Parenting - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Preserving Family Memories

Life should be about acknowledging the past, enjoying the present and preparing for the future. By balancing the three we’re able to live happier and better-rounded lives. Children who have love linking the past, the present and the future are better equipped for success, as their sense of belonging is higher. Looking back on your past, what keepsakes do you have that’ll trigger reminders of the good times? What about the present? How do you track your life? And the future, what are you doing to prepare for it? Much of our past is lost, damaged or nonexistent. Sometimes if we have a few memorabilia, they are often out of sight and out of mind. Wouldn’t it be rewarding to pull out records of who we were and what we were about to showcase to our children? Wouldn’t this offer them an overview of our lives and provide them with a better sense of belonging? They might even be intrigued by our own legacy, don’t you think? Let’s deal with the present: Most of our households have childhood memories stashed randomly all over the house. Have you ever thought of how much space you waste? Have you considered how time consuming it can be searching for that particular art, or the book of photos you put somewhere? In search of a particular memory, you might even come across a precious keepsake you had long forgotten about. Doesn’t this indicate some sort of chaos? If you’re like most parents you have your children’s certificates, photos and art squashed into sleeves that are in most cases small and inadequate. Sometimes boxes fill up with larger art and assorted mementos. Does this sound familiar? Have you haphazardly placed various precious items into the box only to realise that you seldom get a chance to look through these treasures? Isn’t it a pain sifting through rumbled layers of differently sized paintings, projects and photos only to be confused with which year they actually belong because they haven’t been dated? Also, what may have once been in some sort of chronological order gets shuffled each time you go through your treasure box or top shelf, becoming a disorganised mess, right? Time consuming and frustrating isn’t it? Have you noticed how dogs’ ears start forming and paper starts to crinkle? These are signs of damage. What about kid’s art and projects that have been folded in half because you just don’t have a place big enough to put them? If you’re not experiencing any of this yet it could be because your children are still very small. If this is you, think for a minute where you’ve put your child’s ante natal scans, birth certificate or clinic card; how about the going home outfit, first set of booties or even your baby record book, photos or videos. With a jumble of life’s irreplaceable moments fragmented all over the place, do you know what you’ve stored and where? Also how often do you actually go through thousands of digital photos? Isn’t the idea of taking photos and videos to capture moments to jog our memories and reminisce about milestones, families, friends, achievements, events and days gone by? In a world where technology has taken over we often miss the opportunities to sit down, pause and ponder the essence of life. Due to our busy lifestyles don’t our families often experience levels of disconnect? Aren’t our children our everything? By effectively preserving their precious memories and mementos we can ensure that each stage of their life is well connected. A child that can look back in their past, nourishes the way they perform in the present and ultimately helps them to excel moving forward. Being able to track life successes equips each individual with a proud sense of achievement, uplifting their self-esteem and propelling them to outshine their last performance. We can further provide our children with a proud sense of belonging by capturing their life experiences in a way that can be shared and enjoyed regularly with family and friends. Combine this love and support with assorted childhood art, photos, achievements, projects,digital memories and you’ll enjoy a happier and more confident child in return. You’re invited to explore a revolutionary patented all-in-one system. MY FILE ABOUT ME preserves and displays all precious memories, art, photos and achievements together. This ultra-simple approach to memory keeping is ridiculously quick to put together and easy to use. No cutting or gluing is required plus it will save you so much space and time! When you own MY FILE ABOUT ME you’ll love how neat, tidy and organised it is. So effective, you’ll enjoy a year-by-year story beautifully laid out. Totally customisable, MY FILE ABOUT ME focuses around the needs and strengths of each individual child. From pregnancy throughout school and beyond you can record just one stage, a select few or include them all. Designed to grow together with your child, you can refill and expand your kit to your heart’s desire. Built to stand the test of time: How would you like to create a legacy of your child to pass down his/her complete childhood story from generation to generation?

March 17, 2016

When Affairs Happen….

I hear this story too often with the couples I work with. It goes something like this… “I don’t understand how my partner could’ve cheated on me?! We have a family and yes we’ve had our ups and downs but we’ve been going through a good patch lately.” I thought things were ok?!” What people don’t realise is that affairs happen over time not overnight. You don’t wake up in the morning and decide today I’m going to have an affair and pick the first person that happens to cross your path. Affairs happen as a result of the relationship waning and that also happens over time, not overnight. As couples move through their relationship cycle the dynamics of their relationship changes. They get caught up in the daily grind of chores, life and juggling the many balls we have in the air such as paying bills, parenting, work pressures, family responsibilities and more. Our relationship takes a back seat as a result of this and we stop connecting and communicating with each other on a deeper and meaningful level because we are too tired, too stressed, too self absorbed in doing what needs to be done. We stop appreciating our partner, and the effort we used to make in the early stages of the relationship has all but faded. The consequences being that we take very little heed of our partner and their needs leaving them feeling unloved, unappreciated, not valued, unimportant or even invisible. The more this happens, the more couples find themselves in a spiral of withdraw, attack, defend, combined with small glimpses of what once was and so the cycle repeats itself. Often. Over time we let things slide and work ourselves into a toxic cycle of blaming, shaming and fault finding. Emotions are on high alert as we tip toe around each other hoping not to rock the boat yet again but rather keep the peace for as long as possible. Invariable this is short lived leaving each other feeling resentful, hurt and betrayed on various levels with our emotional needs not being met. If not dealt with, the cycle can become destructive and ultimately result in the breakdown of the relationship. It’s at this point that a 3rd party comes into the picture and when affairs happen….. One gets to the lowest point of craving an emotional connection with their partner yet it is not forthcoming. This is not necessarily because the other is unwilling, but because both are so caught up in the destructive spiral it’s very hard to connect in a loving, caring manner. The 3rd party, who could be a friend, a colleague, an acquaintance… offers some kind of comfort, perhaps even listens and offers advice or reasoning. A seemingly safe place where the other does not have to be on their guard all the time, they don’t get criticised or constantly feel attacked. It is a safe space where the gloves are off and someone is actually paying them attention, showing care and concern and is interested in them. The very things they crave from their partner. Just as the original couple met, spent time together, connected and had fun, so too does the same begin to happen with the 3rd party. Over time this new ‘relationship’ starts taking shape until that point where boundaries are crossed and an affair begins. Can couples come back from an affair? Absolutely they can – if they are both prepared to do what it takes. Couples co-create the situation to begin with and are equally responsible for coming back from an affair. It takes hard work on both sides but it is not impossible and can even be a catalyst for a stronger bond than before. Couples need to ask themselves some hard questions when they are on the brink deciding whether to continue or walk away: You need to be completely honest with yourself and rate the following (0 = low and 10 = high): How badly do you want to fix/save this relationship? What is your level of commitment to the process? How willing are you to start doing/stop doing things to improve your relationship? How soon are you prepared to start the process? Once couples have answered these questions, anything above a level 6 is workable. Where the ratings are 6 and less, it will take a lot more work and effort but it’s not impossible. At the end of the day any relationship is salvageable if the couple wants it badly enough. If a couple does decide to work on their relationship below are some things they need to apply as part of the healing and growing process: Each one needs to take a step back from the toxic spiral and see the bigger picture of what once was. The love that once was there is still there, it’s just been overshadowed by the negative. Love doesn’t walk away – people do Both need to work hard at overcoming the feelings of being threatened, betrayed, or rejected and rather focus on the real issues that result in these feelings Both are responsible for creating safety so each one can risk speaking vulnerably from his or her heart as to how they are feeling and what they need from each other We all love differently, allow yourself to be vulnerable with your partner and to ask for the love and understanding you desire. When one’s love tank is full, it’s highly likely they will give love in return Learn how to respond to your partner’s attempts to reach out and connect with you with openness and encouragement instead of shutting down or shutting them out Only when your partner feels safe and that you really want to listen and understand rather than attack, dismiss, or belittle his or her feelings, will he or she risk opening up about more vulnerable feelings and needs. This is where intimacy and connection is created. When there is a deep connection with each

March 17, 2016

The Importance of Rhyming

Having just had the wonderful opportunity to see Julia Donaldson live presenting her show “the Gruffalo”, again emphasised the importance of rhyming. Julia has a wonderful way of writing the most delightful books which all children love. They are easy and fun to read and the wonderful use of rhyme makes you want to break out into song! Which is exactly what Julia did! Did you know that her first book “a Squash and a Squeeze” originated from a song and then became a book? I still have that song in my head. Why is rhyming so important you say? Well, think about it, if you can make a rhyme about something doesn’t it make it easier to remember? Yes, of course it does! I’m sure you can remember making up rhymes in school as part of your study skills to help you to remember the work? This is perhaps more relevant in the senior primary child’s life but for the younger child the reason why rhyming is so important is because the children learn to differentiate between different sounds by hearing the phonetic differences and similarities in words. It helps children to break words into smaller parts and to recognise smaller parts in words. These skills are important for reading and writing. Songs and rhymes also teach children how to use expression which is also important when learning to read. Rhyming also helps children to predict the story and gives them decoding skills. Children who struggle with reading often find it difficult to break words down into their individual sounds. Thus, rhyming is a very helpful tool to improve their phonemic awareness skills. An easy way to enrich your children is to read them nursery rhymes when they are little and to continue with lovely picture books that rhyme such as the Julia Donaldson books. Children love to rhyme and it can be done incidentally, while you are driving in the car, are at the shops or taking a walk in the park. Children love to do it and often make up the silliest rhymes, but learning should be fun, so let it be.

March 16, 2016

Know Your Values, Make Better Decisions

Ever made a decision and you felt a little unsettled by it or can’t understand why you don’t feel comfortable in your workplace? It could be because where your values are concerned there is a mismatch. What do I mean by this? Every person has a set of values, that we know, however what we often don’t realise is that: We are not always consciously aware what our values are Values change over time When we are consciously aware of our values we make better decisions When we are uncomfortable in the workplace it is often because what is on the wall, neatly framed as the company values and what happens in practice are not one and the same So what are values? Values can be defined as the principles or standards of behaviour, one’s judgement of what is important in life, effectively your internalised rules. As kids we are raised within a certain set of values. Some of these we internalise as our own, some we rebel against. The same applies as we mature, what was important to you in your 20’s usually changes with age and life experiences both positive and negative. The glitch is when we are not consciously aware of, what our values are. Most people don’t think of sitting down every now and then and taking stock of where they are or completing an exercise which allows them to be conscious of their values. Being consciously aware of your values allows for the following: When you make decisions that affect your life, you use your values as a tick list ensuring that your decision is congruent with who you are. It is as simple and as complex as that. The complexity is because in every situation we find ourselves in; external factors often play too important a role in our decisions. Let me give you an example: In my previous career I was an HR Professional. Now one of my top 3 values has always been Integrity. For me Integrity is not negotiable. In HR you often have to balance the needs and demands of the company versus the needs and demands of the staff. Fortunately much of what I had to deal with is very neatly encapsulated in various pieces of legislation. The problem for me would be when directors choose to ignore legislation because it does not suite them. To me contracting outside of the law or infringing on rights is not negotiable. The result of this is a very uncomfortable working relationship. The solution, moving on, why, because staying meant having to follow through with actions that were to me unacceptable. It eats away at you. It can even cause illness. Working in an environment that clashes with your values saps you of energy. The constant internal conflict creates a very unhealthy state of being. This is where you have to make a choice, either you acknowledge the clash of values and work around that or you find somewhere else to work. I would suggest the latter. Value clashes is something we deal with everyday, it’s what causes most of the problems in relationships and I believe in our society as a whole. Why? Because people often do not respect the fact that everyone around them has a different value structure. Most people are not even aware of the fact. Judgements and assumptions are made. It becomes a vicious circle of misunderstandings. Now that is all fine and well. You don’t want to be one of those people, so where do you start? By knowing what you top 5 values are. Yes do probably have more, however, when you start focusing on too many decision making becomes a little complex. Knowing your values also allows you to take a look at where your life is going. For example. You might find that were you are right now you are in debt. Money may not be one of your values, and that is fine, however, it may be a good idea to consciously make it one of your values so that you can be more aware of your financial position and get rid of your debt in a planned manner. To help you along, I have created an exercise for you. Yes, it is a little time consuming, yet once done you will feel that you have achieved something worth while. Now that you are consciously aware of what your values are, use them to make better decisions. Complete this exercise at least once a year, more often if you have a life changing event. Download this month’s exercise by clicking the link below CLICK HER to view this weeks exercise – Know Your Values exercise

March 11, 2016

How Parents Can Support Early Childhood Development

Research shows children who have parents who are actively engaged in their educational lives, do better. This is especially true when talking about early childhood education. Yet many parents have no idea of how to get involved. As a parent development specialist and a person well versed in Early childhood , I think there are 3 ways parents with a young child should be involved with their child’s education. 1) Be willing to learn about and understand the difference in the way young children and older children learn. 2) Ask about ways you can help and support children’s learning at home and do them. 3) Make time to volunteer in the centre in the ways they need you to be involved. ~Be willing to learn about the difference in how younger and older children learn Young children learn by actively observing and then acting out what they see. Young children from age six months to five years watch, listen, and learn. Children are natural observers. However, children really begin to learn as they act out their observations. We in early childhood call this acting out play. Many parents not understanding the difference between acting out observations and play for enjoyment tend to see early education as “just playing”. The truth is your child is learning through acting out a variety of situations they have observed over their young years. Early educators use observations, knowledge of child development, and open ended questions to help children link their observations with the skills they need to prepare for life and school. Older children who can think, talk, read, and interact with others use those skills to learn and play becomes a chance to unwind. Play no longer is the primary tool for learning. Older children have developed other skills they use for learning. ~ Ask about ways you can support your child’s learning at home and do them Early childhood learning involves discovery, pre–skills, and learning from the world. Teachers use the classroom setting to help children learn and grow. Parents can also do activities with their young children which can promote discovery, curiosity, and observation. Making cookies, jello, and cakes can help children to observe changes which are made by adding cold or heat. Asking open ended questions can help children make the observations. Example: when we put the jello in the refrigerator we could pour it like water now we can’t. Why do you think that happened? Your child’s teacher will have more suggestions for you. Remember when you do them with your children you are supporting their growth and development. ~Make time to volunteer at your child’s centre in the way they need you to be involved Every child care centre needs volunteers for things to run smoothly. Sometimes they need someone to help kids into jackets to go outside. Or they may need you to help serve lunch or snack. Sometimes you could be asked to help to decide on a committee which effects the whole centre. For instance, you may sit on a playground committee deciding to resurface the ground. Please give your full attention no matter the task and you will not only be appreciated. You will become a part on the centres’ community. This is ultimately your goal. Parents are a vital part of whole education process. Using these three suggestions as your starting point will help you to begin engaging in your child’s educational growth.

March 10, 2016

Installing Discipline In Your Child Through Play

Children are wonderful human beings, flexible in the way they are taught what is right from wrong and so dependent on the guidance of a figure which they trust and respect. The ultimate foundation you can lay for a child is leading by example and not forcing a child to do anything he or she does not want to do, may it be a sport, a chore around the house or even going to the mall with you. Only leading by example is what you can do, because if you force a child to do something he/she does not want to do willingly, they may hate it for the rest of their lives or even blame you for it. The key to willing submissiveness can be installed through play, children enjoy playing and they thrive best where they are comfortable and in their happy zone. Some children may have stronger resistance to listening or doing what you want them to do, but each child’s temperament and character is different and should be honed into to get the results the child feels happy with and they feel they can be themselves without any unnecessary pressure or competition. The environment the child grows up in or surrounds him/herself with, is an important component in their growth and development. If your child attends a pre-school, and spends most of their time there, they should feel save, comforted and stimulated. The teachers should lead by example, because that is the authoritative figure the child interacts with on a daily basis and if possible, the same manners should be installed at home and at school, not to confuse the child and for the discipline to be congruent. At home, there may be a single parent or more, the dynamics of a family plays a vital role in how the child reacts to or re-enacts to a certain situation. He/she may be acting rebellious towards a certain parent and to the other totally submissive. The reason for that kind of reaction could be because they feel save with a certain way of authority/discipline and the situation is predictable and boundaries are visible throughout the discipline process. When you perceive that you child is acting up or being difficult, perhaps re-position yourself to their level and become one with their child-like way of interaction and playfulness. They will soon realise that a paradigm shift has taken place and they may automatically feel much calmer and open to what you have to say or demonstrate. Providing age appropriate play and stimulation to your child is imperative to how they understand and perceive what is right from wrong and which boundaries could occasionally be crossed without a harsh scolding or smothering their every move. If you and your child are in a battle to find a midpoint where both feel frustrated and guilty most of the time, feel free to make an appointment for a healthy mediation session.

March 9, 2016

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Many of my clients ask me “How do other couples manage to have happy relationships?” thinking that they are the only ones in this world that are at loggerheads with their partner. My answer is simple: There is no such thing as the perfect person or perfect relationship. Rather, it’s how perfect can you be for each other and for the benefit of your relationship? Those couples that you think have it all together or have the fairytale relationship have learnt how to deal with the ups and downs, or what I call ‘speed bumps’, in a healthy constructive way. No two individuals are the same. We have different upbringings which influence and shape us into the person we become as an adult and determine the type of relationships we forge with others. This includes elements such as culture, spirituality, beliefs, emotional awareness, values and outlooks on life and more. Couples need to have real honest discussions up front at the beginning of their relationship in order to avoid surprises later. These discussions need to include topics such as: values, beliefs, spirituality, parenting, financial matters, household chores, career aspirations and life goals. This helps to manage the expectations we have from our partners in that they need to take care of our every need and desire and make us happy. They do not. Happiness comes from within. Yes we can help others grow and learn but ultimately we are responsible for our own happiness. If couples do not keep the connection going through communication, spending quality time together, establishing relationship boundaries, working towards common goals and having respect for each other and their relationship, over time there will be no relationship. Every couple experiences speed bumps, it’s normal as your relationship progresses through the different phases of the relationship cycle. As you settle into your relationship you both grow and evolve as individuals and so too does your relationship. Emotional intelligence is integral to having healthy relationships. Having the capacity to understand, manage and verbally express your feelings with your partner is invaluable and key to your relationship success. The good news is these skills can be learned, but if the person you’re with has no interest in developing their emotional intelligence, it will be a bumpy road. Society has stereotyped many of us in to not expressing (let alone acknowledge) our emotions. Particularly men and boys, they are taught to suppress and avoid feelings through labels such as ‘cowboys don’t cry’ and ‘men are supposed to be tough’. Often men withdraw because they are overwhelmed by emotions and don’t know how to talk about them or how to soothe themselves. They withdraw in order to get away from what they are experiencing and what they are feeling. It always amazes me how we are prepared to invest so much time, effort, energy and resources into areas of our lives such as the car we drive, the house we live in, our career and material assets. Yet we don’t think much further than our wedding day as to what it takes to sustain a relationship and only grudgingly invest when the divorce courts are looming…. So what are some of the ways that couples succeed at their relationships? They understand that communication is the key to a successful relationship They accept that relationships involve work and are prepared to do what it takes for the benefit of each other and their relationship They are willing to accept another person for who they are; their views and opinions even if they don’t agree with it They accept that some problems will never be resolved and would rather focus on the good stuff They’re willing to put someone else’s interests before their own and see a different perspective They’re willing to work through the challenges and find a win-win outcome They’re not looking for someone else to complete them, they are already comfortable with who they are as an individual They’ve realised that no one is perfect, not even them They are ready to be real and vulnerable with someone else They’re not prepared to quite or give up each time they hit a speed bump It’s the small steps you take each day that lead to your success in the long term. Everyone can have a happy relationship if they are prepared to do what it takes.

March 3, 2016

Who Can Discipline My Child?

The older our children get, the more they interact with the world at large. And the more they interact with other people out there, the more likely they are to run into other people’s rules and values. So is it ok for someone else to discipline your child? And what should you do if you don’t like how they do that? Well, whether your like it or not, other people are going to react when your children challenge their values or push buttons on their own unresolved stuff. This is neither good not bad – Children will learn that everyone has their limits and they will learn about the natural consequences of interaction with other human beings. Every household will have it’s own rules based on the values of the people living there. This is part of learning how to socialise – seeing that other people have different values and ways of being can help a child to broaden their horizons and see different perspectives. And the same goes for having other people’s kids over to your home – if someone else’s child seriously challenges your values or pushes your own unresolved buttons, you are likely to react whether you want to or not. And obviously if a child is harming you or your child you need to intervene. I think it is totally appropriate to discuss the ground rules of your home with a visiting child or his/her parents. This way everyone is clear from the outset of what is ok or not in your home. It may help to remember that with children under 10 it is most likely that their highest value is around play. Keep the kids busy with good games and suggest new ones when tensions rise or boredom sets in and they shouldn’t get up to too much nonsense! If you disagree with the rules laid out in someone else’s home or even at school, I would simply discuss this with your child as a way of pointing out that other people have different rules based on what is important to them and based on different situations. This is normal, and it does not mean that the same things will be allowed (or not allowed) at home. Obviously if someone handles discipline in a traumatic or degrading way, you will need to address this and/or keep your child away from these people in future. Handling this appropriately comes down to your confidence as a parent and as a human being. You need to learn to speak up for yourself and speak up for your kids. You have every right as a parent to be specific as to how you want your child to be treated. It may help to find out what triggered the discipline in the first place. If you can figure out what boundary was crossed or what value was challenged, you may be able to explain both to your child and the offending adult what just happened and how it can be avoided in future without the need for discipline. It is all about open and respectful communication. An adult who feels that they have been heard and understood is more likely to listen to your alternatives. The other place that you may need to address other people disciplining your kids is at home with your domestic helper, nanny or au pair. It is important to discuss with your nanny what you have decided as a family are the boundaries and allow her to follow through with this. The one thing I would add would be that the nanny should also have the right to her own boundaries and to be treated with respect. I have seen many children speaking abusively to a nanny with the parents watching on and not intervening. Children in these situations will learn to treat some people as less important than others and not to treat all people with respect simply by virtue of them being human. Your children do need to branch out from home and learn to cope in a world where you will not always be there to step in for them, and where the rules are not always going to be the ones that you have agreed upon as a family. This is an important part of their growth and socialisation, and unless it is abusive, it’s time for you to take a nice deep breath and let them go forth and learn!

March 3, 2016

Why do children insist on defying their parents?

Our children as wonderful as they are, aren’t exactly obedient all of the time. Suddenly your child may be refusing or blatantly ignoring your requests for them to do something. The good news is that this is all normal, as frustrating as it is, it is normal for your child to test the boundaries. As your child matures and learns more about the world around them, the development of their own opinions about relationships and rules is starts to form. As parents you are able to show your child that instead of you being part of the problem, that you are actually on their side all the time. You can do this by being kind but firm in your requests. If your child has a problem abiding by requests, talk the situation out and try get to the bottom of your child’s defiance. Reinforcing good behaviour means teaching your child how to control themselves and rewarding through positive comments or appreciation. This includes empowering your child to gain and strut their own independence. Get your child involved in picking the evenings meal for example. This does not teach your child that he or she is running the house but rather shows them that you respect and value their opinion and enjoy them being part of the household. Essentially, everyone is going to butt heads at some point and especially when your child is trying to figure out their place in the world. This also needn’t be a terrible time in household, through the respecting of each others opinions and boundaries a harmonious environment can continue. Here are some ideas on how you can deal with your children and this new stage in their development. Acknowledge their anger – If you child is flooded with emotion, acknowledge their feelings. Put yourself in their shoes. Can you remember how strong your own anger was at that age? It’s too easy to dismiss their reasons for rage as being teenage and silly. Stay connected – Try to get some special time with each of your children if nothing more than just to talk about life in general. By volunteering information about your own adolescence it can help them to understand how growing up has always been difficult. You don’t have to be liked – Many parents are desperate to be popular with their kids, you are not there to only be your child’s friend but rather to guide them to make the right decisions in life. Negotiate trade-offs – These allow you to let go gradually and provide your child with an increase in independence. Parents who try and keep their teenagers as dependent as they were when they were smaller will come into conflict with their children. Communicate any way that you can – Times have changed, which means that so have the ways in which your children communicate. Allow them the opportunity to use text messages to talk to you about something that is on their mind. Forget about the means that they are using to do this and focus on the fact that you would rather know what is going on and if your assistance is needed. (reference babycentre.com)

February 25, 2016

When your older child acts out over new sibling

The behavior of our 2 year old has changed drastically since we brought our new baby home a few months ago. He’s been hitting us and having enormous meltdowns. We’re afraid he’s going to eventually hit his baby sister. What do we do?! Chances are real good that your 2 year old son may be suffering from what’s known as “dethronement.” For the last 2 years he’s been the center of your attention and the apple of your eye, but now you’ve brought home another child and he’s probably trying to let you know how he feels about this new addition to the family and he’s feeling “dethroned.” Often times in my seminars I address the issue of dethronement by asking all the women in the audience to close their eyes for just a moment and make believe that their husband arrives home one day with another wife. She is younger and cuter than they are and he asks them to share their jewelry, kitchenware, and other items with the new wife. This immediately invokes laughter and growling from the audience. I then ask them what they would feel like doing to the new wife. As you can imagine, the responses I get are not very nice! It’s not much different for a toddler or preschooler, or even an older child for that matter, who are suddenly asked to share their parents with a new child. It’s normal for them to have this feeling of fear that there is only so much of Mommy and/or Daddy to go around, so I had better get all that I can before my siblings do. This can create many new behaviors in the first child, such as hitting, frustration meltdowns, anger, and revenge. Some children may even revert to becoming a baby once again to regain the attention they once had; with baby talk, wetting their pants, or even asking to wear a diaper. A common behavior in young children is the one you brought up in your question; hitting the parent. First let me encourage you to not take it personally and simply see it as your child being mad at you. They have not yet grasped the ability to communicate their emotions effectively to others, and quite frankly, I know of many adults who haven’t mastered this either. Have you ever noticed how sometimes doors are slammed, dishes are placed on surfaces with greater force, and footsteps are heavier than normal, all for the benefit of someone nearby to let them know how mad we are at them. A young child hitting a parent is their way of saying “I’m mad at you,” or “I don’t like how things are going right now!” The first step is to talk to the child when they are NOT hitting and set up the boundary. Get down to their eye level and remind them of the most recent hitting incident, and let them know that hitting is not OK. Tell them that if they feel mad and feel like they want to hit, give them permission to hit an inanimate object such as a pillow. One mother I know even took her 3 year old on a special shopping trip just to buy a “hitting pillow”. They brought the pillow home and decorated it together with a bulls eye mark. Next, role play with the child when they are in a great mood so they will know what to do the next time they are feeling mad. The message you want to send is that it is OK to be mad but it is NOT OK to hit. Now that you’ve done the setup for the situation, the next time the child acts out and begins to hit you, tell them that you can see that they are mad and are not allowed to hit you. Gently guide them to the hitting pillow or bring it to them and allow them to take their frustration out on the hitting object. This may take a few times for them to get the message and learn a new behavior, so be patient and loving all the while. To truly heal your child from feeling dethroned, find some creative tasks or new responsibilities for them to feel more like a big brother or big sister to the new sibling. Look for possibilities for the older child to have special responsibilities that only they can do. Many years ago at a parenting workshop, I suggested to one young lady the idea of teaching her 3 year old son to become the “Diaper Bag King.” Within the first 3 months of bringing home the new baby, she noticed that his “meltdowns” of frustration began to grow and it seemed to occur most often when she was busy getting the baby ready to go somewhere. Following my suggestion, she took him shopping alone one day and allowed him to buy his own diaper bag. Then she stopped to have lunch with him at Burger King, for the main reason of getting that paper crown that is given out to children. When she arrived at home she explained to him that he would have a new job in the family and taught him how to pack the diaper bag with supplies for his baby sister. For the next several days she role played with him the new routine each day. They would pretend that it was time to go somewhere with the baby, she would call out loud for him to hear, “It’s time for the diaper bag king.” His instructions were to put on his shoes and coat, put on the crown, pack the diaper bag, and then wait by the door. All week long he dragged the bag around, begging to go somewhere with the paper crown on his head. The day arrived for a real trip across town and she told me he exploded with excitement. He became more cooperative and the meltdowns stopped!

February 25, 2016

What Is In A Name?

Well if you look at all the baby naming sites it can tell you what type of person your baby will be, what colours they will like blah blah. I believe that your personality is not decided by the name someone else gives you, but I also believe that deciding on a name should not be taken lightly. It can be a daunting task to select a baby name and I would like to suggest a few methods that I found very helpful. Don’t be selfish. You might not be happy with your own name and as such you might have the inclination to give your child an ‘interesting’ name, e.g. North West. Keep in mind that your child is the one that has to carry their name for the rest of their lives, they are the ones that will have to stand up to ridicule if you name them Cinnamon. So if you are not going with family names try and keep it simple and practical. Shorter is easier. I come from an Afrikaner family and it is our tradition to pass on family names. If my mother did not put her foot down I would have been known as Dawid Frederik Christiaan. Drikus is a lot easier on the tongue and luckily my mother had the sense to realise this. Don’t get me wrong I am a firm believer in tradition but instead of just following it, try and embrace your tradition family name by giving it a twist. My name for instance was derived from Frederik. So while still keeping with a tradition to name the first born son starting with a ‘D’ and using one of the traditional family names my mother still managed to make my name unique and keep the family happy. Her philosophy was to try and keep our names to six letters or under. Ask. This might seem simple but ask your family what they think of a name you have chosen or perhaps to give suggestions. My sister for instance gave various family members a list of names that she was undecided about and requested we ‘vote’ on our favourite and so my god child received a beautiful name. Say the name. My lovely fiancé gave me this idea. When trying to decide on a name use the name as often as possible when referring to your baby or when talking to them. I talk to Jandri on a daily basis. This method helped us immensely as we were uncertain about a few names and could easily eliminate almost 50% of them as they just did not sound right after using them in conversation for about a week each. They are not a baby forever. Keep in mind that a name that sounds cute when your child is a toddler might not be so cute when they are 23 and doing job interviews. So once again try and remain practical. In the end it remains your choice as parents and be careful of being pressured into a name by family and friends. Everyone is allowed an opinion but it remains your choice in the end. We thought it better to follow a more traditional route and combine our names. After various variations and suggestions from friends and family we have decided our little princess will be known to the world as Jandri. Jani + Drikus = Jandri To me she will always and forever be my little princess, but that is a dad’s privilege.

February 24, 2016

Sugar Drinks at School, a Leading Cause of Obesity and Impaired Learning

With hundreds of thousands of learners back at school, parents are reminded to restock their fridges and pantries with foods and beverages that provide brain-boosting nutrients to help their children perform at their best. SA’s recently released National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (SANHANES) refers to the poor state of children’s school lunches in the country. Of particular concern is the high intake of sugary cool drinks – about 2 in 3 learners buy sugary drinks at least twice a week, with each soft drink containing up to 55g of sugar. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO) that is 40g more sugar than the recommended maximum daily limit for children. Drinking too many sugary drinks is considered to be the leading cause of obesity in adolescents, especially among schoolboys. The study points out that the prevalence of obesity has doubled in teenage boys the past six years, making them more prone to chronic lifestyle diseases such as diabetes. According to nutritional experts, these beverages are loaded with empty calories and provide little or no essential nutrients. They are linked not only to weight gain but also to poor health and tooth decay in children. Nutritionists recommend water or herbal teas as a healthier alternative to fizzy drinks or sugar filled fruit juices, with Rooibos tea topping the list. Ernest du Toit, spokesperson of the SA Rooibos Council says Rooibos is as effective as water for hydrating the body and has additional health properties that water doesn’t have. “Rooibos is affordable, tasty and amazingly beneficial for children. It is rich in antioxidants which helps to protect healthy cells from damage caused by free radicals and can reduce the risk of a variety of diseases, including cardiovascular disease and some cancers. Rooibos also prevents DNA damage, inflammation and is helpful in combating diabetes. “Added to this, Rooibos contains no caffeine, fats or carbohydrates, is a natural immune-booster and relieves allergy symptoms, which are common in children,” remarks du Toit. Sugary drinks have also been found to have an adverse effect on children’s brains. A study conducted by the University of California revealed that consuming excessive quantities of sugar-sweetened drinks can have a major impact on children’s brain function and impair their ability to concentrate and learn at school. In contrast, Rooibos tea will keep your child’s mind sharp since it shields the brain from stress and it protects against a process known as lipid peridoxation (whfree radicals damage brain cells and nerve tissues.) Du Toit adds that Rooibos is also incredibly nutrient-rich. “It is rich in Vitamin C, calcium, manganese and fluoride, helps to build strong bones and teeth, and is safe to consume without limit.” To help parents pack refreshments that will make the grade, the SA Rooibos Council has compiled the following Rooibos iced tea- and popsicle recipes that will have the kids asking for more. Rooibos iced tea: One litre of Rooibos tea using four to six teabags Sweeten the tea with honey to taste and leave it in the fridge to cool overnight Experiment with this basic iced tea, by adding mint, lemon, orange, granadilla, mango or apple, or a combination of flavours until you find one that your children love. You can even get them involved in mixing their own flavours. Note: Juiced or squeezed fresh fruit usually delivers the best results, but you can also use preservative-free fruit juice. Mixing it with cold Rooibos will make it go further and keeping a jug of it in the fridge should mean you don’t have to keep buying juice. The good news is that cold rooibos can be kept in the fridge for up to two weeks without spoiling. Rooibos ice-lollies: By pouring some Rooibos iced tea into popsicle containers or ice-cube trays and freezing it, you can also make fun, refreshing, healthy after school or sports treats.

February 12, 2016

Meal planning for the child with ADHD

Ask ten nutrition experts what you should eat and you will get ten, often-conflicting diet plans. Add Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) to the mix and you will be even more confused. Firstly ADHD is not caused by diet. There have been numerous studies over the years to support this statement. Does diet affect ADHD children? Of course, Diet, as in “what we eat”, affects each one of us whether we have ADHD or not. If you feel unsteady on a stairway, you grab the banister to steady yourself. Likewise, if your child’s (or your) brain chemistry is off kilter with ADHD, favouring healthy foods engenders equilibrium. By providing a healthy diet and environment is the most pleasurable – and the least invasive – way to care for your loved ones and yourself. The information given in this article need not be exclusively for the use of the ADHD child but all members of the family will benefit from making this subtle yet effective change to their daily eating schedule. The diet for the ADHD child is the bedrock on which you need to build all other therapies. It is no use adding a handful of supplements to your child’s diet if their actual daily intake is not even meeting the basic recommended dietary intakes (RDI’s) for their age. Supplements added to a balanced healthy diet will be much more effective if taken with good food than as an isolated tablet. The ADHD child’s response to therapies like Occupational therapy, physiotherapy etc. will be much better if the child has the necessary energy resources to draw from during a therapy session. If your child requires medication to treat her ADHD symptoms then starting off with a sound, healthy dietary platform will only enhance the effectiveness of the medication. Likewise attentiveness, concentration and participation in class is a lot more probable if your child has eaten a healthy, well balanced breakfast and this is true for all children, not just children with ADHD. Allergies have also been studied extensively with their link to ADHD so let’s just briefly unpack this before we go into the details of some healthy diet tips. Children and adults, who have allergies, be they to foods, additives or the environment are not generally happy people while their allergies are aggravating them. A child who has rhinitis (runny nose) and is constantly sniffing and coughing due to the aggravation of a post nasal drip will struggle to sit still and focus on what the teacher is saying or the work he should be doing. The distinction needs to be made between ‘food allergies causing ADHD versus the symptoms of the allergy exacerbating the symptoms of ADHD. If you suspect your child has allergic tendencies to certain foods then you must get that seen to by taking your child to a specialist or undertaking an elimination diet under the advice of a trained professional. Having said all of this, changing diet is a process and not like taking a pill. It takes time, commitment and patience and more importantly ‘buy-in’ from the family members. When changing eating habits, it is important to involve the family members and give explanations. Children respond well when they understand. Children are also extremely trusting and if the change can make sense they will generally give it a good try. When making changes to the diet it is important to observe the context of the whole change process. For example if you cut out all chicken from your child’s diet, it may not be the lack of chicken that is causing irritability and discontent. It might be that you took away all her favourite meals in one shot and she’s a little upset about it. Looking at the whole picture is a good idea and moderation is always good. Wanting your child to eat well is one thing. Getting him to do so is another. As already mentioned the best way to get your child to eat well is to eat well yourself. That is having good food at hand and minimizing the less healthful choices. Letting your child help prepare food magically whets her appetite. Creating something yummy is empowering no matter what your age. Daily foods to include: Good Starches If you take in a lot of sugary treats such as sweets, fizzy and sugary cool drinks, cakes and biscuits it will cause your blood sugar levels to rise and fall due to the insulin (hormone to break down sugar) levels that will rise and fall. This constant up and down will result in mood changes and irritability. When children get a blood sugar drop, unlike us, they will try and feel better by getting busier and will do what ever it takes to stay alert which often results in over compensation. Offer low glycaemic carbohydrate foods as often as possible, like seed bread, rice, pasta, provitas etc. Foods are well labelled with Low Glycaemic Index labels and these should be foods of choice for your ADHD child. Limit fruit juices to 1 glass diluted fruit juice per day. Eat whole fruits instead. Aim to include 2 – 3 fruits per day. Offer water for thirst. Iced rooibos tea mixed with a little pure fruit juice is also a refreshing option. Remember however that it is the glycaemic (sugar) load of the whole meal that is important so including a protein with the carbohydrate will be an advantage to stabilizing blood sugar levels. This also helps when you offer starches that are a little higher on the glycaemic index, like a white hot dog roll or a tortilla. Good proteins Have a serving of protein rich food at every meal and snack, including breakfast. Sources of protein include eggs, fish, meat, cheese and soybeans, nuts, peanut butter. Eat snacks like cheese sticks and biltong slices. Good veggies For the good of your health, use a wide variety of vegetables and prepare them in diverse ways. Aim daily to include 3

February 4, 2016

SLEEP, BREASTFEEDING AND YOUR BABY- A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE

When should my little one be sleeping through? Every baby and toddler has a unique sleeping and feeding pattern, so be careful of comparing your schedule with that of other moms. If you are comfortable and happy with how things are going, then there is no need to worry or intervene. This is a very rough guide if you aren’t sure what to expect: Newborn – 15-17H sleep in 24H, waking every 2-4 hours for feeding 0 – 3 Months – 4H sleep in 24H, with about 3 naps in the day and waking up 0-3 times at night for feeding. Longer night sleeps (about 5 hours) established by the end of 3 months. 3 – 6 Months – 3H in 24H, still napping about 3 times a day and waking 0-3 times at night. 6 – 12 Months – 13H in 24H, napping about twice a day. Night waking may increase in this period, although baby will only need 1 or 2 night feedings. 12 – 24 Months – 13H sleep in 24H, with about 1 daily nap and 1 night-time waking. Breastmilk or formula milk? Even though every mom knows “breast is best”, after 7 nights of not sleeping due to a hungry baby, it can be tempting to supplement with formula milk, which many believe keep their baba more satisfied. It is true that formula milk is more difficult to digest than breastmilk, which means night feeds won’t need to be as frequent in formula fed babies. However, this doesn’t mean that breast milk is insufficient – far from it. In fact, one of breastmilk’s countless benefits is that it changes composition at night to help your little one sleep better. Night breastmilk has increased concentrations of tryptophan which increases serotonin, the neurotransmitter that will keep baby calm and sleeping. A study in 2010 showed that whether a mother breastfeeds, formula feeds, or combines the two, it makes no difference to how much sleep she gets. Night-waking for breastfeeding and comfort are perfectly normal; however, if it is making life difficult for mom and is affecting the family, night weaning is possible – consult a professional about doing it in a way that is healthy for baby and the family. Is my breastmilk really enough? Mother’s milk is sufficient and perfect for baby under 6 months. However, babies may wake up hungry if they are getting inconsistent and unsatisfying feeds throughout the day. Ironically, giving formula milk or cereal at night instead of breastfeeding will inhibit supply of breastmilk, perpetuating the problem. Breastfeed on demand throughout the day to ensure regular and adequate nutrition. If you have to be away from little one for a few hours, express milk in between feeds. Folklore suggests that drinking a glass of wine or beer, especially before the last breastfeed of the day, improves milk supply and helps baby sleep. Research shows that while alcohol in your breastmilk does make baby fall asleep faster, it results in shorter sleep times – not very helpful at all! And while the occasional single serving of alcohol is safe during breastfeeding, consistent and regular alcohol consumption can affect neurological and motor development. Good news is that moms shouldn’t have to give up their precious morning coffee – studies show that a moderate intake of caffeine (up to 5 cups of coffee) has no impact on baby’s sleep patterns, especially if you consumed caffeine regularly during pregnancy. Trust your instincts – if you can see baby becoming more alert and restless after a lot of caffeine, then try decreasing your intake. What about solids? A night feed of baby cereal, or even cereal in a bottle throughout the night, can seem like the perfect solution to an exhausted mommy, even when baby is younger than the recommended weaning age of 4-6 months. Unfortunately, research shows that cereal has no impact on baby’s sleeping duration, and in fact introducing solids before 4 months may shorten sleep duration until 2 years of age! Besides this, feeding infant cereals too early carries several risks, including impaired growth and development, nutrient deficiencies, risk of overweight later in life, and choking (especially if fed from a bottle throughout the night). Adequate iron, magnesium or zinc is essential for a good night’s sleep – make sure that you are getting enough of these minerals in your diet, or via a good supplement, while breastfeeding. After 6 months, include sources of these minerals (animal meats, iron-fortified grains, nut butters, legumes, dark green vegetables) in your child’s solids, or supplement with a health professional’s guidance. Give it time! There are many reasons for night waking, from illness to simply seeking contact with mom or dad. Waking at night is normal for infants, and they will eventually grow out of it as part of normal development!

January 28, 2016

Stimulating the Right Brain Can Create a Genius Baby

You can create a genius baby if you understand how the human brain is structured. In most adults, the left hemisphere of the brain is dominant. Left-brained people think in a logical, linear manner, while right-brained people think in a non-linear, intuitive fashion. The left-brained learn best through hearing, while the right-brained learn best through seeing and feeling. Our school system, geared to logical, linear thinking, favors the left-brained. Right-brained children often do only averagely well in school because they are not able to show how they arrived at their answers, having reached them by unusual methods or through sheer intuition. You should therefore not lose heart if your child gets low grades in school. It may be a sign of a genius in the making! A great example of a right-brained person is the scientist Albert Einstein. An acknowledged genius, he suffered from speech difficulties in early childhood. So, is there a genius baby in your house? There may well be. As Glenn Doman and Makoto Shichida, two right-brain educators, put it: accessing the right brain enables a child to learn better and could unlock genius-like abilities. These include speed-reading skills, a photographic memory, the ability to accurately sketch something seen only once, a facility for performing instant math equations, and rare musical talent. The right brain is also responsible for visual and spatial processing, and the ability to see problems in multiple dimensions, as great physicists do. Einstein possessed this ability. If the right brain is so much more intuitive and creative, why is our left brain more dominant? For a very good reason. It does the important job of filtering out a lot of the information bombarding our senses. This helps us to avoid “sensory overload”. If the right brain was dominant, we would constantly be reacting to a host of information being thrown at us. Think of the autism sufferer who, being hypersensitive to sensory stimuli, finds ordinary social interactions overwhelming, and you get the idea. Our left brain helps us hold a conversation while ignoring background noises. It ensures that a great deal of the sensory input we receive remains beneath the radar of conscious awareness. Right-brain teaching helps us to reclaim some of the benefits of right-brain dominance by changing the way we absorb and recall information. Most people memorize data by storing it in their short-term memory in the left brain. Only repetitive use leads to its transfer it to the long-term memory of the right brain. Right-brain teaching helps us bypass the left brain and directly access our long-term memory, helping us learn faster. It allows us to recall information received on a subconscious level – for instance, through speed reading. Unlike left-brain learning, right-brain learning does not require conscious effort. In small children, the right brain is already activated, making learning especially rapid. This is because the right brain develops before the left and is dominant until the age of three and a half. So, if you want your child to be a genius baby, stimulate her right brain. [hr] Author: Madeleine Fitzpatrick. Madeleine Fitzpatrick is the editor for BrillBaby. Go to www.brillbaby.com to learn more on how to make a genius baby.

January 21, 2016

How Does The Word “Don’t” Influence Your Child

Have you ever wondered why your kids do exactly what you asked them not to? It’s a general complaint that parents have and yet the answer and the solution are not that complicated. The solution comes in understanding how our minds process information. Believe it or not, our minds process information in pictures, not words. And by pictures, I mean full representations including sights, sounds, smells and tastes. Words are abstractions of information and cannot replace experiences. As an example, imagine that you had never encountered a mango before. No matter how many words I use to explain the experience of eating a mango it is simply not the same as me actually giving you one to taste. Until that point in time, regardless of my words, you have no idea of what a mango is. Once you’ve seen one and tasted it, however, your mind creates a full representation of it and you can actually say that you know what a mango is. Our mind is constantly making up these multi-sensory representations of our world and this is how we process all the information coming at us every second. So how does this relate to talking to kids? Well, if we always make a visual representation in order to process information, then we do this in order to understand words too. In other words, if I say to you I’m sitting at my desk now writing on my computer, your mind will create a visual image of that based on your own experience. So all words are first translated into pictures (and again, I use this term loosely to include sights, sounds, smells, touch etc). This is why we don’t process negatives well. In other words, if you say to a child: “Don’t touch my glasses” then they first need to create a visual image of themselves touching your glasses in order to process NOT touching them. Creating a visual of NOT doing something is much more complicated than creating an image of doing something. So, if you want your kids to do what you say, you need to tell them what it is you WANT them to do, not what you DON’T want them to do. For example, if you don’t want them to fall down the stairs, then saying “Don’t fall down the stairs” increases the possibility of them actually doing that by having them create a mental image of falling down the stairs. However, if you say “Walk carefully down the stairs” doesn’t that create a much more positive mental image of what you actually want? Keep in mind that our unconscious minds operate in exactly the same way as a 5-year old child, so if this is how you speak to a kid, then this is how you should be speaking to your own unconscious mind too. If you’re constantly saying to your unconscious mind “I don’t want to be in debt” then what you’re processing is the image of being in debt, and you’re more likely to create that in your life. The positive side of this would be “I want abundance in my life” which sends a much clearer image of what you’d like to be seeing in your world. What it comes down to is this: Whether you’re speaking to your kids or yourself, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT.

January 20, 2016

Your Teen May Be Allergic to You?

Adolescence can be a very tough time for both the teen and the parent. I say ‘can be’ because not all teens talk back and slam their bedroom doors. If your teenager does not behave this way, feel fortunate that these ‘emotional thunderstorms’ don’t occur in your home. It may also be possible that your teen just hasn’t reached that point in their development and tough times could still be on the horizon. I urge you NOT to decide your teen’s attitude or challenging behaviours is a result of your lack of parenting skills. You may very well be doing an awesome job as a parent and your teen may STILL behave badly. The first step for the parent of a teen with attitude is to relax and not take it personally. The next step is try and understand what’s going on with their teen and see their child in a different light. There are many changes going on in a teen’s body and brain that they have no control over. I love how practicing clinical psychologist Anthony Wolf, Ph.D. put it in simple terms; your teenager has basically developed an allergy to you, her parent. In his book Get Out of MY Life, but first could you take me and Cheryl to the mall? (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2002) Dr. Wolf had this to say about teens: All kinds of changes, physical and intellectual, mark adolescence. But the hallmark of adolescence – the transformation that defines this period of life – is a psychological change. It is the adolescent mandate. A new and powerful voice rises inside of children. They must obey this voice and, in doing so, their lives change forever. Simply put, the mandate tells the adolescent to turn away from childhood and childish feelings. Since childhood is marked by the domination by parents, it follows that adolescents must turn away from their parents. During this time of separation, adolescents are moving physically and emotionally away from parents, gravitating more toward peers. This can introduce even more challenges for you if the peers they are hanging out with have been known to participate in risky behaviours or have taken on attire or appearance that represents a less than desirable lifestyle. Because of the connections they are developing with peers, it’s important to avoid criticising their new friends. Doing so is criticising your own child. If this is your situation, encourage your teen to hang out with these friends under your supervision, in your home. She may resist but do it anyway and without any emotion on your part. While your teen is establishing boundaries to increase her independence, you’re already difficult job of being her parent gets even more challenging; you must also monitor her activities enough to know where she is going, who she is spending time with, and what activities she is participating in, both off and online. You are responsible for her safety and well being and you can accomplish this goal by spending as much time with her as she will allow and engaging her in conversations on her better days; moments when her allergy to you seems to be at its lowest level of influence. To those who take the stance that we must trust our teenagers and provide them with privacy, I say ‘yes, but to an extent.’ Trust must be earned and is not an automatic right. Slowly give your teens small amounts of room to demonstrate trust through their ability to follow through on agreements and use of the internet. Know that eventually your child will transform into a young adult and once again, you’ll feel love from her but in a much different way, a more fulfilling way.

January 20, 2016

Teaching with routine and sameness

Have you ever noticed how your children love to catch you making a mistake, especially when you do something out of order? Children learn about the world around them by sameness and routine and they crave patterns that they can learn from. One evening we had visitors over for dinner and it was a special occasion. The food was coming out of the oven in phases to keep it warm. One of our young guests must have been hungry so she served herself what was on the table and took a bite. My oldest daughter, the perfectionist child, was quick to catch her breaking a dinner-time rule and called attention to the violation. Our family procedures had trained her that we all start eating together, after the blessing. Use this teaching tool to your advantage, especially when you want to increase the cooperation from your young children. Family situations such as the morning rush, dinner time and bedtime are 3 situations that can be stressful on parents and children. Creating a reoccurring sequence of events during these times can make them easier to get through. Let’s take bedtime for example. Children don’t like going to bed because they fear that they are going to miss out on something good. They have this perception that “the REAL party begins when they have to go to bed.” At the same time, parents can’t wait to get their children in bed so they can de-stress, relax or in some cases, get more work done. If your children sense that you’re trying to rush them off to bed, they will prolong the event. Allow your children to help you come up with all of the activities at bedtime and put them in sequential order. Have them help you create large pictures that represent each of the events in the sequence: a story book, a pair of pyjamas, a toilet, a glass of water, etc. Next, tape each of the pictures high on the wall and out of their reach, placing them in sequential order. The additional key to success with this activity is to include your children in the process of creating it and to make it fun! Put aside your mind chatter and stress, and take on an excited demeanour as you call out each of the items in order to have them complete them. Go with them and participate. The more engaged and fun you are in this process, the more they will feel a part of it. If your child catches you doing something out of order, relax and don’t get defensive. Be humble and thank them for catching the mistake. They will feel respected and important that they uncovered the flaw. Just try it on purpose sometime; break a sequence just to give them something to focus on and watch their legalistic nature make an issue of your mistake.Teaching children cooperation and social skills can be a challenge. Your little children do not arrive in the world ready to comply. It takes time, patience, and practice to get them to cooperate and participate. Use routine and sameness whenever you can and notice how much easier parenting can be.

January 20, 2016

What Happens When You Make A Mistake?

If you haven’t snapped at your child, forgotten something you were suppose to do for your child, arrived late for a recital or game, dropped the ball on a promise, or made a parenting decision you regretted, then you aren’t human. We parents are often stressed, busy, over worked, forgetful and tired and we make mistakes. I remember too well saying something like, “I know I said I’d take you _____________, but I’m really busy and have to get _____________ done before dinner tonight.” And then there are the painful incidents in which I snapped or yelled when caught off guard or noticed something written on with crayon or broken, and automatically thinking about how much that item cost or what I’m going to have to spend to fix, clean or replace an item. Austrian neurologist and the father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, taught us that we have automatic systems in place that defend our ego from being hurt by guilt and fear. When we parents get angry toward our children, it’s a way of protecting our ego from feeling guilty that we mismanaged our schedule and didn’t show up on time, or that we forgot something that was important to our children. It’s also occurs when we think about having to pay out money that was not in the budget and we’re already over extended financially. When we find ourselves in this situation, we must calm down and breath. A few deep breaths will help us manage our emotions and see the situation for what it really is; not quite as serious as we had ourselves believing. If we’re able to, it works remarkably well to see the situation from our child or teen’s perspective. I remember my teenage son coming how with a dent in the family car and how driven I felt to keep asking why and how in an angry tone. So when you do something like the things I listed in the first paragraph that could have been avoided, be ready to provide a MAKEUP to them. Providing a makeup means offering something to your child that you will do as a way of making up for the mistake you made. You would say, “Wow sweetheart, I am so sorry that I forgot about taking you to the mall as I had promised. I owe you a makeup.” The next step is to offer something as that makeup and here is an important ground rule: it should not include buying them an object. The ideal makeups should be about spending time together without technology or money. They should be walks in the park, dates, playing table games, or crafting. Make believe tea parties would be great for little children and “hanging out” together to play catch in the backyard would be appropriate for a teenager. It is extremely important that the adult who made the mistake must be the one to determine the makeup, not the victim. And not only does this work well with kids, it also applies to handling mistakes with significant others as well!

January 19, 2016

Learning Using Everyday Items From Around Your Home

This article is to give you some fun ideas on how to stimulate your child’s development at home using everyday things from around the home. To touch briefly on the biology of learning, which in a nutshell is all about the brain. A child learns the most up to the age of 3 years. This is because when children are born, their brains are around 25% of the adult size, however by 1 year your child’s brain has shot up to about 66% of it’s eventual size and by the age of 3 years, your child’s brain is nearly 90% of it’s eventual size. The brain & the nerves in the spinal cord work together as a network sending messages backwards & forwards to every part of the body. Each person is born with a certain number of brain cells (in the region of 100 billion), which is the potential of the brain. What makes the difference is the number of connections between these brain cells that activates this potential of our brains. Stimulating the brain helps to connect more of the brain cells, so that we use as much of our brain’s potential as possible. This is where some of the debate around the influence of genetics and experiences that we provide for our children come into play – which is more important? Science shows us that before birth, babies’ brains develop in a predictable genetic way. But recent scientific studies show that the brain is “moulded” by experience. Some of the early connections between the brain’s neurons depend on stimulating the senses (e.g.. sight, sound, smell, taste & touch). In this way, these early learning experiences can affect the ability of the central nervous system to learn & store information. Different types of learners: Visual Learners: Like to look at different things e.g. pictures & models Will close their eyes to visualize Prefers quite environments Remembers faces better than names Auditory Learners: Are talkative & like the sound of their own voices Listens to others Can work in noisy environments Remembers names better than faces Kinesthetic Learners: Prefer to move around Very active, fidgets & can’t concentrate for long Prefers to actively participate in order to learn Find it difficult to repeat what is heard Your child will also fall into one of these types of learners, but it’s so important to add the other half of the equation before you can really gauge which type your child falls into. The other important part of the puzzle is: what is developmentally appropriate for his / her age. For example: If we look at attention span, we need to remember that it is developmentally appropriate for babies to concentrate 1 minute per year of their age. So what might feel like a short attention span for us adults, could actually be longer than is developmentally appropriate & therefore doesn’t necessarily mean that your baby is a kinesthetic learner. Everyday items for educational play: From your Kitchen: From about the 6 month sitting stage, containers are a huge hit! For example, plastic Tupperware containers or even packaging that you would throw away. Things like empty plastic milk bottles make super rattles, empty Coke bottles for encouraging crawling (loco motor skills) & empty margarine tubs make great stacking tubs. Also, an empty pot with a wooden spoon makes a lovely drum sound & starts to teach concepts like cause & effect. Experimenting with different types of food is a wonderful way to introduce different textures as well as to stimulate the control of the small muscles (fine motor) of the hand. Things to look out for: Food allergies that your child may have Safety of the object e.g.. size of the object & possibility of chocking hazard From your Bedroom: Different textures of clothing eg. Cotton, satin, velvet, corduroy, wool, chiffon which stimulates the sensation of touch. Making home made mobiles using a clothing hanger & tying different interesting objects to hang from it. This is to help with visually tracking objects. Using any soft light clean clothing to play peek a boo games, which start with the journey of mastering object permanence. Things to look out for: Safety of the object e.g.. that possible chocking hazards such as buttons are very secure on the item of clothing. Any loose cords or ties are supervised to prevent the risk of strangulation. From your Bathroom: Toiletry items that are non toxic for example, baby aqueous cream, petroleum jelly, shaving cream which all provide wonder messy tactile stimulation. Mirrors can be a wonderful source of entertainment & fun! Mirrors can be used in so many different ways for example: smearing safe toiletries on them (sensory experience), playing peek a boo with behind them (stimulating the concept of object permanence). Body brushes, loofahs & exfoliating mesh sponges are also fantastic sources of different textures which stimulate the sensation of touch. Things to look out for: That the toiletry items are non toxic & that the child is supervised so that he / she doesn’t put toiletries in their mouths. Always supervise the child around water to prevent any drowning which can happen in just a few centimetres of water. Everyday things you hope they won’t play with, but they probably will: Land line & cell phones – I’ve had mine washed in the dogs water bowl, but the favorite place for a lot of young children is to throw them in the toilet! Remotes for the TV, DVD machine & CD player – a fantastic toy from a baby’s point of view because it responds with lights & noises when they push the buttons. It does also teach them cause & effect, but there are many other objects that we would prefer them to play with that will teach them the same thing.. Appliances such as buttons & dials on the oven, stove, dishwasher & washing machines – again young babies love these machines responding to them, but they pose dangerous risks such as fire. Children really do learn through play!

January 14, 2016

Living Out Loud: Teaching Children Through Words and Actions

One day when my son was about 8, we were driving into town to pick up some supplies at a hardware store. I was rushed for time because the store was about to close. As I rolled through a stop sign, my son asked me, “Dad, weren’t you supposed to stop at that sign back there?” I explained to him that we had less than 15 minutes to get to the store before it closed, and I needed to purchase parts for a broken appliance at home. He didn’t care about my reason for failing to come to a full stop. Instead, he said, “How am I supposed to learn how to be good driver from you, Dad?” I remember this incident all too well. It stayed with me because it was a turning point in understanding even more strongly how important my role as a father was and how crucial my actions and words were for his growth into a responsible young man. It’s not too late to change our habits and teach our children wonderful life skills they will retain and use over time. I’m talking about things we can say and do that will instruct children about limits and rules by demonstrating our own for them to see and hear. Remember, you are a living, breathing role model for your kids. Demonstrate your own boundaries as learning tools for your children. Here are 6 ways of teaching children limits and boundaries by “Living Out Loud”; what to say and do in front of the kids. When you’re ready to stop watching television and your children are nearby, say out loud, “That’s all the TV I need to watch for now.” If you realize that you need to stop one activity in favor of another, say: “Mom has to stop making dinner and go put in a load of laundry.” If someone hurts you, say: “I don’t like it when you do that, it hurts me!” If the phone is ringing and you don’t want to answer it, you could say: “I don’t feel like talking on the phone right now because I want to spend time with you.” Set your alarm clock for the kids to see and tell them, “I need this clock to ring so I will know when sleep time is over and it’s time to start my day.” When you’re serving food, say: “I’m going to try a little bit of everything mommy made for dinner, but not too much.” Living out Loud” can also be useful for teaching children about rules for life. While out with our grandchildren one day, we were about to get into the car and I opened the car door for my wife. When I got into the car, I turned to my granddaughter and said, “Here’s one of grandpa’s rules of life… a polite man always opens the door for a lady so she can get into the car first.” I look for frequent opportunities that become teaching moments and ask them, “Can I tell you another one of grandpa’s rules of life?” I normally get their confirmation and then proceed to relate a nugget of valuable information. I don’t belabor it; just simply give them a bit of information. Then, when they’re adults and I’m gone from this world, I hope their children will hear them say, “Your grandpa used to say…”

January 13, 2016

To Give and To Receive

I think it is time to balance out the season of giving. There is a strange misconception out there that it is better to give than to receive. Some may even go so far as to say that “blessed are those who give”. To complete the sentence then, “cursed are those who receive”! In fact, it takes both sides to complete the equation. In order to give there must be someone to receive. Both are essential sides of the same coin. I find that most people are quite comfortable with giving. It is a nice feeling after all to hand someone a shiny package and see the joy on their face as they open it to discover that you know exactly what they like. Children, too, from a very early age, enjoy giving – they give us stones they picked up on the playground, they give us a lick of their melting ice cream, they give us a favourite teddy to sleep with for the night when we’re feeling sad, they give us beautiful artworks on the walls of our houses! What we tend to do as well meaning parents is to emphasise this joy of giving and imply that this is better than to be on the receiving end. Now children naturally receive well – anyone who has seen their child with a pile of presents on Christmas morning knows that they are only too happy to keep on taking. By adulthood, however, we cower away from such indulgence in receiving. We see it as something for children, or greedy people, or those with no constraint. Our children are watching us as we argue to split the bill instead of graciously accepting our meal as a gift from a friend, as we tell people not to bother buying us birthday gifts but to rather donate something to charity, as we celebrate festivities by enjoying giving our children gifts but not including ourselves on the receiving end. Now I’m not insinuating that we need to rush out and spend a fortune on amassing useless doodads that have been flown in from China. What I’m suggesting is that we learn to enjoy both sides by making both giving and receiving meaningful for everyone. There are many ways to enjoy this without becoming mass consumers. What I would like to see are parents raising their children to continue to enjoy receiving. To learn to be grateful both for what they give and what they receive by watching their parents do the same. Our children can’t possibly become successful in life is they become uncomfortable with receiving. All business transactions require both, all relationships require both, having a healthy spiritual, mental and emotional life requires both. Allow yourself to be part of the festivities this year and know that as you enjoy receiving, your children are learning to honour themselves and their desires and to be open to what life has to offer them. Blessed are those who give and those who receive.

December 10, 2015

Imperial’s Festive Driving Tips

Be safe, drive safely and get your destination comfortably! IMPERIAL Road Safety’s travel tips will get you safely to your destination this festive season! The festive season is one of the busiest month’s on the road and it pays to know a few things in advance to ensure (as far as possible) that you arrive at your destination safely. IMPERIAL Road Safety has put together some tips to ensure that you and your family travel as safely as possible on the roads. Fight fatigue One of the main causes of road crashes is fatigue. There are various reasons for fatigue-related road crashes including sleep deprivation, sleeping disorders, time of day that you are driving and travelling long distances without a break. It is important for drivers and their travel companions to be able to identify signs of fatigue, which may include sore eyes, nodding off, constant yawning, drifting over lanes, slow reactions and trouble keeping the head upright. You can counter driver fatigue temporarily with comfort breaks every two hours, drinking water, eating light foods, listening to music and ensuring good ventilation – to name a few. But the only way to really fight fatigue is by getting sufficient, uninterrupted sleep. The recommended number of hours is 7 – 8 hours. Avoid taking any medicine (including antihistamine tablets) before a long trip as it may cause drowsiness. Keep your eyes on the road A ‘quick’ SMS or phone call or a change of radio stations takes your mind and eyes off the road. The mobile phone is one of the biggest distractions to drivers because it demands full attention: visual, manual, and cognitive, and causes you to take your eyes off the road, hands off the steering wheel, and your mind off the road. For every second we take our eyes and minds off the road, we lose one second in our average reaction and stopping time. Avoid being distracted. Focus on the task at hand: driving safely. Get into the routine of the IMPERIAL Road Safety driving habits: Ensure you wear your safety belt at all times, refrain from drinking and driving, strap yourself and your children in, do not speed – especially in reduced visibility situations and remember to keep a safe following distance. Never overtake on a blind rise or on a corner and make sure that you are always visible by driving with your headlights on, even during the day. Travel safely by keeping a safe following distance (3 x cars space) and remember getting to your destination safely and with other road users safety in mind should be the most important thing on your mind when travelling. Safer roads start with YOU.

December 9, 2015

Guilt: No Parent Can Escape It

If most working parents are honest with themselves, they’d agree that with Monday morning comes a big sigh of relief. You pick up your bag, kiss your little darlings good bye and head out the door to work. Freedom! At work the prospect of chasing your toddler around trying to get them dressed, wiping sticky finger swipes off the walls, washing endless loads of bottles or wrestling whinging, tired children is a distant memory. You can sip quietly on a cup of tea and have adult conversations without frequent, high-pitched interruptions. It’s easy to see how mothers and fathers alike suffer from a continuous tinge of child-related guilt. Parents who work and parents who don’t – no-one is immune to it. Shakil Ahmad from baby brand Krayons says that there are a couple catalysts that set off parental guilt. Leaving the child with a carer to return to work Relying on television at ‘difficult’ times of the day – like bath time! Feeding the child convenience or junk food Reprimanding the child at any time. “Every parent suffers from it, and there’s no real solution bar giving yourself a break,” says Ahmad who works on the 80/20 rule in his household. “I try to stick to limited television time, limited junk food and distraction-over-discipline 80% of the time – it’s more realistic to know that you can’t be perfect 100% of the time. Then when you slip for 20% of the time, you don’t have to beat yourself up.” Ahmad says that scheduling one hour of every work day to really bond with your child also helps him relieve guilt of leaving his kids between 7am and 6pm each day. “I allocate an hour of my time to bath my kids every day – it’s a special time for just us where we chat, play and enjoy the time together. There are limited distractions and I make sure that I leave my work issues, and my cellphone outside of the bathroom.” Instead of focusing on what you might be doing wrong – focus on what you know you’re doing right with your kids, and do more of that. Remember that the best thing you can give them is the gift of your time. Undivided time.

December 7, 2015

Listening Tips For Parents

We all want our kids to listen to us, but how often do we really listen to them? Are we excellent models of attentive listening? Or are we teaching them how to half listen whilst otherwise distracted? If you really want your kids to listen to you, the first step is to know how to do this yourself. Here are a few tips… Be present. The average adult is only present for around 3% of their life. The rest of the time we are lost in remembering the past, imagining the future or off in some fantasy in our minds. On top of this we are distracted by technology, to do lists, work and personal drama. No wonder our kids haven’t learned how to listen. To really hear someone you need to be there, actively listening. The easiest way to stay present in a conversation is to focus on your breathing. If part of your awareness is on your breathing you can’t get lost in your mind. So put aside your phone, tell your mind that you will deal with everything else just now, and breathe and listen. Paraphrase. Learn to mirror back to your child what they have said to you. Paraphrase what they’ve been talking about to show them that you are listening and to clarify that you have actually understood their message. Ask them if you’ve understood correctly and as they correct you on what you’ve misunderstood you will gain a deeper understanding of where they are at. Be patient. We’re often too quick to jump in a finish a sentence or try to get to the heart of the matter before our kids have finished speaking. Let them ramble a bit. It may take them some time to organise their thoughts or to really get to the point of what they are getting too. They may repeat themselves or skirt around the real issue. If you interrupt or jump in with questions you may miss out on the crux of the issue by directing the conversation in a different direction. Use all aspects of communication. Sit facing your child, look at how they are using their body (look out for facial expressions, gestures, posture), keep your body language open, listen for changes in tone, pitch and speed of their voice. Only 7% of communication is in the words that we use. If you pay attention you will see that there is a lot of non verbal stuff going on too and this can often tell you more about what your child is going through than what they say. Ask interesting questions. We say that we want our kids to open up to us, but then we ask the most arbitrary, meaningless questions. “How was your day?” invites a response such as “Fine”. “What was the weirdest thing that happened today?” may get you a slightly more interesting answer. Try asking about things that are meaningful to your child. Children feel loved, heard and understood when we show an interest in things that are important to them, even if they are not important to us. True communication involves putting aside your own agenda and truly getting to know somebody else and what makes them come alive. Active listening is something that anyone can learn. It takes some practice, but the rewards are worth it – children who feel loved, heard and respected and so are more likely to love, hear and respect us in return.

December 3, 2015

How To Be An Organised Mom

As a child, I think my organisational skills kicked in when I was about 14. Gone was the mess and the clutter from my bedroom, instead everything found a place and no one was allowed to move anything. I probably did border on being a bit OCD, but it worked for me. I continued living in my tidy organised little bubble right up until my first child was born. I am convinced that a greater power decided to have a sense of humour and sent me my 5 boys/men to live with while chuckling to himself “now see how organised you can be!!” The first thing I had to learn was that the state of my house would never be perfect again, well at least not while I had my four sons sharing my space with me. As each child grew and another one got added to the clan, more and more things had to change to accommodate them and their lives. Because I had a big gap between my first two kids and my last two, there was a point in my life where I had one in pre-primary, another in primary school, one in high school and one at college – all were at different institutions and in different areas. That meant 4 sets of teachers, committees, meetings, friends, extra murals, transport arrangements, lunches, and so on. Besides my boys, I was also running a business, managing the home, shopping, cooking and still trying to fit in time for my own exercise – yes, I did still need that, it was my time and my stress reliever. I was constantly striving to find new and better ways of staying on top of being organised. Being a solution driven person, I worked out a system that could help me manage all of this. At the time, I used to buy a standard diary and draw lines to make compartments that would fit in with my life. As much as this worked for me, doing it this way was tedious and time consuming, and also had things missing and not enough pages to accommodate all the things that I needed. This was the start of the creation of the MOM (Most Organised Mother) and WOW (Wonderfully Organised Women) Diaries. I literally took the system that I had developed and put it into a book that could help other women manage every aspect of their lives in the same way that I was doing. Making your diary the hub from where everything gets managed has many advantages, if used correctly. You always know where to find information and don’t waste time searching around for it. If you have a system, you will find that you do things in such a way that is more time efficient. The best way that I can explain this is by telling you what some of the time saving and helpful features of the diary are as well as some tips on how to make certain tasks easier: Planning At the beginning of each year, spend a few hours setting up your diary for the coming year. This involves transferring information, from your previous diary as well as entering new information. Make sure you have all the birthdays, term dates and any other information that you already have access to. You can also use this time to set your goals for the new year and look over your goals from the previous year (you will be amazed at how much you achieve when you have written goals). The MOM Diary has a section on setting goals, with a monthly goal list and daily tracking or journaling anything to do with those goals. Each month, take an hour or two to write a to-do list for that month, and to go back over the previous month to see if there is anything you need to carry forward. Work out dates that you can fit in various chores or tasks. I have included a monthly to-do-list and a month planner in the diary, as both are useful when planning your month. You can do the same with weekly or daily planning – if you get into the habit of spending a small amount of time structuring your life, you will find that things flow much better. The pages of the diary are setup in a way that each part of your life has its own place. The right side of the page is for your appointments and to-do-list and the left hand side of the page is for anything to do with your family, goals AND there is a little place to fill in something for which you are grateful each day. Meal times Meal times can be a real nightmare for moms, but there are things that you can do to make them more manageable as well as turning it into a productive time of the day. Spend a few hours once off planning and finding meals that suit your family. 8 meals works for me. These are your Monday to Thursday meals and you rotate them, therefore having each meal twice in a month. They should be simple, quick and healthy. By doing this, you take the “think” out of what to cook during the week. It also helps with shopping as you always know the ingredients that you need to buy weekly. The MOM Diary has 12 recipes which are suitable for families and are there to help give you some inspiration and ideas. Keep a running shopping list – each time you run out of something, write it down immediately. Shop weekly, rather than daily and if possible, shop online. You can setup standard shopping lists and are able to untick what you don’t need that week. There are 20 serrated tear out pages in the back of the diary for things like shopping lists or notes. You could also keep your running list in the “Family and Social” block – to be

November 30, 2015

What Makes A Strong Family

The study to the aforementioned question emanated from the University of Nebraska’s Family Strength Research Project by John DeFrain and Nick Stinnett who subsequently wrote a book about the findings, “Secrets of Strong Families”. The families came from diverse sections of the American population. They study concluded that there were six primary features that strong families had in common which are listed below. The findings are food for thought and can be extrapolated to the South African family however the family may be constituted. Commitment Members of the family were fully committed to their relationships with each other as well as helping each member grow as an individual. Appreciation Members of the family told and showed each other that they appreciated each other on a regular basis. Communication Effective communication skills were utilised and communication was frequent and not only evident when a problem arose. Time Spent Together The strong family made time for each other and some of the quality time was spent doing enjoyable and fun things. Spiritual Wellness Spiritual wellness for the strong family comprised various aspects and one was involvement in their religious groups or an adherence to a moral code where there is concern about others around them. Spiritual well-being also comprised involvement in other inspirational activities such as a profound appreciation of nature or music and a strong set of values. Spirituality helped keep a perspective on daily life stressors which inevitably crop up. Coping Resources – Managing stress and crises effectively When the strong family encountered tough times they found a way to support each other and pulled together as opposed to being torn apart in times of crises.

November 26, 2015

How To Eat Less Salt

Eating too much sodium, most of which we get from salt, can lead to high blood pressure. This in turn can cause heart disease, kidney disease and strokes. So it is worth trying to cut down the amount of salt eaten. Almost two-thirds of the salt we consume are added by food manufacturers when food is processed. Of the remainder, about half is added at home during cooking or at the table and half is naturally present in food. Low salt diets may assist in the prevention and treatment of high blood pressure and The Heart and Stroke Foundation of South Africa (HSFSA) recommends that not more than one teaspoon (6g) of salt per day should be consumed. The average diet contains an average of 9g of sodium. A low salt diet contains 2 – 2.5g of sodium ( +- 1tsp salt) High salt foods to be used in moderation: Processed, smoked and cured meats Polony, ham, bacon, sausages, corned beef, pickled tongue, bacon, salami, pepperoni and smoked pork Pre-packaged and convenience meals Ready meals and take away foods (pies, pizzas, pastas, etc). Stocks and packet, tinned soups Used to flavour or thicken soups, stews or casseroles. Some soups can provide more than half a teaspoon of salt per portion. Cheese Processed cheese, cheese spreads, blue cheese and feta cheese Salty nibbles and snacks Crisps, salted/flavoured pretzels or popcorn, crackers and salted nuts. Sauces Worcestershire, soya, tomato and barbeque sauce Pickles Gherkins, pickled onions, capers, artichokes, atjaar and other pickled vegetables Hard margarine or salted butter Use the minimum amount of salt in cooking: Try not to add further salt at the table. Always taste food before you add salt It may help to gradually reduce your salt intake, so that you can get used to the taste changes Try using more herbs and spices to flavour your foods Don’t use salt substitutes as they are high in other minerals Try to cut down on foods that are high in salt such as tinned, packaged and processed foods, tinned and packet soups, stock cubes, chips, salted nuts and salty meats like ham and bacon Avoid sauces that contain lots of salt e.g. soya sauce Check processed foods to see if salt, sodium bicarbonate, sodium benzoate or monosodium glutamates are mentioned among the ingredients Check labels for sodium content – a low sodium food is one containing less than 120 mg sodium per 100g weight of food Limit sodium intake to less than 2g/day (1t = 2,3g) Healthy alternatives for flavouring foods If you use salt in food preparation, do not add extra salt at the table. Learn to use herbs and spices instead of salt, and to enjoy the natural flavour of food. Here are some ideas: Pork Apple, cider, coriander, ginger, lime, orange, sage, thyme Chicken Coriander, basil, chives, dill, fennel, garlic, ginger, lemon juice, marjoram, mint, oregano, paprika, parsley, rosemary, tarragon, thyme, white pepper, white wine Beef Curry, balsamic vinegar, black pepper, horseradish, mustard, red wine, tomato Fish Bay leaf, dill, fennel, lemon juice, onion, parsley, tarragon, tomato, white pepper, white wine Ostrich or venison Coriander, onion, pineapple, tomato chilli Lamb Curry, aniseed, basil, cardamom, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, cloves, cumin, juniper berry, mint, mustard, oregano, redcurrant jelly, rosemary Rice Coriander, onion, red or green peppers, saffron Pasta Basil, black pepper, garlic, oregano Potatoes Black pepper, nutmeg, parsley, paprika, (low fat or fat free) yoghurt Salads Coriander, basil, black pepper, garlic, lemon juice, oregano, (low fat or fat free) yoghurt, toasted flaked almonds

November 25, 2015

Cradle Cap

Cradle cap, the common term for infantile seborrheic dermatitis, causes scaly patches on a baby’s scalp. Though cradle cap isn’t serious, it can cause thick crusting and white or yellow scales. Cradle cap usually doesn’t require medical treatment. It clears up on its own within a few weeks to months. In the meantime, either use Colief® Baby Scalp Oil with gentle naturally derived ingredients as shown below or wash your baby’s hair once a day with mild baby shampoo and brush the scalp lightly with a soft brush to loosen the scales. If frequent shampooing or scalp oil application doesn’t help, consult your doctor. New Colief® Baby Scalp Oil is formulated, with naturally derived ingredients, to gently moisturise and soothe your baby’s skin and scalp. Colief® Baby Scalp Oil contains: Rosehip Oil – a light moisturiser containing essential fatty acids Omega 3 and Omega 6, which is thought to help hydrate to the skin. Chamomile – renowned for its calming and healing properties, chamomile has been used as a natural anti-inflammatory since ancient times. Vitamin E – a natural antioxidant, thought to help repair and protect the skin. Here’s what some Mums have to say about Colief® Baby Scalp Oil: ‘I used the Colief Baby Scalp Oil with my son in the bath. I didn’t really use it on his head as it isn’t dry and he doesn’t have cradle cap, however he does have dry patches behind his knees and under his arms. I gave him a little massage with the oil in the bath, concentrating on these areas. I loved the texture and his skin now feels soft and smooth (my hands also feel lovely). I will be using it again’ – Lindsey Watson ‘I tried the Colief Baby Scalp Oil out on my daughter’s head and her cradle cap is nearly gone after a few days. She had quite a lot and now her scalp is nearly all clear. It’s definitely the best thing I have tried’ – Melissa Slade

November 24, 2015

The Gro-egg

The Gro-egg is an award winning nursery accessory that looks great and gives parents peace of mind at a glance – The innovative colour changing room thermometer changes colour to let you know whether the temperature of a room is too low, too high or just right; a yellow glow is the recommended ideal temperature 16-20°C, whilst a blue glow indicates it’s cold 16°C and red shows it’s too hot 24°C. A quick check on the Gro-egg will let you know whether to cool or heat the room, modify the baby’s clothing or use a different tog Grobag Baby Sleep Bag to make your child more comfortable. Grobag come in a variety of different togs to suit the temperature of the child’s nursery; 0.5 tog for warmer temperatures 24-27°C, 1.0 tog for nurseries of 20-23°C, 2.5 tog 16-18°C and for colder winter temperatures of under 16°C the 3.5 tog. It is very important to dress your child correctly and be aware of nursery temperatures to help check your baby isn’t overheating. The Gro Company works closely with The Lullaby Trust a charity that promotes safer sleep practices, they advise that “Babies who get too hot are at an increased risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome… getting a room thermometer will help you create a safer sleeping environment for your baby”. Francine Bates, Chief Executive, The Lullaby Trust The attractive Gro-egg also acts as a gentle night light; its soft glow helps you to check on your baby as they sleep without waking them. The Gro-egg has an easy to understand colour coded system for parents to recognise when nursery temperatures change so they can keep their children at safe temperatures; Yellow for the ideal temperature as recommended by The Lullaby Trust, red shows too hot 24°C and blue 16°C indicates too cold. Digital thermometer with permanent ‘back-lit’ easy to read LCD readout. It is a gentle night light that reassures parents checking on baby in the dark. Instructions and safe sleep information is supplied with the Gro-egg.

November 22, 2015

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