Parenting - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

Favouritism And Your Children

When I go into homes I often hear comments like, ‘She is Mommy’s girl and that one is Daddy’s girl’ or ‘He’s the apple of my eye’ and such like. Comments like these stick with children. They realize that they can ‘never’ attain that place in Mommy’s or Daddy’s heart because it is already taken. Every child is unique and special and should be treated as such. There should never be an element of doubt that they are equally loved. Because of the complexity of different personalities in one home, It is common for a parent to prefer one child above another, or to just get on better with one more than the other. The child can easily misinterpret this preference as, ‘Mommy loves him more than me.’ And sometimes, sadly, this is the case! CS Lewis wrote: When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less. – CS Lewis, Mere Christianity In almost every family I have helped, there would typically be an introvert followed by an extrovert, or the other way around. The first two children are always opposite in my experience. It is easy to greet the ‘sunshine’ child with an excited ‘Morning!’ when he comes in with a huge smile in between yawning and rubbing his eyes to wake up, while his sibling comes in sullen and serious and is met with a more serene and subdued greeting. Children tend to pick up those underlying differences but misinterpret them as ‘one child is wrong and the other is right’. When a second child makes its arrival in the family, Dad generally takes on the task of bonding with the older one so Mom can be involved with the baby. This is great, but the time also needs to come where they swop over. Then eventually they receive equal attention. If the child constantly refuses to allow one parent to help or do anything, then that parent should insist on helping. This will transition smoothly if there is opportunity for bonding time; especially making opportunities for time with that parent alone. When a child feels like the second best, he will start taking it out on the sibling and the bond that they could have had will be broken. The picture portrayed should rather be Mom and Dad in a ‘team’ (a force to be reckoned with), and the children should be standing together. Too often I see an alliance formed between one parent and a child against the other parent and the other child.

July 15, 2017

Do you hate bedtime?

A correct bedtime routine can really help your child transition to sleep As a parent, I am sure you have often read about the importance of a bedtime routine. This newsletter attempts to provide a few “bedtime routine secrets”. The most important thing to remember with your child’s bedtime routine is that it really is the start of sleep. Recently, there has been hype in the media about how sleep is a time for our brains to get rid of toxins. So what happens at bedtime? The wonderful thing about bedtime is that it helps our children transition into the “wonderful slumber of sleep”. Have you watched the inspiring TED video about how important sleep is? Watch it now; you will never think the same about sleep again. Why is bedtime routine important? Bedtime routines cue our children’s brains to prepare them for sleep. Children thrive on predictability, consistency and routine. Keep it simple, predictable and the same every night. My top tips for a bedtime routine: Keep it short – no longer than 30 minutes. If you have a child older than 6 months, feed him prior bath time. A bath is the best start to your bedtime routine. For a toddler, set an egg timer for 30 minutes before bedtime to get him used to the idea that sleep is soon to follow. No IPads/TV/computers for at least two hours before bedtime. Rather invest in some quality family time. Keep bedtime early. Typically, after 8pm it should only be mom and dad left in the living room. (I recently commented on a very good article featured in the Baba and Kleuter Magazine’s September edition about early bedtimes). What about older children? Remember that children (until they reach puberty) need to sleep for a solid 11 or 12 hours at night. Therefore, an early bedtime for the whole family is a good idea. In addition, you and your partner will still have a few hours left in the evening to enjoy quality time with each other.

July 15, 2017

Why the is stimulation of little babies so important?

When it comes to stimulation in babies, there seems to be two camps: On the one side we have people who don’t see the need for it and say, “What can a baby do in anyway? They are still so tiny and dependant” or “There is no need to stimulate and teach children before the age of 3.” And then we have the other side, who mostly work with children, who say that it is extremely important to stimulate and teach a child form as early as possible. Starting with baby massage.” So what does the research show? Research indicates that children learn best in an environment which allows them to explore, discover and play. It is also closely tied to the development of cognitive, socio-emotional and physical behaviours. The problem, especially for first time parents, is that the amount of information and research is overwhelming and parents often don’t know where to begin. Add time constraints to this and parents find themselves spending more time researching what to do to aid in their child’s development, than actually playing and bonding with their children. Why is stimulation little babies so important? Recent brain research has found that an infant’s environment dramatically affects brain-building and healthy development. This early stage of brain development results in how and how well one thinks and learns both as children and as adults. You might have heard the expression that children have sponges for brains as they soak everything in. This is because of a biological need and desire to learn. During the first years of a baby’s life, the brain is building the wiring system. Stimulation and activity in the brain creates these connections called synapses. The amount of stimulation received directly affects how many synapses are formed and so repetitive and consistent stimulation strengthens these connections and makes them permanent. Researchers have discovered that the foundational networking of a brain’s synapses is nearly complete by 3 years of age. This shows us that we as parents and caregivers have an important job to assist in building the brain especially in the first 3 years of a child’s life. The SkidZ program focuses on one-on-one stimulation. Infants have a natural and definite preference for the human face, voice, touch and smell, above everything else and so an infant’s best toy is you, the parent or caregiver. Children learn through play and we encourage them to explore and discover, using you as their caregiver and items provided in the SkidZ Clever Activity Boxes. We as parents easily fall into the trap of constantly buying new toys, which they get bored of quickly, when research clearly shows that toys are not their first preference. Playing with a caregiver is. This starts as early as birth with baby massage. SkidZ provides you as a parent or caregiver with an easy to follow manual, filled with age appropriate stimulating activities, to help develop your child’s brain and to aid in them reaching their developmental milestones. It has been developed by four experts in Early Childhood Development, making sure that all developmental milestones are covered. We have done all the work for you, covering what to do and why, and have provided you with the information, so that all your available time can be spent with your child. What do these babies do? Well, we start with baby massage which wakes up the brain and builds brain connections regarding body awareness. As they grow older we help strengthen core muscles and encourage exploration. And so the program covers all the basics such as gross and fine motor skills, auditory, speech, language and cognitive development etc. It even teaches children some independence.

July 15, 2017

The Vital Years: How to Enrich your Child’s Learning Ability from Birth Until the Age of Eight

Research has shown that we develop most of our ability to learn in the first 8 years of life, especially the first 4. This doesn’t mean that you absorb more knowledge, but that you build more neuro pathways (the main learning pathways of the brain) in this time, than throughout the rest of your life. This is why early childhood development and age appropriate stimulation is so important. Researcher Dr Phil Silva from New Zealand highlights the importance of early stimulation. “It doesn’t mean that the other years are unimportant, but our research has shown that children who have a slow start during the first three years are likely to experience problems right through childhood and into adolescence.” There are 6 main pathways into the brain by which we learn, our 5 senses, sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell, and the sixth step is through what we physically do. This means a baby will learn to crawl by physically crawling. Every day is a learning experience and the more a child is allowed to explore the world the more neuro pathways are built and the more he can learn during his lifetime. Through stimulating a child’s brain, more interacting connections are formed in the brain. The more connections there are the easier it is to learn. What a child does physically in the first few years of life, plays a major part in how well he or she will develop other abilities. Some examples. Developing the brainstem: Activities such as grasping, crawling, pushing, reaching and turning leads to hand-eye coordination and pre-writing abilities. Developing the cerebellum (balancing): Activities such as spinning, swinging, rolling, listening and dancing leads to bicycle riding, reading skills and fine motor coordination. Developing the emotional brain: Activities such as cuddling and playing together leads to love, security and confidence. Developing the thinking brain (cortex): Activities such as stacking toys, puzzles and patterning leads to math, problem solving, spelling and memory. It seems like most countries have their educational priorities completely wrong, as most spend under 10% of their education budget on these forming years. SKidz Clever Activity Boxes has set a curriculum of fun filled activities to bridge this gap. The curriculum is written primarily for babies and toddlers that stay at home with mommy or a nanny, but it has also been used by schools and day mothers. All the equipment is supplied with the manual which gives direction regarding what activities to do each day and what areas of development are being stimulated through those activities. Children learn through exploration, games and play and this is what we have focused on. You can order your age specific box from www.skidz.co.za/shop

July 15, 2017

The Importance of Early Brain Development

As parents we want what is best for our children and want to teach and help them grow into successful, well-rounded adults. To achieve this we need to invest in the development of our children’s brains. The emotional, social and physical development of young children has a direct effect on their overall development and on the adult they will become. That is why understanding the need to invest in very young children is so important, so as to maximise their future well-being. Neurological research has shown that the early years play a vital role in the brain development of children. Babies start to learn about the world around them from a very early age and these first learning experiences deeply affect their future physical, emotional, social and cognitive development. These early learning experiences start just before and after birth already, so starting young is extremely important as optimizing and investing in your child’s early years sets them up for success later in life. According to James J. Heckman, a Nobel laureate and Director of the Centre for the Economics of Human Development at the University of Chicago, “Learning starts in infancy, long before formal education begins, and continues throughout life. Early learning begets later learning and early success breeds later success, just as early failure breeds later failure. As a society, we cannot afford to postpone investing in children until they become adults, nor can we wait until they reach school age – a time when it may be too late to intervene. The best evidence supports the policy prescription: invest in the very young and improve basic learning and socialising skills.” As parents we often don’t know how to optimally develop our children’s brains and the very dedicated spend hours researching on the internet. Skidz Clever Activity Boxes has done everything for you. The age ranges start from birth until five years and the program has been developed by four experts in early childhood development. It includes an easy to follow manual and the equipment used to do the many activities. Using the Skidz program gives you time to play and have fun with your child while they learn and develop, as well as the peace of mind knowing that you are doing age appropriate activities with them. You can follow Skidz on Facebook at www.facebook.com/skidzsa The website for more info and orders is http://skidz.co.za or email us at [email protected]

July 15, 2017

How to Choose a Safe Holiday Camp

Sending your kids to overnight camp can be nerve-racking if you’re going to be stressing about their safety. It’s important that you choose a camp that has trustworthy staff and safe facilities. To put your mind at ease, here are some suggested questions that you should ask concerning the safety policy of a sleepover camp for your kids: What is the ratio of staff to children? Staff ratios are very important. The higher the number of counselors to campers, the more supervised your children will be. A higher staff to child ratio means a more controlled environment and will ensure that your kids are getting the quality supervision and attention they require. How have the staff been trained? Your children should be in the care of staff that are at least qualified to render basic first aid, also known as Emergency First Response. You need to also question their psychological training in terms of how they would handle a case of bullying or homesickness at camp. What is the camp’s policy on parental contact during camp? A camp that is running ethically will not completely cut-off ties between parents and their children. The camp must allow some sort of contact between the campers and their parents during camp, like an occasional email home or a telephone line that allows parents to speak directly to their kids in a case of emergency. Some camps post pictures of the campers on their social media platforms so that parents can become a part of their children’s experiences too. Does the camp have a policy for screening visitors? A camp that places great emphasis on who can and who cannot enter the property is a camp that you can trust. Proper safety precautions should be implemented when visitors come to camp, such as CCTV surveillance and proper sign-in and sign-out facilities. Does the camp prevent two people from ever being alone together? According to the American Camp Association (ACA), it’s inappropriate for a camp employee to be alone and out of sight with a camper, as well as a camper to be alone with another camper regardless of gender. There should always be at least three people present in these rare cases of seclusion, and one of those people must be the child’s supervising counselor. This safety policy is commonly known as a “Buddy System”. Does the camp conduct background checks on staff and counselors? It is of utmost importance that the camp conducts background checks and a police clearance on their staff and counselors. This is vital as their employees will be working with children who are vulnerable and require safe and specialized care. Asking the right questions before selecting a camp will ensure your children are well cared for in a controlled and safe environment, and it will further help put your mind at ease while they are away from home.

July 15, 2017

5 Tips for finding a good holiday camp

The opportunity for your kids to gain new friends and a better sense of independence and maturity is best provided by a sleepover camp during the school holidays. These holiday camps are also called ‘summer camps’. There are a variety of sleepover camps available and choosing the right camp for your child’s interest is important if they are going to enjoy their school holidays. Despite the overwhelmingly wide selection of camps to choose from, camps that children are likely to enjoy do have a few things in common. When searching for a good holiday camp for your children, be sure to look for these 5 things: 1. Find a camp that is technology-free. A camp that doesn’t allow your kids to carry their mobile and gaming devices are usually the best option. These camps provide your children with a break away from technology and allow them to participate and gain the complete camp experience without any distractions. This will also allow your children to form new face-to-face friendships, which will often be the highlight of their experience. 2. Find a camp with an outdoor focus. It’s good to find a camp located in a natural environment. This will allow your children to enjoy the tranquility of being away from the bustling city life. In the past, summer camps used their natural settings and encouraged children to play in an outdoor environment. However, this is not always the case today as many camps are located in busy, urban environments such as college campuses. 3. Find a camp that has a flexible and age-appropriate program. Some summer camps have a fixed program structure and do not allow your child to choose what they would like to participate in. Since the majority of children do not enjoy being forced to do compulsory activities, you should try to find a camp that is flexible in this regard. As much as structured activities are great for balance and discipline, non-structured activities are great for freedom of expression and personal growth. You would also be wise to find out what sort of activities are on offer and whether these activities will be suitable for your child’s interests and age group. 4. Find a camp that practices environmental education. A camp that gets children involved with nature in a hands-on way is exactly what you should be looking for if you live in the city. These camps schedule a time where nature can be explored and discovered, creating the perfect opportunity for children to learn an appreciation for the environment. Exceptional camps promote recycling and always work towards reducing their environmental footprint and encourage children to do the same. 5. Find a camp that provides three good meals a day. It is essential that children are provided with good, nutritious meals three times a day. Some camps are criticized for failing to provide healthy meals for their campers. You need to ensure that the camp you choose follows a menu which is suitable for the healthy growth and development of your child, as well as food that your children will enjoy. Well-fed campers are always happy campers. A summer camp which checks all these boxes is a camp worth trying. As an added measure, you may also want to read the reviews on camps’ social media pages to make sure that other parents recommend your chosen camp. Once that’s done, your children are good to go and will very likely want to return for the next school holiday.

July 15, 2017

How camp helps shy and insecure children

One reason that many parents send their kids to a holiday camp like Sugar Bay is so that they can make new friends and become more confident in a safe and fun environment, without the added pressure that often comes from school or home. Evidently, many children have left Sugar Bay’s shores having received much personal benefit from their holiday experience. They share their stories below: Mvelo (High school student, Parktown): Sugar Bay changed my life forever. Before I came to Sugar Bay, I had a low self-esteem; I was anti-socialand never had any friends. I chose to rather be at home, indoors, rather than playing outside because I was afraid of socializingwith other kids as I felt like they would judge me. All of that began to change when I came to Sugar Bay, 10 years ago. I was inspired and encouraged to break out of my shell and socialize. Since then, I love coming back to Sugar Bay and making new friends. I’ve loved every single moment I’ve spent here at camp. Now, I have more confidence in myself. Basani (High school student, Lonehill): Sugar Bay has taught me that it’s okay to be me and that everyone at Sugar Bay is your friend. To this day, I am still friends with those girls from my first camp, as well as other camps I have been to thereafter. Today, I am a confident, open “social butterfly”, and I would be none of these things if it weren’t for Sugar Bay. Matej (High school student, Johannesburg): I used to be a shy personwho didn’t really have friendsand never wanted to participate in any activities. I always pretended to have a good time, but secretly, I wanted to be somewhere else. I used to have anger management issuesbut all of that changedwhen I came here. I hope to continue to teach the kids the lessons I was taught the first time I came to camp. Unlike other environments, holiday camps are specifically aimed at assisting children to overcome certain issues and to help them gain the skills they require to become confident and courageous individuals. If you are a parent with a shy and insecure child – a holiday camp at Sugar Bay is a good option to consider. The above testimonials reveal limited information about the reviewer in order to protect the privacy of the children. However, Sugar Bay’s Facebook Page boasts over 150 public reviews, which parents are encouraged to browse through if they are considering booking a camp.

July 15, 2017

5 Camp Games to Play at Home

Restricting the amount of time your kids spend with technology can be very challenging. The best way to do this, it to motivate them to participate in equally interesting activities that can be played outdoors. This is how holiday camps do it – they keep kids entertained with fun games outside so that they forget all about the TV, computer or cellphone inside! Here are 5 popular camp games that you can play with the kids at home: 1. Stalk the lantern Stalk the lantern is a game which was inspired by the army and typically played during the dark. Everyone needs to be dressed in black and have their faces painted, just as the soldiers camouflage themselves in the army. Divide the players into teams and select the same number as the teams to get representatives to form the lantern. The representatives are responsible for shining the flashlight on players in order to get them out of the game. The objective of the game is to get as close to the lantern as possible when the lights are out, without having the flashlight shine on you. 2. Capture the flag Capture the flag is a traditional outdoor game, where two teams each have a flag and the objective is to capture the other team’s flag. The flag is located at each team’s “base”. The teams would have to find the flag and bring it safely back to their own base. 3. Treasure Hunt The game of the pirates, as it’s commonly known, treasure hunts are a popular and also a very exciting game to play. The objective of the game is to find hidden “treasure”. The game could include searching for items, following clues as a group, or splitting into teams to race to a prize. You can be very creative with this game by creating maps as clues or using riddles that need to be solved, which makes it very interesting. 4. Minute-to-win-it Inspired by the television game show hosted by Guy Fieri, this game is basically a race against the clock, whereby contestants need to complete ten deceptively simple games to win the grand prize. The contestants have 60 seconds to complete each challenge, which increase in difficulty as the game progresses, or they are eliminated. 5. Fear Factor Also inspired by the television game show, Fear Factor is a very popular and interactive game at camp. A group of contestants are challenged to perform a number of terrifying and/or disgusting stunts. If a contestant refuses a challenge, fails in a challenge, or has the worst performance in a challenge, that contestant is eliminated from the competition. The contestant or team that manages to complete all of the stunts, including finishing the final stunt in the fastest time wins the game. These fun camp-inspired games will definitely bring the family together and keep everyone away from their devices.

July 15, 2017

10 Tips on How to Better Manage your Nanny

Having a nanny in your home means you are an employer and she is an employee. Regardless of your nanny working in your home, you still need to actively manage your nanny in order to bring out the best in her. Discussing aspects of her work role in advance can help you and your nanny manage existing expectations and allow for better communication in your working relationship. Here are ten steps to help you achieve this: Review how your nanny travels to work on a daily basis. What is her route, what is her mode of transport? What is the current cost? What is her back up plan if her primary mode of transport fails? What is your backup plan if her transport fails and she is unable to get to work? How will you as an employer tackle transport costing going up in the year? Diarise any visits to the clinic or hospital should she need to pick up her medication be it on a regular monthly or weekly basis. It is important to sit down with your nanny and work this out so that it can be included into your family schedule and her working schedule. Diarise any visits to home affairs. Foreign nannies that do not have valid work permits in their passports, are required to renew their permits regularly. This also includes asylum permit holders. Once you know your child’s school schedule and extra mural activities, it is helpful to put up the time schedule so that your nanny can see what is going on especially if she needs to pick up your children from school or take them to any extra mural activities. We recommend that you review it with her as well. Work with your child and your nanny to set up rules of behaviour that are acceptable and unacceptable in your family home. Review her working hours, time schedule, overtime etc. This may change from year to year as family dynamics and circumstances change, children move into new grades, you move house, husband has to commute, new job etc Review her salary, salary increase, bonus, etc. If she does receive an increase, let her know when it will happen and how much. Also if she gets a bonus or 13thcheque and it is performance based, let her know what is important to you. E.g. a good attitude, getting to work on time. Be specific here. Review your and her holiday schedule so she is aware well in advance when she can expect a break. Foreign nannies especially need to know so that they can make the necessary plans to visit their families. Review how sick leave works, what she is entitled to, when she needs a doctor’s note etc. Make the time to discuss important issues with your nanny just like one would have a meeting at work. It is helpful to have a set time to discuss and review ordinary tasks, and changes that may happen during the week. This builds the relationship, ongoing communication, creates the space for constructive criticism and positive reinforcement. This regular time creates the space for the nanny to make contributions as well. Take time to listen to her too. Remember to APPRECIATE your nanny. This could be a simple thank you or an acknowledgment of a task well done. Visit www.supernannies.co.zatoday to see how we can help you

July 15, 2017

How do you choose the right domestic nanny worker/nanny?

It’s important to prioritise your family’s needs and then look for a nanny that suits your family. There is no such thing as the perfect nanny.A pleasant personality and experience is more important that lots of qualifications. References are important to check up on. Qualities to look for in a nanny are a good attitude, honesty, reliability, shows initiative and a willingness to communicate and do the tasks the mother’s way. Skills can always be taught. As a parent, it is important to trust your gut instinct when making your choice. Nobody is perfect but the nanny must fit in with your family requirements and the parent/employer must be realistic about their own expectations. Points to consider during your nanny interview and trial period Did the candidate arrive for the interview well groomed and neatly dressed? Did she wash her hands before holding your child? Was she punctual, and did she phone if late? Did she apologise if she was late and lost? Does she have a sense of orderliness that is compatible with your own? Is she physically capable of handling the nanny job? Does she show an interest in your children? How does she interact with your child? Does she seem intelligent and have common sense? Do you feel relaxed and comfortable talking to her What are the rates for domestic nanny workers/nannies? There are some subtle differences when it comes to the job description and salary rates of childcare’s which we call domestic nanny workers and /or nannies; aupairs and aupairs. Super Nannies childcare roles and expected salary range: Job title: Domestic nanny Description: A person whose responsibilities include caring for young children and doing light cleaning in the home. Education: minimum education Salary: R4000 – R5500 Driving: No Housework: Yes but generally light work as she has to balance childcare and housework Childcare: Yes Cooking: Yes/No Job title: Nanny or childcare Description: A person whose responsibilities only include caring for young children and doing perhaps some laundry and ironing. Education: Minimum education Salary: R4000 – R5500 Driving: No Housework: Yes but housework associated with the child. Sorting toys, laundry and ironing Childcare: Yes Cooking: Yes to cook the child’s food Job title: Nanny Aupair (Naupairs) Description: A well-spoken, well educated person whose responsibilities only include caring for young children and doing light housework Education: Tertiary education Salary: R6500 + Driving: Yes but may not have own car Housework: light housework associated with the child. Childcare: Yes Cooking: Yes to cook the child’s food Job title: Aupair Description: Normally a young student studying at University or a mature person Education: Always includes a tertiary education Salary: R80/R85 per hour/R4500 – R8500 for half day/R8000+ full day Driving: Yes with own car Housework: No Childcare: Yes – playing, helping with homework and driving children to extra mural activities. Cooking: Yes to cook the child’s food What about annual, sick and maternity leave Annual leave A nanny is still your employer despite being part of your family and home environment. It is important that if your nanny is working for you permanently that you have a employment contract with her outlining her job role and responsibilities. The standard conditions of employment apply to her too. As an employer you must grant her at least: Three weeks annual leave on full pay in respect of each 12 months of employment. The minimum of three weeks annual leave must be granted not later than six months after the end of the annual leave cycle, or the year in which the leave was earned. The leave earned in one year must be granted over a continuous period i.e. on consecutive days, if requested by the worker. Sick leave During every sick leave cycle of 36 months, a domestic nanny is entitled to paid sick leave equal to the number of days she would normally work during a period of six weeks (approximately 30 days). For the first six months of employment, the domestic nanny is only entitled to sick leave at the rate of one day’s paid sick leave for every 26 days worked. Maternity leave A domestic nanny is entitled to at least four consecutive months (unpaid) maternity leave. UIF will offer some compensation while she is on maternity leave depending on how long she has been contributing to UIF. A domestic nanny may not work for six weeks after the birth of her child unless a medical practitioner certifies that she is fit to do so. Would one have to draw up a contract and what should the contract entail At Super Nannies, we do encourage the employer in this case the parent to draw up a contract with the nanny especially if its a permanent job role. This is important for two key reasons. The advantage of a written agreement is that the employer and the domestic nanny worker will have clarity about each other’s rights and duties. By providing a written contract it also makes the domestic nanny nanny feel secure in her job and gives her the knowledge that her employer takes her role seriously. However you don’t need a written agreement to establish a binding contract of employment. A spoken agreement of employment is just as binding as a written one but the law does require that written particulars of employment must be handed to the nanny on commencement of her job. In an employment contract the following particulars must be supplied: Identities of the employer and worker, and the place of work Is the agreement for an indefinite or fixed period starting date The nature of the job and duties Salary, including the value of any payments in kind Wage, or rate and method of payment Rate of pay for overtime Any other cash payments the domestic nanny is entitled to Any payment in kind that the domestic nanny is entitled to and the value of the payment in kind How frequently wages will be paid Any deductions to be made from the wage Whether

July 15, 2017

No more spanking – better ways to discipline

It’s exciting times! Did you know that new legislation passed in October makes spanking your child illegal? This is a win for children’s rights in our country, where rates of child violence are some of the highest in the world. Wessel Van der Berg (child rights and positive parenting portfolio manager) for the NGO Sonke Gender Justice, reminds us that “A large body of research shows that there’s a strong association between men’s use of violence and their exposure to harsh physical punishment as children.” One study carried out over five decades, involving over 160,000 children, found that the more children are spanked, “the more likely they are to defy their parents and to experience increased antisocial behaviour, aggression, mental health problems and cognitive difficulties.” So what how can we as parents to manage our kids effectively? Disciplining in the 21stcentury is less about a “method” and more about what you say and your relationship with your child. I like to call it disciplining with heart. How we discipline affects what our kids learn about controlling feelings, handling arguments and difficult situations. So it’s really worthwhile to take a moment to calm down first and to think about what we’d like to them to learn when we discipline them. If Joe keeps leaving his shoes on the floor, our discipline comment could teach (remind) him that “shoes aren’t for the floor, shoes are for wearing or keeping in the cupboard”. If we shout, threaten or become overly demanding, getting his co-operation is less likely. Remember too, that we can’t expect children to learn without teaching them the consequences of their behaviour. So as we discipline, following through with consequences that are logical, fair and purposeful teaches them to become responsible. Top tips for disciplining with heart breathe – always try to calm yourself before reacting out of anger talk to them at their eye-level– kids feel respected and ‘heard’ when we’re at their level, it gains co-operation think about what you’re wanting them to learn – and explain this to them (it’s about teaching and guiding, not forcing) repeat what’s expected – children learn through repetition, so tell them how you’re wanting them to behave use questions rather than commands – by questioning them about their behaviour it helps develop their problem solving skills (e.g. “what do you think will happen if you do that?” “what is dinnertime for?”) explain and follow through with consequences – they learn and co-operate best when they understand what’s expected and consistently experience the results of their choices (consequences) comment on the positives – when you notice and comment on good behaviour, it activates the centers in the brain responsible for motivation, so they’re highly likely to keep behaving this way (e.g. “nice listening”, “great sharing” With a just few adjustments to our behaviour, we’ll soon be amazed at how effective disciplining this way can be. That’s why I called my second book ParentMagic – raising kids positively – because by using easy methods, parenting becomes magical.

July 15, 2017

How early learning builds a child’s other abilities

We often read articles and speak to Early Childhood Development experts such as Paediatricians and Occupational Therapists, who assess a child’s progress based on developmental milestones. Being a part of many mommy groups, I often find some moms who say that this focus on milestones is misguided. The problem is that many don’t really understand why looking at milestones as a guideline is important. Some even say things like “My child didn’t crawl and she is fine”, but what measures as fine? I’m not talking about major problems or delays in development, but things that we only see later in life. It is also important to note that these developmental skills that are learnt and developed through exploration and play, is the foundation of other skills used later in life. Investing in the development of your child especially in the first few years cannot be emphasised enough. The easiest way to explore this would be through examples, so here goes. When a baby is born, he can’t see or hear very well and his sensations are far from perfect. When looking at visual stimulation babies need to be exposed to high contrast colours and patterns. In the earliest months a baby lays down the main ‘visual pathways’ of his brain. The cortex of his brain has 6 layers of cell which transmit different signals from the retina in the eyes to the back of the brain. On layer for example transmits vertical lines, another horizontal. Others will deal with circles, triangle and squares. If, for example, a baby would only see horizontal lines, then when he crawled or walked he would continually be banging into the legs of tables and chairs because the visual pathways which where laid earlier could not process vertical lines. Here are some more examples of how what a child physically does in the first few years of life plays a major part in how well he will develop other abilities. The Brainstem: Controls the flow of messages between the brain and the rest of the body. Activity learnt: Grasping Touching Crawling Walking Reaching Turning Pushing Pulling. These activities lead to: Hand-eye coordination Gross motor skills Prewriting ability The Cerebellum: Coordinates voluntary movements such as posture, balance, coordination, and speech, resulting in smooth and balanced muscular activity. Activity learnt: Spinning Tumbling Balancing Dancing Listening Swinging Rolling These activities lead to: Balance Sporting ability Bicycle riding Writing skills Fine motor coordination Reading skills. The Emotional brain (amygdala and temporal lobe): Emotions, like fear and love as well as brain functions, like memory and attention. Activity learnt: Cuddling Stroking Playing together These activities lead to: Love Security Bonding Social skills Cooperation Confidence The cortex: Associated with higher brain function such as thought and action Activity learnt: Stacking toys Building puzzles Recognising and making patterns Playing word games Repetitive play and music These activities lead to: Math Logic Problem solving Fluent reading Spelling Writing A good vocabulary Painting Memory Musical ability Another point to consider is that for a child learns from concrete and active experiences. To understand an abstract concept he would first have to understand the physical concept. For instance, to understand the abstract concept of roundness, he must first have experienced real round things like a ball. There are endless examples that could be explored but the conclusion is the same. Experiences and active play to reach milestones are extremely important for future successes. SKidz gives you as a parent the tools to stimulate and play with your child, which encourages not only his physical ability, but also sets a firm foundation for healthy relationships, where he feels loved and secure. The program has been developed by 4 experts in early childhood development and is divided into 5 boxes so that you only need to buy the appropriate one at a time. Each box comes with all the equipment needed to do the activities as well as a step by step manual, with easy to follow instructions as well as developmental information, so that you know what areas you are developing through that activity. The range is divided into the following ages 0-6 months, 6-12 months, 12-18 months, 18-24 months and 2-5 years. More info on this wonderful product can be found on the website http://skidz.co.za. All orders are also placed from the online shop on the website. For some up to date news, articles and specials follow SKidz on facebook at www.facebook.com/skidzsa.

July 14, 2017

Ditching Maths Myths

The best start parents can give children to ensure they master maths throughout their school careers, is to ensure they banish negative attitudes towards the subject right from the start, an education expert says. “Parents and caregivers must ensure they don’t pass on their own negative feelings about maths, or any other subject, because they themselves struggled in the past,” says Barbara Eaton, Academic Development Co-ordinator for the Schools Division at ADvTECH, Africa’s largest private education provider. “Children should be allowed to embark on their maths learning in the secure understanding that they are competent and capable, without any kind of pre-emptive fear for the subject,” she says. Eaton notes South Africans regularly hear about our country’s dismal performance in international maths and science benchmarking tests. “Those of us who work at the Pre-Primary level are well aware that the results of the children at prep and college levels will not improve if we do not focus on the correct teaching of maths concepts within the three to six-year age group,” she says. But she warns that early learning should be age-appropriate and concentrate on ‘hands-on, brains-on’ activities. “Early mathematical experiences have to be presented in kinaesthetic and concrete ways, leading to semi-abstract activities in Grade 0. We certainly do not favour worksheets for children at this young age,” she says. Eaton adds that while many young children enter Pre-Primary school with knowledge of counting, numbers and shapes, it is also important to expose them to more challenging content. “Young children are ready to learn more advanced concepts as long as they are presented in an engaging and developmentally appropriate manner. This does not equate with ‘pushing down’ the curriculum content to younger and younger children, as that could have the opposite of the intended effect.” Eaton advises parents to take a keen and active part in getting their children excited about maths, and says that the foundations of later maths mastery can be achieved through play-based activities in the early years. Activities which promote the acquisition of maths concepts include: Singing number songs and rhymes. Counting out everyday items such as plates and cutlery for supper, potatoes for cooking, biscuits for tea. Matching how many times you clap with items such as bottle tops. Baking, which involves counting and measuring of ingredients. Drawing attention to numerals on gates, cars, busses – anywhere in the immediate environment. Sharing out sweets amongst the family or the teddies at the play tea party, which teaches division. Dividing fruit, veg and cakes into pieces and talk about halves and quarters, which teaches the concept of fractions. Working out how many sweets we need if everyone is to get two, which teaches multiplication. Matching, identifying and counting coins, and giving coins to spend on small items in the shop. Comparing the sizes of clothes and shoes that the family members wear and arranging them in ascending and descending order. “Research tracking American, British and Canadian children found that children who entered pre-school with a strong grasp of numeracy, counting, relative magnitudes and ordinality achieved better maths scores in later years, and that these skills were more predictive of general scholastic achievement than were language, attention or social skills,” says Eaton. “But parents should not, in an attempt to ensure their child’s future maths mastery, try to get them to learn something now, with difficulty, which they will manage more easily later. Helping your child at this stage does not entail the teaching of isolated maths skills through memorisation, rote or the reliance on worksheets. “Parents and guardians who want to make a substantial contribution to their children’s performance later in life can ensure they lay a solid and positive foundation in the early years, simply by making maths meaningful and relevant to everyday situations. Quite simply, maths should become child’s play.”

July 13, 2017

The Grateful Parent

Parenting is tough and tiring and generally involves a multitude of thankless tasks performed endlessly day after day like an endless time loop. It is understandable that when we parents get together we’re often just having a good old moan. And please, let me not take that away from you. Just sharing the burden and knowing someone else is going through it too can go a long way to making you feel like you can cope. However, if you’re tired of the groaning and want to see things from a different perspective, here are some ideas on parenting gratitude to get you going… Today I am grateful for… The pile of dishes in the kitchen – because they mean we have plenty to eat and a home with a kitchen and dishes for food preparation. My sick child – because I have the flexibility to be home to care for her and because I know I am needed by somebody. The pile of unanswered emails – because it means I have work and am busy and can earn enough to provide for my family. The toys all over the house – because they’re a sign of the beautiful human beings who live here. My kids fighting – because they have siblings to try out their social skills on and they’re learning to work things out on their own. My husband coming home late from work – because he’s doing his best to provide for us. The wet washing hanging all over the bathroom – because we have the rain that we so need and plenty of clothes to wear. The Internet not working – because it tears us all away from our devices and into connection with each other. Feeling tired – because my life is full and I’m involved with my kids to a level that has me falling into bed at the end of the day. These are just some ideas from my life, but you can find something beautiful and worth being thankful for in every day – it just takes a moment to reconsider the thing you’re moaning about. I watched a documentary recently about a girl who was one of the few people to survive rabies without a vaccine. The girl’s father was talking about how much he appreciates every day with his daughter now, having come so close to losing her. He smiles when she fights with her siblings, feels warmth in his heart when she backchats him, wants to hug her when she is moping about the house. He knows how lucky he is to have another day with her – whatever that day may bring. Do we really need to almost lose our kids to be a grateful parent? I don’t think so. But I do think we just need the occasional reminder!

July 13, 2017

Help for underage gamblers

Traditionally considered an ‘adults only’ issue, a growing number of children are affected by problem gambling. With this in mind, the South African Responsible Gambling Foundation (SARGF) is striving to address the issue with a number of initiatives. Chief among these is the National Schools Programme. As part of this, SARGF has developed a learning pillar called Taking Risks Wisely (TRW), which is incorporated into school curricula. The course material has been developed around the reality that children are exposed to gaming and that it may seem attractive; and with this insight in mind, it aims to help them make wiser choices about risky behaviour. SARGF also provides assistance through its toll free support line at 0800 006 008. This hotline offers free, professional counselling for problem gamblers – important, because as Dr Heidi Sinclair, treatment and counselling manager at SARGF explains, a professional counsellor will be able to help both parents and children understand they dynamics that have pushed the child to seek distraction or solace in gaming. “Often, the issue is created by poor self-esteem, and the counsellor will be able to provide suggestions to help families address this in a more constructive manner,” Sinclair says. While parents may not like to think that their children are gambling, the reality is that they are. In fact, according to research cited by Knowtheodds.org, 2.1% of US residents aged between 14 and 21 are problem gamblers. “No similar statistics are available in South Africa, but it’s clear that extensive exposure to gambling puts children and teens at risk: while the media glamorises casinos and gambling, family exposure – occurring every time parents purchase a lottery ticket or host a social game of poker, for example – make gambling an everyday part of life for youth. The Internet makes online gambling readily accessible, and the games children play on their tablets often groom them for real-world gaming.” She urges parents to look out for signs that their children may have become involved in gaming. These include the classic symptoms associated with risky behaviour, including sudden mood swings, a lack of interest in activities that have previously brought pleasure, a drop in school marks and absenteeism from school. Other, more specific signs that a child may have started gaming include buying items that they wouldn’t be able to afford on their usual allowance, or running out of money and asking for financial assistance. A sudden and intense interest in sport may also be a warning sign, especially if the child displays a disproportionate response to a team’s win or loss. This may indicate that they are placing bets on the teams. Visits to online betting sites are a red flag.

July 10, 2017

Parenthood – there is no guidebook

Diana Du Plessis on behalf of Philips Mother and Child Division (Avent) You have survived 9 months of pregnancy, gone through labour and finally it’s time to head home and be a parent. Some might get help from family and grandparents but others might not. While the birth of a new baby brings happiness to the family, it also naturally comes with some fears that can be daunting to new parents. Reading magazines, previous articles about parenthood or even a simple google search may provide some insight, but it shouldn’t determine how you take care of your children. Pregnancies and births are never alike; everyone has a unique experience and the same can be said for parenthood – where no parenting style is the same. You just need to find your own and one that works for your family. Fortunately, children and their parents learn together. As your child grows older, your parenting skills will also change and adapt. You are your own guidebook and what works for you and your bundle of joy should be what you practice daily. It is fun to be a parent, but also a big job to raise a child so here are a few myths about parenthood that we can debunk to help you be the best parent for your child. Myth: Childbirth is a nightmare Truth: This is not true – for everyone there will be a different experience. For some it is easy and for some it will be more difficult. Planning for the birth however is the important part. Every woman is different and every pregnancy is different so it’s important to chat to your partner and doctor about what you want and what options works best for you. Myth: A mom should know everything (Supermom) Truth: Accept help and support where possible. You are not a superwoman and you need the help to give you enough time to rest. For a lot of parents the trick is learning as you go as things will get easier by the day. For first time moms, you can read books or blogs to get help on what to do should you feel you are going through a roller coast ride. And remember if you need help – never be ashamed to ask for it. Myth: There is a guidebook on parenthood Truth: Every mother will have a different experience as each baby’s needs are different. Create your own guidebook that works for you and your family. Speaking to other parents is an idea for those who might feel like they are not copying and may want some advice. They might have gone through a similar experience and by chatting to them who knows you might get answers to questions you have. But give parenthood time because you will get in tune with what you baby requires and needs – and you will be great! Myth: Parenting comes naturally Truth: Parenthood needs adjusting to the new way of life and it can be challenge for everyone. It might take time, but just be patient. You will also need your partner often and do ask for help when you need it. Often postpartum depression affects the family relationships and the dynamics with your partner will likely change – so ensure the lines of communication stay open, you share the responsibilities and that you work through the adjustment together. Myth: Babies should sleep through the night when they are two to three months old. Truth: Some parents are lucky as it depends on your baby as it is easier for some to sleep than others. Establishing good sleep habit for your young one might be hard. As a result, a regular bedtime and a sequence at night are key things to consider when developing a sleep routine. Follow the old trick that you should nap when your baby naps – this will help with exhaustion. It can take a bit of time to learn and understand your baby’s needs, but persevere and you will soon see the results. Ask for help from family and friends when you are not managing as parenthood can be exhausting. Parenting does not come naturally as some might say the most important thing is to not compare yourself to your neighbour or friend, you will surely be the best parent for your child.

July 10, 2017

Children Who Lie

There are several reasons why children tell lies. Child psychologists at the Sandton Psychology Centre in Johannesburg say that when deliberating children and lies it becomes necessary to separate when it is problematic and when it is not. Everybody lies sometimes (even adults) and practically all parents will attest that children lie, perhaps not how adults understand a lie, but nonetheless, by stretching the truth, hiding facts, embellishing stories and denying the obvious. Children under 5 years of age will, and do have difficulty differentiating between reality and fantasy. Time and again children’s fantasy and imaginative worlds can offer more satisfaction than reality does. In addition, their wishes and reality are the same thing. Although they may know that lying is not a good thing to do they do not have self-awareness that they’re doing something wrong. Children aren’t born with a set of value systems; they have to be taught the difference between right and wrong behaviour. The major reasons children lie include the following: Watch out for any underlying difficulties such as ADD/ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder or Conduct Disorder. These disorders can be very serious and would have to be treated accordingly. Children with ADD/ADHD for example, do tend to be impulsive and as such may tell lies impulsively, that is without thinking about the consequences. Children who lie can be fearful or scared of getting into trouble. Sometimes they may feel that the consequences of being truthful results in much punishment, lectures, discipline or shouting from parents. It is therefore ‘better’ telling lies and avoiding all of that. Children may lie to not take responsibility for their behaviour, to cover up areas they are struggling with (for example, lying about schoolwork and homework may be a way to cover some underlying difficulty), or hide painful feelings. Adolescents may lie as a way to protect their privacy or to cover up embarrassment or feelings of inadequacy. When dealing with children who lie it is best to determine and address the underlying causes of lying. If we condemn and label children as ‘liars’ we run the risk of getting into a pattern of negativity where the lies don’t subside or become habitual. As a parent, encourage the truth. Be willing to listen and refrain from shaming and punishing the child. Rather work together to find a solution to the problem. If difficulties with lying continue contact a child psychologist at the Sandton Psychology Centre in Johannesburg. The psychologist will be able to determine if there are underlying causes to the lying and what is bothering the child on an emotional level. The child psychologist will work closely with the parents and caregivers to find a healthier way of communicating and dealing with the child’s painful feelings and inappropriate behaviour.

July 9, 2017

Crèche Syndrome

Parents whose children attend crèche or playgroups are very often faced with crèche syndrome. Crèche syndrome is not a condition you will read about in medical textbooks or medical research journals and literature. Yet crèche syndrome is probably the most common chronic condition seen by paediatricians in private practice. CRECHE SYNDROME – THE FACTS Crèche syndrome refers to a phenomenon whereby young children come down with repeated episodes of infections that includes an ongoing cycle of colds, sniffles, excessive upper respiratory snottiness, wet coughs and in more serious cases lead to secondary ear infections, sinusitis, tonsillitis, bronchitis and even pneumonia. Young children are very easily infected at a crèche or playgroup where they come into contact with other children on a daily basis. In a crèche environment, children engage with each other for several hours at time, in a very close proximity, and this exposes young children to whatever infections are doing the rounds. In winter time the children spend most of their time indoors, which is a breeding ground for illness. Vulnerable age group Babies and young children (under the age of 2 years) are most vulnerable to crèche syndrome. Their immune systems is immature and still developing, which mean they are more susceptible to viruses at a young age leading to frequent and more severe infections. The vicious cycle… It is all about continuous virus load – one after another – that wears down the children’s health. However, even though children need to build antibodies against various germs and infections, crèche syndrome doesn’t build enough resistance because of the unrelenting cycle of illness. By the time the virus has infected the first child and travelled through another 10 children at crèche, it reinfects the original child because its form has changed (mutated). After repeated infections a child’s immune system become compromised. Subsequently, these children can get as many as 10 upper airway infections per year. During each episode they could have 10-20 days of a runny nose and a cough as well as fever for the first 3 days (72hours). The result Crèche syndrome is exhausting! It involves a never-ending rollercoaster ride of illness, doctor visits, medication, time off work and very little sleep. The good news Crèche syndrome does not last forever. A young child’s immune system strengthens and becomes better at identifying and dealing with viruses. After the first two to three years you will notice that infections become fewer and often less severe. CRECHE SYNDROME AND ANTIBIOTICS Antibiotics are often prescribed too frequently to treat crèche syndrome and without justification. Antibiotics are rarely the solution because most infections are viral, for which they do not work. They will however kill good bacteria in our body. This disrupts the balance of bacteria present in the digestive system and in so doing compromise the immune system making the child even more susceptible to infections. This becomes a vicious cycle. Recurrent use of antibiotics may also have a negative impact on long-term health. According to research, children exposed to oral antibiotics repeatedly as a baby or young child are more likely to develop allergic disease (eczema, asthma, allergic rhinitis), food allergies, irritable bowel syndrome, inflammatory bowel disease i.e. crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis (IBD) as well as coeliac disease. The wrong use of antibiotics may lead to the development of antibiotic resistance which is of increasing concern. When it really becomes mandatory to use antibiotics, the may not be able to eradicate the offending bacteria. LITTLE BODIES NEED BIG SUPPORT The treatment of crèche syndrome is usually symptomatic and seldom addresses the cause – the underdeveloped immune system. Therefore, the best way to deal with crèche syndrome is to help support and strengthen the immune system to fight infections and thereby prevent the cycle of the condition. Fight it with food Good nutrition is essential in fighting crèche syndrome. It is very important to provide the essential vitamins and minerals much needed by the immune system but also to prevent nutrient deficiencies. The problem is that many toddlers are fussy eaters and parents fall into the trap of feeding them something they know they’ll eat. Often processed meals e.g. pizza or 2-minute noodles instead of nutritious food. This means they miss out on very important nutrients and their immune systems as well as gut become impaired so they catch colds frequently. This can spiral into a vicious cycle of eating less and catching more infections. After repeated bouts of illness many children often battle to catch up the weight they lost making them even more susceptible. Missing immune supportive nutrients Nutrient deficiencies is a well-known cause of immune system malfunction and young children are very often deficient in immune supportive nutrients. An underlying iron, zinc or vitamin D deficiency are often present and can affect the immune system dramatically and increases a child’s vulnerability to an infection. If a child presents with recurring infections it is of value to have blood tests done to establish if there is any underlying nutrient deficiency present. These deficiencies can be easily corrected by means of supplementation. IMMUNE BOOSTING SUPPLEMENTATION Multi-vitamin If a child is a picky eater, multivitamin supplementation should be considered to help support the immune system. Daily supplementation ensure that the body is getting all of the building blocks for a healthy immune system. Look for a high quality broad spectrum multivitamin with vitamins A, B, C, D, E, and B12, zinc, selenium and magnesium. There are so many supplements available on the market that it can be confusing which to use. Paarl Dietitians would be able to advise you on the most appropriate supplement. I usually suggest that children should rather drink a no.3 formula up to 3 years of age rather than cow’s milk that does not supply all the required nutrients for brain development and building a strong immune system. Important – Do not exceed 500ml of milk a day to reduce the risk of an iron deficiency. Probiotics Probiotics seem to be the new

July 7, 2017

10 reasons why you should use a Childcare recruitment agency

I have been placing staff in homes to take care of children for 11 years now. I am often asked by new parents why they should make use of an agency as opposed to sourcing someone on their own. Of course it is a lot cheaper to get someone out of the local newspaper, a referral from a friend, your local community centre or church and while you do hear success stories of these searches you also hear about a lot of frustrations and difficult situations that parents found themselves in. You are paying an agency to provide you with a service and while you may not have walked into a store and bought an item and taken it home, you have made a very important decision on a person who you will be entrusting with your most precious being, your child. She will be responsible for the daily care and well being of your child and you want to know that when you leave home in the morning you do it with a feeling of “ I have made the right decision for both my child and myself “. The agency’s expertise come into play with being able to wade through the candidates and identify the experienced, honest and reliable from the influx of job seekers that try anything to secure a position. Some pointers as to why you are paying an agency: Saving time Everybody has a full time job now days, with both mom and dad working. When you get home the last thing you want to do is sit and read through streams of names in the the local paper and then start calling them. It is a lot easier to submit an application form to an agency with your requirements and have them send you only three of the best candidates suited to your requirements and even if you interview all three it will only take up 2 – 3 hours of your time and they should have all been valuable candidate You don’t know exactly what you are looking for Often moms will phone me and say that they know they need someone to take care of their children but they don’t quite know what they want. It is up to the agency to then try and find out the family dynamics and make suggestions on what type of candidate they think will work best. Sometimes the agency will have to send one or two different types of candidates in order for the parents to interview and get a better feel. Only then are they able to identify exactly what their needs are. Pre – screened candidates All the candidates that you receive from an agency should already be screened. So they should have been interviewed in person, the agency will have confirmed that they are literate, they will have a copy of their ID, passport or asylum, work permit, they will send you an up to date cv with all information on it including salaries, ages of children, job description etc, copies of certificates , references will be produced. By doing this you will be receiving candidates that are suitable for the job that you have a vacancy for. You want a candidate that is trained properly While childminding and aupairing in South Africa do not require any formal qualifications, there are many courses that can be taken to train these candidates and better equip them with the necessary skills to perform their job to the best of their ability. An agency will have the knowledge and understanding of which courses are best suited for which position and many agencies now offer their own courses. This makes it a lot better for the clients as they now have piece of mind knowing that the candidate has been through a course at that particular company and they can question the company on what the course material involves. Advice on market related salaries The agency will be able to give an honest opinion on the market related salaries. Over and above the minimum wage set by the government they will be able to recommend a salary based on a candidates experience and qualifications and also suggest to a family what they should offer when they know what the working hours and the job description will be. A good agency should not over price a candidate in order to increase their commission as this is just unfair to the candidate who in the long run will suffer when she has to move on to a new family. Interviews The agency is responsible for setting up the interviews once the client has confirmed a date, time and venue. The agency must confirm with the candidate and make sure that she understands the location and time. The agency must then let the client know that everything is confirmed. After the interview the agency must follow up with both the client and the candidate to get feedback. One should never assume that because the candidate is looking for work she will just accept the position, it is very important to see if she was happy with everything that was discussed and if the distance she would travel is fine etc. The agency must try and prevent any issues from arising should the candidate be offered the job. Negotiations Money is never an easy topic, and while people are desperate for work they don’t want to be taken advantage of and at the same time parents don’t want to feel like they are under paying someone because they know they are looking after their children. The agency should be left to do the negotiating of salary always as both parties are a lot more honest and straight forward when a third party is involved. I always ask the candidate to tell me how much their transport cost for example so that we can see what they would be earning daily. Often the agency has to go up and down

July 7, 2017

Earning Screentime

I’ve never been a fan of kids spending hours and hours in front of screens. When I grew up we didn’t have computers, and we were limited to one TV program a week. I resented this at the time, but looking back on my childhood I have memories of riding my bike round the neighbourhood, playing makeshift games of softball in the back yard, climbing trees, making mud pies, dressing up, designing doll’s clothes, and doing a multitude of other creative activities. Our days were full and spent almost entirely outdoors, and most of all fun. Of the TV programs that I did watch I have a few scant memories that don’t amount to much. We don’t have a TV at home now, although we do download movies and select TV shows for ourselves and the kids. When they were very little our children had some time with us on our computers playing learning games, and we didn’t own an iPad until they were quite a bit older. However, over the years it has become easier and easier to slip into bad habits and lose track of how much time they are actually spending in front of a screen. One hour became two, and on the weekend sometimes became four. It is convenient for us as adults to know that the kids are busy and entertained while we catch up on some work, tend to the garden, make the dinner and do the hundred other things on our to do lists. It is easier to hand them an iPad than to encourage them to come up with something else to do. What I noticed, though, was that after a couple of hours on an iPad or playing Mine Craft on their computers, my little darlings turned into little monsters. When they emerged from behind whatever electronic device they had disappeared behind, it was like that were coming down from drugs. They would fight each other, fight us, become rude and uncooperative, and sometimes even throw proper tantrums. It was not ok. Something had to be done. I genuinely considered removing all technology from our home and just dealing with the onslaught of anger and resentment that would surely follow. The thing is, I’m actually not against technology in general and I’m even quite impressed by games like Mine Craft and the kind of skills that kids are learning while they play. And then, of course, there’s the thing of this being our children’s future. Whether we like it or not, they are part of the digital age and they are going to need to navigate these worlds in order to progress. So what I decided was to simultaneously encourage them to engage in other activities and limit their screen time in a way where they could still be in control of how they were spending their time outside of technology. I created a points system. 100 points = 1 hour of screen time. I specifically made it easy enough that with a little effort, they can earn 100 points in a day. I was also careful to include many things on the list that they actually enjoy doing and that will help them to advance their own values and interests (they can get points for drawing, playing the piano, reading a book, doing a creative project or science experiment). I did, of course, add a few things that I would like too (making their beds, helping with cooking and gardening, tidying their rooms)! They don’t have to do everything on the list. In fact, there’s nothing that they have to do. Every item is optional. If they choose to earn all their 100 points by drawing pictures, that is fine. If they’d rather do a variety of things, that’s also ok. My intention is to keep it fun and light so that they can see that they can enjoy life outside of a computer: Real life also has something to offer. The result was remarkable. I explained to them why I was implementing the new system and they could see themselves that they were irritable and grumpy after a day online, so they were open to the idea from the start. Within a day they were up to all sorts of things around the house, they had rekindled their relationship with each other (which had become somewhat rocky), they were cheerful and engaged in life and such a pleasure to be around. We also started connecting more as a family – playing board games, going for walks, planning family outings, chatting around the dinner table. Both children became avid readers overnight. It has been about 3 weeks now and our entire household is transformed. And, they’re still getting to play on their computers at least every second day, or even every day if they feel motivated to do so. But it isn’t the be all and end all of everything. The Lego has come out of its dusty spot in the corner, our home is filled with artworks again, there is quite literally music and singing filling the air. Screen time is earned and enjoyed, but it’s no longer the focus of their every moment. Memories are being made. Connections are being nurtured. We are all happier and more fulfilled. Life is good – both online and off!

July 6, 2017

How Play Fosters Your Child’s Development

Anyone would be forgiven for viewing toys as simply special occasion gifts that offer a temporary distraction for our children, or as objects that entertain our little ones while we busy ourselves with other grown up duties. Yet beyond this, toys open up a whole world of learning opportunities for our kids. Playing with toys equips children with skills that foster their development beyond imaginary battles between the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and their enemies or playing house with the yummy smelling Num Noms. Toys help kids develop fine motor skills and think creatively along with many other valuable dexterities. The more children play with toys the more equipped they become for progression to other stages of their lives. Children learn a number of skills they will need and use as adults as they play. When children use toys such as Poppit – where they create things using clay and moulds – they are able to build and make and refine their fine motor skills while doing so. They also learn about different colours and using them successfully. Once the building project is complete, this stirs up feelings of achievement. “I win! I’m good at that!” In the same way that adults feel a sense of accomplishment when they’ve seen a project through from planning to completion, children too feel a sense of pride after building their Poppit kingdom from scratch. These feelings build and reinforce self-esteem and self-confidence in a child. Playing with dolls like Baba Tasha, Baby Born or Sofia the First encourages role play where kids are able to be mom and dad for a while and look after baby, put it to sleep and take care of it. Role play has the ability to lengthen attention span through the making up of games and stories with multiple storylines, characters and endings. This enables children to develop better judgement, reasoning and problem solving and negotiation skills. When playing with friends or siblings these skills can go even further to include taking turns, working together in a team, listening to each other, playing fair and helping each other. On your next trip to the toy store, before you pick up a toy to brighten up your little one’s day, remember that toys play a big part in advancing your child’s development beyond what they are learning at school. Think about what stage of growth they are in and match your toy selection to the skills you would like them to practice and learn. For more information go to www.primatoys.co.za

July 5, 2017

How to balance being a mom and businesswoman

Zoe Ellender, the camp director of Sugar Bay Resort and mom to three children, shares her story about how she is able to run her own business and be a mom. Ellender gave up her formal career in Law and Legal Services to pursue her dream of creating a safe and fun paradise for children. Inspired by the concept of American summer camps, Ellender founded Sugar Bay which is a children’s holiday camp in KwaZulu Natal that kids from all over South Africa and the world can enjoy. Sixteen years later, she smiles and delegates as the proud owner of one of the best children’s camps in South Africa and as a proud mom of three. Ellender shares some of her challenges and how she overcame them: Three years after the inception of Sugar Bay, Ellender was blessed with her first child, a beautiful daughter named Tao. During this period, Ellender was still fully involved in the day-to-day running of her business and juggling being a new mother to her firstborn. “It certainly wasn’t easy being a mother and running a business that just recently kicked-off. At this early stage of the establishment of my company, there was pressure to ensure that salaries were paid and that functions were being executed correctly. I recall when Tao was around three years old and I was a Lifeguard Instructor at camp, being so engrossed in work and passionate about what I do, I had completely forgotten to fetch her from nursery school,” Ellender shared. In 2008, Ellender gave birth to her son Cuan. During this period, she was fortunate enough to be able to take six-months of uninterrupted maternity leave. In 2015, the Ellender’s third child, a baby boy named Asher was welcomed into their family. Ellender had taken a year and a half to be with him and has now finally returned to work full time. “This was the longest time I have taken off from work for maternity leave. Coming back was a big adjustment. I felt like I was out of a job for a while,” she said chuckling. Little Asher is now being cared for by an au pair while his mom is back to being the boss on a full-time basis. Having an au pair makes things so much easier for a woman to be a mom and run a business simultaneously. “My advice to moms who are struggling to juggle their careers and motherhood would be to learn how to trust people with your children so that we can learn to let go and focus on ourselves as well as other things that matter to us. When you look after other people’s children, you will understand the importance of trust. You will need to take risks so that you can eventually have no problem trusting other people with your children. You’ve got to hire great staff, people who are fantastic with children and will be great role models for them. Luckily for me, I have witnessed this first-hand having run a business that cares for children. I have been inspired by my own staff to trust others with my kids, hence, I have gained the courage and confidence to hire an au pair and leave baby Asher in his full care throughout the day.” Ellender added, “Fortunately for me, home and work is a stone’s throw away, and I have the privilege of working flexible hours. I love work and also love being at home with the kids. And now, being able to trust someone with my kids while I am at work creates a lovely balance in my life. I am able to focus on one thing at a time instead of worrying about all the others at once. There are also certain games that my kids love playing and would like to play over and over again. I, however, cannot go on more than once. My au pair, on the other hand, has the patience to pursue this as many times as possible, and if this pleases my kids, it pleases me,” she said honestly. Ellender’s experience of juggling her career as a businesswoman and being a mother to three children over the past sixteen years teaches parents to challenge their own fears and to consider allowing their children to be in the care of others if necessary.

July 5, 2017

What children need from their parents?

“Mama or Dada” – these are usually the most common first two words that babies utter when learning to speak creating a special and close bond between parent and child. The relationship parents begin to have with their new born baby is almost indescribable. Right from birth and through childhood, children are attached to their parents seeking affection and guidance, but as they grow older, that diminishes. So what do young adults really want from their parents? Well the answer differs from person to person, some would say financial support for their basic necessities such as groceries, clothing, education, medical fees etc. Parents experience unconditional love and make all efforts to care for them celebrating each milestone along the way such as when babies are learning to talk, walk and play. If these needs are met, what else can a parent offer their child? This is where it goes back to being babies and that’s what parents should never lose touch with. The first steps of an infant are just as important as the steps young adults make into becoming independent. When they have passed their exams, got their degree, their first job, their first car – be there to cheer them on in every way. Some parents are what is termed as “helicopter” parents where they hover over their child’s every move and take care of all their needs – whilst there is nothing wrong with this, the risk is that you disempower your child to learn essential life skills and how to do things for themselves which they will need later on in life. On the other hand some parent’s feel they do not want to pamper to their child’s every need, and the risk here is that children can grow up without have a sense of healthy boundaries. However, there’s a fine line between interfering and showing that you care for example, your 21 year old gets into a romantic relationship and you insist on knowing everything that happens in the relationship – this can be seen as meddling and can end up causing conflict between you and your child. Rather show support and care by letting your child know that if she/he wants to talk or needs advice then you are available and there for them. It’s important to keep a healthy boundary between being a parent to your child vs. wanting to be their best friend. One of the most common things I hear from a child that they desire from their parent is time. Children want to spend time with their parents yet complain that their parents never have time for them or are always busy. What this really boils down to is that children feel that they do not get their parents undivided attention when they do get to spend time with their parents, they are either busy doing something else or not really present in the moment. Children want their parents to be involved at a level that it comfortable and safe for them and making time for them is invaluable. The other key requirement from children is Trust. Children want their parents to trust them in that they are able to make their own decisions (age appropriate of course) and that parent’s don’t always know everything. Adults were once teenagers too remember? Parents need to gradually learn to trust their children with little things such as going out on my own or running errands. Children often complain how their parents do not trust them. They believe they have trusted their parents all their lives and as they grow older they expect parents to trust them in return. Children completely get that their parents are always looking out for them and want what’s best for them but they also want to feel like they are in charge of their own lives and can make their own decisions based on their needs and what’s happening in their lives at that moment. The key here is for parents to start teaching children from a young age how to weigh up their options and make informed decisions based on the information they have at hand and the consequences for each option before making a decision. You child will thank you for these skills well into their adult years! As children grow, parents have to learn to grow ‘with’ them instead of growing ‘away’ from them. Know when space is needed, know your child’s interests and dislikes, interact with them and that way your relationship with your child will grow positively. That’s not to say you won’t butt heads with your child but rather that you will have a solid enough relationship with them to navigate the speedbumps along the way. If you’re feeling challenged getting through to your child, here are some tips that you may find useful: Find out what your child’s goals, dreams and vision are. Ask them what they need from themselves and you to help them in fulfilling these goals or what they plan to do after reaching these goals. Help them weigh up the ‘pros’ and ‘cons’ of each situation and which one they think is the right one for them based on where they are at. If your child does not have goals set up or striving dreams, let them know that’s its okay to be confused or uncertain because that’s the journey of life. Advise them to be patient and explore a variety of options. It’s ok to try something to find out whether they like it or not, and it’s ok to change their minds if they find they no longer want to pursue something. Be patient with them as they learn, explore and grow. Keep having conversations with them, even if it’s frustrating at times, let them know you’re there when they are ready to open up. Let them speak to other people such as teachers, family member and peers to get various views and input to help them make informed choices. Be sure to

July 3, 2017

The key to dealing with your child’s fever

Most parents will attest that watching a child go through the discomfort of a fever can be very stressful on both emotional and practical levels. Knowing just what to do, and when to do it, is a challenge moms have faced for many generations. Clinically speaking, fever is a normal physiological response that allows the body to fight an infection. This sounds simple enough, but there are many realities at play that make the management of a fever especially complex for parents. Firstly, a raised temperature can be a warning sign of serious illness as well as an indicator of a child’s normal response to an infection. This is one of the primary reasons parents are often so worried about a child’s raised temperature. Another issue is the fact that fever is uncomfortable and distressing for the child, and no parent wants to see their child stressed unnecessarily. If steps can be taken to reduce the load that comes with a fever, they should be. As a result of this complicated context, establishing clear guidelines through which to assess a fever is a very important exercise for parents and health practitioners alike. Experts make it clear that the parent’s primary goal in treating a child with a fever should be to improve their overall comfort, rather than to focus on the normalisation of body temperature. When, however, the fever contributes to pain or notable discomfort, such as a headache, the use of analgesic medication for relief is appropriate. In addition to paying careful attention to assessing and controlling the child’s general discomfort, parents should also familiarise themselves with the broader guidelines set out by health professionals in the management of fever in children. Essential Fever Management Tips Avoid over and under-dressing: Obviously parents should avoid under-dressing the child, but it’s also important to remember that over-dressing prevents the body from cooling. Dress the child in cool, light clothing, preferably a single layer. Cover them with a sheet or light blanket. Relieve pain as it arises: Use approved paediatric products able to offer effective yet gentle relief if the child is in discomfort and / or pain. Products like Calpol are safe to use from 3 months to 6 years for the symptomatic relief of mild to moderate pain caused by teething pains, fever, toothache, sore throats and headaches. Use fluids: Children lose water during a fever and can become dehydrated, so give them plenty of cool liquid to drink. Love: There is nothing more comforting to a distressed child than receiving love and affection. Calpol is available in a 100ml bottle at a Recommended Retail Selling Price of R39.99 Calpol is also available in a 50ml bottle at a Recommended Retail Selling Price of R19.99 Calpol directions for use: Shake the bottle before use NOT RECOMMENDED IN INFANTS UNDER 3 MONTHS 3 months to 1 year: ½ a medicine measure (2.5 ml) 1 – 2 years: 1 medicine measure (5 ml) 3 – 6 years: 2 medicine measures (10 ml) May be given 3 to 4 times daily, but with an interval of 4 hours between each dose. Doctor should be consulted if no relief is obtained within the recommended dose. (2) DO NOT USE CONTINUOUSLY FOR LONGER THAN 10 DAYS WITHOUT CONSULTING A DOCTOR Footnotes: 1. Janice E. Sullivan, MD, Henry C. Farrar, MD, and the SECTION ON CLINICAL PHARMACOLOGY AND THERAPEUTICS, and COMMITTEE ON DRUGS, Fever and Antipyretic use in Children, Published in Pediatrics 127:580–587, April 7 2011, Page 1 2. Janice E. Sullivan, MD, Henry C. Farrar, MD, and the SECTION ON CLINICAL PHARMACOLOGY AND THERAPEUTICS, and COMMITTEE ON DRUGS, Fever and Antipyretic use in Children, Published in Pediatrics 127:580–587, April 7 2011, Page 1 3. National Collaborating Centre for Women’s and Children’s Health, Feverish Illness in Children NHS National Institute for Clinical Excellence Quick Reference Guide 47, May 2007, Page 14 4. Noel Cranswick and David Coghlan, Paracetamol Efficacy and Safety in Children: The First 40 Years, Published in the American Journal of Therapeutics 7 p. 135-41, 2000, Page 1. About GSK GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) is one of the world’s fast moving consumer health care companies. GSK has a factory in South Africa, situated in Cape Town. The company has a proud track record of helping South African families to do more, feel better and live longer through the use of appropriate, scientifically proven products. For more info visit: www.gsk.com

June 29, 2017

How to take better photos of your family

Sometimes it rains just enough to dirty your car. Inevitably the rain arrives right after you’ve washed it. Sometimes there just isn’t time or energy to get it cleaned and more often than not the serenity and cleanliness of your car seems to be a holy grail that is perfectly impossible since your kids arrived on the scene. Let’s be honest keeping your car clean all the time is impossible. And so is stopping your kiddies from growing up. I don’t often spend much time in traffic given that I work from home but recently I’ve been doing a lot of driving and it occurred to me, while inching forward in a long line of Gauteng rain dirtied cars, that keeping your car clean is kind of like trying to stop your children from getting older. Every time you think you’ve caught up and have finally come to terms with their last stage they develop some more. You can’t believe they’re so grown up and you are left wondering where the time has gone. So do you stop to appreciate and record each passing phase? Many of us want to but don’t get around to it and some of us are looking for the perfect opportunity to do so. We tell ourselves we’ll wait for the warmer/cooler weather to take some family photos, or WHEN little one gets rid of the dummy or we’ll schedule a photo shoot WHEN I’ve lost 5kilos. Sound familiar? It doesn’t take a lot of effort to come up with a long list of excuses why we are not ready. The truth is that there is never the perfect time. The best time is right now. We need to be taking photos of our family right now. So here are a few tips on how to take better photos of your family…. Light is key. What’s happening with the LIGHT? Is there enough light? Or maybe too much? Is the light coming from the direction that’s going to make the best photo? Don’t be afraid to move your subject to increase or decrease the amount and direction of light. Light is a make or break element so embrace it and use it to enhance your photos. Take a look at what’s going to be in other parts of your photo. Sometimes we are so focused on our subject that we don’t even notice something that might be distracting in the photo, like a T-Rex in a bright red T-shirt eating an ice cream on the other side of the tree that your son is leaning against. We usually only notice it when it’s too late to take the photo again – face palm moment. If you find something that bothers you wait for it to pass or move away or change your angle so that you don’t have the distraction in the background. Is my photo telling the full story? When you look back on the moment through the photo YOU may remember that your daughter was putting the doll’s tea set in the dishwasher but if the dishwasher isn’t part of the photo then the full story is not being told to someone who wasn’t there. Take close ups for sure but remember to tell the story with your photos. You are a part of the family too. YOU should also be in the photos. I know I’m a little (ok alot) self-conscious when it comes to being in photos. A professional photographer will be able to use posing and positioning to make you look at your best. That’s our job. But you can apply some of our tricks with no effort at all. First thing for the ladies to remember is to never face your body directly on to the camera. Turn a little so that your body is angled slightly towards the camera and then turn your head so that you are looking at the camera. Then push your weight onto your hip that’s furthest from the camera. And voila! You look thinner already. And be careful not to lift your chin to try and avoid that double chin. It results in a very unflattering angle for your face. Rather push your chin forwards, away from your neck, and then a little down. No double chin, just a great chin line. With a little practice in front of the mirror you’ll see just what a difference this makes. Schedule a session with a professional photographer every now and then so that you have some really special photos that you are all present in. It’s really good for self-esteem, especially in kids, to regularly see photos of everyone together. Choose the right photographer for you and have fun. Above all don’t delay in taking photos of your family …because our kids keep growing and changing…just like our cars always need washing!

June 10, 2017

Owning How We Feel

Recently, I reviewed an article I found online after a very serious discussion evolved from one of my lectures with some B.A. students, about the way others can activate our emotional response. What follows is a summary of the essence of this train of thought and I find it unendingly useful. Have you ever blamed another for how you feel? Uttered the words “They upset me” or “S/he made me angry!”? For a reader to say no, with complete truth would be rare! For most of us, it is commonplace and simply the way we have been taught to experience our emotions – by attributing them to the actions of another individual or group. Is it really the case though, that another person has made us feel a certain way, or is it possible that instead, their actions have evoked an emotional response in us? The differentiation can be subtle, until we look a bit deeper into it! Owning our emotions makes so much sense that it has become necessary to incorporate it into daily life. At first thought, taking responsibility for your own emotions is a recipe for crushing your self-esteem, and amplifying your negative feelings. It threatens our ego to stop pointing at others and start looking inward as the only authors of our own destiny. We spend a lot of time focussing on and preparing for positive experiences, whether it be in love, life or career. Yet it is inevitable that every now and then we will experience negative emotion in our interactions with others. Take a look at an example: you meet somebody and start having an intimate relationship with him or her. Everything is wonderful, your life seems much happier than before, and you enjoy some weeks or months of elation and deep connection with your partner. But alas, after a relatively short time, something unexpected happens. The person you were feeling such a beautiful resonance with, suddenly starts to be distant, cold, without any apparent reason. After a few days, he or she abruptly decides to put an end to your relationship – without any logical explanation. You fall down from heaven to the hard, cold ground in a matter of days. You feel empty, neglected … and most likely, angry. How could this person treat you like that? Isn’t it clearly his or her fault if you’re feeling the way you do now? Isn’t his behaviour the obvious cause of your miserable situation? The answer is “no”, but maybe that requires some explanation. In any interaction between conscious, adult human beings, each one is responsible for their own emotions. This does not mean that it is your “fault” if you feel sad or angry: there is an enormous difference between fault and responsibility. “Fault” means that you are wrong, and that you should fix yourself to conform to some external standard of goodness or strength. “Responsibility”, on the other hand, means that you are a fully conscious, powerful and self-determined human being, who takes merit for his own successes and happiness, and responsibility for his own failures and shortcomings. Blaming others for your negative feelings actually makes you seem powerless to avoid them: the only way you can get better, is by changing the other person’s behaviour by force, plea, or manipulation. Conversely, when you accept that every emotion arises inside you because you allow it, you open the door to the possibility of feeling better thanks to yourself. In this light, modifying your patterns of behaviour is not a matter of fixing a broken thing, but rather of consciously choosing to evolve – to change for the better, to attain more harmony and connection for you and everyone around you. So much of our energy goes wasted into blaming others for our own unhappiness – with scarce results, since most people don’t react well to blame. It is both easier and more effective to recognize that we are the authors of our own lives, although we often need the help of others to develop this.

June 10, 2017

Five Leadership Skills You Can Use at Home

Before I became a parent coach, I spent 30+ years in corporate America. I worked my way up from employee to manager to director and during that time, I had the privilege of attending numerous leadership training classes and retreats, all designed to help me build stronger and more effective teams. Today I coach many moms and dads who go to an office every day and work hard at building strong work teams and contributing to the company’s bottom line. Most of them are incredibly successful, but when they get home to their families, they seem to leave what they learned there, at the door. To help them use those same success-driven skills at home, let me offer five leadership skills that adults learn at work, that they can use at home as parents. MAKE THEM FEEL IMPORTANT AND VALUABLE.Companies have learned that the more engagement they create for their employees, the greater the productivity they get from their staff. That engagement comes in the form of helping your staff feel important and valuable. Parents can help their kids feel more important and valuable to the family by allowing them turns at leading the family meeting, having them teach the parents something they do well, having a say in family plans, and even taking turns at preparing the family meal. KEEP THEM INFORMED. The more my managers told me about the company’s intentions and plans, the more I really felt like I was a part of the team. Share age-appropriate information with your children about family plans for home improvement projects, vacation plans, or what’s happening with extended family members. Share this kind of information at a weekly or bi-monthly family meeting. BE A GREAT COACH.Your boss probably doesn’t walk into your office and write your reports or set up your appointments, so why should you do for your children what they should do for themselves. Unfortunately, too many parents do too much for their children because it’s just easier to do it for them. Teach your children how to do things for themselves and step back. Coach them for top performance as you would at the office. LEAD BY EXAMPLE.Some of the best bosses I ever had, demonstrated more through their actions than their words. If you want your children to learn how to treat others and develop relationships, examine how you demonstrate how to do that with others in front of them. If you want your children to play more, create more, and enjoy life without technology more, examine how you’re teaching them this core value by the amount technology you use. CREATE CLEARN EXPECTATIONS.I valued the performance evaluations I received at work that clearly laid out the expectations of my role. Ask yourself “What expectations are you setting for your children?” Do you talk about positive behaviors at family meetings or point them out as soon as you see them happen, or do you point out to your children what they do wrong more often?

June 10, 2017

Tackling the Fussy Eater

Selective eating or fussiness is a common phenomenon among toddlers, children and even adults. This may be a more serious situation than “I just can’t stand spinach”, and this may include toddlers or children who refuse food or meals altogether or limit, restrict or avoid total foods and food groups due to taste preference or anxieties. We explore causes and potential problems as well as some solutions. WHY SHOULD WE BE CONCERNED ABOUT SELECTIVE EATING AND LIMITED FOOD INTAKE? The main health concern in people with selective eating is risk of nutrient deficiencies, which happens quicker than we realise. It is very common for fussy eaters to suffer from brittle bones, iron deficiency and a poor immune system or mouth ulcers which can all be signs of nutritional deficiency. Poor dietary intake can also impact on the muscle mass, strength and energy levels of the individual. Furthermore, if it is a childhood problem, and is not dealt with, it can easily translate into an adult condition. WHEN SHOULD WE GET CONCERNED ABOUT SELECTIVE EATING AND LIMITED FOOD INTAKE? It is important to distinguish between when it is just a phase that will be overcome and when it is a rather serious situation that may need to be taken seriously and perhaps seek professional help. There are a few red flags to look out for: when less than 20 types of food are accepted when fear and anxiety is involved during eating or pertaining to food when entire food groups are rejected i.e. dairy products or meat or meat alternatives when it is causing stress and pressure in social situations when there are obvious signs of weight loss or nutritional deficiencies HOW TO TACKLE SELECTIVE EATING Put your mind at rest Anxiety over food intake and health will only make the situation worse so try to avoid it. If you have concerns about your child or loved one’s health, growth or weight due to the selective eating, send them for a health check at your GP or speak to a dietitian. If it is a recent development, be assured that it might be a passing phase. Rely on a good multi-vitamin and mineral supplement that provides 100% of the recommended daily intake of most vitamins and minerals and make sure it is cost effective and age appropriate. Keep a food diary To get more information on the quality of the diet, keep a detailed food diary of everything that was consumed for a week. Be specific about quantities, times and brand names of products. Have it analysed by a registered dietitian who often has computer software that can provide a detailed analysis. This will tell you exactly which nutrients are deficient in the diet that may need attention. Avoid the battles To fight, argue and nag is going to heighten the anxiety and make the situation worse. Try and avoid confrontation about the issue. In the case of children, they often thrive on attention, even if it is negative attention. Often if the bad behaviour or food refusal is ignored and not acknowledged, they will try something else to gain attention and the phase shall pass. Also be sure to give positive feedback when food was eaten and praise good behaviour. Avoid overcompensation and never force Do not fall into the habit of offering anything “as long as they will eat something”. Children especially, will start to accept more food if you rely on their hunger signals and not give any food they might desire. The more it becomes a manipulation tool, the harder it will be. Force feeding is strongly discouraged and will aggravate the situation. Rather remove the offending food, without an issue, and offer it at a later stage, avoiding offering a preferred option. Do not use food as a bribe or reward. Encourage frequent exposure Research shows that a food type needs to be offered around 8 to 15 times before it will be accepted. Keep offering a wide variety of food consistently without pressure, but with positive encouragement. Make meal times fun and relaxed Sometimes you have to be creative and pull out all the stops to make meal times fun and pleasant. Have a food fight in the garden, involve your child in cooking and baking, and make interesting shapes and fun food presentation. Have meal times together as a family. Set a good example for your children. About 20 – 30% of children have this issue at some point, so do not feel excluded or isolated if this is what is happening to you. If it becomes unmanageable, seek professional help before it all spirals out of control.

June 10, 2017

BWRT: Reworking our Emotional Wiring

A short time ago, I attended a weekend seminar that introduced myself and several notable psychologists and psychiatrists to an emerging therapeutic technique with thus far, amazing results. BWRT is the acronym for Brain-Working Recursive Therapy and I’d like to tell you a little about this potentially life-changing approach to modern therapy. Brain Working Recursive Therapy® is an innovative new concept of psychotherapy, completely unlike anything that has gone before it. It presents an entirely new view of the subconscious mind – one that is extremely ‘user friendly’ and easy for the client to understand – as well as an elegant way of providing psychotherapy that gets easily beneath the Conscious Critical Faculty. The mind behind this amazing therapy is a man by the name of Terence Watts, who together with his South African counterpart, Rafiq Lockhat, have taken this approach from concept to practice over the years and are now training mental health professionals to utilise it for their client base. BWRT® has been designed to disconnect emotive responses from memories that are deeply troubling and create new, adaptive neural pathways that do not have the old undesirable emotional responses attached to it. This therapy is largely content-free, which means that it is not always necessary for the client to divulge their troubles in great detail, and of short duration, using the client’s own thought processes to effect a release from the symptomatic pattern – and there is a strict protocol which ensures maximum effectiveness and safety. In essence, we are creating new “emotional memories” that attach to the recorded memory of an event or period or anxiety-provoking situation. The client does not necessarily forget the event, but has altered the emotional response to it to be much less traumatising, allowing them to process the event from a healthier, less disruptive vantage point. Conducted by qualified, trained and experienced professionals, there is no significant risk to the client. Their wellbeing and emotional needs are paramount. They must be willing to engage on a level that will have them dealing with an emotional event and related trigger. The risk is that the technique doesn’t work for them, although every effort will be made to the contrary! Clients are informed that this is a short duration therapy process and with effective treatment, they shouldn’t have to present for more than 3 sessions with their therapist! BWRT is proving truly effective with the following concerns: Commitment Anxiety Phobias, Panic attacks, Generalised anxiety disorder, Exam anxiety, Social Phobia, Success Inhibition, Fear of failure, All types of Performance Anxiety, Self-Worth/Self-Confidence Issues, Fear of Authority, Relationship Issues, Grief, PTSD and many more. The list of professionals using this type of therapy is growing with every training conference, and the results are proving outstanding! If you’re interested, please don’t hesitate to contact myself for further information!

June 9, 2017

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