Advice from the experts
Mia Von Scha

Redefining The Perfect Mother

Due to the work I do with parents I find that people often look to me as an example of a perfect mom. Am I? Well what is your definition of a perfect mom? If it is someone who never loses her temper, never says something inappropriate, never needs a holiday from her kids, never hides from them, is always fully present and patient and understanding and oozes love every moment of the day and never sits crying in a heap on the kitchen floor, then no. There is no perfect parenting state that you can reach and then all is hunky-dorey. Parenting is a process of growth – both yours and your child’s. It is a relationship with another human being, and it is always these close relationships that help us to grow the most, that push our buttons, that challenge us. And this doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent – it’s part of the deal. You are raising yourself, not them. YOU are growing – as a person. And your kids need to see you fall apart at times – to see that you can crack and lose the plot and scream and cry… and that you recover afterwards, admit your weaknesses and apologise for any harm done. It is this very humanness that helps them to accept themselves with all their own human frailties. By seeing you fall apart and recover, they know that when they fall apart they, too, can come right again. So let’s redefine the perfect mother as a woman, who happens to have a child, who lives and accepts herself with all her perceived faults and problems; for such a woman will also love her child with all their limitations and will raise that child to love themselves no matter what. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for – unconditional love? Start by giving it to yourself.

June 11, 2015
Parenting Hub

Should Kids Get An Allowance?

One thing that parents do is connect chores with allowance…. bad move! But they think that their kids are automatically motivated by money, as they are themselves. So Mom holds Sarah’s allowance over her head to get her to finish her work. Some even hold it over their kids heads to just be good or to do their homework. Truth be told, it might work in the beginning and for some kids more than others, but what happens one day when your child tells you the she has enough money and walks away, declining to complete her chores, her homework, or be nice to her brother? Although many will disagree with me, it is my professional opinion that connecting a child’s allowance to chores is wrong. In fact, giving an allowance to younger children all together is a mistake. My main reason is that we want our children doing their chores and contributing to the family because they should, not because they are going to get paid to do it. If the child equates getting money in exchange for doing chores and they don’t care about the money, they may not care about the chores either. If you do decide to give an allowance, I suggest you give it for the sake of giving it and not holding it hostage to get your needs met. It just sets up younger children with the wrong idea about money and getting paid. One family I know suffered a financial hardship. Dad was laid off from his job and spent years recovering before he was able to acquire employment again. As a result, the parents had to stop the payment of the allowance in order to pay for critical needs. The children didn’t understand and became confused and fearful about money, chores, and Dad’s lack of work. Your teenagers may be in a better position to earn an allowance once they begin to understand the value of money, saving, and spending. Somewhere around the age of 15, the parent is likely to begin teaching his or her teenager life skills. That’s where paying an allowance may come in handy. The teenager is likely to begin thinking about paying for some items on their own and it gets them started down the road of earning an income. Different from an allowance, I do support paying a child for hard labor; tasks they complete that are above and beyond the expectations of daily or weekly chores. Cleaning out a garage, mowing a lawn, or weeding a garden are great examples of tasks you can pay them to complete that are worthy hard labor. When my own children were young, I would prepare a list of larger sized chores that, if completed, were a big help to their parents. I would assign a monetary value to each one and let them pick from this regularly updated list.

June 11, 2015
Parenting Hub

The 7 P’s – Marketing Mix

13 April – up to here Anyone who studied marketing and got their degrees years ago, would relate to having been taught that there were 4 P’s in the marketing mix that were ultra important and that all had to be taken into consideration as a package deal so to speak. These were always : Product Place Price Promotion So in a nutshell, you had to have the right product in the right place at the right time, at the right price and promote it effectively and you would have the perfect mix. Marketing is a business function that identifies consumer needs, determines target markets and applies products and services to serve these markets. It also involves promoting such products and services within the marketplace. Marketing is integral to the success of a business, large or small, with its primary focus on quality, consumer value and customer satisfaction.   The way in which we do business has evolved (fortunately) and the way in which we market our businesses has also evolved (fortunately too).  Thus there are in fact seven main aspects that need to be taken into consideration for the perfect marketing mix : Product Place Price Promotion People Process Physical evidence       Product There are so many products and services out there to satisfy every want, need and desire imaginable.  This means that companies need to work so much harder at making their products or services stand out from the crowd.  This involves Design Technology Usefulness / Features Convenience Value Quality Packaging Branding / Image Accessories Warranties Place Having your products or services in the right place means that you need to be offering your clients easy access to your products or services through : Retail Wholesale Mail order Internet Direct sales Peer to peer Multi-channel Price At first glance, pricing seems to be a simple function.  However, when deciding on a price for your product you need to consider the following : Positioning Discounts Credit Payment methods Free or value-add elements Penetration Competition Promotion So having a product to sell or a service to offer is all good, but if you don’t promote it and get people talking about it and interested in it, your products won’t get off the shelves and your services will be useless.  Thus good promotion involves : Advertising Special offers Endorsements User trials Free gifts Competitions Joint ventures Public relations People Interestingly people do business with people, they do not do business with companies.  Therefore having the right people to represent your organisation is key : Employees Management Customer service Culture Process Effective business process is what drives a successful organisation.  This involves having great IT systems that are customer focused and business led : Research and development IT Customer focused Management leaders Physical Evidence From a business perspective, all the above is just great but if you have no absolute physical evidence to both the business in terms of how well your products are selling and to your clients in terms of supporting your claim to them needing to purchase your products or services, then you basically should shut your doors.  It’s so important for you to know your business inside out and that means knowing your clients through : Customer relationship building Great sales force Accounting systems (supported by IT) Financial control When next you look at your own organisations marketing mix, make sure that you consider all 7 of the P’s.

June 11, 2015
Parenting Hub

Your Role In Your Child’s Education

from Foundation Phase to Intermediate Phase The Parent: The first step, as a parent, is realising that your child is not an independent learner during foundation and intermediate phase. This implies that your child needs to be taught and helped in their learning. The second step is to realise that your role is to teach, guide and assist your child in their educational, physical, emotional and social development. This role is critical to your child’s growth. Your child cannot progress positively without your assistance. The third step is acknowledging that it is vital that you work with the teacher so that your child progresses successfully through school. Homework should be guided and checked by you. If your child is battling with concepts, you should work with them until they understand the concepts and can work with them independently. The parent, the phases and the teacher: Foundation phase: this phase is about developing a solid base of knowledge for your child and helping them further themselves in the school environment and life. Foundation phase is all about the basics in educational knowledge. Remember that your child has never been exposed to these concepts. They need to learn them and learn how to apply them. They need to be assisted at home to build a strong foundational knowledge that will assist them through school and later lead them to becoming independent learners. It is your job to reinforce the knowledge taught at school and to ensure that your child understands, and can apply, the concepts introduced by the teacher. Intermediate phase: this phase is about using foundational concepts to build their knowledge and learn new concepts. A child with strong foundational skills is more likely to succeed in this phase, and to develop a sense of independent learning. Your role as a parent in this phase is to guide and instruct your child, and for them to attempt the work individually without your continuous involvement. This does not mean your child is expected to work unassisted, but that they are required to work for periods independently, knowing that you are available should they get stuck. This phase teaches them how to use their previous knowledge to learn new concepts. Your child is now at a stage where they are learning to work independently and develop their skills, but they are still reliant on the teacher and yourself to teach, instruct, and help them. The parent and the teacher: The teacher’s role is to introduce and practice new concepts in school. It is your role to practice these at home, and to bring to the teachers attention any concepts your child cannot grasp. This is followed by a teamwork approach between the teacher and yourself. This may include extra lessons or extra work to do at home. This is time consuming but essential. The teacher cannot do this individually and relies on you as a parent to be involved in your child’s education. Some tips for Parents: If you are unsure of the concepts yourself ask the teacher to show you – remember the teacher works with these concepts constantly. If you are unsure how to teach or reinforce concepts at home, ask the teacher for tips, methods or recommendations. If your child is struggling, make notes and bring these to the teachers attention. Do not leave concepts that your child does not understand for the teacher to address – work with the teacher. If your child is struggling, invest in extra lessons – do not wait until the later grades for tutoring, because then the child has to return to the basics in order to understand the current concepts. Homework should be done in the afternoon. Do not wait until the evenings – most children are tired and unable to focus. If you are unable to do this ask a relative or friend. Another option is to hire someone who can assist your child. Also look into aftercare facilities that offer homework assistance. Do not ignore or underestimate the importance of the foundation phase. Intermediate phase homework should be guided, and the child should be able to do some of the work independently. By the end of grade 6 a child should be able to do the majority of their homework independently, but may still require some assistance.

June 4, 2015
Parenting Hub

Learning To Love After Loss

I’m the mother of two boys, both dark haired, big eyed and extremely precious to me. The only thing is; only one is with me, the other is with the angels. I’m by no means naïve, I knew babies didn’t always make it through the 9 month gestation period. I’ve read up on the subject and have met people who lost their kids, it just never occurred to me, that it could happen to me. I didn’t know that over 6 months into my pregnancy when the room was all done, the car seat ready, and I’d seen a 3D scan, that my baby could die, not mine. I had good medical aid, and he was in a state of the art Neonatal Unit, but still my son died. In 2011 my husband, Robin,  and I were excited beyond belief at the prospect of being parents, although he was away at police college he kept in contact almost constantly as we planned our lives as a family. But one evening, March 5, the day Robin returned from college, the unthinkable happened; I suffered a placental abruption. The placental lining had separated from my uterus. This extremely rare occurrence (1% of pregnancies world wide)  often ends in death for both mother and child and that was very nearly the case for my son, Logan, and I. I had gone into hospital complaining of stomach cramps, but things quickly deteriorated.  In the end I had lost so much blood they had feared for my life as much as they did Logan’s. My husband was even told to prepare himself for the worst as it didn’t look like either of us would make it. Well in the end, I did, thanks to the fast reaction of the medical team, a blood transfusion and lots of prayer. I’m told a prayer circle was formed in the waiting room of the hospital, through social networks and even my co-workers came together after hearing the news. Unfortunately Logan passed away a day later from bleeding on the brain. March 7 2012, the day my life changed forever. His life, albeit a short one, made quite the impact. Suddenly I was not the mother I had planned to be. My friends who had been pregnant at the same time I was, found themselves in a precarious, “let’s not look too excited” situation. No one really knew how to react to me, some saying the most hurtful things in the name of love. “You can always try again”, “You are still young”, “I’m sure you will get over this” were phrases I dreaded, but heard all too often. All I really wanted was someone to be okay with me talking about my son, for his life to be validated in some way, and for people to make it “okay to grieve” but that was not always the case. When I got pregnant again, many people thought it was too soon and weren’t afraid to let me know. Others thought they were “home free” and could now say anything they wanted seeing as I was pregnant again, and would now be over “what had happened”. But being pregnant didn’t make things easier in fact now that the rose tinted glasses were shattered, I lived in fear. Every cough or cold or “just not feeling okay” freaked me out beyond belief. To make it worse I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was somehow cheating on Logan.I was in and out of the doctor’s office making sure everything was okay. At the same time one of the people closest to me in the world, my Godmother, was diagnosed with cancer. The nine months I was pregnant were the same nine months that would be her last. She passed away and was buried the day after my baby, Aidan, was born. The birth was supposed to be pretty straight forward, but nothing ever is. Despite being booked for a caesarean I went into labor, which was not ideal as my womb was so scarred, they worried that it might tear. So my second son’s birth didn’t bring with it the sigh of relief I was expecting, instead I was told that he was born unable to breath, he had fluid on his lungs and was rushed to NICU (an incubator away from where Logan died). I can still remember how my blood ran ice cold at the news and I found myself unable to breath. I couldn’t believe that history was repeating itself in this callous fashion. I ended up having to stay in hospital for almost two weeks while Aidan learnt to breathe on his own. It was the longest time of my life, the little arrow on his breathing apparatus would sink just a little and I’d expect the worst. My baby was subjected to pipes and drips and a multitude of tests which included a lumbar puncture. All these fears of the unknown made it difficult for me to bond with him, I was afraid to love and have that love ripped away again. Even the fact that I couldn’t breastfeed made me feel like a failure, it was like my body was failing me again, maybe I wasn’t cut out for this “mother thing”. I kept on trying to breastfeed – I guess it’s the only thing I could do while his life was in the hands of doctors and God. Home remedies were followed by medication and endless cold nights in the hospital pumping room to get the milk flowing. Even when we finally brought him home I felt a little out of my depth, and with Aidan being colicky my emotions were even harder to control. He would just scream and cry and fuss and nobody could tell me why. My cruel mind told me it was because I was an awful mother, no wonder his brother was taken away. Turns out he suffered from reflux and because of the issues with his chest he needed to use a nebulizer when sick-a tough situation to say the least. I couldn’t sleep, I’d watch

May 25, 2015
Parenting Hub

Tolerance doesn’t = lack of opinions & values

Your child comes to you and tells you that her best friend’s dad is a Muslim and because he wears what looks like a dress and a towel on his head some children in the play ground made fun of her.  She also informs you that kids tease her as well because of her beliefs. Our children need to learn, that picking a side of any subject is essential and builds character; but they also have to learn not to judge someone who is on the other side of their opinion. Every person has the right to their own beliefs, whether in religion, how to raise their child, or lifestyles, as long as they are not harming anyone. If we truly believe in tolerance then we need to teach our child that others are allowed the same privilege.  In other words, we do not need to give up having our own beliefs and/or opinions in order to be tolerant.    In fact how can we teach our children tolerance of other people who might be different in how they think and believe, if they do not have a solid hold on what they personally think and believe? We have become so wishy washy in own beliefs and opinions because we feel that is the only way not to offend others. We have to let our yes’s be yes and our no’s be no.  And we have to be accountable for what we believe and do.  Not only do you have a right to an opinion, as a parent you have the right to teach your children why you believe what you believe. What you don’t have a right to do is force your beliefs on them or anyone else. So what is the best way to help our child have solid thoughts on things and yet be tolerant? I believe that answer is to allow them to think independently while still maintaining your own house rules and beliefs.  More than likely your children will not agree with every house rule you have, but if you allow them to disagree with them, but still insist they follow your rules while they live at home you are teaching tolerance and values such as how to respect those in authority over you. How can we allow our children to think independently while teaching tolerance of your rules? In order for this process to be effective and so your children will learn to think and process things out, you have to allow your children the right to have a difference of opinion without feeling judgement from you even at a young age. This is extremely important or they won’t express themselves to you and you will lose the opportunity to teach tolerance.  We need to be aware of what we are teaching our children and what example they see if we decide to be stubborn by not allowing them to be unique and think differently? There is a fine line between a child asking questions out of inquisitiveness or asking questions out of defiance.  What we have to figure out as parents is how to allow them to have a difference of opinion but still expect our house rules to be followed. Let’s say, for example that your child doesn’t agree with making their bed every day.  They believe that it is a waste of their time as they are going to be getting back into bed in a few hours.  Your house rules are that they are to make their bed every day because you believe tidiness is a bigger lesson than time management.  In all things, it is important for you to set the example, in this case by making your bed every day. Having your reasons established in your mind and repeating them as often as is necessary is essential if you want your children to learn how to rationalize their own set of standards to live by.  They will challenge what you think and believe as often as they can. However by allowing your children  to interact with you regarding this will teach them that you have your reasons and it will teach them that you do not have a set of rules just because you are the parent and can do whatever you want. Understand; asking questions is not defiance on their part. If after the discussion they decided not to make their bed, that’s defiance! As my children have grown, I have continued to have even longer and more serious discussions regarding issues much more important than bed making.  I love these discussions.  I love that I have taught them independent thinking.  I do not want them to grow up to be a robot, or another ‘mini me’.   I want them to have solid reasons for doing what they feel is right, believing what they believe is right and to live according to those beliefs. There are 3 positive things that come out of allowing healthy discussions on subjects you might not agree on. 1. It will show them where you stand on any given subject and why you believe what you do. If it is a subject you have discussed often they will also see your steadfastness in what you believe. 2. It will help them solidify where they stand on any given subject and will teach them to understand why they believe what they do. 3. Your children can learn it is ok to be wrong as long as you are growing and trying to continue to learn.  Admitting when you are wrong will teach them you are not so set in your ways that you cannot change if you have been shown something more viable.  Seeing you are willing to admit when you are wrong will help solidify that when you stay solid on a subject, you are not doing so out of stubbornness, but out of confidence or belief. When our children become adults, they more than anyone, should be able to expect

May 21, 2015
Parenting Hub

Salt Swaps – 8 Easy Exchanges

Most of us eat too much salt, which can lead to high blood pressure and eventually to heart disease and strokes. Changing how much salt we eat is not that easy, especially because most of the salt that we eat is already in the foods we buy. Choosing foods lower in salt can sometimes be difficult, and requires scrutinizing labels for sodium content. This is not always that practical during a rushed visit to the supermarket! This month we want to make eating less salt a little easier and more practical. We have come up with a list of 8 easy swaps to reduce your daily salt intake. 1. Swap salted nuts for unsalted nuts As easy as that! You can also swap salted peanut butter for the unsalted version. This is a no-added-cost, like-for-like swap that we all should do. 2. Processed meat for fresh meat Processed meats like polony, viennas, and other sausages are some of the saltiest foods we eat. Prepare a little more chicken or mince for supper, and use it as a sandwich-filler for the next few days. Tuna can also be a better choice, just rinse out the saltwater from the tin. 3. Salty flavourings for unsalted flavours Spices like barbeque or chicken spice contain mostly salt. If you use them together with table salt or stock cubes, the salt in your meal can double or even triple! Try unsalted flavours like cumin, coriander, paprika, curry powder, garlic, or mixed herbs. You can still add some salt to the meal but remember to taste first and only add a little. 4. Potato crisps for home-made popcorn Crips are VERY salty and not something we should eat as a daily snack at work or at home. We can make popcorn at home in less than 10 minutes for an inexpensive and healthy snack. See the recipe here to flavour your popcorn and keep the salt low! 5. Be the best at breakfast Although we think of them as having a sweet taste, breakfast cereals can have a lot of hidden salt we don’t taste. An easy swap is to choose a cereal that has no salt added, like choosing Weetbix lite without sugar and salt instead of the usual Weetbix. Or eat oats porridge instead of bran flakes. You can also look at the nutritional information on the cereal box and compare different cereals for their sodium content to choose the one lower in salt. 6. Swap cheese for cheese Hard cheese, feta cheese and processed cheeses like cheese spread or cheese slices are very salty. One step better is using cottage cheese or sometimes eating unsweetened yoghurt instead. 7. Choose your fat carefully Hard margarine or salted butter can have surprisingly high salt levels. Rather choose soft margarine to spread on bread or oil like canola when you are cooking. 8. Choose a fruit The last swap is an easy one. Swop your usual snack of biscuits, crackers or biltong for a fruit. Fruits are super low in salt, and also high in healthy fibre, potassium and vitamins. Try to eat an extra fruit every day!

May 18, 2015
Parenting Hub

Teenagers and Performance Supplements

The term ergogenic aids derives from the Greek words ergon (work) and genes (born), and mean any way of improving energy production. Competition is intense in the athletic world, and it can be hard to avoid the lure of sport supplements that promise improved physique and enhanced performance. A recent study revealed that 98% of teenage athletes use some form of dietary supplement, so this is a reality for any parent of a young sportsman. Some supplements act as performance supplements, with the aim of directly improving performance; some as sports foods, providing nutrients you could otherwise get from food; and some act as medical supplements to treat clinical problems. Today we address performance supplements.  When addressing ergogenic aids, we need to answer 5 questions:  Does it really work?  Is it safe?   Is it necessary?  What is the correct dosage and regime and  Is it legal? Being able to discern which ergogenic aids really work is made more complicated by aggressive marketing by sports nutrition companies that isn’t necessarily factually true. The teen desperate to build muscle, lose weight or improve performance can easily be tricked into spending a small fortune on products that really have no scientific support at all. To help us out with this, the Sports Science Institute of South Africa (SSISA) have grouped supplements into four categories: Group A are those that have sufficient evidence to support their use and can be recommended in certain situations, Group B are those that may have benefit but there isn’t enough evidence to support, Group C are unlikely to be beneficial, and Group D are those that are banned outright. It is advisable to stick to only Group A supplements that have strong scientific support and are legal – so these are the ergogenic aids we will focus on! Creatine is a supplement that has been proven to improve performance, strength, and muscle mass, and is very popular with young athletes. It is considered safe for adults, but what about teenagers? Creatine should be safe if your teenager is over 16, has already gone through puberty and is involved in serious competitive training. If not given in recommended dosages, however, excess creatine can damage the kidneys, cause fluid retention, and be broken down in to the toxin formaldehyde. So there are some basics to consider before adding creatine to your teenager’s regime – firstly, she should be following a well-balanced, adequate diet; secondly, the regime should be supervised by a professional and the correct dosages should be followed; thirdly, a good quality creatine supplement should be used.  Of course, creatine isn’t strictly necessary – a good balanced diet with meats provides enough creatine for health. Another supplement that has good research behind it is β-alanine, which has also been shown to increase muscle, especially in combination with creatine, and is safe in adults. Unfortunately, there has been no research on under-18’s, so we really don’t know if it is safe in the developing body. If at all, only take this supplement after puberty, and in recommended dosages as supervised by a professional. Again, this supplement is not essential – your child can increase natural sources of this nutrient in his diet, such as chicken or turkey. Bicarbonate provides a buffering system for acid that is created in the body during exercise, helping with sustained or repeated bouts of high-intensity performance.  It has been proven to be helpful in both adults and children. There is a risk of tummy upsets if no used correctly, so as always, use with supervision of a professional. Caffeine is a favourite for adult athletes (and non-athletes!) as it has been shown to increase the ability to perform in cardiovascular activities such as running, cycling or swimming.  Children are the fastest-growing consumers of caffeine, from sources such as soft drinks, energy drinks and coffee, and a recent study showed that 27% American teenagers use caffeine for sports performance. The problem is, we are not sure if caffeine works for teenagers as well as it does for adults. There have been no studies that show that caffeine improves aerobic activity in children, although one study showed that caffeine may improve strength in youngsters.  And the big question – is it safe? Again, there are not enough studies to be sure, although we have seen that taking caffeine before exercise elevates blood pressure and lowers heart rate in children, which may aid performance.  It is very important to note that caffeine has a diuretic effect, and in some bodies, may cause diarrhoea, so caffeine may contribute to dehydration which in turn will impair performance rather than improve it. Excess caffeine also leads to tremors, headaches and impaired coordination, which isn’t helpful for sports at all! In general, we recommend that all under-18’s consume no more than 2.5mg/kg, which is the equivalent of about a cup of coffee a day for a 50kg teenager. Beta -Hydroxy-Beta-Methylbutyrate (HMB) has been shown to reduce muscle damage and improve recovery from training, with no known adverse side effects. Studies have been done on teenagers with good results and no adverse effects on hormones, but optimal dosage has not been established for children so HMB should be used with caution with a professional’s monitoring. There are good meal replacement shakes on the market with HMB added. If you do decide to place your teen on HMB, make sure not to confuse it with the sedating gamma hydroxybutyrate (GHB)! Although all these supplements have good track records, they need to be used in correct dosages, at correct times and in the correct form, to yield desired results. There is no point spending hundreds on a supplement only to use it incorrectly! Make sure you manage to get the most out of your supplements while staying safe by checking in with a sports professional such as an educated coach or sports dietitian. Navigating the world of sports supplements can be overwhelming. While some supplements have been proven to provide physical support for

May 11, 2015
Parenting Hub

Five Best Markets For Kids

Make the most of Summer – Winter is on its way! Visiting local markets is a great way to spend weekend days and they’re all the rage right now. It’s the perfect way to get the whole family out the house and the delicious food and fresh produce is a real draw card for parents. We’ve put together a list of our best family market picks in Joburg, Cape Town and Durban. Johannesburg Fourways Farmers Market Opening hours: Sunday, 10am-3pm http://www.ffmarket.co.za/ With lots of seating space and more than 61 vendor stalls this is your one-stop-Sunday-morning-market-shop. Relax on hay bales under tall pine trees enjoying delicious market food and live music – there’s even champagne by the glass. Also located on the premises is the Aroma Café (hyperlink) which boasts a buffet breakfast, a beautiful playground and a kiddies’ menu. Bryanston Organic & Natural Market Opening hours: Thursdays, Saturdays and public holidays, 9am-3pm http://www.bryanstonorganicmarket.co.za/ Organic and natural food is the cornerstone of this market that offers a great variety of foods particularly for allergies and special dietary needs. A huge appeal for families is the Kids Quarter where children can enjoy craft activities, including candle dipping, sand art and a gemstone scratch-patch. Cape Town Tokai Forest Market Opening hours: Saturday, 9am-2pm http://tokaiforestmarket.co.za/ Spend the morning browsing the beautiful Tokai market whilst enjoying the freshest artisanal coffee. The market boasts a jumping castle, jungle gym and pony rides. Coming soon are cooking demos and game afternoons. Organjezicht City Farm Opening hours: Saturday, 9AM – 2PM http://www.ozcf.co.za/market-day/ This organic foodie’s paradise has temporarily moved to the historic Leeuvenhof estate. Bring your picnic blankets, kids and dogs and enjoy a morning of delicious fresh produce. Explore the beautiful the estate and even take a dip in the premier’s pool! Durban Golden Hours Family Market Opening Hours: Sunday, 10am-3.30pm https://www.facebook.com/pages/GOLDEN-HOURS-FAMILY-MARKET/121337227882 Spend a Sunday at this kiddies’ market paradise complete with an exciting play area and activities for kids of all ages. Expect the freshest produce and traditional homemade goodies. The Litchi Orchard Opening hours: The 2nd Saturday of every month, 9AM – 2PM http://www.litchiorchard.co.za/market/ This beautiful market venue on Durban’s north coast, combines top class food and drink with loads of open space for the kids (and dogs) to enjoy. Keep a look out for the playful resident mongooses.

May 8, 2015
Parenting Hub

5 Tips For Choosing Your Child’s High School

Choosing  a high school for your child can often be more stressful than choosing their primary school. High schools come with a lot more status than primary schools and there is almost more pressure to get in to a good high school, especially if your child achieves at sport or academics. There are a few things to bear in mind when you start looking for high schools that can make the search a bit easier. Do your research. Find out what high schools are in your area, which ones have waiting lists, which ones have a feeder primary school, like schools from Grade 0 – Grade 12. Do they have sports that your child does, what is their academic record. Talk to parents of children who are already there or have been there. Find out as much as you can about the school. Find out how much application forms are to submit as well as what the deposits are. Get in early. Public schools have set times you can get application forms and these are usually the start of the second term of your childs grade 7 year. Find out these dates so you can collect the forms and get them back as soon as possible. Private schools will let you collect and drop off forms earlier, get them as soon as you have decided to apply. It may still take them a few months to decide but at least you will know your child is on the waiting list and not at the bottom. Let your child visit the schools. Most schools have open days. Go to as many as you can, even if a school is not your first choice. Visit the grounds with your child, let them interact with the teachers and students and see what is available. Both you and your child will get a feel for the school. This is important. You may be set on a school but your child absolutely hates it, listen to this! Apply for bursaries/scholarships. Most private schools offer bursaries or scholarships or both. If your child achieves academically, musically or on the sports field, apply for one of these. High schools are competitive, they all want the best and they will “pay” for that talent. Apply at more than one school. You may be set on a school but things may not work out so make sure you apply at more than one school. It gives you and your child options to choose the school that fits you all best. This process can be stressful but it doesn’t need to be. Follow these steps and tips and the experience can be a positive one for both you and your child.

May 7, 2015
Parenting Hub

IMPERIAL Road Safety shows its support of the new Car Seats Legislation

Niki Cronje, Group Marketing at IMPERIAL I-Pledge From 30 April 2015, South African motorists will need to take a more serious approach to road safety, given the country has amongst the highest numbers of road deaths and trauma in the world, particularly amongst children. In the past, the use of car seats has not been compulsory for any age group of children. However, as of 30 April, car seats will now become compulsory for infants under the age of three when travelling in a car. Studies shows that car seats that are correctly installed and used for children aged 0–4 years can reduce the risk of death for infants by 70% and by 47–54% for children aged 1–4 years. However, to prevent serious injury or death; it is vital to use the appropriate car seats for kids– focusing specifically on the weight of the child – which is the most important aspect when selecting a car seat. While wearing a seatbelt will ensure you are kept in place, seatbelts are only designed for an adult’s body. This is why a car seat – the right one for a child’s weight – is so important to snugly and comfortably hold a baby in place, in a vehicle. In fact, research1 by the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has found that a car seat reduces the risk of death among babies by 71% and for toddlers, by 54%. In South Africa, Hector Eliott, chief director of the Western Cape’s Safely Home campaign and Road Safety Co-Ordination, recently stated2 that at least 60% of small child passengers dying on our roads are not being properly buckled up. This is a cause for concern; and parents need to start taking this seriously. Holding your child or letting them sit on your lap is not enough to protect them from the impact of a crash. There are three categories of child restraint systems, each of these car seats have different benefits because each are for different weights – not age. For infants, a rear-facing child restraint is recommended up until he/she is at least 9kg. The next step is a toddler seat that your child should remain in until at they weigh at least 9 – 18 kg. Rear facing is first prize if your seat and space in your vehicles allows for it. The last stage of child restraint is a booster seat; best used when a child has outgrown a safety seat. They are designed for weights from 18 kg to 36 kg, and will give an added boost in height to your child to help him fit properly within a vehicle’s seat belt. He should remain in a booster seat until at least 1.48 meters tall. If we consider that approximately 250 children die a year in South Africa because an adult did not strap their child in, there is no doubt that a strong need exists to increase education around not only strapping a child in, but also ensuring that their child is placed in the correct seat, while understanding the consequences of crash force on a child’s body. IMPERIAL Road Safety encourages all parents to ensure that they purchase the right car seats for their child, as soon as possible, to ensure that they are compliant with the new legislation and that they contribute towards the safety of their children – most importantly. Over the last few years, IMPERIAL, in conjunction with Wheel Well, has been collecting, safety checking and refurbishing car seats – which are then handed over to less fortunate families. If you would like to give the gift of safety to a child; IMPERIAL urges Joburgs residents to please kindly donate their used car seats to Wheel Well, Shop U108, Brightwater Commons, Randburg. IMPERIAL reminds Cape Town parents to get their used car seats ready, as the Car Seats for Kids Campaign heads to Cape Town for the first time later this year, with the help of K-FM – stay tuned.   References http://www.cdc.gov/motorvehiclesafety/child_passenger_safety/cps-factsheet.html http://m.iol.co.za/article/view/s/11/a/634164

May 7, 2015
Parenting Hub

Insane Parenting

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” – Albert Einstein. There are times in parenting when predictability is useful. When children see that certain behaviours always produce the same results they are less and less likely to try to push the proverbial envelope. They get it. X=Y. There are, however, also times when predictability is downright counter productive. We all know those moments where we have tried the same thing over and over and it never has any effect (or not the desired effect anyway). You see, the person with the greatest range of behavior always controls the situation. We’re stupid like this sometimes, us parents. We’ve had 30 or 40 years of conditioning making us quite predictable in our behaviours, quite limited in our scope, quite easy to read and to manipulate. Kids learn fast. They’ve also had a lot less time to limit their range of behaviours and possibilities. They see when something is not working and try another approach. And then another. And then another. And then another. If we don’t have as many responses in our parenting arsenal, guess who wins?! Sometimes in parenting, it is useful for us to step outside of our boxes – to do something unexpected and unpredictable and out of character. We need to expand our repertoire of behavior, step out of our conditioning and do something surprising and unusual. I’ll give you an example. When my daughter was about 4 years’ old I decided I had had enough of the ongoing tantrums. She’s a very strong-willed child and easily frustrated when she doesn’t get her way. We all know that point when a child’s whine is about to escalate. That is the moment to act. So before she could launch herself properly into her tantrum, I threw myself down on the floor, kicking and screaming and wailing and had my own tantrum! She got such a fright that she just sat there and stared at me… And then went on about her day. The great thing was that the next time she was about to throw a tantrum, she got to that exact same point and then it was like her brain did a little freeze-frame and she stopped, looked around at me, and gave up on the tantrum. In coaching, we call this a ‘pattern interrupt’. It means that we literally interrupt the conditioned pathway in the brain by doing something shocking or surprising before the pattern can play itself out. It works. But you need to act at the beginning of the behavior and you need to commit to going all the way! Now I’m not saying that you should do this for every tantrum. There are times when a child is just tired, or has had too much sugar, or is genuinely upset. But for those times where they are simply playing out a conditioned pattern, it can help to ditch a bit of your own conditioning and have some fun!

May 7, 2015
Parenting Hub

One Easy Way to Stop Complaints and Whining

It can be incredibly difficult to hear your child complain when you do so much for her. And then you think back to the little you may have had as a child and then feel this immense surge of resentment when your child complains about what you’ve fixed for dinner. Or it may be why he can’t have an iPhone, what one of her friends has that she wants, having to pick up her toys, or hundreds of other things they object to. One reason some children may do this is because it works; there may have been times in the past when he or she complained and because you were feeling stressed and annoyed, you may have just caved in and completed the task for her or let him have something else for dinner. Remember, children learn from experience on what works and what doesn’t, at getting their way. It doesn’t mean they are awful children or ungrateful. They just do things to get what they want, including getting out of having to follow through on things. And even though you may have experienced a hard childhood, your children just don’t care. You can lecture them all you want about what life was like for you, but if they haven’t experienced it, then they don’t get it. Two powerful words I encourage you to add to your vocabulary and to practice often when a child complains or whines is “I KNOW.” Silly sounding I’m sure, but I challenge you to try it out. And when you say these two words, say them with a calm, relaxed and almost sympathetic tone. Don’t snap the words and don’t shout them, just a calm and lazy, “I know.” No matter how ridiculous your child’s complaint sounds, avoid the urge to argue with them, convince them, or come across as demanding. When you hear, “We always have to eat broccoli,” avoid the urge to tell him how healthy broccoli is or how there are starving children in foreign countries; there’s a good chance they aren’t going to listen to you at that moment. If your teen says, “I think it’s stupid that I have to come in by 9:00 PM on a weekend,” you’re going to say, “I know.” Finally, something interesting may occur when saying these two words. After you’ve grown accustomed to using them frequently, some children and teens will actually resist your calm and sympathetic demeanor. Most of my kids and my step kids eventually responded by saying, “Stop saying that, I hate hearing those words!” I would then calmly say, “I know,” and they would run screaming from the room, covering their ears! It became a new “parent power” I never realized I possessed! I was able to stop the whining with very few words or energy. I’m not recommending that you annoy your children, I’m simply asking you to consider being consistent. You may then find that the whining stops because they don’t want to hear you say, “I know.”

April 29, 2015
Parenting Hub

Time to get my Sexy Back!

My life has changed completely since having children. Some of it has been quite shocking, like my boobs that look more like bananas than the “melons” I used to have. Yes some of it is age as I am heading towards 36 years old, but the changes since I had children have been huge. I take off my bra and these boobs take a plunge. Probably the only reason they don’t hit my knees and bounce back up is because my bulging stomach keeps them in place! But it is so much more than a flabby, stretch-marked stomach and saggy boobs that has happened in the last few years. I used to take care of myself and feel good about myself (and I had plenty of time to do that). Mornings now consist of breastfeeding, packing lunches, changing nappies, brushing babies teeth and wiping bums. I find everyone by the door ready to go on time, all scrubbed up, looking smart and ready for the day and I look down at myself in horror and realise I have about 30 seconds to do my hair, get dressed, wash my face and brush my teeth. The days of getting myself ready and spending time deciding what I am going to wear are long gone. I now pull on my trusty jeans, a pair of flat shoes and the closest relatively clean top. As long as my clothing doesn’t have poop or puke on it that fits the requirements for the day. I arrive at the creche looking like a dogs breakfast and see all the other moms dropping their kids off looking like they have just stepped out of a salon and I wonder how on earth they do it? I don’t know if other moms are the same, but when my 1st baby was 2 months old I realised I had been wearing my PJ’s every day, yes I washed them but I didn’t bother getting dressed every morning because I was just so tired and spent all my time breastfeeding and lying on the bed with my baby. I didn’t know it at the time but I am sure I had PND. When I realised I was only managing to brush my teeth at 11am every day and only put clothes on if someone was coming to visit I made a conscious effort to get up every morning, get dressed and washed immediately. And it was an effort for me. After the birth of my 2nd baby I made sure that from day 1 I got up and dressed for the day immediately. BC (before children) every week I would have a bath night that would consist of washing, conditioning and treating my hair, shaving (yes everywhere not just a rush armpit job!), a facial etc. I would then blow dry my hair nicely, lather myself in some lekker cream and I was ready for the week ahead. This is a thing of the past. If I get in the bath now I fall asleep within minutes. I wake up in a cold bath, wrinkled like a prune, hair not washed, still hairy as a baboon and freezing cold. I jump out, dry myself and climb into bed. Not very productive but at least I catch up on a bit of sleep behind closed doors where nobody can disturb me. I want my sexy back! I have never been a sexy, model type but I did feel good about myself and look groomed and smart when I went out. The focus of my life has turned completely towards my kids and my husband. I have not bought any new clothing for myself since the children arrived and I find myself looking grubby and worn on a constant basis. 2015 is going to be a year of change for me. I am going to work on fitness, health and looking after myself again. I am going to get some sexy new underwear, pull out all my high heels, blow dry my hair and put some make up on. I challenge any mom that is feeling the same to join me in a mission to Get Our Sexy Back!

April 27, 2015
Parenting Hub

The Myth of The Happy Family

Your family is dysfunctional. I know you were hoping that if you just used the power of your mind or the power of positive thinking or the power of a decent spanking that it would come right. Or perhaps if you attended another inspirational seminar, read another parenting manual or engaged a few more childhood demons with your therapist. It won’t work. Your family will never be at peace. That’s the bad news. The good news is that everyone else’s family is dysfunctional too. When you look over at Mrs. Jones and think that she’s got it all sorted– that everyone in her home is always kind and loving and supportive and everything flows and nobody fights – it is an illusion (or a really good cover up). It is time to shatter this fantasy of the happy family so that you can get on with living a less than perfect, but real (and fulfilling) life and you can stop judging yourself by unattainable standards. Every family is ‘dysfunctional’. Every family has problems. Every family is made up of human beings who have all traits – the desirable and the undesirable, the hostile and the hospitable, the helpful and the hurtful. Every family has both war and peace. If you look carefully you’ll find the beauty in this. Families, like life, contain a perfect balance of good and bad, elation and despair, order and chaos. Take any moment in your day and look at how effectively you are balancing each other out – the parents are fighting and the kids are getting along well; one parent is screaming at a child and the other parent is protecting them; one child is cooperating and listening and the other is rebelling and ignoring. Show me the storm and I’ll find you the calm. Show me the calm and I’ll guarantee you a storm! Each evening, before I go to sleep, I write in a little notebook beside my bed. I take note of everything I am grateful for in the day, and I also jot down the synchronicities I have observed. I look at things that have challenged me and see what was supporting me at that same moment; I observe the fights that have emerged and where the concurrent peace lay; I find out who was up and who was down at the same moments throughout the day. If you take some time to see the balance always playing out in your family, you will be humbled by the perfection inherent in it. You will also stop labeling the war/fights/challenge/rebellion/chaos as bad and stop labeling the peace/playing/support/cooperation/order as good. All parts are necessary. In fact, growth occurs at the border of support and challenge. Both are essential. Both are what make a family enriching to all members. So would you even want a happy, peaceful family if it meant no growth for your children or yourself? We all need to be challenged, to have our buttons pushed, to have a touch of tumult in order to mature and thrive and make the most of our short time on this planet. Our families are there to provide the fertile ground for growth and development. And we all know what fertile ground is full of! Stop searching for the impossible and embrace what is. Your family, with its blend of war and peace, is a perfect interplay of opposites provided for your evolution and forward momentum. Love all sides and accept all traits. Embrace both the war and the peace and then you will stop reaching for the fantasy of a ‘happy family’ and love the reality of your family exactly as it is. Your family is dysfunctional, and dysfunctional is precisely as it should be.

April 24, 2015
Parenting Hub

Hurt Children… Hurt Children

What has always interested me most about bullying is who is bullying the bully? Bullying is never just a cut and dried case of this child here is the bully and that child there is the victim. In fact, it is very much a group dynamic. In 90% of cases of bullying you will find other children either standing by and not doing anything to help the ‘victim’ or actively participating in the bullying along with the ‘ringleader’ of the problem. And in almost all cases you will find that the one leading the bullying has also been bullied, either at school by other kids at a different time, or by a parent or teacher or other adult in their lives. Hurt children hurt children. Because this is a group dynamic and involves so many levels of victimhood, it is best dealt with as a group. One of the best examples that I have seen of this working effectively was a documentary I watched on a Japanese school teacher. In every case of bullying he halted all his lessons and brought in a group intervention. Every child in the class was expected to participate and they focused on how each one was feeling. He looked at how the victim felt having been bullied, how those watching or participating felt, how the bully felt about doing the bullying and about hearing how the victim felt. He got the bullies to think back to a time when they had been treated like the victim and how they felt then. He got the kids to dig really deep about what was going on and the causes for their own behaviour. He got the group to find group cohesion again – to find unity as a class so that no-one was an outsider worthy of being treated differently. He helped them to find that place where we are all human and we all share a common humanity through the way that we feel. Hurt children hurt children. When their pain is heard and acknowledged it is more likely to heal. It was moving to watch and reminded me of a similar intervention process that was introduced years ago to Australian prisons. In this case the criminals and their victims (or families of the victims in the case where the victim had been killed) met for mediated sessions where the victims could explain to the criminals how their actions had affected them and in all the ways that their lives had been upset; the emotional and physical and financial implications etc. And the criminals were given the opportunity to give their side of the story – what their life had been like to bring them to the point of that crime. It was incredible to see the level of healing and the amazing results the prison system had with reducing recidivism. Hurt people hurt people. If we can get behind the hurt, then instead of just punishing the offenders and consoling the victims, we can start a dialogue of change and reconciliation. We may even find victims comforting the bullies. It has been known to happen. Is this not a more healing and ultimately more sustainable solution to this very human problem? Hurt children (and adults) hurt because they don’t have the skills or understanding to work through their own pain and past experiences. What they need is guidance, from someone who has the relevant skills, the patience and the understanding to see the situation from a greater perspective. Bullies and victims don’t need to be removed from each other, but brought together. With love and guidance. Without such intervention we create yet another cycle of pain. The chances of a victim becoming a bully in another situation or time are high. Hurt children hurt children. I would like to see teachers and support staff trained in mediation and this becoming a standard part of school life. I think every class could halt their lessons of maths, language and sciences to take a day here and there to teach these essential life skills. We need to remind our children about the power of their shared humanity. I’m sure we can turn this around. I’m also sure that healed children will heal children.

April 23, 2015
Parenting Hub

The Benefits Of Learning Sight Words

“One of the most important ways for a beginner reader to become a fluent reader is to be able to read & recognize sight words” What are sight words? Sight words refer to the words that are most frequently used and repeated in books. Emerging readers need to be able to identify words automatically (sight words) and have effective strategies for decoding unknown words (the reading toolbox). What are the benefits of a child learning sight words? Sight word recognition builds confidence When a child is able to recognise over half the words in a sentence their confidence starts to soar. Sight word recognition improves fluency When a child is able to recognise over half the words in a sentence their reading fluency improves. Sight word recognition assists the decoding process Once a child can recognise many sight words they can spend energy on decoding the more difficult words using their ‘reading toolbox’. Sight words are not easy to phonetically decode Some sight words are not phonetically regular and it is better for a child to memorise these words to aid reading fluency and pronunciation. The following 11 sight words appear frequently in sentences and are phonetically irregular – ‘the’ ‘of’ ‘a’ ‘to’ ‘you’ ’was’ ‘on’ ‘are’ ‘they’ ‘have’ ‘from’. Sight words benefit second language learners. The more sight words an English second language learner knows the better their reading chances. How does a child learn sight words? Sight word retention requires practise and repetition. The best way to achieve this without boring a young child is through games and sensory play. It’s repetition using diversity.

April 21, 2015
Parenting Hub

Give Your Kids THIS, NOT THAT!

If you have attended any of my local workshops or have read any of my content, you know that I’m usually preaching that parents must take charge of their kids use of technology and the Internet. But what sometimes gets missed in my messages is that there are certain things our kids DO need and others they DON’T. One thing that leads parents to not withholding technology, devices and the Internet is their fear that their kids will be left out and fall behind in the digital age. Some even fear that their kids will lose friends or get bullied if they aren’t online and interacting with their peers. So, to help parents get it all straight, here are some guidelines on what our children and young teens should be allowed to have and what they shouldn’t. Keep in mind that these are guidelines are not set in stone as some families and situations may require specific modifications. GIVE YOUR KIDS THIS:  A Computer Keyboarding skills are critical for school age children and a centrally located family computer for your kids and young teens to use is important. It should be set up with a set of rules and limitations on use. The parent should have a discussion on those rules before turning the child loose. They should include a rule on when it can be used, when it should be turned off, and what it can be used for. Parents also reserve the right to look over the child’s shoulder, monitor activity and check out the history from time to time. NOT THAT:  A Smart Phone (or a Cell Phone Too Early) No child needs an iPhone or Droid in their pocket. Give them one is like giving them an unmonitored computer whenever they want it use it. For those seeking guidelines, if you really think your child needs a hand-held device, children under 13 should not have a cell phone and those under 16 should not have a smart phone. For parents who ignore these guidelines, then at the very least, they should consider monitoring their child’s activity on the device to keep them safe. GIVE YOUR KIDS THIS:  Software Knowing how to use software programs such as Power Point, Word, Excel and event Minecraft will help your child go a long way in their education and experience. Many entry level jobs require these technology skills. They also engage your child’s creativity and imagination. But like anything else, all good things should be used in moderation. NOT THAT:  Social Media Just because your kids want a Snapchat or Instagram account, doesn’t mean you should allow them to have one. The use of these apps for social media requires skills our children have not yet developed, such as knowing what information not to share online, knowing who to trust, discerning between a quiz, an advertisement, or a scam, how to protect their privacy, and even how to block, delete, and report predators. Yes, our children are young digital natives but that doesn’t mean they should have access to everything, anytime they want it. It is our job to keep them safe, to minimize their exposure to digital media, and to teach them delayed gratification. According to Dr. David Greenfield at the Center for Technology Addiction in Hartford, CT, technology in any form, for children and adults, should be monitored, managed, and minimized.

April 17, 2015
Parenting Hub

Autistic Spectrum Disorders In Children

Autistic Spectrum Disorder is essentially an umbrella term that incorporates Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome. Autistic Spectrum Disorder is not a psychological disorder but rather as a result of diverse biochemical causes affecting the functioning of the brain and therefore is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder. Autistic Spectrum Disorder affects children in three different areas known as “The Triad of Impairments”. Communication/Speech and Language Social Interaction Thinking and Behaviour Children with Autistic Spectrum Disorder can fall on a continuum with regard to their intelligence. In addition, autistic spectrum disorders are complex in that children are affected differently. Thus two children with the same diagnosis may present with different behaviours, abilities, symptoms and struggles. Therefore, whilst any child with this disorder has problems to some extent, (with social skills, communication and behaviour), no child will be exactly the same. What are the types of autistic spectrum disorders? Autism Asperger’s Syndrome Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) There are two other disorders but are not as common as the aforementioned (Childhood Disintegrative Disorder and Rett Syndrome). Since the Autism Spectrum Disorders share many similar symptoms, it may be impossible to distinguish one from the other, especially in a child’s early life. However, many would manifest the following symptoms: Difficulties in Social Interaction: Very limited interest or awareness in other people, or sharing interests and accomplishments (such as looking to see if mum or dad has seen them succeed in something like stacking blocks on top of each other or showing parents a drawing or pointing to a dog etc.) Lack of understanding or cognisance of other people’s feelings Limited or absent ability to make appropriate social contact, in other words the child won’t approach others or may prefer to be alone and can therefore appear to be aloof or disinterested In less severe cases the youngsters may accept social contact, for example if another youngster wants to play with them, however is unlikely to make spontaneous approaches and prefers to play alone Difficulty with making friends and/or maintaining friendships Difficulties in Communication/Speech and Language: Delays in speech Limited reaction to verbal participation from others and may come across as having hearing difficulties Absent or unusual facial expressions or gestures Difficulty initiating or maintaining conversations Tone of speech is unusual, typically flat and monotonous or inappropriate variations in tone or with an unusual rhythm or pitch Repetition of words, questions and phrases, as well as words and phrases being used incorrectly as well as endless monologues about their special interests May have difficulty understanding statements or questions May be too literal, and can miss irony, humour or any abstract communication Disruptions in Thinking and Behaviour: Imaginative play is limited or absent, for example, will have difficulty “pretending” a block is a telephone and has generally restricted ability to engage in other imaginative activities Engages in certain activities repetitively and cannot be persuaded by alternative suggestions Unusual habits such as rocking, spinning toys, arranging toys in lines etc. A need for rigid adherence to routines, structures and order and can get very unsettled by changes to their routine or environment Clumsiness or an unusual posture Furthermore, it is likely that other signs will be noted as well such as: No eye contact (or very limited) Sensory processing difficulties Fearless of activities or acts that are deemed dangerous Self-injury such as hitting head etc. Difficulty regulating their emotions or expressing their feelings appropriately Although there is no cure for Autistic Spectrum Disorders, it is possible to help the individual to manage their symptoms in order to optimize their functioning. If you are concerned about your child displaying some of the symptoms contact a professional that deals with the disorders for a comprehensive evaluation. The professionals who are involved in the diagnosis and the treatment of a child with Autistic Spectrum Disorders include: Child Psychologists; Child Psychiatrists; Speech and Language Therapists; Physiotherapists; Occupational Therapists; Audiologists; Paediatric Neurologists and Developmental Paediatricians and Remedial Therapists.

April 13, 2015
Parenting Hub

The Art Of Listening To Your Child

Listening to your child is an invaluable skill that forms part of your child’s social, emotional and life skills. This allows them to have a holistic and healthy development in their early years. There are a few questions around listening that will help you understand more about listening:  Does your child hear or listen? Does your child just “hear” or are they listening? What is your understanding of the concept to listen? These are essential to your understanding of listening so that you can you’re your child learn effective listening skills. Hearing or Listening: Hearing is the ability to use our ears to hear different sounds whilst listening is far more complicated. Listening is the ability to give meaning to the sounds we hear through speech. Listening is more than just listening to sounds it is our ability to interpret those sounds to give the meaning so that we can comprehend them and responded appropriately. This means that when we listen we use our minds (the ability to think). This means that we use skills such as understanding, comprehending and interpreting information. Conversations and Listening: Listening is essential to having a healthy conversation. Communication is based on the two individuals listening to each other and expressing themselves. The speaker creates and sparks thoughts in the listener’s mind. This inspires them to think and respond in the correct manner. This again links back to the ability to understand emotions/feelings and having the appropriate behaviour to express the feelings. This ability to think and listen must allow the person to create a sense of empathy and understanding of with the other person they are communicating. “Active Listening”: “Active” listening is difficult. You can be tired or over stressed and not able to focus but for children this everyday activity is challenging. Active listening means the child must pay attention to the information being said (at school it may be a task, directions or instructions), then remember the information in a sequenced and detailed manner so that they can do the instructions, directions or task as required. This is an intensive pattern to follow and sometimes the information is just too much for the child to retain. Tips to helping your child: Keep instructions and information being relayed short and simple – level appropriate for your child – and slowly develop their listening ability Be patient and take time Ask your child to repeat back to you what you have said – see if they have understood you correctly – it is best to let them use their own words (it is easy to repeat directly what you have said without understanding) Speak slowly and clearly Occasionally, when speaking add in more information or new a word – see if they have understood and whether they are ready to progress with their “active” listening skills. Did you know that active listening can become a positive everyday habit? A few more steps to help you teach your child to develop this skill: Use eye contact to ensure they are really listening to you Build on memory skills by playing memory games such as learning rhymes , stories and songs and playing visual memory games – matching cards – (whilst applying words to their actions during the game) Ask your child to tell you what they are doing – make sure that they use simple sentences and that the sentences match their actions (this also develops speech and sequencing skills). Use an expressive voice (when reading and when speaking to your child) Discuss emotions “you must be very frustrated as you do not want to go to bed”. By discussing emotions you are helping your child build a vocabulary to express their feelings. Practice (learning new “sounds”, “spelling”, etc:) – it is important to revise these even when the child has finished them at school or has mastered the skills Learning new vocabulary: each day learn a new word, a week later repeat the new word again. Explain the word, use it everyday language (you use and ask your child to use it). Have vocabulary weekly chart where the child can see the new words – if your child is unable to read them – then still post them up in large print and say the words with them every day These are just some of the things you can do to develop your child’s “active” listening skills and help it become a positive everyday habit – Remember it is important to continue to do these steps on a regular basis.

April 10, 2015
Parenting Hub

The Beggar Dilemma

It’s a lovely day and you’re cruising along with your windows open, enjoying the light summer breeze, when you spot a beggar at the traffic light you’re coming up to. What do you do? Quickly roll your window up? Put on your sunglasses? Pretend to be in-depth in conversation on your phone? Most of us have absolutely no idea how to deal with this daily dilemma and even less of an idea what to teach our kids. My philosophy is this… Every single human being is of value, just by the fact that they are alive. They should be acknowledged as such and treated with respect. I have spent enough time coaching, and before that doing trauma counseling (and working at the time with a number of homeless people at our drop-in centre), to know that behind every face is an incredible story. And once you know enough stories, you are unlikely to judge. Does this mean that I give every beggar some spare change? Absolutely not. There is nothing empowering about a hand-out and we already have an over-developed culture of entitlement in this country. With regards to beggars (and car guards for that matter) what I teach my kids is this: Let your money go where your energy flows. Spend your money on things and people that lift your spirit. If someone begging at the traffic lights brings a smile to my face by a funny sign that they’ve really thought about, or by entertaining people while they wait for the lights to change, or is friendly and chatty without giving me the “woe is me” long version, then I’m happy to pop them some change. I’m not even adverse to handing out a R100 note if I feel inspired by someone who is really making an effort to help themselves and is positive and friendly and not pandering to my guilt. Teach your kids never to spend their money to alleviate guilt. It’s a bottomless pit. Deal with your guilt and let it go, or use this energy to do something that is actually useful… travel equipped with some useful information (local homeless shelters, who to contact to sell the Homeless Talk, contact details for the Twilight Children) or start a soup kitchen, grow a pavement vegetable garden, teach someone a marketable skill, support local trade. Whatever you do, leave your window down, smile, and acknowledge the human being that stands before you, a real person with a story that you will never truly be able to fathom. In this way you teach your children love over fear, respect over hostility, and kindness over hatred. And be grateful to that person for giving you the opportunity to give your kids these lifelong gifts!

April 9, 2015
Parenting Hub

Learning Difficulties Linked To Headaches

It is the start of the school year and many children are refreshed after the summer holidays. Unfortunately some children are frustrated by learning difficulties or Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). A recent study found something noteworthy: There is an association between headache diagnosis and school achievements. The study, published in Pediatric Nursing, found that learning disabilities and ADHD are more common in children and adolescents who are referred for neurological assessment due to primary headaches than is described in the general pediatric population. Dr. Elliot Shevel, a South African migraine surgery pioneer and the medical director of The Headache Clinic, says the research shows poor to average school academic performance were more prevalent among children with headaches. “We should look deeper at poor performance. It might be more complicated than parents think,” says Shevel. A retrospective review of medical records of children and adolescents who presented with headache to outpatient pediatric neurology clinics during a one year period was done. Demographics, Headache type, attention deficit disorder (ADHD), learning disabilities and academic achievements were assessed. A total of 243 patients met the inclusion criteria and were assessed: 135 (55.6%) females and 108 (44.4%) males. 44% were diagnosed with migraine (35.8% of the males and 64.2% of the females), 47.7% were diagnosed with tension type headache (50.4% of the males and 49.6% of the females). Among patients presenting with headache for the first time, 24% were formerly diagnosed with learning disabilities and 28% were diagnosed with ADHD. When to see a doctor It is crucial that if your headaches persist, you should get to the root of the problem. The longer the headache persists, the more damage will be done to the underlying structures. “A multidisciplinary assessment will need to be done,” is Shevel’s advice. Contact The Headache Clinic for help in this regard.

April 8, 2015
Parenting Hub

The Benefits Of Multi-Sensory Learning

As human beings we rely heavily on our senses to process information. If children use more than one sense when they are playing and engaging with materials they will grasp and retain the concepts being learnt quicker and more easily. In other words young children learn best if they are feeling, seeing, hearing, touching and moving. Using multiple senses allows more cognitive connections and associations to be made with a concept. This means it is more easily accessible to a child as there are more ways the information can be triggered and retrieved from their cognitive learning centre in the brain. Children have different learning styles. There are 3 different types of learners: Visual learners and like bright colours, graphic organisers, highlighting material and fancy pens to scribble with. Auditory learners do well listening to material presented audibly. Kinesthetic learners need to be moving around as they learn – bouncing on the trampoline as they recite their times table, sitting on a pilates ball at a desk to do homework, throwing the ball at a target as they recite spelling words. The movement (no matter how incremental) helps them concentrate and learn. For very young children (under age 8), who have not established their learning style yet, it is important to use a multisensory experience to help children remember and retain information more effectively. The Raising Readers sensory kits were designed by Marian Bailey, a Remedial Therapist & Mom with just that principle in mind. Get in touch with Raising Readers by visiting their website – click here

April 3, 2015
Parenting Hub

Cathay Pacific’s Top Tips For Travelling With Children

As families prepare to board their flights for local and international holidays during the Easter period, Cathay Pacific offers some advice and helpful tips when travelling with children. “Travelling with a small child on a long haul flight may seem like a daunting experience, but if time is spent preparing yourself and your family ahead of your departure, the journey can be less stressful and more manageable for parents,” says Rakesh Raicar, Country Manager, Cathay Pacific, Southern Africa and Indian Ocean. “Time spent with family is precious, and every second counts when the family is together. No one wants their holiday time restricted due to careless planning or an oversight that could have been avoided. Plan an overseas trip well in advance, and don’t avoid preparations for the time you’ll spend on the ground before your flight, and for the flight itself.”   First and foremost, remember that from June 2015, the South African authorities require any adults travelling with minor children to present an unabridged birth certificate for each child, in addition to their passport and other standard travel documents. Keep all your travel documents in one place for easy access. Make sure that you are familiar with the latest hand luggage restrictions at South African airports: Carry-on bag and 1 slim-line laptop bag per economy class passenger No bag should exceed these dimensions: 56cm x 36cm x 23cm Weight limit per bag: 7kg. Hand luggage which exceeds the dimensions mentioned above will have to be checked-in. This could delay you so make sure you abide by the new regulations to avoid a frustrating travel experience. Please note that a woman’s handbag and man’s satchel are exempt from the regulations. Little people love feeling like grownups, so let them pack their own bag (with your supervision) to take on the plane. The bag could hold a few of their favourite toys, as well as a change of clothing, freeing up some space in your own carry-on bag. Try to check in online 48 hours prior to your departure, as this will save you time when you arrive at the airport and will allow you more time to get your children prepared to board the plane. Make sure you pack enough food and snacks to keep your children fed between meal times on the flight. However, Cathay Pacific flights carry a wide range of baby food that is suitable for all ages, so you don’t need to bring a full set of meals for your little one when travelling. You can also order a special meal for your little one 24 hours before your flight with Cathay Pacific. Pack and label any medication that your child requires, and take along a mild analgesic to treat fevers in an emergency. Other basic medical supplies you should take with you include plasters, an antihistamine ointment to treat stings or bites, and a thermometer. If your child has a serious allergy, travel with a card that specifies the allergy in the language of your destination, what they are allergic to and how serious the allergy is. While babies under two years old share a seat with their parents, you can book a bassinet in advance. These are comfortable for babies up to the age of six months, keeping them strapped in safely while they – and you – get some sleep on an overnight flight. If you’re travelling with a toddler, remember that you can keep your pram with you until you board the plane, then ground staff will take it from you to load in the hold. This means that you can still push your little person around the airport between check-in and boarding, saving you from carrying them (or chasing them) around the terminal. If your little one needs to take a break and run around the terminal while you’re waiting to connect to your next flight, write your phone number on their arm so that you can be reached if they slip out of your sight. Some duty free shops may sell a device that clips onto their shoe, leaving a remote tracker in your hands. You can then sound an alarm if you lose track of your child, making it easy to find them. Check with your airline if you can take your regular car seat onto the plane, to add to your child’s in-flight comfort. Cathay Pacific welcomes forward-facing car seats that have a well-defined shell structure and a single three-point harness on many of its flights. This is great news if you’re going to need a car seat when you reach your destination, as you won’t have to hire one from your car-hire company. Take a pack of wet-wipes with you whenever you travel, even if you don’t have children in nappies – they’re great for cleaning up spills, wiping sticky hands and sweaty brows, whether you’re on a plane or out sightseeing. Zip-lock bags are also a great secret for keeping mobile phones safe from rain, for re-packing snacks on day-trips out, and for storing travel-size quantities of toiletry necessities like cotton buds and hair bands. Cathay Pacific has a children’s channel as part of their in-flight entertainment, but there is also a wide variety of tablet computer applications available for children of all ages. While unlimited screen-time is never advised, it’s ok to bend the rules on long-haul flights a little, to keep little ones entertained.  

April 1, 2015
Parenting Hub

School Holidays Don’t Have To Be A Complete Circus!

School’s out and without their usual after-school play dates, sports and activities, how are your kids going to beat the boredom and stay active? Easy, Virgin Active is introducing circus themed activities these Easter holidays. This fun holiday programme will ensure your child is both mentally and physically stimulated. The philosophy behind the successful Club-V and Club-V Max facilities at Virgin Active Health Clubs is that active minds and active bodies translate into happy children. “For Club-V we’ve created a 3-hour programme designed for children ages 3 – 7. We’ll keep them busy with awesome activities, from creative arts, crafts and colouring in activities, to games to get your kids moving and having buckets of fun,” says Catherine Coupar, National Junior Member Manager of Virgin Active.  “For Club-V Max (children ages 3 – 13), kids can look forward to 4 hours of fun that balances mental and physical stimulation.” Why it’s important to get kids to move more Although screen time and technology is an essential part of being a kid in 2015 and beyond an important part of having a well rounded lifestyle is to take some ‘time out’ from sitting at a screen and get active and moving. It’s vital to interact with others, play and exercise … here’s why: Helps to develop strong muscles and bones Controls their weight Lowers their chances of developing type 2 diabetes and other chronic diseases Helps them sleep better Gives them more confidence and a better outlook on life Makes them more mentally alert and improves their likelihood of being academically motivated and successful. ‘Being at the Circus’ activities will be held daily from April 7 to 10 but, in addition to this, Virgin Active is hosting a special family class on 11 April.  It’s the ideal way for moms, dads and kids to spend time together … whether it is an exercise class such as KAOS, TwentyFour Family or a fun Twisty Tales activity, there’s nothing better than getting active as a family. Booking for the ‘circus’ holiday camp experience is essential and on a first come, first served basis, so if you are Virgin Active members, sign your kids up at Club-V or Club-V Max, or chat to a Club-V team member for more information. Club-V and Club-V Max Virgin Active offers two ‘kids’ clubs:  Club-V (6 weeks-7 years) and Club V-Max (6 weeks-13 years) which are dedicated indoor play and activity areas, essentially a ‘mini-club within a club’. The aim is to take a holistic look at keeping children aged up to 13, entertained and active through creative, fun, interactive programmes designed specifically for different stages of their development.  The staff are fully trained in early childhood development and have paediatric first aid training. Check your local club for details on www. virginactive.co.za

March 31, 2015
Parenting Hub

Understanding Temperament

Temperament is defined as an individual’s behavioural style and characteristic way of responding. Therefore, it is how the child, adolescent or adult usually acts and consists of a variety of traits. Parents all over the world will have noticed that, if they have several children, each child is “different”. The differences are usually attributed to the child’s temperament (which some people also refer to as their “personality”). Researchers have paid particular attention to babies where they have noticed that some infants are born with certain characteristics, for instance, some babies are more active and constantly move their little bodies, whilst others are tranquil and yet others explore their environment at great length. In addition, some babies respond warmly to people whilst others fret and fuss. In essence, the suggestion is that individuals are born with a certain temperament which stays relatively the same throughout their lives. Psychiatrists, Stella Thomas and Alexander Chess, believe that there are three basic clusters of temperament namely “easy”, “difficult” and “slow to warm up”. An “easy” baby is generally in a positive mood, establishes regular routines and adapts easily to new experiences. A “difficult” baby has a predisposition to react negatively and cries frequently. Routines that are supposed to be consistent are irregular and the “difficult” baby usually accepts new experiences gradually. A “slow-to-warm up” baby has a low activity level and can be somewhat negative. Low intensity of mood is also common and their ability to adapt is lowered. Various dimensions make up these three basic clusters of temperament namely: Activity level (the degree of energy and/or movement for example, the difference between a child who is constantly on the go, fidgets and squirms in comparison to the child who is able to sit for long periods of time without complaining). Approach or Withdrawal (how new people are approached and situations are managed for example, whether a child is eager to try new things and make new friends or is there a tendency for the child to be cautions and taking their time to warm up to new people). Adaptability to change (the ease to which the child tolerates changes to routines, in other words is the child flexible with the ability to “go with the flow” and is not bothered by changes to his/her routines in comparison to the child who thrives on routine and who would be likely to get distressed when there are changes to his/her routines). Predominant quality of mood (the degree to which the child’s moods and general disposition are either positive or negative, namely are they optimists or pessimists. The child with the positive mood is likely to laugh and smile more readily and easily than the child with the negative mood who is more is likely to cry, whine and complain). Distractibility/Attention Span/Persistence (the degree to which a child can be distracted, for example, is the child easily distracted by many things in his/her environment or is the child able to focus. Persistence implies whether a child perseveres with a task or has a tendency to give up easily). Rhythmicity (the regularity of eating, sleeping etc., therefore does the child have a biological rhythm that is regular and predictable or not). Sensitivity to stimuli (the degree to which a child is sensitive or not. For example is the child sensitive to noise, bright lights, clothing labels and so forth or is he/she able to easily ignore external stimuli). Intensity (the degree to which mood is expressed when happy, unhappy etc. Some children display their emotions without hesitation in other words everybody will know that the child is sad or happy and they will have no difficulty crying in-front of the whole class whilst other children are thoughtful and mild and tend to keep their feelings “inside”). Thomas and Chess further believe that temperament is a stable characteristic of newborns that comes to be shaped and modified by the child’s later experiences in later life. Why is important to take cognisance of children’s temperament? When you take your child to a child psychologist they will probably ask you ‘how your child is like’, in other words what their temperament is. This has a variety of implications for play therapy and parental guidance. The child psychologist will usually work with what suits the individual child and help him or her with the coping resources which will be the most effective for his/her temperament. The child psychologist also works with the parents’ temperament in order to facilitate discipline difficulties etc. Thus, a child who for example falls in the category of expressing their emotions intensely like crying hysterically over something perceived to be relatively small will have different needs to the child who is anxious when meeting new people. How parents and other caregivers react to the aforementioned scenarios will also have implications for the child. In addition, being cognisant of a child’s temperament is also very important when they have to undergo an educational or developmental assessment by a psychologist. Children for example, who are naturally busy (the level of activity) and are very curious (distractibility/attention span) are sometimes diagnosed as having a disorder such as ADD/ADHD when in fact those characteristics are merely part of their temperament. If parents are aware of their child’s temperament they can provide activities that work with their child’s temperament which they will enjoy. A child can also be disciplined in ways that “fit” his/her nature. It is also important for teachers and other caregivers to understand a child’s temperament so that their learning is facilitated by what suits them. Temperament affects all aspects of a child’s life such as how they learn, how they play and how they interact with others and should never be overlooked. Sandton Psychology Centre offers numerous psychological services for children. All assessments are covered including school readiness, educational and developmental evaluations. A career assessment was especially designed for adolescents and adults by the Centre’s Counselling Psychologist, Deane Sutic. Play therapy/child counselling is also offered by our

March 31, 2015
Parenting Hub

The Effects Of Trauma On Children

Unfortunately, trauma is an all too common occurrence in South Africa. Trauma has many different guises and can encompass anything from criminal occurrences (such as muggings, hi-jackings, smash and grabs, house robberies etc.), natural disasters (floods, etc.) or any other unexpected event (such as witnessing or experiencing abuse, being involved in a motor vehicle accident, divorce of parents, having a family member that is ill, etc.). In addition, some children can also experience a secondary traumatization when their school peers for example, undergo a traumatic experience and re-tell the event. If parents are concerned that their child has undergone a trauma they need to be aware of some of the possible signs and symptoms of trauma: Anxiety, manifested by excessive worries and fears especially about the safety of significant others and themselves; Mood changes, such as irritability and whining; Behavioural changes, such as decreased levels of concentration and attention, withdrawal, aggression and over-activity which can adversely affect school performance; Somatic complaints, such as headaches and stomach aches etc.; Increased talk and awareness regarding death and dying; Sensitivity or a startled response to various sounds and noises; Talking about the traumatic event repeatedly as well as recreating the event via play; Regression in younger children, such as ‘wanting to be a baby’ and not performing age appropriate tasks that they were completing before such as eating by themselves, sleeping in their own beds etc. Adverse impact on issues of trust, security and safety; Symptoms of depression, such as lack of interest in usual activities and changes in sleep or appetite and withdrawal; Anger, as well as hateful statements; and Avoidance of people, places, or situations that remind them of the traumatic event. Not all children will experience trauma in the exact same way as well as manifest all the above symptoms as not all circumstances are the same for every child. In addition, children have different personalities and temperaments which affects the way they experience a traumatic event (for example, an anxious child may react differently to a laid back child if they were to experience the same trauma). Moreover, trauma can be subjective in that what is traumatic for one child may not be perceived in the same way by another child, or indeed an adult). If you are concerned about your child with regard to a trauma consult with a child psychologist who will determine the best course of action, such as play therapy or parental guidance to help you assist your child.

March 27, 2015
Parenting Hub

ADHD And The Foods We Eat

ADHD: The most common childhood disease ADHD is the most commonly diagnosed childhood disease and is said to affect approximately 10% of the South African population. It could be present from birth (often not recognised) or early childhood and usually persists into adulthood. It is often undiagnosed in adult, which is an unfortunate oversight, since appropriate treatment helps control symptoms and improves quality of life. The term ADHD denotes Attention Deficit Disorder with &/or without hyperactivity & has been used to describe both ADD and ADHD as well as all aspects of the condition more accurately. ADHD is a chronic condition of the brain that makes it hard for those affected to control their behaviour. According to the American National Institute of Mental Health, two to three times more boys than girls are affected by the disorder and the reason for this is uncertain. Problems generally associated with ADHD include inattention, hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour. This can affects nearly all aspects of life. How can I tell if my child has ADHD? Most specialists believe that a child shouldn’t receive a diagnosis of ADHD unless the core symptoms of ADHD appear early in life and create significant problems at home and at school on an ongoing basis. Ideally ADHD should be assessed and diagnosed by a multi-disciplinary team. As there is no proven diagnostic test for ADHD at this time, a clinical diagnosis is usually made by a paediatrician based on specific criteria. It is a process that involves several steps and it requires information on behaviour. Information is required form parents, teachers, carers, health professionals for an official diagnosis to be made. In most children with ADHD, a diagnosis are made from the age of 5 – 7 years (formative school-going age), although some of the symptoms could be present from birth. These symptoms must significantly affect a child’s ability to function in at least two areas of life – typically at school and at home. It is important that the symptoms, be present for a period of more than six months in all situations. This helps ensure that the problem isn’t with only a particular teacher or with their parents. Most children with ADHD don’t have all the signs and symptoms of the disorder, and they may be different in boys and girls. Boys are often more likely to be hyperactive and girls tend to be inattentive. In addition, girls who have trouble paying attention often daydream, but inattentive boys are more likely to play or fiddle aimlessly. Boys also tend to be less compliant with teachers and other adults, so their behaviour is often more conspicuous. What causes ADHD? Parents often blame themselves when a child has been diagnosed with ADHD. However, the cause of ADHD is at present still unknown. Experts are investigating a number of genetic and environmental causative factors – some of these theories have led to dead ends, some to exciting new avenues: Altered brain function & anatomy: There is an imbalance of certain neurotransmitters or poor nerve communication and transport in certain parts of the brain. Genetics (70-80% of cases): There is great deal of evidence that ADHD runs in families and if one person in a family is diagnosed with ADHD there is a 25-35% probability that another family member also has ADHD. Exposure to toxins such as cigarettes and alcohol during pregnancy, high levels of lead in the bodies of children. Brain injury: only small percentage of children with ADHD has been found to have suffered from traumatic brain injury. There is no clear answer! What we do know is that ADHD is a condition of the brain, likely caused by unknown factors which influence nerve communication and transport in certain parts of the brain, which has a strong genetic basis. Common misconceptions:  Food additives and sugar has long been controversial. Some research suggests that artificial colourings and preservatives may be associated with hyperactivity in children. But an association is not the same as a proven “cause-effect” relationship. There is no proof that food additives cause ADHD. Poor parenting, family problems, excessive TV watching, poor teachers and schools, food allergies or excessive sugar intake are not thought to cause ADHD. These environmental factors may contribute and worsen ADHD symptoms though but are not the cause. How is ADHD treated? Optimal treatment is still a matter of debate and every family wants to determine what treatments will be the most effective. It is thought that lifestyle can either reduce or strongly exaggerate symptoms of ADHD. Clinical experience has shown that the most effective treatment for ADHD is a combination of: Medication, when necessary Dietary intervention The correct supplementation of vitamins and minerals Exercise Therapy and counselling to learn coping skills and adaptive behaviours Medication  There is a wide range of medications available, the most common being Ritalin, Dexedrine, Adderall, Concerta. Medication does not cure ADHD. The role of medication is to control the symptoms when taken and works effectively in 70% of ADHD cases. Each medication has its negatives. The most likely side-effects include reduced appetite, corresponding weight loss, headaches, nervousness, irritability, tummy aches, nausea & vomiting, sleep disturbances. It is found that 30% of cases don’t respond or do not tolerate prescribed medication for ADHD. In these cases there is no other option then to opt for dietary treatment. Diet and ADHD Each child requires an individual approach. Helping a child with ADHD is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle. Puzzle pieces might include low iron status, poor diet, essential fatty acid deficiencies, magnesium deficiency, zinc deficiency, sensitivity to food stuffs such as artificial colourants, flavourants and preservatives. Remember each child is a unique puzzle with different puzzle pieces. It is therefore essential to consult a dietitian specialising in the field. Diet in itself does not cause ADHD but can worsen the symptoms. Diet modification however does play a major role in the management of ADHD and the associated symptoms. When dietary changes are made the results could

March 26, 2015
Parenting Hub

Values, Discipline & Respectful Communication

Every child, just like every adult has a set of values, a hierarchy of things that are from most to least important to them. With children under 10, their highest value will usually have something to do with play, although this will differ from child to child. For example, one may like playing with dinosaurs and another with dolls and another may like playing ball games. Once they reach the 10-20 age range their values will normally shift to be around socialising, and again specific to each individual child.  Every one of us, regardless of our age is inspired to do things linked to our highest values. These are the things that we don’t need to be motivated from outside to do – that we just do without being reminded, they are the things that we enjoy, that give us energy, that we do with enthusiasm. We also feel heard, understood and loved when someone else acknowledges our values, and we feel hurt, misunderstood and unloved when our values are challenged. Most of what parents call disciplining their children is trying to get the kids to live within their values, not understanding that a child has their own set of values that do not necessarily match those of the parent. Every person has a set of values that are fingerprint specific to them, so your child’s values, even if similar to yours, will never be exactly the same. Now, I’m not talking about values as in social idealisms, like honesty or trust or dependability. I’m talking about things that are genuinely important to you in your life as it currently stands. So, a mother may have her children as her highest priority, followed by her career and then socialising. The father may have finances, then spirituality and then knowledge as his priorities. And each child will have their own list of things that are important to them. If we understand and respect each other’s values, instead of trying to force our own onto the other members of the family, then we open up a new level of communication and respect where discipline can be completely redefined. We will never need to bribe or punish a child to do or not do something if they can see how doing or not doing it is helping them to fulfil their highest values. For example, my daughter has dinosaurs as her highest value. She is intrinsically inspired to learn about, read about and play with dinosaurs. So if I want her to come and bath (I have a higher value on cleanliness than she does) then instead of fighting with her and insisting that bathing is good for her because I say it is (imposing my values into her) I simply say, “Hey Kai, I heard a rumour that there are some glow in the dark dinosaurs getting up to no good in the tub, just waiting for you to come and play with them”. You can spend an hour of shouting and bribing and insisting that a child get in the bath when they don’t want to, or you can appeal to their values and have them actually enjoy doing what you want them to do. It is worth finding out what your children’s values are, as you will need to communicate differently with every child as every child is a unique individual with a unique set of values. Respect their values, link what’s important to you to what’s important to them and you have respectful communication rather than discipline.

March 19, 2015
Parenting Hub

Your Guide To Making Blended Families Work

Do you fear that you’ve become the evil step-monster? It’s so easy to feel like that, especially with blended families becoming the societal norm. Telling a child what to do, especially when they are not your own, can be tricky business. Yes, children are the gifts that keep giving, but let’s not joke: they can also be crafty little critters and can sometimes put serious strain on a marriage. When two families come together, things don’t often run smoothly. Between children resisting change, the parents trying to accommodate different personalities and rotating between two different households at any given time, things can become extremely rough. Some things you may consider when trying to blend families: Planning for your blended family: Everything needs planning – absolutely everything. When you and your partner decide to merge your two families, keep in mind that things don’t always go smoothly. Respect is earned, not demanded. Step-sibling relationships can be particularly sticky, especially when alliances are formed. Plan for bonding sessions and make your new family get to know each other. Lay foundations and set boundaries: Children do best when routine is not disrupted. To this end, one should strive to keep life as normal as possible, and this is done by laying foundations and setting boundaries. Remember that too much change at once can unsettle children. Find ways that all of you can maintain your routines. Don’t allow ultimatums or manipulation to happen, as this is a dangerous foundation to lay. Conversely, don’t be too harsh – after all, the “you’re not my real mom” argument is infamous for a reason. Also try to limit expectations – you shouldn’t expect to fall in love with other children instantly (and vice versa). These things take time. Keep all parents involved at all times: So as not to “step on anyone’s toes” you should strive to maintain a good relationship with your ex, and encourage your new partner to do the same. Ex spouses respect being kept in the loop when it comes to their children, and the kids benefit when there is no animosity between the various parents. In some cases, this can certainly be a very difficult thing to maintain, but civility is free. Court battles, on the other hand, are not. According to helpguide.org, the following should be observed: Listen respectfully to one another Address conflict positively Establish an open and non-judgmental atmosphere Do things together – games, sports, activities Show affection to one another comfortably If you are struggling to keep the family together, it may be a good idea to consult with a professional and get some advice on a way forward. It’s not always easy to keep everyone happy, and sometimes you just need a bit of assistance. If a child is expressing particularly excessive anger towards a parent or step parent, if favouring starts to happen and alliances get formed, or members of the family openly avoid each other, seek advice from a psychologist dealing with family matters.

March 13, 2015
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