Toddler - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Make shopping fun with your Toddler

Shopping can be a complete nightmare for most parents with a toddler and we tend to try and fit it in when they not around. Follow these tips taken from the book Raising Happy, Healthy Children by Andalene Salvesen to make shopping fun. Before you go shopping, remember to feed your child, otherwise the sweet counter is going to look even more tempting, especially if they have a blood sugar dip. En route in the car, discuss the rules when we shop: We are not going to buy any sweets. Listen to mommy. Stay near the trolley. Making shopping fun You can play a game at home with them called Red light, Green light. When you say Green light they run, when you say Red light they freeze. Now try this in the supermarket aisles. Let them run ahead, then say ‘Red light’! While they freeze and giggle, you put your shopping into the trolley. As you get closer, say ‘Green light’ again. Repeat. Have them cut out pictures of groceries from a magazine and file them in a box. Before going shopping, have them take out their ‘shopping list’ pictures and stick them onto paper. Take this, as well as a pencil, to the shops so that when you find the milk, for instance, they can mark that off their list. This keeps them engaged as well as improving their matching skills. Allow a younger child to walk alongside the trolley ‘helping’ to get items off the shelf. Keep them engaged by talking about the different uses, colours and types of groceries. Explain that if they don’t listen or if they run off, then they will be put back into the trolley for ‘time Out’. Do this for two minutes, even if they scream the whole two minutes. Take them out again and say, ‘Right, stop crying and let’s try again’. Children usually love riding in those coin-ride cars or animals. Find out what a ride costs and have enough money in small coins for one ride. Explain to your children that after you have finished shopping, they will be able to go on a ride IF they have earned enough money. Explain that you will be doling out coins every so often for good behaviour. However, you will also be taking away for disobedience or fighting. At the end of the trip, either take them for a ride (even if it is only one of them that earned enough) or if there isn’t enough, they can save it for next time or buy a small fruit juice or something acceptable for the amount of money they still have left over.

October 6, 2016

Make a play for new skills

While robots are most likely do most of the mundane tasks that humans do today, they will never be able to fully replace human beings. Why? For one they can’t be creative and collaborate let alone function with emotional intelligence – and those are the skills that employees of the future will need more than ever before. That’s why schools are changing to focus more on these skills, creating learning environments to develop creativity and collaboration. Our children will most probably be employed in jobs that do not exist yet, and need these skills to cope with the changes predicted in the job market of the future. The World Economic Forum has identified these top ten core skills to master the jobs of the future: Complex problem solving Critical thinking Creativity People management Co-ordinating with others Emotional intelligence Judgement and decision making Service orientation Negotiation Cognitive flexibility Ironically, the i-Generation (i-Phone, i-Pad, i-Pod) should spend less time in front of screens and more time playing and exploring freely. Do you remember how you used to play? Creating houses and artefacts while playing in the mud, building cities in the sand, making marble runs using old boxes (now called recyclables), being send to the shop by your mom to negotiate the best price for five tomatoes, team play in the driveway – all these activities develop the skills so badly needed today. Unfortunately, school work and extramural activities allow children very little time to play freely. So, what about knowledge then? If robots will be doing all the thinking and remembering for us, why do children still need to study facts? Gaining knowledge through studying is more about just the facts that are learnt. Firstly, it requires discipline to study, a skill that any workplace needs. Secondly, remembering facts increase your brain’s capacity and makes you smarter. Balance, as with everything in life, is key. Give your kids enough time to explore and play freely, make sure that they gain the basic knowledge needed and practice applying that knowledge on a daily basis. If 55 creative, out-of-the-box thinkers applied for a position, I put my money on the creative, disciplined thinker who knows the answer to 120 multiplied by 90 without needing a robot’s assistance! *Five years from now, over one-third of skills (35%) that are considered important in today’s workforce will have changed. Is it not time to make a play for new skills? *Alex Gray, Senior Writer, Formative Content, World Economic Forum. Information adapted from https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2016/01/the-10-skills-you-need-to-thrive-in-the-fourth-industrial-revolution/

October 6, 2016

Children and Play

It can often seem overwhelming trying to keep up with the many demands in our daily lives, and even more so trying to ensure we provide our children with the best. The best in quality time, the best support, the best in providing for their physical needs, in education and in intervention. With information at our fingertips through search engines and social media, it becomes even more overwhelming to keep up with what the best is. The information provided here is not meant to add to, or create, the sense of feeling overwhelmed, but rather to provide you with reassurance that you are doing your best, and that it is ‘ok just to play’. One of the best places to start with any attempt to encourage healthy development and giving our children the best, is to allow for plenty of time for our children to play. This is because for children, play is of vital importance in all areas of development. Therefor it is crucial for the child to engage in regular times of structured and unstructured play. The term ‘structured play’ refers to play that is led by the adult, generally a parent or teacher that has planned the play time with a purpose in mind. Unstructured play on the other hand refers to play that is led by the child themselves without the guidance of the adult. Both forms of play are of great benefit. Structured play can be used by the parent to encourage development in many areas, such as using a board game to teach turn taking and communication skills, or using a peg board to help your child to develop fine motor skills and pattern imitation. Structured play can also be used to help our child in an area with which they have difficulty, for example planning an obstacle course that involves crawling and climbing for a child who has difficulty with gross motor skills. Unstructured play in turn allows our children to explore the world around them, to develop their own imaginary worlds, to problem solve, to learn to take initiative and so much more. Both structured and unstructured play allows for parents and children to be creative, to have fun, to learn while enjoying each other and growing closer together as a family. Often times when children play, it may look like a mere period of fun between times of learning or ‘work’, but play is the child’s work, play is where a child learns to problem solve, to overcome physical and mental challenges. When children play, they develop without realising it, while your child is dressing the doll and talking about the dolly’s mommy, your child is developing language, social skills, emotional skills and coordination. When your child is pushing the car on his road map and telling you about his journey, he is developing his language skills, his social skills, his coordination, his direction skills and his planning skills. When your child is climbing on the monkey bars or swinging, they are learning how to coordinate physical movement, developing gross motor skills, they are creating pathways in their brain for learning new skills, they are learning social skills and communications skills, and they are improving their emotional health. Play is not only how children learn and develop, but it helps them to understand who they are and where they fit in in the world. Play is not only vital to the social, emotional, cognitive as well as physical development of our children, but also provides opportunities for parents to engage fully with their children. In the words of Margarita Tartakovsky “Playing with kids helps us experience the magic of play through their perspective. Remember that play [in adulthood] is important for all aspects of our lives, including creativity and relationships. Give yourself permission to play every day.” Skidz clever activity boxes aim to help parents and children to play, the programme is not to add more work, but rather to add to and support parents in learning how to play with their child. Skidz provide ideas for structured play for parents and children to learn, to grow and to have fun. References Swan, A (2011) Why children need more unstructured play. http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/07/children-un structured-play.html Rock, A (2016) What is structured play for young children? https://www.verywell.com/structured-play-2764980 Raising Children Network: Australian Parenting. Why play is important Tartakovsky, M (2012) The importance of play for adults. Psych Central. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/11/15/the-importance-of-play-for-adults/ http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/why_play_is_important.html Wallace, K (2015) How your child benefits from play. Baby Centre. http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-your-child-benefits-from-play_64065.bc

September 28, 2016

12 steps to choosing the perfect pram for you & your babies

What kind of terrain will you be strolling on? For bumpy or twisty roads, or if you’d like to running, camping or hiking with your babies flexible suspension and sturdy wheels. Look for a pram with bigger wheels. Crowded city pavements or busy malls require good suspension and wheels, but make sure they’re not too big so you can easily weave in and out of the crowds. A smaller-framed pram is also better for navigating busy shopping aisles. Any kind of pram works for spacious neighbourhood with flat pavements- you’ll just need to take into consideration what other features you want your pram to have; for instance, do you need to consider extreme weather conditions? Does the pram have forward and rearward facing options Most from birth baby prams have both rearward and forward facing positions, since the period between birth and 9 months is vital time for your babies to be able to make eye contact with you, in a rearward facing pram, baby will be able to see you and hear your voice, which is very comforting and reassuring. Is your boot big enough? If you have a small car, it is not recommended that you buy a bulky pram. Remember you still need to fit the grocery shopping around it Are you strong enough to lift and shift the pram? Even though you are only lifting the pram between the car boot and the ground, make sure you are comfortable with the weight , especially when collapsing it and popping it back up again. Practice these moves on a few prams because some are easier to collapse than others the last is to be driven to tears as your baby cries, your pram won’t fold, and all your personal items go toppling to the floor Will your pram be part of a travelling system? You are going to want to take a walk with your little ones, so make sure you get a pram that can carry newborn’s. Some prams come with an optional newborn inner, so you can keep your car seat in your car but you can also get a carry cot for your pram if you prefer. Consider a pram that is part of a travel system, one that comes with a car seat, carrycot and base, A travel system ensures that everything is compatible an d you don’t to do a separate research for each of these items Is your partner much taller or shorter than you are? Make sure you both feel comfortable with the handle bar height of your pram. Some prams have adjustable handles, which is great, but if not, both of you should do a test drive and make sure you are not too hunched over How easy is the pram to clean? That seat is going to get dirty over time, so make sure it is easy to clean or has removable, washable seats, A darker colour hides stains better, but if you do choose a lighter colour ensure material is dirt and water resistant What accessories are important to you? Lots of Prams have optional extras like cup holders, umbrellas, rain covers, mosquito nets and toys and even buggy boards for your toddles to stand on. Toddlers find this very funny and it prevents you from getting whiplash looking for them in malls Does your pram offer shade? You need to think of the weather conditions you are going to expose your babies to, Do you like to go camping, hiking or for walks on the beach? If so, you will need a pram with a large and more resilient sun canopy One pram…. Or more? If you are a quite jet setter, then having more than one pram is a good idea, as you could leave your Heavier, bigger pram at home, them take a smaller, simpler, lightweight stroller with you on your travels Side by side or Tandem Do you want your babies to interact with each other as they get older ( and pull items off the shop shelves ) or do you want them one behind the other and you rotate who has a turn in front to have your undivided attention. Also look at shopping isles and fitting through them and the security at the entrance to shops. Triplet parents Do you want a triplet pram that is long and will become very heavy and difficult to manoeuvre as they grow up. When it comes to resale there are fewer people expecting triplets. You could either have a twin pram and a singleton pram or the triplet pram which does mean only one person needs to push it around.

September 19, 2016

Tummy Time

As a new parent, you have more than likely been told by your doctor that baby needs to always be on his/her back when being put down to sleep or take a nap. However, it is just as important that baby does spend time on his/her tummy during the day whilst awake and during periods of time where mom or dad can supervise. Babies now spend much of their days on their back on relatively hard surfaces – at night, in a crib or bassinet, or in a bed; during the day, in a pack and play, car-seat and stroller. All of this time on their backs can lead to a flattening of the back of the head. It also leads to weaker neck muscles, as the baby never has a chance to exercise their neck lying on their back. Because of this, baby experts and health professionals now call for a prescribed amount of tummy time for baby each day, allowing baby to strengthen their neck and take the pressure off the back of their head for a while. Since your baby will be spending so much time laying on his/her back, tummy time will help to strengthen their little neck muscles which will ultimately assist in achieving other physical milestones. So what is tummy time, we hear you ask? “Tummy time is when your infant lays on his (or) her stomach while supervised,” says Wendy Wallace, DO, a paediatrician at The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Care Network. Tummy time includes a variety of activities, positions, and routines to keep your infant spending a significant amount of time on his/her tummy. Whether or not they enjoy it, and it seems most don’t at first, your baby needs this time to practice lifting their head, then pushing up from the ground. Experts say that they have found that babies who don’t spend time on their tummy’s can experience certain development difficulties with their motor skills. Facing down is an unfamiliar position for baby and so it’s natural for baby to feel uncomfortable and perhaps even abandoned. And this is where ‘Baby Wearing” is proving to be more beneficial for baby. “Baby wearing” doubles as tummy time, and if you’re wearing baby for an hour, or a number of hours, each day, they receive much more exercise for their little neck and back than they would have during the prescribed amount of tummy time. The added benefit is that because baby is being kept of his/her back, there is less chance of developing a flat head. When a baby is in a sling, especially once they are in an upright position, which is possible from birth and ideal from four or six months and up, their core muscles are constantly engaged as their parent moves and goes about their day. Though baby’s body is well-supported, safe and secure in the carrier, small shifts in their parent’s body position cause them to shift as well, in turn strengthening their muscles. They also lift their heads to see or to turn their head, which strengthens their neck in the same way tummy time would. The Hugseez from BabyLegends is an absolute must for baby wearing. Manufactured in South Africa the Hugseez is highly recommended. It has been specially designed to carry baby against mom, in the most comfortable and comforting manner. Baby is kept close to mom’s heart and yes, dad can carry baby in the Hugseez too! Available in colours to suit your taste, you can visit www.babylegends.co.za to place you’re your order.

September 9, 2016

Living with Costello Syndrome

When Aidan was diagnosed with Costello Syndrome, something instinctively within me knew… this was building my calling for a higher purpose. I’ve always wanted to affect people’s lives in the largest possible way, and I certainly have been through those dark and heavy “dramas” of life that would qualify me to help people through, and into the other side where the sun shines again. And it does shine again… I promise you. Grief is a messy thing to experience. I’ve experienced it a few times. I’ve been divorced, I’ve walked away from relationships that I thought I would never recover from. I’ve experienced death. I’ve experienced abandonment. I’ve experienced toxicity in relationship to a partner that SHOULD have killed me. And then… I experienced the devastating diagnosis of my son… and my whole life collapsed around me. The idea of what could be… fell to pieces, and I had to salvage my sense of survival during the darkest time of my life. Somehow, when these devastating times hit you… your previous confidences of what you can accomplish, become a distant memory, and you literally have to cocoon yourself from the world and heal, before you can effectively regain your composure, and then, look after those around you that have been entrusted into your care. I learnt a valuable lesson in taking care of myself as a mother first. I’m mom to a special needs child … which is phenomenal. But I had to learn that it was ok to have special needs of my own met FIRST, so that I could be the best Mom for Aidan. The areas I’ve struggled with since his diagnosis have been my stress levels causing devastation with my health, … mainly stemming from adrenal fatigue, which in turn has sent my weight (*a very personal subject for anyone battling the bulge*) skyrocketing, and my energy plummeting. Eating “clean” and exercising sent my weight (and health) in the opposite direction to what I was aiming for. 5 minutes of exercise would flatten me for 3 days…. and gaining weight while I was eating a clean healthy diet just killed me. It shouldn’t have been surprising though. We as humans can only deal with so much at any given time. It’s our scale of entropy. Nevermind the physical reasons for not losing weight, but the psychological issues you are so often not even aware of that also sabotage your efforts… can be VERY muddling. Metaphysically we keep weight on to keep others out and form a layer of protection against intrusion… and I can definitely say that played the biggest role. But it took so much self learning and understanding and learning to SELF LOVE before I could process all my “baggage” and start recovery again. I’d been so good at running a business before I became a mom, and keeping fit, and working till all hours… and just being so full of energy. This NEW me, the one that battled to stay awake after 7pm, the one that battled to make ends meet, the one that didn’t look as fabulous in the mirror anymore with all this extra weight…. this was a real challenge for me to be gentle on myself and then still LOVE???!!! The last 2 years I started with various forms of coaching, counselling, self evaluation, and consciously deciding to go THROUGH the grief. To fully experience it. It’s been the hardest journey of my life. I realised that I was in denial of Aidan’s diagnosis for a long time. It served me, because at the time I actually couldn’t cope with it, with everything else that was going on. At the same time, I was dealing with the Anger phase. Because I was still in denial… my anger was deferred, and I lashed out at anything and everyone who was in close proximity to me. I was ANGRY at the idiot drivers on the road, I was ANGRY at the stupid teller who didn’t process my purchase quickly without botching up her simple task, I was ANGRY at the traffic lights that were out and the electricity that was out all making me late for my appointments… I was just ANGRY full stop!Bargaining and depression are also phases of grief, and I certainly had my share and I chose to go through it without antidepressants, because something within me knew I was ready to do so. (It’s that scale of entropy thing again). I was tempted for sure. Nothing quite compares to the deep dark hell of depression… and the thought of staying there is absolutely unbearable. But I needed to FEEL those depths, and I needed to learn for myself what it was deep down in my psyche that kept me stuck, and kept those blocks up in my life, preventing me from experiencing my fulfilled purpose. I have to tell you… you will go through grief in your life, and some of you… many times. It’s the path of life. And you can choose to grow from it, or you can decide it’s enough. And that choice sits entirely on you. Nobody gets to decide what you can and can’t handle. Or even HOW you handle it. Only you. For me? Right now, I’ve chosen to live again. As a special needs mom, I know I will go through many cycles of grief as I have in the last 7 years with Aidan. His health issues are not predictable and the thought of possibly losing him on the operating table, or to cancer, or finding something ominous on his MRI scan… to anything else related to his health is VERY real. The possibility of him losing his ability to walk during his last operation were so real, the stress is still working it’s way out of my system. Just this last Friday I forgot about us being invited for dinner. I forgot to attend a function I was given tickets to last month. I forgot to give my plants water (ok that’s normal for me)… but I am now fully

September 8, 2016

Tips You Can Try TONIGHT To Help With Your Child’s Sleep Problems

Would you like to know one of the most important steps parents can take in order to get their child sleeping through the night? It’s very simple, very easy… and actually pretty fun, too! It’s setting up a bedtime routine. Now, I know you might be thinking “Oh, I already know about bedtime routines,” but stick with me here because there I’m also going to talk about the single biggest mistake that parents make with bedtime routines. Here are 3 easy tips to help you master your child’s bedtime: TIP #1: MAKE SURE IT’S FUN! Okay, this might seem obvious, but I’m going to make sure I say it loud and clear anyways… Don’t make your child angry at bedtime! Seems like common sense, but you’d be surprised how many clients I’ve worked with who insist on including baths in a bedtime routine — even though their child totally HATES baths! When I ask them why they’re forcing their child to do something he or she hates right before bedtime, they usually say, “Because that’s what I was told to do.” Their mom or sister or friend told them that ALL children need a bath before bedtime, so they just started doing it. But trying to get your child to do something she hates right before bedtime is a flat-out bad idea. Tempers flare… tears are shed… and your child gets so emotionally wound up that it takes MUCH longer for her to calm down and get back into her happy place. So make sure your bedtime routine includes only activities your child enjoys! TIP #2: KEEP IT SHORT (BUT NOT TOO SHORT) Specifically, somewhere between 20 and 30 minutes, from start to finish. Why? Well, you want it to be long enough to get your child calmed down, relaxed, and ready for sleep. Plus, bedtime is a wonderful way to spend time bonding with your child. For many parents, it’s the best “quality time” you’ll spend with your child all day! However, if you let your bedtime routine drag on for too long, you risk letting your child get overtired, which makes falling asleep MUCH more difficult! TIP #3: NO SUGAR OR TELEVISION RIGHT BEFORE BED Yes, I know this one sounds “preachy,” but if you’re giving your child sweets (or juice) right before bed, it’s going to be harder for him to fall asleep. Same thing goes for letting a child watch TV right before bed. The juice or sweets will give him a “sugar rush” of jittery energy, which is the LAST thing we want before bedtime. And watching TV or playing on the computer can (for lots of children) overstimulate them, so I recommend NOT letting your child watch TV as part of your bedtime routine. THE BIGGEST BEDTIME MISTAKE… As promised, I also want to share the single biggest bedtime mistake that parents make. It’s simply this… Letting your child doze off BEFORE you put them into bed. Now, I know it’s tempting for many parents to let their child fall asleep while rocking, bouncing, or feeding. After all, for many babies, this is the way they’ve ALWAYS gotten to sleep. Unfortunately, it’s also the reason why they tend to wake frequently in the night. If you’re interested in learning some easy strategies for getting your child to fall asleep on their own at night (rather than being rocked nursed, or otherwise soothed to sleep by you), I’d love to chat further!

July 29, 2016

Advice For Dating With Children

You’ve met someone really nice and you’re starting to think he/she may just be the “one”. There’s just one little problem (or maybe more) if you’re divorced and upwards of mid 30 – the children. If we’re dating while raising children, we have to integrate and balance the responsibilities of parenthood and take into consideration the attitudes and perception of the children – and it’s not easy! Here are a few tips: Don’t involve children in adult relationships they may too immature to understand. Not every relationship is going to last, so spare your children unnecessary exposure to short-term flings. It can be heartbreaking for your children when they’re no longer around, particularly those dealing with post-divorce parental alienation – they may become attached quickly and intensely. Be sure the new person in your life is there for the long-term before introducing your children. Test the waters – talk to your children about dating first. Ask them how they feel about you dating. Explain that just as children need time with other children, adults need time with other adults. Tell them that even though they’re the most important people in your life, you’re going to start dating so you can have the companionship and enjoyment of someone your own age. Don’t expect them to be happy about it – they probably won’t be, for various reasons: they may have become over-attached and used to being the primary focus of your life, so may not want to share you with a new partner. They may still be harbouring the fantasy of their parents reuniting and your dating puts an end to that dream. They may have suffered multiple losses due to the divorce and feelings of abandonment and insecurity could resurface again. They’re likely to view your dating as a threat to their own personal time and experience with you. When you feel a relationship is solid and it’s time to involve the children, make the introduction casual, friendly and preferably somewhere fun for the kids. The focus should be on an activity not “getting to know each other better.” Consider an outing to watch cricket or go to a concert, golf (if you don’t play, you can drive the cart) or ten pin bowling. Lower expectations about your child’s acceptance of your partner and be prepared for resistance and even hostility, understanding that just because you love a new partner, doesn’t mean your child will. The only stipulation at the first meeting is for the child to show basic good manners and friendliness. Liking and even loving may come over time. Depending on the age and maturity of the child, encourage your children to be open, ask questions and talk about feelings. Don’t seek their approval of your new partner because this can encourage manipulation and ultimately gives kids an unhealthy sense of responsibility for the relationship. Emphasise your continued unconditional love and commitment to them and always follow through on promises about “alone” time and other family and social obligations. At the same time, don’t minimise the importance of your new love interest, or when your child eventually discovers you’re in love, they may feel that you’ve broken their trust and betrayed them – just when trust and reassurance are most needed. Be attentive to their reactions as you introduce your new partner into the family – kids can be very perceptive! Once children have been introduced to your new love interest, limit time you and your partner spend with them as a group. Gradually increase time together as your partner and children get to know each other and feel more comfortable around each other. If your new partner has kids they’ll also appreciate a slow transition towards togetherness. Resist plunging into a busy instant family mode where everyone is always together and the children are forced to spend time with each other. Be sure to spend regular “alone” time with your children, without your new partner, to reassure them that they’re still very important to you. Time spent exclusively focused on them reduces their anxiety about being displaced as well as jealousy due to another important person taking time and attention. Children need to be reminded that even though you’re dating they are your top priority. Alone time creates an opportunity for you to talk and to listen. Set boundaries around physical displays of affection in front of children. These should be limited, especially around teenagers, who are often embarrassed by the reality of their parent’s sexuality. Overnights with dates should be confined to nights when the children are out of the house; remember you are a role model for the kids, so be mindful of your sexual behaviour. Never say bad things about your former spouse to your child, especially in front of your new boyfriend/girlfriend. They will always remain the father/ mother of your child, so talk about them respectfully or your child may become resentful and angry with you. Also, never criticise your child in front of your new partner – it’ll just make them feel insecure and less important than your new flame. It may take time, but it is possible to merge your family and your partner’s family together peacefully and harmoniously. Try to spend some time with children from both sides of the relationship together doing enjoyable activities. This will help to build relationships and create a sense of family for everyone. While your children might not think of your significant other as their parent, they can still have a deep respect and love for them over time. Emphasise to your kids that you’re not trying to replace their biological mother or father, but that you’re just trying to include new people you love and care for in all of your lives. It can turn out wonderfully if everyone is willing to make the effort. Handling children with sensitivity and compassion and ensuring you set reasonable boundaries could mean the difference between an unhappy

July 22, 2016

Cultivating Confidence

Our kids are living in a very different world to the one we grew up in. Gone are the days of walking to friends, taking buses to school, riding bikes around the neighbourhood, staying out until dark. For the most part our kids are dropped and carried, continuously supervised and never leave our sight. Of course there are advantages and disadvantages to both, but the one thing that all this constant supervision does is erodes a child’s sense of confidence. They don’t get a chance to show their independence, to tackle things for themselves, to take responsibility. So how can we cultivate a sense of confidence in our children and still keep them safe in an uncertain world? We need to create experiences for our children where they can feel that they are operating in and mastering the adult world on their own. Small moments can make all the difference. Here are some ideas to get you going, but I encourage you to do some brainstorming, start a discussion with friends, hop onto the Internet, and add to this list. When in a place where you feel safe to do so, allow your kids to leave you and meet up again. For example, when I visit my chiropractor, who operates from a quiet building, I let the kids take the lift and I take the stairs and meet them at the top. Let them drive the car! Obviously this needs to be in an appropriate place (in a game reserve, abandoned parking lot etc.), but letting kids control a machine like a car really boosts their sense of accomplishment. Let them sit on your lap and steer if they’re still small, or if they’re a bit older, let them take control. Children blossom when you place trust in them to do things that are ‘beyond their age’. We go to Magaliesburg regularly and allow our kids (age 6 and 8) to drive the car in the reserve. They talk about it for weeks afterwards. Treat your children as equals. Let them use the same crockery and cutlery as the rest of the family. Trusting young children with sharp knives, for instance, is a good confidence booster. They will need some ground-rules to prevent accidents, but this also teaches responsibility. Our kids have been using Victorinox knives since the age of 4. Don’t hold your kids’ hands through everything that they do. Wait outside the shop and let your child go in and purchase something for themselves, park outside the library and let them go in and choose books on their own, encourage them to ask other adults questions when they need something instead of doing it for them. Let your kids do some ‘dangerous’ things – play with fire, use power tools, climb trees, burn things with a magnifying glass, throw darts, climb on the roof, change a tyre, tightrope walk, blow things up. If I think about my own childhood we made our own go-carts and raced them on public roads, we made home-made bombs, played in the mud, burned things, jumped off the roof, used sharp knives to make spears out of sticks, camped in the garden, did woodworking, climbed trees and swam in rivers. There is no reason that our kids can’t still have some of these essential experiences. They’ll learn a lot more than sitting indoors doing homework or playing on an iPad. Let your kids live a little. Yes, it’s scary as a parent to let go of some control. Yes, they may get hurt and may even need some stitches or Burnshield here and there. Yes, they may damage some stuff. But they may just surprise you and rise to the challenges that they face and gain some confidence and self-esteem and maybe even have some fun along the way!

July 21, 2016

5 Things to do to avoid hearing NO

It is incredibly frustrating when our child says “NO” to us. If we react to it, they could feel more powerful than we want them to, causing them to do it more often. Often times, they are saying no as a way of communicating that they need to feel more powerful. We want our children to have the power to say no to others, so we must be careful how we handle their objections at home. Here are five methods to gain a child’s cooperation. Don’t Overreact When They Tell You No. Overreacting gives your children inappropriate power and may anger you. If they refuse to comply, turn your original request into an entertaining activity in order to get it done. Race them to the bath or tell them you’re going to pick up more puzzle pieces then they will. If you find yourself becoming angry, walk away and let it go, and use one of the following ideas next time to be more successful. Use Choices Instead of Commands. Giving a child a choice rules out “no” as an automatic response. Instead of saying “Go get your pajamas on,” say, “Would you like to wear your pink pajamas or the ones with little ducks on them?” List Choices of Chores for Older Children. Instead of ordering your child to rake the leaves or take out the trash, create a list of 3 or 4 reasonable tasks that you could use help with, being sure that what you really want is on the list. Tell your child that you need his help and all he has to do is pick one or two things from the list. Be ready to remain calm in case he doesn’t pick what you really wanted, so make sure that you’re comfortable with all of the choices listed. Say “I’m Not Ready for You to do That.” Because she will repeat what you say, avoid using the word “no” yourself. If she asks to do something that might be dangerous or something you’re not ready for her to do, say it. Tell her that you’re “not ready for her to do that,” instead of judging her age, size or abilities. It also avoids power struggles, labels and arguments; instead, it models respect. Say “I’m Not Willing To Do That.” Saying “No” to your child when he asks you to do something for him, such as take him to the park or buy him something, models a behavior that he will repeat. Replacing the word “No” with the statement above demonstrates a personal boundary and is not just a challenge for him to make you say “Yes.” If you must say the word “No,” be sure to say it in a way that is calm and respectful. If you yell “No” at your child, he will repeat it in the same way.

July 20, 2016

Buckle Up

I’m quite shocked as I drive around town just how many parents have their kids running wild in the car, particularly when the parents themselves are strapped in. Aside from the fact that it is illegal, and if your child does die in an accident where they were not strapped in you are legally up for manslaughter, yes, aside from this, it seems counterintuitive to me that parents would buckle up themselves and not think to look out for the safety of their precious offspring. For a while, I drove around with a sign in my back window that said, “Do you love your child? Then why are they not wearing a seatbelt?” When I’ve actually confronted people about this, the most common reason they give is that the kids don’t like wearing a seatbelt or being in a car chair and that they scream or have tantrums and they just can’t deal with it every time they get in the car. And I can totally relate. My own kids went through a phase of screaming when being strapped in (and sometimes for the entire journey) and when you’re sleep deprived and overworked this can be too much for your frazzled nerves to handle. And I still say… You are the parent, and there are times that you need to put your foot down. There are going to be many more moments in your parenting journey where your kids will not be happy with the decisions that you make, and the sooner they understand that you are the parent and it is your job to keep them safe whether they like that or not, the better. I love negotiating with my kids and teaching them how to make a strong argument for things that they would like changed. However, some rules are simply non-negotiable. And safety needs to be non-negotiable. I promise you that they will not scream every time they get strapped in for the rest of their lives. They will do it a couple of times and once they realise that it is a non-negotiable and that you are not going to be swayed by tantrums, they will stop. If you need some incentive to actually enforce this life-saving safety routine, here is some shocking, but essential information from the Child Accident Prevention Foundation: Passenger deaths in children are the 4th leading cause of unnatural deaths in South Africa, and that’s not even looking at paralysis, disabilities or other injuries. An adult is guilty of a criminal offence if he/she should allow a child younger than 14 years to travel unrestrained in a motor vehicle. That’s a criminal offence, not a traffic fine. At 25km/hour a child sitting or standing next to the driver can be killed in an emergency stop if its head hits the windscreen/interior of the car. Yes, you read that correctly – 25km/hour. At 40km/hour the blow to a child’s head is the same as dropping him/her from 6 meters onto concrete. We are not talking about speeding down the highway to Durban here – we’re talking trips down the road to school. Please, please rethink the safety of your incredible, beautiful, awesome children and buckle up. The discomfort you’ll have the deal with when they have those few tantrums in the car is nothing compared to the suffering you’ll endure if your child is killed or disabled because you didn’t want to insist on safety first. We can all save lives, and it starts with our own kids… after all, aren’t the lives you created the ones you’d most like to save?!

July 18, 2016

Auditory Processing – Another Buzz Word?

Auditory processing has become quite a buzz word amongst school teachers and therapists recently. And rightly so, as it is often under-identified or misdiagnosed as attention deficit disorder or bad behaviour, due to poor listening skills. What is Auditory Processing? Auditory processing is “what the brain does with what the ear hears” (Katz, 1994). In short, it is the ability of the brain to identify, localise, attend, remember and respond to auditory stimuli, generally the spoken word. Central auditory processing disorders (CAPD) or auditory processing disorders (APD) are a pattern of disorders whereby certain of the skills that make up auditory processing skills are relatively weak, thereby affecting listening behaviours. How Do You Know If It Is Auditory Processing, Or Just ‘Not Listening’? Central auditory processing disorder (CAPD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD or ADHD) often present with similar symptoms. The primary symptoms for ADD tend to be inattentiveness, distractibility, hyperactivity, restlessness and impulsivity. The primary symptoms for auditory processing disorder (APD) tend to be difficulty hearing in background noise, difficulty following oral instructions, poor listening skills, academic difficulties, distractibility and inattentiveness.[i] How Is Auditory Processing Assessed? Auditory processing is generally assessed by an audiologist (hearing healthcare professional). The audiologist would begin by assessing the outer, middle and inner ear structure and function to make sure that the hearing levels themselves are within normal limits, and there is no ear wax or middle ear infection preventing your child from listening! Thereafter, the audiologist runs a series of tests. Your child wears a set of headphones and responds to auditory tests. Other tests involve more direct interaction with the audiologist. The results are scored and compared against normative data for children of the same age group. Relative strengths and relative weaknesses are identified. The following subtests typically make up an auditory processing assessment: Auditory memory or sequencing for stories, sentences, words and digits Auditory discrimination between similar sounding words (chat/fat) Auditory closure for words that are missing a portion or are distorted Auditory analysis which involves breaking a word down into parts Auditory synthesis which involves building a word up by parts Speech in noise testing to test the child’s ability to ignore competing background noise Dichotic listening which involves listening to words or sentences presented to each ear at the same time Certain children present with patterns of strengths or weaknesses for certain skills. Depending on the pattern of presentation, this may result in certain difficulties in the classroom environment. Can Auditory Processing Weaknesses Be Treated? Treatment of auditory processing weaknesses is typically tailor-made for your child, depending on the pattern of weaknesses or strengths identified. Speech therapists are typically involved to provide auditory processing therapy, alternatively a home program of exercises may be suggested. Certain classroom modifications may be recommended to the teacher. If the weakness is significant, then assistive listening devices like an FM system may be helpful for some children. What can parents do to help? If you suspect that your child may be presenting with an auditory processing weakness, you can arrange for auditory processing testing to be conducted by a local audiologist . Testing is typically conducted on primary school-aged children age 6-11, but testing can be conducted on teenagers, depending on the tests available at your audiologist. The audiologist will be able to provide further information, specific to your child’s presentation.

July 11, 2016

Advice on keeping your children safe during winter holidays

Parents and guardians should make sure their children follow basic personal safety rules throughout the year, to protect them from the evils that might wait for them in the outside world. That’s the advice from a local private security company, who says it believes these safety rules should constantly be reinforced on children, especially with the winter school holidays just a few weeks away. “Instead of starting these safety training sessions anew, it makes more sense to instil a sense of responsibility with your children that they follow throughout the year. As much as we would love to look after our children 24/7, there will come a time when they have to fend for themselves. We have to prepare and equip them. Safety must be a part of your child’s education,” said ADT Security’s General Manager (Coastal) Adrian Good. He explained there are basic and practical safety precautions parents can share with their children regardless of whether they are left with a caregiver, domestic staff or stay at home by themselves during the holidays. “It is important that they know to always keep entry and exit doors locked, and that nobody is to enter the property without your permission. If you have a home security system installed teach them how to activate and deactivate it and how and when to use other security devices like panic buttons.” He adds that it is a good idea to have a list of emergency contacts – including the number for your local police station and private security service provider – near the telephone and to explain to children when and how it must be used. “You should also ensure your children know how to behave in a safe and responsible manner if they are active online,” said Good. He suggests teaching children the following: Never post any personal information online – like an address, email address or mobile number. Think carefully before posting pictures or videos of yourself. Once you’ve put a picture of yourself online most people can see it and may be able to download it, it’s not just yours anymore. Keep your privacy settings as high as possible. Never give out your passwords. Don’t befriend people you don’t know. Don’t meet up with people you’ve met online. Your child should always tell you if an online contact they have never met suggests they meet up. Remember that not everyone online is who they say they are. Think carefully about what you say before you post something online. Respect other people’s views, even if you don’t agree with someone else’s views doesn’t mean you need to be rude. If a child sees something online that makes them feel uncomfortable, unsafe or worried: they should leave the website, turn off their computer and tell someone immediately. Lastly, he said, it is important that your child always feel secure enough to come and talk to you about anything that maybe scare them or make them feel uneasy. In this way, parents can take action when their children need their help in dealing with whatever might be bothering them.

July 6, 2016

Dyslexia: Fact or Fiction?

Megan struggles to read. She is eight years old and everyone in her class seems to read better than her. Megan tries really hard but it never gets easier. She feels silly. Mom thinks Megan has dyslexia. According to popular belief, dyslexia is a disorder which causes kids to struggle with reading, spelling, writing and studying. Many believe that dyslexia is a neurological disorder in the brain that causes information to be processed and interpreted differently. Some people even believe that dyslexia is genetic. Road to Reading Susan du Plessis, director of Edublox Reading and Learning Clinic, says that if the term ‘dyslexia’ is only used to indicate a reading problem, it’s used correctly, but she doesn’t subscribe to the theory that it’s a neurological disorder. Susan shares this view with many others in both the fields of medicine and education. Many kids are labeled dyslexic from a very early age, long before they’ve even mastered the basic foundations required for reading. Can any child be labeled a ‘poor reader’ if he hasn’t been taught correctly or mastered specific steps on the road to reading? Let’s look at the sport of ice hockey. Before you kit your child out with the protective gear required by the sport and expect him to make the team, he first needs to learn how to ice skate, both forward and backward. He must also learn to turn and stop. Once he has mastered this step, he can move on to learning to control the puck with the stick, to pass and receive a pass, and to shoot. Only when these skills are well practiced and achieved, and he also knows the rules of the game, can he possibly make the team. “It’s exactly the same with reading,” explains Susan. “Without a good foundation and mastering the individual steps, children simply don’t learn to read well.” Steps to Reading Learning to read is a process. In order for a child to master this complex task, he or she needs to master the following skills: Language This vital first step begins at birth. Before any child can learn to read, he or she must have a good grasp of language. It’s the step that fits in at the same level as the ‘learning to skate’ section in our analogy on playing ice hockey. Before any child can learn to read, he must have a good command of language. Cognitive skills The next step on the road to reading starts when your child is two or three years old. Cognitive skills are mental skills that are used to acquire knowledge. Learning difficulties, like dyslexia, are often linked to weak cognitive skills. Concentration, perception, memory and logical thinking are four important cognitive skills needed for reading. Concentration: Children need to be taught to focus their attention and keep it focused for a period of time. Concentration is both an ‘act of will’ and a skill. Skills need to be taught and like other skills, concentration can be improved with regular practice. Perception: Perception is the ability to identify, recognise and interpret something, usually through the senses of sight or hearing. Two important perceptual skills for reading are directionality and form discrimination. Directionality relates to the direction of objects ‘in relation to self’ while form discrimination is the ability to perceive differences in the shape of objects. In reading, both these skills are essential — from learning the letters of the alphabet to syllables and then recognising whole words. Memory: There are many different kinds of memory and each is an important foundational skill for reading and spelling. Visual memory is particularly important, because a child must remember the visual appearance of words and letter sequence in order to read them. Logical thinking: Logical thinking is the ability ‘think head’ in sequence or steps in a way that makes sense or logically follows the previous step. This is an important skill for reading comprehension, because by using logical thinking skills, a child can anticipate what happens next. Susan says that weak cognitive skills can be strengthened and normal cognitive skills can be enhanced to increase ease and performance in learning. “Specific brain-training exercises can strengthen these weaknesses leading to increased performance in reading, spelling and learning,” she states. Just like the ice hockey player who is proud of his achievement when he finally makes the team, so your child, with some extra help in the right areas, can be a great reader — and proud of it too.

July 4, 2016

Let’s play!

By Chantel Nortje, BSc Physiotherapy (Hons), UCT Physiotherapist with special interest in paediatrics In today’s fast-paced, technology-driven world it’s easy to forget the basics when it comes to our children’s growth and development. Added to this, with society’s shift towards all things digital – media, television, hand-held devices, and online and digital games – not enough time is spent engaged in traditional games and activities that would normally encourage the development of sensory, perceptual, language and motor skills. As modern-day adults, we need to remind ourselves that our children also have full-time jobs. Their work is to play and it’s a highly-skilled occupation that we need to encourage and nurture. We all get into bad routines of not setting aside enough regular time to provide our fully-focused attention, engaging with our children while they play traditional games and enjoy fun, messy activities. It is important to note that a lack of exposure to age-appropriate stimulation can lead to difficulties and barriers to learning. With my training and experience as a physiotherapist, I see many children missing out on crucial development milestones and, as a result, they struggle more – and at an earlier age – in the school environment. As children move and build their body’s strength through active play, they also develop important motor skills. One of the most significant benefits gained from encouraging active play is the development of physical stability needed for fine motor skills, which relate to the development of the small muscles of the hands needed for writing, cutting and other complex dexterity tasks later on. It is helpful and fun to concentrate on playing games or doing activities together that include children using their body and shoulder muscles to encourage fine motor skills. Progress and maturity of these areas of development form the basis, and provide benefits, for school-related tasks such as sitting at a desk for a prolonged period, writing, cutting, drawing, tying shoe laces, writing from the left to the right side of the page, and motor planning (being able to plan and execute purposeful movement). During my therapy sessions with children I have used a variety of the Tower Kids© products, including the sand art and foam mosaic, as mediums for strengthening children’s hand and finger muscles and developing fine motor skills. These fun, multisensory activities specifically target and strengthen hand and finger muscles by facilitating the repetitive use of various types of important finger grasps and hand postures over a prolonged time to create a beautiful craft that is unique and special. The benefit of developing these fine motor skills will positively impact school-related tasks, such as writing or cutting, and playing and having fun together is also a great way to spend quality time with your child. I encourage people to slow down and really invest in the process of their children’s development and spending time playing with them, rather than trying to get ahead as fast as possible. Taking it a little slower and spending time together helps children to lay down really solid foundations that they can build on successfully in years to come. By engaging in activities aimed at particular areas of motor development, families can help children learn and cope with the ever-increasing expectations placed on them at school, while having fun at the same time!

June 30, 2016

Make every day fun!

It is almost school holidays again, and to prevent your children from complaining that they are bored or from spending all their time in front of the television, you need to be creative and plan ahead. Here are a few suggestions to inspire you. Monday: Museums and maestro’s Visit a museum – preferably one that will interest your children – or find out what is being performed at your local theatre. (Many museums and theatres offer fun, interactive holiday programmes for children.) If nothing is happening in your area, why not encourage your children to create, practise and perform their own play? Tuesday: Try it at home Holiday fun doesn’t have to be expensive. Bake cupcakes, make playdough, tie-dye a t-shirt, or dig out all your craft materials and let your children unleash their creativity! Wednesday: Will you dare? Older children will enjoy skating or testing their fear of heights by trying wall climbing or zip lining, while younger ones will enjoy the challenge of the jungle gym at a play centre. You can also visit a theme park, which will undoubtedly offer something to challenge everyone. Thursday: Treat some animals Our country teems with places where you can see and even pet all kinds of animals – from the ordinary to the peculiar! Is there an aquarium, zoo, snake park, crocodile farm or bird paradise in your back yard? Go visit it! Better yet, give of your time and help out at an animal shelter – you can walk or play with the animals, or assist with other tasks that need doing. Friday: Find out more about your town Load the children in the car and go explore the nooks and crannies of your town. You can also explore your area on foot (find out if there are any fun day trips) or by bike (why not pack a picnic basket?). End the day with a movie marathon – let everyone choose their favourite movie, make buckets of popcorn, get comfortable on the couch and relax! Impak is a curriculum provider for home, tutor and school education. Visit www.impak.co.za for more information.

June 27, 2016

Does it get any easier?

My early morning meeting began today with a rather frazzled mother of three rushing in at the last minute, gratefully grabbing a cup of coffee, and then collapsing on her chair with the desperate plea, “Your kids are bigger than mine… tell me this gets easier!” I just smiled. What do I tell her? It does get easier, in a practical way. They learn to brush their own teeth, pack their own bags, dress themselves and make their own breakfasts. You can actually wake them up and then say, “Get ready I’m going to shower,” and they do. They clean up after themselves… sometimes. They feed dogs and cats and fish without you worrying they will poison them. Or leave a trail of animal food all over the house. They learn to wipe for themselves! That’s a milestone worth celebrating! And ultimately they slowly become independent – if you let them of course. But does it get easier? I am not so sure. In some ways it gets harder. The emotional stuff becomes bigger. Their problems get bigger and more adult like. The troubles they face get more serious. But it is still filled with those rewarding moments that make it so worthwhile. I have a six-year gap between my oldest and my youngest, so I am still firmly entrenched in Lego and toys and learning to read and tears and the turmoils of friends not being their friends today. But then I am as involved in the teens that everyone seems so afraid of. I hear about first kisses and stupid stuff that friends do, and I get to watch how peer pressure manifests its ugly little head – although sometimes in a positive way, thankfully. But does it get any easier? I really don’t think so. You see I’m a parent. And the older my kids get the more I realise that each age and stage has its own set of challenges. But underlying all of them, is the same basic drive. A protective instinct so fierce and primal that it turns you into someone who would be prepared to die for your child. It enables you to imagine carrying out acts so barbaric when your child is threatened or hurt, that a mamma bear would flinch. The responsibility you feel and the need to get it right, never gets any easier. So as we begin our meeting, I look into her desperate eyes and try find an answer. An honest answer. “It does get easier,” I said. “Soon they will be doing everything for themselves and you can arrive at meetings totally together and unfrazzled!” and she sighed and sipped her coffee, gratefully grabbing at the leaf I offered, “Thank goodness!” I know she was not ignorant of the changes that will come, and the other challenges she will face as a mom. It’s what she needed to hear in that moment, even though I suspect that she knows deep down that a parent’s job never really gets easier, she grabbed that little piece of sanity then and there, in the moment, because like all parents, we know that once that child is born, your heart will forever walk outside your body, and that never gets any easier.

June 22, 2016

Time for bed!

An eye-opening estimated 70% of children are not getting enough sleep or enough quality sleep these days! Keep reading to find out what this is doing and how to help them and yourself, as a parent, rest easier! The amount of sleep a child needs varies depending on age and health, but here is a quick guideline to help you gauge how much sleep your child ideally needs! Age Sleep hours needed per day 1-4 Weeks 15 – 16 1-4 Months 14 – 15 4-12 Months 14 – 15 1-3 Years 12 – 14 3-6 Years 10 – 12 7-12 Years 10 – 11 12-18 Years 8 – 9 So, why do we our children need regular, quality sleep? Sleep serves a critical role in our health and well-being and gives your body a rest, allowing it to prepare for the next day. Every movement we make uses vital resources and creates minuscule wear and tear for our bodies. At night, while we sleep, our body finally gets the chance to rebuild itself. While we are awake, our minds are barraged from input from 5 senses, as well as constantly using thought, logic, creativity, and creating memories. Sleep gives the brain the time it needs to sort out and store information, replace chemicals, and solve problems. If you are having a hard time trying to get your kids to sleep as much as they should, here are a few age-appropriate tips to give you a hand: Newborns Observe baby’s sleep patterns and identify signs of sleepiness. Put your baby in the crib when drowsy, before they fall asleep. Place your baby to sleep on their back with face clear of blankets and other soft items. Infants Develop regular daytime and bedtime schedules. Create a consistent and enjoyable bedtime routine, such as reading to them or singing. Make their space “sleep friendly” environment, with soft lighting. Toddlers Maintain a sleep schedule and consistent bedtime routine. Make the bedroom environment the same every night, without much change. Encourage use of a “sleep pal” such as a blanket or stuffed animal. Preschoolers Have a relaxing bedtime routine that ends in the room where the child sleeps. Child should sleep in the same sleeping environment every night, in a room that is cool, quiet and dark, without a TV. School-aged Children Teach them about healthy sleep habits and why sleep is important. Make child’s bedroom conducive to sleep – dark, cool and quiet. Avoid caffeine and sugary food and drink.

June 15, 2016

Divorce and children

Telling my children that their mom and I were getting divorced was probably the hardest conversation I have ever had. My son Luke was 11 at the time and my daughter Blythe 8. My heart broke as I looked into their sad, shocked eyes. It took everything I had to stop my tears from flowing. Their lives were being turned upside down by the two people they trusted and relied on most in the world. Divorce is a difficult and painful reality which affects almost half of everyone who gets married. Tragically it’s our children’s hearts that are so often caught in the crossfire of negative emotions that come with divorce. This is not an article on how and why to avoid divorce, or the merits of staying together or not for the kids, it’s an article on how to love, protect, nurture and equip children through divorce. If there is one thing I have learnt as a parent it’s that it is not about us it’s about our children. They are not there for us, we are there for them. We brought them into the world and it’s up to us to look after them. Whatever the reason a divorce takes place and regardless of who was most to blame,when we fail to keep our marriage together, which I did, our primary responsibility as parents remains the nurture, care and protection of our children. After I saw first hand the impact my announcement had on my children I vowed to do everything in my power to protect them from the harmful emotional effect of our divorce. It’s very easy during a divorce to become so immersed in our own emotions and self preservation that our children take a backseat. The reality is they need us more than ever. The break up of a family is a major trauma for children and we as their parents are in the strange position of being both the cause of their distress and their source of strength and security during it. Here are eight things I learnt through my own experience that can help children deal with divorce: Let them know that it’s not their fault. As irrational as it may seem, children often feel that somehow they are to blame when a family splits apart. Make sure they understand that this is mom and dad’s fault and they are not responsible in any way. Never put your children in a position where they need to choose between mom or dad. Don’t blame. Your children need both of you and they don’t want either one of you to be the villain. This is your stuff not theirs, keep it that way and do everything you can to ensure your children maintain a great relationship with both of you. Reassure them that everything will be okay. Let them know that even though the living arrangements will be changing you still love them deeply and will be present in their lives. Explain to them that they will have two homes where they will be loved and accepted completely. Help them deal with the change by talking about it. They need to mourn the passing of how life was and adjust to how life will be. The more they are able to talk about the changes and express themselves the quicker they will be able to accept and process the transition. Help them identify their feelings. No matter what they say they will be going through pain and confusion and you need to help them deal with this. Find a way to get into their hearts and minds and truly see and hear what they are thinking and feeling. The younger they are the more challenging this will be as young children don’t have the emotional understanding and maturity to identify their emotions, nor do they have the vocabulary to express them. You may need to enlist the help of an expert such as a counsellor or art therapist. Validate their feelings. Let them know that what they are feeling is normal and okay. Children often experience guilt when feeling anything negative towards their parents and will hide or suppress their emotions. Yet in a divorce they have every right to feel negative emotions towards us; we are responsible for breaking up the world as they know it. After my divorce I realised that Luke was feeling very angry with me and his mom but he felt confused and guilty about what he was feeling. I let him know that it was okay to feel that way, that he had every right to be angry. Help them process their feelings appropriately. Their unspoken question will be; ok so I realise I’m angry and it’s ok to be angry but what do I do with my anger? Again you may need to enlist the help of an expert or older mentor. In Luke’s case I asked him to forgive me and his mom and gave him the space to express and feel his anger. Often an angry child will take his frustration out in inappropriate ways like bullying, self-harm or other destructive behaviours. Helping your child to deal appropriately with emotions will set him or her free from harmful thoughts and behaviors and grow their emotional intelligence. Get your children involved in a divorce recovery programme. There are churches, community centers and counseling groups that offer programmes specifically for children going through a divorce. These can be very beneficial in assisting children to deal with their emotions and equipping them with the tools to handle the change. By taking theses eight actions, prioritizing your children’s hearts and staying deeply involved in their lives it’s possible to minimize the trauma of divorce and turn it into a powerful growth experience for both you and them.

June 9, 2016

Autism and the Senses – A Parent’s Guide

All around the world famous landmarks have been lit up with blue lights – a great way for the world to notice that autism is real, it impacts more people than we can imagine and there is still so much to learn about the condition. Ask any parent, adult, sibling or adolescent living with autism, about what aspect they find most difficult and they will mostly confirm that dealing with the sensory elements of autism is or was their biggest hurdle. At every moment in our 24-hour day, our senses are inundated with new and old sensory input, which gets filtered appropriately in order for one to function effectively. Many autistic children have great difficulty with processing sensory input from the environment, and added to that they have great difficulty communicating what they don’t like about the sensory input. Autistic children are typically sensory sensitive with either low or fluctuating thresholds, meaning that they are hugely affected, (often negatively), by sensory input from their environments. It is just too loud, too bright, too tight or too fast for them. They experience sensory overload on a constant basis and they really battle to cope with this. This video by the Interacting with Autism Project is a fantastic illustration of what somebody with autism must be experiencing when confronted with sensory overload. Their withdrawal patterns and poor social skills are not necessarily caused by sensory overload, but augmented by their sensory issues. Children on the Autism spectrum need consistency, routine and structure. Unpredictable and sensory overloaded environments (like shops and shopping malls) are very difficult for them to cope with, which typically will cause them to throw tantrums, get aggressive and/or withdraw from such environments. Sensory meltdowns occur when there is some form of discordance that happens in one or more of the sensory systems (touch, taste, sound, sight, smell, movement). Low blood sugar levels are also of relevance, as lowered blood sugar levels heighten all the senses. Remove the child from the distressing environment and take him to a safer and calmer place. Parents should be aware of meltdowns, it happens so quickly and without warning – but try not to over protect them or to shield them from stressful environments. Learn to anticipate which sensory system overloads the quickest and be prepared. Exposure to new and uncomfortable environments needs to be done in a gentle and calculated way (when the child is calm and regulated) as it helps them learn to anticipate, to adapt to and to manage these environments. A portable sensory toolkit can be taken with you whenever you are away from home and can include the following items: Sunglasses (to decrease the effect of bright light). A baseball cap or wide brimmed hat (for decreased visual stimulation). An ice cold water bottle with a sport cap for sucking water or an ice cold juice with a straw. A chewy snack, like biltong, dried fruit, chewing gum. Soundproof headphones for very loud environments. A change of clothing (long-sleeved t-shirt to avoid unwanted touch). Deep bear hugs – for a calming effect. Deep breathing – the universal calmer. One’s senses are thus a vital key to coping with autism – it is the window to their souls and interactions. Understand it, use it wisely and learn to look at people and environments form a sensory point of view.

May 30, 2016

Digital Parenting Challenges

Do you remember gathering all the baby books and magazines you could find to read up on how to care for your baby and toddlers? The library and bookstore shelves were stuffed full of the newest feeding methods and sleeping approaches. We poured over every detail from burping techniques to swaddling methods, but what we didn’t expect to expect was the prevalence of digital technology in our children’s near future. Most of our preparations never mentioned social media or Smartphone technology. While our devices offer us amazing benefits with instant communication, easy access to information, and gps technology, this abundance can be overwhelming for modern parents when it comes to raising children. As we struggle to make sense of what our children are digitally up to, we can find ourselves questioning what they are really doing on their devices for hours and hours at a time. We understand that they are playing games, sending messages, snapping selfies, and streaming videos. These handheld luxuries offer endless entertainment and ways to communicate, but lurking behind the glow of the screens are a myriad of dangers many children and parents might not consider. Understanding Technology And Our Children Unfortunately, these hazards cover a wide variety of pitfalls from cyberbullying to oversharing to sexting to online predators. The list could probably go on and on, but these are four of the biggest problems facing our youngest digital natives. Only recently have these topics became real parenting challenges gaining national attention with daily negative headlines, which is why many of us are left wondering what to do when it comes to children and technology. It’s essential that we consider a recent study’s shocking revelation that cyberbullying rates have tripled. The authors of the study acknowledge that 87 percent of our kids have either been victimised or witnessed, which is up dramatically from around 28 percent a few years ago. For parents, this can be devastating to digest, because we understand the links between bullying and increased chances for suffering from depression, high anxiety levels, and thoughts of suicide. If cyberbullying isn’t enough to worry, we need to consider that sexting is now considered a normal part of development. This trend might not expose a child to actual sex dangerous like pregnancy or disease, but sexting can lead children down a dangerous path. Minor children who send or receive a sext can potentially be charged by the authorities for possessing or distributing child pornography. It doesn’t matter if the act is consensual, it is seen by the law as a felonious act. To compound these matters, sexting can open our kids up for exploitation, bullying, relationship abuse, and shaming. 6 Popular Apps To Be On The Lookout For Coming to the conclusion that our children may be behaving badly online is disheartening, but we also need to consider that a majority of our sons and daughters, 70 percent in fact, hide their digital activity from us. Staying on top our children’s activity can be daunting, especially after the mass exodus of our teens from popular social media sites we frequent, like Facebook. To help you understand what apps and sites our children are using for a combined average of six or more hours each day of screen time, we have compiled a list of # trending apps that should be on our radar: Snapchat Whisper Dubsmash Instagram Ask.fm Burn Note How To Speak To Children About Digital Challenges To help us conquer digital parenting challenges, please read the following suggestions to help communicate with children and teens about problems they may face: Start a discussion regarding the importance of balancing technology in our everyday lives. Instil a sense of social media etiquette in young children and add to this foundation as a child ages. Use the “grandma rule” and only post items that they feel comfortable with Nanna stumbling across. Reclaim family time and events to offer plenty of time for communication. Make an effort to just listen and hear what they are saying. Reinforce good behaviour and choices. Let them know you appreciate their judgment. Develop a contract that states technology expectations and consequences as a family. Actively monitor a child’s cell phone and online activity. Know their friends, what sites they visit, and drop in from time to time on their social media profiles. Avoid lecturing and belittling children about social media and technology use. Lead with a good example!

May 4, 2016

Introducing Little Tikes

Little Tikes is a range of toys for indoor and outdoor play that will entertain your child while helping them to develop their mind and imagination. Little Tikes is committed to making safe, quality and durable fun toys for children across a variety of age groups, from baby to toddler to older children. The toys encourage discovery and learning through active, creative and social play and provide countless hours of fun. The toys also encourage kids to get up and play outside. Encourage your young one to get up and play, swing, bounce, ride and more with Little Tikes products. From outdoor sets to role-playing toys, boys and girls will enjoy hours of fun. Little Tikes has products for children as young as six months – they are perfectly created for little hands and tough enough to endure being chewed, hit and thrown about! Little Tikes toys help your child grow and grow with your child! Little Tikes Ball Chase Octopus The Little Tikes Ball Chase Octopus is a colourful toy that gets baby moving through fun and unpredictable ball play. The toy spins and releases balls, encouraging baby to crawl, chase and play again. It helps to develop gross and fine motor skills, the understanding of cause and effect and also encourages balance and coordination. It is suitable for babies six months and older. Little Tikes Discover Sounds Kitchen This fun play kitchen playset is an ideal baby and toddler toy. With lights, sounds, colours and shapes, this playset will captivate and entertain your little one. The Discover Sounds Kitchen has been designed to help develop visual perception, fine motor skills and cognitive processes. Plus, it’s a really fun toy to play with that is highly interactive. It features shape sorting, lights and sounds and encourages put and take play. What’s more the refrigerator, oven and microwave doors open and the stove burner makes a sizzling sound when baby puts a pot on it. If a pot is put on the blue burner it makes a boiling sound. Baby can also push on the “springy” play toast and watch it pop up! There is also a shape-sorter on the refrigerator! The Little Tikes Discover Sounds Kitchen is the ideal toy that will bring baby joy until well into his toddler years. Suitable for six months plus. Little Tikes Count and Play Register This toy cash register is perfect for toddlers and pre-schoolers. Kids can learn colours and shapes through matching. What’s more, this learning toy is just the right size to help develop fine motor skills and foster an understanding of simple cause and effect. The Count ‘n Play Cash Register will help stimulate imagination and inspire creativity. While playing children learn to match colours, size and numbers. Drop the coins into the slots and swipe the credit card to drop the coins into the drawer. Kids pull down on the handle to open the cash drawer. Suitable for ages two and up. Kids will love it! Little Tikes toys are ideal learning while playing toys that will help your child develop fine and gross motor skills while learning about the world around them. Visit your local toy store or retailer and browse the exciting Little Tikes range that will inspire, motivate and excite your child.

April 25, 2016

Why Dads Matter

A year after my divorce, my son Luke decided to come and live with me. At the age of 12 he was a big, strong boy, tall and solidly built. He played rugby, loved riding motor bikes and was a real boy in every way. Yet I also noticed a tenderness and vulnerability in him. More than that, there was a cry, a yearning for masculine nurture. For several weeks after moving in with me, Luke would creep into my bed late at night and just hold on to me tightly. It’s hard to explain what passed between us during those prolonged, poignant hugs, but it was profound and beautiful. I didn’t have to say anything; he was drawing substance from me, almost by osmosis. I was his rock, his anchor. I was the source of masculinity and strength for his developing manhood. No matter what I was experiencing inside, no matter what challenges I was facing, I was Luke’s dad and he needed me. He had questions that I needed to answer. His young developing masculine soul needed to draw from a man and that man was me, his father. This was a revelation to me. I realised how much my son needed me, and the impact that I as a father would have on him – for good or bad. I realised that there was a window of opportunity for me to give Luke what he needed and I realised that my willingness and ability to do this would quite possibly be the single biggest influence on his development as a man. Fatherhood matters deeply, profoundly and undeniably. Any man who becomes a father needs to take this responsibility-laced privilege very seriously. And this applies equally to girls and boys. The questions that my daughter Blythe needed me to answer differed slightly from Luke’s but she needed my presence, love and consistent input just as much as her brother did. Fathers are the most powerful and important men in their children’s lives. Every boy longs to be mentored by his father; every girl longs to be adored by her dad. A father is his daughter’s first romance and his son’s first hero. He is their first, most important experience of who and what a man is. What we expose our children to, and what we teach them through our lives, words, actions and interactions imparts to them their very sense of self, the inner fabric that will equip them for confidence and success or fear and failure. The words we share with them in their formative years become their inner voice as adults. Being the most important man in someone’s life is a privilege that comes with profound responsibilities. Your children will come to you to answer the deepest questions of their hearts. Throughout their developing years they will ask you a thousand times and in a thousand different ways to answer key questions about themselves that no-one else can answer quite like you can. Questions about their identity, their value, their validity. Your son will want to know what it means to be a man and whether he has what it takes. Your daughter will want to know if she is worth fighting for, if you delight in her. Answer well and you will lay an unshakeable foundation for your children’s emotional well-being and character. Answer badly or don’t answer at all and you will wound them and quite possibly set them up for a lifetime of emotional struggle. Every father influences the lives of his children forever. That’s a given. Whether this impact is for good or for harm is the choice every father has to make. Very few men set out to deliberately harm their children, yet most men struggle to give their children all they need, mainly because they didn’t receive what they needed from their own fathers. Most adults carry some hurt from their relationship with their fathers whether they are conscious of it or not. Some of these wounds are blatant and debilitating, such as when physical or sexual abuse has taken place, but most are subtle, caused by a father being absent, or present but not engaged; being emotionally unavailable or distant; not seeing, nurturing and validating; wanting their children to be something different to what they are; being too strict or too laissez-faire. The list is long. These wounds don’t destroy but they damage. They affect the ability of their children to be fully alive. They erode their self-esteem and subtly but significantly affect the important life choices they make as adults. Being a great father doesn’t just happen. It takes a deliberate commitment and consistent action. It cannot be outsourced or delegated; it must be handled personally. Just as a safe can only be opened by the key specifically designed for it, you as a father hold the key to unlock the potential in your child’s life. The wonderful thing about being a dad is that we all get to be a hero. Of course, this means that we have to live up to some pretty high expectations. But that’s okay, because every dad has it in him to be a hero to his children. And if we get it right we leave our children with a priceless gift. Impressed into their psyche and souls is the knowledge of a man as a strong, loving sanctuary, a place where there is safety and fun and affirmation. And they will live their lives out of this reservoir of grace and strength. Our sons are more likely to grow up honourable men, treating women with respect and caring for their own families. Our daughters are more likely to grow up as women of stature, making good choices and building strong families of their own. The world is crying out for men who will step up to the plate and be great fathers. And it’s not difficult, the two most important words in a dad’s lexicon are: “Be There”.

April 14, 2016

A, B, Zzzz

Sleep is a basic physiological need – it is crucial for our health because when we are asleep, our bodies repair and restore themselves. Children, especially, need quality, consistent sleep to thrive. A good night’s sleep not only prepares their bodies for tackling the next day, but it also significantly affects their behaviour – children who do not get enough sleep can easily become irritable and moody, and they may display more impulsive or defiant behaviour. In addition, poor or inadequate sleep can lead to cognitive problems that impact their ability to learn. Despite the importance of sleep, most children get less than the recommended amount – roughly 10 hours each night for school-aged children – needed for their bodies to rest and for their brains to process what they learned during the day (children take on enormous amounts of information daily, and their brains transform subconsciously learned material into active knowledge while they sleep). Of course, getting children to bed on time is not easy! Many master the art of stalling from a young age, while some obstinately fight the Sandman for as long as they can. For others, getting a good night’s sleep may be hindered by sleep disorders, such as sleepwalking, nightmares or insomnia. Some medications, including those for asthma or ADHD, may also affect sleep. Getting your child to bed on time is vital, and there is much you can do to help establish good sleep habits from a young age. Set a routine: Create a predictable age-appropriate routine to help your child prepare for bed. This may include a warm bath, reading or listening to quiet music, etc. Be consistent: Keep bedtime at a set time, even on weekends. A regular bedtime keeps your child’s circadian rhythms on track and is instrumental in allowing him to easily fall and stay asleep. Create a soothing environment: Your child’s room should be a calm and free from stimulation at bedtime. It should ideally be cool, dark and quiet. Encourage other healthy habits: Ensuring that your child gets at least 20 minutes of exercise a day will help him to sleep better at night. Also, limit foods that contain caffeine and sugar, especially in the late afternoon and evening. Limit screen time: Cut off screen time at least one hour before bed. Not only is watching TV or playing games on a tablet or computer stimulating, but it suppresses the body’s release of melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate sleep. Benefits of getting enough sleep It promotes growth: Getting enough sleep guarantees that children’s bodies are producing the right amount of hormones to help them grow. It boosts the immune system: During sleep, the body produces the antibodies needed to fight infection, illness, and stress. It reduces the risk of injury: Children are clumsier and more impulsive when they don’t get enough sleep, making them more accident prone. It regulates emotions: Being overtired can make it difficult for children to manage their emotions, making them cranky and irritable. It influences health: Consistently poor sleep habits in childhood set the stage for adult sleep problems, and place children at greater risk for childhood obesity, as well as adult obesity and diabetes later on. It boosts learning: When children are tired they have more trouble paying attention, are less able to acquire and process new knowledge, and are often unable to effectively store and retrieve information from memory. All of these things are critical components of learning. Sleep is an essential building block for your child’s overall health, well-being and academic success, so make sure that your child is getting enough zzzz’s. Impak is a curriculum provider for home, tutor and school education. Visit www.impak.co.za for more information.

April 6, 2016

90 Things To Do With Kids

Sometimes during school holidays or on the weekends the kids will be looking for fun and interesting things to do. We, along with the help of many parents, have compiled a list of great activities and things to do with the kids. Have a look today! 1. Meet with friends at a park and play with the kids on the playground. Push them on the swings or catch them on the slides. 2. Go to a local cycle way/bike track and go rollerblading. A great way to get out in the fresh air and enjoy the sunshine and exercise. 3. Go ice-skating- wrap up in your warm clothes and head to the closest ice-rink. 4. Have a movie afternoon- great for a rainy day. Rent a couple of good kids movies, make some popcorn and and enjoy the movies. 5. Cook some special treats or family favourites like Gingerbread men or cupcakes. 6. Go to an indoor play centre. Let the kids try out the playground and you can have a coffee with a friend. 7. Try Tenpin Bowling- make sure the bumper bars are up for the little ones. 8. Explore your local bird park, butterfly world or the zoo to see all the animals, birds and reptiles. 9. Get your bike helmets and go for a bike ride. 10. Organise a kid swap with friends who work. Your kids get to have their friends over for the day to play, and there are a lot more participants for games. 11. Browse through your local history museum, great to show the kids how things use to be. 12. Try Horse-riding- lots of riding centers provide lessons or short rides for younger children. 13. Visit a farm and see all the farm animals, you may be able to feed and pat some of them. 14. Take a day trip to a historic town or local attractions. Sometimes we never visit the attractions in our local area. Be a tourist in your own town. 15. Spend the day at the beach, go for a walk and play some games, take the Frisbee. 16. Camp out in the garden- kids of all ages will love this experience. 17. Have a picnic or lunch at the local park. Let the kids help pack their favourite lunch and snacks. 18. Do some Gardening with the kids make a herb garden pot, they are fantastic and useful too! 19. Smile! Get the camera out and let the kids take some photos download them on the computer and create a slide show. 20. Get out the play dough- buy some or make your own. This will provide hours of fun for you and the kids. 21. Have a Story writing competition. Help younger children write and illustrate a story. 22. Create a Treasure hunt in the backyard write out a list of things to find, and let them start hunting. 23. Bury a heap of old dinosaur toys and ‘artifacts’ in a sectioned off part of the garden and give all the kids a map and little spades. 24. Blow bubbles, try different shape bubble blowers for lots of fun. 25. Buy some cheap wooden photo frames and get the kids to paint and decorate them for their rooms. 26. Paper Mache…messy but always fun, create a bowl or a piggy bank. 27. Make masks from paper plates, with stick on ears and eyeholes. 28. Create a masterpiece- get canvas and paints and let the children express their creativity with Painting. 29. Play let’s pretend – play shopkeeper or mom/baby or anything you like. 30. Teach the kids to sew or thread with lacing cards. 31. Have a theme days – make it blue day so everyone wears blue, you eat blue food, use blue paints/materials for craft work, sing blue songs, etc. 32. Have a lazy day where everyone gets to stay in their PJ’s and relax. 33. Write and create a play -see who is great at drama and acting. 34. Conduct some simple Science experiments- see the internet for ideas. 35. Try your hand at scrap booking, with some coloured paper, kid’s photos and embellishments. 36. Grocery shopping- take the kids to the Supermarket and let them help you shop, cross off the items on your shopping list. Buy something easy to make together for lunch. 37. Board games Monopoly, Scrabble, Hungry Hippos, and more if there are a few kids have a tournament. 38. Card games from the simple Snap to Go Fish to Canasta for the older ones. Have lollies or chocolates for prizes. 39. Do a Jigsaw, set up a special area and let everyone help – the harder the better. 40. Make a Kite then take it outside on a windy day to fly it. 41. Go fishing in the river or sea and catch and release. 42. Catch local transport – take a train to Simons Town or a bus ride around the City. 43. Make birthday cards together – Grandparents and friends will love the creativity of your kids. 44. Lots of Local Libraries hold story-telling workshops during school holidays, and then the kids can borrow some new stories to read. 45. Go Swimming- head to the local indoor pool or to the beach or river. 46. See the latest Movie at the Cinema. Get your kids to tell you the storyline afterwards. 47. See what’s on at the Theatre or a live show. The kids will love you for this. 48. Make some music, play some music instruments or sing along to their favourite tunes. 49. Dress Ups- a family favourite. Find some outfits and play dress ups. 50. Make Plaster Models and then paint them in your favourite colours. 51. Make a collage- go to the park or beach and collect bark, seaweed etc and make a collage. 52. Bush Walk- head off the beaten path and go for a bush or nature walk. 53. Make a Movie – grab the video camera, write a plot, dress up and film your family as the stars of your very own

April 1, 2016

3 Beauty Hacks found at the bottom of your Diaper Bag

Often, I find myself in a beauty aisle deciding whether the R200 spent on a body oil is actually worth the splurge but usually end up settling on the idea that I would much rather spend the same amount on a bag of nappies because who would want soft skin and wet patches of carpet throughout their house, anyway? Baby products are designed in a way that they only contain the mildest ingredients to ensure that even the most sensitive skin is nourished and taken care of. It got me thinking that maybe it’s time we swap out our usual expensive “adult” products for baby products which will not only mean we’d be taking better care of ourselves with the use of gentle products, but perhaps saving a buck or two for the next pack of nappies or I don’t know… a new lipstick? Here’s a list of three seemingly normal baby products, found at the bottom of my son’s diaper bag, which pack a number of uses and beauty hacks and has prompted me to adding them to my beauty shelf. Baby Powder I bet that you have a lot of unused baby powder, don’t you? Baby powder is really versatile and can help remove oil stains from clothes, absorb dampness in smelly gym shoes or bags, cool your bed sheets in summer and remove beach sand from your skin with the greatest of ease but it also packs a host of beauty functions too. Try dusting a thin layer of baby powder to your lashes in between coats of mascara, to get voluminous lashes that will have everyone wondering what’s your trick. The baby powder adds thickness and length by clinging on to the lashes that are already coated in a layer of mascara. Improve the longevity of your lipstick by applying your lipstick as usual, and then placing a tissue over your lips before dusting baby powder around the lip area (using a powder brush). Apply a second coat of lipstick to top it off and enjoy longer lasting lip coverage. If you’ve nicked yourself after shaving and are struggling to stop it from bleeding, apply a dash of baby powder which will help clot the blood and stop it from bleeding everywhere. Baby Oil Baby oil restores lost moisture and is especially great during the winter months, by adding just a few drops to your bath water, it can help hydrate skin and leave it feeling smoother and softer all day long. Other uses for baby oil includes removing makeup as the oil helps to gently break down water-proof lip and eye products, which is where the skin tends to be the most sensitive. It is also a great post-shaving product and helps to soften cracked or dry heels. Bum Cream It shouldn’t shock you that baby bum cream is a great way to reduce redness, hence it works so well on bum rashes, but the cream can also be used as a spot treatment and works to treat acne or reduce any red blotchiness. You can also use baby bum creams like Sudocrem to prep and prime your face, to ensure that the coverage of your foundation is long lasting. Lastly, if you find your foundation is a little darker than you’d like, try adding a dash of bum cream (colourant free) to help lighten the formula. That wraps up the beauty hacks that you can find at the bottom of your diaper bags. Have you heard of any of these before? I’d love to know which you will be making use of soon. Like my beauty tips? Instead of giving into my broodiness, I committed to an entire year of sharing beauty tips daily on social media. Check out #365BeautyTips or follow me on Instagram: @byMeganKelly to see more!

March 24, 2016

The Importance of Rhyming

Having just had the wonderful opportunity to see Julia Donaldson live presenting her show “the Gruffalo”, again emphasised the importance of rhyming. Julia has a wonderful way of writing the most delightful books which all children love. They are easy and fun to read and the wonderful use of rhyme makes you want to break out into song! Which is exactly what Julia did! Did you know that her first book “a Squash and a Squeeze” originated from a song and then became a book? I still have that song in my head. Why is rhyming so important you say? Well, think about it, if you can make a rhyme about something doesn’t it make it easier to remember? Yes, of course it does! I’m sure you can remember making up rhymes in school as part of your study skills to help you to remember the work? This is perhaps more relevant in the senior primary child’s life but for the younger child the reason why rhyming is so important is because the children learn to differentiate between different sounds by hearing the phonetic differences and similarities in words. It helps children to break words into smaller parts and to recognise smaller parts in words. These skills are important for reading and writing. Songs and rhymes also teach children how to use expression which is also important when learning to read. Rhyming also helps children to predict the story and gives them decoding skills. Children who struggle with reading often find it difficult to break words down into their individual sounds. Thus, rhyming is a very helpful tool to improve their phonemic awareness skills. An easy way to enrich your children is to read them nursery rhymes when they are little and to continue with lovely picture books that rhyme such as the Julia Donaldson books. Children love to rhyme and it can be done incidentally, while you are driving in the car, are at the shops or taking a walk in the park. Children love to do it and often make up the silliest rhymes, but learning should be fun, so let it be.

March 16, 2016

Counteracting Anxiety in Children

“Feel free & live your life” “I’m scared they won’t come back” “Don’t believe everything you think” “Act the way you want to feel” “A happy child is a thriving child” Symptoms & Signs of anxiety in your child Symptoms could range from physical to emotional and have various onsets whereby the duration could vary from time to time. Physical symptoms may be non-verbal signs like nervous fidgeting more often than usual, showing aggression which is out of character like shouting, tantrums and showing frustration. The child acts different than usual, may show more tiredness, stomach aches, muscle tension, trouble sleeping, sudden nightmares, restlessness during waking hours, irritability and lack of concentration Emotional symptoms: Acting more emotional than other times, excessive worry most days of the week, more sensitive and crying more often, defensiveness and some reactions could be unexpected. Things that could play a role or could cause anxiety: Genetics Brain Biochemistry Worries Onset of an event Panic attacks Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) Overactive flight-fight response Stressful life circumstances Learned behaviour Bullying Death of a loved one Divorce of parents A child with a family member who has an anxiety disorder has a greater chance of also developing an anxiety disorder Possible ways of counteracting Anxiety in your child Notice the signs early on in child’s life to prevent any further development of anxiety Once you have identified the signs if is recommended that you have a conversation with your child to figure out why child has become anxious and what are the cause/causes of his/her behaviour Worries could feel like a burden to a child and could also affect their social activities and interactions with their peers. It could create feelings of being overwhelmed & feeling out of control, that is why it is crucial to make the child feel save to communicate and build trust Children worry about their sudden fear and sometimes do not know why they feel the way they feel and also feel confused and isolated These problems can affect a child’s day-to-day functioning with reaching goals and concentrating on daily tasks. These children could be misunderstood and misinterpreted most of the time. One should work patiently with the child to reach a positive outcome Help your child cope Acknowledge the problem Provide support in an unconditional way Talk openly with your child about how she/he feels in a non-judgemental way Provide comfort, communication and assist child to cope with feelings and assure child that he/she is save and loved Remind child that letting go of fear and obstacles, it makes room for fun and enjoyment Your child could overcome any obstacle and also learn additional coping skills in how to cope with new future challenges on the way A therapist could look at the symptoms in-depth and also confirm, diagnose and create a plan to help child with coping and with future onsets.

March 4, 2016

Let them go… Let them go…

School started last month and yet your little ones are still clawing to you like you are delivering them to a place of intense torment and misery! The teachers have to pry your child off you and you have just discovered that they have superhuman strength. They hold so tight on to you, with those tiny arms and legs, that breaking free of their grip leaves you sweatier than a cardio gym session! Once you finally break free, and reorganise your clothes, you head to your car walking the walk of the guilty, of the unsure, of the broken-hearted and anxious parent. You second guess your decision to leave them. Every single day. And some days you cry yourself to work/home – the entire drive. When is this going to get better???! I’ve had a few parents call me over the past weeks to ask if they are doing the right thing? Are they causing more harm than good leaving them? Should they say goodbye or just sneak away? Does this aggravate separation anxiety? And my answer is this little scenario… Imagine you need to have an operation. Your mom is the one who will be taking you on the day and you are very nervous about it. Unfortunately, the day looms and there is no backing out. Your mom arrives and takes you to the hospital. You meet the doctor and it’s time for your mom to go. Which way would you prefer she said goodbye… OK my love. (HAND SQUEEZE) The doctor is here so I am going to leave you. (STILL HOLDING HAND) I am sure he’s a great doctor and it will be over before you know it! (TIGHT HUG) It won’t be too bad, you will see, and I will be back before you even realise. (HAND PAT) Good luck my love! Mommy loves you so much! I will be thinking of you the whole time. (BIG TIGHT HUG AND A WORRIED GOODBYE LOOK) Bye…. (SOFT TEARY VOICE) or…. Look darling! The doctor is here. He is so efficient – imagine how great he’s going to be in the op! I am going to go and leave you to it. I know you are in great hands and you are going to be absolutely fine. I will be back to collect you when it’s over. I love you. Bye darling. (HUG and KISS) Which one instils more confidence in you? Which one stills your concerns over the op? Just let them go. Say a very upbeat, positive goodbye that reassures them and makes them feel that if you are so happy to leave them and so confident about the goodbye, they must be in a safe place and they are sure to have a fun day. Prolonging the goodbye, giving in to the tears only makes them feel that you are also not sure about leaving them and equally worried, and if you are going to hurry back as soon as possible, it must be a terrible place to be. So… when the teachers tell you to just say a goodbye and go, trust them. And the answer to “When is this going to get better?” is, as soon as you can confidently leave them. They will pick up on your confidence and soon feel it themselves. You can do this!

February 18, 2016

Teaching with routine and sameness

Have you ever noticed how your children love to catch you making a mistake, especially when you do something out of order? Children learn about the world around them by sameness and routine and they crave patterns that they can learn from. One evening we had visitors over for dinner and it was a special occasion. The food was coming out of the oven in phases to keep it warm. One of our young guests must have been hungry so she served herself what was on the table and took a bite. My oldest daughter, the perfectionist child, was quick to catch her breaking a dinner-time rule and called attention to the violation. Our family procedures had trained her that we all start eating together, after the blessing. Use this teaching tool to your advantage, especially when you want to increase the cooperation from your young children. Family situations such as the morning rush, dinner time and bedtime are 3 situations that can be stressful on parents and children. Creating a reoccurring sequence of events during these times can make them easier to get through. Let’s take bedtime for example. Children don’t like going to bed because they fear that they are going to miss out on something good. They have this perception that “the REAL party begins when they have to go to bed.” At the same time, parents can’t wait to get their children in bed so they can de-stress, relax or in some cases, get more work done. If your children sense that you’re trying to rush them off to bed, they will prolong the event. Allow your children to help you come up with all of the activities at bedtime and put them in sequential order. Have them help you create large pictures that represent each of the events in the sequence: a story book, a pair of pyjamas, a toilet, a glass of water, etc. Next, tape each of the pictures high on the wall and out of their reach, placing them in sequential order. The additional key to success with this activity is to include your children in the process of creating it and to make it fun! Put aside your mind chatter and stress, and take on an excited demeanour as you call out each of the items in order to have them complete them. Go with them and participate. The more engaged and fun you are in this process, the more they will feel a part of it. If your child catches you doing something out of order, relax and don’t get defensive. Be humble and thank them for catching the mistake. They will feel respected and important that they uncovered the flaw. Just try it on purpose sometime; break a sequence just to give them something to focus on and watch their legalistic nature make an issue of your mistake.Teaching children cooperation and social skills can be a challenge. Your little children do not arrive in the world ready to comply. It takes time, patience, and practice to get them to cooperate and participate. Use routine and sameness whenever you can and notice how much easier parenting can be.

January 20, 2016

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cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy	11 months	The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_ga	2 years	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to calculate visitor, session, campaign data and keep track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookies store information anonymously and assign a randomly generated number to identify unique visitors.
_gid	1 day	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the website is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages visted in an anonymous form.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_gat_gtag_UA_18530557_4	1 minute	No description
pron_ip	session	No description
pvc_visits[0]	1 day	This cookie is created by post-views-counter. This cookie is used to count the number of visits to a post. It also helps in preventing repeat views of a post by a visitor.
tk_ai	session	Gathers information for WordPress by themselves, first party analytics tool about how WP services are used. A collection of internal metrics for user activity, used to improve user experience.