Mainstream Education - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Changing The Homework Blues Into A Success Story

I have recently been asked to give a talk to parents on how to survive and indeed avoid, the “Homework Blues”. Homework is often a time of stress and frustration in the home. As parents struggle to get their children to focus and complete the homework arguments can erupt, leaving both the parent and child feeling angry and frustrated. This puts a very negative strain on the parent-child relationship and removes the intended benefits of doing homework; which is one of the reasons some schools avoid giving homework to junior primary school children. The main purpose of homework in junior primary is to reinforce the learning that took place in school that day. Practice done soon after learning new material helps establish it in the long term memory. As children get older and have more skills, the role of homework changes to developing skills for working unassisted, developing thinking, planning and research skills. When homework is done with the parent, it allows other benefits to come into play. As a parent, you can see exactly where your child is struggling and where he is thriving. You can help develop good work skills and when you show your enthusiasm and pride in his achievements, you will be building a stronger love of learning. So we need to remove the stress from homework and allow the positives to come into play. Here are some tips to change the homework blues into a success story: As a parent, you do not have to teach your child the work; your primary job during homework is to reward, reinforce and develop a love of learning. If you do know how to help and can teach your child the correct way to do the task he has been given, that is wonderful. But remember that you teach best by letting the child do the thinking (you ask cleverly planned questions which he has to answer) and you do the praising. Praise good effort and good approach; do not only praise success. Develop a routine. It is best to do homework after a light lunch and before he goes out to play. When homework can only be done in the evening, do it before supper and not directly before bed-time; let him enjoy a relaxing bath after homework, before having supper. In this way, homework comes to be associated with a pleasant time directly after it and the stresses of thinking and working have dissipated before he goes to sleep. Your relationship with your child is more important than getting the homework done. This means: Keep your role as a “guide” a “facilitator” and give praise for good work, rather than criticism of poor work. Some children prefer you to sit with them while they work; some prefer to do it alone or the homework session becomes a fight-zone if you stay (even if they want you to stay). Both types of children can get praise and attention for work well done; both can be shown ways to improve the quality of their work. If your child does not want you to be near, or there is increased friction when you sit with him, go away and return after every few minutes to support him (approximately 5 minutes for young children, 10 minutes as they move into grade 3). The quality of your child’s work is not your responsibility. He must take responsibility for his work and then he can truly enjoy the sense of pride when he does well. Remind him that you are always proud when he does his best (this is not the same as saying that you want him to do well). If he is clearly in no mood to try to produce good work, you might need to remove yourself, saying that he should call you when he can show you better quality work. Then return and praise him. This is a way of using Behaviour Modification: you reward the behaviour you want and you withhold reward from unacceptable behaviour. On days when you can see it just cannot be done without trauma or excessive struggle, stop. Write a note to the teacher that you will try to catch up on another day. Set up a “homework station”. Make sure that his desk and chair are at a good work height for him. His feet should be able to rest on the floor and the desk should be at elbow height when he is sitting. If you have to use a large table or he has to sit on a high chair, use a small stool for him to rest his feet on (or a pile of telephone directories) and give him a firm cushion to sit on to correct his height. Keep a pencil case with his pencils, pencil grips, sharpeners, a ruler, an eraser etc. Keep this at or very near the homework station, so that he never has to begin homework by searching for the necessary equipment. Have an analogue clock available for checking time. This helps your child develop a sense of time and begin to learn to monitor their work speed. Many children struggle with time awareness; this is often a main cause for homework stretching out too long. Homework in the early grades should only take about 20 minutes per day; many children take a little longer; but no more than 30 minutes should be allocated in grades 1 and 2. Show your child how the clock is divided into 5 minute periods. Show him that the amount of time you would like to both be finished the work is four of those time periods. Show him how much of the work should therefore be done by the first 5 minute period. You might have to do this in the same detail for the first few weeks; thereafter, you will be able to look at 10 minute periods. Older children should begin with 15 minute periods. Have a glass of water available. People forget that

October 22, 2014

When Children Are anxious About Making Mistakes It Inhibits Their Learning

I often see children who are anxious when faced with new challenges, worrying that they might make a mistake. The fear of making a mistake over-powers and inhibits their ability to think clearly, listen to instructions and plan how they actually will do the task. Therefore, they do worse in the task than they actually can do. Probably the most important lesson to teach our children is that it is acceptable to make mistakes. Yes, it is acceptable to get things wrong! There is so much a child can learn from his mistakes. Teach your child that if he never makes a mistake, he is not learning anything new. I regularly tell this to the children I work with, explaining that if they don’t make any mistakes it means they already know how to do the task; there’s nothing new being learnt. I love to see the smiles of relief on their faces, when they make this realisation! Their anxiety drops and they become energised to take the risk of making mistakes which is such an important part of learning. Children often think of mistakes as being something negative, to be avoided at all costs. Corrections are given as homework tasks with the result that it feels like punishment. A big red cross through incorrect work gives very negative feedback about mistakes. In my work I often see the more diligent children struggle the most with this; becoming immobilised in their learning through fear of making mistakes. We cannot allow that; we have to maintain and cultivate their diligence and turn it into the rewarding sense of success. One of my first tasks with these children is to remove the anxiety of failure and replace it with a sense of challenge. A chance to make a mistake is a chance to learn something new. Here are some helpful tips: When you present a new learning challenge to a child who is anxious about making mistakes, be calm and supportive. Tell him “here is a new challenge, something new to learn. Let me show you how and then you can try it yourself.” When you see that he is about to make a mistake let him make the mistake. Watch his reaction. If he has not noticed his mistake, say to him “look and check, there might be something you want to change”. This shows him that you are comfortable that he made the mistake and also that you believe he will be able to deal with it. If he is unable to correct his mistake or becomes anxious say to him “let’s see how we can fix this mistake and then you’ll have learnt something new.” Teaching children strategies for finding and correcting their own mistakes is powerful teaching. It teaches them planning and organisation in their approach to tasks. It also develops meta-cognitive thinking processes of analysis and making connections in our thinking. Most of all, it teaches them that mistakes are not a problem; we find them, correct them and learn something new!

October 9, 2014

Is Homework Becoming the Be-All and End-All?

Let me paint a picture… Sarah, a career driven woman, is climbing the corporate ladder with two degrees behind her name and is about to get her third. As she works full time in a large corporation, she has no choice but to leave her children in after care until 5:30pm because her husband owns his own business and does not get home before 7pm. Sarah’s day does not end there because, even though her children go to possibly one of the top private schools in the country, they always come home with incomplete homework, assignments due for the following day, and a test thrown in just to make life a little more interesting. All this divulged to her while she is trying to put a semi-nutritional dinner together for her hungry family. Sarah has no choice but to hurry them all through dinner and bath time just to settle in to all the homework that her children have not managed to complete during their time in after care. Somewhere around midnight and after many tears and tired yawns Sarah has managed to get her two children aged 8 and 10 into bed with just the bare minimum of spelling words learnt and a very average project on volcanoes completed, which Sarah did all the research for herself. Too late and too tired to spend time with her husband who couldn’t take the arguing and tears and already surrendered himself to bed, Sarah falls into bed herself only to be kept awake by the thought that she is not spending enough time with her kids and asking herself WHY? “Why is there so much homework and why can’t my children do their homework on their own?” For many parents like Sarah, homework really is the be-all and end-all. But let’s take a moment to look at this issue from the child’s perspective: They are lumped with their week’s sum of homework which might include mathematics revision and reading for every day, a project or an oral on the theme of the particular module that they are on and a weekly test to prepare for. Simple really, when looked at on paper, however, some children look at this giant lump and don’t know where to begin: perhaps they don’t know what the teacher is asking or they don’t know how to plan their week or they simply need a firm but guiding hand to get going. All of this comes down to the child learning to work independently, a skill that will need to be acquired by high school and most definitely by adulthood. But for one to be able to work independently, he or she will need a certain amount of confidence in their academic ability. For something as fragile as “academic self-esteem” to be healthy, a child will need to have an organised method of tackling their daily work so that they feel that they are in control of their work. If you have a child that suffers with a low “academic self-esteem”, your child’s road to working independently and confidently starts with you! First of all speak to your child’s teacher because having an open and understanding relationship with your child’s educators will allow all parties concerned insight as to what the main root of child’s low academic self-esteem is and how to go about tackling it. Secondly, provide a space where your child is comfortable to work in with no distractions and enough space to organize him/herself. Thirdly and most importantly have a facilitator, YOU! And if you lead a busy life like Sarah get someone who can do it in your place. This facilitator must not simply do the homework for your child, because, believe it or not, homework is there to reiterate and therefore refine what has already been taught in the classroom, but merely provide the tools that the child can use to complete his/her work independently. These tools may be assisting the child with understanding what is expected of them and providing the child with guidelines as to how to complete the work as well as providing the child with the tools to plan, organize and prioritize his/her daily homework. Once the child is able to do this on their own, one can take a step back and observe how the child utilises these tools on his own and therefore will begin to acquire a confident attitude towards their work. If you recognise that your child may need help with their homework, don’t delay!! From being unable to complete homework independently there can be a dangerous downward spiral towards a low “academic self-esteem” which can be pretty difficult to come out of and if YOU can’t do it then contact someone who can…

May 4, 2014

School Need Not Be a Nightmare

Dumb, stupid. Definitely two of the most repugnant words in the English language; words that ought to be regarded as swear words! Still, that is how children label themselves when they experience school as a nightmare. A reading lesson means hours of struggle, the confusion between letters like b and d is a frightening reality, words are being reversed and everything needs to be sounded out. Whereas Sis passes her afternoons in the pleasant company of bulky books, little brother prefers paging through comics — that is, if you can get him so far as to actually open one. Words are few and pictures tell the stories: one sure way to avoid reading… Sounds familiar? Do we hear a sigh of despondency escape from your lips? Yes, the two of you practise spelling late into the night, but somehow everything is misspelt during the next day’s test. You as parent are at your wit’s end and the teacher is worried: he is falling behind because he writes too s-l-o-w-l-y. From our own childhood we remember how cruel children can be, and that has not changed. Classmates are quick to tease the slow, under average performers. That is, if the child who struggles with reading and spelling is not already burdened by a self-imposed label, the forerunner of a negative self-esteem that can become so entrenched in his psyche that he may live his entire adult life under the misconception of his own inadequacy. Misconception, yes, because this worrisome plodding does not paint the true picture of your child’s intelligence. You may find that there is a brilliant mind hidden behind those low test scores, someone who will one day proudly graduate in his field. The possibility of a professional career is definitely not ruled out. Richard Branson comes to mind. A dyslexia sufferer, he did not achieve academically but that did not stop him from becoming a brilliant businessman. He compensated for his reading problem and today his wealth is estimated at well over 4.6 billion American dollars. Fortunately, help is available these days. It is unthinkable that a child is doomed to struggle. Even dyslexia is no longer the academic death penalty of years gone by. It is no longer regarded as a learning disability, but simply as an inability that can be turned into an area of strength with the right intervention. Research results recently published in the Journal of Neuroscience show that brain differences between dyslexic people and ordinary readers are the result, not the cause, of their reading problems. Research also tells us that the brain constantly forms new pathways or neurons, and this means that children with dyslexia can be helped to overcome it. Surely it is every parent’s dream to provide only the best for his/her child, and when you see your young one struggling with reading and spelling, it is time to call for help. The opportunity is available — give your child a fair chance.

April 21, 2014

Cognitive Skills Determine Learning Ability

Research has shown that cognitive skills are a determining factor of an individual’s learning ability. Cognitive skills are mental skills that are used in the process of acquiring knowledge; according to Oxfordlearning.com the skills that “separate the good learners from the so-so learners.” In essence, when cognitive skills are strong, learning is fast and easy. When cognitive skills are weak, learning becomes a struggle. Many children become frustrated and find schoolwork difficult because they do not have the cognitive skills required to process information properly. Many employees find themselves stuck in dead-end jobs that do not tap into their true vocational potential due to weak cognitive skills. In the later years of life, a lack of cognitive skills — poor concentration, the inability to focus, and memory loss — is a common problem that accompanies us. It should be noted that, irrespective of age, cognitive skills can be improved with the right training. Weak cognitive skills can be strengthened, and normal cognitive skills can be enhanced to increase ease and performance in learning. The following cognitive skills are the most important: Concentration Concentration is the ability to focus the attention on one single thought or subject, excluding everything else from the field of awareness. It is one of the most important abilities one should possess, as nothing great can be achieved without it. Students need to concentrate and focus on completing a homework assignment, a project, or review for a test in order to excel in school, learn the subject, and get good grades. Athletes need to concentrate on performance, execution, and strategy in order to do their best and overcome their opponent. Entrepreneurs need to concentrate on all the factors involved in starting a new business and promoting their product or service. They need to do this in order to get their idea off the ground and make their enterprise into a profitable entity. Business leaders need to concentrate on their company mission, vision, and strategies, as well as the work at hand, in order to stay ahead of their competitors. Workers need to concentrate on their jobs and fulfilling their supervisor’s goals, in order to complete projects and advance in their careers. Improving the ability to concentrate allows a person to avoid the problems, embarrassment, and difficulties that occur when the mind wanders. Better concentration makes studying easier and speeds up comprehension. It enables one to take advantage of the social and business opportunities that arise when individuals are fully attuned to the world around them. It helps one to focus on one’s goals and achieve them more easily. Perception Sensation is the pickup of information by our sensory receptors, for example the eyes, ears, skin, nostrils, and tongue. In vision, sensation occurs as rays of light are collected by the two eyes and focused on the retina. In hearing, sensation occurs as waves of pulsating air are collected by the outer ear and transmitted through the bones of the middle ear to the cochlear nerve. Perception, on the other hand, is the interpretation of what is sensed. The physical events transmitted to the retina may be interpreted as a particular color, pattern, or shape. The physical events picked up by the ear may be interpreted as musical sounds, a human voice, noise, and so forth. Lack of experience may cause a person to misinterpret what he has sensed. In other words, perception represents our apprehension of a present situation in terms of our past experiences, or, as stated by the philosopher Immanuel Kant (1724-1804): “We see things not as they are but as we are.” Deficits in visual perception can hinder a person’s ability to make sense of information received through the eyes, while deficits in auditory perception interferes with an individual’s ability to analyze or make sense of information received through the ears. A classic example of a deficit in visual perception is the child who confuses letters such as b, d, p and q. Many adults find their reading speed to be inadequate as a result of underlying perceptual deficits. By improving accuracy and speed of perception, one is able to absorb and process information accurately and quickly. Reading speed will also improve and reading problems can be overcome. Memory Memory is probably the most important of all cognitive functions. Roughly speaking, the sensory register concerns memories that last no more than about a second or two. If a line of print were flashed at you very rapidly, say, for one-tenth of a second, all the letters you can visualize for a brief moment after that presentation constitute the sensory register. When you are trying to recall a telephone number that was heard a few seconds earlier, the name of a person who has just been introduced, or the substance of the remarks just made by a teacher in class, you are calling on short-term memory, or working memory. This lasts from a few seconds to a minute; the exact amount of time may vary somewhat. You need this kind of memory to retain ideas and thoughts as you work on problems. In writing a letter, for example, you must be able to keep the last sentence in mind as you compose the next. To solve an arithmetic problem like (3 X 3) + (4 X 2) in your head, you need to keep the intermediate results in mind (i.e., 3 X 3 = 9) to be able to solve the entire problem. A poor short-term memory may lead to difficulties in processing, understanding and organization. By improving one’s short-term memory, one is better able to process, understand and organize incoming information. Long-term memory is the ability to store information and later retrieve it, and lasts from a minute or so to weeks or even years. From long-term memory you can recall general information about the world that you learned on previous occasions, memory for specific past experiences, specific rules previously learned, and the like. Research has shown that, on average, within 24 hours

April 13, 2014

Reading Comprehension Problems

Reading comprehension is the heart and goal of reading, since the purpose of all reading is to gather meaning from the printed page. If a student says words in a passage without gathering their meaning, one would hesitate to call that reading. By age six to seven children should be sensitive to such characteristics of stories as the main character, sequence of events, inferences, the motives and feelings of characters, and sentence order. As they get older, children should be more efficient at recognizing and recalling facts, recognizing and inferring main themes and relationships, drawing conclusions, making judgments and generalizations, predicting outcomes, applying what has been learned, and following directions. The comprehension goals of the intermediate grades address these abilities as well as those required for independent study: skimming, using reference materials, outlining, summarizing, altering reading rate and focus as the purpose of reading changes, use of headings, note taking, and so on. For many learning-disabled students, reading comprehension is a major problem. There are mainly three causes for poor reading comprehension: 1.) The person has a language problem: Language plays a vital role in reading. Its role in reading can be compared to the role of running in the game of soccer or ice-skating in the game of ice hockey. One cannot play soccer if one cannot run, and one cannot play ice hockey if one cannot skate. One cannot read a book in a language unless one knows that particular language. If a child’s knowledge of English is poor, then his reading will also be poor, and naturally also his reading comprehension. 2.) The foundational skills of reading have not been automatized: When a person attempts to speak a language in which he has not become automatic yet, he will necessarily have to divide his attention between the content of his message and the language itself. He will therefore speak haltingly and with great difficulty. As Yap and Van der Leij explained in the Journal of Learning Disabilities, “if the skill on the primary task is automatized, it will not be disrupted by concurrent processing on the secondary task because automatic processing does not take up attentional resources. If, on the contrary, the skill is not automatized, it will be disrupted by concurrent processing of a second skill because two skills are then competing for limited attentional resources.” This also applies to the act of reading. The person, in whom the foundational skills of reading have not yet become automatic, will read haltingly and with great difficulty. The poor reader is forced to apply all his concentration to word recognition, and therefore has “no concentration left” to decode the written word, and as a result he will not be able to read with comprehension. 3.) The reader is unable to decode the written word: The decoding of the written word is a very important aspect of the reading act. Without being able to decode the written word, reading comprehension is impossible. This explains why some children can “read” without understanding what they are reading. To decode the written word the reader must be able to integrate what he is reading with his foreknowledge. Foreknowledge can be defined as the range of one’s existing knowledge and past experiences. If one reads something that cannot directly be connected to or tied in with knowledge that one already possesses, one cannot decode or decipher the contents of the message. As Harris et al. state in Learning Disabilities: Nature, Theory, and Treatment, “What a child gets from a book will often be determined by what the child brings to the book.” A decoding skill that is closely related to that of integration is classification. When a person sees a chair, although he may never have seen a chair exactly like this one, he will nevertheless immediately recognize it as a chair, because he is familiar with the class of objects we call “chair.” This implies that, whenever a name is ascribed to an object, it is thereby put into a specific class of objects, i.e. it is classified. The Gestalt principle of closure means that the mind is able to derive meaning from objects or pictures that are not perceived in full. W- -re s-re th-t y– w-ll b- -ble to und-rsta-d th-s s-ntenc-, although more than 25 percent of the letters have been omitted. The mind is quite able to bridge the gaps that were left in the sentence. The idea of closure is, however, more than just seeing parts of a word and amplifying them. It also entails the amplification of the author’s message. No author can put all his thoughts into words. This stresses the importance of foreknowledge. If it were possible for an author to put everything related to the subject he is dealing with on paper, the possession of foreknowledge would not have been necessary. That, however, is impossible, as an author can at most present a very limited cross-section of reality and the reader must be able to expand on this before comprehension becomes possible. Poetry is a good example of the importance of foreknowledge. Any person, who is unfamiliar with the Arthurian legend, will probably derive little meaning from a reading of Morte d’Arthur by Alfred Lord Tennyson. Lastly, imagination plays a role in decoding. It is doubtful whether a person really understands something unless he is able to think about it in terms of pictures. When we read, the words and thoughts comprising the message call up images in our mind’s eye. If this does not occur, the message will not make any sense. If you read or hear a sentence in an unfamiliar language, it will not make any sense to you, simply because none of the words will call up any pictures in your mind’s eye. This ability plays a very important role in the decoding of the written word. Furthermore, by using one’s imagination while reading, one’s emotions can be addressed during the reading act.

April 7, 2014

What happens when you can’t sound out a word?

“Help Mom, I am stuck on this word?” What is your first reaction, “just sound it out”. Good advice? Actually, not that good. Sounding it out is not always the best strategy for figuring out a word. Learning to read individual words is hard work and not always as easy as parents may think. There are words that a child can memorize: these are called sight words. But there are a whole lot more words that children have to decode or figure out. So what should a parent do when their child comes across a word he doesn’t know or may have seen it once or twice but has not committed to memory yet? Tell them to sound it out, NOT ALWAYS. I am not saying phonics is not useful. It is imperative that children know their letters and the sounds they make, but as a strategy or way to figure out unfamiliar words it doesn’t always work. I suggest you read on and see how many more strategies you can try use to help your child attack those tricky words. Here are some more useful word attack strategies: Picture clues – ‘look at the picture; it will help you figure out this tricky word.’ Beginning Sounds – look at the first letter together, ‘do you know that letter, do you know a word that starts with that letter, what sound does it make’? Chunking – ‘can you find a small word in this big word?’ Let’s read that small word. Cover the first part of the word, read, cover the last part of the word and read. Now put the words together and read’ Context – Use the meaning of the sentence to try figure out the unfamiliar word, e.g. “Peter is reading the ……. Answer: book”. Let your child predict or ‘guess’ the word ‘book’ based on the context of the sentence. Helpful Hint: build vocabulary to maximize this strategy. Stretching the word – ‘use your finger as you try read the word. Look at it slowly’ Rhyming – ‘this word is tricky but it does rhyme with another word on this page. Can you read this word (parent points to other rhyming word), well done, now swop the first letter and read the other word. They rhyme, well done, can you hear the rhyme.’ Go over the rhyming set together to practice. Use the squiggles around the words as clues (Literacy conventions = question mark and capital letters) e.g. if there is a question mark at the end of the sentence, the unfamiliar word could be ‘what’ ‘where’ ‘how’ ‘when’ or ‘why’; if there is a capital letter in the middle of the sentence the unfamiliar word could be a name of a person/place ) Miss it out and come back – ‘this word is tricky, leave it out for now and keep on reading. Come back to this tricky word once you have finished reading the sentence.’ Ask someone – do not let your child struggle too much, encourage him to ask for HELP if he can’t figure it out. Helpful Hint: It takes practice to use these strategies, so give help as it is required, however, instead of just giving the answer straight away model a strategy your child can use and read it together using this strategy. As children gain confidence they will use a strategy on their own next time. Keep a balance of you helping your child and your child helping himself! It needs to sense – ‘Did that sentence make sense?’ Repeat the sentence to your child using his mistake let him tell you which word doesn’t sound right. ‘As you read this time listen to your words and make sure they make sense’. Helpful Hint: this is a fairly advanced strategy, comes with lots of practice. Keep modeling it as the fluent reader. Try these out; you will be surprised as to how well they work. I call it giving your kid a READING TOOLBOX. Best thing you can do for your beginner reader. Actually it’s the second best thing, the BEST THING you can do for your beginner reader is read to/with or him every day.

February 25, 2014

My Son Wants to Quit an Activity… Should I Force Him to Play?

This was the question I received from a mother who told me that her son suddenly wanted to quit the sports team he was on, right in the middle of the season. She asked me if she should allow him to quit or force him to continue. I suggested that she have him finish out the season by attending the games to support his team, but not force him to play. After sitting on the bench for a few games, he suddenly wanted back on the team. Understanding why your child’s sudden decision is important but is not always easy to figure out. Asking him why may only result in the response “I don’t Know.” A child’s or teen’s sudden desire to quit a team can be a result of a number of things; a peer relationship issue, bullying, a fear of failing, competition, a lack of confidence or sights set on another activity that he or she likes better. It can even be a result of a change in the family dynamics, such as the loss of a parent or other family member, or even divorce. It’s not always best to force a child to participate, but instead, find out what he or she is willing to do within the activity for the remainder of the season. Take notice of when your child is in a great mood and ask open ended questions about the situation to get him or her to open up and talk about it. Give them some space and time to mull it over and avoid drilling them to find out why. One day my tween-age son announced that he wanted to quit the school marching band (he had been playing since third grade and had held first chair for the past few years). He came in, tossed his trumpet in the case into the closet, and declared that he didn’t want to play in the band anymore and marched off. I was not happy about this since we had recently upgraded his trumpet to a much more expensive SILVER trumpet, at his request. I did not respond to his declaration but later that day tried to engage him in conversation about why he had made that decision. His response with full disdain was that the trumpet was a stupid instrument. He then asked if he could get a set of drums. I told him that I was into the silver trumpet for quite a bit of money and because of what I paid out for it, I might be willing to consider buying a different instrument in about two years. That response got him mad. So for the next few days he left for school without taking his trumpet to school. I said nothing about it, but on a few occasions I again tried to engage him in conversation about why he was no longer playing his trumpet. On each of those occasions he offered up a different excuse; the teacher was stupid, the trumpet was dumb, etc. Then, on the last day that he could not bring his trumpet to school without being removed from the band, he took the trumpet to school. I was relieved that he was back playing the trumpet in the school band. What I later found out as the reason for this sudden dislike for an instrument he loved so much, was that he become careless and lost first chair. If I had forced him to bring the trumpet to school, he might have retaliated in other ways and may have never owned up to the real problem. If I had been one of those parents that did go out and buy him the drums, again, he may have been unable to learn what he needed to learn about himself and the consequences of not working hard. Giving children space and time to learn from experiences is key to their emotional development.

November 19, 2013

7 Things to Prepare Your Kids for School

Shut Down Summertime Leniencies. As school approaches or starts, set up a family meeting (whether you have a significant other or not) to discuss the rules that will change at home: bedtimes, shutting TVs off, removing entertainment electronics from bedrooms, having to turn in social media devices and “friend sleep over rules.” Allow your child to voice his or her concerns over these changes, adopt the policies, and implement them on a specified date. It’s also a good idea to document the changes and post them where all can see them; sometimes children become forgetful of what they agreed to. School Supply Shopping. Sit down with your children and allow them to help you determine what supplies they are going to need for the coming school year. You are the parent and have final say over what is on the list, but use that authority with kindness and respect. Take your children shopping and let them be in charge as they carry the hand baskets and retrieve all the items on the list. Give them a set amount of money to spend to accommodate all that’s on the list and allow them to pay for the items at the checkout. The Work Space at Home. Collaborate with your children as to where homework will be done. Create a list with her and then go back through to review it and eliminate any locations that you’re not OK with. Remember, collaborating with your children is a way of helping them feel respected, but you’re still the boss. Set up the space that was decided on and help your children organize the supplies that were purchased at the store. The Homework Schedule. Each child is different when it comes to doing homework, so this next exercise will require your greatest level of patience. Help each of your children determine when they feel that they are best able to work on homework. Some children can do it as soon as they get home and others need a break before starting it. Coach each child into establishing their own schedule, make it clear and defined, and then document it. Your job will be to help reinforce what is decided. Control of Entertainment and Distractions. Announce a rule that any and all entertainment electronics and hand-held social media devices are to remain off or better yet, be turned in to the parents during the established homework times. This new rule should be in effect on school days, Monday thru Thursday and even on days when there is no homework. I’ve heard too many stories from parents who did not implement this rule and had their children come home after school reporting they had no homework, only to suddenly and mysteriously remember a homework assignment later that night or at bedtime. The Bedtime Schedule. I’ll tell you now that it is NOT your responsibility to get your children to fall asleep. That must happen naturally and your children are more in charge of that than you are. Your job is to create an environment and an atmosphere that is conducive to your children getting sleepy and eventually falling asleep. Your direct role is to define when bedtime will occur, enforcing it, and removing all distractions from their bedrooms, such as video games, televisions, cell phones, and computer.

September 23, 2013

Homework Hell: How to Turn It Around

Are you nagging your kids to do their assignments and fighting with them over each maths problem? If you and your child are battling nightly over schoolwork, read on to hear some solutions that can help you. Parents get stuck in homework battles with their kids all the time. Either their children get distracted halfway through and want to give up, or they resist doing the work in the first place. As many parents know all too well, this resistance can often take the form of acting out behaviour: kids will yell, start fights with you, or even throw a tantrum to avoid doing their work. Sometimes they start their homework and then throw their hands up in the air and say, “This is too hard,” or “I’m bored,” or “Why do I have to do this stupid stuff anyway?” As hard as it can be to not take that bait, my advice to you is to avoid getting sucked into power struggles with your child at all costs. So why is homework time often so difficult? In my opinion, one of the major reasons is because it can be hard for kids to focus at home. Look at it this way: when your child is in school, he’s in a classroom where there aren’t a lot of distractions. The learning is structured and organized, and all the students are focusing on the same thing. But when your child comes home, his brain clicks over to “free time” mode. In his mind, home is a place to relax, have a snack, listen to music, and maybe watch TV and play video games. So for better or worse, kids often simply don’t view home as the place to do schoolwork. The good news is that there are effective techniques you can use to end the nightly battle over homework: Start Early I always tell parents that the earlier they can begin to indoctrinate their children with the idea that schoolwork is a part of home life—just as chores are—the more their kids will internalize the concept of homework as being a regular part of life. Make Night time Structured Time When your kids come home, there should be a structure and a schedule set up each night. I recommend that you write this up and post it on the refrigerator or in some central location in the house. Kids need to know that there is a time to eat, a time to do homework and also that there is free time. And remember, free time starts after homework is done. By the way, when it’s homework time, it should be quiet time in your whole house. If your child doesn’t have homework some nights, it still should be a time when there is no Facebook, TV or video games. They can read a book or a magazine in their room, but there should be no electronics. In our house, homework time was usually after dinner, from seven to eight o’clock. The whole idea is to take away distractions. The message to your child is, “You’re not going to do anything anyway, so you might as well do your homework.”</p> Don’t Fight with Your Child Make it very clear that if they don’t do their homework, then the next part of their night does not begin. And don’t get sucked into arguments with them. Just keep it simple: “Right now is homework time. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can have free time.” And when you establish a nightly structure, it will be easier to avoid power struggles over homework.</p> Know Your Child’s Homework List I think it’s very important to know what your child’s homework is—parents need to make sure it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle. Having good communication with your child’s teachers is key, because your child will have homework every night as he or she gets older. If your child is not handing in their work on time, you can set it up so the teacher will send you any assignments that your child didn’t get done each week. And the bottom line is that you want to hold your child accountable for doing their work. </p> Establish a Token Economy in Your Home Don’t forget, we want to pay kids in a currency that they desire. Extra carrots are not going to get much out of your child, but an extra fifteen minutes before bedtime or extending their curfew by half-an-hour on Friday night will. (call out This kind of system is called a “token economy”. The “tokens” become the currency, and in this case, the extra time playing video games, watching TV, and using the computer is the money. You want to withhold it or give it out according to how your child is earning it. Map out a List of Rewards and Consequences Parents should have a list of rewards and consequences mapped out for all their kids. It should be a pretty big list, and might include things like going to the park or to the movies. I have parents sit down with their kids and say, “All right, when you do well and I want to reward you, what kinds of things would you like to do?” Be sure to include activities that don’t cost money, too, like going to the beach, taking a ride in the car, or playing board games. Then, if your child is able to finish his homework on time for a whole week, at the end of the week he gets rewarded from the list you’ve compiled.</p Keep in mind that our job as parents is to help guide and coach our children with their schoolwork, but it’s also our job to let them experience the natural consequences when they don’t get it done. That might mean that they get a poor grade, which is the result of not following through on their responsibilities. It’s so important to let your child experience the disappointment

February 18, 2013

Cookie	Duration	Description
cookielawinfo-checkbox-advertisement	1 year	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Advertisement".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional	11 months	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy	11 months	The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_ga	2 years	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to calculate visitor, session, campaign data and keep track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookies store information anonymously and assign a randomly generated number to identify unique visitors.
_gid	1 day	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the website is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages visted in an anonymous form.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_gat_gtag_UA_18530557_4	1 minute	No description
pron_ip	session	No description
pvc_visits[0]	1 day	This cookie is created by post-views-counter. This cookie is used to count the number of visits to a post. It also helps in preventing repeat views of a post by a visitor.
tk_ai	session	Gathers information for WordPress by themselves, first party analytics tool about how WP services are used. A collection of internal metrics for user activity, used to improve user experience.