Advice from the experts
Parenting Hub

Help! My child is being bullied at school

Navigating a world of people can be more challenging that climbing the most treacherous of mountains! Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres says “As people, we are governed by emotions, and, unless kept in check, negative emotions can lead to negative behaviours that are detrimental to others as well as to ourselves. Bullying is a national epidemic and the harmful effects on a bullied child can last a lifetime.  If you can remember that we can only give to others how we feel about ourselves, we will understand that someone who has a need to hurt another is hurting himself!” Cindy goes onto say “As people, we are also like magnets.  We unconsciously attract into our lives, people who reinforce how we feel about ourselves! Bullies, who have low self-esteem, tend to target children who have low self-esteem! Both parties deal with a lack of self-esteem or self-worth in their own way and both need assistance in changing this! And, herein, lies the first and most important key to stamping out bullying- improving confidence and self- value!” Cindy’s top tips for dealing with bullying:  Help your child by becoming his safe-place.  Ensure that you always have a non-judgemental ear to listen and a supportive shoulder to lean on! Help your child to reclaim his/her power. Within each of us is the power to make positive choices.  We can choose to internalise the words or actions of a bully or we can choose to stay detached and not allow these negative behaviours to determine who we are! Teach your child that it is not ok to be treated badly by others.  Do not ignore incidents of bullying in the hope that it will just go away. The lower your child’s sense of self becomes, the more intensely he/she is likely to be bullied! Remember that we cannot control the behavioural choices of others but we can control how we react to them. Consider enrolling your child into activities which build confidence. A confident child is less likely to be preyed upon by a bully.  Try drama, sports, scouts, dancing, art, debating etc. If your child shows signs of being physically hurt by bullies, you will need to ask the teacher or even principal for help. Do not confront the bully yourself.  This will most likely fuel the bully into expanding his attack on your child. Confronting the parents of the bully can lead to negative outcomes because of the intense emotions that both parties are likely to feel. Schools need to focus on teaching children emotional intelligence skills.  Remember, it is the bullied child as well as the bully who need support in developing positive self-worth. Cindy concludes by stating “Bullying is never ok. There are no one-stop-shop solutions to the problem. We cannot ignore these destructive behaviours.  Building self-worth is the key to long-term success!”

April 16, 2018
Parenting Hub

Opinion piece: Is the failure to protect your child from the dangers of the Internet irresponsible parenting?

By Andrew Wilson, CEO at LucidView What does the job of a parent entail? In short, the aim is to raise well-balanced individuals that are independent free thinkers, capable of creating a life for themselves outside of the parental home. One of the most important tasks for us is undoubtedly to keep our children safe, protecting them from physical, mental and emotional harm and minimising their exposure to danger. However, there are some parents that think nothing of giving their children unrestricted Internet access because they haven’t yet realised the extent of the very real dangers that lurk on the web. Those parents that do perceive risk might have limited means of controlling Internet usage. Parents have a non-negotiable obligation to ensure that the Internet access they’re providing for their children – be it for entertainment, education, or communication purposes – is clean and safe. To do this, it’s important to discuss the dangers of the Internet with children and teach them how to protect themselves online and then to take matters into your own hands by blocking access to unsafe, undesirable content in your home. What dangers do children (and teenagers) face online? Kaspersky Lab and market research and consultancy Kids & Youth conducted an online survey of 3,780 families with children aged 8 – 16 (one parent and one child per family) in seven countries and the results were sobering.  The Growing Up Online – Connected Kids survey showed 37% of children have come across unwanted content or incidents on the web while 47% of constantly-connected children have encountered online threats. Here’s the kicker: two-thirds of the children responded that they’re afraid of online threats just as much as real life ones, or even more so. The dangers of exposure to explicit content should not be underestimated. Age restrictions on films are there for a reason, and the same rules should apply for minors when using the Internet. Exposure to pornography, sites that promote violence or cruelty to people or animals is not what builds well-rounded, free-thinking individuals. Rather the opposite in fact and the harm from such exposure is accumulative and occurs over long periods of time, causing untold emotional and behavioural damage. Parents should, therefore, block all access to such content that they deem unsafe. Parental controls have traditionally been software-based, complicated to set up and expensive. Aside from enabling Safe Search features and monitoring browser history, there was no easy way for parents to enforce their rules regarding internet usage. Until now. Is there a solution? A particular passion project that stemmed from a realisation that there was a pressing need to give our children safe, clean Internet access, the LucidView Enforcer is a device that does exactly that. By default, it blocks the three major types of unsafe content: pornography, gambling, and piracy (such as the illegal sharing and downloading of copyrighted songs and movies) and can easily be configured to block other sites or content types that parents themselves deem to be unsafe. In addition, products on the market today should also have reporting functionality, keeping a log of every connection that passes through the device. This is necessary to deliver monthly reporting that gives parents insight into what sites kids on the home network are frequenting, and also how much time they are  spending on certain online activities. Organisations should be making it easier for parents to enforce their rules regarding screen time and Internet access to give their children the time they need to do things like play outside, read a book and spend time with their families – all the childhood activities that are so vital for healthy mental and emotional development. Failure to manage Internet usage is irresponsible parenting When faced with the fact that unrestricted Internet access means that parents are opening their children up to (possibly accidental) exposure to explicit or age-inappropriate content, cyber-bullying, gambling, or websites that encourage harmful or illegal practices, like eating disorders, crime and even terrorism, the reality is that the Internet is a much scarier place for children than we as parents might think. Yes, we want our children to have access to all the knowledge in the world, but we need to make sure that they’re not distracted by harmful content in their quest to learn and entertain themselves. This means taking complete control over Internet usage in our homes (and even questioning what protective measures are in place at school). Anything less is simply irresponsible parenting, especially considering how easy and inexpensive it has become to do so.

April 13, 2018
Bonitas – innovation, life stages and quality care

Medical Aid and VAT

Since the announcement of the 1% Value Added Tax (VAT) increase by the Minister of Finance last month, there has been much debate around its impact on consumers and just how this will affect the money left in their pockets at the end of the month. With the revised general fuel levy, it’s clear that consumers will have to tighten their belts and adhere to stricter budgets. The rising costs of healthcare One area of concern is the cost of private medical aid and VAT. For years increasing healthcare inflation and economic pressures have been a challenge for the healthcare industry. ‘The reality is that when consumers are struggling, medical aid, which is essentially a grudge purchase, is often viewed as unaffordable,’ says Gerhard Van Emmenis, Principal Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund. ‘In addition healthcare costs are not regulated which is why it is crucial for medical aid schemes to continue to explore ways to contain costs without compromising the level of health care offered to members.’ Members’ contributions However he says there is some good news regarding VAT and medical aid because the 1% increase will not impact monthly contributions or annual benefits. ‘Many members are confused as to whether VAT is payable on medical aid contributions but let me reassure you it is not,’ says Van Emmenis. ‘The VAT increase will have no effect on members directly and what they pay every month. Medical aid contributions for 2018 are already set and Bonitas will not increase contributions mid-year to accommodate the change in VAT. So, while the increase in VAT may influence the price of services, it will not impact benefits.’ Van Emmenis says: ‘If your plan covers you at 100% of a Scheme’s Rate, you are still covered at 100% of that rate, no matter what the cost to the Scheme because the Scheme will absorb the VAT when paying for member’s benefits. The only impact is when it comes to savings and day-to-day benefits with members having a 1% lower buying power.’ The Council for Medical Schemes In fact changing contributions in the middle of the year can only be done with the permission of the Council for Medical Schemes following a request from the Trustees of the medical scheme. This is a rare occurrence and most schemes generally put through contribution increases in January each year. The law He adds that VAT is never the property of any private entity but belongs to the Government. ‘We are therefore only vendors that collect the monies on their behalf. From April 1, Bonitas will increase the VAT to all providers of the Scheme by 1%. However, although this will have a direct impact on the budget of the Scheme for 2018 it will be absorbed by operational surpluses and not passed on to members.’ Tax credits One positive announcement out of the budget speech regarding medical aid was around tax credits. ‘Medical tax credits are effectively used as an ‘expense’ when calculating tax and reduces the amount of tax payable by a household belonging to a medical aid,’ says Van Emmenis.  ‘There are eight million people who rely on these credits to make medical aid more affordable. Speculation was rife that the tax credit would be removed but it is a relief that private medical aid members have some reprieve.’ Conclusion The bottom line: The 1% VAT increase and the additional 52 cents general fuel levy will have a knock-on effect for South African consumers, things will cost more.  However, it will not affect monthly medical aid premiums or member benefits although it will have an indirect impact in terms of healthcare services being more expensive, which will reduce buying power.

April 12, 2018
Parenting Hub

Development in a child

During my time as a Montessori directress, the one particular aspect that continues to surprise me is how quickly children grow and develop and the urge that they have to develop in a specific way. Us as adults, either the parent of the child, a guardian, or in my case the primary care giver in their school environment play an important role in their development as well. We need to be role models for them and give them the opportunity to develop and grow and assist them where necessary as they pass through each of these vital stages. Physical development. Think of a child who can crawl and is slowly transitioning to the walking stage, they need to learn how to compensate for their changes in their body and in the centre of gravity when they are learning to stand. To us it may seem a simple task but to them it is a challenging hurdle they are about to face. A child has to have the freedom to move about and be able to at first crawl, then pull themselves up while holding onto something and then be able to walk. They will not be able to walk many steps without stumbling and falling so they need to be in an area where they call fall and not hurt themselves, if a child is cooped up all day in a play pen or in a small room they are most likely to develop later than their norms due to not having the provisions laid out for them. A child’s physical development is mainly split into two parts, gross motor skills and fine motor skills, gross motor being the ability to move using their whole body and fine motor the ability to perform skills that require hand-eye co-ordination. Not only do I say this because I am a Montessori teacher but a Montessori environment is truly the best way for a child to develop in either of these skills. The carefully laid out classrooms and adequate material allow for the child to explore and develop these skills and the ability to strengthen and use their fine and gross skills. For example, some activities that refine and develop fine motor skills; transferring beads from one bowl to another using pincer grip, colouring activities, turning pages of a reading book, eating their food just to name a few. A Montessori environment is equipped with a practical life area which gives the child the freedom to engage in multiple activities that will assist them in a fun, inviting and exciting way to develop their fine motor skills. A similar shelf can be laid out in the child’s bedroom or home environment to give them the same opportunity. Our practical life area looks like this; Examples of how to help a child refine and develop gross motor skills; As well as many simple every day activities, such as walking, tucking in a chair, carry their schools bags into school there are a lot of other gross motor activities that can help children develop too. In a Montessori prepared environment the sensorial area is the biggest contributing factor to this. This area not only aids children in refining and developing their senses which is the direct aim of this material but indirectly develops their gross motor. Such as, carrying the broad stair from the shelf to their work space, building and carrying the pink tower which teachers children how to grade 10 blocks from biggest to smallest, all these are a simple example. Our sensorial area looks something like this; In saying all of this it is important to remember that children develop at their own pace and but it is important to know at what age they should reach what normative and therefore aid the child to therefore reach the normative necessary. If one stage is not complete and developed this will hinder the child developing in the next area. Physical development is only one part of development and the child’s vision, sensory feedback and the realisation that the bodies move in space in relation to other people and objects around them all take time, practice, opportunity and most of all support from attentive adults and care givers as I mentioned in the beginning. It is easy to observe a child’s physical development but it is important to not forget the other key aspects such as social and emotional development. They are all integrated in the reality of the whole child. Children go through different emotional development and most of the time adults assume they know what each emotions means and the needs of the child. A cry of a baby might seem to an older sibling that need for a toy, or to a father the need for attention or to a mother a need for food, they are all interrupted differently by different care givers. Despite the different interpretations, children and infants are said to be born with certain emotions already in place, such as surprise, disgust and interest. Soon after this the social aspect arises, such as those first social smiles. A healthy school environment as well as home environment once the child begins at their first school, should impact the child’s social and emotional development in a positive way. It is important to listen to signs of your child showing you that they might not be in happy in their environment and this should be addressed.

April 12, 2018
Teddys Inc Ltd

How The Way You Feel About Yourself is Interpreted to How Your Child Feels About Themselves


(attend one of our free EQ talks – click here for details) Emotions are energy and movements within our bodies based on how we interpret life and events. When we fall in love, our bodies feel wonderful, warm, tingly, cosy and excited as endorphins are released by the brain into our bodies. However, when we feel scared or threatened, our bodies feel constricted and tight which comes from the adrenalin and cortisol released to activate the fight or flight response. We experience hundreds of different feelings but interestingly enough all of these feelings are produced from two core feelings; love and fear which all starts with whether we feel accepted or not. Acceptance is a Primal Need Acceptance is our most primal human need. Every one of us strives for acceptance; who we are, what we stand for, what we believe and what we look like. ALL of this combined is what creates the way we feel about ourselves and how we respond and express ourselves. When we accept and love ourselves, we feel emotionally safe and are able to express ourselves from a place of love. But when we believe that we are unacceptable, we become defensive and express ourselves from a place of fear, which can come across as anger, frustration, irritation, impatience, judgement or by being dismissive. Rose-Tinted Glasses I’m sure you have heard the saying ‘seeing life through rose tinted glasses’. Well here’s the thing, we all have our own pair of tinted glasses that we view life through.  When someone close to you – a partner, child or friend expresses their feelings of discontent to you, we immediately tend to assume it’s about us. We ‘view’ their words through our ‘glasses of non-acceptance’ and fear kicks in.  We interpret whatever they are saying as criticism or believe that we did something wrong and feel responsible for their feelings and in the process become defensive. Putting our Parents On Pedestals So where does all this non-acceptance or acceptance of ourselves start? It starts in childhood and with our parents. If our parents like themselves and they feel good about themselves, those feelings are transmitted to us verbally and non-verbally. But if our parents are not okay with who they are, then this too gets transmitted to us verbally and non-verbally. Children tend to make everything about themselves, they put their parents on pedestals, and whenever something doesn’t feel right, they think that it’s because of them. My mom loved to turn simple events into adventures. She always tried to look on the bright side. I recall one evening sitting at the kitchen table watching her make pancakes. I adored my mother, we were extremely close and as I watched her, I picked up her distress. I realised that her act of excitedly making pancakes was to mask the fact that all we had in the form of groceries was milk, water, eggs and sugar; the very same ingredients needed to make pancakes. I felt my mother’s distress of not knowing where the next meal was going to come from and in my ‘adoration for my mother,’ I came to the conclusion that if I wasn’t there, then her burden would be less. From that moment on, I grew up not wanting to be a burden to anyone and took on a stance of ‘I can do without’ and therefore I did go without so much for so many years until I uncovered this crazy belief and got rid of it. As you can see from that example, I made my mother’s feelings all about me, it changed me as a person, it changed the way I felt about myself and it changed the way I expressed myself. Not for one instance did my mother tell me I was a burden, I concluded that all on my own. You see, the only way you can change the tint on your glasses is by changing your internal view, which basically means to change the way you view yourself. How Acceptance helps your child Acceptance is a choice, to accept yourself, means being totally open and honest about who you are, and then giving yourself permission to be that person. The minute you do this, you change the tint of your glasses and not only are you able to see all the good stuff about you and your life, but you are able to do the same with others. Your defensiveness of yourself and your judgement of others disappears. Once you accept yourself, you are able to accept others for who they are too. And, more importantly you will role-model this to your children, they too will feel acceptable just as they are. I am not saying that this includes accepting bad behaviour. what I am saying is that your children need to know that who they are is acceptable, that they are enough and worthy of your love and respect, that it’s not dependant on their good behaviour. Click here to attend one of our free EQ talks in April and May

April 10, 2018
Kaboutjie

10 Reasons why colouring pages are healthy for your child’s development

Coloring pages is an awesome and fun activity for children, as well as for adults. Coloring in may seem like it is all fun and games but the truth is that coloring pages provides many benefits for healthy development for kids. This makes coloring pages an important part of your child’s development and education. If you are looking for some reasons to encourage your child to spend some time coloring pages look no further. **Disclosure – this post is sponsored by Top Coloring Pages. However the opinions expressed in this post are all my own.** Here are 10 reasons why coloring pages are vital for your child’s healthy development: Improves Hand Eye Coordination Hand eye coordination refers to your child’s ability to guide his or her hand guided by vision. It is so important for a child to develop good hand eye coordination skills and what better way to go about it than coloring pages? Your child will need to learn how to hold the pencil, how to sharpen the pencil and how to color in the lines. Improves Concentration Now I don’t know what your children are like but mine are like Gummi Bears… on speed. My daughter is all over the place – except when she is absorbed with coloring pages and drawing. She can sit for hours at a time with her pencils. Coloring pages teaches children to focus and concentrate on the task at hand which is going to be a very important skill needed for their years at school! Improves Handwriting Skills Long before your child starts writing or even drawing your child will start coloring in. The skills they need for coloring in are going to be the start of your child writing. Your child will need hand strength to start writing and to be able to hold the pencil correctly, as well as the hand eye coordination mentioned above. Improves Fine Motor Skills Fine motor skills are the small movements that your child makes such as picking small things up between his fingers and holding a spoon. Coloring pages will help your child to develop good fine motor skills which will help your child in other areas of his or life such as mastering a knife and fork or tying shoe laces. Improves Confidence and Self Esteem Coloring pages is an excellent activity to boost your child’s confidence and self esteem. Your child will quickly improve at coloring in and every project that is completed will give your child a sense of accomplishment. Boosts Creativity Your child will use his or her imagination when choosing colors and how to go about making their coloring pages vibrant. Your child will have to think about different color combinations and play around with what they enjoy. Coloring pages gives your child an amazing way to express himself. You will find your child’s personality shining through in his coloring pages making them uniquely his. Stress Relief and Relaxation Coloring pages are incredible for stress relief for children as well as for adults. Coloring in is very meditative and calming on the mind while at the same time keeping the mind busy in a creative way. Coloring pages are just plain fun, they bring enjoyment and increase happiness. Many people, including children, can develop negative habits and coping mechanisms for stress and anxiety. Coloring pages are a great, healthy alternative to help with relieving stress and worries. Increased Knowledge Coloring pages are a fun and easy way for your child to learn new things. Your child can learn about colors, different shapes, animals, patterns and much more. You can find educational coloring pages to help your child learn about numbers, writing and many more things. You can get bible story coloring pages to help your child in bible studies and any other topic of interest that your child is learning about at the time. Boundaries and Structure Learning about boundaries is part of child development and coloring pages teaches youngsters structure with having to follow he rules of coloring in. A child must learn to color in the lines and to keep coloring in the same direction to create a neat and beautiful piece of art. School Preparation Coloring pages involves pencils and paper, just like school does. Children will be doing written work, essays and tests. Coloring pages lays down a good foundation for your child being familiar with and comfortable putting a pen to paper. The boundaries and structure that coloring provides will also help them to adjust easier to the structured work that can be expected in school. So as you can see there are loads of great reasons to get your kids coloring pages. You can even get yourself an adult coloring book and join in the fun with your kids. It will be a great for your own stress relief as well as provide a fun activity for you to bond with your children and spent some quality time with them. Let your kids have fun when they star coloring in, help them to choose coloring pages that inspire them like their favorite characters, famous people or animals they love. You can buy coloring books, or you can easily print coloring pages from the internet. Check out Top Coloring Pages for a wide variety of free coloring pages!

April 9, 2018
Kaboutjie

How to teach your child to overcome their fear of water

Before your child can begin learning how to swim, it’s critical to build their water confidence and remove any mental barriers they may have developed. If your child exhibits fear of the swimming pool, you’re not alone. Many children experience water anxiety that can impede progress during swimming lessons. Fortunately, this mental block can be overcome. In this article, I’ll discuss how best to deal with children who are nervous around water to help your child on the path toward proficient swimming. For new parents, I’ll also cover some common mistakes to avoid that can help prevent problems when it’s time to teach your child how to swim. Born to Swim You might be surprised to learn that babies are natural born swimmers. Just like adults, children’s bodies are naturally resistant to water. The same reflex that prevents infants from inhaling milk while breastfeeding protects them from choking on water while swimming or in the bath. If you’ve ever blown sharply in your baby’s face, you may have observed a natural mammalian diving response; a baby will automatically close their eyes and hold their breath. This is known as the bradycardic reflex and is present in infants up to one year old. Also remember that your child spent the first nine months of their lives in a veritable lap pool. They understand buoyancy and most infants don’t fuss at all about being taken into the water as long as it’s not too cold. Since fear of the water is a learned behavior, children who are apprehensive about swimming have typically had a childhood experience that caused that apprehension. Many of my swim students who started class with an existing fear of the pool had doubts simply because a parent instilled those doubts in their child, or the parents were overly cautious about getting water on their baby’s head and face when bathing. Most of these parents are well-meaning and did what they thought was best for the child at the time. Unfortunately, this teaches the child to be nervous around water and can lead to resistance when it’s time to start swimming. Take It Slow If your child has already started showing signs of water aversion, such as resistance, crying or refusing to go in or near the pool, it’s important to take it slow and proceed with caution. Don’t try to force the issue before she is ready to tackle the challenge on her own terms. Otherwise, you could end up facing an uphill battle with strong emotions like panic, crying, and sometimes, deepened fear. Start With Bath Time As the adult, you have the divine knowledge that water is completely harmless for your child. When it’s bath time, your job is to be a calm and confident parent. Use a cup to scoop water from the tub and pour it over baby’s body and head. Don’t be hesitant or express worry. Don’t make a big deal out of it by telling your child to hold her breath and count to three. And, most importantly, don’t shield your child’s eyes and face from the water. If you’re concerned about soap getting into her eyes, do an initial rinse with her head tilted back and a second and third rinse straight over the head. Let the water flow over her eyes, nose, mouth and ears. Remember that children learn to react like their parents and peers do. The same way that we inadvertently teach children to scream at the sight of a cockroach, we often teach them to be afraid of water too, sometimes just by showing outward nervousness when our children’s faces get wet. Capitalize on Interpersonal Relationships I’ve found that a role model can be tremendously encouraging for a child. If your kid has an older sibling, cousin or friend who can swim, take everyone to the pool together so your younger kid can see how exciting it is to swim independently. Often, this is enough to stimulate a non-swimmer to want to start lessons. In fact, I often teach dual-level lessons to allow for a more advanced child and a beginner to share pool-time. When the novice student sees their older brother or best friend excelling, they’re more likely to try skills they wouldn’t have attempted had they been on their own. Or, if you have two children at the same level, you can try them in a class together as well. Though some siblings have a harder time concentrating when their counterpart is around, others are encouraged by natural sibling rivalry. Make Pool Time Play Time If you have your own pool or you take regular trips to a community aquatics facility, you’re already on your way to helping your child overcome their water anxiety. If you plan to sign up for lessons, there’s no need to work on any specific skills in advance. Just allow your child to get used to the water’s feel and buoyancy. Bring some pool toys along to make the experience a positive one. When shopping for pool toys, let your kids help you decide. After all, they’ll be using them more than you and you want them to be excited about a new game before they get to play it. There’s really no wrong toys. Any toy that floats can be tossed out into the water and “rescued” with your help; anything that sinks can be placed on a step and reached down to while you encourage them to blow bubbles into the water. Even toys that aren’t meant for the pool will often work as long as they don’t have holes that water can get trapped inside and grow mold. Among the odder things in my toy bag, I have a water-tight baby doll, ping-pong balls and artificial flowers with fishing weights attached to them so kids can “pick the flowers” off the bottom. It’s important to keep pool toys separate from the regular stash so that kids don’t lose interest in them before you make it into

April 9, 2018
Kaboutjie

5 Fun kids activities to help improve speech & learn different languages

All children develop speech and language skills at different ages and different speeds – that’s completely normal, and as parents it’s our job to support them in any way we can. There are lots of small things you can do to help kids pick up new words, whether in their first language or another. The key thing is to make each step as fun and engaging as possible. Here are our top five ways to making learning about language more fun: Find a way to start the conversation When it comes to developing conversational skills, kids need something interesting to talk about more than anything else. Even the quietest little ones will get chatting once you hit on a topic they that grabs their attention! It’s just about finding out what they love and talking about it with them. Do they like the beach? Try asking them to describe different types of shells! Are they into tractors? Go to your local farm and name each one by colour. Mystery boxes This is a fun – if sometimes messy –  game for kids that’s great for helping to improve speech and language skills. Assemble a range of different household items and put each one in a box with a hole cut into the lid. Ask your kids to close their eyes and put their hand in a box. They will then have to use their language skills to describe the item in as much detail as possible – this is especially good for practicing the use of adjectives. To make it extra fun, let your children decorate the boxes with glitter and paint before you start. And don’t worry too much if it gets messy – you can easily find out how to remove paint stains from clothes here. Spend time with foreign language speakers If you want to instil a love of different languages in kids, what you need is for them to spend time in the company of those who speak something other than English. Make this fun by finding a relative, baby-sitter or friend who enjoys playing with children, but will do so while talking in their mother tongue. Label household items A good way to get your child used to language is to help them associate visual and audible cues. If they are struggling to name particular objects, label those items and ask your child to read the word on the label out loud every time they use it – this will help them develop their reading skills, too! It’s also a useful technique for helping them learn new languages: tag household items with their word in the new language and repeat it each time the item is used. Ask open questions Sometimes the simplest things work the best. If a child isn’t much into talking, get them to be more chatty by asking open questions. These are questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. So rather, for example, than asking ‘Did you have fun at school?’ you could say ‘Tell me about something you did at school today.’ There are many things you can do to encourage your child to speak and enjoy language – both their own and new ones. Try out these different ideas and see which one works for your family. What fun things have you tried to help your children with their speech development?

April 4, 2018
Parenting Hub

The angry toddler

Suddenly I have an angry toddler on my hands. I always thought the Terrible Two’s started at 2 years old. Much to my horror my daughter started with tantrums at about 1 year old and they have just been building in ferocity ever since and she is nearly 3 years old now. I came to the conclusion that firstly as a busy mom with my own business and a new baby she is looking for attention. As much as I try my best to be an attentive, loving mommy at all times the truth is that there is just not enough time or energy to devote to this! The attention she of course does get on a regular occasion is when she acts out and I lose my temper too. All the small little achievements go unnoticed and the naughty things get the kind of airtime she craves. The second thing that I believe very much adds to this difficult stage is she was not able to understand her feelings properly and certainly not able to voice them appropriately. I decided a little while ago to try and focus intensely on this “little” problem. I tackled it from the two areas I felt needed to be addressed. The first thing I did was start talking to her about feelings. If she threw a tantrum for any reason I would ask her if she is feeling angry, hurt, sad or scared. Very soon she caught on to this and now very often instead of throwing herself on the floor she will voice her feelings in the correct way. She will tell me “I am ANGRY with mommy” or the one that really gets my heart strings tugging is when she tells me “Calista is very, very sad now”. The next step in this process was to ignore as much of her bad behaviour as humanly possible (no easy feat!) and to try and acknowledge each and every good thing she did in the day and applaud and congratulate her. To be honest in the beginning it was not easy because we were all (the entire family) stuck in a rut with her bad behaviour and when I asked my hubby to come on board with my plan he said he is struggling to find anything that works. My heart went out to my daughter at this moment, mainly because he was spot on. I started with little things (because that is all I could find) and made a huge fuss about it. It did not take long at all for her to bask in the glory of Mommy’s praise. It made me realise how I had been dealing with things incorrectly for so long. I then decided that it might be good to give her specific “chores” every daythat she knows will make us proud. Her list of daily duties includes setting the table (minus anything breakable which really just means putting the salt & pepper and cutlery on the table), taking her plate to the kitchen when she is finished eating, taking her empty milk bottle to the kitchen sink every morning and making her own bed. She has now been completing her daily chores every day with great pride. We also try and pack away her toys at the end of the day together. To be honest sometimes I don’t have the energy and just leave everything lying all over the floor! A very successful tool that I added in here is a rewards chart. I just bought pretty cardboard, kokis and a whole stack of stickers. We sit down together and make her chart. She chooses the stickers she wants to decorate it with and stick it on the wall. Every time she does something good I put a gold star on the chart until she has 10 stars and then she gets a reward, something small like Jelly Tots or a bowl of ice cream. We also used this chart for potty training; every time she used the toilet she got a star too. The difficulty with this method is that she caught on very quickly and each time she hit 7 stars she would stand in front of the chart thinking and then run to the toilet and make a wee. Then she tells me “Wee in toilet, want a star” and I put a star up. Then she stands in front of the chart again and I can see this little mind ticking away and off she runs to the toilet to try and squeeze another one out. Even though she never actually produced anything she tells me again she needs a star. The clever little manipulator was at work again. I stuck to my boundaries each time and told her it is only if she makes a wee or poop on the toilet, not for sitting on the toilet and producing nothing. Of course she would then cause a fuss. My daughter still has tantrums but nothing like before. Some days we have no episodes at all which is a complete turnaround considering a few months back it felt like all day every day was a continuous tantrum to get through. Her first reward chart was on the 28th March, nearly 3 months ago and the change in my child has been tremendous. It took patience, understanding and a bit of effort to make a change but well worth it. Good luck to all the mommies that are still struggling with this phase, I hope something here can help you get through the day! Update 01/07/2016: I just reviewed some awesome products for Jitterbugs which included lovely reward charts and reward stickers! How do you handle toddler tantrums?

March 30, 2018
Parenting Hub

Making your medical benefits last

As each new year begins medical aid members start with a clean slate, with new benefits and replenished savings available. ‘If you manage your medical expenses correctly you can avoid out-of-pocket expenses and limit the possibility of running out of benefits,’ says Gerhard Van Emmenis, Principal Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund. Van Emmenis, gives some tips on managing your medical expenses to make them last. Find a GP on your medical aid’s network Using network doctors is an invaluable tool to make your medical aid last longer as it means you won’t be charged more than a specific amount. At present, Bonitas Medical Fund has the largest network of GPs in South Africa – with over 6 000 doctors. Always use partner networks Medical schemes negotiate preferential rates with providers who have partnered with them. This means if you use a network hospital, doctor or pharmacy you will not be charged more than the rate agreed with the scheme. This will also help you to avoid co-payments, deductibles and additional out-of-pocket expenses. Ask your pharmacist Buy over-the-counter medicine to treat less serious ailments and consider using generic medicine which is cheaper but effective. Pharmacists are able to provide sound medical advice on problems such as rashes, colds or illnesses that are not severe, simply ask! Going to hospital – get the facts  Talk to your doctor or specialist before being admitted to hospital. Check what they are going to be charging and what your scheme will cover. If there is a large difference, don’t be afraid to approach your doctor to see if they are prepared to adjust their fee. Alternatively, you can also check if there are other healthcare providers who are on your scheme’s network that will charge you a better rate. Remember to pre-authorise Pre-authorisation is required for all hospital admissions to ensure your stay will be covered. Always ask if there are any co-payments or sub-limits that will apply and what you can do to avoid these. For planned procedures, it’s also worth checking with your scheme if you will obtain better cover by using contracted providers or having the procedure performed in the doctor’s rooms or a day clinic. ICD-10 codes If you need to undergo an operation, ask your surgeon for the codes that will be charged. This will include the procedure codes and those for any other products that will be needed, this all helps with pre-authorisation and ensuring the costs will be covered. Look for schemes that offer benefits paid from risk These benefits give you more value for money and are in addition to your savings and day-to-day benefits. Bonitas pays for maternity consultations, wellness benefits, preventative care and dentistry from risk on most plans. Managed care benefits Some schemes offer programmes to help you manage severe chronic conditions such as cancer, diabetes and HIV/AIDS. These programmes are usually covered from the risk portion of your medical contribution and are not funded from your savings account. They help you use your benefits to maximum advantage while ensuring you receive quality care by using specific providers. Be aware of consulting after hours In an emergency one has no choice, but after hours consultations are very expensive. As a general rule, try to avoid using an ER facility where possible. A bona fide medical emergency usually results in admission into hospital. Manage your chronic medicine correctly The golden rule for chronic illness benefits is to try to use the medication on your scheme’s formulary and to obtain this from a specified pharmacy, either on the network or a designated service provider. Bonitas offers a home delivery service for chronic medicine, to make things even more convenient for members. PMBs If you suffer from a Prescribed Minimum Benefit (PMB) condition, understand what benefits are provided as part of a PMB condition and utilise the service of the designated service provider to ensure that your claims are paid from risk rather than from your medical savings account. ‘Don’t be uninformed,’ says Van Emmenis. ‘Your health is important, so take the time to research and understand the medical aid plan you’ve chosen. Read the information sent to you by the Scheme or your broker. Ensure you read the fine print and understand the Scheme Rules. This will go a long way in helping you know your rights and making the most of your benefits.’

March 29, 2018
Kaboutjie

Teaching table manners

Teaching table manners is something vital in my home. I’m not a mom that has loads of rules and I am quite flexible with a lot of things, but one thing that was enforced by my mother in my childhood was sitting down at the table as a family for every meal. We used to beg her all the time to sit in front of the tv with our plates on our lap. The odd times she did allow this is was a great treat! Looking back I realise that at the time I thought it was a stupid rule: to always sit as a family at the table for supper. There were times when we all sat at the table stony faced and angry because of a family tiff (either between siblings or with my mom), nobody speaking and death looks being passed around. Strange how things turned around when I first became a mom! I now look back at this simple rule and remember the wonderful family meals we had, especially when we got older and everyone was off on their own daily missions but at the end of the day we all came together for that one meal, to connect. I thank my mom for having the wisdom to do something so simple for us as a family. When my daughter was born I told my husband that it is very important to me that we get a table and sit for dinner together which he thought was strange. He was not very impressed either when I told him that part of this family dinner rule is that the tv is turned off as we have an open plan house! Not only does it bring the family together, it is also a very good opportunity to teach my children basic manners. It is also the start of teaching my children the importance of helping around the house and doing their bit. Here are the basic rules we follow: Wash hands before coming to the table. My 3 year old is responsible for setting the table. No toys at the table. No phones, iPads, laptops, books at the table. No throwing or grabbing of food. No banging utensils. No spitting food out. Stay seated at the table for the entire meal. No yelling or loud noises at the table. Asking to be excused from the table. Using the words “please” and “thank you”. Saying thank you for the meal. My 3 year old and I clear the table at the end of every meal. If you are religious it is a great opportunity to say grace together with your family before your meal. What do you do for family meal times?

March 29, 2018
Parenting Hub

Children with ADHD: Bullied or bully?

Symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) are unlikely to go unnoticed in a school environment. It can quickly earn your child the “different”, “difficult” or “disruptive” label and attract the attention of bullies. ADHD can inhibit your child’s understanding of social cues, which can have a negative impact on everyday conversations and social interactions. The exclusion from social circles only leads to heightened feelings of isolation and depression. Bullying in schools can have a serious impact on your child’s participation and academic performance. Over 3.2 million South African students are bullied yearly but more than 67% don’t speak up due to fear, shame, and doubt that parents or teachers can change their situation. Bullying is often directed at insecure and passive children who display physical weakness and poor social skills. Bullied or bully? Whether brought on by ADHD tendencies or low self-esteem caused by the condition, research suggests that ADHD children are nearly 10 times more likely to attract the attention of bullies. They tend to avoid confrontation but when taunted by bullies, ADHD children often overreact emotionally. Unfortunately, the display of tears and anger or an impulsive retort to provocation usually adds fuel to the flame for a bully. That said, recent research found that children with ADHD are almost four times more likely to bully other children without the condition. Likewise, this can be due to low self-esteem or could be in response to victimisation or feelings of depression. The destructive impact of bullying Bullying can be linked to lasting emotional, mental and physical health issues for both the bullied and the bully. If your child is bullied at school, he or she is likely to experience heightened levels of insecurity, anxiety, depression, loneliness, poor sleeping and eating patterns, and decreased academic achievement – over and above ADHD symptoms. On the other hand, if your ADHD child has become the playground bully, he or she is more likely to get into fights or partake in risky activities. Keep a close eye on school attendance as both the bullied and the bully are more likely to bunk school. Fortunately, there are many other ways to deal with bullying at opposite ends of this spectrum. In addition to a holistic treatment plan and an active support group, the impact of ADHD in the school environment can be successfully managed. That means less attention from bullies and a memorable and carefree childhood. For more information around the symptoms, impact and treatment of ADHD, visit MyADHD.co.za or My ADHD on Facebook.

March 29, 2018
Impaq

10 Tips for home education success

By Danielle Barfoot, written for Impaq (Formally known as Impak Onderwysdiens) The scheduled academic year for mainstreamers may already be in full swing, but the great thing about teaching your child yourself is that you can start – or switch to – home education at any time. Whether this is the first time you are home educating your child, or whether you’ve been doing it for years, here are some practical tips to ensure a successful and less stressful academic year. Start with a lesson plan: If the prospect of planning an entire year’s worth of lessons seem overwhelming, turn to the materials supplied by your curriculum provider. It should include an easy to follow lesson plan and proposed weekly time allocations for each subject. Create the right environment: Home education can take place virtually anywhere, and each set-up looks different – you don’t need to invest lots of money or dedicate an entire room to the endeavour. However, do make sure that there is an inspiring space that is free of distractions and conducive to learning. Keep track: You must keep a solid record of everything your child is learning, including assessments. Check with the DBE for their exact record-keeping requirements. Set realistic expectations: You probably have an idea of how things should go, but it’s easy to expect too much. As with life, not everything always goes to plan, so be sure set realistic expectations for yourself and your child. Be consistent…: The gravity of your responsibility for the educational success of your child should encourage you to set a plan and keep to it. On some days it may be difficult to say no to outside distractions, but staying focused will pay off in the long run. …but flexible: That said, not all families thrive on having a detailed list of what to do and when to do it. The beauty of home education is that, when life happens – your child gets sick, exciting opportunities arise and unexpected adventures call – you can plan your child’s education around it. Take a break: Another benefit of home education is that you don’t need to wait for scheduled public or school holidays. If you start to notice that your child’s enthusiasm is lacking and you’re losing your temper in the process, it may be time to take a break. A trip to the park, a nature walk, or a family vacation are great ways to relax and destress. They could, of course, also serve as exciting learning opportunities. Make learning fun: Learning doesn’t just happen from books, so be sure to include hands-on experiences in your home education plan. Excursions and experiments are a great way to bring concepts to life and give your child a new understanding and appreciation of a particular topic or subject. The world is your classroom: Almost everything we do involves some skills – thinking, reading, problem-solving, etc. Once you view every situation as educational, whether you are baking something, setting the table, or going grocery shopping, you will be amazed at what your child can learn. Remember the end goal: When things don’t go according to plan – you will experience frustration or exasperation – keep perspective. Success goes beyond the details of what is taught when educating your child; it is the relationship you have with your child at the end of the journey. Make no mistake, home education can be hard. There is no one size fits all programme and it will take trial and error to get the right balance. So, as you follow this journey, don’t let anyone tell you how to educate your child. And if things don’t feel right, then make changes. Don’t worry if your solution is different to somebody else’s – no-one knows your child better than you, so trust in yourself and keep these tips in mind. Things will work out!

March 29, 2018
Kaboutjie

5 Signs baby is tired

If you know the signs baby is tired before he gets over-tired it will make things much easier for you. Trying to put an over-tired baby to sleep is not easy! 5 Signs Baby is Tired ( 3 months – 1 year old): Fussing, whining, crying, screaming Rubbing eyes and/ or nose Pulling ears and/ or hair Yawning Loss of co-ordination (bumping into things, falling over, spilling things more easily) Click here for the signs baby is tired (0 – 3 months old).

March 29, 2018
Kaboutjie

10 Development differences between girls and boys

While every child develops at his or her own pace there are certain developmental differences between girls and boys that do stand out. 1. Physical growth Girls and boys actually grow at a similar rate until elementary school. Girls start growing at a fast pace in late elementary school and the boys then catch up and overtake growing taller than girls. 2. Onset of Puberty Girls hit puberty at an earlier age than boys. Some girls begin puberty as young as eight years old, but others as late as twelve years old. Boys usually start hitting puberty at the earliest only around the nine year old mark. 3. Verbal Skills Girls usually start talking much earlier than boys do. They also have a higher vocabulary and much more complex understanding of language than boys. This extends right to school years where in general girls have better spelling, writing, reading and overall language skills than boys. 4. Gross Motor Skills Boys are known to be more active than girls in general and they show more advanced gross motor skills such as running, jumping and balancing. 5. Fine Motor Skills Girls show more skill than boys with fine motor skills such as writing and holding a pen. 6. Spatial Skills This is one of the major differences between the developmental differences in girls and boys. Boys have a much better grasp of spatial skills. Girls seem to struggle more with boys excelling in this from the age of nine years on. 7. Hand eye coordination Boys generally have a better grasp of hand eye coordination skills probably due to the fact that their gross motor skills and spatial skills are more advanced than girls. 8. Handling and understanding emotions Girls tend to learn how to understand and handle their emotions faster than boys. This could be a result of girls being able to communicate easier than boys. Girls tend to express their emotions verbally while boys express themselves physically. 9. Sensory and Cognitive Development Before the age of three years old girls tend to have more advanced skills in memory, touch, hearing, smell and vision. After the age of three years old this gap gets narrowed when the boys skills advance with hand eye coordination and spatial skills. 10. Potty Training When it comes to potty training girls vs boys the girls tend to take the lead here, starting potty training much earlier than boys. They not only start earlier but they tend to master the skill in less time with fewer accidents than boys. When children grow up into adults there are often differences between them as men and women. Some of these are because often men and women do have aptitudes for different things. However, a lot of differences in adults come about from gender stereotyping while the child is growing up. It is interesting to note how men and women very often seem to gravitate towards certain careers. This is true not only in the workplace, but also in education. For example some statistics from the team at DevelopIntelligence highlight the large gap between male and female students in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) fields at school. What developmental differences between girls and boys have you noticed?

March 28, 2018
Kaboutjie

Key signs that your child may have eye problems

Our eyes are windows to the wonderful world around us. It allows us to see the world as it is, and it shows us the world in its full splendor. We see a lot of great and amazing things throughout our lives, but it’s also important to remember that our eyes work with us for as long as we take care of them. Sadly, children, perhaps the most creative beings out there, don’t always have the awareness needed to take care of their eyes. As parents, guardians, and people who are concerned for their welfare, it’s up to us to make sure their eyes stay as vibrant as ever. Here are some signs that our child might have an eye problem, or might develop an eye problem. Is Your Child Prone To Lean Close To Electronics? It’s not wrong to lean closer to objects we can’t exactly see properly, but if we see our children lean close to electronics all the time, then we might be witnessing the first signs of an eye problem in its infancy. Remember, electronics emit light radiation and bright light, and constant exposure to bright light can permanently damage our child’s eyes, especially now that they are still in development. If your child has a gadget like a smartphone, a tablet, or a laptop, and you find them leaning in close too much to watch a video or play games that are already on full screen, then your child might have a developing eye problem. If your child is exhibiting the above but is also wearing glasses, then it might be a sign of a worse eye problem. Try to observe just how close your child is compared to the electronic device you’re seeing, and gauge if the normal eye could see the things they’re leaning towards. If, say, a text is something visible from your end at the same distance, and it seems blurred for your child, then you may be facing a problem. Is Your Child Experiencing Difficulties In Things Related To Vision? The signs aren’t just related to electronics, however, as your child might exhibit difficulties in tasks related to vision as well. Try to observe their behavior towards tasks involving following objects, or using their eyes to do things. If your child likes to read books closer to their faces, then this might be one of the little signs that they may have an eye problem. If your child tells you they can’t distinguish colors properly, then they may have a problem. If they experience trouble seeing the blackboard, looking at small objects from a distance, or potential hazards such as corners and stairs, then this might be a vision problem. You have to pay attention if your child is clumsy when doing things that shouldn’t let them be prone to injury, such as walking to somewhere while holding something. If your child avoids tasks that involve near vision activities like writing or coloring, and if they avoid distance vision activities like catch, seeing planes and birds, then these may be signs of a vision problem. Does Your Child Have Strange Eye Habits? We all have our quirks, and children have theirs too. However, if they have “quirks” involving their eyes that seem out of place, then your child might be experiencing the signs of a vision problem waiting to happen. If your child squints or blinks often than usual, especially when doing tasks that need their eyes, then they might have an eyesight problem. If your child tilts to see better, or closes one eye to see an object better, then they may have an eye problem. If your child is prone to rub their eyes even if they aren’t itchy, then they might have an eye problem as well. Do Your Child’s Eyes Look Strange? Perhaps the most obvious signs of a potential eye problem might be staring us right in the face and we aren’t seeing it. This is especially when we’re talking about our children. Try to look for these signs in their eyes that might tell if they have a vision problem waiting to happen. If there are any changes to their eyes that don’t seem normal, then it might be best to get them checked. For instance, if they looked cross eyed, or if the eyes don’t seem to look like they work at the same time, or if there are droopy eyelids and bulgy eyes. If your child’s eyes appear to be extra sensitive to light, then you might have a child with an eye problem. If there are recurring headaches, or if your child’s eyes show sensitive to light with pain, or a redness that doesn’t seem to go away, then your child might have a vision problem. What To Do Next? If you see these signs in your child, it’s important not to panic and assess the situation more closely. Which of these signs appear and how often do they manifest? Start taking notes, especially when it comes to describing the frequency of these signs, and what sort of signs appear. If possible, try to take pictures while they’re “on the act” for your personal reference. These kind of data are important especially when presenting your case to an eye doctor, which can also get a better assessment of your child’s case when they see the things they do when they’re at home. Remember, try not to panic, especially when these signs manifest. It’s always better to try to get a cool and calm head by planning what to do next and finding the best remedies with your doctor. These signs don’t automatically mean your child is going blind. They may have a condition that affects their eyes. If you want to get an initial assessment before going to the doctor, then try to check if you have relatives that may have an eye problem that is known to be genetic. Knowing this, and sharing this to the doctor, may help

March 27, 2018
Kaboutjie

Should children play with toy guns?

I know this question has been asked a lot of times and is highly debated in society, so here it comes… should children play with toy guns? A while back I told my husband I don’t want our son to play with toy guns. For me it just feels so wrong on so many levels. Recently my son had his third birthday party and while I was planning it I was wondering how to go about things. Would it be rude to tell all the moms to please not give toy guns for a gift? And what would happen if someone did give my son a toy gun for his birthday what would I do? So the situation was taken out of my hands because time goes so fast and the birthday party was organized in a rush of chaos since it was December. We got home from his birthday party laden with gifts. When he opened all his presents he got two guns. One was in a SWAT team set. A big black gun that made machine gun noises. The other a harmless and fun water gun. Now where do you draw the line? Are water guns fine? Are brightly coloured guns fine while black realistic looking guns aren’t? My son was over the moon with all of his gifts, especially the big black gun. He started charging around the house telling us he is shooting us dead. My heart dropped, it was all so wrong but how could I now break his heart by taking away his prized gun? Fortunately toys are not made to last and by the end of the following day this black gun was broken into pieces and I could throw it away.. by the way I am going to be writing a post soon about the terrible quality of the toys today! I’m not going to go into all the points that people have brought up for and against toy guys, the simple fact for me is that guns are intended to kill people. Guns are associated with violence. For me it is just not ok for my children to play with toy guns. I will never feel fine with it and I am going to go with my gut feel on this. For my son’s next birthday I will remember to let all the moms know to please not give any toy guns. I also make a point never to buy toys guns for anyone else’s kids. Violence vs Nudity and Sex? Something happened at the school a few weeks ago that I just wanted to share about that fits in a bit with this topic. My son is… shall we just say quite boisterous right now. He is an angry little toddler, throwing tantrums and yes he is hitting and kicking too. So he is being a typical three year old boy. There were a good few times I collected my kids from school and a teacher told me that he had been misbehaving. On the one occasion she said he had hit one child twice through the face with his bottle (reminds me of my drinking days…) I was very embarrassed and told the teacher I would deal with it. Each time she brushed it off saying she just wanted to let me know, but you know they do that at this age. Then I arrive at the school and this same teacher tells me in a very serious manner that my son has been incredibly naughty today and it is serious. I start to panic wondering what could be worse than my nearly 3 year old hitting kids in the face. She tells me that twice that day my son pulled down his pants in the sandpit and showed the other children his bum. I blink wondering what else is coming for this to be so bad right? When it is clear nothing else is coming I start giggling. This did not impress the teacher who then told me that if I am laughing my children will see it and think it is a laughing matter. She said that the school is conservative and don’t take this sort of behaviour lightly. Now I wasn’t laughing because my son flashed his cute little butt cheeks at school, I was actually giggling at the craziness of the fact that this school considers a 3 year flashing his butt a much more serious offence than hitting another child twice, hard through the face with an object. Where is the sense in that I ask? At this moment my son made an appearance. Wearing only his tshirt, flashing all his bits to me, the teacher and the entire class. He was holding a full toilet roll that was dripping wet and when he saw me he asked me to please help him. When he turned around his cute little but cheeks covered in poop flashed at the class. Now I have to keep a straight face? See now I don’t consider myself the type of mother that let’s anything go, but I do feel that I have my priorities straight. I have no issue with nudity or sex. Yes for sure I am not talking about porn here, but if my kids walk into the room and the tv is on I would much rather have them walk in on a sex scene or a bit of nudity than a scene of violence. I’ve noticed that tv programs and movies regularly show violence, even in cartoons. We live in a world that is so desensitized to violence and where our children grow up surrounded by this. We live in a society where there is so much crime and violence, yet we allow our kids to play with a toy replica of a killing machine? We live in a society with skewed values where butt cheeks are forbidden but violence towards another is ok? Well I’m sorry but I go the other way on

March 27, 2018
Kaboutjie

Should you be giving your child fish oil?

Fish oil is one of the most studied nutritional and health products. The main components of interest in it are the omega 3 fatty acids. The human body cannot synthesize omega 3 and so it has to be sourced from the diet. Fish is one of the best sources of omega 3.  The two main biologically active ingredients in omega 3 are docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA).  Sources of fish oil include the processing of oily fish such as salmon, sardines, tuna and cod. Fish oil also contains some small amounts of vitamin A. In view of all this; it is now easier to tackle the question of whether fish oil should be given routinely to children. The first question every parent should consider is whether they are giving their children adequate fish oil through the diet. This can be answered easily by assessing the number of times in a week the children eat any of the oily fishes. This has to be several times week. In the U.S, the American Heart Association recommends more than 3.5 oz. of oily fish two times per week. Since many children’s diet is a reflection of what the adults are taking, it is likely that they also get inadequate fish oil from the diet and hence supplementation is necessary. Everything in proportion The typical western world diet consists of high omega 6 fatty acids intake. These are mainly vegetable oils. High consumption of these oils has been linked with a high incidence of degenerative disorders. In an ideal situation the ratio of omega 6 and omega 3 should be about 1:1.  This helps to counteract the undesirable effects of omega 6. In some cases the consumption ratio is disproportionate with omega 6 being up to 10 times more than omega 3. To bring the ratio to near normal fish oil should be given to the majority of children. The benefits of fish oil for children There are many documented benefits to giving your children Omega 3, including: Healthy brain development Improved cognitive ability Health bones and joints Good eye health Reduced hyperactivity disorders symptoms Healthy skin How much fish oil should children be given? The amount of fish oil supplementation depends on the amount of omega 3 it contains. Therefore the dosage for children is given in terms of omega 3 amounts (total DHA and EPA) and it is age dependent.  Different countries also have slightly different recommendations.  Below is a suggested dosage regime. 0-12 months about 0.5 grams per day 1-3 years about 0.7 grams per day 4-8 years 0.9 grams every day 9-13 years 1.2 grams each day for boys. Girls can do with 0.2 less grams than boys 14-18 years 1.6 grams daily with girls in the same age bracket needing about 1.1 per day Some countries recommend dosages in terms of mg per kg of body weight. Ascertain your country’s guideline before giving fish oil to your children. Side effects of fish oil Fish oil is generally well tolerated. However, children with known allergies to the oil or certain sea-foods should better avoid it unless your doctor says it is okay. Cod liver oil is a type of fish oil sourced from the liver of cod. It contains a lot of vitamin A and D. These vitamins are fat soluble and if taken in excess have accumulating effects in the body and they can cause serious health effects. Never exceed manufacturers’ recommended fish oil dosage. Jane Hutton is a nutritionist and health enthusiast. She also enjoys rock climbing and sailing in her free time. She’s passionate about animal rights and works for an Omega 3 brand called NothingFishy. Facebook: NothingFishy Omega3 Twitter : @nothingfishyco

March 23, 2018
Kaboutjie

What are the early signs of autism in children

Almost every mom gets herself into a twist if her baby or child is not reaching milestones according to the so called norm, wanting to know if her child is just late to reach those milestones or if there may be a more serious cause for this. While the majority of babies and children reach their milestones at the average age, there will be some babies that reach their milestones much earlier and some that just lag behind the rest. There is usually no need for alarm, they are just late bloomers and will get there in their own time. What is important to look out for is that your baby or child is developing and gaining new skills, even if they are a little slow to reach milestones. Some babies will start crawling late, or not even at all, yet start walking earlier than the norm. If your baby is making progress overall then chances are there is nothing to be concerned about. That said if you are concerned about anything it is best to take your baby for a check up since if there is any sort of developmental delay or disability it is always best to know about it as early as possible. Early diagnosis means that interventions with autism doctors and specialists can be implemented and outcomes can be improved drastically. You will also need to learn about special needs parenting and how you can help your child. Complex disorders of brain development are now classified under the broad terms of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Autism. This means that autistic disorder, childhood disintegrative disorder, pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) and Asperger syndrome all fall under the broad spectrum of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by impaired social interaction, verbal and non-verbal communication, and restricted and repetitive behavior. If your child does have autism it will make the world of difference if you can start behavioral therapy before 18 months of age. What makes this tricky is that very often the most obvious signs and symptoms of autism tend to emerge between the ages of two and three years old. According to Connecticut & Golf Coast ADHD Associates: Autism spectrum disorders are lifelong conditions with no known cure. However, children with ASD can progress developmentally and learn new skills. Some children may improve so much that they no longer meet the criteria for ASD, although milder symptoms may often persist. What are Early Signs of Autism in Children? The earliest signs of autism in children involve the absence of normal behaviors as opposed to the presence of abnormal behaviors. Since autistic babies are very often quiet and undemanding parents may think that they have an easy baby and not realize that there is a problem. It is very common for autistic babies to not respond to cuddling, not reach out to be picked up and not to make eye contact with anyone. Early signs that your baby may have autism are when your baby or toddler does not: follow objects or your movements visually, or does not visually follow where you point use gestures to communicate such as waving goodbye or pointing respond to the sound of your voice or respond to being called by name make eye contact with you reach out to you when being picked up respond to or initiate cuddling make noises to grab your attention play with other people show enjoyment or interest imitate facial expressions and gestures care or even seem to notice if you get hurt or are upset in any way The following symptoms are cause for concern, so you should take your baby to be evaluated: No big smiles or signs of happiness and enjoyment by the age of 6 months Does not interact by sharing sounds and smiles, and imitating of other facial expressions by 9 months old Your baby does not respond to his or her name by one year old Your baby does not make any noises or “baby talk” by one year old Your baby does not make any gestures such as waving, pointing. reaching or showing by one year old Your baby does not speak any words by 16 months old Your baby does not speak any meaningful two word phrases that are not imitating or repeating by two years old While some babies and toddlers just develop later than others, if you are worried about anything take your child to be checked out. It is better to be safe than sorry later on, especially since the younger the child is when autism is diagnosed the better. It is also vital as a mother or father to trust your own instincts, so get a second opinion from a child development specialist if you are not sure about a diagnosis. As children get older the signs for autism become more diversified and noticeable. Impaired social skills, non-verbal communication difficulties, inflexible behavior and speech and language difficulties are typical signs of autism.

March 22, 2018
Kaboutjie

The 3 stages of labour

Stage 1: Early Labour This stage begins when the cervix begins to soften and open up, this stage is complete when the cervix has opened to about 10 cms. It is the longest stage of labour and take hours to a few days. You may feel nothing for quite a long time, then you will feel some pain and discomfort. There is no pattern and contractions are irregular. Contractions will then start to become regular with shorter intervals in between. Contractions will become longer and build in intensity. You will need to know how you will cope with pain during labour. In Early Labour you may have: Lower back pain Period like pain that comes and goes Loose bowels movements Blood-stained mucous discharge known as blood show Water breaking An urge to vomit Stage 2: Active Labour This stage is from when the cervix is dilated to 10 cms until the baby is born. In Active Labour you may have: Longer and stronger contractions with an interval of 1 to 2 minutes in between The urge to push Increased pressure on your bottom Stretching and burning feelings in your vagina Shaky, cramps, nauseas and vomiting The pushing phase can last up to 2 hours. Stage 3 This stage is from when your baby has been born until after the placenta has been delivered. What was your experience of labour like?

March 21, 2018
Kaboutjie

5 Ways to bond with your baby during pregnancy

Contrary to what many believe, bonding with your child begins while it is still in the womb. In the early months of pregnancy, bonding can be a bit difficult because you aren’t able to feel the kicks or see little more than a blob on the ultrasound; however as the mother’s bump grows and the child along with it, the unconditional love and devotion all parents feel towards their children can begin developing. Bonding with your unborn baby is necessary and should be done with both parents around if possible. Mothers generally bond more while the child is in the womb simply because they are carrying it and can feel the subtle movements and enjoy the unexplainable feeling of content knowing that their child is growing within them, however the fathers should as well. Ways To Bond With Your Baby During Pregnancy 1. Massaging Massaging the bump is a great way to bond between the parents and the unborn child. With various aromatic oils and lotions, parents can massage the mothers belly as it begins to grow. Many women do this regardless in an attempt to prevent those unsightly stretch marks, so why not make it a family ritual? The smells from the oils and lotions is very relaxing and can create a fantastic atmosphere for bonding. 2. Singing and talking There are actually devices out there that attach to the stomach from a small microphone so that the unborn child can begin to enjoy the relaxing sound of its parent’s voices. From singing lullaby’s (something parents should get used to from a very early start), to simply talking about day to day business or reading a book out loud, any communication between the parents and the child helps strengthen the bond. 3. Classes Attending various classes is a fantastic way for both parents to bond with the child and prepare for its arrival. Birthing classes will show the dad and mom how to handle the labour, how to breathe during the process, how to cope with the pain during labour and what to expect. Parenting classes are a great tool for first time parents to learn how to properly swaddle a child, the basics of breast feeding, and other essentials for the newborn baby. Preparation and understanding is what these classes teach, and it will be a phenomenal tool for parents as they experience the joys of their upcoming child together. 4. Go for walks Walking is a fantastic way to not only prepare your body physically for labor (and to speed it along if you’re past your due date), but also to bond. Whether its just mommy walking, or if dad is coming along to, walking gives you some quiet relaxation time to clear your mind and simply just focus on the “now”. 5. Scans Perhaps one of the best bonding experiences for parents and their unborn child is the scans. Scans make the baby so much more real, allows you to actually see what the child looks like, and you can take a photo home and keep it in a safe place. There are various types of scans that can be taken at varying weeks during the pregnancy. The early pregnancy scan is just to confirm that the mother is pregnant and that the unborn child is viable. After that, a gender scan is done (typically between 20-35 weeks) – this is optional, but most parents opt to know their childs gender to continue bonding with it more and prepare for its arrival with gender specific decorations and clothing. Another scan is the 3D/4D ultrasound and this is truly an experience parents will enjoy. You should typically have this scan done between 20-35 weeks as well. You shouldn’t wait too long for this scan as your child won’t have enough room within the womb for a really clear and great photo of the scan, however you still want to have your child with all of its facial features and digits developed. The bonding process between parents and the unborn child can begin from the very day that the woman knows she’s pregnant. Between belly rubs, parenting classes, and general communication with the child, the bond will strengthen and grow as the bump gets larger and the due date quickly approaches. Always make sure that the father is included in the bonding experience as much as possible because it will truly bring a family so much closer and create a very relaxed atmosphere for the child. What are the ways you bonded with your baby during pregnancy? Leave a comment below to join the discussion. 

March 20, 2018
Parenting Hub

Matrics: 6 Steps to making one of your most important decisions ever

As the Matric Class of 2018 settle into their final year of school and get to grips with the challenges of the year ahead, an education expert has warned that they need to start thinking about their plans for next year sooner rather than later. “One of the most important decisions young people will ever need to take, is what they will study after school. Following closely on that one, is the decision about where to study,” says Tammy Oppenheim, Head of Programme: Faculty of Humanities at The Independent Institute of Education, SA’s largest and most accredited private higher education provider. She says the options available in terms of institution, field and qualification today are so much wider than ever before. Despite this, prospective students often still don’t investigate the full array of what is on offer, opting at the last minute for a traditional 3-year degree at a public institution. “This is why we urge Matrics to start investigating and considering the pros and cons of various qualifications and institutions right away, so that when the time comes, they opt for the route which is most likely to see them succeed in a field which really excites them,” she says. Oppenheim says the process of narrowing down options should take into account: 1)     FIELD OF STUDY Offerings differ across and between public universities and private. Find an institution that specialises in your chosen field of work or that has a faculty or department with a significant reputation in the industry you have chosen.  Studying with a niche institution if you are targeting a niche industry may be a smart way to show that you understand that industry. Do your research and ensure that you are choosing an accredited institution that has a good reputation in the field. 2)     QUALIFICATION Find the institution that offers a qualification that speaks directly to your ambitions.  Qualifications are not always named after the field they are supporting, so you should look in some depth at the actual curriculum.  This is easily available on most websites or from the institution. 3)     AFFORDABILITY Choosing an institution because it is conveniently located and is affordable makes sense.  There are costs associated with studying beyond fees, and it would not make sense to have your dream scuppered because you can’t sustain the cost of a residence or transport.  Be realistic about what is achievable and give yourself breathing room to focus on your studies. That said, spend some time researching bursaries and payment options and do your math – a cost-benefit analysis of your study options will also help you make peace with whatever decision you make. An oft ignored fact is the graduation rate at an institution. If most students do not graduate in minimum time (three years for degrees for instance) then lower fees are not a real saving as you might need to pay for an extra year. 4)     CULTURE Many institutions have a long heritage and history. Maybe one of your parents is an alumnus at the university you always imagined attending. But remember that while tradition is important, it is more important for your future employability to find an institution that has kept pace with the changing requirements of the working world. On the other hand, perhaps you know you need to study in a free and creative environment. To determine the best fit for you, spend some time talking to past and current students at your earmarked institutions. 5)     SIZE Some institutions cater to tens of thousands of students. If you are introverted, find academics to be challenging, or have become used to smaller groups in your secondary education, then you should research your study options at smaller institutions. This option may be less overwhelming with a closer ratio of lecturers to students, which will likely lead to more individual attention and guidance that may be of benefit to you. 6)     INTERESTS If you are an avid athlete or have a niche hobby or interest, you may want to make sure that your studies are located in an environment that facilitates this. Just make sure that you are not basing your entire future on a sport or hobby alone.  Remember that your hobbies and sporting interests can often be better met through clubs and leagues and that campus is not the only place to continue to participate. “If you slowly start investigating your options rights away, you’ll take a lot of stress off your shoulders in months to come,” says Oppenheim. “By being pro-active right off the bat, you’ll be able to make an informed choice later in the year, about which qualification and which institution will best make your career dreams a reality in the shortest period of time. Before signing on the dotted line, you have to be sure that your chosen institution is credible, that your qualification prepares you for the demands of the modern world of work, and that it will support your long-term goals.”

March 19, 2018
Parenting Hub

Help! My child is struggling and it is only the beginning of the year.

The December holidays seem like a distant memory and early morning school runs, homework and sport has become the focus of thousands of families across South Africa. Teachers and learners are settled into the school routines and, as with each new year, parents have expectations and hopes of academic success. But, for some parents, hope is short-lived as they are forced to notice and acknowledge that their child is struggling despite it being so early into a new year. “Panic, frustration, blame and even anger can leave parents and learners feeling helpless or even humiliated!  This should not be the case at all” says Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres. Why not consider some of these helpful tips from Cindy to coping with a child who is struggling so early in the year. 1. Know that mistakes and challenges are inevitable. Children are not robots and neither do they enter this world with an operating-manual in their hand. Effective learning can only take place when we accept that mistakes are simply opportunities for growth. Teach this to your children! 2. Don’t panic! You cannot find effective solutions when you are focused on what could and is going ‘wrong’. Panic will add to your stress as a parent and, even more so, it will most likely be internalised by the struggling child. Remember that, despite outward appearances of negative ‘I don’t care’ attitudes, there is a child who fears failure and dreams of success! Acknowledging that there is a problem and choosing to seek positive solutions will be a far more effective approach! 3. Aim at developing a positive working relationship with the teacher. Listen to understand and focus on working as a team to find workable solutions in assisting your child. 4. Be careful of putting too much pressure on your child. This can be counter-productive and cause your child to shut down and even give up.  Blaming and punishing a struggling child will only add to the child’s already diminishing self-esteem and positive results are unlikely. Children who are forced to add hours of extra study time to their already pressured programmes run the risk of becoming resentful, frustrated, exhausted and unproductive! 5. Set realistic goals and realistic learning times. Minimise distractions by agreeing to TV and cell phone downtimes. 6. Seek help in the form of extra tuition. 7. Enrol your child in a study skills course that is rooted in emotional intelligence skills.  Skills in self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social interaction have been proven to increase one’s ability to learn more effectively. Cindy concludes by saying “Learning is a process.  Challenges and obstacles are inevitable.  Acknowledge and embrace these as you seek to sincerely praise and encourage any progress or positive work ethic. As a parent, your biggest challenge is to help your child to recognise his value and purpose as a human being!”

March 16, 2018
Kaboutjie

Ways to teach children politeness and being gentle

When you have a child, it’s your responsibility to teach a lot of different things. You need to teach academic concepts as well as social etiquette. At some point, your child may show behaviors which you see are rough or impolite. Your child might start hitting another or even you! Your child might even start using impolite language he/she learned from somewhere. Never let these instances go by. These are important opportunities for your child to learn. As your child is growing up, you need to teach him/her that they need to be polite and gentle. There are many different ways to do this. Don’t just leave your child to play with educational toys. Manners matter too. Each parent dreams of having a polite and gentle child. If you teach these to your child early on, he/she will learn them better. Here are some ways to guide you: Talking appropriately First off, you need to teach your child to talk appropriately. Teach your child the “magic words” such as please, thank you, you’re welcome, and others. Keep on repeating these words to your child until they stick. Also, use these words frequently, especially if your child can hear you. On the other side of this, also speak to your child about words which he/she should not be using. At some point, you’ll hear your precious one blurts out a word which will make you choke on your drink. Don’t make a big deal of it when it happens. Instead, sit your child down and explain why your child shouldn’t use it. Show your child respect The best way to teach your child respect is to show respect too. Just because your child is young, that doesn’t mean that he/she doesn’t deserve respect. From the youngest individual to the eldest, respect matters. Teaching this concept to a young child isn’t very effective. You must show respect to get your child to learn what it means. When your child needs space There may be times when your child feels overwhelmed. Just like you, your child needs space once in a while. Usually, when a child needs space, he/she will hit or shout at the people around him/her. If you notice this in your own child, teach him/her to speak up. Teach your child the right words to say when feeling crowded. Teaching something simple like, “please give me more space,” would work wonders for your child. Be a good role model This is a very important way to teach your child politeness and being gentle. When your child is young, he/she looks up to you. As your child grows up, he/she will learn a lot of the language and actions from you. Whenever your child is in the room, make sure you’re acting appropriately. Behave well and use the right words so your child will use them and do them too. Asking for something Nowadays, a lot of children are impatient and demanding. But they aren’t born that way. Usually, parents simply give their child what they want just so they don’t have a tantrum. Never allow your child to demand something from you. Teach your child to ask properly. Whether your child is speaking to you, your relatives or his/her friends, your child has to speak properly. When your child makes a demand, say it back to him/her in a different way. Keep doing this to help your child learn how to ask for something nicely. Train your child to use words There are many times when children get frustrated. Sometimes, when they cannot express themselves, children lash out at other by hitting. It’s important to teach your child to use his/her words instead of hitting. A great way to teach this is through role play. Show your child how to react appropriately. Teach the vocabulary too. Your child will learn best from you as the parent, so think of different ways to make your child understand this. Teaching table manners When it comes to table manners, there’s a lot to go through. It’s important to teach the proper table manners while your child is still young. This way, he/she will keep these habits while growing up. Make mealtime a family activity. Spend breakfast, lunch, and dinner together so your child will learn better. Act appropriately at the table and your child will follow suit. First, teach the easy stuff like not playing with food and not placing feet on the table. Then, you can gradually introduce new table manners when you see that your child is learning. Never force your child It’s easier to teach these concepts by showing them to your child. Never force your child to learn these things, that’s counterproductive. Although you may have to keep repeating the concepts and the lessons to your child, stay patient. Children are learning so many things in their life so some concepts may take time. Keep reminding your child what to do and what language to use. With enough love and patience, your child is sure to learn what you’re About The Author I am Jim  co-founder of Toys Advisors blog. I have two kids, a naughty boy and a very cute baby girl. I always want to make them happy, and I love to share my experience about parenting.

March 16, 2018
Kaboutjie

The benefits of yoga for pregnant woman

Introduction Unknowingly, many of you are transforming from a woman into a mother and you have all the privilege to give birth and to nurture. At this stage, pleasure and pain merge into this cosmic experience of creation, and you can think of nothing, but your little precious baby. This world will soon be your baby’s playground, a place that he/she can grow into his/her own unique characteristic. But for now, the child is starting experience the world through us, therefore, we need to prepare all of the best things to welcome them. Therefore, I would like to share my experience with yoga during my pregnancy which can help any moms stay fit as well as deliver healthy and happy babies. What Yoga Can Help Women in Pregnancy For me, pregnancy and bringing a child into the world is regarded as the unique experience, but it is also a time of immense change of excitement, joy, anticipation, nervousness as well as other fluctuating emotions. As a consequence, practicing yoga is extremely beneficial for pregnant women for many reasons that I will show you now. Nevertheless, you still need to consult with your doctor before taking it up so as to make sure that you will not suffer from any pregnancy-related complications. When I was pregnant for the first time a few years ago, many people advised that I should enhance strength for my lower and upper body in order to endure the additional weight as well as adapt to such adjustment in balance. Thus, I started coming to yoga and surprisingly, this routine deals with the actual birthing muscles which are utilized during the birth process including my lower back, pelvis muscles along with the hip. Furthermore, during my pregnancy, I had to put up with back pain as my tummy size increased dramatically. As a result, pain-busting moves in yoga did a great job in supporting my waist and then my lower back. Moreover, owing to the increase in my weight and the change in my body shape, I felt wobbly, so that some balancing exercises in yoga can help me to get familiar with my changing center of gravity. Going to the next point, I used to go through a depressed period when having my first baby and prenatal yoga can help me release endorphins in my system. Thanks to this incredible exercise, I can get into happy positive state of mind, avoid the morning sickness as well as keep me active the whole day. Therefore, do not hesitate anymore since you have to try this and you can totally achieve all of these great things like me. In addition, you and your baby are so intrinsically connected that when there is any toxicity in your body or any stress, all of them will go straight to the baby. Therefore, practicing yoga can help moms to live more purposely and efficiently. I used to have doubts in these benefits when first inviting to yoga, but now, I have to admit that it is exceptionally suitable for any pregnant woman. Before, I believed that sleeping is the the best way of rest but I have changed my mind after coming to a yoga class. You will be surprised to know that the relaxation pose that comes at the end of any yoga classes is useful for your rest. I am sure that many women do not believe at this moment, but you need to take my advice and see the magic in the end. Last but not least, I recommend that taking part in yoga classes is the cheapest method to meet moms who are going through the same process as you. After some classes, I have made a lot of good friends and until now, we still meet each other with our children at the weekends. We can share the difficulties as well as some tips to take better care of our precious children. Conclusion As you know, pregnancy is one of the most powerful and tough times in a woman’s life. Therefore, prenatal yoga really trains the woman’s mind and body to be able to give birth consciously. After reading this article, why don’t you join a yoga class right now and if you have any confusion, please feel free to contact me anytime. Emma Baster is the editor of Eruditemommy.com. She understands deeply about the difficulties of pregnant women and mothers. Therefore, she built this blog to share her knowledge about nutrition, taking care of children, mommies’ health. Better care for families is everything she wishes to convey in this blog. Follow Emma on Twitter @EruditeMommy

March 15, 2018
The South African Depression and Anxiety Group

The common myths & FAQ’s when talking about Teen Suicide

The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) is highlighting Teen Suicide Prevention Week (11-18 February) to help parents, teachers and loved ones with tips and information to talk about Teen Depression and Suicide Prevention to their teens. 1 in 4 South African teens have attempted suicide, talking to teens about depression and suicide can help prevent them from taking their life. Most people are too scared to talk about the topic, or if they do they don’t know what to say. “For many teenagers adolescence is a transition into a different stage of life of the beginning of living itself, however unfortunately for some it can also be the end of their life altogether. Teen suicides are real and rob many young people of a future and our society of a future. Let us speak about teen suicide today so that we may never have too again in the future.” Says Clinical Psychologist, Zamo Mbele. Remember that people who are thinking about suicide feel alone and isolated, and often feel like no one understands how they feel. Changes in life may be upsetting and they may want to escape a difficult problem or situation, or get relief from terrible stress. You may know if your friend or loved one is going through a tough time. Here are some common myths and facts about Teen Suicide: death in the family – can cause depression. If you are worried about someone you care about, encourage them to tell their parents, see a doctor, counsellor, or teacher – you can even go with them so you know they get there, and they know you are there to support them. The most important thing is that they speak to someone and get help. If you are worried about your teen or friend who may be depressed or suicidal, contact a counsellor at SADAG 0800 567 567 or 0800 12 13 14 or visit www.sadag.org . We can provide free telephonic counselling, info and referrals to resources throughout South Africa.

March 14, 2018
Kaboutjie

5 Steps to getting baby into a routine

Getting your baby into routine can make all the difference to your life when you have a young baby. Being able to plan your days makes everything so much easier. Just remember that a newborn baby won’t follow a routine. A newborn will sleep for about 2 hours and wake up for feeds and a nappy change before going back to sleep. It is only when your baby starts having more awake time that you can start with a routine. Follow these steps to get your baby into a routine: 1. Night Routine Start with a basic night time routine by doing the same thing at the same time every evening. For example every night at 6h15pm play with baby, then bath him at 6h30pm and then swaddle him and breastfeed or give bottle before putting him down to sleep. 2. First Morning Nap Watch your baby during the day for a while and see when he starts getting tired every morning, it should be around the same time. Start putting your baby down at the same time every morning. This should be baby’s longest day nap. 3. Awake Time See how much awake time your baby should need at his age and keep him awake for approximately that amount of time watching for signs of tiredness. Do more stimulating activities (shopping trips, visiting friends, games etc) with baby when he first wakes up and quieter, more calming activities (a walk in the pram) for just before his next nap when he is tired. 4. Second & Third Day Naps Depending on baby’s age he may need up to 3 naps during the day. Follow the same procedures in steps 2 & 3 to find the best times for these naps. Baby’s 2nd nap should be shorter than his 1st and if he has a 3rd nap it could be as short as 20 minutes. 5. Once you have baby’s sleep routine times you can slot in activities and feeding times to suit. Try and plan trips around his nap times and activity times as baby will often fall asleep in the car and this can throw his routine out the window for the day! Be prepared that not every day will work out according to “plan”. Little things to remember: A new born will most likely not fit into a full routine no matter how hard you try! You can possibly start the night time routine from birth but just go with the flow for the rest until about 3 months of age. The first few months are usually just a whirlwind of 2 hour naps day and night, nappy changes, feedings, burpings… relax and things will sort itself out in time. All babies are different, use the information as a guideline and adjust as needed to suit yourself and your baby Remember babies needs change all the time so refer back as soon as baby’s routine goes haywire (which it will!), as baby gets older he will need more awake time and less naps and you will need to adjust your routine to suit his needs. Every time there is a routine change it is usually a rocky week or two! Is your baby in a routine?

March 13, 2018
Parenting Hub

Parents urged to limit screen time to boost kids’ development

Technology has completely revolutionised the world. It affects just about everything we do, from paying accounts, to research and calling a taxi, right down to how we raise our children. The latter is especially important, and according to Toy Kingdom’s creative parenting expert, Nikki Bush overusing technology could be “risky” for a child’s development. She says children lose their sense of initiative and creativity when exposed to tech devices for long periods in the day and therefore encourage parents to think carefully before handing children a handheld device “just because”. “Yes, technology is part of the fabric of our lives. But we need to curb the use of tech devices in a child’s routine and find that middle ground when it comes to on-screen time. This is crucial for a child’s developmental needs,” Bush says. Bush says though some parents feel that on-screen activities act as both a babysitter and entertainer during their often-busy schedules, it could be quite detrimental. In fact, she says too much time spent watching movies on the laptop, or playing video games on the tablet stunts a child’s social skills and ability to interact with friends, family members and even their teachers. And since screen time can also be quite addictive because they stimulate the secretion of chemicals from the pleasure centre of the brain, parents are advised to limit it where applicable. “Children are increasingly viewing the world from a screen, but for personal development they need to engage with real people on real things and not just the virtual world as seen on screen. Moderation between on-screen and off-screen is so important,” she says. In this article Bush shares a few tips with parents on how not to use a tech device: The babysitter: Bush says using a tech device as a babysitter for children is a big no-no. She says children enjoy interaction with their parents, and when mom and dad are not around, an emotional void that a screen cannot fill occurs. “A laptop or cell phone is no substitute for mom and dad, children need yes or no answers and they need engagement. When side-lined by a device they don’t get the answers they need and that’s problematic for them,” she says. The disciplinarian: Developing self-regulation and self-discipline are two of life’s fundamentals, and Bush encourages parents to avoid using a handheld device or computer as an emotional crutch. “We should not be using a cell phone as the draw card to get our children to sleep, or even to eat. Often parents indicate that children can’t do anything without the device and as parents, we need to work on changing that,” Bush adds. The experience thief: Technology robs children from real life experiences essential for their development. According to Bush, children learn best through concrete learning experiences with real people and real toys in real time. “These experiences give our children those multisensory experiences of the world, and while technology has so much to offer, we need to ensure that the foundation necessary for their development is set first,” Bush says.

March 9, 2018
Dr Tamara Jaye

Oral Allergy Syndrome – are allergies leaving a bad taste in your mouth?

Does your teenager suffer from hay fever?   Does he complain that certain fruits or nuts make his whole mouth feel itchy, his tongue swollen or his throat scratchy? Does this  mouth discomfort only last for a few minutes and then resolve on its own, often not requiring treatment? Is this reaction confined to his mouth without any associated chest problems such as wheezing, or a skin rash, or diarrhoea and vomiting? Then perhaps your teenager suffers from a condition called Oral Allergy Syndrome (OAS) OAS, commonly known as Pollen-Food Syndrome, is an allergic condition that occurs generally in older children, teenagers or adults.  OAS sufferers have hay fever, experiencing a runny nose and itchy watery eyes when exposed to certain pollens. The body sees the allergen -the pollen –  as harmful and mounts a heightened, inappropriate response resulting in this picture of nasal congestion. People with OAS  complain that certain fruits and nuts cause them discomfort in their mouths such as itchiness of their tongues or a scratchy sensation in their throats. The allergy is due to local contact with the offending fruit or nut resulting in only the mouth being affected. These two seemingly unrelated symptoms, the hay fever from pollen, and the mouth itchiness from fruit, are linked due to the fact that fruits, nuts and pollens share similar proteins which cause allergic reactions. This means that a person with a rye grass allergy may experience a tingling palate when eating watermelon. Or someone allergic to birch pollen may complain that apples and pears give him a scratchy throat. It therefore makes sense that OAS is generally more prominent during pollen season. How can a diagnosis of OAS be made? A careful history should be taken showing the typical symptoms – the hay fever as well as the mouth itch following eating certain fruits. The offending fruit or nut can be given in the rooms under supervision – an oral food challenge – to observe the symptoms. Skin prick tests to pollens can be done. This means that drops of diluted allergens are placed on the arm and then pricked with a lancet to see if there is a reaction. A positive result causes a mosquito-bite type of lesion within a few minutes. In OAS these will most likely show a positive result to certain pollens. Skin prick tests using fresh fruit can also be done and may cause a reaction too. OAS symptoms may improve if certain fruits are cooked. Interestingly, cooked food doesn’t cause a reaction as the heating process distorts the protein and the body doesn’t recognize it as an allergen. Peeling fruits may reduce the allergen content of the fruit too.  For local mouth reactions, an anti histamine will help as well as rinsing with water after eating. Treatment of the allergic rhinitis definitely reduces symptoms in OAS. This includes taking an anti histamine and a steroid nose spray prescribed by your doctor. Long term treatment for allergic rhinitis may include immunotherapy. This is treatment in the form of drops that are put under the tongue daily for up to 3 years. This results in the immune system actually changing so it no longer see the specific pollen as harmful, and essentially eradicates the allergy. If you would like to take away the itch from your litchi-eating experience, then consult your allergy doctor!

March 8, 2018
Parenting Hub

Toddlers tandrums to cheekiness & manipulation

My now 3 year old has moved on from the Toddler Tantrum phase and has started working on her next goals: how to manipulate mommy into getting what she wants and being cheeky. I am now starting to (sort of) enjoy these new phases and her development. Her latest ploy in manipulation goes like this: C: Mommy I love you! (with the sweetest smile) Me: I love you too C: Mommy you are my good friend (another angelic smile) Me: Thank you C: Mommy can I have a lollipop Me: No C: You are NOT my friend (screamed at me angrily with an accusing finger in my face) Me: That’s right, I am your mom, not your friend C: Papa… you are my good friend. Can I have a lollipop? Papa: No C: You are NOT my friend (screamed at Papa angrily with an accusing finger in his face) I can see clearly how she is trying to work things in her favour and I am sure at some stage she will work out how to be a little more subtle. She is also working out how to play mommy and papa against each other too. Now that I am not such a new mommy anymore I am able to be more calm and detached in these situations and handle them better which I can see has a better impact on her behaviour. One of her favourite things to say right now is “I don’t want to” or “I don’t feel like it” when I ask her to do something. I have found a great remedy for this which seems to be working with great effect. When she responds like that I just say ok and carry on. I wait until she asks me for something like going for a walk and I tell her that I don’t feel like it so we are not going. I explain to her that sometimes we don’t feel like doing something but because we love each other and we are family we can do it anyway. But if she doesn’t feel like picking up her toys I won’t take her for a walk if I don’t feel like it. She seems to be catching on nicely now. She still has her cheeky responses but she does do what I ask of her so I ignore the cheekiness like I ignored her tantrums. Strangely enough my 1 year old has started making those rasping, spitting noises at me every time I tell him no, it is like he is pulling his tongue out at me and being cheeky too! He can only say Mama, Eina and Daar but his non-verbal skills are definitely on the go! What stage is your child at and how do you manage?

March 7, 2018
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