Advice from the experts
JustEllaBella

The Unintended Comparisons We Make As Mothers

We are always told not to compare kids to each other, but forget that the same applies to ourselves. We are told not to worry that while your friend’s child is composing sonnets, yours can barely string  two words together. You shouldn’t be overly concerned that your little one is bum scooting behind his running peers or that your niece can use chopsticks while your child hasn’t quite mastered the spoon. We know making comparisons is wrong,  but what happens if the person you are comparing to others is yourself. I had my son a few months after my best friend had her twins, she was breast feeding two, while looking amazing (I swear she was in better shape than before the babies) and just seemed to have her ducks in a row. In a “routine, sleep at a certain time, eat your food and play together nicely” row. As the eldest of 13 grand children I  thought my hundreds of hours of baby sitting would stand me in good stead and imagined I would have a similar row of ducks with my baby. My son however kicked all my ducks out of their proverbial row at birth already. He was born with problems breathing and was only allowed to go home with us after a stint in NICU. This meant I was not responsible for having him fall asleep those first two weeks, I just had to feed him and go  – which messed with our bonding and didn’t make for the best routine. At home he needed to sleep at an angle because of severe reflux and breathing problems and having lost his brother to neonatal death the year before, I was a wreck. I literally didn’t sleep, I just watched him like a hawk. I caught up on a lot of reality TV around that time as I carefully monitored his breathing while his beautiful Moses basket went virtually untouched. There was a lot of crying… “He is colicky”, the doctor told me “You are quite bad at this mothering thing”, my mind told me. It didn’t help that I overheard a nurse say to another that I was not very confident with him. Eventually we got into a routine me and my little boy, my supportive husband in tow, but those ducks just never fell into formation like I had hoped. I was super freaked out, my kid wasn’t walking, sleeping or eating on schedule and judging by the moms in the mommy group , who seemed to have everything firmly under control, I was to blame. They never said anything, in fact they were/are super supportive, but I started comparing myself to them and driving myself batty. Compared to their kids he didn’t eat  balanced enough meals, I failed to get him to sleep at 7.30PM, he walked late which must be because I put him in a walker and his vocabulary was lacking because I clearly didn’t speak to him enough. “I’m failing my child!!!”,  are the words that ran through my mind. Not sure when the breakthrough came  but I managed to pull myself towards myself – think it’s after I got a bit of a talking to from my husband. He reminded me that our son was an original and that I needed to start thinking of him like that. I needed to ditch some of the “expert advice” and listen to my heart. That is what I have been trying; being my own kind of mom instead of “the right kind”. Our 19-month-old chatter box doesn’t go to bed early.  I did however  manage to reign him in from his 12pm+ bedtime and he is now asleep by 9pm. Yes that’s late, but he sleeps through the night, goes to bed without a bottle and gets to spend time with his parents who get home from work late every night. He sleeps in a “big boy bed” and although I’ve been told by top sleep experts that my decision to put him there since around six months was not a good one, he no longer screams himself to sleep like he did in the crib and doesn’t  endanger himself by trying to climb out. He doesn’t put himself to sleep though (part of why a sleep expert told me to put him back in his crib) instead my husband and I take turns to snuggle with him in bed, we read to him and pray with him and sneak out as he gets drowsy. I’m told this isn’t ideal but it works for us. He doesn’t eat proper “grown-up” food yet, the reflux has turned him into the pickiest eater ever, even though he doesn’t suffer anymore. He only eats a limited amount of things, this used to freak me out (okay it still does now and again – the kid has never ever had meat). But now I give him what he does eat, lots of fruit and crackers and veggie food pouches, while trying to introduce new things to him everyday, I even have a drawer of healthy snacks for home and school that I let him pick out of. Forcing him to eat what I want him to eat was making for a very bad situation, tears, screaming, food being thrown, and don’t even get me started on what he did. Now he gets to try our food every night, with a backup so I’m sure he doesn’t go to bed hungry. He even helps me prepare  food for the family like salads which he merrily chomps on as we work. My son plays in the dirt (all the time), eats chocolate(despite my previous, no sweets rule), walks around barefoot, eats things from the floor and insists on fist bumping random people all the time. Oh, and did I mention he has a tendency to lay down wherever he is and make himself comfortable? He is not the neat, never naughty, sit in the corner and draw

December 3, 2014
Bill Corbett

You’re Not The Boss Of Me!

If you have a boss at the office, have you taken time to acknowledge him or her? When I worked in Corporate America, I use to flip this upside down. I would tell my staff that they were MY boss and that I worked for them. It was their job to tell me what they needed me to do for them so they could get the REAL work done. For me, home was no different. I might have been considered the head of household in some regards, if that title is still used, but my real bosses were my spouse and my children. I did the very best that I could to reinforce the facts that what THEY said and did were more important to me than my work. When the needs of my family were met first, I found myself more productive at the office. For example, my 16-year-old bonus (step) daughter recently announced that I talked too much about money and work at the dinner table. She said it was important to her to not hear about those topics and strongly requested that we talk about other things. She was right about that and she was right to draw that line. My wife then hung a sign in the dining room that talk of money and work were banned from that room. We also all agreed to NOT bring cell phones to the table. Have you ever heard your young child say “You’re not the boss of me?” That’s because crave power and want desperately to feel valuable to the family. But if they’re constantly being told what to do and when to do it, they will never feel like they have power. Here are six ideas for helping your kids feel like they are the boss of something, sometime: If your child corrects you, avoid getting defensive and thank them for bringing the correction to your attention. Create a rotation so that they can each have a turn leading the family meeting. Ask an older child to help you with the younger children, by reading to them, teaching them something, or taking some sort of leadership role as the oldest or older child. Allow your child to teach you how to do something they do well, such as drawing a picture, building with Legos, or make believe play. Let them lead the family on a shopping trip, giving them a list of items or pictures of objects to look for at the grocery store. Designate them as the baker in following a recipe (with your coaching) to make a simple fun desert. As a result, their need to feel valuable and powerful in the family will be satisfied and won’t get in the way when you need them to cooperate and listen. Can you add any others to this list? Email me your ideas to [email protected].

November 25, 2014
Edublox - Reading & Learning Clinic

What Is Dyslexia Really? Part 2

Di dunia kini kita, tiap orang harus dapat membaca…. Unless one has FIRST learned to speak Bahasa Indonesia, there is no way that one would be able to read the above Indonesian sentence. This shows that language is at the very bottom of the reading ladder. Its role in reading can be compared to the role of running in the game of soccer, or ice-skating in the game of ice hockey. One cannot play soccer if one cannot run, and one cannot play ice hockey if one cannot skate. One cannot read a book in a language – and least of all write – unless one knows the particular language. If a child’s knowledge of English is poor, then his reading will also be poor. Evidence that links reading problems and language problems has been extensively presented in the literature. Research has, for example, shown that about 60 percent of dyslexics were late talkers. In order to prevent later reading problems, parents must therefore ensure that a child is exposed to sufficient opportunities to learn language. The second rung consists of cognitive skills While language skills comprise the first rung of the reading ladder, cognitive skills comprise the second. There is a whole conglomeration of cognitive skills that are foundational to reading and spelling. Attention “Everyone knows what attention is,” wrote William James in his Principles of Psychology (1890). “It is the taking of possession by the mind in clear and vivid form, of one out of what seem several simultaneously possible objects or trains of thought… It implies withdrawal from some things in order to deal effectively with others, and is a condition which has a real opposite in the confused, dazed, scatterbrained state.” Needless to say, attention or concentration (the words attention and concentration are used synonymously) plays a critical role in learning. Focussed attention is the behavioural and cognitive process of selectively concentrating on one aspect of the environment while ignoring other things, while sustained attention refers to the state in which attention must be maintained over time. Both are important foundational skills of reading. Because attention is so important for reading, ADHD and dyslexia commonly co-occur. Approximately 25 percent of children who are diagnosed with ADHD, a learning difficulty known to affect concentration, are also dyslexic. Visual perception Visual perception plays a significant role in school learning, particularly in reading. Visual perceptual deficit refers to a reduced ability to make sense of information taken in through the eyes. This is different from problems involving sight or sharpness of vision. Difficulties with visual perception affect how visual information is interpreted or processed. The person may have a difficulty to discriminate in terms of foreground-background, forms, size, and position in space. He may also be unable to synthesise and analyse. Foreground-background differentiation involves the ability to focus on selected objects and screen out or ignore the irrelevant ones. The child experiencing a difficulty in this area is unable to recognise an object which is surrounded by others. For example, the child cannot locate a ball in a picture of several toys, or a word in a word-find puzzle. Form discrimination: Whether it is to differentiate a circle from a square, or the letter B from P, the ability to perceive the shapes of objects and pictures is an important skill for the developing child to acquire. There is hardly an academic activity that does not require the child to engage in form discrimination. The most obvious classroom activity requiring the child to discriminate forms is that of reading. The learning of the letters of the alphabet, syllables, and words will undoubtedly be impeded if there is difficulty in perceiving the form of the letters, syllables, and words. That the discrimination of letters is a crucial skill in the early stages of reading is evidenced by an extensive literature review conducted by Chall (1967). She concluded that the letter knowledge of young children is a better predictor of early reading ability than the various tests of intelligence and language ability. Size discrimination: Capital letters, being used at the start of a sentence, sometimes look exactly the same as their lowercase counterparts, and must therefore be discriminated mainly with regard to size. A person who is unable to interpret size may, for example, find it difficult to distinguish between a capital letter C and a lowercase c. Spatial relations refer to the position of objects in space. It also refers to the ability to accurately perceive objects in space with reference to other objects. A person with a spatial problem may find it difficult to distinguish letters like b, d, p, and q. Synthesis and analysis: Synthesis refers to the ability to perceive individual parts as a whole, while analysis refers to perceiving the whole in its individual parts. Synthesis plays an important role in reading, whereas analysis is of special importance in spelling. Auditory perception Myklebust defines auditory perception as the ability to “structure the auditory world and select those sounds which are immediately pertinent to adjustment.” Berry and Eisenson state that children with auditory perceptual deficits can hear sounds but are unable to recognise them for meaning. Defined as the ability to recognise or interpret what is heard, auditory perception plays as important a role as visual perception in reading. Problems with auditory perception generally correspond to those in the visual area and are presented under the following components: Auditory foreground-background differentiation refers to the ability to select and attend to relevant auditory stimuli and ignore the irrelevant. The child who has a difficulty in this area is unable to make such differentiation. As a consequence, everything heard is attended to equally. Thus, the teacher’s voice is lost in the background noises of other children’s whispers, or the voices in the corridor, or the traffic sounds coming from the street. Auditory discrimination refers to the ability to hear similarities and differences between sounds. The child who has a problem in this area is unable to identify gross

November 18, 2014
Parenting Hub

Top 5 Parenting Tips For a Peaceful Home

Every morning you wake up early and leap straight into the usual routine – fighting with children to get them out of bed, dressed in school uniform, hair brushed, lunches made, homework in school bags, vitamins taken (and so on and so on). Of course this is all done at break neck speed or else you’ll all be late for school and work. After a hard day at the office, you’re greeted by your energetic bundle of joy who has more energy than you can even remember having. Although you’d love to spend some quality time with your child, you’re tired and would far prefer to put your feet up with a nice hot cup of tea. Within half an hour of walking through the door, youthful exuberance has turned into exhausting hyperactivity, and you’re in a power struggle with your child to get homework done, baths completed, teeth brushed, stories read and everyone into bed at a reasonable hour. You finally win the battle and manage to put your feet up for a short while before collapsing into bed yourself – only to start the cycle all over again the following morning with a brief respite over the weekend. By this time of year, most parents are even more burnout and frazzled than normal and are usually exceptionally tired of this routine. If this sounds vaguely familiar, then read on to find out five top tips for creating peace and order in your home – enabling you to play with your child AND have some time out for yourself. The Importance of Routine and Planning: No Surprises You might feel as though your life is mundane and boring and that you do the same activities day in and day out. However, it is possible that your life and that of your children may lack a structured routine. When people get very busy they tend to confront tasks as they arise, rather than planning ahead and sticking to a schedule. One very easy way of adding some peace and order to your family’s life is to start structuring your family’s days in a more regular way. In this manner, both you and your child will know ahead of time what is expected of you, and there will be less room for surprises – and therefore less room for crises. Consistency is Key: Mean What You Say We’ve all heard parents making threats that they have no intention of keeping. Children are very insightful and can usually tell when an adult is making an idle threat. The consequence of this is that your child may not take you as seriously as you would like them to, and they might quickly learn that they can get away with a fair amount of undesirable behaviour. It is therefore important that if you give your child a consequence for undesirable behaviour (for example, “if you don’t do your homework, you may not watch your favourite TV program tonight”), that you follow through with this. This teaches your child that there are consequences for negative behaviour. Significantly, this will also teach your child that you can be trusted. Whilst it is important to carry through with your threats, it is equally important to respond to inappropriate or undesirable behaviour in a similar way each time. Children become confused if they are allowed to do something one day but not the next. This confusion can even be quite frightening for them, and children who are able to predict their parents’ behaviour feel a lot more secure and less anxious. Positive Reinforcement: Praise is More Effective Than Punishment Sometimes it can be easy to get into a negative cycle of using frequent punishment for unwelcome behaviour. This is especially true when you are stressed and tired. Whilst there is a time and a place for appropriate punishment, children generally respond a lot better to encouragement than they do to moaning. We often notice bad behaviour more than we notice good behaviour and it is a great idea to pay close attention to the times when your child is behaving in a positive way. By doing this, you will be able to acknowledge good behaviour in your child when it occurs. For instance, rather than moaning at your child for making a noise, praise them the next time that they are quietly sitting drawing a picture. It is important that you are not vague when telling your child what you expect of them. For example, rather than telling your child to be ‘good’, tell them what you actually want of them, such as ‘say please’ or ‘do not hit me’. If there are specific (target) behaviours that you would like to see more of in your child (for example, brushing teeth without being told to; using the toilet independently; getting into bed without making a fuss), then a good way to encourage these behaviours is by rewarding your child when these behaviours occur. Natural Consequences: Allow Children to Learn Their Own Lessons Although it can be hard to watch your child fail, it can be a very effective option to allow your child to experience the natural consequences of his or her behaviour. Rather than argue with your child over every matter, make your child aware of the consequences of his or her behaviour and then let him or her experience it. This obviously does not apply to situations where your child might come to some harm if you were to let his or her behaviour go unchecked. Not only will this teach your child to be internally responsible for monitoring his or her behaviour (as opposed to relying solely on other people), but it means that you do not need to spend the energy trying to control every aspect of your child’s day. In this way, you will have more energy to engage in positive activities with your child. Punishment: The Last Resort It has already been suggested that praise and encouragement is more useful than

November 14, 2014
Parenting Hub

Should You Let Your Child Play Minecraft?

A client of mine asked me what I thought about her child playing Minecraft on the family computer. She said he is constantly begging her to let him play and complains that all of his friends are playing it. This child’s school is even dabbling with allowing the kids to use it in the classroom. My simple answer was YES, but it comes with a more complex HOW and WHEN to let him play it. Let me explain in more detail. What is it? Minecraft is an interesting and time-consuming game that was created in 2011 by an independent company Mojang, a Swedish software developer. In September of this year, the company was purchased by Microsoft for $2.5 million. The developers also released another game called Scrolls. This first person, sandbox type of game has few rules, no story line, and allows users to create items and buildings from resources they find around them. It is an open-ended, exploration type of game that also has monsters the users can fight using swords and bows. This game is a bit primitive from a graphics standpoint and there is no blood and gore. Many have referred to it as a Legos-type video game. The Positives Kids who play this game develop problem-solving and design-thinking skills. They learn creative thinking, geometry and even a little geology as they create imaginative block structures and collaborate with others in building structures and communities. With this game, they can use their imagination to build and show off their digital creations. Experts suggest that children be 11 years of age and older, yet many parents believe that children as young as 8 years can master it and learn. The Drawbacks Parents need to know that this game is part of a large online community, hosted by private, adult-run servers that are not moderated in any way. This means that your child can be contacted by adult strangers online through chat conversations, who play the game and participate. Other risks include your child being exposed to adult-natured conversations, profanity, and sexually oriented objects or digital images (for example, phallic-shaped buildings). Precautions Many parents will think that the benefits to their child of allowing them to play, outweigh the risks if some rules and boundaries are set in place. Here are some suggestions if you decide to allow your child to play Minecraft. Locate a common-use computer in a well-traveled area of your home where your child can play the game. This will allow you and other adults to “check in” and observe your child as they play. Ban all computers from bedrooms of children and younger teens. Limit your child’s play of Minecraft to 30 – 60 minutes on weekdays and no more than 2 hours on weekend days. Setting these limits will keep time on the game in perspective with the rest of your child’s world, and make more time for active play, reading, homework and family time. Engage your child in conversation about the game and their experiences often. Invite them to show you what they are building and consider participating with them on some level, especially if they are under the age of 11. Finally, get to know the parents of your child’s friends they visit for playtime in their homes. Find out what supervision and computer access your child may have there when they visit and play.

November 13, 2014
Parenting Hub

What Is Dyslexia Really? Part 1

The term dyslexia was coined from the Greek words dys, meaning ill or difficult, and lexis, meaning word. Spelling and writing, due to their close relationship with reading, are usually also included. According to popular belief dyslexia is a neurological disorder in the brain that causes information to be processed and interpreted differently, resulting in reading difficulties. Historically, the dyslexia label has been assigned to learners who are bright, even verbally articulate, but who struggle with reading; in short, whose high IQs mismatch their low reading scores. When children are not as bright, their reading troubles have been chalked up to their general intellectual limitations. What does it look and sound like? One of the most obvious tell-tale signs is reversals. People with this kind of problem often confuse letters like b and d, either when reading or when writing, or they sometimes read (or write) words like “rat” for “tar,” or “won” for “now.” Another sure sign is elisions – that is when a person sometimes reads or writes “cat” when the word is actually “cart.” The person may read very slowly and hesitantly, read without fluency, word by word, or may constantly lose his place, thereby leaving out whole chunks or reading the same passage twice. The person may try to sound out the letters of the word, but then be unable to say the correct word. For example, he may sound the letters “c-a-t” but then say “cold.” He may read or write the letters of a word in the wrong order, like “left” for “felt,” or the syllables in the wrong order, like “emeny” for “enemy,” or words in the wrong order, like “are there” for “there are.” He may spell words as they sound, for example “rite” for “right.” He may read with poor comprehension, or it may be that he remembers little of what he reads. The person may have a poor and/or slow handwriting. Some misconceptions Because of the erroneous belief that the brain cannot change, it was historically believed that dyslexia is “incurable”: “Dyslexia is like alcoholism … it can never be cured” (Clark, M., & Gosnell, M., “Dealing with dyslexia,” Newsweek, 22 March 1982, 55-56.) Advocacy groups, in the rush to generate public awareness for the condition of dyslexia, with the cooperation of a compliant media, have perpetuated the belief that a host of famous individuals such as Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, Winston Churchill and Hans Christian Andersen were dyslexic. The folk myth – the “affliction of the geniuses” – continues to be spread despite the fact that knowledge of the definition of dyslexia and the reading of any standard biographies would immediately reveal the inaccuracy of many such claims. For example, as educational psychologist Dr Coles points out, Einstein’s reading of Kant and Darwin at age thirteen is hardly representative of individuals who are currently labelled dyslexic. New technology sheds new light By the turn of this century, the advancement in technology has made it possible for scientists to see inside the brain, resulting in the knowledge that the brain is plastic. New connections can form and the internal structure of the existing synapses can change. New neurons, also called nerve cells, are constantly being born, particularly in the learning and memory centres. A person who becomes an expert in a specific domain, will have growth in the areas of the brain that are involved with their particular skill. Even if the left hemisphere of a person’s brain is severely injured (in 95% of people the left hemisphere controls the capacity to understand and generate language), the right side of the brain can take over some language functions. With fMRI-scans et cetera it has now been confirmed that – as was always suspected – there are indeed differences between the brains of dyslexic persons and good readers. More and more research studies, however, suggest that the cause-effect relationship should be reversed, i.e. that these differences might not be the cause, but the effect of the reading difficulty. Using brain imaging scans, neuroscientist John D. E. Gabrieli at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have found that there was no difference between the way poor readers with or without dyslexia think while reading. The study conducted by Dr Gabrieli involved 131 children, aged 7 to 16. Following a simple reading test and an IQ measure, each child was assigned to one of three groups: typical readers with typical IQs, poor readers with typical IQs, and poor readers with low IQs. During the test, researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to observe the activity in six brain regions identified as being important in connecting print and sound. The results indicated that poor readers of all IQ levels showed significantly less brain activity in the six observed areas than typical readers. But there was no difference in the brains of the poor readers, regardless of their IQs. Another study, published online in the Journal of Neuroscience, researchers analysed the brains of children with dyslexia and compared them with two other groups of children: an age-matched group without dyslexia and a group of younger children who had the same reading level as the children with dyslexia. Although the children with dyslexia had less grey matter than age-matched children without dyslexia, they had the same amount of grey matter as the younger children at the same reading level. Lead author Anthony Krafnick said this suggests that the anatomical differences reported in left-hemisphere language-processing regions of the brain appear to be a consequence of reading experience as opposed to a cause of dyslexia. One must also consider that neurological differences do not equal neurological disorders and disabilities. We now also know that there are differences between the brains of people who can juggle and people who cannot juggle, between the brains of people who can play a musical instrument and people who cannot play a musical instrument. Then logically there will be differences between the brains of people who read

November 13, 2014
Parenting Hub

The Mythical Day- Stay At Home Dad

I have read so many blog posts and articles lately about the life of stay at home mums that I actually began to wonder if stay at home dads exist. Do we fall into the category of mythical creatures such as the Abominable Snowman or the Loch Ness monster? Historically dads worked and mums looks after the kids. Woman now make up just under half of our workforce. This requires a relook at our “traditional roles” and from my perspective an honest review of which parent is better able to provide the traditional support provided by mums. I for one have taken note of the increased father activity with regard to kids during normal business hours. A couple months ago I had to take Tarini (my 3 year old daughter) to doctor at 11am in the morning. A huge smile crept up on my face when I noticed that there were five other parents there with their kids and all of the parents were dads! This week I had a morning meeting in a coffee shop and noticed about seven dads in the mall with their kids. So why is it that we never hear about these dads? Is it that there are only a few of us around like the famed Stradivarius violins? Something so rare and precious that their wives do not want share them with the rest of world? Or is it that the number of stay at home dads is on the rise and we are too embarrassed to mention our roles and that we just go about our day to day activities in a less vocal way than mums? There has also been an evolution from a stay at home dad to a work from home dad. I have personally been through this. After 13 years in corporate I decided to be a stay at home dad. My primary and only responsibility was attending to my kids (feeding and dressing them, school runs, extra mural activities, playing with them and teaching them) and seeing to the running of our home. I then decided to start my own business and this started my transformation from a stay at home dad to a work from home dad. And I think that most of the dads these days fall into the latter category. Being a work from home dad requires a few essential skills and these are some that I have acquired along the way: Be organised. Something as simple as a doctor’s visit or getting ready for school may require the military planning and precision needed for World War 3. The ability to multi-task (being able to have a business meeting, do the grocery shopping and pick up the kids from school and prepare a snack for them all within 2 hours) Have an endless supply of patience. You WILL pour and drink 30 cups of imaginary tea and build and knock down that wooden block tower at least 20 times. Be prepared for long working hours as you do not knock off at 5 and you also never leave the office. If you run your own business, you will be retreating to your second office after the kids go to sleep. You have to put your childrens needs above your own. That’s the main reason you decided to do it. You will find yourself reheating that cup of coffee for the sixth time before eventually drinking it cold. For me the advantages of being a work from home dad certainly outweigh the disadvantages. The disadvantages can pull you into a black hole that is very difficult to get out of. Feeling isolated from the outside world, having conversations about Princess Sophia and Jake the Neverland Pirate instead of sports and cars, never being able to have time off during the day even if you are sick and a routine at home that becomes so automated that you don’t even know which day of the week it is anymore. The advantages (and there are tons of them) make it all worthwhile. Being there to see your kids grow, learn and develop their individual personalities is an amazing thing. The added advantage of not being constricted to offices hours and managing your time accordingly can turn a good weather day into an unexpected adventure for the kids with a surprise outing to the park or story time at the local library. Being a work from home dad is hard work. Most of friends and family do not believe me when I say that I have not put my feet up and watched TV during the day since I started my new adventure almost 20 months ago. There are days when my wife gets home from work and I look as if I am about to burst into tears with CV in hand to apply for a job to get back into the corporate world. But being a work from home dad has given me precious time with my kids and is something I would not trade for the world.

November 10, 2014
Heather Hansen

Help! My Kid is Calling Me by My First Name!

This is a common problem; your older child or teenager comes home one day and starts calling you by your first name and not mom or dad. It’s my guess that this starts when your child hears another child do the same to their parent. I was at soccer practice one day as a child and sitting on the sideline with a few friends. One boy’s mother walks up to him to take his sweat shirt from him and he responded with “Thanks Margaret.” At first I thought that was kind of weird and asked him why he called her that. He replied with “Because that’s her name.” I didn’t question it but thought about that for a while. When I got home after practice, I thought about calling my mother by her first name. I imagined saying to her “Bernadine, what’s for dinner?” Immediately however, I also imagined her yelling at me or even slapping me for doing that. I knew she would consider it as disrespect, so I quickly dismissed the thought and went about my business of being a kid. One of the main reasons that some kids might try this is because when adolescence begins (usually ages 9 – 13), they begin to separate themselves from their parents as parents. In past articles, I’ve explained that during this tough time for kids, they begin to see themselves as young adults and not young children. This normal transition for them has them dismissing the fact that they were once a young child and certainly, a baby. As they start to shed their “baby image”, they also start to shed their parents. That means their parent becomes annoying and embarrassing to them. In some cases, they even dread saying the word mommy or daddy. This is often where they change that to mom or dad, or even mother and father. In essence, they begin to develop an allergy to their parents and just being around the parent makes them feel uncomfortable. A child who calls his or her parent by their first name has simply found a new way to make that ‘shedding’ process easier. They may think, if I call my mother by her first name, then it doesn’t feel as if she’s my mother; she’s just a woman who lives with us and I can handle that. So as you see, they don’t mean it as disrespect, they are doing it to make life with you a little easier for them. If this happens to you, get to your child’s eye level and explain to them calmly and with unconditional love, that you’re not OK with them calling you by your first name and that if feels disrespectful. Tell them that your first name is reserved for adults such as friends, co-workers, neighbors and adult family members. Explain to them that you will ignore them if they continue. When they do go back to using your parental title, thank them for respecting you and your request.

October 31, 2014
Parenting Hub

Educating Your Child About Sex And Safety

You may feel uncomfortable and out of your depth discussing these topics, but it’s extremely important, as research shows that children who receive sex ed and learn about sexual boundaries and safety are less promiscuous and safer than their uneducated peers. It’s natural for children to be sexually curious, and if you don’t tell them, they’ll learn from someone else (often the wrong info)! Children who don’t understand sexual boundaries are far more likely to be sexually abused or molested. Child sex offenders often try to break personal boundaries, gain trust and normalise sexual activity between adults and children. If you’ve taught your children about personal boundaries, they’re more likely to pick up that what the adult is doing is wrong and disrupt the grooming process, reducing their risk of being sexually exploited. Knowledge is power – ignorance may be harmful! How do children learn about sex? Their sexual knowledge and behaviour is strongly influenced by their age, what they observe (including the sexual behaviours of family and friends) and what they are taught (including cultural and religious beliefs concerning sexuality and physical boundaries). As Heather Coleman, PhD said, “Young people do not wake up on their 13th birthday, transformed into a sexual being overnight. Even young children are sexual in some form.” So, how do you go about teaching your child? Firstly, respecting children’s personal boundaries teaches them how they should expect to be treated. Some parents or adults cross these boundaries without realising how unsafe and insecure it makes children feel. Obvious transgressions are telling children sexual jokes, showing them sexually explicit material, sharing personal sexual information, engaging in sexual activity in the presence of children or with children, touching future erogenous zones e.g. breasts, buttocks, penis, vulva. Less obvious: washing your child’s genitals when they’re old enough to wash their own, ignoring or disregarding the child’s right to privacy, opposite sex parents walking around naked when child is developing, undressing child in public, opposite sex parents sleeping in same bed as child, discussing child’s development with other people, telling child that sex or body parts and body functions are dirty, evil or nasty, making sexual comments about others in front of child and using poor judgment when taking child into a public toilet. What should we teach children, and when? Parents will have an idea of how much information their child should get by the questions they pose, as each child has different maturity levels. Don’t worry about giving too much info, as your child will ignore what they aren’t ready to hear. Here’s a general guideline: Grade 0-3 Grade 5-6 Grade 7 Simple answers to all questions about the body, private parts and bodily functions (using correct terms) Boys and girls are different and must treat each other with respect Simple explanation of how babies are made, grow in mother’s uterus and about the birth process Touching your own private parts is called masturbation. It can feel nice, but is only done in private. What to expect and how to cope with the changes of puberty (including menstruation and wet dreams) Basics of reproduction, pregnancy and childbirth   Start talking about safer sex, i.e. abstinence, birth control, importance of using condoms, risks of sleeping around, sexually transmitted diseases/  HIV and pornography   Children must learn that sex is meant to be an expression of love and that there’s no room for violence in a relationship. Boys must learn that gentleness isn’t a sign of weakness and girls must learn that it’s okay to be assertive and they’re allowed to say no! All children must learn that transactional sex is wrong and they must tell an adult what is happening. Discuss the difference between safe touches (which are comforting, pleasant and welcome) and unsafe touches (which are intrusive, uncomfortable, unwanted or painful). Explain that their body belongs to them and that it’s sexual abuse when someone touches their private parts or asks them to touch their private parts (even if it’s someone they know). Tell them that children have the right to say NO to being touched, even by grown-ups and that if an adult tells them to keep a secret they should say NO, and immediately tell an adult they trust. Discuss the difference between safe and unsafe secrets and who to tell when boundaries are crossed. Create “circles of safety” by drawing a small circle in the middle of a paper plate with your child’s name in it. Then draw another circle around that and write the people who they should tell if they’re feeling unsafe. Next draw an outer circle with other people or organisations your child may contact. Include phone numbers and addresses if necessary. This should help your child to feel safer, protected and secure (a bit like a cocoon). Create a password to be kept secret from everyone and used when necessary, e.g. if you’re delayed at work and have to ask someone else to collect your child from school or arrange for someone to babysit your child in your absence. The adult must be told the password and the child told to request the password before they go with the adult or let him/her into their home, even if they are known to the child. You must reiterate that if an adult tries to force them to go with them, they should remember the three important words: RUN, YELL and TELL.

October 30, 2014
Parenting Hub

When an Adult Child Behaves Badly

What happens if your 18-year-old or older child is behaving badly? What do you do then? This is a predicament that parents often ask me about and it’s probably one of the most frustrating situations that parents of older children have to deal with. Here are just some of the issues that parents have shared with me that frustrate them; coming in loud and late at night even though house rules were established, skipping classes or getting bad grades when you’re paying for their education, or living destructive lives with substance abuse or extreme risk-taking. During the adolescent years, your teenage child develops “an allergy” toward you because they are going through a phase in life in which they must reject the whole premise that they were once a dependent little child. And because you, the parent, are attached to that image they have of themselves of once being dependent on you, they in essence are rejecting you as well. This rejection may appear as them not liking you, being embarrassed by you, annoyed by you, or they think they know more than you do. It can (but doesn’t always) include yelling, arguing and verbally abusive treatment. There were many times when my teenage children would ask me to drop them off about a block away from the school so they wouldn’t feel embarrassed when their friends saw that they had a father. This period of adolescence that teens go through can actually last well into their early twenties, which adds an additional element to this problem; they become an adult. This means that not only are they “allergic” to you as their parent, but they are also likely to have the attitude that says, “I’m an adult and you can’t tell me what to do anymore.” My first suggestion to parents of adult children is that you can’t do much to control their lifestyle or their behavior. You had your chance with that and it’s now up to them to do that on their own. You also can’t control who they hang out with, where they go and how they spend their money. You can however, control how they cooperate at home and how they spend YOUR money. If you’re paying for their education and they are skipping classes or getting poor grades, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate your original financial agreements. If you help support them financially and they’ve become irresponsible with their lifestyle, gotten involved with substance abuse or can’t keep a job, you may need to reconsider how you’re willing to help them. And if they still live with you and you had previously set up house rules, it may be time to set a date for them to move out and experience life on their own. It’s never easy watching an adult child mess up. Focus on what you can control and be sure to keep yourself and the rest of your family safe. Sometimes the best parents in the world have children who grow up and make bad decisions. Don’t take it personal and don’t be quick to rush in to rescue them. Even though my may have done the best job you could as a parent, it’s sometimes the consequences of their actions that speak to them the loudest.

October 28, 2014
Parenting Hub

The Slim Down On Dieting

Winter has come and gone and perhaps, like most people, you gained a few extra kilos over the past few months? Now all those layers of clothing must be shed and so must the extra weight. So what diet will it be this time?The fact of the matter is this:  no matter which diet one chooses to follow, it will fail 98% of the time. Why diets don’t work The reason diets don’t work, no matter which one you contemplate, stems from the fact that diets are a short-term solution to a long-term problem. “Going on a diet” implies that sometime in the future you will be going off that diet. If the diet relies on willpower you will generally not do very well. And when you fail it is not uncommon to put yourself down, have self-esteem plummeting and your weight rising.Diets are also doomed to fail if they eliminate, or dramatically limit, a major macronutrient like carbohydrates or fats. Such diets are out of balance, and, sooner or later, our bodies begin craving the nutrients they have been denied. So what is the answer to this obesity epidemic that will allow us not only to lose weight but to lose it permanently? Insulin resistance The most significant reason diets fail is because they do not address the major underlying cause of weight gain, which is insulin resistance. What most people call cravings or emotional eating is really a carbohydrate addiction and the result of spiking blood sugar by eating high glycemic carbohydrates. These are foods that spike our blood sugar faster than spooning sugar on to our tongues. High-glycemic carbohydrates include common foods such as bread, cereals, chips, crackers, pretzels, potatoes, rice cakes, white rice, sugar and white flour. Eating these foods rapidly raises and over stimulates the release of insulin. Insulin’s primary job is to transport blood sugar into the cell where it is utilized to create energy, or to be stored as fat or glycogen. This process drives the blood sugar level back down just as fast as it went up; however, it generally drops back into a low blood sugar range or hypoglycemic range resulting in uncontrollable hunger, usually craving another high-glycemic meal or snack. The vicious cycle starts all over again leading to overeating and over time our cells become insulin resistant and just cannot utilize all the calories from our meals and snacks. Therefore, many calories are diverted to the fat cells of the abdomen where they are stored as fat. Reset your body With insulin resistance you cannot lose weight permanently no matter what you do and the only hope is to reset your body by developing a permanent healthy lifestyle that improves your insulin sensitivity. This lifestyle would consist of a healthy diet that does not spike blood sugar: a diet combining good low-glyemic carbohydrates, good fat and good proteins. It would include a modest consistent exercise program and a good supplement program. Without ever going hungry one can lose weight permanently and at the same time improve blood pressure and cholesterol levels and experience increased focus and energy. If you need guidance then consult a health practitioner who can put you on this path to health and vitality. Remaining overweight is clearly not the path to feeling fit and fabulous.  

October 27, 2014
Meg Faure

Mommy Wars

Having been through the birth of a new baby three times, I can tell you that there have been few times in my life when I have been more insecure and second-guessed myself quite as much as when I was a new mom to James, Alex and Emily. I think I speak for most women when I say that making decisions on behalf of a precious life creates overwhelming anxiety at times. One of the reasons for the high level of anxiety is that as a new mom, we are pretty clueless as to how to care for our new baby. There are no courses that fully prepare you for looking after a baby and even if there were, every baby is different. So unlike most other tasks that you will perform in life, there is simply no way to skill-up ahead of time. Our response to this inexperience is often to try to assimilate as much knowledge and skill as possible in the crash course of parenting. And we do this by asking people’s opinions, seeking ‘expert advice’ and most often looking it up on the Internet – all of which leads to an inundation of conflicting advice. All this solicited and unsolicited advice creates immense confusion and often the net result is that a mom can no longer hear her inner voice or instinct. It is in this very vulnerable state that you will encounter very polarized and strong voices in the mommy market place. These strong voices are usually moms themselves who have raised a baby or 3, and who feel that their way is the only way. The volume of judgment leveled on other moms by these experienced mothersis unparalleled, except maybe in extreme religions. But for every strong proponent of a specific position is an equally strong voice for the opposition. And many an unsuspecting mother will find herself caught in the cross fire of a mommy war. Mommy wars are typically waged over issues such as method of childbirth, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, home-schooling, sleep training, working moms, feeding and vaccinations, but really the list can go on and on. It is the level of judgment that is crafted and guilt created that makes a new mom feel so vulnerable. These mommy wars serve no great purpose and are a very sad fact of parenting. One outcome of these mommy wars is that a new mom feels immense pressure to follow the advice and recommendations of the vigilante mom, for fear of being a ‘bad mommy’. This may mean that she either does not follow her instinct or does not act with her baby’s or her own interests at heart. When she has made a decision and acted already, she may be left with guilt, more anxiety and even depression. Many a mom who has given up breastfeeding or chosen the route of a caesarean section has been left with the scars of depression, feeling that they have made the wrong choice for their baby. So how do we begin to put an end to these battles that really serve no good purpose? Trust yourself It is incredibly important for new moms to start to trust their own mothering instinct again. Three steps to do this are: Read and attend seminars while you are pregnant, before the baby arrives. Take the information that resonates with you and start to form an idea of your style of parenting. Once your baby arrives only consult with a limited number of people who you know will confirm your style of parenting – be it attachment parenting, more routine or even a more modern hands off approach. It is my belief that most parenting styles, in the context of love can work well for your baby. Do not listen to or seek the advice of people who will undermine you. Trust your inner voice – weigh up your feelings on an issue with the science you have read and make your choice and be confident. Acknowledge others Once you have made your choice and know your inner voice, celebrate that but do not for a second think it is universal. Respect other people’s opinions and choices. Acknowledge that even when someone does something differently, it may be a better choice for that mom and her unique baby. Support You can wave the white flag on the battlefield. If you hear the insecure voice of a new mom at the next tea you are at, support her. Ask her what she thinks and reinforce her choices. Being a new mom is hard enough with out being targeted in a mommy war. Like any other war in the world, it takes a few voices to stand up and not fight – you will take the wind right out of the sails of the strong voices and that will deflate the fight. Meg’s NEW website,  is a new community where Meg shares not only her parenting advice and articles but also interacts weekly with moms in her MeetUPs and through the Meg Faure LIVE channel. Meg’s facebook page Find Meg on twitter

October 24, 2014
Parenting Hub

Drugs And Our Children

The American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP) Committee suggest that infants as young as two years old need to be screened for high cholesterol, and children as young as eight years old should be put on prescription statin drugs. In a nutshell, they were saying: Research in children and adolescents has demonstrated that some potential risk factors for cardiovascular disease may be present at a young age and paediatricians must initiate the lifelong approach to prevention of cardiovascular disease in their patients by considering pharmacological intervention for patients 8 years and older. These guidelines were approved by the FDA even though statin drugs have never been tested on young children. In other words our own 8 year old children would be the guinea pigs! Some physicians warned that the AAP is being hasty in its recommendations, given the lack of data on the long-term effects of statins in children and uncertainties about the ultimate benefits for younger statin starters. “To be frank, I’m embarrassed for the AAP today,” Lawrence Rosen, MD, from Hackensack University Medical Center in New Jersey, told the New York Times. “Treatment with medications in the absence of any clear data? I hope they’re ready for the public backlash.” New guidelines Fortunately these recommendations were replaced with a recommendation for cholesterol screening for all children age 9-11 with a retest at age 17, even in the absence of risk factors for heart disease. Is the conventional medical profession likely to follow this advice and place children as young as 9 years old on statin drugs, even without a single safety test having ever been conducted with children taking these powerful chemicals? Given the potential risks of harm from statins such as disruption of hormone production, including sex hormones, loss of cellular energy and muscle function, kidney failure, erectile dysfunction, mental confusion, amnesia and many more, is this what we want to see in our 9 year old boys and girls? The so-called specialists on the AAP committee say: “Kids are getting fatter, laying the groundwork for a future of cardiovascular disease unless something is done to stop the cascade”. Yes of course, something needs to be done  but does it have to be a drug intervention? What about a simple nutritional and weight management intervention? Treat them, don’t drug ‘em What if these children really do have high cholesterol? Well a nutritional therapist’s approach would firstly look at the underlying health problem in this case. Chances are that a child diagnosed with high cholesterol at the age of nine may have been a victim of dietary abuse. To imbalance a child’s cholesterol at such an early age would usually require the consumption of large quantities of junk food, processed and fried foods and trans fatty acids  with a dangerous lack of plant-based nutrients. A diet high in fresh, raw vegetables and fruit, sufficient fibre and the right proteins and fats, including omega-3 essential fatty acids, will achieve good results in a matter of weeks. Fresh, non-processed, living foods is what is needed here to reverse potential heart disease and normalise cholesterol. Behavioural drugs Children are also increasingly being prescribed drugs to manage behavioural problems. Does this mean children are becoming increasingly difficult to control or perhaps we are breeding Ritalin-deficient children? The redefinition of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in 1994 led to a near doubling of the number of children diagnosed with this condition and an equal increase in the sales of Ritalin. In this crazy world we live in, what could be nicer than indulging in a bit of day dreaming? Yet today a dreamy child is diagnosed as having an illness and medical aids very kindly pay for their drug treatment. A disruptive child may quiet down on this medication and everyone thinks the problem has gone away, meanwhile the underlying issues remain unaddressed. A startling new study of thousands of Canadian children should make us think hard. It found that overall, these drugs have no long-term benefits whatsoever. If anything kids on Ritalin had worse outcomes than others. (However, for a small percentage of children, effective treatment for ADHD is a lifesaver and we should not lose sight of this.) Conclusion Are we creating a generation of druggies? Today it is not uncommon for school children to be taking powerful medical drugs just like their parents. Please keep your children drug-free and safe using nutrition and natural medicine and remember: Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.

October 21, 2014
Good Night Baby

Confessions Of A Sleep Therapist

There is a saying that goes: “The cobbler’s children go unshod”. Simply put, the son of the shoemaker has no shoe…. Very often, the cobbler spends so much time looking after his customers’ needs that he has no time for his children’s. I often find myself in the same predicament. Imagine the pressure I feel when we go on holiday with friends. Because I am a sleep therapist, everyone assumes that my child never, ever, EVER wakes up. So when my little fella has a rough night, I feel like I am under the spotlight, and that my friends might be changing their opinions of my chosen passion. Or when we have friends over for a grown-up meal, my child decides that playtime extends beyond 7pm, leaving me pink-faced while explaining how he usually goes down without any fuss. Luckily, my mom’s sage remarks that children are God’s way of keeping us humble have really helped me to take child-rearing, and sleep-training, in my stride. My best laid plans for a solid sleep routine can go awry in an instant! My child remains a two year old, and toddlers will test boundaries continuously. I am NOT a supermom (as hard as it is to admit!), and with that realisation, I have decided to share some of my confessions about parenthood and my son’s sleep patterns. And once you read these, I am sure it’ll bring back memories of your own faux pas’ concerning raising your little ones… I once forgot my son in the car I once stopped to pick-up my domestic worker shortly after my son was born and I forgot him in the car! I was so new to parenting that I completely forgot I had a child! (Don’t judge me J) I gave my son sedatives to make him sleep Before I became a sleep specialist, and before I knew there was help (or that programmes existed to help parents craft the children’s sleep habits) I took a nurse’s advice and sedated my child to get him to fall sleep. I could not take the 45 minute wake-ups anymore and I was desperate. What made me feel even worse, was that the sedatives did not even help! I often sneak into my son’s bedroom to watch him sleep I know I must be disturbing his sleep patterns, but sometimes I just can’t help myself and silently sneak into his room and watch him sleep. I don’t think I can ever grow tired of his peaceful, relaxed little face. Maintaining a disciplined sleep pattern is just too much of an effort sometimes Consistency is incredibly important for all children; especially toddlers. However, when our family recently spent a few nights’ camping in the Kruger National Park, we had to share a tent with our toddler. Bedtime came, and the excitement of seeing wild animals for the first time, coupled with being able to hear every word the adults were saying was too exciting for him, which caused bedtime to become a disaster. Instead of staying consistent with our sleep “rules” I gave him some milk before bedtime, thinking it would keep my sanity during our time of relaxation (insert gasp here). However, we paid the price. We woke up five times during that night with the little guy asking for more milk. On the second night, we reverted to our better judgement and stuck to the routine he was accustomed to and our little sleep superstar slept his usual 11 hours without a peep… IN A TENT! Hail the routine! Sometimes Barney becomes my best friend If you have been following my newsletters you know that I am not an advocate of any television before bedtime. But on days when the line in Pick-‘n-Pay is too long, when road construction has made me late for ALL my meetings, when my e-toll account arrived in my post-box…. These are the days that I require a mere 10 to 15 minutes of recollecting myself during the so-called “suicide hour”. During this time I cuddle my toddler on the couch and realise that  Barney’s “I love you, you love me” song makes for a lovely mantra while mentally deciding what to prepare for dinner. Today is about celebrating your efforts at raising children! You are doing the best you can, and rest in the fact that you already know what’s best for them. Laugh about your shortcomings and mistakes, and enjoy the journey of helping these little people grow up to be responsible, well-adjusted adults. Viva parenthood!

October 20, 2014
Parenting Hub

When Children Are anxious About Making Mistakes It Inhibits Their Learning

I often see children who are anxious when faced with new challenges, worrying that they might make a mistake. The fear of making a mistake over-powers and inhibits their ability to think clearly, listen to instructions and plan how they actually will do the task. Therefore, they do worse in the task than they actually can do. Probably the most important lesson to teach our children is that it is acceptable to make mistakes. Yes, it is acceptable to get things wrong! There is so much a child can learn from his mistakes. Teach your child that if he never makes a mistake, he is not learning anything new. I regularly tell this to the children I work with, explaining that if they don’t make any mistakes it means they already know how to do the task; there’s nothing new being learnt. I love to see the smiles of relief on their faces, when they make this realisation! Their anxiety drops and they become energised to take the risk of making mistakes which is such an important part of learning. Children often think of mistakes as being something negative, to be avoided at all costs. Corrections are given as homework tasks with the result that it feels like punishment. A big red cross through incorrect work gives very negative feedback about mistakes. In my work I often see the more diligent children struggle the most with this; becoming immobilised in their learning through fear of making mistakes. We cannot allow that; we have to maintain and cultivate their diligence and turn it into the rewarding sense of success. One of my first tasks with these children is to remove the anxiety of failure and replace it with a sense of challenge. A chance to make a mistake is a chance to learn something new. Here are some helpful tips: When you present a new learning challenge to a child who is anxious about making mistakes, be calm and supportive. Tell him “here is a new challenge, something new to learn. Let me show you how and then you can try it yourself.” When you see that he is about to make a mistake let him make the mistake. Watch his reaction. If he has not noticed his mistake, say to him “look and check, there might be something you want to change”. This shows him that you are comfortable that he made the mistake and also that you believe he will be able to deal with it. If he is unable to correct his mistake or becomes anxious say to him “let’s see how we can fix this mistake and then you’ll have learnt something new.” Teaching children strategies for finding and correcting their own mistakes is powerful teaching. It teaches them planning and organisation in their approach to tasks. It also develops meta-cognitive thinking processes of analysis and making connections in our thinking. Most of all, it teaches them that mistakes are not a problem; we find them, correct them and learn something new!

October 9, 2014
Munchkins

Peace In The Home

The ‘peace in the home’ diagram The purpose of this ‘Peace in the Home’ diagram is to encourage you to stand back and see the situation in perspective. It depicts the different aspects of parenting to consider when you are confronted with a situation. This was inspired by the book ‘Kinders, Tieners en soortgelyke rampe’ written by Professor Johan Mostert PhD, AOG seminary, Springfield, Missouri. The following sections provide us with ‘checkpoints’ in the form of questions we need to ask ourselves: Could the problem lie with me (as parent)? Could it be them (the children)? Could it be us (our communication)? Is the time invested in our relationship sufficient? Is this particular issue negotiable? Do I need to step back (regaining objectivity)? After reading through these chapters, I trust you will be able to approach each situation with renewed confidence and make the right choice to achieve peace in the home. Peace is not something you wish for; It’s something you make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you give away. – Robert Fulghum Could it be me? Life is the art of drawing without an eraser. – John Gardner When we are challenged with a situation, the first question we need to ask before reacting is ‘Could the problem lie with me?’ As a parent you could be reacting instead of responding because of situations happening in your life. You could be stressed, ill, going through something traumatic like a death in the family, divorce and the like. Your first reaction could be to take out your frustrations on your child. If the problem lies with you, you can choose to do something that will help you think straight. Phone a friend, read a book, take a walk, pray, meditate, whatever it would take to redirect your thoughts so as not take it out on your child when he is innocent (this time!). Happiness is not a value but a result; a result of the practice of good values. – Cloud and Townsend Anger and shouting Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears. – Barbara Johnson Often moms ask me in a seminar, ‘But what do you do when you get so angry that you just want to explode?’ The main reason why parents get ‘SO ANGRY!’ is that they have let it go and let it go so many times, that they then explode. Instead, they should deal with it the first time and not allow the behaviour to continue. When I deal with over nine-year-olds, they often tell me about their anger issues. They hasten to add that they feel really bad about themselves when they do get angry, and wish that, if there was a way to stop, they knew how. I try to use the analogy of the highway that they drive on to go on holiday. When you are on a highway, you know exactly where you are headed, provided that you stay on that highway. However, if you choose to take one of the exits, you will land up at a different destination. The choice is yours. This applies to anger as well. When you know you are building up to an explosion, you know where you are headed. If you choose an alternative route, you could have a different outcome. No one can make you angry: you choose to be angry. Try to break the pattern by choosing a different off-ramp. Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. – Mark Twain A very important off-ramp is to ensure that you have some ‘me-time’. If you don’t take care of yourself, nobody else will. think of how many people it would take to replace you, and the cost! As a parent you are priceless! It is a juggle to keep all the balls up in the air, but make sure one of those balls has time for you to relax and enjoy some sort of hobby or time with friends. Your tank needs to be filled so that you can give to others out of the overflow. By making time for yourself, you will be in the head space to deal with whatever comes your way. If you have neglected yourself, you will almost certainly be in an over-reactive state. In my experience I have found that the main reason why parents become so angry is because they repeat instructions over and over. This then builds up into a screaming match and they are simply ignored until they totally lose it. If they have no other form of discipline, shouting becomes the only ‘effective’ tool. But it is actually counter-productive because the parents feel guilty afterwards and end up indulging their children out of guilt; the children abuse this opportunity and the cycle repeats. Guilt-based parenting ‘Poor Simon, he is so used to having all our attention. I don’t want him feeling neglected when his brother arrives.’ ‘I only see Peter every second weekend so I feel I have to spoil him to make up for lost time.’ ‘I had to suddenly start working full-time, so I don’t want to fight when I walk in the door.’ ‘It’s my fault that he is sleeping in my bed, so why should he suffer now?’ ‘We have moved so many times, I am sure it is unsettling for him.’ I often hear parents making excuses for not dealing with a child’s misbehaviour. Although the statements above, amongst many others, are relevant, they cannot be a reason not to establish and maintain boundaries and consequences in the home. Let us deal with them one by one. Having a sibling is a privilege. There are sometimes wonderful lessons in character building that can be learnt on ‘fast forward’ when a sibling arrives. The most important one is to learn that the whole world does not revolve around

September 26, 2014
Lynne Brown

Chromium Fights Atypical Depression

The classic picture of depression is someone who doesn’t eat enough, doesn’t sleep enough and loses weight. But according to Patrick Holford, world-renowned nutritionist and director of the Brain Bio Centre in the UK, they are seeing more and more patients who are gaining weight, feel tired all the time, crave carbohydrates and experience rejection sensitivity. This form of depressive illness is known as atypical depression and affects about 40% of depressed patients. Since 1999 numerous studies have shown that people with this kind of depression often get instant relief, by taking a chromium supplement daily. One study even reports that more than 60% of the patients in the trial went into complete remission after just 6 weeks. Best news of all is that, as a non-prescriptive nutrient, chromium formulations are extremely affordable and have shown no side effects. Why it works Chromium is an essential trace mineral that enhances the action of insulin in the body. As such chromium deficiency may lead to abnormalities of blood sugar metabolism, which could result in many of the symptoms that characterize atypical depression. The typical Western diet is low in chromium because food processing and modern farming techniques may cause losses of chromium from food. Chromium keeps levels of glucose in the blood stable. Glucose is the most important nutrient for the brain and in order for our brains to work effectively we need a steady supply of it. Any imbalance in this supply results in a range of symptoms, depression being one of them. In addition to its blood sugar-regulating effect, chromium appears to alter the body’s response to serotonin, one of the major brain chemicals involved in depression. Carbohydrate cravings The authors of many of the studies have concluded that the main effect of chromium was on carbohydrate craving and appetite regulation in patients with depression. Some suggest that physicians and mental health professionals should be alert to patients who report carbohydrate craving as it may signal the possible presence of a more serious underlying medical condition, such as atypical depression. The use of antidepressants and mood stabilizers that are commonly prescribed to treat depression may worsen carbohydrate cravings. Conclusion I firmly believe that chromium supplementation offers a new treatment option for depressed patients who crave carbohydrates and for patients who often find it difficult to stay on prescribed medications because of side effects such as sexual dysfunction and weight gain. Chromium shows promise as a simple, safe and inexpensive therapy for a common and sometimes debilitating condition. As Patrick Holford puts it: “For many people chromium is the missing link”.

September 23, 2014
Mother Nature Products

Potty Training Essentials

Is our big boy or girl ready? This challenging question is raised by parents around the world and what parent doesn’t want to get their child out of nappies! On average children start potty training between the ages of 2 to 3 years. Once you have gone through our signs of readiness there really is only one way to find out – give it your best go. Signs your toddler is ready: Starting potty training earlier doesn’t necessarily mean finishing early; so be patient. In their first year babies don’t have bladder muscle and nerve control. This is something that develops at differing ages from child to child. Here is a checklist of signs they are ready: Shows general interest and independent thought Is co -ordinated (running, walking, balance) Follows simple instructions Developing a regular toileting routine Has dry periods of 2 hour intervals Can pull pants up and down Dislikes the sensation of being wet or soiled Grunting or squatting during bowel movement Shows an interest in the toilet Dancing or hopping about when bladder is full or during bowel movement Preparation for Potty Training: Equipment: sturdy potty or an inner seat to fit over your toilet, block to stand on to reach the toilet, bright and fun cloth potty training pants (such as Mother Nature Potty training pants) which have an absorbent saddle, bed mattress protector (such as Mother Nature’s breathable version), rewards chart . Introduce them to the toilet or potty. Let them learn by imitation by watching you spend a penny. Give them a plausible explanation as to why they must use the toilet and explain the reward system if using this system. Don’t be too pushy or angry as this will only aggravate their fear or stubbornness. Inform the playschool or carers that potty training has begun. Start off with day training by sitting them on the toilet for a few minutes at a time and then progress to night time. Tried and tested tips by our really wise parents: We asked our panel of parents what worked for them and this is what they came up with: Remember the three P’s: patience, positivity, praise Call your child the “king or queen” of their “throne” Familiarity is king: introducing them early to the toilet, regular hourly visits to the bathroom, learning from their parents Let your child lead you: they will let you know when they are ready Sing songs, read stories and make “ssswwiss” sounds while they are seated Reward ideas: small chocolates, biscuits, favourite food, play outside, stickers, allowed to flush, get to wash hand afterwards, get to draw on the toilet with a washable koki, dye the toilet water with food colouring Clap hands and cheer when they get it right Create a happy toilet story: An example is that the “yuk-yuk” goes to the sea to feed the fish when it is flushed and then say good bye Use cloth nappies as opposed to disposables and get your child trained earlier Make it seem like a fun and exciting game Easy clothing: dress girls in dresses for easy action or remove bottom clothing in the beginning phases Boy tip: put 5 Cherios in the bottom of the potty and get them to aim ‘n shoot Remove smelly odours caused by accidents by covering the spot with salt then vacuuming it up ½ hour later Remember it’s not mission impossible so hang in there folks! Messy Potty Tip: Use Mother Nature’s biodegradable & flushable liners to line the bottom of the potty. After use, flush them down the toilet! No need to deal with a messy, dirty potty! Night Time Advice: Lay-off liquids at least 1 hour before bedtime Take them to the toilet before their bedtime as well as your bedtime. Perhaps set alarm for midnight to take them again. And ensure they go to the toilet as soon as they wake up When Things Go Wrong: Potty training is not always a smooth sailing process as some children can be extremely resistant to the potty training process. Children who are refusing to potty train may be experiencing confusion about what’s expected of them, as well as emotional fears, painful physical sensations, or just general rebellion. Causes may include: Wilfulness to control the situation by refusing to co-operate Fear of the toilet or negative potty training experience Medical reasons – speak to a paediatrician Psychological reasons: life crisis, negative comments or teasing by family members which in turn leads to lack of confidence & shame Problems more common in boys Immaturity of the nervous system in recognising the sensation of being wet during sleep or the sensation of a full bladder Other medical causes of enuresis are: sleep apnoea (snoring), pinworm infection, diabetes, family history. May need to be referred to a urologist for evaluation We hope these tips are useful in successfully navigating your child out of nappies; on their path towards an independent and happy, wholesome life!

September 16, 2014
Munchkins

The Words We Use

Once a word leaves your mouth, you cannot chase it back even with the swiftest horse. –Chinese Proverb Teachers and parents play a very important role when it comes to protecting our children from being shamed. The words we speak and the attitude and response to a child’s behaviour can be damaging or encouraging. Think of comments you remember from childhood. What emotion does it bring up in you? Here are some examples of statements that can be emotionally damaging when used regularly: You always. You never. What were you thinking? Why can’t you be like your brother? What did you do THAT for? You idiot! You’ll never amount to anything. You are an accident waiting to happen. Typical you! You irritate me. You make me mad. You’re so slow/sloppy/clumsy/irresponsible. You’re naughty/impossible. You embarrass me. Your brother is the apple of my eye/the best at … You are such a nerd. You can’t ever do anything right. You have no dress sense. If you experienced these derogatory words as a child, it is very easy to fall into the trap of repeating the cycle with your own children. Please do not hesitate to ask for help. A cycle can be broken! It takes so many positive words to cancel out the negative effects of the above kind of remarks. Positive statements are far more effective. They can build a child’s self-confidence and independence and contribute towards a positive relationship with you. Find opportunities where you can say things like: I am so proud of you for trying. You did such a good job. You are amazing/considerate/helpful. I love the way you help your sister. That was kind to… That was thoughtful. Are you really already old enough to …!? That must have taken a lot of effort. You’re such a good friend. That was quite a sacrifice. I can’t believe you remembered to … That was very brave/courageous of you to … Thank you for being so understanding. I know that was hard for you. The emphasis needs always to be on ‘I love you, but I don’t accept what you have done’ or ‘I love you but I cannot accept your behaviour’. Do not be tempted to say things in the heat of an argument. If you need to, remove yourself from the situation and resume the conversation later. Or, tell your child that you will think about a punishment and post it on the refrigerator later. Your word needs to be your word. That way, they learn to trust you so that when you say, ‘I love you’, The will know you really mean it. This is why I encourage a time-out from a young age because time-out is even a good practice for adults; removing themselves from a situation to calm down and gain a different perspective of the situation or to think about an appropriate response. Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. – Viktor E Frankl ‘It’s mine!’ Without giving it much thought, parents automatically say things like, ‘Don’t touch that, it’s mine.’ How many times does a child hear that from the time that they are crawling babies? then, when The are toddlers and a friend comes to play, parents are shocked to hear them snatch a toy away and say, ‘No, it’s mine.’ We need to emphasize the fact that, yes, it belongs to Mommy, Daddy, or a friend, but that is not the reason not to touch. The reason should rather be: It’s hot. It’s not your turn. It could break. I do not want you playing with it. And the like. When children are fighting over toys, I have often heard a parent say, ‘Well, after all it is his toy.’ That is not the point. Having possession of any item does not give you the option of being selfish, but simply affords you the right to share it at an appropriate time, with a good attitude. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny! It often happens in a home visit that while I am talking to the parents, the child will be doing something they shouldn’t. The parents then start randomly saying the child’s name over and over. The parent knows what they are implying, but generally the child does not. Theyhave learnt to ignore their name because there is not an instruction that follows nor a consequence to their lack of response. Rather say, ‘Johnny, look at me’ or ‘Johnny, stop running’ or what- ever the instruction is, but not just ‘Johnny’ randomly in different tones. This eventually just goes right over their heads. Make every word count The same applies when your child calls you. Do not ignore his ‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!’ Parents often learn to block out noise to be able to cope. However, tune in when your child is calling you, and respond immediately, either by answering or by showing the hand signal.

September 11, 2014
Munchkins

Guilt and Shame

Guilt is a very important and healthy emotion. We can hold it up in contrast to who we want to be, thereby realizing a need to change our behaviour. When we have done something wrong, our human nature actually longs to be found out, pay the price, be forgiven and move on. When an offense is overlooked, ignored, or kept secret, shame is the outcome. Guilt says: I have done something wrong. I deserve punishment. I can be forgiven/relieved of guilt/make restitution. I can learn from this. I can become a better person. Shame says: I am bad. I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I feel judged. I hate myself and understand why others hate me. I deserve it because there is something wrong with me. I cannot talk about it, nobody will understand. Shame can lead to all sorts of other problems such as OCD, addictions, violence, bullying, suicide and perfectionism. It can be paralyzing. (Reference Brene Brown.) Teachers and parents have the power in their words and actions to shame children in a way that can scar them for life. It is so important for a child to be able to distinguish between having done something wrong and being someone bad. When you are guilty of something, you are able to change it, but when you are bad, it is out of your hands. This brings about a feeling of hopelessness. This is another reason why I believe in focusing on the child’s behaviour (‘You are not listening’) instead of who he is (‘You are naughty’). Embarrassment is: Something that has happened that we can laugh about later. Something that happens to everyone. Fleeting. Funny but normal. This emotion is the least powerful or serious because it is usually fleeting, e.g. toilet paper stuck under your shoe. Humiliation is: Not deserved. When I have been punished unfairly. Sometimes confused with shame. When handled incorrectly, can change to shame. Humiliation can be inflicted in private or in public and is undeserved, e.g. a teacher could humiliate a pupil in public for having a bad grade, but the bad grade could have been due to something unavoidable. Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. – Dr Brene Brown When a child does not feel safe, accepted or that they belong, their ability to concentrate is hampered. Shame happens in the primal or survival part of the brain. It responds in one of three ways: Fight – The stand up against; start attacking; there would be exaggerated retaliation; there is no differentiation between a small current trigger or larger historical trauma; Flight – The move away; withdraw; hide; retreat into themselves; Freeze – The moving towards; trying to please and appease others; performing so that they can be accepted. Parents or teachers who trust and accept unconditionally are needed to help the child move out of survival mode (limbic system) and into the reasoning part of the brain (prefrontal cortex). This is achieved through conversation that can bring them out of their dark hole to help them see and think through the situation more clearly. When this is successful, children are more able to develop empathy towards others, which in turn helps to set appropriate boundaries. Boundaries are necessary for the formation of healthy relationships, creating a feeling of acceptance and belonging.

September 10, 2014
Munchkins

Food Affects Behaviour

‘You don’t have to like it, you only have to eat it!’ In my previous book ‘Raising Happy, Healthy Children’ I covered diet extensively with the help of a clinical nutritionist, Sally Ann Creed, with whom the book was co-written. However, I think it is important to reiterate that what we eat affects the way we behave. The two go hand in hand. You cannot discipline a child who is being fed incorrectly, and conversely, you cannot enforce healthy eating if you have no discipline in place. Feeding a child sugar and expecting them to sit still is like expecting an intoxicated person to walk a straight line. We would all agree that alcohol affects our brain, but some people struggle to accept that food, also, can affect our brain, responses and general well being. If malnutrition makes you ill, why would the opposite not be true? Some foods can also affect behaviour and hormone functions in teenage years. Mood swings, aggression, loss of concentration, passivity, irregular or severely painful menstrual cycle, bad skin, memory loss and other problems can all be connected to a food in- tolerance or deficiency of some sort. It would be wise to check this out with your doctor or a nutritionist that you trust. I read a bumper sticker that said, ‘If you ignore your health, it will go away.’ This is so true. Sometimes people say to me, ‘Well, I do not eat vegetables and look at me, I’m fine!’ To which I respond, that sounds like saying, “I do not have to service my car. It is running just fine.”But when it has a costly breakdown that could have been prevented with a simple timely service, you regret it. We need to train our children in healthy eating habits so that as adults they will not be picky eaters but rather enjoy the full spectrum of fruits, vegetables, proteins and other foods that are freely available today. If you do not teach this, who will? To sum up, studies show that a healthy diet consists of three meals per day and two snacks. Each meal should contain a healthy form of protein. Here is a suggestion of a healthy routine for the whole family (the portion size is adjusted accordingly): Breakfast: Cooked oats, sorghum, quinoa or millet porridge (not the instant kind). For variations with the porridge add cinnamon, cashews, almonds, grated apple, banana, local honey, organic coconut oil or combinations of these. Adding raw cacao can also quickly turn it into a special chocolate breakfast. Keep in mind that grains are best absorbed by the body when they have been soaked, preferably for anywhere from 1-12 hours. This ‘increases digestibility, and eliminates phytic acid’ according to Integrative Nutrition. You can make the porridge by pouring boiling water over it and leaving it overnight to soak, and just topping up with boiling water in the morning to heat it up. Or for a faster option, you could just pour the boiling water over your porridge in the morning, cover it, and it’ll be ready in three minutes (that’s right, you don’t need the microwave or stove). For an incredibly delicious special treat, add egg yolks into hot porridge (first stir some hot porridge into the beaten egg yolks before adding to the hot porridge). Then beat egg whites till stiff and fold in gently. Serve with cinnamon and xylitol. Another breakfast option would be any variety of free-range eggs with whole grain bread if you wish (don’t be fooled by multi-grain; whole grain ingredients should be the first on the ingredient list if you have bread) and/or tomatoes, mushrooms, sautéed onions, peppers, etc. Mid-morning: Variety of fruit, nuts and seeds (not peanuts), plain full cream yoghurt (flavoured and/or sweetened yoghurts can do more harm than good, even the probiotics in them could become ineffective because of the sugar content); or Cracker breads with any nut butter (almond, cashew) or cream cheese; Green smoothies. Blend at least three organic kale leaves (or spinach, or any type of leafy green) with filtered water (this helps to blend it to a smooth consistency, rather than having bits of greens to chew). You get more benefits from leafy greens when they are blended. You could also add chia seeds and/or raw oats at this point to be ground up. The nyou can add banana (frozen makes for a more frothy smoothie) and any combination of these and other ingredients: nut butter, cacao, berries (again, can be frozen), nuts, coconut oil, carrot, raw beetroot (don’t judge it until you try it – it’s a pleasant surprise), maca, pear, etc. Try to have more vegetable than fruit where possible, just adding the fruit for some sweetness. If your children prefer a sweeter taste, you could add a touch of local honey (which can help with seasonal allergies) or xylitol. You can also blend in ice if you like a more frothy smoothie. Lunch: Half of the plate should be filled with a variety of vegetables (raw/ steamed/roasted). A quarter of the plate with a healthy carbohydrate (e.g. quinoa, sweet potato, basmati or brown rice, healthy pasta, whole grain bread, etc). It’s better if you can include complex carbohydrates, as oppose to simple. A quarter of the plate with protein (lentils, fish, red meat, chicken, eggs, beans, etc). At least 10-20% of your food needs to consist of healthy fats (coconut oil, olive oil, oily fish, avocado, nuts, etc). Mid-afternoon: Crudités with a protein (hummus, white cheese, cream cheese, cottage cheese, meat, fish, lentils, red kidney beans). You could try making this more appealing by creating a pattern or picture out of the food. Supper: Same make-up as lunch, but try to make something different so that you’re not serving the same thing on one day. You could, however, keep some dinner as leftovers for lunch the next day. It’s always more convenient for families if you can cook once, eat twice. This would typically happen around 8 am, 10

September 8, 2014
Parenting Hub

How to Stop Your Child’s Whining

Few things are more irritating to a parent’s ears than the sound of whining. It’s not just the tone of the voice but the repetition that is torture to us. Most kids whine at some time or another but you can break the whining habit and reinforce positive behaviour pattern in your kids. Why do they do it? Whining generally starts when children are toddlers and it is often a natural response to the overwhelming feeling of being out of control. Your child might have had a particularly busy day or feeling tired or hungry. They also don’t have the vocabulary to fully express themselves and their frustrations so they resort to whining. Children also tend to build up emotions and let them out in different ways. Unfortunately whining is one of them. Your child may not even realise that they are whining. Call their attention to the behaviour by demonstrating what they sound like. You can record their voice and play it back to them or you can mimic them and let them hear how it sounds. Diet and behaviour are often connected and sugar can definitely affect your child. Sweets, soft drink and other packaged foods are sometimes packed with sugar and you can exceed your child’s tolerance for it. Once the sugar high is gone, the low then comes. And with the low comes whining. Pay attention to your child’s eating habits, and make connections to their behaviour. Perhaps some simple changes will make all the difference. Plus, whining is generally effective and often works so they continue with the behaviour. Stop the whining Spend time listening to your children and getting to the bottom of what they really want. Is it your time and attention? Spend some focused time together reading or cooking, or doing something else the child enjoys. Connecting in this way can make a huge difference for your family. Ask your child to repeat their message without whining. Tell them you can’t understand when they whine and to speak in a normal voice. Ignore them until they comply. Try and remain patient and don’t get angry as this can often make things worse. To reinforce proper behaviour, tell the children when they’ve done a great job and that you are glad they are using their words properly. It makes them want to continue the good behaviour. You could try and call the whining something else, like the “moaning minny”. So when your child whines you can say “oh no, it sounds like moaning minny is back, let’s try and get rid of her”, this might also lead to a laugh or giggle which is also a good distraction. Talk to your kids. Explain how whining makes you feel and discuss acceptable ways that they can express themselves the next time they feel like whining. Keep it friendly and don’t bring up problems from the past. Talk about solutions for the future. Try and be consistent in your message that you pass on and let them understand that whining is unacceptable behaviour in your family and will never get them what they want. The more you give in to the whining, the more your child will use it against you. Respect works both ways. Listen and speak to your child respectfully and then ask them to treat you the same. Whining also becomes much less frequent as children get older so remember that “this too shall pass”.

September 3, 2014
Parenting Hub

‘White Gold’ – Help Decrease Infant Mortality

In South Africa, one premature infant dies every 20 minutes. In the fight against this unnecessary loss of life, International Breastfeeding Week is calling on mothers to breastfeed their babies and donate breastmilk to help decreasing infant mortality and malnutrition. The South African Breastmilk Reserve (SABR), currently the largest human-milk-banking partner of the South African Department of Health, warns that breastfeeding rates in South Africa are dangerously low with only 7,2% of South African women breastfeeding. These low rates result in the loss of the most vulnerable members of our society, including 20,000 babies under 1,8kg and 70,000 babies under 5kg annually. The International Baby Food Action Network (IBFAN) of Africa credits breastfeeding as the single biggest influence on decreasing infant mortality and malnutrition, especially in the least developed countries of Africa. Based on this core belief, SABR is urging mothers to breastfeed their own babies for at least the first six months of their lives, to ensure optimum growth and development. “We believe that breastfeeding, access to mothers-own-milk, donated breastmilk and education are the keys to unlocking infant survival”, says Stasha Jordan, breastfeeding activist and executive director at SABR. “We are calling on all mothers to donate breastmilk at local breastmilk-banks to ensure that the young lives that do not have access to their mothers’ breastmilk get the best chance of a healthy start to life.  Not just during International Breastfeeding Week but on an ongoing basis. Whilst International Breast-feeding Week reminds us of the importance of ‘promoting, protecting and supporting breast-feeding’ we should live every day to ’empower inspire and counsel’ mothers and communities in breastfeeding and ‘baby-friendly’ care for the most vulnerable. Educating mothers living in poverty and with HIV and AIDS about safe infant feeding practices is also a key focus for the SABR, to ultimately avoid vertical transmission (from mother to baby) of HIV and AIDS. “We invite mothers with babies to visit our milk-banks across the country to learn more about home-methods for heat treatment of breastmilk and through this, promote food security in a continent where poverty and malnutrition are rampant,” says Jordan. In the previous financial year, the SABR had 889 donors and supplied breastmilk to 1295 infants, which contributed to saving an average of 5,000 premature infants from infection and mortality associated with lack of breastfeeding, since its inception in 2003. “Health care professionals and mothers are becoming increasingly sensitised to the importance of the use of breastmilk in perinatal care, which is in turn increasing the need for more breastmilk-banks across the country,” says Jordan. In realising the value this ‘white gold’ holds, the SABR, in partnership with the Free State Department of Health, has recently expanded human-milk-banking to a further four provincial hospitals, bringing the countrywide total 44 human-breastmilk-bank facilities. “Despite great success over the past ten years, the lives that need to be saved remain many, says Jordan. “We have a mammoth task ahead of us to turn around infant mortality rates in Africa, therefore we need the support from the breastfeeding community to help drive the change toward higher breastfeeding rates and ultimately lower infant mortality.” In reducing premature infant mortality rates, over-stretched hospitals also save millions of Rands annually, which advances the healthcare of the entire nation over the long run. To get involved and alleviate the challenges faced by the SABR, including low breastfeeding rates in South Africa, sourcing donor mothers when so many women are HIV positive, and funding for the operation of the milk-banks, please visit www.sabr.org.za or call 011 482 1920 or e-mail: [email protected]. About South African Breastmilk Reserve The South African Breastmilk Reserve (SABR) was founded in 2003 as the first registered human-milk-bank in South Africa. The main objective of the SABR is to facilitate the establishment of human-milk-banks in as many communities as possible, with the aim of providing human milk (and the necessary equipment and funding) to babies in need, particularly babies orphaned as a result of AIDS. Today the SABR supplies in excess of 60 hospitals and is constantly working to gain favour for human milk banking in these hospitals, including: Bloemfontein Universitas, Bloemfontein Pelonomi; Boitumelo Hospital; Bongani Hospital, Dihlabeng Hospital; Edenvale (cnr); Kalafong Hospital; Kimberley Hospital; Manapo Hospital; Netcare Alberlito (cnr); Netcare Blaauwberg; Netcare Cuyler PE; Netcare Femina; Netcare Kuils River (cnr); Netcare Olivedale; Netcare Parklane; Netcare Parklands; Netcare St Augustine’s (cnr); Netcare The Bay; Newcastle Provincial H; Northdale (cnr); Pietermaritzburg H Complex; Potchefstroom Hospital; SABR Head Office; Sandton MediClinic; Tembisa Hospital; Witbank Hospital.

September 2, 2014
Munchkins

Manners Become Our Values

Our beliefs become our thoughts; Our thoughts become our words; Our words become our habits; Our habits become our values; Our values become our destiny. – Gandhi Children are not born with manners. This is another aspect that needs to be taught and modeled by parents. Sometimes I would tease my grown children and say, ‘Didn’t your mom teach you any manners?’ But it is so true, if your mother doesn’t teach you, who will? It does not come naturally. Obviously cultures differ, but here are some examples that would be helpful if they could be taught and modeled before leaving home. Burping in public Picking your nose in public Shouting Slurping when drinking Scratching your private areas Picking in your teeth in company Wait till everyone is at the table before you start eating Say thank you to the cook for the food Excuse yourself from the table Offer others before taking a second helping Boys should hold the door and let girls/women go first Girls/women should then acknowledge this courtesy with thanks Saying please and thank you Greeting and communicating with people while making eye contact Closing the door when you use the bathroom Ask before you take Knock on doors and wait before opening Interrupt when someone is talking Scratch in someone’s handbag Helping yourself to things in the cupboard – ask first Pushing in front of people in a queue Wait patiently for your turn Shake hands with a firm grip and many more One little five-year-old told her mommy, ‘Only daddies are allowed to pick their noses, right Mommy?’ Besides modelling these habits, there are fun ways of teaching these skills. For example, with younger children, have a tea party and over-exaggerate the good manners. As The get older, Dad can take them on a formal ‘date’. This teaches girls what respect to expect from their future boyfriends and models for boys how to treat their potential girlfriends. Dr James Dobson had a good example of teaching young people how to communicate. He suggested you stand across from them with a ball. throw the ball at them letting it bounce once before The catch it. Then they have to return it the same way. Explain that conversation is similar in the sense that when you have the ball, you talk and the other person does not interrupt. Then you throw the ball (conversation) to the other person and give them a turn to respond. This can go on and on as long as the ball is returned to the other person. However, if your reply to someone’s question is simply a yes or a no, it kills the ‘game’. The ball stops. Giving examples to a child is always helpful. You can say things like, ‘When someone asks if you enjoyed the food, instead of just saying yes, thank you (keeping the ball), what sort of questions can you think of that you could ask?’ Some suggestions could be, ‘Did you use a recipe for this?’ ‘Was that real chocolate you put in there?’ ‘Is this the first time you made this or is it a family favourite?’ While driving down the street, I watched as a mother threw litter in the street, two paces away from a public refuse bin. Her little child was watching her, and proceeded to do the same. How sad. If her parents do not teach her these things by example, who will? I am sure we could all think of a few adults we know whom we would like to ask, ‘Didn’t your mom teach you anything?’ Don’t let your child become one of those people one day.

August 29, 2014
Munchkins

Communication

When someone does not feel heard, it can be extremely frustrating. When your child speaks to you, put down your phone, if possible switch off the TV, thereby reassuring him that what he has to say is important to you. However, remember, that mutual respect is very important. If you are texting while you are talking, the chances are that your child will soon be doing the same. So modelling the behaviour you expect is important and very effective. Effective communication There are two basic principles that one can apply to help the other person understand you better: Learn to listen. Learn to respond appropriately after you have listened. There are also two basic principles that one can apply in order to be better understood: Learn to be in touch with your own feelings. Learn to share your thoughts and feelings with the other person. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. – Anonymous Children are often not encouraged to make eye contact when an adult addresses them – they are busy sending a text or watching some sort of screen. Socializing without social media is becoming obsolete. Insisting on eye contact is a basic way of showing respect to and interest in the person speaking to you. Once that basic foundation is established, children need to be taught to respond appropriately and not just stare blankly or avoid making eye contact with others. It is important to speak to your child in a tone of voice that makes him want to listen and which shows that you care. Different viewpoints have equal validity. Open and closed responses To encourage conversation, use open responses that the other person can respect and give feedback on. When you use closed responses, this kills the conversation. Here are some typical examples: Commander: This is the sergeant major! He screams out commands like, ‘What is wrong with you? If you ever do that again, I will never …’ Moralist: This is the frustrated preacher inside of some of us. He doesn’t let an opportunity go by without finding a way to ‘preach’ about what should have happened: ‘Now that is no way for a Christian to act!’ Lecturer: This style is wonderful when it comes to giving advice, lectures and arguments. He sounds a lot like the Moralist, but not quite as spiritual: ‘I would never lose my temper like that! What really helps in a situation like this is …’ Judge: He always gives judgement on what is right and what is wrong. In actual fact, the judge is always right, and the child always wrong! ‘You were wrong to react in that way, so go to your room until you can admit what you did!’ Bully: There are parents who use sarcasm, insults and teasing to chastise their children: ‘You are such an idiot! Who do you think you are, acting like that? Get that pimple face out of my face!’ Psychologist: Some parents like to analyse and diagnose their children’s behaviour. This gives them a sense of power over their child: ‘Puberty is a time of storm and urgency where you focus your efforts to form your identity and discover your uniqueness!’ Comforter: They use classically sweet, superficial clichés in an effort to at least say something, but without exposing themselves to anyone else’s pain: ‘Oh shame! I’m sure everything will be just fine. God will provide!’ Detective: This is the investigator who is not concerned about other people’s feelings or reactions when he is trying to get to the bottom of what happened. He sees himself as the one that cross-questions all concerned and scratches everything open. He typically wants to find out, what, who, where and when: ‘Who hit first, was it you or him?’ ‘Why is your suitcase in such a state?’ Orator: This parent tries to control the child through logical arguments: ‘The fact of the matter is …’ ‘There are four points I would like to mention …’ ‘I understand what you said, but …’ A closed question of this kind creates the following responses: It has more chance of breaking down the relationship. It doesn’t help the person to brainstorm his idea or problems with anyone. It humiliates the person with the problem. It raises the emotional temperature of the person instead of solving the problem. It is not typically the way one would talk to your friends. Active listening By contrast, active listening has the following elements: It acknowledges that someone has the right to ‘feel’ what they are feeling. There is acceptance, even though we might disagree with their way of handling things. It concentrates on the verbal and non-verbal messages that are given by the sender. It decodes the messages that we receive and sends back to the other person a message to respect on and confirm that it is an accurate interpretation of what was heard. There are few things that build a relationship as much as Active Listening. It is said to be the greatest act of love. When someone truly listens to you, you don’t feel alone and you feel that someone has come very close to you and cares for you. We need to learn to really listen to our children and not just to hear them. Here are some examples that you could consider using: ‘It looks like your day hasn’t started too well.’ ‘You look really upset! Would you like to talk about it?’ ‘It looks like you really need someone to talk to today.’ You can leave what you’re doing and sit next to your child and wait till she begins to talk. Am I hearing or listening? Simply hearing what someone has said can be likened to hearing the birds or music in the background. Truly listening is an art that can and should be developed. This poem truly describes how most of us feel about how we would like to be heard: Listen When I ask you to listen to me

August 28, 2014
Good Night Baby

What Role Does Nutrition Play When It Comes To Your Child’s Sleep?

Not as much as you might be thinking…. Very often, when we talk to clients their main concern is that milk, milk supply, solids or the lack thereof, are the causes of their child not sleeping. This is a natural reaction due to the kinds of information new mothers are exposed to. In hindsight, I am embarrassed to admit, that I was shoving (and I mean, literally: forcefully, SHOVING) rice cereal down my 3 month old’s throat because I was convinced that he was hungry. This was supported by the sage advice of the older generation, who insisted that once I started feeding my solids, he’d magically start sleeping through. I also tried (with little success) “topping up” my baby’s breastmilk with formula because—as the nurse was telling me—he continued to wake at night because he is NOT receiving sufficient nutrition from me. I was also informed by loving friends and strangers alike that I should change the formula that I’ve selected for the young one, because my baby might in fact be lactose intolerant, therefore the current formula was causing him discomfort as it was being processed by the digestive system. Does any of this sound familiar? With the popularity of this type of ill-advice, it is very easy to fall into the “over-nutrition” trap. Moms, just because you are breastfeeding does not mean your child is not able to sleep through! What If I told you that only 5% of sleep problem cases have their root causes in nutrition challenges!? It is far more likely that that your baby has not yet developed the skill of soothing him/herself, and therefore nutrition is not the problem. The fundamental rule to remember is that your baby’s sleep is regulated by his/her brain and not by the stomach. When nutrition does play a role: Nevertheless, a hungry baby will not sleep well either; so here is a checklist to use to rule out whether nutrition is the problem: Is your baby growing according to his/her growth curve? Essentially, is your baby gaining weight steadily? Is your baby older than 6 months? If “yes”, solids can be introduced. How old is your child? If your child is younger than a year, milk is more important. If your child is older than a year, solids should be the primary source of nutrition. Does your child receive protein rich nutrition if he/she is older than 6 months? Does your child have a sufficient intake of minerals like Zinc, Magnesium and Iron? Does your child eat/drink too much salt, sugar or caffeine? These additives could spike energy levels, leaving the child in a hyper-alert stage. Is your baby drinking too much water, rooibos and/or juice? Remember, juice has a high concentration of sugar/fructose. Sugar is a drug – like it or not. We would live to believe that the hype around sugar is no more than drama-mongering by puritan foodies. Unfortunately they are right. People die from diseases every day that started (and ended) with their relationship to sugar. By sugar I am referring to high fructose corn syrup, which appears in just about every kind of sweetened convenience food, drink and confectionary. As well as good old table sugar. Of course there is a place for sugar, but when the average person has no idea about moderation it is good practice to abstain as much as possible. Possibly the most interesting research regarding sugar is not only the effect on the endocrine system, but the effect on the brain.  Researchers reported in the “Neuroscience & Bio-Behavioural Review Report” in 2008 that “intermittent dietary sugar consumption alters extracellular dopamine in the brain, much in the way an addictive drug does. Moreover, when this intermittent sugar consumption ceases, dopamine levels are affected and signs of withdrawal can become evident. Not only can extracellular dopamine levels be affected but so too can the dopamine receptors themselves.” The sugar addicts and chocoholics were right! To  initiate  a  restful  sleep  we  need  to  encourage  foods  that  support  sleep-inducing  neurotransmitters  such  as  serotonin  and  melatonin.  Traditionally  these  are  foods  rich  in  tryptophan  and  B  complex  vitamins.  Growth  hormones  are  also  released when  we sleep  and these are essential for not only growth but also healing and repair.

August 21, 2014
Parenting Hub

Busting The Myths About Teen Suicide

By Janine Shamos All teens are moody; all teens are rebellious; all teens are angry and irritable; all teens are depressed. Aren’t they? Yet most of us still find it staggering that a teen could take his or her own life. Shouldn’t the world be filled with hope and possibility as a teen – not despair so deep that ending your life seems the only option? Teen suicide is a reality for many families. 9.5% of all teen deaths in South Africa are due to suicide and suicide as the fastest growing, and second leading, cause of death in the 15 – 24 age group. The National Youth Risk Survey found an alarming number of high school teens were depressed and suicidal – over 20% had considered suicide in the last month. But despite its prevalence, teen suicide is still shrouded in myth and misconception. It’s crucial we break the myths – there is no better way to prevent teen suicide. The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) runs the only toll-free suicide crisis line in the country (0800 567 567) and the only teen suicide prevention programme in schools. “The Suicide Shouldn’t be a Secret programme now eleven years old, is aimed at educating teens and teachers about the warning signs, facts and interventions of teen suicide”, says SADAG’s Cassey Chambers. The programme has been implemented in schools across the country in rural, per-urban and urban schools. Teen suicide is a hard thing to think about, and many people turn a blind eye hoping it’s a problem that will solve itself. LOTTO, has taken the bold step of supporting SADAG’s teen suicide prevention initiative at 30 more high schools across Gauteng. SADAG will be talking to the teens as well as their teachers to demystify the issue of teen suicide. “Teachers have a lot of face time with their students and often see problems before the parents do”, says Chambers. “Too often they don’t recognise behaviour changes as potential problems and don’t know what to do or who to turn to for help. The programme offers that insight and quick access to assistance.” The SADAG programme is open to applications from schools who feel they are in need of such intervention. “If you have students who are at risk or you feel that prevention is key, let us know”, says Chambers. Schools can call Clare or Adri on 011 262 6396 for more information. “I thought that teen depression wasn’t an issue in our school, I thought our kids were ‘fine’ – until we had a Grade 10 student kill himself. It was so out of the blue, so sudden – and he was not the kind of person I would have thought would ever be depressed or want to take his own life. We all need educating”, says High School Educator Dianne. The myths surrounding teen suicide are numerous – and dangerous. “There is still a lot of ignorance – and prejudice – about suicide generally”, says Chambers. “Not only does this mean that those in need of help, don’t ask for it because of fear and shame, but also those who have lost loved ones due to suicide have a far tougher road to acceptance and healing.” US Researcher, Dr Thomas Joiner, refers to suicide as “the most stigmatised of human behaviours.” Many people mistakenly believe that you can’t intervene or make a difference – that a teen who wants to kill themselves will just keep trying until they get it right so ‘why bother’. “I used to think there was nothing you could do, then I heard a SADAG counsellor use the analogy of a heart attack. We don’t just resign ourselves to a loved one having repeated heart attacks until they die, we act and intervene. We need to do the same for teens who need psychological help”, says High School teacher Prudence. One of the biggest and most damaging myths is that if people want to die by suicide, we can’t stop them. The truth is that even teens who are serious about killing themselves can be helped. In the majority of cases, teens don’t want to die – but they see no other alternative. Providing another ‘way out’, another way to ease the pain is often the answer. Many adults are scared to talk about suicide, afraid to bring up the subject in case it makes the teen think about it. This isn’t true. “Simply talking about suicide won’t make your teenager more likely to try it”, says psychiatrist Dr Frans Korb. Frank conversation about suicide could have quite the opposite effect – and save a life. Many parents, teachers and peers believe that teens are all talk. “My friend used to always tell me she wanted to die, and that she was going to kill herself. I never took her seriously”, says 17-year-old Naomi. SADAG warns that up to 80% of teens give some kind of warning prior to a suicide attempt or completed suicide so, while your child may not always do what he or she says (like clean their bedroom), when it comes to talk of death and suicide – take it seriously. Most teens show a number of warning signs. “The key is knowing what to watch for and this is the power of the Suicide Shouldn’t be a Secret programme”, says Chambers. Teenagers who drink a lot, use drugs, run away from home, withdraw from friends, write or draw pictures about death, have trouble at school or go through a break-up may all be at risk for suicide. “There are many warning signs and the SADAG programme helps people understand what these signs mean and helps them put all these signs and triggers into context”, says Chambers. SADAG is open from 8am to 8pm 7 days a week on 0800 21 22 23, or visit www.sadag.org. The programme answers questions like: “My teen listens to metal – they sing about death and sometimes suicide. Does my

August 19, 2014
Mia Von Scha

Getting Some Sleep

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. We all know this, and yet as parents we somehow expect ourselves to go for months or years without sleep and still function (and even be wonderful, calm, kind people). I’m sorry, but if specially trained soldiers crack under this particular form of torture, what makes you think you will be any different? So if your two, three, four or even seven year-old is still keeping you up at night, let’s look at some possible questions you can ask to get to the bottom of the problem. Now step one would be to make sure there are no serious health complications keeping the child awake. A quick trip to the GP can set your mind at rest and get you started on the following investigations! I always start by looking at the kids’ diets… what are they eating? Are they eating more carbohydrates than protein for instance? I would start by cutting out all sugar and refined carbs (wheat, flour, baked stuff etc) and increase fat and protein intake especially at night. It can also help to give a Magnesium supplement before bed (you can get these in a delicious syrup for kids, but please check with your healthcare advisor before adding supplements to your child’s diet). Do you have a proper routine that you stick to daily? i.e. Dinner at a certain time followed by bath, story and bed? Do you start winding down in the afternoons? A consistent routine can help a child to settle more quickly and to adapt to change more easily. How much TV are they exposed to? Television is highly stimulating. Definitely cut out TV right before bed (a bedtime story is much more calming), but you can even try cutting this out altogether and see if it makes a difference. Have they always slept less than other babies? Do they still have a daytime nap? With an older child you can try cutting this out – if they make it through the afternoon in a generally happy state, then leave the nap. If not, add it back in. My kids stopped their daytime nap at 18 months and were perfectly happy without it (and then slept well at night), so don’t always believe that a child needs a daytime nap until they are 4 or 5. What time do they go to bed? What time do they wake up? Do they then seem tired or ok? Some children need less sleep, and putting them to bed before they’re ready is a recipe for disaster! If your child is keeping you awake tossing and turning in your bed, then you need to ask… Have they always slept in your bed? Do they feel safe in their own room? Is there something they need to help them feel more comfortable/safe there? Keep in mind that as adults we generally share a room with a partner and even then we still sometimes get scared in the night and yet we expect a 5-year-old to cope on their own. Do they go to sleep in their own room and then come to you? It may help to lie down with them in their own room until they fall asleep and then do this every time they wake in the night and come to your room – I know it’s time consuming and frustrating especially if you’re sleep deprived, but worth it in the long run. Or if you’d like to keep your child in your room, but still get some sleep, consider having their cot or mattress in your room but not necessarily having them in your bed! There are so many possible factors involved when it comes to children not sleeping, that it is worth doing some investigating to find out where things have gone awry. Hopefully these questions will help you to get started. It is then also worth examining your own belief systems around what is enough sleep, when kids should sleep and where, and whether your needs are less important than theirs. Happy families are a balancing act of making sure that both the parents and children’s needs are being met, and your need for sleep is essential not only to your own well-being, but to the well-being of the entire family. Keep this in mind as you investigate.   And sleep tight!

August 13, 2014
Heather Hansen

Does Your Daughter’s Social Media Profile Reflect Who She Really Is?

The other day I read an excellent blog written by a mother of boys addressed to all the young teenage girls out there. In it, she says: “I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel. Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it?  You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you? And so, in our house, there are no second chances with pics like that, ladies. We have a zero tolerance policy.  I know, so lame. But, if you want to stay friendly with our sons online, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent.  If you post a sexy selfie (we all know the kind), or an inappropriate YouTube video – even once – it’s curtains. I know that sounds so old-school, but we are hoping to raise men with a strong moral compass, and men of integrity don’t linger over pictures of scantily clad high-school girls.” It got me thinking because I have two sons – one soon to be 15 and the other turning 12. I too hope to raise boys with a strong moral compass. I too question some of the photos posted by young girls on SnapChat, Instagram, FaceBook, Twitter and other social media platforms. I don’t think these girls take the time to think about the fact that by posting scantily clad or pouting, provocative poses, they are giving our boys a message. They are doing themselves and other girls a disservice by encouraging male sexual objectification. Sexual objectification occurs “when a girl or woman’s body or body parts are singled out and separated from her as a person and she is viewed primarily as a physical object of male sexual desire” (Bartky, 1990). Not only this, but Fredrickson and Roberts (1997) asserted that women to varying degrees internalise this outsider view and begin to self-objectify by treating themselves as an object to be looked at and evaluated on the basis of appearance. This can lead to various issues like eating disorders, depression and sexual dysfunction. We need to keep reiterating the message to our kids that there’s a lot more to girls than just how they look. How they act is so much more important! Having said that, girls need to think carefully about the message they’re putting across when they go out wearing tight little shorts or tiny minis and skimpy tops showing lots of cleavage. Just because celebrities do it doesn’t mean it’s okay at their age. One of the questions I ask in an exercise I do with boys is: “Do you think girls are asking for trouble if they wear revealing clothing?” The vast majority say YES. There’s a fine line between trendy and sluttish. Interestingly, many of the boys I’ve talked to said that although they’re happy to look at (and perve over) “hot girls”, they’re far more likely to have a longer-term relationship with girls who are comfortable enough to be “one of the guys”, confident and comfortable with themselves, funny, honest, loyal and intelligent. Girls have so much power – they don’t need to be sexually provocative to attract boys – at least not the right kind of boys – the ones who’ll stick with you through thick and thin! So here’s the thing. You may get the attention you crave if you portray yourself as a sexual siren, but will it be from the sort of boys you want – boys with integrity, who really care about you as a person – not just you as a sexual object to be used and then discarded for someone else? Bottom line is girls, if you want to be taken seriously, don’t sell yourself short. If you want to be respected, treat yourself with respect. Think before you post.

August 7, 2014
Parenting Hub

Stay Well Watered This Winter

If you thought you could cut back on or forego the water drinking during the Winter months you have been gravely misinformed. Although in Winter we do not perspire as much or get as thirsty as we do in Summer, there are many other reasons why we still need to take in adequate amounts of water no matter the season. Read on to learn why we are actually at great risk of becoming dehydrated in cold weather. Water Is Critical To Health You probably have heard that two-thirds of your body is water. This is why humans can go for forty days without food but cannot survive more than a week without water. Three quarters of your brain is water. Your blood is 82% water and your muscles are 70% water. Water is an important structural component of skin, cartilage, tissues and organs and is used by the body to carry out almost all bodily processes. Water improves oxygen delivery to the cells, transports nutrients, cushions bones and joints, lubricates and absorbs shocks to joints, regulates body temperature, removes waste and flushes out toxins, and much more. So What Happens If We Don’t Get Enough? The first sign that you’re not drinking enough water is thirst but did you know that by the time you experience thirst, or a dry mouth, you are already under-hydrated? Taking in too little water can also result in headaches, dizziness, lethargy, muscle weakness and cramps, loss of appetite, constipation, depression, and brain fog. Waking up not feeling refreshed and with aches and pains in your legs may also be a sign. Little or no urination or dark yellow urine is a sign of more serious levels of dehydration. If your urine is clear you know you are hydrating your body sufficiently. Dangers Of Dehydration Continuous water loss over time will speed up aging as well as increase risks of some serious health conditions. Symptoms of the body’s deterioration begins to appear when the body loses 5% of its total water volume. In a healthy adult, this is seen as fatigue and general discomfort, whereas for an infant, it can be serious. Reductions of 15% below our healthy hydration levels could be fatal. In an elderly person, a 5% water loss causes the body chemistry to become abnormal, especially if the percentage of electrolytes is overbalanced with sodium. High blood pressure, rapid ageing and disorientation may result. Even moderate dehydration can result in nasty conditions such as urinary tract infections, kidney stones, eczema, acne, sinusitis, gout and arthritis. In Winter, lack of water and the dry air will dry out the mucous membranes of your lungs, nasal passages and gut, Since these are protective barriers against bacteria, viruses and pollutants, allowing them to dry out leaves the body susceptible to colds, coughs, flu and sinusitis. The reason allergies abound in Winter is probably due to increased dehydration. Water is essential to the functioning of the digestive tract and the removal of toxic waste. If your intestinal transit time (the time it takes for food to enter and leave your body) slows down, then more toxins are retained. Higher levels of toxic waste products in the bowel, lymph, and bloodstream is a proven contributing factor to many illnesses such as chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and psoriasis. How Do We Become Dehydrated In Winter? The average adult loses about 2.5 litres water daily through perspiration, breathing and elimination. One may argue that water loss should then be less in Winter because we do not perspire much. But have you noticed that we urinate more frequently in cold weather? As a temperature control mechanism our bodies have to get rid of the excess fluid and since we don’t perspire much, our kidneys take over and get rid of this excess through increased urination. The breathing process uses water to moisten the oxygen we breathe in and breathing in cold, dry air actually takes up more water. But there are more factors which come into play in Winter and can leave one considerably dehydrated: In cold weather, most of us will increase our consumption of warming drinks such as coffee and that glass of sherry or red wine in front of the fireplace is exceptionally comforting and warming. However caffeine and alcohol act like a diuretic causing us to urinate more frequently. Fireplaces and heaters dry the air in the room and as such draw moisture from our bodies too. Being outdoors in the cold, dry air will also dry out your skin causing overall water loss from your body. Our change in diet in Winter is also a factor. Raw fruit and veggies such as cucumber and lettuce contain as much as 95% water. So if you eat these you can drink less water. However in Winter we ditch the cold raw salads for more warming foods which have lost their water in the cooking process. How Do We Stay Hydrated? The unfortunate fact is that we just don’t feel as thirsty when the weather is cold. That is why we need to make a conscious effort to ensure we stay hydrated. Start your morning with a large glass of water before breakfast. Your day’s supply of 2 litres water needs to be within easy reach so you can sip at it all day. Take it to work with you in a glass bottle and keep it on your desk or wherever you spend most of your time – not in the fridge where it will be out of sight, out of mind. Take water with you on your travels – preferably in glass bottles or a flask. Make an effort to eat some raw foods with your meals. Salads and fruits are very hydrating as are fresh vegetable and fruit juices made in your home juicer. Reduce your intake of caffeinated drinks and alcoholic beverages or at least have a glass of water with each drink. In a heated room keep the air humidified by placing bowls

August 7, 2014
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