Toddler - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Five Best Markets For Kids

Make the most of Summer – Winter is on its way! Visiting local markets is a great way to spend weekend days and they’re all the rage right now. It’s the perfect way to get the whole family out the house and the delicious food and fresh produce is a real draw card for parents. We’ve put together a list of our best family market picks in Joburg, Cape Town and Durban. Johannesburg Fourways Farmers Market Opening hours: Sunday, 10am-3pm http://www.ffmarket.co.za/ With lots of seating space and more than 61 vendor stalls this is your one-stop-Sunday-morning-market-shop. Relax on hay bales under tall pine trees enjoying delicious market food and live music – there’s even champagne by the glass. Also located on the premises is the Aroma Café (hyperlink) which boasts a buffet breakfast, a beautiful playground and a kiddies’ menu. Bryanston Organic & Natural Market Opening hours: Thursdays, Saturdays and public holidays, 9am-3pm http://www.bryanstonorganicmarket.co.za/ Organic and natural food is the cornerstone of this market that offers a great variety of foods particularly for allergies and special dietary needs. A huge appeal for families is the Kids Quarter where children can enjoy craft activities, including candle dipping, sand art and a gemstone scratch-patch. Cape Town Tokai Forest Market Opening hours: Saturday, 9am-2pm http://tokaiforestmarket.co.za/ Spend the morning browsing the beautiful Tokai market whilst enjoying the freshest artisanal coffee. The market boasts a jumping castle, jungle gym and pony rides. Coming soon are cooking demos and game afternoons. Organjezicht City Farm Opening hours: Saturday, 9AM – 2PM http://www.ozcf.co.za/market-day/ This organic foodie’s paradise has temporarily moved to the historic Leeuvenhof estate. Bring your picnic blankets, kids and dogs and enjoy a morning of delicious fresh produce. Explore the beautiful the estate and even take a dip in the premier’s pool! Durban Golden Hours Family Market Opening Hours: Sunday, 10am-3.30pm https://www.facebook.com/pages/GOLDEN-HOURS-FAMILY-MARKET/121337227882 Spend a Sunday at this kiddies’ market paradise complete with an exciting play area and activities for kids of all ages. Expect the freshest produce and traditional homemade goodies. The Litchi Orchard Opening hours: The 2nd Saturday of every month, 9AM – 2PM http://www.litchiorchard.co.za/market/ This beautiful market venue on Durban’s north coast, combines top class food and drink with loads of open space for the kids (and dogs) to enjoy. Keep a look out for the playful resident mongooses.

May 8, 2015

One Easy Way to Stop Complaints and Whining

It can be incredibly difficult to hear your child complain when you do so much for her. And then you think back to the little you may have had as a child and then feel this immense surge of resentment when your child complains about what you’ve fixed for dinner. Or it may be why he can’t have an iPhone, what one of her friends has that she wants, having to pick up her toys, or hundreds of other things they object to. One reason some children may do this is because it works; there may have been times in the past when he or she complained and because you were feeling stressed and annoyed, you may have just caved in and completed the task for her or let him have something else for dinner. Remember, children learn from experience on what works and what doesn’t, at getting their way. It doesn’t mean they are awful children or ungrateful. They just do things to get what they want, including getting out of having to follow through on things. And even though you may have experienced a hard childhood, your children just don’t care. You can lecture them all you want about what life was like for you, but if they haven’t experienced it, then they don’t get it. Two powerful words I encourage you to add to your vocabulary and to practice often when a child complains or whines is “I KNOW.” Silly sounding I’m sure, but I challenge you to try it out. And when you say these two words, say them with a calm, relaxed and almost sympathetic tone. Don’t snap the words and don’t shout them, just a calm and lazy, “I know.” No matter how ridiculous your child’s complaint sounds, avoid the urge to argue with them, convince them, or come across as demanding. When you hear, “We always have to eat broccoli,” avoid the urge to tell him how healthy broccoli is or how there are starving children in foreign countries; there’s a good chance they aren’t going to listen to you at that moment. If your teen says, “I think it’s stupid that I have to come in by 9:00 PM on a weekend,” you’re going to say, “I know.” Finally, something interesting may occur when saying these two words. After you’ve grown accustomed to using them frequently, some children and teens will actually resist your calm and sympathetic demeanor. Most of my kids and my step kids eventually responded by saying, “Stop saying that, I hate hearing those words!” I would then calmly say, “I know,” and they would run screaming from the room, covering their ears! It became a new “parent power” I never realized I possessed! I was able to stop the whining with very few words or energy. I’m not recommending that you annoy your children, I’m simply asking you to consider being consistent. You may then find that the whining stops because they don’t want to hear you say, “I know.”

April 29, 2015

Why Is Vocabulary So Important For Reading

Vocabulary plays an important part in learning to read. Beginning readers must use the words they hear out loud to make sense of the words they see in print. Children who have a wide vocabulary learn to read more easily as they can figure out unfamiliar words based on the knowledge of words related to the context. It is harder for a beginning reader to figure out words that are not already part of their speaking vocabulary. Consider this: when your little one starts learning to read and comes to the word cat in a book. She begins to figure out the sounds represented by the letters c – a – t and then very quickly realises that the sounds make up a very familiar word that she has heard and said many times. Thus the instant recognition is quicker and her recall of this word is better as she has the association reading strategy to use: all because the word is in her speaking vocabulary. Imagine now that there are hundreds of words in your child’s vocabulary so by the time learning to read comes along it is plain sailing. That’s what all parents want so BUILD VOCABULARY and you will BUILD A READER. Vocabulary also is very important to reading comprehension. Readers cannot understand what they are reading without knowing what most of the words mean. Therefore the more words a reader knows, the more they are able to understand what they’re reading or listening to. Talking to and reading to children are the two best way to develop vocabulary. As you introduce new words to your children, keep this in mind: Define the word in a child friendly manner: for e.g. ’enormous’ means really really big. Relate the word to the child’s life experience, ‘remember the big watermelon we bought in the shop, it was enormous’ Ask children to develop their own example of ‘enormous’ Use the word ‘enormous’ often over the next few weeks Parents please continue to read to your child long past the time they learn to read. The reason is that a parent is the fluent reader and can read vocabulary-rich text that a grade 1 learner is not yet able to read but is able to listen to and understand. Just because your child has starting reading, do not stop reading to him or her. Conversations are vital for vocabulary development, which in turn is one of the keys to unlocking reading. Are we talking enough to our children or are our hectic driven lifestyles and too much screen time creating an environment with less one on one dialogue between parent and child? With this in mind consider the following: The consequence of less verbal interaction between adult and child is a child with reduced vocabulary and the consequence of that is a poor reader! No parent wants that so I will say it again, BUILD VOCABULARY and you will BUILD A READER.

April 28, 2015

The Effects Of Trauma On Children

Unfortunately, trauma is an all too common occurrence in South Africa. Trauma has many different guises and can encompass anything from criminal occurrences (such as muggings, hi-jackings, smash and grabs, house robberies etc.), natural disasters (floods, etc.) or any other unexpected event (such as witnessing or experiencing abuse, being involved in a motor vehicle accident, divorce of parents, having a family member that is ill, etc.). In addition, some children can also experience a secondary traumatization when their school peers for example, undergo a traumatic experience and re-tell the event. If parents are concerned that their child has undergone a trauma they need to be aware of some of the possible signs and symptoms of trauma: Anxiety, manifested by excessive worries and fears especially about the safety of significant others and themselves; Mood changes, such as irritability and whining; Behavioural changes, such as decreased levels of concentration and attention, withdrawal, aggression and over-activity which can adversely affect school performance; Somatic complaints, such as headaches and stomach aches etc.; Increased talk and awareness regarding death and dying; Sensitivity or a startled response to various sounds and noises; Talking about the traumatic event repeatedly as well as recreating the event via play; Regression in younger children, such as ‘wanting to be a baby’ and not performing age appropriate tasks that they were completing before such as eating by themselves, sleeping in their own beds etc. Adverse impact on issues of trust, security and safety; Symptoms of depression, such as lack of interest in usual activities and changes in sleep or appetite and withdrawal; Anger, as well as hateful statements; and Avoidance of people, places, or situations that remind them of the traumatic event. Not all children will experience trauma in the exact same way as well as manifest all the above symptoms as not all circumstances are the same for every child. In addition, children have different personalities and temperaments which affects the way they experience a traumatic event (for example, an anxious child may react differently to a laid back child if they were to experience the same trauma). Moreover, trauma can be subjective in that what is traumatic for one child may not be perceived in the same way by another child, or indeed an adult). If you are concerned about your child with regard to a trauma consult with a child psychologist who will determine the best course of action, such as play therapy or parental guidance to help you assist your child.

March 27, 2015

Values, Discipline & Respectful Communication

Every child, just like every adult has a set of values, a hierarchy of things that are from most to least important to them. With children under 10, their highest value will usually have something to do with play, although this will differ from child to child. For example, one may like playing with dinosaurs and another with dolls and another may like playing ball games. Once they reach the 10-20 age range their values will normally shift to be around socialising, and again specific to each individual child. Every one of us, regardless of our age is inspired to do things linked to our highest values. These are the things that we don’t need to be motivated from outside to do – that we just do without being reminded, they are the things that we enjoy, that give us energy, that we do with enthusiasm. We also feel heard, understood and loved when someone else acknowledges our values, and we feel hurt, misunderstood and unloved when our values are challenged. Most of what parents call disciplining their children is trying to get the kids to live within their values, not understanding that a child has their own set of values that do not necessarily match those of the parent. Every person has a set of values that are fingerprint specific to them, so your child’s values, even if similar to yours, will never be exactly the same. Now, I’m not talking about values as in social idealisms, like honesty or trust or dependability. I’m talking about things that are genuinely important to you in your life as it currently stands. So, a mother may have her children as her highest priority, followed by her career and then socialising. The father may have finances, then spirituality and then knowledge as his priorities. And each child will have their own list of things that are important to them. If we understand and respect each other’s values, instead of trying to force our own onto the other members of the family, then we open up a new level of communication and respect where discipline can be completely redefined. We will never need to bribe or punish a child to do or not do something if they can see how doing or not doing it is helping them to fulfil their highest values. For example, my daughter has dinosaurs as her highest value. She is intrinsically inspired to learn about, read about and play with dinosaurs. So if I want her to come and bath (I have a higher value on cleanliness than she does) then instead of fighting with her and insisting that bathing is good for her because I say it is (imposing my values into her) I simply say, “Hey Kai, I heard a rumour that there are some glow in the dark dinosaurs getting up to no good in the tub, just waiting for you to come and play with them”. You can spend an hour of shouting and bribing and insisting that a child get in the bath when they don’t want to, or you can appeal to their values and have them actually enjoy doing what you want them to do. It is worth finding out what your children’s values are, as you will need to communicate differently with every child as every child is a unique individual with a unique set of values. Respect their values, link what’s important to you to what’s important to them and you have respectful communication rather than discipline.

March 19, 2015

Crying Through The Ages

Newborn The newborn baby is typically much calmer and cries less than you would expect. Many parents are surprised that their baby does not scream at birth but rather makes quieter sounds and has a period of relative calm. Your hormones released in the birth process and the natural birth process itself results in a calm alert baby on the day he is born. Even after the initial 24 hours, the new baby is only really likely to cry when hungry, which once the milk comes in can be as often as two hourly or may be spread out to closer to four hours. It is important in the early days to feed your newborn on cue as this will not only settle him but also encourages your milk supply. The other time newborns cry is when being changed and bathed. Both changing and bathing result in feeling the cold air and new touch sensations, which can be disconcerting for the new baby. If a newborn (0-2 week old) cries a lot, it is important to have him checked by a doctor or clinic sister as this is typically a period of relative calm, which we call the honeymoon period. Most babies do not cry extensively during the early days. 2 weeks -3 Months At around the two week mark, many babies become unsettled and begin to fuss more than during the honeymoon period. This is completely normal and in fact the ‘crying curve’ is well documented. This curve shows that babies begin to cry seemingly without reason at around 2 weeks old and by 12 weeks old this crying has almost entirely abated. This unexplained early baby crying peaks at about 6 weeks of age. Traditionally called colic, we now know that in fact this crying has nothing to do with the digestive system and remedies for tummy ailments make as much difference as sugar water. (St. James) Even if your baby tucks his legs up or kicks and screams for an extended period of time, you can rest assured that almost every crying baby of this age is healthy and normal. Colic is caused by over stimulation. Being alive in our busy sensory world can be overwhelming for many babies and this coupled with too little sleep will result in crying as your baby responds to the sensory input of the world and the little bubbles in his tummy with crying. The best ways to avert colic is to swaddle your baby and settle to him to sleep after only an hour of awake time. If your little one is very unsettled, do not worry about spoiling him at this age. Under four months of age babies do not have long term memory and so will not be ‘spoilt’ by being rocked or lulled to sleep. 4-6 Months The four to six month old is much less susceptible to overstimulation and therefore is more settled. But just as you think you are getting the hang of this parenting thing, you will find your baby become a little less predictable. Instead of remaining settled for a good three to four hours between feeds, many babies of this age begin to fuss and wake more frequently at night too. This relates to their new and growing nutritional needs. At this age you can choose to respond to the increased demand for nutrition with increasing the number and frequency or quantity of milk offered or you may choose to introduce solids. The latest research indicates the introduction of solids is safe and good for babies anytime between 4 and 6 months of age. Your 4-6 month old may still become crotchety if overtired or over stimulated. Watch your baby’s awake times (Baby Sense 2010) 6-12 Months The older baby is a bundle of fun and laughs and will not spend much time crying. There are a few reasons that typically raise their heads: Illness – many babies get their first colds and illnesses at this age and an irritable baby with a fever is not much fun. Separation anxiety – as your baby develops object permanence and realizes he is separate from you, he will become increasingly irritable whenever you are out of site. A transition object or security blanket will help him to feel a little more secure. Nappy change time – all 8 month olds resist having their nappy changed and become very irritable. This is typical and is no reason to be concerned. Simply put the back position for nappy changes is way to passive and our little one will get very irate when placed on his back. Teething – typically your baby’s first tooth will emerge during this stage and you may have a day or two of irritability. Toddlers Your toddler has an opinion and mind of his own and generally this will impact on his mood. There are three main reasons for crying and tantrums A toddler may throw an almighty tantrum if he is overtired – we tend to overestimate our toddler’s ability to stay awake and be stimulated. The reality is that toddlers need at least one day sleep and an early bedtime. In addition, toddlers can only socialize for a limited period before becoming over stimulated and crying or throwing a tantrum. If your toddler feels misunderstood, you will have a tantrum on your hands. Toddlers understand more than you would believe and can process cognitively what they want to say or do. The problem is that it will be some time before your toddler can express himself adequately. When he feels like you do not understand him a tantrum may ensue. Some toddlers throw tantrums and cry simply to get their way. Again this is normal and is part of developing independence and autonomy. Finally, it is vital to realize that all babies are different. Some settled little ones cry very little and take each stage in their stride, while a sensitive baby cries for almost no reason and is

March 12, 2015

The Oppositional Defiant Child

Child psychologists at Johannesburg’s Sandton Psychology Centre are often consulted by worried parents who are concerned about their child’s disruptive behaviour. Sometimes, what emerges is a pattern of non-compliant conduct which is stressful for the entire family. Not all unruly children fit the profile of the oppositional defiant child, and the symptoms must be viewed with caution. As is the case with many psychological disorders one has to rule out other aspects or syndromes is order to make a proper diagnosis. Once the correct diagnosis is made child psychologists will assist with psychotherapy (in the form of play therapy) and behaviour management. Other treatment for Oppositional Defiant Disorder may also include specialized parent training, family therapy, structured group therapy, and school- and home- based contingency management programs. The DSM-1V lists the essential features of Oppositional Defiant Disorder as a “recurrent pattern of negativistic, defiant, disobedient, and hostile behaviour toward authority figures” that persists for at least 6 months and is characterised by at least four of the following behaviours: Loses temper often and for no good reason Argumentative with adults Defies or point blank refuses to comply with what adults have requested Does things deliberately in order to annoy and irritate others Does not take responsibility and blames other’s for their own mistakes or wrongdoing Is easily irritated and annoyed by others – everybody bugs him/her Demonstrates anger and is filled with resentment Is often spiteful and vindictive The Oppositional Defiant Child is not a happy child. In addition to the aforementioned traits they also struggle with social interaction and are often depressed and exhibit low self-esteem. Furthermore, they tend to not do well at school academically as they have a short attention span and a general lack of motivation. These children also have frequent mood swings and low frustration tolerance.

March 9, 2015

Common Toddler Issues

Managing toddlers can be a huge effort at times, especially when the parent has to get something done or be somewhere. They have a mind of their own and it can drive parents crazy.Here are four classic toddler questions I get frequently and my suggestions on how to handle them. When a toddler refuses to put on her coat to go outside? Here are three options to consider in the moment that a power struggle flairs up: A.) Make putting on coats a fun activity because they love to have fun B.) Make the child “the boss” of making sure everyone’s coat is on and buttoned up. This will satisfy their need to be in charge C.) Give the child a choice. You could say to her “You can go out if you put your coat on, or we can stay inside instead.” If her response is to throw a fit about it, let the fit occur and ignore it. Finally, if it’s a situation in which the parent must go somewhere immediately, use A or B above and if they don’t work get a sitter to stay with the child or reschedule the appointment until you can get one. When a toddler tattles on another someone? My advice is to always listen quietly and get the child to focus on solutions to the problem that they can apply, if there are any. A parent must never scold or punish a child for tattling because they should always want their child to feel comfortable coming to them about any potential problem, real or perceived. Parents should also avoid rushing in to solve problems (unless your child’s safety and well being is at risk in that moment) or the child may not learn how to solve his own problems. The parent can go with the child to the situation and coach him in what to say or do to address the problem. For example, if your child is hit by another child and runs to tattle to you, you can ask the child to describe what happened and how it felt. Then coach him in knowing what to say to the other child, such as, “I won’t let anyone hit me, keep their hands to yourself!” When a toddler won’t get in her car seat. Toddlers don’t transition well, so the trick is in getting them to transition effectively. Assuming the child is not over tired or hungry, find a way to get her excited about getting in the car or getting her excited (from their perspective) about getting to the destination. Unfortunately, too many parents are usually stressed and rushed getting out of the house and the child can detect this. They then mirror it by refusing to cooperate. As I like to say, PEACEFUL PARENT, PEACEFUL CHILD. If the parent is successful at getting the child into the car, the child may begin kicking the seat. I suggest taking off her shoes and let them kick. Parents will also be more successful during these trying times if they speak less, manage their own anger, and avoid scolding or lecturing.

February 6, 2015

Toddler Troubles And Concerns

There are a variety of common toddler difficulties that child psychologists at Sandton Psychology Centre can assist with. Please be aware that some difficulties mentioned under these headings occur in all children and should only be an area of concern if these behaviours are excessive and “more than usual”: Unwarranted tantrums which seem to get out of hand and where the child takes longer than usual to settle down. The child may also hurt himself/herself by banging their head against a wall, biting themselves and so forth. Separation anxiety whereby toddlers have extreme anxiety about separating from a caregiver and don’t settle down well once separated. Excessively fearful or frightened whereby a toddler may seem to have a specific phobia, such as being terrified of something specific such as dogs. Aggressive behaviour or conduct that is uncontrollable, whereby a toddler fights excessively, and physically hurts others by scratching, hitting, pulling hair, throwing objects etc. Sleep difficulties. Excessive crying and seems unhappy most of the time or whines a great deal. Significant ‘battles’ with parents and behaviour that is oppositional. Elimination difficulties, whereby a child refuses to start going to the toilet, “holds everything in” etc. Eating difficulties, such as refusing to eat and needing caregivers to feed them. If you are concerned with your toddlers behaviour, please be sure to discuss it with your healthcare professional.

January 28, 2015

Emotional Intelligence In Childhood

In a nutshell, emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand and control one’s thoughts and feelings. In addition, emotional intelligence refers to the ability to communicate feelings in an appropriate manner and to have the ability to empathise with the feelings of others, thereby interacting with others on an emotional level. When children and adolescents (and adults for that matter!) have high levels of emotional intelligence they will: Have a good self-concept as they will really know themselves; They will have a good understanding of their feelings, so they will be able to deal with for example, patterns of thinking which may not be constructive; Be more resilient to setbacks; Have a good ability to problem solve; and they will have the ability to be self-motivated, and thus find it easy to set goals for themselves, problem solve and deal with conflict effectively.

January 26, 2015

Childhood Overweight And Obesity

When it comes to the low down on healthy eating and weight loss, most of what we read in the media, and what is portrayed on television, is directed at adults with little attention focused on children. But what about our children and where do they stand in the battle against the bulge? Childhood obesity: The problem we are facing South Africa has been experiencing an increase in obesity over the past 2 decades, especially among children and adolescents and is reaching epidemic proportions. According to the International Obesity Taskforce one out of every 10 children is overweight. 13.5% of South African children (between ages 6-14 years) are overweight and/or obese. Scary about this statistic is that it is higher than the global prevalence of 10%. It is further estimated that 1 in 5 children is either overweight or obese. Research show that girls are more likely to be overweight or obese. Ironically in developing countries like South Africa, where underweight and poor growth have been the main health concerns in children, overweight and obesity are now becoming significantly prevalent as a consequence of a poor diet and energy dense foods combined with increased sedentary activity. Childhood obesity is a serious medical condition that affects children and adolescents. It occurs when a child is well above the normal weight for his/her age and height. Childhood obesity is particularly troubling because the extra kilo’s often start kids on the path to health problems that were once confined to adults, such as diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. What causes childhood obesity Although there are some genetic and hormonal causes of childhood obesity, most excess weight is caused by kids eating too much and exercising too little. Children, unlike adults, need extra nutrients and calories to fuel their growth and development. So if they consume the calories needed for daily activities, growth and metabolism, they add kilo’s in proportion to their growth. But children who eat more calories than needed, gain weight beyond what’s required to support their growing bodies. However the picture is much more complex when one takes a look at all the risk factors involved in the development of childhood obesity. Many factors, usually working in combination, increase your child’s risk of becoming overweight. These risk factors include: Genetic conditions: These rare genetic diseases and hormonal disorders predispose a child to obesity. They include conditions like Prader-Willi syndrome, Bardet-Biedl-syndrome, Cohen syndrome and affect a very small proportion of children. Diet: Regular consumption of high-calorie foods e.g. foods high in sugar and fat, together with low fruit and vegetable consumption. Inactivity: Sedentary kids are more likely to gain weight because they don’t burn calories through physical activity. Inactive leisure activities, such as watching television or playing video games, contribute to the problem. Family factors: It is well known that obesity ‘runs in families’. If a child comes from an overweight family he/she may be genetically predisposed to put on excess weight, especially in an environment where high-calorie food is always available and physical activity isn’t encouraged. For children under the age of 10, if one parent is obese, it doubles the chances of the child developing adult obesity. If both parents are obese, there is an 80% chance that the child will be obese. Psychological factors: Some children over eat to cope with problems or to deal with emotions. How to tell if my child is overweight or obese? Do you know when to be concerned about your child’s weight? Of course, all children gain weight as they grow older. But extra kilo’s – more than what’s needed to support their growth and development – can lead to childhood obesity. Not all children carrying extra weight are overweight or obese. Some children have larger than average body frames. Children normally carry different amounts of body fat at the various stages of development. So you might not know just by looking at your child if his/her weight is a health concern. One of the tools that we use to determine if your child is obese/overweight is the Body Mass Index (BMI) chart. By calculating your child’s BMI you will be able to determine where they fall on the BMI-for-age chart. Using the chart, your child’s BMI is compared to that of other children of the same sex and age. Cut-off points on these growth charts, help identify overweight and obese children. You can calculate your child’s Body Mass Index (BMI) for their age and gender by the following equation: Current weight (kg) ÷ (Height x Height) = BMI. E.g. 30kg ÷ (1.35 × 1.35) = 16.5 kg/m. Then plot the number you have obtained against your child’s age on the chart below. This will serve as an indication of their nutritional status i.e. if they are overweight or obese and is it important that a paediatric dietitian evaluate your child. Your dietitian can give you advice on your child’s specific dietary needs and help you to make sure that they are receiving a nutritionally adequate diet and one that is right for them, while losing weight. International cut-off points for body mass index for overweight and obesity by sex between 2 and 18 years (adapted from Cole et al., 2000) e (years) Overweight (kg/m) Obese (kg/m) Boys Girls Boys Girls 2 18.41 18.02 20.90 19.81 3 17.89 17.56 19.57 19.36 4 17.55 17.28 19.27 19.15 5 14.42 17.15 19.30 19.17 6 17.55 17.34 19.78 19.65 7 17.92 17.75 20.63 20.51 8 18.44 18.35 21.60 21.57 9 19.10 19.07 22.77 22.81 10 19.84 19.86 24 24.11 11 20.55 20.74 25.10 25.42 12 21.22 21.68 26.02 26.67 13 21.91 22.58 26.84 26.76 14 22.62 23.34 27.63 28.57 15 23.29 23.94 28.30 29.11 16 23.90 24.37 28.88 29.43 17 24.46 24.70 29.41 29.69 18 25 25 30 30 Middle circumference is another important tool that is used to determine your childs’ risk of developing disease e.g. diabetes or heart disease. If you are worried that your child is putting on too much

January 5, 2015

The Curse Of The Short Nap

I honestly do not know why we always tell moms: “Sleep when your baby sleeps”. I remember when my son was little; when he eventually fell asleep, that gave me enough time to race to the toilet, and hurriedly gulp down a cup of tea! I would mission off to my bedroom to “sleep because my baby is sleeping”, but it would take me ages to fall asleep, and then, when I finally managed to drift into a sweet slumber… he would wake up. All of this turmoil in only 45 minutes, only to start the cycle again!?!?! Sound familiar? Why is the 45 minute cycle the hallmark of a newborn’s sleep? 45 minutes is the sleep cycle for a newborn. Adults typically have a longer sleep cycle, stretching for approximately 90 minutes. At the end of each sleep cycle, a baby is in a very light sleep state and may even momentarily wake up before entering into a new cycle. This light sleep is where most of the problems arise. Interestingly enough, babies spend more time in REM sleep than adults – read more about it here. But what can we do to help our children sleep for longer? In order to encourage a longer nap you need to first ask yourself a very important question: Did my baby fall asleep in the same place she ended up? Most of the time the answer to this question is “no”. She fell asleep in my arms, and then I moved her to the crib. The tricky thing about this is that people don’t usually like to wake up somewhere different from the place they fell asleep. On some level our bodies know or sense the difference, therefore we wake up with a start, and this is often why babies cry! Here are a few tips for helping your child sleep longer: Make sure your baby is in the same place when she falls asleep as she is when she wakes up. This will help prevent her startle reflex, and ease the transition from one sleep cycle to the next. Let your baby is do most of the work of getting to sleep in the first place on her own. If you always feed her to sleep, then again, you can see why she may not like it when she gets to the end of the sleep cycle and there is no bottle or breast nearby. This will also cause a baby to wake up startled and then start crying. Play around with your baby’s awake time. Every baby has a window of opportunity for successful sleep. This means it’s a time when your child is already tired enough to be put down, but not overtired. Don’t forget that it is possible to put a baby down too early, which will mean that they won’t take a proper nap. If you have taken steps to encourage your baby to sleep soothe, and she is falling asleep in her crib, then congratulations because most of the battle has already been won. The good news is that with time and practice, he will have a much easier time getting from one sleep cycle to the next, and should start to sleep longer and longer for each nap over the course of two to three weeks.

October 27, 2014

ADHD and Diet – is there a link and what should parents of a child with ADHD consider?

What is ADHD? Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a syndrome diagnosed in many children. The exact percentage of children with ADHD is not known but figures are estimated at about 3-5% of school age children¸ with the incidence being slightly higher in boys. The main symptoms of ADHD are reduced attentiveness and concentration, excessive levels of activity, distractibility and impulsiveness. Some children may be affected by other behavioural problems. Sometimes children outgrow the symptoms or learn to control them; in some cases symptoms may persist into adulthood. ADHD can have a significant effect on families particularly when a child’s ability to learn is compromised. This can have a knock on effect on the child’s self-esteem and put stress on the rest of the family particularly when the child has difficulty focussing on essential activities or controlling impulsive behaviour. Is there a link with diet? For some time there has been much controversy regarding whether or not diet can trigger symptoms of ADHD. It was first suggested by Feingold in the mid-1970s that there was a possibility that food additives and natural food constituents could affect children’s behaviour, particularly those with ADHD. Scientists began to look into the theory with further research being conducted. Unfortunately many of the studies are small or flawed, and thus there is little consensus about how such additives might contribute to ADHD symptoms. Artificial additives… Recently the link between diet and additives has been explored in a study in Britain. The results of this study led the UK’s Food Standards Agency to urge food manufacturers to remove six artificial colouring agents from food marketed to children in Britain. They looked at the effects of the preservative sodium benzoate (E211) and six artificial food colourings on hyperactivity in 153 preschoolers (3 years old) and 144 students (8 or 9 years old). For six weeks, the children consumed foods and drinks free of sodium benzoate and the six colouring agents. At certain intervals, the children consumed plain juice or juice containing one of two additive mixes every day for a week. Mix A contained the preservative plus the colourings sunset yellow (E110), carmoisine (E122), tartrazine (E102), and ponceau 4R (E124); mix B contained the preservative plus sunset yellow(e110), carmoisine (E122), quinoline yellow (E104), and allura red AC (E129). The investigators found a mild but significant increase in hyperactivity in both age groups of children, regardless of baseline hyperactivity levels during the weeks when they consumed drinks containing artificial colours. Sugar… With the belief by some parents and health professionals that refined sugars trigger hyper-activity, the evidence for this has also been reviewed; however assessing the effect of “sugars” on behaviour can be tricky as there are several different types of sugar added to foods, for example: sucrose, glucose and fructose. Unfortunately there are only a few reliable studies that have been conducted. The studies show that sugars may affect a small number of children. We do know that these days in some cases children are having well over double the recommended daily added sugar intake and so to avoid excess empty calories if for no other reason, families should be aiming for a reduced added sugar intake. Omega-3’s… Because fatty acids perform a number of functions in the brain, including helping brain cells to communicate, researchers have explored whether a deficiency of omega-3 fats might contribute to symptoms of ADHD. There are some studies which do show an improvement, none have definitively resolved the question of whether omega-3 or omega-6 supplements might help children with ADHD. Further studies are being conducted to explore this. Where does this leave the parent of a child with ADHD? Getting to the bottom of whether you child’s behaviour is affected by diet, can be tricky but not impossible. One of the most important principles to remember is to choose a balanced diet with the correct proportion of macronutrients and micronutrients from meats, wholegrain starches, dairy, fresh fruit & vegetables and the good oils like olive and canola. This will ensure that your child’s diet is providing an optimal source of all the important nutrients and prevent any deficiencies which might exacerbate symptoms of ADHD. Choose wholegrain cereals as the basis for meals. These will provide slow release energy and prevent any peaks and troughs in sugar levels which can also affect moods and behaviour. Whole-grains are also rich in b-complex vitamin and minerals Choose wholegrain and rye breads, cereals, pastas and rice instead of sugary cereals and refined breads Have meat or meat alternatives twice per day, a portion roughly size of your child’s palm Try to serve oily fish twice a week to optimise intake of omega-3’s Try homemade salmon fish cakes or a sardine pate Opt for fresh fruits fruit, milk or yoghurt and nuts as snacks between meals These provide slow release energy and are a great source of good fats and minerals Try fruit kebabs or a homemade fruit smoothie Avoid excess sugar Excess refined carbs in the form of excess sugar leads to excess energy which will need to be expended or stored somewhere!!! Avoid carbonated beverages, fruit juices, cordials, sweets, chocolates, cakes and biscuits – have as a treats on special occasions or a day of the week rather than every day Consider an exclusion diet if necessary Preferably do with dietetic and/or medical supervision Look at avoiding additives particularly in the form of artificial E-numbers (E102, 104, 110, 122, 124, E129) & sodium benzoate (E211) as well as other more specific foods like chocolate if necessary. In certain cases an appropriate option might be a few foods diet with gradual re-introduction of foods to determine if any are causing symptoms. REFERENCES: McCann et al (2007) The Lancet DOI:10.1016/S0140-6736(07)61306-3 : Food additives and hyperactive behaviour in 3-year-old and 8/9-year-old children in the community: a randomised, double-blinded, placebo-controlled trial Diet & ADHD Behaviour CSPI Review (1999)

October 13, 2014

Interesting Information About Your Infant

I was recently in the United States for 10 days to attend a Sleep Sense Conference. The content was phenomenal and REALLY has rekindled my passion for providing children and parents in South Africa the gift of a Good Night’s Sleep. However, I think what struck me even more than the content was how much I missed my beautiful dirty-handed, Barney-watching, bambino of 20 months. They certainly do possess such a huge part of our hearts, and I was just overcome with the sense of responsibility that a child is in our lives and how much of who we are, is centered on them. I always tell my clients that there is NOTHING I take more seriously than the responsibility of working with your child. I thought I would share some interesting facts I learned during the conference that you might never have heard of: The first three days of a baby’s life determines breastmilk supply going forward It is vital for your new-born baby to be breastfed as much as possible in the first three days, as new studies have proven that this will ensure a constant milk production in the future. It is suggested that parents leave the pacifier or dummy in the drawer for the first few days and try to enjoy the bond with their newborn. Paediatric Chiropracting can solve ear aches, constipation and even stuttering One of the world’s leading pediatric chiropractors shared amazing testimonies of what chiropractic treatments can achieve for you and your family. Zink might be the reason for your child’s picky eating It has been proven that sufficient amounts of zinc can actually improve and change our taste buds. A leading cause for children being picky eaters is insufficient amounts of zinc. Autistic children rule households An informative session with an Autism specialist explained the importance of being aware of the signs of autism. The earlier it is detected, the more effectively it can be treated with behaviour therapy. Autism also does not need to be the reason for your child to not sleep well. Boys sometimes need more help with sleep Boys’ and girls’ brains develop completely differently and for the sake of brevity, in simple terms girl’s brains develop front-to-back, and boys’ from back-to-front. When the structure of the brain is analysed, suddenly you can understand why boys often need a little more help to be taught how to sleep well.

October 7, 2014

Potty Training Essentials

Is our big boy or girl ready? This challenging question is raised by parents around the world and what parent doesn’t want to get their child out of nappies! On average children start potty training between the ages of 2 to 3 years. Once you have gone through our signs of readiness there really is only one way to find out – give it your best go. Signs your toddler is ready: Starting potty training earlier doesn’t necessarily mean finishing early; so be patient. In their first year babies don’t have bladder muscle and nerve control. This is something that develops at differing ages from child to child. Here is a checklist of signs they are ready: Shows general interest and independent thought Is co -ordinated (running, walking, balance) Follows simple instructions Developing a regular toileting routine Has dry periods of 2 hour intervals Can pull pants up and down Dislikes the sensation of being wet or soiled Grunting or squatting during bowel movement Shows an interest in the toilet Dancing or hopping about when bladder is full or during bowel movement Preparation for Potty Training: Equipment: sturdy potty or an inner seat to fit over your toilet, block to stand on to reach the toilet, bright and fun cloth potty training pants (such as Mother Nature Potty training pants) which have an absorbent saddle, bed mattress protector (such as Mother Nature’s breathable version), rewards chart . Introduce them to the toilet or potty. Let them learn by imitation by watching you spend a penny. Give them a plausible explanation as to why they must use the toilet and explain the reward system if using this system. Don’t be too pushy or angry as this will only aggravate their fear or stubbornness. Inform the playschool or carers that potty training has begun. Start off with day training by sitting them on the toilet for a few minutes at a time and then progress to night time. Tried and tested tips by our really wise parents: We asked our panel of parents what worked for them and this is what they came up with: Remember the three P’s: patience, positivity, praise Call your child the “king or queen” of their “throne” Familiarity is king: introducing them early to the toilet, regular hourly visits to the bathroom, learning from their parents Let your child lead you: they will let you know when they are ready Sing songs, read stories and make “ssswwiss” sounds while they are seated Reward ideas: small chocolates, biscuits, favourite food, play outside, stickers, allowed to flush, get to wash hand afterwards, get to draw on the toilet with a washable koki, dye the toilet water with food colouring Clap hands and cheer when they get it right Create a happy toilet story: An example is that the “yuk-yuk” goes to the sea to feed the fish when it is flushed and then say good bye Use cloth nappies as opposed to disposables and get your child trained earlier Make it seem like a fun and exciting game Easy clothing: dress girls in dresses for easy action or remove bottom clothing in the beginning phases Boy tip: put 5 Cherios in the bottom of the potty and get them to aim ‘n shoot Remove smelly odours caused by accidents by covering the spot with salt then vacuuming it up ½ hour later Remember it’s not mission impossible so hang in there folks! Messy Potty Tip: Use Mother Nature’s biodegradable & flushable liners to line the bottom of the potty. After use, flush them down the toilet! No need to deal with a messy, dirty potty! Night Time Advice: Lay-off liquids at least 1 hour before bedtime Take them to the toilet before their bedtime as well as your bedtime. Perhaps set alarm for midnight to take them again. And ensure they go to the toilet as soon as they wake up When Things Go Wrong: Potty training is not always a smooth sailing process as some children can be extremely resistant to the potty training process. Children who are refusing to potty train may be experiencing confusion about what’s expected of them, as well as emotional fears, painful physical sensations, or just general rebellion. Causes may include: Wilfulness to control the situation by refusing to co-operate Fear of the toilet or negative potty training experience Medical reasons – speak to a paediatrician Psychological reasons: life crisis, negative comments or teasing by family members which in turn leads to lack of confidence & shame Problems more common in boys Immaturity of the nervous system in recognising the sensation of being wet during sleep or the sensation of a full bladder Other medical causes of enuresis are: sleep apnoea (snoring), pinworm infection, diabetes, family history. May need to be referred to a urologist for evaluation We hope these tips are useful in successfully navigating your child out of nappies; on their path towards an independent and happy, wholesome life!

September 16, 2014

The Words We Use

Once a word leaves your mouth, you cannot chase it back even with the swiftest horse. –Chinese Proverb Teachers and parents play a very important role when it comes to protecting our children from being shamed. The words we speak and the attitude and response to a child’s behaviour can be damaging or encouraging. Think of comments you remember from childhood. What emotion does it bring up in you? Here are some examples of statements that can be emotionally damaging when used regularly: You always. You never. What were you thinking? Why can’t you be like your brother? What did you do THAT for? You idiot! You’ll never amount to anything. You are an accident waiting to happen. Typical you! You irritate me. You make me mad. You’re so slow/sloppy/clumsy/irresponsible. You’re naughty/impossible. You embarrass me. Your brother is the apple of my eye/the best at … You are such a nerd. You can’t ever do anything right. You have no dress sense. If you experienced these derogatory words as a child, it is very easy to fall into the trap of repeating the cycle with your own children. Please do not hesitate to ask for help. A cycle can be broken! It takes so many positive words to cancel out the negative effects of the above kind of remarks. Positive statements are far more effective. They can build a child’s self-confidence and independence and contribute towards a positive relationship with you. Find opportunities where you can say things like: I am so proud of you for trying. You did such a good job. You are amazing/considerate/helpful. I love the way you help your sister. That was kind to… That was thoughtful. Are you really already old enough to …!? That must have taken a lot of effort. You’re such a good friend. That was quite a sacrifice. I can’t believe you remembered to … That was very brave/courageous of you to … Thank you for being so understanding. I know that was hard for you. The emphasis needs always to be on ‘I love you, but I don’t accept what you have done’ or ‘I love you but I cannot accept your behaviour’. Do not be tempted to say things in the heat of an argument. If you need to, remove yourself from the situation and resume the conversation later. Or, tell your child that you will think about a punishment and post it on the refrigerator later. Your word needs to be your word. That way, they learn to trust you so that when you say, ‘I love you’, The will know you really mean it. This is why I encourage a time-out from a young age because time-out is even a good practice for adults; removing themselves from a situation to calm down and gain a different perspective of the situation or to think about an appropriate response. Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. – Viktor E Frankl ‘It’s mine!’ Without giving it much thought, parents automatically say things like, ‘Don’t touch that, it’s mine.’ How many times does a child hear that from the time that they are crawling babies? then, when The are toddlers and a friend comes to play, parents are shocked to hear them snatch a toy away and say, ‘No, it’s mine.’ We need to emphasize the fact that, yes, it belongs to Mommy, Daddy, or a friend, but that is not the reason not to touch. The reason should rather be: It’s hot. It’s not your turn. It could break. I do not want you playing with it. And the like. When children are fighting over toys, I have often heard a parent say, ‘Well, after all it is his toy.’ That is not the point. Having possession of any item does not give you the option of being selfish, but simply affords you the right to share it at an appropriate time, with a good attitude. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny! It often happens in a home visit that while I am talking to the parents, the child will be doing something they shouldn’t. The parents then start randomly saying the child’s name over and over. The parent knows what they are implying, but generally the child does not. Theyhave learnt to ignore their name because there is not an instruction that follows nor a consequence to their lack of response. Rather say, ‘Johnny, look at me’ or ‘Johnny, stop running’ or what- ever the instruction is, but not just ‘Johnny’ randomly in different tones. This eventually just goes right over their heads. Make every word count The same applies when your child calls you. Do not ignore his ‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!’ Parents often learn to block out noise to be able to cope. However, tune in when your child is calling you, and respond immediately, either by answering or by showing the hand signal.

September 11, 2014

How to Stop Your Child’s Whining

Few things are more irritating to a parent’s ears than the sound of whining. It’s not just the tone of the voice but the repetition that is torture to us. Most kids whine at some time or another but you can break the whining habit and reinforce positive behaviour pattern in your kids. Why do they do it? Whining generally starts when children are toddlers and it is often a natural response to the overwhelming feeling of being out of control. Your child might have had a particularly busy day or feeling tired or hungry. They also don’t have the vocabulary to fully express themselves and their frustrations so they resort to whining. Children also tend to build up emotions and let them out in different ways. Unfortunately whining is one of them. Your child may not even realise that they are whining. Call their attention to the behaviour by demonstrating what they sound like. You can record their voice and play it back to them or you can mimic them and let them hear how it sounds. Diet and behaviour are often connected and sugar can definitely affect your child. Sweets, soft drink and other packaged foods are sometimes packed with sugar and you can exceed your child’s tolerance for it. Once the sugar high is gone, the low then comes. And with the low comes whining. Pay attention to your child’s eating habits, and make connections to their behaviour. Perhaps some simple changes will make all the difference. Plus, whining is generally effective and often works so they continue with the behaviour. Stop the whining Spend time listening to your children and getting to the bottom of what they really want. Is it your time and attention? Spend some focused time together reading or cooking, or doing something else the child enjoys. Connecting in this way can make a huge difference for your family. Ask your child to repeat their message without whining. Tell them you can’t understand when they whine and to speak in a normal voice. Ignore them until they comply. Try and remain patient and don’t get angry as this can often make things worse. To reinforce proper behaviour, tell the children when they’ve done a great job and that you are glad they are using their words properly. It makes them want to continue the good behaviour. You could try and call the whining something else, like the “moaning minny”. So when your child whines you can say “oh no, it sounds like moaning minny is back, let’s try and get rid of her”, this might also lead to a laugh or giggle which is also a good distraction. Talk to your kids. Explain how whining makes you feel and discuss acceptable ways that they can express themselves the next time they feel like whining. Keep it friendly and don’t bring up problems from the past. Talk about solutions for the future. Try and be consistent in your message that you pass on and let them understand that whining is unacceptable behaviour in your family and will never get them what they want. The more you give in to the whining, the more your child will use it against you. Respect works both ways. Listen and speak to your child respectfully and then ask them to treat you the same. Whining also becomes much less frequent as children get older so remember that “this too shall pass”.

September 3, 2014

Manners Become Our Values

Our beliefs become our thoughts; Our thoughts become our words; Our words become our habits; Our habits become our values; Our values become our destiny. – Gandhi Children are not born with manners. This is another aspect that needs to be taught and modeled by parents. Sometimes I would tease my grown children and say, ‘Didn’t your mom teach you any manners?’ But it is so true, if your mother doesn’t teach you, who will? It does not come naturally. Obviously cultures differ, but here are some examples that would be helpful if they could be taught and modeled before leaving home. Burping in public Picking your nose in public Shouting Slurping when drinking Scratching your private areas Picking in your teeth in company Wait till everyone is at the table before you start eating Say thank you to the cook for the food Excuse yourself from the table Offer others before taking a second helping Boys should hold the door and let girls/women go first Girls/women should then acknowledge this courtesy with thanks Saying please and thank you Greeting and communicating with people while making eye contact Closing the door when you use the bathroom Ask before you take Knock on doors and wait before opening Interrupt when someone is talking Scratch in someone’s handbag Helping yourself to things in the cupboard – ask first Pushing in front of people in a queue Wait patiently for your turn Shake hands with a firm grip and many more One little five-year-old told her mommy, ‘Only daddies are allowed to pick their noses, right Mommy?’ Besides modelling these habits, there are fun ways of teaching these skills. For example, with younger children, have a tea party and over-exaggerate the good manners. As The get older, Dad can take them on a formal ‘date’. This teaches girls what respect to expect from their future boyfriends and models for boys how to treat their potential girlfriends. Dr James Dobson had a good example of teaching young people how to communicate. He suggested you stand across from them with a ball. throw the ball at them letting it bounce once before The catch it. Then they have to return it the same way. Explain that conversation is similar in the sense that when you have the ball, you talk and the other person does not interrupt. Then you throw the ball (conversation) to the other person and give them a turn to respond. This can go on and on as long as the ball is returned to the other person. However, if your reply to someone’s question is simply a yes or a no, it kills the ‘game’. The ball stops. Giving examples to a child is always helpful. You can say things like, ‘When someone asks if you enjoyed the food, instead of just saying yes, thank you (keeping the ball), what sort of questions can you think of that you could ask?’ Some suggestions could be, ‘Did you use a recipe for this?’ ‘Was that real chocolate you put in there?’ ‘Is this the first time you made this or is it a family favourite?’ While driving down the street, I watched as a mother threw litter in the street, two paces away from a public refuse bin. Her little child was watching her, and proceeded to do the same. How sad. If her parents do not teach her these things by example, who will? I am sure we could all think of a few adults we know whom we would like to ask, ‘Didn’t your mom teach you anything?’ Don’t let your child become one of those people one day.

August 29, 2014

Play Is Very Important For Your Child’s Development And Education

As parents we constantly worry that we are not giving our children the very best educational foundations to prepare them for the adult, working world. We want our children to be a success in this highly competitive, fast-moving world of technology and we will pour our time, effort and money into extra-mural activities and extra-lessons in order to achieve just that. Sadly, this often comes at the expense of time spent in simple, unstructured play. More and more today, play time is being lost to structured learning activities. This does not simply reduce the freedom and joy of childhood; it removes a cornerstone of development. Yes, play is actually an essential part of child development and therefore of learning! Let’s look at how play helps your child’s development: Gross motor skills: It is easy to see how running, jumping, climbing and swimming develop your child’s muscle strength and coordination. What is less obvious is that if your child’s sporting activity becomes too regulated too soon, he is going to specialise before he has developed an overall good coordination. The more diverse a child’s physical play can be, the more chance he has of developing his muscles and overall coordination in a balanced way. He is less likely to develop early tight tendons ( I see many children with tight tendons at the back of the knees) and less likely to develop weak core muscles (we are seeing more and more young children walking around with poor posture due to weak core muscles). So encourage your child to do unstructured physical fun activities, such as climbing trees, sawing wood, jumping on a trampoline, before you set him on the road of specialised coaching in a specific sport. Fine motor skills: So many parents, in their keen desire to prepare their child for school, give them workbooks and pencil and paper tasks. Many parents begin teaching their child to write so that they can “hit the ground running” when they enter school. Unfortunately, this can have the negative effect of your child developing an inefficient pencil grip, which hampers writing for many years to come. This is because using a pencil correctly requires a child to have finger and thumb stability and a fairly high level of coordination. The best way to help your child be ready to learn to write is to play lots of hand-strengthening games at home. Games that include flicking marbles, crumpling paper, cutting, beading, tying knots and weaving pieces of paper to make table mats. Climbing on the jungle-gym is also a very good way to help your child develop both the coordination and hand muscle strength to prepare him for easy and efficient writing. Sensory Integration: We need all our senses to work and interact together so that we can be comfortable in our environment. Children begin developing their senses and the communication between them through interaction with the environment. The more opportunity children have to play with diverse media and in different sensory settings the better they can develop their sensory systems. A child with an inefficient sensory system struggles to work and learn at his real potential. Visual perceptual skills: Visual perception develops through a child’s interaction with his environment. When a child stretches his arm to reach a high branch, or climbs through a tunnel in an obstacle course, he is developing his spatial perception. Shape perception is developed by a child grasping and manipulating many different objects in play. When he cannot find the toy he wants and has to search for it in his toy-box, he is developing figure-ground perception. Figure-ground perception helps him separate the words from a body of text for reading and find his place when he is copying from the board in school. Verbal skills and Language: Children playing are constantly talking, either with themselves, explaining the aspects of the imaginary situation, or with the other children involved. Researchers have found that less verbal children speak more during imaginary play. In imaginary play, children are therefore experimenting with and developing their language and communication skills. Playing games where word sounds are changed and learning silly rhymes or making up nonsense words, helps children develop their phonics skills and auditory processing. If these are simply taught in a formal way, the child feels no real ownership and finds it harder to remember all the different sounds the written letters represent. If he plays games and experiments with the sounds in words, his feeling of being in control of the words and the sounds is greater, making it easier for him to learn and remember his phonics. He develops an actual concept of how sounds make up words. The reading programme I developed uses play to build phonics skills, the games continue the child’s reading development with fun and movement. This reduces the sense of apprehension so many children have around learning phonics and reading and allows them to develop their skills, while discovering that reading and the written word is fun. Thinking skills (cognition): Thinking is a kind of “inner speech”. We talk silently to ourselves to think through things and solve problems. Children in imaginative play begin to develop this skill through talking aloud and explaining everything that is happening in the game. (Think of the children playing in the “home corner” in your playschool and how they tell each other what to do and talk to the dolls and teddies). Slowly, as they become more practiced, this talking changes to become “inner speech” (they think it but don’t say it out loud). This is a major foundation for developing thinking and reasoning skills. We also know that showing a child how to do something has far less educational impact on him than providing him with the material and allowing him to play and experiment and discover for himself. Reading: To read well, a child needs to have developed the ability to notice the separate sounds in words. He also needs to be able to recognise

August 26, 2014

What Role Does Nutrition Play When It Comes To Your Child’s Sleep?

Not as much as you might be thinking…. Very often, when we talk to clients their main concern is that milk, milk supply, solids or the lack thereof, are the causes of their child not sleeping. This is a natural reaction due to the kinds of information new mothers are exposed to. In hindsight, I am embarrassed to admit, that I was shoving (and I mean, literally: forcefully, SHOVING) rice cereal down my 3 month old’s throat because I was convinced that he was hungry. This was supported by the sage advice of the older generation, who insisted that once I started feeding my solids, he’d magically start sleeping through. I also tried (with little success) “topping up” my baby’s breastmilk with formula because—as the nurse was telling me—he continued to wake at night because he is NOT receiving sufficient nutrition from me. I was also informed by loving friends and strangers alike that I should change the formula that I’ve selected for the young one, because my baby might in fact be lactose intolerant, therefore the current formula was causing him discomfort as it was being processed by the digestive system. Does any of this sound familiar? With the popularity of this type of ill-advice, it is very easy to fall into the “over-nutrition” trap. Moms, just because you are breastfeeding does not mean your child is not able to sleep through! What If I told you that only 5% of sleep problem cases have their root causes in nutrition challenges!? It is far more likely that that your baby has not yet developed the skill of soothing him/herself, and therefore nutrition is not the problem. The fundamental rule to remember is that your baby’s sleep is regulated by his/her brain and not by the stomach. When nutrition does play a role: Nevertheless, a hungry baby will not sleep well either; so here is a checklist to use to rule out whether nutrition is the problem: Is your baby growing according to his/her growth curve? Essentially, is your baby gaining weight steadily? Is your baby older than 6 months? If “yes”, solids can be introduced. How old is your child? If your child is younger than a year, milk is more important. If your child is older than a year, solids should be the primary source of nutrition. Does your child receive protein rich nutrition if he/she is older than 6 months? Does your child have a sufficient intake of minerals like Zinc, Magnesium and Iron? Does your child eat/drink too much salt, sugar or caffeine? These additives could spike energy levels, leaving the child in a hyper-alert stage. Is your baby drinking too much water, rooibos and/or juice? Remember, juice has a high concentration of sugar/fructose. Sugar is a drug – like it or not. We would live to believe that the hype around sugar is no more than drama-mongering by puritan foodies. Unfortunately they are right. People die from diseases every day that started (and ended) with their relationship to sugar. By sugar I am referring to high fructose corn syrup, which appears in just about every kind of sweetened convenience food, drink and confectionary. As well as good old table sugar. Of course there is a place for sugar, but when the average person has no idea about moderation it is good practice to abstain as much as possible. Possibly the most interesting research regarding sugar is not only the effect on the endocrine system, but the effect on the brain. Researchers reported in the “Neuroscience & Bio-Behavioural Review Report” in 2008 that “intermittent dietary sugar consumption alters extracellular dopamine in the brain, much in the way an addictive drug does. Moreover, when this intermittent sugar consumption ceases, dopamine levels are affected and signs of withdrawal can become evident. Not only can extracellular dopamine levels be affected but so too can the dopamine receptors themselves.” The sugar addicts and chocoholics were right! To initiate a restful sleep we need to encourage foods that support sleep-inducing neurotransmitters such as serotonin and melatonin. Traditionally these are foods rich in tryptophan and B complex vitamins. Growth hormones are also released when we sleep and these are essential for not only growth but also healing and repair.

August 21, 2014

Getting Some Sleep

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. We all know this, and yet as parents we somehow expect ourselves to go for months or years without sleep and still function (and even be wonderful, calm, kind people). I’m sorry, but if specially trained soldiers crack under this particular form of torture, what makes you think you will be any different? So if your two, three, four or even seven year-old is still keeping you up at night, let’s look at some possible questions you can ask to get to the bottom of the problem. Now step one would be to make sure there are no serious health complications keeping the child awake. A quick trip to the GP can set your mind at rest and get you started on the following investigations! I always start by looking at the kids’ diets… what are they eating? Are they eating more carbohydrates than protein for instance? I would start by cutting out all sugar and refined carbs (wheat, flour, baked stuff etc) and increase fat and protein intake especially at night. It can also help to give a Magnesium supplement before bed (you can get these in a delicious syrup for kids, but please check with your healthcare advisor before adding supplements to your child’s diet). Do you have a proper routine that you stick to daily? i.e. Dinner at a certain time followed by bath, story and bed? Do you start winding down in the afternoons? A consistent routine can help a child to settle more quickly and to adapt to change more easily. How much TV are they exposed to? Television is highly stimulating. Definitely cut out TV right before bed (a bedtime story is much more calming), but you can even try cutting this out altogether and see if it makes a difference. Have they always slept less than other babies? Do they still have a daytime nap? With an older child you can try cutting this out – if they make it through the afternoon in a generally happy state, then leave the nap. If not, add it back in. My kids stopped their daytime nap at 18 months and were perfectly happy without it (and then slept well at night), so don’t always believe that a child needs a daytime nap until they are 4 or 5. What time do they go to bed? What time do they wake up? Do they then seem tired or ok? Some children need less sleep, and putting them to bed before they’re ready is a recipe for disaster! If your child is keeping you awake tossing and turning in your bed, then you need to ask… Have they always slept in your bed? Do they feel safe in their own room? Is there something they need to help them feel more comfortable/safe there? Keep in mind that as adults we generally share a room with a partner and even then we still sometimes get scared in the night and yet we expect a 5-year-old to cope on their own. Do they go to sleep in their own room and then come to you? It may help to lie down with them in their own room until they fall asleep and then do this every time they wake in the night and come to your room – I know it’s time consuming and frustrating especially if you’re sleep deprived, but worth it in the long run. Or if you’d like to keep your child in your room, but still get some sleep, consider having their cot or mattress in your room but not necessarily having them in your bed! There are so many possible factors involved when it comes to children not sleeping, that it is worth doing some investigating to find out where things have gone awry. Hopefully these questions will help you to get started. It is then also worth examining your own belief systems around what is enough sleep, when kids should sleep and where, and whether your needs are less important than theirs. Happy families are a balancing act of making sure that both the parents and children’s needs are being met, and your need for sleep is essential not only to your own well-being, but to the well-being of the entire family. Keep this in mind as you investigate. And sleep tight!

August 13, 2014

Natural Consequences

It’s a parent’s job to make the rules, it’s the child’s job to try and break them. – Anonymous A natural consequence is a result of an action happening from inexperience or an accident. For instance: ‘If you ride your bike over the step, you will fall and hurt yourself.’ ‘We have asked you repeatedly not to play with your ball in that area. However, you kicked your ball where there was a thorn bush and it punctured. I am sure you are really disappointed.’ A logical consequence is that as a result of disobedience there is a price to pay to help you remember the next time. For instance: ‘If you forget to put your bike away, it will be taken away for a few days.’ I asked you to sit and drink your juice. You chose to get up and so it all spilled. Unfortunately you cannot have any more.’ Both of these examples are extremely effective ways of encouraging a change of behaviour. Allowing children to suffer natural and logical consequences allows them to experience disappointments from making small mistakes or bad decisions, yet still develop winning skills in the process. If they never learn to feel and overcome such feelings of disappointment, they will struggle to cope with the hardships of life. Showing them empathy and unconditional love through this process helps them to feel like winners every time they ‘lose’.

August 7, 2014

Diet & Delinquency – A Connection?

We are all aware that “we are what we eat”, however our knowledge is usually limited to the fact that the wrong foods could cause heart attacks, obesity and compromise our immune systems but the idea that they can also affect our minds, even our behaviour is less known. However Patrick Holford in his book “Food is better medicine than drugs” says: “…children and adults with ADHD often have one or more nutritional imbalances that, once identified and corrected, can dramatically improve their energy, focus, concentration and behaviour” and “The combination of the right vitamins, minerals and essential fats can truly transform children with learning and behavioural difficulties.” He quotes the following four nutritional solutions that have been well proven to make a difference: Sugar-free and low GL diets Essential fats especially Omega-3s Vitamins and minerals Allergy-free and additive-free diets Go sugar-free There are a number of possible causes of ADHD but the most common is blood sugar problems. Sugar is rocket fuel to an ADHD child so you can expect him to get out of control. Dietary studies consistently reveal that hyperactive children tend to eat more sugar than other children and while going from sugary drinks to sugary snacks throughout the day, some of these kids consume 50 teaspoons of sugar in a day. Yes, for proper brain function he does need a constant supply of glucose to his brain but this is best achieved by controlling insulin levels. Do this by ensuring your child has protein and carbohydrate at every meal and snack, e.g. fruit and nuts or rice and fish. Eliminate sugars and refined carbohydrates such as white bread and white rice from his diet and replace with complex carbohydrates such as brown rice, rolled oats, lentils and barley. Also replace fizzy drinks and fruit juices with clean water. Essential Fats Children diagnosed with ADHD often show symptoms of essential fatty acid deficiency, such as excessive thirst, dry skin, eczema and asthma. Omega-3s are found in oily fish such as sardines, salmon and mackerel but most ADHD children will also need to take fish oil capsules daily, containing at least 200 mg EPA and 100 mg DHA. Flax, sunflower and pumpkin seeds are good sources of omega 6 and 9 and should be added to food or used as snacks every day. Pumpkin seeds are also high in magnesium which is calming. Use only olive oil in cooking and salads. Vitamins and Minerals It is well documented that academic performance improves and behavioural problems diminish significantly when children are given nutritional supplements. A whole green food supplement, such as the dried juice of barley grass, would be best here since it is easily digested and contains enzymes, vitamins and minerals that work together synergistically. Nature knows best! ADHD sufferers are commonly deficient in two minerals in particular, namely magnesium and zinc. Identify food sensitivities One study showed that ADHD children turned out to be seven times more likely to have food allergies than other children, the most common being dairy products and wheat. A very high percentage of ADHD children react to food colourants and flavourings, MSG, dairy, chocolate or oranges. Other problematic foods are corn, yeasts, soya, peanuts and eggs. If your ADHD child also exhibits some of the following symptoms of nasal problems and excessive mucus, ear infections, facial swelling, tonsillitis, digestive problems, bad breath, bedwetting, then a food allergy test is worth doing. Otherwise avoid all processed foods and treat your child to natural, wholesome food that you have prepared yourself! A treatable disorder Though it may take trial and error to find out what works for your child, it is well worth the effort. Effective treatment will allow individuals to realize their abilities and intelligence, making huge differences in their self-esteem and capacity to function in the world.

July 18, 2014

ADHD?

“There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very, very good, And when she was bad She was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.” This is quote from the British Satirical Magazine, Private Eye. Amusing maybe but also very sad, and makes me wonder how often a perfectly normal child is diagnosed with ADHD. Ritalin Deficiency? ADHD is characterized by impulsive behavior, inability to concentrate, short attention span, ease of distraction, and hyperactivity. The number-one drug used to treat ADHD is Ritalin, a central nervous system stimulant. Is it possible we are breeding a new generation of children who are Ritalin deficient? Highly unlikely. Try this theory rather: ADHD is caused by the food that children of this generation are putting into their mouths. How do we expect a child to have normal behaviour if he is fed refined grains, sugars, processed foods loaded with chemicals, juices and fizzy drinks? Then add to that 90 percent fewer vegetables than required along with an overabundance of omega-6 fats and a virtual lack of omega-3 fats. Fish oil does it again A study by the University of Adelaide in Australia found that fish oil improves the symptoms of ADHD more effectively than drugs like Ritalin and Concerta and without any of the side effects. When 130 children between the ages of 7 and 12 with ADHD were given fish oil capsules daily, behaviour dramatically improved within three months. Furthermore, after seven months, the children were not as restless and showed improvements at school in concentration and attention, reading abilities and vocabulary. When the researchers compared their results to studies of Ritalin and Concerta for ADHD, they found that fish oils were more effective. This poses the question: “Why treat millions of ADHD kids with drugs more powerful than cocaine when a simple food change is far more effective?” – I leave that one for you to think about. The Cleverness Capsule The Daily Mail reported the following on 10 May 2005: “Jamie Oliver may be responsible for revolutionising school dinners, but now it seems one simple change to children’s diet could not only boost their brain power but also make them better behaved. A major new study found that adaily dose of fish oil supplements had a dramatic effect on the abilities of underachieving children in Durham.” Apart from the fact that parents reported a significant improvement in their behaviour, after just three months on the fish oils, they were reading at18 monthsabove their age.In addition, most of the pupils showed a 10 – 20% improvement in memory. The supplement was also given to children without behavioural or learning difficulties and in some of these cases a dramatic and even immediate effect was reported. Numerous studies Numerous studies conducted in all parts of the world on the effect of supplementing with Omega-3 from fish oils have shown similar results leaving a strong suggestion that some children with developmental problems, including ADHD and dyslexia, can benefit from taking omega-3 supplements. And no adverse effects have been reported to date. Researchers believe that fish oil works via effects on brain function. You simply cannot have a healthy functioning brain in a child that is not given the proper ingredients to develop optimal brain function. What else is needed? If you have a child with learning or behavioural difficulties, before you allow him or her to be labeled ADHD and placed on Ritalin, it may be worth giving fish oil a chance. However this will need to go hand-in–hand with a healthy diet and a good multivitamin and mineral supplement. All the fish oil in the world is not going to help a child who is still being fed junk food.

July 14, 2014

Games Are Fun And Really Good For Us

One of the easiest and fastest ways for grown-ups to feel like kids again is to play games with them. It turns out playing games are actually really good for us. Carol Surya, author and child psychologist who has developed the children’s self esteem game, InnerMagic™ explains why: 1. Games promote family fun and togetherness Playing games naturally connect us with others, giving us a chance to be together in a “present-moment” way. By having regular ‘game time’ we’re giving the whole family ‘time off’ to be together and have fun. We’re also showing our kids that play is important and that we value spending quality time with them. 2. Games teach patience, sharing and good sportsmanship Even simple games like hide and seek or snakes and ladders involve taking turns and learning to respect others’ feelings. Kids can learn to regulate their own emotions by learning how it feels to ‘win’ and ‘loose’, inevitably building awareness of rules, ‘good play’ and fairness. Much needed life skills! 3. Playing games are fun and make us happy Instantly ridding us of seriousness and bringing us into the present, games are a sure way to make us happy and can even help kids feel more confident. The interaction and hands on time spent with us is what they thrive on. 4. Through game play we can master a ton of skills By playing the same game repetitively, a child’s brain can learn concepts that could take a lot longer to master in the classroom setting. Developmentally games provide a easy, fun way for children to tackle eye-hand coordination; manual dexterity; colour, number and shape recognition; grouping and counting; letter recognition, reading and more. 5. Games help develop motor skills Spending lots of time sitting (in class or in front of TV), their gross and fine motor skills can easily become neglected. Simple games like Twister, Simon Says and rope jumping develop gross motor skills, improving balance and flexibility. Board games need dexterity and improve fine motor skills, whereas balancing games offer a complex multi-sensory activity. Even if your child gets frustrated at first, encourage him to keep trying and he’ll learn to persevere! 6. Game playing stimulates intellectual development Einstein said “play is the highest form of research”. Letting kids figure out things on their own is part of gaming fun! Using reasoning, logic and planning in a fun environment allows kids to build important ‘brain skills’ that promote intelligence. Don’t be too quick to help if they are stumped, encourage and give small hints rather than saying what to do, or taking over. 7. Games can help release excess energy Racing games, tree-climbing, hopscotch, hide and seek get kids moving a lot more than TV or online-game time. Physical games allow them to expend excess energy (and feelings) in a healthy way that otherwise may spill out as ‘bad’ behaviour. 8. Playing games expands creativity, flexibility and imagination Tapping into a world of fantasy, games inspire creativity, with kids often inventing their own way of playing, making up new rules and inspiring them to create their own games. So give yourself a break moms and have some healthy fun gaming. The InnerMagic™ children’s self esteem game is a great developmental tool for the whole family. This interactive emotional intelligence game aimed at 6 to 12 year olds is played between a parent and one or two children and improves self esteem, emotional intelligence, expression, lifeskills and relationships. The game’s central focus is to offer children choices, while moving along rainbow coloured stars which pose real life questions and self esteem building activities, in order to get into each of the six developmental centers and perform a task to win a token. Cleverly designed, the game is fun and challenging, improving critical thinking, communication, decision making, literacy skills and problem solving while teaching children how to express and manage their feelings. Once children start playing, they can’t get enough of InnerMagic™ and parents too love seeing all the positive benefits the game brings. For more information about Carol’s excellent parenting book, Great Kids and the InnerMagic™ children’s game or to purchase your own copy visit the Carol Surya Website Today.

July 7, 2014

The Pursuit of Excellence, Not Perfection.

We live in a society where doing your best is simply not good enough anymore. From work commitments, to social gatherings, school fees to rent. We are bombarded in every aspect by a consumerist society that just wants us to do more! Unfortunately it is having negative ramifications on our children. The children of today are being brought up with a perfectionist attitude and its becoming an epidemic. Perfectionism is unachievable. It would be great if we could achieve all we set out to in life but unfortunately that is simply not the nature of the world. A perfectionist viewpoint is essentially setting us up for failure, so then what? You may ask. We need to teach our children to pursue excellence. Perfectionism leads to a fear of failure and an irrational belief that everything has to always go our way. Excellence however is both rational and achievable. You are simply doing the best that you can. This paradigm shift thus serves to eradicate anxiety, fear and dread and rather encourages excitement and motivation. The perfectionist will never be happy with her efforts which effects self esteem, self worth and confidence. One can never attain true happiness if they work from a fear based paradigm. However excellence on the other hand allows people to free up their creative mind and actually enjoy the process. Life is at the end of the day about the journey, and if you and your children are not going to enjoy it, then what’s the point? Try shifting your own mindset and that of your children. Here are a few examples to get you started… A perfectionist is driven by fear of disappointment, yet in the pursuit of excellence we are inspired by passion A perfectionist’s self esteem is based on external sources of accomplishment, whereas in the pursuit of excellence you have an intrinsic value and an internal positive locus of control As a perfectionist you feel you must be strong and not show vulnerabilities, yet in the pursuit of excellence you can share doubts and vulnerabilities with others

July 7, 2014

Baby Led Weaning

Weaning is the gradual change that a baby makes from having breast milk or formula as her only food source to eventually having no breast milk or formula and this change over can take on average 18 months. When one thinks of introducing the first solids, a picture of an adult spoon-feeding a baby pureed butternut or cereal comes to mind. This approach is the most common weaning approach in the western world and rarely questioned. If one Google’s the dictionary definition of spoon-feeding you come up with: ‘to provide with so much help or information that one does not need to think for oneself. Baby led weaning on the other hand encourages a baby’s confidence and independence by following her cues. Solid feeding starts when a baby is able to move objects comfortably to her mouth, sit supported with good neck control and starts showing an interest in what the caregivers are eating. If given a chance most babies will show their parents that they are ready for something other than milk simply by grabbing a piece of food and taking it to their mouths The process of baby led weaning includes the following: Your baby sits at the family mealtime table with you and joins in when she is ready. She is encouraged to explore food as soon as she is interested, by picking it up with her hands – it doesn’t matter whether or not she manages to eat any at first. Food is offered in pieces that are the size and shape that the baby can handle easily, rather than as purees or mashed food. It is up to your baby how much she eats, and how quickly she widens the range of foods she enjoys. Your baby continues to have milk feeds and will show you when she is ready to reduce them. The first experiences of eating solid food can have an impact on the way a baby feels about mealtimes for many years, so it makes sense to make them enjoyable. Unfortunately weaning for many baby’s – and their parents – isn’t much fun. Not all babies’ mind being spoon fed in the conventional way, some though become resigned to spoon feeding as oppose to really enjoying it. Babies’, who are allowed to feed themselves, overall seem to enjoy food. Baby led weaning is most appropriate for infants over the age of 6 months as these infants are more able to co-ordinate hand to mouth movements. The benefits of baby led weaning are numerous and include but are not limited to the following ; It’s enjoyable and fun for the whole family It’s a natural way of weaning – prior to the 1900’s parents would instinctively bring babies to the table when they were able to sit supported on the parents lap. This would lead to baby being given food from the family table. Learning about foods: babies who are allowed to feed themselves learn about the look, smell, taste and texture of different foods. Learning to eat safely – being allowed to explore food before it goes into their mouth teaches babies about what is chewable and what isn’t. Learning about their world – babies never just play, they are always learning. Reaching potential – feeding themselves allows babies to practise important aspects of their development at every mealtime. Using fingers to get food to their mouths practices dexterity and pincer gripe. Chewing on food vs just swallowing strengthens facial muscles. Gaining confidence – allowing babies to do things for themselves not only enables them to learn but gives them confidence in their own abilities and judgement. Trusting food – they are more likely to trust foods as eating is always in the context of a family mealtime so your baby sees you eat the food before she decides to try it. Appetite control – they determine how much they can manage and need at one time. Less pickiness and mealtime battles – eating is enjoyable and babies eat normal family foods from the start. So are their any disadvantages to Baby Led Weaning: There are some concerns around baby led weaning and the biggest one is the fear that a baby will not take in enough food to nourish itself. This can happen if a baby is drinking too much milk for too long and doesn’t make the transition to solids. Breastfed babies who are not eating sufficient solid intake after 6 months are at risk of suffering from iron deficiency inadequate protein intake. Some moms are not comfortable with this approach as it is less structured with minimal boundaries. Family mealtimes should be the goal in all homes; however, this may not always be realistic: three meals a day 7 days a week. Baby led weaning requires a baby to consistently mimic eating and eat together with one other trusted person. Take heart, if you like the idea of baby led weaning, and the idea of spoon-feeding also appeals to you, you can do both. It is more the principles of baby led weaning that you need to embrace, how you implement them will be guided by you, your baby and your circumstances. Finger feeding and self-feeding together with Spoon-feeding. If you have successfully spoon-fed and your baby is older than 6 months you can add the concept of baby led weaning alongside spoon-feeding by introducing finger foods at meal times while you are spoon-feeding. You can introduce baby led weaning snack times using the Baby led weaning principles discussed in this articles. Here are some examples of appropriate baby led weaning/finger starter foods: Steamed florets of cauliflower or broccoli Steamed, roasted or stir fried veggies Raw sticks of cucumber Thick slices of firm avo Fruit such as pear, apple, banana, peach, mango, nectarine – either whole or in strips Take a bite out of a whole fruit before you give it to your baby to make it easier for him to get to the flesh. Dried mango strips Keep

June 16, 2014

10 Steps to Tantrum-Free Shopping

I’ve just spent most of the weekend at a busy shopping centre (luckily without my kids) observing the general weekend chaos of parents and kids doing the weekly shop. This is a stressful experience for most – both kids and parents alike, so here they are – the Golden Rules for a peaceful shopping experience… Shop without your kids. Too obvious? Really, if you can (and I know there are times when you can’t which is why there are another 9 rules) leave the kids behind. Do the shopping when they’re at school, or leave them with your partner, your mother, a friend or child-minder. Shopping is quicker and a whole lot easier without attachments!! Shop at quieter times. Shopping centres can be very overwhelming with all the lights, loud noises and people. Try to do your shopping at times when the centre will be quieter, like during the week or early in the morning on the weekend. Keep it short. I find that I am exhausted after an hour or two of shopping, so imagine what it is like for your kids. Keep your shopping trips short and focused. Make a list. And stick to it. This makes the shopping quicker, and you can also explain to the kids before you go that you are only buying what’s on your list. Then the answer to every “Can I have this?” is – “Well, is it on the list?” Make a wish list for your child. Have a little notebook and pen that you keep in your bag and every time they want something tell them it’ll be added to their wish list. In this way you don’t have to buy everything they want, but they know they have been heard and acknowledged and that it is normal to want things. And, when birthday times come, you already know what they would like! Make sure your kids are not hungry, thirsty or tired. Even adults get cranky when they haven’t eaten or slept well, so do your shopping after nap-time, feed them before you go, and take healthy snacks and water along on the trip. Take some entertainment along. Kids sitting in trolleys get bored. Take a book, toy or colouring-in materials along and let them entertain themselves. Give your child an important job to do. If they’re old enough you can get them to push the trolley (some shops have mini trolleys for kids so that they can have their own one), or they could be in charge of crossing things off on the list, or counting the items in the trolley, or spotting an important item that you mustn’t forget. Let them know how much they’re helping you. Have fun! How can you expect them to enjoy the shopping if you aren’t? Race the trolley, play “I spy”, chat to them, and find ways to make it an enjoyable shared experience. Expect cooperation. Children are naturally cooperative – they want to please their parents and do the right thing. So if they’re not doing this, know that something has gone awry and stay calm enough to figure out what it is. Are they tired, hungry, bored, frustrated, feeling ignored, not feeling needed, uncertain of what to expect or how long it will take…? Take a few deep breaths, slow down, and figure out what is going on before it escalates. Shopping is a part of our lives, not something that must be rushed through so that we can get back to living. And it doesn’t have to be stressful. Slow down, and find ways to make it an enjoyable part of the time you spend with your children.

May 16, 2014

Decorating your Child’s Room

Decorating a child’s room can be exciting and fun. You don’t have to be an interior decorator to come up with great ideas for the bedroom… My son’s room has evolved from soft cream and blue to a stone and navy blue colour with accessories in green because green is his absolute favourite colour. My daughter’s room was pink and white and is still pink and white with some purple because those are still her best colours. The bedroom should reflect your child’s personality, with you hopefully bringing in some of the good taste. If you are decorating your child’s room, then I have 8 tips on how to do it… Speak with your child – This is one room that your child is going to love to spend time in and entertain their friends too, so ask them what their likes and dislikes are. Take into account what fairy tales or cartoon characters they like, what their favourite colour is and the type of activities they enjoy. Work all of their interests into a design that is going to make them feel happy, comfortable and safe. Go for a fun theme – Allow your child to select the design theme. The choices are endless. Here are just a few: firehouse fun room, starry night, angels, rainbows, unicorns, sports, princesses and castles, underwater scenery, outer space, racing cars, planes and helicopters, trains, jungle motifs, wizards and dragons, and dinosaurs. Add colour and texture with wallpaper or paint – With wallpaper or paint, you can add texture and colour to the room. Simple wall decorations can also brighten up your child’s room. You can paint the room with bright colours to give it a fresh, new look but you should limit any strong colour to only one wall. For example, paint one wall fire-engine red and the others a soft peach or pink. Use wallpaper to add interest and texture. You can apply decorative borders along the walls like stripes or characters, and clouds or stars on the ceiling. Make it so that the room is multi-functional – Children use their bedroom for many other activities besides just sleeping. Therefore, it should consist of different zones. You could have a space to play and a music area. Also, create a comfort zone area in the room, for cuddling up and reading. Think about using big pillows, plush or inflatable chairs, anything your child might enjoy to sit on and relax in. Storage should be priority – Containing that clutter in the kid’s bedroom is going to be one of your biggest challenges. Try large decorating wicker baskets, plastic see- through containers, book shelves and cupboards with lots of shelves. The right lighting is important – For the bedroom, it is important that you choose the right lighting. This should include a lamp that is used for reading and homework. If you can, try and put a dimmer switch on the overhead lights to create a more soothing mood. Other lighting effects kids enjoy include disco lights, rows of flowers with light effects, and glow in the dark items. Accessorise – Fun accessories can also be used to decorate your child’s room. Pom poms, fringe or sequin trim on pillows, blankets, curtains or shelves can be made use of, in decorations. A selection of frames can be displayed in groups with photos, or your child’s artworks displayed inside the frames. You can make use of fun paintings and posters to decorate the kid’s room in a funky way. Balloons also convey a sense of joy and fun in the room. Fluffy throw rugs or shaped rugs can be placed on the floor, to make it look lively. A rug not only makes the room attractive but also gives your child a warm and cosy place to read, colour or play. Stripes that pick up the colours on the wall or the bed also look fun on a rug. Let your child help – As you are decorating the child’s bedroom, allowing your child to help is a good idea. Let them have a say in the fabrics, colours and collectibles that they would like to have in their room. The design should be something that the child likes. Working together on a decorating project is a great bonding opportunity. Children love being involved in making decisions. Research ideas in magazines and on the internet and have fun with it.

May 12, 2014

School Need Not Be a Nightmare

Dumb, stupid. Definitely two of the most repugnant words in the English language; words that ought to be regarded as swear words! Still, that is how children label themselves when they experience school as a nightmare. A reading lesson means hours of struggle, the confusion between letters like b and d is a frightening reality, words are being reversed and everything needs to be sounded out. Whereas Sis passes her afternoons in the pleasant company of bulky books, little brother prefers paging through comics — that is, if you can get him so far as to actually open one. Words are few and pictures tell the stories: one sure way to avoid reading… Sounds familiar? Do we hear a sigh of despondency escape from your lips? Yes, the two of you practise spelling late into the night, but somehow everything is misspelt during the next day’s test. You as parent are at your wit’s end and the teacher is worried: he is falling behind because he writes too s-l-o-w-l-y. From our own childhood we remember how cruel children can be, and that has not changed. Classmates are quick to tease the slow, under average performers. That is, if the child who struggles with reading and spelling is not already burdened by a self-imposed label, the forerunner of a negative self-esteem that can become so entrenched in his psyche that he may live his entire adult life under the misconception of his own inadequacy. Misconception, yes, because this worrisome plodding does not paint the true picture of your child’s intelligence. You may find that there is a brilliant mind hidden behind those low test scores, someone who will one day proudly graduate in his field. The possibility of a professional career is definitely not ruled out. Richard Branson comes to mind. A dyslexia sufferer, he did not achieve academically but that did not stop him from becoming a brilliant businessman. He compensated for his reading problem and today his wealth is estimated at well over 4.6 billion American dollars. Fortunately, help is available these days. It is unthinkable that a child is doomed to struggle. Even dyslexia is no longer the academic death penalty of years gone by. It is no longer regarded as a learning disability, but simply as an inability that can be turned into an area of strength with the right intervention. Research results recently published in the Journal of Neuroscience show that brain differences between dyslexic people and ordinary readers are the result, not the cause, of their reading problems. Research also tells us that the brain constantly forms new pathways or neurons, and this means that children with dyslexia can be helped to overcome it. Surely it is every parent’s dream to provide only the best for his/her child, and when you see your young one struggling with reading and spelling, it is time to call for help. The opportunity is available — give your child a fair chance.

April 21, 2014

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