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Parenting Hub

Are you raising a brat?

Every child is born a loving , gentle individual and every child is prone to bratty behavior at some phase of childhood.  For those parents who are unsure if your child is going through a phase or has simply become a brat, here are some tell tale signs to help you identify if you are raising a brat …… Crying or yelling – your child may resort to crying or yelling when they want something. This could be because they may not possess an inside voice or be able to convey a request without yelling, which often result in the slightest of issues like eating supper or bedtime become a crying or yelling match. This however does not mean that they are becoming a brat… it is important however to teach your child vocalize correctly when they are wanting something. Tantrums – Children are all masters at throwing tantrums, leaving no place nor person spared from the effects of a tantrum.  At first glance it could appear that your child is throwing a temper tantrum, however there are times when they are simply having a meltdown and this is very different. A temper tantrum is thrown because your child feels the need to control a situation or to use it as a power play to get what they want. A meltdown, is a tantrum thrown, when your child feels overwhelmed by their emotions, environment or sensations around them. These meltdowns safe guard your child and are the manifestation of uncertainty and fear. In both cases, these need to be addressed and handled with care. Often times when a parent fails to acknowledge the temper tantrum the child will resort to different means of communicating what their “wants” are and is important that you as the parent explain to the child that their behaviour is unacceptable. When your child has a melt-down it is important to acknowledge their feelings or anxiety at the time and help resolve the true matter at hand. Physical violence – Punishment and not giving in to demands will be seen by your child as opposition and they will lash out by means of hitting, punching, pushing, kicking, biting or throwing items. Your child may have learnt that by causing physical pain others will result in them achieving their desired result.  We as parents, must address this issue at the time that it occurs and ensure that the child knows that their behaviour is not acceptable. More often than not, these sorts of behaviour are picked up by those around him either within the home or at school. Ignoring commands – Child who will ignore or “tune out” when spoken to. These children often refuse to comply with the request or command you have given them.  These children may find themselves in trouble at school often, this behaviour occurs most when the parents are around. This occurs because the child knows that they can “play up” and the parent will react in the manner the child wants. Rude and ill mannered – Children who are rude to adults and even to other children, combined with the displaying of bad manners and speaking with disrespect to other. It is important to remember that your child did not suddenly wake up one morning speaking this way, this is skill that your child has learnt through the behaviour that has been observed around him. Children learn by example and those who are around people, who treat with respect and talk within a decent tone to others, in order to achieve their goals, often don’t find themselves in these sorts of situations. Non -sharing – Children who refuse to share with others, this can be for toys, food or attention often can become hoarders and will go so far as to snatch items from others. Sharing is an important skill for your child to learn. It is vital that your child understands that although they will be sharing a particular item or attention that the item remains their own. This is often brought on by insecurity that your child is feeling within their world. By explaining the process of “what happens next”, once they have handed the toy over to their playmate reduces the chances of your child developing a problem with sharing.  It is also important to note that your child will need reminders about sharing and that this skill does take some time to develop. Not obeying rules– Children who believe that they are right and entitled to what they want at all times.  These children do not see the need to conform to the families rules and often this later becomes societies rules. Your child will test your boundaries at some point or another. By you and your partner working as a team to show your child that the rules of the house are important you can rectify this behaviour. More often than not children will begin to conform if no other behaviour is accepted within the household. Children are constantly learning in the early phases of life. This means that by displaying the correct behaviour that you would like your child to exhibit, will often result in the angel that you always dreamt of having.  Do not underestimate the power of friends influencing from a young age and try to ensure that your child is spending time with the right people from a young age. This will ensure that fewer bad decisions are made later in the teen years when it comes to them picking their friends.      

Good Night Baby

How is your child sleeping? Give him the gift of a Good Night’s Sleep!

Sleep. We all need it, and we don’t know how important it is until we can’t get enough of it? Are you a mother? Then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. Can you still remember what it feels like to look into your partner’s eyes? To have time to read a magazine, take a long bath and just generally have a life? Or are you constantly on pyjama drill? Wondering when this “punishment of motherhood” will end. Sleep is vital for all humans to be healthy: it’s when we recharge so we’re at our personal best. Bad sleeping habits it linked to obesity, poor performance, ADHD, car accidents… you name it! If your child isn’t sleeping well, you’re likely not to either and this could be detrimental to your health as well as your child’s! However, if addressed early on, sleep problems can be overcome. The bad news is bad sleepers do not just “grow out of it”. But the good news is there is a lot you can do about it! Here are a few myths about sleep that you need to be aware of: Myth #1 ~ All soothers are good for my child’s sleeping habits. Unfortunately not all soothers (be is dummy’s, taglet blankets, mommy’s fingers, milk) is good for your child’s sleeping habits. It depends on your child’s age and tendency’s, but chances are that he can use some of these to aid him/herself in falling asleep which never teaches him the skill to self sooth. Myth #2 ~ The later I put my child in bed and the more tired he gets during the day, the better he will sleep.  Actually it works the other way around. The better rested your child is, and putting him/her to bed at an appropriate bed time, actually makes them sleep better and longer. Myth #3 ~ Some children are just bad sleepers and they will grow out of it eventually. Did you know that studies have shown that adults who tend to have insomnia and bad sleeping habits were actually bad sleepers as children? Sleeping is actually a skill we need to teach our children, just like walking, eating and drinking. Your child will not grow out of it! The earlier you address it the better! Myth #4 ~ I can wait to start teaching my child the skills to sleep when he is older or on solids. The fact of the matter is that we as parents interfere with our children’s healthy development of good sleep cycles. There is so much that we can do better from the day they are born to implement healthy sleep associations and awake-sleep cycles. Myth #5 ~ The only way I can teach my child to self sooth is to leave him to cry-it-out. Teaching your child to self sooth is not just a matter of leaving him to cry. There is so much that you can do as parent to follow a structured sleep plan that will give your child’s this skill. Sleep is influenced by so many things; stimulation, routine, feeding habits, bedtime, health, discipline, and a trained professional can help you to implement changes in your child’s life that learn him the art to self sooth. Remember that crying is your child’s way of protesting change, and not all crying is bad. Myth #6 ~ It is selfish of me to want to have my child sleep through the night. Remember that teaching your child self soothing strategies are not about you! Consolidated, uninterrupted 11/12 hours of sleep is what your child needs. By taking the necessary steps to achieve restful, consolidated sleep for your child you will be giving them a skill they will carry with them throughout their lives. And this is truly a gift.    

Sharon Atkins

A Guide to introducing solids to your baby

Introducing your baby to solids can be challenging. Find out how to help your child make a smooth transition to solid foods. There is nothing cuter than seeing a picture of a happy baby in a high chair with food smeared on their face and everywhere else. Starting your baby on solids can be fun and messy. For some parents, it can also be confusing. When should you start? How much should you offer? What comes first? Signs your baby might be ready Your baby can sit upright when supported with good control of the head and neck. Your baby’s birth weight has doubled. Your baby shows an interest in food eaten by others. More frequent feeding (breast or bottle.) Your baby still seems hungry after the usual milk feed. Your baby was sleeping through the night but has started to wake again for a feed. These signs are all typically between the ages of 4 to 6 months when most babies are developmentally ready to get their first taste of solid foods. Recommended first foods There are no fixed rules about what solid foods you should give your baby first. A single-grain, iron-fortified infant cereal such as rice cereal is good. It may also be easier to notice any food allergies than with a cereal made from several grains. Apple, pear, banana, paw- paw, avocado, pumpkin, carrot, potato, butternut and sweet potato are the most popular first foods for babies due to their naturally sweet flavour and smooth texture once pureed. There is no need to add salt or sugar or any other flavourings to your baby’s food however bland it may seem. Salt may harm your baby’s kidneys and sugar may encourage a sweet tooth. A baby is not used to these tastes so will not miss them. Preparing your own baby food It is cheaper to make your own baby food and at least you know what is inside the food. Always wash your hands before handling food or feeding your baby. All feeding equipment should be sterilised for a baby less than 6 months of age. Fruits and vegetables can be peeled, steamed and then pureed. Large quantities can be prepared at a time and then frozen in small portions for later. Eating solids takes practice Being fed by a spoon is new to your baby. Up until now, they’ve only had a liquid diet, and they’ll need practice to get used to the spoon and to the feel of having solid food in their mouth. They will probably only start by eating a teaspoon or two at a time so don’t expect them to eat a whole bowl. Try one new food at a time and introduce a new food every 2 -4 days adding onto their existing diet. Instead of trying to get them to eat a certain amount, focus on letting them get used to the experience. Try finger foods when baby’s ready Around 9 months or so, your baby will be able to pick up small pieces of soft food to eat. You’ll still need to spoon-feed for a while, and continue formula or breast milk. Some great “finger foods” include ripe banana pieces, cooked chunks of carrots, cottage cheese, well-cooked pasta, dry cereal, and scrambled eggs. Foods to avoid The following foods are best avoided until your child is older – some because they are physically difficult for a baby to eat and could cause a choking hazard and others because early exposure has been found to potentially cause allergies and intolerances: Small hard foods which could pose a choking hazard – nuts, uncooked hard  vegetables & fruits (e.g., carrots, apples) Cow’s milk as the main milk drink until 1 year old Honey until 1 year old Egg white until 1 year old Nuts, or even crunchy peanut butter, until 5 years old Popcorn & corn chips – choking hazard Sausages with skins on – choking hazard Stop When Baby’s Ready to Stop Pay attention and your baby will let you know when they have had enough food. They might try and play with the spoon, turn their head away, close their mouth tightly, spit out whatever you put in their mouth, or cry. Don’t make them eat more than they want. Kids will eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full. Honouring those instincts may help them avoid overeating now and when they get older. Good luck in feeding your child and remember to keep your sense of humour, be calm and relax. If you do, they will. To get in touch with Sharon Atkins please do so below: Website Facebook Twitter Pinterest Blog  

Shelby Jackson

Should Children Sleep with Stuffed Toys?

When supplying a favourite stuffed toy is the one, surefire way to get a fussy child to come down for a nap or a good night’s sleep, it almost seems like a no-brainer to hand it over as part of the bedtime routine. Still, it can be confusing to figure out whether or not encouraging your little one to rely on an object for comfort is a good idea. Before the age of one year, the American Academy of Paediatrics warns against introducing plush toys to your baby’s crib due to a potential increase in SIDS risk, but what about after she reaches that all-important one-year benchmark? Understanding the Prevalence of Comfort Objects A study conducted by researchers from both the University of Bristol in the United Kingdom and Yale University in the United States indicated that up to 70% of kids develop strong attachments to the comfort objects they rely upon to self-soothe. These transitional objects help babies learn to separate from their mothers with minimal trauma, and serve as important aspects of development for most kids. Special stuffed toys or blanks develop a very important role in kids’ lives, who tend to anthropomorphise their beloved stuffed animals in such a way that not even an exact replica of the toy is acceptable. Are Comfort Objects Inherently Negative? While some parents fixate on the idea of breaking their child from a dependency that they see as a weakness, there’s no real evidence that sleeping with a comfort object is emotionally damaging. Aside from the slight risk of allergen triggers from dusty or dirty plush toys, there’s very little risk at all when a child is old enough and has the requisite motor skills to move the object away from their face if breathing becomes difficult. A study at the University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee, originally intended to determine whether or not kids who have secure bonds with their mothers were more or less likely to rely upon comfort objects for sleep, found that there was no correlation at all between the strength of the parental bond or the lack thereof and use of a comfort object. The study also uncovered evidence that kids who were strongly attached to those objects seemed to more easily adjust to stressful situations when they had that object in their possession. Making the Right Decision for Your Family If your child is so attached to a comfort object that she refuses to go anywhere without it, problems can arise at the onset of the school year when school policies forbid such objects. Provided that a child is able to rely upon the object only in times of extreme duress or to self-soothe in order to sleep, there’s no real reason to forbid your child from bringing a favourite lovey to bed each night. Ultimately, the decision should depend upon the needs and lifestyle of your family and your own parenting style. If you feel that your child’s use of a comfort object has gone on for too long or that he’s getting too old to rely on such tactics, taking steps to gradually wean him away from a special stuffed animal may be in order. You should, however, expect for your child to regress in moments of extreme duress or dramatic transition. If he’s dealing with the loss of a loved one, a sudden and abrupt change in his life or another source of extreme anxiety, he may rediscover a need for the beloved animal that provided him with comfort before he was able to let go of that dependence. Many thanks to: Live out Nanny

Parenting Hub

7 Things to Prepare Your Kids for School

Shut Down Summertime Leniencies. As school approaches or starts, set up a family meeting (whether you have a significant other or not) to discuss the rules that will change at home: bedtimes, shutting TVs off, removing entertainment electronics from bedrooms, having to turn in social media devices and “friend sleep over rules.” Allow your child to voice his or her concerns over these changes, adopt the policies, and implement them on a specified date. It’s also a good idea to document the changes and post them where all can see them; sometimes children become forgetful of what they agreed to. School Supply Shopping. Sit down with your children and allow them to help you determine what supplies they are going to need for the coming school year. You are the parent and have final say over what is on the list, but use that authority with kindness and respect. Take your children shopping and let them be in charge as they carry the hand baskets and retrieve all the items on the list. Give them a set amount of money to spend to accommodate all that’s on the list and allow them to pay for the items at the checkout. The Work Space at Home. Collaborate with your children as to where homework will be done. Create a list with her and then go back through to review it and eliminate any locations that you’re not OK with. Remember, collaborating with your children is a way of helping them feel respected, but you’re still the boss. Set up the space that was decided on and help your children organize the supplies that were purchased at the store. The Homework Schedule. Each child is different when it comes to doing homework, so this next exercise will require your greatest level of patience. Help each of your children determine when they feel that they are best able to work on homework. Some children can do it as soon as they get home and others need a break before starting it. Coach each child into establishing their own schedule, make it clear and defined, and then document it. Your job will be to help reinforce what is decided. Control of Entertainment and Distractions. Announce a rule that any and all entertainment electronics and hand-held social media devices are to remain off or better yet, be turned in to the parents during the established homework times. This new rule should be in effect on school days, Monday thru Thursday and even on days when there is no homework. I’ve heard too many stories from parents who did not implement this rule and had their children come home after school reporting they had no homework, only to suddenly and mysteriously remember a homework assignment later that night or at bedtime. The Bedtime Schedule. I’ll tell you now that it is NOT your responsibility to get your children to fall asleep. That must happen naturally and your children are more in charge of that than you are. Your job is to create an environment and an atmosphere that is conducive to your children getting sleepy and eventually falling asleep. Your direct role is to define when bedtime will occur, enforcing it, and removing all distractions from their bedrooms, such as video games, televisions, cell phones, and computer.

Bill Corbett

20 Tips for Caring for Special Needs Children

Although I cherish parents of all children, those responsible for raising special needs children and teens are courageous adults who somehow make it through each day.  They are tasked with greater challenges and frustrations than other parents.  They are not always able to get to school related and networking events because they are probably scheduling and driving to extra appointments for their children.  And finding someone to step in for them so they can have a break is not quite as easy as it may be for other parents. These ‘other‘ parents I speak of are those with children without special needs.  But parents of children with special needs have additional, unique opportunities that put them in survival mode for getting through each day and spending any extra time they can find at researching the disorders and medical conditions that their precious child arrived with. I am writing this article with some personal experience as my granddaughter was diagnosed with severe attention deficit hyperactivity disorder at a very early age.  I helped my daughter care for that sweet little girl in the first few years and remember well all of the challenges my daughter faced.  And although my wife’s oldest son was never officially diagnosed, he demonstrates the classic behaviours associated with Asperger’s Syndrome.  I’ve heard all of her stories of the extreme challenges he provided to her in his early years, and see those behaviours now in adulthood. Here are my top tips for caregivers of children with special needs.  The first two are not at the top of the list by accident.  Giving these first two priority over the others will increase your success at implementing the rest: Create time with your non-special needs children.  Make extra time for your children that do not have special needs to reassure them that they too are loved and are special in their own ways.  Seeing their sibling receiving special attention can generate jealousy and drive them to act out and behave in their own challenging ways. Take extra care of yourself.  What will keep you going longer and stronger is your own charged batteries.  Take time out for you whenever you can and avoid living according to the standards others may try to set for you. Get organised to make things easier.  Use an easy-to-update calendar to keep track of all special appointments and medications.  Keep it readily available and readable for those who may come in and offer you relief. Stay organised.  When behaviour issues or tantrums occur, that is NOT the time to go in search of items you might need to get the children (or others) ready for events and for transitions.  Setting up clothing, lunches and supplies the night before will keep things moving in the morning. Stay on top of your child’s IEP.  Although the school is responsible for ensuring that all components of the plan are carried out, don’t wait for the school to follow up.  Keep it up to date and request reports on progress as needed.  See that your child is reevaluated every three years (or at intervals outlined in your child’s plan). Create routines for you and your child.  Although all children do better with sameness and routine, those with disorders need it for self-soothing and comfort.  Both you AND your child will benefit by creating patterns that everyone involved can expect and look for. Challenging behaviour may be communication.  Whether a child has special needs or not, resistance, meltdowns and tantrums are usually the child’s way of telling you that something is wrong.  Remain calm and do your best to understand what might be the trigger of sudden change in behaviour. Provide physical activities often.  The more that we provided physical stimulation for my granddaughter; the easier it was to acquire her cooperation later in the day.  I spent many afternoons at activity centres where she could climb, run and jump. Remain calm and move forward with intent.  When your child’s emotions erupt, you must be the ‘lighthouse in the storm.’  Remaining calm can influence your child to calm down sooner.  Avoid allowing them to change your mind or your purpose in the moment.  Remain quiet, be still for a moment and ease them into the transition. Speak in a quiet tone often.  Auditory sensory issues can disrupt peacefulness and cooperation without warning.  Gaining the attention of many special needs children more effectively means teaching others around the child to speak softly with low volume. Make bedtime routines a high priority.  Adequate sleep is critical for children with special needs and increases the success of working with them the following day.  Create as much routine as you can around bedtime events so they will ease into the sleep schedule in a timely fashion. Avoid sensory overload when meltdowns could occur.  Knowing your child means being able to predict when the conditions are right for the possibility of a meltdown.  When these conditions occur, shut down or reduce audible or visual chaos that could bring on a meltdown. Plan ahead.  Packing backpacks or putting out clothes the night before can help keep everyone on schedule by creating expectations and minimising surprises.  This means having to stay five steps ahead, knowing what you and your child will need for the coming appointments/events. Surround yourself with encouraging people.  Although we should all take this one to heart, parents of special needs children need an encouraging circle even more.  Remove toxic and unsupportive people from your life and hang out with those who support you. Use visual timers and schedules.  When a special needs child can see a change approaching, the caregiver is more likely to get the cooperation she needs in moving the child forward.  TimeTimer.com and Schkidules.com are two of my favourite resources for these products. Pick your battles.  If you find your child having a fit because she doesn’t like the way an item of clothing fits or the existence of a tag or waist band, don’t fight with them. 

Parenting Hub

Bullying – Empower your child

The topic of bullying has become the focus of increasing attention and concern in recent times. Whereas in the past there may have been a tendency to downplay bullying and regard it as part of growing up, there is now an increasing awareness of it being a widespread social problem that can have serious short- and long-term consequences for both victim and perpetrator. Recent statistics show that up to 50% of school children are bullied each year. It is an issue which we ignore at our own peril! What constitutes bullying? What is it that makes it different from someone simply fighting with your child, calling of names, being mean or teasing? The essential elements of bullying are as follows : A more dominant child repeatedly exhibits aggressive behaviour towards a less powerful person. There is a conscious intent to hurt the other child, either physically or psychologically, and the bully derives pleasure from this behaviour. There is no justification whatsoever for the bullying behaviour. The intensity and/or duration of the bullying are damaging to the self-esteem of the victim The victim is vulnerable, often because of physical or psychological qualities, and cannoteffectively defend himself The victim feels isolated and is not supported by either peers or adults The bully knows that the victim wants the behaviour to stop but will persist with thebullying. The effects and potential damage of bullying is difficult to assess, largely due to the varying vulnerability of children. However, for most there is a significantly negative impact on the victims’ general well-being. Self-esteem is inevitably damaged, there is heightened anxiety, signs of sadness and distress, withdrawal from social interaction, often general health problems develop such as headaches, stomach aches, disturbed sleep and even bed- wetting. There is often a deterioration in school performance as the bullied child becomes increasingly distressed and unable to concentrate. Other warning signs that could signal that your child is being bullied include unexplained cuts and bruises, torn clothing, loss of appetite, reluctance to go to school, “loss” of possessions or pocket money, complaining of being starving when getting home from school (often a sign that the lunch box has been raided by the bully), becoming withdrawn, reduced social interaction, unexpected mood changes, irritability and temper outbursts, tearfulness, talking about suicide. How do I help my child if I suspect that he is being bullied? It is essential that when the child tells the parent about them being bullied, that they take what the child is saying seriously and act decisively. To ignore or minimise it would be the worst possible outcome for the child, already feeling over-whelmed, helpless and alone. Whilst most schools have an anti-bullying policy, it is often difficult to implement and despite concerted efforts to eradicate bullying, it continues to occur. Perhaps a more proactive approach is to teach your child to deal with the bullies that they may encounter. One such approach is to teach your child to be assertive. The ability to be assertive is a life- long asset. Although it is necessary to be passive or aggressive at certain times in social situations, many children tend to be overly aggressive or passive. Children with poor assertiveness skills and who frequently display passive behavior, feel negative about themselves and do little to protect themselves, making them more vulnerable and more likely to be bullied and manipulated. Bullies prefer children who are unable to fight back or who withdraw from confrontation and cry when attacked. Likewise children who tend to be overly aggressive in their interactions are sometimes labeled as bullies and are often disliked by their peers. In teaching children to be assertive, they learn to identify and express their feelings, be mindful of the feelings of others, have the confidence to say what they want and develop the skills to deflect difficult or unpleasant social situations. They develop strong self-esteem and are able to stand up for themselves in a pleasant but firm manner. Without wishing to be pessimistic, it would seem that bullying is a perennial problem, very difficult to eradicate and likely to get worse as the stresses and pressures of life continue to escalate. It is a problem that is likely to confront most children at some point in their lives but by creating assertive, confident children hopefully the bullies will find fewer targets and may themselves learn to behave in more socially acceptable and positive ways. Written By: Margie Wilson

Parenting Hub

Teaching children the importance of recycling and caring for their environment

From a tender age, we’re filling our children’s absorbent minds with need–to-know information. As parents, our goal is for perfect manners to become second nature, and for important habits to be instilled as early as possible – like brushing teeth, packing away toys and putting on seatbelts. The future of recycling lies in the hands of our youth, and these are also the individuals who will carry the burden of higher carbon footprints if it is not reduced. As parents, we have the opportunity to help develop a generation of eco-warriors. We teach our children to say please and thank you, we tell them not to talk to strangers, not to litter, and so many other small yet essential life skills that we don’t even consciously think about. Why then should lessons in environmental protection and recycling be any different? The Glass Recycling Company (TGRC), South Africa’s national organisation responsible for facilitating the recovery of waste glass for recycling, is working hard at encouraging citizens to increase glass recycling quantities. It’s up to us to empower our children by educating them as to the positive effect that recycling will have on our environment, and how they can make a difference. Recycling is easy; you don’t have to start big to make an impact. Tips from TGRC to educate your family (and yourself) include:   Find your nearest glass bank. Visit The Glass Recycling Company website www.tgrc.co.za call 0861 2 GLASS (45277), or sms ‘GLASS’ to 45686 (SMS charged at R1.50) Whenever you purchase something packaged, think about how you can reuse or recycle the packaging. Glass is 100% recyclable and can be recycled again and again without losing its purity or strength Plan your trips to bottle banks to fit into your daily schedule – it will become part of your routine rather than a chore! Take your kids with you and show them how and where to put their bottles Get your child’s school to register for The Glass Recycling Company school competition. Not only will this mean a conveniently placed glass bank at the school, but also a chance for schools to win fantastic cash prizes. For more details, visit  www.tgrc.co.za Explain to your children what is recyclable and what is not. Glass containers, such as those used for food and beverages can be recycled Other types of glass, like window glass, ovenware, pyrex, crystal and light bulbs are manufactured through a different process and cannot be recycled through South Africa’s glass manufacturers Reuse old containers – they are great for storing paint, crayons, buttons and arts and crafts tools such as paint brushes, rulers and much more In South Africa, it’s not necessary to wash glass before placing it into “Glass Banks”, or to place different coloured glass into separate banks.  Recycling is just so easy   By making recycling a way of life as habitual as the other lessons we teach our kids, before we know it, we will have a generation of recyclers working together to build a sustainable environment.    

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