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Parenting Hub

Review: Ben 10 Deluxe Omnitrix

Calling all Deluxe Ben 10 Fans!  This is a must that should be on your Christmas list this year! The Deluxe Omnitrix Ben 10 watch has over 100 phrases and Sounds and your little boy can transform into one of 10 aliens.  Not only do you have alien phrase button, the moving hourglass iris, the activation button but you can view your favourite alien on your watch! The watch has motion activation to play the alien sounds, you can press the button and turn the hourglass to summon your perfect alien! A boys dream come true. Whether encouraging play with your son by having him turn into XLR8, where he will become the fastest boy in town or having a extra fun playdate with a friend, this item will provide loads of hours of fun and play. I particularly liked that my boy was encouraged to use his imagination.  We have too many products on the market that no longer require this and getting back to basic play is what is all about.  What better product to do this with than with the Ben 10 Deluxe Omnitrix for ages 4 and over. For more information visit www.primatoys.co.za

Kath Megaw

Introducing Solids to your baby- a comprehensive guide

You may have fluctuating emotions when it comes to introducing solids. You may eagerly wait that first mouthful and be pinning a lot of hope on solids getting your baby to sleep better, while at the same time feel sad as the realization dawns that your baby is growing up. Many mistruths and myths surround when to start solids, for example: It is not true that you must start solids as soon as your baby has doubled her birth weight or when she is drinking more than 1 litre of milk a day. Nor does it mean that your baby is hungry because she has her hands in her mouth all the time at 4 months of age. Furthermore, introducing solids will not guarantee that your baby will sleep through the night. When solids are introduced too early, that is before 17 weeks of age, the immaturity of your baby’s digestive and immune system may increase her risk of developing an allergy.  The exact ‘right’ age for your baby to begin eating solids will depend on two main factors:  physical and emotional. Your baby needs to be both physically ready for food as well as emotionally ready. You will also have a sense whether or not your baby is ready to eat solids. Learn to trust this intuitive side of being a parent. Physical factors indicating your baby is ready for solids: Between four and six months old Can hold her head up Sits comfortably with support No longer satisfied with her normal milk feeds even if volume is at an age appropriate level Is unsettled between feeds during the day and is decreasing the time between feeds to 3 hours or less Demands more frequent milk feeds at night or suddenly start waking closer to midnight  again Weight gain may have slowed down The tongue – thrust reflex diminishes Emotional factors Starts to show an interest in foods Watches you eat – social eating Turns her head towards you while you are eating Mirrors your mouth movements by opening her mouth in response to your eating Shows excitement when watching others eat By 6 months it is critical to start introducing solids even if some of the physical or emotional factors are not obviously present. Babies are born with a store of nutrients. These are normally adequate for the first few months of life. Iron is an example of this. After the first 4-6 months your baby’s iron stores begin to deplete. Furthermore, milk is no longer an adequate sole source of iron and so you need to give your baby additional iron rich foods. Foods to try between 4 – 6 months: First veggies: baby marrow, gem squash, sweet potato Orange vegetables: butternut, carrots, pumpkin, sweet potato, Hubbard squash, potato Green veggie mix – spinach, baby marrow, gem squash, peas, beans Fruits: Apples, pears, peaches, prunes, papino, avocado, banana, mango, melon Quinoa porridge Maize cereal Maltabella porridge If you have introduced solids closer to 4 months then you will be able to introduce some protein foods just prior to 6 months. A good time of day Introduce the first solid meal at a time of day when your baby is happily awake, in the calm alert state. Choose a time of day when you are not stressed. The early evening is not always the most relaxed time in a household, especially if you have a busy toddler under foot. A good time is in the morning about half an hour after a milk feed and during ‘play time’. Making the first food experiences fun and stimulating will set the tone for many happy feeding times. Week 1: Day 1: gem squash, baby marrow and sweet potato (green veggie) mix. Steam or bake the above. Liquidize with additional water if necessary. In the beginning blend or mash the food. Freeze in freezer containers in 3tsp quantities. Day 1 – 3: Give 1 – 3tsp green veggie mix at midday at a happy awake time. Day 4 – 7: Introduce a second  veg group ; orange veggies: hubbard squash/butternut, carrots and parsnips/orange sweet potato mix. Give 1-3tsp orange veggie mix at midday and alternate with green veggie mix Optional Tactile: allow your baby to touch and feel a veggie that you have left over from the night before while feeding the solid mix Week 2 Day 1-7: Introduce a second meal at another happy time: Eg: Meal 1 orange veggie mix 1-3tsp Meal 2 green veggie mix 1-3 tsp Optional Tactile: allow your baby to touch and feel a veggie that you have left over from the night before while feeding the solid mix Week 3 Introduce a third meal of fruit Choose: apple, pear, mango, peach, guava, prune, avocado, paw paw (in season fruit) you can mix 1-3 fruits together or give individually Meal 1: fruit mix 1-3 tsp Meal 2: Green or orange veggie mix 1-3tsp Meal 3: Green or orange veggie mix 1-3tsp Optional Tactile: allow your baby to touch and feel a veggie that you have left over from the night before, while feeding the solid mix Week 4 Introduce porridge Introduce a grain food: Ideally cook from scratch like oats, quinoa, millet, spelt, maltabella, maize porridge. If you need to use baby cereal choose one that is not full of sugar, soya, cows milk protein or other additives . Soak 2 TBSP oats/quinoa/millet/spelt and 4tbsp water, cook in micro and make sure runny. Then liquidize and can also freeze Day 1 – 7 By now your routine will look something like this: Am:  milk feed Breakfast: 2 – 3tsp porridge + 1-3tsp fruit puree. Mid Am feed:  milk feed Lunch: 2-6tsp orange or green veggie mix Mid avie feed: milk feed Supper:  2-6tsp orange or green veggie mix Bedtime: milk feed 1-2 night milk feeds  

Parenting Hub

Your Child’s Hearing

Hearing is an essential part of development as it enables babies to take in information about the world around them. It stimulates brain development and is critical for language development. For this reason, it is vital to identify and address hearing difficulties as early as possible. By the 16th week of pregnancy, the tiny bones in the baby’s ears begin to develop. By the 20th week of pregnancy, the baby begins to respond to sounds. Loud sounds may even make the baby startle or move about. By the 25th week of pregnancy, the auditory system becomes fully functional. At this point the baby is able to hear your voice when you are speaking or singing. Studies have shown that after birth, babies are able to recognize songs that were sung to them while in the womb. Unlike the visual system where actual visual experience begins after birth, the auditory system requires auditory experience with voice and language, music and meaningful environmental sounds during the last 10 to 12 weeks of fetal life. A child is born with a mind that is open and ready to receive information through all five senses. The more information the mind receives, the better the child is able to understand and participate in the world around them. All five senses are tools for learning and communicating. However, the sense of hearing is the most critical for speech and language development. It is difficult to define “normal” hearing development when speaking about human beings as each individual develops in their own way and at their own pace. However, over the years, several researchers have been able to compile a guideline for general milestones for hearing development: A Guideline for Hearing Developmental Milestones Birth At birth, babies are able to exhibit a startle reflex in response to sudden loud noises. This means that they will stiffen, quiver, blink, fan out their fingers and toes, or cry as a response. They are often sensitive to a wide range of sounds, including intonation and rhythmic cues. At birth, babies are able to recognize their mother’s voice and often prefer the sound of their mother’s voice. Sounds of different pitches have different effects on the infant. Low frequency sounds and rhythmic sounds have a calming effect. Higher frequency sounds result in a more violent reaction. You may note an increase or decrease in sucking in response to sound. Three Months At three months of age, babies are more aware of human speech and will begin to attend to voices. They will also start to show excitement for familiar sounds such as approaching footsteps, running bath water, etc. At this age, babies tend to awaken or quiet to the sound of their mother’s voice and will vocally respond to their mother’s voice. They begin to imitate noises as they hear them e.g. ooh, baba. Most importantly, at this stage, babies begin to localize sound by means of turning their eyes toward the general sound source. This is a great time to introduce sound-making toys; as they begin to enjoy such sounds and will listen to bells and other sound-making toys near them. Four Months By four months of age babies start localizing sound by turning their head toward the general source of sound and they will actively search for human voices. Five Months At 5 months of age, babies are able to localize sound more specifically. They distinguish between friendly and angry voices and react appropriately. They will stop crying or coo is response to music and become very interested in human voices. At this point, they are able to discriminate between sounds of strangers and familiar people. Six Months By 6 months of age, babies specifically locate sound from any direction, such as the bell that is rung out of sight (downward localization develops before upward localization). They will respond to human speech by smiling or vocalizing and will turn immediately to their mother’s voice across the room. They may show evidence of response to different emotional tones in their mother’s voice. Their association of hearing with sound production is now evident, in that they repeat selected sounds that they have heard. Eight Months At 8 months of age it is expected for the baby to turn his head and shoulders toward familiar sounds, even when he cannot see what is happening. They begin to understand sounds and words in context e.g. responding to a telephone ringing, a human voice, his own name, “no-no,” “bye-bye“. It is at this point that they begin to enjoy games like pat-a-cake and peek-a-boo. They may respond with raised arms when their mother says, “Come up” and reaches toward the child. One Year At one year of age it is expected that the child will babble in response to human voice. His sound imitations indicate that he can hear the sounds and match them with his own sound production. He will enjoy various sounds like jingles and rhymes and show interest in environmental sounds that may even be beyond his immediate surroundings. The child will respond to simple commands (at first, only when the command is accompanied by a gesture), such as giving a toy on request or going somewhere as directed. At this age, it is expected that the child understands an assortment of action words (verbs) such as “drink“, “go“, “come“, “give“, as well as some simple directions such as “wave bye bye.” No real understanding of questions is shown at this point. Two Years By two years of age several hearing and communication skills have developed: Shows interest in the sounds of radio or TV commercials. Listens to reason of language. Listens to simple stories. Responds to command, “Show me the —.” Understands and answers simple “wh” questions, e.g. “Where is your –?” Responds to yes/no questions by shaking or nodding head. Waits in response to “just a minute.” Identifies five body parts. Understands family names by selecting appropriate pictures. Understands the phrase, “have sweets after lunch” Carries out 4

Parenting Hub

How to Communicate When Your Child is Away From Home

How do you communicate with your child when they are away from home for a prolonged time? Whether its for a sleepover holiday camp, school tour or even if they’re spending a few days at a friends house; the way you communicate with your children when they are away affects how much they will enjoy their away-from-home experience. More parents and children are reluctant to spend time away from home whether it’s for reasons that have to do with safety, homesickness or insecurity. However, it is important that parents don’t communicate their insecurities so that their children can enjoy themselves and long-term, so that they can grow up into independent and confident people. At Sugar Bay Resort, a holiday camp for kids and teens, we challenge both parents and children to write letters to one another the traditional way when at camp. We allow our campers to write a letter to their parents on the third day of camp. These letters are then scanned and emailed to parents, opening the door of communication between parents and their children. However, the parents’ replies are often very formal and lack the gist of a meaningful letter. Here are 6 tips when communicating to your children when they are away from home, whether it’s a letter or over the phone:  Focus: Find a private and distraction-free place to speak to your child so that you can really listen. They can tell when you are busy with something, or not listening, so don’t try to multi-task. Focus completely on your conversation or the letter you are writing. Avoid talking about home: Ask questions about where they are and what they have been up to, rather than talking about home life. It’s important to recognise that as a parent, your words play an integral part in homesickness. Always be encouraging and supportive: Encourage them to talk about their new experiences and what they’ve been up to, and support them when they share something new they did (especially when it’s something you don’t expect). Avoid too many questions: Too many questions will make your kids feel pressured to respond correctly, or write back more often than they would prefer to. Avoid heavy-handed disapproval or reprimands: This is certainly an unpleasant thing to come across in any letter. Let the kids know that they are missed: However, avoid getting too emotional. Tackle this with a change of topic. For example; persuade the kids to describe the new friends they made at camp. This will take the focus away from the emotional attachment which the word “missing” brings. Children love getting letters from home when they are at Sugar Bay camp. It makes them feel important and helps them realize just how much they are loved, overall, building up their confidence and courage to make the most out of their week away from home. Letters are also often a sentimental item that most kids will keep forever. Therefore, Sugar Bay has a dedicated email address which parents can use for these letters when their children are at camp. Take the time to hand-write a beautiful, meaningful letter or have a supportive conversation using the eight great tips above; because in this case, words speak louder than actions.

Tanya Fourie

Struggling with a teething baby?

It’s 3 ‘o clock in the morning and your baby just won’t settle down.  She’s been crying non-stop for the last couple of hours and after checking that’s she’s dry, fed and not in any way uncomfortable, you still can’t figure out what’s wrong with her.  Surely it can’t be that she’s teething?  She’s still so tiny! But yes, it’s possible – teething can begin as early as three months and continue until a child’s third birthday. Between the ages of four and seven months, you’ll notice your baby’s first tooth pushing through the gum line. The first teeth to appear usually are the two bottom front teeth, also known as the central incisors. Four to eight weeks later the four front upper teeth (central and lateral incisors), appear and about a month later, the lower lateral incisors (the two teeth flanking the bottom front teeth) will appear. In some rare cases, babies are born with one or two teeth or have a tooth emerge within the first few weeks of life. Unless these teeth interfere with feeding or are loose enough (as they sometimes are) to pose a choking risk, this should not be cause for concern. As your baby begins teething, she might drool more and you’ll notice that she wants to chew on things. Fortunately for mom, some babies find teething completely painless and their teeth seem to suddenly appear out of nowhere! However, others may experience brief periods of irritability, and some may seem cranky for weeks, with bouts of “unexplained” crying and disrupted sleeping and eating patterns. And you guessed it – that’s when you find yourself at 3 o’clock in the morning trying to calm a crying baby! For the most part, teething can be uncomfortable, but if your baby seems very irritable, talk to your doctor. Although tender and swollen gums could cause your baby’s temperature to be a little higher than normal, teething doesn’t usually cause high fever or diarrhoea. If your baby does develop a fever during the teething phase, it’s probably due to something else and you should contact your doctor. It has been said that teething symptoms are signs of physical stress which can lower your baby’s resistance to infectious agents that under normal circumstances would not produce illness. The same germs that live in a baby’s intestines and cause no ill effects, at other times could produce ear-aches, congestion, or other low-grade infections when your baby is teething. As parents look more towards natural healing, we have found Baltic Amber, which is a fossilised resin, can provide relief.  There are many gum soothing medications and remedies on the market and you should consult your pharmacist, local clinic or paediatrician to find a solution that best suits your baby’s needs. Stages of teething : 6 to 7 months – Incisors (situated 2 central bottom  & 2 central top teeth) 7 to 9 months- Two more incisors (situated top & bottom; making four top & four bottom teeth in all) 10 to 14 months – First molars (double teeth for chewing) 15 to 18 months – Canines (pointed teeth or fangs) 2 to 3 years – Second molars (second set of double teeth at the back)

Parenting Hub

Review: Little Live Pets Surprise Chick House

Excitement, excitement and some more excitement. Every child seems to love a “virtual” pet and if your little one is one of them, best you add this to your Christmas shopping list. Not only is there a great amount of anticipation in watching him hatch, but you get to do it over and over again. This particular Little Live Pets Surprise comes with it own chick house…. so i’ll start there. The Surprise Chick House is much like a little chicken coop. You can unlock and lock the door again, it has feeding trays so your child is encouraged to use their imagination and really bond with their little chick. Now your chick… (in our case we hatched Henny Penny, the Surprise Chick) The Little Live Pets Surprise Chick comes inside a plastic egg, after easily following the activate instructions, you place your Little Live Pets Surprise Chick in their home on the locator pin. Then the magic begins; you wait and listen as your little Chick taps and cracks the egg open revealing who they are and begin hopping out its egg. There are five Chicks to collect: Patty the Party Chick, Blossy the Daisy Chick, Tilly the Dancing Chick, Beaky the Rainbow Chick and Henny Penny the Sunny Chick. If you are lucky you might even find Lucky Clucky the Limited Edition Golden Chick. But the most fun starts when you start playing with your Little Live Pets Surprise Chick. The Little Live Pets Surprise Chick loves to hop and sing to get your attention, and when your child is finished playing he will be able to get his chick to settle down as well! Each chick has a built in “petting sensor”. This means that when you stroke his head he will calm down and sing a sweet song. Then… when you want to start all over again, you can place your chick back in the egg and start the whole process again. Its the chick that hatches over and over and over again! The Little Live Chick loves to hop, sing and jump his way around the room ensuring that your child is kept entertained for some time. For more information click here to read more about the Little Live Pets Surprise or visit www.primatoys.co.za

Fiona Rossiter

My Top 4 Tips For Raising Girls

There comes a point in your parenting journey, especially as a mom of girls and tweens or teens, when you are going to have to say no, to things they would like or would like to do. You may very well have to disappoint your children but part of your job, as a parent, is to protect and guide them! Especially in their teenage years, children need to understand what is appropriate and what is not! That a skirt may be way too short and that their make-up is too heavy, you have to teach them right from wrong. I think this is sometimes harder for the parent than the child because you do not want to come across as the “dragon mom” but at the same time, “rather safe than sorry”. What you have to understand, is that children will try and push boundaries and assert themselves, which at times means standing your ground and not giving in. You are going to have to learn to share – everything! Clothing, makeup, shoes, even your husband – a good Father Daughter relationship is so important! The Barney saying “sharing is caring” comes to mind but there is a limit to everything! I grew up with a younger brother, so I never had to go hunting for my stuff. As a result, I am not used to sharing! This has been a huge learning curve for me. I think the important lesson here is to teach your children about personal space and how to respect yours and maintain theirs – in other words “to stay out of your stuff!” There may be times when your girls make you feel insecure, intimidated and even a tad jealous {I can see a few eyebrows being raised!}. This is not necessarily a bad thing but it will bring you to the realisation that you are indeed human! It can be tough when they fit into that size 32 that is a long-lost memory for you! ;-), or when they achieve that A Grade that you always wished you could growing up. The important thing is to talk about your feelings, not let them overwhelm you and try to not live vicariously through your children – get your own “life”! It is important, actually vitally important, to always maintain an open, honest relationship with your children – girls need to talk even if they say they don’t! It does not always have to be a world-changing, deep, meaningful conversation – just a “Hi how are you doing?” is enough sometimes! It often feels like you are unable to “get through” to your children but you can be assured that even if they do not appear to be listening to you, they are “hearing” you. So do not ever give up, keep communicating and you will get through to them!

Paarl Dietitians

How Heart Healthy is your Family?

Heart disease or medically referred to as cardiovascular disease refers to any disease of the heart and blood vessels. The most common ones are diseases of the heart muscle, stroke, heart attacks, heart failure as well as heart disease caused by high blood pressure. If you suffer from any of the above-mentioned conditions or presents with a family history – it is extremely important to know YOUR risk of suffering a heart attack or stroke. Making the right dietary and lifestyle changes can improve your heart health and alter the statistics. Did you know? One South African suffers a heart attack or stroke every 4 minutes and one South African dies due to cardiovascular disease (CVD) every 8 minutes. CVD kills 200 people in South Africa daily, which is about the amount of 13 mini bus loads per day! For every woman that dies of CVD, 2 men will die. Over the past few years more and more ‘young’ people are diagnosed with CVD. Early deaths caused by CVD in people of working age (35-65) are expected to increase by 41% by 2030. Scary statistics you might think….but I’m too young or I don’t have a family history of heart disease and therefor are not at risk. Well stop right there – let’s put your heart under the magnifying glass and investigate your disease risk. Why should I look at my risk factors? Risk factors are those habits or conditions that make you more likely to develop cardiovascular disease. Cardio vascular risk factors may also increase the chances that an existing heart disease (like high cholesterol) can get worse and cause a heart attack. In people who presents with more than one risk factor the chance of suffering a heart attack or stroke increase exponentially with each additional risk factor. What this means, for instance is if someone presents with 3 cardiovascular disease risk factors their risk of heart disease is not 3 + 3 + 3 = 9 but actually 3 x 3 x 3 = 27. Therefore, for each risk factor that you are able to control or change, you can also exponentially decrease your risk of heart disease. Certain risk factors like age, gender and family history we are unable to change but others we can alter. More than 56% of all South Africans (between the age of 15 and 64 years) have at least one risk factor they are able to change. What is my risk of heart disease? You can see how healthy your heart is by doing the heart health quiz in this newsletter.  Complete the quiz and tally up your total points. The more points you have, the more risk factors are present and the higher your risk of having a heart attack or stroke. Heart Health Quiz: If you are male and above the age of 55 give yourself 1 point or if you’re female and going through menopause give yourself 2 points. If you have immediate family (siblings or parents) that are diagnosed with heart disease problems such as stroke, cholesterol, high blood pressure, or heart attack add 2 points. If anyone in your immediate family had an early heart attack, father or brother before age 55 and mother and sister before age of 65, add 1 more point. If any family, not immediate family (uncles, aunts, grandparents) presents with any heart disease problems such as stroke, cholesterol, high blood pressure or had a heart attack add 1 point Measure your weight, height and calculate your Body mass index (BMI) by dividing your weight (kg) with your height (in metres) squared e.g. BMI= kg ÷ m2. A BMI less than 18.5 add 1 point, BMI 18.9 – 24.9 add 0 points, BMI 24.9 – 29.9 add 1 point, BMI more than 30 add 2 points. If you don’t know your weight, add 1 point. With a measuring tape, measure your waist circumference. If you are male with circumference of more than 102 cm and female more than 88cm add 2 points. For circumference of men 94 – 102 cm and women 80 – 88cm, add 1 point. For waist circumferences unknown, add 1 point. How often do you exercise? Not doing any exercise add 3 points Exercise equal to or less than 3 times per week for less than 30 minutes per session, add 2 points Exercising at a very low intensity (slow walking) for less or at least 30 minutes, 5 times a week add 1 point Exercise for 30 minutes or more, 5 times per week at a moderate or high intensity (sweating and heart rate increased) subtract 1 point Exercise for 60 minutes or more, 5 times per week at a moderate or high intensity (sweating and heart rate increased) subtract 2 points Smoking: social smoking add 1 point, smoking more than 1 cigarette per day add 2 points, smoke pipe or cigars add 1 point, if you are daily exposed to second hand smoke (living with a smoker) add 1 point. Alcohol: female and consuming more than 1 drink per day add 1 point, male and consuming more than 2 drinks per day add 1 point, if you binge drink on occasions add 1 point (if above two questions applicable, add an additional point). Stress levels: Struggling to fall asleep at night, add 1 point, under stress at work or home, add 1 point. When looking at dietary habits, add points accordingly: Consuming take-ways or ready to eat meals more than once a week add 1 point Consuming 2 or more portions of chocolate, cake, pudding, sweets per week add 1 point Using full cream dairy products add 1 point Skipping meals add 1 point Eating ribs, polony, viennas, sausage or salami more than twice a week add 1 point Eating less than 1 fruit per day add 1 point Eating less than 1 cup cooked vegetables or raw salad per day add 1 point Consuming less than 1 cup legumes (peas, lentils, corn) x 1

Mandy Rodrigues

Mastering the Fear of the Toilet

Meet Felix, my three-year, nine-month-old son. He’s potty trained. You don’t know me, so you can have no idea how much of a big deal this is. Those of you with mothers-in-law who remind you that their offspring was fully toilet trained by 18 months of age, I want to tell you Felix has been toilet trained for exactly three weeks. We’re very proud. The toilet training drama process started last year. Like, 9 months ago… Summer, we were told, made a good time to potty train. Boys could wee in the garden while they learnt about bladder control and toilet technique. Felix’s friends at school enthusiastically demonstrated the technique to him. Felix remained unimpressed – and unwilling to whip out his manhood for all to see. In fact, he wouldn’t use the toilet at school at all. And when my little squirming, hopping, straining bundle of boy came home in the afternoons, he’d be so stressed from holding it in that I had to beg and cajole and force him onto the loo just to get him to wee there. The relief was instant, he’d go back to his old self, and we could all get on with the afternoon. And so began the Longest Toilet Training of All Time. Since about – what? September last year? –  if anything stressed Felix out, he’d be back in nappies. He’d been dry at night for weeks and weeks, but allowed us to leave his nappy off overnight maybe twice. There was a time he got very stressed with a bit of a bullying situation at school – straight back into nappies for school too (which made the other kids call him a baby, which didn’t help…. ARGH!) He’d go to the loo with his dad, and then refuse. He’d enjoy, strangely enough, loos in public places (because he loved the hand driers). And then he wouldn’t.  It was up and down like a playground seesaw. Then there was the unfortunate time where Felix had a bit of constipation, and the poo hurt on the way out. Next thing we knew, my previously very regular child was hopping around the house every afternoon, desperately sucking it up and trying to keep the poo in. His record was seven days faece-free. He would only “go” once I’d finally relented and put a nappy on him. I must have gone through five or more jumbo packs of nappies, every time thinking, “This is the last pack we’ll be buying, surely.” Felix undoubtedly had poo issues and I was getting increasingly stressed as to how we were going to resolve them. He wasn’t happy, we weren’t happy. I had no idea how common fears about toilet training are until I saw some moms on The Twitter talking about the issue. And our saviour stepped in: @EmyDiesel sent a tweet containing a link to an article I have long since lost. But it changed everything. The article quoted paediatrician Dr Alan Greene and started off by saying that no child WANTS to be unable to master his fear of the toilet. No child wants to be in nappies when his friends aren’t. He’s not doing this to punish you – he’s doing this because he’s stuck in a place and can’t get out of it. The 3Ds cycle starts when a child has a bout of constipation, or somehow has a sore poo: Discomfort. This makes him Dread the next poo, and therefore Delay it. Voila: you have a poo issue. Just seeing it in print was like a lightbulb moment for me. Dr Greene also had some good suggestions, such as first getting your child to poo, in the nappy, but in the bathroom. Then on the toilet (with nappy still on), then loosen nappy, etc. I had started giving Felix a probiotic every morning (seriously: (spoiler alert) Best. Tip. Ever. Do it right now!) I was about to start trying the Dr Greene advice when, on his own, Felix suddenly relinquished his poo issue. Once a day I made him go to the loo for his post-school wee, and while there, he announced, almost surprised himself: “I made a poo!” Well, the celebrations that went off in my house that afternoon, you might have thought it was New Year. I went dilly. I rewarded Felix something silly. Now Felix makes a poo almost every time he’s on the loo. I swear he grew a centimetre taller in a day. He carries himself with his old, usual comfort in himself and his body. He’s calmer, and happier at school. He finally negotiated that milestone, and he’s proud and relieved. Most unlike-Felix fashion, my shy boy told a handyman in my house ALL about the poo he’d just made. I am equally happy, and proud, and relieved. And also: poorer. Because Felix has cottoned on to the “rewards” issue very fast. Every pellet he produces is accompanied by the shout, “I made a poo! Can I have a new game on the iPad?”

Ati2ud

Are you living your Values?

I’m currently involved in the filming of the SA TV show #marriedatfirstsight that is to be aired in Feb 2017. Whilst interviewing a number of the candidates what struck me the most was how few people actually know what their values are. Surely this is something we should all be living daily through our words, actions and behaviours? The Oxford dictionary gives an explanation of values as: “a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.” Values act as our inner moral compass to keep us on course every single day, so that each day, we’re moving in the direction that takes us closer and closer to our definition of the “best” life we could possibly live and what is truly important to us in life. Our values may change as we move through different life stages and our priorities shift and that’s ok. What’s important is that you have values as these align with your vision and purpose (i.e. your goals). As your goals change so too will your values e.g. if you were focused on your career but now feel like you have achieved the level you wanted and now you would like to settle down, then your values and priorities will adjust accordingly. Just to be clear, values provide a deep sense of ongoing direction for our lives – they are not ends in themselves. Goals are things that we wish to complete or achieve – they are often ends in themselves. The other day I was working with a client who said that family was important to him and he listed it as one of his values, yet when we broke this down even further, it became evident that his priorities were not aligned with his values as he spent every weekend on the golf course and very little quality time with his family. If you fail to focus your energy on the goals that are truly important to you, some of them will fall away and that’s a heavy price to pay. Tony Robbins refers to another level when it comes to values and that is what we call the ‘towards’ values (i.e. that you strive to feel) and the ‘away’ values (i.e. the feelings you will do anything to avoid). The quality of our lives is not only determined by our goals and aspirations but also by the situations we try to avoid. For example, if you want to avoid feeling rejected, your actions and behaviour will do everything to avoid experiencing this feeling (e.g. being overly generous or nice, always putting others and their needs before your own needs etc). We can also attach conditions to our values and emotions for example, we do things to feel accepted/loved yet internally we don’t really believe we deserve to be loved. So while we may get the external response from others (e.g. someone says well done you did a great job), internally we don’t believe it so we tend to dismiss it or downplay it. We need to make sure our conditions for experiencing our values are not completely under the control of others and/or external circumstances. We need to control our values and conditions. We can do this by being flexible and having many conditions/rules for our values to be met in many different ways. Design your rules to make it easy to experience your values repeatedly (e.g if your highest value is love, then a rule/condition could be: every time I hug my child/talk with my friends I will feel loved vs. I will only feel loved when someone tells me they love me). Make sure that your rules/conditions are a barrier to protect your happiness and not detract from your happiness. By making it difficult to fulfill the conditions of your ‘away’ values e.g. a break-up does not mean you have been rejected/are not good enough/not loved etc, it just means that person never saw your value/worth or perhaps was not prepared to work through the issues and you cannot control that. A rule could be ‘I will only feel rejected when the 3 people I admire the most (i.e. my mentors) tell me they hate me. Here is a great online values exercise by Dr Dimartini which comprises 13 questions that will help you to narrow down and define your values as well as whether you are living up to them or not (like my golfing client). Live by your values and everything else will fall into place!

Raising Kids Positively

Helping kids cope with traumatic events : Garden Route fires

The Garden Route fires took everyone by surprise. After a trauma, it’s completely natural to be in a state of shock and disbelief. Many deny the reality, become angry and/or disillusioned, as they begin to face the deep sense of loss of what was. Over time most will be able to come to a place of acceptance and/or find meaning from this tragedy. Children often experience trauma differently, as they are more sensitive and less able to express their feelings and needs. They need our ongoing reassurance and support – even if their houses were ultimately safe, yet had to evacuate suddenly and/or witness the scale of the fire, or destruction of land and homes. All children in these communities have been impacted in some way, and for many their entire sense of safety in the world can feel different or shattered because their whole community has experienced such a large shock. During traumatic events, the brain goes into an adaptive ‘emergency mode’ (i.e. flight or fight mode) –releasing stress hormones (like adrenaline and cortisol) to cope with whatever comes. After the immediate danger is over however, it can be hard to convince the body that it can relax again and that the danger is truly over. Add to this the fact that children are more sensitive and don’t express themselves well, so a range of behaviours, including sleep and appetite changes can be expected. Watch this video clip of children’s common responses after a trauma. Understand that these are all normal reactions to an abnormally stressful situation and these changes may last for a few weeks. With your on-going and responsive support, and attentively addressing their needs, these reactions often disappear and children recover fully. Here are four simple principles to help children cope : Ensure safety – do everything to ensure physical safety; constantly reassure them that they are safe; tell them repeatedly that the danger is over; establish routines again as soon as possible. talk about it / help them let their feelings out – they often need support in getting out their feelings; listen and answer questions; avoid forcing them to talk; contradictions in re-telling the event is normal (use drawings, stories or metaphors). normalizing symptoms – explain that what they are going through (e.g. nightmares/ anxiousness) is normal after such a sudden, unexpected and dangerous experience. Symptoms are never a sign of weakness; should be taken seriously and need time for healing like any physical injury. Get more help – trauma counseling may often be needed (depending on the intensity of the trauma, the child’s previous traumatic events, their age and ability to process it healthily with your support and your response and well-being). If your child’s changed behaviour worsens or intensifies over time, or delayed reactions show up, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can occur. Try to remember that what children find stressful, and how they cope, differs from us. Sometimes the smallest or strangest aspect of the experience may have been their biggest concern. Watch them, listen and above all be patient. Remember, the Garden Route fires have affected everyone living in this area. Even without being evacuated, residents constantly smelt the smoke, read and saw images of the fire, heard stories of friends and loved ones losses and the damage remains obvious for all to see. If you know someone affected, reach out and support them. Share what you’ve learned or point them to valuable information (ch.4 of ParentMagic deals with trauma) and assure them that professional help is available (privately or via organizations like FAMSA with trained counselors in both Plettenberg Bay and Knysna). Hyperlink : watch this video clip : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2etcNT2V_fY   

Advtech Group

3 Steps to help your child grow from failure

In today’s competitive environment, where some toddlers attend maths development classes and other youngsters are pushed to start reading fluently before they enter Grade 1, parents can be forgiven for being concerned about the future of their children who show signs of struggling academically or otherwise. But one of South Africa’s leading education experts says that the situation can and must be turned around before it spirals out of control and negatively impacts – unnecessarily so – on a child’s entire sense of self and self-esteem. And the way to do this is to cultivate a “growth mindset”, she says. “Children who think their intelligence and ability  is ‘fixed’ – that they are stuck at a certain level of smarts — tend to do less well than those who think that they can, with perseverance, achieve at anything they set their minds to,” says Traci Salter*, Strategic Academic Development Advisor at ADvTECH, Africa’s largest private education provider. “However learners who understand that their intelligence or skill level can be improved by effort and experimentation seek more challenges, learn from mistakes and don’t give up in the face of failure,” she says. The concept of the Growth Mindset was pioneered by Stanford University psychologist Carol S. Dweck, and draws on neuroscience showing that a learner’s brain can improve with dedicated effort. Her research showed that personal qualities and abilities are not fixed, but can change with a simple change in approach. Dweck’s research further showed that how children think about themselves has a significant impact on learning; with a strong connection between students’ motivation to learn a new skill and how they perceived their intelligence. “Cultivating a growth mindset in one’s child is not a complicated process, and it can be given immediate and significant momentum with just one little word: yet,” says Salter. For instance, if Anna is having trouble with language learning skills, explain that she isn’t good yet. If Mandla can’t get to grips with algebra, it is because he hasn’t grasped it yet. Emphasise that with effort, they will eventually master these skills. Carol Dweck recommends we ensure that children know “it is okay and safe to fail, and that taking risks and learning from failure can lead to invention and creativity”, notes Salter, adding that the way we praise our children also plays an important role. “Dweck advised that, rather than using general praise, for instance saying ‘you can do it because you are so smart’, parents and teachers should praise specific efforts that lead to improvements such as focus, persistence and work habits. For instance, one could say ‘you’re doing a great job organising your science fair experiment. It will give you plenty of time to practise presenting. “This takes the spotlight off fixed ability and puts it on the process of learning and developing.” Following Dweck’s strategies, Salter says there are 3 steps parents can take to help their children develop a growth mindset:   1)     HAVE DAILY LEARNING DISCUSSIONS At dinner, in the car or at bedtime take time for both children and parents to share the answers to these types of questions: “What did you learn today?” (Instead of “How was your day?”) “What mistake did you make that taught you something today? “What did you try that you found hard today?”   It is important for parents and guardians to share their learning as well, because it models to children that even grownups learn new things every day, and learn from failures.   2)     GIVE FEEDBACK ON PROCESS ONLY Praise effort by children – for instance persistence, thinking of alternate strategies, seeking new opportunities, setting ongoing goals, planning for achieving these, and considering creative alternates to the challenge at hand.   Don’t praise personal abilities like being smart, pretty, or artistic. This kind of praise could actually lead to a loss of confidence since children won’t be smart at everything. They’ll doubt their ability to master something that is difficult initially.   3)     ENCOURAGE RISK, FAILING AND LEARNING FROM MISTAKES Failure teaches our children important life lessons. For one, it’s how they learn resilience, perseverance and self-motivation. Now is the time to let our children risk and fail. But we often want to prevent our children from failing, from feeling upset or sad. Don’t.   “We must let our children experience some failures while they are young, so that they can strengthen their growth mindset muscles. If we don’t, they will become adults with no perseverance, or belief in their abilities to work hard and succeed,” says Salter. “And when the going gets tough, and challenges feel extra challenging, we should help our children celebrate the fact that they are learning and building mental muscle. Tell them about all the famous people who failed and didn’t give up, like Albert Einstein, Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Michael Jordan and Oprah Winfrey, and remind them that every challenge provides an opportunity to become more empowered.”

Parenting Hub

Saying goodbye to your kids – The Do’s and Dont’s

The way in which you say goodbye to your kids before a new experience can either encourage them or incite panic and despair. For children, a new experience can be scary and they depend on the support from their parents in order to respond to this experience positively. Here are some Dos and Don’ts for certain first-time-experiences:  Saying goodbye at school for the first time: Watching your little one walk away from the car into the school gates for the first time is often a very stressful experience for parents. However, it is much more challenging for your child, be it the first day of primary school, high school or college. DOencourage your child and speak about how exciting this new experience will be. Focus on the opportunities it will offer and the positive things to look forward to in the day. The trick is to be more excited than your child, and your excitement will surely rub off on him or her. DON’Tthink of all the things that could go wrong and don’t share these thoughts with your child. Feeding your child’s mind with negative body language and expressing doubts will not encourage them to look forward to this new opportunity. Your child will emulate your anxiety, resulting in them feeling “on edge” all day long. Saying goodbye for their first sleepover camp: Sending your child away for a week-long sleepover camp can be rather nerve-wracking for both parents and children. Homesickness, safety concerns and the thought of your child having an unpleasant experience are one of parents’ greatest concerns. DOyour research about the camp to put your mind at ease about the safety and enjoyment of the venue. Read online reviews, request a tour of the camp if you can and ask all your questions. DOstart encouraging your child’s excitement in advance. Research the fun activities they can participate in at camp by watching YouTube videos or visiting their website. Take your kids shopping for their camping experience. Whether you’re just getting a few odds and ends or searching for the best insect repellent or sun block, it will definitely get them excited. Be sure to tell them about how this opportunity will allow them to create new friendships. DON’Ttell your kids about how much you will be missing them. This will probably make them feel guilty about being away from home and is one of the main contributing factors which lead to homesickness. Don’t call the camp and request to speak to your child too often either. It’s best to send an email which can get passed on to your child, rather than interrupting your child’s first experience sleeping away from home. If you do call, remember to sound happy and encourage your child to share what they’ve enjoyed so far and to make the most out of this experience. Saying goodbye before their first solo flight: The first time on a foreign mode of transport is a scary ordeal for anyone. No parent necessarily wants their minors to be unaccompanied when traveling, however, certain situations will require them to be independent and conquer this fear. DOTell them about how proud you are of them for being so responsible and going on a plane by themselves. This will boost their confidence. DOShare the interesting things they would fancy on a plane ride, such as the good food, free drinks, window seats, fun onboard games and movies etc. DOReassure them that they will be safe and that air travel is the safest mode of transport in the world. Also, inform them that they are not alone and that the airplane has a host of friendly and helpful staff who will be there to assist them at all times. DOprepare them for turbulence and the speed of take-off, so they aren’t terrified when it happens. Explain that this is a normal and common thing for planes. DON’Tdiscuss all the things that could go wrong on this journey, such as a plane crash, or plane hijacking, etc. This is not encouraging, even as a joke, and will send your child running for the hills when it’s time to board their plane. DON’T look or sound concerned or sad in front of your child. Your emotions have a major impact on your child’s behavior. No matter the situation, remember to always be encouraging and speak confidently when saying goodbye to your kids. Keep reminding them of everything positive that they will experience and they will conquer their “first-time-alone” fears with confidence.

Munchkins

Growing gratitude in a self-gratified generation

“Ungrateful, selfish brats” were definitely not what most of us envisaged our sweet little babies to grow up as. Yet, many of us are often appalled to find – when we are really honest with ourselves – that our youngsters are in fact, well… ungrateful, selfish brats. This becomes especially evident as adolescence approaches – a life stage already notorious for egocentrism and lately even more intensified by modern culture. Our teens live in a self-absorbed world where materialism is the ideology of the day, where an event did not fully take place if there is no public selfie and a certain number of “likes” to authenticate it and where almost everything one “needs” is likely to be a click away. Then we seal the narcissistic deal even further by insisting to our children that they are special (and they are – but no more special than the rest!) which sends the message that they somehow “deserve” the best in life. And boom – you have a perfect unappreciative egomaniac! Now how did that happen…? So how do we deal with this syndrome of self-involvement? Here are a couple of thoughts on training teenagers to give back to society with a spirit of gratitude. And remember: be proactive when they are young, before the disease is diagnosed! Gratitude does not grow on guilt or gauging  Many parents try to force thankfulness by means of guilt-tripping their children. (You know what I mean: “Stop complaining about the food – there are children going hungry a few kilometres away!”) These “friendly reminders” of others who are worse off than us are seldom, if ever, helpful. In most cases they will merely produce irritated eye-rolling – especially where teenagers are concerned. And even if you actually manage to make them feel bad about their good fortunes, it is still counter-productive, as guilt only makes us feel miserable – which does not happen to be the equivalent of grateful. We should never teach thankfulness by comparing to others, because what happens when you measure lower – which is bound to happen some of the time? Rather kit your kids to find something to appreciate in all circumstances. Your own attitude determines your child’s gratitude As with almost any other positive attribute you would like to see in your child – gratitude is learned through modelling! (Yes, you guessed it – by you!) Because we all know by now that ‘’morals are caught, not taught.’’ Actively live out gratefulness and create a platform for it in your home so that it can become a way of life to your children. Always thank people (which definitely include your kids). Regularly point out things you appreciate – even if they seem insignificant like a hot breakfast or a great parking spot. Make a ritual of sharing what you are grateful for with one another around the dinner table. Serve others without complaining. Stop complaining in general. Counteract an atmosphere of negativity by focusing on your family’s blessings. Say prayers of thanksgiving together. Gratitude should be the lens through which your children view the world, not a positive feeling (like happiness) that comes and goes as circumstances change. They can only achieve this if they had a solid example to follow from a young age. Overindulged is under-appreciative  A child who genuinely lacks in life and another who has in abundance are both at risk for selfishness – the former because of anxiety about self-preservation and the latter due to entitlement. Ensure your child is well provided for, but do not flood her with belongings and expensive experiences (this is often the hard part as it seems counter-intuitive). Remember, you are allowed to say “no” for reasons other than, “We cannot afford it”. Make a habit of giving away one toy for each new one she gets. Spoiling children is a mild form of child abuse, as you deprive them of developing certain valuable virtues – like gratefulness and other-centeredness – that they require to become agreeable adults. Egocentrism is equalised through exposure If your child is comfortably and ignorantly leading his leisurely life (most probably with an electronic device glued to his hand), how should he know to be grateful and what options does he have to be of service? Instead of telling him, “You should be grateful for X or Y,” rather expose him to the less-than-perfect world out there and let him figure it out for himself. Watch movies and read stories or news articles together about people in different circumstances and then discuss it. Be more present in less affluent settings – go eat something at a joint in a poverty-stricken area and encourage diverse friendships, for example. Join outreaches as a family (but only if a superiority mindset is averted – they should never believe that they are “fixing” others who are “below” them!). Coaching is the key! Human beings’ natural inclination is towards selfishness – almost like we are “naturally illiterate” if educational intervention does not take place. And just like a child will rarely learn to read and write when left to their own devices, gratitude should be taught and modelled – like any other skill.

Prima Toys

Prima Toys harnesses unboxing video trend

 Leading toy importer and distributor Prima Toys recently launched their very own unboxing videos. The series is called ‘The Very Serious Toy Show’ and features professionally created video content that is adding an extra touch point within the brand’s over-arching marketing strategy. So far the series of videos hosted on YouTube is proving to be extremely successful.  Prima Toys is the first toy company in South Africa to create its very own unboxing videos – not only to keep abreast with worldwide marketing trends, but to also keep consumers in the know about toy trends. Unboxing videos have become a huge phenomenon internationally, with a number of unboxing presenters reaching celebrity status, with hundreds of thousands and even millions of fans the world over. Marketing Executive of Prima Toys: Chiquita Patrizi, says: “Unboxing videos provide us with the opportunity to quite literally unpack products and show the viewer what is inside. This way, both parents and their children know exactly what is in the box and what they will be getting. This allows them to make an informed decision before purchasing a product- it also provides great entertainment for the children watching.” Toy unboxing videos have continued to see worldwide growth in popularity in the last few years. More recently, Insights by Google reported that in March 2016, almost 50% of online users looked for videos related to a product before they committed to buying it and preferred to follow advice from YouTube video creators as opposed to their favourite (traditional) celebrities. ‘The Very Serious Toy Show’ is presented by “Sash” from Prima Toys. She has an in depth knowledge of the brands and products and how they work, and this ensures that the information imparted is correct and comes across authentically. “Sash is an excellent presenter, she has the know-how, product knowledge and quirky personality required to make the videos a success,” says Patrizi. Prima Toys is successfully capitalizing on the benefits of the toy unboxing video phenomenon and is creating video content that appeals to parents, children and the toy industry at large. Subscribe to Prima Toys YouTube Channel and watch more unboxing videos on ‘The Very (Fun) Serious Toy Show’ with Sash.   Alternatively go to www.primatoys.co.za or www.Facebook.com/PrimaToys

Parenting Hub

Children’s safety: let’s talk about it all year round

The safety of our children is an important topic that should be discussed all year round – not just during school holidays, and not just during Youth Month. That’s according to private security company Fidelity ADT, who this week released tips and advice for parents and guardians who want to ensure the safety of their children. “Personal safety simply must be part of your child’s education. If we can teach them how to be able to fend for themselves throughout the year, we don’t have to start from scratch when a long end-of-year holiday arrives. These measures have to be constantly reinforced too,” says Fidelity ADT’s district manager for Cape Town North, Verena Hulme. “It starts at home. Your kids must know to always keep all entrances and gates closed and locked and that nobody is allowed to enter without permission from either parent. If you have a home security system installed teach them how to activate and deactivate it and how and when to use other security devices like panic buttons.” Hulme adds that it is a good idea to have a list of emergency contact numbers available and that your children know who to contact if they need help. The telephone numbers for the local police station, your private security company, the emergency number for your neighbourhood watch, and possibly a trusted neighbour should definitely be on that list. “If your child must leave the safety of your home for whatever reason, make sure they tell you where they are going and when they are expected to arrive. We recommend testing any routes with your children ahead of time to make sure they don’t inadvertently choose a road or area that is fraught with potential risks. Try and identity any ‘safe spaces’ (such as a trusted neighbour) along the route where your child could call for help in case they need it,” she says. “Instead of starting these safety training sessions anew, it makes more sense to instil a sense of responsibility with your children that they follow throughout the year. As much as we would love to look after our children 24/7, there will come a time when they have to fend for themselves. We have to prepare and equip them.” Public spaces – such as shopping malls – are also an area for which your children should be prepared. “Teach your children to memorise their name, surname, home address and contact details for one of their parents. Also make sure they know that if they do become separated from you, that they immediately look for mall security and give them the information they have memorized. “ Hulme also recommends agreeing on a code word with children which would be used in a situation where someone else needs to fetch them from home or from a place they had been visiting.  “This code word would be a sign that the person collecting them has genuinely been sent by a parent and could be trusted.” Finding fun ways to test that your children understand these safety tips and know how to look after themselves, she says, will be a productive way to prepare your children for the possible dangers they might encounter. Here are a few tips worth sharing with children to ensure they stay safe: Always walk to or from school with a friend or friends. Stick to streets you know and never take short cuts through quiet areas or empty parking lots. Many communities have started ‘walking bus’ safety initiatives, where community members walk in convoy with children to and from school. If such an initiative exists in your community, make use of it or consider starting one. If you get picked up at school, never leave the school premises but always wait inside the school-grounds for your lift to arrive. Never get into a stranger’s car; even if the stranger claims that someone you love is hurt and that they are supposed to pick you up. Remember that your parents would never send someone you don’t know to fetch you. If a stranger approaches you, don’t talk to them no matter how friendly they may seem. If someone tries to grab you, fight, kick and scream that the person is not your parent.

Parenting Hub

Montessori Nosipho

Montessori Nosipho was started in 2008, and throughout the years we have welcomes many children in our school. We have a well-equipped Montessori environment and we thrive on teaching the children following as close to these Montessori Principals as possible. We accept children from 18 months to 6 years and offer a ‘home away from home’ environment where the children feel a sense of belonging in the environment, where they are free to work with the adequate material for their age, whilst having the guidance of a teacher who facilitates the child to work and grow at his/her own pace but at the same time making sure they meet their normatives for their age. Each and every one of our teachers loves the children as if they are our own, and we care for them and love them as they are and do not judge them on their background or home situations. We work with the children on a one-on-one basis, giving the child our undivided attention and making sure they learn about the aims of the apparatus to its full capacity, teaching them many different things throughout their time here. Children need to be continuously stimulated to reach their full capacity, so as the private school holidays approach we recommend that you have available to your child many fun but educational items for them to do. In turn preventing them to get bored and then difficult behaviour stemming from that. Especially with summer coming up, let your children learn the Montessori way and let them explore outside, free and in the garden. For example, let them look at the bird life in the trees, talking about the different types of nests and different colours of the birds, and the different noises they make. Get them to make art work afterwards, using leaves and branches from the tress to make their own nest on a piece of card or a paper plate, and then they can either draw their own bird of find pictures of birds in a magazine to stick on. Remember to not be critical of your child’s art, after all they have had the imagination and time to create it themselves, so give them the confidence boost that they need and tell them how amazing their artwork is not matter if it looks like what it’s supposed to, or it looks like nothing at all. To them it is ‘INCREDIBLE’ because to them it is.   Another art activity to keep your children busy in the holidays, would be to portray their holiday they have gone on, for example, to the beach, get them to create a masterpiece of how they see the beach and all of its components. So sand, and sky and beautiful smells and colours and shells, that they can fish themselves. Give them the opportunity to explore, and give them a concrete experience of it, digging through the sand to find shelves and treasures, make sand castles with them, the list is endless.   One of Montessori’s popular quotes that we follow in our school is ‘richest sensory experiences come from contact with nature and objects made from natural objects’. We also love the idea of a nature table, an activity that was created by Maria Montessori too. You can get your children to make one of these in our home, or in their bedroom, a small table in the corner of the room, with all the treasures the children find during their exploratory days outside, or in the park, in the garden, at a friend’s house, the list is endless. It can have anything on it from bird feather they have found to a seashell, to a shiny stone, or coin that they have picked up on the floor that is very old and rusty… Have a magnifying glass available as we do for them to explore even more.   -Take your children on nature excursions, to the museum, a farmer, where they can pick eggs or drink fresh farm milk, or clean a pig sty. -Take them on a tour to the fire station where they can have ride in the fire engine. -A library for a book reading or to teach them how to care and look after books. -A farmers market where they can appreciate fresh produce or possibly pick herbs themselves. We do not recommend a zoo, although these are extremely fun for the children, it goes against what they should be taught about not harming animals, and learning to care for them, rather take them to an SPCA where they can care and play with the animals. Get your child to bake with you or help you prefer dinner with child friendly equipment. Children love the freedom and independency to be able to make their own lunch, wash and cut their apples, spread cream cheese on their crackers etc, never take away that ability to be self-sufficient. There are many other activities that you can do with your children, let them decide on a game or an activity, but remember the best memory a child will always carry with them will be the time spent doing special things with their loved ones and not being put in front of the T.V instead. A have fun with them in doing all of this!

Parenting Hub

Setting your child up for Term 3 success!

The much-anticipated July school holidays seem to have flown by. Alarm clocks have been quiet and daily homework seems to be a distant memory. School uniforms have been hibernating and lunch boxes, shelved. It is almost time to oil the gears and get ready to start the school run once again. It can be a stressful time for parents and learners. Cindy Glass, Founder and Owner of after school remediation franchise, Step Up Education Centres, gives the following helpful hints to parents to ensure that the holiday-school transition is a positive experience for all. 1. Choose your words and actions carefully Your child will look forward to going back to school if you create a feeling of positive anticipation for him. Chat about friends and new experiences that lie in wait. Be positive about your expectations for the term, assure your child that you are there for him and that, together, you will face any challenges that may arise. 2. Set positive goals Take some time to dust off the term 2 report. Look at each subject and, together with your child, decide on realistic goals for term 3. Remember, you cannot build your child up by breaking him down, so make this exercise a positive one. Decide if he needs extra assistance and be open to understanding what he may need to achieve his goals. All negative behaviours or attitudes towards academic work stem from fear! Fear of failure, fear of consequences. Use this time to seek to understand your child. Be excited about his potential to achieve his goals 3. Get the bits and pieces sorted Check that uniforms are clean and ready. Label anything that may still need it. Stationery, sport gear, exercise and text books need to be sorted and ready-to-roll. It is important to do this in good time to avoid a stressful rush at the last minute. 4. Start making healthy lifestyle choices A healthy diet and exercise routine go a long way to ensure a positive academic experience. Start going to bed a little earlier as well. Sleep is as important as healthy food choices. 5. Reinstate routine Nobody enjoys routine during the holidays. Spontaneity is enjoyed, and so it should be. The school term, however, places demands and expectations on every learner and a positive routine is needed to ensure that your child is able to cope effectively with the pressures of school life. Life is not a straight road and sticking to routines can be challenging. If you focus on following a routine as much as possible, you will all reap the benefits. hilst you enjoy the last few days of the school holiday, do yourself a favour and start preparing for the beginning of a new term. It will be worth it!” Cindy concludes.   About Step Up Established in 2016, Step Up Education Centres is a dynamic after-school remediation and tutoring franchise with a difference. Step Up offers children an opportunity to succeed in a schooling system that is, at times, very unsympathetic. From the moment, a child walks through a Step Up Education Centre doors they feel different. They no longer feel silly or stupid. They no longer feel misunderstood. They no longer feel judged. After just one lesson they feel hope. They see possibility. After a few sessions, they walk taller, feel smarter, do better. Why? Because Step Up believes that every child has potential…And our passionate educators will not give up until they reach it!

Parenting Hub

Why Breastfeeding and Work Can and Should go Together

Returning to work after maternity leave rates as one of the top reasons why mothers stop breastfeeding their babies before they should.  Working SA mums are entitled to a minimum of four consecutive months of maternity leave.  Many take at least one month of that leave prior to the birth, and then make their return to work when their infants are just around three months old.  However, exclusive breastfeeding of an infant from birth to six months is what is recommended as optimal nutrition by the World Health Organisation.  Therefore, the only way that working new mums can meet these important health standards is if they can breastfeed or express breast milk for some months at their workplaces. The benefits of creating workplaces that are friendly to nursing mums go beyond just the physical welfare of our new generations.  Cath Day, registered dietitian and spokesperson for ADSA (The Association for Dietetics in South Africa) points out:  “There is a vast body of scientific research that has shown that breastfeeding, as exclusive nutrition in the first six months and then as a supplementary food for two years and beyond, also protects and benefits the physical health of the mother; while impacting positively on her emotional well-being as she forms the essential bond with her new child.  It is clearly in the interests of the employers of child-bearing women to protect, promote and support them during the times when they are breastfeeding because companies need their employees to be healthy and optimally productive.” ADSA recommends that businesses formalise their support of breastfeeding in the policies, standards and practices of their employee wellness programmes. So what can businesses do practically to protect and support the nursing mums on their workforce?  Uphold the Law – Corporates must recognise and facilitate the legal rights of SA breastfeeding mothers enshrined in the Basic Conditions of Employment Act. Up until their babies are six months old, working mums are entitled to two, paid 30-minute breaks every work day for breastfeeding or expressing milk. Know and promote the benefits of breastfeeding – “It helps to have employers who are knowledgeable about why breastfeeding is so important and a commitment to protecting, supporting and promoting breastfeeding in the workplace,” says Cath Day. “As part of the employee wellness programme, registered dieticians can be engaged to make presentations to all staff on the advantages of a breastfeeding-friendly work environment and how to make it happen in your company.  The straightforward facts and the inarguable science go a long way to reducing the discomforts and stigmas people might attach to breastfeeding.” Provide the place – Nowadays it is widely regarded as completely unacceptable for breastfeeding mums to have to lock themselves in a public toilet, or their car, to breastfeed or express milk at work because they have nowhere else to go.  Many companies realise that a breastfeeding-friendly workplace means providing a secure and comfortable space for working mums to spend their 30-minute breastfeeding breaks.  Preferably, this private room should have a door that locks, comfortable seating, plug points for breast pumps and a refrigerator for the safe storage of breast milk. Be flexible and adaptable – Part-time, flexitime or temporary work-from-home plans can be very effective solutions for breastfeeding mums, and should especially be employed by companies who provide no proper facilities for the legal breastfeeding breaks in their workplace. Offer child-care facilities – A number of progressive companies with a clear focus on employee engagement provide workplace child care facilities for the babies and small children of their employees.  This is ideal for breastfeeding mums as they can more easily and quickly breastfeed their infants and need to express less milk. ADSA spokesperson Zelda Ackerman, whose areas of expertise include baby and child feeding, urges new working mums to know their rights and to get the support that they need from their bosses and colleagues so that going back to work doesn’t become a barrier to the continued breastfeeding of their infant.  “It is really important for South Africa as a country to transform to a culture of being breastfeeding-friendly in every environment,” she says, “We have to consider the potential health burdens of being a country with exceptionally low rates of breastfeeding, and turn this trend around.  From the family home to the work environment to society at large, breastfeeding mothers need support.” Zelda’s top tips for breastfeeding mums returning to work include: Before your return to work, give yourself enough time to get to grips with finding the pump that works best for you and regularly expressing milk – and give your baby enough time to get used to bottle-fed breast milk.  Time and practice will help you both to establish this as a stress-free routine before the big change up ahead. Also, ahead of time, build up a stock of breast milk at home – it can be refrigerated and frozen.  Stored breast milk should always be dated, and you retain more nutritional quality if you refrigerate it immediately after you have expressed. On your return to work, have straightforward conversations with your bosses and/or team members, as necessary, so that they are clear about your breastfeeding goals and needs.  Be clear about your legal right to two, paid 30 minute breastfeeding breaks each working day, and establish with them how this is going to work best for you and what accommodations you will need. If you encounter resistance or lack of support in your workplace, get help rather than give up breastfeeding.  Other working mothers in your workplace and HR personnel may help to raise awareness of the importance of your continued breastfeeding.  External sources of help can include breastfeeding support organisations and registered dieticians. You can reduce discomfort from engorgement and pace your two breastfeeding breaks optimally at work if you arrange your workday mornings so that you give your baby a good feed that ends just before you leave for work; and then breastfeed your baby again as soon as you get

Parenting Hub

Breastfeeding rate shoots up by 357%

A third of South African children under six months old are now exclusively breastfed. This represents a nearly five-fold increase over the last twenty years.* This massive shift is largely thanks to the combined efforts of breastfeeding advocates, healthcare providers and government. The South African Breastmilk Reserve (SABR) in partnership with Provincial departments of Health in the Eastern Cape, Free State, Limpopo, Northern Cape and North West Province has aided thousands of mothers and babies with access to breastmilk banks and breastfeeding support.  “The dramatic increase in breastfeeding rates would not have been possible without the sustained partnership between the Department of Health (DOH), healthcare providers and organisations like the SABR,” says Daddy Matthews, Deputy Director of Nutrition at the Limpopo Department of Health (LDOH). Last year the LDOH expanded its human milk banking activities, aiming to protect, promote and support breastfeeding, by establishing the first state-of-the-art human milk banking facility in Limpopo at Mankweng Provincial Hospital. This is the first of four new public sector human milk banks proposed for rollout in Limpopo. In 1998 the South African Demographic and Health Survey (SADHS) found that just 7% of infants under the age of six months were exclusively breastfed. The latest edition of the survey found that that proportion had increased to 32% by 2016. “The survey is welcome evidence that society can and will change its attitude to breastfeeding, given the right interventions,” says Stasha Jordan, breastfeeding activist and Executive Director of the SABR, sponsored by founding partner Netcare and Discovery. Since its inception in 2003, the SABR has set up, operated and handed over 51 human milk banks, serving over 100 hospitals throughout South Africa. These banks provide much-needed breastmilk to both premature babies of mothers who have difficulty initiating lactation, and orphaned babies. The human milk banking initiative is one of the numerous efforts that, coupled with the implementation of the ‘Mother and Baby Friendly Health Initiative’ of the NDOH, have contributed to the quintupling of breastfeeding rates for infants under six months old. “We are lucky to have great partners in the Provincial and National Departments of Health, Discovery, and Netcare. Together we have helped save the lives of thousands of premature and very-low-birth-weight infants in Neonatal Intensive Care Units (NICU) around the country and promoted exclusive breastfeeding for all children,” explains Jordan. “As positive as the results of the SADHS are, we still have a long way to go,” says Matthews. “In order to meet the Sustainable Development Goals set for 2025, exclusive breastfeeding rates of infants up to six months old need to increase to fifty percent.  The growing availability of human milk banks means that babies without access to their mothers’ milk can still be fed on breastmilk,” he continued. “As we celebrate World Breastfeeding Week in the first week of August, we should see these results as a call to redouble our efforts,” urges Jordan. “There is no question that breastfeeding gives babies their best possible start to life. We must educate and support mothers, enabling them to breastfeed and thereby grow food security for children in Africa and decrease infant mortality and morbidity rates,” she continued. “In order to continue this positive trend, we need more active and widespread support from business and civil society,” says Matthews. “For example, breastfeeding in public is still seen as taboo, and many breastfeeding mothers are not adequately supported at their workplaces. All sectors of our society must work together if we are to reach our goal,” he concluded. To get involved and alleviate the challenges faced by the South African Breastmilk Reserve (SABR), including low breastfeeding rates in South Africa, sourcing donor mothers and funding for the operation of the milk banks, please visit www.sabr.org.za or call 011 482 1920 or e-mail: [email protected]. References: * South Africa Demographic and Health Survey 2016, Stats SA http://www.statssa.gov.za/publications/Report%2003-00-09/Report%2003-00-092016.pdf ABOUT SOUTH AFRICAN BREASTMILK RESERVE The South African Breastmilk Reserve (SABR) is a not-for-profit, human milk banking organisation, founded in 2003. While we are primarily an altruistic human milk banking network, we also focus on breastfeeding advocacy and promotion, in order to grow breastfeeding rates in South Africa. Our vision is to decrease infant mortality resulting from Necrotising Enterocolitis (NEC) and mother-to-child transmission (MTCT) of HIV through the formation of numerous community-driven, breastmilk banks and educational programmes. The SABR’s operations during the period 2014 – 2015 involved 51 human milk banking hospitals, as well as an ever-growing number of hospital facilities (currently 87) seeking assistance from the SABR Head Office. During this period, we improved the lives of 2 845 premature infants. This was a 67.8% increase from the previous year. In the period 2016 – 2017, a number of human milk banks have been emancipated and absorbed into parallel human milk banking initiatives, thus paving the way for sustainability and independent banking. The SABR is one of the key partners informing the proposed ‘Regulatory Framework for Human Milk Banking’ of the Nations Department of Health. https://www.sabr.org.za/milk-banks.html The SABR is a member of the South African Civil Society for Women’s Adolescents’ and Children’s Health (SACSoWACH), a coalition of 22 civil society organizations that work to bring health care to the needy. http://sacsowach.org/index.php/partners

Parenting Hub

Similac Mom® on the basics of breastfeeding

Many Pregnant women have concerns on whether they will succeed in breastfeeding or if they will produce enough milk. For first time mothers breastfeeding can be a harrowing experience, but it is a learned skill, help is at hand from your doctor, midwife, nurse or healthcare professionals. When it comes to feeding your baby it’s important to know and understand the benefits of breast milk: Breast milk contains the perfect balance of nutrients to help your baby fight infection and common child illness Breast milk is convenient, always available and is delivered at the right temperature Breastfeeding helps stimulate your uterus to return to its pre-pregnant state Breastfeeding reduces the risk of breast cancer Breast milk is all your baby needs in its first four to six months of life, but you need to continue eating a well-balanced diet because what you eat or drink may affect both you and your baby. To ensure that you have the right amount of nutrients, try adding Similac® Mom to your daily diet. Similac® Mom is a complete nutritional* low-fat milk-based maternal supplement shake, containing 23 essential vitamins and minerals, protein, DHA (omega-3 fatty acid), and prebiotics. It is scientifically formulated to support your increased nutritional needs during pregnancy and breastfeeding, all your need is one to two servings per day. While you focus on being a mom you can rest assured that by taking Similac® Mom you are doing the best not just for yourself but also for your baby right from the very beginning. Similac® Mom aids in the following²: For  Mom²: Low-fat, low calorie, helps manage weight during pregnancy and while breastfeeding Helps build your immune defences Supports healthy digestion Helps reduce the risk of iron deficiency anaemia Vitamin D and FOS, a prebiotic, have been shown to improve calcium absorption For baby²: Improved calcium absorption ensuring sufficient calcium is available to support the development of your baby’s bones. Provides nutrients to support the development of your child’s brain Folic acid helps reduce the risk of neural tube defects “Similac® Mom is an easy and convenient way to ensure a complete nutritional solution for expecting as well as for breastfeeding moms It is really important for moms to look after themselves and to acknowledge that they also require additional support to ensure that they are happy and healthy”, says Angela Russell, General Manager at Abbott Nutrition. Similac® Mom is available at all major pharmacies, selected retail outlets as well as online shopping. SOURCE: ABBOTT NUTRITION

Meg Faure

HELP – BREASTFEEDING DOESN’T COME NATURALLY FOR ME

Many people may argue the fact that breast feeding should be the most natural thing in the world. So, what’s wrong with you if you find the whole breast feeding thing really hard? Indeed it is a very natural and easy thing for most new mothers, but for some, it is an incredibly stressful and traumatic part of mothering. We all know the benefits of breastfeeding such as: Breastfeeding until six months helps prevent allergies later on in baby’s life Breast milk is always the right temperature and is easily digested Breastfed babies seldom have problems with constipation or diarrhoea Breast milk doesn’t cost anything! Breast milk contains antibodies to boost her immune system Breast milk perfectly meets your baby’s nutritional needs Most first time mothers would really like to give breast feeding their best shot, but many factors can occur in the early days that can really thwart any of the best intentions she may have to breast feed. Sleep deprivation, cracked and bleeding nipples and a crying baby can all add up to a miserable and emotional mom, a stressed out dad and the idea of a pain free feed by bottle feeding is all too tempting. Let’s take a look at the issues that might make breast feeding in the early days really difficult. Engorged and swollen breasts: This typically happens around day 4 after delivery (slightly longer after a caesarian birth).  Most new moms are usually at home by now and do not have the support and care of the nursing staff in the maternity units to help them through this difficult time.  Your breasts will become full and heavy, and excruciatingly tender to the touch.  In some instances, they become rock hard, hot and sore.  This is what is commonly known as “milk coming in”.  It usually settles after around 72 hours.  Feed your baby on demand, as normal, and don’t be tempted to express your breasts to make them emptier and softer – all you will do is encourage more milk to be produced!  Place cabbage leaves in your bra (they really do work), rub arnica cream or oil onto your sore and swollen breasts, and take an anti-inflammatory medication to help with the pain and swelling (ask your pharmacist, clinic sister or doctor to recommend one that is safe for breast feeding).  Applying ice packs also helps with the pain and inflammation.  Persevere, it will get better – just give it some time, and don’t expect your breasts to settle down for at least a few days. Blocked milk ducts or mastitis: Blocked milk ducts commonly occur, especially in the first few days after your milk has come in and your breasts are feeling swollen and sore.  You can usually feel the actual spot where the blockage is, because it is sore, and if you look, you may see a red and inflamed area.  This is more prevalent before a feed when your breasts are full, and feeding usually gives you some relief. You may also feel a bit feverish and have a headache. Gently massage the tender and red area with some arnica oil or cream, and apply heat to the area after you have finished feeding.  Taking Anti-inflammatory medication also helps.   In some instances your doctor may prescribe anti-biotics. Keep a close watch on the affected area, as it may develop into a breast abscess if the blockage is not released. If the red and tender area does not lessen after a feed, and if the entire area does not settle down within a few days, and you are feeling feverish and unwell, it is best to seek medical advice in case you have a breast abscess, which will need to be surgically drained. Cracked and bleeding nipples; This is a common reason for throwing in the towel with breast feeding due to excessive pain and discomfort with feeding. The most frequent cause of cracked nipples is incorrect latching of the baby’s mouth onto the nipple. Make sure that your baby is latched onto the breast correctly, with both top and bottom lip in a snug seal around your nipple. Your pain level will indicate to you if your baby is latched correctly or not! To release the suction on your breast so that you can take your nipple out of his mouth, insert your finger into the corner of his mouth and gently withdraw your nipple from his mouth, and retry to latch him successfully. Using a nipple shield (available from your pharmacy or baby shop) during feeding gives cracked and bleeding nipples time to heal .  Speak to your clinic sister or doctor to recommend a nipple cream to assist with healing.  Exposing your nipples to some sunlight also helps to hasten healing (easier said than done!).  Expressing breast milk and offering it to your baby from a spoon or a bottle is also a way to let your nipples heal whilst continuing to breast feed. Not enough milk: Don’t listen to old wives tales about your milk being too strong or too weak.  It is not the quality of the milk that makes the difference, it is the quantity.  If your baby is unsettled after feeds and appears hungry all the time, get her weighed frequently to ensure that she is growing adequately.  If your baby is gaining weight, having at least 6 wet nappies a day, and is relatively happy in between feeds which may be very frequent in the early days, lengthening to a few hours after a few weeks; then you can rest assured that you have enough milk. Your stress and anxiety, a poor diet and inadequate fluid intake all play a part in hampering  breast milk production.  Make sure you are eating enough protein (you need to increase your protein intake three fold whilst breast feeding), drinking at least a litre of fluid a day and that feeding times are relaxed and calm. The main hormone that ensures adequate milk production

Parenting Hub

Anger in Children: When is it a Problem?

Anger is a normal emotion that every happy healthy adult and child has to deal with from time to time. When does expressing anger become a problem? Children go through different stages with their age that affect the way they deal with anger. Anger is usually not a root emotion, but a term that may cover feelings ranging from embarrassment, frustration, loneliness to guilt. A newborn baby expresses their “anger” or frustration over being hungry, tired or uncomfortable by screaming and crying. A two-year-old may throw tantrums that include rolling around on the floor or trying to hit the parent, sibling or even their pet. As a child gets older, hopefully proper responses to anger have been modelled for them and they can learn to express their anger more appropriately. Anger becomes a problem when it causes negative, aggressive behaviour, gets out of control and when the root cause of the problem isn’t being dealt with. For instance, often children with undiagnosed learning disabilities will have frequent angry outbursts. They may be feeling frustrated because they are struggling to learn and it may feel like the world is closing in on them when parents or teachers suggest that they aren’t trying hard enough or doing their best. Because the child isn’t able to deal with the real issue, they become angry over small incidents that would normally be insignificant. This helps them to avoid feeling “stupid” or incapable. Once the problem is discovered and the child gets the help, support and proper discipline that is needed, the angry outbursts become less frequent or disappear altogether. It is important that children learn how to express their emotions in a healthy and constructive manner. A child should never be told that their feelings are wrong, though they may need reminding if their behaviour is wrong. For instance you might say, “Johnny, I understand that you are angry about your brother breaking your toy, that wasn’t fair, but it is not okay to hit when you are angry.” The child needs to know that his feelings are validated and should also be given some ideas about how to handle the situation better the next time they are in a similar position. Anger is a normal emotion for people of all ages, including children.  Good communication and modelling good behaviour are two of the best ways to help children learn to deal with anger. Taking the time to praise your child whenever he or she does anything that is positive can also help them understand what it expected and feel good about doing what is right. Take the time to check yourself to see if you spend too much time being negative or angry and find ways to be more positive. If the parents in the home aren’t dealing with anger appropriately, they can’t expect the child to. Be willing to admit when you are wrong and apologise to your child, teaching them to do the same. If you suspect that your child has a serious anger problem, it may be time to get some additional help and guidance. Written by: Ray Subs Ray Subs is a public relations consultant working to promote the Help Your Child with Anger Blog.

Parenting Hub

Guidelines For Step Families

Stepfamilies are very common in today’s world. However, the complications can be numerous and it can be a significant amount of time for everybody to adjust to their new set-up. Relationships with new partners have to be negotiated as well as relationships with ex-spouses, one’s own children and the children of one’s new partner. Psychologists at the Sandton Psychology Centre who work with families offer the following advice: The couple must make time to nurture their relationship.Embarking on a new relationship or marriage where two families come together needs a solid foundation.The couple (or the new spouses) will have to deal with numerous challenges and therefore it is essential that they can communicate effectively and that their needs are met within the relationship. It is also important that the new spouses/partners have worked through their past anger and all the emotional “baggage” that comes from a former relationship. This is especially important, as to thrive in a new relationship one has to know where the previous one failed, and what role they played in the demise of the previous relationship. (This is often not as easy as it appears, as one tends to blame the previous partner and their shortcomings for the failure of the relationship). The couple needs to support each other and discuss parenting issues (which will be numerous). In new stepfamilies it is often better for the biological parent to do the majority of the parenting and disciplining of their biological children initially. The new partner or spouse should be encouraged to build a relationship with the child prior to partaking in the discipline of the child, for example. Authority as a stepparent should therefore be gradual. Children will feel aggrieved and usually oppose the authority of somebody that it is not their “real Mom or Dad”. Some children even worry that their parent has changed if somebody else takes on the disciplinarian role. Communication is key in discussing issues that will inevitably crop up regarding the children. Parent and step-parent should be clear about, and communicate their boundaries, their expectations, their hopes, their fears, their values, their beliefs and their thoughts about consequences of various behaviours and so forth. These talks should be held in private, as children should not be privy to disagreements. Issues relating to biological and step-children are one of the most common reasons for new step-families to falter. If you do not feel that this aspect of your relationship is functioning effectively it is highly recommended that you seek couples counselling/marriage therapy or guidance from a child psychologist. Don’t waste time playing the blaming game. In a complex set-up like step-families it can be very easy to fall in the trap of blaming others (the ex-spouse, the present spouse, step-children, relatives..…..) for problems that arise. Be aware that blaming doesn’t solve the problem but just serves to make matters worse. Especially be careful of blaming or talking badly about a stepchild’s biological parent as the child will only feel angry, sad, depressed or confused. The biological parent will always be the parent of the child no matter what they’re like as individuals. Instead of blaming, one’s mindset has to be changed into “ this is the problem……and this is how we are going to resolve it…” Respect, respect and more respect. Show respect for all members of the nuclear family and the new blended family. Think about what respect means for you (for example, you may disagree with another’s viewpoint but it is no reason to cut them off or speak badly about them). Respect of others is especially important when there are children in the mix. If children feel that they are being treated with respect it is much more likely that they will become respectful members of society. Respect does not mean that you give to a child’s every whim, however respect is when you acknowledge the child’s feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree or understand why they’re saying what they are. If, for example the child is missing the other parent, to be respectful of their feelings means to allow them that feeling. It is no use, therefore in this case, to say to the child “you’re just being silly, you just saw your Mom/Dad the other day”. It is more beneficial to acknowledge their feelings “…I can see you are feeling sad…. it must be really hard not to see Mom/Dad everyday like before…..” Encourage children to enjoy time with their biological parents. This is two-fold scenario and means that the biological parent and step-parent need to be positive about the child/children visiting the other parent. This means no bad mouthing of the ex-spouse and no interrogating children about what transpired at the other household and so forth. In addition it also means that the new spouse has to “allow” some time for the parent and their biological child in their new set-up. Be especially aware of what activities the biological parent partook with their child/children prior to the new relationship as it is often wise to continue this special time together. Remember that children will have suffered numerous losses after their parents separated, divorced or broke-up. Whilst some losses are inevitable, try to limit them as much as possible. Stepparents cannot and shouldn’t try replace the biological parent. First of all it is a no win situation. Sometimes stepparents fantasize that they will be a better parent than the biological parent and that the child will love them more etc.This is unlikely, (although there are definitely some stepparents that can parent better than a biological parent), the fact remains that the biological parent is always the parent of that child; it is a role that cannot be replaced by someone else. In other words no matter how bad the biological parent is and how good the stepparent is, the child will always have only two parents. This, however does not mean that the child cannot have a loving relationship with their stepparent, they certainly can

Good Night Baby

SIDS Explained

One of the scariest things for all parents is the reality of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). SIDS is the unexplained, unexpected death of a baby who is less than one year old. Because it usually occurs when the infant is sleeping, it is sometimes called “cot death”. What catapults SIDS into pole position in the realm of fear, is that it is unfortunately the leading cause of death in babies under the age of 1 year. What you need to know about SIDS: It is a very real thing! It’s unwise to assume that “it will never happen to me”, as approximately 2500 babies die from SIDS annually in the USA. The primary age group that suffers from SIDS are babies aged between 4 and 6 months. The syndrome affects more boys than girls. SIDS occurs more frequently in cold or inclement weather. Steps to ensure that your child is safe: A safe sleep environment is fundamentally important: Make sure nothing covers the baby’s head. Use a firm sleep surface, such as a mattress in a safety-approved crib, covered with a fitted sheet. Do not use pillows, blankets, sheepskins, or crib-bumpers anywhere in your baby’s sleep area. Keep soft objects, toys and loose bedding safely stored away from your baby’s sleep area. Positioning: Always place your baby on his or her back to sleep, for naps as well as at night. While some parents are concerned that a baby sleeping on its back is more likely to choke on vomit or spit-up, according to the American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP), lying on the back does not increase this risk. Babies normally cough up or swallow fluids on their own with no choking problems. Note: Parents of babies who have been diagnosed with Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) or certain upper airway problems should consult their doctors about back sleeping. In some cases, stomach sleeping is recommended, but this should always be at the recommendation of the child’s physician. Make sure that your baby’s airway is not obstructed. This means that your baby should never have his/her chin on his chest. This occurs in car seats, slings, and even while breastfeeding. Keep in mind that your child breathes primarily through his/her nose and this needs to be open and unobstructed. A baby’s head is heavy. Until your little one displays good neck control, it is important to ensure that it is always well supported. How can I reduce the risk of SIDS for my child? Never EVER smoke during pregnancy or expose your child to smoke thereafter. Conform to the required and recommended health care during pregnancy. Breastfeed your baby. Ensure your baby sleeps in a room with a comfortable temperature (not exceeding 23 degrees Celsius) during sleep. Give your baby plenty of tummy-time when he/she is awake and when someone responsible is watching. Where should my baby sleep? Whether parents should co-sleep or not is heavily debated topic. Studies have proven that co-sleeping increases the risk of SIDS. In many cases, infant death associated with co-sleeping is not the result of SIDS, but rather of accidental asphyxiation. Babies can suffocate if a parent changes sleep positions and accidently blocks the baby’s airway. Infants who sleep face-to-face with a parent are more susceptible to inhaling the carbon dioxide that the parent exhales. Soft, fluffy bedding can also suffocate an infant. If you do want to co-sleep, Good Night HIGHLY recommends safe co-sleeping options such as a crib extension to the bed.

Janine

Rivalry Between Siblings

The marvel of having a sibling, it can be a blessing for some and for others it could be a whole different and negative experience. The art of mastering sibling rivalry is yet to be achieved. The saying of it takes two to tango, two forces to collide; there are many, and all boils down to the cause of the tension or the circumstances the siblings find themselves in. Environmental stressors can also play a role in igniting tension in siblings and in the way siblings resolve conflict.  As parents we try to install good values and manners in our children and they develop an internal believe system, as well as morals of what is right and wrong. Sometimes they will test the waters, as well as your patience to gain the upper hand and to get what they want. Strong guidelines and borders are needed to teach them the value and meaning of discipline and for them to take you seriously. Each child is striving to own his/her own unique identity, personality and independence. In that process there may be challenges, road blocks and obstacles that the child faces, and could be reasons for the outbursts. The disagreement could be provoked by a third party, or an object, the root of it all is sometimes not clear, but the disagreement seems valid at the time. The sibling may think afterwards that it was all a silly attempt to win or gain something that is not that valuable in any ways. Disagreements could be about size, amount or value of the item. Negative bouts could be caused by an array of triggers namely, sweets, toys, gifts, tiredness, hunger, jealousy, taking turns, making choices, boredom and long trips. Rivalries between siblings are inevitable, and most of the times you cannot escape from that, but always know that you should strive for a good and positive outcome for both parties involved. It doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl, it could be opposite gender or the same gender. It also depends on the age of the child, when they are younger, temper tantrums are prone to happen when something is taken away or not given or handed over immediately. The temper tantrum can escalate or it can be controlled in a healthy and positive manner. For a parent, guardian or caregiver it could be a challenge to install control between siblings It takes patience and a clear plan to defuse the situation. Sibling rivalry could be an ongoing situation or it could only last a few years. It is valuable to teach your child the value of solving difficulties and to be a good example of how you solve conflict. Consistency is the key for your child to understand how things work and what the healthy way is to solve any problems.

Parenting Hub

Tips for helping a shy child

If you have a shy or timid child you know that it can sometimes tug at your heart-strings and be pretty painful. You have so many hopes and dreams for your child and want to wave that magic wand and make all the discomforts and problems disappear. Unfortunately, it is not so simple. I have come to realize that understanding behaviour is half the battle. Once you understand why your child is shy you can give your child the tools to try to overcome shyness and deal better with the situations that make him or her uncomfortable. Being a shy child myself I truly understand how painful being in social situations can be. Any help and any tools you can give your child will be stepping-stones to a well-balanced childhood. A shy toddler is usually a child that was born with a more introverted and sensitive personality. This does not have to be a negative quality as long as your child is comfortable in most situations. Keep in mind that personality and temperament is not something you can or should want to change. Helping your child gain confidence in social setting is the goal. Remember, shyness does not have to be debilitating. In order to help your child I would suggest that you consider your expectations. Your child has his or her own unique strengths and abilities as well as comfort levels. Ask yourself if there is any behaviour of yours that should be changed in order to help your child. For instance, if someone comments about your child’s shyness how do you react and respond? Do you push your child in certain situations hoping that will help? Here are a few guidelines that may help you and your child: Shy children are usually a bit anxious to try not to push your shy child into a new activity. A shy child will like to take his or her time to size things up and settle in . They usually gain confidence by watching first , participating second. Eye contact is key in most situations. A shy child will usually avoid eye contact. You can help by practicing eye contact throughout the day. When talking with your child calmly and quietly say ” look at me” or “put your eyes on my eyes”. If this doesn’t work try ” I want to see your pretty eyes”. As a last resort you can always say “look at the bridge of my nose” and that will eventually lead to eye contact. The more you practice the easier eye contact will become. Enforce confidence in new situations by rehearsing conversation starters. You can rehearse simple things such as smiling , shaking hands and saying hello. Practice with puppets and dolls or a telephone …all great ways to rehearse and practice, helping your child to be more at ease is the goal. Try arranging one on one play time. A situation with one playmate will be much easier for the shy child to handle. Invite a friend over, turn off the tv to encourage conversation and playtime. Keep the playdate on the short side leaving your child happy and confident and wanting more. This is our last tip…..don’t label! Labeling your child “shy” is something that can and most likely will, stick with him or her for the rest of their life. If someone else labels your child as shy you can gently and calmly correct them by saying ” No, he just likes to watch first” . Smile at your child and show that you are proud of him or her no matter what!   Written by: petiteposh

Parenting Hub

Baby’s first visit to the doctor

Diana Du Plessis on behalf of Philips Mother and Child Division It’s only natural for parents to worry about their baby’s health – they seem so fragile and as new parents, you are likely to panic about every cry, rash or change in behaviour. However, many niggles are a natural part of baby’s development and can be treated at home and as you become more experienced, you get to you know your baby better – enabling you to understand their cries and needs – where the anxiety somewhat settles and you become more adept in dealing with minor ailments. Many of the problems experienced in the early months are usually related to the baby adjusting to the new environment. Their skin might be flaky or there may be skin blotches that look unsightly. They will also be vulnerable to minor infections such as eye infections and thrush and, although it is a common occurrence, it will without a doubt worry you. In fact, it is a given that your baby will become unwell with at least one minor illness in the first year of life and you might find it difficult to assess if they need to be taken to the doctor. A rule of thumb is: They are crying more or different than usual Not taking his/her feeds Generally seem “off” – lethargic, restless or irritable for example. * See Symptom Checklist If you suspect that something is wrong, make a note of what symptoms you observed and contact your medical practitioner or clinic sister urgently as young babies can become very ill, quickly. Trust your instincts, especially in the first months. Finding the right doctor It is not necessary to take your baby to the paediatrician every time they seem ill. Your GP is well trained to manage all general symptoms, however, it is always better to choose a person who is experienced with babies and who can relate to children. If your doctor seems insensitive to the needs of the child, you may want to consider a different doctor. Ask family or friends with children who they trust – word of mouth goes a long way! Some medical centres make a real effort to accommodate mothers with young children and offer toys and books, while others do not (let this be a subtle clue to you) and as such, it might be necessary to pack your own toys and some clean clothes (if nausea is a symptom). Whatever the case, it is essential to feel comfortable and confident about who treats your baby. Ensure that the practitioner you choose is qualified and registered with the appropriate professional organisations. Ask the practitioner or receptionist about her training and number of years in practice. Trust your intuition – if you don’t like or feel confident with the practitioner you have chosen, or if the baby doesn’t seem settled with him or her, go elsewhere. Meeting the doctor  If you haven’t met the doctor yet, you might feel anxious, but at the onset, tell him who you are and what you do/did before you had the baby. Make it clear that you will be with your baby throughout the consultation – this is especially essential when the child is bigger and able to understand. What’s more it’s important to keep your baby on your lap, facing the doctor, so that they feel safe and not suddenly confronted with a stranger touching them. Do not hand your baby over to the doctor without telling them you are there – make eye contact so that your baby can always see you. To ensure you get the best out of the visit, here are some tips: Have a note ready with your baby’s symptoms or some of you your concerns. Don’t be scared to tell them about the home remedies you used. Rather be open and honest, as some remedies may interfere with the treatment that the doctor prescribes. Don’t worry if you feel you are being dramatic. Babies rely on their mother to identify problems. If you are concerned about a possible contact with measles, mention it to the doctor, they don’t have X-ray vision after all. Remember, it’s not always necessary to go to a medical practitioner. Many of the first illnesses can be diagnosed and treated effectively by a good clinic sister. However, do not hesitate to obtain medical help and support if you think your baby or child is sick.  Prevention or early management of small problems is much better than reactive courses. It’s natural to worry as a parent but often times a few adjustments can help the minor ailment experienced. Having said that however, it’s essential that you watch your baby, their reactions to food, their weight and of course if they are in any pain or discomfort to ensure you can consult your medical practitioner to ensure your baby’s start is a healthy, happy one.   Symptom Checklist Fever (over 37,5 C) Monitor 4-6 hourly Diarrhea (very runny or watery stools & mucus) Vomiting (more than twice in 24 hours) Rashes (that do not resolve untreated within 24 hours) Sore throat & fever Earache & fever Swollen glands (which often indicate the beginning of an infection) Coughing if prolonged or accompanied by mild shortness of breath & a reddened or blue face. Eyes (reddened or pink or a mucus or pus discharge) Headache & neck stiffness General irritability and crying with a constant need for attention Abdominal pain (especially in the right lower abdomen) Shortness of breath (especially if your child is asthmatic) Burning on urination Passing mucus in the stool Joint pain especially if accompanied by fever

Natalee Holmes

Lower Your Standards

This evening my husband came home and said to me, “Your hair looks lovely!” and while I desperately tried to remember what I had done differently to it today, not sure if I had even looked in the mirror at all today, he continued with, “I like the Bornean thing you have going on.” And then I remembered. I did nothing to my hair today. The wild, curly “Bornean” look I was sporting was a result of me having to be in about six places at once this morning, while he obliviously fell out of bed and dashed out the door to work. I had to get four kids out of bed – two to their respective visual therapies, one to hockey and one dressed and ready for his mom to collect, looking mildly presentable so that she didn’t wonder if he’d slept, brushed his teeth or even had breakfast today. Did he have breakfast? I can’t say for sure… there was cereal… and there was milk and sugar on the counter… someone had breakfast. Sometimes people see me in the shop with my three kids and they make comments along the lines of, “Wow. Three boys! How do you do it?” Sometimes I think, “It’s a breeze”. And other times I honestly look at them in my zombified stupor and giggle hysterically, “Wow! This woman thinks I am actually doing it!” Three is not just one more than two. Exponentially, there are so many more dynamics in our family than other families have to contend with. We have a friend who is a bit of a mathematical freak, and he works out stuff like this.  When they were calmly calculating the pros and cons of whether or not to increase their brood from two offspring to three, he actually worked it all out. I kid you not. (This is his formula: [n x (n – 1)] /2 ) And the dynamics you have to deal with, in terms of relationships alone, are quite something. And who knows what it is for four, five and six kid families! Each family has their own set of challenges, and I am not presuming to be special, nor make insignificant anyone else’s load. But generally, for all of us, I think we do all wonder how we do it. And I think I know the answer. We lower our standards. It simply is the only way to manage. If I continued to try have the neat and organised home I would like, and the ‘everything in its place’ at all times dream, I think I would simply go completely batsh!t crazy. It just doesn’t happen. And it’s not because I am lazy. It’s because I just can’t find it in me every day to be that much of a stringent drill sergeant. This is my formula: Kids are messy + Life is busy + Time is precious = Lower your standards. I am past worrying about the state of my house when people simply pop in. If we have three sets of school books and homework all over the table, then so be it. Or if we have been baking, (you know, on those days when I wake up with a Gandhi-like patience to have three boys in the kitchen at once) and there is flour all over, then that is just how that is that day. Or if we decide to lie on the grass and come up with cloud animals and pictures, and the beds don’t get made or the dishes just pile up, then that is what the plan for that day is. We are making memories. And memories can be messy. So I’ve lowered my standards. It took a good few years of me feeling like a lousy everything (mother, business person, housekeeper, wife) but I have finally accepted that my house will one day be beautifully pristine, but ghostly quiet, and then I am sure I will miss the mess and noise. For now, it is noisy and messy and a bit disorganized, but it is how it is. So if you visit on one of those days, I am unapologetically going to admit to you that I have lowered my standards, to have more time with my kids, to have more memories in their stores, and quite frankly, to just keep myself sane. Lowering my standards was very difficult at first, but now that I have my head around it, I feel quite liberated. I am not so stressed about how I look on days when the Bornean hairdo has to suffice. I am not overly anxious about how my house looks, if everything is not exactly in its place or the beds aren’t made with army precision. I have lowered my standards to a point that doesn’t make me completely frazzled, but that also allows me to enjoy being mom. And a happy mom, means more emotional space to be able to cope with the demands of this crazy, busy, messy life. So join the movement folks. Lower your standards and expectations. Unless you are Martha Stewart donning a SuperParent cape… it’s ok to have off days and messy days, and to once in a while not be perfect. Cut yourselves some slack – we are all doing the best we can and that is enough. I’m off to look in the mirror and see if this Bornean look actually works for me, because who knows, tomorrow I may need to wear it again.

Parenting Hub

9 Super ideas on how to empower your domestic worker or nanny

  By Super Nannies There are approximately one million, mainly African women, who are domestic workers and nannies in South Africa. According to CASE (Community Agency for Social Enquire), in the last decade very little progress has been made in reducing poverty. To date the recession has not helped this progress. As the employer of a domestic worker or nanny in your home, you have the opportunity to make a difference. Here are some wonderful empowerment ideas you can offer your domestic worker or her child. 1. Nanny training courses for domestic nannies Give your nanny the confidence she needs to care for and stimulate your child in a safe environment. Training your domestic worker to become a nanny is upgrading her job status and salary from a domestic to a child carer, giving her more responsibility and a better income. Price range: R1900 – R2000 Register here 2. Child safety and First Aid courses  for domestic nannies Give your nanny the confidence to deal with home emergencies or any crisis that may occur while your children are in her care. Providing her with lifesaving skills not only enables her to help your family, but she is then in a position to provide  assistance to her own family and community with her First Aid and CPR skills Price range: R600 – R1200 Register here 3. Driving lessons for domestic nannies Teach your nanny to drive. Save time on grocery shopping and lifting children to and from extra mural activities and any other little errands for the home. Teaching your nanny to drive can be a three (3) to six (6) month process that involves the nanny obtaining her learners licence, taking driving lessons and completing a driving licence test. 4. Cooking classes for domestic nannies Teach your nanny to cook a nutritious, home cooked meal. By teaching your nanny how to cook a variety of meals, you can ensure your family is getting fresh, nutritious food. Not just the quick readymade meals available from our local supermarkets. Having meal times already prepared or even just prepped, will give you quality time with your children in the afternoon and evening. Price range: R2200 – R2500  Enquire here 5. Swimming classes for domestic nannies Teach your nanny how to swim. If you have a pool and your children are allowed to swim, it is vital that the adult present, can swim, in case of an emergency.  This is a great life skill which will give your domestic worker or child carer a wonderful sense of achievement. Price range (Approximately R1300 for 8 lessons) Enquire here 6. Housekeeping course for domestic workers and nannies Up skill your char from a domestic worker to a super-efficient housekeeper. If your nanny shows initiative and pride in her work, offer her the skills she needs to become your housekeeper. An efficient housekeeper can clean the home, she knows how to delegate her time according to her tasks, and she has the ability to plan head and can manage any maintenance issues and workers in your house. Price range: (R800 – R2000) Enquire here 7. School education for your domestic nanny’s child. Help your nanny’s child get a good education. This is the most powerful way to make a difference to your domestic worker and enable her family to move into a better social class and have higher earning potential.  Many families who can afford to pay will send their nanny’s child to a local school in the suburb where they live. 8. Retirement planning for your domestic nanny Provide your nanny with a pension fund. Give your nanny that peace of mind to know that she will have some financial stability later on in her golden years. Many loyal domestic workers mostly retire without any pension of provident funds savings for their old age – making them financially dependent on the state pension, which is currently R1600 (2017) per month. Most domestic workers are prepared to contribute if their employers are willing to meet them halfway. By taking the financial pressure of the next generation, will also give her children a better chance to further themselves. Old Mutual does offer pension funds for domestic workers. 9. Skills development programmes for your nanny’s child School leavers especially young men can study and train through the Military Skills Development System (MSDS). This is a wonderful opportunity for school leavers whose mothers (domestic nannies and chars) do not have the funds to send them on for a tertiary education at technikons or universities. If these young adults have a grade 12 qualification, they can join this programme under the SANDF. The aim of this new training is not to provide the youth of the country with only military skills, but rather to teach them basic life skills that are required in a work environment. The military environment is just used as a platform to instil discipline, routine and work ethic. The new recruits will undergo various training aimed to providing specialists to the SANDF such as engineers, pilots, doctors, dentists and naval combat officers. The recruits that do leave can apply some of the skills they learn in the Defence Force to their private sector jobs as well. For more information on the above courses and skill programmes, please contact Super Nannies at [email protected]

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