Toddler - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Potty Training Essentials

Is our big boy or girl ready? This challenging question is raised by parents around the world and what parent doesn’t want to get their child out of nappies! On average children start potty training between the ages of 2 to 3 years. Once you have gone through our signs of readiness there really is only one way to find out – give it your best go. Signs your toddler is ready: Starting potty training earlier doesn’t necessarily mean finishing early; so be patient. In their first year babies don’t have bladder muscle and nerve control. This is something that develops at differing ages from child to child. Here is a checklist of signs they are ready: Shows general interest and independent thought Is co -ordinated (running, walking, balance) Follows simple instructions Developing a regular toileting routine Has dry periods of 2 hour intervals Can pull pants up and down Dislikes the sensation of being wet or soiled Grunting or squatting during bowel movement Shows an interest in the toilet Dancing or hopping about when bladder is full or during bowel movement Preparation for Potty Training: Equipment: sturdy potty or an inner seat to fit over your toilet, block to stand on to reach the toilet, bright and fun cloth potty training pants (such as Mother Nature Potty training pants) which have an absorbent saddle, bed mattress protector (such as Mother Nature’s breathable version), rewards chart . Introduce them to the toilet or potty. Let them learn by imitation by watching you spend a penny. Give them a plausible explanation as to why they must use the toilet and explain the reward system if using this system. Don’t be too pushy or angry as this will only aggravate their fear or stubbornness. Inform the playschool or carers that potty training has begun. Start off with day training by sitting them on the toilet for a few minutes at a time and then progress to night time. Tried and tested tips by our really wise parents: We asked our panel of parents what worked for them and this is what they came up with: Remember the three P’s: patience, positivity, praise Call your child the “king or queen” of their “throne” Familiarity is king: introducing them early to the toilet, regular hourly visits to the bathroom, learning from their parents Let your child lead you: they will let you know when they are ready Sing songs, read stories and make “ssswwiss” sounds while they are seated Reward ideas: small chocolates, biscuits, favourite food, play outside, stickers, allowed to flush, get to wash hand afterwards, get to draw on the toilet with a washable koki, dye the toilet water with food colouring Clap hands and cheer when they get it right Create a happy toilet story: An example is that the “yuk-yuk” goes to the sea to feed the fish when it is flushed and then say good bye Use cloth nappies as opposed to disposables and get your child trained earlier Make it seem like a fun and exciting game Easy clothing: dress girls in dresses for easy action or remove bottom clothing in the beginning phases Boy tip: put 5 Cherios in the bottom of the potty and get them to aim ‘n shoot Remove smelly odours caused by accidents by covering the spot with salt then vacuuming it up ½ hour later Remember it’s not mission impossible so hang in there folks! Messy Potty Tip: Use Mother Nature’s biodegradable & flushable liners to line the bottom of the potty. After use, flush them down the toilet! No need to deal with a messy, dirty potty! Night Time Advice: Lay-off liquids at least 1 hour before bedtime Take them to the toilet before their bedtime as well as your bedtime. Perhaps set alarm for midnight to take them again. And ensure they go to the toilet as soon as they wake up When Things Go Wrong: Potty training is not always a smooth sailing process as some children can be extremely resistant to the potty training process. Children who are refusing to potty train may be experiencing confusion about what’s expected of them, as well as emotional fears, painful physical sensations, or just general rebellion. Causes may include: Wilfulness to control the situation by refusing to co-operate Fear of the toilet or negative potty training experience Medical reasons – speak to a paediatrician Psychological reasons: life crisis, negative comments or teasing by family members which in turn leads to lack of confidence & shame Problems more common in boys Immaturity of the nervous system in recognising the sensation of being wet during sleep or the sensation of a full bladder Other medical causes of enuresis are: sleep apnoea (snoring), pinworm infection, diabetes, family history. May need to be referred to a urologist for evaluation We hope these tips are useful in successfully navigating your child out of nappies; on their path towards an independent and happy, wholesome life!

September 16, 2014

The Words We Use

Once a word leaves your mouth, you cannot chase it back even with the swiftest horse. –Chinese Proverb Teachers and parents play a very important role when it comes to protecting our children from being shamed. The words we speak and the attitude and response to a child’s behaviour can be damaging or encouraging. Think of comments you remember from childhood. What emotion does it bring up in you? Here are some examples of statements that can be emotionally damaging when used regularly: You always. You never. What were you thinking? Why can’t you be like your brother? What did you do THAT for? You idiot! You’ll never amount to anything. You are an accident waiting to happen. Typical you! You irritate me. You make me mad. You’re so slow/sloppy/clumsy/irresponsible. You’re naughty/impossible. You embarrass me. Your brother is the apple of my eye/the best at … You are such a nerd. You can’t ever do anything right. You have no dress sense. If you experienced these derogatory words as a child, it is very easy to fall into the trap of repeating the cycle with your own children. Please do not hesitate to ask for help. A cycle can be broken! It takes so many positive words to cancel out the negative effects of the above kind of remarks. Positive statements are far more effective. They can build a child’s self-confidence and independence and contribute towards a positive relationship with you. Find opportunities where you can say things like: I am so proud of you for trying. You did such a good job. You are amazing/considerate/helpful. I love the way you help your sister. That was kind to… That was thoughtful. Are you really already old enough to …!? That must have taken a lot of effort. You’re such a good friend. That was quite a sacrifice. I can’t believe you remembered to … That was very brave/courageous of you to … Thank you for being so understanding. I know that was hard for you. The emphasis needs always to be on ‘I love you, but I don’t accept what you have done’ or ‘I love you but I cannot accept your behaviour’. Do not be tempted to say things in the heat of an argument. If you need to, remove yourself from the situation and resume the conversation later. Or, tell your child that you will think about a punishment and post it on the refrigerator later. Your word needs to be your word. That way, they learn to trust you so that when you say, ‘I love you’, The will know you really mean it. This is why I encourage a time-out from a young age because time-out is even a good practice for adults; removing themselves from a situation to calm down and gain a different perspective of the situation or to think about an appropriate response. Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. – Viktor E Frankl ‘It’s mine!’ Without giving it much thought, parents automatically say things like, ‘Don’t touch that, it’s mine.’ How many times does a child hear that from the time that they are crawling babies? then, when The are toddlers and a friend comes to play, parents are shocked to hear them snatch a toy away and say, ‘No, it’s mine.’ We need to emphasize the fact that, yes, it belongs to Mommy, Daddy, or a friend, but that is not the reason not to touch. The reason should rather be: It’s hot. It’s not your turn. It could break. I do not want you playing with it. And the like. When children are fighting over toys, I have often heard a parent say, ‘Well, after all it is his toy.’ That is not the point. Having possession of any item does not give you the option of being selfish, but simply affords you the right to share it at an appropriate time, with a good attitude. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny! It often happens in a home visit that while I am talking to the parents, the child will be doing something they shouldn’t. The parents then start randomly saying the child’s name over and over. The parent knows what they are implying, but generally the child does not. Theyhave learnt to ignore their name because there is not an instruction that follows nor a consequence to their lack of response. Rather say, ‘Johnny, look at me’ or ‘Johnny, stop running’ or what- ever the instruction is, but not just ‘Johnny’ randomly in different tones. This eventually just goes right over their heads. Make every word count The same applies when your child calls you. Do not ignore his ‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!’ Parents often learn to block out noise to be able to cope. However, tune in when your child is calling you, and respond immediately, either by answering or by showing the hand signal.

September 11, 2014

How to Stop Your Child’s Whining

Few things are more irritating to a parent’s ears than the sound of whining. It’s not just the tone of the voice but the repetition that is torture to us. Most kids whine at some time or another but you can break the whining habit and reinforce positive behaviour pattern in your kids. Why do they do it? Whining generally starts when children are toddlers and it is often a natural response to the overwhelming feeling of being out of control. Your child might have had a particularly busy day or feeling tired or hungry. They also don’t have the vocabulary to fully express themselves and their frustrations so they resort to whining. Children also tend to build up emotions and let them out in different ways. Unfortunately whining is one of them. Your child may not even realise that they are whining. Call their attention to the behaviour by demonstrating what they sound like. You can record their voice and play it back to them or you can mimic them and let them hear how it sounds. Diet and behaviour are often connected and sugar can definitely affect your child. Sweets, soft drink and other packaged foods are sometimes packed with sugar and you can exceed your child’s tolerance for it. Once the sugar high is gone, the low then comes. And with the low comes whining. Pay attention to your child’s eating habits, and make connections to their behaviour. Perhaps some simple changes will make all the difference. Plus, whining is generally effective and often works so they continue with the behaviour. Stop the whining Spend time listening to your children and getting to the bottom of what they really want. Is it your time and attention? Spend some focused time together reading or cooking, or doing something else the child enjoys. Connecting in this way can make a huge difference for your family. Ask your child to repeat their message without whining. Tell them you can’t understand when they whine and to speak in a normal voice. Ignore them until they comply. Try and remain patient and don’t get angry as this can often make things worse. To reinforce proper behaviour, tell the children when they’ve done a great job and that you are glad they are using their words properly. It makes them want to continue the good behaviour. You could try and call the whining something else, like the “moaning minny”. So when your child whines you can say “oh no, it sounds like moaning minny is back, let’s try and get rid of her”, this might also lead to a laugh or giggle which is also a good distraction. Talk to your kids. Explain how whining makes you feel and discuss acceptable ways that they can express themselves the next time they feel like whining. Keep it friendly and don’t bring up problems from the past. Talk about solutions for the future. Try and be consistent in your message that you pass on and let them understand that whining is unacceptable behaviour in your family and will never get them what they want. The more you give in to the whining, the more your child will use it against you. Respect works both ways. Listen and speak to your child respectfully and then ask them to treat you the same. Whining also becomes much less frequent as children get older so remember that “this too shall pass”.

September 3, 2014

Manners Become Our Values

Our beliefs become our thoughts; Our thoughts become our words; Our words become our habits; Our habits become our values; Our values become our destiny. – Gandhi Children are not born with manners. This is another aspect that needs to be taught and modeled by parents. Sometimes I would tease my grown children and say, ‘Didn’t your mom teach you any manners?’ But it is so true, if your mother doesn’t teach you, who will? It does not come naturally. Obviously cultures differ, but here are some examples that would be helpful if they could be taught and modeled before leaving home. Burping in public Picking your nose in public Shouting Slurping when drinking Scratching your private areas Picking in your teeth in company Wait till everyone is at the table before you start eating Say thank you to the cook for the food Excuse yourself from the table Offer others before taking a second helping Boys should hold the door and let girls/women go first Girls/women should then acknowledge this courtesy with thanks Saying please and thank you Greeting and communicating with people while making eye contact Closing the door when you use the bathroom Ask before you take Knock on doors and wait before opening Interrupt when someone is talking Scratch in someone’s handbag Helping yourself to things in the cupboard – ask first Pushing in front of people in a queue Wait patiently for your turn Shake hands with a firm grip and many more One little five-year-old told her mommy, ‘Only daddies are allowed to pick their noses, right Mommy?’ Besides modelling these habits, there are fun ways of teaching these skills. For example, with younger children, have a tea party and over-exaggerate the good manners. As The get older, Dad can take them on a formal ‘date’. This teaches girls what respect to expect from their future boyfriends and models for boys how to treat their potential girlfriends. Dr James Dobson had a good example of teaching young people how to communicate. He suggested you stand across from them with a ball. throw the ball at them letting it bounce once before The catch it. Then they have to return it the same way. Explain that conversation is similar in the sense that when you have the ball, you talk and the other person does not interrupt. Then you throw the ball (conversation) to the other person and give them a turn to respond. This can go on and on as long as the ball is returned to the other person. However, if your reply to someone’s question is simply a yes or a no, it kills the ‘game’. The ball stops. Giving examples to a child is always helpful. You can say things like, ‘When someone asks if you enjoyed the food, instead of just saying yes, thank you (keeping the ball), what sort of questions can you think of that you could ask?’ Some suggestions could be, ‘Did you use a recipe for this?’ ‘Was that real chocolate you put in there?’ ‘Is this the first time you made this or is it a family favourite?’ While driving down the street, I watched as a mother threw litter in the street, two paces away from a public refuse bin. Her little child was watching her, and proceeded to do the same. How sad. If her parents do not teach her these things by example, who will? I am sure we could all think of a few adults we know whom we would like to ask, ‘Didn’t your mom teach you anything?’ Don’t let your child become one of those people one day.

August 29, 2014

Play Is Very Important For Your Child’s Development And Education

As parents we constantly worry that we are not giving our children the very best educational foundations to prepare them for the adult, working world. We want our children to be a success in this highly competitive, fast-moving world of technology and we will pour our time, effort and money into extra-mural activities and extra-lessons in order to achieve just that. Sadly, this often comes at the expense of time spent in simple, unstructured play. More and more today, play time is being lost to structured learning activities. This does not simply reduce the freedom and joy of childhood; it removes a cornerstone of development. Yes, play is actually an essential part of child development and therefore of learning! Let’s look at how play helps your child’s development: Gross motor skills: It is easy to see how running, jumping, climbing and swimming develop your child’s muscle strength and coordination. What is less obvious is that if your child’s sporting activity becomes too regulated too soon, he is going to specialise before he has developed an overall good coordination. The more diverse a child’s physical play can be, the more chance he has of developing his muscles and overall coordination in a balanced way. He is less likely to develop early tight tendons ( I see many children with tight tendons at the back of the knees) and less likely to develop weak core muscles (we are seeing more and more young children walking around with poor posture due to weak core muscles). So encourage your child to do unstructured physical fun activities, such as climbing trees, sawing wood, jumping on a trampoline, before you set him on the road of specialised coaching in a specific sport. Fine motor skills: So many parents, in their keen desire to prepare their child for school, give them workbooks and pencil and paper tasks. Many parents begin teaching their child to write so that they can “hit the ground running” when they enter school. Unfortunately, this can have the negative effect of your child developing an inefficient pencil grip, which hampers writing for many years to come. This is because using a pencil correctly requires a child to have finger and thumb stability and a fairly high level of coordination. The best way to help your child be ready to learn to write is to play lots of hand-strengthening games at home. Games that include flicking marbles, crumpling paper, cutting, beading, tying knots and weaving pieces of paper to make table mats. Climbing on the jungle-gym is also a very good way to help your child develop both the coordination and hand muscle strength to prepare him for easy and efficient writing. Sensory Integration: We need all our senses to work and interact together so that we can be comfortable in our environment. Children begin developing their senses and the communication between them through interaction with the environment. The more opportunity children have to play with diverse media and in different sensory settings the better they can develop their sensory systems. A child with an inefficient sensory system struggles to work and learn at his real potential. Visual perceptual skills: Visual perception develops through a child’s interaction with his environment. When a child stretches his arm to reach a high branch, or climbs through a tunnel in an obstacle course, he is developing his spatial perception. Shape perception is developed by a child grasping and manipulating many different objects in play. When he cannot find the toy he wants and has to search for it in his toy-box, he is developing figure-ground perception. Figure-ground perception helps him separate the words from a body of text for reading and find his place when he is copying from the board in school. Verbal skills and Language: Children playing are constantly talking, either with themselves, explaining the aspects of the imaginary situation, or with the other children involved. Researchers have found that less verbal children speak more during imaginary play. In imaginary play, children are therefore experimenting with and developing their language and communication skills. Playing games where word sounds are changed and learning silly rhymes or making up nonsense words, helps children develop their phonics skills and auditory processing. If these are simply taught in a formal way, the child feels no real ownership and finds it harder to remember all the different sounds the written letters represent. If he plays games and experiments with the sounds in words, his feeling of being in control of the words and the sounds is greater, making it easier for him to learn and remember his phonics. He develops an actual concept of how sounds make up words. The reading programme I developed uses play to build phonics skills, the games continue the child’s reading development with fun and movement. This reduces the sense of apprehension so many children have around learning phonics and reading and allows them to develop their skills, while discovering that reading and the written word is fun. Thinking skills (cognition): Thinking is a kind of “inner speech”. We talk silently to ourselves to think through things and solve problems. Children in imaginative play begin to develop this skill through talking aloud and explaining everything that is happening in the game. (Think of the children playing in the “home corner” in your playschool and how they tell each other what to do and talk to the dolls and teddies). Slowly, as they become more practiced, this talking changes to become “inner speech” (they think it but don’t say it out loud). This is a major foundation for developing thinking and reasoning skills. We also know that showing a child how to do something has far less educational impact on him than providing him with the material and allowing him to play and experiment and discover for himself. Reading: To read well, a child needs to have developed the ability to notice the separate sounds in words. He also needs to be able to recognise

August 26, 2014

What Role Does Nutrition Play When It Comes To Your Child’s Sleep?

Not as much as you might be thinking…. Very often, when we talk to clients their main concern is that milk, milk supply, solids or the lack thereof, are the causes of their child not sleeping. This is a natural reaction due to the kinds of information new mothers are exposed to. In hindsight, I am embarrassed to admit, that I was shoving (and I mean, literally: forcefully, SHOVING) rice cereal down my 3 month old’s throat because I was convinced that he was hungry. This was supported by the sage advice of the older generation, who insisted that once I started feeding my solids, he’d magically start sleeping through. I also tried (with little success) “topping up” my baby’s breastmilk with formula because—as the nurse was telling me—he continued to wake at night because he is NOT receiving sufficient nutrition from me. I was also informed by loving friends and strangers alike that I should change the formula that I’ve selected for the young one, because my baby might in fact be lactose intolerant, therefore the current formula was causing him discomfort as it was being processed by the digestive system. Does any of this sound familiar? With the popularity of this type of ill-advice, it is very easy to fall into the “over-nutrition” trap. Moms, just because you are breastfeeding does not mean your child is not able to sleep through! What If I told you that only 5% of sleep problem cases have their root causes in nutrition challenges!? It is far more likely that that your baby has not yet developed the skill of soothing him/herself, and therefore nutrition is not the problem. The fundamental rule to remember is that your baby’s sleep is regulated by his/her brain and not by the stomach. When nutrition does play a role: Nevertheless, a hungry baby will not sleep well either; so here is a checklist to use to rule out whether nutrition is the problem: Is your baby growing according to his/her growth curve? Essentially, is your baby gaining weight steadily? Is your baby older than 6 months? If “yes”, solids can be introduced. How old is your child? If your child is younger than a year, milk is more important. If your child is older than a year, solids should be the primary source of nutrition. Does your child receive protein rich nutrition if he/she is older than 6 months? Does your child have a sufficient intake of minerals like Zinc, Magnesium and Iron? Does your child eat/drink too much salt, sugar or caffeine? These additives could spike energy levels, leaving the child in a hyper-alert stage. Is your baby drinking too much water, rooibos and/or juice? Remember, juice has a high concentration of sugar/fructose. Sugar is a drug – like it or not. We would live to believe that the hype around sugar is no more than drama-mongering by puritan foodies. Unfortunately they are right. People die from diseases every day that started (and ended) with their relationship to sugar. By sugar I am referring to high fructose corn syrup, which appears in just about every kind of sweetened convenience food, drink and confectionary. As well as good old table sugar. Of course there is a place for sugar, but when the average person has no idea about moderation it is good practice to abstain as much as possible. Possibly the most interesting research regarding sugar is not only the effect on the endocrine system, but the effect on the brain. Researchers reported in the “Neuroscience & Bio-Behavioural Review Report” in 2008 that “intermittent dietary sugar consumption alters extracellular dopamine in the brain, much in the way an addictive drug does. Moreover, when this intermittent sugar consumption ceases, dopamine levels are affected and signs of withdrawal can become evident. Not only can extracellular dopamine levels be affected but so too can the dopamine receptors themselves.” The sugar addicts and chocoholics were right! To initiate a restful sleep we need to encourage foods that support sleep-inducing neurotransmitters such as serotonin and melatonin. Traditionally these are foods rich in tryptophan and B complex vitamins. Growth hormones are also released when we sleep and these are essential for not only growth but also healing and repair.

August 21, 2014

Getting Some Sleep

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. We all know this, and yet as parents we somehow expect ourselves to go for months or years without sleep and still function (and even be wonderful, calm, kind people). I’m sorry, but if specially trained soldiers crack under this particular form of torture, what makes you think you will be any different? So if your two, three, four or even seven year-old is still keeping you up at night, let’s look at some possible questions you can ask to get to the bottom of the problem. Now step one would be to make sure there are no serious health complications keeping the child awake. A quick trip to the GP can set your mind at rest and get you started on the following investigations! I always start by looking at the kids’ diets… what are they eating? Are they eating more carbohydrates than protein for instance? I would start by cutting out all sugar and refined carbs (wheat, flour, baked stuff etc) and increase fat and protein intake especially at night. It can also help to give a Magnesium supplement before bed (you can get these in a delicious syrup for kids, but please check with your healthcare advisor before adding supplements to your child’s diet). Do you have a proper routine that you stick to daily? i.e. Dinner at a certain time followed by bath, story and bed? Do you start winding down in the afternoons? A consistent routine can help a child to settle more quickly and to adapt to change more easily. How much TV are they exposed to? Television is highly stimulating. Definitely cut out TV right before bed (a bedtime story is much more calming), but you can even try cutting this out altogether and see if it makes a difference. Have they always slept less than other babies? Do they still have a daytime nap? With an older child you can try cutting this out – if they make it through the afternoon in a generally happy state, then leave the nap. If not, add it back in. My kids stopped their daytime nap at 18 months and were perfectly happy without it (and then slept well at night), so don’t always believe that a child needs a daytime nap until they are 4 or 5. What time do they go to bed? What time do they wake up? Do they then seem tired or ok? Some children need less sleep, and putting them to bed before they’re ready is a recipe for disaster! If your child is keeping you awake tossing and turning in your bed, then you need to ask… Have they always slept in your bed? Do they feel safe in their own room? Is there something they need to help them feel more comfortable/safe there? Keep in mind that as adults we generally share a room with a partner and even then we still sometimes get scared in the night and yet we expect a 5-year-old to cope on their own. Do they go to sleep in their own room and then come to you? It may help to lie down with them in their own room until they fall asleep and then do this every time they wake in the night and come to your room – I know it’s time consuming and frustrating especially if you’re sleep deprived, but worth it in the long run. Or if you’d like to keep your child in your room, but still get some sleep, consider having their cot or mattress in your room but not necessarily having them in your bed! There are so many possible factors involved when it comes to children not sleeping, that it is worth doing some investigating to find out where things have gone awry. Hopefully these questions will help you to get started. It is then also worth examining your own belief systems around what is enough sleep, when kids should sleep and where, and whether your needs are less important than theirs. Happy families are a balancing act of making sure that both the parents and children’s needs are being met, and your need for sleep is essential not only to your own well-being, but to the well-being of the entire family. Keep this in mind as you investigate. And sleep tight!

August 13, 2014

Natural Consequences

It’s a parent’s job to make the rules, it’s the child’s job to try and break them. – Anonymous A natural consequence is a result of an action happening from inexperience or an accident. For instance: ‘If you ride your bike over the step, you will fall and hurt yourself.’ ‘We have asked you repeatedly not to play with your ball in that area. However, you kicked your ball where there was a thorn bush and it punctured. I am sure you are really disappointed.’ A logical consequence is that as a result of disobedience there is a price to pay to help you remember the next time. For instance: ‘If you forget to put your bike away, it will be taken away for a few days.’ I asked you to sit and drink your juice. You chose to get up and so it all spilled. Unfortunately you cannot have any more.’ Both of these examples are extremely effective ways of encouraging a change of behaviour. Allowing children to suffer natural and logical consequences allows them to experience disappointments from making small mistakes or bad decisions, yet still develop winning skills in the process. If they never learn to feel and overcome such feelings of disappointment, they will struggle to cope with the hardships of life. Showing them empathy and unconditional love through this process helps them to feel like winners every time they ‘lose’.

August 7, 2014

Diet & Delinquency – A Connection?

We are all aware that “we are what we eat”, however our knowledge is usually limited to the fact that the wrong foods could cause heart attacks, obesity and compromise our immune systems but the idea that they can also affect our minds, even our behaviour is less known. However Patrick Holford in his book “Food is better medicine than drugs” says: “…children and adults with ADHD often have one or more nutritional imbalances that, once identified and corrected, can dramatically improve their energy, focus, concentration and behaviour” and “The combination of the right vitamins, minerals and essential fats can truly transform children with learning and behavioural difficulties.” He quotes the following four nutritional solutions that have been well proven to make a difference: Sugar-free and low GL diets Essential fats especially Omega-3s Vitamins and minerals Allergy-free and additive-free diets Go sugar-free There are a number of possible causes of ADHD but the most common is blood sugar problems. Sugar is rocket fuel to an ADHD child so you can expect him to get out of control. Dietary studies consistently reveal that hyperactive children tend to eat more sugar than other children and while going from sugary drinks to sugary snacks throughout the day, some of these kids consume 50 teaspoons of sugar in a day. Yes, for proper brain function he does need a constant supply of glucose to his brain but this is best achieved by controlling insulin levels. Do this by ensuring your child has protein and carbohydrate at every meal and snack, e.g. fruit and nuts or rice and fish. Eliminate sugars and refined carbohydrates such as white bread and white rice from his diet and replace with complex carbohydrates such as brown rice, rolled oats, lentils and barley. Also replace fizzy drinks and fruit juices with clean water. Essential Fats Children diagnosed with ADHD often show symptoms of essential fatty acid deficiency, such as excessive thirst, dry skin, eczema and asthma. Omega-3s are found in oily fish such as sardines, salmon and mackerel but most ADHD children will also need to take fish oil capsules daily, containing at least 200 mg EPA and 100 mg DHA. Flax, sunflower and pumpkin seeds are good sources of omega 6 and 9 and should be added to food or used as snacks every day. Pumpkin seeds are also high in magnesium which is calming. Use only olive oil in cooking and salads. Vitamins and Minerals It is well documented that academic performance improves and behavioural problems diminish significantly when children are given nutritional supplements. A whole green food supplement, such as the dried juice of barley grass, would be best here since it is easily digested and contains enzymes, vitamins and minerals that work together synergistically. Nature knows best! ADHD sufferers are commonly deficient in two minerals in particular, namely magnesium and zinc. Identify food sensitivities One study showed that ADHD children turned out to be seven times more likely to have food allergies than other children, the most common being dairy products and wheat. A very high percentage of ADHD children react to food colourants and flavourings, MSG, dairy, chocolate or oranges. Other problematic foods are corn, yeasts, soya, peanuts and eggs. If your ADHD child also exhibits some of the following symptoms of nasal problems and excessive mucus, ear infections, facial swelling, tonsillitis, digestive problems, bad breath, bedwetting, then a food allergy test is worth doing. Otherwise avoid all processed foods and treat your child to natural, wholesome food that you have prepared yourself! A treatable disorder Though it may take trial and error to find out what works for your child, it is well worth the effort. Effective treatment will allow individuals to realize their abilities and intelligence, making huge differences in their self-esteem and capacity to function in the world.

July 18, 2014

ADHD?

“There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very, very good, And when she was bad She was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.” This is quote from the British Satirical Magazine, Private Eye. Amusing maybe but also very sad, and makes me wonder how often a perfectly normal child is diagnosed with ADHD. Ritalin Deficiency? ADHD is characterized by impulsive behavior, inability to concentrate, short attention span, ease of distraction, and hyperactivity. The number-one drug used to treat ADHD is Ritalin, a central nervous system stimulant. Is it possible we are breeding a new generation of children who are Ritalin deficient? Highly unlikely. Try this theory rather: ADHD is caused by the food that children of this generation are putting into their mouths. How do we expect a child to have normal behaviour if he is fed refined grains, sugars, processed foods loaded with chemicals, juices and fizzy drinks? Then add to that 90 percent fewer vegetables than required along with an overabundance of omega-6 fats and a virtual lack of omega-3 fats. Fish oil does it again A study by the University of Adelaide in Australia found that fish oil improves the symptoms of ADHD more effectively than drugs like Ritalin and Concerta and without any of the side effects. When 130 children between the ages of 7 and 12 with ADHD were given fish oil capsules daily, behaviour dramatically improved within three months. Furthermore, after seven months, the children were not as restless and showed improvements at school in concentration and attention, reading abilities and vocabulary. When the researchers compared their results to studies of Ritalin and Concerta for ADHD, they found that fish oils were more effective. This poses the question: “Why treat millions of ADHD kids with drugs more powerful than cocaine when a simple food change is far more effective?” – I leave that one for you to think about. The Cleverness Capsule The Daily Mail reported the following on 10 May 2005: “Jamie Oliver may be responsible for revolutionising school dinners, but now it seems one simple change to children’s diet could not only boost their brain power but also make them better behaved. A major new study found that adaily dose of fish oil supplements had a dramatic effect on the abilities of underachieving children in Durham.” Apart from the fact that parents reported a significant improvement in their behaviour, after just three months on the fish oils, they were reading at18 monthsabove their age.In addition, most of the pupils showed a 10 – 20% improvement in memory. The supplement was also given to children without behavioural or learning difficulties and in some of these cases a dramatic and even immediate effect was reported. Numerous studies Numerous studies conducted in all parts of the world on the effect of supplementing with Omega-3 from fish oils have shown similar results leaving a strong suggestion that some children with developmental problems, including ADHD and dyslexia, can benefit from taking omega-3 supplements. And no adverse effects have been reported to date. Researchers believe that fish oil works via effects on brain function. You simply cannot have a healthy functioning brain in a child that is not given the proper ingredients to develop optimal brain function. What else is needed? If you have a child with learning or behavioural difficulties, before you allow him or her to be labeled ADHD and placed on Ritalin, it may be worth giving fish oil a chance. However this will need to go hand-in–hand with a healthy diet and a good multivitamin and mineral supplement. All the fish oil in the world is not going to help a child who is still being fed junk food.

July 14, 2014

The Pursuit of Excellence, Not Perfection.

We live in a society where doing your best is simply not good enough anymore. From work commitments, to social gatherings, school fees to rent. We are bombarded in every aspect by a consumerist society that just wants us to do more! Unfortunately it is having negative ramifications on our children. The children of today are being brought up with a perfectionist attitude and its becoming an epidemic. Perfectionism is unachievable. It would be great if we could achieve all we set out to in life but unfortunately that is simply not the nature of the world. A perfectionist viewpoint is essentially setting us up for failure, so then what? You may ask. We need to teach our children to pursue excellence. Perfectionism leads to a fear of failure and an irrational belief that everything has to always go our way. Excellence however is both rational and achievable. You are simply doing the best that you can. This paradigm shift thus serves to eradicate anxiety, fear and dread and rather encourages excitement and motivation. The perfectionist will never be happy with her efforts which effects self esteem, self worth and confidence. One can never attain true happiness if they work from a fear based paradigm. However excellence on the other hand allows people to free up their creative mind and actually enjoy the process. Life is at the end of the day about the journey, and if you and your children are not going to enjoy it, then what’s the point? Try shifting your own mindset and that of your children. Here are a few examples to get you started… A perfectionist is driven by fear of disappointment, yet in the pursuit of excellence we are inspired by passion A perfectionist’s self esteem is based on external sources of accomplishment, whereas in the pursuit of excellence you have an intrinsic value and an internal positive locus of control As a perfectionist you feel you must be strong and not show vulnerabilities, yet in the pursuit of excellence you can share doubts and vulnerabilities with others

July 7, 2014

Games Are Fun And Really Good For Us

One of the easiest and fastest ways for grown-ups to feel like kids again is to play games with them. It turns out playing games are actually really good for us. Carol Surya, author and child psychologist who has developed the children’s self esteem game, InnerMagic™ explains why: 1. Games promote family fun and togetherness Playing games naturally connect us with others, giving us a chance to be together in a “present-moment” way. By having regular ‘game time’ we’re giving the whole family ‘time off’ to be together and have fun. We’re also showing our kids that play is important and that we value spending quality time with them. 2. Games teach patience, sharing and good sportsmanship Even simple games like hide and seek or snakes and ladders involve taking turns and learning to respect others’ feelings. Kids can learn to regulate their own emotions by learning how it feels to ‘win’ and ‘loose’, inevitably building awareness of rules, ‘good play’ and fairness. Much needed life skills! 3. Playing games are fun and make us happy Instantly ridding us of seriousness and bringing us into the present, games are a sure way to make us happy and can even help kids feel more confident. The interaction and hands on time spent with us is what they thrive on. 4. Through game play we can master a ton of skills By playing the same game repetitively, a child’s brain can learn concepts that could take a lot longer to master in the classroom setting. Developmentally games provide a easy, fun way for children to tackle eye-hand coordination; manual dexterity; colour, number and shape recognition; grouping and counting; letter recognition, reading and more. 5. Games help develop motor skills Spending lots of time sitting (in class or in front of TV), their gross and fine motor skills can easily become neglected. Simple games like Twister, Simon Says and rope jumping develop gross motor skills, improving balance and flexibility. Board games need dexterity and improve fine motor skills, whereas balancing games offer a complex multi-sensory activity. Even if your child gets frustrated at first, encourage him to keep trying and he’ll learn to persevere! 6. Game playing stimulates intellectual development Einstein said “play is the highest form of research”. Letting kids figure out things on their own is part of gaming fun! Using reasoning, logic and planning in a fun environment allows kids to build important ‘brain skills’ that promote intelligence. Don’t be too quick to help if they are stumped, encourage and give small hints rather than saying what to do, or taking over. 7. Games can help release excess energy Racing games, tree-climbing, hopscotch, hide and seek get kids moving a lot more than TV or online-game time. Physical games allow them to expend excess energy (and feelings) in a healthy way that otherwise may spill out as ‘bad’ behaviour. 8. Playing games expands creativity, flexibility and imagination Tapping into a world of fantasy, games inspire creativity, with kids often inventing their own way of playing, making up new rules and inspiring them to create their own games. So give yourself a break moms and have some healthy fun gaming. The InnerMagic™ children’s self esteem game is a great developmental tool for the whole family. This interactive emotional intelligence game aimed at 6 to 12 year olds is played between a parent and one or two children and improves self esteem, emotional intelligence, expression, lifeskills and relationships. The game’s central focus is to offer children choices, while moving along rainbow coloured stars which pose real life questions and self esteem building activities, in order to get into each of the six developmental centers and perform a task to win a token. Cleverly designed, the game is fun and challenging, improving critical thinking, communication, decision making, literacy skills and problem solving while teaching children how to express and manage their feelings. Once children start playing, they can’t get enough of InnerMagic™ and parents too love seeing all the positive benefits the game brings. For more information about Carol’s excellent parenting book, Great Kids and the InnerMagic™ children’s game or to purchase your own copy visit the Carol Surya Website Today.

July 7, 2014

Baby Led Weaning

Weaning is the gradual change that a baby makes from having breast milk or formula as her only food source to eventually having no breast milk or formula and this change over can take on average 18 months. When one thinks of introducing the first solids, a picture of an adult spoon-feeding a baby pureed butternut or cereal comes to mind. This approach is the most common weaning approach in the western world and rarely questioned. If one Google’s the dictionary definition of spoon-feeding you come up with: ‘to provide with so much help or information that one does not need to think for oneself. Baby led weaning on the other hand encourages a baby’s confidence and independence by following her cues. Solid feeding starts when a baby is able to move objects comfortably to her mouth, sit supported with good neck control and starts showing an interest in what the caregivers are eating. If given a chance most babies will show their parents that they are ready for something other than milk simply by grabbing a piece of food and taking it to their mouths The process of baby led weaning includes the following: Your baby sits at the family mealtime table with you and joins in when she is ready. She is encouraged to explore food as soon as she is interested, by picking it up with her hands – it doesn’t matter whether or not she manages to eat any at first. Food is offered in pieces that are the size and shape that the baby can handle easily, rather than as purees or mashed food. It is up to your baby how much she eats, and how quickly she widens the range of foods she enjoys. Your baby continues to have milk feeds and will show you when she is ready to reduce them. The first experiences of eating solid food can have an impact on the way a baby feels about mealtimes for many years, so it makes sense to make them enjoyable. Unfortunately weaning for many baby’s – and their parents – isn’t much fun. Not all babies’ mind being spoon fed in the conventional way, some though become resigned to spoon feeding as oppose to really enjoying it. Babies’, who are allowed to feed themselves, overall seem to enjoy food. Baby led weaning is most appropriate for infants over the age of 6 months as these infants are more able to co-ordinate hand to mouth movements. The benefits of baby led weaning are numerous and include but are not limited to the following ; It’s enjoyable and fun for the whole family It’s a natural way of weaning – prior to the 1900’s parents would instinctively bring babies to the table when they were able to sit supported on the parents lap. This would lead to baby being given food from the family table. Learning about foods: babies who are allowed to feed themselves learn about the look, smell, taste and texture of different foods. Learning to eat safely – being allowed to explore food before it goes into their mouth teaches babies about what is chewable and what isn’t. Learning about their world – babies never just play, they are always learning. Reaching potential – feeding themselves allows babies to practise important aspects of their development at every mealtime. Using fingers to get food to their mouths practices dexterity and pincer gripe. Chewing on food vs just swallowing strengthens facial muscles. Gaining confidence – allowing babies to do things for themselves not only enables them to learn but gives them confidence in their own abilities and judgement. Trusting food – they are more likely to trust foods as eating is always in the context of a family mealtime so your baby sees you eat the food before she decides to try it. Appetite control – they determine how much they can manage and need at one time. Less pickiness and mealtime battles – eating is enjoyable and babies eat normal family foods from the start. So are their any disadvantages to Baby Led Weaning: There are some concerns around baby led weaning and the biggest one is the fear that a baby will not take in enough food to nourish itself. This can happen if a baby is drinking too much milk for too long and doesn’t make the transition to solids. Breastfed babies who are not eating sufficient solid intake after 6 months are at risk of suffering from iron deficiency inadequate protein intake. Some moms are not comfortable with this approach as it is less structured with minimal boundaries. Family mealtimes should be the goal in all homes; however, this may not always be realistic: three meals a day 7 days a week. Baby led weaning requires a baby to consistently mimic eating and eat together with one other trusted person. Take heart, if you like the idea of baby led weaning, and the idea of spoon-feeding also appeals to you, you can do both. It is more the principles of baby led weaning that you need to embrace, how you implement them will be guided by you, your baby and your circumstances. Finger feeding and self-feeding together with Spoon-feeding. If you have successfully spoon-fed and your baby is older than 6 months you can add the concept of baby led weaning alongside spoon-feeding by introducing finger foods at meal times while you are spoon-feeding. You can introduce baby led weaning snack times using the Baby led weaning principles discussed in this articles. Here are some examples of appropriate baby led weaning/finger starter foods: Steamed florets of cauliflower or broccoli Steamed, roasted or stir fried veggies Raw sticks of cucumber Thick slices of firm avo Fruit such as pear, apple, banana, peach, mango, nectarine – either whole or in strips Take a bite out of a whole fruit before you give it to your baby to make it easier for him to get to the flesh. Dried mango strips Keep

June 16, 2014

10 Steps to Tantrum-Free Shopping

I’ve just spent most of the weekend at a busy shopping centre (luckily without my kids) observing the general weekend chaos of parents and kids doing the weekly shop. This is a stressful experience for most – both kids and parents alike, so here they are – the Golden Rules for a peaceful shopping experience… Shop without your kids. Too obvious? Really, if you can (and I know there are times when you can’t which is why there are another 9 rules) leave the kids behind. Do the shopping when they’re at school, or leave them with your partner, your mother, a friend or child-minder. Shopping is quicker and a whole lot easier without attachments!! Shop at quieter times. Shopping centres can be very overwhelming with all the lights, loud noises and people. Try to do your shopping at times when the centre will be quieter, like during the week or early in the morning on the weekend. Keep it short. I find that I am exhausted after an hour or two of shopping, so imagine what it is like for your kids. Keep your shopping trips short and focused. Make a list. And stick to it. This makes the shopping quicker, and you can also explain to the kids before you go that you are only buying what’s on your list. Then the answer to every “Can I have this?” is – “Well, is it on the list?” Make a wish list for your child. Have a little notebook and pen that you keep in your bag and every time they want something tell them it’ll be added to their wish list. In this way you don’t have to buy everything they want, but they know they have been heard and acknowledged and that it is normal to want things. And, when birthday times come, you already know what they would like! Make sure your kids are not hungry, thirsty or tired. Even adults get cranky when they haven’t eaten or slept well, so do your shopping after nap-time, feed them before you go, and take healthy snacks and water along on the trip. Take some entertainment along. Kids sitting in trolleys get bored. Take a book, toy or colouring-in materials along and let them entertain themselves. Give your child an important job to do. If they’re old enough you can get them to push the trolley (some shops have mini trolleys for kids so that they can have their own one), or they could be in charge of crossing things off on the list, or counting the items in the trolley, or spotting an important item that you mustn’t forget. Let them know how much they’re helping you. Have fun! How can you expect them to enjoy the shopping if you aren’t? Race the trolley, play “I spy”, chat to them, and find ways to make it an enjoyable shared experience. Expect cooperation. Children are naturally cooperative – they want to please their parents and do the right thing. So if they’re not doing this, know that something has gone awry and stay calm enough to figure out what it is. Are they tired, hungry, bored, frustrated, feeling ignored, not feeling needed, uncertain of what to expect or how long it will take…? Take a few deep breaths, slow down, and figure out what is going on before it escalates. Shopping is a part of our lives, not something that must be rushed through so that we can get back to living. And it doesn’t have to be stressful. Slow down, and find ways to make it an enjoyable part of the time you spend with your children.

May 16, 2014

Decorating your Child’s Room

Decorating a child’s room can be exciting and fun. You don’t have to be an interior decorator to come up with great ideas for the bedroom… My son’s room has evolved from soft cream and blue to a stone and navy blue colour with accessories in green because green is his absolute favourite colour. My daughter’s room was pink and white and is still pink and white with some purple because those are still her best colours. The bedroom should reflect your child’s personality, with you hopefully bringing in some of the good taste. If you are decorating your child’s room, then I have 8 tips on how to do it… Speak with your child – This is one room that your child is going to love to spend time in and entertain their friends too, so ask them what their likes and dislikes are. Take into account what fairy tales or cartoon characters they like, what their favourite colour is and the type of activities they enjoy. Work all of their interests into a design that is going to make them feel happy, comfortable and safe. Go for a fun theme – Allow your child to select the design theme. The choices are endless. Here are just a few: firehouse fun room, starry night, angels, rainbows, unicorns, sports, princesses and castles, underwater scenery, outer space, racing cars, planes and helicopters, trains, jungle motifs, wizards and dragons, and dinosaurs. Add colour and texture with wallpaper or paint – With wallpaper or paint, you can add texture and colour to the room. Simple wall decorations can also brighten up your child’s room. You can paint the room with bright colours to give it a fresh, new look but you should limit any strong colour to only one wall. For example, paint one wall fire-engine red and the others a soft peach or pink. Use wallpaper to add interest and texture. You can apply decorative borders along the walls like stripes or characters, and clouds or stars on the ceiling. Make it so that the room is multi-functional – Children use their bedroom for many other activities besides just sleeping. Therefore, it should consist of different zones. You could have a space to play and a music area. Also, create a comfort zone area in the room, for cuddling up and reading. Think about using big pillows, plush or inflatable chairs, anything your child might enjoy to sit on and relax in. Storage should be priority – Containing that clutter in the kid’s bedroom is going to be one of your biggest challenges. Try large decorating wicker baskets, plastic see- through containers, book shelves and cupboards with lots of shelves. The right lighting is important – For the bedroom, it is important that you choose the right lighting. This should include a lamp that is used for reading and homework. If you can, try and put a dimmer switch on the overhead lights to create a more soothing mood. Other lighting effects kids enjoy include disco lights, rows of flowers with light effects, and glow in the dark items. Accessorise – Fun accessories can also be used to decorate your child’s room. Pom poms, fringe or sequin trim on pillows, blankets, curtains or shelves can be made use of, in decorations. A selection of frames can be displayed in groups with photos, or your child’s artworks displayed inside the frames. You can make use of fun paintings and posters to decorate the kid’s room in a funky way. Balloons also convey a sense of joy and fun in the room. Fluffy throw rugs or shaped rugs can be placed on the floor, to make it look lively. A rug not only makes the room attractive but also gives your child a warm and cosy place to read, colour or play. Stripes that pick up the colours on the wall or the bed also look fun on a rug. Let your child help – As you are decorating the child’s bedroom, allowing your child to help is a good idea. Let them have a say in the fabrics, colours and collectibles that they would like to have in their room. The design should be something that the child likes. Working together on a decorating project is a great bonding opportunity. Children love being involved in making decisions. Research ideas in magazines and on the internet and have fun with it.

May 12, 2014

School Need Not Be a Nightmare

Dumb, stupid. Definitely two of the most repugnant words in the English language; words that ought to be regarded as swear words! Still, that is how children label themselves when they experience school as a nightmare. A reading lesson means hours of struggle, the confusion between letters like b and d is a frightening reality, words are being reversed and everything needs to be sounded out. Whereas Sis passes her afternoons in the pleasant company of bulky books, little brother prefers paging through comics — that is, if you can get him so far as to actually open one. Words are few and pictures tell the stories: one sure way to avoid reading… Sounds familiar? Do we hear a sigh of despondency escape from your lips? Yes, the two of you practise spelling late into the night, but somehow everything is misspelt during the next day’s test. You as parent are at your wit’s end and the teacher is worried: he is falling behind because he writes too s-l-o-w-l-y. From our own childhood we remember how cruel children can be, and that has not changed. Classmates are quick to tease the slow, under average performers. That is, if the child who struggles with reading and spelling is not already burdened by a self-imposed label, the forerunner of a negative self-esteem that can become so entrenched in his psyche that he may live his entire adult life under the misconception of his own inadequacy. Misconception, yes, because this worrisome plodding does not paint the true picture of your child’s intelligence. You may find that there is a brilliant mind hidden behind those low test scores, someone who will one day proudly graduate in his field. The possibility of a professional career is definitely not ruled out. Richard Branson comes to mind. A dyslexia sufferer, he did not achieve academically but that did not stop him from becoming a brilliant businessman. He compensated for his reading problem and today his wealth is estimated at well over 4.6 billion American dollars. Fortunately, help is available these days. It is unthinkable that a child is doomed to struggle. Even dyslexia is no longer the academic death penalty of years gone by. It is no longer regarded as a learning disability, but simply as an inability that can be turned into an area of strength with the right intervention. Research results recently published in the Journal of Neuroscience show that brain differences between dyslexic people and ordinary readers are the result, not the cause, of their reading problems. Research also tells us that the brain constantly forms new pathways or neurons, and this means that children with dyslexia can be helped to overcome it. Surely it is every parent’s dream to provide only the best for his/her child, and when you see your young one struggling with reading and spelling, it is time to call for help. The opportunity is available — give your child a fair chance.

April 21, 2014

Are You Spending Too Much Time Fighting Fires?

We can take two approaches to anything that we dedicate ourselves to maintain in our lives: proactive steps to avoid emergencies and reactive steps to handle the emergency when it occurs. Let’s examine our health. The proactive steps, or what I call preventive measures, are exercising regularly, implementing smart eating habits, and getting regular check-ups with our primary care physician. When we don’t do this on a regular basis, we risk a health-related emergency that could cause us to have to take reactive actions, or what I call firefighting measures — drastic means to bring our health back or to just stay alive. In our world of finance, we know that we should be using preventive measures by making regular deposits in our various financial accounts, paying our creditors regularly, and keeping a watchful eye on our credit. When we let it all slip and a financial emergency occurs, we must react with a fire fighting solution to find more money, seek financial assistance, or sell our possessions. We could not exist in this world without our relationships. We need others to care for us, to love us, to work for and with us, and to help us achieve our objectives and goals. Preventive maintenance of our relationships means checking in with people, providing things for others, letting them know we care, mentoring, and so on. But, when we get too busy and don’t use the preventive measures that keep us connected, we may see emergency situations occur in our relationships such as backbiting, avoidance, sabotage, or abandonment of the relationship. This could require firefighting actions to save the relationship such as making amends and apologies to others, or finding replacements and having to start over. Have you noticed that the actions are different? Preventive discipline action items are completely different from firefighting discipline action items. The actions you would take as preventive measures on your car, such as regular oil changes, tune-ups, and gasoline fill-ups, are not the same actions you would take to implement firefighting measures if it stopped running. Understanding and using this preventive vs. firefighting approach to anything in life, results in action plans for preventive management. This reduces the chances of more costly and difficult firefighting actions required to save or repair what we have. Raising and disciplining children requires the same approach. Firefighting discipline methods are actions a parent takes when the child is misbehaving and uncooperative. At this point, we are at our wits’ end, ready to call for help, send our kids to the zoo, or find a parenting class. Preventive discipline methods are actions a parent takes the rest of the time; when the children are NOT misbehaving. It is difficult because it requires proactive measures when the kids are behaving well. Usually when our children are cooperative and calm, we use this time to avoid disturbing them and to get things done. But the fact is, if we spend more time using preventive discipline methods, we’ll spend less time using firefighting methods.

April 16, 2014

Making Learning Fun

The early years are regarded as most critical for establishing the foundation for development and academic success for children. Play is vital for children to learn new skills such as fine and gross motor skills, language and communication, cognitive skills and social and emotional development. All of these skills combined form the basis for early childhood development. Teaching these skills is as simple as playing a game. Take for example playing “Peek -a-Boo”. This simple game teaches them about object permanence (the fact that something still exists even if you can’t see it). The usual fit of laughter that accompanies the game is what play is all about. Most babies develop physically, mentally and emotionally in a similar pattern. These developmental steps are known as milestones. Reaching certain milestones prepares the child for more advanced development later on. Missing a milestone could have adverse consequences later on, for example, a baby who does not crawl and immediately starts to walk may suffer from low muscle tone and/or problems with fine motor skills such as holding a pencil. Another important element of learning is repetition. Repetition provides a more comprehensive understanding of concepts as the child is able to take in different information each time. Repetition is also important for physical brain development as nerve connections that are repeatedly used become stronger. Repetition allows the child opportunities to strengthen these connections. Little Thinker has designed and developed the THINKER BOX – an innovative home stimulation program to help you ensure your children reach their core developmental milestones through play. The THINKER BOX contains age appropriate and fun activities to do with your children. By encouraging learning through play, you can make sure your child reaches all their important developmental milestones. Each module covers a three month period and includes five boxes (Monday to Friday) containing flashcards and the items for the activities, a milestone development tracking chart and two reading books. Our product has been reviewed by a physical therapist, so you have the added comfort that the activities are indeed focused on the core developmental milestones per age group. How the THINKER BOX helps you: We’ve done all the research on early child development – so you don’t have to Flashcards are simple and easy to understand The age appropriate activities are easy to do The equipment for activities is included The structured, yet fun format ensures that you do the right activity at the right time A developmental milestones chart helps you track your child’s progress and identify possible delayed development areas

April 8, 2014

What is the right age for chores?

Parents have many questions about assigning children household chores. As children, some parents were assigned heavy chores, some were paid for them to be done, and others had no prescribed chores. When two adults come together as parents but were raised with differing points of view on chores, they may become confused and unable to agree, and the child suffers. Sometimes, I’m asked, “At what age should children be expected to start doing chores around the house?” Many parents want to begin teaching their children responsibility and are eager to get them started. They are also not sure what are age-appropriate chores for the different age groups? Children should be expected to begin helping around the house whenever they are ready to do so. Regardless of the exact procedures used, parents should create an atmosphere in the family that encourages everyone to clean up after themselves and contribute to an organized home. Also remember to be gentle with your children’s performance while they are learning and not focus too much on perfection. Children who are constantly corrected become discouraged and eventually give up. They many not say “No” to doing their chores but may express it in other ways through their actions.Children 3 to 5 should be introduced to the concept of helping with tasks, not taking on chores, based on the concept of being helpful and encouraging them to feel like important members of the family. But parents shouldn’t expect them to take on consistent responsibilities. Preschoolers are still in a mode of discovery and experimentation for learning. Some suggested tasks for helping are: Pushing in chairs, washing the baby, and carrying the diaper bag. Be careful not to create schedules or routines with them. At first they may want to help to show they are big boys or girls, but can easily become frustrated or overwhelmed and give up. Go easy on them and be patient when they don’t cooperate. At about age 6, children are usually ready to play a bigger role in the family by helping out with official chores. Start with smaller and easy-to-accomplish assignments; putting them on a visual chore chart will help develop routines and habits. Once new chores are mastered, use family meetings to add new ones gradually.

February 23, 2014

14 Days for Loving Your Child

FEB 1: HIDE LOVE NOTES OR SURPRISES – Toddlers to teens love to be surprised. Hide a small valentine, an encouraging note, or a small valentine chocolate somewhere for them to find each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. Get creative and mix it up. You could also leave a note each day in one place that contains clues to helping them find what you’ve hidden. FEB 2: READ A SPECIAL BOOK – Find a child’s illustrated book that sends a message of love and commit to reading it to your children every night, leading up to Valentine’s Day. My favorite is the book LOVE YOU FOREVER by Robert Munsch and illustrated by Sheila McGraw. It sends the message that I’ll always love you unconditionally, no matter how you behave and well into your adult years. FEB 3: PLAN A PARTY – Help your child plan a V-Day party with all of their friends. For one activity at the party, provide a personalized mailbox (or bag) for each child. On blank slips of paper, have each child write down words that describe what they like about each of the other kids, one child per slip of paper. They will deposit them in each others’ mailboxes. FEB 4: BE AFFECTIONATE WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER – Teach your children about love by expressing love for your significant other in front of them. Children who have healthy models of affection around them are likely to recreate in their adulthood what they witnessed as children. When your significant other and you argue or fight in front of the children, be sure and let the kids see the two of you makeup. FEB 5: SCHEDULE A DATE – Schedule a special Valentine date with each of your children. Put it on your calendar and tell your child so they will have something to look forward to. Scheduling in these dates ahead of time ensures they will happen. Then everything else that is less important can fill in around them. Why not schedule a date with your significant other as well? Do this every Sunday night for the week to come. FEB 6: FRAME A PICTURE OF THE TWO OF YOU – Take a picture of you and your child, frame it, and then give it to your child to put in his or her room on the dresser or night table. If you have more than one child, create one for each of them. For an older child, put a picture of the two of you in a locket that the child can wear. This will also help calm a child who feels anxious when being away from the parent. FEB 7: THE ENCOURAGEMENT FEAST – Use the ENCOURAGEMENT FEAST exercise with your family. Each person takes a turn in the center of the circle, facing each person who states one thing they love about the person in the center. Before the person in the center steps back into the circle, they must state one thing they love about them self. Then someone else steps into the circle. See the video FEB 8: GIVE 100% OF YOUR ATTENTION – When your child approaches you to get your attention, stop what you’re doing, get to your child’s eye level, silence your mind-chatter, and remain completely quiet while your child speaks. Nothing feels better to a child (or an adult) who has something to say, than the sense of getting 100% of that adults attention in that moment. FEB 9: MOVIE NIGHT – Have a movie night with your child(ren), complete with big pillows to snuggle up with and a big bowl of popcorn. The one difference in making this night special is that the movie being featured will be the home movies you have of your child(ren)! FEB 10: CRAFT PROJECT– Using a family meeting, have everyone create a craft project that represents love to them. Provide a wide selection of contraction paper and craft supplied and allow your children to create whatever comes to mind. Put the creations on display for everyone to see and enjoy, and photograph them to look at for many year to come. FEB 11- SHARE HOW YOU LOVE YOURSELF– Create teachable moments with your child when they are open to learning, by explain (and demonstrating) what you dod to love yourself. This might be a tough exercise for some, but teaching a child to love himself starts by setting a healthy example they can use. FEB 12- MAILBOXES– In a family meeting have everyone make and decorate a mailbox using any household craft item. On slips of paper, have everyone write short love notes to everyone at the table as a practice run and then insert them in the appropriate mailboxes. Have everyone hang their mailboxes on their bedroom door knobs, for accepting mail whenever someone desires to write a note. FEB 13- FIND OUT WHAT MAKES THEM FEEL LOVED: Ask your child what he likes others to do or for him that makes him feel loved. Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book the five love languages of children, explains how each individual feels loved in different ways; receiving gifts, hearing words of affirmation, acts of kindness, or touch. Ask your child which one makes him feel love. FEB 14: COMPOSE A POEM FOR YOUR CHILD: Compose a poem about your child or describe how much you love her. Print it off on special preprinted paper with a border that can be purchased at office supply stores. Frame it and hang it on your child’s bedroom wall. You could even include the child’s picture or her foot or handprints if you had done them earlier. Sign it and read it to her nightly.

February 3, 2014

How to End Childhood Swearing

There is a tried and true psychological principle that says, “Notice something you don’t like about your child, show some emotion, and the problem is guaranteed to get worse.” Childhood swearing is a good example. Nowhere do we see this phenomenon more evident than when parents hear their little cherub utter one of the dreaded four-letter words. Many parents react with a variety of emotions ranging from shock, to out and out adult temper tantrums complete with threats. A normal child has to witness this parental display with utter fascination. “Wow. Look at my folks now. I haven’t generated this much household excitement in a long time. I know exactly how to push their buttons. Television can’t compete with this!” Many people believe some severe punishment for swearing will put an end to it. However, punishment doesn’t work because the parent’s attention is the ultimate reward. Punishment added to parental exasperation is intoxicating for the average kid. Here are some real-world techniques to end these word battles: 1. Focus on the location of the word instead of the badness of the word. Talk with your kids about situations when these words are and are not acceptable. Consistently react to swearing with, “Is this the right place for that word? Thank you.” Some effective parents say, “How sad. There’s someone in your mirror who enjoys those words. Why don’t you go to your room and have a talk with that person.” 2. Use the Love and Logic® “Energy Drain” technique. “Oh, listening to words like that drains my energy. Give me a little while to think of some ways you can put that energy back in me.” Say these words with the all the appropriate body language of a person who is becoming exhausted. Later say, “I think if you did some of my housework it might restore some of that energy I lost listening to your swearing. Thanks.” This worked for one mom who told me about her 6-year-old son who brought home some bad language from school. She dramatically held her head, sat down, and said, “Energy Drain,” each time he said one of those words. She was unable to do things for him until he had restored her energy by doing some of her chores. His swearing soon faded away. One day as she was driving him to school another driver cut her off. Before she could catch herself, she blasted the other driver with a few choice four-letter words. The moment those words slipped out, she realised her son was in the back seat hearing every word. As she looked in the rearview mirror, she saw his hand go to his head and heard him say, “Energy Drain.” She was shocked. This wise mother stopped the car, looked at her wonderful son, and asked, “Do you think an ice-cream cone would put some energy back in you?” “Maybe,” he sniffed. As they sat in the ice-cream shop he looked at his mom and, with the most drained expression, said, “Mom. You said three bad words. My energy was really drained. I think I’ll feel better after two more ice cream cones.” By Jim Fay

January 1, 2014

Are you raising a brat?

Every child is born a loving , gentle individual and every child is prone to bratty behavior at some phase of childhood. For those parents who are unsure if your child is going through a phase or has simply become a brat, here are some tell tale signs to help you identify if you are raising a brat …… Crying or yelling – your child may resort to crying or yelling when they want something. This could be because they may not possess an inside voice or be able to convey a request without yelling, which often result in the slightest of issues like eating supper or bedtime become a crying or yelling match. This however does not mean that they are becoming a brat… it is important however to teach your child vocalize correctly when they are wanting something. Tantrums – Children are all masters at throwing tantrums, leaving no place nor person spared from the effects of a tantrum. At first glance it could appear that your child is throwing a temper tantrum, however there are times when they are simply having a meltdown and this is very different. A temper tantrum is thrown because your child feels the need to control a situation or to use it as a power play to get what they want. A meltdown, is a tantrum thrown, when your child feels overwhelmed by their emotions, environment or sensations around them. These meltdowns safe guard your child and are the manifestation of uncertainty and fear. In both cases, these need to be addressed and handled with care. Often times when a parent fails to acknowledge the temper tantrum the child will resort to different means of communicating what their “wants” are and is important that you as the parent explain to the child that their behaviour is unacceptable. When your child has a melt-down it is important to acknowledge their feelings or anxiety at the time and help resolve the true matter at hand. Physical violence – Punishment and not giving in to demands will be seen by your child as opposition and they will lash out by means of hitting, punching, pushing, kicking, biting or throwing items. Your child may have learnt that by causing physical pain others will result in them achieving their desired result. We as parents, must address this issue at the time that it occurs and ensure that the child knows that their behaviour is not acceptable. More often than not, these sorts of behaviour are picked up by those around him either within the home or at school. Ignoring commands – Child who will ignore or “tune out” when spoken to. These children often refuse to comply with the request or command you have given them. These children may find themselves in trouble at school often, this behaviour occurs most when the parents are around. This occurs because the child knows that they can “play up” and the parent will react in the manner the child wants. Rude and ill mannered – Children who are rude to adults and even to other children, combined with the displaying of bad manners and speaking with disrespect to other. It is important to remember that your child did not suddenly wake up one morning speaking this way, this is skill that your child has learnt through the behaviour that has been observed around him. Children learn by example and those who are around people, who treat with respect and talk within a decent tone to others, in order to achieve their goals, often don’t find themselves in these sorts of situations. Non -sharing – Children who refuse to share with others, this can be for toys, food or attention often can become hoarders and will go so far as to snatch items from others. Sharing is an important skill for your child to learn. It is vital that your child understands that although they will be sharing a particular item or attention that the item remains their own. This is often brought on by insecurity that your child is feeling within their world. By explaining the process of “what happens next”, once they have handed the toy over to their playmate reduces the chances of your child developing a problem with sharing. It is also important to note that your child will need reminders about sharing and that this skill does take some time to develop. Not obeying rules– Children who believe that they are right and entitled to what they want at all times. These children do not see the need to conform to the families rules and often this later becomes societies rules. Your child will test your boundaries at some point or another. By you and your partner working as a team to show your child that the rules of the house are important you can rectify this behaviour. More often than not children will begin to conform if no other behaviour is accepted within the household. Children are constantly learning in the early phases of life. This means that by displaying the correct behaviour that you would like your child to exhibit, will often result in the angel that you always dreamt of having. Do not underestimate the power of friends influencing from a young age and try to ensure that your child is spending time with the right people from a young age. This will ensure that fewer bad decisions are made later in the teen years when it comes to them picking their friends.

November 13, 2013

How is your child sleeping? Give him the gift of a Good Night’s Sleep!

Sleep. We all need it, and we don’t know how important it is until we can’t get enough of it? Are you a mother? Then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. Can you still remember what it feels like to look into your partner’s eyes? To have time to read a magazine, take a long bath and just generally have a life? Or are you constantly on pyjama drill? Wondering when this “punishment of motherhood” will end. Sleep is vital for all humans to be healthy: it’s when we recharge so we’re at our personal best. Bad sleeping habits it linked to obesity, poor performance, ADHD, car accidents… you name it! If your child isn’t sleeping well, you’re likely not to either and this could be detrimental to your health as well as your child’s! However, if addressed early on, sleep problems can be overcome. The bad news is bad sleepers do not just “grow out of it”. But the good news is there is a lot you can do about it! Here are a few myths about sleep that you need to be aware of: Myth #1 ~ All soothers are good for my child’s sleeping habits. Unfortunately not all soothers (be is dummy’s, taglet blankets, mommy’s fingers, milk) is good for your child’s sleeping habits. It depends on your child’s age and tendency’s, but chances are that he can use some of these to aid him/herself in falling asleep which never teaches him the skill to self sooth. Myth #2 ~ The later I put my child in bed and the more tired he gets during the day, the better he will sleep. Actually it works the other way around. The better rested your child is, and putting him/her to bed at an appropriate bed time, actually makes them sleep better and longer. Myth #3 ~ Some children are just bad sleepers and they will grow out of it eventually. Did you know that studies have shown that adults who tend to have insomnia and bad sleeping habits were actually bad sleepers as children? Sleeping is actually a skill we need to teach our children, just like walking, eating and drinking. Your child will not grow out of it! The earlier you address it the better! Myth #4 ~ I can wait to start teaching my child the skills to sleep when he is older or on solids. The fact of the matter is that we as parents interfere with our children’s healthy development of good sleep cycles. There is so much that we can do better from the day they are born to implement healthy sleep associations and awake-sleep cycles. Myth #5 ~ The only way I can teach my child to self sooth is to leave him to cry-it-out. Teaching your child to self sooth is not just a matter of leaving him to cry. There is so much that you can do as parent to follow a structured sleep plan that will give your child’s this skill. Sleep is influenced by so many things; stimulation, routine, feeding habits, bedtime, health, discipline, and a trained professional can help you to implement changes in your child’s life that learn him the art to self sooth. Remember that crying is your child’s way of protesting change, and not all crying is bad. Myth #6 ~ It is selfish of me to want to have my child sleep through the night. Remember that teaching your child self soothing strategies are not about you! Consolidated, uninterrupted 11/12 hours of sleep is what your child needs. By taking the necessary steps to achieve restful, consolidated sleep for your child you will be giving them a skill they will carry with them throughout their lives. And this is truly a gift.

November 4, 2013

A Guide to introducing solids to your baby

Introducing your baby to solids can be challenging. Find out how to help your child make a smooth transition to solid foods. There is nothing cuter than seeing a picture of a happy baby in a high chair with food smeared on their face and everywhere else. Starting your baby on solids can be fun and messy. For some parents, it can also be confusing. When should you start? How much should you offer? What comes first? Signs your baby might be ready Your baby can sit upright when supported with good control of the head and neck. Your baby’s birth weight has doubled. Your baby shows an interest in food eaten by others. More frequent feeding (breast or bottle.) Your baby still seems hungry after the usual milk feed. Your baby was sleeping through the night but has started to wake again for a feed. These signs are all typically between the ages of 4 to 6 months when most babies are developmentally ready to get their first taste of solid foods. Recommended first foods There are no fixed rules about what solid foods you should give your baby first. A single-grain, iron-fortified infant cereal such as rice cereal is good. It may also be easier to notice any food allergies than with a cereal made from several grains. Apple, pear, banana, paw- paw, avocado, pumpkin, carrot, potato, butternut and sweet potato are the most popular first foods for babies due to their naturally sweet flavour and smooth texture once pureed. There is no need to add salt or sugar or any other flavourings to your baby’s food however bland it may seem. Salt may harm your baby’s kidneys and sugar may encourage a sweet tooth. A baby is not used to these tastes so will not miss them. Preparing your own baby food It is cheaper to make your own baby food and at least you know what is inside the food. Always wash your hands before handling food or feeding your baby. All feeding equipment should be sterilised for a baby less than 6 months of age. Fruits and vegetables can be peeled, steamed and then pureed. Large quantities can be prepared at a time and then frozen in small portions for later. Eating solids takes practice Being fed by a spoon is new to your baby. Up until now, they’ve only had a liquid diet, and they’ll need practice to get used to the spoon and to the feel of having solid food in their mouth. They will probably only start by eating a teaspoon or two at a time so don’t expect them to eat a whole bowl. Try one new food at a time and introduce a new food every 2 -4 days adding onto their existing diet. Instead of trying to get them to eat a certain amount, focus on letting them get used to the experience. Try finger foods when baby’s ready Around 9 months or so, your baby will be able to pick up small pieces of soft food to eat. You’ll still need to spoon-feed for a while, and continue formula or breast milk. Some great “finger foods” include ripe banana pieces, cooked chunks of carrots, cottage cheese, well-cooked pasta, dry cereal, and scrambled eggs. Foods to avoid The following foods are best avoided until your child is older – some because they are physically difficult for a baby to eat and could cause a choking hazard and others because early exposure has been found to potentially cause allergies and intolerances: Small hard foods which could pose a choking hazard – nuts, uncooked hard vegetables & fruits (e.g., carrots, apples) Cow’s milk as the main milk drink until 1 year old Honey until 1 year old Egg white until 1 year old Nuts, or even crunchy peanut butter, until 5 years old Popcorn & corn chips – choking hazard Sausages with skins on – choking hazard Stop When Baby’s Ready to Stop Pay attention and your baby will let you know when they have had enough food. They might try and play with the spoon, turn their head away, close their mouth tightly, spit out whatever you put in their mouth, or cry. Don’t make them eat more than they want. Kids will eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full. Honouring those instincts may help them avoid overeating now and when they get older. Good luck in feeding your child and remember to keep your sense of humour, be calm and relax. If you do, they will. To get in touch with Sharon Atkins please do so below: Website Facebook Twitter Pinterest Blog

October 15, 2013

Should Children Sleep with Stuffed Toys?

When supplying a favourite stuffed toy is the one, surefire way to get a fussy child to come down for a nap or a good night’s sleep, it almost seems like a no-brainer to hand it over as part of the bedtime routine. Still, it can be confusing to figure out whether or not encouraging your little one to rely on an object for comfort is a good idea. Before the age of one year, the American Academy of Paediatrics warns against introducing plush toys to your baby’s crib due to a potential increase in SIDS risk, but what about after she reaches that all-important one-year benchmark? Understanding the Prevalence of Comfort Objects A study conducted by researchers from both the University of Bristol in the United Kingdom and Yale University in the United States indicated that up to 70% of kids develop strong attachments to the comfort objects they rely upon to self-soothe. These transitional objects help babies learn to separate from their mothers with minimal trauma, and serve as important aspects of development for most kids. Special stuffed toys or blanks develop a very important role in kids’ lives, who tend to anthropomorphise their beloved stuffed animals in such a way that not even an exact replica of the toy is acceptable. Are Comfort Objects Inherently Negative? While some parents fixate on the idea of breaking their child from a dependency that they see as a weakness, there’s no real evidence that sleeping with a comfort object is emotionally damaging. Aside from the slight risk of allergen triggers from dusty or dirty plush toys, there’s very little risk at all when a child is old enough and has the requisite motor skills to move the object away from their face if breathing becomes difficult. A study at the University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee, originally intended to determine whether or not kids who have secure bonds with their mothers were more or less likely to rely upon comfort objects for sleep, found that there was no correlation at all between the strength of the parental bond or the lack thereof and use of a comfort object. The study also uncovered evidence that kids who were strongly attached to those objects seemed to more easily adjust to stressful situations when they had that object in their possession. Making the Right Decision for Your Family If your child is so attached to a comfort object that she refuses to go anywhere without it, problems can arise at the onset of the school year when school policies forbid such objects. Provided that a child is able to rely upon the object only in times of extreme duress or to self-soothe in order to sleep, there’s no real reason to forbid your child from bringing a favourite lovey to bed each night. Ultimately, the decision should depend upon the needs and lifestyle of your family and your own parenting style. If you feel that your child’s use of a comfort object has gone on for too long or that he’s getting too old to rely on such tactics, taking steps to gradually wean him away from a special stuffed animal may be in order. You should, however, expect for your child to regress in moments of extreme duress or dramatic transition. If he’s dealing with the loss of a loved one, a sudden and abrupt change in his life or another source of extreme anxiety, he may rediscover a need for the beloved animal that provided him with comfort before he was able to let go of that dependence. Many thanks to: Live out Nanny

October 7, 2013

7 Things to Prepare Your Kids for School

Shut Down Summertime Leniencies. As school approaches or starts, set up a family meeting (whether you have a significant other or not) to discuss the rules that will change at home: bedtimes, shutting TVs off, removing entertainment electronics from bedrooms, having to turn in social media devices and “friend sleep over rules.” Allow your child to voice his or her concerns over these changes, adopt the policies, and implement them on a specified date. It’s also a good idea to document the changes and post them where all can see them; sometimes children become forgetful of what they agreed to. School Supply Shopping. Sit down with your children and allow them to help you determine what supplies they are going to need for the coming school year. You are the parent and have final say over what is on the list, but use that authority with kindness and respect. Take your children shopping and let them be in charge as they carry the hand baskets and retrieve all the items on the list. Give them a set amount of money to spend to accommodate all that’s on the list and allow them to pay for the items at the checkout. The Work Space at Home. Collaborate with your children as to where homework will be done. Create a list with her and then go back through to review it and eliminate any locations that you’re not OK with. Remember, collaborating with your children is a way of helping them feel respected, but you’re still the boss. Set up the space that was decided on and help your children organize the supplies that were purchased at the store. The Homework Schedule. Each child is different when it comes to doing homework, so this next exercise will require your greatest level of patience. Help each of your children determine when they feel that they are best able to work on homework. Some children can do it as soon as they get home and others need a break before starting it. Coach each child into establishing their own schedule, make it clear and defined, and then document it. Your job will be to help reinforce what is decided. Control of Entertainment and Distractions. Announce a rule that any and all entertainment electronics and hand-held social media devices are to remain off or better yet, be turned in to the parents during the established homework times. This new rule should be in effect on school days, Monday thru Thursday and even on days when there is no homework. I’ve heard too many stories from parents who did not implement this rule and had their children come home after school reporting they had no homework, only to suddenly and mysteriously remember a homework assignment later that night or at bedtime. The Bedtime Schedule. I’ll tell you now that it is NOT your responsibility to get your children to fall asleep. That must happen naturally and your children are more in charge of that than you are. Your job is to create an environment and an atmosphere that is conducive to your children getting sleepy and eventually falling asleep. Your direct role is to define when bedtime will occur, enforcing it, and removing all distractions from their bedrooms, such as video games, televisions, cell phones, and computer.

September 23, 2013

20 Tips for Caring for Special Needs Children

Although I cherish parents of all children, those responsible for raising special needs children and teens are courageous adults who somehow make it through each day. They are tasked with greater challenges and frustrations than other parents. They are not always able to get to school related and networking events because they are probably scheduling and driving to extra appointments for their children. And finding someone to step in for them so they can have a break is not quite as easy as it may be for other parents. These ‘other‘ parents I speak of are those with children without special needs. But parents of children with special needs have additional, unique opportunities that put them in survival mode for getting through each day and spending any extra time they can find at researching the disorders and medical conditions that their precious child arrived with. I am writing this article with some personal experience as my granddaughter was diagnosed with severe attention deficit hyperactivity disorder at a very early age. I helped my daughter care for that sweet little girl in the first few years and remember well all of the challenges my daughter faced. And although my wife’s oldest son was never officially diagnosed, he demonstrates the classic behaviours associated with Asperger’s Syndrome. I’ve heard all of her stories of the extreme challenges he provided to her in his early years, and see those behaviours now in adulthood. Here are my top tips for caregivers of children with special needs. The first two are not at the top of the list by accident. Giving these first two priority over the others will increase your success at implementing the rest: Create time with your non-special needs children. Make extra time for your children that do not have special needs to reassure them that they too are loved and are special in their own ways. Seeing their sibling receiving special attention can generate jealousy and drive them to act out and behave in their own challenging ways. Take extra care of yourself. What will keep you going longer and stronger is your own charged batteries. Take time out for you whenever you can and avoid living according to the standards others may try to set for you. Get organised to make things easier. Use an easy-to-update calendar to keep track of all special appointments and medications. Keep it readily available and readable for those who may come in and offer you relief. Stay organised. When behaviour issues or tantrums occur, that is NOT the time to go in search of items you might need to get the children (or others) ready for events and for transitions. Setting up clothing, lunches and supplies the night before will keep things moving in the morning. Stay on top of your child’s IEP. Although the school is responsible for ensuring that all components of the plan are carried out, don’t wait for the school to follow up. Keep it up to date and request reports on progress as needed. See that your child is reevaluated every three years (or at intervals outlined in your child’s plan). Create routines for you and your child. Although all children do better with sameness and routine, those with disorders need it for self-soothing and comfort. Both you AND your child will benefit by creating patterns that everyone involved can expect and look for. Challenging behaviour may be communication. Whether a child has special needs or not, resistance, meltdowns and tantrums are usually the child’s way of telling you that something is wrong. Remain calm and do your best to understand what might be the trigger of sudden change in behaviour. Provide physical activities often. The more that we provided physical stimulation for my granddaughter; the easier it was to acquire her cooperation later in the day. I spent many afternoons at activity centres where she could climb, run and jump. Remain calm and move forward with intent. When your child’s emotions erupt, you must be the ‘lighthouse in the storm.’ Remaining calm can influence your child to calm down sooner. Avoid allowing them to change your mind or your purpose in the moment. Remain quiet, be still for a moment and ease them into the transition. Speak in a quiet tone often. Auditory sensory issues can disrupt peacefulness and cooperation without warning. Gaining the attention of many special needs children more effectively means teaching others around the child to speak softly with low volume. Make bedtime routines a high priority. Adequate sleep is critical for children with special needs and increases the success of working with them the following day. Create as much routine as you can around bedtime events so they will ease into the sleep schedule in a timely fashion. Avoid sensory overload when meltdowns could occur. Knowing your child means being able to predict when the conditions are right for the possibility of a meltdown. When these conditions occur, shut down or reduce audible or visual chaos that could bring on a meltdown. Plan ahead. Packing backpacks or putting out clothes the night before can help keep everyone on schedule by creating expectations and minimising surprises. This means having to stay five steps ahead, knowing what you and your child will need for the coming appointments/events. Surround yourself with encouraging people. Although we should all take this one to heart, parents of special needs children need an encouraging circle even more. Remove toxic and unsupportive people from your life and hang out with those who support you. Use visual timers and schedules. When a special needs child can see a change approaching, the caregiver is more likely to get the cooperation she needs in moving the child forward. TimeTimer.com and Schkidules.com are two of my favourite resources for these products. Pick your battles. If you find your child having a fit because she doesn’t like the way an item of clothing fits or the existence of a tag or waist band, don’t fight with them.

September 16, 2013

Bullying – Empower your child

The topic of bullying has become the focus of increasing attention and concern in recent times. Whereas in the past there may have been a tendency to downplay bullying and regard it as part of growing up, there is now an increasing awareness of it being a widespread social problem that can have serious short- and long-term consequences for both victim and perpetrator. Recent statistics show that up to 50% of school children are bullied each year. It is an issue which we ignore at our own peril! What constitutes bullying? What is it that makes it different from someone simply fighting with your child, calling of names, being mean or teasing? The essential elements of bullying are as follows : A more dominant child repeatedly exhibits aggressive behaviour towards a less powerful person. There is a conscious intent to hurt the other child, either physically or psychologically, and the bully derives pleasure from this behaviour. There is no justification whatsoever for the bullying behaviour. The intensity and/or duration of the bullying are damaging to the self-esteem of the victim The victim is vulnerable, often because of physical or psychological qualities, and cannoteffectively defend himself The victim feels isolated and is not supported by either peers or adults The bully knows that the victim wants the behaviour to stop but will persist with thebullying. The effects and potential damage of bullying is difficult to assess, largely due to the varying vulnerability of children. However, for most there is a significantly negative impact on the victims’ general well-being. Self-esteem is inevitably damaged, there is heightened anxiety, signs of sadness and distress, withdrawal from social interaction, often general health problems develop such as headaches, stomach aches, disturbed sleep and even bed- wetting. There is often a deterioration in school performance as the bullied child becomes increasingly distressed and unable to concentrate. Other warning signs that could signal that your child is being bullied include unexplained cuts and bruises, torn clothing, loss of appetite, reluctance to go to school, “loss” of possessions or pocket money, complaining of being starving when getting home from school (often a sign that the lunch box has been raided by the bully), becoming withdrawn, reduced social interaction, unexpected mood changes, irritability and temper outbursts, tearfulness, talking about suicide. How do I help my child if I suspect that he is being bullied? It is essential that when the child tells the parent about them being bullied, that they take what the child is saying seriously and act decisively. To ignore or minimise it would be the worst possible outcome for the child, already feeling over-whelmed, helpless and alone. Whilst most schools have an anti-bullying policy, it is often difficult to implement and despite concerted efforts to eradicate bullying, it continues to occur. Perhaps a more proactive approach is to teach your child to deal with the bullies that they may encounter. One such approach is to teach your child to be assertive. The ability to be assertive is a life- long asset. Although it is necessary to be passive or aggressive at certain times in social situations, many children tend to be overly aggressive or passive. Children with poor assertiveness skills and who frequently display passive behavior, feel negative about themselves and do little to protect themselves, making them more vulnerable and more likely to be bullied and manipulated. Bullies prefer children who are unable to fight back or who withdraw from confrontation and cry when attacked. Likewise children who tend to be overly aggressive in their interactions are sometimes labeled as bullies and are often disliked by their peers. In teaching children to be assertive, they learn to identify and express their feelings, be mindful of the feelings of others, have the confidence to say what they want and develop the skills to deflect difficult or unpleasant social situations. They develop strong self-esteem and are able to stand up for themselves in a pleasant but firm manner. Without wishing to be pessimistic, it would seem that bullying is a perennial problem, very difficult to eradicate and likely to get worse as the stresses and pressures of life continue to escalate. It is a problem that is likely to confront most children at some point in their lives but by creating assertive, confident children hopefully the bullies will find fewer targets and may themselves learn to behave in more socially acceptable and positive ways. Written By: Margie Wilson

September 7, 2013

Teaching children the importance of recycling and caring for their environment

From a tender age, we’re filling our children’s absorbent minds with need–to-know information. As parents, our goal is for perfect manners to become second nature, and for important habits to be instilled as early as possible – like brushing teeth, packing away toys and putting on seatbelts. The future of recycling lies in the hands of our youth, and these are also the individuals who will carry the burden of higher carbon footprints if it is not reduced. As parents, we have the opportunity to help develop a generation of eco-warriors. We teach our children to say please and thank you, we tell them not to talk to strangers, not to litter, and so many other small yet essential life skills that we don’t even consciously think about. Why then should lessons in environmental protection and recycling be any different? The Glass Recycling Company (TGRC), South Africa’s national organisation responsible for facilitating the recovery of waste glass for recycling, is working hard at encouraging citizens to increase glass recycling quantities. It’s up to us to empower our children by educating them as to the positive effect that recycling will have on our environment, and how they can make a difference. Recycling is easy; you don’t have to start big to make an impact. Tips from TGRC to educate your family (and yourself) include: Find your nearest glass bank. Visit The Glass Recycling Company website www.tgrc.co.za call 0861 2 GLASS (45277), or sms ‘GLASS’ to 45686 (SMS charged at R1.50) Whenever you purchase something packaged, think about how you can reuse or recycle the packaging. Glass is 100% recyclable and can be recycled again and again without losing its purity or strength Plan your trips to bottle banks to fit into your daily schedule – it will become part of your routine rather than a chore! Take your kids with you and show them how and where to put their bottles Get your child’s school to register for The Glass Recycling Company school competition. Not only will this mean a conveniently placed glass bank at the school, but also a chance for schools to win fantastic cash prizes. For more details, visit www.tgrc.co.za Explain to your children what is recyclable and what is not. Glass containers, such as those used for food and beverages can be recycled Other types of glass, like window glass, ovenware, pyrex, crystal and light bulbs are manufactured through a different process and cannot be recycled through South Africa’s glass manufacturers Reuse old containers – they are great for storing paint, crayons, buttons and arts and crafts tools such as paint brushes, rulers and much more In South Africa, it’s not necessary to wash glass before placing it into “Glass Banks”, or to place different coloured glass into separate banks. Recycling is just so easy By making recycling a way of life as habitual as the other lessons we teach our kids, before we know it, we will have a generation of recyclers working together to build a sustainable environment.

March 18, 2013

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