Bill Corbett

What If My Child Won’t Take No for an Answer?

If you’ve said no firmly and you’re child is wearing you down, avoid doing what many parent do when they are tired and overworked; giving in just to stop the pleading and begging. Doing so might stop the noise that’s adding to your stress, but it will also teach your child to repeat this behaviour anytime they receive a NO from you (and others) in the future. BE FIRM, STAY CALM, AND REMAIN QUIET So let me get right to the punch on this question. If your child is asking for something you can’t or won’t give to them and they won’t stop drilling you for it, calmly tell them that you’re not willing to discuss this issue any further and remain completely quiet if they try to engage you further. Be ready and willing to talk to them about any other subject, just not this one. WHAT IF YOUR CHILD HITS YOU IN RESPONSE? If this occurs, the answer is to tell them firmly, “No one is allowed to hit me,” and remove yourself from your child’s access immediately. This means you must go to another place in the house to be away from your child in the moment. If this isn’t easy to do, do your best to remove yourself from your child. Do not hit your child back and avoid yelling or punishing them. Doing so will only reward your child by reacting. WHAT IF THE CHILD CAUSES PROPERTY DAMAGE? Some parents have reported that when they left the area to be away from their child, the child became so angry that they caused some damage to something in the house. While there is a risk that this could occur, it is better to have property damage then physical damage to you or your child. If their behaviour becomes this extreme in response to a no, you should consider seeking help immediately from your child’s paediatrician or a family therapist. OTHER IDEAS TO CONSIDER When your child asks for something and you know that your NO may cause a meltdown, guide your child to a calendar and set a date and time in which the two of you will sit down and discuss the request. They may not be happy with this response, but it will tell them that the door isn’t completely closed on their request. This is also a great technique if what they are asking for is big and you need more time to think about it or research their request, such as piercings, dating, cell phones, etc. Finally, try replacing the word NO with one of these two phrases: “I’m not willing ____________,” or “I’m not ready for you to ___________________.” They put the ownership on you and not on your child. It is also less likely that your child will feel less driven to change your NO into a YES by arguing. When you demonstrate power over your own “will,” or state that you’re NOT READY for them to do something, you don’t have to have a reason for it, or even a date as to when you’ll be ready. Simply tell them they can ask again to see if things have changed.

November 26, 2025
Bill Corbett

Dealing with Your Child’s Power Struggles

Power struggles develop every day at work, at the store, and even jockeying for that spot in the parking lot.  Just look around you the next time you’re out driving; someone cuts you off, blocks you from entering a lane, or rides your bumper.  Initiating a power struggle is a way of expressing the frustration of being overpowered by others, the feeling of having little or no power, or being ignored and forced into feeling insignificant.  It makes us want to push back for our own power.  The same goes for children.  When they feel overpowered or insignificant, and want something from us (or know we want them to cooperate), they then initiate a power struggle. What to Do When They Want Something from You. Here’s a technique for situations when a child asks for something repeatedly until you cave in.  It might be a cookie right before mealtime, a toy while in the store, something they want to play with, or a place they want to go.  When your child first asks for the item you don’t want him to have, be firm and loving by stating, “I’m not willing for you to have that right now.”  Avoid saying “No” because it might encourage him to try harder to make you say “Yes.”  Using the term “willing” sets up a personal boundary and avoids defiance.  Children who throw fits to get what they want have been taught to do this by adults around them who have given in to their demands.  If he drops to the floor and goes into a meltdown, let it happen.  It indicates that you are winning and he is simply using another technique to get you to crack.  If you can learn to do this on a regular basis, you will actually teach your child that you mean what you say.  He may throw more fits in the beginning as a way of expressing, “I don’t like this new thing you’re doing,” but he will eventually learn to respect you for your boundaries.  The most valuable lesson he will learn from your actions is creating respectful boundaries with others. What to Do When You Need Their Cooperation. Solutions to handling a power struggle when you want something from them are very different.  I suggest replacing commands or orders with clear and appropriate choices.  For example, instead of saying, “It’s time to take your bath,” give him a choice by saying, “Would you like mommy to give you your bath or grandma?”  I remember picking up my granddaughter from the day care center one day and I could sense that she was overtired.  I knew she would not respond cooperatively to my request to get into her car seat so I offered a choice.  I said to her in a cheerful voice, “Would you like grandpa to put you in your seat or would you like to do it yourself?”  Immediately she declared with a whine that she would do it herself and strapped herself in.  Giving your child choices makes her feel powerful and creates less need to struggle with you.

November 26, 2025
Toptots Head Office

Routines are they really necessary

We know that having a routine is important for children in their early developmental years, but let’s unpack why it is so beneficial to their overall level of well-being. Young children do not have a concept of time and thus they cannot judge the passing of minutes, hours and days. The only way they can understand the passing of time is through events e.g. nap time, dinner time, bath time, bed-time, play-time, story-time etc. This understanding of the sequence of different events in their day gives them a sense of predictability and structure which makes them feel more secure in that they know what to expect.  Just as routine and predictability are vital, experiencing change is also an important step in a child’s development. Having a set routine and a strong sense of security in that routine allows children to be able to approach any changes calmly and with confidence.  Coping well with a change then helps them to develop a sense of mastery in dealing with the unexpected and as this sense of mastery is strengthened, they can then feel confident to tackle larger changes.  However, without the foundation of structure and routine, they are likely to experience fear and anxiety when faced with the unknown and this will reinforce that they are not able to cope and can result in avoidance of anything unknown or unfamiliar.  Here are some of the benefits of having a routine at home: Children are likely to be better sleepers if they have a regular routine for nap-times and bed-times. Their body clock can adjust to their routine making it easier for them to regulate themselves. The same is true for having regular mealtimes and they are likely to be better eaters. Having a consistent time for meals will result in better bowel routines.  Children who have a set routine are less likely to have meltdowns and display extreme emotional reactions to things. This is because of the sense of predictability and safety that goes along with knowing what to expect and reduces feelings of stress and anxiety. Routines help with establishing expectations e.g. children begin to expect and complete activities without issue e.g. “after play-time we need to pack away all the toys”. This then reduces the need for parents having to nag and repeat themselves as children know exactly what is expected of them. Having a routine can help with developing healthy habits e.g. the knowledge that every day after breakfast and before bed, teeth need to be brushed! A routine at home makes it easier to adapt to a routine at school. If your child attends extra-mural activities for e.g. Toptots, it is important to stick to the weekly routine as it helps children to feel comfortable with the environment, the other people (parents and children) and with the activities. It is important to remember that programmes like Toptots (and other extra-murals) often follow a particular sequence of steps and each week builds on the skills of the previous week. 

November 26, 2025
DIBBER SA

Reflecting on Parenting Goals: Seven Meaningful Ways to Reset Before the Holiday Season

As families prepare for South Africa’s big holiday season, Dibber International Preschools is encouraging parents to take a mindful pause and reflect on their parenting goals. According to Ursula Assis, Country Director of Dibber South Africa, creating space for reflection during this busy period can bring renewed balance, intention, and joy into family life. “Reflection isn’t about judging what we did right or wrong, it’s about recognising growth, reconnecting with what matters most, and creating the kind of home environment where both children and parents can thrive,” says Assis. “The holidays are a perfect opportunity to do this together as a family.” Below, Assis shares seven gentle yet practical techniques to guide parents as they reflect on their parenting journey before the new year begins. 1. Take Care of Yourself First A child’s emotional balance often mirrors that of their caregivers. When parents take time to rest and recharge, it positively influences the tone of the household. Whether it’s hiking scenic trails in Pretoria, enjoying a family picnic at Zoo Lake, or simply playing board games indoors, moments of calm connection help restore harmony. 2. Avoid Over-Planning While planning is helpful, over-scheduling family activities can create unnecessary stress. Assis advises parents to “allow for flexibility and spontaneous moments of joy.” Unstructured time often brings the most meaningful family connections. 3. Pause and Reflect Before the festive rush takes over, take a quiet moment to think about your year in parenting. Ask questions like, “When did I feel most connected to my child?” and “What challenges helped us grow?” This mindful reflection nurtures self-awareness and strengthens family bonds. 4. Celebrate Small Wins Not every success needs to be big. Noticing your child’s daily progress—like sharing a toy or learning a new word—builds confidence and gratitude. “Acknowledging these small victories boosts your child’s self-worth and reinforces positive parenting habits,” says Assis. 5. Listen to Your Child’s Perspective Children experience the world differently. Invite them to share their thoughts about the year – what made them happy, what they’d like to do more of. “Listening to your child’s perspective teaches empathy and makes them feel valued,” Assis notes. 6. Set Realistic Goals for the New Year Ambition is good—but so is balance. Instead of overwhelming children with lofty expectations, focus on achievable goals. “When children see consistent encouragement rather than pressure, they develop confidence and resilience,” says Assis. 7. Create New Family Traditions Turn reflection into a shared family ritual—like everyone sharing one thing they’re grateful for at the Christmas table or during a beach braai. These small acts foster connection, mindfulness, and appreciation that last long after the holidays end. “When we pause and reflect with love and curiosity,” Assis concludes, “we set the stage for more mindful parenting—and a happier, more harmonious start to the year ahead.”

November 25, 2025
Bill Corbett

Are You Raising a Praise Junkie?

Extensive research has been done to show the amazing results of praise.  It can motivate both adults and children to perform exceedingly well, but to do it for the goal of obtaining the praise, not for the joy of achieving or the pleasure of the activity.  I first learned of the term ‘praise junkie’ when I read Nurture Shock (2009; Twelve), a book that offers new research-based thinking about children. The authors state that the use of praise is becoming the solution for modern-day parenting that caregivers offer to their children as a way of soothing the anxieties the children experience throughout their day.  More and more parents seem to strive to “make things all better,” so that their children experience less stress.  And over-praised children don’t grow up to be ‘unmotivated softies’ as some have claimed, but instead, researchers have found that they actually become more competitive and overly focused on tearing others down. So if praising our children is discouraged, what are we supposed to do?  The answer lies in our response to our child’s accomplishment.  Instead of making sure that every child receives a trophy, the key is in how we respond to our child individually.  Instead of saying “I’m proud of you,” the most effective parental response is “What did YOU think of the game,“ or “Tell me all about the picture you drew.”  But there is more to this story; allow me to explain. I’m often asked if praise is bad for children and my response has been that it has a time, a place and a season.  I see certain types of praise being necessary in three specific situations: in teaching young, egocentric children learn new social skills (hygiene, chores, etc.), when working with some children with disorders (such as those on the Autism spectrum) and in situations for turning around unhealthy family relationships. In most of these types of situations however, there is a season.  Eventually, the awarding of smiley faces on behaviour charts or rewards for accomplishing new tasks should stop.  Eventually, many autistic children can move past the daily rewards for better cooperation at home and in the classroom as their development progresses.  And if the work is done, unhealthy family relationships can be restored, leading to less praise and rewards. When praise is not or no longer needed, encouragement (as you indicated) is needed instead.  Praise is one person’s judgment of another.  Even the words “Good Job” or “Attaboy” are someone’s evaluation of another person’s creation or performance.  Encouragement is the technique of having that creating or performing person to say “Good Job” with their own voice.  It coaches them to step back and assess what they did, and make internal decisions such as: “Am I happy with what I created?” “Will I do it again?” “Do I love doing this” “Does it fulfil me?” “What will I do with what I created?” When my children were young, I made the switch to stop the praise and instead, use encouragement.  I tried it, sort of as an experiment to see what would happen.  When my children came up to me with a picture they had drawn or a castle they built and said to me, “Look Dad, look at my picture.”  Instead of saying to them “Good Job,” I said “Wow, tell me all about it.”  In that moment, they would describe what they had created and I would avoid providing my opinion.  My job was to be there in that moment and listen. In the beginning, using this new response to whatever they wanted to show me, they would sometimes ask me, “What do you think Dad?”  My response would always be, “I like it, but what do YOU think about it.”  To wean them off the praise society and my parents taught me, I would always pass it back to them.  Because what they thought of their own creation was more important than mine.  Eventually, my children stopped asking me and stopped hanging their pictures on the refrigerator and instead, started hanging them on their bedroom walls or putting them in albums for them to enjoy.  They stopped placing them in public places in hopes of obtaining good words from others. When report cards came home, instead of taking it and reading it, I would hand it back to them and say, “Read it to me.”  They would then read off their grades and I would listen.  Encouragement requires lots of eye contact, much facial expression and few words.  After they had read their grades, I would ask them specific questions to bring out more about the report card, never once applying my opinion.  I would ask questions like what grade were they most proud of and which grade might they change and why.  If they expressed a desire to bring up one grade or another, I would coach them into coming up with ideas and in many cases, I would offer to help in some capacity, still never applying my opinion of them or their grades. Today I’m watching my three children live their lives according to what they enjoy and according to their own opinions of their accomplishments.  They are not performing or creating for other people, they are doing what they love to do for the love of doing the act, not doing it to please others.  I urge all parents to use more encouragement and less praise, every day!

November 25, 2025
Toptots Head Office

Why do I need to stimulate my baby from a young age

Parents to be, have the unique opportunity to create a better brain for their unborn child from day one.  When a baby is born she born with unlimited potential but the experiences she has in her life will determine the outcome of that potential. Experience = learning.  No experience = no learning. Lots of experience = optimal learning. Your unborn children will face many different challenges to you.  In all likelihood they will be working in fields that have not even been developed yet. You will have very little knowledge of what they are doing, as it will not be part of your frame of reference. We as parents need to equip them with the best tool (a ready brain) to deal with this onslaught.  There are very simple things that you as a parent can do to help ensure that your child is equipped to deal with the challenges that may face her.  In order for you to understand this we need to go back and look at the brain. The brain is made up of three layers (Triune model) these layers have a window of opportunity to develop to their full potential.  A window of opportunity is just this brief period that we have for optimum development of that part of the brain.  The first layer is the primal survival brain – the fight or flight centre of the brain.  The next layer is our emotional brain – here we learn to love and care and feel.  The last layer is the thinking brain or the cortex.   The first window of opportunity is during the first 14 months from birth; during this time we need to stimulate the survival brain in order to create strong muscles so that we can send messages to them that they will respond to in the correct way. We do this through encouraging movement. Once we stimulate the senses the message has to travel via neurochemical pathways (roots) to the muscles to react.  How do we create these neurochemical pathways in the brain?  By allowing our babies freedom to move and explore.  Nothing is more detrimental to a child’s development than being cooped up in a chair or stroller for the better part of the day.  Simply by stimulating the senses through massage and exposing them to different experiences during these crucial 14 months, you are creating the networks (roots) that she will need to help her learn and help her reach her full potential.  By repeating the actions you are creating the insulation (myelin) that makes it permanent. Repetition is good for a child, it is how they learn. The next window of opportunity is from 14 months to 4 years and during this time your child will be working on the emotional brain.  This area of the brain processes feelings and emotions. This is the glue that holds the survival brain and the cortex together.  We have to keep our emotional bucket full in order for learning to take place.  Only between 4 and 11 years will the thought processes be laid down.  This is the area of the brain that focuses on language, creativity, thought etc. As parents we can create a whole brain experience with an excellent root system that allows messages to come through easily to the brain just by stimulating our children.  It is imperative to enrich a child’s brain with as much experiences as possible during these windows of opportunity.

November 25, 2025
Load More
It seems we can't find what you're looking for.
Scroll to Top