone including the class teacher, grandparents and sports coach exactly how you are prioritising your child’s academic success and ask them to support you. This is very important, especially if parents have divorced, that both agree to support this process. Reward and recognise your child’s efforts to improve academically.

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HYPERTENSION AND YOUR PREGNANCY

Embarking on the journey of motherhood should be a pleasurable and memorable experience.  For many women though, pregnancy can be overshadowed by hypertension, also known as high blood pressure.  Uncontrolled high blood pressure prior to pregnancy or high blood pressure developed during pregnancy poses a risk to both mother and unborn baby. I n this article we would like to make all future and expectant moms aware of these dangers and provide you with lifesaving tips on how to prevent high blood pressure from casting a shadow over this momentous time. High blood pressure can affect an expectant mother in two ways:  She might have existing high blood pressure prior to becoming pregnant, or …. High blood pressure may develop in the second half of pregnancy.   When high blood pressure is accompanied by protein in the urine, and swollen ankles, fingers and face; it is particularly serious and is called pre-eclampsia. F or both types of high blood pressure in pregnancy, if it is not detected and then controlled, it can cause low birth weight or require early delivery of the baby.   High blood pressure and especially pre-eclampsia can furthermore be very harmful to the mother as well, by causing seizures, damaging the kidneys, liver and brain and increasing the risk of stroke. The good news is that early detection and control of high blood pressure and close monitoring of the mom and baby can ensure a safe and happy pregnancy.   There are certain factors that can put one at an increased risk of high blood pressure during pregnancy. Factors include high blood pressure during a previous pregnancy, obesity, being under the age of 20 years and over the age of 40 years, having diabetes and other chronic illnesses, and being pregnant with more than one baby.  Women with any of these factors should be especially vigilant.  Severe headaches and visual disturbances are warning signs that require an urgent visit to your doctor or clinic. How can women with existing high blood pressure prevent problems during pregnancy? Firstly, it is important to control your blood pressure, and speak to your doctor or nurse when thinking about falling pregnant. Discuss with your doctor how high blood pressure might affect you or your baby and how to adapt or change any current blood pressure medication. Continue to monitor blood pressure regularly throughout your pregnancy as advised by your doctor or clinic. Ensure that you are eating healthily, limiting salt intake, being active and avoiding alcohol or tobacco products. In addition, taking calcium supplementation can prevent pre-eclampsia. How can women be sure not to get high blood pressure or pre-eclampsia during pregnancy?  Regular visits to the doctor or clinic are important to ensure a safe pregnancy. For a healthy pregnancy one should: First and foremost ensure that you are in the best possible health before thinking of falling pregnant; including managing a healthy weight, being physically active and not smoking. Get early and regular care from a doctor. Follow all the doctor’s recommendations. Do what you can to help manage blood pressure. Eat a healthy diet including plenty of fruit and vegetable, daily dairy, and limit intake of salt and salty foods. Take a calcium supplement as advised and directed by your doctor. High blood pressure has no symptoms or warning signs, therefore checking blood pressure regularly throughout pregnancy and beyond is important to monitor the health and well-being of mom and baby.  We would therefore like to encourage all women to know their numbers by visiting their nearest clinic, GP practice, nearest pharmacy or obstetrician to get their blood pressure checked.

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Bullying Ends When Adults Stop Bullying

I am  not surprised, when adults and the media go on and on about futile attempts at stopping the increase of bullying.  Everyone is jumping on the wagon, trying to come up with ways of ending it.  Clever people are involved, and meetings with intelligent people are held.  The simple truth is, that it is easy to stop the bullying.  All we need to do is stop it within ourselves, the adult population. It must be human nature to always want to blame outside influences, and to fix other people or things.  The reality is the amount of forcefulness we use within our own environments, influences our entire lives, as well as the lives of our kids.  This might hit home, but if we are honestly working for answers, we should dare to inspect all angles. When angry or upset we roughly grab a baby or child.  Our tone is harsher when we have reached our limit in patience.  Our voice is louder.  The harsh loud voice is intimidating to a young child.  The intensity of a grab of the arm tells the child who is mightier.  Our screams, or yelling in their faces, or even close in proximity, tells a child be quiet, or else.  The parent likely does not have to resort to anything further, because believe it or not, their control has already been enforced. What has the child learned?  They have learned FEAR.  I accept the fact that we all get angry and perhaps lose our patience.  Crossing the line is where it is wrong. If we do cross that line it is important to apologise quickly, explain how we erred and ask for forgiveness and talk it out.  The less aggressive tactics we use the better.  Many kids silently sit on buses, or other public places.  Perhaps some are quiet out of fear of retaliation, from their parents or peers who are bullies. Respect out of fear is equivalent to no respect.  Respect cannot be forced.  If respect is forced, at some point in time, when the child is big enough, you will be challenged. Disciplining with care, attention, and love is harder, but the learning remains strong. The child begins to judge for themselves, the amount of time required to  wait, or the days or minutes necessary.  They learn self-control. Some parents ridicule kids who don’t always have the stamina.  Whining, overtired, or  timid children, are afraid to challenge at times, out of fear of the parents.  Some parents hate to observe a nervous child which sometimes they have created.  Unless we look at honesty, we will fix an area that does not contain the wound. We shouldn’t have to sugar coat truth.  We are big enough to face it and remedy it.  If we are honest, the answers come swiftly, and solutions to our problems are found. Rough handling or forceful talking to children is demeaning.  It defeats them and causes anxiety issues, as well as insecurity dilemmas.  In order to gain back some semblance of power, kids bully other kids. The strange thing is we don’t see how many times in the course of a day, we bully other adults.  Even in conferences people speak over others, interrupt them, or speak out of turn.  The people overseeing the conference tend to overlook the more dominant contenders. They have no problem telling the weaker individuals to remain silent and wait.  Adults cut people off in traffic, steal parking spaces, race to the front of a line, pretending they didn’t know where the beginning of the line was.  People grab for the last item, push their way through a crowd, use carriages or other devices to bully others out of their way. People yell demand, or speak gruffly, so as to be taken first.  Everyone around them backs off due to their forceful nature.  We never stop to look at this as bullying. Intimidating those working in stores, or offices, or even when talking on a phone, is harassing or bullying others.  When we scream at store clerks, or  yell at teachers because we don’t like hearing what they have to say, we are pushing others around. People yell at doctors, lawyers or anyone else providing a service.   The power struggle starts, if a disagreement ensues.  No one negotiates or questions to understand, any point of view, other than their own.  It amounts to blaming the speaker when we don’t like the answers. Parents all want the supposed “best” teacher but someone must take the left overs. Parents want special schools but some kids are left behind.  Let’s face it, the squeaky wheel has always gotten the attention, and so it is true with the bullying parent.  We just hate to call it bullying, when we want to win our way.  Those parents who are more aware of choice openings, or who speak up in advance of an announcement, are rewarded with the prize.  Those who politely follow the guidelines are left at the start. We all want instant service and we expect it from our kids. Children are not machines. Have you visited a sports game where kids are playing?  Parents yell at coaches, yell at the other team parents, and scream at the refs.  Nobody holds back anymore.  So why do we think our kids will refrain from hurting other kids who are in their way? If we show no patience, why would we expect to see our kids act in a different manner?  Our problem is not to find answers about why kids bully.  Our dilemma is to find solutions for adult bullying. If we stop it in ourselves, we won’t see it in our kids.  Children are impressionable, that is the simplest truth you will get. Some of the most educated people are bullies.  They feel above others with their degrees and ideas.  One is not allowed to enter their realm, or offer advice, to those who know everything already.  The air about them keeps others in their place and almost afraid to

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The Problem With Mommy Groups

Falling pregnant is (relatively) easy. Being pregnant, and then spawning a baby, is the hard part. It’s only until you have this tiny, helpless infant in your arms that you think to yourself ‘so, now what?”. I think I spent my entire pregnancy in denial – under a false illusion that once baby was here I would know exactly what to do, and that everything would magically fall into place. Except, it didn’t. Suddenly, I had this brand new pink, squeaking, frog-like human in my arms and panic set in. How will I know when to change its nappy. What size nappy? What brand of nappy? When does it eat? How does it eat? How much does it eat? #OhMyGodWhenAmIEverGoingToEatAgain And so, I sought advice from the experts. Other moms. Facebook, with all its faults, does offer us one great thing – groups. And if there’s one thing a mommy loves, it’s a mommy group on Facebook. Before my baby was barely more than some drying wee on a dipstick, I had been added to more Facebook groups than I could remember. Breastfeeding groups, gentle parent groups, Joburg groups, groups about groups, groups about those groups who group together. You get the point. My newsfeed was filled daily with panic stricken moms asking for consultations on their babys rash, moms asking for reliable family photographers and moms looking to sell little Johnnys ‘barely used’ burp cloth. At first, I loved it, I sucked in the information like an alcoholic on relapse. Everything fascinated me! No ‘is this poo even normal’ question was too much for my insatiable appetite, no requests for ‘it’s little Julies birthday in 7 minutes and I need one hundred million gluten free Frozen themed cupcakes’ could scare me away. Oh no, I was mommy group befok. Until I started asking my own questions… They started off innocently enough. One day I asked if anyone could recommend a good book to read during maternity leave (haha!). I also posed on the group the day before my son was born, and the love poured in. Then, I had the absolute gall, the CHEEK, to post about something that required a point of view. Circumcision. Words like ‘baby massacre’ and ‘genital mutilation’ spring to mind. My post elicited hundreds of responses where woman, who I have never met and who have never met me unleashed their verbal abuse at me. I’m not alone. I have seen hundreds of woman torn to shreds for even mentioning the word ‘bottle fed’ or (gasp!) ‘C Section’. Questions around how many ml’s a baby should be drinking were met with very angry woman lambasting anything that didn’t come out of the boob. Cute pics of ‘babys nursery linen’ were followed with Internet links to cot deaths and SIDS stats. Don’t even get me started on Bumbos and baby walkers… Eventually, I started to unfollow the most of the groups, and retreated into the corner like a scolded school kid. From there, I observed, and watched more innocent woman fall to the merciless hands of the know-it-all-parent. I have chosen to remain on a few Facebook groups, where abuse is met with a quick removal by the page admin, but having been burnt a few times I am hesitant to post anything more than an innocuous update about something that can’t offend anyone. Motherhood is tough. We all have our days where we have no idea what we’re doing. I’m still so grateful to the few groups I remain on and the 99% of moms out there who are genuine and helpful, and don’t mind a difference of opinion. To those moms, the invisible personas behind the profile pictures, I thank you. We may have never met, but you have helped me in more ways than you know. PS – I still can’t help anyone with a hundred million gluten free Frozen themed cupcakes. Sorry.

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When Your Child Doesn’t Get An Invitation

Following one of my parent workshops, a woman related an incident in which another parent called her at home to scold her for not inviting her child to a birthday party.  The woman relating the story was floored that she would get such a call and asked me what I thought about that.  My initial thoughts were two things: it’s so hard to see our children feeling left out and how much more parenting help the woman who called, needs. Stepping up on behalf of your child is one thing, but over stepping boundaries to protect them unnecessarily is another. T hat mother should never have made that call and I at least hope that her child did not know that she was making it.  If so, that woman’s child may grow expecting someone else to always solve their problems and they may even lack the ability to handle disappointment and other difficult emotions. So what do you do if your child is left sitting on a bench at the game or off the list of a party?  The two most important things is to use the best listening skills you can conjure up and affirm your child’s feelings in that moment.  Avoid telling your child that she shouldn’t feel that way and don’t try to make it all better.  A child processing their own feelings is a huge step in self-soothing and problem-solving. One day when I picked my young daughter up from school, she was crying and said that a certain girl wasn’t her friend anymore.  I remember how difficult it was to see her hurting and I had difficulty fighting the urge to find a way to make it up to her. But I remembered my own childhood, how friends could change in an instant and for no obvious reason. I let her cry it out and asked lots of open-ended questions to get her to talk about it.  I wanted her to know that I was there for her and ready to listen.  By the time we arrived at  our destination, the tears had subsided and I was amazed to hear her sooth herself by saying that she still had a few other friends in her class.  She even talked about having some play time with those other friends. In addition to letting them vent, it’s equally important to let a child know that what they are feeling is OK and that it’s normal.  Avoid talking too much in the beginning, but when they are ready to listen, validate their feelings with phrases like, “It must have really hurt your feelings when you didn’t get an invitation,” or “Wow, you must have been so disappointed.”  I found it helpful to offer examples from my own life when I experienced disappointment or hurt, being sure to use stories that she could comprehend. In summary, don’t rescue, don’t try to “make things all better”, and don’t minimise the experience. Instead, be present, be silent, and be encouraging. Allow your child to experience life!

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The Importance Of Taste Experience With Your Child

One of the biggest challenges I see in my practice is picky eating, whether in healthy children or kiddies struggling with underlying medical issues.  While it is generally  “just a phase”, it’s a phase we would ideally like to avoid – it can be incredibly frustrating for mom and dad, and has repercussions for health– at this critical stage of development, you want your toddler to be getting all the protein, healthy fats and micronutrients she can get, as well as avoiding toxic refined carbs and trans fats that come with toddler preferred foods . If this is what you are currently sitting with, relax – picky eating can be managed, especially if you catch it early (a good paed dietitian or occupational therapist are highly recommended).  For those of you who haven’t quite reached the picky eating stage, there are steps we can take as early as pregnancy to prevent this hair-pulling fussiness that is so characteristic of the terrible twos (…or threes… or fours!). Eating is not just for nourishment – adults certainly don’t choose lemon cheesecake and steaming hot chocolate for the fuel it provides.  We choose lemon cheesecake because we’re sitting around a table with friends and we are all sharing a treat and a giggle.  We choose hot chocolate because it’s raining outside and there’s nothing more comforting than a sweet hot drink by the fire.  Eating is an experience – a social experience, an emotional experience, a taste experience.  And when it comes to experience, most of us will choose one that is comfortable, one that we know, one that doesn’t scare us.  If someone came to you and asked you to jump out of an aeroplane, speak in front of 200 people, or try a fried tarantula (a Cambodian delicacy) – chances are, you would refuse, because these experiences would be foreign to you and completely out of your comfort zone. The same applies to our littlies.  If they have almost no experience with bitter tastes (brussel sprouts, broccoli, dark chocolate) or sour tastes (tomatoes, oranges, balsamic vinegar), how can we expect them to accept them as safe and comfortable?  It’s unrealistic.  A phrase I want you to remember is experience leads to acceptance.  This refers to tastes, textures, or heck, even a new baby brother.  So it’s all about increasing experience and exposure to that food, taste or texture, and getting your bubs to the point of acceptance. Let’s start from pregnancy: Try your best to eat as much variety of tastes as you can – bitter vegetables, fatty fish, spicy curries, garlicky meats, herby roasts, tangy fruit.  These tastes do get transferred to your amniotic fluid and baby uses his sense of smell and taste to experience them.  Studies do show that this kind of exposure in the womb does influence baby’s preferences after birth – for several years at least!  The famous example is babies from Indian families – from six months, these little guys are perfectly comfortable eating strong curries and hot spices. Why? Because they got exposed to them day in and day out in mom’s belly and from mom’s milk. If your morning sickness meant that all you could eat for 9 months was dry crackers and pickled gherkins, don’t despair – breastfeeding is another optimal time for taste experience.  Again, tastes do get transferred into breastmilk, so do your best to go crazy with healthy, whole food flavours.  Of course, if you have never touched a chilli in your life before, don’t stress about exposing baby to that hot spiciness – the aim here is to get baby to accept and love the family foods, the foods you will be feeding him for the next 18 years.  However, this may also be a good time to look at how you and the family eat.  Does everyone get enough fruits, enough vegetables, enough fish? Maybe everyone needs to branch out a bit, not just for baby, but for your own health.  Remember the importance of variety in the whole family’s health – you are unlikely to be well nourished if you only ever eat 10 different foods.  So many parents come to me complaining of picky eaters, only to confess that they themselves never eat salad or sweet potato – it is unreasonable to expect baby to eat a perfect diet if mom and dad only live off boerewors rolls. Weaning, of course, is another valuable window period – please don’t be nervous of flavours in this stage of development.  There is no need to introduce a new fruit or vegetable every week.  It will take you many months to reach a varied diet – precious months where baby could be learning about tastes and textures and flavours.  A new fruit or vegetable can be introduced every day, and you can cook these foods with garlic, cinnamon, ginger, rosemary, turmeric, cumin, basil – whatever fresh or freeze dried herb or spice you can find. Protein foods only need three days between introduction, and these can also be cooked with any natural flavours you can think of. Note: please avoid honey in the first year. Now kiddo is over 1 year old and it’s too late to worry about flavours in utero or in milk.  Still, don’t despair!  It’s never too late to start exposure.  By this stage you might struggle to get your little one to actually put flavours like cabbage or avocado in their mouth, but don’t forget other kinds of experience.  Mom, dad, nanny, crèche teachers all eating and enjoying food (vocally if possible) in front of toddler is invaluable experience with those foods. Games, toys, or videos with food characters count as experience.  Playing with foods is experience, as well as playing with different textures such as goo, shaving cream, mud, or coloured spaghetti.  Simply having food on a plate is experience. It’s all about teaching your child that these foods are safe and predictable and comfortable. This all may seem like a

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Top Tips For Healthy Kids Parties

Growing up in the 80’s, parties typically involved red frankfurters with tomato sauce, sugary fizzy cool drinks such as Coke, Cream Soda, Fanta as well as multi-coloured jelly and chips loaded with colourings, preservatives, bad fats and sugar.  Parents didn’t seem to be nearly as conscious of party food as they are now.  We all love the memory of those retro party treats but it is a cause of concern that our children are being filled with such nutrient-poor foods – particularly when a birthday party seems to be a weekly event for many children. Children parties however, is an occasion to celebrate and to have fun.  Parties unfortunately very often involve excessive amounts of sweets, treats, snacks and drinks that contain too much sugar and poor quality fats.  If children have more than one party over one weekend, this is more than likely what they’ll be filling up on.  We all know too well what the consequences are… uncontrolled blood sugar levels with adverse effects and healthy, nourishing food are replaced by those foods with very little nutritional benefit.  So how can parents ensure that kids enjoy parties but do not overload on second-rate food?  Read on for some handy tips. The offenders at Kids Parties Salt  Many of the snacks found at kids parties are high in salt.  A high salt diet during childhood could increase the risk of other conditions later in life.  Like anything there is place for a small amount of salt in a child’s diet.  If your child is healthy and have a healthy weight, or on cheat days.  What’s more, in small amounts, salt can even encourage nutritious eating.  Some kids might love homemade popcorn if it had a little salt on it – which is a much healthier snack than commercially produced crisps or savoury biscuits which is loaded with salt and hydrogenated fats.  Always remember, moderation is key! The daily recommended maximum amount of salt children should eat depends on age: •1 to 3 years – 2g salt a day (0.8g sodium) •4 to 6 years – 3g salt a day (1.2g sodium) •7 to 10 years – 5g salt a day (2g sodium) •11 years and over – 6g salt a day (2.4g sodium) Sugar: Sugar intake escalates very quickly if a child eats or drinks lots of processed foods or beverages – foods usually found at kid’s parties.  The problem with sugar is that it provides empty calories (energy of no nutritional value) that rob the body of nutrition to strengthen the immune system.  Too much sugar also causes cold-like symptoms e.g. runny noses, excessive mucus, cough and symptoms of sinus infections.  It contributes to tooth decay and behavioural problems.  The sudden glucose spike & subsequent glucose drop below normal blood glucose levels contribute to an increased adrenaline production and this causes hyperactivity in children. Excess sugar may lead to stomach ache in children and subsequently they will eat poorly when healthy nutritious food is offered.  Large amounts of sugar put children at risk of health problems that can show up as early as adolescence e.g. overweight, obesity, insulin resistance, pre-diabetes and type 2 diabetes. The average primary school child should not consume more than six teaspoons of added sugar per day. The American Heart Association recommends limiting children’s sugar intake to 3-4 teaspoons per day. Added sugar includes sugar that you add to tea, cereal and other food, but also the sugar added to refined or processed food. Sugar content of some processed food: Product Equivalent amount of sugar Fizzy cool drink (Coke, Fanta etc.) – 340ml can 10 teaspoons Oros – 300ml 6 teaspoons Ice tea – 340ml 6 teaspoons Flavoured water – 500ml 5 teaspoons Jelly sweets – 75g (small packet) 14 teaspoons Bite-size chocolate bar 2 teaspoons Plain chocolate – 4 squares 3 teaspoons Tomato sauce – 2 tablespoons 5 teaspoons From this table you can clearly see that consuming party foods with hidden sugar, a child can very easily exceed their daily recommendation for the next few days just by going to one party in a week. Fat: Fat comes in different forms and has different qualities, thus are some better than others.  Although it is recommended that fat should be limited in the daily diet – children are still growing and developing and need a certain amount of fat, especially the beneficial ones.  The problem with children’s parties is that most of the typical party foods are very high in Trans-fats or Hydrogenated fats. Trans-Fats or Hydrogenated (man-made) fat are the worst fats and are found typically in processed foods such as hard brick margarine, biscuits, chips, crackers, cakes, commercially baked goods e.g. pastries, doughnuts.  It is usually listed as “partially hydrogenated” or “vegetable oil shortening” in the ingredients list.  These fats increase the risk of disease (e.g. cancer, heart disease).  In large amounts trans-fatty acids can also affect brain function as it interferes with the role of omega-3 fatty acids in the brain. Another problem with the fatty party foods such as boerewors, ‘slap chips’, chips and melted cheese is that it contributes to constipation.  The type of fat present in these foods slows down the movement of food through the digestive track increasing the risk of constipation, especially if your child is prone to constipation. Top Tips For Kids Parties Before the party Make sure your child has eaten a healthy well-balanced meal or snack before the party starts.   Children’s eating behaviour is usually driven by hunger.  A hungry child will spend most of the party time around the sweets table eating whatever is available but generally children prefer to spend their party time playing if they’re not hungry. At the party  Children will eat what is served at the party.  If healthier food is offered at the party – that’s what they will eat. If healthy foods are served together with unhealthy options, chances are that the children will choose the unhealthier options.  Therefore it is better to

Meg Faure

All You Need To Know About Co-Sleeping

Parenting is fraught with tough, controversial decisions. What makes the decisions tough is that there are such varied opinions and every ‘expert’, mum and family member seems to have a very firm opinion on how you should raise your baby.  Without question, one of the most highly charged discussions revolves around co-sleeping.  Should you? Should you? These are questions you will be asking yourself. The benefits of co-sleeping There is evidence that babies who co-sleep breastfeed for longer than babies who don’t.  This is probably due to the fact that these babies have more free access to their mum’s breast for night feeds. Sleep researcher, James McKenna believes that babies who co-sleep have better immunity, possibly due to the benefits from breastfeeding. Of course there is above all the convenience of sleeping with your small baby.  Instead of getting up to check on your little one or to feed her, you can simply roll over to check on or feed her. Some research indicates that children who share sleep spaces with their parents experience emotional benefits such as security, emotional stability and are in the long run more likely to be well-adjusted. The risks of co-sleeping In recent years, co-sleeping has become recognised as a risk factor for cot death or SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).  The American Association of Paediatrics recommends that parents do not co-sleep at all.   An enormous amount of recent research points towards the risks of co-sleeping. Most of this research highlights where you co-sleep and the parent’s state whilst sleeping.  Falling asleep on a sofa is very risky for the baby and has been conclusively linked to cot death.  Likewise a parent who has had even one glass of wine or a painkiller should not co-sleep with their baby as suffocation is much more likely when a parent sleeps deeply while co-sleeping. Even removing these confounding factors, co-sleeping in a bed with your baby under 6 months of age does increase the risk of cot death (SIDS). The question is whether the risks outweigh the benefits and this is where the discussion on co-sleeping takes place. Co-sleeping safely If you are choosing to co-sleep, you can do so safely and be confident in deciding to do so, if you take the following into consideration: Your baby must sleep on her back. Do not have a pillow near your baby. Do not cover your baby with your duvet, or use an electric blanket or hot water bottle. Place your baby on the outside of the bed next to you, not between you and your partner. Have a sleep nest that creates a space for your baby in your bed. Do not co-sleep if your baby is exposed to cigarette smoke during the day. Do not drink alcohol or take any form of pain medication before bedtime. Managing co-sleeping with your newborn and young baby Co-sleeping with your newborn may feel like the most natural way to sleep. You can feed on demand through the night and don’t have to get up to feed or check on your little one. If you are on pain medication do not co-sleep with your newborn.  The risk of suffocating your baby, rolling on her or increasing her body temperature with your body heat or blankets is increased. Making changes The safest place for your newborn to sleep is in a crib next to your bed or in a co-sleeper cot.  At this age, your baby will find the transition to sleep in her own space easy.  Moving your baby from your bed to her own sleep space becomes increasingly difficult after 6 months of age due to habits and expectations. Co-sleeping and toddlers While toddlers should sleep in their own space, strangely enough this is the time in which co-sleeping is most common. Making changes Since habits will become firmly entrenched at this age, now is the time to make the move.  It is preferable to make the move to her own room before your baby is two years old, that is while your little one is still in a cot.  Once in a bed, boundaries need to be instilled which raises another whole set of issues. If you need to instil bed space boundaries, be firm and consistent. If you find the battle is too great, you can move to a halfway space – where your toddler has a sleep space next to your bed – a mattress on the floor is fine. At the end of the day, regardless of your baby’s age, you will need to make a call that you are comfortable with regarding sleep space and co-sleeping. Like all other parenting decisions – it’s a tough one and really there is no right or wrong – there’s what you do and don’t do.

Parenting Hub

Establishing A Sense-Able Routine For Feeding, Sleeping And Bathing In The First Six Months

In the first two weeks, babies generally feed on demand. Thereafter, the frequency of feeds may become less. You are producing enough breast milk , or giving the correct amount of formula milk,  if your baby is having at least six wet nappies a day, is generally feeding two- to four-hourly and is content and sleepy in-between feeds.  You will thus be able to use your common sense to determine when he is  hungry.  So, offer him a feed if he is fussing and it has been a few hours since his last feed, but if  you have just fed him, then rather try an alternative method of calming him as he is most likely not hungry.  As your baby gets closer to six weeks of age, you will start to see a rhythm to his feeding pattern, where he may be able to stretch up to four hours in between feeds (wake him up to feed if he is sleeping during the day), with one longer stretch at night. Night feeds should be “strictly business” in a dim light with little eye contact and stimulation. From  6 weeks By now, your baby will be showing some pattern to his day.  Without even consciously trying, you know when your baby is awake and happy, when he is hungry, when he enjoys his bath time best and when his sleepy, grumpy, and crying times are.This is the time you can begin to instil a basic, but flexible structure to his day, working with what you already know about him to make it work.By now, he is settling into a sleeping and feeding pattern, and is also more alert and ready for interaction.  Provided he is gaining weight and is not ill,  you can stretch his feeds to as close to three to four hours as you can by encouraging hand to mouth or dummy sucking (non-nutritive), and by gently rocking and soothing him.  One of the night feeds (usually the 10:00– 11:00 PM feed) will fall away, and your baby may now sleep for a six to seven hour stretch before waking for a feed after midnight.  Watch for signs of over-stimulation and protect him from overload by encouraging regular day naps.  Limit his awake time to 60 – 80 minutes between day naps and plan your care-giving, outings and stimulation within this time.  At this stage, he may still need to be rocked and soothed to become calm enough to fall asleep.  Expect him to sleep for around 16 hours in a 24-hour cycle. This is the age when your baby will recognise and thrive on familiar events in his world and will begin to understand and enjoy his predictable routine.  Hopefully being up for the whole night is a thing of the past, and your days should start to fall into a definite pattern, with clearer times of feeding, sleeping and playing. 3 – 6 Months At around the age of four months, he may begin to pick up extra night feeds. If this is happening, it is best to consult your healthcare provider for nutritional advice to adjust his feeding schedule during the day.  He has the ability to self-calm now, so try not to respond instantly to any small noise or squeak you may hear from him (leave him be for five minutes).  If you allow him the opportunity to settle himself, he will soon learn to fall asleep without assistance, and put himself back to sleep during the night. 6 Months and older Your baby will be eating solid food now, so you can expect a predictable day routine based on his milk and solid food intake.  He should be enjoying a variety of solid food from all the food groups three times a day, and his milk feeds may drop to one on waking, one after lunch and one at bedtime.  He may enjoy some finger foods mid-morning and mid-afternoon. You can expect him to sleep for 8 – 10 hours at night without requiring feeding (provided he is not ill).  He will manage to be awake for approximately two hours in between sleeps during the day.  If he is unable to self-soothe at this age and is still waking frequently at night, some gentle sleep training is advised. Ann Richardson is a speaker at the 2015 Johnson’s Baby Sense Seminars. These seminars take place on 1 August (PE), 15 August (Durban), 22 August (Cape Town) and 5 September (Johannesburg). For more information and to book for these informative parenting seminars, visit www.babysense.com.

Parenting Hub

You Are Good Enough

When I was 22 years old, I fell pregnant with Jamie, this was the biggest life changing moment, I knew everything was about to change. Little did I know that the effects of these changes were so drastic. Even though I had a relatively easy pregnancy, my body was not my own, I was swelling in places I didn’t know existed and feeling uncomfortable with my body and self-image. It wasn’t all glam. A swim in the pool made me feel like a beached whale and the view of my tummy and feet from my angle looked 10 times worse that it really was. When Jamie was born I became somewhat obsessed with losing the 15 Kilograms I had gained during the pregnancy. (For me this is a lot) Previously, I would wonder why woman “let themselves go” after their pregnancies, now I know why it is so tough, and although this is a reality, there are ways that we can make ourselves feel beautiful. (And I’m not talking about weight here) If we feel beautiful, we will display that beauty on the outside and it will shine. I attempted exercising for a couple of days after getting the go ahead from my Gynae, but that was short-lived. Damn, new born babies are hard work! My Body had changed for good, my ribs weren’t were they used to be, my stomach muscles were lazy, and lets not talk about my boobs! There was no turning back to my 21-year-old body and at this moment, I knew I had to start treating myself better, emotionally, and “get your shit together” became my mantra! After the pregnancy, I naturally began neglecting myself, and in this time I could not find the motivation and strength to get up and do something about it. We have all been there, envying the pretty girl with the rocking body, but It is not about looking at the next person and envying their beauty, wanting a better body, a permanent bronzed tan or legs so beautiful it would make Barbie jealous. And it is certainly not about the fear of being judged by others and their worthless opinion of your image. It’s not about losing an excessive or unhealthy amount of weight, eating celery for breakfast, lunch and dinner, or wearing fresh make up to bed (please don’t do that)  It’s about who you are, being comfortable in your own skin, what you were given in this life, and how you use it. It’s about treating yourself better, in a way that makes you feel fulfilled. If you are not content with the way you feel, it’s about time you start finding your balance and do what you need to do to make you happy. Once you are satisfied, the only weapon you have to defeat the fear of not being good enough is to embrace it. Own it. Psychologically, we put ourselves in a state of mind portraying that we are either okay or not okay with the choices we make in our everyday lives. Whether it be the outfit you picked, the number on your scale, or the way you did your hair (or didn’t). We use some sort of psychological defense mechanism. Yet, when we wake up and look in the mirror we are faced with reality –  “I am not happy with this”, “I need to do something about this”,  “why am I so unhappy with myself”, “I need to make time to do my hair and manicure my nails”. Let’s face it, we as moms have a tough job. Endless responsibilities and needs that have to be fulfilled daily. Yes, it makes us Strong, Brave Women, but we hardly find time for ourselves. We put our entire family’s needs (including the dog) before our own. Don’t let it drown your soul. You owe it to yourself to do whatever it takes to make you look at yourself in the mirror and smile with content. Many times when I have some much needed ‘off duty’ moments, all I want to do is catch up on sleep or sit with my feet up, reading, or catching up and watching re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy. As nice as that sounds (wouldn’t that be great RIGHT now??), Instead, often I take that time to make myself feel pretty, for me (try relaxing in the bath, reading a book, while waiting for your nails to dry). Often I have walked out the door feeling unhappy with the way I have neglected myself and exposed it for everyone to see. Irrespective of the fact that I generally couldn’t care less what people think, I know for sure that if I am unhappy with my self-image, it will show and I will put my emotions in a vulnerable state, and I will be left feeling insecure about myself and taking people’s judgement of me, to heart. So, Moms… it’s never too late. GET UP! DRESS UP! SHOW UP! Because you are Good Enough. Buy the dress. That lipstick DOES look good on you, and your bum looks great in those jeans! Have confidence, and treat yourself and your body better. Find comfort in accepting yourself. You are beautiful inside and out. Let your light shine.

Parenting Hub

Healthy Parent-Child Relations Through Discipline

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual – and yet it is arguable the most important job on earth.  Why then, do we get it wrong so often?  Is it because we don’t know any better?  At Contemporary Parenting we have devised a 4 module course to explore you as parent, and the challenges and opportunities that are open to you to bring about lasting positive change in your homes.  One of the big parental areas of confusion and contention is that of discipline.  How is it that we facilitate children into their goodness and greatness? Have you ever considered that connection is key to positively influencing children? Have you ever thought about positive guidance through relationship as opposed to through threats and consequences.  Could you imagine a different and better way to move your children towards behaviour that you require from them? Punishment rarely teaches accountability and can stir up significant negative emotion and resentment in the child. Consider how you felt as a child when you were grounded, sent to your room or had privileges taken away.  What were you thinking and feeling? Where you considering your wrong doing and pondering improved behaviour next time, or plotting revenge? When we parent punitively, through punishment, we often get the result we want in the short term as children are too scared not to obey, but do we really want compliance through fear, or do we want compliance and cooperation because children come to understand the reasons behind our requests? At Contemporary Parenting we have come up with some ideas to deal with those ‘sticky’ situations. 1. Let your child find the solutions:                                                         I notice that you haven’t managed to complete your school work before bed time – I wonder what the best solution would be?  Using observation and clever question asking is key to helping children to find their own solutions. It is empowering and it can be fascinating what children can come up with. 2. Partner with your child: If the child coming up with a solution doesn’t work then work with them shoulder to shoulder to show them that you are committed to win:win problem solving.  It also may require some short-term compromise while you get them into solving their own problems thoroughly.  In other words, hair may need to go unwashed tonight in order that their solution of showering in the morning is honoured. Work to together to MAP: Make A Plan to move forward.  Create a sense of team and truly consider even their most out of the box ideas. 3. The power of the ‘may’:  Who knew there was such power in 3 letter words?  Consider the difference between the statements, and play with them in your own homes; “take your shoes off now.” “Can you please take your shoes off?”  “You may take your shoes off now?”  The latter is a clear but passive statement with built in respect and guidance 4. Offer a ‘rewind’: I see you are not keen to bath right now, but being rude isn’t what we do in this family. Would you like to do a rewind?  Giving a child a chance to redo a behaviour teaches so much to them. Make ‘rewinds’ a part of your everyday life.  Less than ideal behaviour can escape being the source of blame & shame and can rather be seen as a learning experience in which all memebers of the family get a do-over to try it again. 5. Pro-active steps alleviate a lot of resistance: Connect with your child before you direct them.  Honour where they are at before requesting that they transition to something new.  Where possible, give ample warning too and always try and be mindful of the time – transitions under time pressure are a ticking bomb waiting to go off. 6. Be a friendly spy into their inner-worlds: No behaviour is ever, ever random. There is always a reason and if we become investigators and are curious about a behaviour we can start to find out what is behind it and address that rather than the symptom which is the behaviour.  Children find big feelings scary so they will often suppress them in the moment, for instance the rejection that they felt at school, and it may come out at the dinner table when they are rude to you, or aggressive with a sibling. If you aren’t curious you will just suppress the behaviour and thus compound the negative emotions behind it. When we make connection and relationship our key endeavours with our children we have a far greater chance of peace, cooperation and joy and in our homes. Part of this is letting go of always needing to be right and to make the children wrong.  When we are in relationship we do this thing called life together.  As the adults we have more experience but that doesn’t mean we are better people. Children are bound to make mistakes, repetitively, they are wired for it.  Our job is to sculpt their brains, their wiring, in their best interests, and the most positive way to do this is when we are connected to them and they to us.  Fear thwarts learning.  Love builds happy children.  Love instills boundaries, but kindly. Go on – connect with your kids today.

Parenting Hub

Understanding Your Child’s Hyperactive Behaviour

Jamie has always been an extremely ‘hyperactive’ child. At only a few months old I knew I was in for an undoubtedly rough time. When he was approaching the two year old mark, there were expectations of the dreaded “terrible twos” . Waiting for those moments, it never happened. There were uncontrollable outbursts of energy, but never tantrums and all of the undeniably terrifying moments that you await when dealing with a toddler. When reaching 3 years old, it hit me! Hard. Jamie had realised that he was able to take full control of me. I had never felt so vulnerable. He knew no boundaries and testing my patience was becoming habitual. Running away from me and throwing tantrums were the norm. I had difficultly comprehending the idea that I was unable to control my 3 year old child. I doubted my skills and authority as his Mother. I would become angry and reprimanded him for everything he was doing ‘wrong’. It was very hard to determine the difference between the typical mischievous behaviour of a “boy” and that of a child with an intense overdrive. I started researching and comparing his behavioural characteristics and came to realise that he was unable to help himself cope with the activity transpiring in his innocent little mind. I would take Jamie to a party, and he would get extremely anxious upon arrival, clinging on to me, grinding his teeth or sucking/biting on his thumb in hope of finding a self –soothing method that worked for him, he would only jump on the jumping castle if there were no other kids jumping. He would be visually and audibly stimulated and find it difficult to process what he had seen and heard through-out his day. Resulting in a karate-kicking, bungee-jumping (off the couch), dinosaur-dragon-roaring monster (it’s possible) most nights just before bed time. Any particular sound, smell or sight would awaken his senses. It would take us no less than an hour to get him to sleep. After many nights of fighting I became extremely tired of the struggle, I realised that he was not in full control of his reactions, and I had to find a way to help him. Upon intensive research, my Mom found some information on something called Sensory processing disorder (SPD) also previously referred to as Sensory Integration (SI) . Every characteristic described Jamie. Luckily for us, we caught it relatively soon and I began further research to gain some knowledge on how to assist him. I took him to an occupational therapist at Polka Spot Early Intervention Centre earlier this year and have received an incredible amount of support and knowledge in regard to the condition. I am currently in the process of practicing routines and methods to guide him and make our lives easier. So far I have seen a remarkable difference in his behaviour. In the interim, I would like to share some information with you in hope that it will give you some peace of mind that you have not done something wrong, nor have you eaten something of poor quality while pregnant that may have harmed your child and caused him/her to be this way (yes, we as moms ask ourselves these questions at times). Sadly, this condition is often overlooked and misdiagnosed. There may not be a cure, however, there are many ways to guide and help you and, more importantly, support and assist your child to cope with it. What is SPD? Sensory Processing Disorder refers to the way the nervous system receives messages from the senses and turns them into appropriate motor and behavioural responses. In order to successfully complete an activity (whether it be riding a bike or reading a book) it requires the co-ordination and processing abilities of your senses. It is a condition that occurs when sensory signals are unable to process into appropriate responses. A child with SPD will find it difficult to process and act upon information received through the senses, which creates challenges in performing everyday tasks if not treated correctly. Motor Clumsiness Behavioural problems Anxiety Depression SPD can affect children in one sense on its own – for example, touch, sight, or movement – or in multiple senses. There are two different types of Sensory disorders; Over Responsive This suggests that a child will over-respond to stimulation such as the feeling of clothing (for example, doesn’t like to get dressed), physical contact, light, sound, food (fussy with food textures) or any other sensory input that will be unbearable. Under-Responsive This suggests that a child will show little or no reaction to stimulation such as pain, extreme hot or cold. Stats One study suggests that 1 in 20 children’s daily lives are affected by SPD. Another research study suggests that 1 in every 6 children experiences sensory symptoms that may be significant enough to affect aspects of everyday life functions. While most of us have occasional difficulties processing sensory information, for children with SPD, these difficulties can be chronic, and they disrupt everyday life. SPD is most commonly diagnosed in children, but adults without treatment can also experience symptoms and be affected. If SPD is not treated, this may result in them reaching their adulthood with the inability to appropriately interpret sensory messages. Subsequently this may result in difficulties performing routines and activities and in severe cases; they may experience depression and social isolation. If you are in any way uncertain of your child’s behaviour, I encourage you to consider meeting with a professional Occupational Therapist, you could save your child’s social abilities. It is important to educate yourself about the difference between the possible diagnoses of your child’s behaviour and treat them accordingly.

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Providing Choices To Your Child… Gains Trust

Children like adults enjoy having choices. You don’t have to eat the vegetables but you don’t get the desert. If you want free time with friends clean up your room so nobody trips because it is your responsibility. If you hit other children, we can’t have them around you because they need to be safe. If you can’t apologise to your friend, then he won’t be able to come and play until you understand the importance of caring for others. Having a friend is being a friend. Sharing might require having the child remember a time another shared with them or didn’t share with them. Recalling those feelings emphasises the learning.  Parents can be as innovative as they want with instructions. The parent has to perceive themselves as the teacher and not the child. If we act like our children, then we have no parenting going on. Children don’t complain yell or hit to anger us or retaliate against us. They are not necessarily planning to mess with our minds or hearts. They are surface most of the time and our anger is due to the requirement we have to give more time and effort to an erring child. We would rather continue our conversation with a friend or more appealing activity. At a party there is plenty of food and camaraderie so taking time for reprimanding in a teaching moment is not attractive due to the effort needed. Other days we are just too tired to manage the energy to deal civilly with our child. After working all week and then cleaning, cooking, shopping, and doing laundry on the weekend, parents might feel overwhelmed. As much as children try to amuse themselves, they need our time and attention. They strive to get it in negative ways if positive ways yield no results. Children can be included in household jobs. By working with us it gives us time to listen and speak with them while we work.  Expecting gratitude is not in the parenting rule book. Respect should be in everyone’s guidebook. Kids deserve respect. Belittling them hurting them or embarrassing them is uncalled for and not necessary. As parents we have huge expectations from our kids the moment they are born. We have total criticism of our own parents and believe they did so many things wrong. We on the other hand intend to do everything right. As we begin our journey we realise how involved, parenting is.  Loving our child or children is imperative but it is because of that love that we are willing to make all the sacrifices needed, so that we can accomplish all of the necessary work that is tied into raising kids. By discussing problems bothering our child, even as a toddler, we instil trust and concern. They can question us when they feel the need. They may question our rules. That is when real learning transpires. We can explain why they cannot ride on the street or travel alone. Even if they don’t like the rule, they begin to understand our spoken explanation. Understanding encourages learning and acceptance. Disapproval only serves to discourage our kids. When you are upset, attempt to keep your attitude civil. Try not to ever attack the spirit of another human being, especially when they are young. Walk away, stop what you are doing, take a break. Gain control over your own emotions, and remember the individual is vulnerable. Respect, and discipline with love.  

Barbara Harvey

How Parents Can Support Early Childhood Education

Research shows children who have parents who are actively engaged in their educational lives, do better. This is especially true when talking about early childhood education. Yet many parents have no idea of how to get involved.  As a parent development specialist and a person well versed in Early childhood , I think there are 3 ways parents with a young child should be involved with their child’s education. Be willing to learn about and understand the difference in the way young children and older children learn. Ask about ways you can help and support children’s learning at home and do them. Make time to volunteer in the centre in the ways they need you to be involved. ~Be willing to learn about the difference in how younger and older children learn Young children learn by actively observing and then acting out  what they see. Young children from age six months to five years watch, listen, and learn. Children are natural observers. However, children really begin to learn as they act out their observations. We in early childhood call this acting out play. Many parents not understanding the difference between acting out observations and play for enjoyment tend to  see early education as “just playing”.  The truth is your child is learning through acting out a variety of situations they have observed over their young years. Early educators use observations, knowledge of child development, and open ended questions to help children link their observations with the skills they need to prepare for life and school. Older children who can think, talk, read, and interact with others use those skills to learn and play becomes a chance to unwind. Play no longer is the primary tool for learning. Older children have developed other skills they use for learning. ~ Ask about ways you can support your child’s learning at home and do them Early childhood learning involves discovery, pre-skills, and learning from the world. Teachers use the classroom setting to help children learn and grow. Parents can also do activities with their young children which can promote discovery, curiosity, and observation. Making cookies, jelly, and cakes can help children to observe changes which are made by adding cold or heat.  Asking open ended questions can help children make the observations. Example: when we put the jelly in the refrigerator we could pour it like water now we can’t. Why do you think that happened? Your child’s teacher will have more suggestions for you. Remember  when you do them with your children you are supporting their growth and development. ~Make time to volunteer at your child’s centre in the way they need you to be involved Every child care centre needs volunteers for things to run smoothly. Sometimes they need someone to help kids into jackets to go outside. Or they may need you to help serve lunch or snack. Sometimes you could be asked to help to decide on a committee which effects the whole centre. For instance, you may sit on a playground committee deciding to resurface the ground. Please give your full attention no matter the task and  you will not only be appreciated. You will become a part on the centres’ community. This is ultimately your goal. Parents are a vital part of whole education process. Using these three suggestions as your starting point will help you to begin engaging in your child’ educational growth.

Parenting Hub

I Am Mom

Mom ~noun ~  One who does whatever it takes to get whatever it is done. Period. Often I have to take a step back and remind myself that I am only 27 years old. I open my mouth, and suddenly I sound like my Mother. I find myself saying all of those stereotypical phrases I claimed I would never feel the need to say.  My way of thinking, my perception on parenting, and the way I process situations, whether it be in a shopping mall, on Television, or generally in the way that I handle my children, It’s these moments that remind me that I am a mother, the things I say flow naturally, as if they are built in, it becomes part of my vocabulary, and there is no stopping them as these thoughts start to process in my medulla oblongata (or some other part of my brain that might still possibly be functioning), and they aggressively begin to roll out of my mouth. The conformed behaviour of children takes us through so many challenges, and as fun as it may be,  I fail to control my inner “Momster” at times. Let’s elaborate, shall we; The Words “NO” and “DON’T” have become a second language to me. “If you don’t pick up your toys, you are not getting any juice or dinner!” (okay, first of all, I would never starve my child, but I subconsciously intended it when making that statement.. Momster!) “If you don’t get up off this floor, I am going to leave you here” (no I won’t) “These toys aren’t going to pick themselves up” (no, but apparently I will) “Don’t make me count till 3” (and begins the slowest, loudest, most intimidating “ONE , TWO, THREE” of your life, hoping with everything you have got, that they will retreat) “Do you have ornaments for ears?” “Fine! Don’t listen to me and you will see what happens!” (Please listen, please listen, please listen!) “I am doing this for you own good!” (and mine) “If you hit me your hand will fall off” “What part of NO don’t you understand?” “How many times do I have to tell you?” “Because I said so, that’s why!” The previous 3 sentences are usually expressed all together in one sentence. “I am going to tell your Father when he gets home” I told him. In addition to my inner Momster; I have had a great deal of moments of realisation  too  – I certainly knew I was a Mom when…. On the rare occasion that I attempted to go clubbing (I think that’s what they still call it?) I didn’t know what to do with my hands, and I couldn’t wait to go home to my kids despite the excitement of having a night out. I saw that 13 year old girl at the shopping mall wearing her crop top, exposing her entire mid-section, and all I wanted to do was give that poor girl my jacket. (This used to be me, and now I know why my mother and father would always cringe at the idea) (sorry Mom and Dad!) I hid away when eating chocolate. I ran towards the vomit, instead of away from it. I stepped on a Lego. Congratulations, you’re a Mom. On a more serious note, throughout all of these challenges, I thank my Mother. It is because of her, together with the remarkable support from my Dad, that I have an abundance of knowledge and a powerful influence on my children’s upbringing. I hope that in the course of time, my children will ultimately have the respect for me as I did for my Mom.

Barbara Harvey

Why Fathers Are Important To Young Children

On May 15, 2013 Bristol University published in Psychological Medicine in the United Kingdom a report on a study done to look at the impact of absent fathers in the timing of a young child’s (younger than age 5) life and adolescent mental health.  The study shows as do others that young children develop depression because of fewer coping skills  and an undeveloped circle of support. The study shows that girls may be more susceptible to depression because of the tendency for girls to be more affected by family dynamics. Over the last year I have been looking at the effects of fathers on young children. Primarily how Erickson’s stages of Psychosocial Development and fatherhood and are related.The first three stages of the scale are Trust vs.Mistrust, Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt, and Initiative vs. Guilt. In the research I have been reading fathers are key to children developing in all three areas.  This leads me to suspect that the researchers findings that children whose fathers become absent during their early years are less able to cope with issues. Children’s whose fathers either stayed in the family or remained an important part of their children’s early lives have fewer problems adjusting to life’s changes. Traditional thought about father’s states that they are the providers of home and physical provisions not really necessary in the early years as are mothers.  However, studies are showing the relationships between fathers and young children are necessary to the development of these stages.  An article on the Zero to Three Website“ How Men and Children Affect Each Others Development” shows that fathers’ can spend hours holding and staring at their new born children. One might speculate that it is this interaction of being securely held and face to face interaction may strongly contribute to a new born’s sense of security and trust . Some research also shows that fathers tend to wait longer to help children when they are struggling, giving tips and encouragement but not reaching in to help until the child has given it a good effort. This tendency in my opinion shows children that their father’s think of them as capable and that belief fosters a stronger belief in themselves and their abilities. These two paragraphs show how fathers help to build trust, autonomy, and initiative in children. It is these tendencies in men that allow children to develop coping skills, resiliency, and self-esteem leading to a belief in themselves and their ability to cope in the world. Young Children need constant and interpersonal relationships with their fathers to develop these skills.

Parenting Hub

Understanding Relationship Dynamics

Ever had one of those uncomfortable experiences when a relationship with someone in your family that suddenly goes bad without warning? What about the incidents that catch you totally off guard when you receive an email, phone call or letter, informing you that they are ending the relationship because of something they claim you did or did not do? How about when they won’t tell you what it was? What about the incidents in which the person doesn’t return your calls or emails, or you detect something’s wrong in their voice or tone. Worse yet, they just stop communicating with you altogether, for some reason that is unknown to you. Even others in the family are aware of some sort of problem but won’t or can’t tell you? So you try and reach out to them to make amends, even though you’re not really sure what it was you did. What if it WAS something you said or did that was unintentional or misinterpreted completely wrong? And of course, there are those incidents in which you make an honest mistake and see that they took your action or words so hurtful that it seems that the damage may be irreversible. Whether you’re an active person in your business or family world, one of these situations has likely happened to you and it was probably painful, especially if you’re the sensitive type. Your network of family members and business associates has so many “moving parts” (relationships) that your chances of experiencing one of these bristly events is high. Initial feelings in the aftermath might be, anger, fear, disappointment (in you OR the other person), and more. You may experience some or all of these uncomfortable emotions, all within a short time period. Eventually, it may hit you in your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings; your self-doubt about who you are and what you are capable of. Your self-esteem may even take a hit. Every flaw you feared you had is now throbbing. In order to recover quickly, it’s important to keep in mind that it may not really have anything to do with you, you just became the object of something that is going on with them. This concept is hard to grasp when you’re feeling the hurt. If the other person won’t reveal what happened or even if they do, it may be hard to see their point of view. It is best to make any repairs that you may be responsible for, remain open to learning from the experience, and allow yourself to heal. I’ve heard many sad stories from parents of older children who told me that they were no longer welcome to see the grandchildren and didn’t know why. Clues later revealed that the parents said or did something unintentionally that offended the daughter or son-in-law. Sometimes it’s unfair and can’t be undone. Give the other person or family time and space to do their own healing. Never make assumptions or decisions based on the experience, and always make any relationship repairs that you’re responsible for.

Parenting Hub

The Dangers Of Purchasing A 2nd Hand Car Seat

There is no denying that car seats are expensive, with prices ranging anywhere from R1 000 to R4 000. While that is a hefty price for many to consider, they are an absolute necessity for your child’s safety and can reduce the risk of death for infants by 70% and by 47–54% for children aged 1–4 years. IMPERIAL Road Safety, and its established partner, Wheel Well, who clean and safety check all car seats collected through the IMPERIAL Car Seats for Kids Campaign; have noticed a distressing trend, which is on the increase of late, especially since the use of car seats is now legally compulsory. Peggie Mars, from Wheel Well explains: “Many consumers, who are likely cash strapped and need to save money, are purchasing used car seats via online sites such as OLX and Gumtree. While this may seem innocent enough, it is actually a serious safety concern, as these seats have more than likely not undergone a proper safety check before being sold to the buyer.” “Unless you’re buying a car seat from someone well known and trusted, you have no real way of knowing a used seat’s history or the exact age thereof (older seats may not be accepted as safe anymore) which is a real danger. In addition, when you are purchasing second hand goods, they may be missing their installation instructions, and so in the case of a car seat, the buyer may not how to truly install the seat properly – which is one of the major hazards when it comes to in-car child safety.” “Moving away from safety and focusing on health – in general, it is said that car seats are usually dirtier than the average toilet, where scientists at University of Birmingham took swabs from 20 cars and homes and found that the seats had 100 different strains of dangerous bacteria including E. coli and salmonella bugs! This should be a real concern to parents, even more so if the seat is second hand and has not been properly cleaned and safety checked.” Niki Cronje, Group Marketing at IMPERIAL knows all to well the dangers of a car seat that isn’t properly safety checked. “IMPERIAL partnered with Wheel Well from the very beginning of our Car Seats for Kids Campaign, to ensure that all seats collected underwent the proper inspections and refurbishments, before being handed over at the car seat collection points.” The problem is that many parents don’t realise that even a light ‘fender bender’ could affect the structural integrity of a seat, without it necessarily showing external signs of damage, rendering it ineffective should you be in a  serious crash in the future. Even though a new car seat may be quite expensive and put a dent in your budget – you really cannot put a price on the safety of your child. Mars concludes: “However, we understand that a new car seat may be out of reach for many parents who are battling to make ends meet. I advise that if you are going to purchase a car seat online, that you ensure the seller provides you with the entire history of the seat, and that you make sure the car seat was never in any crash and that all parts are present and in good working order.” “Further to that, if you are in the Johannesburg area, we encourage parents to bring through second hand car seats to Wheel Well at Brightwater Commons for a full safety check, clean and help with installation into the vehicle. Cleaning a seat costs R150, but all the other services are for a donation only if the parents feel that we have given them good service.”

Parenting Hub

Cetaphil Daylong Kids SPF 50+

  As South Africans, we all love our long hot summer days. We know that we have to protect our skin from the sun’s harmful rays, even during winter when the sun only appears to not be as harsh. Cetaphil Daylong Kids SPF 50+ is a sun protection skin cream that takes a scientific view to protecting your skin from the effects of the sun. It provides a medical approach combining optimal quality, exceptional protection, and great skin feeling. The pump action container makes it easy for you to quickly apply.  Cetaphil Daylong Kids SPF 50+ is dermatologically tested, very water-resistant, non-greasy and won’t block pores. “I was so impressed to see that the pump dispenser provides exactly the recommended dosage amount for absolute total sun protection. It was also so convenient that I could apply the same sunscreen to my child’s face.” Said a Parenting Hub mom when recently asked to try Cetaphil Daylong Kids 50+ sunscreen on her children. Another Mom said “As we are all fair-skinned people in my family, I decided to visit Galderma Laboratories’ website to see if I could find out more information about protecting my childrens’ skin and was pleasantly surprised to see that they have loads of information about all skin types.  I did find that particularly useful and will definitely only be using Cetaphil Daylong Kids 50+ for my children in future.”

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