Toddler - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Teaching Your Child How to Save

By Thami Cele, Head of Savings & Investments, at Absa Retail and Business Banking To avoid the next generation making bad financial decisions and to help them enjoy financially fit lives, children need to be taught the essentials about money. If you’re a parent, this doesn’t mean filling your child’s head with financial facts and figures, but rather offering them age-appropriate money lessons. It’s never too soon to start either, as research by bestselling author Beth Kobliner in her book Get a Financial Life reveals that children as young as three can grasp financial concepts, particularly around saving and spending. Good financial skills are vital to ensure we are able to get through life as adults without too many pitfalls. From making a savings plan to guarantee security after retirement or as back-up in case of emergency to avoid falling into a cycle of debt, a healthy understanding of the concept of money is essential and it is important to start implementing these learnings from a young age. If you are a parent, here are five simple ways to teach your children about saving money: Get a piggy bank This form of savings is more meaningful for younger children who can’t add or count too well. Keep the savings visible: you can try the old jam jar system as a savings mechanism for both short-term and long-term savings and allow them to even draw pictures to illustrate what they are saving for – like a toy guitar or teddy bear for short-term saving and perhaps a trip to an exciting destination for long-term purposes. Take them to a bank to open their account This helps youngsters understand where their money is going and introduces them to the concept of financial institutions. In doing so, you help your child prioritise short-term and long-term savings. Model good spending and saving habits As parents, you have the biggest influence on the way children save or spend. Examine your own spending habits: next time you dash out to get the latest designer handbag or shoes, ask what message you are really sending to your impressionable children. Show them the money We have to remember that children today don’t see cash and financial transactions the same way we saw them when we were growing up, so we have to consciously make sure that children understand cash as the basis for learning more about money later. When giving children an allowance or income, give the money in denominations that encourage saving. For example if the amount is R50, give out five R10 notes and encourage that at least one be set aside for savings. Also talk about money in front of your children. Many people avoid this, but if you have healthy discussions about money in front of them, they are more likely to develop the right attitudes towards savings. Teach the difference between a want and need Talk to them about how adverts are designed to make them feel a need for the item they are selling – and how to differentiate between what they want and actually need. It will stand them in good stead when they are adults. Teaching your children how to save is an important step to prepare them for financial responsibility and a secure future. But it won’t go very far if you don’t “practice what you preach” and save for the future yourself. Whether we like it or not, most of us take after our parents and emulate the habits we observed in them during childhood. In other words, you need to start acting how you want your children to act when they grow up.

September 6, 2017

Stimulating Language and Listening Skills

Language is considered a verbal behaviour which is learned by means of the environment. A parent / caregiver and other significant adults in a child’s life provide modelling and reinforcement of these learned language structures and of speech (Allyn & Bacon, 2001). The caregiving environment is therefore extremely important to the child’s development. Early in a child’s life, as they start pointing to objects, parents often automatically label these objects and thus form the beginning of the child’s vocabulary acquisition. Once the child has some words, he might point and say “ball” and the parents would say “yes, that is a ball. A red ball. Do you want the ball?” The parent is thus modelling the sentence construction and the combination of words into a sentence, as well as reinforcing what the child is saying each time. Listening skills and auditory processing skills involve processing information through our hearing, memorising this information, and processing and reasoning the details to provide an output. These skills also include awareness of sounds in words (e.g. rhyme, sounding out words: c-a-t) which are crucial for later reading and writing. It seems that with the advances in technology, this generation of children are being more and more exposed to visual input such as televisions, iPad’s and smart phones, potentially reducing the necessity of the use of their auditory skills; The skills so crucial for many activities of daily life. The following ideas for activities may be used in order to stimulate your child’s language and listening skills: Make language a part of your daily routine. During bath time and dressing, name the parts of the body and your child’s clothes. During cooking, name the ingredients and make use of short phrases, such as “put it in the bowl.” and different actions e.g. “stir,” “pour,” “crack the egg.” Although your child may only learn to produce rhyming words later in their pre-school years, nursery rhymes are a fantastic way to teach rhyming incidentally. Playing games such as “I spy with my little eye” assists in your child’s listening, auditory memory and reasoning skills, as well as, creating awareness of the initial sound in a word. Playing “I am going on a picnic, and I’m going to bring…” assists in developing your child’s auditory memory skills. These are crucial for recall of details for following instructions and other important tasks. On a daily basis, your child should be provided with instructions that should be followed. These can even be silly instructions for example, “Take the spoon and put it on your head and walk to the door.” You may take turns giving each other instructions. This also gives your child a chance to express themselves and verbalise steps to be followed. Try to lengthen the complexity of the instructions, for example, if your child is able to cope with 3 details in the instruction move to 4 details (e.g.. draw a red circle under the square) or 4 steps (e.g. colour the girl’s hair in brown, draw grey eyes and then give her a mouth and nose). Identification of common labels such as Coke, Mac Donald’s, Pick ’n Pay, is an early pre-reading skill. This teaches children that symbols are associated with a meaning. Reading is such an important part of your child’s learning, language and development. From infancy, your child will learn the vocabulary and language structures, as well as early pre-reading skills such as holding a book, turning pages and that reading occurs from left to right (in English). This is crucial for language development and later reading skills. Furthermore, the love of books and of reading is an immeasurable asset. Ultimately, it seems that we need to go back to our roots and learn to enjoy and apply some of the games of our youth and our parent’s youth. For more information and ideas on how to aid in your child’s development, look at the SkidZ Clever Activity Box program. It is filled with age appropriate activities for language and listening skills as well as other areas of development. The program provides an option of a daily curriculum which includes activities for everyday of the week. The SkidZ program is not only comprehensive but provides hours of fun for little ones. For more information on the SkidZ Clever Activity Boxes visit their website at www.skidz.co.za Written by: Jemma Roets – Speech- Language Therapist and Audiologist Jemma Roets qualified as a Speech-language therapist and Audiologist at the University of Pretoria in 2007. She later completed her Masters degree in Early Childhood Intervention, specialising in severe disabilities, in 2013, at the University of Pretoria.

August 31, 2017

Technology and Tots

Embracing technology is essential in this day and age, and I am certainly pro having kids learn to use technology in education. The question is “at what age should encourage our little ones to engage with screens?” Because babies engage very readily with screens, it can be tempting to rely on screen time as a convenient baby sitter, while you grab 5 minutes to yourself. However, the American Association of Paediatrics advises NO screen time in infants less than two years of age. Let’s look at the reasons for this advice and what we can do: Screen time is void of emotional engagement. TV’s and iPads are not a relationship. While your little one plays a game on your iPad or watches a program on TV, he is missing out on essential loving interactions at a time when his brain is wiring at a rate of a million connections a second. Choose that wiring opportunity carefully. Learning happens best in the context of love and time. Research has shown that babies learn best in the context of love and fun and laughter. This emotional connection is negated whist engaging with technology. Babies who watch videos in the first year, have fewer words at 18 months. Proceed with caution – your baby needs relationships to learn. The blue light emitted by screens has been shown to hamper sleep. Melatonin is our sleep hormone, controlling sleep/wake cycles. The blue light of a screen suppresses melatonin secretion, resulting in wakefulness. So for both you and your child (of any age), no screens for an hour before sleep times. What can you do: Model responsible screen behaviour – if you are on your device constantly, you are depriving your baby of engagement. In addition, your baby will think it’s the norm and expect that same standard for himself. No TV under 1 year of age. Between 2 and 5 years old let your baby watch content that makes sense to you – if there is no language and it makes no sense to you it’s worse. Watch and engage with screens WITH your toddler – talk through the show, explain the emotions – that way your baby learns through the experience. As a mom of three, I know that when life gets hectic and you actually just need 5 minutes to yourself it’s tempting to rely on an electronic babysitter. So my message is proceed with caution and insight and be a responsible parent in the technology age.

August 29, 2017

Crossing The Midline

There are many terms that teachers, psychologists and other professionals may use that, at times, are perhaps not explained effectively leaving parents at a loss to the significance of these difficulties. It is important to understand what the importance of these conditions are, (especially if they have been mentioned in your child’s school report) what they mean, and the possible consequences and repercussions thereof. The midline is akin to an imaginary line going down the middle of one’s body from head to toe. Midline crossing is important for many skills to develop later on. For example, midline crossing is important for a youngster to develop the ability to use one hand to write across the entire page. This will also determine whether the youngster will have the necessary skills to read the length of the sentence across the page from left to right A child who can’t cross the midline, for instance, would use his/her left hand to write or paint on the left-side of the page and his/her right hand to write or paint on the right-hand side of the page which can hamper the learning process. Crossing the midline is also an indicator of bilateral co-ordination which is the ability to use both sides of the body and brain simultaneously. This is important for gross motor skills such as climbing stairs, walking, riding a bicycle and swimming. In addition, bilateral co-ordination is also important to read, write and learn. In other words, the right and left brain have to work together, for example in reading the left brain’s task is to decode a word whilst the right brain facilitates the understanding and meaning of what was read. Midline crossing is therefore essential for a youngster to develop as it is a very necessary skill for learning in all areas of life.

August 28, 2017

Your Child’s Hearing

Hearing is an essential part of development as it enables babies to take in information about the world around them. It stimulates brain development and is critical for language development. For this reason, it is vital to identify and address hearing difficulties as early as possible. By the 16th week of pregnancy, the tiny bones in the baby’s ears begin to develop. By the 20th week of pregnancy, the baby begins to respond to sounds. Loud sounds may even make the baby startle or move about. By the 25th week of pregnancy, the auditory system becomes fully functional. At this point the baby is able to hear your voice when you are speaking or singing. Studies have shown that after birth, babies are able to recognize songs that were sung to them while in the womb. Unlike the visual system where actual visual experience begins after birth, the auditory system requires auditory experience with voice and language, music and meaningful environmental sounds during the last 10 to 12 weeks of fetal life. A child is born with a mind that is open and ready to receive information through all five senses. The more information the mind receives, the better the child is able to understand and participate in the world around them. All five senses are tools for learning and communicating. However, the sense of hearing is the most critical for speech and language development. It is difficult to define “normal” hearing development when speaking about human beings as each individual develops in their own way and at their own pace. However, over the years, several researchers have been able to compile a guideline for general milestones for hearing development: A Guideline for Hearing Developmental Milestones Birth At birth, babies are able to exhibit a startle reflex in response to sudden loud noises. This means that they will stiffen, quiver, blink, fan out their fingers and toes, or cry as a response. They are often sensitive to a wide range of sounds, including intonation and rhythmic cues. At birth, babies are able to recognize their mother’s voice and often prefer the sound of their mother’s voice. Sounds of different pitches have different effects on the infant. Low frequency sounds and rhythmic sounds have a calming effect. Higher frequency sounds result in a more violent reaction. You may note an increase or decrease in sucking in response to sound. Three Months At three months of age, babies are more aware of human speech and will begin to attend to voices. They will also start to show excitement for familiar sounds such as approaching footsteps, running bath water, etc. At this age, babies tend to awaken or quiet to the sound of their mother’s voice and will vocally respond to their mother’s voice. They begin to imitate noises as they hear them e.g. ooh, baba. Most importantly, at this stage, babies begin to localize sound by means of turning their eyes toward the general sound source. This is a great time to introduce sound-making toys; as they begin to enjoy such sounds and will listen to bells and other sound-making toys near them. Four Months By four months of age babies start localizing sound by turning their head toward the general source of sound and they will actively search for human voices. Five Months At 5 months of age, babies are able to localize sound more specifically. They distinguish between friendly and angry voices and react appropriately. They will stop crying or coo is response to music and become very interested in human voices. At this point, they are able to discriminate between sounds of strangers and familiar people. Six Months By 6 months of age, babies specifically locate sound from any direction, such as the bell that is rung out of sight (downward localization develops before upward localization). They will respond to human speech by smiling or vocalizing and will turn immediately to their mother’s voice across the room. They may show evidence of response to different emotional tones in their mother’s voice. Their association of hearing with sound production is now evident, in that they repeat selected sounds that they have heard. Eight Months At 8 months of age it is expected for the baby to turn his head and shoulders toward familiar sounds, even when he cannot see what is happening. They begin to understand sounds and words in context e.g. responding to a telephone ringing, a human voice, his own name, “no-no,” “bye-bye“. It is at this point that they begin to enjoy games like pat-a-cake and peek-a-boo. They may respond with raised arms when their mother says, “Come up” and reaches toward the child. One Year At one year of age it is expected that the child will babble in response to human voice. His sound imitations indicate that he can hear the sounds and match them with his own sound production. He will enjoy various sounds like jingles and rhymes and show interest in environmental sounds that may even be beyond his immediate surroundings. The child will respond to simple commands (at first, only when the command is accompanied by a gesture), such as giving a toy on request or going somewhere as directed. At this age, it is expected that the child understands an assortment of action words (verbs) such as “drink“, “go“, “come“, “give“, as well as some simple directions such as “wave bye bye.” No real understanding of questions is shown at this point. Two Years By two years of age several hearing and communication skills have developed: Shows interest in the sounds of radio or TV commercials. Listens to reason of language. Listens to simple stories. Responds to command, “Show me the —.” Understands and answers simple “wh” questions, e.g. “Where is your –?” Responds to yes/no questions by shaking or nodding head. Waits in response to “just a minute.” Identifies five body parts. Understands family names by selecting appropriate pictures. Understands the phrase, “have sweets after lunch” Carries out 4

August 24, 2017

Struggling with a teething baby?

It’s 3 ‘o clock in the morning and your baby just won’t settle down. She’s been crying non-stop for the last couple of hours and after checking that’s she’s dry, fed and not in any way uncomfortable, you still can’t figure out what’s wrong with her. Surely it can’t be that she’s teething? She’s still so tiny! But yes, it’s possible – teething can begin as early as three months and continue until a child’s third birthday. Between the ages of four and seven months, you’ll notice your baby’s first tooth pushing through the gum line. The first teeth to appear usually are the two bottom front teeth, also known as the central incisors. Four to eight weeks later the four front upper teeth (central and lateral incisors), appear and about a month later, the lower lateral incisors (the two teeth flanking the bottom front teeth) will appear. In some rare cases, babies are born with one or two teeth or have a tooth emerge within the first few weeks of life. Unless these teeth interfere with feeding or are loose enough (as they sometimes are) to pose a choking risk, this should not be cause for concern. As your baby begins teething, she might drool more and you’ll notice that she wants to chew on things. Fortunately for mom, some babies find teething completely painless and their teeth seem to suddenly appear out of nowhere! However, others may experience brief periods of irritability, and some may seem cranky for weeks, with bouts of “unexplained” crying and disrupted sleeping and eating patterns. And you guessed it – that’s when you find yourself at 3 o’clock in the morning trying to calm a crying baby! For the most part, teething can be uncomfortable, but if your baby seems very irritable, talk to your doctor. Although tender and swollen gums could cause your baby’s temperature to be a little higher than normal, teething doesn’t usually cause high fever or diarrhoea. If your baby does develop a fever during the teething phase, it’s probably due to something else and you should contact your doctor. It has been said that teething symptoms are signs of physical stress which can lower your baby’s resistance to infectious agents that under normal circumstances would not produce illness. The same germs that live in a baby’s intestines and cause no ill effects, at other times could produce ear-aches, congestion, or other low-grade infections when your baby is teething. As parents look more towards natural healing, we have found Baltic Amber, which is a fossilised resin, can provide relief. There are many gum soothing medications and remedies on the market and you should consult your pharmacist, local clinic or paediatrician to find a solution that best suits your baby’s needs. Stages of teething : 6 to 7 months – Incisors (situated 2 central bottom & 2 central top teeth) 7 to 9 months- Two more incisors (situated top & bottom; making four top & four bottom teeth in all) 10 to 14 months – First molars (double teeth for chewing) 15 to 18 months – Canines (pointed teeth or fangs) 2 to 3 years – Second molars (second set of double teeth at the back)

August 23, 2017

Mastering the Fear of the Toilet

Meet Felix, my three-year, nine-month-old son. He’s potty trained. You don’t know me, so you can have no idea how much of a big deal this is. Those of you with mothers-in-law who remind you that their offspring was fully toilet trained by 18 months of age, I want to tell you Felix has been toilet trained for exactly three weeks. We’re very proud. The toilet training drama process started last year. Like, 9 months ago… Summer, we were told, made a good time to potty train. Boys could wee in the garden while they learnt about bladder control and toilet technique. Felix’s friends at school enthusiastically demonstrated the technique to him. Felix remained unimpressed – and unwilling to whip out his manhood for all to see. In fact, he wouldn’t use the toilet at school at all. And when my little squirming, hopping, straining bundle of boy came home in the afternoons, he’d be so stressed from holding it in that I had to beg and cajole and force him onto the loo just to get him to wee there. The relief was instant, he’d go back to his old self, and we could all get on with the afternoon. And so began the Longest Toilet Training of All Time. Since about – what? September last year? – if anything stressed Felix out, he’d be back in nappies. He’d been dry at night for weeks and weeks, but allowed us to leave his nappy off overnight maybe twice. There was a time he got very stressed with a bit of a bullying situation at school – straight back into nappies for school too (which made the other kids call him a baby, which didn’t help…. ARGH!) He’d go to the loo with his dad, and then refuse. He’d enjoy, strangely enough, loos in public places (because he loved the hand driers). And then he wouldn’t. It was up and down like a playground seesaw. Then there was the unfortunate time where Felix had a bit of constipation, and the poo hurt on the way out. Next thing we knew, my previously very regular child was hopping around the house every afternoon, desperately sucking it up and trying to keep the poo in. His record was seven days faece-free. He would only “go” once I’d finally relented and put a nappy on him. I must have gone through five or more jumbo packs of nappies, every time thinking, “This is the last pack we’ll be buying, surely.” Felix undoubtedly had poo issues and I was getting increasingly stressed as to how we were going to resolve them. He wasn’t happy, we weren’t happy. I had no idea how common fears about toilet training are until I saw some moms on The Twitter talking about the issue. And our saviour stepped in: @EmyDiesel sent a tweet containing a link to an article I have long since lost. But it changed everything. The article quoted paediatrician Dr Alan Greene and started off by saying that no child WANTS to be unable to master his fear of the toilet. No child wants to be in nappies when his friends aren’t. He’s not doing this to punish you – he’s doing this because he’s stuck in a place and can’t get out of it. The 3Ds cycle starts when a child has a bout of constipation, or somehow has a sore poo: Discomfort. This makes him Dread the next poo, and therefore Delay it. Voila: you have a poo issue. Just seeing it in print was like a lightbulb moment for me. Dr Greene also had some good suggestions, such as first getting your child to poo, in the nappy, but in the bathroom. Then on the toilet (with nappy still on), then loosen nappy, etc. I had started giving Felix a probiotic every morning (seriously: (spoiler alert) Best. Tip. Ever. Do it right now!) I was about to start trying the Dr Greene advice when, on his own, Felix suddenly relinquished his poo issue. Once a day I made him go to the loo for his post-school wee, and while there, he announced, almost surprised himself: “I made a poo!” Well, the celebrations that went off in my house that afternoon, you might have thought it was New Year. I went dilly. I rewarded Felix something silly. Now Felix makes a poo almost every time he’s on the loo. I swear he grew a centimetre taller in a day. He carries himself with his old, usual comfort in himself and his body. He’s calmer, and happier at school. He finally negotiated that milestone, and he’s proud and relieved. Most unlike-Felix fashion, my shy boy told a handyman in my house ALL about the poo he’d just made. I am equally happy, and proud, and relieved. And also: poorer. Because Felix has cottoned on to the “rewards” issue very fast. Every pellet he produces is accompanied by the shout, “I made a poo! Can I have a new game on the iPad?”

August 21, 2017

Lower Your Standards

This evening my husband came home and said to me, “Your hair looks lovely!” and while I desperately tried to remember what I had done differently to it today, not sure if I had even looked in the mirror at all today, he continued with, “I like the Bornean thing you have going on.” And then I remembered. I did nothing to my hair today. The wild, curly “Bornean” look I was sporting was a result of me having to be in about six places at once this morning, while he obliviously fell out of bed and dashed out the door to work. I had to get four kids out of bed – two to their respective visual therapies, one to hockey and one dressed and ready for his mom to collect, looking mildly presentable so that she didn’t wonder if he’d slept, brushed his teeth or even had breakfast today. Did he have breakfast? I can’t say for sure… there was cereal… and there was milk and sugar on the counter… someone had breakfast. Sometimes people see me in the shop with my three kids and they make comments along the lines of, “Wow. Three boys! How do you do it?” Sometimes I think, “It’s a breeze”. And other times I honestly look at them in my zombified stupor and giggle hysterically, “Wow! This woman thinks I am actually doing it!” Three is not just one more than two. Exponentially, there are so many more dynamics in our family than other families have to contend with. We have a friend who is a bit of a mathematical freak, and he works out stuff like this. When they were calmly calculating the pros and cons of whether or not to increase their brood from two offspring to three, he actually worked it all out. I kid you not. (This is his formula: [n x (n – 1)] /2 ) And the dynamics you have to deal with, in terms of relationships alone, are quite something. And who knows what it is for four, five and six kid families! Each family has their own set of challenges, and I am not presuming to be special, nor make insignificant anyone else’s load. But generally, for all of us, I think we do all wonder how we do it. And I think I know the answer. We lower our standards. It simply is the only way to manage. If I continued to try have the neat and organised home I would like, and the ‘everything in its place’ at all times dream, I think I would simply go completely batsh!t crazy. It just doesn’t happen. And it’s not because I am lazy. It’s because I just can’t find it in me every day to be that much of a stringent drill sergeant. This is my formula: Kids are messy + Life is busy + Time is precious = Lower your standards. I am past worrying about the state of my house when people simply pop in. If we have three sets of school books and homework all over the table, then so be it. Or if we have been baking, (you know, on those days when I wake up with a Gandhi-like patience to have three boys in the kitchen at once) and there is flour all over, then that is just how that is that day. Or if we decide to lie on the grass and come up with cloud animals and pictures, and the beds don’t get made or the dishes just pile up, then that is what the plan for that day is. We are making memories. And memories can be messy. So I’ve lowered my standards. It took a good few years of me feeling like a lousy everything (mother, business person, housekeeper, wife) but I have finally accepted that my house will one day be beautifully pristine, but ghostly quiet, and then I am sure I will miss the mess and noise. For now, it is noisy and messy and a bit disorganized, but it is how it is. So if you visit on one of those days, I am unapologetically going to admit to you that I have lowered my standards, to have more time with my kids, to have more memories in their stores, and quite frankly, to just keep myself sane. Lowering my standards was very difficult at first, but now that I have my head around it, I feel quite liberated. I am not so stressed about how I look on days when the Bornean hairdo has to suffice. I am not overly anxious about how my house looks, if everything is not exactly in its place or the beds aren’t made with army precision. I have lowered my standards to a point that doesn’t make me completely frazzled, but that also allows me to enjoy being mom. And a happy mom, means more emotional space to be able to cope with the demands of this crazy, busy, messy life. So join the movement folks. Lower your standards and expectations. Unless you are Martha Stewart donning a SuperParent cape… it’s ok to have off days and messy days, and to once in a while not be perfect. Cut yourselves some slack – we are all doing the best we can and that is enough. I’m off to look in the mirror and see if this Bornean look actually works for me, because who knows, tomorrow I may need to wear it again.

July 24, 2017

Do you hate bedtime?

A correct bedtime routine can really help your child transition to sleep As a parent, I am sure you have often read about the importance of a bedtime routine. This newsletter attempts to provide a few “bedtime routine secrets”. The most important thing to remember with your child’s bedtime routine is that it really is the start of sleep. Recently, there has been hype in the media about how sleep is a time for our brains to get rid of toxins. So what happens at bedtime? The wonderful thing about bedtime is that it helps our children transition into the “wonderful slumber of sleep”. Have you watched the inspiring TED video about how important sleep is? Watch it now; you will never think the same about sleep again. Why is bedtime routine important? Bedtime routines cue our children’s brains to prepare them for sleep. Children thrive on predictability, consistency and routine. Keep it simple, predictable and the same every night. My top tips for a bedtime routine: Keep it short – no longer than 30 minutes. If you have a child older than 6 months, feed him prior bath time. A bath is the best start to your bedtime routine. For a toddler, set an egg timer for 30 minutes before bedtime to get him used to the idea that sleep is soon to follow. No IPads/TV/computers for at least two hours before bedtime. Rather invest in some quality family time. Keep bedtime early. Typically, after 8pm it should only be mom and dad left in the living room. (I recently commented on a very good article featured in the Baba and Kleuter Magazine’s September edition about early bedtimes). What about older children? Remember that children (until they reach puberty) need to sleep for a solid 11 or 12 hours at night. Therefore, an early bedtime for the whole family is a good idea. In addition, you and your partner will still have a few hours left in the evening to enjoy quality time with each other.

July 15, 2017

Why the is stimulation of little babies so important?

When it comes to stimulation in babies, there seems to be two camps: On the one side we have people who don’t see the need for it and say, “What can a baby do in anyway? They are still so tiny and dependant” or “There is no need to stimulate and teach children before the age of 3.” And then we have the other side, who mostly work with children, who say that it is extremely important to stimulate and teach a child form as early as possible. Starting with baby massage.” So what does the research show? Research indicates that children learn best in an environment which allows them to explore, discover and play. It is also closely tied to the development of cognitive, socio-emotional and physical behaviours. The problem, especially for first time parents, is that the amount of information and research is overwhelming and parents often don’t know where to begin. Add time constraints to this and parents find themselves spending more time researching what to do to aid in their child’s development, than actually playing and bonding with their children. Why is stimulation little babies so important? Recent brain research has found that an infant’s environment dramatically affects brain-building and healthy development. This early stage of brain development results in how and how well one thinks and learns both as children and as adults. You might have heard the expression that children have sponges for brains as they soak everything in. This is because of a biological need and desire to learn. During the first years of a baby’s life, the brain is building the wiring system. Stimulation and activity in the brain creates these connections called synapses. The amount of stimulation received directly affects how many synapses are formed and so repetitive and consistent stimulation strengthens these connections and makes them permanent. Researchers have discovered that the foundational networking of a brain’s synapses is nearly complete by 3 years of age. This shows us that we as parents and caregivers have an important job to assist in building the brain especially in the first 3 years of a child’s life. The SkidZ program focuses on one-on-one stimulation. Infants have a natural and definite preference for the human face, voice, touch and smell, above everything else and so an infant’s best toy is you, the parent or caregiver. Children learn through play and we encourage them to explore and discover, using you as their caregiver and items provided in the SkidZ Clever Activity Boxes. We as parents easily fall into the trap of constantly buying new toys, which they get bored of quickly, when research clearly shows that toys are not their first preference. Playing with a caregiver is. This starts as early as birth with baby massage. SkidZ provides you as a parent or caregiver with an easy to follow manual, filled with age appropriate stimulating activities, to help develop your child’s brain and to aid in them reaching their developmental milestones. It has been developed by four experts in Early Childhood Development, making sure that all developmental milestones are covered. We have done all the work for you, covering what to do and why, and have provided you with the information, so that all your available time can be spent with your child. What do these babies do? Well, we start with baby massage which wakes up the brain and builds brain connections regarding body awareness. As they grow older we help strengthen core muscles and encourage exploration. And so the program covers all the basics such as gross and fine motor skills, auditory, speech, language and cognitive development etc. It even teaches children some independence.

July 15, 2017

How early learning builds a child’s other abilities

We often read articles and speak to Early Childhood Development experts such as Paediatricians and Occupational Therapists, who assess a child’s progress based on developmental milestones. Being a part of many mommy groups, I often find some moms who say that this focus on milestones is misguided. The problem is that many don’t really understand why looking at milestones as a guideline is important. Some even say things like “My child didn’t crawl and she is fine”, but what measures as fine? I’m not talking about major problems or delays in development, but things that we only see later in life. It is also important to note that these developmental skills that are learnt and developed through exploration and play, is the foundation of other skills used later in life. Investing in the development of your child especially in the first few years cannot be emphasised enough. The easiest way to explore this would be through examples, so here goes. When a baby is born, he can’t see or hear very well and his sensations are far from perfect. When looking at visual stimulation babies need to be exposed to high contrast colours and patterns. In the earliest months a baby lays down the main ‘visual pathways’ of his brain. The cortex of his brain has 6 layers of cell which transmit different signals from the retina in the eyes to the back of the brain. On layer for example transmits vertical lines, another horizontal. Others will deal with circles, triangle and squares. If, for example, a baby would only see horizontal lines, then when he crawled or walked he would continually be banging into the legs of tables and chairs because the visual pathways which where laid earlier could not process vertical lines. Here are some more examples of how what a child physically does in the first few years of life plays a major part in how well he will develop other abilities. The Brainstem: Controls the flow of messages between the brain and the rest of the body. Activity learnt: Grasping Touching Crawling Walking Reaching Turning Pushing Pulling. These activities lead to: Hand-eye coordination Gross motor skills Prewriting ability The Cerebellum: Coordinates voluntary movements such as posture, balance, coordination, and speech, resulting in smooth and balanced muscular activity. Activity learnt: Spinning Tumbling Balancing Dancing Listening Swinging Rolling These activities lead to: Balance Sporting ability Bicycle riding Writing skills Fine motor coordination Reading skills. The Emotional brain (amygdala and temporal lobe): Emotions, like fear and love as well as brain functions, like memory and attention. Activity learnt: Cuddling Stroking Playing together These activities lead to: Love Security Bonding Social skills Cooperation Confidence The cortex: Associated with higher brain function such as thought and action Activity learnt: Stacking toys Building puzzles Recognising and making patterns Playing word games Repetitive play and music These activities lead to: Math Logic Problem solving Fluent reading Spelling Writing A good vocabulary Painting Memory Musical ability Another point to consider is that for a child learns from concrete and active experiences. To understand an abstract concept he would first have to understand the physical concept. For instance, to understand the abstract concept of roundness, he must first have experienced real round things like a ball. There are endless examples that could be explored but the conclusion is the same. Experiences and active play to reach milestones are extremely important for future successes. SKidz gives you as a parent the tools to stimulate and play with your child, which encourages not only his physical ability, but also sets a firm foundation for healthy relationships, where he feels loved and secure. The program has been developed by 4 experts in early childhood development and is divided into 5 boxes so that you only need to buy the appropriate one at a time. Each box comes with all the equipment needed to do the activities as well as a step by step manual, with easy to follow instructions as well as developmental information, so that you know what areas you are developing through that activity. The range is divided into the following ages 0-6 months, 6-12 months, 12-18 months, 18-24 months and 2-5 years. More info on this wonderful product can be found on the website http://skidz.co.za. All orders are also placed from the online shop on the website. For some up to date news, articles and specials follow SKidz on facebook at www.facebook.com/skidzsa.

July 14, 2017

What is sensory integration?

Sensory registration Our senses gather information from our surroundings, this is called sensory registration. This information is registered through our senses that include seeing, touching, hearing, smelling, tasting, proprioception and our vestibular system. Sensory discrimination This term is used to describe the awareness of the temporal and spatial characteristics of the sensory input we gather from our environment including the qualities, similarities and differences amongst these sensations. Sensory discrimination dysfunction is defined by Van Jaarsveld (van Jaarsveld, 2011, p. 10) as difficulties with knowing the qualities of the sensory experiences within the sensory system thus not providing the child with the necessary information. Thus when a child has a sensory discrimination disorder they need extra time to process sensory input they get from their environment according to (Miller, 2006, p. 37). Sensory modulation Smith Roley (Smith Roley, 2001, p. 57)called sensory modulation the physiological and behavioural responses to sensory input we receive. After registration and discrimination the sensory information is then sent to the brain. The brain is alerted (sensory arousal occurs) to the new sensory input if it is meaningful. We inhibit input that isn’t relevant – habituation occurs. The intensity and length of the response may be determined through memory due to previous exposure . A child that has a sensory modulation disorder may over-respond, under respond or exhibit sensory seeking behaviour on the sensory input from their environment, thus their arousal level will not be appropriate to the situation. We need just the right amount of arousal to function optimally in our daily roles e.g. school, social interaction, play, etc. Lombard (Lombard, 2007, p. 123) mentioned that the brain goes through 4 stages: Optimal functional state – I am o.k 2nd functional state – I am stressed 3rd functional state – I am overloaded Nil functional state – I am out of control We move through these stages throughout the day, depending on the environmental impact. Please see the following graph to understand the relationship between under-responsiveness, over-responsiveness, sensory-seeking behaviour and sensory-avoiding behaviour that can occur when a modulation difficulty is present. Miller (Miller, 2006, p. 28) stated that a degree of sensory seeking is normal in children while they learn and grow. www.classes.kumc.edu So why is sensory integration needed for learning? During the upcoming months we will have a look at each one of these senses separately to increase your understanding of sensory integration and possible dysfunction of each system. References Sensory Systems that Make up the Learning Hierarchy of a Strong Academic Foundation

July 10, 2017

10 reasons why you should use a Childcare recruitment agency

I have been placing staff in homes to take care of children for 11 years now. I am often asked by new parents why they should make use of an agency as opposed to sourcing someone on their own. Of course it is a lot cheaper to get someone out of the local newspaper, a referral from a friend, your local community centre or church and while you do hear success stories of these searches you also hear about a lot of frustrations and difficult situations that parents found themselves in. You are paying an agency to provide you with a service and while you may not have walked into a store and bought an item and taken it home, you have made a very important decision on a person who you will be entrusting with your most precious being, your child. She will be responsible for the daily care and well being of your child and you want to know that when you leave home in the morning you do it with a feeling of “ I have made the right decision for both my child and myself “. The agency’s expertise come into play with being able to wade through the candidates and identify the experienced, honest and reliable from the influx of job seekers that try anything to secure a position. Some pointers as to why you are paying an agency: Saving time Everybody has a full time job now days, with both mom and dad working. When you get home the last thing you want to do is sit and read through streams of names in the the local paper and then start calling them. It is a lot easier to submit an application form to an agency with your requirements and have them send you only three of the best candidates suited to your requirements and even if you interview all three it will only take up 2 – 3 hours of your time and they should have all been valuable candidate You don’t know exactly what you are looking for Often moms will phone me and say that they know they need someone to take care of their children but they don’t quite know what they want. It is up to the agency to then try and find out the family dynamics and make suggestions on what type of candidate they think will work best. Sometimes the agency will have to send one or two different types of candidates in order for the parents to interview and get a better feel. Only then are they able to identify exactly what their needs are. Pre – screened candidates All the candidates that you receive from an agency should already be screened. So they should have been interviewed in person, the agency will have confirmed that they are literate, they will have a copy of their ID, passport or asylum, work permit, they will send you an up to date cv with all information on it including salaries, ages of children, job description etc, copies of certificates , references will be produced. By doing this you will be receiving candidates that are suitable for the job that you have a vacancy for. You want a candidate that is trained properly While childminding and aupairing in South Africa do not require any formal qualifications, there are many courses that can be taken to train these candidates and better equip them with the necessary skills to perform their job to the best of their ability. An agency will have the knowledge and understanding of which courses are best suited for which position and many agencies now offer their own courses. This makes it a lot better for the clients as they now have piece of mind knowing that the candidate has been through a course at that particular company and they can question the company on what the course material involves. Advice on market related salaries The agency will be able to give an honest opinion on the market related salaries. Over and above the minimum wage set by the government they will be able to recommend a salary based on a candidates experience and qualifications and also suggest to a family what they should offer when they know what the working hours and the job description will be. A good agency should not over price a candidate in order to increase their commission as this is just unfair to the candidate who in the long run will suffer when she has to move on to a new family. Interviews The agency is responsible for setting up the interviews once the client has confirmed a date, time and venue. The agency must confirm with the candidate and make sure that she understands the location and time. The agency must then let the client know that everything is confirmed. After the interview the agency must follow up with both the client and the candidate to get feedback. One should never assume that because the candidate is looking for work she will just accept the position, it is very important to see if she was happy with everything that was discussed and if the distance she would travel is fine etc. The agency must try and prevent any issues from arising should the candidate be offered the job. Negotiations Money is never an easy topic, and while people are desperate for work they don’t want to be taken advantage of and at the same time parents don’t want to feel like they are under paying someone because they know they are looking after their children. The agency should be left to do the negotiating of salary always as both parties are a lot more honest and straight forward when a third party is involved. I always ask the candidate to tell me how much their transport cost for example so that we can see what they would be earning daily. Often the agency has to go up and down

July 7, 2017

Crèche Syndrome

Parents whose children attend crèche or playgroups are very often faced with crèche syndrome. Crèche syndrome is not a condition you will read about in medical textbooks or medical research journals and literature. Yet crèche syndrome is probably the most common chronic condition seen by paediatricians in private practice. CRECHE SYNDROME – THE FACTS Crèche syndrome refers to a phenomenon whereby young children come down with repeated episodes of infections that includes an ongoing cycle of colds, sniffles, excessive upper respiratory snottiness, wet coughs and in more serious cases lead to secondary ear infections, sinusitis, tonsillitis, bronchitis and even pneumonia. Young children are very easily infected at a crèche or playgroup where they come into contact with other children on a daily basis. In a crèche environment, children engage with each other for several hours at time, in a very close proximity, and this exposes young children to whatever infections are doing the rounds. In winter time the children spend most of their time indoors, which is a breeding ground for illness. Vulnerable age group Babies and young children (under the age of 2 years) are most vulnerable to crèche syndrome. Their immune systems is immature and still developing, which mean they are more susceptible to viruses at a young age leading to frequent and more severe infections. The vicious cycle… It is all about continuous virus load – one after another – that wears down the children’s health. However, even though children need to build antibodies against various germs and infections, crèche syndrome doesn’t build enough resistance because of the unrelenting cycle of illness. By the time the virus has infected the first child and travelled through another 10 children at crèche, it reinfects the original child because its form has changed (mutated). After repeated infections a child’s immune system become compromised. Subsequently, these children can get as many as 10 upper airway infections per year. During each episode they could have 10-20 days of a runny nose and a cough as well as fever for the first 3 days (72hours). The result Crèche syndrome is exhausting! It involves a never-ending rollercoaster ride of illness, doctor visits, medication, time off work and very little sleep. The good news Crèche syndrome does not last forever. A young child’s immune system strengthens and becomes better at identifying and dealing with viruses. After the first two to three years you will notice that infections become fewer and often less severe. CRECHE SYNDROME AND ANTIBIOTICS Antibiotics are often prescribed too frequently to treat crèche syndrome and without justification. Antibiotics are rarely the solution because most infections are viral, for which they do not work. They will however kill good bacteria in our body. This disrupts the balance of bacteria present in the digestive system and in so doing compromise the immune system making the child even more susceptible to infections. This becomes a vicious cycle. Recurrent use of antibiotics may also have a negative impact on long-term health. According to research, children exposed to oral antibiotics repeatedly as a baby or young child are more likely to develop allergic disease (eczema, asthma, allergic rhinitis), food allergies, irritable bowel syndrome, inflammatory bowel disease i.e. crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis (IBD) as well as coeliac disease. The wrong use of antibiotics may lead to the development of antibiotic resistance which is of increasing concern. When it really becomes mandatory to use antibiotics, the may not be able to eradicate the offending bacteria. LITTLE BODIES NEED BIG SUPPORT The treatment of crèche syndrome is usually symptomatic and seldom addresses the cause – the underdeveloped immune system. Therefore, the best way to deal with crèche syndrome is to help support and strengthen the immune system to fight infections and thereby prevent the cycle of the condition. Fight it with food Good nutrition is essential in fighting crèche syndrome. It is very important to provide the essential vitamins and minerals much needed by the immune system but also to prevent nutrient deficiencies. The problem is that many toddlers are fussy eaters and parents fall into the trap of feeding them something they know they’ll eat. Often processed meals e.g. pizza or 2-minute noodles instead of nutritious food. This means they miss out on very important nutrients and their immune systems as well as gut become impaired so they catch colds frequently. This can spiral into a vicious cycle of eating less and catching more infections. After repeated bouts of illness many children often battle to catch up the weight they lost making them even more susceptible. Missing immune supportive nutrients Nutrient deficiencies is a well-known cause of immune system malfunction and young children are very often deficient in immune supportive nutrients. An underlying iron, zinc or vitamin D deficiency are often present and can affect the immune system dramatically and increases a child’s vulnerability to an infection. If a child presents with recurring infections it is of value to have blood tests done to establish if there is any underlying nutrient deficiency present. These deficiencies can be easily corrected by means of supplementation. IMMUNE BOOSTING SUPPLEMENTATION Multi-vitamin If a child is a picky eater, multivitamin supplementation should be considered to help support the immune system. Daily supplementation ensure that the body is getting all of the building blocks for a healthy immune system. Look for a high quality broad spectrum multivitamin with vitamins A, B, C, D, E, and B12, zinc, selenium and magnesium. There are so many supplements available on the market that it can be confusing which to use. Paarl Dietitians would be able to advise you on the most appropriate supplement. I usually suggest that children should rather drink a no.3 formula up to 3 years of age rather than cow’s milk that does not supply all the required nutrients for brain development and building a strong immune system. Important – Do not exceed 500ml of milk a day to reduce the risk of an iron deficiency. Probiotics Probiotics seem to be the new

July 7, 2017

Why sleep is important?

Every function in the body is affected by sleep. And for a child, the risks of sleep deprivation are much more serious than simply waking up in a grumpy mood. Research shows that children with sleep disturbances have more medical problems – such as allergies, ear infections, and hearing problems. They are also more likely to have social and emotional problems. Sleep is as important as nutrition and exercise. It’s when the body repackages neurotransmitters, chemicals that enable brain cells to communicate. 1. Sleep promotes growth – Growth hormone is primarily secreted during deep sleep. 2. Sleep helps the heart. 3. Sleep affects weight – There’s increasing evidence that getting too little sleep causes kids to become overweight, starting in infancy. 4. Sleep helps beat germs – During sleep, children (and adults) also produce proteins known as cytokines, which the body relies on to fight infection, illness, and stress. 5. Sleep reduces injury risk – Kids are clumsier and more impulsive when they don’t get enough sleep, setting them up for accidents. 6. Sleep increases kids’ attention span – Children who consistently sleep fewer than ten hours a night before age 3 are three times more likely to have hyperactivity and impulsivity problems by age 6. 7. Sleep boosts learning – Sleep aids learning in kids of all ages, and education experts are finding that naps have a particular magic. The simple fact is that kids sleep less today than they used to. And unless we make an effort to get that sleep time back, their health will suffer.

June 9, 2017

How to Avoid Toddler Tantrums

You’ve all seen other toddlers performing, screaming, lying on the floor and causing a scene in the shop or restaurant. You used to shake your head and wonder why the parents couldn’t control their child. Now, you are the parent and when your toddler is performing you either want to walk away, pretend you don’t know them or grab them and run out of the establishment. There are normally reasons for the meltdown so be prepared and plan your trips. Try and prevent the temper tantrum from happening by being aware and taking note of the following: Keep them updated.Tell your toddlers your plans and the activities for the day so that they can be prepared and now what to expect. By doing this, they will not be surprised and stressed in an unknown and new environment. Also, why shouldn’t they know and be aware of the plans for the day! Food glorious food. We all know that hungry toddlers are impatient and unpredictable. Either feed them before you go out or always carry around healthy snack options with you. Snacks will keep your toddler busy and also tide them over until the next meal. Take snacks that are easy to clean up if spilled as this will probably be inevitable. Peanuts and raisins or small pieces of fresh or dried fruit are a good idea. Tired toddlers.Life is busy and it is often very stimulating when you go out. Try and plan ahead so when you do go out the toddler is well rested. If you do need to go out at other times, let them sleep in the car on the way or make the visit short and not too busy. Rewards and Incentives.If you have a tricky toddler then let them know that after the event, if they behave, you can do something fun with them or they can have a treat. This does not have to involve screen time or sweets but could be something simple like a bike ride or a visit to the park. The anticipation will hopefully give them the motivation to see them through the visit or trip. Toddlers get bored easily so keep things for them to do in the car and in your bag as distractions. These could be toys, books or in the car, C.D.’s with stories or music to sing along to. Hopefully these suggestions will help and prevent the toddler tantrum and make the experience an enjoyable one for all. If not, then don’t forget to breathe, stay calm and know that this stage will pass and make way for the next.

June 9, 2017

Potty Talk…

Potty training isn’t the easiest thing to do, but for the most part it runs fairly smoothly – a couple of accidents here and there, a bit of frustration, many hours of potty entertainment, and eventual mastery. But what happens when you seem to have got it all down and suddenly your 3 year old is afraid to make a poo? Before you go rushing off to play therapy, there are a couple of things you can consider… If your child is under 4 years old, this behaviour is not out of the normal age range, but if your child was doing really well with toilet training up until this point and then suddenly regressed then it may be something that needs addressing. Firstly, make sure your child is not constipated. The majority of issues come about because of constipation, which then makes it uncomfortable or even painful to pass a stool. Make sure your child drinks lots of water (they sometimes forget when they’re having too much fun), gets enough fruit and veg every day, and maybe even add some prunes or something similar to her diet for a while. Try cutting out constipating foods like bread, pap, red meats, bananas and sugar. Constipation can also be the result of being afraid to go to the loo, where kids hold it in for long periods of time. Compacted faeces can cause greater issues, so if you suspect this, follow the guidelines above and consider seeing your family practitioner. Sometimes potty issues can come about due to strong emotional experiences at the time of potty training. Ask yourself if any major changes have happened at the same time – a parent going away, divorce, death in the family, arrival of a new sibling, even going on holiday can be stressful for some kids. If there is an emotional connection, speak to your child about this, address her fears, lay off the pressure on potty training for a while, and consider doing some relaxation exercises with your child. The next question to ask is if there are any benefits for your child for soiling her pants. Does she get additional attention (even negative) or anything like that? If there are some hidden benefits to it, you’ll need to address those in more positive ways first. You also need to look at how potty training is handled at school. It is worth digging in to this a bit, as the school may tell you that accidents and messes are handled well, but in my experience this is not always the case. Address whether it is possible that there was some shaming or embarrassment that has happened to your child, or even one of the other children at school. You need to reassure your child that everyone messes sometimes (even adults) and it is not a big deal. I would never offer rewards for going to the toilet – this may add additional stress. Your child may be genuinely unable to consciously control it. Also, never shame your child for soiling their pants. Make sure she knows that you are not cross or upset by it. The less emphasis you put on it the better. Explain that you know she is doing her best and that you are there if she needs to talk to you about anything that is worrying her. And then leave it. Don’t push for information, just be present. When your child does soil her pants, don’t make a big deal out of it. Explain that all kids do that sometimes and it is really ok (if you have a story about yourself doing it as a child then it is worth relating that). Show your child how to deal with it so that if she wants to she can clean it up herself (give her some power back in her life) – show her how to empty it into the loo, and to rinse her panties in the sink and how to put them in the wash, or however you handle it. She probably won’t do a very good job about it, but praise her for her efforts. Again, don’t force her – only if she wants to be involved. You could also offer her the option of wearing a nappy for a while until she feels ok to go to the loo again – be careful how you handle this though – she mustn’t feel like she’s regressing or that it is a punishment. Point out other kids her age still wearing nappies and explain that it is normal at her age to still have accidents. Maybe she won’t want to do this at school but may be ok to wear one at home, or even just when she feels she needs to poo. Also, make going to the toilet as natural as possible. Let her come to the bathroom with you when you go and be chatty about making a poo and how good it feels etc. You may also look for books at the library or online that can help you to address the subject with her in a fun way. Here are some you can check out: It Hurts When I Poop! a Story for Children Who Are Scared to Use the Potty Where’s the Poop? I Can’t, I Won’t, No Way!: A Book For Children Who Refuse to Poop “Bloop, Bloop!” Goes the Poop Try taking this relaxed, no big deal approach and see how she does. Be patient with her. If she did have someone shout at her at school or is feeling stressed because of it, it may take her some time to reestablish trust with the toilet! Give it a try and if you still don’t come right then consider taking your child to see a play therapist or someone with experience in dealing with these issues. Good luck!

May 29, 2017

Top 10 Fun Outdoor Games and Activities for Kids

A happy kid makes a happy parent. And what a better way to make your kids happy than by letting them engage in some outdoor activity? There are endless activities that your kid can engage in. However, some of them tend to do more harm than good. It’s wise to choose an activity that matches your child’s age and physical abilities. This will ensure that your kid gets the most from it. So what are some of the best outdoor games and activities your child can participate in? Below we look at 10 recommendations that might work with your child. 1. Camping You know what; your kid is not too young for camping. This outdoor activity teaches your kid a thing or twoabout survival and other responsibilities that prepare them for adulthood. You can choose to camp together so that your kid doesn’t feel left out. However, your kid can do it solo in case the camping ground is within the home. In this case, you’ll need to have some good monitoring to guarantee the safety of your child. 2. Stargazing Most kids have a love for shiny things and it’s even more amazing when you give them the chance to explore lots of the shiny things. These are none other than the stars, something that won’t cost you even a penny. Just go out on a cloudless night and let your kid appreciate what the heavens have to offer. In case your kid seems to take more interest in it, then it’s time that you take it to the next level. You can purchase a kids’ telescope and download a star map to make the stargazing activity more engaging. 3. Hiking Not all of us are lucky to live in areas where mountains are within easy reach. But that doesn’t mean that your kid can’t benefit from taking a hike. It doesn’t have to be a mountain; a small hill might just suffice. Hiking works to develop your kid’s strength and endurance. And it’s, even more, fun when you do it together. Just ensure to take some rest in between the hike so that it does more good than harm. 4. Riding balance bike Riding is one outdoor activity that many kids just can’t resist. However, to get the most out of it, your kid has to start small. Forget about training wheels and instead get your kid a balance bike. The good thing about this outdoor activity is that it requires close monitoring from the parent, hence a strong bond between parent and child. To add more fun, you need to ensure that you choose the right balance bike for your kid; one that’s got a perfect balance of comfort and safety. This outdoor activity can be done just at the comfort of your home. 5. Flying kites Seeing a kite soaring up high in the skies is one thing that your kid just can’t resist. Though there are some kites available for purchase, it would be more fun in case you and your child make one for yourself. The right moment for this activity is when there’s a gentle wind blowing. However, you have the chance to do it on a calm day. What you need is just tie the end of the string on your child’s balance bike and off you go. 6. Gardening We live, eat and walk nature. Therefore you need to give your kid a chance to add something to mother nature. And there’s no better way of doing that than by showing your child some gardening skills. You can start small by letting your kid water the plants after which you can teach on garden maintenance. Let your kid plant something and see it grow by the day. It’s something that will literally make your child want to do more. 7. Riding electric car There are many ways through which your kid can get that wonderful ride. But many require some effort from both the parent and child. Electric carseliminate all the hassles of pushing and pulling. They provide a more leisure ride and come with a remote control operated by the parent for maximum safety. Some of these cars can fit more than one child, something that makes them a valuable purchase. You can choose to do it at home or go a little adventurous by letting your kid take a ride in the neighborhood. 8. Fishing Fish is among the most popular delicacies. But why let your child eat without knowing how to fish for some? Take a tour of that stream in your neighborhood and locate some hot spots where your child will have a high chance of making a catch. Fishing at a pond might seem more effective. However, making a catch in moving water proves to be more fun. Use fishing lines instead of fishing nets to make it a little bit of a challenge. Get two lines so you can fish together. 9. Landscaping A well-trimmed lawn or hedge makes any home stand out. Why not let your kid give you a hand in letting you achieve that? Go ahead and teach your child some landscaping skills. For the safety of your child, you can start out with those toy-like landscaping tools. Once your kid gets a grasp of the tools, you can upgrade to the real landscaping tools. This is an activity that teaches your kid some home maintenance skills. 10. Limbo The game of limbo is among the most loved athletic endeavors that give your child an opportunity to have some fun and test their flexibility and balance. This activity doesn’t have to cost you that much. All you need is just some upbeat music and a pole. It’s, even more, fun when two adults participate in the game. This means that both parents need to be involved. Conclusion These are some of the best outdoor activities that your kid can engage in. Apart from letting them have some fun, some of these

May 26, 2017

Toddler Food Battles

Solving a complex problem at work, finally achieving a personal goal is nothing compared to your child finishing a whole plate of food. Isn’t it amazing that no matter how big your accomplishments in your day, NOTHING, absolutely nothing compares to the satisfaction you get watching your toddler successfully finish a meal. You can sleep peacefully know your baby has eaten ‘well’! Having a fussy eater is more common than you may think. While some babies eat almost anything they can get their little hands on, other babies are a lot pickier. Some fussy eaters are simply trying to express their independence with a say in what, when, where and how they eat. Others just need some coaxing, distraction and gentle encouragement. Perhaps your family dinner table has become a battleground? Then it is time to take the stress out of mealtimes with your toddler and child, end the arguments over food, and feed your fussy eaters. There is nothing like a food battle to cause stress and anxiety in parents – take heart and remember fussy eating isn’t just common, it’s normal! Understanding your child A classic time for problems to arise is when your baby is 12 months old. As a child is more aware of the world his natural instincts make him more suspicious of new foods. Nature’s way of protecting us from eating food that is potentially harmful. If you’re one of the lucky parents that sailed through weaning, another common time for problems to arise is during the challenging 2’s. Having lulled you into a false sense of security, your toddler could wake one morning with dietary requirements that even a top chef would struggle to meet. Children’s appetites are affected by growth cycles and they have different taste preferences to adults. You will encourage her appetite to work properly if you give her more when she’s hungry and let her eat less when she’s not interested. Growth slows down and appetites fluctuate between one and five years of age. Studies have shown that most children get plenty to eat even if it seems like they are barely eating at all. Try looking at mealtimes from a child’s perspective. Toddlers have a different agenda: from their point of view, eating is a waste of their playing time, and if we make mealtimes boring by nagging, it’s even worse. Here are some tips to help your little fussy eater learn to eat better, while giving you some peace of mind. 1. Put your mind at rest: If you are concerned about the health of your child, take her for a check up at the doctor to rule out any potential health problems. Keep a food diary for 2 weeks and record EVERYTHING that she eats and drinks (include quantities). You can then get this assessed by a health professional to assess adequate nutritional intake. Give an appropriate vitamin & mineral supplement during the fussy eating phase. 2. Stay off the battle field: Remember picky eating can also be a child’s way of asserting his independence and may have less to do with the actual food than his need to push the limits of your authority and assert some control over his life. This is why pressurizing a child to eat often back fires and you become a ‘casualty of war’. 3. Wean at the appropriate age Weaning late has shown some link to fussing eating. Parents who delay introducing their babies to chewy food and a variety of tastes could find their babies grow up developing food fads. A recent study showed that babies should be introduced to a more varied diet between the ages of 6 to 9 months to decrease the risk of becoming fussy eaters. Babies learning to eat will spit food out, and this is more than likely due to a ‘tongue-reflex’ action than a sign that your baby doesn’t like the food. Keep trying with that food and soon he will get used to it and swallow. 4. Fun food presentation Sandwiches cut into moon shapes, cracker with a smiley face, carrot sticks as soldiers and apple boats can make food presentation more enticing Presenting meals as a smorgasbord from which they can pick and choose from a variety of colours, shapes and textures. Toddlers and young children prefer foods that are identifiable and not one big mush. Using a compartmentalized plate that prevents different foods from touching is a great help. 5. Make mealtimes fun and relaxed Use it as an extension of playtime and time when you and your baby can bond uninterrupted (no cell phone calls or sms’s !!!). Do puzzles, read a book, tell a story. 6. Educate Talk about the food and its value in simple terms. E.g. this piece of chicken will help your muscles grow strong like daddy (or superman!!) and this carrot will give you beautiful eyes like Cinderella! 7. Involve your child in food preparation By involving your child they will be likely to eat what THEY have made and may eat a bit while preparing their meal. 8. Empower your child in decision making Allow your toddler to choose between two food options. Children are more likely to eat food they have chosen for themselves. 9. Serve simple, easy to prepare meals. There is nothing more demoralizing than spending ages cooking a gourmet meal for your baby, who after the first spoonful turns her head away. Prepare easy meals that you know your child likes and should they refuse the food, offer one alternative that is a sure win e.g. Yogurt. 10. Milk intake By the age of one, babies need drink only 500ml of milk daily. Most babies can go onto cow’s milk from one years of age unless health reasons dictate otherwise. Do not substitute milk for meals 11. Social eating People are social beings as are our children. Nothing makes a toddler want his food more than having another toddler after his food. Invite a friend over

May 26, 2017

Help Your Child to Read

Helping your child learn to read and to love reading is probably the greatest gift you can give them. Reading opens a whole world of communication, learning and imagination. So, when you help your child learn to read, you open up the whole universe for them. Reading is not centred in just one part of the brain and that’s one of the main reasons that it can be so difficult for some children to learn to read. There are different parts of the brain that need to work together, at exactly the same time. These parts of the brain have different functions and are even on opposite sides of the brain. So the communication between all the parts of the brain needs to be at its best. Just think what you are actually doing when you read and you will realise the complexity of this wonderful pastime that we can spend so many relaxing hours doing once it is mastered. In my work I see many children struggling to develop early reading skills and parents want to help them but often just don’t know where to begin. Very often all the input to help the child actually starts at the stage of actually reading and trying to sound out words. This is starting too high up the ladder for many children. That is why I just had to share my own experience and methods, creating a program that parents can use to build visual skills, auditory skills and develop close communication between the different parts of the brain involved in reading. A fun and games approach to developing the basic skills to really learn to read. When we read, our brains have to link the visual codes our eyes see with the sound code that each letter represents; and visual and sound processing are done on opposite sides of the brain. There are subtle differences between the parts of the visual code (letters) as well as between the different sounds they represent. Children need to be able to recognise the similarities as well as the differences of the sounds and of the printed letters. And this has to be done in an instant! We also have to notice the subtle differences between the different letters. For example, ‘b’ and ‘d’ are the same but just back to front and ‘t’ and ‘f’ also confuse many children who struggle with perceiving subtle visual differences. We need to be able to notice when letters are close together, making a word and when there is a small gap between the letters of different words. This is visual perception and develops through our interaction with the real world around us. From the moment we are born and we start moving our hands and legs, we are learning about where things are and what size and shape they are. The more we play with real objects and move them and move ourselves around them, the more we develop our visual perception for shape, size and special relations (what things are close together, far apart, back-to-front, upside-down). So the first thing you can do to begin preparing your child for reading is to let them play obstacle courses. Who would have thought this was step one of learning to read? By the way, spatial perception is also important to maths. So, get your child to make obstacle courses! As your child develops his control and understanding, you can let him make letters out of play-dough and draw letters in sea sand or snow or on a mirror, using shaving foam. But knowing the shapes of letters is no good on its own. He also needs to be able to recognises and differentiate the sounds that letters represent and he must be able to separate the different sounds in the words he hears. I frequently meet children in my practice who have good a vocabulary and speak well but struggle to tell me what the first sound or last sound of a word is. When we read we are joining sounds together to make words. When we spell, we are working out the sounds in a word and then assigning the correct letter to represent that sound. Both these tasks need us to be able to notice the separate sounds that combine to make a word. We also need to be able to hear the subtle differences between the sounds: ‘ch’ and ‘sh’; the soft ‘t’ versus the harder sound of ‘d’ or ‘c’ and ‘g’. Parents can teach their children rhymes and play word games, such as “I Spy”. These games help develop the auditory processing to separate out the different sounds in words. Play good old-fashioned games with rhyming and skipping or rhyming and clapping. This way, you will help your child develop the sense of rhythm and rhyme and the communication between both sides of the brain to help speed up his ability to link the sight of letters and words with the sound. There is a lot you can do to help your child be ready to learn to read; and most of it is fun and games! Once you’ve helped him develop the underlying skills and enjoy playing with words and letters, he will be ready to learn to read and to love reading.

May 25, 2017

Childhood Allergies

Spring is set to arrive soon and what a wonderful time of the year it is, unless, of course, you’re the parent of a child plagued with allergy symptoms that are exacerbated at this time of the year. Seasonal allergies, commonly known as hay fever, are caused by pollens from trees and grasses or airborne mould spores. Symptoms include sneezing, itching of the nose and mouth, red, watery and itchy eyes and a consistently thin and clear discharge from the nose that may also become blocked. However year-round allergies to house dust, animal dander, feathers, mites and chemicals may also be troubling your child. And then, of course, there are food allergies. In infants the first symptom of a food allergy may be a rash such as eczema (atopic dermatitis) or a rash that resembles hives. This may be accompanied by colic, nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea. However food allergies in children can also contribute to chronic health problems, such as asthma, ear infections, fatigue, headache, irritability, chronic runny nose, acne, bedwetting and even difficulty maintaining concentration (attention deficit disorder, or hyperactivity). Dark circles under the eyes (called “allergic shiners”), along with a puffy look to the face, are frequently seen. (Cow’s milk is very often the culprit here). Allergic children often look wan or pallid and lack vitality. This is because food allergies can also cause digestive problems that interfere with the absorption of vitamins and minerals, no matter how nutritious the diet In the presence of an allergen, a child’s built-in defence system releases histamines and similar chemicals to fight what it perceives as an invader. A string of reactions such as the swelling and congestion of nasal passages and increased mucous production results. Conventional medicine using prescription antihistamines, nasal sprays or decongestants, treats symptoms only. Many of these medications have nasty side-effects and if used consistently may lose their effect or rapidly produce dependency. A Nutritional Therapy Approach To Treating Food Allergies The most common foods that cause allergic reactions in children are wheat, dairy products, eggs, fish and seafood, chocolate, citrus fruits, soy products, corn, nuts, peanuts and berries. On the chemical list are additives such as artificial colourants, preservatives (e.g. benzoic acid), flavour enhancers (e.g. MSG) and sulphites found in some frozen foods, dried fruits and medications. To identify what foods are making your child miserable use an elimination diet or keep a diary recording your child’s symptoms and the foods eaten. (Some children seem to be particularly drawn to a problematic food and actually crave it, so be wary if your child wants to live on peanut butter or wheat bread or dairy products). Simply eliminate the suspected food from the diet for a few weeks and watch for improvements. Eliminating all dairy products would be a good place to start. Dairy foods can stimulate an increase in mucous production. Rice, oats or goat’s milk are possible alternatives. If your child’s allergies are seasonal, it may also be helpful to avoid whole wheat during the allergy season. Good substitutes include buckwheat, corn/maize, rice, millet and quinoa. If all the identified problem foods are eliminated from a child’s diet for at least 6 months and then introduced slowly one by one she should be able to tolerate small amounts of these foods. What Else Can Help? Encourage your child to drink lots of water to thin secretions and ease expectoration. Allergic children need a good wholesome diet comprising mainly raw fruit and vegetables. Avoid giving your child any processed foods as they will contain some of the additives mentioned previously. Nutritional Supplements That May Help Vitamin C, preferably in mineral ascorbate form with bioflavonoids, is a natural anti-histamine and a powerful promoter of a strong immune system, making it the most important anti-allergy vitamin. MSM (methylsuphonyl methane) is being prescribed more and more for its anti-allergenic properties. Essential fatty acids, such as those found in fish oil help to regulate the inflammatory response. Quercetin, a plant bioflavonoid naturally found in many fruits and vegetables, acts as anti-inflammatory agent and stabilises mast cells in allergy sufferers. Mast cells become unstable during an allergic reaction and release large quantities of histamine. A high quality green whole food multivitamin and mineral supplement will ensure optimum intake of essential nutrients and sufficient digestive enzymes. Ways To Prevent Allergies In the past it was believed that it was essential to avoid sensitization of infants before birth and for the first three years of life and so moms were advised to reduce exposure of the foetus/infant to known food allergens. However despite this, food allergy in children has increased world wide. Now there is a new take based on “The Development of Oral Tolerance” whereby it is believed that by exposing an infant before and after birth to small quantities of foreign proteins, the child’s immune system is stimulated to produce anti-bodies. Mothers are now encouraged to eat a wide range of foods during pregnancy, so that small amounts of all kinds of proteins can cross the placenta to sensitize the foetus. Mothers should also breastfeed for at least 4 months while eating a wide range of different foods. For infants that cannot be breastfed, hydrolysed infant formulas and goat’s milk formulas are a safer option than soy-based formulas. Soya is a well-known allergen which can cause as many allergic reactions as cow’s milk. Holding back on solid foods until baby is 5 months old is still recommended and using only one solid food at a time in small portions (1 teaspoon a day) to keep track of any adverse reactions. The latest research also suggests that pregnant women would do well to take supplemental probiotics every day for a few weeks before their due dates and while breast-feeding as this may help prevent childhood allergies. Bottle-fed and caesarian-section infants ought to be given probiotics orally from birth. Encouragingly most children, except those suffering from peanut allergy, outgrow their allergic response. Statistics show that 25% of infants are free of symptoms

May 24, 2017

Anxiety In Children

Most psychologists and other mental health professionals use The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition Revised (DSM-1V R) to diagnose various difficulties or problems in children, adolescents and adults. Having a name or a “label”is useful in many ways, for example without a name and specific criteria it becomes difficult for further research with regard to understanding and developing effective and valuable treatment. (Medical Aid schemes in South Africa won’t reimburse clients without a diagnosis). A name for the difficulty also makes it easier for parents to understand and often provides relief with the next point of receiving effective treatment from the clinical or child psychologist. A common clinical diagnosis in children is anxiety. Anxiety is the umbrella term for various types of anxiety which can be described as follows: Social Anxiety Disorder A child or adolescent with a social anxiety disorder shows significant and persistent fear of social situations in which they perceive potential embarrassment or rejection may occur. They experience acute (immediate) physical reactions to feared social reactions. These children often know their fears are greatly exaggerated, however feel powerless, hopeless and overwhelmed to do anything about them. They often avoid the situation which fills them with dread at any cost to the detriment of their academic and social life. Some children may just be fearful of one or a few social situations. In this instance the difficulty is referred to as a specific social phobia. When a youngster is afraid and avoids many social situations, it is referred to social anxiety disorder. Generally, the symptoms fall into three categories: Cognitive symptoms, what a child/adolescent ‘thinks’. However, are not always evident in young children as they may react with intense anxiety and not be able to verbalise what is distressing for them. Physical reactions, how the body reacts to situations; and Behaviour, which is mostly the avoidance of the perceived fearful situation. Separation Anxiety Disorder The crux of this disorder is excessive anxiety about being separated from the person to whom the child is most closely attached. For most children, this is the parent, especially the mother. Fear of separation from the mother or father is a normal part of development in children between the ages of eight and fifteen months. At this stage in their development, children are expected to object to separation vociferously with tears and other signs of distress. However, in older children extreme anxiety from brief separations from their parent/s is not developmentally appropriate. Separation anxiety disorder thus becomes detrimental to the child and stressful for the parent. Children with separation anxiety disorder typically cry, scream and cling on to their parent when faced with separation. If they have to leave their home or other familiar places they become tense and fearful, especially if they have to go alone. They miss out on many fun aspects of being a child such as going to parties and being free and having fun, or going for sleepovers. Even within their own homes children with separation anxiety are afraid to be left alone. They often follow their parents around and are reluctant to go to the bathroom or to any other room by themselves. Children with separation anxiety disorder often have significant difficulties sleeping alone. A common problem associated with Separation Anxiety Disorder is school refusal, whereby on most mornings there is an excessive upheaval and fuss to get these children ready, in the car and off to school. Difficulties in this regard are worse on Mondays, after holidays or after a bout of illness which required absence from school. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Children with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder have persistent and recurring thoughts “obsessions” that seem to have an adverse effect on their daily life and generally involve exaggerated and irrational anxiety or fears. The children feel compelled to perform repetitive behaviours, known as “compulsions”, in an attempt to ward off anxiety caused by their obsessive thoughts. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when children experience a physical, environmental or emotional trauma. Therefore, if a child has experienced a crime related trauma, such as being hijacked, experienced a burglary or mugging, or whether they experienced a natural disaster such as a flood, or being in a motor vehicle accident they may develop PTSD. One has to bear in mind though, that at times, what children experience as traumatic may not necessarily be perceived to be traumatic by adults (such as turbulence on an aeroplane) but might be especially upsetting to a child. Consequently, a child may experience the traumatic incident again and again via nightmares, continuously thinking about what happened, or by re-enacting the event when playing. Children with PTSD can experience symptoms of general anxiety such as difficulty sleeping and eating. They also tend to be irritable, avoid reminders of the trauma and are easily startled. Specific Phobias Children with a specific phobia experience intense fear of a specific object or situation (such as spiders, dogs, elevators) which is irrational or unrealistic. Children with these phobias often avoid situations linked to their fear. The most common specific phobia is the fear of animals, (especially dogs), snakes, insects and mice. Panic Disorder Children who suffer from panic attacks experience debilitating bouts of unexpected and recurring panic and fear. Panic Disorder is rare in young children, however it becomes more common among older children and adolescents. Panic attacks are relatively short periods of extreme anxiety. During a panic attack, the young person quickly by terrifying mental and physical sensations. The symptoms are: Pounding heart and/or increased heart rate Sweating Trembling and shaking Chest pain Abdominal discomfort and nausea Sensation of choking Dizziness or feeling “light headed” Feelings of unreality or detached from oneself Fear of losing control or “going crazy” Fear of dying Tingling or feeling numb Even when a child is not in the grip of a panic attack, just the thought that it could possibly happen again can make a child extremely anxious. Panic disorder causes

May 22, 2017

No Such Thing As A Naughty Child

Naughty children, naughty corners, treats for good behavior, consequences for bad behavior, identifying one child as the naughty on and the other as the good one… It’s quite hard for our kids to grow up without some sense of themselves as either good or bad. The thing is that every single person on this planet has both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ traits. We are all sometimes helpful and sometime unhelpful, sometimes stingy and sometimes generous, sometimes pleasant and sometimes grumpy. Labeling a child is the first step to creating lifelong problems. When I work with parents I look at the limiting beliefs that they have picked up over their lifetime. The most predominant of these are a variation on one of the following: I am not worthy I am not lovable I am not good enough The main reason that 99% of adults are walking around with these beliefs running their lives is because they were given the message that we are supposed to always be good. Always be kind, happy, helpful, agreeable, loving, sharing. And so we end up rejecting one half of ourselves. EVERYONE is also mean, sad, uncooperative, difficult, hateful and stingy – sometimes. It depends on what is important to us how and when we display these traits, but we all have all of them. Labelling a child as naughty makes them believe that they only have the so-called negative end of this spectrum and not the ‘good’ traits. This is just as unhealthy as striving in vain to only have the ‘good’ traits and avoid the bad. In order to love ourselves and other people we need to embrace both sides. My favourite quote is by Dr John Demartini: “No matter what I have done, or not done, I am worthy of love”. Love is about wholeness. And most of our discipline gives the message of separation. No child can be one sided and this obsession with trying to make them this way is the very source of all our problems with discipline and the reason that our kids end up with limiting beliefs about themselves. Please do away with the naughty corner and the grow good corner. There is no such thing as a naughty child or a child that needs to get rid of one half of themselves to be ok. Every child will be cooperative sometimes and uncooperative at other times, helpful and unhelpful, respectful and rude – just like all the rest of us. Children deserve to be loved no matter what they have done or not done.

May 18, 2017

Give your Children the Building Blocks they Need to Find Balance

By Marlinie Ramsamy, CEO of FranklinCovey South Africa Our children are growing up in a different world to the one where we, their parents, spent our formative years. Our children are faced with an overwhelming barrage of media that tells good stories and bad, they are under more pressure to perform on more platforms, and the structure of modern families is often more fluid than we were accustomed to. Equipping our children to navigate through their world is one of the best gifts we can give them, and I believe that there are four key tools that will help them identify their best path, and stick to it, no matter what distractions they encounter: confidence, personal resilience, emotional intelligence, self-worth. Confidence Confidence comes from young people being able to ask themselves questions, identify answers, and to have the strength of character to act on those answers. This gives them the tools they need to identify the tasks, opportunities and obstacles ahead of them, and to plan a strategy to address them all. It also allows them to identify which events are part of their concern, giving them the confidence to choose what they need to do, and not be distracted by what is not important. Resilience Resilience in children comes from them having confidence in themselves and in their personal space with their parents and families. They’re confident that the future will be fine, and that their family institution provides a backstop for all their decisions. While much of this may be tacit in a family, it’s worth learning from bigger institutions – i.e. businesses – and taking the time to create a mission statement for the family, with every family member contributing. This ensures that everyone knows where they fit into the family, and what they need to do to support one another, in turn giving everyone the resilience that they will need to face daily challenges. Emotional intelligence Emotional intelligence is being secure in the knowledge of who/whom you are and what you stand for – and it’s not just children and teenagers that need to learn this skill! Parenting requires emotional flexibility and realising that the rules that we grew up with, such as children being seen and not heard, are no longer relevant. Our children have strong opinions that they need the space to vent – and should know how to do it with respect. A society – and a family – with a high level of emotional intelligence knows that everyone has the right to their opinion, but that they also must be cognizant of others’ needs. Simply, they need to learn confidence and assertiveness, without being arrogant. Self-worth Self-worth is a state of mind, and not a competency. It includes being comfortable with what you look like and who you are, and it forms the basis of learning responsibility at every level. This could be for something as basic as understanding a timetable and packing bags accordingly, or it could be responsibility on a deeper level, relating to decisions made, friends chosen, and the nature of social interactions a young person chooses. It also extends to how they manage their time – or at least finding a sensible balance between academic, sporting and leisure activities. These four tools are built in the principles of the 7 Habits of Happy Kids by Sean Covey and Stephen R Covey, which include: Be proactive – because you’re in charge; Begin with the end in mind – have a plan; Put first things first – work first, then play; Think win-win – everyone needs to benefit; Seek first to understand, then to be understood – listen before you talk; Synergise – because together is better; and Sharpen the saw – because balance feels best! Pull out box: How do you open conversations about abstract life skills with children who respond best to tangible stimuli? Create an environment that is safe and open before you start the discussion Maintain constant and open communication Correct behaviour after each incident, rather than collecting a range of wrongs before addressing mistakes Seek mentors or coaches that can help you Use real life examples to illustrate what you’re describing Understand that children might not grasp the concept the first time you discuss it. Acknowledge and recognise the efforts they make to develop life skills Support them in their dreams Don’t try to correct your own life mistakes by forcing lessons you should have learned, on them Separate the issue and the child – for example, say “I’m really upset when you behave this way,” rather than “You have upset me because…”.

May 16, 2017

Embracing The Digital Gap

It is human nature to find fascination with things that are off limits. The DO NOT ENTER sign ignites our imaginations as to what might lie within, the secret cupboard where the gifts are kept is always the target of sneaky investigations, the age restricted movie is the one we dress up to get into. And so it is with technology and kids. If you say ‘no’ or block things it leads to an internal conflict and most likely some form of rebellion. They want to find out what it is that you’re hiding and then will do it behind your back. The generational gap has become the digital gap and it is growing. We are the infants in this world – we don’t know how to navigate it, we don’t know what the rules are, and we’re totally out of our depth in controlling it. We need to embrace technology. Our children’s world is a digital one, and if we’re not closing the gap we’re going to get lost on the other side of a chasm that we won’t even know how to bridge later on. Like all things – relationship and communication are key. Get involved online WITH your children. Use technology to enhance your relationship with them not to break it down. You need to educate yourself on the programs, places, and sites that they are into. Get onto them. Make yourself at home. Share it with them. Let technology be a family thing. Use it together. Look things up. Share videos. Play games together. If you need to replace the board game with an online family game, so be it. Let them see technology as a way to connect with you not a place where you don’t belong. You need to overcome your own fear of technology and the online world. Find a way to link it to what is important to you. Then link what’s important to you to what’s important to your kids. Make the connections. Communication is all about bridging two worlds – the world in my mind and the world in yours. Find ways for you and your children to connect through the technology and not in spite of it. If you need to block something be clear about why. Communicate. Let your children be involved in the rule making around technology. Let them understand your concerns and the risks involved. Children are far more likely to follow any rules if they understand why they’re in place and have agreed on the consequences. Technology is not going away. It is very much a part of your children’s lives. Find the good in it and enhance that. Use it as a tool to bring you closer together not further apart. Embrace the digital gap by becoming humble to learning from your kids instead of always being the teacher. It’s their world, and if you want to be a part of their world you need to be wise enough to admit that they are the masters of that world and you are merely a visitor. Be a welcomed visitor rather than a hostile invader. Embrace the digital gap and enjoy the ride that your kids will take you on.

May 10, 2017

Depression in Youth – Spot the Signs

Ryan G Edmonds A new year can often bring an anti-climax, as people realise that the problems of the previous year have not yet magically disappeared, and a whole new array of challenges often await them. This is especially true for many teenagers who, along with the pressures of life and school, can easily find themselves swept away in a stream of stress, anxiety, and depression. Data collected in South Africa shows us that every 24 hours in SA there are 22 suicides and over 220 attempted suicides, and that suicide is currently the fastest-growing cause of death in under 18’s. Who, therefore, is at risk for depression? What is the impact on untreated trauma on adolescents, and can such factors get help and support There is a growing awareness in South Africa, and globally, surrounding the issue of teen depression. Having “grown up,” parents and other adults often dismiss the troubles of adolescence as trivial or insignificant. What is vital to remember is that, regardless of whether parents have recently divorced, there was a nasty break-up with a partner, or a failed exam, in the mind of the young adult even the most seemingly ‘insignificant’ event could very often be the tipping point for what has already been a build-up of stress and depression over a period of time. Malcolm Piers* is a 17-year-old living with depression. “No one knew I was depressed. I didn’t even know. All I knew was that I felt empty on the inside; detached. I had no interest in dating or doing the things I once enjoyed. In an attempt to hide the growing ‘darkness’ within me, I would put on a happy face. It wasn’t long before the thought of suicide snuck in. I could have spoken to someone, but who? Who would understand?” Malcolm’s story is an echo for countless voices of sad, confused, frightened teens that feel alone and don’t know where to seek help. Psychiatrist, Prof. Lourens Schlebusch, international authority on stress and suicidal behaviour, has this to say: “In South Africa there is definitely a lack of access to appropriate psychological care for the vast majority of our youth. It is critical to have a thorough understanding of the risk factors and causes of suicidal behaviour in order to deal with them. It is also essential that school children, and students, be trained to identify, and manage, conflict situations and crises that could result in suicidal behaviour. Stress management is particularly important in this respect.” Many schools have wonderful facilities available to teens who seek counselling or guidance. Unfortunately the majority of South African schools do not have such resources. “Regarding child and adolescent mental health policy, introducing a multi-level system (with the first tier incorporating schools) is important,” continues Prof. Schlebusch. “Risk factors in families, children and students need to be identified. Educators should be made aware of suicide risk factors, such as dysfunctional family backgrounds, problematic relationships, changes in living conditions and potential psychopathology in the young.” By doing so, teachers and peers will be better informed as to the signs and symptoms of depression, and the necessary steps to take, therefore preventing young people from perhaps one day attempting (or committing) suicide. A common complaint from the mouths of adolescents with regard to seeking assistance for issues of mental health is a lack of finances – either money is scarce, or teens are afraid to speak to parents about assisting them pay for psychologists etc, as often domestic issues are a part of the problem. The good news is that there are many organizations in South Africa offering assistance to teenagers (and adults) at reduced rates, or free of charge. One such organization is the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG). SADAG offers callers free telephonic counselling, and referral, for all mental health issues. Once a counsellor knows the problem, the caller can be referred to the most affordable (very often ‘free-of-charge’) means of assistance. By calling 0800 21 22 23 between 8am and 8 pm seven days a week, they will find a counsellor on duty. Many youth prefer a sms service and can get help on 31393. One of the most important structures for assisting depressed, or suicidal, teens involves strong support from family and/or friends. If a person is fortunate enough to have strong support systems, it is helpful to speak to those who might be able to offer guidance or advice – even just a willing, caring ear. Many teenagers have a friend who might see the signs of depression (such as a lack of interest in pleasurable activities) and attempt to assist by encouraging open communication. Friends should remember that they aren’t doctors or mental health professionals, and therefore need not panic about having to “fix” a depressed loved-one’s problems. However, simply by being strong support, friends and family give powerful support for a person who, on the inside, feels isolated and alone. A FEW SIGNS OF TEEN DEPRESSION: Lack of energy, motivation, constant tiredness Anger, aggression, sadness, guilt, fear Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness Drop in marks or sport performance Ageneral ‘change’ in character (can be subtle) For more information on teens and depression, if you yourself suffer, or know someone who is displaying the warning signs of depression or suicide, please call SADAG (toll-free from a landline) on 0800 21 22 23, join our Facebook page ‘The South African Depression and Anxiety Group’ , or visit the SADAG website www.sadag.org

May 5, 2017

Can We Keep It In A Jar?

A parent recently sent me this question via email: “Our preschool daughters caught a lizard in the backyard and my husband told them they could keep it in a jar. I told them it was nature and they had to let it go. They both threw a tantrum and a meltdown ensued. Should I have gone along with my husband?” Aside from the fact that the parents were not working together as a mutually supportive team, they were also too focused on the lizard as an object. Instead, they could have used the capture of this lizard as an opportunity to teach the girls a little bit about respecting nature, our partnership with the world around us and an appreciation for different life forms. To this mom I would say “You were both right.” There is so much to show and teach your children about this remarkable world we live in. Match the wonders of nature with the powerful sense of wonder in your children’s mind and you might just get them away from the computer, the television and the DVDs long enough to learn more. You might even have some memorable together-time moments that will build your relationship with them. I suggest she allow them to keep it very briefly and then let it go. While holding it in a glass jar to be examined, take some digital pictures of it and allow the children to decide which ones are their favorites. Take the kids to the local library and research just exactly what a lizard is, what it eats and the most favorable conditions for its habitat. Allow the children to decide where they’ll let the little creature go and allow them to participate in the release as much as possible. This situation is also a great opportunity for an outing to your local state park to walk and examine more nature first hand. Before you leave, see if the park has a Web site with a schedule of planned activities. During the warmer months many parks have activities designed to encourage our children to connect with nature. You’ll find nature walks, demonstrations, re-enactments, guided tours and arts and craft events, just to name a few. Once the little creature is released, it doesn’t mean he’s gone and the experience is over. Instead, the creativity can now begin. Go back to those digital photos you saved and pull them into an art or photo computer program to modify. You can blow them up, print them out, or modify them with special effects to create some wonderful art projects. There are special programs for children that will allow for importing photos so the kids can color them or decorate them. If you don’t have software that will allow you to do that, pull the pictures up on the screen and allow your children to draw and color their own free-hand versions of the creature to share with family. At this point the little lizard is physically gone but the experience can continue as your children explore their own imagination and creativity as the result of an actual experience. Capturing a little piece of live nature temporarily to see and enjoy can be so enriching when someone is there to coach them properly. It’s also a great opportunity to shut off all the electronic noise around them for a while and allow them to open their eyes to the true beauty around them.

May 3, 2017

Toddlers and food

Solving a complex problem at work, finally achieving a personal goal is nothing compared to your child finishing a whole plate of food. Isn’t it amazing that no matter how big your accomplishments in your day, NOTHING, absolutely nothing compares to the satisfaction you get watching your toddler successfully finish a meal. You can sleep peacefully know your baby has eaten ‘well’! Having a fussy eater is more common than you may think. While some babies eat almost anything they can get their little hands on, other babies are a lot pickier. Some fussy eaters are simply trying to express their independence with a say in what, when, where and how they eat. Others just need some coaxing, distraction and gentle encouragement. Perhaps your family dinner table has become a battleground? Then it is time to take the stress out of mealtimes with your toddler and child, end the arguments over food, and feed your fussy eaters. There is nothing like a food battle to cause stress and anxiety in parents – take heart and remember fussy eating isn’t just common, it’s normal! Understanding your child A classic time for problems to arise is when your baby is 12 months old. As a child is more aware of the world his natural instincts make him more suspicious of new foods. Nature’s way of protecting us from eating food that is potentially harmful. If you’re one of the lucky parents that sailed through weaning, another common time for problems to arise is during the challenging 2’s. Having lulled you into a false sense of security, your toddler could wake one morning with dietary requirements that even a top chef would struggle to meet. Children’s appetites are affected by growth cycles and they have different taste preferences to adults. You will encourage her appetite to work properly if you give her more when she’s hungry and let her eat less when she’s not interested. Growth slows down and appetites fluctuate between one and five years of age. Studies have shown that most children get plenty to eat even if it seems like they are barely eating at all. Try looking at mealtimes from a child’s perspective. Toddlers have a different agenda: from their point of view, eating is a waste of their playing time, and if we make mealtimes boring by nagging, it’s even worse. Some practical tips Here are some tips to help your little fussy eater learn to eat better, while giving you some peace of mind. Put your mind at rest: If you are concerned about the health of your child, take her for a check up at the doctor to rule out any potential health problems. Keep a food diary for 2 weeks and record EVERYTHING that she eats and drinks (include quantities). You can then get this assessed by a health professional to assess adequate nutritional intake. Give an appropriate vitamin & mineral supplement during the fussy eating phase. Stay off the battle field: Remember picky eating can also be a child’s way of asserting his independence and may have less to do with the actual food than his need to push the limits of your authority and assert some control over his life. This is why pressurizing a child to eat often back fires and you become a ‘casualty of war’. Wean at the appropriate age Weaning late has shown some link to fussing eating. Parents who delay introducing their babies to chewy food and a variety of tastes could find their babies grow up developing food fads. A recent study showed that babies should be introduced to a more varied diet between the ages of 6 to 9 months to decrease the risk of becoming fussy eaters. Babies learning to eat will spit food out, and this is more than likely due to a ‘tongue-reflex’ action than a sign that your baby doesn’t like the food. Keep trying with that food and soon he will get used to it and swallow. Fun food presentation Sandwiches cut into moon shapes, cracker with a smiley face, carrot sticks as soldiers and apple boats can make food presentation more enticing Presenting meals as a smorgasbord from which they can pick and choose from a variety of colours, shapes and textures. Toddlers and young children prefer foods that are identifiable and not one big mush. Using a compartmentalized plate that prevents different foods from touching is a great help. Make mealtimes fun and relaxed Use it as an extension of playtime and time when you and your baby can bond uninterrupted (no cell phone calls or sms’s !!!). Do puzzles, read a book, tell a story. Educate Talk about the food and its value in simple terms. E.g. this piece of chicken will help your muscles grow strong like daddy (or superman!!) and this carrot will give you beautiful eyes like Cinderella! Involve your child in food preparation By involving your child they will be likely to eat what THEY have made and may eat a bit while preparing their meal. Empower your child in decision making Allow your toddler to choose between two food options. Children are more likely to eat food they have chosen for themselves. Serve simple, easy to prepare meals. There is nothing more demoralizing than spending ages cooking a gourmet meal for your baby, who after the first spoonful turns her head away. Prepare easy meals that you know your child likes and should they refuse the food, offer one alternative that is a sure win e.g. Yogurt. Milk intake By the age of one, babies need drink only 500ml of milk daily. Most babies can go onto cow’s milk from one years of age unless health reasons dictate otherwise. Do not substitute milk for meals Social eating People are social beings as are our children. Nothing makes a toddler want his food more than having another toddler after his food. Invite a friend over who has a good appetite and watch how

April 26, 2017

Taming our toddlers…

We have all had it happen, our toddler has turned from this gentle and calm individual to suddenly biting, hitting and being aggressive toward not only us but everyone! So why does this happen, what has changed in your baby’s life that they are suddenly owning the name “terrible 2”? The good thing to know is that this behaviour is all part of normal development. With your toddler still learning how to master his or her language skills and having the desire to become independent, this all places them at a very frustrating part of their lives. This does not mean that you need to ignore this behaviour but rather that you guide your toddler to understanding that this behaviour is unacceptable and provide other means for them to express their feelings. Your toddler is at the stage where learning logical consequences for their actions is required. This means that if your child is playing in the ball pit and suddenly starts throwing the balls intentionally at the other toddlers in the way, take him out. Sit down and explain in a calm manner that he can go back but cannot throw the balls at other children. Toddlers don’t possess the cognitive maturity to be able to imagine themselves in another child’s place or to change their behaviour based on verbal reasoning, but they can understand consequences. This means that trying to reason with your toddler will be fruitless. Ensuring that you remain calm is critical. Your toddler will react to your screaming or hitting and will get more riled up. By you controlling your temper and how you handle the situation you will be teaching him on how to control his. Through the setting of clear limits, you need to respond to your toddler immediately when any is aggression involved. Do not wait until the third time of him hitting hus sibling before getting involved. Removing your toddler out of the situation for a brief minute is the best way to provide time to cool down. After a couple times of repeating this behaviour on your part, your toddler will begin to understand that the behaviour has a consequences. More importantly, rather than giving your child attention only when they are misbehaving, try to catch the good behaviour as well. The rewarding of good behaviour should out weigh the bad. More importantly, if you are feel like you cannot cope and require assistance, never be afraid to ask. We all need a little help from time to time and this should not be the reason as to why you are not seeking assistance. Make sure that you take some “mommy time” to ensure that you are mentally fit to cope with your toddler.

April 18, 2017

Are you putting your child at risk with their daily body care routine?

Would you clean your child with a chemical that is also used to degrease car engines? Well the startling fact is that Sodium Lauryl Suphate (SLS), an ingredient still in use in many children’s body care products, is also used to clean car engines! Every day our children are potentially exposed to many chemicals — the vast majority of which have never been screened for safety. I’m not a doctor, a chemist or a scientist. I’m a Mom who believes that my child has the right to be free from exposure to harmful chemicals, artificial ingredients and nasty preservatives. When my son was born I felt it was my duty to understand those long lists of ingredients on his skin care products and that I had a responsibility as his mother to reduce his exposure to toxins. Doing my homework has at times been an enlightening journey of discovery while often a shocking eye opener. I had always thought that for these toxins to be harmful they needed to swallowed or inhaled. What I forgot is that the skin is the body’s largest organ and is absorptive. Whether a chemical is soaked in through the skin, or an aerosol spray is inhaled, or suds wash down the drain and back into the drinking water supply – they can easily end up in your child’s body. What I find most alarming is the fact that many of the children’s skin care products on the market are not only harmful to their skin but also to their long term health. Many of these ingredients are known carcinogens (cancer-causing substances) and they are used by the industry simply because they are cheap. When exposed to toxic chemicals, even small doses can affect your child’s sensitive and developing body, leaving them vulnerable to allergies and frequent bouts of infections, colds, and even behavioural challenges. What research is telling us to avoid The following are just some of the synthetic chemicals that have been identified by scientific studies to be harmful to health. Sodium Lauryl Suphate (SLS) and Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate (ALS )- SLS is a surfactant that creates lather in formulas. Often described as being “derived from coconut”, which disguises their toxic nature, these chemicals are commonly used in shampoos, toothpaste, soaps and bubble baths. SLS and ALS can cause severe skin irritation, and are easily absorbed into the body through the skin, building up in the brain, heart, lungs and liver, leading to potential long term health problems. SLS and ALS may also cause cataracts, and prevent children’s eyes from developing properly. Paraben- Parabens are preservatives widely used in skin care and baby products to prolong their shelf life. They are suspected to be carcinogenic and can cause rashes and allergic reactions. Propylene Glycol- Found in many creams and cleansers, Propylene Glycol can cause skin rashes and contact dermatitis, and has been shown to cause damage to the kidneys and liver. Isopropyl Alcohol- Alcohol is used as a solvent in many skin care products. It causes skin irritation and strips the skin of its natural acid mantle, promoting the growth of bacteria, moulds and viruses. DEA (Diethanolamine), TEA (Triethanolamine) and MEA (Monoethanolamine)- These substances are harsh solvents and detergents that are used in body creams as an emollient. They can cause allergic reactions, and long term use of DEA-based products (such as Cocamide DEA) have been linked to an increase in the incidence of liver and kidney cancer. Mineral Oil- Mineral oil is derived from petroleum (crude oil), and is commonly found as a main ingredient of face and body creams. Baby Oil is 100% mineral oil! It coats the skin like a plastic film, clogging pores and stops the skin from eliminating toxins, which can lead to acne and other skin disorders. Other petroleum based ingredients include paraffin wax, paraffin oil and petrolatum. Polyethylene Glycol (PEG)- PEG is used as a thickener in skin care products. PEGs interfere with the skin’s natural moisture balance, which accelerates ageing and leaves the skin vulnerable to bacteria. Talc- Talc is a soft mineral used in talcum powders. Inhaling powders containing talc may be harmful to long term health. Saccharin- Saccharin is an artificial sweetener added to many types of toothpaste. It’s been banned in many countries. We have become so addicted to sweets, we can’t even motivate our children to brush unless artificial sweeteners have been added to them. How to protect your child from toxins Examine the labels of your children’s skin care products carefully, and learn to recognize ingredients that are harmful to their skin and their health. Don’t be fooled by the words ‘natural’ or ‘organic’ on the label. Many products contain one or two natural or organic ingredients, but they may also contain harmful synthetic chemicals as well. Read all the ingredients and keep an eye open for the ones listed above. Whenever possible, choose products with 100% natural ingredients. Find a company you can trust that will give you simple, safe ingredients. [box type=”note” style=”rounded”]If you value the importance of natural kiddie body care then KiddieKix is offering a limited number of opportunities for Agents to help spread the goodness. Click here for more info. [/box] [hr]

April 14, 2017

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