Advice Column - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Travelling with your children

What’s the one job in the world, that doesn’t pay a cent, has no formal working hours and doesn’t offer you any time off? You may have guessed it, parenting! Despite what the critics might say, parenting is by far the most influential position you’ll ever find yourself in. The perks of watching your kids experience snow for the first time or to see how their eyes light up at the sight of a real medieval castle is priceless. With so many places to see and so little time, travel specialist, Pentravel’s CEO Sean Hough suggests ditching the map book and saving yourself hours of tedious research plotting your route through Europe by rather choosing a family coach guided holiday. Especially designed with kids in mind it could save you from whinge-worthy moments, like “are we there yet?” or “this is so boring!” Kids just want to have fun! For families who love to mingle, a coach tour is the ideal setting. With free Wi-Fi on board and anywhere from 20 to 25 other children for your kids to socialise with, its pure heaven. Although the tour is open to children between five and 18 years old, Hough suggests the ideal age is from ten to sixteen. Tour directors know how to stimulate young minds by offering dramatic and animated descriptions of sights. In the UK, expect visits to Harry Potter movie sets and overnighting in a real castle. Feel like a celebrity. If you were to rent your own car and travel through Europe, its most likely that poor old Dad will be the one driving around the block several times looking for parking before having the backbreaking job of offloading all the bags and carting them to the hotel. On a family coach guided holiday, you’re given the red carpet treatment and delivered to your hotel’s front door, while your luggage magically appears in your room. Absolute bliss. Experience a destination like a local. Blending in with your environment makes travelling far more relaxing and authentic. There is nothing worse than being harassed by a local haggler who triples the price just because he knows you’re a tourist. Tour directors are experts in local tourism and will show you the best places to eat real authentic Italian pizza that won’t cost you an arm and a leg, or where to find the prettiest spot to watch the sun setting over Paris to avoid big crowds. Stop counting your pennies. For budget conscious travellers there are no hidden costs when you choose a Guided Holiday. Before you leave South Africa, you and your family can decide on which additional tours or sights you want book. Border crossings, ferries, toll gates, gratuities and entrance fees are all taken care of before you leave home. Plus you are exempt from standing in line at a monument or museum and can walk right to the front of the queue. University of the World. It’s one thing learning about the Invasion of Normandy during the second World War from a text book and actually standing on the beach looking out across the English Channel with your kids while they rattle off details about the day the invasion unfolded. And then the enormity of a glacier in the Alps can’t be fully grasped by reading a text book or watching a video, however standing on it as it moans, creeks and cracks will be a moment that moves you forever. Show and tell will never be the same. When the kids go back to school, just imagine the show-and-tell moment, when they display selfies on the smartboard taken with a guard outside Buckingham Palace, or share stories about the day they spent at Gladiator School in Rome learning how to handle a sword and spar just like an ancient Roman gladiator. There are many ways to create lasting family memories but a family Guided holiday will change you and your kids’ lives forever. No longer will stories just be words on a page and is bound to change the way they learn and grow as young people. To see the world through their eyes is priceless but it will be them bugging you to book their next holiday even before you touch down. To find out more about the 2016/17 touring season contact Pentravel www.pentravel.co.za or follow on @pentravel. Bookings made before 27th September are based on 2016 rates minus 10%.

October 24, 2016

Punishment And Your Children

Punishment is a tool designed to make a child “pay for what they did” and to feel bad about the way they acted. The belief is that the bad feeling will stick with them and motivate them to not repeat the behaviour or action. But punishment has side effects that can create more problems for the parent then they originally had. For example, making a child feel bad can backfire and motivate them to hide and lie about their mistakes. It can also damage the parent / child relationship. Think back to your own childhood and remember a time when you were punished. How did you feel? How did you feel about yourself at that moment? What did you want to do as a result of the punishment? How did you feel toward the punisher? I’ve asked these questions numerous times in my workshops and not once did any adult say they felt good about anything in that moment. We now know that making a child feel bad about what they did affects the way they think and feel about them self. You wouldn’t buy one jacket to fit all of your kids, and you wouldn’t take one prescription pill to fix every sickness you come down with, so why would you use one form of discipline for all behaviour situations. Each situation requires a different solution. It’s not easy being a parent today and knowing what response should be used with every challenging behaviour. And it’s hard for a parent to change habits when they don’t have the right skills to replace ineffective techniques with more effective ones. That’s why I believe that parents should commit to becoming a life-long student when it comes to raising children. There are many great books that offer successful strategies and lots of parenting classes and workshops offered in the community. Begin by looking up information on, or getting help with, consequences and using them to replace punishment. A consequence is much more respectful to the child and can have longer lasting positive effects on him or her and the behaviour. And a consequence does not always have to be about the child; it can be about the parent. For example, if the child uses words that are hurtful to the parent or the child hits the parent, the consequence could be that the parent makes a strong statement declaring a refusal to let anyone hurt them physically or verbally, and then leaving the area where the child is. This type of response demonstrates (and teaches the child) about keeping them self safe from being hurt. The consequence is the child losing access to the parent in that moment. For example, the parent could say, “I don’t let anyone hurt me,” and then quickly walk away. In this example, there was no need to do anything to the child, resulting in a higher level of learning on the part of the child. Having trouble believing this? Try it the next time your child acts out this way.

October 20, 2016

Bonding with your baby

Every mother will tell you that one of her deepest unspoken fears, particularly for first-time moms, is whether or not she will bond with her baby. It goes without saying that bonding with your baby is essential to your baby’s well-being but it’s essential to yours too, whether you’re mom or dad. Experts refer to the intense attachment that you develop with your baby, as bonding. It’s that all powerful feeling of deep love and protection for this little being who has come into your life and crept right into your heart. Some parents feel this bond almost immediately, others take a little longer. In the past, it was felt that spending as much time as possible with your baby, will help with the bonding process. However, researchers now understand that bonding can take place over a period of time. This is evident with parents who are separated from their babies soon after delivery for medical reasons or for those parents who adopt their children. “There’s so much discussion about bonding with a new baby that mothers often feel guilty if they don’t feel some incredible attachment to their new baby immediately,” says Edward Christophersen, a pediatric psychologist in Kansas City, Missouri. “But bonding is truly an individual experience, and it’s just as reasonable to expect the bond to develop over a period of time as it is for it to develop instantaneously.” What can make bonding quite difficult is that babies don’t show emotion and this can make it more difficult to make that connection immediately, and if it doesn’t, don’t worry, it most certainly will. Here are some things you can do to bond with your new born baby: Skin to skin and eye contact is a great start, with the Babylegends Hugseez Baby Wrap it becomes so easy. Baby is wrapped securely and feels safe and gets to sleep close to your heart. Breastfeeding – Not only is nursing ideal time for skin contact as well as being very nutritional, but it’s also an exercise in baby-reading. One of the great benefits of the Hugseez Baby Wrap is that you can feel comfortable whilst breastfeeding in public. Pay attention to your baby – Check out baby’s facial expressions and body language while they feed. By paying close attention to your baby’s facial expressions and reactions, you’ll become an expert on their likes and dislikes, whether it’s a song or a smile that makes them perk up. With the Hugsee you will be able to pay close attention to your little one because they are so securely wrapped and close to your face. Baby will fuss much less in the wrap, and it will give you the opportunity to pay 100% attention to your little infant child. Let Baby sleep close by – Letting baby sleep close to your chest will help with the bonding process. With the Hugsee this is such a comfortable exercise, you can go about your day, while your little one sleeps soundly on your chest, hearing your heart-beat and your breathing. Get Dad involved – Dad’s can’t breastfeed, but they can: Cuddle, change, and bathe baby Burp baby after you breastfeed Take the night shift (You get sleep and he gets special bonding time.) Sing, talk in funny voices, play, or engaging in any way that only daddies can Wear the Babylegends Hugsee Remember that the Hugseez Baby Wrap Carrier can be purchased directly from Baby Legends website. Go to www.babylegends.co.za to find out more.

October 20, 2016

It’s okay to fail!

From very young we are taught that getting something wrong is a bad thing. Mistakes are something to be ashamed of and chances are some form of punishment followed a failure. This follows through into the working environment. We are all too aware when emails do the rounds in an effort to deflect blame when something goes wrong. We’ve all been in meetings held specifically to “find the culprit” rather than finding a solution and putting a process in place to prevent the same thing happening again. Inevitably, our kids get to hear about this because we talk about it at home. They learn through us that making mistakes as an adult is just as much of a problem as when you are a kid. What this means is that throughout our lives we are sensitised to failure being a bad thing. Sadly this often leads to people not trying anything new because of the “What if I fail?” voice that lurks in our minds. Failure means the end. A favourite quote of mine by A.P.J Abdul Kalam says this: “If you fail, never give up because F.A.I.L means “First Attempt In Learning”. End is not the end, in fact E.N.D means “Effort Never Dies. If you get No as an answer, remember N.O means “Next Opportunity”. So let’s be positive.” As parents we need to teach our kids about the positive side of failing at something. It means that you have at least tried. It means that you have an opportunity to look at a process and make a change so that you can do better next time. It is a chance to learn something about a situation and about yourself. Being a parent you need to walk the talk. Our kids need to see how we fail and what we do to pick ourselves up and turn the situation around. We need to be the ones who model the concept of “Effort Never Dies”. And yes, this moist definitely applies to test and exams. Sometimes all the effort does not show in the results. Instead of berating our kids we need to take a step back & assess what has happened. Is there something happening at school that is creating anxiety? Is your child possibly not using the best method for them to study? Are they leaving their studies to the last minute? And yes this applies equally to sport. You might have been the A –team netball player, that doesn’t mean that your child will be too. Allow your child to try out all of the sports possible until they find what works for them. Of course there is a big difference between putting in the effort and failing and not putting in any effort and failing. As a parent you know when your kid is not applying themselves. Before getting upset with them, try and figure out why they are not applying themselves. It’s very easy to lose the plot. I know I’ve had to pull myself back from the edge on a number of occasions. The key is to remember what it was like being a kid, take the time to understand the developmental phase your child is in and work with that. Let’s not make the mistakes of the generations before us. Let’s encourage our kids to try everything, find what works for them and encourage them to excel in what they love.

October 18, 2016

Take time to reflect

While most parents spend considerable time preparing for the beginning of the school year, not much thought is given to the end of the year. For the most part, both parents and children are simply thankful to have survived another school year! However, helping children wrap up the year on a positive note, and encouraging them to reflect on what they have gained – knowledge, friends, skills – will leave them with a sense of pride and accomplishment. For example, if your child struggled in a particular area at the start of the year, the last school term offers a good opportunity to celebrate how far he has come. You can also talk about what was easy and what was hard, what was enjoyable and what wasn’t, and which part of learning was fun and exciting! Here are a few suggestions for ending the year on a high note: Celebrate: Help your child create a list of things that he is proud of. Consider what it took to achieve these successes, and encourage him to keep working hard to achieve his goals. Say thanks: Let your child write a note to his teacher/s. While they may have had some ups and downs during the year, writing a sincere note of gratitude to a teacher is a meaningful way to end the school year. Stay in touch: Encourage your child to make plans during the final term to stay in touch with his friends over the holidays. This will help maintain the strength of the relationships he worked so hard to build during the year. Unfortunately, the end of the school year is also accompanied by certain losses. While saying goodbye is never easy, school goodbyes provide (repeated) opportunities to help children acknowledge and express loss, which is vital for their emotional development. The end of primary school, in particular, marks a major shift in a child’s life and can be both exciting and terrifying. Your child will have to say goodbye to teachers who made a lasting impression, but more importantly, he will have to say goodbye to friends who may be going to a different high school. As peer relationships have become quite important by this point in a child’s life, this transition may be particularly difficult for children to deal with. Allow your child to reflect on what he will miss, but also talk about the benefits of moving on. Support your child by keeping conversations about his feelings – both positive and negative – open. So, as the last day of school approaches, try not to get too caught up the end of the year rush! Make time for your child to reflect on the year’s achievements, experiences and feelings. Impak is a curriculum provider for home, tutor and school education. Visit www.impak.co.za for more information.

October 17, 2016

I spent my Mother’s Day plotting how I can become a more selfish mom

Like most moms out there, my plate’s more than full. I’m a wife to an amazing husband who I fall in love with daily (well, most days anyway). I’m a mother to an incredible, happy little human being whom I just adore. I’m a daughter, a daughter in-law and a sister to a loving, slightly crazy, ever-growing family. I’m a Creative Director to an advertising agency that likes to keep me on my toes. And I’m co-owner of Mammas’ Meeting Place, which I guess one could call my other baby. I am all these things to all these people. And all these people require some form of emotional investment, time, thought, energy and effort from me. This I give willingly and happily. But being so many things to so many people means I have no idea who I am to myself. There simply isn’t enough time, thought, energy and effort left for me. I’m not alone in this. Many moms I talk to, no matter their situation, feel stretched beyond recognition. It’s the blessing/curse of being a mom. Putting others before themselves. Giving up their time. Their money. Their sleep. Their food. Their gift cards. Their clothes. Their yoga classes… They give, give, give, give and give some more. But they never give to themselves. A mom’s ability to be selfless and multitask are her greatest superpowers, but it can also be these superpowers that ultimately kill her. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. You see, if you keep being a martyr, if you keep adding more, and more and more to that plate of yours, at some point it’s going to crack right down the middle, and everything you piled on to it, is going to come crashing to the floor. I learnt that the hard way. I recently spent some time in hospital. A short, agonizing stay that helped me gain a little perspective. I can’t say running myself ragged put me there. But it certainly contributed. So this is where all ‘this’ is coming from. This is why I spent the day that celebrates the Multi-tasking, Superpower-wielding Mom, plotting how I could become a more selfish individual.

October 14, 2016

Drawing Attention to #GlobalHandwashingDay

Global statistics reveal that 1.7 million children do not reach their fifth birthday caused by diarrhoea and pneumonia. This is a staggering figure particularly when you consider how simple it is to prevent diarrhoea and pneumonia. Regularly washing hands with soap is easy, effective and affordable; goes a long way to preventing infections and in turn saves lives. Handwashing requires only a small amount of water and soap with huge benefits, and Dettol SA through #GlobalHandwashingDay are placing much focus on the benefits and simplicity of handwashing. It is especially important to wash hands at regular key times ie after using the toilet and before touching food. This has proved to dramatically reduce the risk of diarrhoea and pneumonia – both serious illnesses that can result in death. Handwashing with soap will also prevent the spread of the influenza and Ebola viruses. Sadly, whilst soap can be afforded by most households around the world, research has shown that some of the world’s poorest households do not have access to soap due to financial constraints. Interesting too is that some of these very poor households who do have access to soap will more commonly use it for laundry, dishwashing or bathing and forego handwashing. #GlobalHandwashingDay initiative, is to create awareness around handwashing – the simplicity and cost-effectiveness of handwashing and the absolute benefit in the prevention of the spread of diarrhoea and pneumonia. #GlobalHandwashingDay initiative also aims to foster and support a global and local culture of handwashing with soap, and to shine a spotlight on the state of handwashing around the world. “Make Handwashing a Habit!” is the theme for the 2016 #GlobalHandwashingDay. This theme emphasises the importance of handwashing as a ritual behaviour for long-term sustainability. Changing behaviours to bring about the habit of handwashing is currently a hot topic and this theme taps directly into the water, sanitation and hygiene sector in terms of what they know about how habits are formed. Parenting Hub supports this valuable initiative #GlobalHandwashingDay and invite you to share this information and get involved where you believe you can. Send us a photo of your children washing their hands and your stories of what you’re doing to work towards preventing these awful diseases – diarrhoea and pneumonia.

October 14, 2016

Do your children know what integrity is?

Our children are the ones who have to live in this world when we are gone. They are the ones who will have to reap the consequences of the actions we take today and the decisions we make for the country and world. And their decisions will be a direct result of what we are saying and teaching them at home. So if you want them to live a peaceful existence, grow them in that direction. Don’t allow your opinions to muddy the waters of their minds. My youngest is almost ten. He is still small and impressionable and hopefully the impression I leave on him dents him in a positive way. But he watches me, more than he listens to me, and I know that when I “quickly check a message” in the car, I am inadvertently telling him that once in a while it is OK to glance at your phone while driving. When I am on the phone, and I say “I’m on my way!” when I have only just left, I am inadvertently telling him that it’s ok to twist the truth a little sometimes. When I tell him I will pick him up early today and he must skip sport because of xyz, I am inadvertently telling him it’s ok to sometimes shirk your responsibilities. The other day I was in traffic and someone cut me off, purely because she wasn’t paying close enough attention, my son said “Why didn’t you call her an old goat mom! That’s what you usually say!” It’s humbling to be called out for things you do that are leaving an impression. An impression you don’t really want to leave. I remember when I was studying developmental psychology, there was a cartoon in my textbook of a mom standing watching her little girl playing, and the little girl was sitting on her floor with her doll across her lap, giving it a spanking with a speech bubble that said, “I told you not to interrupt me when I am busy!” I remember the impression that left on me. And yet, here I am, fumbling through motherhood, doing what I believe is right. Mostly. If you ask me what kind of adults I want my children to be, I will tell you they should be happy, fulfilled, caring, kind people with ambition and integrity, and live passionate lives. But do I live that and model it every day? Am I modelling the type of adult I want them to be? Or is it a case of ‘do as I say and not as I do’? Do we have integrity? What we do and how we act, has more impact on them that what we say. So watch that your actions echo your words. Because your children are watching exactly that.

October 13, 2016

Protection vs Prevention: In disservice of the child

Let me begin with a flaming neon disclaimer. This is something of an opinion piece and needs be taken in such a light. Much of my experience comes vicariously through the clients who come to see me and to a similar extent through being exposed to various sectors of society in the other aspects of my work. I am always struck at the differences that exist in the experiences of those I come across. As always, our socioeconomic status will set the tone for the lives we live and this is always a consideration, so perhaps best to look more closely at those that are more in line with my socioeconomic status. I will never forget, working holidays and weekends during high school, a small girl, no older than 7 coming into our store with her parents to peruse watches and jewellery, only for them all to leave empty handed. As it turns out, they came back even emptier-handed than before. The young lady was in tears and inconsolable, as she had lost her cell phone somewhere in that shopping centre and they were desperately searching for it. HER cell phone, not her mother’s… On another occasion, a guy from my school, a few grades below me (maybe about 15 years old) walked in hand in hand with his father to pick out a replacement birthday watch, as he didn’t like what he’d been given. He complained and pouted until has father agreed to upgrade their purchase to a watch worth half as much as my first car. Dad capitulated and he withdrew from the verge of tears and smiled triumphantly. I was incredulous. I couldn’t even get my dad to buy me a ninja turtle action figure when I was 10, not without some bargaining, car washing and the like. By the time I was 23, I was on my way to work and travel in the UK and little did I know, about to have the world take me down a peg or two. Needless to say, I started to realise how lucky I had it under my father’s roof back home, with my air-conditioned bedroom, domestic worker and many of the other luxuries we take for granted as youth. Since returning and completing my studies, moving into practice and making a life for myself, I cannot help but look back on these instances, including my own and always compare how, by that age, my own father had done his basic training, served in the navy, found meaningful employment and was about to have his first child with my mother. Here I was, part of a whole generation learning with shock what the word “tax” meant. While the world is not what it was 30 some odd years ago, with many more stressors than before, I can’t help but feel that there is some imbalance in the way that we are treating our youth, some disservice we are doing them, by allowing them too much of a safety net. I know I am not alone in this, as I still meet clientele of the very age group in question, who feel inadequate and unprepared for life when they leave tertiary education, because they have seldom had to do for themselves those things that are so essential to daily living. Not knowing how to rewire a plug, run a washing machine or change a tyre at 23 years old is not something they are proud of. For those of us who know what a meme is, there is one I saw that will forever exemplify my thinking. It shows a top picture of the Normandy invasion of 1944 with the caption “in 1944, 18yr olds storm the beaches to defend democracy,” underneath it shows a clearly adult child having an emotional moment, stating “in 2014, 18yr olds need a safe place ‘cos words really do hurt”. While extreme as mentioned before (I don’t ever want to see my son in combat fatigues), it still feels like there is a gap between protecting our children and preventing them from experiencing life and learning valuable lessons. I know that going forward, I will always try to protect my child until he can do so for himself, but never want to prevent him from learning a valuable lesson where and when he can.

October 12, 2016

Looking after your little one’s skin during summer

Summer is just around the corner, and the chance to “unwrap” your little one from their layers of clothing is very tempting. Their little arms and legs have been encased for the past few months having them resemble sumo-wrestlers every time they waddle around. “Summer is the time when little ones can explore without the constriction of too many clothes, and being busy and exploring is what every little child needs for their development. It’s their job to keep busy, and our job to protect them while they are – and this includes looking after their skin,” says Su-Marie Annandale brand manager for baby skincare range Krayons. Annandale provides four tips on how to look after your little one’s skin this summer: Don’t forget a high SPF sunscreen. Your little one has been protected for the past few months from the harsh rays of the sun and it is important that you are aware of how much time they are playing in the sun. Applying a sunscreen often throughout the day is imperative, and even if you think that there is little chance of them getting sunburned still apply the sunscreen. A sweaty baby is normal during summer. When it is hot our little ones are going to sweat, but this does not mean that they need to be bathed all the time. Too much bathing can dry out their skin especially when the bath temperature is too hot. Use skincare products that moisturise and do not dry out the skin. Use a mild soap such as the Krayons’ Creamy Baby Soap Bar enriched with moisturising aqueous cream or the Krayons’ Mild Baby Soap Bar infused with pure baby petroleum jelly to give extra care to baby’s skin when bathing your little one. Gently Pat them dry so as not to remove too much of the moisture and then finish off by massaging in Krayons’ Aqueous cream. Keep them hydrated. Your little one’s body is made up of 60% water and their skin is the largest organ they have, which needs water to be kept hydrated and healthy especially during summer.

October 10, 2016

Nurture yourself – nurture you child

We’ve heard it a thousand times: “look after yourself first and then you will be able to look after your children well”, but do we do it? As parents, and especially mothers, we can easily get into the habit of putting our children’s needs first to the detriment of our own. When you think of doing something pleasurable for yourself do you: a) feel guilty? b) dismiss the idea, it will never happen anyway? c) put it into the schedule so it works for everyone? d) do it no matter what the cost? Children learn how to be kind to themselves and others (including parents) by watching how their parents treat themselves. If a mother is able to calmly finish her reading/gardening/exercise without feeling pressurised to jump to every whim, the child will one day mimic these strengths. If a father has the ability to rest on the weekend, free from distractions, the child will see this and one day mimic this too. Why is it so hard to relax and nurture ourselves? In many families the pattern of mothers serving others first has been passed down through the generations. In other instances, it may be a reaction to what one thinks is expected of a parent. Whatever the reason, when you continue to neglect your own needs this becomes a habit that can be hard to discard. Parenting is about giving and guiding. For this very reason one needs to keep ones whole self well looked after in order to give and guide optimally. If you are on low fuel with your sleep, exercise, and relaxation, your emotional reactions will sooner or later turn into deep wounds. One can be fooled into thinking time is being saved or children are benefitting by continuously putting them first but studies show that the opposite is true. Do you feel like you are in a rut? Could you do with some Me Time but feel frustrated because you don’t how to make it happen? These feelings are normal but can easily be remedied with Brain Balancing. When habits in life are not beneficial and when emotions are unstable, it is a reflection of a chemical imbalance in the brain which then moves throughout the body. The Good News Brain Balancing is a simple solution that can turn your life around in a matter of weeks, days or even minutes… it’s up to you. When you understand how your body, mind and heart operate, separately and together, then creating harmony between these areas becomes easy. Likewise, you will more likely seek out that which serves you rather than continuously pick up the pieces after fatigue, anxiety, depression or insomnia has set in. Breathing is a brain balancing technique you can do anywhere. Yes, we do hear about this often but if done consciously it has the power to shift a situation from intensity to calm in a matter of moments. The next time you are in a tizz trying to juggle your kids lives plus your own, take one minute to stop and focus on your breath. Breath in deeply for four counts and out for four counts. Notice where your inhalation ends. If it’s in your chest, on the next inhale aim to take it slightly deeper into your body. If you feel it moving down into your lungs on the next inhale take it further into your belly. If it’s in your belly send it throughout your body. Whilst breathing deeply and slowly, put your intent on areas of tension and relax them with a conscious thought. After one minute, or more if you can, turn your attention back to the planning roster and now continue with your schedule. You will be surprised to notice how quickly your perspective changes after the brain and body has been oxygenated. Another effective, but more long term approach to nurturing ones self is silence. When you are given the opportunity to experience quiet, with no media or other distractions, your cortex part of the brain where thinking and decision making takes place, is able to process the past events. Studies reveal that when the brain rests it is able to integrate information quicker and easier. Likewise, silence breeds creativity and solutions. So if you are having a hard time wondering how you are going to be able to get away for a few hours of spoiling, start with twenty minutes of silence at home, even if it’s after the children have gone to bed. During this time focus on being, not doing. If you have to do something let it be of a right brain nature, such as drawing, knitting, doodling etc. Before you begin, ask a question, such as when can I take time out to go for a massage? Then forget about the question. After twenty minutes bring yourself back to the question and notice what answers come to mind. This exercise is a wonderful relaxation technique to wind down after the day and prepare for sleep. Would you like to learn many, many more experiential exercises for balancing your brain, your emotions, your relationships? Join Helen Hansen, Transformational Facilitator, for a live event where she will be sharing this knowledge. These skills are for life and they can be adapted and taught to children. The Brain Balancing Talk will be held at the Indaba Hotel, William Nicol Drive, Lonehill, Johannessburg on Tuesday 27 September 2017 from 6 to 7pm. Tickets are R100 per person at the door and if you book before 22 September you can bring a friend for free. To book contact Helen on 0724097664 or [email protected] (please note there is no .za in the email address). Visit www.helenhansen.co to see what else is on offer.

October 7, 2016

Look beyond the book

We all know why it is important for children to read, and that developing a love for reading from a young age has lifelong benefits. But many children regard reading as a chore, especially if they are forced to read things that they have no interest in. So how do you get reluctant – or downright uninterested – children to read for pleasure? The key is to not only find something that appeals to them, but also to look beyond the traditional book. Here are some alternative suggestions to encourage reading: Turn to technology Many kids are fascinated by technology, so why not use it to get them excited about reading? Reading books on a screen is just as valuable for your child as reading a traditional book, and books in electronic format have proved to be especially engaging for boys. In addition, e-books are readily – and immediately – available. Colourful comics For children with reading problems, graphics make it easier to follow the action because, even if the text is difficult, the visuals offer support in comprehending the story. In addition, the text is broken down into shorter, more understandable segments. Comics contain the same story elements and literary devices as narrative stories, e.g. characters, conflict, themes and symbolism, so these elements are embedded. Most importantly, comics are fun! You’re joking Joke books can be a compelling way to engage reluctant readers. After all, who doesn’t enjoy having a laugh? Jokes can provide a subtle exercise in reading fluency and, because comedy is all about timing (you may have to explain this to your child), he’ll want to repeatedly read his favourite jokes aloud to perfect his delivery. A for audiobooks You may think that as soon as your child learns to read on his own, he no longer needs to be read to. But sometimes children just want to relax and take it all in. So try audiobooks. Technically, they involve listening rather than reading skills, but when trying to encourage kids to read, it counts! Why? Because it builds vocabulary, it cements background knowledge, it supports comprehension and it helps children discover the magic of storytelling. Recipe for success For children who love to help out in the kitchen, recipes can be a fun way to practise reading skills. In addition to providing general practice, it reinforces other essential skills and helps build confidence. As an added incentive, why not break the rules a little? Almost no child wants to go to bed on time, especially on weekends, so give yours the choice between going to sleep at the usual time and staying up later to read a book. Ultimately, reading should be fun, interactive, and engaging (no matter the medium), and by thinking “outside the book”, your child may well find something that captures his imagination and sparks a lifelong love for reading.

October 7, 2016

Make a play for new skills

While robots are most likely do most of the mundane tasks that humans do today, they will never be able to fully replace human beings. Why? For one they can’t be creative and collaborate let alone function with emotional intelligence – and those are the skills that employees of the future will need more than ever before. That’s why schools are changing to focus more on these skills, creating learning environments to develop creativity and collaboration. Our children will most probably be employed in jobs that do not exist yet, and need these skills to cope with the changes predicted in the job market of the future. The World Economic Forum has identified these top ten core skills to master the jobs of the future: Complex problem solving Critical thinking Creativity People management Co-ordinating with others Emotional intelligence Judgement and decision making Service orientation Negotiation Cognitive flexibility Ironically, the i-Generation (i-Phone, i-Pad, i-Pod) should spend less time in front of screens and more time playing and exploring freely. Do you remember how you used to play? Creating houses and artefacts while playing in the mud, building cities in the sand, making marble runs using old boxes (now called recyclables), being send to the shop by your mom to negotiate the best price for five tomatoes, team play in the driveway – all these activities develop the skills so badly needed today. Unfortunately, school work and extramural activities allow children very little time to play freely. So, what about knowledge then? If robots will be doing all the thinking and remembering for us, why do children still need to study facts? Gaining knowledge through studying is more about just the facts that are learnt. Firstly, it requires discipline to study, a skill that any workplace needs. Secondly, remembering facts increase your brain’s capacity and makes you smarter. Balance, as with everything in life, is key. Give your kids enough time to explore and play freely, make sure that they gain the basic knowledge needed and practice applying that knowledge on a daily basis. If 55 creative, out-of-the-box thinkers applied for a position, I put my money on the creative, disciplined thinker who knows the answer to 120 multiplied by 90 without needing a robot’s assistance! *Five years from now, over one-third of skills (35%) that are considered important in today’s workforce will have changed. Is it not time to make a play for new skills? *Alex Gray, Senior Writer, Formative Content, World Economic Forum. Information adapted from https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2016/01/the-10-skills-you-need-to-thrive-in-the-fourth-industrial-revolution/

October 6, 2016

Make shopping fun with your Toddler

Shopping can be a complete nightmare for most parents with a toddler and we tend to try and fit it in when they not around. Follow these tips taken from the book Raising Happy, Healthy Children by Andalene Salvesen to make shopping fun. Before you go shopping, remember to feed your child, otherwise the sweet counter is going to look even more tempting, especially if they have a blood sugar dip. En route in the car, discuss the rules when we shop: We are not going to buy any sweets. Listen to mommy. Stay near the trolley. Making shopping fun You can play a game at home with them called Red light, Green light. When you say Green light they run, when you say Red light they freeze. Now try this in the supermarket aisles. Let them run ahead, then say ‘Red light’! While they freeze and giggle, you put your shopping into the trolley. As you get closer, say ‘Green light’ again. Repeat. Have them cut out pictures of groceries from a magazine and file them in a box. Before going shopping, have them take out their ‘shopping list’ pictures and stick them onto paper. Take this, as well as a pencil, to the shops so that when you find the milk, for instance, they can mark that off their list. This keeps them engaged as well as improving their matching skills. Allow a younger child to walk alongside the trolley ‘helping’ to get items off the shelf. Keep them engaged by talking about the different uses, colours and types of groceries. Explain that if they don’t listen or if they run off, then they will be put back into the trolley for ‘time Out’. Do this for two minutes, even if they scream the whole two minutes. Take them out again and say, ‘Right, stop crying and let’s try again’. Children usually love riding in those coin-ride cars or animals. Find out what a ride costs and have enough money in small coins for one ride. Explain to your children that after you have finished shopping, they will be able to go on a ride IF they have earned enough money. Explain that you will be doling out coins every so often for good behaviour. However, you will also be taking away for disobedience or fighting. At the end of the trip, either take them for a ride (even if it is only one of them that earned enough) or if there isn’t enough, they can save it for next time or buy a small fruit juice or something acceptable for the amount of money they still have left over.

October 6, 2016

How to handle a picky eater

Does your child turn their nose up at the sight of green vegetables? Or perhaps pick at their plate and only eat food smothered in tomato sauce? Well, don’t worry because fussy eating is very common and they will eventually pass through that phase. We used to dread dinnertime or in fact any mealtime when our children were toddlers. We would prepare healthy meals with care and include all the food groups and make the food look appealing. Most of these offerings were rejected or spilled on the table and the children would grumble that they weren’t hungry. It was difficult not to take this rejection of our culinary skills personally. What were we doing wrong, why were they such picky eaters? We decided to tackle this issue head on and did some research and came up with some of our own strategies. Be a good role model. It is quite simple. You cannot expect your children to eat healthy food if you don’t. Your child learns from watching and mimicking you. You may have to venture out of your own comfort zone of eating and try new foods yourself. Remember, you are being watched. Share it. Invite a friend or a cousin over who is the same age or slightly older whom you know likes to eat. Your child will catch on. Group feeding lets the other kids set the example. Include your kids in the prep work. Let them be involved in grocery shopping and food preparation. If they feel some ownership over the meal they may be more likely to eat it. Let them prepare and cook. Children are more likely to eat their own creations, so when appropriate let your child help prepare the food. Use cookie cutters to create edible designs out of foods like cheese, bread or cooked lasagne noodles. Give your” assistant” jobs like tearing lettuce, washing carrots or whisking eggs. Don’t rush meals. It is quite likely that your child is a slow eater and this is a good habit to encourage. Offer plenty of time to eat a meal. Praise them. Even if they just have small tastes of a new food congratulate your child. For a picky eater this little nibble is a great accomplishment. Ask them how it tasted and encourage them to have a bit more the next time. Respect tiny tummies. Keep food servings small. This less-is-more meal plan is not only more successful with picky eaters; it also has the added benefit of stabilising blood-sugar levels, which in turn minimizes mood swings. As most parents know, a hungry kid is generally not a happy kid. Minimise distractions. Make the mealtime table a relaxed and positive environment. Turn off the television during meals and don’t allow books or toys at the table. Stop the Snacks. Don’t allow snacks and juices for at least one hour before mealtime. If your children are hungry when they get to the table they may be more likely to eat what you put in front of them. Remember, when you serve snacks try and make it at the same time every day and keep them healthy! Don’t use sweet treat as rewards. This behaviour is unlikely to encourage your child to eat the food you want them to eat and can teach your child how to be manipulative with you. Eat with your child. This makes mealtimes more sociable and enjoyable. Ask them to give you a spoonful of their food and you can offer them some of yours. Show your enjoyment at what they have fed you. Try and have your meals at a regular time. Kids love that sense of routine. Be patient, it takes time to develop good eating habits. Above all have fun together and let children grow up believing that eating is a pleasurable experience.

October 5, 2016

Connect, Communicate and Care

In my practice I work with people experiencing suicidal thoughts almost every day. These individuals range on a continuum from low risk for suicide, to very high risk for suicide and the way I approach them differs greatly depending on their degree of risk. Some individuals are at low risk. They have thoughts of dying, but they have never considered how they would go about doing this and have no intention of following through with their suicidal thoughts. These individuals are not overwhelmed by hopelessness and despair and are able to find other means of solving their problems or dealing with their difficult emotions. Significantly, they are able to appreciate that life can get better and that whatever is causing the suicidal thoughts will pass. Importantly, these individuals are not abusing any substances and are not impulsive in their behaviour. They have stable and supportive relationships with significant others. A person in this situation does not require emergency intervention but it would be useful to help them gain professional help to assist them with the underlying feelings that are causing the suicidal thoughts. On the other side of the spectrum are individuals who are at high risk for suicide. These individuals have a very high degree of hopelessness and significant despair about their current circumstances and their future. They feel that life will always be emotionally painful and they long for the peace that death can offer. These individuals have thought in detail about how they will kill themselves and may even have researched various options. They might have started making preparations for their death such as writing letters to loved one’s and sorting out their affairs or giving away special belongings. These individuals may or may not have attempted suicide in the past. Also at high risk, are individuals who may not be as determined and organised as the above individual, but who are abusing substances and/or are impulsive in their behaviour. These individuals may attempt suicide ‘in the heat of the moment’. Especially concerning are individuals who feel socially isolated or whose relationships are characterised by a high degree of conflict. Unfortunately, people who are at high risk do not always tell anyone how they are feeling and they take action in private. Still, you might notice certain behaviour changes that could alert you to the fact that someone is suicidal. These include: Social withdrawal. An individual starts spending much time alone or isolated. In the case of teenagers, parents might notice that where their child was once spending time engaged in family life, their child is now isolating himself permanently in his room. To be clear, this alone does not suggest suicide, but can can be an indicator that there is a problem and it might be worth connecting and communicating with the individual in order to understand how they are feeling and why they are withdrawing. Giving away special belongings. Taken out of context, this might appear that the individual is being generous or sentimental and this very well might be the case. However, it is worth probing and finding out what is motivating this behaviour. Change in mood. A person who is suicidal is more often than not depressed. You may notice that an individual who used to be well put together and functional suddenly appears lethargic, sad, irritable or angry. They may loose interest in previously enjoyed activities and their performance in work or school might decline. They may appear slightly dishevelled and you may notice a change in their sleeping patterns….sleeping a lot more than usual or being unable to sleep. They may lose weight or alternatively gain weight. Expressions of hopelessness. Hopelessness is one of the strongest risk factors for suicide. Some people may be direct in their expression of hopelessness saying things such as ‘what is the point’. They may talk about death and dying. Or they may be more subtle. You might start noticing that they have stopped making plans for the future or that their attitude towards themselves has become very negative ‘I’m worthless’. Substance abuse. Substance abuse alone does not make an individual at risk for suicide. But, if they are experiencing thoughts of suicide or have an unstable mood, substance abuse can often lower an individuals inhibitions enough that they act on their emotions whilst in an inebriated state. If an individual is experiencing suicidal thoughts and using substances, they are at greater risk for suicide. Planning their suicide. Obviously if you find direct expressions of suicide you should take these very seriously. Letters, notes, evidence of research into suicide methods, stockpiling medication, accessing knives, rope, guns, or poison, should be taken very seriously and professional help should be sought immediately. What should you do if you have noticed these warning signs and are concerned that a loved one might be suicidal? As this year’s slogan suggests, connect, communicate and care. Do not be afraid to talk about your concerns directly to the person involved. I often hear loved one’s saying that they are scared to talk about it, in case they put idea’s into the individuals head or in case they are wrong and they cause offence. This is not the case at all. Talking about it can help the individual feel less isolated and more understood. This alone can make a significant difference but it can also enable you to assess the level of risk so that you can get the individual the help that they need. Questions to ask include: Do you have suicidal thoughts? Have you thought about how you would do it? Do you have access to the things required to carry out your plan? Have you decided on when and where you would do it? How hopeless do you feel about the future? If there are positive answers to these questions, the person is at high risk. Practically, it is important to remove any means of suicide – weapons, poison, medication, knives, rope to name a few.

October 5, 2016

How to improve your child’s fitness

Recent statistics show a rapid increase in overweight children – a reminder for parents to prioritise fit and healthy lifestyles. One of the contributing reasons is the excessive amount of time children spend in front of the television, and the unhealthy junk food consumed while watching TV. Since children are kept busy with homework and extracurricular activities during the school term; it’s a better idea for parents to consider ways in which fitness can be promoted during the school holidays – when kids often have no choice but to resort to technology for entertainment. Holiday camps are an excellent option. Fitness and outdoor activities are often a priority at holidays camps like Sugar Bay. Unlike boot camp, which implements a very direct and strict approach to fitness, Sugar Bay integrates fitness and promotes a healthy lifestyle in fun and creative ways through everyday activities at camp. Here are 6 ways which Sugar Bay holiday camp promotes a healthier lifestyle: Healthy Meals The kitchen staff and programmer take the utmost care in creating a daily menu that is on par with the recommended daily dietary requirements set up by the South African Department of Health. All meals are freshly prepared from local ingredients, and salads and fruit are available at every meal. Choose from a variety of outdoor activities There are no compulsory activities at Sugar Bay. Kids decide what they would like to do for the day, which is ideal since it ensures that they will enjoy the outdoor experience offered by any activity they choose. Sugar Bay offers over 100 activities, most of which are outdoors at the beach, in the ocean, lagoon, pool or on the fields. All activities promote mental and physical fitness. Some popular activities include: Surfing, paintball, rock wall climbing, bungee trampoline, dancing, kayaking, skateboarding, BMX, beach volleyball etc. Lagoon kayaking is a great example. Kayaking is an excellent all-round exercise that involves both cardiovascular and strength training. Campers first have to walk about a kilometer to the lagoon, and then participate in warm-up activities on the beach before they begin the activity itself. While kayaking, the kids play games which creates an enjoyable experience, without the competitiveness that is associated with sport. Limited junk purchases The tuckshop offers parents an option to specify how much their children can spend on snacks versus souvenirs. Since the children are served three healthy meals per day, this limit prevents children from purchasing too much junk food. The tuckshop also stocks a variety of healthy snacks, like dried fruit and nuts, to ensure that there are always healthier options available. Daily walks Everyday begins and ends with an invigorating exercise routine – walks along the canopy boardwalks. The cabins are a distance from the communal hall, which means that each walk to the cabin is a healthy dose of uphill exercise, and an energising opportunity to enjoy the fresh air and forest surroundings. Technology-free zone Camp is a technology-free zone. No one is sitting around with their cellphones, tablets or laptops. No one is missing these items either, because everyone is entertained by the company of friends and the endless options of fun activities. Camp shows kids alternative ways to enjoy themselves. Healthier, more active ways. It is for this reason then , that it’s important for kids to disconnect during the school holidays. Good rest Unlike boot camp, Sugar Bay ensures that campers get enough rest everyday. Bed times are allocated according to age groups, and everyone gets at least 8 hours a night. When there has been an exceptionally busy day, late-wake up times are scheduled. During the day, breaks are allocated between 30 minutes and two hours, so that kids can recharge between activities. Camp isn’t just a holiday away from home, it is the perfect opportunity to get your kids active, improve their physical fitness and encourage a healthier lifestyle while still having fun.

October 4, 2016

Spring allergies and breathing difficulties

While families are gearing up for spring after a cold winter, planning picnics and hikes with children, others are dreading the allergy season and the medical difficulties it brings along with it. Lets focus on the two most common respiratory related conditions children suffer from and are most prevalent in the winter and early spring seasons, asthma and croup. While both affect your child’s breathing and the symptoms may seem similar, the conditions are very different and often the methods treatment too. Lets start with croup. Croup is classified as an upper respiratory condition, which means, unlike asthma, the constriction of the airways happens higher up, in the trachea (windpipe) and larynx (voice box). It most commonly affects children aging from six months to three years however younger babies may develop it as well as children into their early teens, it is less common though. A virus called parainfluenza causes it. Despite the name it is not what we know as flu but can cause result in a runny nose, fever and cough. While this is the most common cause, allergies are also a trigger. Although croup is often a rapid onset, parents who are aware that their child suffers from croup can help prevent it by steering the child clear of known allergies such as dust, pollen, certain food additives such as Tartrazine as well as monitoring colds the child may develop. It is identified by a barking cough, horse voice and stridor (grating breathing sounds). If croup is caught early or a mild case is experienced, simply encouraging the child to inhale steam over a basin or in a shower may well ease the constriction. In more aggressive cases, a trip to the emergency room may be necessary for oxygen therapy and a course of corticosteroids such as prednisone. Do not play the “waiting game” as croup tends to worsen as the temperature drops at night. Remember to try keeping the child calm. They will be distressed and panic as well as crying often worsens the symptoms. Asthma on the other hand is a lower respiratory condition and affects the bronchioles (small tubes delivering air through the lungs). Asthma is considered a lifetime condition, especially is it develops in adulthood however children are known to “grow out of it”, however it may return later in life due to lifestyle changes or menopause. It is common for children to suffer from asthma if there is a history of it in the family however there are many other causes including pre-birth risks and environmental influences. Triggers are causes for attacks to take place and range from a cold, chest infection, environmental aspects such as change in season to allergies, emotional stress, open fires, mold and exercise and is identified by wheezing, coughing, difficulty in breathing and a tight chest Sadly asthma kills up to 45% of suffers before they reach hospital which is why, when symptoms develop and are considered “out of control” (an inhaler or nebulizer does not ease symptoms considerably), it is important that we take the child to hospital or call an ambulance timeously. Should your child have been diagnosed with asthma, it is imperative that we carry an inhaler on us at all times. For young children, a spacer (plastic adaptor) should be placed on the front of the inhaler to hold the burst of medication, as it is more difficult for them to synchronize their breath with the inhaler. Be careful not to confuse the two different types of inhalers. One is used when an attack is experienced; inhalers such as Asthavent or Ventolin are rapid acting and ease the constriction for almost instant relief and can be bought over the counter. The other is a steroid based inhaler such as Budeflam and is used for long-term treatment. This will not provide the relief the child needs in the case of an attack. Nebulizers are often used during an attack and provide similar relief as inhalers. The nebulizer is a machine, which reduces the same drugs you find in inhalers from a liquid form to a mist, which the child then inhales. Studies have shown that children under the age of five, using an inhaler with the correct spacer often benefit more than using a nebulizer. The inhaler administers a lower dosage of medication, however in a far shorter space of time, the nebulizers, which take up to 15 minutes to administer the metered dosage also has a loss rate of over 90% which means the child only inhales less than 10% of the medication versus the 10-40% when using an inhaler. This is not to say nebulizers are not recommended. They are great when dealing with a child who either refuses or is too young to inhale spay from an inhaler. Be aware that a rapid heart rate is also associated with the nebulizer and far less often with the inhaler. While the use of steam like in croup for treatment has never really been clinically proven to be effective, it may help some sufferers, but also worsen others so be careful if choosing to use this method. If you suspect the environment the child is in may be causing the attack, remove them from the environment as quickly as possible. Try and keep them calm and “coach” their breathing, crying may also exacerbate the symptoms. Always be prepared for known respiratory conditions. Both the conditions we have discussed, if not preventable, are treatable if the correct action is taken timeously. Don’t ever think you are being dramatic by calling an ambulance or taking a child to hospital if you are concerned. They are your children and quick, decisive actions and training will save their lives.

October 3, 2016

The role of parenting in raising tomorrow’s effective leaders

Marlinie Ramsamy, CEO of FranklinCovey South Africa, discusses ways that parents can teach their children the skills they need to become credible leaders The choices we make as adults and our attitudes toward life are often a reflection of our upbringing and the values ingrained in us by our parents. From the career path we choose to the person we decide to marry, the home environment sets the tone for what a person will go on to achieve in later years, which is why establishing a strong set of principles that govern your family is so crucial. Research has shown that children who spend more one-on-one time with parents, receiving positive attention and care in their formative years become more effective leaders and are more likely to achieve success in later years. However, modern-day life presents a new set of challenges for parents to navigate, including TV, console games, tablet computer and mobile phones. There needs to be a measure of self-discipline in order to help children achieve the goals that are important to their development. Successful athletes and entrepreneurs are great examples of the type of focus and determination it takes to achieve great things – a bit of TV may seem harmless, but mindless hours of television is a time robber that takes the attention away from bigger, more important life goals. Parents need to take responsibility for their families and the direction each member is heading towards to ensure good leadership qualities are instilled and nurtured in children from a young age. Parents should be constantly asking themselves how they are shaping the moral compass of their children, developing their ethical behaviour and promoting credible leadership. Do their children know what they stand for as a family? Do they know what they stand for in their personal capacity? All organisation regardless of size develop a mission statement, yet, the most important institution – the family – very rarely has a mission statement or even a vision statement. Work on building a structured framework to guide your family, including the following considerations: Develop a family vision with your and your children’s dreams in mind. This helps them to learn that they need not be trapped within their circumstances, change and growth start with a vision for your life. Create a family mission statementthat details the specific goals that everyone would like to achieve in three, five and 10 years’ time. A company takes great care in formulating mission statements to achieve business objectives, and the same principle applies to families. Be more conscious of your children’s needs.This can be difficult when you’re juggling a busy schedule, but understanding the issues affecting your kids and the goals they would like to achieve means that you are in a better position to help them solve problems or maintain focus throughout the year. This encourages confidence in children and the security of knowing that you’re there to coach them through the tough stretches. Have a set of values that applies equally to every member of the family.If honesty is a core value in your family, then do not hide important information or lie, especially to your children, as they are more likely to copy your behaviour than heed your words. If you want your kids to buy into the values you’ve set out then you need to be consistent – not only with them, but with yourself. Get to know their friends.Speaking to their friends and developing an open relationship with their peers gives you insight into what they are thinking, how they make friends and their decision making capability, and will give you insight into what they value in relationships. Keep lines of communication open.Try to create an ‘open door’ environment in the home, where children feel comfortable enough to speak to you about anything that is bothering them. Regardless of how you feel about the situation, don’t interrogate them, let them tell you what they want to. Keep your opinion to yourself. Seek first to understand.I’ve seen how ego and pride can cause a complete breakdown in communication between husband and wife, and it has the same impact on your relationship with your children. There’s nothing worse than feeling unheard and dismissed, especially among family. First, listen to what your child has to say, and give them the opportunity to say everything they would like to, before formulating an opinion. Your response needs to be cognisant not only of your values, but their feelings and the issues they face. It is by modelling good communication that you teach your kids about what it takes to be a leader, because only a good communicator can be a great leader. Be a good listener, listen with your heart, your eyes and your mind. I’m also mindful that circumstances differ for every parent – someone who struggles to make ends meet might not have the luxury of spending more than an hour or two of quality time a day with their children because they are working multiple jobs or travelling long distances to work. Even so, parents can still use the time they have to steer the family in the right direction and ensure that every member feels valued, loved and protected. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective families programme offers parents a systematic and holistic way to approach family life, allowing you to build the life that you all want – at work, at school and at home. It guides you on how to show your children that they are a product of their choices, and not their circumstances.

October 3, 2016

How to Avert a Parent’s Nightmare

Close your eyes and imagine for a moment that your child is now 16 years old. It’s a week night and he or she is stressing over a test at school the next day. They tell you that some friends are coming by to pick them up to go to the library to study for this exam. You trust that your teen is being truthful and you watch the car drive away, headed to the town library. But what happens next is a parent’s nightmare. Somewhere between your house and the library, your child’s friends discuss going to a party they heard about on social media that has no adult chaperones. Your teen objects to the idea but in that moment influenced by peer pressure, the group decides to go find that party and your teenager goes along for the ride. Your teen may be thinking that there is still a possibility that the library will be their real and final destination that night. Later that evening, the young party-goers begin pairing off and disappearing in rooms and dark corners of the house. Your teen is on their best behavior and ignores the fact that the crowd is thinning out. Suddenly, another teenager begins flirting with yours and the situation gets very uncomfortable. They are able to fend off the advances and moves to another room of the house, only to be approached by someone else. Reacting quickly, your child exits the house, sits down on the front steps, and begins to wonder what to do next. They think about going and finding the friend who drove the car, but quickly realize how awkward that could be. Then, your child calls you from their cell phone without hesitation. They admit to you not being at the library, apologize sincerely, and provide you with the address to come pick them up. Their last words were, “Please come quickly.” I bet I’d have trouble finding any parent who wouldn’t want this to be the outcome for a similar situation involving their teenager. So, in order for your (future) teen to feel comfortable taking this action in a similar situation, what would be required to exist in your relationship with your child? If you said trust, you’re right. In that trust, your teen would have to feel safe calling and being with you, not feeling fearful of repercussions to admitting they made a mistake, and feeling comfortable calling you for help. Now come back to the present moment. Want to know what you can begin doing now on a daily basis to ensure that your relationship with your children will be built on trust? Here are six things you can begin doing immediately. Listen More and Lecture Less. Announce an “open door policy” in your family that your children (and teens) can talk to you anytime, about anything, and without judgment, ridicule, or punishment. Remain Calm if You Catch Them in a Lie. Lying is normal for most children and a natural means of protection from parents who get angry and punitive in reaction to mistakes, poor judgment or misbehavior. Commit to NOT Yelling. No human, child or adult, enjoys being yelled at. It kills the spirit, fosters fear, and provokes fight or flight; your child or teen will yell back or ‘run away.’ Quell Your Anger. Understand your own emotions and do all you can to manage them. If you’re easily brought to anger, seek out professional counseling. Develop the habit of taking a timeout to cool down before speaking or taking action in the face of your child’s behavior. Apologize When You Make a Mistake. Tell your family that you are working on learning to be a calmer parent (and spouse). When you make a mistake and yell, spank or punish, take ownership for what you said or did and apologize for it. Provide a ‘make up’ to the recipient of your words or actions and acknowledge the fact that you’re a “work in progress.” Use Consequences Instead of Punishment. Punishment in response to a child or teen’s behavior is designed to make them feel bad for what they did. What makes consequences more powerful is that they are respectful to the child, they are reasonable, and they are related to the behavior in question. Consequences are also implemented void of anger and retribution, a feeling of ‘getting even’ with the child or teenager. Now I’m sure some of you reading this may be saying to yourselves, “I remember lying to my parents too, and going to the library was an excuse I gave. It’s no big deal.” I too remember going to parties in which there was no adult supervision. Our parents probably left us unattended more than parents do today, but the world seemed safer then. Let me caution you that things have changed and so have the risks. Thanks to the media, a more bold entertainment industry, the Internet, and more plentiful, harmful substances, our children, teenagers, and young adults are exposed to far more pressures and messages than we were, that promiscuous behavior, drug use and recreational sex are OK. A relationship between a parent and a child that is built on trust is one in which the child feels comfortable and safe to call the parent, even when they’ve done something wrong. What are YOU going to begin doing today to cultivate a relationship with your child based on trust?

September 29, 2016

Respect

A while back I was doing research & developing a workshop for an NGO on conflict. Amongst other things, it deals with certain areas that create conflict such as people’s different levels of motivation & value structures and is written with Life Coaching ethos in mind. The purpose is to give everyone attending the course a clear understanding that everyone around us has a distinctly different reality from our own and that it is as equally valid as our own. And so while I was working through the workbook as well as the required power point presentation it dawned on me that it is really is all about one a little word – Respect. As a whole human beings do not respect each other. While we understand & acknowledge the concept, in reality, life has become so intense and stressful that most of us are thankful when we make it through yet another day. Never mind your impact on the lives of others. So what if we started to change this? The big question of course is how, because this lack of respect has become an intrinsic part of our culture. What if we started with our children? We as parents, while providing security & guidance to our children should be fostering the principle of respect. How? By treating our children with respect. By allowing them to develop into who they are. By not belittling their efforts or enforcing our reality onto them. If more children grew up understanding who they were and being allowed to develop the skills true to themselves, can you just imagine what a difference it could make to the rate our children are diagnosed with various stress related illnesses. A bit dramatic you may think, however, a fundamental lack of respect eats away at the core of your being and feeling has to come out somewhere. Do you allow your child the freedom to close their bedroom door when they need their space? Do you respect their space by knocking on the door before going into their room? Do you give them the opportunity to express their feelings and ideas, no matter how young they are? Do you guide or do you dictate? As parents we are responsible for teaching our children respect & tolerance of different belief systems. We are doing them & our country, in fact the world the greatest disservice by teaching them that people with different values, culture, beliefs etc are wrong if they are different to ours. Why has human kind become so threatened by differences, instead of embracing them and seeing them as for what they are? Different. Not wrong or evil, just different. It of course doesn’t stop their. We need to put our words into practice & actively show respect for our extended family, yes that includes the mother-in-law, colleagues, people using the same road, people walking passed you. After all, our children learn by watching us. The age of do as I say, is long gone. Children today expect us to honour our word. Think about it. If we were all just a little bit more respectful in our day to day lives, what a difference it would make. Of course we are all going to have that bad day when all you want to do is rip heads off, there again, if you go back, acknowledge that you were wrong & say sorry, you have gone a long way to earn respect. You have modelled appropriate behaviour. What the other person chooses to do with that is in fact not your concern. They have their own reality to deal with.

September 28, 2016

Children and Play

It can often seem overwhelming trying to keep up with the many demands in our daily lives, and even more so trying to ensure we provide our children with the best. The best in quality time, the best support, the best in providing for their physical needs, in education and in intervention. With information at our fingertips through search engines and social media, it becomes even more overwhelming to keep up with what the best is. The information provided here is not meant to add to, or create, the sense of feeling overwhelmed, but rather to provide you with reassurance that you are doing your best, and that it is ‘ok just to play’. One of the best places to start with any attempt to encourage healthy development and giving our children the best, is to allow for plenty of time for our children to play. This is because for children, play is of vital importance in all areas of development. Therefor it is crucial for the child to engage in regular times of structured and unstructured play. The term ‘structured play’ refers to play that is led by the adult, generally a parent or teacher that has planned the play time with a purpose in mind. Unstructured play on the other hand refers to play that is led by the child themselves without the guidance of the adult. Both forms of play are of great benefit. Structured play can be used by the parent to encourage development in many areas, such as using a board game to teach turn taking and communication skills, or using a peg board to help your child to develop fine motor skills and pattern imitation. Structured play can also be used to help our child in an area with which they have difficulty, for example planning an obstacle course that involves crawling and climbing for a child who has difficulty with gross motor skills. Unstructured play in turn allows our children to explore the world around them, to develop their own imaginary worlds, to problem solve, to learn to take initiative and so much more. Both structured and unstructured play allows for parents and children to be creative, to have fun, to learn while enjoying each other and growing closer together as a family. Often times when children play, it may look like a mere period of fun between times of learning or ‘work’, but play is the child’s work, play is where a child learns to problem solve, to overcome physical and mental challenges. When children play, they develop without realising it, while your child is dressing the doll and talking about the dolly’s mommy, your child is developing language, social skills, emotional skills and coordination. When your child is pushing the car on his road map and telling you about his journey, he is developing his language skills, his social skills, his coordination, his direction skills and his planning skills. When your child is climbing on the monkey bars or swinging, they are learning how to coordinate physical movement, developing gross motor skills, they are creating pathways in their brain for learning new skills, they are learning social skills and communications skills, and they are improving their emotional health. Play is not only how children learn and develop, but it helps them to understand who they are and where they fit in in the world. Play is not only vital to the social, emotional, cognitive as well as physical development of our children, but also provides opportunities for parents to engage fully with their children. In the words of Margarita Tartakovsky “Playing with kids helps us experience the magic of play through their perspective. Remember that play [in adulthood] is important for all aspects of our lives, including creativity and relationships. Give yourself permission to play every day.” Skidz clever activity boxes aim to help parents and children to play, the programme is not to add more work, but rather to add to and support parents in learning how to play with their child. Skidz provide ideas for structured play for parents and children to learn, to grow and to have fun. References Swan, A (2011) Why children need more unstructured play. http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/07/children-un structured-play.html Rock, A (2016) What is structured play for young children? https://www.verywell.com/structured-play-2764980 Raising Children Network: Australian Parenting. Why play is important Tartakovsky, M (2012) The importance of play for adults. Psych Central. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/11/15/the-importance-of-play-for-adults/ http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/why_play_is_important.html Wallace, K (2015) How your child benefits from play. Baby Centre. http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-your-child-benefits-from-play_64065.bc

September 28, 2016

Raising Boys For My Girls

I’m the proud mother of two girls. It’s something I boast about – how easy going they are, how they amuse themselves for hours and can keep quiet when necessary and take care of their own basic hygiene. I know, you mothers of boys will throw it back at me when my girls hit the teenage years, but for now I’m gloating! The truth is, that having girls makes me more, not less, concerned with the raising of boys. I want my girls one day to find a man who has empathy and kindness and can work out relationship problems with maturity and is in touch with his emotions not bottling them up and then exploding. How little boys are raised has a lot to do with the kind of men they become. I’d like my girls to grow up into a society of great men. Here are, then, my tips on what you can do with your boys to help them become suitable suitors for my two beautiful daughters!! Make sure your boys have good male role models. Boys need to be exposed to men who are reliable, who treat women well, who are affectionate and playful and can handle and work through emotions and disagreements. This is particularly important if you are a single mom, and it does not need to be their dad. Uncles, grandfathers, godfathers, male friends… any older man who can show them, just by their way of being in the world, what it means to be a man. Be affectionate with your boys. All boys, regardless of their age, need hugs, kisses, cuddles and affection. You may need to pick your moments as they get older (not in front of their coolest friends perhaps), but everyone needs physical closeness. Boys who have a strong bond with their moms are less likely to be aggressive or defiant. A note on affection: Don’t only give hugs or kisses when they’ve done something right. Keep affection as something in it’s own right and not something you need to deserve. You are loved just because you are. Assist your boys in learning emotional intelligence. Girl’s grow up more emotionally intelligent because of the way they are treated, not because of some innate psychological difference. We tend to nurture girls when they’re hurt and ask them more regularly how they are feeling. For some reason parents are less likely to do this with boys and it stilts their emotional development and ability to discuss a range of emotions. We need to go beyond telling our little boys to “man up” if they get hurt. There is absolutely no evidence to show that boys who are cared for when hurt grow up any less masculine, strong or capable than those who are not. In fact, repressing emotions leads to all sorts of complications later on including aggression and depression. Help boys to find ways to express strong emotions without hurting themselves or others, help them to brainstorm solutions to problems, and reassure them that strong emotions do pass. Here again, it helps if they have a strong male role model with emotional intelligence. Help your boys to learn empathy. Avoid too much violent television or video games which can numb them to the feelings and effects of violence in the real world. Help them to get into the minds and feelings of others by playing games like “what if I were them?” If you’re watching a movie with your boys point out something that a character is going through and ask, “How do you think you would feel if you were in that situation?” Reading stories to them or encouraging them to read novels themselves can also build emotional intelligence and empathy as they become involved in the internal worlds of the characters in the stories. Help your boys to maintain a high level of self worth. Never label your boys – and that goes for good and bad labels. Everyone has two sides and all traits, and a good sense of self worth involves seeing both sides of yourself and loving yourself as a whole person. For that reason, limit the amount of praise you give too. Excessive praise can put unnecessary pressure on a boy to perform in order to feel loved. Self worth means being loved and lovable no matter what you do. Help your boys to figure out what they love and then to follow their dreams. There is nothing quite like pursuing someone else’s dreams to crush your self-esteem. Give your boys responsibilities and challenges. We all grow to our maximum when we have a combination of support and challenge. Help your boys to feel helpful and purposeful by trusting them to take on more challenges. And catch them doing things right. Boys are more often than girls caught doing naughty things or labeled as disruptive. Yes, they have loads of energy, they don’t keep quiet, they don’t sit still and they don’t always listen. This is a natural part of their development and they don’t need to be chastised for being who they are. Teach your boys to respect themselves and others. The easiest way to do this is to respect yourself. Don’t let your boys walk all over you or speak to you badly. Help them to see that you have needs and feelings too and that you will not allow others to degrade you. Have rules and follow through with consequences. If you are clear about the rules in your home and stick to them they will learn about other people’s boundaries and how to manage themselves out in the world. If the boundaries are constantly moving or unclear, they will learn to keep pushing. Help them learn how to make good choices. Again, following through with consequences is essential. If you’ve given them a choice and they’ve chosen one option, let them stick to that even if they don’t like the outcome. There are very important lessons in making mistakes.

September 26, 2016

The Art Of Communication

Chatting to your kids is not supposed to be habitual. Communication is an art. So if you want more than a habituated response you’re going to have to be a little more creative in your questions. “How was your day?” is never going to get more than an answer of “Fine”. I’d like to address this issue, because it’s impact goes beyond just not really knowing how your child’s day was to how they communicate with other human beings as they get older. Think about the proverbial cocktail party. When last did someone you’d just met ask you, “What was your most epic failure?” or “What is it that when you’re doing it you totally lose track of time and space?” Wouldn’t our interactions with our fellow beings be much more interesting, engaging and ultimately meaningful if we had learned as children to ask anything other than the obvious? Now the art of truly meaningful conversation requires knowing the person that you are speaking to and what is most important to them. Not so easy at a cocktail party when you’ve only just met (although a good incentive to find out quickly rather than lingering on small talk), but with your own child this should already be somewhat obvious. Whatever we most love is where we become extroverted in our conversations and where we have the least interest, we become introverted – chat to me about parenting and I’ll keep you up all night, what to me about rugby and I’ll be asleep in minutes. So while I’d love to give you a standard list of questions to ask your kids after school, you will have much more engagement with them if you tailor-make your questions to suit their particular interests. For example… If you child loves soccer, ask things like: If you were the world’s best soccer player, what did you learn today that could help you improve your game? If you were picking your ideal soccer team from the people in your class, who would you pick first? Who would you pick last? Why? Or if your child loves dolls, you could ask: If everyone in your class was suddenly turned into Barbie dolls, who would look the most ridiculous? What do you think your favourite doll would tell me if she had been in your class today? If your child loves reading, you could ask: What happened in the story of your life today? Who was the most interesting character in the story of your life today? What one thing happened today that you would add to a book you were writing? Or if your child loves Minecraft: If you turned everyone in your class into Minecraft characters, who would be villagers, who would be giant spiders, who would be creepers, and who would be skeletons? Do you think your teacher would survive if everyone in the class turned into creepers? If your child loves music, you could ask: Which song best describes your day? If you were making a movie of your day, which band would you get to play the soundtrack? Think about what your children love, what makes them come alive, and work on open ended questions that will help you to get more than a one-word response. Not only will you get some deeper insight into your child’s life, but this will also help your kids to engage more meaningfully with others as they get older. Win-win!

September 22, 2016

Kids are willing forgivers…

Today I had a long chat with a single dad, and he inspired me. He is about the most together, wise father I have ever had the privilege of talking to. His kids are almost grown now, but his approach to parenting really inspired me to write this article. He just gets it! He gets it in a way I wish so many of the parents who come to me for help would get it. We were chatting about parental responsibilities, and it was so enlightening to me when he said that kids just need the basics – like love and acceptance – and anything other than that they can forgive. Kids are willing to forgive. That was the lightbulb for me! He is so right. Kids are so willing to forgive. They will forgive and (mostly) forget, if you can just apologise, say you messed up, and then assure them of your love again. We also don’t always apologise. Not many of us think we need to apologise to a child. But we do. And we will be forgiven. And we will be closer. And we are modelling a valuable trait. It’s definitely a lesson we can all learn. Adults aren’t that good at forgiving. We hold grudges. We hold onto hurt and anger. We stay annoyed and injured, and all that does is hinder our own healing. Not so for a child. A child is so different. You can give a magic kiss… or a big momma bear hug… or take them to a park and play with them… or simply spend some quality time with them, and it’s all better. It’s totally forgiven. Just like that. They don’t harp on it, or revisit it. It’s done and over. They won’t bring it up again in a few weeks when something else happens … they just totally let it go. Amazing. And so simple. And they are better off for it. So stop stressing about whether you are doing it perfectly. None of us are. Most of us grow into parenthood as our children grow. Most of us are, to be honest, totally winging it most the time. My brother and his wife just had a baby, and each time I speak to them they are trying something new to get her to sleep… trying to discover that magic formula that works. But we all know that the magic formula may work one day… but then totally fail the next. It’s a process of trial and error. Forever. But there are certain fail safe constants… such as unconditional love and acceptance. Being honest and humble. Listening to hear, not just to appease. Being present. Allowing them to become the best little self they can become by bringing out the best in them, rather than trying to mould them into the person you believe they should be, or worse, the person you want them to be. And of course, completely loving whoever that person ultimately is. In the minefield that is parenting, those are the constants. And if you get those right, they will forgive you for anything. They want to. They are willing forgivers. Don’t forget that.

September 22, 2016

Hospital Plans

You know that sinking feeling when you go into hospital for a procedure believing you are covered? When it takes longer to recover from the shock of the bill than the actual surgery? Thousands of people who have health insurance are waking up to the fact that the term can be a classic contradiction. Far too many consumers are confused between the terms hospital plan and health insurance. This is not made any easier by the fact that health insurance is available in two forms – GAP Cover and hospital insurance. According to Dr Bobby Ramasia, Principal Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund, the National Treasury has been approached to make amendments to the Demarcation Act in terms of medical aid schemes and medical insurance. Currently, medical aid schemes and the hospital plans they offer are not considered as insurance because medical schemes are non-profit, strictly controlled and regulated by the Council for Medical Schemes and the Medical Schemes Act 131 of 1998. However, medical insurance policies are ‘for profit’ companies. The recommended changes to policy will also address when insurance is paid out – the industry is pushing for this to come into effect from day one as opposed to a waiting period of a few days. Medical Aid Hospital Plans A hospital plan provides you with basic, yet important medical cover. They differ from scheme to scheme but in essence this plan – regulated by the Council for Medical Schemes – includes cover for all your required in-hospital procedures and check-ups. So when you are admitted into hospital for a procedure or due to an accident or illness, your expenses are covered – within the limits set by your particular plan. You are required to cover almost all of the other day-to-day out of hospital costs (such as visits to the doctor, specialists and medicine). The law also requires that medication for 27 chronic conditions – known as Prescribed Minimum Benefits or PMBs – must be covered by all medical plans, including hospital plans. These include: Addison’s disease Asthma Bronchiectasis Cardiac failure Cardiomyopathy Chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder Chronic renal disease Coronary artery disease Crohn’s disease Diabetes insipidus Diabetes type 1 Diabetes type 2 Dysrhythmias Epilepsy Glaucoma Haemophilia Hyperlipidaemia Hypertension Hypothyroidism Multiple sclerosis Parkinson’s disease Rheumatoid arthritis Schizophrenia Systemic lupus erythematosus Ulcerative colitis Bipolar Mood Disorder However, at times there may be a shortfall between what the Plan pays and the actual tariffs charged by the hospital and specialists. You will be expected to make up the financial difference and this is where GAP Cover or a Hospital Insurance policy can help cover the shortfall. Health insurance The good cop GAP Cover as the name suggests, assists with additional insurance cover to help pay for the difference between specialist charges and the amount paid by the hospital plan. Again the amount of cover differs from policy to policy. Many consumers purchase GAP Cover in conjunction with a hospital plan to provide for additional cover, however it can only be used for specialist service costs and not general healthcare related costs. Bonitas says that the proposed amendments propose that GAP Cover includes any and all shortfall costs for health related services and products, ie, between the costs that medical schemes are obliged to cover and what is charged by the medical practitioner. GAP cover complements medical schemes – it has never been a problem as it covers the costs between medical scheme tariffs and benefit limits. It is legitimate and a good cover for shortfalls. The bad cop Hospital insurance is not a medical aid but rather provides you with cash benefits that are paid to you while you are in hospital due to illness, accidents or intensive care of convalescence. You are able to use the money however you please, to cover your medical expenses or daily household costs. In short, hospital insurance is: Governed by the Financial Services Act (Short-term Insurance Act) Does not cover Prescribed Minimum Benefits (PMBs) Can include Personal Accident risk cover such as disability and loss of limbs, inability to work, salary protection, death and/or funeral covers. Paid directly to the Insured Used in conjunction with Medical Aid Not tax deductible So why the bad cop? Firstly it is a set amount which might not cover your hospital or medical bills, leaving you financially short and, in many cases, it does not kick in until a waiting period of three to five days. You will be responsible for settling all your medical bills and although the thought of being paid R5 000 a day while you’re are in hospital sounds appealing, this usually falls way short of the actual costs charged by surgeons, anaesthetists and hospitals. Turning the bad cop good The new amendments propose introducing payment from day one rather than having a waiting period and, as with gap cover and hospital plans, hospital insurance will be far more regulated going forward to ensure the practical protection of a consumer’s medical needs. The best news though is that the guidelines are opening the door for collaboration between medical schemes and insurance providers to offer a broader product range. ‘We have seen a growth in health insurance products over the past few years,’ says Dr Ramasia. ‘This is mainly due to medical aid being prohibitive for low income earners. For those strapped for cash there are healthcare options though. We suggest you shop around for the best plan that covers your – and your family’s – healthcare needs and your pocket.’

September 22, 2016

Psychological study discovers new era of ‘digital best friends’, Kaspersky Lab reports

A third of consumers are willing to ditch their friends for their smartphone. Yet 93% willingly give away their smartphone PIN when asked – putting the safety of their ‘digital best friend’ at risk. An experiment, which asked participants to rate various people and objects in their lives in order of importance, has discovered that 37% of participants rate their smartphone as more, or equally, important as their close friends. The results of the experiment, which was conducted by the universities of Würzburg and Nottingham Trent, on behalf of Kaspersky Lab, show that smartphones are set to overtake friends in importance. The experiment asked participants to position images representing various people and objects in their lives, in relation to themselves on a diagram of a chessboard. While family, friends and pets were generally placed closer to the participant than their smartphone, many other significant people in the participant’s lives – including the people they work or study with every day – took a back seat in comparison to their digital companions. Nearly a third of participants (29%) said their smartphone was equally important, or more important, to them than their parents; while one in five set his digital device equal or even more important than his partner. 17% of respondents rated their smartphone in the highest importance category, although only 1% said their smartphone was more important than anything else in their life. Despite the value placed on devices as a source of entertainment, information and data storage, participants in a supporting experiment were more than happy to share their smartphone PIN number when asked, exposing access to all their personal and sensitive information. During the experiment, 93% of participants gave away the PIN to their digital best friend when asked. Astrid Carolus, Media Psychologist at the University of Würzburg, led the study. She comments: “Our phones are an integral part of our lives, and this study brings psychological proof of this. Our friend-like connection with our smartphones means that we place an incredible degree of trust in an inanimate object – so much so, that we consider it a closer and more important element of our lives than many other people. With this in mind, we were surprised to see that it was nevertheless very easy for us to get hold of smartphone PIN codes. We asked people to sit in a waiting room for a period of time, and then asked them for their body height and smartphone PIN code. Without much hesitation the vast majority of people gave it to us. This is worrying, because it suggests that we are willing to put our digital friends – and the data they hold – at risk.” Equating a digital device with human qualities is nothing new. Experiments in the 1990s found that people ascribed human traits to computers when interacting with them. David Emm, senior security researcher at Kaspersky Lab, comments on the security implications of having an emotional connection with a device: “Following on from last year’s study into Digital Amnesia – the phenomenon that suggests we forget the information we entrust to our devices – this latest experiment further proves the strong emotional connection we have with our phones. Another interesting finding was that people rate their smartphones as far more important to them as laptops or other devices that hold the same degree of information, highlighting the symbolic role our phones have for us as digital companions, forever at our side. Having this emotional relationship with your smartphone can mean your decision process when it comes to protecting the data stored on it is more limited. We already know many people forget to secure their smartphones, as they view them almost as an extension of themselves, and this can make them vulnerable to cybercriminals.” Ascribing more importance to our phones than real-life friends and acquaintances shows just how important it is to secure the information we entrust them with. Kaspersky Lab has been researching the social effects of digitalisation and how this makes people potentially more vulnerable to cybercrime for the last two years. An overview of the results is available at www.kaspersky.com/amnesia

September 21, 2016

12 steps to choosing the perfect pram for you & your babies

What kind of terrain will you be strolling on? For bumpy or twisty roads, or if you’d like to running, camping or hiking with your babies flexible suspension and sturdy wheels. Look for a pram with bigger wheels. Crowded city pavements or busy malls require good suspension and wheels, but make sure they’re not too big so you can easily weave in and out of the crowds. A smaller-framed pram is also better for navigating busy shopping aisles. Any kind of pram works for spacious neighbourhood with flat pavements- you’ll just need to take into consideration what other features you want your pram to have; for instance, do you need to consider extreme weather conditions? Does the pram have forward and rearward facing options Most from birth baby prams have both rearward and forward facing positions, since the period between birth and 9 months is vital time for your babies to be able to make eye contact with you, in a rearward facing pram, baby will be able to see you and hear your voice, which is very comforting and reassuring. Is your boot big enough? If you have a small car, it is not recommended that you buy a bulky pram. Remember you still need to fit the grocery shopping around it Are you strong enough to lift and shift the pram? Even though you are only lifting the pram between the car boot and the ground, make sure you are comfortable with the weight , especially when collapsing it and popping it back up again. Practice these moves on a few prams because some are easier to collapse than others the last is to be driven to tears as your baby cries, your pram won’t fold, and all your personal items go toppling to the floor Will your pram be part of a travelling system? You are going to want to take a walk with your little ones, so make sure you get a pram that can carry newborn’s. Some prams come with an optional newborn inner, so you can keep your car seat in your car but you can also get a carry cot for your pram if you prefer. Consider a pram that is part of a travel system, one that comes with a car seat, carrycot and base, A travel system ensures that everything is compatible an d you don’t to do a separate research for each of these items Is your partner much taller or shorter than you are? Make sure you both feel comfortable with the handle bar height of your pram. Some prams have adjustable handles, which is great, but if not, both of you should do a test drive and make sure you are not too hunched over How easy is the pram to clean? That seat is going to get dirty over time, so make sure it is easy to clean or has removable, washable seats, A darker colour hides stains better, but if you do choose a lighter colour ensure material is dirt and water resistant What accessories are important to you? Lots of Prams have optional extras like cup holders, umbrellas, rain covers, mosquito nets and toys and even buggy boards for your toddles to stand on. Toddlers find this very funny and it prevents you from getting whiplash looking for them in malls Does your pram offer shade? You need to think of the weather conditions you are going to expose your babies to, Do you like to go camping, hiking or for walks on the beach? If so, you will need a pram with a large and more resilient sun canopy One pram…. Or more? If you are a quite jet setter, then having more than one pram is a good idea, as you could leave your Heavier, bigger pram at home, them take a smaller, simpler, lightweight stroller with you on your travels Side by side or Tandem Do you want your babies to interact with each other as they get older ( and pull items off the shop shelves ) or do you want them one behind the other and you rotate who has a turn in front to have your undivided attention. Also look at shopping isles and fitting through them and the security at the entrance to shops. Triplet parents Do you want a triplet pram that is long and will become very heavy and difficult to manoeuvre as they grow up. When it comes to resale there are fewer people expecting triplets. You could either have a twin pram and a singleton pram or the triplet pram which does mean only one person needs to push it around.

September 19, 2016

Breastfeeding is key to sustainable development

Breastfeeding is a critical foundation for the 17 Sustainable Development Goals adopted by the UN General Assembly in September 2015. These goals are intended to end poverty and to fight inequality and injustice, to ensure that no individual is left behind, and to direct world-wide development onto a sustainable path. “Breastfeeding is not just vital for the health and wellbeing of infants, it is vital for the wellbeing of our society and our planet,” says Chantell Witten, Senior Lecturer/Researcher at the North-West University and Breastfeeding spokesperson for the South African Civil Society for Women’s, Adolescents’ and Children’s Health (SACSoWACH). “Breastfeeding saves energy and water, eliminates hunger, reduces pollution, increases earnings, and improves educational outcomes,” says Witten, “As such we need to ensure that we prioritise breastfeeding and support mothers because neglecting these duties harms our entire society.” A month’s supply of formula for an infant is estimated to cost R700, and this increases as a baby grows. This does not include the extra costs of energy and water consumed by formula feeding. In low income households these expenses can make the difference between the rest of the family eating sufficient protein or going hungry. This can exacerbate inequality and make it harder for families to depart from poverty. By contrast, the $35 Billion (R500 billion) breastmilk substitute industry uses enormous amounts of both water and energy and produces tons of waste. This is despite the fact that scientists have proven that “breastfeeding is nutritionally, immunologically, neurologically, endocrinologically, economically, and ecologically superior to breastmilk substitutes (BMS), and does not require quality control of manufacture, transport, storage, and feeding mechanisms.”2 Breastfeeding materially affects the long term earning and educational potential of infants. The Breastfeeding Series3, an evidence-based report published this year in the Lancet, found that “breastfeeding [is] consistently associated with higher performance in intelligence tests in children and adolescents.” This increase in intelligence quotient (IQ) scores is linked directly to higher earnings throughout adulthood. Breastfeeding also has long term health benefits for children. The Lancet reports that breastfeeding reduces the incidence of type 2 diabetes by as much as 35% and the incidence of obesity by 13%. This, in turn, reduces the burden on public health systems which frees up resources to be used for poverty alleviation.2 Despite all the benefits to both infants and society, less than 7% of South African mothers currently breastfeed exclusively for six months. As such SACSoWACH has committed to accelerate improvement in breastfeeding rates over the next three years, and to both support and monitor the South African National Department of Health’s efforts in this area. “Babies need ‘Mom Made’, not man-made – science proves this conclusively. Because breastmilk is not ‘free’, it costs time and commitment, we need to invest more in building a culture of breastfeeding. We need to support, educate and encourage mothers to keep breastfeeding for at least the first 12 months of their baby’s life,” concludes Witten. To get involved please visit sacsowach.org or e-mail [email protected]

September 16, 2016

Tummy Time

As a new parent, you have more than likely been told by your doctor that baby needs to always be on his/her back when being put down to sleep or take a nap. However, it is just as important that baby does spend time on his/her tummy during the day whilst awake and during periods of time where mom or dad can supervise. Babies now spend much of their days on their back on relatively hard surfaces – at night, in a crib or bassinet, or in a bed; during the day, in a pack and play, car-seat and stroller. All of this time on their backs can lead to a flattening of the back of the head. It also leads to weaker neck muscles, as the baby never has a chance to exercise their neck lying on their back. Because of this, baby experts and health professionals now call for a prescribed amount of tummy time for baby each day, allowing baby to strengthen their neck and take the pressure off the back of their head for a while. Since your baby will be spending so much time laying on his/her back, tummy time will help to strengthen their little neck muscles which will ultimately assist in achieving other physical milestones. So what is tummy time, we hear you ask? “Tummy time is when your infant lays on his (or) her stomach while supervised,” says Wendy Wallace, DO, a paediatrician at The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Care Network. Tummy time includes a variety of activities, positions, and routines to keep your infant spending a significant amount of time on his/her tummy. Whether or not they enjoy it, and it seems most don’t at first, your baby needs this time to practice lifting their head, then pushing up from the ground. Experts say that they have found that babies who don’t spend time on their tummy’s can experience certain development difficulties with their motor skills. Facing down is an unfamiliar position for baby and so it’s natural for baby to feel uncomfortable and perhaps even abandoned. And this is where ‘Baby Wearing” is proving to be more beneficial for baby. “Baby wearing” doubles as tummy time, and if you’re wearing baby for an hour, or a number of hours, each day, they receive much more exercise for their little neck and back than they would have during the prescribed amount of tummy time. The added benefit is that because baby is being kept of his/her back, there is less chance of developing a flat head. When a baby is in a sling, especially once they are in an upright position, which is possible from birth and ideal from four or six months and up, their core muscles are constantly engaged as their parent moves and goes about their day. Though baby’s body is well-supported, safe and secure in the carrier, small shifts in their parent’s body position cause them to shift as well, in turn strengthening their muscles. They also lift their heads to see or to turn their head, which strengthens their neck in the same way tummy time would. The Hugseez from BabyLegends is an absolute must for baby wearing. Manufactured in South Africa the Hugseez is highly recommended. It has been specially designed to carry baby against mom, in the most comfortable and comforting manner. Baby is kept close to mom’s heart and yes, dad can carry baby in the Hugseez too! Available in colours to suit your taste, you can visit www.babylegends.co.za to place you’re your order.

September 9, 2016

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viewed_cookie_policy	11 months	The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_ga	2 years	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to calculate visitor, session, campaign data and keep track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookies store information anonymously and assign a randomly generated number to identify unique visitors.
_gid	1 day	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the website is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages visted in an anonymous form.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_gat_gtag_UA_18530557_4	1 minute	No description
pron_ip	session	No description
pvc_visits[0]	1 day	This cookie is created by post-views-counter. This cookie is used to count the number of visits to a post. It also helps in preventing repeat views of a post by a visitor.
tk_ai	session	Gathers information for WordPress by themselves, first party analytics tool about how WP services are used. A collection of internal metrics for user activity, used to improve user experience.