Child - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Tips for helping a shy child

If you have a shy or timid child you know that it can sometimes tug at your heart-strings and be pretty painful. You have so many hopes and dreams for your child and want to wave that magic wand and make all the discomforts and problems disappear. Unfortunately, it is not so simple. I have come to realize that understanding behaviour is half the battle. Once you understand why your child is shy you can give your child the tools to try to overcome shyness and deal better with the situations that make him or her uncomfortable. Being a shy child myself I truly understand how painful being in social situations can be. Any help and any tools you can give your child will be stepping-stones to a well-balanced childhood. A shy toddler is usually a child that was born with a more introverted and sensitive personality. This does not have to be a negative quality as long as your child is comfortable in most situations. Keep in mind that personality and temperament is not something you can or should want to change. Helping your child gain confidence in social setting is the goal. Remember, shyness does not have to be debilitating. In order to help your child I would suggest that you consider your expectations. Your child has his or her own unique strengths and abilities as well as comfort levels. Ask yourself if there is any behaviour of yours that should be changed in order to help your child. For instance, if someone comments about your child’s shyness how do you react and respond? Do you push your child in certain situations hoping that will help? Here are a few guidelines that may help you and your child: Shy children are usually a bit anxious to try not to push your shy child into a new activity. A shy child will like to take his or her time to size things up and settle in . They usually gain confidence by watching first , participating second. Eye contact is key in most situations. A shy child will usually avoid eye contact. You can help by practicing eye contact throughout the day. When talking with your child calmly and quietly say ” look at me” or “put your eyes on my eyes”. If this doesn’t work try ” I want to see your pretty eyes”. As a last resort you can always say “look at the bridge of my nose” and that will eventually lead to eye contact. The more you practice the easier eye contact will become. Enforce confidence in new situations by rehearsing conversation starters. You can rehearse simple things such as smiling , shaking hands and saying hello. Practice with puppets and dolls or a telephone …all great ways to rehearse and practice, helping your child to be more at ease is the goal. Try arranging one on one play time. A situation with one playmate will be much easier for the shy child to handle. Invite a friend over, turn off the tv to encourage conversation and playtime. Keep the playdate on the short side leaving your child happy and confident and wanting more. This is our last tip…..don’t label! Labeling your child “shy” is something that can and most likely will, stick with him or her for the rest of their life. If someone else labels your child as shy you can gently and calmly correct them by saying ” No, he just likes to watch first” . Smile at your child and show that you are proud of him or her no matter what! Written by: petiteposh

July 25, 2017

The Importance of Early Brain Development

As parents we want what is best for our children and want to teach and help them grow into successful, well-rounded adults. To achieve this we need to invest in the development of our children’s brains. The emotional, social and physical development of young children has a direct effect on their overall development and on the adult they will become. That is why understanding the need to invest in very young children is so important, so as to maximise their future well-being. Neurological research has shown that the early years play a vital role in the brain development of children. Babies start to learn about the world around them from a very early age and these first learning experiences deeply affect their future physical, emotional, social and cognitive development. These early learning experiences start just before and after birth already, so starting young is extremely important as optimizing and investing in your child’s early years sets them up for success later in life. According to James J. Heckman, a Nobel laureate and Director of the Centre for the Economics of Human Development at the University of Chicago, “Learning starts in infancy, long before formal education begins, and continues throughout life. Early learning begets later learning and early success breeds later success, just as early failure breeds later failure. As a society, we cannot afford to postpone investing in children until they become adults, nor can we wait until they reach school age – a time when it may be too late to intervene. The best evidence supports the policy prescription: invest in the very young and improve basic learning and socialising skills.” As parents we often don’t know how to optimally develop our children’s brains and the very dedicated spend hours researching on the internet. Skidz Clever Activity Boxes has done everything for you. The age ranges start from birth until five years and the program has been developed by four experts in early childhood development. It includes an easy to follow manual and the equipment used to do the many activities. Using the Skidz program gives you time to play and have fun with your child while they learn and develop, as well as the peace of mind knowing that you are doing age appropriate activities with them. You can follow Skidz on Facebook at www.facebook.com/skidzsa The website for more info and orders is http://skidz.co.za or email us at [email protected]

July 15, 2017

How to Choose a Safe Holiday Camp

Sending your kids to overnight camp can be nerve-racking if you’re going to be stressing about their safety. It’s important that you choose a camp that has trustworthy staff and safe facilities. To put your mind at ease, here are some suggested questions that you should ask concerning the safety policy of a sleepover camp for your kids: What is the ratio of staff to children? Staff ratios are very important. The higher the number of counselors to campers, the more supervised your children will be. A higher staff to child ratio means a more controlled environment and will ensure that your kids are getting the quality supervision and attention they require. How have the staff been trained? Your children should be in the care of staff that are at least qualified to render basic first aid, also known as Emergency First Response. You need to also question their psychological training in terms of how they would handle a case of bullying or homesickness at camp. What is the camp’s policy on parental contact during camp? A camp that is running ethically will not completely cut-off ties between parents and their children. The camp must allow some sort of contact between the campers and their parents during camp, like an occasional email home or a telephone line that allows parents to speak directly to their kids in a case of emergency. Some camps post pictures of the campers on their social media platforms so that parents can become a part of their children’s experiences too. Does the camp have a policy for screening visitors? A camp that places great emphasis on who can and who cannot enter the property is a camp that you can trust. Proper safety precautions should be implemented when visitors come to camp, such as CCTV surveillance and proper sign-in and sign-out facilities. Does the camp prevent two people from ever being alone together? According to the American Camp Association (ACA), it’s inappropriate for a camp employee to be alone and out of sight with a camper, as well as a camper to be alone with another camper regardless of gender. There should always be at least three people present in these rare cases of seclusion, and one of those people must be the child’s supervising counselor. This safety policy is commonly known as a “Buddy System”. Does the camp conduct background checks on staff and counselors? It is of utmost importance that the camp conducts background checks and a police clearance on their staff and counselors. This is vital as their employees will be working with children who are vulnerable and require safe and specialized care. Asking the right questions before selecting a camp will ensure your children are well cared for in a controlled and safe environment, and it will further help put your mind at ease while they are away from home.

July 15, 2017

5 Tips for finding a good holiday camp

The opportunity for your kids to gain new friends and a better sense of independence and maturity is best provided by a sleepover camp during the school holidays. These holiday camps are also called ‘summer camps’. There are a variety of sleepover camps available and choosing the right camp for your child’s interest is important if they are going to enjoy their school holidays. Despite the overwhelmingly wide selection of camps to choose from, camps that children are likely to enjoy do have a few things in common. When searching for a good holiday camp for your children, be sure to look for these 5 things: 1. Find a camp that is technology-free. A camp that doesn’t allow your kids to carry their mobile and gaming devices are usually the best option. These camps provide your children with a break away from technology and allow them to participate and gain the complete camp experience without any distractions. This will also allow your children to form new face-to-face friendships, which will often be the highlight of their experience. 2. Find a camp with an outdoor focus. It’s good to find a camp located in a natural environment. This will allow your children to enjoy the tranquility of being away from the bustling city life. In the past, summer camps used their natural settings and encouraged children to play in an outdoor environment. However, this is not always the case today as many camps are located in busy, urban environments such as college campuses. 3. Find a camp that has a flexible and age-appropriate program. Some summer camps have a fixed program structure and do not allow your child to choose what they would like to participate in. Since the majority of children do not enjoy being forced to do compulsory activities, you should try to find a camp that is flexible in this regard. As much as structured activities are great for balance and discipline, non-structured activities are great for freedom of expression and personal growth. You would also be wise to find out what sort of activities are on offer and whether these activities will be suitable for your child’s interests and age group. 4. Find a camp that practices environmental education. A camp that gets children involved with nature in a hands-on way is exactly what you should be looking for if you live in the city. These camps schedule a time where nature can be explored and discovered, creating the perfect opportunity for children to learn an appreciation for the environment. Exceptional camps promote recycling and always work towards reducing their environmental footprint and encourage children to do the same. 5. Find a camp that provides three good meals a day. It is essential that children are provided with good, nutritious meals three times a day. Some camps are criticized for failing to provide healthy meals for their campers. You need to ensure that the camp you choose follows a menu which is suitable for the healthy growth and development of your child, as well as food that your children will enjoy. Well-fed campers are always happy campers. A summer camp which checks all these boxes is a camp worth trying. As an added measure, you may also want to read the reviews on camps’ social media pages to make sure that other parents recommend your chosen camp. Once that’s done, your children are good to go and will very likely want to return for the next school holiday.

July 15, 2017

How camp helps shy and insecure children

One reason that many parents send their kids to a holiday camp like Sugar Bay is so that they can make new friends and become more confident in a safe and fun environment, without the added pressure that often comes from school or home. Evidently, many children have left Sugar Bay’s shores having received much personal benefit from their holiday experience. They share their stories below: Mvelo (High school student, Parktown): Sugar Bay changed my life forever. Before I came to Sugar Bay, I had a low self-esteem; I was anti-socialand never had any friends. I chose to rather be at home, indoors, rather than playing outside because I was afraid of socializingwith other kids as I felt like they would judge me. All of that began to change when I came to Sugar Bay, 10 years ago. I was inspired and encouraged to break out of my shell and socialize. Since then, I love coming back to Sugar Bay and making new friends. I’ve loved every single moment I’ve spent here at camp. Now, I have more confidence in myself. Basani (High school student, Lonehill): Sugar Bay has taught me that it’s okay to be me and that everyone at Sugar Bay is your friend. To this day, I am still friends with those girls from my first camp, as well as other camps I have been to thereafter. Today, I am a confident, open “social butterfly”, and I would be none of these things if it weren’t for Sugar Bay. Matej (High school student, Johannesburg): I used to be a shy personwho didn’t really have friendsand never wanted to participate in any activities. I always pretended to have a good time, but secretly, I wanted to be somewhere else. I used to have anger management issuesbut all of that changedwhen I came here. I hope to continue to teach the kids the lessons I was taught the first time I came to camp. Unlike other environments, holiday camps are specifically aimed at assisting children to overcome certain issues and to help them gain the skills they require to become confident and courageous individuals. If you are a parent with a shy and insecure child – a holiday camp at Sugar Bay is a good option to consider. The above testimonials reveal limited information about the reviewer in order to protect the privacy of the children. However, Sugar Bay’s Facebook Page boasts over 150 public reviews, which parents are encouraged to browse through if they are considering booking a camp.

July 15, 2017

5 Camp Games to Play at Home

Restricting the amount of time your kids spend with technology can be very challenging. The best way to do this, it to motivate them to participate in equally interesting activities that can be played outdoors. This is how holiday camps do it – they keep kids entertained with fun games outside so that they forget all about the TV, computer or cellphone inside! Here are 5 popular camp games that you can play with the kids at home: 1. Stalk the lantern Stalk the lantern is a game which was inspired by the army and typically played during the dark. Everyone needs to be dressed in black and have their faces painted, just as the soldiers camouflage themselves in the army. Divide the players into teams and select the same number as the teams to get representatives to form the lantern. The representatives are responsible for shining the flashlight on players in order to get them out of the game. The objective of the game is to get as close to the lantern as possible when the lights are out, without having the flashlight shine on you. 2. Capture the flag Capture the flag is a traditional outdoor game, where two teams each have a flag and the objective is to capture the other team’s flag. The flag is located at each team’s “base”. The teams would have to find the flag and bring it safely back to their own base. 3. Treasure Hunt The game of the pirates, as it’s commonly known, treasure hunts are a popular and also a very exciting game to play. The objective of the game is to find hidden “treasure”. The game could include searching for items, following clues as a group, or splitting into teams to race to a prize. You can be very creative with this game by creating maps as clues or using riddles that need to be solved, which makes it very interesting. 4. Minute-to-win-it Inspired by the television game show hosted by Guy Fieri, this game is basically a race against the clock, whereby contestants need to complete ten deceptively simple games to win the grand prize. The contestants have 60 seconds to complete each challenge, which increase in difficulty as the game progresses, or they are eliminated. 5. Fear Factor Also inspired by the television game show, Fear Factor is a very popular and interactive game at camp. A group of contestants are challenged to perform a number of terrifying and/or disgusting stunts. If a contestant refuses a challenge, fails in a challenge, or has the worst performance in a challenge, that contestant is eliminated from the competition. The contestant or team that manages to complete all of the stunts, including finishing the final stunt in the fastest time wins the game. These fun camp-inspired games will definitely bring the family together and keep everyone away from their devices.

July 15, 2017

Children Who Lie

There are several reasons why children tell lies. Child psychologists at the Sandton Psychology Centre in Johannesburg say that when deliberating children and lies it becomes necessary to separate when it is problematic and when it is not. Everybody lies sometimes (even adults) and practically all parents will attest that children lie, perhaps not how adults understand a lie, but nonetheless, by stretching the truth, hiding facts, embellishing stories and denying the obvious. Children under 5 years of age will, and do have difficulty differentiating between reality and fantasy. Time and again children’s fantasy and imaginative worlds can offer more satisfaction than reality does. In addition, their wishes and reality are the same thing. Although they may know that lying is not a good thing to do they do not have self-awareness that they’re doing something wrong. Children aren’t born with a set of value systems; they have to be taught the difference between right and wrong behaviour. The major reasons children lie include the following: Watch out for any underlying difficulties such as ADD/ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder or Conduct Disorder. These disorders can be very serious and would have to be treated accordingly. Children with ADD/ADHD for example, do tend to be impulsive and as such may tell lies impulsively, that is without thinking about the consequences. Children who lie can be fearful or scared of getting into trouble. Sometimes they may feel that the consequences of being truthful results in much punishment, lectures, discipline or shouting from parents. It is therefore ‘better’ telling lies and avoiding all of that. Children may lie to not take responsibility for their behaviour, to cover up areas they are struggling with (for example, lying about schoolwork and homework may be a way to cover some underlying difficulty), or hide painful feelings. Adolescents may lie as a way to protect their privacy or to cover up embarrassment or feelings of inadequacy. When dealing with children who lie it is best to determine and address the underlying causes of lying. If we condemn and label children as ‘liars’ we run the risk of getting into a pattern of negativity where the lies don’t subside or become habitual. As a parent, encourage the truth. Be willing to listen and refrain from shaming and punishing the child. Rather work together to find a solution to the problem. If difficulties with lying continue contact a child psychologist at the Sandton Psychology Centre in Johannesburg. The psychologist will be able to determine if there are underlying causes to the lying and what is bothering the child on an emotional level. The child psychologist will work closely with the parents and caregivers to find a healthier way of communicating and dealing with the child’s painful feelings and inappropriate behaviour.

July 9, 2017

Why sleep is important?

Every function in the body is affected by sleep. And for a child, the risks of sleep deprivation are much more serious than simply waking up in a grumpy mood. Research shows that children with sleep disturbances have more medical problems – such as allergies, ear infections, and hearing problems. They are also more likely to have social and emotional problems. Sleep is as important as nutrition and exercise. It’s when the body repackages neurotransmitters, chemicals that enable brain cells to communicate. 1. Sleep promotes growth – Growth hormone is primarily secreted during deep sleep. 2. Sleep helps the heart. 3. Sleep affects weight – There’s increasing evidence that getting too little sleep causes kids to become overweight, starting in infancy. 4. Sleep helps beat germs – During sleep, children (and adults) also produce proteins known as cytokines, which the body relies on to fight infection, illness, and stress. 5. Sleep reduces injury risk – Kids are clumsier and more impulsive when they don’t get enough sleep, setting them up for accidents. 6. Sleep increases kids’ attention span – Children who consistently sleep fewer than ten hours a night before age 3 are three times more likely to have hyperactivity and impulsivity problems by age 6. 7. Sleep boosts learning – Sleep aids learning in kids of all ages, and education experts are finding that naps have a particular magic. The simple fact is that kids sleep less today than they used to. And unless we make an effort to get that sleep time back, their health will suffer.

June 9, 2017

Top 10 Fun Outdoor Games and Activities for Kids

A happy kid makes a happy parent. And what a better way to make your kids happy than by letting them engage in some outdoor activity? There are endless activities that your kid can engage in. However, some of them tend to do more harm than good. It’s wise to choose an activity that matches your child’s age and physical abilities. This will ensure that your kid gets the most from it. So what are some of the best outdoor games and activities your child can participate in? Below we look at 10 recommendations that might work with your child. 1. Camping You know what; your kid is not too young for camping. This outdoor activity teaches your kid a thing or twoabout survival and other responsibilities that prepare them for adulthood. You can choose to camp together so that your kid doesn’t feel left out. However, your kid can do it solo in case the camping ground is within the home. In this case, you’ll need to have some good monitoring to guarantee the safety of your child. 2. Stargazing Most kids have a love for shiny things and it’s even more amazing when you give them the chance to explore lots of the shiny things. These are none other than the stars, something that won’t cost you even a penny. Just go out on a cloudless night and let your kid appreciate what the heavens have to offer. In case your kid seems to take more interest in it, then it’s time that you take it to the next level. You can purchase a kids’ telescope and download a star map to make the stargazing activity more engaging. 3. Hiking Not all of us are lucky to live in areas where mountains are within easy reach. But that doesn’t mean that your kid can’t benefit from taking a hike. It doesn’t have to be a mountain; a small hill might just suffice. Hiking works to develop your kid’s strength and endurance. And it’s, even more, fun when you do it together. Just ensure to take some rest in between the hike so that it does more good than harm. 4. Riding balance bike Riding is one outdoor activity that many kids just can’t resist. However, to get the most out of it, your kid has to start small. Forget about training wheels and instead get your kid a balance bike. The good thing about this outdoor activity is that it requires close monitoring from the parent, hence a strong bond between parent and child. To add more fun, you need to ensure that you choose the right balance bike for your kid; one that’s got a perfect balance of comfort and safety. This outdoor activity can be done just at the comfort of your home. 5. Flying kites Seeing a kite soaring up high in the skies is one thing that your kid just can’t resist. Though there are some kites available for purchase, it would be more fun in case you and your child make one for yourself. The right moment for this activity is when there’s a gentle wind blowing. However, you have the chance to do it on a calm day. What you need is just tie the end of the string on your child’s balance bike and off you go. 6. Gardening We live, eat and walk nature. Therefore you need to give your kid a chance to add something to mother nature. And there’s no better way of doing that than by showing your child some gardening skills. You can start small by letting your kid water the plants after which you can teach on garden maintenance. Let your kid plant something and see it grow by the day. It’s something that will literally make your child want to do more. 7. Riding electric car There are many ways through which your kid can get that wonderful ride. But many require some effort from both the parent and child. Electric carseliminate all the hassles of pushing and pulling. They provide a more leisure ride and come with a remote control operated by the parent for maximum safety. Some of these cars can fit more than one child, something that makes them a valuable purchase. You can choose to do it at home or go a little adventurous by letting your kid take a ride in the neighborhood. 8. Fishing Fish is among the most popular delicacies. But why let your child eat without knowing how to fish for some? Take a tour of that stream in your neighborhood and locate some hot spots where your child will have a high chance of making a catch. Fishing at a pond might seem more effective. However, making a catch in moving water proves to be more fun. Use fishing lines instead of fishing nets to make it a little bit of a challenge. Get two lines so you can fish together. 9. Landscaping A well-trimmed lawn or hedge makes any home stand out. Why not let your kid give you a hand in letting you achieve that? Go ahead and teach your child some landscaping skills. For the safety of your child, you can start out with those toy-like landscaping tools. Once your kid gets a grasp of the tools, you can upgrade to the real landscaping tools. This is an activity that teaches your kid some home maintenance skills. 10. Limbo The game of limbo is among the most loved athletic endeavors that give your child an opportunity to have some fun and test their flexibility and balance. This activity doesn’t have to cost you that much. All you need is just some upbeat music and a pole. It’s, even more, fun when two adults participate in the game. This means that both parents need to be involved. Conclusion These are some of the best outdoor activities that your kid can engage in. Apart from letting them have some fun, some of these

May 26, 2017

Childhood Allergies

Spring is set to arrive soon and what a wonderful time of the year it is, unless, of course, you’re the parent of a child plagued with allergy symptoms that are exacerbated at this time of the year. Seasonal allergies, commonly known as hay fever, are caused by pollens from trees and grasses or airborne mould spores. Symptoms include sneezing, itching of the nose and mouth, red, watery and itchy eyes and a consistently thin and clear discharge from the nose that may also become blocked. However year-round allergies to house dust, animal dander, feathers, mites and chemicals may also be troubling your child. And then, of course, there are food allergies. In infants the first symptom of a food allergy may be a rash such as eczema (atopic dermatitis) or a rash that resembles hives. This may be accompanied by colic, nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea. However food allergies in children can also contribute to chronic health problems, such as asthma, ear infections, fatigue, headache, irritability, chronic runny nose, acne, bedwetting and even difficulty maintaining concentration (attention deficit disorder, or hyperactivity). Dark circles under the eyes (called “allergic shiners”), along with a puffy look to the face, are frequently seen. (Cow’s milk is very often the culprit here). Allergic children often look wan or pallid and lack vitality. This is because food allergies can also cause digestive problems that interfere with the absorption of vitamins and minerals, no matter how nutritious the diet In the presence of an allergen, a child’s built-in defence system releases histamines and similar chemicals to fight what it perceives as an invader. A string of reactions such as the swelling and congestion of nasal passages and increased mucous production results. Conventional medicine using prescription antihistamines, nasal sprays or decongestants, treats symptoms only. Many of these medications have nasty side-effects and if used consistently may lose their effect or rapidly produce dependency. A Nutritional Therapy Approach To Treating Food Allergies The most common foods that cause allergic reactions in children are wheat, dairy products, eggs, fish and seafood, chocolate, citrus fruits, soy products, corn, nuts, peanuts and berries. On the chemical list are additives such as artificial colourants, preservatives (e.g. benzoic acid), flavour enhancers (e.g. MSG) and sulphites found in some frozen foods, dried fruits and medications. To identify what foods are making your child miserable use an elimination diet or keep a diary recording your child’s symptoms and the foods eaten. (Some children seem to be particularly drawn to a problematic food and actually crave it, so be wary if your child wants to live on peanut butter or wheat bread or dairy products). Simply eliminate the suspected food from the diet for a few weeks and watch for improvements. Eliminating all dairy products would be a good place to start. Dairy foods can stimulate an increase in mucous production. Rice, oats or goat’s milk are possible alternatives. If your child’s allergies are seasonal, it may also be helpful to avoid whole wheat during the allergy season. Good substitutes include buckwheat, corn/maize, rice, millet and quinoa. If all the identified problem foods are eliminated from a child’s diet for at least 6 months and then introduced slowly one by one she should be able to tolerate small amounts of these foods. What Else Can Help? Encourage your child to drink lots of water to thin secretions and ease expectoration. Allergic children need a good wholesome diet comprising mainly raw fruit and vegetables. Avoid giving your child any processed foods as they will contain some of the additives mentioned previously. Nutritional Supplements That May Help Vitamin C, preferably in mineral ascorbate form with bioflavonoids, is a natural anti-histamine and a powerful promoter of a strong immune system, making it the most important anti-allergy vitamin. MSM (methylsuphonyl methane) is being prescribed more and more for its anti-allergenic properties. Essential fatty acids, such as those found in fish oil help to regulate the inflammatory response. Quercetin, a plant bioflavonoid naturally found in many fruits and vegetables, acts as anti-inflammatory agent and stabilises mast cells in allergy sufferers. Mast cells become unstable during an allergic reaction and release large quantities of histamine. A high quality green whole food multivitamin and mineral supplement will ensure optimum intake of essential nutrients and sufficient digestive enzymes. Ways To Prevent Allergies In the past it was believed that it was essential to avoid sensitization of infants before birth and for the first three years of life and so moms were advised to reduce exposure of the foetus/infant to known food allergens. However despite this, food allergy in children has increased world wide. Now there is a new take based on “The Development of Oral Tolerance” whereby it is believed that by exposing an infant before and after birth to small quantities of foreign proteins, the child’s immune system is stimulated to produce anti-bodies. Mothers are now encouraged to eat a wide range of foods during pregnancy, so that small amounts of all kinds of proteins can cross the placenta to sensitize the foetus. Mothers should also breastfeed for at least 4 months while eating a wide range of different foods. For infants that cannot be breastfed, hydrolysed infant formulas and goat’s milk formulas are a safer option than soy-based formulas. Soya is a well-known allergen which can cause as many allergic reactions as cow’s milk. Holding back on solid foods until baby is 5 months old is still recommended and using only one solid food at a time in small portions (1 teaspoon a day) to keep track of any adverse reactions. The latest research also suggests that pregnant women would do well to take supplemental probiotics every day for a few weeks before their due dates and while breast-feeding as this may help prevent childhood allergies. Bottle-fed and caesarian-section infants ought to be given probiotics orally from birth. Encouragingly most children, except those suffering from peanut allergy, outgrow their allergic response. Statistics show that 25% of infants are free of symptoms

May 24, 2017

Anxiety In Children

Most psychologists and other mental health professionals use The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition Revised (DSM-1V R) to diagnose various difficulties or problems in children, adolescents and adults. Having a name or a “label”is useful in many ways, for example without a name and specific criteria it becomes difficult for further research with regard to understanding and developing effective and valuable treatment. (Medical Aid schemes in South Africa won’t reimburse clients without a diagnosis). A name for the difficulty also makes it easier for parents to understand and often provides relief with the next point of receiving effective treatment from the clinical or child psychologist. A common clinical diagnosis in children is anxiety. Anxiety is the umbrella term for various types of anxiety which can be described as follows: Social Anxiety Disorder A child or adolescent with a social anxiety disorder shows significant and persistent fear of social situations in which they perceive potential embarrassment or rejection may occur. They experience acute (immediate) physical reactions to feared social reactions. These children often know their fears are greatly exaggerated, however feel powerless, hopeless and overwhelmed to do anything about them. They often avoid the situation which fills them with dread at any cost to the detriment of their academic and social life. Some children may just be fearful of one or a few social situations. In this instance the difficulty is referred to as a specific social phobia. When a youngster is afraid and avoids many social situations, it is referred to social anxiety disorder. Generally, the symptoms fall into three categories: Cognitive symptoms, what a child/adolescent ‘thinks’. However, are not always evident in young children as they may react with intense anxiety and not be able to verbalise what is distressing for them. Physical reactions, how the body reacts to situations; and Behaviour, which is mostly the avoidance of the perceived fearful situation. Separation Anxiety Disorder The crux of this disorder is excessive anxiety about being separated from the person to whom the child is most closely attached. For most children, this is the parent, especially the mother. Fear of separation from the mother or father is a normal part of development in children between the ages of eight and fifteen months. At this stage in their development, children are expected to object to separation vociferously with tears and other signs of distress. However, in older children extreme anxiety from brief separations from their parent/s is not developmentally appropriate. Separation anxiety disorder thus becomes detrimental to the child and stressful for the parent. Children with separation anxiety disorder typically cry, scream and cling on to their parent when faced with separation. If they have to leave their home or other familiar places they become tense and fearful, especially if they have to go alone. They miss out on many fun aspects of being a child such as going to parties and being free and having fun, or going for sleepovers. Even within their own homes children with separation anxiety are afraid to be left alone. They often follow their parents around and are reluctant to go to the bathroom or to any other room by themselves. Children with separation anxiety disorder often have significant difficulties sleeping alone. A common problem associated with Separation Anxiety Disorder is school refusal, whereby on most mornings there is an excessive upheaval and fuss to get these children ready, in the car and off to school. Difficulties in this regard are worse on Mondays, after holidays or after a bout of illness which required absence from school. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Children with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder have persistent and recurring thoughts “obsessions” that seem to have an adverse effect on their daily life and generally involve exaggerated and irrational anxiety or fears. The children feel compelled to perform repetitive behaviours, known as “compulsions”, in an attempt to ward off anxiety caused by their obsessive thoughts. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when children experience a physical, environmental or emotional trauma. Therefore, if a child has experienced a crime related trauma, such as being hijacked, experienced a burglary or mugging, or whether they experienced a natural disaster such as a flood, or being in a motor vehicle accident they may develop PTSD. One has to bear in mind though, that at times, what children experience as traumatic may not necessarily be perceived to be traumatic by adults (such as turbulence on an aeroplane) but might be especially upsetting to a child. Consequently, a child may experience the traumatic incident again and again via nightmares, continuously thinking about what happened, or by re-enacting the event when playing. Children with PTSD can experience symptoms of general anxiety such as difficulty sleeping and eating. They also tend to be irritable, avoid reminders of the trauma and are easily startled. Specific Phobias Children with a specific phobia experience intense fear of a specific object or situation (such as spiders, dogs, elevators) which is irrational or unrealistic. Children with these phobias often avoid situations linked to their fear. The most common specific phobia is the fear of animals, (especially dogs), snakes, insects and mice. Panic Disorder Children who suffer from panic attacks experience debilitating bouts of unexpected and recurring panic and fear. Panic Disorder is rare in young children, however it becomes more common among older children and adolescents. Panic attacks are relatively short periods of extreme anxiety. During a panic attack, the young person quickly by terrifying mental and physical sensations. The symptoms are: Pounding heart and/or increased heart rate Sweating Trembling and shaking Chest pain Abdominal discomfort and nausea Sensation of choking Dizziness or feeling “light headed” Feelings of unreality or detached from oneself Fear of losing control or “going crazy” Fear of dying Tingling or feeling numb Even when a child is not in the grip of a panic attack, just the thought that it could possibly happen again can make a child extremely anxious. Panic disorder causes

May 22, 2017

No Such Thing As A Naughty Child

Naughty children, naughty corners, treats for good behavior, consequences for bad behavior, identifying one child as the naughty on and the other as the good one… It’s quite hard for our kids to grow up without some sense of themselves as either good or bad. The thing is that every single person on this planet has both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ traits. We are all sometimes helpful and sometime unhelpful, sometimes stingy and sometimes generous, sometimes pleasant and sometimes grumpy. Labeling a child is the first step to creating lifelong problems. When I work with parents I look at the limiting beliefs that they have picked up over their lifetime. The most predominant of these are a variation on one of the following: I am not worthy I am not lovable I am not good enough The main reason that 99% of adults are walking around with these beliefs running their lives is because they were given the message that we are supposed to always be good. Always be kind, happy, helpful, agreeable, loving, sharing. And so we end up rejecting one half of ourselves. EVERYONE is also mean, sad, uncooperative, difficult, hateful and stingy – sometimes. It depends on what is important to us how and when we display these traits, but we all have all of them. Labelling a child as naughty makes them believe that they only have the so-called negative end of this spectrum and not the ‘good’ traits. This is just as unhealthy as striving in vain to only have the ‘good’ traits and avoid the bad. In order to love ourselves and other people we need to embrace both sides. My favourite quote is by Dr John Demartini: “No matter what I have done, or not done, I am worthy of love”. Love is about wholeness. And most of our discipline gives the message of separation. No child can be one sided and this obsession with trying to make them this way is the very source of all our problems with discipline and the reason that our kids end up with limiting beliefs about themselves. Please do away with the naughty corner and the grow good corner. There is no such thing as a naughty child or a child that needs to get rid of one half of themselves to be ok. Every child will be cooperative sometimes and uncooperative at other times, helpful and unhelpful, respectful and rude – just like all the rest of us. Children deserve to be loved no matter what they have done or not done.

May 18, 2017

Can We Keep It In A Jar?

A parent recently sent me this question via email: “Our preschool daughters caught a lizard in the backyard and my husband told them they could keep it in a jar. I told them it was nature and they had to let it go. They both threw a tantrum and a meltdown ensued. Should I have gone along with my husband?” Aside from the fact that the parents were not working together as a mutually supportive team, they were also too focused on the lizard as an object. Instead, they could have used the capture of this lizard as an opportunity to teach the girls a little bit about respecting nature, our partnership with the world around us and an appreciation for different life forms. To this mom I would say “You were both right.” There is so much to show and teach your children about this remarkable world we live in. Match the wonders of nature with the powerful sense of wonder in your children’s mind and you might just get them away from the computer, the television and the DVDs long enough to learn more. You might even have some memorable together-time moments that will build your relationship with them. I suggest she allow them to keep it very briefly and then let it go. While holding it in a glass jar to be examined, take some digital pictures of it and allow the children to decide which ones are their favorites. Take the kids to the local library and research just exactly what a lizard is, what it eats and the most favorable conditions for its habitat. Allow the children to decide where they’ll let the little creature go and allow them to participate in the release as much as possible. This situation is also a great opportunity for an outing to your local state park to walk and examine more nature first hand. Before you leave, see if the park has a Web site with a schedule of planned activities. During the warmer months many parks have activities designed to encourage our children to connect with nature. You’ll find nature walks, demonstrations, re-enactments, guided tours and arts and craft events, just to name a few. Once the little creature is released, it doesn’t mean he’s gone and the experience is over. Instead, the creativity can now begin. Go back to those digital photos you saved and pull them into an art or photo computer program to modify. You can blow them up, print them out, or modify them with special effects to create some wonderful art projects. There are special programs for children that will allow for importing photos so the kids can color them or decorate them. If you don’t have software that will allow you to do that, pull the pictures up on the screen and allow your children to draw and color their own free-hand versions of the creature to share with family. At this point the little lizard is physically gone but the experience can continue as your children explore their own imagination and creativity as the result of an actual experience. Capturing a little piece of live nature temporarily to see and enjoy can be so enriching when someone is there to coach them properly. It’s also a great opportunity to shut off all the electronic noise around them for a while and allow them to open their eyes to the true beauty around them.

May 3, 2017

Are You Allowing Your Child’s Creativity To Flow?

Our creativity is directly linked to the way that we think and is a direct expression of who we are. In terms of being creative from an art perspective, some of us are more creative than others. However, we do need to understand that every one of us is creative in one or other form, from being able to problem-solve, through to our ability to connect with people, all the way through to expressing ourselves on canvas or building and making things with our hands. There are a number of ways in which you can encourage and strengthen your child’s creativity : Encourage independence. Independent thinking and freedom of expression will carry through into your child’s drawings and will interpret into everything that they do. Constantly being entertained by television without being encouraged to find things to do on their own only stifles their creativity. Teach them how to set aside time for themselves to do whatever they want to (obviously within the confines of your house-rules) – this could be playing outside just running around, riding bicycles, playing dress-up, putting on a play for their parents or drawing and colouring in pictures. Allow your child to make their own decisions : being allowed to think for themselves and come up with a solution that suits their immediate needs, builds your child’s confidence and encourages them to think out of the box, instead of merely following instructions. Provide your children with a creativity corner if at all possible, equipped with everything that they may need to get their creative juices flowing – colouring in pens, paints, paint brushes, sponges, coloured paper, scissors, glue, ribbons, string and any materials that allow them to experience various textures such as fabric, tree bark, pine cones, acorns, dried flowers and leaves. There is no end to what they can use to express their creativity in a natural way. Work with them to come up with ideas on what they can make with these materials and encourage any ideas that they come up with. A small reward system, such as a gold star or place of pride for displaying the best drawing of the week, will also encourage them to produce their finest work, even if drawing and creating is something they don’t really want to do. Of course, playing with your child even if for just an hour or two a day will certainly develop their ability to come up with their own creative ideas and build up their self-confidence as you praise and encourage them to use their ideas. Telling stories is another way of expressing and developing their creativity. Setting aside time before bed at night where everyone gets a turn to tell a story or expand on a segment of a theme that is set aside for that night, not only encourages family time, but extends on your child’s ability to express their ideas in a fun and safe environment. Encouraging creativity from an early age cannot be emphasised strongly enough. Through independent thinking and enhanced problem-solving, we can only strengthen every aspect of our children’s development as we love and nurture them into free-thinking, self confident adults.

April 25, 2017

Are you putting your child at risk with their daily body care routine?

Would you clean your child with a chemical that is also used to degrease car engines? Well the startling fact is that Sodium Lauryl Suphate (SLS), an ingredient still in use in many children’s body care products, is also used to clean car engines! Every day our children are potentially exposed to many chemicals — the vast majority of which have never been screened for safety. I’m not a doctor, a chemist or a scientist. I’m a Mom who believes that my child has the right to be free from exposure to harmful chemicals, artificial ingredients and nasty preservatives. When my son was born I felt it was my duty to understand those long lists of ingredients on his skin care products and that I had a responsibility as his mother to reduce his exposure to toxins. Doing my homework has at times been an enlightening journey of discovery while often a shocking eye opener. I had always thought that for these toxins to be harmful they needed to swallowed or inhaled. What I forgot is that the skin is the body’s largest organ and is absorptive. Whether a chemical is soaked in through the skin, or an aerosol spray is inhaled, or suds wash down the drain and back into the drinking water supply – they can easily end up in your child’s body. What I find most alarming is the fact that many of the children’s skin care products on the market are not only harmful to their skin but also to their long term health. Many of these ingredients are known carcinogens (cancer-causing substances) and they are used by the industry simply because they are cheap. When exposed to toxic chemicals, even small doses can affect your child’s sensitive and developing body, leaving them vulnerable to allergies and frequent bouts of infections, colds, and even behavioural challenges. What research is telling us to avoid The following are just some of the synthetic chemicals that have been identified by scientific studies to be harmful to health. Sodium Lauryl Suphate (SLS) and Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate (ALS )- SLS is a surfactant that creates lather in formulas. Often described as being “derived from coconut”, which disguises their toxic nature, these chemicals are commonly used in shampoos, toothpaste, soaps and bubble baths. SLS and ALS can cause severe skin irritation, and are easily absorbed into the body through the skin, building up in the brain, heart, lungs and liver, leading to potential long term health problems. SLS and ALS may also cause cataracts, and prevent children’s eyes from developing properly. Paraben- Parabens are preservatives widely used in skin care and baby products to prolong their shelf life. They are suspected to be carcinogenic and can cause rashes and allergic reactions. Propylene Glycol- Found in many creams and cleansers, Propylene Glycol can cause skin rashes and contact dermatitis, and has been shown to cause damage to the kidneys and liver. Isopropyl Alcohol- Alcohol is used as a solvent in many skin care products. It causes skin irritation and strips the skin of its natural acid mantle, promoting the growth of bacteria, moulds and viruses. DEA (Diethanolamine), TEA (Triethanolamine) and MEA (Monoethanolamine)- These substances are harsh solvents and detergents that are used in body creams as an emollient. They can cause allergic reactions, and long term use of DEA-based products (such as Cocamide DEA) have been linked to an increase in the incidence of liver and kidney cancer. Mineral Oil- Mineral oil is derived from petroleum (crude oil), and is commonly found as a main ingredient of face and body creams. Baby Oil is 100% mineral oil! It coats the skin like a plastic film, clogging pores and stops the skin from eliminating toxins, which can lead to acne and other skin disorders. Other petroleum based ingredients include paraffin wax, paraffin oil and petrolatum. Polyethylene Glycol (PEG)- PEG is used as a thickener in skin care products. PEGs interfere with the skin’s natural moisture balance, which accelerates ageing and leaves the skin vulnerable to bacteria. Talc- Talc is a soft mineral used in talcum powders. Inhaling powders containing talc may be harmful to long term health. Saccharin- Saccharin is an artificial sweetener added to many types of toothpaste. It’s been banned in many countries. We have become so addicted to sweets, we can’t even motivate our children to brush unless artificial sweeteners have been added to them. How to protect your child from toxins Examine the labels of your children’s skin care products carefully, and learn to recognize ingredients that are harmful to their skin and their health. Don’t be fooled by the words ‘natural’ or ‘organic’ on the label. Many products contain one or two natural or organic ingredients, but they may also contain harmful synthetic chemicals as well. Read all the ingredients and keep an eye open for the ones listed above. Whenever possible, choose products with 100% natural ingredients. Find a company you can trust that will give you simple, safe ingredients. [box type=”note” style=”rounded”]If you value the importance of natural kiddie body care then KiddieKix is offering a limited number of opportunities for Agents to help spread the goodness. Click here for more info. [/box] [hr]

April 14, 2017

Children and Sexual Curiosity

The famous human sexual response researcher, William Masters (1925 – 2001), an American gynaecologist, was known to play a game with newborn boys during delivery: ‘Can I get the cord cut before the kid has an erection?’ He often failed since most boys are born with a fully erect penis. He also observed that all baby girls lubricated vaginally in the first 4 to 6 hours of life, and that during sleep, spontaneous erections or vaginal lubrication occur every 80 to 90 minutes throughout our entire life span. Despite being born with sexuality as an inherent part of a child’s being, expressions of a sexual nature often leave parents with a feeling of discomfort and concern. ‘Sexual nature’ in this context refers to behaviour which includes touching, sexual identification, exploring one’s own body and those of others, sexual language, masturbation, and games or interaction which have sexual connotations. Although children vary in their interest in sexuality, they are all naturally curious about their own bodies and those of others. Investigative peeking games, which entail ‘you-show-me-yours-and-I’ll-show-you-mine’, are quite natural and occur in 85% of children between the ages of 3 and 7. Rest assured that these games are considered normal and are viewed as non-sexual behaviour. Apart from playing peek-a-boo with others, it is also well known that girls discover their magic buttons of pleasure. A girl may become aware of a pleasurable sensation caused by the friction of her panty, riding on her bicycle, climbing ropes or trees or gently rocking or rubbing her teddy between her legs. ‘Masturbation’ is such a weighty word to use when talking about our innocent girls, and although polite society doesn’t freely discuss matters of such delicacy, we should realise that it is quite a natural, non-sexual occurrence. Her private enjoyment of self-stimulation should be viewed in the light and innocent character of all childish diversions. You may find that she masturbates when she is tired, bored or simply relaxing. Perhaps all we need to do is explain to our little darlings that it is a private matter, and as long as she doesn’t pick the supermarket, the neighbours’ Sunday barbeque or the beachfront for private playtime, all is well. To illustrate this principle, we have a lovely account of a father reading a bedtime story to his 20-month-old little girl. Sophie would sometimes enjoy her ‘happy wiggle’ as she relaxed and listened to the calm and comforting voice of her father. In these instances, her dad would pause and say, ‘Do you want to be alone, or do you want to hear the story?’ Although worried about Sophie’s behaviour at first, her parents found that once they had discussed this openly and told her it was something she should do in private, it stopped being such a big deal. Notably, Sophie was educated in a positive way without leaving her with feelings of guilt and shame. Well worth mentioning too is certain sexual behaviour that merits some reason for concern: this includes attempting or imitating sexual intercourse with a friend, dolls or soft toys; attempts to insert objects in her or a friend’s anus or vagina; oral-genital contact; demanding that others take part in explicit sexual activities, and obsessive self-stimulation. Based on the fact that these tendencies are uncommon in emotionally healthy children but common amongst children who have been victims of abuse, these deviances do need intervention from the adult. Please listen when the little ones talk about things that seem grown-up and removed from their frame of reference. They do not have the cognitive capabilities to talk about sexual acts unless they’ve experienced it. Symptoms of possible abuse include a change in behaviour which reveals anger, hostility, aggression or withdrawal, nightmares, bed-wetting and fear of the dark, regression to babyish habits, or displaying reticence towards or fear for a person or a situation. School grades and attention span may also be affected.

March 28, 2017

Back to School: why team sports is the first thing your child should sign up for!

Going back to school after the long December school holidays is usually a very exciting time for children. For many, it will be the first time they’re seeing their friends in a long time and it’s a time to rekindle old friendships and make new ones. It’s also the start of a new academic school year that comes with new responsibilities and also the chance to try out for a team sport. Commander HQ, the online sports gear and clothing membership club, caught up with Managing Director and Founder of the Cricket School of Excellence, Ryan Maron, to find out just why team sports are so beneficial for your kids. Kids learn how to work together with other kids from different backgrounds to achieve a common goal and to win with pride and modesty or lose with dignity. The social element is massive and it offers kids the opportunity to make friends. Its gives kids the feeling of self-worth and involvement. Kids relate being active to having fun, which is great for keeping them fit and healthy. If something isn’t fun, there is a bigger chance they won’t want to keep it up. Participating in team sports teaches kids how to overcome the disappointment of failure as a group. Team members learn the importance of supporting fellow team members when they’re having an off-day and they also know they never have to face any challenges alone. A loss for one is a loss for all. Team uniformity plays a vital role in unifying a team and also providing a sense of belonging and involvement. A sense of pride should also be instilled in a uniform. While sporting apparel and gear is very expensive nowadays it means it’s not accessible for many players, especially families who have less disposable income. But some form of uniform even if it’s all white shirts and black shorts, is highly recommended. With kids back at school and teams being chosen for this year’s season, it’s the best time to sign your child up for cricket or netball. Commander HQ provides sports clothing and gear at member-only discounted prices making it accessible to all. To find out more about the Cricket School of Excellence please go to www.cricketschool.co.za or to search for your child’s sports goods online go to www.commanderstore.com. About the Author: Carey Mol, is a mother of 3, wife and owner of CommanderHQ, an online sporting gear and apparel store and balances her time between work and her children. For many years she worked full time in the mobile and digital industry, as MD for Cellular Media Distribution (CMD). After becoming a mother, she realised she wanted to spend as much time with her kids as she did fostering her career. She now hopes to inspire young and old, to take part in sport and live an active and healthy lifestyle.

March 23, 2017

Finding The Cause Of Misbehaviour

Understanding misbehavior is the first step to both preventing it and dealing with it when it happens. Our modern lifestyles mean things are fast-paced and intense and we often, as parents, don’t take the time necessary to understand what is going on with our kids. All misbehaviour is simply a result. What we need to look for is the cause. Finding this is easier than you think, if everyone makes a bit of time! In our home we have what we call the “thinking chair”. I’m not in favour of a “naughty corner” as this gives the child the impression that they are naughty themselves; that it is them, and not their behaviour that is unacceptable. And these are the kind of messages given in childhood that end up with people sitting in my coaching chair 20 years later! A “thinking chair” on the other hand is just a place to sit and calm down so that everyone is in a state to find out the cause of the behaviour. And please note that this thinking chair is not only for the kids – if one of us, as the parents, is having a moment or losing our tempers, we also take some time out on the thinking chair until we have calmed down enough to deal with whatever it is we weren’t handling at the time. This ensures that the kids get the message that the thinking chair is not a bad place for bad children, or that they are somehow different or less than us, but that we all have times where we feel out of control and this is normal and you are still ok as a human being; There are times when all of us need some time on our own so that our moods do not affect everyone in our environment. What I have found with this “thinking chair” philosophy is that it only takes a few minutes for whoever is on it to calm down or cry it out, and then we sit together and discuss the REAL cause of the problem – what is going on underneath the surface that has brought you to this state? Even small children have some great insights into their own behaviour if you’ll only take the time to ask. And children, like all human beings, really appreciate being heard. We all feel loved when someone cares enough to hear what we have to say and to really listen to what is bothering us. And once you know the cause, it is usually fairly obvious what the solution is too. Most misbehaviour in kids is a cry for help or a desperate attempt to be heard. They may have a need that is not being met, they may have had a tough day at school, they may be in pain (either emotional or physical), or they may just be tired. None of these deserves punishment, and none of these will be solved by labelling a child “naughty” – in fact, these labels are more likely to produce the kind of behaviour you’re trying to avoid! So give your kids, and yourself, the one thing we all need for understanding and problem solving – time. Time to calm down, time to be heard, time to come up with creative solutions to everyday problems, time to feel loved. And remember, if you do not love yourself fully you will always find it difficult to pass love on to the people in your life. If you have unresolved issues from your own childhood that have resulted in you not feeling lovable or worthy, make a plan to sort this out – clearing up your own childhood is the best way to let your kids enjoy theirs.

March 23, 2017

Staying Calm at Bedtime

There’s nothing quite like coming to the end of a busy day with small children, desperate for a bit of quiet adult time and seeing the flicker of light at the end of the tunnel approaching… only to have it stamped out by a child who refuses to go to sleep. It is understandable that in those moments calm and collected parenting gets stamped out right alongside. We need them to go to sleep. We need that time to ourselves to feel sane. We need a break. We need them to bloody well do as they’re told! And in that little word “need” lies the entire problem. The minute we need our children to behave in a certain way for our own wellbeing we are handing over control. Not control over them, but control over our own internal state. The truth is, nobody can make you feel anything (not even your own sometimes impossible child) without your permission. And once we need something from our kids, we’re handing over that permission slip. Our children are not out to get us, not out to disturb our peace, not planning to mess with our schedule. They just are. They’re being kids, being true to their own sense of how tired they are (or not) and what they feel like in the moment. It is us, as the adults, who are trying to impose an agenda on the moment – trying to make it bend to our will. And life always has other plans! We also teach our children in those moments to veer away from trusting their own bodies and listening to their own internal state so that they can learn to self-regulate instead of always needing us to lay down rules and guidelines. This is similar to getting them to finish their dinner when they’re not really hungry. We tell them to override their very nature. So how do we meet our own needs (because let’s be clear, we really do have a need for some quiet adult time and a break from constantly attending to little people) AND meet our children’s need to listen to their bodies and figure out their own schedules? The trick is to have freedom within boundaries. You can, for example, allow the kids to stay up doing something quietly in their room until they feel tired, provided they do not interrupt the adults. The French have been doing this for centuries. They simply state that from 8pm it is adult time and children need to occupy themselves. Most parents I know panic about this idea as they’re worried the kids will then be too tired for school the next day. Will they? Yes, there probably will be a day here and there where they overdo it and don’t get enough sleep. This is called experiencing the consequences of your actions. And it is exactly how children learn to self-regulate. You will also find that when you remove your need and desperation for them to sleep that that anxious energy is no longer a factor at bedtime and everyone is feeling more relaxed and peaceful, and this naturally sets the stage for a trip into slumberland! In short, stay calm, make sure you are meeting your own needs (and not relying on your kids to meet them for you) and let your children naturally fall asleep when their bodies are ready.

March 22, 2017

A Pragmatic Response to Bullying

No parent wants to see their child suffer at the hands of a bully. As much as we would like to shield them from horrible people, as parents, we have to be realistic. Our job is to prepare our kids for life in the real world and that means helping them learn how to cope with mean people. The problem is that most parents don’t know how to actually help their kids aside from general platitudes like – stand up for yourself or ignore them. The question is, how does a modern educated parent approach the subject of bullying? We want more than theories and platitudes. We want a pragmatic approach that will actually work for our children. It turns out that there is a very pragmatic approach that really does work. It is a compassionate approach based on the science of behavioral management. I studied cognitive psychology in college and spent time in a dolphin cognition research lab. While there I learned about operant and classical conditioning. The way you extinguish a behavior in an animal using operant conditioning is the same way you get a bully to stop. Not by punishing bad behavior, but by not rewarding it. It turns out that animals and bullies treat negative reinforcement as reinforcement. In order to get bullying to stop, you need to not reinforce the bully at all. This is hard to do because, bullies are really good at getting you to respond, that’s why they do what they do. What we need to teach our children is practical things they can do and say that will help them respond without rewarding the bully. It isn’t enough to say – stand up for yourself or ignore them. Kids need to be told specifically, here is what you need to say, and here is how you say it, now let’s practice it so you can say it under the pressure of active bullying. Most kids can pick up these skills pretty quickly when presented in such a pragmatic way. The key to this approach is to help your child develop a neutral emotional response to the actions of a bully. The best way to do that is to practice and cultivate compassion. It’s hard to do because we are often so involved in our own hurt that we don’t want to let go enough to think compassionately about others. But it is precisely when we let go of our hurt that we are able to respond in a more neutral way because, we are no longer thinking about our pain, we are now thinking about the pain of another. Compassion really is a powerful emotion. Finally, what we know from behavior research is that it isn’t enough to not reward a bully; you have to actually be prepared for what is known as an extinction burst or a blowout. Basically, when you take away an animal’s reward, they don’t give it up without a fight. They work harder and become more aggressive to get their reward. In other words, when you stop reinforcing a bully, they get more aggressive for a period of time before they give up their bad behavior. This well-known extinction dynamic is the main reason why most kids give up trying to get bullying to stop. They make a good faith effort to do what the adults counsel them to do, it makes their problem worse, not better, so they give up. However, when a child is told to expect this escalation as natural part of the process of eliminating the behavior, they are better equipped to handle the escalation and ride it out until it goes away. Again, they key to doing this successfully is having the right frame of mind and that requires compassion.

March 20, 2017

Dare, Truth, Promise

Most people who can still remember their teenage years will remember a sometimes wild and inappropriate game of Dare, Truth and Promise. I enjoy games of all sorts, and I find that most kids do too, so I propose a reinvention of this crazy game with an alternative motive – to get to know your kids, to build family spirit and to help them through things they might be struggling with. It works like this: You have a bottle or something you can spin (yes, I know you all remember spin the bottle too!) and everyone sits in a circle. You spin the bottle and the person that it lands up facing has to decide whether they are going to choose Dare, Truth or Promise. Once they’ve made their choice, one of the other family members can entice them to do something (Dare), or ask them a question (Truth) or give them a task for the next week (Promise). Each family member will have a chance to be the one giving the instructions or asking the questions, so the adults don’t get to just boss everyone around like they usually do. Keep this in mind when you think up your tasks – it may come back to bite you! It can be fun to have a points and rewards system or a penalty for dares attempted or not attempted, truths told or lies caught out, and promises fulfilled or not. The idea though is to keep it light and fun. So that’s the basics of the game as we’ve always played it. Here’s how it can be adapted, keeping in mind that it is only as limited as your imagination. DARE The idea here is to get your kids out of their comfort zones and help them to grow and extend themselves. Offer enough challenge to be slightly uncomfortable, but not so much as to be distressing. Some ideas… Help them to face their fears: Challenge your child to do something that normally makes them nervous (note – nervous, not terrified) eg. Run into a dark room, go to the toilet by themselves, look under the bed, hold a spider (a harmless one, of course). Help them to step out socially: Dare them to tell someone something that they’ve been putting off, to ask someone to be their friend, to write a love letter to someone they like. Get them to try new things: Dare them to taste a new food, to smell something weird, to touch something with an icky texture. Help them to learn something: Challenge them to learn to spell a difficult word, to memorise something, to tackle a problem, to finish a puzzle, to figure something out. Help them to become independent: Challenge them to try tying a shoelace, dressing themselves, washing their own hair, making their own breakfast. TRUTH Get to know your kids by asking questions that they may not always answer or that you wouldn’t normally ask in everyday conversation. Some examples: What is your greatest fear? What is the best dream you’ve ever had? Who makes you smile? What was the last lie you told? What do you love about yourself? Have you ever kissed a boy/girl? What is the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done? What is the kindest thing you’ve ever done? What is something that someone in this family does that makes you mad? What do you love most about living here? PROMISE Get your kids to help out around the house as part of the game (here is where a points system really pays off) or to do something that they normally avoid. Make sure you have a mix of fun and not-so-fun tasks to keep them interested. Remember to choose this option yourself when playing so that they can also get you to do things that they would like. Some examples: Clean up the dog poo for 2 days Help to prepare one dinner Make your bed for a week Bring me tea in bed Find a sneaky way to do something fun for someone in the family De-weed the garden Wash the car Give someone a foot massage Do something nice for a sibling Not bite your nails for a day Remember that it’s a game and therefore supposed to be fun. Children are wired to play, so if you can link what you want them to do or what you want to learn from them to something playful they are far more likely to cooperate. This is one way to do that. Happy gaming!

January 26, 2017

Children Suffering From Migraines In Sport

“A new fact on migraines and participating in sport” Claims that participating in sporting activities is detrimental for migraine patients are untrue – a new study found that participating in sporting activities actually has health benefits for migraine patients. The study, recently published in the Sports Neurology Journal ascertains that under Neurological supervision sporting activities can be safely integrated into the lives of migraine patients. This is the first time empirical research has been done to review known risks involved with participating in sporting activities by migraine patients. “It was a study that sampled patients with; epilepsy, migraines, and multiple sclerosis”, says Dr. Elliot Shevel, South Africa’S migraine research pioneer and the medical director of The Headache Clinic. Shevel confirmed that as long as there is proper supervision in place for migraine patients, playing sport is not harmful. Dr. Elliot Shevel says that migraine patients are often discouraged from participating in sports based on theoretical detrimental effects, when in actual fact they can and should be encouraged to participate in sports provided that the exercise does not trigger the pain. Where exposure to prolonged sun triggers the pain indoor sports should be pursued. With schools re-opening and sporting activities being part of the academic experience, children that suffer with migraine should take the time with parents and teachers to work out which sporting activities suit them best. To find out more about how migraines affect your child, call 0861 678 911 or visit www.theheadacheclinic.net

January 20, 2017

Flying with kids? Remember your tablets and rooibos

As the December holidays loom, many of us are planning some well-earned family time. Reconnecting with loved ones often involves travelling by air and for those of us with kids, that prospect can fill us with dread. It needn’t be that way, says Shaun Pozyn, Head of Marketing at British Airways (operated by Comair), who offers these timely tips for managing youngsters in the air and en route to your destination. Give yourself enough time: rushing while trying to marshal kids and their kit can be harrowing and conjures images of Kevin McCallister (played by Macaulay Culkin) being left abandoned by his family in the 1990 comedy, Home Alone. One way to score yourself a little time is by using apps like ba.com to check your family in online. Know the rules: documentation requirements when flying domestically are fairly simple: you need to carry identification. But if you’re travelling internationally with children you need an unabridged copy of their birth-certificates. Get the squad to help: the cabin-crew are your allies, so don’t be afraid to ask them for assistance. You can, for example, use a push-chair to the door of the aircraft, and on international flights, infants can be accommodated in bassinettes. Take your tablets: mobile devices can largely alleviate the need for toys, and picture-editing apps like Prisma, or games like MineCraft can temporarily replace Lego, for example, which can be lost in the cabin. Just make sure your devices are charged and consider investing in a power-bank to ensure that have plenty of power. Handle the pressure: one of the major irritants for small children and infants when flying is pressurisation. This is because their ears haven’t fully developed yet, so they can’t equalise changes in air-pressure when the aircraft ascends and descends. Swallowing and chewing can help with this, so depending on the child’s age, drinking fluids or snacking on chewy foods can help. Foods with less sugar can help prevent the child from becoming too energetic: opt for biltong, fruit-rolls, nuts and fruit-juice diluted with rooibos tea rather than sweets and cool-drink. Don’t plan too much: travelling can be very exciting for kids, but too many activities in one stint can leave them tetchy and overstimulated. If a child is enjoying a particular pastime – working on a travel-log to document their journey, say – leave them to it. That can also give you, the parent, the chance for a welcomed breather. See: http://www.britishairways.com/en-gb/information/family-travel for more information.

December 14, 2016

10 Reasons to homeschool

You know someone who knows someone who teaches their children at home and you’ve read a few articles on the topic, but it’s not something you’ve seriously thought about, is it? If not, here are 10 reasons you should consider home educating your children. (Yes, it is legal and yes, you can do it!) It is centred on your child’s learning pace: Home education allows parents to meet their children’s individual learning needs. Whether you spend extra time on concepts your child finds challenging or move ahead in areas that are more quickly understood, all learning happens at your child’s pace. It promotes one-to-one interaction: Having a dedicated educator means that your child can ask questions without fear of being judged by peers, and they can receive help with difficulties as and when they arise. It offers a safe learning environment: Parents often turn to home education to avoid school bullying and violence, negative peer pressure, unwanted influences, substance abuse and other factors that impact on their child’s wellbeing and education. It offers flexibility: You don’t need to follow a specific curriculum and you don’t need to follow a typical school day – you can teach anywhere! It fits with your family’s beliefs: If your family has philosophical, ideological or religious objections to traditional schooling, home education offers the perfect alternative. It supports children with health concerns or special needs: Children who can’t attend school regularly due to illness or who are recovering from critical health events can benefit greatly from home education. The same applies to children with special learning needs, who tend to cope better in their home environment with a familiar caregiver as their educator. It builds stronger family bonds: Many families believe that home education helps foster closer family relationships and a stronger family unit while instilling core values. It encourages the development of broader social skills: While traditional schooling forces children into an artificial network of same-aged peers, home educated children mix with people of different ages, resulting in broader social skills. It increases independence: Children who are educated at home work individually, measuring themselves against their own performance and not a class average. As such, they learn to identify their own strengths and weaknesses, and to take responsibility for their performance. It solves distance and quality problems: If you live far from schools – or simply far from a good school that meets your child’s needs – home education offers the ideal alternative. By choosing to teach your children at home you are not only investing in their emotional, social, physical and intellectual development, you also get to accompany them on their journey to adulthood every step of the way. Impak is a curriculum provider for home, tutor and school education. Visit www.impak.co.za for more information

December 8, 2016

Children and Technology

By Juazel de Villiers (née Pieterse), Clinical Psychologist Technology has become integrated in our daily lives, it has grown to be our means of communication, socialising, planning and working. However, it is important not to become desensitized to the effect technology or ‘screen time’ can have on our family, and especially our children. Screen time refers to watching television, playing computer games or entertainment on a phone, tablet, etc. For many of the questions parents have around technology, the first most important factor to take into account is the family circumstances, each family is unique, and so are their needs and responses to technology. The various limits will be influenced by the personality, characteristics and needs of each child and parent. That being said, there has been a notable increase in research regarding technology and family life, which can be used to guide each family in finding the healthy balance needed. The biggest consideration in the use of technology is how much is too much. Screen time should be monitored and limited where possible. Recent research has shown that children under the age of two should preferably not have screen time of any nature. Research has further shown that educational baby programmes have not been as beneficial as previously thought, or to a degree that counteracts the negative consequences of screen time for babies and toddlers. Children between two and eight should be limited to one-hour screen time per day, and those older than eight should be limited to a maximum of two hours of screen time per day. These limits should not be viewed as the recommended amount of screen time, but rather a maximum amount of time, less than one-hour screen time is still preferable. One of the reasons why this is of such importance, is because of the lack of other stimulation that children receive if they spend too much time with technology. Enhancing childhood development has become somewhat of a catch phrase, yet the different areas of development is not always recognised. It is important for children to move, in other words be physically active; movement is not only important for physical development but also for neurological (brain) development. Children also have a need for personal family interaction, social skills development apart from technology, writing skills development without a keyboard, and so forth. Early childhood is especially important for the very young child to develop social interactions with face-to-face contact. It is also of great importance for them to have extended periods of creative play to develop language, problem solving skills and their imagination. The increased time that children spend on technology not only takes away from other skill development, but it has also been linked to an increase in a wide variety of childhood difficulties, examples include increased weight gain, occurrence of anxiety and difficulties with concentration. This is one of the difficulties or challenges that Skidz Clever Activity Boxes has attempted to address. The boxes and curriculums provide parents not only with information on development, but also with a structured programme as an alternative to screen time which encourages healthy development across a range of areas. The other important consideration that needs to be made when using technology is whether or not parents should know their children’s passwords. Parents want to be able to demonstrate their trust in their children, and as a result they are often reluctant to invade their child’s privacy by insisting on knowing their children’s passwords. However, it can be of great importance to know the password, as children and adolescents are especially vulnerable to the dangers of technology. Technology has been amazing in creating a world where we are easily connected to one another, where information is ‘at our fingertips’, but this information could easily be about your child. During the childhood and teenage years, the responsibility of the parents is to protect their children, and to teach them right and wrong. The expectation is that the child or teenager is still learning and not yet able to protect themselves from the various challenges and dangers they are exposed to. The same way you would not leave your child alone in a strange home with people you do not know, it is unsafe to leave your child ‘alone’ in the world of technology. By knowing their password, you are able to learn about what environment they are in, it allows the parent to access the information that their child is being exposed to, to know who their child is interacting with, and if their child is safe. In the same manner, it is important for parents to supervise the use of technology and what their child is accessing or watching during screen time. Parents are advised to always supervise when their children are engaged in screen time and to make us of filters and blockers. Young children often click on the ‘flashing button’ without being able to, or taking time to, read where it could take them, it is for this reason that it is very important to ensure that you as parent take time to familiarise yourself with how the filters and blockers work. Without the proper control and supervision, the benefit parents often cite of technology ‘keeping your child entertained with minimal supervision through screen time’, can also be the biggest danger of screen time. Background of Juazel de Villiers (née Pieterse), Clinical Psychologist The Psychology Practice of Juazel Pieterse was started in 2013 by Juazel, a Clinical Psychologist. At the practice we provide psychological intervention for a range of psychological difficulties, including depression, anxiety, stress, adhd, autism, family difficulties, parenting skills and support, change of life difficulties, and so forth. Our focus varies between prevention and treatment as needed. Our passion is to work with individuals, groups and the community to create awareness of psychological difficulties and well-being. References: Graber, D (2015) How much ‘Screen time’ is too much? Why that is the wrong questions. Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diana-graber/how-much-screen-time-is-too-much-why-thats-the-wrong-question_b_7285212.html Powell, A (2015) Keeping an eye screen

November 29, 2016

The perfect packing list for sleepover camps

Packing correctly for camp is actually one of the most significant things that will determine whether your child’s camping experience is enjoyable or not. It’s all about getting the essentials right. Packing for your child’s holiday camp can really become a complicated task if you don’t know what to expect. It’s sometimes difficult to get the balance right between what your child needs to survive and enjoy camp and what is luxury. Some parents pack too little as they expect an informal “survival camp” where all they need is the clothes on their back. Other parents seem to pack the entire household as they expect that their child won’t survive if they don’t have everything in their bedroom. Here are some packing essentials that you should always pack in your child’s luggage before they head over to a sleepover camp: 1. Checklist of things to do before packing: It’s important to ask the camp about their luggage restrictions, as you may not be able to pack some luxury items like skateboards etc. Ensure that all your child’s clothing and personal items are clearly labeled with your child’s full name. 2. Medication: One of the most important things you need to send with your child is definitely their emergency/chronic medication. This would include Asthma pumps, Cortisone, Epipens, and ADHD medication etc. This medication needs to be carefully packed in an easily accessible, zip lock bag with a clear description and dosage information. 3. Day bag with essentials inside: Have a backpack with essential items inside for your child’s daily activities: Water bottle Sun Stick/Sun block lotion Bathing Costume Beach Towel Peak Cap/Sun Hat Flip Flops Takkies/Trainers Raincoat/Waterproof jacket Insect Repellent 3. Clothing: Old, inexpensive, casual clothing is the best type of clothing for camp. Skirts and dresses aren’t recommended for camp. Every camper should have the following items packed in their bags in the quantity relating to the number of days that they will be spending at camp: Shorts Tracksuit pants T-shirts Long-sleeved shirts Underwear Sleepwear Beanie Laundry Bag (To separate the clean stuff from the dirty. This can be a simple plastic bag.) 4. Personal / Toiletry Items: Even at camp, feeling fresh and clean makes you feel good. Personal hygiene is essential to enjoy the outdoor experience and keep all campers feeling confident throughout the day. The following items should be packed in a toiletry bag: Toothbrush and toothpaste Hair brush and shampoo Shower gel Deodorant and/or antiperspirant Bath Towel (In addition to a swimming towel) Shaving gear / Feminine Products/ Hair dryer (if applicable) 5. Other sleepover camp essentials: The primary purpose of camping is to relish the leisure of the outdoors and get in touch with nature in the company of other people. Below are a few other camping essentials you should to take to camp: Sleeping Bag Torch Pen & Paper Snacks An item of something that you enjoy doing. For example, a book if you enjoy reading, or a skateboard with your protective gear if you enjoy skateboarding). Simplify the preparation process by refering to this packing list when your child goes on their next sleepover camp. You can’t go wrong!

November 23, 2016

An open letter to divorcing parents

Dear Parents, Divorce/separation sucks for the simple reason that when two people get together and have children, they make plans to build a future together. They do not plan for an eventual separation. So when it eventually happens, everything as they know it, crumbles. Everything will be different, and that is scary as hell. Today, thanks to extensive resources available, providing a wealth of information on all aspects of separation and referencing many people having gone through a separation before, separating parents are being presented with more options to separate with less trauma, and receive more knowledge on how to face and proceed mindfully with this life changing event. It gifts them a head start to engage on this journey in a manner that will not only allow them to move forward with less anger and bitterness, but mostly in sparing their children from broken childhood memories. Yet, there is increasing evidence of a rise in parental conflicts, court battles, evasion of parental roles and responsibilities, and using the children to control certain outcomes of their agreements not being met. Life is a never ending learning process. To discard available information and valuable support, is choosing to be a victim of your circumstances. Yes, a separation is distressing and hard on a person. It can make you feel like there is little justice and that life isn’t fair, but it should not become an excuse to waste your life focusing on a dream that did not materialise. Instead, evaluate if your conflicts are about hurting your ex or rather hurting your sons and daughters, because your conflicts are wounding your children in ways they cannot control. Recognise that there is in fact no problem. What you see as a problem is actually a change of direction. It’s not the end, it’s not a beginning. It’s a transition that allows you to plan for some different and new life choices. The time has come for separating and separated parents to address the crisis their families are in when going through a divorce/separation. Parents who are hostage to an acrimonious battle over custody and/or maintenance are not fighting for what is in the best interest of their children, they are out to hurt and destroy each other, no matter who stands in the cross fire. It is time to raise awareness that being in control of your emotions is the solution to forgiveness and healing, so that you can mend, and not destroy, your children’s families. The time is now to change the way you, parents, separate, so that you can give your sons and daughters a life which feels normal being happy and not which feels normal being broken. The Law doesn’t raise children, parents do! Nadia Thonnard

November 16, 2016

8 Kid-Friendly Yoga Poses for Peaceful Mornings

As parents, getting our sons and daughters out the door every morning can be a monumental task. Whether it is getting them to eat their breakfast, tie their shoes, find their homework, or brush their teeth, something inevitably goes wrong. However, by taking a few minutes everyday to teach our kids yoga, we can help our kids stretch, strengthen their cores, and naturally clear their minds. This can make a big difference in how our children’s and even our own day unfolds. Why Yoga For A Peaceful Morning? Each morning is a new day offering us the possibility to teach our kids confidence, relaxation techniques, and help them be a little more grounded as they start the day. Yoga offers to help our kids release pent up tension and emotions, while helping them physically. In addition, yoga can be done with the whole family, within a matter of minutes, without requiring a gym or host of athletic equipment. Adding yoga to our routines can help us all be more mindful throughout the day.. Yoga teaches our children to breathe, re-center, and notice their emotions, which is a life skill that they can carry with them into adulthood. Not only is yoga good for the soul, but research has repeatedly proven exercise helps kids perform in the classroom. Oh, and did we mention that it’s fun! 8 Kid-Friendly Yoga Poses for Peaceful Mornings Introducing our boys and girls to yoga while they are young is beneficial and helps them develop lifelong healthy habits. Whether you watch a child centered yoga class online or create your own workout, remember to have children breathe as they move. For example, stretch on inhale and release their muscles while breathing out. Listed below are poses to get the entire family started: The Sunrise and Sunset Pose. Stand tall and take 3 to 5 deep breaths. On the last inhale, raise your arms above your head and press your legs into the ground. Stretch your spine up, toward the sky. On exhale, bend at your waist and bring your upper body toward your feet, similar to diving in a swimming pool. Reach down as far as you comfortably can go and inhale again, slowly opening your arms as you stand, reaching for the clouds. Repeat 6 to 10 times. Help children see the resemblance to the rising and setting sun. The Mountain Pose. Once again, standing tall, press your feet down and straighten your spine. Slowly roll back your shoulders, bringing your palms together in front of your chest. Take several deep breaths. The Cat/Cow Pose. Get down on all fours, resembling a cat and cow. For the cat position, exhale and gently arch up your back with your head looking at your belly button. As you inhale, gently reverse your back and push your stomach to the ground for the cow. Exhale, and return to the cat pose. Repeat three or four more times. The Cobra Pose. Lay down on your stomach, stretching your legs back with the tops of your feet pressed on the floor so you resemble a snake. Spread your hands out and place them under your shoulders so you can raise your torso up. Stretch your head back to open the chest. Hold for 5 deep breathes. The Downward Facing Dog. You want to create a V shape by putting the palms of your hands on the ground and lifting your hips up toward the ceiling. As children get better at this, encourage them to straighten their legs or stand flat footed. The Fish. This pose resembles a fish jumping out of a river. Lay down onto your back and use your elbows to prop up your body, arching your chest up so your head rests on the floor. Hold for 3 to 4 breaths, coming down as you exhale. The Bridge Pose. While you are on your back, press your feet down into the earth and thrust your hips into the air. Hold for 3 to 4 breaths and come down slowly on an exhale. The Resting Pose. Lie down on your back and take in a deep breath. Exhale. Now, wiggle your body and then rest. As you breathe, imagine that you are filling up with a warm light that starts at your feet and spreads up your body slowly. When you are ready, sit up slowly. What yoga poses do you use with your children?

November 9, 2016

7 Benefits of Working as a Camp Counselor

Not all people were made to sit behind a desk, or in front of a computer screen all day. Working as a camp counselor is a perfect fit for young adults who prefer being hands on in a casual and dynamic working environment. A camp counselor is a young adult between the ages of 18 and 28 assigned to supervise a group of children at a holiday camp. The roles of a camp counselor include supervision, leadership, ensuring the children’s well-being and safety and making their camp experience as fun and rewarding as possible. If earning an income in a fun, outdoor environment isn’t a good enough reason, then here are seven more long-term benefits to working as a camp counselor: 1. Food and lodging are usually included. Many holiday camps offer accommodation and/or meals as part of the standard job package on top of the basic wage. This structure is perfect for students who are looking to make some extra spending money without having to worry about grocery or rent bills. 2. Meet new people. While living in the digs-style accommodation, counselors will undoubtedly meet new people from all over the country and the world. Some counselors only work during their university vacations or when they need extra cash, and others make a career of it and stay for years. There will always be a continuous cycle of new faces to meet and get to know. Some best friends and even married couples have met while working at camp. 3. Improve your fitness. Looking after children is a full time job, even more so at camp. Counselors are expected to instruct and participate in the camp’s activities and program with the children. Therefore, you can expect to always be engaged in some fun form of exercise, whether it’s swimming, surfing, rock wall climbing, playing paintball and a whole lot more. 4. Disconnect. Camps are usually a technology-free zone for children and counselors (during working hours). This allows you to fully enjoy and be present in every moment of your day without the distractions that come with cellphones etc. This in itself can be revitalising, because it allows you to reflect in your quiet times and then build strong interpersonal relationships during your busy times of face-to-face interactions. 5. Learn new and valuable skills. There are many valuable skills to be learned while working as a camp counselor. Some of which include Emergency First Aid, basic life guarding, public speaking, teaching, leadership and team work. On top of these, counselors can also learn to master and then become an instructor in a new activity like surfing, yoga, rock wall climbing, stand-up paddle boarding etc. There are many opportunities for both professional and personal growth at camp. 6. Make a difference. Many people often leave their everyday corporate jobs to pursue one simple, yet significant desire – the chance to make a difference either in the lives of people or in the world in general. This is why many people who are passionate about children choose to become camp counselors. A camp counselor from Sugar Bay Holiday Camp, describes his personal experience: “Coming to camp as a kid changed me from being a shy, introverted child to a highly energetic and friendly person. Sugar Bay had turned into my second home and family. [As a counselor] I was given the chance to be a role model to many kids who need the motivation to be better and make them happier and more confident. This itself fills me with joy.” 7. Build your resume. Employers often seek employees who are great communicators, life-long learners, leaders, team players and creative thinkers. Fortunately, these are some of the primary qualities of camp counselors. The work experience gained at a holiday camp like Sugar Bay will open up doors at international summer camps, au pairing agencies and careers related to fields in education, social work, child psychology and sports. If you’re passionate about kids and have an interest in working as a camp counselor, give Sugar Bay Holiday Camp a call on 032 485 3097. Ask to speak to the Head Counselor, Tape, who will happily give you more details and answer your questions.

November 4, 2016

Exam Stress

A moderate amount of stress can be a good thing. It can sharpen concentration and performance and help to create the energy and motivation we need to keep studying. Too much stress, however, can be overwhelming and stop us from being able to study and function healthily in life. Undoubtedly, it would be disappointing if you do not do as well as you hoped. Thus, instead of thinking negative thoughts it is helpful to challenge the thoughts (I won’t get a good job, people will think I am stupid, my future is over) with a more realistic assessment of the situation. Enlist the help of a friend, counsellor or tutor to help you to do this. It is very common to think that we will be judged solely on our academic achievements rather than as individuals with contributions to make in all sorts of ways. If someone believes that his/her self-worth depends on academic achievement, there will be considerable anxiety surrounding any academic assessment. Too much anxiety can be paralysing. If the pressures to succeed from family or others is extremely high it may help to contact your local counselling service in order to talk about this. WHAT IS STRESS? Stress is part of the body’s natural response to a perceived threat. It causes our bodies to go into a fight or flight response. The main physiological reaction is the release of a rush of adrenaline which gives us the energy to act. If the perceived difficulty is not physical but psychological, the adrenalin is not used up and this can cause increased muscle tension, heart rate and breathing rate. This then leads to physical changes (headaches, neck aches, stomach problems), mood changes (irritability, tearfulness, feeling low or anxious) or behaviour changes (sleeping problems, increase or decrease in appetite, difficulty in concentration). Exams lead to stress because the marks will influence final degree results. Thus, the stress is derived mainly from the additional meanings which get attributed to exam results. ORGANISING YOUR TIME Draw up a weekly timetable including everything you need to do such as revision, eating, sleeping, lectures and relaxation. Allow for sufficient flexibility due to the unexpected. Be realistic about how much time you can spend revising – if you divide the week into 21 units (3 a day), you should work for a maximum of 15 units per week. You should have 6 units to do other things. Allow yourself time for relaxation as it will decrease your stress levels. This is not wasting time as it will help you work more effectively. Plan how you will use your time during your revision periods. Decide on the order of topics and how much time you will spend on each. Stick to your deadlines. Prioritise – do the most important topics first and allow more time for subjects you find difficult. Set specific goals for each revision period. WHAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY CAN DO TO HELP Listen to the individual’s concerns, be sensitive and give him/her support. Encourage him/her to take breaks and go out from time to time. Inform them about various strategies. Help them to seek additional help if the stress is getting too much for the person. Reassure them that this is a sign of strength, not weakness. Ensure that they are having regular meals, times of relaxation and emotional support. Give positive feedback. Keep distractions to a minimum. SLEEPING BETTER Do not work in or on your bed. Stop working at least an hour before you intend to sleep. Stick to a regular bed time and getting up time. Maintain good sleeping patterns – 6 to 8 hours a night are recommended. Do not drink too much alcohol – it will prevent you from sleeping properly. STUDY PATTERNS Take regular breaks from studying. When you notice that you are distracted, get up and take a break. Fifteen minutes when you can concentrate is better than three hours of staring into space and feeling guilty or anxious. TECHNIQUES TO COPE WITH STRESS Some individuals may use alcohol, smoking and drugs as a means to manage stress. These may have a calming effect in the short term, however, they are not ideal solutions since it may cause one to feel worse afterward and thus impair the ability to think clearly. Eat at least one proper meal a day and keep the body hydrated. Exercise. This increases the blood flow around the body which increases clearer thought. Just a 10 minute walk a day can be helpful, especially in using up some of the extra adrenaline created by the stress. BASIC REVISION METHODS Step One: Read your notes and seek answers to questions. Be as active in your reading as possible – talk to yourself, walk around the room, speak into a tape recorder. Step Two: Close up your notes. Step Three: Actively recall what you have just been reading, asking again the same questions without looking at your notes. Write down what you have recalled in brief notes. Step Four: Check the original notes with the new ones. If you recalled all the answers to the questions then you have created a master card which you can use to re-revise without having to consult lengthier notes. Step Five: If not all the questions have been answered, re-read your original notes, looking particularly to those you missed. Repeat steps two to four. ON THE DAY OF THE EXAM Do not try to learn any new topics since this may impair your ability to recall those you have learnt previously. Look at some brief notes or revision cards. Do not study for the last hour before the exam. Time your arrival at the exam room so you do not need to wait about outside with others who may increase your anxiety level. Give yourself time to settle before reading the questions and starting to write. Use a breathing exercise to regulate your breathing and calm yourself down. Have a plan for how you will use your

November 3, 2016

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