Advice Column, Parenting

Does your relationship feel like it’s falling apart? 

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  • Category Advice Column, Parenting

Are you constantly fighting and in the “here we go again” cycle….?

Do you want to fix it?

Everyone faces challenges in their life or relationship where they need a little help, I’m here to tell you that you do not have to face this time alone.  You are probably moving through one of the phases of the relationship cycle that every couple experiences in their relationship.

Conflict is often seen as a negative and something that many seem to avoid at all costs instead of as an opportunity to grow.

We experience conflict in all areas of our lives on an ongoing basis, within ourselves, with our partners, our children, our families and even in our working environment.

Do any of the following statements resonate with you?

  • You’re unhappy in your relationship and want to fix it
  • It feels like you and your partner are living seperate lives
  • You have a good relationship but you’ve got into a rut and it’s boring
  • You want to start a new relationship and not repeat the same mistakes from previous ones
  • You keep fighting about the same things over and over again and want to stop
  • You want your relationship to be one that is loving and caring
  • You can’t understand why your relationships never last
  • You struggle to keep and maintain friendships
  • You are uncomfortable in social situations e.g. networking
  • People have mentioned you come across as abrupt, abrasive or insensitive

Imago Relationship Therapy, founded by Harville Hendrix (PhD), teaches us that we connect with a person as a result of an unconscious match between a mental image of our parents/caretakers, created in childhood (called Imago) and certain character traits of that person (our trigger points) shaping who we become, our thought patterns and our behavioural traits. This then contributes to how we manage relationships and conflict in our adult lives.

A key aspect to note is that children model themselves on their primary caretakers (usually their parents), hence the developmental years of a child’s life are the most crucial, as this forms the foundation of a child’s emotional development. This is where we learn how to communicate, manage conflict, express emotion, feelings and vulnerability.

If children are exposed to a negative, confrontational environment, they soon will develop behavioural patterns that align to the environment they have been exposed to. The converse also applies. When these children then grow up and form relationships of their own, similar patterns and traits begin to play out time and time again.

As a Relationship Wellness Coach, Paula Quinsee helps couples whose relationships have gotten stale reignite the fire that they once had so that they never have to worry about having to go through a painful divorce or break-up. She also works with individuals to help them understand their relationship patterns, why their past relationships did not work and how to fix this. Attend one of her regular monthly workshops for great empowering tools. For more information go to


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