This past Saturday after services at Congregation Beth Hallel where I attend services, I stood in the lobby talking to a friend who is a nurse at Kennestone Mother and Child center. She told me of several girls age 12 having babies. We both sensed the anointing of the Holy Spirit and knew there was some sort of calling on me to help these young girls. However, it has also occurred to me there may not be much support for the mothers of teen mothers. So, I am writing this blog piece for you.
The first thing I need to say is this it is okay to be both disappointed and angry. However, pouring condemnation and shave down o your daughter’s head will only cause her and the baby stress. This is not the best think for her or for you. Get out of the house alone with someone you trust and let out your anger and frustration with another adult who can handle your fit. Try your best to be supportive with your daughter.
Secondly, this is not your fault and it is not your daughters fault. Whether she is pregnant by a boy her own age or by a sexual predator there is very little either you or her could do to stop it unless, it is not to have sex in the first place. We all encourage out teens to not have sex before they are married or at least adults in a committed relationship. We have to recognize our culture is based on human sexuality. We also need to understand this is the agenda of planned parenthood and they work tirelessly to ensure they have a ready group of families who need their services. Not too many others will tell you this but the truth is the truth. There is a reason they supply school nurses with millions of condoms and it is not to protect kids from sexually transmitted diseases.
It is difficult to curb curiosity in kids who see sexuality all over our culture. What I encourage you to do is to lay aside blame and instead take time to remember the fears, uncertainty, and overwhelming feelings of becoming a mom and recognize your teen is feeling all of those same things now. Though you may not have been a teen at the time or maybe you were. You know all of these feelings. What do you wish you knew at the time. Looking back what would you tell yourself now if you could? Tell your daughter instead. Right now what she needs most is to know you are on her side. Sit down and have an open and honest conversation with her. Let her know calmly if you are angry and disappointed. But, also that you love her and support her. Talk to her about her desires for her life and her baby. Do research together and learn more about all of the options. Today’s world if full of open adoptions where teen moms have full rights to know and openly communicate with adoptive families. They even visit and know their children. I think this is a very positive option for the teen Mom and the family who often can not have children.
If the father is in the picture support them both as best you can. Again, blame is not appropriate with the boy either especially if they are the same age. Society plagues on boys to be “men” by expressing their sexuality. It is a very strong young man who can resist the lure. Most young men who succeed have Dads who have taught them what it means to be men. If they have an absent or distracted father they are on their own and may not have the backbone they need to resist this temptation. Include him and his family in the research and decision-making. If they are choosing to be involved then try and make it as easy as possible for all involved. You accomplish litter with anger and spite.
While celebrating is not wholly in order being a pregnant teen is stressful enough. Try to project some joy into her life. Others may see this as rewarding her for bad behavior and I get that. But, once you have discussed the mistakes she has made and talked about the choices she made and has to make;it is time to rebuild the relationship you and she have. This is so much more important now. As she goes through her pregnancy she is going to receive a lot of mean and negative rhetoric from peers, adults, and others. She needs you to be her soft place to fall. Be the place she can turn to, to let out her frustrations, cry about how unfair the wold is and just be sad sometimes. This is an extreme time, gather all of your supportive family and friends around her and just love her through it! There is more to come. I just wanted to give you some food for thought.
Believe in Parenting