Advice Column - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

How Do you Go About Starting Your Own Business?

I see so many posts about people who are battling to find a job or wanting to start a business but do not know where to start. To be quite honest, nobody should be without work, we all have the ability to make money, as long as we are healthy and have some level of education. For some people the thought of starting their own business is quite overwhelming but actually it is not that bad if you just do it step by step. As I am a serial entrepreneur, I have jotted down a few ideas of how I would go about it and hope that this will inspire you to do the same. A post that I saw this morning inspired me to write this. As I am a serial entrepreneur, I have jotted down a few ideas of how I would go about starting a new business. I hope that this will inspire you to do the same. http://wp.me/p3x68X-1y5 WHAT BUSINESS CAN YOU START? Think about your hobbies or your passion and see if there is something you can turn into a product or service to offer others – art, sewing, knitting – you can make and sell or teach others to do what you are good at. Find opportunities out of your own needs – sometimes the best ideas come from a solution to a personal need – like me creating a diary that could manage everything that happens in my own day as well as my family’s commitments, because I was have always worked or run my own business while bringing up my 4 kids. What are you good at or what do you already know how to do e.g. bookkeeping, HR, web design, etc. If you prefer something more structured, there are a whole host of multi-level marketing opportunities out there. These are tried and tested systems, with training, products and loads of support that come as part of the package. We tend to balk at these, but they are genuine opportunities with great earning potential. Whatever you decide to do, before you put any money into it, speak to others about your idea, do some market research. There are loads of people on Facebook who are more than happy to give feedback if you ask for it. Make sure that your idea is viable and that it is something that others would want. COSTING, CASH FLOW PROJECTIONS AND START UP CAPITAL Once you have decided what it is that you want to do, you need to work out how much money you can make. For products, do your costing, mark-ups and work out how many units you would need to sell in order to make the amount of money you need to make. For a service, decide what you want to charge and how many hours you would need to work. For multi-level marketing type businesses, all that information is already available to you. Spreadsheets are a great resource. Excel is an easy program to use, it is readily available to anyone who owns a computer and the formulas are extremely helpful. Do a cash flow projection for the next 2 years i.e. how much money do you project will come in and how much will go out each month. It helps you to see how much capital you need to start your business, when you will break even and make a profit. Once you know how much you need, you will have to decide whether to take a loan from a bank or family, use a credit card or overdraft or use your savings – this is an investment into your future and most businesses will require some sort of capital outlay. Try and keep your initial investment as low as possible, start small and grow over time. SETTING UP YOUR BUSINESS The better your planning and systems to start off with, the more smoothly your business will run in the future and the less time you will spend putting out fires. Formally register your business with CIPC – depending on how big you want to grow and whether you want to sell your business one day, it is often better to keep you and your business as separate entities. Branding – this is what you are putting out there, it is your “shop front” and probably the most important thing to get right up front SARS registrations – get your SARS registrations done upfront and make sure that you stay up to date with your returns and payments Keep good track of your finances – you could either use a formal bookkeeping system or keep records on Excel. Work out your marketing strategy for the next couple of months. In this day and age of technology and social media, there are so many marketing opportunities, without having to spend a fortune. When planning any section of my business, I do mind maps. I start of by writing the main topic in the middle of the page e.g. MARKETING and then write all the different ideas around the page e.g. Facebook, Twitter, Website, Blog, Pinterest, Trades with others, People I could approach, etc. Then under each one, I write ideas. I love using different colours and shapes to do this. The reason most of us start a business from home is so that we can have more time with our families and for ourselves. So often what happens, is our business starts taking over our lives and keeping us busier than a regular job. Always remember the reason you started working for yourself and when you find that you are moving away from living that dream, relook at how you are doing things, I speak from experience on this, it has taken me years of working long long hours to realise that this is absolutely not necessary.

April 11, 2016

Stress Reduction for Parents

In an article I read recently they were citing a study in which they asked kids what they wanted most from their parents. The parents all thought the kids would say they wanted more time together, but what actually came out of the research was that the number one thing that children wanted was for their parents to be less tired and stressed. Now most parents would agree that this is a pretty tall order. Children almost spell stress and exhaustion. The minute they come along your expenses double, your time and sleep halves, you have more to think about, plan, figure out and far more problems to solve. This is not a recipe for peace, calm and abounding energy levels. So what can we do? Well, there are a few ways that you can reduce stress and even a few tips for gaining more time and energy. Here are some of my favourites: The Victory Position: Put your arms up in a V, lift your head and eyes up as if you’ve just won the 100m sprint. Studies have shown that holding this position for just 2 minutes can drop your cortisol levels by 25% (see Amy Cuddy’s talk on how your body language shapes who you are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWZluriQUzE ). Cortisol is a stress hormone that affects both how you see yourself and how others see you. Do this daily or find a quiet spot (bathrooms work well) when you are feeling highly pressurized. Look up: Your eyes are connected to your brain and different eye positions are linked to different areas in your brain. Looking down is associated with the emotional centres of the brain and can make you feel worse. Looking up stops the brain connecting with its emotional centres and prevents you from descending into an emotional spiral. This is such a simple tool that can be used anywhere at any time. Use Parasympathetic Breathing: The way that you breathe will activate either the Sympathetic (Fight or Flight) or the Parasympathetic (Rest and Digest) nervous system. Shallow breathing in the upper chest is associated with stress. When you feel yourself getting stressed or overwhelmed and on the brink of losing it you need to double the length of your outbreath. An out breath that is double the length of an in breath forces you to take a very short deep inbreath and then have a slow release. This will kick in the parasympathetic nervous system (acetylcholine) and will calm the sympathetic (adrenaline) and help you to feel calm. Go into the Learning State: This is a mild form of hypnosis (no, you cannot be controlled by anyone else in this state – hypnosis is really a deep form of relaxation) and like the parasympathetic breathing, it tricks the body into believing that you are really relaxed and everything is ok. To do it, raise your eyes up and focus on a spot on the wall above eye level. Once the eyes get tired, expand your vision to the periphery (everything you can see to the left and right while still looking at your spot). Then bring the eyes back down to level, but keep awareness of the periphery. When we are very stressed (being chased by a lion) we have foveal vision – focusing intently on one spot (the lion). But when we are on the patio of our beach house, we expand our vision to take in the entire scenery. So when we activate our peripheral vision it tells our minds that we are on the beach not being chased by a lion and our physiology responds accordingly! This is particularly powerful when used in conjunction with the parasympathetic breathing. Cutting off the sensory overload: Sometimes we really do need time out; to be removed from the excessive stimulus of daily living. Retreat to into a darkened room, go outside for a few minutes, use earplugs / headphones with relaxing music. There are some amazing musical tracks that are specifically designed to relax the brain and it may be worth investing in these if they appeal to you. If you know you are going to have a stressful day, make sure that you have quiet time beforehand, quiet time afterwards, and some tools to use during the day to keep you sane (see above!) Get on top of your finances: There is nothing quite like financial issues to stress you out and affect your sleep. Know where you’re at. Look through all your bank statements and find out where your money is going. Know what debt you have. Then make a plan to pay it off. Cut back on non-essentials, stick to a budget, live below your means. Get the whole family on board. Get more sleep: We need an average of 6-9 hours sleep per night. Make this a priority. If you’re struggling with insomnia, try some or all of the following… Stick to a routine – go to bed at the same time every day and wake up at the same time. Even on weekends. Cut back on alcohol and coffee. Stop watching TV or working on your computer at least 1-2 hours before bed. Drink chamomile tea. Consider taking a melatonin and/or magnesium supplement at bedtime. Use the parasympathetic breathing at bedtime and any time you wake in the night. If you’re lying in bed unable to sleep, use this time to run through in your mind everything you are grateful for in your life. Prioritise and delegate: This is a sure way to deal with overwhelm… Make a list of everything you think you need to do. Divide this list into 3 categories – things you can cross off the list (some things simply don’t need to be done at all), things you can delegate (and who you’re delegating to), things you have to do yourself. For the ones you need to do, prioritise them with an A,B or C. A items need to be done immediately or there are

April 7, 2016

The Small-Scale Approach For New Dads

Preparing for the days leading up to baby’s arrival were well planned and organized. We knew what we needed, what the process was going to be and felt quite calm at the fact that we had done our homework. Speed things up a bit and here we are, in the car, driving home from the hospital at 30kms per hour. My first challenge was getting baby into the car seat and actually fastening her in correctly. (Best advice: get to know that car seat back to front beforehand – My wife did ask me to do this…several times) On a morning that was probably around a cool 25 degrees, I found myself in a pool on my own sweat, not sure whether to have the aircon on or the windows open? In the end I couldn’t decide and drove home in what felt like a moving sauna. Leaving the hospital with our new little addition is quite an overwhelming feeling. No more nurses on hand 24 hours a day, you can pretty much say, sh@% just got super real! The feeling of closing the front door once we had arrived home safely can probably be compared to winning a challenge on The Amazing Race. We were home – Now what? Tip # 1: Check the nappy – We had fed baby, burped her and pretty much checked all the boxes but baby was still not happy, after a short while we realized we had forgotten to check her nappy. Once changed, baby passed out immediately. #Winning Tip # 2: Get a heater – I can’t express how effective a simple, fan heater is. Heat the room before bath time and baby will just lie there, enjoying the warmth, never mind the sweat dripping from my forehead, as long as baby is happy…that’s all that matters right? Tip # 3: Relax – Everything is going to be just fine. We tend to be on edge most of the time in the beginning…this feeling does go away, I think! Or maybe I’ve just become accustomed to it!? Tip # 4: Accept help– Family and friends will pop over with delicious dishes of their favourite offerings. Trust me, not having to worry about dinner makes life a lot easier. They will also offer to hang your washing, do the dishes and take out the trash. Accept with open arms – they genuinely want to help. In my pursuit to get some solid advice for new dads, I chatted to Robyn Lawrenson, Deputy Editor at Your Pregnancy Magazine. Check out Robyn’s 5 tips below: Communicate. When baby arrives, mom is going to feel like a slave to him/her. The breastfeeding, changing, soothing, swaddling, rocking, cleaning and preparation never end, and this can overwhelm even the most seasoned mothers in the first few weeks. Listen to her, ask her how she feels, and do everything you can to make her journey a little easier. Go on a date. Even if it’s just a two-hour dinner, it’s important to have time away from baby (who you’ve left with a trusted person) to focus on each other. And, try not to talk about the baby while you’re out! Find your own way to bond with baby. Make bath time, Daddy time. A great way for dads to bond with baby is by taking one job and completely making it your own. This is your special time, and your special job. Plus, it gives mom time to rest / have a shower / watch a rerun of Friends. Etc. Don’t expect her to want to even think about the prospect of sex for the first 6-8 weeks. It’s not safe or recommended, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be intimate in other ways. Give her hugs every day, kiss her, write her notes, tell her you love her, and what a good job she’s doing. These little forms of affection go a long way in boosting her confidence and ensuring you stay close during the first few weeks. Speak to your employer about you paternity leave. In SA, according to labour law, fathers are only permitted three days of paternity leave. So, plan for this in advance so that you can accumulate some leave while your wife is still pregnant. This way, you can at least spend the first week together. There you have it, now go forth and be awesome!

April 7, 2016

A, B, Zzzz

Sleep is a basic physiological need – it is crucial for our health because when we are asleep, our bodies repair and restore themselves. Children, especially, need quality, consistent sleep to thrive. A good night’s sleep not only prepares their bodies for tackling the next day, but it also significantly affects their behaviour – children who do not get enough sleep can easily become irritable and moody, and they may display more impulsive or defiant behaviour. In addition, poor or inadequate sleep can lead to cognitive problems that impact their ability to learn. Despite the importance of sleep, most children get less than the recommended amount – roughly 10 hours each night for school-aged children – needed for their bodies to rest and for their brains to process what they learned during the day (children take on enormous amounts of information daily, and their brains transform subconsciously learned material into active knowledge while they sleep). Of course, getting children to bed on time is not easy! Many master the art of stalling from a young age, while some obstinately fight the Sandman for as long as they can. For others, getting a good night’s sleep may be hindered by sleep disorders, such as sleepwalking, nightmares or insomnia. Some medications, including those for asthma or ADHD, may also affect sleep. Getting your child to bed on time is vital, and there is much you can do to help establish good sleep habits from a young age. Set a routine: Create a predictable age-appropriate routine to help your child prepare for bed. This may include a warm bath, reading or listening to quiet music, etc. Be consistent: Keep bedtime at a set time, even on weekends. A regular bedtime keeps your child’s circadian rhythms on track and is instrumental in allowing him to easily fall and stay asleep. Create a soothing environment: Your child’s room should be a calm and free from stimulation at bedtime. It should ideally be cool, dark and quiet. Encourage other healthy habits: Ensuring that your child gets at least 20 minutes of exercise a day will help him to sleep better at night. Also, limit foods that contain caffeine and sugar, especially in the late afternoon and evening. Limit screen time: Cut off screen time at least one hour before bed. Not only is watching TV or playing games on a tablet or computer stimulating, but it suppresses the body’s release of melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate sleep. Benefits of getting enough sleep It promotes growth: Getting enough sleep guarantees that children’s bodies are producing the right amount of hormones to help them grow. It boosts the immune system: During sleep, the body produces the antibodies needed to fight infection, illness, and stress. It reduces the risk of injury: Children are clumsier and more impulsive when they don’t get enough sleep, making them more accident prone. It regulates emotions: Being overtired can make it difficult for children to manage their emotions, making them cranky and irritable. It influences health: Consistently poor sleep habits in childhood set the stage for adult sleep problems, and place children at greater risk for childhood obesity, as well as adult obesity and diabetes later on. It boosts learning: When children are tired they have more trouble paying attention, are less able to acquire and process new knowledge, and are often unable to effectively store and retrieve information from memory. All of these things are critical components of learning. Sleep is an essential building block for your child’s overall health, well-being and academic success, so make sure that your child is getting enough zzzz’s. Impak is a curriculum provider for home, tutor and school education. Visit www.impak.co.za for more information.

April 6, 2016

Don’t Be PENalised For Not Being Able To Write

You helped your child prepare for his history test. He could recite all the answers and there was no question that he was going to ace it. And yet, when he received back his test results, he barely made the grade as he wrote down only half of the answers! Why? Thanks to the e-age we live in, children have sadly lost their ability to literally put down pen to paper and write. Step into a class these days and you are more likely to find e-books and tablets than pen and paper. Pupils can type faster than they can write and apps and online learning devices are the norm. “You must get on with the times.” “If you are not online, you’re doomed.” “Your child will miss out.” While there is some truth in these statements, one cannot ignore the fact that pupils will (for the foreseeable future at least) still have to write their exams manually – that is: putting pen to paper. It’s like Master Chef – if the food is not on the plate it cannot be judged. Likewise, if your child does not write down all he or she has learnt, it cannot be assessed. And, while we’re on the Master Chef analogy: if the plating of the dish is messy – i.e. if your child’s handwriting is illegible, it will also be penalised. So, go and buy more pens and pencils next time you go to the iStore. Not only will your child practice his/her critical hand-eye-co-ordination skills, but stand a better chance of acing his/her next exam. Reasons why many people think hand writing skills are a thing of the past: Children need to practice typing skills as all learning will eventually be computerised Schools are switching to e-books, tablets are used in classrooms, homework tasks are given on tablets There are many apps available for online learning, assessments, note taking – replacing the pen and exercise book Reasons why children still have to practice writing: It has been proven that reading and spelling are linked to the formation of letters in the early years Study notes, class work and assessment are all still done on paper with a pen It will still take some time before all learning will be computerised Illegible handwriting costs marks: “labored handwriting creates a drain on mental resources needed for higher-level aspects of writing, such as attention to content, elaboration of details, and organization of ideas.” * * Spear-Swelling, L. The Importance of Teaching Handwriting. Retrieved from http://www.readingrockets.org/article/importance-teaching-handwriting

April 6, 2016

Time is Marching on…

My son turned sixteen last week. SIXTEEN!? How the heck did that happen? I remember the day he was born. I remember everything so clearly. Most of all I remember the overwhelming feeling of responsibility that came over me as I held him so very cautiously for the very first time. I cried. I was totally overwhelmed with emotion. And now he is almost six foot… but it feels like yesterday. The good news is I haven’t broken him. I haven’t killed him or dropped him or done any of the gazillion things I feared I may do, with that overwhelming new mom fear that you have. He is alive and well and healthy. And happy. And awesome. The bad news is that overwhelming responsibility I felt that very first day has not gone away one tiny bit. I think I feel the weight of it as deeply each day as I did that first day. If not more. And some days it totally breaks my heart because as he has grown. I have had to sever apron strings, and let go a little more each day. But I want to hold him as completely as I did when he was in my belly. I want to keep him safe, in a warm place filled with love and security. But I can’t. And that scares the wits out of me. Every day he faces the world on his own. Every day he is faced with choices I have to trust him to make – and I am not talking ‘choose an apple or a cookie’ kinds of choices. I am talking about choosing good over evil. Will he choose that loose girl who is prepared to do pretty much anything with anyone for some popularity, or the conservative girl who won’t put up with that nonsense? Will he choose the fun friend who experiments with Hubbly Bubblies and shisha sticks… or the studious friend who won’t go to those parties? Will he choose to do his work and hand things in on time, or opt to rather get in trouble because the immediate gratification is more important? Will he choose whether he is going to try the beer, or Vodka and Redbull with his 18yr old team mates, or wait until his legal time? How will he choose how to speak to the girl who has the biggest crush on him that he can’t really stand to be around? Will he choose to follow the girl he adores around like a silly puppy, while she slowly chips away at his self-esteem, or will he choose to separate and hang out with his real mates? Every day he does these things. Without me. And it almost kills me. I want to be the little angel on his shoulder and protect and guide him in all situations. I even want to be the little devil at times and help him put that skanky tease in her place when she is clearly using him to make the “BAE” she really wants jealous. I want to give him the insight and adult coping skills he needs to handle those situations in ways that he won’t one day look back and cringe with regret over. Like we did. Like I did. I still want to hold him in my arms, and protect him fiercely. But I can’t. Time has marched on. And I want to throw an almighty tantrum at it and say NO! NO! NO! The weight of parenthood is possibly the heaviest thing I have ever had to bear. I worry about it every day. All day. Is he ok? Is he really happy? Is he being used and misled? Is he standing up for the underdog? Is he messing around at school? Is he going to make the team he desperately wants to? Is he really trying his best at school? Time is marching on and I cannot fight any of his battles for him anymore. It doesn’t matter that my momma bear instinct is still as strong and raw as ever, now I have to curb it and trust that he has learnt enough from me to be able to handle those things and make those choices on his own, hopefully in the right way. That is what parenting is, right? Preparing the child for the road, instead of padding that bumpy road with cottonwool. Time marches on. Pregnancy feels like it takes forever, and then suddenly they are out. Then you muddle through infancy and before you know it they are toddlers… pre-schoolers… big schoolers… Then it’s their final year of primary school and you are choosing high schools and new uniforms. Before you have even blinked your eye they are choosing subjects and suddenly you realise you have 3 more December holidays with them and they will be out the house. Slow down. Enjoy the tiny moments you have with them. Trust that how you treat them and what you tell them will sink in and ultimately those values you impart will take root and the child you are raising will become a teenager… then adult… whose choices you can trust. Time is marching on. But don’t rush it. Take time out and consciously enjoy being a parent. Their days march by so quickly, so don’t wish it away…

April 5, 2016

Weight, Fertility and Pregnancy

Getting your body ready for baby-making isn’t only about tossing your birth control and charting your ovulation. It’s also about laying the nutritional foundation for healthy baby building. Begin your eating-well campaign even before you conceive (technically these are your first weeks of pregnancy) and you’ll be doing yourself (and your soon-to-be embryo) a favour. Begin making healthy changes 3 months to a year before you conceive. Evidence shows that healthy nutrition and fertility is linked in both men and women. The ultimate goal is a healthy pregnancy, and this depends upon good quality eggs and sperm. There is increasing evidence to show that diet and lifestyle can directly impact on your fertility health not only for conception but also for your baby’s development. When it comes to getting pregnant, the old adage “you are what you eat” rings true. What you eat affects everything from your blood to your cells to your hormones. WEIGHT AND FERTILITY If you’re trying to get pregnant, or intend to start trying, know that weight can affect your chances of conceiving and having a healthy baby. Twelve percent of all infertility cases are a result of a woman either weighing too little or too much. Women who are overweight or obese have less chance of getting pregnant overall. They are also more likely than women of healthy weight to take more than a year to get pregnant. Research has shown that being underweight or being overweight and obese can lead to fertility problems by creating hormonal disturbances. The main ingredient in the body weight and fertility mix is oestrogen (a sex hormone produced in fat cells). A woman with too little body fat can’t produce enough oestrogen and her reproductive cycle begins to shut down. Often causes irregular menstrual cycles and may cause ovulation to stop altogether. If a woman has too much body fat, the body produces too much oestrogen and may also lead to irregular menstrual cycles and ovulation. However, even obese women with normal ovulation cycles have lower pregnancy rates than normal weight women, so ovulation isn’t the only issue. Research indicated that weight also impacts on the success of donor egg cycles. There is good scientific evidence that obesity lowers the success rates of in vitro fertilisation (IVF). Studies have further shown lower pregnancy rates and higher miscarriage rates in obese women. How do I know if I am a good weight for pregnancy? One of the easiest ways to determine if you are underweight or overweight is to calculate your body mass index (BMI). A BMI between 19 and 24 is considered normal; less than 18.5 is considered underweight. A BMI between 25 and 29 is considered overweight and greater than 30 places you in the category of obese. Reporting in the journal Human Reproduction, researchers documented a 4% decrease in conception odds for every point in BMI above 30. For women whose BMI was higher than 35, there was up to a 43% overall decrease in the ability to conceive. Your BMI alone is not the only thing to watch, however. Your body fat percentage and waist circumference is also important. Bottom line: you need a certain amount of fat to conceive since body fat produce oestrogen. Waist circumference is an indication of visceral fat (excess of body fat in the abdomen). A waist circumference >88cm in a women and >102cm in a man is associated with reduced fertility, an increased risk for insulin resistance (associated with PCOS in women) and other chronic diseases such as diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure. Are there fertility problems in men with obesity? Obesity in men may be associated with changes in testosterone levels and other hormones important for reproduction. Low sperm counts and low sperm motility (movement) have been found more often in overweight and obese men than in normal-weight men. How much weight should one lose? Even a small 3-5% weight loss can reduce insulin resistance by 40-60% and improve fertility. How quickly will I lose or gain weight? Healthy weight gain or loss is regarded as 500g to 1kg per week. It is therefore gradual and one can expect that six months will be required to restore normal reproductive function and pregnancy. IMPORTANT: Avoid going on fad diets, which can deplete your body of the nutrients it needs for pregnancy and find a weight-loss plan that works for you by talking to a registered dietitian. EXCESS WEIGHT AND PREGNANCY If a woman is obese when falling pregnant, it increases the risk of pregnancy complications and health problems for the baby. Obese women are at an increased risk for developing pregnancy-induced (gestational) diabetes and high blood pressure (pre-eclampsia). The risk of pre-eclampsia doubles in overweight women and triples in obese women. Overweight women have twice the risk of gestational (pregnancy-related) diabetes and obese women eight times the risk, compared with women of healthy weight. A woman who is obese is more than twice as likely to have a miscarriage as a woman of healthy weight. Sadly, there is twice the risk that her baby will not survive. Infants born to obese women are more likely to be large for their age and therefore have a higher chance of delivering by caesarean section. Afterwards the baby may need neonatal intensive care or have a congenital abnormality. Recovery following birth is also more problematic and there is the increased risk of poor wound healing and possible infections. WHAT TO DO? Eating a healthy and balanced diet is crucial when preparing to conceive or you are already pregnant. A balanced diet is one that is rich in good quality protein, low in Glycaemic Index (GI), low in sugar, salt, caffeine and industrially created trans-fats (trans-fatty acids or partially hydrogenated oil). Make clever Protein choices – choose lean protein. Rethink refined carbs and sugar – choose low glycaemic index (GI) carbohydrates and also limit your total daily carbohydrate intake based on your specific metabolic rate. This is especially important if you

April 4, 2016

90 Things To Do With Kids

Sometimes during school holidays or on the weekends the kids will be looking for fun and interesting things to do. We, along with the help of many parents, have compiled a list of great activities and things to do with the kids. Have a look today! 1. Meet with friends at a park and play with the kids on the playground. Push them on the swings or catch them on the slides. 2. Go to a local cycle way/bike track and go rollerblading. A great way to get out in the fresh air and enjoy the sunshine and exercise. 3. Go ice-skating- wrap up in your warm clothes and head to the closest ice-rink. 4. Have a movie afternoon- great for a rainy day. Rent a couple of good kids movies, make some popcorn and and enjoy the movies. 5. Cook some special treats or family favourites like Gingerbread men or cupcakes. 6. Go to an indoor play centre. Let the kids try out the playground and you can have a coffee with a friend. 7. Try Tenpin Bowling- make sure the bumper bars are up for the little ones. 8. Explore your local bird park, butterfly world or the zoo to see all the animals, birds and reptiles. 9. Get your bike helmets and go for a bike ride. 10. Organise a kid swap with friends who work. Your kids get to have their friends over for the day to play, and there are a lot more participants for games. 11. Browse through your local history museum, great to show the kids how things use to be. 12. Try Horse-riding- lots of riding centers provide lessons or short rides for younger children. 13. Visit a farm and see all the farm animals, you may be able to feed and pat some of them. 14. Take a day trip to a historic town or local attractions. Sometimes we never visit the attractions in our local area. Be a tourist in your own town. 15. Spend the day at the beach, go for a walk and play some games, take the Frisbee. 16. Camp out in the garden- kids of all ages will love this experience. 17. Have a picnic or lunch at the local park. Let the kids help pack their favourite lunch and snacks. 18. Do some Gardening with the kids make a herb garden pot, they are fantastic and useful too! 19. Smile! Get the camera out and let the kids take some photos download them on the computer and create a slide show. 20. Get out the play dough- buy some or make your own. This will provide hours of fun for you and the kids. 21. Have a Story writing competition. Help younger children write and illustrate a story. 22. Create a Treasure hunt in the backyard write out a list of things to find, and let them start hunting. 23. Bury a heap of old dinosaur toys and ‘artifacts’ in a sectioned off part of the garden and give all the kids a map and little spades. 24. Blow bubbles, try different shape bubble blowers for lots of fun. 25. Buy some cheap wooden photo frames and get the kids to paint and decorate them for their rooms. 26. Paper Mache…messy but always fun, create a bowl or a piggy bank. 27. Make masks from paper plates, with stick on ears and eyeholes. 28. Create a masterpiece- get canvas and paints and let the children express their creativity with Painting. 29. Play let’s pretend – play shopkeeper or mom/baby or anything you like. 30. Teach the kids to sew or thread with lacing cards. 31. Have a theme days – make it blue day so everyone wears blue, you eat blue food, use blue paints/materials for craft work, sing blue songs, etc. 32. Have a lazy day where everyone gets to stay in their PJ’s and relax. 33. Write and create a play -see who is great at drama and acting. 34. Conduct some simple Science experiments- see the internet for ideas. 35. Try your hand at scrap booking, with some coloured paper, kid’s photos and embellishments. 36. Grocery shopping- take the kids to the Supermarket and let them help you shop, cross off the items on your shopping list. Buy something easy to make together for lunch. 37. Board games Monopoly, Scrabble, Hungry Hippos, and more if there are a few kids have a tournament. 38. Card games from the simple Snap to Go Fish to Canasta for the older ones. Have lollies or chocolates for prizes. 39. Do a Jigsaw, set up a special area and let everyone help – the harder the better. 40. Make a Kite then take it outside on a windy day to fly it. 41. Go fishing in the river or sea and catch and release. 42. Catch local transport – take a train to Simons Town or a bus ride around the City. 43. Make birthday cards together – Grandparents and friends will love the creativity of your kids. 44. Lots of Local Libraries hold story-telling workshops during school holidays, and then the kids can borrow some new stories to read. 45. Go Swimming- head to the local indoor pool or to the beach or river. 46. See the latest Movie at the Cinema. Get your kids to tell you the storyline afterwards. 47. See what’s on at the Theatre or a live show. The kids will love you for this. 48. Make some music, play some music instruments or sing along to their favourite tunes. 49. Dress Ups- a family favourite. Find some outfits and play dress ups. 50. Make Plaster Models and then paint them in your favourite colours. 51. Make a collage- go to the park or beach and collect bark, seaweed etc and make a collage. 52. Bush Walk- head off the beaten path and go for a bush or nature walk. 53. Make a Movie – grab the video camera, write a plot, dress up and film your family as the stars of your very own

April 1, 2016

Paternity Leave

At the risk of being ostracised, mercilessly, I feel we need to start looking at and changing paternity leave regulations. “Three days are more than enough. It’s not like you were pregnant, gave birth or have to breastfeed.” I have heard this argument more than once over the last few weeks. It just does not hold water for me and here is why. The labour law in South Africa allows a mother the following rights: Number of Leave Days Pregnant workers are entitled to at least 4 consecutive months of maternity leave. Based on Legislation in Section 25, of the Basic Conditions of Employment Act Timing of Leave Workers may take maternity leave 1 month before their due date, or earlier or later as agreed or required for health reasons. Workers may not go back to work within 6 weeks after the birth unless their doctor or midwife say it is safe. Based on Legislation in Section 25, of the Basic Conditions of Employment Act Based on the above it would seem that the leave is given due to medical reasons. Hence the clause that a mother may not be forced to return to work within the first 6 weeks after birth, the minimum amount of time required to recover from a C-section. I want to state clearly that I agree fully with the laws pertaining to maternity leave. I have an issue with the following law however: Number of Leave Days Full time workers may take 3 days of paid family responsibility leave during each annual leave cycle (12 month periods from date of employment). Family responsibility leave expires at the end of the annual cycle. Based on Legislation in Section 27, of the Basic Conditions of Employment Act Reasons for Leave You may take family responsibility leave: When your child is born There are further conditions as to when you may take family responsibility leave, but I would like to focus on the one mentioned above. If you and your wife/partner have a child you are allowed only three days leave every 12 months. These three days must be split up between the day of the birth and then any doctor’s appointments you might have where the baby is sick. Keep in mind this does not include the three clinic appointments and 6 week check-ups that you and baby have to attend as they are regular appointments and do not fall under family responsibility. Let us look at a practical example, mine: Our little angel was born on a Thursday. We went in for induction at 06:00 a.m. and she was born at 11:18 a.m. The days leave I had to take counts as day 1 of family responsibility. Our little one had jaundice and had to stay in the hospital until the Monday before we could take her home. Family responsibility day 2. I now have 1 family responsibility day left for the rest of the year. This includes days that I might have to take my child to the doctor if she is sick. I took two weeks of my leave, that I saved by not taking leave in December, to stay home with my partner and help her with our baby. I am now in a situation where I have no leave days, and 1 family responsibility day left. Even if I took no other leave day for a year I would have a maximum of 12 days left for the year. Luckily we had a natural birth. If Jani were to have had a C-section and be unable to drive for 6 weeks, we would really have been in trouble. Big corporate companies like Facebook have identified this same issue and are now allowing up to 6 months paid paternity leave within the first year after your child is born. He decision was made to allow fathers to spend quality time with their baby, growing a healthy family unit. Unfortunately this is the exception and not the rule. The current paternity leave laws are sexist and they represent a misguided stigma that fathers do not want to spend time with their children. I believe we as parents should unite in requesting the law makers to amend these archaic laws and allow fathers to be fathers and assist in the raising of their children. As a father I want to be part of my child’s life, but without the proper laws in place to allow me to do so, I am forced to leave my partner to cope with the stress of doctors appointments, sick days, etc. on her own.

March 31, 2016

ADD / ADHD and Alternative Treatments

Over the past years there have been many debates and controversy discussions around what Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is? Furthermore how it is diagnosed and what are all the options to treating the disorder? The definition of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) has been updated in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). This revision is based on nearly two decades of research showing that ADHD, although a disorder that begins in childhood, can continue through adulthood for some people. Changes to the Disorder ADHD is characterized by a pattern of behaviour, present in multiple settings (e.g., school and home), that can result in performance issues in social, educational, or work settings. As in DSM-IV, symptoms will be divided into two categories of inattention and hyperactivity and impulsivity that include behaviours like failure to pay close attention to details, difficulty organizing tasks and activities, excessive talking, fidgeting, or an inability to remain seated in appropriate situations. Children must have at least six symptoms from either (or both) the inattention group of criteria and the hyperactivity and impulsivity criteria, while older adolescents and adults (over age 17 years) must present with five. Treatment options There are a number of treatment plans that are available to parents when making the appropriate decision when treating their child for ADD/ADHD. Nutritious meals, play, exercise, and learning better social skills are all part of a balanced treatment plan that can improve performance at school, improve your child’s relationships with others, and decrease stress and frustration. Pharmacological Treatment Stimulants such as Ritalin, Concerta and Adderall are often prescribed for attention deficit disorder. Such medications may help your child concentrate better or sit still, however there is a general debate as to whether or not medication is a ‘quick fix’ and what about the long term affects as well as immediate side effects of appetite suppression, insomnia and an overall change in the child’s personality? For some parents they have found medication to be the best result for their child, while others look for alternative treatments and see pharmacological treatment as the last resort. Homeopathy There are many other effective treatments that can help children as well as adults with ADD/ADHD to improve their ability to pay attention, control impulsive behaviour, and curb hyperactivity. According to Dr Raakhee Mistry who is a Homeopath, commented that Homoeopathy has often been used to assist with ADD and ADHD and has been effective. But unlike conventional medicine, there is no one particular homoeopathic medicine for these conditions. The ADD and ADHD symptoms for that particular child and factors that aggravate or ameliorate the symptoms, are taken into account when selecting the remedy for the child. Homoeopathic medicines do not numb or block symptoms, instead they work with the body to re-establish a state of equilibrium. When the patient is in this equilibrium state, the symptoms ease and the patient is able to function better. The aim of homoeopathic treatment is not to keep a patient dependent on medicine, but rather to bring the patient to the space where he/she can maintain this equilibrium state. Many homoeopaths also incorporate other modalities to their treatment such as supplements, herbs and probiotics. A child’s restlessness and ability to concentrate has also been linked to the state of the child’s gut Nutrition Good nutrition can help reduce ADD / ADHD symptoms. Studies show that what, and when, you eat makes a difference when it comes to managing ADD/ADHD. The following tips can be seen below  By scheduling regular meals or snacks no more than three hours apart is a useful tip, which will help keep your child’s blood sugar level, minimizing irritability and supporting concentration and focus.  Try to include a little protein and complex carbohydrates at each meal or snack. These foods will help your child feel more alert while decreasing hyperactivity.  Check your child’s zinc, iron, and magnesium levels. Many children with ADD/ADHD are low in these important minerals. Boosting their levels may help control ADD/ADHD symptoms. Increasing iron may be particularly helpful. One study found that an iron supplement improved symptoms almost as much as taking stimulant medication.  Add more omega-3 fatty acids to your child’s diet. Studies show that omega-3s improve hyperactivity, impulsivity, and concentration in kids (and adults) with ADD/ADHD. Omega-3s are found in salmon, tuna, sardines, and some fortified eggs and milk products. However, the easiest way to boost your child’s intake is through fish oil supplementsTips for supporting your child’s treatmentIn order to encourage positive change in all settings, children with ADD / ADHD need consistency. It is important that parents of children with ADD / ADHD learn how to apply behavioural therapy techniques at home. Children with ADD/ADHD are more likely to succeed in completing tasks when the tasks occur in predictable patterns and in predictable places, so that they know what to expect and what they are supposed to do.  Follow a routine. It is important to set a time and a place for everything to help a child with ADD/ADHD understand and meet expectations. Establish simple and predictable rituals for meals, homework, play and bed.  Use clocks and timers. Consider placing clocks throughout the house, with a big one in your child’s bedroom. Allow plenty of time for what your child needs to do, such as homework or getting ready in the morning.  Simplify your child’s schedule. Avoiding idle time is a good idea, but a child with ADD/ADHD may become even more distracted and “wound up” if there are too many after-school activities.  Create a quiet place. Make sure your child has a quiet, private space of his or her own. A porch or bedroom can work well too as long as it’s not the same place as the child goes for a time-out.Set an example for good organization. Set up your home in an organized way. Make sure your child knows that everything

March 29, 2016

Cyberbullying – a difficult reality for parents to understand

Do you know what your child is really doing when they are using their smartphone or tablet? Most of us choose to believe that ‘everything is fine’ and your child is merely watching a movie or playing an innocent game. But, have you considered that maybe at the very moment your child is using their device, that someone may be bullying them through an online chat or social network? While the Internet is a great tool for school work and connecting with friends and family, unfortunately there is another side, which, as parents, you need to pay attention to. Cyberbullying is one of the unpleasant effects of hyper-socialisation, which the Internet as a whole – and social networks in particular – bring. For those who are not familiar with this phenomenon, cyberbullying refers to online communication with the intent to abuse or degrade – and unfortunately, this is often aimed at school going children. Modern children and teenagers are deeply immersed in the virtual communications world, sometimes even deeper than adults. They take everything that happens to them online very seriously and they live their lives based on their online world connections. In contrast to adults, youngsters often have more fragile psychological defence mechanisms or none at all. Remember how many times in your life online conversations made you feel angry, abused, or upset. Imagine what your child feels when she or he faces something similar, but this is shared with the school through daily updates on a social platform – for everyone to see or comment on! A big part of the problem today is that parents are rarely aware of cyberbullying that may be happening to their kids – as often kids don’t speak up about it. So, as a concerned parent, what can you do to protect your kids from psychological traumas of cyberbullying? Kaspersky Lab provides some advice: Firstly, be patient, it will take time. Like every serious issue in life, problems with cyberbullying can’t be solved in a couple of minutes – if this happens to your child, be aware of the fact that resolving the issue will take some time. Don’t wait or hope that your child will come to you and tell you about the problem. As the parent, we recommend you should start this conversation – to ascertain if maybe there is a problem here that needs to be addressed. Each person has a right to privacy, but this is not a reason to neglect your child’s online activity. Learn what your children do on social networks, which platforms they use and who their friends are online. For a start, look to add them to your friends list in every social network in which you both have accounts. Talk to your children about cyberbullying – explain to them they should come to you if/when they face this problem. Ensure they understand that cyberbullying is a commonly encountered problem today and that it’s okay if they experience it, if they report it to you – you can help them resolve the issue. Never use prohibition. Taking away a child’s phone or disconnecting their devices from the Internet won’t help. Actually, such prohibitions are what your child is afraid of and why they wouldn’t tell you about cyberbullying to begin with. Talk to your children about basic online security and privacy steps. Show them how to change privacy settings on social networks to prevent strangers from seeing their private data, pictures, details etc. To protect your child as efficiently as possible, you can also look to use parental control applications. The digital age we live in is not going anywhere. Rather technologies will continue to evolve and this means that your child will likely evolve with them. Considering this, and the expansion of social media it has become important that parents are aware of what their children are doing online and to educate their children about cyberbullying – to ensure they can come to you as well as do not engage in this activity themselves. The online environment can be potentially harmful, but if you take the time to speak to your children and educate them, it does become an easier place to navigate.

March 28, 2016

Moms and Dads – we need your support!

IMPERIAL Road Safety, together with Wheel Well, would like to call on all moms and dads in the Gauteng region, to donate car seats they no longer use in the aim of giving a child the gift of safety this year. This outreach forms part of Imperial Road Safety’s continued annual outreach in the form of the Car Seats for Kids Campaign. The campaign, launched in 2012, has embarked on various collection drives across the country in a bid to collect pre-owned car seats from South Africans. The campaign has been a phenomenal success, having distributed over 5 490 car seats since its inception, and in 2015 alone, collected 1 486 seats which were later donated (for a small fee) to parents that can’t afford them or haven’t yet realised their importance. All car seats collected from the generous public are re-upholstered, safety checked and cleaned by Wheel Well, a non-profit organisation based in the Brightwater Commons, before distribution to ensure they are user friendly and defect free. So go on, make a difference to a family in need! Drop off your old car seats to anyone one of these locations, to assist us in contributing towards child safety on the roads: Wheel Well: Shop U108, Entrance 4, Brightwater Commons, Republic Road, Ferndale, Randburg, Johannesburg, 2125 Operating hours: 09:00 – 17:00 Monday – Friday 09:00 – 13:00 Saturday Telephone: 072 385 7121/ 073 393 7356 River Hawk Spur: Coachman’s Crossing, Peter Place, Bryanston Telephone: 011 706 7968 MasterDrive: Meyersdal Office Park, 65 Phillip Engrelbrecht Drive, Meyersdal. Telephone: 011 867 4778 / 011 022 0352 Petroports: Debonairs – Panorama Bridge and Total – Panorama West Dekra Automotive: Get a FREE vehicle safety check from Dekra after dropping off a car seat And for those parents, in need of a car seat – please contact Peggie Mars from Wheel Well on 072 385 7121 or pop her an email on [email protected]

March 25, 2016

3 Beauty Hacks found at the bottom of your Diaper Bag

Often, I find myself in a beauty aisle deciding whether the R200 spent on a body oil is actually worth the splurge but usually end up settling on the idea that I would much rather spend the same amount on a bag of nappies because who would want soft skin and wet patches of carpet throughout their house, anyway? Baby products are designed in a way that they only contain the mildest ingredients to ensure that even the most sensitive skin is nourished and taken care of. It got me thinking that maybe it’s time we swap out our usual expensive “adult” products for baby products which will not only mean we’d be taking better care of ourselves with the use of gentle products, but perhaps saving a buck or two for the next pack of nappies or I don’t know… a new lipstick? Here’s a list of three seemingly normal baby products, found at the bottom of my son’s diaper bag, which pack a number of uses and beauty hacks and has prompted me to adding them to my beauty shelf. Baby Powder I bet that you have a lot of unused baby powder, don’t you? Baby powder is really versatile and can help remove oil stains from clothes, absorb dampness in smelly gym shoes or bags, cool your bed sheets in summer and remove beach sand from your skin with the greatest of ease but it also packs a host of beauty functions too. Try dusting a thin layer of baby powder to your lashes in between coats of mascara, to get voluminous lashes that will have everyone wondering what’s your trick. The baby powder adds thickness and length by clinging on to the lashes that are already coated in a layer of mascara. Improve the longevity of your lipstick by applying your lipstick as usual, and then placing a tissue over your lips before dusting baby powder around the lip area (using a powder brush). Apply a second coat of lipstick to top it off and enjoy longer lasting lip coverage. If you’ve nicked yourself after shaving and are struggling to stop it from bleeding, apply a dash of baby powder which will help clot the blood and stop it from bleeding everywhere. Baby Oil Baby oil restores lost moisture and is especially great during the winter months, by adding just a few drops to your bath water, it can help hydrate skin and leave it feeling smoother and softer all day long. Other uses for baby oil includes removing makeup as the oil helps to gently break down water-proof lip and eye products, which is where the skin tends to be the most sensitive. It is also a great post-shaving product and helps to soften cracked or dry heels. Bum Cream It shouldn’t shock you that baby bum cream is a great way to reduce redness, hence it works so well on bum rashes, but the cream can also be used as a spot treatment and works to treat acne or reduce any red blotchiness. You can also use baby bum creams like Sudocrem to prep and prime your face, to ensure that the coverage of your foundation is long lasting. Lastly, if you find your foundation is a little darker than you’d like, try adding a dash of bum cream (colourant free) to help lighten the formula. That wraps up the beauty hacks that you can find at the bottom of your diaper bags. Have you heard of any of these before? I’d love to know which you will be making use of soon. Like my beauty tips? Instead of giving into my broodiness, I committed to an entire year of sharing beauty tips daily on social media. Check out #365BeautyTips or follow me on Instagram: @byMeganKelly to see more!

March 24, 2016

Caring For Your Premmie At Home  

The idea of bringing a newborn home is daunting for most parents, but the idea of bringing your premmie home after a month of NICU is overwhelming. Expect a few glitches. It’s normal to have some less-than-perfect moments with your premature baby, especially in the early days as you get the hang of caring for her without the security of neonatal physicians and nurses nearby. Do consult your paediatrician with concerns, but also remember that the neonatal intensive-care unit (NICU) experts wouldn’t have sent your baby home unless they felt you both were ready. With each day, you’ll get a little more confident, your baby will become better at communicating her needs, and you’ll find your rhythm, just like any other mom-baby team. The day arrives…she is finally coming home! Her Dr made the decision to discharge her at 1.94kg instead of the normal 2.2kg. We are thrilled! Unfortunately for us, my husband is booked for an operation on the same day. All I can say is that the Lord for my parents, especially my mom as she was by my side from the beginning. There are a couple of things that you may need to make a note of… Special equipment Baby may need special equipment that may assist in breathing etc. but your doctor will speak to you about your specific needs. Stock up on tiny clothing, generally it will be a while until baby fits into newborn clothing. Chubby Bunny (link to www.chubbybunny.co.za) supplies clothing from 1kg onwards. We also suggest purchasing a baby monitor, one that can monitor baby’s breathing. This will give you peace of mind when baby is sleeping. Besides relying on support from those around you. Chubby Bunny is there to make the journey a little less stressful. Through education & support, Chubby Bunny’s main objective is to support families whose lives have been touched by prematurity. Special skills Let me set the scene, when a baby is so small they tend to lack ‘choking’ skills. I believe I aged at least 10years the day Olivia came home from NICU. After drinking too much milk she went limp and blue. This happened 3 times that day. After we frantically tapped her, she was back to ‘normal’, we rushed her to the NICU, where I was told this is normal and welcome to motherhood. Besides feeling a little angry, it would have been nice if someone had told me before I brought my premmie home. Although it comes easily to term babies, learning to eat is a challenge for preemies. Whether bottle feeding or breastfeeding, babies need to develop three major skills in order to be able to eat effectively: A mature suck: Premature babies aren’t born with mature sucking skills. In order to drink milk from the breast or a bottle, babies need to have a suck that is both coordinated and strong. A mature swallow: Swallowing large volumes of milk takes a lot of strength, and babies need to develop the muscles in their tongue and jaw to swallow well. Coordination of sucking, swallowing, and breathing: The most challenging of the feeding skills, it can take babies a while to learn how to coordinate breathing with drinking milk. Try and take a CPR course. This life saving skill will give your more confidence when dealing with situations such as these. Support If you were able to attend an antenatal class, then keep close to your midwife. Keep her number on speed dial. If you don’t have someone, then speak to your NICU nurse. They should know of support groups in your area. Follow us on Facebook {Chubby Bunny Premmie Support}, share your experiences with other parents. The premmie journey should be full of hope, and your words could help parents who are going through a similar situation to yours. Chubby Bunny is the first company in South Africa to supply critical starter packs for premmies. We supply high quality goods ensuring the little miracle is well cared for, from organic skin care sensitive for their soft skin, petite clothing small enough to wrap around their tiny bodies, Premmie nappies, a Premmie Support Booklet equipped to help parents understand the NICU and how to care for their Premmies. These hampers can be shipped overnight to main centres South Africa. Visit our online store www.chubbybunny.co.za for more information on the hampers we provide or simply contact Sian at [email protected].

March 22, 2016

5 Benefits Of Sleepover Camps For Kids

Experiencing all the milestones with your child is one of the greatest highlights that come with parenthood – Hearing their first word, watching their first step and yes, even saying goodbye when it’s time for their first sleepover. Despite the reluctance and paranoia of sending your kids miles away to a sleepover camp for a week, this can be a positive experience and a significant developmental milestone that can be felt months after returning from camp, especially a camp like Sugar Bay. Sugar Bay Holiday Camp is open every school holiday for kids and teens from 7 to 17 years old. The counsellors are trained in child psychology for the different age groups, as well as First Aid & CPR. With the highest staff to child ratio in the country (1:3) and an impeccable safety record, you can rest assured that your little ones are safe and being fully supervised, while having the time of their lives. But there are other benefits that both you and your kids will enjoy when you send them to camp for the holidays: 1. Sleepover camps help teach children that separation is a sign of trust Sleeping away from home can be an exciting milestone for your child to learn about trust. You want your child to learn that being away from you is a sign that you trust them, and that it is also a sign that they can trust you to bring them back home after their holiday is over. When parents express their trustworthiness of their children they are more likely to live up to those expectations, and the lesson of trust will be learned. 2. Campers are motivated to try new things Having an enthusiastic child who is ready to accommodate different situations and face new challenges is very reassuring for any parent. As a parent, it is vital that you always influence your kids to be open to new adventures and experiences. Sugar Bay specialises in opportunities for new experiences by offering over 100 activities for kids of all personalities to enjoy. Campers are expected to plan their own day by choosing their own activities, and they receive further support by the counsellors to try something new. 3. Campers learn how to be more independent It is always a pleasure to watch your child get dressed all by themselves in the mornings before school. Sugar Bay ensures that our campers are able to do things for themselves by teaching them these skills from a young age. They will require almost no adult assistance, and will benefit from the confidence that comes from this new found independence. Campers are also expected to take control of their day by making decisions on what they would like to achieve for the day. They are not told what activities to do, but are rather guided to make responsible choices for themselves, as independent individuals. 4. Children are encouraged to conquer their fears Your child probably has nightmares just like any other typical youngster, and at Sugar Bay children are not only comforted, but also taught that nightmares are normal and that it’s nothing more than your mind playing tricks on you. That way our campers will learn to wake up from from a nightmare, brush it off and go back to sleep peacefully without fear, and none of the tears. 5. Children are encouraged to ask questions and make requests confidently When a child is able to ask for what they need and feel comfortable doing so, they will feel self-assured. Sugar Bay encourages all campers to come out of their shells by playing engaging ice-breaker activities on arrival. During our other team-building activities, everyone is urged on to share their opinions, which boosts their self-confidence and leadership skills too. Naturally, you may have many other concerns and questions before being convinced that sending your kids to camp is a good idea. Our friendly office will gladly chat to you about your individual concerns for your child, and will answer any other questions you may have. Read the parent FAQs on our website, give us a ring on (032) 485 3778, or pop us an email at [email protected] . Then when you are ready, you can book a March/April camp and enjoy a huge R1000 discount. Visit the Sugar Bay Website at www.sugarbay.co.za Email: [email protected] Call: (032) 485 3778 Follow Sugar Bay on Facebook at facebook.com/sugarbay789

March 21, 2016

Teaching Tolerance

Nelson Mandela once said: “No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite”. So how do we, as parents, teach love and tolerance to our children? How do we teach them to respect everyone regardless of their race, religion, culture or creed? How do we ensure that our rainbow nation is a melting pot of love and not one of hatred, suspicion and intolerance? The answer to this question is simple if you understand how your children are learning from you. Remember, that particularly when they are little, your kids are like sponges and the ‘water’ that they’re absorbing is what you are living. It is not what you say to them that matters, but how you follow this through with action. They are constantly making assumptions about the world and other people based on how they see you interacting. So if you want your children to learn tolerance and acceptance of all people, then you need to be living this yourself. Ask yourself this question, and be sure to be entirely honest with yourself as you do: Do you treat every human being equally? The majority of people that I come across these days will say that they are not racist or bigoted in any way. However, if you watch them closely you will see an innate judgement playing out in their daily lives. They will completely ignore the beggar at the traffic lights like he doesn’t even exist, they will speak differently to the waitress or cashier than they do to other people, they will even speak to their children in a way that suggests that they are somehow not as deserving of respect and recognition as someone twice their age or size. Simply telling our children that all people are equal is not enough. We need to genuinely treat each person as sacred by the very fact that they are alive and have worth as a human being – not because of their job title or status in society or size or colour or level of wealth. Every person deserves respect and acknowledgement simply by the very fact that they are. If you are not doing this then you are teaching your children intolerance. You are teaching them that some people are more worthy than others. You are teaching them that we are not all equal. Are you ok with that? If not, it is you that needs to change, and this change will teach your children more than a thousand lessons at school about equality and reconciliation and building a rainbow nation. All children are born loving everyone unconditionally, and it is from you that they learn to do otherwise. Live a different way, teach a different lesson, and be the change you want to see in your kids!

March 21, 2016

Help My Child is a Bully!

I think that any parent who has been summoned to the principle’s office relives that same dread as when this happened as a child. There is usually nothing nice to be said when the upper echelons of the school are getting involved, and to be told that your darling, who seems so normal at home, is creating havoc at school is not easy to hear. Most parents, when informed that their child is being labeled a “bully” understandably go into denial. Now let me first say that labelling your child as anything is a bad place to start. No child is a bully. Just as no child is all victim. Children, like adults, are a complex multitude of traits and behaviours, none of which define them for who they are. The quicker you stop labelling your child as this or that, the quicker you will solve even the greatest of problems. And if the teachers or other staff at your child’s school are labelling kids, well, you need to step in and set this straight. By labelling kids we define them in a certain way, create certain expectations of them, and ultimately this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as they live up (or down) to our expectations. Bullying, like all mis-behaviour, is born out of a desire to fulfil a need. We all have certain human needs that must be fulfilled in order for us to survive. These include the need for certainty, variety, love/connection and significance. Briefly, we can elaborate on them like this: Certainty – the need to know that things will be the same, the need for routine, to know what our boundaries are and that they will stay the same, to know that we will have enough food, water, shelter etc, to know that the world that we wake up in tomorrow will look like the one we woke up in today. Variety – the need for things to be different – to have treats and breaks from routine and a bit of excitement and change, to shake things up a bit, to spice things up a bit to alleviate boredom. Love/Connection – to feel unconditionally loved, loved no matter what we do, to be noticed and cared for and part of a group (or family), to feel understood. Significance – to feel important, unique, and worthy of being alive, to be noticed and valued for who we are. Everyone needs these needs in different amounts, but all of them WILL be fulfilled to some degree, whether this is in positive or destructive ways. If you really examine any misbehaviour you will find that your child is trying to fulfil one of these needs in a destructive way. Kids act up, bully, throw tantrums, lie, steal and fight in order to fulfil one or more of these needs that are not being met in positive ways. So when you leave the headmaster’s office, take some time on your own or with your partner to figure out which of your child’s needs are not being met and how you can help them to fulfil these needs in more positive ways. This may take some time, trial and error to get right, but it will definitely be worth it. Bullying is a cry for some need to be met and every child’s cries deserve to be heard.

March 18, 2016

How Loud Is Too Loud?

Noise induced hearing loss is damage that occurs to the sensitive hearing hair cells inside your inner ear specifically in the cochlea. Loud sound travels down your ear canal to your eardrum. The eardrum vibrates and transfers the loud sound to the bones of the middle ear. These bones move and transfers the sound to the cochlea. Inside the cochlea are the hair cells which pick up different frequencies and pass this signal along the nerve to the brain. The force of loud sound causes damage to the hair cells of the cochlea. This cochlea is a delicate organ of hearing and once damage has occurred the damage is permanent. The extent of the damage that occurs depends on the level of loudness and the amount of time spent in that noise. Noise of 85dB or louder is considered dangerous levels of noise. The louder the noise becomes the shorter the time is that a person is allowed to be exposed before permanent damage has occurred. The rule is if the loudness increases by 3dB the time allowed in that environment is halved. How loud does a sound have to be before it causes damage to your hearing? 85dB loudness, for example a hairdryer, is safe for 8 hours 91dB loudness, for example a passing motorbike, is safe for 2 hours 97dB loudness, for example a hand drill, is safe for 30 minutes 109dB loudness, for example a chainsaw, is safe for 2 minutes 118dB loudness, for example an aeroplane taking off, is safe for 14 seconds What could cause noise induced hearing loss: In children: Loud music through iPod or music player Loud sounds through gaming devices Loud music in gyms Loud music at parties or dance venues In adults, in conjunction with the above list: Gunfire Loud machinery noise Is your music too loud?: You have to raise your voice to be heard over the noise You can’t hear someone a meter away Others can hear the words of the song you are listening to through your headphones Speech is dull after you have been exposed to the noise You have ringing in your ears after being exposed to the noise What are the signs of noise induced hearing loss?: Short term: There is no obvious effects at first. Immediately after a prolonged exposure to noise a temporary thresholds shift in hearing will occur where temporary dulling of sound and ringing in the ears will be experienced for a few days. This may feel like your ears are blocked. Long term: Prolonged exposure to loud noise can lead to significant hearing loss and ringing in the ears. A child’s greatest difficulty may be hearing in a noisy classroom. What to do to prevent noise induced hearing loss: Prevention is the better than cure Buy limited headphones, limiting loudness output to 85dB Lower the maximum volume setting in your music device. This is often in the settings of the device. Set the loudness level in the quite, and then don’t adjust it. Set your duration of exposure to short durations, taking small breaks of 15-20minutes between. This will allow the ear to rest and recover. Change your earphones to the smaller earbud earphones. This allows for some sound to escape while the larger over the ear earphones have bigger transducers and allow for a more powerful output. What to do if you expect damage may have occurred: Consult an audiologist to conduct a hearing assessment. Assessments should include a baseline audiogram as well as otoacoustic emission testing.

March 18, 2016

When Affairs Happen….

I hear this story too often with the couples I work with. It goes something like this… “I don’t understand how my partner could’ve cheated on me?! We have a family and yes we’ve had our ups and downs but we’ve been going through a good patch lately.” I thought things were ok?!” What people don’t realise is that affairs happen over time not overnight. You don’t wake up in the morning and decide today I’m going to have an affair and pick the first person that happens to cross your path. Affairs happen as a result of the relationship waning and that also happens over time, not overnight. As couples move through their relationship cycle the dynamics of their relationship changes. They get caught up in the daily grind of chores, life and juggling the many balls we have in the air such as paying bills, parenting, work pressures, family responsibilities and more. Our relationship takes a back seat as a result of this and we stop connecting and communicating with each other on a deeper and meaningful level because we are too tired, too stressed, too self absorbed in doing what needs to be done. We stop appreciating our partner, and the effort we used to make in the early stages of the relationship has all but faded. The consequences being that we take very little heed of our partner and their needs leaving them feeling unloved, unappreciated, not valued, unimportant or even invisible. The more this happens, the more couples find themselves in a spiral of withdraw, attack, defend, combined with small glimpses of what once was and so the cycle repeats itself. Often. Over time we let things slide and work ourselves into a toxic cycle of blaming, shaming and fault finding. Emotions are on high alert as we tip toe around each other hoping not to rock the boat yet again but rather keep the peace for as long as possible. Invariable this is short lived leaving each other feeling resentful, hurt and betrayed on various levels with our emotional needs not being met. If not dealt with, the cycle can become destructive and ultimately result in the breakdown of the relationship. It’s at this point that a 3rd party comes into the picture and when affairs happen….. One gets to the lowest point of craving an emotional connection with their partner yet it is not forthcoming. This is not necessarily because the other is unwilling, but because both are so caught up in the destructive spiral it’s very hard to connect in a loving, caring manner. The 3rd party, who could be a friend, a colleague, an acquaintance… offers some kind of comfort, perhaps even listens and offers advice or reasoning. A seemingly safe place where the other does not have to be on their guard all the time, they don’t get criticised or constantly feel attacked. It is a safe space where the gloves are off and someone is actually paying them attention, showing care and concern and is interested in them. The very things they crave from their partner. Just as the original couple met, spent time together, connected and had fun, so too does the same begin to happen with the 3rd party. Over time this new ‘relationship’ starts taking shape until that point where boundaries are crossed and an affair begins. Can couples come back from an affair? Absolutely they can – if they are both prepared to do what it takes. Couples co-create the situation to begin with and are equally responsible for coming back from an affair. It takes hard work on both sides but it is not impossible and can even be a catalyst for a stronger bond than before. Couples need to ask themselves some hard questions when they are on the brink deciding whether to continue or walk away: You need to be completely honest with yourself and rate the following (0 = low and 10 = high): How badly do you want to fix/save this relationship? What is your level of commitment to the process? How willing are you to start doing/stop doing things to improve your relationship? How soon are you prepared to start the process? Once couples have answered these questions, anything above a level 6 is workable. Where the ratings are 6 and less, it will take a lot more work and effort but it’s not impossible. At the end of the day any relationship is salvageable if the couple wants it badly enough. If a couple does decide to work on their relationship below are some things they need to apply as part of the healing and growing process: Each one needs to take a step back from the toxic spiral and see the bigger picture of what once was. The love that once was there is still there, it’s just been overshadowed by the negative. Love doesn’t walk away – people do Both need to work hard at overcoming the feelings of being threatened, betrayed, or rejected and rather focus on the real issues that result in these feelings Both are responsible for creating safety so each one can risk speaking vulnerably from his or her heart as to how they are feeling and what they need from each other We all love differently, allow yourself to be vulnerable with your partner and to ask for the love and understanding you desire. When one’s love tank is full, it’s highly likely they will give love in return Learn how to respond to your partner’s attempts to reach out and connect with you with openness and encouragement instead of shutting down or shutting them out Only when your partner feels safe and that you really want to listen and understand rather than attack, dismiss, or belittle his or her feelings, will he or she risk opening up about more vulnerable feelings and needs. This is where intimacy and connection is created. When there is a deep connection with each

March 17, 2016

Mom’s Rock

Moms are one of the greatest treasures of the universe. Miracle workers and magic makers, no-one exemplifies grace and beauty more than a mom in action. The sweet, healing balm of a mother’s love touches every aspect of her child’s life. It soothes bruised egos, restores broken hearts, lifts up discouraged souls, and feeds hungry tummies. A good mom is a priceless gift to her children. She is both a soft nurturing sanctuary and a fierce protective shield. So many men and women are who they are today because of a selfless, loving and wise mom. Dads are equally important. Boys and girls need both moms and dads. Equally important yet stunningly different the masculine and feminine soul work in unspoken tandem to weave together the magic that it takes to raise boys to be men and girls to be women. It’s a great betrayal when either mom or dad fails to play their role as co-parent. When one is missing the whole is affected. All too often it is the masculine that goes awry or AWOL and it’s the mom left carrying the burden of raising her children with limited or no support. Men who are absent or disengaged betray not just their children but the women who entrusted them with the joint care of their children. Because the focus of the damage caused by absent or disengaged fathers is on their children, moms are often the unacknowledged victims of a father’s dereliction. An absent or abusive dad is the ultimate betrayal. A dad who is present in body yet not heart and hand is slow poison to his family. Raising a child as a single mom or with a disengaged man is one of the greatest challenges a woman can ever face. To meet all of a child’s daily physical, emotional and spiritual needs as the only present and engaged parent requires almost superhuman effort. Trying to have a life while balancing work and children leaves many women feeling as though they can never do enough. Added to this moms often feel the pain of their child’s cry for their dad’s presence and involvement in their life. Fortunately there are several things moms can do to raise strong and emotionally whole sons and daughters in spite of an absent or disengaged father. The first is to realise that you are the most important and influential woman in your children’s lives. You are your daughter’s primary role model and your son’s first and most profound experience of a woman. Being a great mom doesn’t just happen by default, it requires intention. Not just in learning how to be a mom but in learning how to be a woman because it is out of womanhood that motherhood flows. Knowing and embracing your own femininity and being fully alive as a woman is the starting point of being a great mom. A mom who is whole and confident in who she is will impart wholeness and confidence to her children. Every man and woman carries some hurt or another from the experience of growing up and these wounds affect how we parent. Moms are no exception and motherhood is a parallel journey of growing in wholeness and freedom as a woman as you raise your children to become men and women. The second crucial thing for moms is to understand what makes the masculine and feminine soul tick. Boys and girls are different and what each need from their mom is different. The more you understand the different needs and drivers of the masculine and feminine soul the better equipped you will be to meet their unique needs. Understanding the feminine soul will assist you in your own journey as a woman and will enable you to impart to your daughter all she needs to grow up into a strong, independent woman with a healthy attitude towards herself, life and men. By understanding what makes the masculine soul tick and the role you need to play in its development, you can create an environment in which your son will grow and flourish. You will know when to let go, how and when to involve other men in your son’s life and how to deal with his growing masculinity. Thirdly because a mom’s life is so influential on her children she needs to model the right attitudes and behaviours. One of the implications of this is that no matter how badly you have been treated or let down by men you need to maintain a positive attitude towards them. By harbouring resentment you will unconsciously and unwittingly devalue your son and impart to your daughter damaging beliefs about men. The way a mom lives her life shapes a boy’s attitudes towards women and greatly influences the kind of woman he will marry one day. The way a girl’s mom interacts with men and in particular her father deeply affects the way she perceives men and what she will consider acceptable in her future relationships. It takes courage and sacrifice to raise children well and never more so than when you are doing it alone. The world owes a massive debt of gratitude to brave woman throughout history who have given so much of themselves to raise their children without the physical, emotional and financial support of their children’s father. The sheer overwhelming collective goodness dispensed by moms every day make this world an infinitely better place. Yet in a world in which more children than ever are growing up in single parent homes moms face the formidable challenge of empowering themselves to be great moms. Moms who know, understand and live their femininity while at the same time understanding, appreciating and affirming the masculine, in spite of how wrong it has so often gone.

March 17, 2016

Preserving Family Memories

Life should be about acknowledging the past, enjoying the present and preparing for the future. By balancing the three we’re able to live happier and better-rounded lives. Children who have love linking the past, the present and the future are better equipped for success, as their sense of belonging is higher. Looking back on your past, what keepsakes do you have that’ll trigger reminders of the good times? What about the present? How do you track your life? And the future, what are you doing to prepare for it? Much of our past is lost, damaged or nonexistent. Sometimes if we have a few memorabilia, they are often out of sight and out of mind. Wouldn’t it be rewarding to pull out records of who we were and what we were about to showcase to our children? Wouldn’t this offer them an overview of our lives and provide them with a better sense of belonging? They might even be intrigued by our own legacy, don’t you think? Let’s deal with the present: Most of our households have childhood memories stashed randomly all over the house. Have you ever thought of how much space you waste? Have you considered how time consuming it can be searching for that particular art, or the book of photos you put somewhere? In search of a particular memory, you might even come across a precious keepsake you had long forgotten about. Doesn’t this indicate some sort of chaos? If you’re like most parents you have your children’s certificates, photos and art squashed into sleeves that are in most cases small and inadequate. Sometimes boxes fill up with larger art and assorted mementos. Does this sound familiar? Have you haphazardly placed various precious items into the box only to realise that you seldom get a chance to look through these treasures? Isn’t it a pain sifting through rumbled layers of differently sized paintings, projects and photos only to be confused with which year they actually belong because they haven’t been dated? Also, what may have once been in some sort of chronological order gets shuffled each time you go through your treasure box or top shelf, becoming a disorganised mess, right? Time consuming and frustrating isn’t it? Have you noticed how dogs’ ears start forming and paper starts to crinkle? These are signs of damage. What about kid’s art and projects that have been folded in half because you just don’t have a place big enough to put them? If you’re not experiencing any of this yet it could be because your children are still very small. If this is you, think for a minute where you’ve put your child’s ante natal scans, birth certificate or clinic card; how about the going home outfit, first set of booties or even your baby record book, photos or videos. With a jumble of life’s irreplaceable moments fragmented all over the place, do you know what you’ve stored and where? Also how often do you actually go through thousands of digital photos? Isn’t the idea of taking photos and videos to capture moments to jog our memories and reminisce about milestones, families, friends, achievements, events and days gone by? In a world where technology has taken over we often miss the opportunities to sit down, pause and ponder the essence of life. Due to our busy lifestyles don’t our families often experience levels of disconnect? Aren’t our children our everything? By effectively preserving their precious memories and mementos we can ensure that each stage of their life is well connected. A child that can look back in their past, nourishes the way they perform in the present and ultimately helps them to excel moving forward. Being able to track life successes equips each individual with a proud sense of achievement, uplifting their self-esteem and propelling them to outshine their last performance. We can further provide our children with a proud sense of belonging by capturing their life experiences in a way that can be shared and enjoyed regularly with family and friends. Combine this love and support with assorted childhood art, photos, achievements, projects,digital memories and you’ll enjoy a happier and more confident child in return. You’re invited to explore a revolutionary patented all-in-one system. MY FILE ABOUT ME preserves and displays all precious memories, art, photos and achievements together. This ultra-simple approach to memory keeping is ridiculously quick to put together and easy to use. No cutting or gluing is required plus it will save you so much space and time! When you own MY FILE ABOUT ME you’ll love how neat, tidy and organised it is. So effective, you’ll enjoy a year-by-year story beautifully laid out. Totally customisable, MY FILE ABOUT ME focuses around the needs and strengths of each individual child. From pregnancy throughout school and beyond you can record just one stage, a select few or include them all. Designed to grow together with your child, you can refill and expand your kit to your heart’s desire. Built to stand the test of time: How would you like to create a legacy of your child to pass down his/her complete childhood story from generation to generation?

March 17, 2016

The Importance of Rhyming

Having just had the wonderful opportunity to see Julia Donaldson live presenting her show “the Gruffalo”, again emphasised the importance of rhyming. Julia has a wonderful way of writing the most delightful books which all children love. They are easy and fun to read and the wonderful use of rhyme makes you want to break out into song! Which is exactly what Julia did! Did you know that her first book “a Squash and a Squeeze” originated from a song and then became a book? I still have that song in my head. Why is rhyming so important you say? Well, think about it, if you can make a rhyme about something doesn’t it make it easier to remember? Yes, of course it does! I’m sure you can remember making up rhymes in school as part of your study skills to help you to remember the work? This is perhaps more relevant in the senior primary child’s life but for the younger child the reason why rhyming is so important is because the children learn to differentiate between different sounds by hearing the phonetic differences and similarities in words. It helps children to break words into smaller parts and to recognise smaller parts in words. These skills are important for reading and writing. Songs and rhymes also teach children how to use expression which is also important when learning to read. Rhyming also helps children to predict the story and gives them decoding skills. Children who struggle with reading often find it difficult to break words down into their individual sounds. Thus, rhyming is a very helpful tool to improve their phonemic awareness skills. An easy way to enrich your children is to read them nursery rhymes when they are little and to continue with lovely picture books that rhyme such as the Julia Donaldson books. Children love to rhyme and it can be done incidentally, while you are driving in the car, are at the shops or taking a walk in the park. Children love to do it and often make up the silliest rhymes, but learning should be fun, so let it be.

March 16, 2016

Help Your Kids Get Organised

The new year has started and we are already well into the first term. This term is normally filled with meet the teacher meetings, class photos, book covering, sports tours, school camps, athletics day, inter-house swimming and so many other things. All this before we have even mentioned normal day to day school work, projects, orals and homework. I don’t remember school ever being this intense when I was growing up! As with adults, being disorganised has a severe effect on learners as anxiety will set in if they don’t feel prepared. Knowing and planning ahead will ensure that learners are prepared, and will help them achieve the best results that they can. If your child is battling to keep up with homework and tasks, please share this 6 STEP simple video demonstrated blog with them! STEP 1 – HOW MUCH TIME Kids need to know how much time they have available to do homework, projects, assignments and to study. This will depend on what sports and extramural activities they have on and what your family weekends look like. Using the downloaded time sheet, help them work out their time availability. Block off the chunk of time from the morning until the end of their school day. Block off time for any weekday or weekend sport or extra murals. Block off the time spent eating dinner, preparing for bed, showering, etc. Block of any other set commitments that they have during the week or weekend. Look at the gaps and decide how many hours they could dedicate to homework, studying & projects each day, bearing in mind that they also need some time to relax. Add up the number of hours available to study per week. Click to download the time sheet STEP 2 – BEING PREPARED Knowing that everything is done and ready by the time kids go to bed the evening before, will leave your child feeling far calmer, and will save them from getting into unnecessary trouble at school. A good idea is to have a check list for them so that they never forget anything. Check their timetable for the next day. Make sure all homework has been done. Make sure all required books are in their bags. Pack in sports and PE clothes. Check if there are any orals, projects, tests or assignments coming up soon. Get mom or dad to sign the homework diary. Any notices for parents to be given and signed. Click to download the checklist STEP 3 – MANAGING PROJECTS, ORALS AND ASSIGNMENTS Because projects and assignments are given a couple of weeks in advance, they often get forgotten or left to the last minute and then rushed through. Sometimes when there is a big task to do, they leave it because it feels overwhelming. Write down each step needed to complete the project, oral or assignment. Estimate how long each step will take. Check the time sheet to see which days are best to work on various parts of the task. Weekends are a great time to put in extra work for things like projects, orals & assignments. Work backwards in your diary from the last step & put a date that you are going to complete each part of the task. Always aim to finish at least 48 hours before the due date. This gives you time for anything that may come up at the last minute. Click to download the Project Management Checklist STEP 4 – TAKING RESPONSIBILITY When children are younger, as parents, we email, write notes and call their teachers and friends parents for them. As they get older, it is more likely to become their responsibility to do any of the following: Excuse themselves from sport. Call a friend to find out about homework. Send their teacher a message. Anything else school related. STEP 5 – ACHIEVING GOALS One of the fundamental skills for success is goal setting. Kids are never too young to learn this skill, as long as we keep it age appropriate and make it about bettering themselves and not about being overly competitive. This creates a platform for great bonding with your child, a time to find out what their dreams and aspirations are. It is also a good time to talk about their goals from the previous year and encourage them in the areas where they did not reach their personal targets and help them deal with disappointment they may be feeling as a result of this. They can use goal setting to do well in school, sports or any other areas that they wish. The long term benefit is that kids who learn to set goals while they are young, will grow up knowing how to set and reach goals. As adults this could help them in areas of finance, work and personal achievements. Know what they want to achieve. Pick several goals for the coming year. Write them down. Work out their steps to achieve them. Put dates to the various steps. Write the steps in their diary so that they don’t forget to do them. Refer back to their goals on a regular basis. Reward themselves when they achieve them. Click to download the Goal Sheet STEP 6 – USING A GOOD HOMEWORK SYSTEM It is essential to be organised at school or college. Most working people, even top managers use some form of diary or organisational system. Learning a good system now will help your child later in life. There are various different formats of homework diaries available and most do the job, but an effective system will make all the difference. The School / Student Sorted™ Planner is a system that can be used at school, college, university or even kept on their desk at home to help your child manage their time. Here are some of the features of the School / Student Sorted™ Planners: Homework is viewed one week at a time – this gives the learner a good idea of what is needed each week. There is a key on the left hand side of the diary page, which can be broken down into different subjects and sport or extramural activities. This means the daily pages can include sport, extra murals, breakdown of projects, assignments & studying, personal commitments, goal steps and any other school activities like camps, tours, school photos, etc. and is flexible enough to customise to suite each individual. It has time sheets for summer, winter and exam times. School time table. Year planners for the current and following year. Sheets to break down

March 15, 2016

Know Your Values, Make Better Decisions

Ever made a decision and you felt a little unsettled by it or can’t understand why you don’t feel comfortable in your workplace? It could be because where your values are concerned there is a mismatch. What do I mean by this? Every person has a set of values, that we know, however what we often don’t realise is that: We are not always consciously aware what our values are Values change over time When we are consciously aware of our values we make better decisions When we are uncomfortable in the workplace it is often because what is on the wall, neatly framed as the company values and what happens in practice are not one and the same So what are values? Values can be defined as the principles or standards of behaviour, one’s judgement of what is important in life, effectively your internalised rules. As kids we are raised within a certain set of values. Some of these we internalise as our own, some we rebel against. The same applies as we mature, what was important to you in your 20’s usually changes with age and life experiences both positive and negative. The glitch is when we are not consciously aware of, what our values are. Most people don’t think of sitting down every now and then and taking stock of where they are or completing an exercise which allows them to be conscious of their values. Being consciously aware of your values allows for the following: When you make decisions that affect your life, you use your values as a tick list ensuring that your decision is congruent with who you are. It is as simple and as complex as that. The complexity is because in every situation we find ourselves in; external factors often play too important a role in our decisions. Let me give you an example: In my previous career I was an HR Professional. Now one of my top 3 values has always been Integrity. For me Integrity is not negotiable. In HR you often have to balance the needs and demands of the company versus the needs and demands of the staff. Fortunately much of what I had to deal with is very neatly encapsulated in various pieces of legislation. The problem for me would be when directors choose to ignore legislation because it does not suite them. To me contracting outside of the law or infringing on rights is not negotiable. The result of this is a very uncomfortable working relationship. The solution, moving on, why, because staying meant having to follow through with actions that were to me unacceptable. It eats away at you. It can even cause illness. Working in an environment that clashes with your values saps you of energy. The constant internal conflict creates a very unhealthy state of being. This is where you have to make a choice, either you acknowledge the clash of values and work around that or you find somewhere else to work. I would suggest the latter. Value clashes is something we deal with everyday, it’s what causes most of the problems in relationships and I believe in our society as a whole. Why? Because people often do not respect the fact that everyone around them has a different value structure. Most people are not even aware of the fact. Judgements and assumptions are made. It becomes a vicious circle of misunderstandings. Now that is all fine and well. You don’t want to be one of those people, so where do you start? By knowing what you top 5 values are. Yes do probably have more, however, when you start focusing on too many decision making becomes a little complex. Knowing your values also allows you to take a look at where your life is going. For example. You might find that were you are right now you are in debt. Money may not be one of your values, and that is fine, however, it may be a good idea to consciously make it one of your values so that you can be more aware of your financial position and get rid of your debt in a planned manner. To help you along, I have created an exercise for you. Yes, it is a little time consuming, yet once done you will feel that you have achieved something worth while. Now that you are consciously aware of what your values are, use them to make better decisions. Complete this exercise at least once a year, more often if you have a life changing event. Download this month’s exercise by clicking the link below CLICK HER to view this weeks exercise – Know Your Values exercise

March 11, 2016

How Parents Can Support Early Childhood Development

Research shows children who have parents who are actively engaged in their educational lives, do better. This is especially true when talking about early childhood education. Yet many parents have no idea of how to get involved. As a parent development specialist and a person well versed in Early childhood , I think there are 3 ways parents with a young child should be involved with their child’s education. 1) Be willing to learn about and understand the difference in the way young children and older children learn. 2) Ask about ways you can help and support children’s learning at home and do them. 3) Make time to volunteer in the centre in the ways they need you to be involved. ~Be willing to learn about the difference in how younger and older children learn Young children learn by actively observing and then acting out what they see. Young children from age six months to five years watch, listen, and learn. Children are natural observers. However, children really begin to learn as they act out their observations. We in early childhood call this acting out play. Many parents not understanding the difference between acting out observations and play for enjoyment tend to see early education as “just playing”. The truth is your child is learning through acting out a variety of situations they have observed over their young years. Early educators use observations, knowledge of child development, and open ended questions to help children link their observations with the skills they need to prepare for life and school. Older children who can think, talk, read, and interact with others use those skills to learn and play becomes a chance to unwind. Play no longer is the primary tool for learning. Older children have developed other skills they use for learning. ~ Ask about ways you can support your child’s learning at home and do them Early childhood learning involves discovery, pre–skills, and learning from the world. Teachers use the classroom setting to help children learn and grow. Parents can also do activities with their young children which can promote discovery, curiosity, and observation. Making cookies, jello, and cakes can help children to observe changes which are made by adding cold or heat. Asking open ended questions can help children make the observations. Example: when we put the jello in the refrigerator we could pour it like water now we can’t. Why do you think that happened? Your child’s teacher will have more suggestions for you. Remember when you do them with your children you are supporting their growth and development. ~Make time to volunteer at your child’s centre in the way they need you to be involved Every child care centre needs volunteers for things to run smoothly. Sometimes they need someone to help kids into jackets to go outside. Or they may need you to help serve lunch or snack. Sometimes you could be asked to help to decide on a committee which effects the whole centre. For instance, you may sit on a playground committee deciding to resurface the ground. Please give your full attention no matter the task and you will not only be appreciated. You will become a part on the centres’ community. This is ultimately your goal. Parents are a vital part of whole education process. Using these three suggestions as your starting point will help you to begin engaging in your child’s educational growth.

March 10, 2016

Installing Discipline In Your Child Through Play

Children are wonderful human beings, flexible in the way they are taught what is right from wrong and so dependent on the guidance of a figure which they trust and respect. The ultimate foundation you can lay for a child is leading by example and not forcing a child to do anything he or she does not want to do, may it be a sport, a chore around the house or even going to the mall with you. Only leading by example is what you can do, because if you force a child to do something he/she does not want to do willingly, they may hate it for the rest of their lives or even blame you for it. The key to willing submissiveness can be installed through play, children enjoy playing and they thrive best where they are comfortable and in their happy zone. Some children may have stronger resistance to listening or doing what you want them to do, but each child’s temperament and character is different and should be honed into to get the results the child feels happy with and they feel they can be themselves without any unnecessary pressure or competition. The environment the child grows up in or surrounds him/herself with, is an important component in their growth and development. If your child attends a pre-school, and spends most of their time there, they should feel save, comforted and stimulated. The teachers should lead by example, because that is the authoritative figure the child interacts with on a daily basis and if possible, the same manners should be installed at home and at school, not to confuse the child and for the discipline to be congruent. At home, there may be a single parent or more, the dynamics of a family plays a vital role in how the child reacts to or re-enacts to a certain situation. He/she may be acting rebellious towards a certain parent and to the other totally submissive. The reason for that kind of reaction could be because they feel save with a certain way of authority/discipline and the situation is predictable and boundaries are visible throughout the discipline process. When you perceive that you child is acting up or being difficult, perhaps re-position yourself to their level and become one with their child-like way of interaction and playfulness. They will soon realise that a paradigm shift has taken place and they may automatically feel much calmer and open to what you have to say or demonstrate. Providing age appropriate play and stimulation to your child is imperative to how they understand and perceive what is right from wrong and which boundaries could occasionally be crossed without a harsh scolding or smothering their every move. If you and your child are in a battle to find a midpoint where both feel frustrated and guilty most of the time, feel free to make an appointment for a healthy mediation session.

March 9, 2016

Counteracting Anxiety in Children

“Feel free & live your life” “I’m scared they won’t come back” “Don’t believe everything you think” “Act the way you want to feel” “A happy child is a thriving child” Symptoms & Signs of anxiety in your child Symptoms could range from physical to emotional and have various onsets whereby the duration could vary from time to time. Physical symptoms may be non-verbal signs like nervous fidgeting more often than usual, showing aggression which is out of character like shouting, tantrums and showing frustration. The child acts different than usual, may show more tiredness, stomach aches, muscle tension, trouble sleeping, sudden nightmares, restlessness during waking hours, irritability and lack of concentration Emotional symptoms: Acting more emotional than other times, excessive worry most days of the week, more sensitive and crying more often, defensiveness and some reactions could be unexpected. Things that could play a role or could cause anxiety: Genetics Brain Biochemistry Worries Onset of an event Panic attacks Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) Overactive flight-fight response Stressful life circumstances Learned behaviour Bullying Death of a loved one Divorce of parents A child with a family member who has an anxiety disorder has a greater chance of also developing an anxiety disorder Possible ways of counteracting Anxiety in your child Notice the signs early on in child’s life to prevent any further development of anxiety Once you have identified the signs if is recommended that you have a conversation with your child to figure out why child has become anxious and what are the cause/causes of his/her behaviour Worries could feel like a burden to a child and could also affect their social activities and interactions with their peers. It could create feelings of being overwhelmed & feeling out of control, that is why it is crucial to make the child feel save to communicate and build trust Children worry about their sudden fear and sometimes do not know why they feel the way they feel and also feel confused and isolated These problems can affect a child’s day-to-day functioning with reaching goals and concentrating on daily tasks. These children could be misunderstood and misinterpreted most of the time. One should work patiently with the child to reach a positive outcome Help your child cope Acknowledge the problem Provide support in an unconditional way Talk openly with your child about how she/he feels in a non-judgemental way Provide comfort, communication and assist child to cope with feelings and assure child that he/she is save and loved Remind child that letting go of fear and obstacles, it makes room for fun and enjoyment Your child could overcome any obstacle and also learn additional coping skills in how to cope with new future challenges on the way A therapist could look at the symptoms in-depth and also confirm, diagnose and create a plan to help child with coping and with future onsets.

March 4, 2016

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Many of my clients ask me “How do other couples manage to have happy relationships?” thinking that they are the only ones in this world that are at loggerheads with their partner. My answer is simple: There is no such thing as the perfect person or perfect relationship. Rather, it’s how perfect can you be for each other and for the benefit of your relationship? Those couples that you think have it all together or have the fairytale relationship have learnt how to deal with the ups and downs, or what I call ‘speed bumps’, in a healthy constructive way. No two individuals are the same. We have different upbringings which influence and shape us into the person we become as an adult and determine the type of relationships we forge with others. This includes elements such as culture, spirituality, beliefs, emotional awareness, values and outlooks on life and more. Couples need to have real honest discussions up front at the beginning of their relationship in order to avoid surprises later. These discussions need to include topics such as: values, beliefs, spirituality, parenting, financial matters, household chores, career aspirations and life goals. This helps to manage the expectations we have from our partners in that they need to take care of our every need and desire and make us happy. They do not. Happiness comes from within. Yes we can help others grow and learn but ultimately we are responsible for our own happiness. If couples do not keep the connection going through communication, spending quality time together, establishing relationship boundaries, working towards common goals and having respect for each other and their relationship, over time there will be no relationship. Every couple experiences speed bumps, it’s normal as your relationship progresses through the different phases of the relationship cycle. As you settle into your relationship you both grow and evolve as individuals and so too does your relationship. Emotional intelligence is integral to having healthy relationships. Having the capacity to understand, manage and verbally express your feelings with your partner is invaluable and key to your relationship success. The good news is these skills can be learned, but if the person you’re with has no interest in developing their emotional intelligence, it will be a bumpy road. Society has stereotyped many of us in to not expressing (let alone acknowledge) our emotions. Particularly men and boys, they are taught to suppress and avoid feelings through labels such as ‘cowboys don’t cry’ and ‘men are supposed to be tough’. Often men withdraw because they are overwhelmed by emotions and don’t know how to talk about them or how to soothe themselves. They withdraw in order to get away from what they are experiencing and what they are feeling. It always amazes me how we are prepared to invest so much time, effort, energy and resources into areas of our lives such as the car we drive, the house we live in, our career and material assets. Yet we don’t think much further than our wedding day as to what it takes to sustain a relationship and only grudgingly invest when the divorce courts are looming…. So what are some of the ways that couples succeed at their relationships? They understand that communication is the key to a successful relationship They accept that relationships involve work and are prepared to do what it takes for the benefit of each other and their relationship They are willing to accept another person for who they are; their views and opinions even if they don’t agree with it They accept that some problems will never be resolved and would rather focus on the good stuff They’re willing to put someone else’s interests before their own and see a different perspective They’re willing to work through the challenges and find a win-win outcome They’re not looking for someone else to complete them, they are already comfortable with who they are as an individual They’ve realised that no one is perfect, not even them They are ready to be real and vulnerable with someone else They’re not prepared to quite or give up each time they hit a speed bump It’s the small steps you take each day that lead to your success in the long term. Everyone can have a happy relationship if they are prepared to do what it takes.

March 3, 2016

Who Can Discipline My Child?

The older our children get, the more they interact with the world at large. And the more they interact with other people out there, the more likely they are to run into other people’s rules and values. So is it ok for someone else to discipline your child? And what should you do if you don’t like how they do that? Well, whether your like it or not, other people are going to react when your children challenge their values or push buttons on their own unresolved stuff. This is neither good not bad – Children will learn that everyone has their limits and they will learn about the natural consequences of interaction with other human beings. Every household will have it’s own rules based on the values of the people living there. This is part of learning how to socialise – seeing that other people have different values and ways of being can help a child to broaden their horizons and see different perspectives. And the same goes for having other people’s kids over to your home – if someone else’s child seriously challenges your values or pushes your own unresolved buttons, you are likely to react whether you want to or not. And obviously if a child is harming you or your child you need to intervene. I think it is totally appropriate to discuss the ground rules of your home with a visiting child or his/her parents. This way everyone is clear from the outset of what is ok or not in your home. It may help to remember that with children under 10 it is most likely that their highest value is around play. Keep the kids busy with good games and suggest new ones when tensions rise or boredom sets in and they shouldn’t get up to too much nonsense! If you disagree with the rules laid out in someone else’s home or even at school, I would simply discuss this with your child as a way of pointing out that other people have different rules based on what is important to them and based on different situations. This is normal, and it does not mean that the same things will be allowed (or not allowed) at home. Obviously if someone handles discipline in a traumatic or degrading way, you will need to address this and/or keep your child away from these people in future. Handling this appropriately comes down to your confidence as a parent and as a human being. You need to learn to speak up for yourself and speak up for your kids. You have every right as a parent to be specific as to how you want your child to be treated. It may help to find out what triggered the discipline in the first place. If you can figure out what boundary was crossed or what value was challenged, you may be able to explain both to your child and the offending adult what just happened and how it can be avoided in future without the need for discipline. It is all about open and respectful communication. An adult who feels that they have been heard and understood is more likely to listen to your alternatives. The other place that you may need to address other people disciplining your kids is at home with your domestic helper, nanny or au pair. It is important to discuss with your nanny what you have decided as a family are the boundaries and allow her to follow through with this. The one thing I would add would be that the nanny should also have the right to her own boundaries and to be treated with respect. I have seen many children speaking abusively to a nanny with the parents watching on and not intervening. Children in these situations will learn to treat some people as less important than others and not to treat all people with respect simply by virtue of them being human. Your children do need to branch out from home and learn to cope in a world where you will not always be there to step in for them, and where the rules are not always going to be the ones that you have agreed upon as a family. This is an important part of their growth and socialisation, and unless it is abusive, it’s time for you to take a nice deep breath and let them go forth and learn!

March 3, 2016

When your older child acts out over new sibling

The behavior of our 2 year old has changed drastically since we brought our new baby home a few months ago. He’s been hitting us and having enormous meltdowns. We’re afraid he’s going to eventually hit his baby sister. What do we do?! Chances are real good that your 2 year old son may be suffering from what’s known as “dethronement.” For the last 2 years he’s been the center of your attention and the apple of your eye, but now you’ve brought home another child and he’s probably trying to let you know how he feels about this new addition to the family and he’s feeling “dethroned.” Often times in my seminars I address the issue of dethronement by asking all the women in the audience to close their eyes for just a moment and make believe that their husband arrives home one day with another wife. She is younger and cuter than they are and he asks them to share their jewelry, kitchenware, and other items with the new wife. This immediately invokes laughter and growling from the audience. I then ask them what they would feel like doing to the new wife. As you can imagine, the responses I get are not very nice! It’s not much different for a toddler or preschooler, or even an older child for that matter, who are suddenly asked to share their parents with a new child. It’s normal for them to have this feeling of fear that there is only so much of Mommy and/or Daddy to go around, so I had better get all that I can before my siblings do. This can create many new behaviors in the first child, such as hitting, frustration meltdowns, anger, and revenge. Some children may even revert to becoming a baby once again to regain the attention they once had; with baby talk, wetting their pants, or even asking to wear a diaper. A common behavior in young children is the one you brought up in your question; hitting the parent. First let me encourage you to not take it personally and simply see it as your child being mad at you. They have not yet grasped the ability to communicate their emotions effectively to others, and quite frankly, I know of many adults who haven’t mastered this either. Have you ever noticed how sometimes doors are slammed, dishes are placed on surfaces with greater force, and footsteps are heavier than normal, all for the benefit of someone nearby to let them know how mad we are at them. A young child hitting a parent is their way of saying “I’m mad at you,” or “I don’t like how things are going right now!” The first step is to talk to the child when they are NOT hitting and set up the boundary. Get down to their eye level and remind them of the most recent hitting incident, and let them know that hitting is not OK. Tell them that if they feel mad and feel like they want to hit, give them permission to hit an inanimate object such as a pillow. One mother I know even took her 3 year old on a special shopping trip just to buy a “hitting pillow”. They brought the pillow home and decorated it together with a bulls eye mark. Next, role play with the child when they are in a great mood so they will know what to do the next time they are feeling mad. The message you want to send is that it is OK to be mad but it is NOT OK to hit. Now that you’ve done the setup for the situation, the next time the child acts out and begins to hit you, tell them that you can see that they are mad and are not allowed to hit you. Gently guide them to the hitting pillow or bring it to them and allow them to take their frustration out on the hitting object. This may take a few times for them to get the message and learn a new behavior, so be patient and loving all the while. To truly heal your child from feeling dethroned, find some creative tasks or new responsibilities for them to feel more like a big brother or big sister to the new sibling. Look for possibilities for the older child to have special responsibilities that only they can do. Many years ago at a parenting workshop, I suggested to one young lady the idea of teaching her 3 year old son to become the “Diaper Bag King.” Within the first 3 months of bringing home the new baby, she noticed that his “meltdowns” of frustration began to grow and it seemed to occur most often when she was busy getting the baby ready to go somewhere. Following my suggestion, she took him shopping alone one day and allowed him to buy his own diaper bag. Then she stopped to have lunch with him at Burger King, for the main reason of getting that paper crown that is given out to children. When she arrived at home she explained to him that he would have a new job in the family and taught him how to pack the diaper bag with supplies for his baby sister. For the next several days she role played with him the new routine each day. They would pretend that it was time to go somewhere with the baby, she would call out loud for him to hear, “It’s time for the diaper bag king.” His instructions were to put on his shoes and coat, put on the crown, pack the diaper bag, and then wait by the door. All week long he dragged the bag around, begging to go somewhere with the paper crown on his head. The day arrived for a real trip across town and she told me he exploded with excitement. He became more cooperative and the meltdowns stopped!

February 25, 2016

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