Health - Parenting Hub

Expert Advice from Bonitas Medical Fund

Bonitas gives back

Members of Bonitas Medical Fund will now have access to free lifestyle vouchers as well as discounted offers on gap cover and financial services products through the Fund’s new multi-insurer platform. This is not another Loyalty programme. ‘Our members’ health has always been a priority and we strive to make healthcare as affordable as possible,’ says Gerhard van Emmenis, Principal Officer of Bonitas. ‘And while our various plans offer a host of benefits, we know that in difficult financial times money matters can add to stress levels. For this reason, we have adopted a multi-insurer platform which offers members discounted lifestyle vouchers as well as exclusive offers on gap cover and various insurance products.’ The past 12 months have been extremely difficult for consumers, impacted by the increase in VAT, the fuel levy and the resulting escalating prices. This has increased the burden placed on consumers struggling to make ends meet. ‘In 2017 a Financial Wellness Indicator revealed that 73.5% of South African households were financially unwell,’ says Van Emmenis. ‘2019 is no different. Consumers are cash strapped so being able to align with strategic partners to offer a comprehensive and tangible way to relieve the money pressure while helping them find them some ‘extra’ money, will go a long way to keeping them physically and financially healthy.’ A report published last year, which reviewed rewards programmes in South Africa, indicated that there are around 100+ existing loyalty programmes with the average consumer subscribed to about nine. ‘The economic landscape is tough to navigate and we didn’t want to add to the pressure already placed on our members by offering a loyalty programme for which they would have to pay an additional monthly fee for. Our multi-insurer platform is premised on negotiating exclusive deals to the benefit of our members. ‘They are designed to add real value aligned to member needs.’ Van Emmenis explains. In brief: These do not cost anything There are no points No levels of membership You don’t have to work for rewards The model is split in two. One: Free monthly discount lifestyle shopping vouchers to offset daily living expenses These are available from over 30 retailers and 6 000 outlets countrywide, such as Shoprite, Takealot and Edgars, as well as for airtime and data purchases and electricity. ‘The deals are aimed at the average South African, with discount vouchers for groceries, data, airtime and electricity. There are also discounts on activewear and gym membership to encourage a healthier lifestyle,’ Van Emmenis says. Two: Discounted financial service products through Medgap and Indie MedGap offers comprehensive gap cover at a discount of up to 26% exclusively for Bonitas members. Indie offers various financial products such as a funeral, critical illness or disability cover, as well as income protection at a discounted premium, together with a free investment at no extra cost. Indie will match and invest up to 110% of Bonitas’ member’s life insurance premiums, with cash drops every five years. The multi-insurer platform is supported by a new, revamped member zone to allow members to manage their medical aid 24/7, on any device. This includes submitting claims, applying for chronic medicine and viewing benefits clearly signalling a new era of medical aid has dawned.

March 2, 2019

Medical aid unpacked

When it comes to medical aid, affordability is usually the biggest consideration. However, monthly premiums should be weighed and balanced against the actual benefits and healthcare coverage being offered in order to make an informed decision. The biggest question around medical aid costs is why healthcare inflation is rising at such an alarming rate and how schemes deal with this. ‘Currently, medical inflation is outpacing general economic inflation by between 3 and 4%,’ says Gerhard van Emmenis, Principal Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund. ‘And while the jury’s still out in the form of the Health Market Inquiry into the private healthcare sector, fingers are being pointed at all role players from private hospitals and specialists to medical schemes. However, you need to remember that the former are all about the bottom line, while medical schemes are not-for-profit.’ Consumers, unable to make Rands or sense of the many plans available and what they’re actually offering, are often tempted to migrate to what is perceived as a more affordable plan, but with less coverage. ‘Comparing the average percentage increase in isolation is not an indicator of the value of the healthcare being provided,’ says Van Emmenis ‘We urge consumers to compare monthly contributions with the benefits to ensure they are getting the cover they need.’ He maintains that simply comparing the average percentage increase announced by the various schemes is not a litmus test for value for money, since it does not take into account the basis on which the increase applies. Here is a simple maths example: Two schemes offer the same benefits however, Scheme A costs R1 000 pm while Scheme B costs R1 100pm. If Scheme A announces a 10% increase (R1 100pm) and Scheme B announces a 7% increase (R1 177) but neither change or increase the benefits, then Scheme A is still providing the same benefits, at a lower cost, even though it announced a higher contribution increase. ‘That’s why it’s important to compare the actual benefits and contributions rather than only looking at the percentage increase,’ says Van Emmenis. This is where a Broker can be invaluable. While consumers are becoming more savvy and educated on the inner workings of the medical scheme industry there is confusion. Brokers assist consumers by making informed recommendations that take into account their specific needs. They also play a vital role in education around the offerings, how to maximise your benefits, how to benefit from Managed Care, both financially and in terms of quality of life, various healthcare terminology and assisting members with claims. Van Emmenis explains that schemes with a growing membership base will require additional loadings in the monthly contributions to increase the reserves in order to meet the statutory solvency requirement of 25%. ‘This is a legislative requirement and does not imply the scheme is performing poorly – in fact the opposite is true in this context,’ he says. According to data released by the Council for Medical Schemes (CMS), the market has not been successful in attracting young, healthy people who are less prone to chronic health conditions like diabetes or hypertension: Lifestyle diseases that adversely effect of the pool of contributions. The increasing age of beneficiaries is also a huge concern. The CMS reported that the industry average beneficiary age increased from 31.9 years in 2013 to 32.5 years in 2016. The pensioner ratio increased slightly to 7.9%, with a general rise in the ratio for both males and females. Schemes with an ageing membership base generally experience increased claims costs, in excess of inflation, due to the higher use of benefits. ‘We have seen around a 2% increase in claims by members annually as they age,’ says Van Emmenis. ‘In addition, all chronic conditions, except Type 1 Diabetes, have shown an upswing, ‘says Van Emmenis. ‘These conditions are PMBs that need to be paid in full by all schemes. So, although the regulation is well intended, it is without doubt one of the factors driving up the cost of healthcare. At the same time, there have been particularly steep increases in the cost of specialists and hospitals, which together account for more than 61% of total claims paid.’ Runaway healthcare costs are difficult to contain because of a myriad of contributing factors. Most rooted deeply in a complex health system where much of what happens is beyond the influence of the schemes. Take for example the over-regulation in the form of exclusion from collective bargaining by the Competition Commission. This leaves schemes with no option but to negotiate individually with service providers, blocking the development of a more efficient and cost-effective healthcare sector. Open enrolment also impacts costs as schemes have to accept anyone who wishes to join, regardless of their health status, which does maximum damage to risk equalisation. So what is the best approach for medical schemes going forward? Van Emmenis says that schemes need to continue to explore and implement cost containment strategies and offer value for money to members. ‘Access to quality healthcare remains a concern and priority for the majority of South Africans. Our mandate has always been to provide quality healthcare at affordable prices and this will continue.’

October 30, 2018

Medical Aid choices

It’s business as usual for medical aids… While the NHI remains a work in progress in terms of policy and planning, currently nothing changes in terms of medical aid schemes. As the NHI White Paper stipulates: Until the new system is fully implemented and operational, it is ‘business as usual.’ And, even when NHI is implemented, medical aids will still exist. According to Gerhard van Emmenis, Principal Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund, South Africa’s second largest open medical scheme, one of the changes that will be seen once the NHI is a fait accompli, will be a decline in the number of medical schemes. ‘From what I understand, and we are talking of the future, there will be three or four medical aids which will serve as complementary health product providers and fill the gaps left by the NHI.’ Medical Aid ‘launches’ will go ahead in September – when schemes announce amended plans and premium increases for 2019. Costs of medical aid It is also the time when new members sign up and existing members scrutinise and review their existing cover, whether it’s a full medical aid or hospital plan. Medical aid may seem like a grudge purchase until you find yourself faced with unexpected and expensive medical cost. Unfortunately, healthcare inflation continues to outpace general inflation by about 5%. So while consumers are struggling in the economy generally, medical aids have to explore ways to contain costs without compromising the level of health care offered to members. Time to scrutinise the small print The medical aid landscape can be tricky to navigate so it’s important to compare all the available options and schemes to make sure you find a medical aid that works for you and your family’s health and is within your budget. Bonitas offers some advice on what to look out for and consider ahead of making a final decision. If you are already on an existing medical aid Before you decide on the best medical aid option, you need an idea of what your typical health care costs are. Reflect on the following over the past twelve months: How much you spent on day-to-day healthcare expenses Were you or any of your dependants admitted to hospital Did you need to visit a specialist regularly How often did you visit a GP Do any of you have any chronic conditions How much do you spend on dentistry, optometry and over-the-counter medicine Did you exhaust your day-to-day benefits and/or savings in the year How much did you pay in co-payments and/or deductibles Then consider which of the expenses listed above were once-off and won’t come up again soon (such as childbirth) and which are likely to come up again and again (such as flu). Empowering yourself with information Also take the time to read the information sent to you by the scheme and/or your broker to ensure you understand what it being offered so that you can make informed choices. The day-to-day detail for new or existing members Often the cost containment measures medical schemes apply for the day-to-day benefits are broad. So investigate, or bear in mind, the following: Does your medical aid contract with hospitals, doctors and specialists and, if so, are you willing to use them and are they close by? Using contracted or network providers usually means obtaining full or improved cover levels. It also helps ensure you are getting more value for money as doctors on your medical scheme’s network will not charge more than the rate agreed with your medical scheme. Must you be referred to a specialist by your GP? Does your medical aid offer additional GP consultations, which they will pay for, after you have exhausted your day-to-day benefits? Additional benefits Ask what supplementary benefits might be available that can potentially save significant day-to-day expenses. These could include the following: Preventative care benefits, ranging from basic screenings (blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar and body mass index measurements) through to mammograms, pap smears, prostate testing. In some cases this extends to maternity programmes, dental check-ups, flu vaccinations and more. These usually require authorisation from the scheme, failing which they are simply met from your day-to-day benefit limits. Ways to get more value for your money Use generic medication wherever possible – ask your doctor and pharmacist about this Try to keep your claims within any specified sub-limits, e.g. optometry Find out if your option has any day-to-day benefits that are paid by the scheme from risk (not from your day-to-day sub-limits or savings) Using network doctors is an invaluable tool to make your medical aid last longer. It means that doctors can’t charge you more than a specific amount. At present, Bonitas has the largest GP network in the country. Age impacts your decision If you have young children, ensure that the medical aid option you select provides sufficient child illness benefits Check the maximum age of child dependents. Some allow students to remain on the scheme until they are 25, while others cut off at 21 or 23 However, if you are slightly older, then check that the option you select covers chronic conditions and provides sufficient in-hospital cover in the event of hospitalisation. Also keep an eye out for programmes that help you to manage chronic conditions such as diabetes and cancer. Ensure the affordability of the medical aid plan selected When comparing the different medical aid options available, consider all the costs involved before you make your final decision, such as: Affordability of the monthly contributions given your monthly income and expenses. As a rule of thumb, your medical aid contributions should be around 10% of your monthly income at an individual or household level As a general rule, the lower the cost of the option the fewer the choices available to the member regarding medical treatment, healthcare providers and medications. However, this can greatly benefit people who have very limited resources available to them for healthcare, or for people who don’t have chronic and existing

October 17, 2018

Medical aid payments

It’s a lament often heard. There are, however, two sides to every story and the problem doesn’t always lie with the medical scheme. There are a variety of reasons for non-payment ranging from members not following the correct claiming procedures or rules, benefits not being depleted or even providers not billing correctly. Gerhard Van Emmenis, Principal Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund gives some tips on what may have gone wrong and how to fix it. The important thing to remember is that medical aid scheme options differ, which means some options cover procedures that others might not, but there are certain rules everyone needs to adhere to. Your medical scheme will usually tell you the reason for non-payment. If you are unhappy you can take it up with them, however, the best advice is to first check that the fault doesn’t lie with you or the medical practitioner. Your membership number This may sound simple but it is surprising how often an incorrect membership number or dependant code is submitted with a claim. In some instances, this information is omitted or incomplete. A medical scheme cannot pay without proof that you had the treatment. Remember to update your details if you have changed your medical aid option or medical scheme. ICD-10 codes ICD-10 codes are used by medical schemes and healthcare providers, including doctors and specialists to identify specific conditions. These must be correct as they are a diagnosis for specific conditions. If there is no ICD-10 code or, for some reasons that condition is not covered by your medical aid, the account won’t be paid. Schemes also have sub-limits, for example they agree to pay for rehabilitation and the amount they will cover is finite, so check prior to the treatment. Certain dental procedures have definite sub-limits so it is important to read the fine print and check your policy for what is covered and what isn’t. Your contributions are not up to date It sounds simple but check that your debit order has gone through or that your employer has paid your contribution, non-payment of premiums could result in your bill not being paid – especially if your membership is suspended. The claim has expired Be aware that there is a cut-off date for submitting a claim. It is usually four months from the date of treatment. Ensure that the correct date is on the top of the account. Your benefits are depleted If you do not manage your medical aid benefits carefully you can run out of benefits before the end of the year. This means that you may have to pay the bill yourself. Different options have different limits for various procedures so, once again, make sure you understand what your option covers. Medical schemes are required to pay for Prescribed Minimum Benefits in full but you may have to use a specific provider. Waiting periods may apply When you join a new scheme there is a waiting period of three months and sometimes, based on your medical history, a twelve month exclusion could be enforced for certain conditions. If you claim before the waiting period is up, the bill will not be paid. Your hospital/doctor is not on the network Most schemes have hospital and doctors networks who agree on certain rates for their members. If you choose to go to another hospital or a private doctor you could end up paying a large portion of the bill. You didn’t use a Designated Service Providers A Designated Service Provider is a specific provider that has been appointed by a medical scheme for a specific service. If you choose not to use a Designated Service Provider, you may have to pay a co-payment or not be covered – depending on the Scheme Rules or your specific plan limits. Pre-authorisation was not obtained If you are going to undergo a procedure you need to get authorisation from your medical aid ahead of going to hospital and, once again, make sure you have the right information and ICD-10 Codes for this. You’re using medicine that’s not on the formulary Every scheme has a formulary, which lists chronic medication approved by your medical aid. These are often generics which are copies of the original medication but more affordable. Ask your pharmacist for a generic as a matter of course as it will ensure your benefits last longer. The procedure or treatment may be an exclusion All medical schemes have a list of exclusions which are not covered. This often includes cosmetic surgeries and non-medical expenses. Van Emmenis says, ‘If you read the small print and know exactly what the rules are for your medical aid and the plan you are on, you will be able to ensure that your benefits last as long as possible and that the bills are paid.’

April 24, 2018

Medical Aid and VAT

Since the announcement of the 1% Value Added Tax (VAT) increase by the Minister of Finance last month, there has been much debate around its impact on consumers and just how this will affect the money left in their pockets at the end of the month. With the revised general fuel levy, it’s clear that consumers will have to tighten their belts and adhere to stricter budgets. The rising costs of healthcare One area of concern is the cost of private medical aid and VAT. For years increasing healthcare inflation and economic pressures have been a challenge for the healthcare industry. ‘The reality is that when consumers are struggling, medical aid, which is essentially a grudge purchase, is often viewed as unaffordable,’ says Gerhard Van Emmenis, Principal Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund. ‘In addition healthcare costs are not regulated which is why it is crucial for medical aid schemes to continue to explore ways to contain costs without compromising the level of health care offered to members.’ Members’ contributions However he says there is some good news regarding VAT and medical aid because the 1% increase will not impact monthly contributions or annual benefits. ‘Many members are confused as to whether VAT is payable on medical aid contributions but let me reassure you it is not,’ says Van Emmenis. ‘The VAT increase will have no effect on members directly and what they pay every month. Medical aid contributions for 2018 are already set and Bonitas will not increase contributions mid-year to accommodate the change in VAT. So, while the increase in VAT may influence the price of services, it will not impact benefits.’ Van Emmenis says: ‘If your plan covers you at 100% of a Scheme’s Rate, you are still covered at 100% of that rate, no matter what the cost to the Scheme because the Scheme will absorb the VAT when paying for member’s benefits. The only impact is when it comes to savings and day-to-day benefits with members having a 1% lower buying power.’ The Council for Medical Schemes In fact changing contributions in the middle of the year can only be done with the permission of the Council for Medical Schemes following a request from the Trustees of the medical scheme. This is a rare occurrence and most schemes generally put through contribution increases in January each year. The law He adds that VAT is never the property of any private entity but belongs to the Government. ‘We are therefore only vendors that collect the monies on their behalf. From April 1, Bonitas will increase the VAT to all providers of the Scheme by 1%. However, although this will have a direct impact on the budget of the Scheme for 2018 it will be absorbed by operational surpluses and not passed on to members.’ Tax credits One positive announcement out of the budget speech regarding medical aid was around tax credits. ‘Medical tax credits are effectively used as an ‘expense’ when calculating tax and reduces the amount of tax payable by a household belonging to a medical aid,’ says Van Emmenis. ‘There are eight million people who rely on these credits to make medical aid more affordable. Speculation was rife that the tax credit would be removed but it is a relief that private medical aid members have some reprieve.’ Conclusion The bottom line: The 1% VAT increase and the additional 52 cents general fuel levy will have a knock-on effect for South African consumers, things will cost more. However, it will not affect monthly medical aid premiums or member benefits although it will have an indirect impact in terms of healthcare services being more expensive, which will reduce buying power.

April 12, 2018

Bonitas Talks Babies

When do advise your medical aid that you are pregnant? If you are a prospective member, you need to do so upon application or within 30 days after the completion of your application. If you are already a member with no waiting periods, you can access the out-of-hospital maternity benefits without advising the medical aid that you are pregnant. However, you need to obtain pre-authorisation for the delivery of the baby, which can be done from 20 weeks onwards. Are there waiting periods? Waiting periods may apply to members who join a medical aid while already pregnant. If you join while you are pregnant the pregnancy will not be covered. When do you advise the medical aid that the baby is born and needs to be added onto your medical aid The baby needs to be registered within 30 days from the date of birth to ensure there is no break in cover and your child will be covered from the first day of life. Are there any things you need to know or be cautious about when pregnant regarding medical aid so that you do not find yourself out of pocket We advise members to use doctors and hospitals on the network to avoid out of pocket payments. Bonitas offers a wide range of maternity benefits which includes cover for consultations, amniocentesis and scans as well. These benefits are in addition to savings to give members more value for money. Bonitas advises that any false information or non-disclosure of any material information provided upon application will result in the membership being declared null and void. In addition Bonitas Medical Fund offers Babyline – a dedicated children’s health advice line In 2016, Bonitas introduced Babyline – a 24-hour children’s health advice line manned by paediatric trained registered nurses. They are on the other side of the phone to assist with any parental concerns, or health related issues, 24/7, 365 days of the year. How does it work? Bonitas parents, or their caregivers, simply call the Babyline number on 0860 999 121 to reach a paediatric trained nurse. Through a series of questions asked regarding the health issue, parents will be provided with professional advice on what to do next. Depending on the symptoms, the advice might be to head straight to the ER or to see a doctor or specialist. The nurse will advise which healthcare provider is the most appropriate, given the health issue. The services offered by the Babyline include: Home care advice Clinic/primary care/GP referral for the same day Clinic/primary care/GP referral for the following day After-hours care within the next six hours Immediate referral to the ER The Babyline service is available to members across all the Bonitas plans, for children under 3 years. Sharing our content with parents you know will go a long way to making us smile for the day

January 17, 2018

Advice from the experts

Why should we limit out children’s screen time?

Our kids are growing up in a technological age. They are confronted with tablets, smartphones, laptops, DSTV and so much more. Your phone is seen as part of your image and our kids want the latest and greatest. So why should we limit them? The biggest concern I have is that kids are not spending enough time outside playing. The reasons for this are: It’s not safe Preschools are focusing more on academic performance More and more screen time is available in different formats Safety In the society we live in in South Africa it is a valid concern that our kids are not safe to play outside by themselves any more. Kids are told to stay indoors and this force them to play stationary games or be involved in screen time. Screen time The inventors of children’s television shows and games/apps target the primitive brain. They use fast moving images and bright colours to target our visual system. They use loud and quickly changing sounds to target our auditory system. When I ask parents how long their child is able to concentrate they usually tell my ‘O he can watch television for hours’. This is not concentration ability!!!! This is your child’s primitive brain being targeted and activated. Our poor teachers have no way to compete with TV and games and apps and we wonder why our children cannot concentrate anymore and why ADD and ADHD is being diagnosed more frequently in our kids!!! According to research a child younger than 2 who watches television has a 15% higher risk of developing ADD/ADHD. Thus a child under 2 should not be exposed to ANY screen time. Another big concern is that parents don’t play with their children any more. Most families are dual income households and thus mom and dad work full day and are too tired to play with their kids. This is not ideal but this is what is happening. Out toddlers don’t know how to play any more as they are not used to thinking up games or spend time inventing games. Creativity suffers. We now have to teach our kids how to play house-house, how to play with cars and how to entertain themselves by playing in the garden. Screen time takes away creativity. Academic performance We as a society are placing more and more pressure on our children to grow up faster. Some pre-schools tend to focus more on academic performance like counting and getting to know the letters of the alphabet than playing outside. Children should be playing outside nearly all day long to facilitate the necessary skills they need for development. Benefits of playing outside: Bilateral integration Postural control Activating the proprioceptive system Activating the vestibular system Sensory integration Socialising Gross motor skills Eye-hand coordination Eye-foot coordination The impact of limited outside play: Poor postural control So what is postural control? It is the ability to have stability at your big joints and to maintain different postures. Our kids are not able to sit still any more. The reason for this is that they don’t get enough vestibular (movement) and proprioceptive (deep-pressure) input. These 2 systems underwrite postural control. Children tend to slouch in their chairs, support their heads while doing table top tasks, exhibits fidgeting, rides on their chairs, changes their posture frequently while sitting. All of this is their bodies craving movement and deep pressure input. So what happens in class? Most teachers tell the learners to sit still. This will cause postural control to diminish thus postural control will decrease. Now the learner with spend so much energy and effort staying upright and still in the chair that no energy is left to pay attention to what the teacher is saying or to complete given work. These kids tend to rush through tasks or tire easily and fine motor skills then decrease thus they write untidily and make unnecessary mistakes. Poor vision Kids start using ipads /phones at a very young age, when the visual system is not yet fully developed and not able to withstand this prolonged visual demand at near. This leads to a generation that is becoming increasingly myopic (nearsighted), as we have seen in China in the last 20 years. Digital screens also emit a lot of blue light, which has been shown to cause premature aging to our eyes – our children will need reading glasses 10 years earlier than what we do, and research shows that degenerative eye diseases due to this excessive blue light exposure is happening at a much younger age (up to 15 years earlier than in the previous generation). Weight gain Obesity in our kids is getting out of hand! This leads to many other health and self-esteem issues Poor communication skills This affects their ability in making friends, initiating conversations and to resolve conflict So what can we as parents do? I am a mom myself and I know we sometimes use the television as a nanny. When we want to prepare a meal or have some time to ourselves it is easy to switch on the television and entertain the kids. When you have to do this please then make sure it is a program of some value and appropriate for your child’s age No screen time for kids under 2 years of age Children’s screen time should be limited to 1 hour daily while in primary school and to 2 hours when in high school Have certain times during the day when no screen time is allowed e.g. while eating dinner/having a braai No televisions/X-boxes allowed in children’s rooms Set the parental control on your television and internet (especially google) Spend time playing outside with your kids doing gross motor tasks e.g. kicking a ball, rolling down a hill, playing in the sand pit or sliding down a slide. Have their vision and eye-muscle functioning evaluated by an optometrist If you suspect that your child has poor postural control – take your child to an occupational therapist to assist you in improving this

November 17, 2016

What people without special needs kids need to know

Parenting is a tough job. Parenting a special needs child is a tougher one. And as human beings interacting with a special needs parent, we have the opportunity to make things a little bit better or a little bit worse. Here are some things you need to know if you’re hoping to do the former. It is rude to stare. Kids with special needs will often look different or behave differently to other children. This does not give you the right to stare, judge or gawp at them. These kids and their parents already have their plates full. They don’t need the added discomfort of your judgements. What to do instead? If you see a child having a meltdown in the shopping centre, how about asking the parent if there’s anything you can do to help. Don’t offer sympathy. It may seem strange to those of you not in this situation, but parents of special needs kids want to be treated like normal families – not like some charity case to be pitied. Yes they have bigger challenges, yes they have things they feel sad about, but they’re also proud of their kids, and have incredible gifts from their children that you could never understand if you didn’t stand in their shoes either. Never use insulting labels. Believe it or not, there are still people who will call a child a ‘retard’ or other such derogatory names. Please be aware of the language that you use and how hurtful this can be. We’re very aware of racist or homophobic comments and so should we be with any kind of intolerance. Be inclusive. If there is a special needs child at your school or in your child’s class, include them in parties and play dates. Go beyond your own fear and discomfort and allow these children to be part of the greater community. You will be surprised how much you will learn from them and you will give your own children the opportunity to go beyond labels and judgements. Don’t judge the parents. Parents of special needs kids are likely to be more tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with daily tasks than you are. Give them a break. If you see them losing their temper, know that they have probably been pushed beyond their limits. Give them a break. Even better, lend them a hand. Stop talking about your perfect child. Parenting a special needs child can be scary and lonely, and parents can often feel jealous of others whose lives are less complicated. They may even resent you and your child for getting to do the ‘normal’ childhood stuff and celebrate the ‘normal’ childhood milestones. Of course you are happy for your child, but be sensitive about not rubbing it in. Watch your questions. Please do interact with parents of special needs kids, but don’t bombard them with questions. They will talk when they are ready to talk, and some days (like all of us) they just don’t feel like discussing the intricacies of what they are going through. Have normal conversations. Speak to them like other parents – they are. And don’t ask: “What is wrong with your child?” Special needs parents are parents just like you. They love their children. They have good days and bad. They have challenges and joys. They worry about their child’s future. They want to talk about their child’s achievements. They need friends and date nights and girl’s nights and time out and a shoulder to cry on – just like you. Every child is special. Every child is unique and has their own specific challenges, talents, gifts, and difficulties. Keep this in mind whenever you want to judge any parent, and particularly one with a special needs child. You have no idea what someone else is dealing with, what kind of a night they’ve had, when last they slept, what new obstacle has just been thrown in their path. If we start every interaction with another human being by first understanding where they’re coming from, we are more likely to be kind, considerate and compassionate. Every parent is trying their best. Let’s start with that assumption.

November 17, 2016

An open letter to divorcing parents

Dear Parents, Divorce/separation sucks for the simple reason that when two people get together and have children, they make plans to build a future together. They do not plan for an eventual separation. So when it eventually happens, everything as they know it, crumbles. Everything will be different, and that is scary as hell. Today, thanks to extensive resources available, providing a wealth of information on all aspects of separation and referencing many people having gone through a separation before, separating parents are being presented with more options to separate with less trauma, and receive more knowledge on how to face and proceed mindfully with this life changing event. It gifts them a head start to engage on this journey in a manner that will not only allow them to move forward with less anger and bitterness, but mostly in sparing their children from broken childhood memories. Yet, there is increasing evidence of a rise in parental conflicts, court battles, evasion of parental roles and responsibilities, and using the children to control certain outcomes of their agreements not being met. Life is a never ending learning process. To discard available information and valuable support, is choosing to be a victim of your circumstances. Yes, a separation is distressing and hard on a person. It can make you feel like there is little justice and that life isn’t fair, but it should not become an excuse to waste your life focusing on a dream that did not materialise. Instead, evaluate if your conflicts are about hurting your ex or rather hurting your sons and daughters, because your conflicts are wounding your children in ways they cannot control. Recognise that there is in fact no problem. What you see as a problem is actually a change of direction. It’s not the end, it’s not a beginning. It’s a transition that allows you to plan for some different and new life choices. The time has come for separating and separated parents to address the crisis their families are in when going through a divorce/separation. Parents who are hostage to an acrimonious battle over custody and/or maintenance are not fighting for what is in the best interest of their children, they are out to hurt and destroy each other, no matter who stands in the cross fire. It is time to raise awareness that being in control of your emotions is the solution to forgiveness and healing, so that you can mend, and not destroy, your children’s families. The time is now to change the way you, parents, separate, so that you can give your sons and daughters a life which feels normal being happy and not which feels normal being broken. The Law doesn’t raise children, parents do! Nadia Thonnard

November 16, 2016

Choosing Medical Aid

Most medical schemes have launched their benefits and contributions for 2017 and it is the time when you should be re-looking at your existing medical aid cover or, if you are wanting to join a scheme, investigating which one suits you best. The medical aid landscape can be tricky to navigate so it is important to compare options and schemes to ensure you find a medical aid that works for you and your family’s health and is within your budget. Dr Bobby Ramasia, Principal Executive Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund, helps guide you through choosing the best plan, whether it’s through the open market or through an employer. If you are already on a medical aid scheme Before you choose the best medical aid option, you need an idea of what your typical health care costs are. You should also consider the following for you and your dependants over the past twelve months: How much you spent on day-to-day healthcare expenses Where you or any of your dependants admitted to hospital Did you need to visit a specialist regularly How much often do you or your dependants visit a GP Do you and your dependants have any chronic conditions How much do you spend on dentistry, optometry and over-the-counter medicine Did you exhaust your day-to-day benefits and/or savings this year How much did you pay in co-payments and/or deductibles Then consider which of the expenses listed above were once-off and won’t come up again soon (like childbirth) and which are likely to come up again and again (such as flu). You should be able to find a list of your medical claims on your current medical aid’s website. The day-to-day detail: Often the cost containment measures medical schemes apply for the day-to-day benefits are broad. So investigate, or bear in mind, the following: Does your medical aid contract with doctors and specialists and, if so, are you willing to use them? Using contracted or network doctors usually means obtaining full or improved cover levels, while using doctors outside of the network usually results in restricted benefits or co-payments. It also helps ensure you are getting more value for money as doctors on your medical scheme’s network will not charge you more than the rate agreed with your medical scheme. Must you be referred to a specialist by your GP? Does your medical aid offer additional GP consultations, which they will pay for, after you have exhausted your day-to-day benefits? Does your medical scheme offer any additional benefits such as maternity, preventative care or wellness benefits that are paid from risk and not savings or day-to-day benefits? You can also follow these tips to get more value for money: Use generic medication wherever possible – get into the habit of asking your doctor and pharmacist about this Try to keep your claims within any specified sub-limits, e.g. optometry Find out if your option has any day-to-day benefits that are paid by the scheme from risk (not from your day-to-day sub-limits or savings). Two examples where this sometimes applies are dentistry and optometry. Additional benefits: Ask what supplementary benefits might be available to you that can potentially save significant day-to-day expenses. These could include the following; Preventative care benefits, ranging from basic screenings (blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar and body mass index measurements) through to mammograms, pap smears, prostrate testing. In some cases this extends to maternity programs, dental check-ups, flu vaccinations and more. These usually require authorisation from the scheme, failing which they are simply met from your day-to-day benefit limits. A mammogram costs in the region of R900, so don’t look a gift horse in the mouth! Age impacts your decision If you have young children, ensure that the medical aid option you select provides sufficient child illness benefits. For young couples looking to start a family, check that your option provides sufficient cover for maternity benefits. However, if you are slightly older then ensure that the option you select covers chronic conditions and provides sufficient in-hospital cover in the event of hospitalisation. Ensure the affordability of the medical aid plan selected. When comparing the different medical aid options available, consider all the costs involved before you make your final decision, such as: The monthly contributions, as a rule of thumb, you medical aid contributions should not exceed 10%of your monthly income at an individual or household level Other costs associated with your medical aid option e.g. if your option only allows consultations with doctors on a network, then you must ensure that the cost of travel to a network doctor (including hospitals and other healthcare service providers) The cost of co-payments for various benefits claimed. A medical aid co-payment is a fee that the member is liable for when making use of certain medical services. The medical aid would not cover 100% of the costs and the member would have to pay for a certain percentage of the medical service before the medical aid pays their portion. These co-payments usually apply to specialist or elective medical procedures. This will differ from one medical aid scheme to another. It is one of the reasons why you should always do thorough research before deciding which medical aid scheme is the best option for you. The ideal option would of course be the one that does not require many or any co-payments from the member.

November 15, 2016

8 Kid-Friendly Yoga Poses for Peaceful Mornings

As parents, getting our sons and daughters out the door every morning can be a monumental task. Whether it is getting them to eat their breakfast, tie their shoes, find their homework, or brush their teeth, something inevitably goes wrong. However, by taking a few minutes everyday to teach our kids yoga, we can help our kids stretch, strengthen their cores, and naturally clear their minds. This can make a big difference in how our children’s and even our own day unfolds. Why Yoga For A Peaceful Morning? Each morning is a new day offering us the possibility to teach our kids confidence, relaxation techniques, and help them be a little more grounded as they start the day. Yoga offers to help our kids release pent up tension and emotions, while helping them physically. In addition, yoga can be done with the whole family, within a matter of minutes, without requiring a gym or host of athletic equipment. Adding yoga to our routines can help us all be more mindful throughout the day.. Yoga teaches our children to breathe, re-center, and notice their emotions, which is a life skill that they can carry with them into adulthood. Not only is yoga good for the soul, but research has repeatedly proven exercise helps kids perform in the classroom. Oh, and did we mention that it’s fun! 8 Kid-Friendly Yoga Poses for Peaceful Mornings Introducing our boys and girls to yoga while they are young is beneficial and helps them develop lifelong healthy habits. Whether you watch a child centered yoga class online or create your own workout, remember to have children breathe as they move. For example, stretch on inhale and release their muscles while breathing out. Listed below are poses to get the entire family started: The Sunrise and Sunset Pose. Stand tall and take 3 to 5 deep breaths. On the last inhale, raise your arms above your head and press your legs into the ground. Stretch your spine up, toward the sky. On exhale, bend at your waist and bring your upper body toward your feet, similar to diving in a swimming pool. Reach down as far as you comfortably can go and inhale again, slowly opening your arms as you stand, reaching for the clouds. Repeat 6 to 10 times. Help children see the resemblance to the rising and setting sun. The Mountain Pose. Once again, standing tall, press your feet down and straighten your spine. Slowly roll back your shoulders, bringing your palms together in front of your chest. Take several deep breaths. The Cat/Cow Pose. Get down on all fours, resembling a cat and cow. For the cat position, exhale and gently arch up your back with your head looking at your belly button. As you inhale, gently reverse your back and push your stomach to the ground for the cow. Exhale, and return to the cat pose. Repeat three or four more times. The Cobra Pose. Lay down on your stomach, stretching your legs back with the tops of your feet pressed on the floor so you resemble a snake. Spread your hands out and place them under your shoulders so you can raise your torso up. Stretch your head back to open the chest. Hold for 5 deep breathes. The Downward Facing Dog. You want to create a V shape by putting the palms of your hands on the ground and lifting your hips up toward the ceiling. As children get better at this, encourage them to straighten their legs or stand flat footed. The Fish. This pose resembles a fish jumping out of a river. Lay down onto your back and use your elbows to prop up your body, arching your chest up so your head rests on the floor. Hold for 3 to 4 breaths, coming down as you exhale. The Bridge Pose. While you are on your back, press your feet down into the earth and thrust your hips into the air. Hold for 3 to 4 breaths and come down slowly on an exhale. The Resting Pose. Lie down on your back and take in a deep breath. Exhale. Now, wiggle your body and then rest. As you breathe, imagine that you are filling up with a warm light that starts at your feet and spreads up your body slowly. When you are ready, sit up slowly. What yoga poses do you use with your children?

November 9, 2016

Cut to the chase…

I work with a lot of high-school aged people, in fact they form about half of my professional interactions. As a result of this, I come across many who self-harm in one way or another. It can be hard to understand why people deliberately hurt themselves. Cutting is a way some people try to cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or relationship problems. They are often dealing with feelings and situations that seem insurmountable. Some people cut because they feel desperate for relief from their emotional state, while some people cut to express strong feelings of rage, sorrow, rejection, desperation, longing, or emptiness. It can also form a system of self-punishment or punishment to those who love and care for the person in question. People who self-harm may not have developed adequate ways to cope with their challenges, or their existing coping skills may be overpowered by emotions that are too intense. When emotions aren’t expressed in a healthy, regular way, tension can build up, like a pressure cooker, to the point of boiling over. Cutting and other types of self-harm are often attempts to release the pressure and tension felt. For some, it seems like a way of feeling in control. For others it’s just a way of feeling something…anything. How common is it? Much more common than it used to be. Studies from the 1990’s suggested rates of 3% or lower. But more recent studies focussed on females, suggest that as many as 20% of girls between 10 and 18 years of age are now self-harming. Researchers at Yale University recently reported that 56% of the 10- to 14-year-old girls they interviewed reported engaging in self-harm at some point in their lifetime, including 36% in the past year. Cry for attention? So many people will take one look at the behaviour and say that it’s just a cry for attention and should be pandered to. Sometimes they are half-right in that it is a way of drawing attention to themselves, but to ignore it? Never. Think of it this way: If your child does not know a better way of drawing attention to themselves and their emotional turmoil, that is a huge, flashing warning sign that they have inadequate skills for dealing with their challenges. Why don’t they just talk to us? The urge to cut might be triggered by strong feelings the person can’t express such as anger, hurt, shame, frustration, or alienation. People who cut sometimes say they feel they don’t fit in or that no one understands them. Cutting might seem like the only way to find relief or express personal pain over relationships or rejection. They often lack the perspective required to realise that even if we don’t fully understand what they are going through, we can still be of help and support to them. It’s addictive. When we are injured, you brain releases a bunch of dopamine (our most addictive happiness hormone) to compensate for the pain. It becomes like a distraction from the mental pain that a self-harmer goes through, a really exhilarating one at that. It’s something that can be leant on when they are not feeling happy and need an instant “fix”. Think about the stressed person who needs a quick smoke to relax and you’ll be a bit more in the picture. Except that this “smoke” can accidently kill you a lot more quickly and maim you in a much more visual way. It’s dangerous! Firstly, there is the risk of accidental death as a result of self-harm. An artery or vein pierced or nicked accidentally can be fatal. A head bashed against a wall can cause concussion or fitting that could lead to death or permanent brain damage. Burning can lead to full combustion… let me not go on. Aside from this there is the risk of infection and septicaemia. Take it from someone who nearly lost an appendage to a simple thorn-prick, it’s no joke. Types of self-harm to look out for: Scratching or pinching: severely scratching or pinching with fingernails or objects to the point that bleeding occurs or marks remain on the skin. This method of self-injury is probably the highest reported type. Impact with objects: Banging or punching objects to the point of bruising or bleeding. This is no joke and I’ve seen one person repeatedly break their wrist this way. This same individual took his own life many years later, sadly. Cutting: Usually synonymous with self-harm, this type of self-harm occurs in roughly 1/3 of cases and is more common among females. This is accomplished with anything from scissors to surgical blades and can be the riskiest in terms of accidental death. Impact with oneself: slapping or punching oneself to the point of bruising or bleeding. Ripped or piercing skin: This type of self-harm includes ripping or tearing skin, usually with objects like needles, pins, hooks or other jagged surfaces. Carving: this type of self-harm is when a person carves words or symbols into the skin and is considered separate from cutting. Burning/Branding: using lighters to brand themselves is a very common as its relatively quick and uncomplicated. Look for tell-tale “smiley” marks. One thing to note, 70% of those who repeatedly self-harm use multiple ways to self-harm with the majority reporting between 2-4 self-harm methods used.

November 8, 2016

When do we get back teeth?

This panoramic x-ray is fascinating in the detail that it shows of a seven-year-old child growing and developing. Let us look at the x-ray very closely so that you will understand why back teeth are so important in looking after from an early age. The first thing that you might notice is that the permanent teeth are in the process of development sitting under the roots of the primary(baby). All the primary teeth are still in the mouth except for the two lower front teeth. Both permanent lower central incisors are erupting. On the upper arch there is a full complement of primary teeth. The roots are still intact and these teeth except for the 2 upper front teeth will probably stay in the mouth for another four years. On the lower jaw the primary teeth are still firmly attached to the bone. As the permanent teeth develop and move upwards they cause the roots of the baby teeth to dissolve. At the age of approx. 11 these baby teeth loosen and fall out allowing the permanent teeth to erupt into the mouth. The permanent teeth that are most well developed are the first molar teeth which can be seen at the back of the mouth. These teeth have now erupted into the mouth at the tender age of between six and seven years old. These are called the six-year-old molars. All the teeth are in an ideal state of growth and development. These teeth should last a lifetime in a healthy pristine state…with proper care and good dentistry But, the reality is often not so. Why? Because they erupt into the mouth at such an early age, they are extremely vulnerable to ravages of dental decay. They need very special care and attention. They are precious. Great responsibility is needed on the part of the parent and child himself or herself to keep them sound and healthy. This involves effective plaque control; a controlled diet of as little sweets as possible; and possibly fissure sealants in the grooves on the biting surfaces of these teeth Little cavities must be detected early and treated appropriately. If not, further decay develops. It is important to understand what happens when these molar teeth become ravaged with the passage of time and inadequate care… A large filling may fail if improperly restored; the tooth then needs to be root treated; the root treatment fails; the tooth is then extracted; followed by leaving a space or placing an implant… A downward cascade with the negative consequences which all could have been prevented.

November 7, 2016

Exam Stress

A moderate amount of stress can be a good thing. It can sharpen concentration and performance and help to create the energy and motivation we need to keep studying. Too much stress, however, can be overwhelming and stop us from being able to study and function healthily in life. Undoubtedly, it would be disappointing if you do not do as well as you hoped. Thus, instead of thinking negative thoughts it is helpful to challenge the thoughts (I won’t get a good job, people will think I am stupid, my future is over) with a more realistic assessment of the situation. Enlist the help of a friend, counsellor or tutor to help you to do this. It is very common to think that we will be judged solely on our academic achievements rather than as individuals with contributions to make in all sorts of ways. If someone believes that his/her self-worth depends on academic achievement, there will be considerable anxiety surrounding any academic assessment. Too much anxiety can be paralysing. If the pressures to succeed from family or others is extremely high it may help to contact your local counselling service in order to talk about this. WHAT IS STRESS? Stress is part of the body’s natural response to a perceived threat. It causes our bodies to go into a fight or flight response. The main physiological reaction is the release of a rush of adrenaline which gives us the energy to act. If the perceived difficulty is not physical but psychological, the adrenalin is not used up and this can cause increased muscle tension, heart rate and breathing rate. This then leads to physical changes (headaches, neck aches, stomach problems), mood changes (irritability, tearfulness, feeling low or anxious) or behaviour changes (sleeping problems, increase or decrease in appetite, difficulty in concentration). Exams lead to stress because the marks will influence final degree results. Thus, the stress is derived mainly from the additional meanings which get attributed to exam results. ORGANISING YOUR TIME Draw up a weekly timetable including everything you need to do such as revision, eating, sleeping, lectures and relaxation. Allow for sufficient flexibility due to the unexpected. Be realistic about how much time you can spend revising – if you divide the week into 21 units (3 a day), you should work for a maximum of 15 units per week. You should have 6 units to do other things. Allow yourself time for relaxation as it will decrease your stress levels. This is not wasting time as it will help you work more effectively. Plan how you will use your time during your revision periods. Decide on the order of topics and how much time you will spend on each. Stick to your deadlines. Prioritise – do the most important topics first and allow more time for subjects you find difficult. Set specific goals for each revision period. WHAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY CAN DO TO HELP Listen to the individual’s concerns, be sensitive and give him/her support. Encourage him/her to take breaks and go out from time to time. Inform them about various strategies. Help them to seek additional help if the stress is getting too much for the person. Reassure them that this is a sign of strength, not weakness. Ensure that they are having regular meals, times of relaxation and emotional support. Give positive feedback. Keep distractions to a minimum. SLEEPING BETTER Do not work in or on your bed. Stop working at least an hour before you intend to sleep. Stick to a regular bed time and getting up time. Maintain good sleeping patterns – 6 to 8 hours a night are recommended. Do not drink too much alcohol – it will prevent you from sleeping properly. STUDY PATTERNS Take regular breaks from studying. When you notice that you are distracted, get up and take a break. Fifteen minutes when you can concentrate is better than three hours of staring into space and feeling guilty or anxious. TECHNIQUES TO COPE WITH STRESS Some individuals may use alcohol, smoking and drugs as a means to manage stress. These may have a calming effect in the short term, however, they are not ideal solutions since it may cause one to feel worse afterward and thus impair the ability to think clearly. Eat at least one proper meal a day and keep the body hydrated. Exercise. This increases the blood flow around the body which increases clearer thought. Just a 10 minute walk a day can be helpful, especially in using up some of the extra adrenaline created by the stress. BASIC REVISION METHODS Step One: Read your notes and seek answers to questions. Be as active in your reading as possible – talk to yourself, walk around the room, speak into a tape recorder. Step Two: Close up your notes. Step Three: Actively recall what you have just been reading, asking again the same questions without looking at your notes. Write down what you have recalled in brief notes. Step Four: Check the original notes with the new ones. If you recalled all the answers to the questions then you have created a master card which you can use to re-revise without having to consult lengthier notes. Step Five: If not all the questions have been answered, re-read your original notes, looking particularly to those you missed. Repeat steps two to four. ON THE DAY OF THE EXAM Do not try to learn any new topics since this may impair your ability to recall those you have learnt previously. Look at some brief notes or revision cards. Do not study for the last hour before the exam. Time your arrival at the exam room so you do not need to wait about outside with others who may increase your anxiety level. Give yourself time to settle before reading the questions and starting to write. Use a breathing exercise to regulate your breathing and calm yourself down. Have a plan for how you will use your

November 3, 2016

Four Ways We Teach Children – Can you think of others?

Asking Questions. Our children are smarter than we give them credit for. We are so worried that they are not going to do what is right, or we are in such a hurry that it just seems easier to give our children marching orders. But asking them questions is a far more effective teaching tool. Often, they know exactly what to do and when they come up with solutions to their own questions or challenges, it builds their problem-solving skills. I always encourage parents to refrain from telling their children what to do or from answering their questions so quickly. Instead, ask them questions such as “what do you think?” “what will you do now?” “what did you notice?” Asking children questions also builds their own confidence and strengthens their faith in themselves. Coaching. Taking the art of asking questions one step further, coaching adds two more elements that teach a child greater problem-solving skills: Telling a child what you see, and offering to help. Putting these three concepts together creates a powerful method for parenting that will build the child’s coping skills. You are not always going to be at your children’s side to protect them, so you have to arm them with the ability to cope and survive. Telling your children what you see provides a perspective that they can compare to their own assessment. Asking them questions invites creativity and solutions. And finally, offering to help gives them the courage to take on things that they might feel are too big for them; whether it’s putting on a bandage, choosing a book report project, or finding solutions to teen problems. Living Out Loud. Similar to living by example, this concept takes teaching one step further and works best with younger children. By living out loud, you seek opportunities to set an example by narrating what you’re doing. For example, you are watching television and your child is playing in the same room. You want your child to learn that television is not what life is all about and that it should be limited, so as you turn it off you say out loud for anyone to hear: “That’s enough television for me today.” If your spouse does something for you that demonstrates respect, say out loud: “I love it when mommy gets me a glass of water.” If you’re serving the meal and your child is at the table and watching, you could say: “Everyone gets a small serving of pasta because they need to leave room for the vegetables.” Using this narration will teach many wonderful messages about respectful living, boundaries and limits. Accomplishments. One final method for teaching your children is through the examples of your actions and individual accomplishments that will speak to them for many years. It is more than living by example and the things you do on a regular basis. It is about what you create that influences others. I think of these things as “our works” that contribute to making the world a better place to live. Doing so teaches children important lessons about the power we each have to give back to the world, and inspires them to do the same.

October 31, 2016

ADD/ ADHD And Alternative Treatments

Over the past years there have been many debates and controversy discussions around what Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is? Furthermore how it is diagnosed and what are all the options to treating the disorder? The definition of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) has been updated in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). This revision is based on nearly two decades of research showing that ADHD, although a disorder that begins in childhood, can continue through adulthood for some people. Changes to the Disorder ADHD is characterized by a pattern of behaviour, present in multiple settings (e.g., school and home), that can result in performance issues in social, educational, or work settings. As in DSM-IV, symptoms will be divided into two categories of inattention and hyperactivity and impulsivity that include behaviours like failure to pay close attention to details, difficulty organizing tasks and activities, excessive talking, fidgeting, or an inability to remain seated in appropriate situations. Children must have at least six symptoms from either (or both) the inattention group of criteria and the hyperactivity and impulsivity criteria, while older adolescents and adults (over age 17 years) must present with five. Treatment options There are a number of treatment plans that are available to parents when making the appropriate decision when treating their child for ADD/ADHD. Nutritious meals, play, exercise, and learning better social skills are all part of a balanced treatment plan that can improve performance at school, improve your child’s relationships with others, and decrease stress and frustration. Pharmacological Treatment Stimulants such as Ritalin, Concerta and Adderall are often prescribed for attention deficit disorder. Such medications may help your child concentrate better or sit still, however there is a general debate as to whether or not medication is a ‘quick fix’ and what about the long term affects as well as immediate side effects of appetite suppression, insomnia and an overall change in the child’s personality? For some parents they have found medication to be the best result for their child, while others look for alternative treatments and see pharmacological treatment as the last resort. Homeopathy There are many other effective treatments that can help children as well as adults with ADD/ADHD to improve their ability to pay attention, control impulsive behaviour, and curb hyperactivity. According to Dr Raakhee Mistry who is a Homeopath, commented that Homoeopathy has often been used to assist with ADD and ADHD and has been effective. But unlike conventional medicine, there is no one particular homoeopathic medicine for these conditions. The ADD and ADHD symptoms for that particular child and factors that aggravate or ameliorate the symptoms, are taken into account when selecting the remedy for the child. Homoeopathic medicines do not numb or block symptoms, instead they work with the body to re-establish a state of equilibrium. When the patient is in this equilibrium state, the symptoms ease and the patient is able to function better. The aim of homoeopathic treatment is not to keep a patient dependent on medicine, but rather to bring the patient to the space where he/she can maintain this equilibrium state. Many homoeopaths also incorporate other modalities to their treatment such as supplements, herbs and probiotics. A child’s restlessness and ability to concentrate has also been linked to the state of the child’s gut Nutrition Good nutrition can help reduce ADD / ADHD symptoms. Studies show that what, and when, you eat makes a difference when it comes to managing ADD/ADHD. The following tips can be seen below By scheduling regular meals or snacks no more than three hours apart is a useful tip, which will help keep your child’s blood sugar level, minimizing irritability and supporting concentration and focus. Try to include a little protein and complex carbohydrates at each meal or snack. These foods will help your child feel more alert while decreasing hyperactivity. Check your child’s zinc, iron, and magnesium levels. Many children with ADD/ADHD are low in these important minerals. Boosting their levels may help control ADD/ADHD symptoms. Increasing iron may be particularly helpful. One study found that an iron supplement improved symptoms almost as much as taking stimulant medication. Add more omega-3 fatty acids to your child’s diet. Studies show that omega-3s improve hyperactivity, impulsivity, and concentration in kids (and adults) with ADD/ADHD. Omega-3s are found in salmon, tuna, sardines, and some fortified eggs and milk products. However, the easiest way to boost your child’s intake is through fish oil supplements Tips for supporting your child’s treatment In order to encourage positive change in all settings, children with ADD / ADHD need consistency. It is important that parents of children with ADD / ADHD learn how to apply behavioural therapy techniques at home. Children with ADD/ADHD are more likely to succeed in completing tasks when the tasks occur in predictable patterns and in predictable places, so that they know what to expect and what they are supposed to do. Follow a routine. It is important to set a time and a place for everything to help a child with ADD/ADHD understand and meet expectations. Establish simple and predictable rituals for meals, homework, play and bed. Use clocks and timers. Consider placing clocks throughout the house, with a big one in your child’s bedroom. Allow plenty of time for what your child needs to do, such as homework or getting ready in the morning. Simplify your child’s schedule. Avoiding idle time is a good idea, but a child with ADD/ADHD may become even more distracted and “wound up” if there are too many after-school activities. Create a quiet place. Make sure your child has a quiet, private space of his or her own. A porch or bedroom can work well too as long as it’s not the same place as the child goes for a time-out. Set an example for good organisation. Set up your home in an organised way. Make sure your child knows that everything has its place. Role model neatness

October 28, 2016

Travelling with your children

What’s the one job in the world, that doesn’t pay a cent, has no formal working hours and doesn’t offer you any time off? You may have guessed it, parenting! Despite what the critics might say, parenting is by far the most influential position you’ll ever find yourself in. The perks of watching your kids experience snow for the first time or to see how their eyes light up at the sight of a real medieval castle is priceless. With so many places to see and so little time, travel specialist, Pentravel’s CEO Sean Hough suggests ditching the map book and saving yourself hours of tedious research plotting your route through Europe by rather choosing a family coach guided holiday. Especially designed with kids in mind it could save you from whinge-worthy moments, like “are we there yet?” or “this is so boring!” Kids just want to have fun! For families who love to mingle, a coach tour is the ideal setting. With free Wi-Fi on board and anywhere from 20 to 25 other children for your kids to socialise with, its pure heaven. Although the tour is open to children between five and 18 years old, Hough suggests the ideal age is from ten to sixteen. Tour directors know how to stimulate young minds by offering dramatic and animated descriptions of sights. In the UK, expect visits to Harry Potter movie sets and overnighting in a real castle. Feel like a celebrity. If you were to rent your own car and travel through Europe, its most likely that poor old Dad will be the one driving around the block several times looking for parking before having the backbreaking job of offloading all the bags and carting them to the hotel. On a family coach guided holiday, you’re given the red carpet treatment and delivered to your hotel’s front door, while your luggage magically appears in your room. Absolute bliss. Experience a destination like a local. Blending in with your environment makes travelling far more relaxing and authentic. There is nothing worse than being harassed by a local haggler who triples the price just because he knows you’re a tourist. Tour directors are experts in local tourism and will show you the best places to eat real authentic Italian pizza that won’t cost you an arm and a leg, or where to find the prettiest spot to watch the sun setting over Paris to avoid big crowds. Stop counting your pennies. For budget conscious travellers there are no hidden costs when you choose a Guided Holiday. Before you leave South Africa, you and your family can decide on which additional tours or sights you want book. Border crossings, ferries, toll gates, gratuities and entrance fees are all taken care of before you leave home. Plus you are exempt from standing in line at a monument or museum and can walk right to the front of the queue. University of the World. It’s one thing learning about the Invasion of Normandy during the second World War from a text book and actually standing on the beach looking out across the English Channel with your kids while they rattle off details about the day the invasion unfolded. And then the enormity of a glacier in the Alps can’t be fully grasped by reading a text book or watching a video, however standing on it as it moans, creeks and cracks will be a moment that moves you forever. Show and tell will never be the same. When the kids go back to school, just imagine the show-and-tell moment, when they display selfies on the smartboard taken with a guard outside Buckingham Palace, or share stories about the day they spent at Gladiator School in Rome learning how to handle a sword and spar just like an ancient Roman gladiator. There are many ways to create lasting family memories but a family Guided holiday will change you and your kids’ lives forever. No longer will stories just be words on a page and is bound to change the way they learn and grow as young people. To see the world through their eyes is priceless but it will be them bugging you to book their next holiday even before you touch down. To find out more about the 2016/17 touring season contact Pentravel www.pentravel.co.za or follow on @pentravel. Bookings made before 27th September are based on 2016 rates minus 10%.

October 24, 2016

Punishment And Your Children

Punishment is a tool designed to make a child “pay for what they did” and to feel bad about the way they acted. The belief is that the bad feeling will stick with them and motivate them to not repeat the behaviour or action. But punishment has side effects that can create more problems for the parent then they originally had. For example, making a child feel bad can backfire and motivate them to hide and lie about their mistakes. It can also damage the parent / child relationship. Think back to your own childhood and remember a time when you were punished. How did you feel? How did you feel about yourself at that moment? What did you want to do as a result of the punishment? How did you feel toward the punisher? I’ve asked these questions numerous times in my workshops and not once did any adult say they felt good about anything in that moment. We now know that making a child feel bad about what they did affects the way they think and feel about them self. You wouldn’t buy one jacket to fit all of your kids, and you wouldn’t take one prescription pill to fix every sickness you come down with, so why would you use one form of discipline for all behaviour situations. Each situation requires a different solution. It’s not easy being a parent today and knowing what response should be used with every challenging behaviour. And it’s hard for a parent to change habits when they don’t have the right skills to replace ineffective techniques with more effective ones. That’s why I believe that parents should commit to becoming a life-long student when it comes to raising children. There are many great books that offer successful strategies and lots of parenting classes and workshops offered in the community. Begin by looking up information on, or getting help with, consequences and using them to replace punishment. A consequence is much more respectful to the child and can have longer lasting positive effects on him or her and the behaviour. And a consequence does not always have to be about the child; it can be about the parent. For example, if the child uses words that are hurtful to the parent or the child hits the parent, the consequence could be that the parent makes a strong statement declaring a refusal to let anyone hurt them physically or verbally, and then leaving the area where the child is. This type of response demonstrates (and teaches the child) about keeping them self safe from being hurt. The consequence is the child losing access to the parent in that moment. For example, the parent could say, “I don’t let anyone hurt me,” and then quickly walk away. In this example, there was no need to do anything to the child, resulting in a higher level of learning on the part of the child. Having trouble believing this? Try it the next time your child acts out this way.

October 20, 2016

Drawing Attention to #GlobalHandwashingDay

Global statistics reveal that 1.7 million children do not reach their fifth birthday caused by diarrhoea and pneumonia. This is a staggering figure particularly when you consider how simple it is to prevent diarrhoea and pneumonia. Regularly washing hands with soap is easy, effective and affordable; goes a long way to preventing infections and in turn saves lives. Handwashing requires only a small amount of water and soap with huge benefits, and Dettol SA through #GlobalHandwashingDay are placing much focus on the benefits and simplicity of handwashing. It is especially important to wash hands at regular key times ie after using the toilet and before touching food. This has proved to dramatically reduce the risk of diarrhoea and pneumonia – both serious illnesses that can result in death. Handwashing with soap will also prevent the spread of the influenza and Ebola viruses. Sadly, whilst soap can be afforded by most households around the world, research has shown that some of the world’s poorest households do not have access to soap due to financial constraints. Interesting too is that some of these very poor households who do have access to soap will more commonly use it for laundry, dishwashing or bathing and forego handwashing. #GlobalHandwashingDay initiative, is to create awareness around handwashing – the simplicity and cost-effectiveness of handwashing and the absolute benefit in the prevention of the spread of diarrhoea and pneumonia. #GlobalHandwashingDay initiative also aims to foster and support a global and local culture of handwashing with soap, and to shine a spotlight on the state of handwashing around the world. “Make Handwashing a Habit!” is the theme for the 2016 #GlobalHandwashingDay. This theme emphasises the importance of handwashing as a ritual behaviour for long-term sustainability. Changing behaviours to bring about the habit of handwashing is currently a hot topic and this theme taps directly into the water, sanitation and hygiene sector in terms of what they know about how habits are formed. Parenting Hub supports this valuable initiative #GlobalHandwashingDay and invite you to share this information and get involved where you believe you can. Send us a photo of your children washing their hands and your stories of what you’re doing to work towards preventing these awful diseases – diarrhoea and pneumonia.

October 14, 2016

Do your children know what integrity is?

Our children are the ones who have to live in this world when we are gone. They are the ones who will have to reap the consequences of the actions we take today and the decisions we make for the country and world. And their decisions will be a direct result of what we are saying and teaching them at home. So if you want them to live a peaceful existence, grow them in that direction. Don’t allow your opinions to muddy the waters of their minds. My youngest is almost ten. He is still small and impressionable and hopefully the impression I leave on him dents him in a positive way. But he watches me, more than he listens to me, and I know that when I “quickly check a message” in the car, I am inadvertently telling him that once in a while it is OK to glance at your phone while driving. When I am on the phone, and I say “I’m on my way!” when I have only just left, I am inadvertently telling him that it’s ok to twist the truth a little sometimes. When I tell him I will pick him up early today and he must skip sport because of xyz, I am inadvertently telling him it’s ok to sometimes shirk your responsibilities. The other day I was in traffic and someone cut me off, purely because she wasn’t paying close enough attention, my son said “Why didn’t you call her an old goat mom! That’s what you usually say!” It’s humbling to be called out for things you do that are leaving an impression. An impression you don’t really want to leave. I remember when I was studying developmental psychology, there was a cartoon in my textbook of a mom standing watching her little girl playing, and the little girl was sitting on her floor with her doll across her lap, giving it a spanking with a speech bubble that said, “I told you not to interrupt me when I am busy!” I remember the impression that left on me. And yet, here I am, fumbling through motherhood, doing what I believe is right. Mostly. If you ask me what kind of adults I want my children to be, I will tell you they should be happy, fulfilled, caring, kind people with ambition and integrity, and live passionate lives. But do I live that and model it every day? Am I modelling the type of adult I want them to be? Or is it a case of ‘do as I say and not as I do’? Do we have integrity? What we do and how we act, has more impact on them that what we say. So watch that your actions echo your words. Because your children are watching exactly that.

October 13, 2016

Looking after your little one’s skin during summer

Summer is just around the corner, and the chance to “unwrap” your little one from their layers of clothing is very tempting. Their little arms and legs have been encased for the past few months having them resemble sumo-wrestlers every time they waddle around. “Summer is the time when little ones can explore without the constriction of too many clothes, and being busy and exploring is what every little child needs for their development. It’s their job to keep busy, and our job to protect them while they are – and this includes looking after their skin,” says Su-Marie Annandale brand manager for baby skincare range Krayons. Annandale provides four tips on how to look after your little one’s skin this summer: Don’t forget a high SPF sunscreen. Your little one has been protected for the past few months from the harsh rays of the sun and it is important that you are aware of how much time they are playing in the sun. Applying a sunscreen often throughout the day is imperative, and even if you think that there is little chance of them getting sunburned still apply the sunscreen. A sweaty baby is normal during summer. When it is hot our little ones are going to sweat, but this does not mean that they need to be bathed all the time. Too much bathing can dry out their skin especially when the bath temperature is too hot. Use skincare products that moisturise and do not dry out the skin. Use a mild soap such as the Krayons’ Creamy Baby Soap Bar enriched with moisturising aqueous cream or the Krayons’ Mild Baby Soap Bar infused with pure baby petroleum jelly to give extra care to baby’s skin when bathing your little one. Gently Pat them dry so as not to remove too much of the moisture and then finish off by massaging in Krayons’ Aqueous cream. Keep them hydrated. Your little one’s body is made up of 60% water and their skin is the largest organ they have, which needs water to be kept hydrated and healthy especially during summer.

October 10, 2016

Connect, Communicate and Care

In my practice I work with people experiencing suicidal thoughts almost every day. These individuals range on a continuum from low risk for suicide, to very high risk for suicide and the way I approach them differs greatly depending on their degree of risk. Some individuals are at low risk. They have thoughts of dying, but they have never considered how they would go about doing this and have no intention of following through with their suicidal thoughts. These individuals are not overwhelmed by hopelessness and despair and are able to find other means of solving their problems or dealing with their difficult emotions. Significantly, they are able to appreciate that life can get better and that whatever is causing the suicidal thoughts will pass. Importantly, these individuals are not abusing any substances and are not impulsive in their behaviour. They have stable and supportive relationships with significant others. A person in this situation does not require emergency intervention but it would be useful to help them gain professional help to assist them with the underlying feelings that are causing the suicidal thoughts. On the other side of the spectrum are individuals who are at high risk for suicide. These individuals have a very high degree of hopelessness and significant despair about their current circumstances and their future. They feel that life will always be emotionally painful and they long for the peace that death can offer. These individuals have thought in detail about how they will kill themselves and may even have researched various options. They might have started making preparations for their death such as writing letters to loved one’s and sorting out their affairs or giving away special belongings. These individuals may or may not have attempted suicide in the past. Also at high risk, are individuals who may not be as determined and organised as the above individual, but who are abusing substances and/or are impulsive in their behaviour. These individuals may attempt suicide ‘in the heat of the moment’. Especially concerning are individuals who feel socially isolated or whose relationships are characterised by a high degree of conflict. Unfortunately, people who are at high risk do not always tell anyone how they are feeling and they take action in private. Still, you might notice certain behaviour changes that could alert you to the fact that someone is suicidal. These include: Social withdrawal. An individual starts spending much time alone or isolated. In the case of teenagers, parents might notice that where their child was once spending time engaged in family life, their child is now isolating himself permanently in his room. To be clear, this alone does not suggest suicide, but can can be an indicator that there is a problem and it might be worth connecting and communicating with the individual in order to understand how they are feeling and why they are withdrawing. Giving away special belongings. Taken out of context, this might appear that the individual is being generous or sentimental and this very well might be the case. However, it is worth probing and finding out what is motivating this behaviour. Change in mood. A person who is suicidal is more often than not depressed. You may notice that an individual who used to be well put together and functional suddenly appears lethargic, sad, irritable or angry. They may loose interest in previously enjoyed activities and their performance in work or school might decline. They may appear slightly dishevelled and you may notice a change in their sleeping patterns….sleeping a lot more than usual or being unable to sleep. They may lose weight or alternatively gain weight. Expressions of hopelessness. Hopelessness is one of the strongest risk factors for suicide. Some people may be direct in their expression of hopelessness saying things such as ‘what is the point’. They may talk about death and dying. Or they may be more subtle. You might start noticing that they have stopped making plans for the future or that their attitude towards themselves has become very negative ‘I’m worthless’. Substance abuse. Substance abuse alone does not make an individual at risk for suicide. But, if they are experiencing thoughts of suicide or have an unstable mood, substance abuse can often lower an individuals inhibitions enough that they act on their emotions whilst in an inebriated state. If an individual is experiencing suicidal thoughts and using substances, they are at greater risk for suicide. Planning their suicide. Obviously if you find direct expressions of suicide you should take these very seriously. Letters, notes, evidence of research into suicide methods, stockpiling medication, accessing knives, rope, guns, or poison, should be taken very seriously and professional help should be sought immediately. What should you do if you have noticed these warning signs and are concerned that a loved one might be suicidal? As this year’s slogan suggests, connect, communicate and care. Do not be afraid to talk about your concerns directly to the person involved. I often hear loved one’s saying that they are scared to talk about it, in case they put idea’s into the individuals head or in case they are wrong and they cause offence. This is not the case at all. Talking about it can help the individual feel less isolated and more understood. This alone can make a significant difference but it can also enable you to assess the level of risk so that you can get the individual the help that they need. Questions to ask include: Do you have suicidal thoughts? Have you thought about how you would do it? Do you have access to the things required to carry out your plan? Have you decided on when and where you would do it? How hopeless do you feel about the future? If there are positive answers to these questions, the person is at high risk. Practically, it is important to remove any means of suicide – weapons, poison, medication, knives, rope to name a few.

October 5, 2016

How to handle a picky eater

Does your child turn their nose up at the sight of green vegetables? Or perhaps pick at their plate and only eat food smothered in tomato sauce? Well, don’t worry because fussy eating is very common and they will eventually pass through that phase. We used to dread dinnertime or in fact any mealtime when our children were toddlers. We would prepare healthy meals with care and include all the food groups and make the food look appealing. Most of these offerings were rejected or spilled on the table and the children would grumble that they weren’t hungry. It was difficult not to take this rejection of our culinary skills personally. What were we doing wrong, why were they such picky eaters? We decided to tackle this issue head on and did some research and came up with some of our own strategies. Be a good role model. It is quite simple. You cannot expect your children to eat healthy food if you don’t. Your child learns from watching and mimicking you. You may have to venture out of your own comfort zone of eating and try new foods yourself. Remember, you are being watched. Share it. Invite a friend or a cousin over who is the same age or slightly older whom you know likes to eat. Your child will catch on. Group feeding lets the other kids set the example. Include your kids in the prep work. Let them be involved in grocery shopping and food preparation. If they feel some ownership over the meal they may be more likely to eat it. Let them prepare and cook. Children are more likely to eat their own creations, so when appropriate let your child help prepare the food. Use cookie cutters to create edible designs out of foods like cheese, bread or cooked lasagne noodles. Give your” assistant” jobs like tearing lettuce, washing carrots or whisking eggs. Don’t rush meals. It is quite likely that your child is a slow eater and this is a good habit to encourage. Offer plenty of time to eat a meal. Praise them. Even if they just have small tastes of a new food congratulate your child. For a picky eater this little nibble is a great accomplishment. Ask them how it tasted and encourage them to have a bit more the next time. Respect tiny tummies. Keep food servings small. This less-is-more meal plan is not only more successful with picky eaters; it also has the added benefit of stabilising blood-sugar levels, which in turn minimizes mood swings. As most parents know, a hungry kid is generally not a happy kid. Minimise distractions. Make the mealtime table a relaxed and positive environment. Turn off the television during meals and don’t allow books or toys at the table. Stop the Snacks. Don’t allow snacks and juices for at least one hour before mealtime. If your children are hungry when they get to the table they may be more likely to eat what you put in front of them. Remember, when you serve snacks try and make it at the same time every day and keep them healthy! Don’t use sweet treat as rewards. This behaviour is unlikely to encourage your child to eat the food you want them to eat and can teach your child how to be manipulative with you. Eat with your child. This makes mealtimes more sociable and enjoyable. Ask them to give you a spoonful of their food and you can offer them some of yours. Show your enjoyment at what they have fed you. Try and have your meals at a regular time. Kids love that sense of routine. Be patient, it takes time to develop good eating habits. Above all have fun together and let children grow up believing that eating is a pleasurable experience.

October 5, 2016

How to improve your child’s fitness

Recent statistics show a rapid increase in overweight children – a reminder for parents to prioritise fit and healthy lifestyles. One of the contributing reasons is the excessive amount of time children spend in front of the television, and the unhealthy junk food consumed while watching TV. Since children are kept busy with homework and extracurricular activities during the school term; it’s a better idea for parents to consider ways in which fitness can be promoted during the school holidays – when kids often have no choice but to resort to technology for entertainment. Holiday camps are an excellent option. Fitness and outdoor activities are often a priority at holidays camps like Sugar Bay. Unlike boot camp, which implements a very direct and strict approach to fitness, Sugar Bay integrates fitness and promotes a healthy lifestyle in fun and creative ways through everyday activities at camp. Here are 6 ways which Sugar Bay holiday camp promotes a healthier lifestyle: Healthy Meals The kitchen staff and programmer take the utmost care in creating a daily menu that is on par with the recommended daily dietary requirements set up by the South African Department of Health. All meals are freshly prepared from local ingredients, and salads and fruit are available at every meal. Choose from a variety of outdoor activities There are no compulsory activities at Sugar Bay. Kids decide what they would like to do for the day, which is ideal since it ensures that they will enjoy the outdoor experience offered by any activity they choose. Sugar Bay offers over 100 activities, most of which are outdoors at the beach, in the ocean, lagoon, pool or on the fields. All activities promote mental and physical fitness. Some popular activities include: Surfing, paintball, rock wall climbing, bungee trampoline, dancing, kayaking, skateboarding, BMX, beach volleyball etc. Lagoon kayaking is a great example. Kayaking is an excellent all-round exercise that involves both cardiovascular and strength training. Campers first have to walk about a kilometer to the lagoon, and then participate in warm-up activities on the beach before they begin the activity itself. While kayaking, the kids play games which creates an enjoyable experience, without the competitiveness that is associated with sport. Limited junk purchases The tuckshop offers parents an option to specify how much their children can spend on snacks versus souvenirs. Since the children are served three healthy meals per day, this limit prevents children from purchasing too much junk food. The tuckshop also stocks a variety of healthy snacks, like dried fruit and nuts, to ensure that there are always healthier options available. Daily walks Everyday begins and ends with an invigorating exercise routine – walks along the canopy boardwalks. The cabins are a distance from the communal hall, which means that each walk to the cabin is a healthy dose of uphill exercise, and an energising opportunity to enjoy the fresh air and forest surroundings. Technology-free zone Camp is a technology-free zone. No one is sitting around with their cellphones, tablets or laptops. No one is missing these items either, because everyone is entertained by the company of friends and the endless options of fun activities. Camp shows kids alternative ways to enjoy themselves. Healthier, more active ways. It is for this reason then , that it’s important for kids to disconnect during the school holidays. Good rest Unlike boot camp, Sugar Bay ensures that campers get enough rest everyday. Bed times are allocated according to age groups, and everyone gets at least 8 hours a night. When there has been an exceptionally busy day, late-wake up times are scheduled. During the day, breaks are allocated between 30 minutes and two hours, so that kids can recharge between activities. Camp isn’t just a holiday away from home, it is the perfect opportunity to get your kids active, improve their physical fitness and encourage a healthier lifestyle while still having fun.

October 4, 2016

Spring allergies and breathing difficulties

While families are gearing up for spring after a cold winter, planning picnics and hikes with children, others are dreading the allergy season and the medical difficulties it brings along with it. Lets focus on the two most common respiratory related conditions children suffer from and are most prevalent in the winter and early spring seasons, asthma and croup. While both affect your child’s breathing and the symptoms may seem similar, the conditions are very different and often the methods treatment too. Lets start with croup. Croup is classified as an upper respiratory condition, which means, unlike asthma, the constriction of the airways happens higher up, in the trachea (windpipe) and larynx (voice box). It most commonly affects children aging from six months to three years however younger babies may develop it as well as children into their early teens, it is less common though. A virus called parainfluenza causes it. Despite the name it is not what we know as flu but can cause result in a runny nose, fever and cough. While this is the most common cause, allergies are also a trigger. Although croup is often a rapid onset, parents who are aware that their child suffers from croup can help prevent it by steering the child clear of known allergies such as dust, pollen, certain food additives such as Tartrazine as well as monitoring colds the child may develop. It is identified by a barking cough, horse voice and stridor (grating breathing sounds). If croup is caught early or a mild case is experienced, simply encouraging the child to inhale steam over a basin or in a shower may well ease the constriction. In more aggressive cases, a trip to the emergency room may be necessary for oxygen therapy and a course of corticosteroids such as prednisone. Do not play the “waiting game” as croup tends to worsen as the temperature drops at night. Remember to try keeping the child calm. They will be distressed and panic as well as crying often worsens the symptoms. Asthma on the other hand is a lower respiratory condition and affects the bronchioles (small tubes delivering air through the lungs). Asthma is considered a lifetime condition, especially is it develops in adulthood however children are known to “grow out of it”, however it may return later in life due to lifestyle changes or menopause. It is common for children to suffer from asthma if there is a history of it in the family however there are many other causes including pre-birth risks and environmental influences. Triggers are causes for attacks to take place and range from a cold, chest infection, environmental aspects such as change in season to allergies, emotional stress, open fires, mold and exercise and is identified by wheezing, coughing, difficulty in breathing and a tight chest Sadly asthma kills up to 45% of suffers before they reach hospital which is why, when symptoms develop and are considered “out of control” (an inhaler or nebulizer does not ease symptoms considerably), it is important that we take the child to hospital or call an ambulance timeously. Should your child have been diagnosed with asthma, it is imperative that we carry an inhaler on us at all times. For young children, a spacer (plastic adaptor) should be placed on the front of the inhaler to hold the burst of medication, as it is more difficult for them to synchronize their breath with the inhaler. Be careful not to confuse the two different types of inhalers. One is used when an attack is experienced; inhalers such as Asthavent or Ventolin are rapid acting and ease the constriction for almost instant relief and can be bought over the counter. The other is a steroid based inhaler such as Budeflam and is used for long-term treatment. This will not provide the relief the child needs in the case of an attack. Nebulizers are often used during an attack and provide similar relief as inhalers. The nebulizer is a machine, which reduces the same drugs you find in inhalers from a liquid form to a mist, which the child then inhales. Studies have shown that children under the age of five, using an inhaler with the correct spacer often benefit more than using a nebulizer. The inhaler administers a lower dosage of medication, however in a far shorter space of time, the nebulizers, which take up to 15 minutes to administer the metered dosage also has a loss rate of over 90% which means the child only inhales less than 10% of the medication versus the 10-40% when using an inhaler. This is not to say nebulizers are not recommended. They are great when dealing with a child who either refuses or is too young to inhale spay from an inhaler. Be aware that a rapid heart rate is also associated with the nebulizer and far less often with the inhaler. While the use of steam like in croup for treatment has never really been clinically proven to be effective, it may help some sufferers, but also worsen others so be careful if choosing to use this method. If you suspect the environment the child is in may be causing the attack, remove them from the environment as quickly as possible. Try and keep them calm and “coach” their breathing, crying may also exacerbate the symptoms. Always be prepared for known respiratory conditions. Both the conditions we have discussed, if not preventable, are treatable if the correct action is taken timeously. Don’t ever think you are being dramatic by calling an ambulance or taking a child to hospital if you are concerned. They are your children and quick, decisive actions and training will save their lives.

October 3, 2016

How to Avert a Parent’s Nightmare

Close your eyes and imagine for a moment that your child is now 16 years old. It’s a week night and he or she is stressing over a test at school the next day. They tell you that some friends are coming by to pick them up to go to the library to study for this exam. You trust that your teen is being truthful and you watch the car drive away, headed to the town library. But what happens next is a parent’s nightmare. Somewhere between your house and the library, your child’s friends discuss going to a party they heard about on social media that has no adult chaperones. Your teen objects to the idea but in that moment influenced by peer pressure, the group decides to go find that party and your teenager goes along for the ride. Your teen may be thinking that there is still a possibility that the library will be their real and final destination that night. Later that evening, the young party-goers begin pairing off and disappearing in rooms and dark corners of the house. Your teen is on their best behavior and ignores the fact that the crowd is thinning out. Suddenly, another teenager begins flirting with yours and the situation gets very uncomfortable. They are able to fend off the advances and moves to another room of the house, only to be approached by someone else. Reacting quickly, your child exits the house, sits down on the front steps, and begins to wonder what to do next. They think about going and finding the friend who drove the car, but quickly realize how awkward that could be. Then, your child calls you from their cell phone without hesitation. They admit to you not being at the library, apologize sincerely, and provide you with the address to come pick them up. Their last words were, “Please come quickly.” I bet I’d have trouble finding any parent who wouldn’t want this to be the outcome for a similar situation involving their teenager. So, in order for your (future) teen to feel comfortable taking this action in a similar situation, what would be required to exist in your relationship with your child? If you said trust, you’re right. In that trust, your teen would have to feel safe calling and being with you, not feeling fearful of repercussions to admitting they made a mistake, and feeling comfortable calling you for help. Now come back to the present moment. Want to know what you can begin doing now on a daily basis to ensure that your relationship with your children will be built on trust? Here are six things you can begin doing immediately. Listen More and Lecture Less. Announce an “open door policy” in your family that your children (and teens) can talk to you anytime, about anything, and without judgment, ridicule, or punishment. Remain Calm if You Catch Them in a Lie. Lying is normal for most children and a natural means of protection from parents who get angry and punitive in reaction to mistakes, poor judgment or misbehavior. Commit to NOT Yelling. No human, child or adult, enjoys being yelled at. It kills the spirit, fosters fear, and provokes fight or flight; your child or teen will yell back or ‘run away.’ Quell Your Anger. Understand your own emotions and do all you can to manage them. If you’re easily brought to anger, seek out professional counseling. Develop the habit of taking a timeout to cool down before speaking or taking action in the face of your child’s behavior. Apologize When You Make a Mistake. Tell your family that you are working on learning to be a calmer parent (and spouse). When you make a mistake and yell, spank or punish, take ownership for what you said or did and apologize for it. Provide a ‘make up’ to the recipient of your words or actions and acknowledge the fact that you’re a “work in progress.” Use Consequences Instead of Punishment. Punishment in response to a child or teen’s behavior is designed to make them feel bad for what they did. What makes consequences more powerful is that they are respectful to the child, they are reasonable, and they are related to the behavior in question. Consequences are also implemented void of anger and retribution, a feeling of ‘getting even’ with the child or teenager. Now I’m sure some of you reading this may be saying to yourselves, “I remember lying to my parents too, and going to the library was an excuse I gave. It’s no big deal.” I too remember going to parties in which there was no adult supervision. Our parents probably left us unattended more than parents do today, but the world seemed safer then. Let me caution you that things have changed and so have the risks. Thanks to the media, a more bold entertainment industry, the Internet, and more plentiful, harmful substances, our children, teenagers, and young adults are exposed to far more pressures and messages than we were, that promiscuous behavior, drug use and recreational sex are OK. A relationship between a parent and a child that is built on trust is one in which the child feels comfortable and safe to call the parent, even when they’ve done something wrong. What are YOU going to begin doing today to cultivate a relationship with your child based on trust?

September 29, 2016

Respect

A while back I was doing research & developing a workshop for an NGO on conflict. Amongst other things, it deals with certain areas that create conflict such as people’s different levels of motivation & value structures and is written with Life Coaching ethos in mind. The purpose is to give everyone attending the course a clear understanding that everyone around us has a distinctly different reality from our own and that it is as equally valid as our own. And so while I was working through the workbook as well as the required power point presentation it dawned on me that it is really is all about one a little word – Respect. As a whole human beings do not respect each other. While we understand & acknowledge the concept, in reality, life has become so intense and stressful that most of us are thankful when we make it through yet another day. Never mind your impact on the lives of others. So what if we started to change this? The big question of course is how, because this lack of respect has become an intrinsic part of our culture. What if we started with our children? We as parents, while providing security & guidance to our children should be fostering the principle of respect. How? By treating our children with respect. By allowing them to develop into who they are. By not belittling their efforts or enforcing our reality onto them. If more children grew up understanding who they were and being allowed to develop the skills true to themselves, can you just imagine what a difference it could make to the rate our children are diagnosed with various stress related illnesses. A bit dramatic you may think, however, a fundamental lack of respect eats away at the core of your being and feeling has to come out somewhere. Do you allow your child the freedom to close their bedroom door when they need their space? Do you respect their space by knocking on the door before going into their room? Do you give them the opportunity to express their feelings and ideas, no matter how young they are? Do you guide or do you dictate? As parents we are responsible for teaching our children respect & tolerance of different belief systems. We are doing them & our country, in fact the world the greatest disservice by teaching them that people with different values, culture, beliefs etc are wrong if they are different to ours. Why has human kind become so threatened by differences, instead of embracing them and seeing them as for what they are? Different. Not wrong or evil, just different. It of course doesn’t stop their. We need to put our words into practice & actively show respect for our extended family, yes that includes the mother-in-law, colleagues, people using the same road, people walking passed you. After all, our children learn by watching us. The age of do as I say, is long gone. Children today expect us to honour our word. Think about it. If we were all just a little bit more respectful in our day to day lives, what a difference it would make. Of course we are all going to have that bad day when all you want to do is rip heads off, there again, if you go back, acknowledge that you were wrong & say sorry, you have gone a long way to earn respect. You have modelled appropriate behaviour. What the other person chooses to do with that is in fact not your concern. They have their own reality to deal with.

September 28, 2016

Hospital Plans

You know that sinking feeling when you go into hospital for a procedure believing you are covered? When it takes longer to recover from the shock of the bill than the actual surgery? Thousands of people who have health insurance are waking up to the fact that the term can be a classic contradiction. Far too many consumers are confused between the terms hospital plan and health insurance. This is not made any easier by the fact that health insurance is available in two forms – GAP Cover and hospital insurance. According to Dr Bobby Ramasia, Principal Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund, the National Treasury has been approached to make amendments to the Demarcation Act in terms of medical aid schemes and medical insurance. Currently, medical aid schemes and the hospital plans they offer are not considered as insurance because medical schemes are non-profit, strictly controlled and regulated by the Council for Medical Schemes and the Medical Schemes Act 131 of 1998. However, medical insurance policies are ‘for profit’ companies. The recommended changes to policy will also address when insurance is paid out – the industry is pushing for this to come into effect from day one as opposed to a waiting period of a few days. Medical Aid Hospital Plans A hospital plan provides you with basic, yet important medical cover. They differ from scheme to scheme but in essence this plan – regulated by the Council for Medical Schemes – includes cover for all your required in-hospital procedures and check-ups. So when you are admitted into hospital for a procedure or due to an accident or illness, your expenses are covered – within the limits set by your particular plan. You are required to cover almost all of the other day-to-day out of hospital costs (such as visits to the doctor, specialists and medicine). The law also requires that medication for 27 chronic conditions – known as Prescribed Minimum Benefits or PMBs – must be covered by all medical plans, including hospital plans. These include: Addison’s disease Asthma Bronchiectasis Cardiac failure Cardiomyopathy Chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder Chronic renal disease Coronary artery disease Crohn’s disease Diabetes insipidus Diabetes type 1 Diabetes type 2 Dysrhythmias Epilepsy Glaucoma Haemophilia Hyperlipidaemia Hypertension Hypothyroidism Multiple sclerosis Parkinson’s disease Rheumatoid arthritis Schizophrenia Systemic lupus erythematosus Ulcerative colitis Bipolar Mood Disorder However, at times there may be a shortfall between what the Plan pays and the actual tariffs charged by the hospital and specialists. You will be expected to make up the financial difference and this is where GAP Cover or a Hospital Insurance policy can help cover the shortfall. Health insurance The good cop GAP Cover as the name suggests, assists with additional insurance cover to help pay for the difference between specialist charges and the amount paid by the hospital plan. Again the amount of cover differs from policy to policy. Many consumers purchase GAP Cover in conjunction with a hospital plan to provide for additional cover, however it can only be used for specialist service costs and not general healthcare related costs. Bonitas says that the proposed amendments propose that GAP Cover includes any and all shortfall costs for health related services and products, ie, between the costs that medical schemes are obliged to cover and what is charged by the medical practitioner. GAP cover complements medical schemes – it has never been a problem as it covers the costs between medical scheme tariffs and benefit limits. It is legitimate and a good cover for shortfalls. The bad cop Hospital insurance is not a medical aid but rather provides you with cash benefits that are paid to you while you are in hospital due to illness, accidents or intensive care of convalescence. You are able to use the money however you please, to cover your medical expenses or daily household costs. In short, hospital insurance is: Governed by the Financial Services Act (Short-term Insurance Act) Does not cover Prescribed Minimum Benefits (PMBs) Can include Personal Accident risk cover such as disability and loss of limbs, inability to work, salary protection, death and/or funeral covers. Paid directly to the Insured Used in conjunction with Medical Aid Not tax deductible So why the bad cop? Firstly it is a set amount which might not cover your hospital or medical bills, leaving you financially short and, in many cases, it does not kick in until a waiting period of three to five days. You will be responsible for settling all your medical bills and although the thought of being paid R5 000 a day while you’re are in hospital sounds appealing, this usually falls way short of the actual costs charged by surgeons, anaesthetists and hospitals. Turning the bad cop good The new amendments propose introducing payment from day one rather than having a waiting period and, as with gap cover and hospital plans, hospital insurance will be far more regulated going forward to ensure the practical protection of a consumer’s medical needs. The best news though is that the guidelines are opening the door for collaboration between medical schemes and insurance providers to offer a broader product range. ‘We have seen a growth in health insurance products over the past few years,’ says Dr Ramasia. ‘This is mainly due to medical aid being prohibitive for low income earners. For those strapped for cash there are healthcare options though. We suggest you shop around for the best plan that covers your – and your family’s – healthcare needs and your pocket.’

September 22, 2016

Psychological study discovers new era of ‘digital best friends’, Kaspersky Lab reports

A third of consumers are willing to ditch their friends for their smartphone. Yet 93% willingly give away their smartphone PIN when asked – putting the safety of their ‘digital best friend’ at risk. An experiment, which asked participants to rate various people and objects in their lives in order of importance, has discovered that 37% of participants rate their smartphone as more, or equally, important as their close friends. The results of the experiment, which was conducted by the universities of Würzburg and Nottingham Trent, on behalf of Kaspersky Lab, show that smartphones are set to overtake friends in importance. The experiment asked participants to position images representing various people and objects in their lives, in relation to themselves on a diagram of a chessboard. While family, friends and pets were generally placed closer to the participant than their smartphone, many other significant people in the participant’s lives – including the people they work or study with every day – took a back seat in comparison to their digital companions. Nearly a third of participants (29%) said their smartphone was equally important, or more important, to them than their parents; while one in five set his digital device equal or even more important than his partner. 17% of respondents rated their smartphone in the highest importance category, although only 1% said their smartphone was more important than anything else in their life. Despite the value placed on devices as a source of entertainment, information and data storage, participants in a supporting experiment were more than happy to share their smartphone PIN number when asked, exposing access to all their personal and sensitive information. During the experiment, 93% of participants gave away the PIN to their digital best friend when asked. Astrid Carolus, Media Psychologist at the University of Würzburg, led the study. She comments: “Our phones are an integral part of our lives, and this study brings psychological proof of this. Our friend-like connection with our smartphones means that we place an incredible degree of trust in an inanimate object – so much so, that we consider it a closer and more important element of our lives than many other people. With this in mind, we were surprised to see that it was nevertheless very easy for us to get hold of smartphone PIN codes. We asked people to sit in a waiting room for a period of time, and then asked them for their body height and smartphone PIN code. Without much hesitation the vast majority of people gave it to us. This is worrying, because it suggests that we are willing to put our digital friends – and the data they hold – at risk.” Equating a digital device with human qualities is nothing new. Experiments in the 1990s found that people ascribed human traits to computers when interacting with them. David Emm, senior security researcher at Kaspersky Lab, comments on the security implications of having an emotional connection with a device: “Following on from last year’s study into Digital Amnesia – the phenomenon that suggests we forget the information we entrust to our devices – this latest experiment further proves the strong emotional connection we have with our phones. Another interesting finding was that people rate their smartphones as far more important to them as laptops or other devices that hold the same degree of information, highlighting the symbolic role our phones have for us as digital companions, forever at our side. Having this emotional relationship with your smartphone can mean your decision process when it comes to protecting the data stored on it is more limited. We already know many people forget to secure their smartphones, as they view them almost as an extension of themselves, and this can make them vulnerable to cybercriminals.” Ascribing more importance to our phones than real-life friends and acquaintances shows just how important it is to secure the information we entrust them with. Kaspersky Lab has been researching the social effects of digitalisation and how this makes people potentially more vulnerable to cybercrime for the last two years. An overview of the results is available at www.kaspersky.com/amnesia

September 21, 2016

Living with Costello Syndrome

When Aidan was diagnosed with Costello Syndrome, something instinctively within me knew… this was building my calling for a higher purpose. I’ve always wanted to affect people’s lives in the largest possible way, and I certainly have been through those dark and heavy “dramas” of life that would qualify me to help people through, and into the other side where the sun shines again. And it does shine again… I promise you. Grief is a messy thing to experience. I’ve experienced it a few times. I’ve been divorced, I’ve walked away from relationships that I thought I would never recover from. I’ve experienced death. I’ve experienced abandonment. I’ve experienced toxicity in relationship to a partner that SHOULD have killed me. And then… I experienced the devastating diagnosis of my son… and my whole life collapsed around me. The idea of what could be… fell to pieces, and I had to salvage my sense of survival during the darkest time of my life. Somehow, when these devastating times hit you… your previous confidences of what you can accomplish, become a distant memory, and you literally have to cocoon yourself from the world and heal, before you can effectively regain your composure, and then, look after those around you that have been entrusted into your care. I learnt a valuable lesson in taking care of myself as a mother first. I’m mom to a special needs child … which is phenomenal. But I had to learn that it was ok to have special needs of my own met FIRST, so that I could be the best Mom for Aidan. The areas I’ve struggled with since his diagnosis have been my stress levels causing devastation with my health, … mainly stemming from adrenal fatigue, which in turn has sent my weight (*a very personal subject for anyone battling the bulge*) skyrocketing, and my energy plummeting. Eating “clean” and exercising sent my weight (and health) in the opposite direction to what I was aiming for. 5 minutes of exercise would flatten me for 3 days…. and gaining weight while I was eating a clean healthy diet just killed me. It shouldn’t have been surprising though. We as humans can only deal with so much at any given time. It’s our scale of entropy. Nevermind the physical reasons for not losing weight, but the psychological issues you are so often not even aware of that also sabotage your efforts… can be VERY muddling. Metaphysically we keep weight on to keep others out and form a layer of protection against intrusion… and I can definitely say that played the biggest role. But it took so much self learning and understanding and learning to SELF LOVE before I could process all my “baggage” and start recovery again. I’d been so good at running a business before I became a mom, and keeping fit, and working till all hours… and just being so full of energy. This NEW me, the one that battled to stay awake after 7pm, the one that battled to make ends meet, the one that didn’t look as fabulous in the mirror anymore with all this extra weight…. this was a real challenge for me to be gentle on myself and then still LOVE???!!! The last 2 years I started with various forms of coaching, counselling, self evaluation, and consciously deciding to go THROUGH the grief. To fully experience it. It’s been the hardest journey of my life. I realised that I was in denial of Aidan’s diagnosis for a long time. It served me, because at the time I actually couldn’t cope with it, with everything else that was going on. At the same time, I was dealing with the Anger phase. Because I was still in denial… my anger was deferred, and I lashed out at anything and everyone who was in close proximity to me. I was ANGRY at the idiot drivers on the road, I was ANGRY at the stupid teller who didn’t process my purchase quickly without botching up her simple task, I was ANGRY at the traffic lights that were out and the electricity that was out all making me late for my appointments… I was just ANGRY full stop!Bargaining and depression are also phases of grief, and I certainly had my share and I chose to go through it without antidepressants, because something within me knew I was ready to do so. (It’s that scale of entropy thing again). I was tempted for sure. Nothing quite compares to the deep dark hell of depression… and the thought of staying there is absolutely unbearable. But I needed to FEEL those depths, and I needed to learn for myself what it was deep down in my psyche that kept me stuck, and kept those blocks up in my life, preventing me from experiencing my fulfilled purpose. I have to tell you… you will go through grief in your life, and some of you… many times. It’s the path of life. And you can choose to grow from it, or you can decide it’s enough. And that choice sits entirely on you. Nobody gets to decide what you can and can’t handle. Or even HOW you handle it. Only you. For me? Right now, I’ve chosen to live again. As a special needs mom, I know I will go through many cycles of grief as I have in the last 7 years with Aidan. His health issues are not predictable and the thought of possibly losing him on the operating table, or to cancer, or finding something ominous on his MRI scan… to anything else related to his health is VERY real. The possibility of him losing his ability to walk during his last operation were so real, the stress is still working it’s way out of my system. Just this last Friday I forgot about us being invited for dinner. I forgot to attend a function I was given tickets to last month. I forgot to give my plants water (ok that’s normal for me)… but I am now fully

September 8, 2016

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

I was asked recently to present a talk to nursery school parents about how to look after their children’s teeth. You may wonder why a specialist prosthodontist who is trained to treat advanced restorative problems in patients that have very broken down mouths was so excited to talk to a group of young parents? The reason is very simple. Teeth are designed to last a lifetime. The care of teeth begins from early childhood and parent awareness is the key factor in helping young children develop the appreciation and skill of looking after their teeth. I may be doing myself out of future business but there are enough problems that abound in adults and even teenagers as a result of both ignorance and inadequate dentistry. In a presentation, diagrams charts and cartoons are entertaining but real-life pictures make the point. And so, I set out to find a suitable example I wanted a photograph of a young child to include in my presentation. In searching for such a picture I walked past a young lady of five years old sitting with her mother on the pavement of a restaurant and I thought that she would be the appropriate candidate. As she smiled I noticed that she was missing a back baby tooth. That really upset me greatly. Why should such a young person lose a baby tooth ? The loss of such a tooth has major consequences in terms of long-term dental health. It changes the bite and sets the patient up for future orthodontic treatment during her early to late teens. I suggested to the mother that she bring the young child in for a quick look see. She agreed and the clinical examination revealed the presence of seven teeth in need of restorative dentistry. That begs the question – Why was the decay not diagnosed earlier and why did she have to lose a tooth unnecessarily. Dental decay in a baby tooth should be treated promptly. It spreads fast because the tooth enamel is thin. Now the young lady needed a general anaesthetic to do the fillings and also have of a space maintainer placed to prevent further loss of space while the jaw continues to grow. The permanent tooth will erupt at the appropriate age and they need space to fit into a healthy dental arch. If that shock was not enough, I then had the pleasure of meeting her eight-year-old brother. I was aghast. This young man already has a mixed dentition, that is, both baby teeth and primary teeth present in the mouth which are in the process of growth and development. Not only not only were his teeth laden with plaque and widespread decay on the baby teeth. This was revealed with disclosing solution . Plaque is invisible and effective toothbrushing needs to be checked. ( Has your dentist made you aware of disclosing?) A permanent molar tooth was ravaged with decay as well. The first permanent molar tooth erupts into the mouth at the age of between six and seven years of age and they should last a lifetime if properly cared for. These teeth are the most vulnerable teeth in the mouth for a young person and the teeth most frequently lost as the years go by. The problem is preventable with effective dental care both by the dentist and by responsible parents. Now both of these gorgeous children have compromised mouths. They are fearful of sitting in the dental chair. They can only be treated under general anaesthetic with all the risk and anxiety that it entails. And what about the expense that could have been avoided with effective toothbrushing; regular fluoride treatment; and a proper diet. The young boy’s mouth will now be the bain of his life. A downward cascade . Whose fault? – The parent or the dentist or both. I wonder. Poor child. No dentistry is the best dentistry! Dental problems are preventable with the knowledge of how to look after teeth and exercise effective plaque control. This skill needs to be taught and constantly supervised. Regular dental visits are essential. There is a prevalent misconception that because one belongs to medical aid, all the costs of dental treatment are covered. This is not true! The fees set by medical aids and the limits imposed are so restrictive. They are unrealistic. Like all things in life, price is what you pay-value is what you get. (Kurt Vonnenberg). Everything is on the Internet today. Yellow page directories and telephone books continue to shrink. Want to search for anything? Just Google it. And so it is with dentistry… Type in keywords like: / implant dentistry/, cosmetic dentistry/, prosthodontist/ and see what comes up . Perhaps that is how you found my website which I trust has been informative. I also did some Googling and typed in the following: “ You get what you pay for”. Believe it or not, Google even had answers for that. Amongst the articles that came up is one that caught my eye was one written by Bob Borson quoting from the 19th century English poet, fervent art critic and socialist, John Ruskin. “There is hardly anything in the world that someone cannot make a little worse or sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price alone are that person’s lawful prey. It’s unwise to pay too much, but it’s worse to pay too little. When you pay too much, you lose a little money – that is all. When you pay too little you sometimes lose everything because the things you bought were incapable of doing the thing it was bought to do .The common law of business prohibits paying a little and getting a lot – it can’t be done.” And so it is with good dentistry. Good dentistry may be costly in the beginning but its benefits last and last. Give us a call on 011 483 2281 . We would love to meet you and offer you real

September 7, 2016

Cyberbullying causes Depression, Nightmares and Anorexia

According to the study Growing Up Online – Connected Kids, conducted by Kaspersky Lab and iconKids & Youth, cyberbullying is a far more dangerous threat to children than many parents think. The consequences for the majority of young victims of online harassment include serious problems with health and socialisation. Cyberbullying is intentional intimidation, persecution or abuse that children and teenagers may encounter on the internet. Interestingly, children aged 8-16 are more wary of this threat than their parents are. According to the study, 13% of children and 21% of parents consider it harmless. At the same time, 16% of the children surveyed are more afraid of being bullied online than offline, while half (50%) are equally afraid of both real-life and virtual bullying. Parents should not downplay the dangers of cyberbullying. Despite the fact that the study found only 4% of children admitted to being bullied online (compared to 12% in real life), in 7 out of 10 cases the consequences were traumatic. Bullying on the Internet seriously affected their emotional well-being: parents of 37% of the victims reported lower self-esteem, 30% saw a deterioration in their performance at school, and 28% cited depression. In addition, 25% of parents stated that cyberbullying had disrupted their child’s sleep patterns and caused nightmares (21%). Another 26% of parents noticed that their child had started avoiding contact with other children, and 20% discovered their child had anorexia. Just as worrying are the statistics showing that 20% of children witnessed others being bullied online, and in 7% of cases even participated in it. The survey shows that children often hide incidents of cyberbullying from their parents, making the task of protecting them even more complicated, though, fortunately, not impossible. Andrei Mochola, Head of Consumer Business at Kaspersky Lab, comments: “In an effort to protect our children from danger, we mustn’t forget that they not only live in the real world but also in the virtual world, which is just as real to them. On the Internet, children socialise, learn new things, have fun and, unfortunately, encounter unpleasant situations. Cyberbullying is one of the most dangerous things that can confront a child on the Internet, because it can have a negative impact on their psyche and cause problems for the rest of their lives. The best solution in this case is to talk to your child and to use parental control software that can alert you to any suspicious changes to their social network page.” For more advice on protecting children on the Internet, visit kids.kaspersky.com. Information about a technical solution to these problems can be found at Kaspersky Safe Kids.

August 24, 2016

The Big Ouch

A specialist prosthodontist is trained to treat adults who present with severe dental problems. Restoring a broken down mouth back to good health is a major challenge and oftentimes very costly in terms of time and effort and expense. Patients want to regain their lost dental health. They are looking for the ability to eat well; look good; and smile to the world. They don’t want to wear dentures at all costs. The question that needs to be asked is “Why did such a compromised situation result?” That is a very difficult question to answer and can be the result of many factors. Clearly there is one element in the equation that has a solution… Teeth are designed to last a lifetime and dental care should begin from early childhood. Let me tell you a story… I was asked to prepare a lecture for a group of nursery school parents to teach the importance of baby teeth and how to look after them. I wanted a photograph of a young child to include in my presentation. In searching for such a picture I walked past a young lady of five years old and thought that she would be the appropriate candidate. As she smiled I noticed that she was missing a back baby tooth. That really upset me greatly. Why should such a young person lose a baby tooth? The loss of such a tooth has major consequences in terms of long-term dental health. It changes the bite and sets the patient up for future (probably unnecessary) orthodontic treatment during her early to late teens. I suggested to the mother that she bring the young child in for a quick look see. She agreed and the clinical examination revealed the presence of seven teeth in need of restorative dentistry. That begs the question – Why was the decay not diagnosed earlier and why did she have to lose a tooth unnecessarily. Dental decay in a baby tooth should be done promptly. It spreads fast because the tooth enamel is thin. Now the young lady needs a general anaesthetic and placement of a space maintainer to prevent the loss of space while the jaw continues to grow to allow. The permanent tooth will erupt at the appropriate age and it needs space to fit into a healthy dental arch. If that shock was not enough, I then had the pleasure of meeting her eight-year-old brother. I was aghast. This young man already has a mixed dentition, that is, both baby teeth and primary teeth are present in the mouth which is in the process of growth and development. Not only not only were his teeth laden with plaque and widespread decay on the baby teeth, but a permanent molar tooth was ravaged with decay. This was revealed with disclosing solution. Plaque is invisible and effective tooth brushing needs to be checked. The first permanent molar tooth erupts into the mouth at the age of between six and seven years of age and they should last a lifetime if properly cared for. These teeth are the most vulnerable teeth in the mouth for a young person and the teeth most frequently lost as the years go by. The problem is preventable with effective dental care both by the dentist and by the responsible parents. Now both of these gorgeous children have compromised mouths. They are fearful of sitting in the dental chair. They can only be treated under general anaesthetic with all the risk and anxiety that it entails. And what about the expense that could have been avoided with effective tooth brushing; regular fluoride treatment; and a proper diet. Let me end off by saying that restoring the mouth of an adult patients is challenging and oftentimes very difficult. Why let such a situation develop at all?. Teeth are not to be taken for granted. They are precious as pearls. How wonderful it is look forward to the enjoyment of sound dental health for one’s whole life.

August 17, 2016

It Takes 2 to Tango

I’m sure you are all too familiar with the saying it takes 2 to tango. The tango is a dance which requires two partners moving in relation to each other. The partners sometimes move together and sometimes in opposition, but at any given time they are part of the movement. A tango with only one dancer is no longer a tango. So, while you are no longer in a romantic relationship with your ex, if you are in a conflict with them, you remain part of the “tango”. When parents separate, they inevitably remain in a parenting relationship. When this relationship is conflicted, it is worth while to consider what your role in the conflict is. Even if your ex is the unreasonable one, you become part of the conflict, if like the tango, you move with your partner, being together or in opposition. Conflicts often emerge more when people are stressed and circumstances change. Staying out of a conflict is much more intricate than ignoring the conflict. Ignoring the conflict could still be seen as taking part in it by being passive aggressive. Staying out of a conflict requires more understanding on your part about your behaviour rather then your opponent’s behaviour. So how do you go about understanding your role in your ongoing conflict when you are close to certain, that it’s your “partner” who is at fault. See how you answer the following questions: Do you recognise that you have to be right for the conflict to end? Are you highly emotional? Do you criticise your ex for what s/he does or how s/he does things? Do you blame your ex for your current situation? Do you complain a lot? Do you nag to get what you want? Do you attempt to punish by withholding things that your ex wants? Do you threaten with legal action? You hang on to telling the same negative story over again? Are you seeking people’s approval to your situation? Are you feeling guilty about what is happening? Are you mostly thinking negatively about your situation? Your self esteem is damaged Have you lost the ability to foresee a bright future and set new goals? Being in a conflict is never fun and leaves people feeling miserable and a victim of their circumstances. But being in a conflict motivates people to remain negative as conflicts are about being right and not what is right. When focusing on a solution and adopting a positive approach to the disagreement at hand, people are able to leave the conflict by not feeding it and while you may not be the one creating the conflict, it is important to acknowledge your role in it, in order be able to remove yourself from it. So take a step back, breathe deep, listen and use your conflict to increase understanding and creative thinking. The conflict is not the conflict. The conflict is how you deal with the conflict. Nadia Thonnard Founder SADSA | The South African Divorce Support Association

August 16, 2016

Open letter to a depressed teenager

“Reaching the desired area, The blade hesitates, quivering, Then slicing slowly, meticulously Into the soft, awaiting flesh. The wound gapes, Smiling at how it has relaxed the skin.” This was the poem I wrote when I was your age, going through something like what you are going through now. I know it feels like nobody can understand. I know it feels like nobody has ever felt that much pain; nobody has ever felt so restricted and constricted and constrained; nobody can possibly know how dark the darkness gets. But I have been to the bottom of those unchartered depths; I have cried the disregarded tears that never seem to end; I have etched out the pain onto my wrists and thighs and screamed it into the darkness. I know how you feel. And I know that it ends. It isn’t a permanent ending like the one you are contemplating; I’ll admit that it is a temporary one. That darkness can creep back in at any time, but it can come as a dreaded enemy or as a familiar friend. It doesn’t have to consume you. I have found a way to walk through it now, and it feels more like a stroll through a misty forest than a desperate flee through a dark tunnel. You can learn to do this too. You can find that inner light that will guide you through the blackest night. It is there already, it’s just hidden. For you to be feeling this bad, you must have been misunderstood by the people around you. It isn’t that they don’t care, it’s that they’re not capable. They’re trying to see you through the filters of their own beliefs and mental structures that aren’t flexible enough to see you for who you are. They love you, they just don’t know you. That’s ok. It is enough to know yourself, to find yourself, to peel off those layers of expectation from everyone around you and allow that inner light to shine. I know you have it – of that I am absolutely certain. Every one of the seven billion people on this planet has a place in this world. Every single one has something to contribute. Including you. You may not even know what your own thing is yet, you may not know for some time to come, but it is there, waiting to be discovered. So when you’re sitting at the bottom of the bottomless pit, ask yourself one thing: “If I could make one contribution to this world before I go, what would that be?” We all have an innate desire to make a difference, to change things in some way, to impact the world with our existence. And a lot of the time this desire gets squashed by the well-meaning people around us trying to tell us what is important to do with our lives instead of allowing us to push our way up through the soil and blossom into whatever it is that WE were here to do; instead of allowing us to give off our own unique scent that is quite different from what everyone thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong here – there is struggle and challenge and difficulty as we push our way up through the soil. Life was not meant to be an easy ride. It is those very struggles that shape us and strengthen us and give us the tools we need to blast out into the light. This very difficulty that you are going through right now is part of this bigger plan. You are in the struggle phase of growth, but it won’t last forever. You can push through, you need to push through, there is such beauty awaiting you on the other side that you cannot see now while you are still trapped in the darkness. Trust me, because I know. Trust me, because I have been there. Trust me, because you are worth it and the gift that you have for this world is still to be discovered. If you give up now we will all lose out on that. So please, when it feels like the going is just too tough to bear, when it feels like your options have run out, when it feels like one more night will be one night too many, tell someone. Anyone. And if they’re not able to help or they don’t take you seriously or they don’t understand – tell someone else. And someone else. There is somebody out there in your world like me, someone who is familiar with that darkness; who knows it by name. They can guide you to the other side, they can hold your hand as you familiarise yourself with the darker parts of human nature, your own nature, our nature. Whatever the darkness is in yourself that you find unbearable, there is another side. Every one of us has both the dark and the light, and there is nothing so bad that you can’t navigate your way to the other side of it, but sometime we all need some help. Sometimes it takes someone who isn’t afraid of the dark to help you to find the light. Sometimes it takes time to find the right person. But you will. Keep asking, keep reaching out, keep calling out into the dark until somebody hears you. We are out there, we are listening, we are waiting for your call.

August 8, 2016

Why am I so Angry?

Underneath anger is hurt and pain. Underneath tears is hurt and pain. It is the same emotion, just expressed differently…. Anger is a signal that something is wrong, we are in a state of stress/distress and are being triggered. Whatever it is that we are facing needs to be resolved in order for us to function again. If we don’t resolve or channel our anger it can affect our productivity, well-being and even lead to long term effects such as illness. We face conflict everyday throughout our lifetime: When we are facing a crossroad or decision we need to make = inner turmoil In our relationships with our partner = relationship problems With our children and families = family issues With our friends and in the workplace with our colleagues, customers and suppliers = peer pressure and social norms At times we also have turmoil on a spiritual level where we question our faith and beliefs. Conflict can result in a number of emotions being expressed as everyone deals with conflict differently. Some try to avoid it by shutting down, disengaging and withdrawing (a Minimiser). Others are seen to attack and/or become aggressive (a Maximiser). Both of these reactions are defensive mechanisms to protect us from being exposed and vulnerable on an emotional level. Anger can become a major health issue. Seeing as our childhood forms the foundation of our emotional intelligence (this is where we are taught how to express ourselves, to communicate, to show affection, how to manage conflict and more) we need to help children find healthy ways of dealing with their emotions, especially anger. Parents typically respond to their child’s outbursts with punishment, rejection or their own outbursts. They might give their child time-out in their room or the naughty corner, high school kids are given detention, suspended or even expelled. But children don’t understand where their anger comes from, we have to help them identify their underlying emotions and how to express their emotions in a way they understand e.g. they might be feeling left out, rejected or misunderstood. If children are not taught how to do this, they will find ways of dealing with what they are feeling that will become their adaptive patterns in adulthood and by then these traits are well entrenched. The key to understanding our emotions is self-awareness.Becoming self-aware – We all have a trigger system that gives us clues as to what is going on inside of us. The sooner we identify these triggers (e.g. increased breathing, knot in the stomach, heart rate etc), the sooner we can do something about it. Self-regulate – The quickest and easiest way to self-regulate is to focus on your breathing. So if you need to count to 10 (or 100), walk away and do a quick breathing exercise then do that. It is the body’s natural way of self-regulating. Consider your options – In every situation we always have a choice. By weighing up the options and consequences for all the options we can make an informed decision and ultimately better choice than one based on pure reactivity. When we learn to Embrace Conflict and not see conflict as a bad thing but rather be curious as to what is going on and what is triggering us, real change can happen vs. repeating the same patterns over and over again. As adults, we owe it to ourselves to learn these basic skills in order to provide a better emotional foundation for our children and future generations.

August 5, 2016

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