Parenting - Parenting Hub

Advice from the experts

8 Steps to stop being a shouting mom

I’m not proud of it, but I became a shouting mom and this is not what I pictured or want for myself and my children. The problem is that when I started shouting I found it hard to stop using that as a way to get my children to listen to me. The bigger problem with this is that firstly my kids actually don’t listen to me when I shout and the damage is done. Shouting is not nice. I wouldn’t shout at my friends so why did I do it to my children? I’ve spoken to a number of moms about it, about my mom guilt and I thought I was the only one… but it turns out that I am not alone. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse though. I’ve made it my mission to stop being a shouting mom. This is not the way that I want to deal with my children. I want to be a patient mother that listens to my children and looks after their tender feelings. I want to be a positive and happy mother that nurtures my children. Here are some things that I have implemented in my life that help me to be a better mom and stop shouting at my kids: Make A Commitment To Stop Shouting This is always the first step, without making a commitment to changing a habit it simply won’t happen. It’s not a “I will try not to” – tell yourself “I have made the decision not to shout at my children”. Make it a mantra and chant it inside your head to keep yourself focused. Ok so it may sound crazy but this worked for me. I had become so used to yelling that it became second nature and my first reaction to any negative behavior I saw in my kids. This needs to be changed and it needs to be constantly on your mind so that you can consciously change it. Remember That You Are A Role Model One of the signs to me that I needed to change and right now, is when I saw my daughter yelling at her younger brother. It was like looking in a mirror and hearing my own voice. I did not like the look of anger on her face, her finger pointing at him or the things she was yelling at him. It made me feel ashamed of myself and how can I now reprimand my daughter for her completely inappropriate behavior? It came straight from me! Children learn from mimicking their parents and other role models way more than from the things that we say to them that they need to do. If I am shouting and behaving badly my kids don’t stand a chance do they? As much as I would like to push away the memories of my daughter doing that I need to keep it in the front of my mind so that I don’t slip up. Admit You Were Wrong And Apologize I am not perfect, no mom is, and just like we try to teach our kids to look at themselves, to admit when they were wrong and to say sorry we must do the same. If I do lose my rag I go back to my children and I say that I was wrong and that I am very sorry. It actually goes a long way to mending a tender heart. It also practices what we preach and shows our children that we also make mistakes and have to make right afterwards. Look At Yourself First Yes your kids are driving you batty, of course they are – that’s what children do. They whine, they fight, they jump all over the couch and they make a mess. Chances are very high that when you get upset and lose your temper it has very little to do with the thing your child did. It probably has more to do with you. Are you getting enough sleep, are you stressed in your job, do you have too much on your plate? Chances are high you will be able to tick all of these off, but that is no reason to take it out on your kids. I know that when I am tired and have a lot on the go I am much more likely to shout at my kids. It’s not always possible to make things easier so that your temper is not so short. If you have a new baby and you have a toddler and maybe even more kids there is not going to be any way for you to get more sleep… but just knowing the reason behind your short fuse can help you to deal better with the day to day challenges you face. Know Your Triggers Identify what behaviors in your kids rile you up the most. Is it the whining or when your kids start fighting with each other? Also identify when you are most likely to be short tempered. Is it when you are trying to get your kids ready for school so you can make it to work on time or is it when you get home with your hands full and you have to make dinner but the kids are demanding all your attention making even the most mundane task impossible. When you know what your triggers are and understand them you will be much better able to cope with them. Make A List Of Alternatives Write down a list of alternatives when it comes to dealing with your children. You are not going to shout, so what are you going to do when your kids are driving you batty and you feel unable to cope with red hot anger rising up? When the moment arrives and you feel the urge to shout at your kids draw on this list of other ways to deal with the situation. One thing that works really well for

June 19, 2018

Effective ways to be a smart stepmom

Stepmoms all over the world face a lot of unique challenges with their stepfamilies. And if you are dealing with the same dilemma as a stepmom, you are probably thinking of some ways how to cope with the issues in your own stepfamily and how you can be a successful and smart stepmom. Building trust and a strong bondbetween you and your stepchildrenare inevitably crucial. You cannot expect them or other family members to show you love and affection in an instant. It sometimes takes months or even years before you can get along very well. Fortunately, this kind of situation isn’t hopeless and stepmoms like you can develop a close relationship and friendship with your stepchildreneventually. Being a smart stepmom doesn’t necessarily mean you have to compete with the children’s mother and win them over or steer them into your strict house rules and push them to comply with everything. That won’t work. It is how you can handle the challenging situations in your family. How can you be a smart stepmom? This article will guide you out with the effective ways you can try. Building a Relationship with the Children You can’t expect your spouse’s child to be comfortable with you right away. Although in some stepfamiliesit can happen easily, you have to understand the fact that it might be difficult for the child to accept the whole new set-up in the family: having you as a stepmom. As what psychologist William Merkel said, stepfamilies are deemed to be “the most complex, unnatural and difficult set of human relationships known to mankind.” On the child’s standpoint, the situation might be a lot to take in. It may seem like a cinch to say how much love and care you’re willing to give to your stepchild. But don’t fall into high hopes that your stepchild will reciprocate your efforts and adjust with the situation quickly. In some instances, a stepchild may think you’re an intruder, an outsider and not a family member. What You Can Do: Do not insist or require your stepchild to call you “Mom”. Time will come and you’ll know when your stepchild is ready to reach that point. Do not also be assertive with your words whenever you refer to yourself as part of the family. Although technically, you are, your stepchild may not be very comfortable with the words like “we are a family” or “you are a family to me”. Take these things step by step. Do not work too hard to please your stepchild and make him or her comfortable with you. Show your genuine concern to understand your stepchild’s feelings even when he or she seems distant. If you want to go for a talk, don’t act like you’re a mom with some kind of authority and the child is obliged to tell you everything. Be empathic and warm. You can find the opportunity to talk with your stepchildren while eating, having fun, and engaging in some activities together. And to let them know they are important to you, always make time no matter how busy you are. You can spend some time for a casual talk after shopping for groceries, after tending the household chores, and when they have already taken some rest after school. Make time for each of them and get to know them better. Be careful when starting a conversation. Don’t go for serious talks or any topics that you think would invade the child’s privacy. When your stepchild is having health problemslike having flu, colds, or going through a lot of pressure in school, show your sincere interest and concern. Provide the care that your stepchild needs. Dealing with the Child’s mother Most stepfamilies have issues with the emerging tension between the mother and the stepmother. As a stepmom, you may encounter the same problem, too. It is a tough situation where both parties should take every step carefully. But as a stepmom, you need to make an effort and adjust to the situation without meddling with the relationship of your stepchild and his or her mother. Do not demean the mother’s position or right by taking the obligations out of her hand. Some mothers think that stepmoms would replace them, especially the affection and care they give their children. Now that they are in a different household, mothers still have responsibilities to fulfill and the right to show their motherly love. Understand their situation. How can you deal with the child’s mother? What You Can Do: Try not to display too much affection with your stepchildren in front of their mother. You surely do not want to imply that you’re craving for competition and you want to win them over. If you are in a close relationship with your stepchildren, you can come to an agreement to not let them call you “mom” in front of their mother. It is a form of respect and a way to show you care about her feelings. When she offers you some advice about nurturing the children, accept it and be grateful. Do not find it as an insult that her ways are better than you. Some stepmoms think that way. But it is all part of the process of adjusting and mothers just want the best for their children. Clarify to your stepchildren’s mother that you don’t intend to replace her or in any way would do that. You can also seek help from her when you are looking after the children, especially on what she usually does when they feel sick and tiredor have health issues. Message her or give her updates about the children when they are with you. In that way, the mother would feel that her presence and opinions are important. Providing Parental Discipline How can you establish reasonable authority and provide disciplineon your stepchildren without getting way beyond the boundaries? We’re talking about your limitations here as a stepmom. Although it is your responsibility to provide parental discipline on the

June 19, 2018

Help your child make sense of the world around them

The importance of sensory stimulation for babies and toddlers The world is an exciting place for children, with new sights, smells and sounds at every turn. Making sense of this sensory information is known as perception, and developing this skill is a critical part of your child’s development. Without it, we would look and never see, listen but never understand. Sense making skills The more children are exposed to different sensory inputs, the more they develop their perceptual skills. “Each sense plays an important role in the development of a child’s sensory system which unlocks the key to how they learn, think and feel,” explains Liz Senior, Occupational Therapist and Founder of Clamber Club. “The role of the senses in learning cannot be overstated,” adds Kelly Westerman, Occupational Therapist and Clamber Club Toddler Milnerton Franchisee. “Parents need to have at least some understanding of what the role of each individual sense is in order to maximise the learning potential of even the simplest everyday experiences, such as bathing, sleeping, feeding and dressing.” Touch Touch and hearing are two of the senses that develop in the womb. The sense of touch relies on receptors in the skin that tell us about heat, pressure, texture and pain. As the skin is the largest sensory organ in the body it has the greatest potential to be stimulated. These touch experiences will develop what is known as the Tactile System. Smell Receptors in the nose are responsible for receiving and perceiving smells, developing what is known as the Olfactory System. Smell is largely underrated and often ignored as it is less closely linked to physical and intellectual development. However, the sense of smell has an important role to play in our emotional stability and memory recall and should therefore not be ignored. Sight Through sight we are able to learn by visually exploring the world in which we live. We gain an understanding of the relationships between people and objects and experience light, colour and form. It is for this reason that parents should invest as much time as possible to help their children develop their visual sense. Hearing The most common cause of speech delay in children is hearing loss; a child must be able to hear in order to learn to speak. Children who are able to hear and listen well are able to learn faster, make fewer mistakes and are less easily frustrated. Taste Children taste everything that goes in to their mouths, and through these taste experiences they develop what is known as the Gustatory System. A child’s taste preferences may also be linked to their temperament. Very relaxed children who require a large amount of sensory input to stimulate them show a preference for strong flavours such as lemon and curry; while children who are easily overstimulated tend to show a preference for bland and salty food. Take your child on a sensory journey Even before a baby is born they begin to use their senses to discover and learn about their world. In the beginning, a new-born is forced to take in just about every single sensory input, but as children grow they are able to filter through the sensory stimuli they receive and refine their various perceptual skills. “As parents you should have an understanding of what senses may be involved in any particular activity and aim to give your children good quality sensory experiences from an early age,” suggests Westerman. This can be done by stimulating each of the senses individually and in combination with other senses. “These sensory experiences will lay important foundations for learning, movement, emotional security and survival,” she concludes.

June 14, 2018

Hidden costs & their impact on study options

Grade 12s should already be well into researching their study options for 2019 and should aim to beat the rush and submit their applications sooner rather than later, whether it be for a public university or private higher education institution, an expert says. “But before you settle on a degree or institution, it is important to make sure that you considered all your options thoroughly, including those closer to home, which will allow you to avoid the hidden costs unrelated to the actual cost of the course,” says Nola Payne, Head of Faculty: Information and Communications Technology at The Independent Institute of Education, SA’s largest private higher education institution. “Of course it is exciting to think about moving to the other side of the country and starting a whole new chapter of your life outside of your familiar environment, but there are some solid reasons for opting to choose an institution close to home,” she says. Payne says apart from the usual advice of how to apply for admission, what you should consider, and which courses you would like to do, the financial impact of studies beyond fees, and the role this should play in your decision, are rarely discussed. She says prospective students should remember to also consider the following when determining how to structure their budget: Prescribed textbooks and supplementary material.This could include art material, laptops, and field-specific equipment, to mention but a few. Students will need to budget for two semesters, each of which will contain different modules with their own resource requirements. Depending on the nature of your course, there are also costs associated with printing and copying. Accommodation.Will you be applying at an institution that would require you to live in student residence, on off-campus accommodation or will you be staying at home? If you’re not going to be at home there are costs such as rent, meals, airtime and laundry that need to be budgeted for as well. Travelling costs. This would not only include the daily commute to the campus from nearby student residences or off-campus accommodation, but your budget should include extra costs involved in the longer journeys to return home during the recess periods. Travelling to and from the campus would also incur expenses and this can add up quite quickly. Tickets for taxis, buses and trains or the cost of petrol for your own private vehicle should also be considered. “There are sound financial reasons for considering studying at an institution close to your home. On top of that, the value of your support structure should not be underestimated. South African first year dropout rates are high, and lack of support is one of the reasons,” says Payne. “There is a huge gap between the demands placed on you at school, and what you’ll need to deal with in your first year studying. The workload is much greater, and there are also additional emotional pressures associated with this new stage of life. We therefore urge the Class of 2018 to carefully investigate all their options, and all the factors that will impact on their emotional and financial wellbeing during their first year at varsity.” Payne says prospective students should remember that there are many options for higher education besides public universities, and that registered private institutions are subjected to exactly the same regulations, accreditation requirements and oversight. “Considering a local higher education institution will almost always be more economical than one situated far away, because you then have the option of staying at home and saving costs on those extras that come with rental accommodation, plus you will have your support system around you when times get tough. Given the challenges that first year students face it makes sense to consider delaying living independently until that hurdle is overcome. Also remember that some institutions have more than one campus, so you could perhaps consider transferring at a later stage when you have found your feet.”

June 13, 2018

Bringing Death Into Your Parenting

This may sound morbid at first, but hear me out and you’ll see that death has the ability to radically transform your relationships. When we truly contemplate death, that the possibility exists that either we or our children may not make it through today, then it starts to change the kind of questions we ask in our parenting. And questions shape our experience of reality by focusing our minds on what is important. Death changes our questions from things like “How can I get this child to listen to me?” to “How can I connect more deeply with my child in this moment?” It changes questions like “Is my child doing enough extra murals to make a success of their adult life?” to “Is my child enjoying his life right now?” From “How can I possibly get through this to do list?” we move to “Where can I find more time in my day to spend with my loved ones?” We replace “Why do my kids have to wake up so early?” to “Could I possibly be luckier than I am to be awakened by such beautiful beings?” Suddenly every moment becomes a precious gift; stolen time. The world looks brighter and more beautiful and everything about your children becomes something that would be missed if they were gone (including their mess and fighting and cheekiness and noise and disobedience). We are under the illusion that we will live forever (and so will our kids) – that tragedy only happens to other people. This is normal and part of the natural defense mechanisms that we set up in childhood in order to quell the anxiety inherent in recognizing that we are just worm food like every other creature. It is too intense to think about our total annihilation all the time and so we block it out and focus in on the daily grind. If we thought about death constantly we would most likely be gibbering wrecks. However, from time to time when we’re faced with our own death, or lose a loved one, or even just contemplate death, we have a window of opportunity to strip away everything that is not essential. We have a chance to see what is really important, to focus in on love, and to deeply appreciate this moment with whatever it brings. Without death, I believe we would live lives of mediocrity and we wouldn’t love nearly as deeply. Death is offering us an opportunity not to squander this incredible gift of life and to truly appreciate our children exactly as they are. The truth is, none of us will live forever, and our final day is not known to us. It could be in fifty years’ time or it could be today. Without the certainty of tomorrow we are able to more fully be here now. If you knew for sure that you would never see your child, spouse, parent or friend again after today, wouldn’t you take a little bit more care in how you interacted with them today? Wouldn’t you hold them just slightly closer and tighter and longer if you knew this was the last hug? Wouldn’t love soften your words and dissolve your anger? Every now and then spend some time contemplating death and see how your relationship with your children will blossom – how love and appreciation for your children right now in this moment, exactly as they are is all that really matters.

June 11, 2018

Second term at a new school and still no friends – What to do?

By Dalit Segal, Education Psychologist of Southdowns College Joining a new school and making new friends can be tough for some teenagers whether it be on entry into High School in Grade 8 or in higher grades when transferring in the middle of their High School career. “One of the hardest things for a parent to watch is their teenage child seemingly having no friends,” says Dalit Segal, Educational Psychologist at Southdowns College Academic Enrichment Centre. Segal points out that there are numerous reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. “For one, a teenager who is an introvert, an ‘outside the box’ thinker or someone who may not share the same interests as their peers, will often find it more challenging to make meaningful friendships.” “Likewise, if they lack the necessary social skills or have started a new school, breaking into any social group may be awkward,” she adds. So, what can parents do? According to Segal, as a parent, you have an extremely important and very useful role. “You need to deal with your own pain at seeing your teen’s dilemma. Grieve, feel their pain – but privately, never communicate these feelings to your teenager as this will only make them feel worse,” she says. “In addition, you must recognise that them being alone is not necessarily a catastrophe, and in doing so, you can help them realise that although they may not always like being alone, they can still build a life that that can feel good about.” “It is extremely important,” she adds, “that you help your teen feel good about themselves intrinsically, so whether they have friends or not, they are happy with who they are.” It is important to reflect on the positives in your teenager’s life, help them reframe their situation so that they may see the positives too. There are other ways of looking at kids who are often alone. Being able to have a good time by yourself is a strength. It’s being self-sufficient. Segal advises when looking at new schools, enquire what integration programmes are in place to assist new students. “For example at Southdowns College, in addition to the support provided for by teachers and S-Cubed, we provide a mentoring programme where our grade 11s are partnered individually with grade 8 pupils for the year.” “The grade 11s not only step in as a new friend but also provide support in academic, sport and cultural activities,” she says.

June 8, 2018

Healthy Eating habits

Written by: Cynthia Innes, Teacher at Junior College Preschools Sandton. A healthy lifestyle consists of various factors that contribute to healthy living, specifically eating habits, physical activity, emotional intelligence and a well-balanced activity schedule. Co-ordinating all these factors can be challenging for a child however, it is possible to achieve with guidance and a good routine. All parents face the challenge of encouraging their child to eat healthily, the trick is to create a healthy lifestyle for the entire family. Toddlers are influenced by those with whom they spend most of their time, whether it be at Preschool, at home with the nanny or parent. Children need continuous guidance to develop a healthy lifestyle, a child’s preschool years are an important time to teach children how to eat well and exercise their bodies. Parents and teachers can work together to encourage healthy eating habits and lots of physical activities. Always have healthy snacks readily available Replace fizzy drinks and processed juices with water. Have this easily available. Have freshly cut vegetables or fruit ready to eat as a snack. A whole wheat sandwich with a fruit or veg is also a good snack between meals. Snacking regularly is beneficial to children as they have smaller stomachs and they burn energy faster. Eating healthily between meals provides their little bodies with the nutrients and hydration needed for a healthy lifestyle. Educate your child Instead of force feeding undesirable healthy foods to your children, educated them as to why it is healthy and beneficial to their bodies. Forcing your child to give into something they don’t agree with teaches them that forceful behavior from others is acceptable, this could lead to falling victim to peer-pressure situations. Reasoning and explaining why eating healthily is important, not only gives your child the power to make decisions but also develops their reasoning skills. Lead by example Children learn from their surrounding experiences, they do what you do so lead by example and they will soon follow. Having healthy snacks with your children is a great way to encourage healthy eating. Children see their parents as role models and will imitate what their parents do. Create a food schedule Creating a weekly food schedule beforehand is extremely beneficial to the cook and the family. Placing a food schedule in an area where every family member can read it will allow them to prepare themselves mentally for a meal. Explaining to toddlers what’s on the menu gives them a sense of involvement and is more likely to eat the meal. Involving the entire family in scheduling meals for the week will encourage them to finish their meals. Introduce new foods gradually Young children are more likely to eat new foods if you introduce tiny amounts in an attractive manner. Do not worry if they resist the first few times, keep trying without force but encourage a taste. It is natural for all of us to detest some foods, so allow your little one to do so if a few tastes have been tried. Try again a few months later, maturity brings change. Include the children in meal preparations Allow children to help you prepare the meal. Little ones can fetch vegetables and fruit, bring you the pots and pans and help with stirring. This also develops their counting and perceptual skills. As they get older they can learn to chop, measure and mix. A child who has helped with the cooking will generally be keen to eat it Don’t be too strict As above, a taste is all you need to encourage. Serve tiny portions attractively so the child can finish and ask for more if necessary. After 20 minutes, if the child is not keen to eat, remove the food with a cheerful statement, “I see you have had enough” Do not serve alternatives or filling snacks between meals. No punishment for not eating. The more fuss you make, the more resistance you will have. Eat meals with your children, talk without TV or phones. Meals can be a family bonding time where food is celebrated and enjoyed. Physical activity for Young children Children should be actively playing, preferably outdoors on bikes, jungle gyms or just imaginative play with the toys they have. TV or tablets should be limited to a maximum of half hour daily. Lead by example and go for walks, swim, garden play ball games or take them to the gym with you. To create a healthy eating habit, the above tips need to be implemented over time and on a continuous basis for successful results.

June 8, 2018

How binge-watching TV series can wreck our immune systems

It turns out there are some surprising daily habits, such as overdosing on our favourite TV series, that can wreak havoc on the body’s ability to fight off colds and flu. Nicole Jennings, spokesperson for Pharma Dynamics – a leading provider of colds and flu medication – says the relatively new phenomenon of being able to watch an entire TV series all at once, as opposed to waiting a week, has sparked several studies that attempt to understand how binge-watching is impacting our health. She cites a paper published in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine which found that people’s addiction to watching TV series can lead to chronic fatigue, which has a damaging effect on immunity. “According to the study, over half (52%) of binge-watchers viewed three to four episodes in one sitting, with an average session lasting three hours. If one considers that most of the watching occurs in the evening, that doesn’t leave much shuteye. Binge-watchers also reported more fatigue and insomnia and had 98% more chance of having poor quality sleep than those that limited their screen time. “Watching TV in a dark room for hours on end can really mess up our circadian rhythm (the cycle that regulates physiological processes) and disrupts sleep-wake cycles. The blue light emitted from TVs, PCs, laptops, smartphones and other devices can also reduce the production of melatonin (a hormone that promotes sleep). Poor sleep in general is associated with lower immune system function and a reduced number of antibodies or ‘killer cells’ that help to fight germs. Adults need between seven and nine hours of uninterrupted sleep every night in order for the immune system to function optimally. You can still enjoy watching TV, but try to avoid a binge too close to bedtime,” she recommends. Apart from lack of sleep, marathon-viewing can also exacerbate mindless eating and unhealthy snacking – both detrimental to your waistline and immunity. Research by Cornell University’s Food and Brand Lab found that action-packed shows, such as The Walking Dead for example, made participants eat twice as much (98%) than others who watched milder talk show content. Those that watched depressing shows, like the sci-fi drama, Solaris for example, also ate 55% more than participants who watched positive, upbeat programmes. According to the researchers, action and adventure shows may encourage viewers to eat more, because viewers subliminally try to keep up with the pace of the story. Stress and anxiety experienced during a show also leads to comfort-eating. Jennings points out that although it’s easier to order in pizza than pausing your show for an hour to cook a nutritious meal, junk food really upsets the immune system. “Fatty, fried foods increase bad cholesterol and can cause inflammation, leading to reduced immunity, while sugar can hinder the body’s ability to produce germ-fighting white blood cells that destroy foreign pathogens. Watching your favourite characters drink a beer or smoke a cigarette might also trigger a craving for these substances, which have been proven to lower immunity. If you’re planning to watch a TV series, rather put out cut-up fruit and vegetables or low-carb meals and healthy drinks on the table,” she suggests. Furthermore, sitting in the same position while watching hours of TV series not only contribute to deep vein thrombosis and the formation of fatal blood clots, but also increase one’s risk of respiratory tract infections (RTIs) such as a cold, sinusitis or tonsillitis, most likely as a result of lowered immune function. A study conducted by researchers in the US found that staying physically active nearly halved the odds of catching cold viruses, and even those that did fell ill, didn’t suffer too badly. Jennings suggests that instead of sitting on the couch, TV addicts should consider watching a series on their cellphone or tablet while walking on the treadmill, stationary bike or rowing machine. “There are different ways to make the occasional marathon TV session healthier, but moderation is key,” she concludes. These findings were released as part of Pharma Dynamics’ ongoing public awareness efforts to help reduce the incidence of respiratory infections, which typically spike in winter.

June 7, 2018

The important role of a father in a child’s life

Written by: Welna Buys (Principal of Maragon Pre-Primary Raslouw) “While almost any man can father a child, there is so much more to the important role of being dad in a child’s life Studies show that if your child’s father is affectionate, supportive, and involved, he can contribute greatly to your child’s cognitive, language, and social development, as well as academic achievement, a strong inner core resource, sense of well-being, good self-esteem, and authenticity”. Dr Gail Gross Every child is looking for a hero and what a privilege it is for every dad to be that first hero. I remember when my children were little; they could not wait for their dad to come home. They would run outside anticipating the twenty minutes of chasing and wrestling in the back yard. This time of their dad’s undivided attention kept them fulfilled for the rest of the evening. Children learn through example and from their early years, they start to mimic the role players in their lives. Their entire perception of behaviour is formed by the example they have at a very vulnerable age. It is impossible to over-estimate the importance of a dad’s positive involvement, as many studies have shown. The dad is the key role player in forming his child’s identity. A mother is there to nurture and to fill up their emotional tank. In the 26 years of being a teacher, I experienced different scenarios of a dad’s involvement. The dads, who attend most of their children’s sport events, praise them, and encourage them with words of affirmation, generally have the least stressed children in the game. The children whose dads are screaming and shouting at them are the children who are anxious and constantly looking at their dads for approval, afraid to play their own game. As a principal at a Pre-Primary School, I enjoy watching the children arrive at school. The dads with boys are chasing them to the classroom with lots of laughter and joy. These little boys are the ones who will take the initiative and start new games. The dads tend to be more protective over their little princesses. They will carry them and talk softly on their way to the classroom. These little girls will almost immediately turn away and start playing. Girls tend to model their future male relationships on that with their dad. If dad was supportive, kind and loving, they will look for these characteristics in their future relationships. Boys tend to model themselves on dad and the perpetuating cycles of violence we see in South Africa can often be attributed to the modelling they see at home. It is common in today’s society that parents are separated or divorced, and the children live with their mother. The father can feel left out or less involved, especially after a bad break up. But, by keeping dad as a vital, honoured and regular part of children’s lives, a good balance can be achieved, leading to adults capable of building healthy relationships Children do not ask for much. Twenty minutes daily of your undivided attention. No cell phone, no laptop, no TV, talking, playing and having fun. Dads, give your child the best gift that money can’t buy, your time and positive attention.

June 6, 2018

Practically speaking, home education is easy

Some home-education learners shy away from subjects such as Dramatic Arts, Agricultural Sciences, Hospitality Studies, etc. because they are worried that they will not be able to complete the practical components at home. But that should not be the case. Impaq(a curriculum provider) caught up with twins, Armand and Juan Potgieter, who successfully completed Hospitality Studies through home education. They spoke to us about their passion for baking and starting their own business. Armand and Juan have been home educated since Grade 4 and completed their matric in 2017. They made use of Impaq’s products and services, and visited a tutor centre to help them with their studies. They thoroughly enjoyed the freedom home education afforded them. “We could work ahead and that’s the reason we could get time to bake and follow our passion.” They also found it easy to complete their practical assessment tasks (PATs) for Hospitality Studies as they could bake in the comfort of their own home. In Grade 10, the twins participated in a chef competition at Pro Arte Alphen Park to test their skills. “This was the first time we cooked in a commercial kitchen and we also got to make friends during the competition, which was very nice.” Armand and Juan started their own business, Bakery Co., in Polokwane earlier this year, serving unique cakes, cupcakes and macaroons. They get inspiration for their one-of-a-kind creations from Pinterest and Instagram but they always add their own special touch to an idea. “Most of our cakes and cupcakes are decorated in-the-moment when Juan decides that the cake needs nuts or caramel or chocolate.” Gravity Defying Paintbrush Cake Starting their own business did, however, come with some challenges. The twins explained that they once had to bake a cake and 180 doughnuts for a wedding. Only on their way to the venue did they realise that they had the date wrong; the wedding was still a week away. They decided to give the specially made doughnuts that included Nutella hazelnut, blueberry cheesecake, chocolate and orange, to an orphanage. “Thinking about it now, it is quite a funny story that we will definitely be telling again.” Their plans for the future include finding the winning recipe for their coffee shop in order to open more shops across the country. “We want everyone to be able to eat the best cakes of their lives (and don’t worry about getting fat we also have a banting-friendly series).” Their advice to other young entrepreneurs is to work hard and follow their dreams. “With hard work, lots of coffee and the right attitude you can overcome anything that’s in your way.” Bakery Co. Armand and Juan serve as a great example that practical subjects cannot only be successful through home education but that it can also create job opportunities for learners.

June 1, 2018

How to be a more present parent

All parents want the best for their children. We take care of them and see to it that they are safe, fed and educated. We do the best that we can, with the knowledge that we have, in each moment of this minefield called parenting. In addition, parents are forced to work long hours to make a living and it seems, for so many, that little to no time is left to foster healthy, positive relationships with their children. Children thrive in relationships where they feel acknowledged, valued and heard. Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres says ‘being a mindful parent simply means that you take the time to see, hear and understand your children, despite the challenges that life inevitably throws at you. “I see you, I hear you, I get you” will transform your family!’ Cindy encourages parents to remember (and practice) the below points: Each of your children is a unique individual with a unique set of circumstances Your home environment is only a small part of the complete list of influencing factors in your child’s life, so it is very important to make it count. Every child is in some way influenced by the behaviour of others in their school and social environment. Creating a positive, uplifting environment at home where we as parents take the time to listen – really listen to our children, will result in children being more open in sharing what’s happening in their lives, and what they’re thinking and feeling. Eating supper around the dining room table just a few nights a week, for example, will encourage discussions, cement relationships and build happy memories for the whole family. Don’t take it personally Our children’s choices and behaviours can lead us to question our competence as parents. However, their thoughts and emotions are sparked by a myriad of influences including social media, peer pressure and their concept of themselves. If we don’t take their behaviour as a personal affront to our parenting, we are better able to take a step back and allow our children the space (with our gentle guidance) to navigate their own path. Teach your children the art of making effective mistakes Embrace, own and learn from the inevitable mistakes that will be a part of our children’s lives. Acknowledge that we are all on a journey of learning and to learn effectively, mistakes are a given. Choose to be a non-judgemental ear to listen. Set clear, but fair boundaries We often parent the way we were parented. You can choose to do things differently with your children. Teaching an understanding of choices and consequences is essential. Don’t just talk- the -talk, walk-the-walk. Our children do what we do, not always what we say. Try and organise activities which are fun, silly or even challenging Be vulnerable, laugh with and at yourself and with your children. Challenging activities (like zip-lining or hiking) will give you opportunities to encourage and support each other.

May 18, 2018

Four money lessons to teach your child

Given how important financial skills are to navigating life, it’s surprising that schools don’t teach children more about money. Making smart financial decisions is important to ensure that children grow up to be economically active citizens and are empowered to build a bright future for themselves. Nelly Mofokeng, MD at Junior Achievement South Africa(JA South Africa), shares four money lessons that will help your child develop the necessary skills to make smart financial decisions. Needs versus wants The first thing to teach a child is to recognise the difference between a need and a want. Grasping this concept will have a positive impact on a child’s financial future. Additionally, it is not enough to simply recognize the difference, parents should explain why money gets spent on a need before a want. One of the best ways for children to understand how to differentiate between wants and needs is to take them shopping. As you put things in your basket, ask them if the item is a want or a need. Let them explain their decision, then give them your answer. Creating a budget While children do not have to pay rent or buy groceries it is important to teach them how to budget effectively from an early age. Budgeting provides the critical foundation they need to manage their money in the future. Start small by giving them as little as R10 and telling them how much of that they need to save, spend and give. Give the money in coins so that your child can see his/her money jar fill up or get depleted. This simplified budget will help teach your child about the value of a rand, how to make choices and how to prioritise. Earning money Children need to learn to earn money just like they would in the real world. Parents can teach this by paying them small amounts for additional chores like washing the car, cleaning the bathroom and polishing shoes. When children work hard to earn money, they are less likely to spend it foolishly. Saving money for a goal Saving is difficult to master for people of all ages and children rarely wait for anything these days. They have instant access to information, TV shows, books, music, etc. Ultimately this translates into an attitude of ‘I want it now‘. It is important to control this mindset by teaching your child to save for what they want. “Encouraging saving and smart spending habits is a crucial step towards building a money-savvy future. Financial education also gives children the confidence to make informed money decision,” advises Nelly Mofokeng, managing director at JA South Africa. These money lessons are taught in the JA South Africa More than Money Programme, which either spans five sessions or half a day workshop. In 2018, the target is to reach 7 000 Grade 7 learners through this programme. If you would like to volunteer to assist with workshops, please get in touch with JA South Africa by emailing them on [email protected] calling 011 331 3150.

May 17, 2018

Anti-Spanking Law

How to spare the rod without spoiling the child With South-Africa’s new anti-spanking legislation, even parents who are responsible and loving spankers simply cannot afford to stick to their guns (or wooden spoons) and continue their normal disciplining tactics. By giving a child even a slight slap on the wrist, you might receive much more than just that from the authorities in return – you could face a charge of assault. If convicted, the lightest penalty you may hope for would be a life-long criminal record for child abuse. Parents who were not previously opposed to reasonable corporal punishment should thus seriously consider alternative means of nurturing obedience. Here are a few suggestions: Nasty noises mean, “No!” Many parents (without even thinking about it) use a benign slap or finger flick to deter babies and small toddlers with little reasoning capabilities away from dangerous or other unwanted situations. While this practice is effective, under the new law it could potentially land you in much greater trouble than the mischief your little one was up to. Nevertheless, you can still use the same principle of pairing a certain behaviour (e.g. fidgeting around an electric socket) with a physical negative consequence. This consequence could take the form of an unpleasant noise (like a loud clap with the hands, bang on the table or verbal warning in a very strict, low tone of voice. The biggest trick with such little ones is that your reaction should immediately follow the behaviour as they need to form a negative connotation with the unwanted action. Try out a time-out Giving time-outs (placing a child in seclusion for a little while) is another disciplining method that could work well with smaller children – again, if administered immediately after a misdeed. Place the child with his back against the wall, and turn your back for a few seconds, or in a “time-out chair” and expect them to stay there until the punishment is over. Avoid using rooms with lots of potentially interesting activities to engage in, as this will defeat the purpose of the consequence. Rule of thumb: Make the time-out last a minute for each year of age (e.g. two minutes for a two-year-old, etc.). The concept of a time-out could be applied to older children as well – they will simply need longer time in isolation and absolutely no technology, books or other stimulation at their disposal. You could even consider giving them a task to do while they are grounded, like reading educational material (and be quizzed afterwards) or writing an essay on any appropriate topic (e.g. “Why rules are important to society” – teaching them that rules without consequences are merely suggestions). Race towards rewards with incentive charts Incentive charts are a great way to correct behaviour, as they place the focus on reward rather than punishment. Move the child’s token forward on the chart when they do something good and backward in the case of disobedience. Remember that smaller children need to arrive at the reward soon lest they lose interest, and this becomes an ineffective way to regulate behaviour. Refrain from using food as a reward – it contributes to emotional eating patterns and the treat in question would most probably contain ingredients that are bad for children’s health and thus contra-productive to discipline. Rather reward them with special, alone time with mommy or daddy to create positive memories – like having a water balloon fight, baking together, playing card games, etc. Crimes create consequences… so let them cope with the costs! Children who are cognitively mature enough to learn despite a delay between a misdeed and its consequence could be deprived of privileges as an effective punishment. The “consequence currency” that you trade in could be anything – pocket money, screen time, going-out freedoms, privacy, etc. Just remember that it has to “hurt” – an introverted little house hen might not even miss social time with friends for one weekend and a keen reader may not be too bothered about losing screen time. You could even take away “noble” things in the case of continued disobedience, like withdrawing them from the sports team they love or having them step down from leadership positions at school. Just make sure they know what is at stake. To conclude Although spanking is now a dated practice in South Africa, discipline itself should never follow the same route. There are still many tools in your parenting kit to correct your kids’ conduct, so please do not slack in your endeavours. Always remember when you are facing negative behaviour that you are not merely dealing with a child’s temporary disagreeableness that should be addressed as effortlessly as possible. Your end game is to shape pleasant and successful adults. The road to that objective is paved with fair, consistent and loving discipline.

May 14, 2018

Negotiating the blended family

Step, or blended families that they now commonly called, start out full of hope that they will give the protagonists another chance at all the good things that the closest of bonds and safe, communal home life can offer. However, even though there might well be ‘first family’ experience to draw on, blending families still casts the adults and children into unchartered waters that can deliver significant challenges. Well-known parenting educator and author of Blended Families,Flicky Gildenhuys, who will be a guest speaker at the upcoming SACAP Festival of Learningpoints out that although integrating different family units in a new, unified home holds the potential of a minefield; it can equally turn out to be an amazing voyage of discovery. It all comes down to how we choose to do the blending, which is a not an event but rather a process, unfolding over time, and moving through different phases, which all need to be negotiated. Blending into a strong and successful family demands perspectives, skills and the effective use of tools from the adults. While these may not come naturally, the good news is that they can be learnt, and there are compelling reasons to get educated – South Africa’s rising divorce rate, with indicators that almost half of marriages fail, and many within nine years, means that blended families may well become the most common form of family in the country. Flicky, a UCT psychology Honours graduate, has not just been helping families professionally for over three decades, she has also lived the blended family experience, raising six children made up of her biological progeny, her adopted child and her partners’ offspring. “The challenges of a blended family are typically complex,” she says, “It is common that the blended family comes together when the units are both still dealing with the grief and loss associated with their different former families. The emotional context of the union can be alive with conflict with ex-spouses or family members. These are basic, but intense trials of the blended family. The better you negotiate them, the better the blending.” Flicky points out that while the adults in the blended family do have the value of more maturity and experience; as well as learning and wisdom to contribute; they may also bring their heavier ‘baggage’. “Two different waves of parenting strategies, which have taken years to develop, crash on the shores of the blended family, often creating riptides of confusion and disagreements. This might be further complicated by the differing parenting strategies of ex-partners; and effective co-parenting can be particularly hard without insights and tools.” As the enduring childhood stories of step-families attest to, blending families can deliver life-defining challenges for children that can easily become embedded in their vulnerable, developing identities. Blended families can significantly shift a child out of their known place in the family, and leave them at sea. The oldest can sink to become one of the youngest; the youngest can be thrown up against the force of the oldest, and the only child can be plunged into a roiling brood. The stakes to achieve a happy blended family are undoubtedly high, but so worthwhile; and Flicky asserts that we can learn the skills to deal with grief and loss; and to manage expectations and negotiate the successful blended family. “Part of the process of blending well involves very powerful and fulfilling stages of the journey where you don’t just fall or get swept up into the notions of being a family. Instead, you are empowered to consciously develop a family identity, craft family rules and roles, as well as instigate affirming, meaningful and enjoyable family traditions and rituals that last lifetimes and become part of your family legacy. Key to this is the adults’ development of their self-reflective, communication and conflict resolution skills – and this is what makes negotiating a blended family wonderfully rich. It can change you in remarkable, and deeply satisfying ways.” To dive into the adventurous waters of the blended family join Flicky Gildenhuys’ presentation on ‘Negotiating the blended family’, which is part of the Cape Town programme of the upcoming 7thannual SACAP Festival of Learning. The Festival of Learningtakes place in Johannesburg on 17thand 18thof May, and in Cape Town on 24thand 25thof May 2018. Tickets for the 2018 Festival of Learning are available through Webtickets. Costs are R200 for the full-day programme, which includes dialogues and panel discussion. Tickets for the short-talk evening programme which includes catering and networking opportunities is R200. There is a special offer for students and alumni at R80 per ticket.

May 9, 2018

Smart device advice for parents

Smart devices are a massive part of our children’s lives. They spend much of their time devoted to communicating with their friends and peers through cell phones and social networking sites like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter. Sadly, the lack of boundaries combined with too much freedom and a dash of ignorance has resulted in children becoming more vulnerable to cyber bullying and cybercrime than ever before. In fact, a study by the World Economic Forum puts South Africa in the list of top 10 countries that are at risk when it comes to children and cybercrime. It comes as no surprise then that some schools and parents have taken to ban these devices altogether. On the other hand, there is no denying that smart devices provide a powerful learning platform with a wealth of information available at your fingertips. And then of course there is the comfort that comes with knowing that you can contact (and keep track) of your child, where ever, whenever. “Because it’s not only the cyber criminals that you need to be protecting your child from, it’s the real-life ones too!” says Erika Truscott, Owner and Founder of PingMe. “Just last month, two incidents of intended abduction of children by strangers from shopping centres in Pretoria East went viral,” she adds. So, what do parents do? Is there a way to protect our children from the dangers that lurk in cyber space whist still reaping the advantages that come with these devices in the real world? Erika believes there is. She offers the following smart device advice to parents: 1.Add social media accounts to your phone:As a rule of thumb, children younger than 13 shouldn’t have social media profiles – they simply don’t possess the skills to discern potential threats. If your older child is on social media, insist that you have their account on your phone so that you have instant access to chats and posts. 2. Check privacy settings: Automatically set all your child’s social media profiles to private, non-negotiable. 3. Download filtering, blocking and information security software: Control unwanted content and apps by investing in software that allows you to selectively filter what your children are exposed to. 4. Watch WhatsApp: Much of the cyber bullying that takes place, happens on WhatsApp. You can use the WhatsApp web/desktop application to track your child’s history and messages. 5. Get them safety savvy: Teach your child that the ‘Stranger Danger’ rule applies for cyberspace as much as it does for ‘real life’ and remind them not to give out any personal information like phone numbers, home address etc. (even to friends) over social platforms. “It may seem intrusive to have your child’s social media profiles on your phone or to watch their WhatsApp, but as moms and dads, our number one responsibility is to protect and nurture our children. It is integral that allthese interventions are not done in isolation of an open and loving conversation with your child. Trust is the basis of every relationship and this is no different,” says Erika. She adds that for parents who are still erring on the side of caution in terms of smart devices that perhaps they should consider a Smart Watch. “That way, the internet is completely restricted BUT you can still contact your child (and they can contact you!) plus you have the added benefit of being able to know where your child is at any given moment.

May 9, 2018

Temperament-sensitive parenting: Foster your Munchkin’s uniqueness

Nurturing a child according to his temperament is immensely important. It aids in shaping their unique potential while preventing unnecessary damage and conflict. Yet, no two kids are exactly the same and neither are any two sets of parents. Therefore, there is no rigid “personality pattern” to follow – only better and worse practices. Think of temperament-focussed parenting as cooking a specific dish – the recipe requires certain ingredients and methods, yet, there is always leeway for variation. Have you ever known two people whose spaghetti bolognaise tasted exactly the same? The topic of child-rearing according to temperament is one deserving of a dense manual – and indeed numerous books are available on it. What follows here is, consequently, a very condensed introduction to the four traditional temperaments and brief suggestions on complementing parenting practices. The Commanding Choleric Short summary Choleric children are “typical leaders” – those confident, determined children who often have a crowd following them. They are fast-paced, task-oriented, performance-driven extroverts who enjoy challenges and decision-making. These are your strong-willed children who are unfazed by conflict and are not naturally sensitive to others’ emotions. Combine these attributes with ambitious drive, a desire for control and winning as well as strong opinions (which they can competently communicate) and you have a little munchkin that could be quite difficult to navigate. Parenting pointers Parenting a choleric child may feel like a daunting task – from handling next-level toddler tantrums to fiery arguments with teenagers. Avoid both fighting their fire with more fire (which will render your home a war zone) and giving in to their strength (which will make them lose respect for you and will ultimately increase their unyieldingness). Give them plenty of choices, challenges and charge (which could be reduced as consequence for disobedience) and remember to explain to them why and how rules are enforced – dictatorship is not advisable. However, set unmovable boundaries and remain completely firm, yet, calm when they try to push these – which they will do repetitively until they realise that you are worthy enough to submit to your leadership. Applaud their successes but teach them to respect others’ feelings and to lose with dignity. Set an example of humility, apologising, compassion and teamwork. Keep them active to shed aggressive energy. Remember that these powerful individuals will become wonderfully influential people if shaped correctly. The Spirited Sanguine Short summary The other extroverted temperament is that of the sanguine. However, as opposed to the task-oriented choleric, the sanguine child lives for people and pleasure! These happy individuals are easy-going, flexible and fun-loving! They are beautifully sociable with their signature enthusiasm and charm. You will often hear them before you see them! Sanguine children are creative, entertaining and out-of-the-box. However, they might struggle with consistency, commitment and task completion, while being impulsive and somewhat ego-centric. Their biggest fear is to be unpopular, therefore, they easily experience rejection. Boring tasks and routines get them down. Parenting pointers This “big personality” requires ample space and freedom. Do not thwart their originality by pushing them to conform or sending the message that they are “too much”. Although they need help with planning, allow a measure of flexibility as rigid routine and structure highly frustrate them. A sanguine child requires an audience (so be a cheering one!), plenty of cuddles and generous opportunity to have fun, socialise, be stimulated and unleash their creativity. Be warned: a bored little sanguine will most likely end up in trouble. However, “forced boredom” (like being secluded from people or stimulation) is a great way to discipline them. Give them tools to withstand temptations and peer pressure (and not leading others astray themselves!). Teach them impulse-control, responsibility, listening skills, task completion and to grant others a chance in the spotlight. Most importantly: Enjoy them! The Peaceful Phlegmatic Short summary The phlegmatic is a slow-paced introvert who prefers to blend into the background. Yet, they are people-oriented with a kind and docile nature. These individuals are relaxed and patient – to the point that they could seem passive. Children with this temperament will seldom try new things on their own and do not show much emotion. Their go-with-the-flow attitude makes them great team players but vulnerable to peer pressure. They are peaceful people who need peaceful, tranquil environments and, therefore, conflict and pressure upset them. Parenting pointers Phlegmatics are “easy children” in the sense that they are eager to please and not prone to defiance. However, their passivity makes them difficult to mobilise and their closed-book demeanour tricky to understand. Ensure that they feel appreciated and loved and give them ample quality and quiet time. Do not criticise their slowness – rather provide them space to process and react in their own time while motivating them to get important things done (or even just started for that matter!) and to be punctual. Protect them from too much stimulation and pressure while teaching them to cope in a busy world, to stand their ground, handle conflict and not be pushed over or seduced by others. Encourage them to verbalise their feelings. If there are more vigorous personalities in the home, ensure that they feel safe after conflict and attempt to maintain the peace. The Meticulous Melancholic Short summary Melancholics are those introverted, task-oriented children who are quiet, serious perfectionists. They set really high standards for themselves and often perform well, although they seldom operate on the forefront. They are great at planning, observing and problem-solving but very cautious, slow-paced and resistant to change. Because facts, rules and doing things right matter a great deal to them, they are mostly well-behaved and faithful with a deep sense of righteousness and a fear of criticism and mistakes. However, since life is not perfect or fair, melancholic kids are susceptible to depressive moods. Parenting pointers These vulnerable souls need continuous, loving encouragement, understanding for their intense emotions and loads of positive feedback. Avoid harsh criticism but help them to embrace positive correction. They need

May 8, 2018

Motherhood is a journey, not a destination

Philips Mother and Child Division Mother’s Day – a day to celebrate the mother of the family, motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society, and no matter what anyone one says, mothers are incredible! And whether you are a mother-to-be, a newbie or an old hat at the job – motherhood can be daunting and exhausting one day and totally exhilarating the next. Far too often, perceptions about motherhood make it seem as if it’s a completely blissful experience. Of course, this is an incredibly joyous time for a family, but the reality is that it can also be scary – and can often include many conflicting emotions for new mothers. Pregnancy and giving birth is just the start of the motherhood journey – it is a long rewarding road with decisions that have to be made at every turn. For many new moms, a lot of thought and time goes into planning how you are going to raise your little one – anything from whether you are going to breastfeed and if co-sleeping is an option or not, all the way through to the type of education you want and the environment you want to bring your little one up in. And of course, once you get those down pat – there are new considerations and decisions that have to be made. And as a mom, you’re thinking ahead and planning and when you finally think you have made up your mind, you research, ask friends and family for their opinions and plan just a little bit more – it’s just the nature of moms. However, the funny thing is nothing can really prepare you for the reality that life brings with being a mom. Of course, we have heard the stories of lack of sleep, with new moms complaining about the fact that they feel they are in a constant loop – sleep, feed, burp and nappies. However, while this may seem light hearted, the fact is that lack of sleep, coupled with mental and physical exhaustion that comes from disturbed sleeping patterns, can have a massive impact on your wellbeing. As a new mom, you must try and adjust, to find a new ‘normal’, as best you can – as your routine will change drastically. And for those already in the swing of things – as your little one grows, there are new learnings every day. There is also no doubt no matter where you are in the motherhood journey, you will be receiving lots of advice on how to manage this new path – the important thing to remember is to not be too hard on yourself. Like anything in life, change takes time to adjust to and settling into a new pattern – and not all things can be planned – but rather need to be managed and understood. The reality is that you are going to have blissful days with your little one and other days are going to feel like a whirlwind (and you are in the ‘eye of the storm’) – this is completely normal and is no reflection on your abilities as a mom about who you are, and your parenting skills – especially while you are to get a handle on this phase of your life. All too often moms are way too hard on themselves and don’t ask for help, especially when they need it. So this Mother’s Day here are some tips to keep in mind: You are not a superwoman – nor do you have to be. If family and friends offer help – take it – take time out, if you are able to – even if just to go shopping or to go to the hair dresser for an hour. Remember, your sleep is just as important as your baby’s. Try and sleep when your child sleeps, especially during the day. This will boost your energy levels when the baby gets up. Try and meet other new moms – as they offer a great support structure. Things like attending a baby massage class or a baby stimulation class – are not only great for your new born, but give you the opportunity to bond with your little one – while also meeting other new moms who may be going through the same things as you. The same for play dates and school routines – new opportunities to make new friends. What about creating ‘new’ routines – bath and feeding time can still be a fun experience. For example, why not bath with baby – and afterwards hand them to dad, to change – while you take some time for yourself in the bath and relax after a long day. Everyone gets to bond with baby and you get some time to yourself. For toddlers and older kids – routines are essential for good eating and sleeping patterns – so enforce these to ensure there is balance. Don’t forget to eat well – and stay well hydrated. Your body always needs the extra– so don’t neglect your own needs. There is so much advice on how to handle being a mother and a long list of things to do to get it right, well the truth is you will find your own routine and your own ‘normal’ that works for you. But do be weary of using things like the internet as a platform to get advice from – parenting is not a copy and paste experience and surely all kids are not born identical. Too often perceptions are not the reality. Rather trust your instincts and give yourself time to adjust to the different stages of motherhood – it’s not something that happens overnight. Just do your best – you’re a superhero anyway. Happy Mother’s Day!

May 5, 2018

Bedwetting: When to consult a doctor

Bedwetting is an issue that millions of families face every night. This can be very stressful for the whole family, and often the children feel embarrassed or guilty about wetting the bed. Bedwetting can also cause anxiety when spending the night at a friend’s house or going away to a school camp. In most cases, children will grow out of bedwetting, but there are certain cases that will need medical attention. There can be numerous reasons for bedwetting. This is a problem experienced by an estimated 10% of South African children aged between 4-15 years old. In most cases, it’s linked to delays in physiological development. Children are unique, and each child develops at a different pace. It could also stem from being in a very deep sleep or a bowel issue like constipation. Bedwetting could also be caused by psychological problems that have resulted from issues at school or a change in family dynamics. Whatever the circumstances, the question remains: When should I start being concerned about bedwetting? Dr Michael Mol, Brand Ambassador for DryNites® Pyjama Pants, sheds some light on when parents should consult a healthcare professional when it comes to bedwetting and which specialist would suit the situation: “The signs that parents need to look out for when their child is bedwetting include: Signs of bladder or Kidney infection. These signs will be evident when your child cries or complains when urinating, when there is pink urine or bloodstains or when your child visits the toilet more frequently than usual If your child is over the age of 5 and cannot control their bladder When your child who in the past was able to control their bladder has begun to wet the bed and this is happening more frequently There are several healthcare professionals who can help deal with bedwetting. These specialists can also provide you with the relevant advice you need to assist both you and your child,” says Dr Michael Mol. A General Practitioner If your child is five years old or over but is still wetting the bed at night, you should consult your GP on the subject, especially if the bedwetting persists beyond seven years of age. It is also advised to consult your GP in the case of secondary enuresis (when a child starts to wet the bed again after a period of at least six consecutive months of nighttime dryness). A Pediatrician Your GP can recommend you to a pediatrician if the initial treatments are unsuccessful. A Pediatrician Urologist This specialist may be consulted only by referral from your GP or Pediatrician. Referrals will be made in the case of daytime bladder leakage which may be caused by a recurrent urinary tract infection. A Psychologist If your child is suffering because of regular bedwetting in terms of a loss of confidence, feelings of guilt or embarrassment, a tendency to isolate themselves, etc. you are advised to see a psychologist. Visible symptoms in children include depression, anxiety, hyperactivity, behavioral issues and lack of concentration. A psychologist may also be referred by your GP in cases of secondary enuresis. An appointment with a psychologist can be arranged by your GP or pediatrician. You cannot stop your child from wetting the bed. You can however help to manage their bedwetting by making them feel more comfortable. One way of doing this is to introduce them to DryNites® Pyjama Pants. DryNites® Pyjama Pants are available for boys and girls and come in two different sizes; 4-7 years and 8-15 years. These age appropriate disposable pyjama pants are super absorbent and comfortable like real underwear. They are thin enough so that children can discreetly wear them underneath their pyjamas, helping them to feel more confident and independent. For more information on DryNites® Pyjama Pants, or to ask Dr Mol a personal question or to request a free sample, visit www.drynites.co.za. DryNites® Pyjama Pants are currently available at selected retailers nationwide.

May 4, 2018

How to choose the right caregiver for your most precious assets

Being a parent is an exhilarating journey, but can also be met with lots of trepidation at the responsibility that accompanies this role. Navigating nappies, midnight feeds and inoculations in the early years, followed by homework and sport in the latter can be stressful. Add to that the pressure of finding someone to take care of your most precious asset whilst you at work and you can be left completely overwhelmed. Tiffiny Thomas Owner and Founder of Blue Bird Aupair Agency is no new-comer to matching the right caregivers to the right families and she offers these key tips to help parents as they seek to find the right caregiver for their child: Be clear on your needs: Are you looking for someone to just fetch and carry children after school or do you need someone full-time to take care of your baby/toddler? Knowing exactly what your child minder’s role will entail will help you to put out an advert that attracts the right candidates. For example, the former example would require the person to have a car and a driver’s license whereas the latter example would possibly require a first-aid qualification in addition to suitable experience. Do relevant checks: Never forgo the opportunity to do background and reference checks, no matter how ‘nice’ or ‘trustworthy’ the person seems. First prize is if the person is a referral of a friend or family member. In the absence of a personal reference, be sure to phone each reference and, if you have the money, get an agency to do the necessary background checks for you. Ask lots of questions: Ideally you want someone who will compliment your parenting style, not contradict it. So, make sure that you ask lots of questions, give scenarios and ask how they would deal with it. Whatever you do, don’t ‘lead’ the candidate to the answer you would give. Remain partial and you will quickly see if they are right for your family. Introduce your child: It is important that your child meets your candidate before the hiring takes place however DON’T be discouraged if sparks don’t fly immediately. All relationships take time to form. Instead, watch how they interact with one another and if old enough, ask your child’s opinion once the individual has left. Trust your instinct:A parent’s intuition is more powerful than any background check. Don’t be afraid to trust your gut. Enrol help: If you would prefer not to walk this road alone, consider partnering with a professional aupair agency. They will not only help eliminate time-consuming admin of sifting through CVs and sitting through hours of interviews, they will also help you with background checks, payments and more!

May 3, 2018

What role should parents play in academic achievement?

Hilda Erasmus – Specialist: Foundation Phase Nowadays, parents have a lot more control over their children’s lives and they want to be constantly informed about their children’s movements. Social media also allows parents to belong to groups so that they can be informed about every aspect of their children’s lives. With this, they also take responsibility for what their children should, in reality, be learning by themselves. Have you ever heard of the term “helicopter parenting”? Well, if you have not heard of it, you have definitely seen it. These parents are constantly carrying everything behind their children to ensure that the child has everything that their heart desires. The children become so dependent on the parent that they do not get the opportunity to grow into independent adults. So now the big question, how involved should you, as a parent, be in your child’s academic career? There are a few simple rules that parents can apply: The younger the child, the more time you, as a parent, should spend helping the learner with tasks and homework, guide the child to academic maturity so that they can tackle tasks by themselves later on. Make sure that your child has enough playing time, to master basic skills such as tying shoelaces, riding a bike and cutting things out. These important skills will help them to concentrate when they need to learn. Limit them to minimal screen time. It’s very easy to put a child in front of the television so that you can get things done. Children, however, need to learn to think for themselves, to keep themselves busy. This is the basis of problem solving. If you give your children all the answers, they will never learn to think for themselves. Learners must be restricted in their extra-curricular activities. Use the money you would have spent on these activities to buy books for your children. Foundation Phase learners’ schedules do not need to be more packed than their parents’ schedules and it is important that they should relax. Make sure that your child has a place to do their homework. The kitchen table is not necessarily the best place. Do not do your child’s homework but also do not leave your child to struggle on their own. A learner that lies down on their book dejected often does not know what to do, sometimes they are just too shy to ask again after it has been explained to them as they are worried that they will get a scolding. At the end of the day, it all comes down to maintaining a healthy balance. Children should think for themselves, with the vigilant eye of a parent making sure that their children learn from their mistakes without burning their fingers.

May 1, 2018

The role that father’s play in birth and beyond

We’re pregnant – words that may be met with surprise, anxiety or even unwavering joy from expectant dads. From that moment on, a father’s life changes forever, as the countdown to the arrival of the little one looms. Alan Hosking, author of the book, What Nobody Tells a New Father, agrees with this sentiment, and according to him, “Parenting is like a chronic disease. Once you’ve got it, you’ve got it for life, and you’ve got to learn to manage it”. While a large part of the birth journey, and process, is more focused towards the mother, it is also highly important that fathers are just as involved in the process. This can’t be emphasised enough given that research* indicates that children who grow up in ‘absent father’ homes show increased risk of poverty, abuse and teenage pregnancy. This truly reiterates the role that fathers play in the lives of their children – where the birth journey is just the beginning. Here are a few waysthat expectant fathers can mentally prepare themselves for the journey that lies ahead: Start the conversation between yourself and your partner – what do you think it means to be a dad? This is the most important thing a man can do to prepare for becoming a father. Physical affection, sitting down together and talking – this is needed to validate your partner and meet each other’s needs. Pregnancy can also be an uncomfortable experience for fathers and your emotional experiences can sometimes be denied. Try to express your feelings and allow your partner to listen and react to them. Learn to apologise and get rid of the emotional baggage between you and your partner before the birth, because a positive relationship between mom and dad is one of the most important factors of creating a positive birth experience and assisting healthy postnatal adjustment. Fathers play a very significant role in a child’s development and in their security. Some of these traits may come naturally and others you may need to work towards – let’s take a look: Fathers are often known to adopt a ‘tough love’ approach when playing with young children, which can sometimes result in the mother stepping in to protect her ‘little cub’. However, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as this helps children to build trust and courage. They say that parents are a child’s first teacher, and this couldn’t be truer when teaching your child interpersonal communication skills, as these are key in almost every aspect of life. Therefore, adopt healthy communication skills with mom, and in doing so, you are able to indirectly teach your little one how to communicate effectively. Much has been said about the importance of teaching children essential money skills from an early age, as these are skills that they are able to carry through to adulthood. As a father, you also play a role in educating your child about the value of money from as early on as possible. Over and above this, security in the form of long-term financial provision is another responsibility that you have as a father. By being proactive, and starting now, you have a say and are able influence your children’s financial future to ensure that it is secure – even when you are no longer around. Sure, parenting can be overwhelming, and a role that nothing can fully prepare you for. However, as a father, it’s important to recognise that each parent plays a different role, and brings different things to parenthood. So, work towards playing on each other’s strengths and balancing this against your weaknesses, and use these to complement each other for the greater goal – your child’s long-term development and future. * https://www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood/how-to-involve-dad-during-after-moms-pregnancy

April 30, 2018

10 Tips on how to be an amazing mother

Everyone knows that is just isn’t possible to be the perfect mother. Being a mother doesn’t come with an instruction manual, every baby is different and so is every mother. All that we can do is strive to be the best possible mother that we can be. While is no one way to be the perfect mother but there are many things that you can do to be an amazing mother to your children. One of the challenges of being a great parent is the many roles of a mother – from being a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, an employee, an employer and many more demanding roles. Juggling all of these roles and responsibilities can leave mothers feeling worn out and spread too thin by the end of the day. It is so important to keep your priorities in order, as well as to have great time management and organization skills to stay on top of things. Here are 10 great tips to help you be the amazing mother that you want to be: Parent With Love As a mother you will be second guessing yourself a lot of time and wondering whether you are making the right choices for your children. The important thing is to make your decisions based out of love. Families are bonded together with love, let this guide you. Don’t be afraid to hold your baby and to shower your children with love, hugs and kisses. Be patient and remember that the time goes by so fast, you angry toddler will soon grow out of the terrible two and your teenager will soon be an adult. Try and keep that in mind when the going gets tough. Be Their Teacher Yes your children will go to school and learn lots of things from their teacher but always remember that learning begins at home. As your child’s mother you are your child’s first teacher. You will be the person that spends the most time with your children. Make sure that you instill in your children the values and ethics that you hold dear. Teach your child manners and how to be polite. When your child is learning at school ensure that you know what your child is being taught and reinforce these lessons at home. This will give your child a good foundation for learning and ensure that your children has the best possible chance of success. Listen To Your Child When you actively listen to your child you are showing that you are interested and that you care what your child is saying. You are giving your child your full attention and a stronger bond develops. Your child will be more confident and will trust you more if you spend some time actively listening to your child. Your child will also learn how to listen properly and pay attention if you are setting the right example. Be A Good Role Model Parents are a child’s most important role models. It is human nature to want to be just like your parents, so make sure that you are a good role model in everything that you do. You can tell your children as much as you like how that should behave and they may even listen sometimes, they will learn the most from the ways that you behave and they will emulate your behavior. Children Need Your Presence Not Presents Being there for your child is of the utmost importance. You need to be there for your child when she scrapes her knee, when she is scared of the dark, when she wants to tell you about her day at school and when she is older to help her through puberty, breakups and college. Your child is your responsibility and you need to help and guide your child every step of the way from the moment you conceive until your child is independent. Even when your child is married and has a life of her own with her own children, she will still need her mother and when things go wrong you will most likely still be the first person she runs to. Always remember that physical things will never make up for being an absent parent. You can spoil a child with things but never with love. Make sure that no matter how busy you are that you always make time to spend with your children. Be Organized As soon as you become a mother you and you become responsible for another life you will find that your life becomes much more complicated. One way to always stay on top of things is to be organized. Get a backpack diaper bag when you have a baby so that your hands are free to look after your baby and ensure that you always pack spare clothing and everything else that you need when you go out. Even when your children are out of nappies it is a good idea to always have spare clothes, spare underwear, a sun hat, suntan lotion, wet wipes and a myriad of other things you may need. While these things in itself won’t make you a better parent being prepared while out will make trips out so much easier and problem free leaving you free to concentrate on your child and what is really important. Have a daily to do list and prioritize your tasks so that all the important things get tackled first. It is so easy to get overwhelmed and forget things, having a list will make it easier to keep track of everything you need to get done. Use a diary to keep track of all your appointments, kids sports, school times and events. Protect Your Child Make sure that you protect your child from danger at all times. This starts when your child is a baby and you take steps to baby proof your home, to ensuring that your baby is fed, clothed and given good medical care when ill. As your child gets older you

April 25, 2018

Medical aid payments

It’s a lament often heard. There are, however, two sides to every story and the problem doesn’t always lie with the medical scheme. There are a variety of reasons for non-payment ranging from members not following the correct claiming procedures or rules, benefits not being depleted or even providers not billing correctly. Gerhard Van Emmenis, Principal Officer of Bonitas Medical Fund gives some tips on what may have gone wrong and how to fix it. The important thing to remember is that medical aid scheme options differ, which means some options cover procedures that others might not, but there are certain rules everyone needs to adhere to. Your medical scheme will usually tell you the reason for non-payment. If you are unhappy you can take it up with them, however, the best advice is to first check that the fault doesn’t lie with you or the medical practitioner. Your membership number This may sound simple but it is surprising how often an incorrect membership number or dependant code is submitted with a claim. In some instances, this information is omitted or incomplete. A medical scheme cannot pay without proof that you had the treatment. Remember to update your details if you have changed your medical aid option or medical scheme. ICD-10 codes ICD-10 codes are used by medical schemes and healthcare providers, including doctors and specialists to identify specific conditions. These must be correct as they are a diagnosis for specific conditions. If there is no ICD-10 code or, for some reasons that condition is not covered by your medical aid, the account won’t be paid. Schemes also have sub-limits, for example they agree to pay for rehabilitation and the amount they will cover is finite, so check prior to the treatment. Certain dental procedures have definite sub-limits so it is important to read the fine print and check your policy for what is covered and what isn’t. Your contributions are not up to date It sounds simple but check that your debit order has gone through or that your employer has paid your contribution, non-payment of premiums could result in your bill not being paid – especially if your membership is suspended. The claim has expired Be aware that there is a cut-off date for submitting a claim. It is usually four months from the date of treatment. Ensure that the correct date is on the top of the account. Your benefits are depleted If you do not manage your medical aid benefits carefully you can run out of benefits before the end of the year. This means that you may have to pay the bill yourself. Different options have different limits for various procedures so, once again, make sure you understand what your option covers. Medical schemes are required to pay for Prescribed Minimum Benefits in full but you may have to use a specific provider. Waiting periods may apply When you join a new scheme there is a waiting period of three months and sometimes, based on your medical history, a twelve month exclusion could be enforced for certain conditions. If you claim before the waiting period is up, the bill will not be paid. Your hospital/doctor is not on the network Most schemes have hospital and doctors networks who agree on certain rates for their members. If you choose to go to another hospital or a private doctor you could end up paying a large portion of the bill. You didn’t use a Designated Service Providers A Designated Service Provider is a specific provider that has been appointed by a medical scheme for a specific service. If you choose not to use a Designated Service Provider, you may have to pay a co-payment or not be covered – depending on the Scheme Rules or your specific plan limits. Pre-authorisation was not obtained If you are going to undergo a procedure you need to get authorisation from your medical aid ahead of going to hospital and, once again, make sure you have the right information and ICD-10 Codes for this. You’re using medicine that’s not on the formulary Every scheme has a formulary, which lists chronic medication approved by your medical aid. These are often generics which are copies of the original medication but more affordable. Ask your pharmacist for a generic as a matter of course as it will ensure your benefits last longer. The procedure or treatment may be an exclusion All medical schemes have a list of exclusions which are not covered. This often includes cosmetic surgeries and non-medical expenses. Van Emmenis says, ‘If you read the small print and know exactly what the rules are for your medical aid and the plan you are on, you will be able to ensure that your benefits last as long as possible and that the bills are paid.’

April 24, 2018

Help! My Child is in the wrong crowd

‘We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them in mutual weirdness and call it ‘friendship’’ This quote from Dr Seuss beautifully illustrates our inherent need to connect with others who make us feel valued and accepted. Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres says ‘The need for human connection sees many young people getting involved in friendships which are not good for them. The ‘wrong crowd’ friendships are those relationships which do not uphold positive behavioural choices and who are consistently seeking ways in which to harm others or engage in self-destructive activities.’ Cindy goes on add ‘All negative behaviours stem from fears rooted in negative self-belief. We cannot control the behavioural choices of others but we can do something to assist our children in making better friendship choices.’ Consider these helpful hints: 1. BE the person you wish to see in your child. Teach your child about positive friendship choices by having positive friendships in your life. Let go of toxic relationships-it takes courage but you will give your child the courage to do the same. 2. Foster communication channels with your child which are based on trust and non-judgemental support and love. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your imperfect child could feel safe enough to speak of his imperfectness to his imperfect parent, knowing that, together, you will find positive solutions? 3. Help your child develop a strong sense of self-value. This will give him the courage to stand firm in his convictions and be able to say ‘no’ to negative peer pressure. He will not have anything that needs proving because he will know who he is! 4. Teach your child about consequences. All choices have consequences and nobody can escape this! 5. Teach your child to honour and respect himself just as you honour and respect yourself. In this way, your child will not have a need to become involved in destructive relationships. 6. Find ways for your child to enjoy activities beyond the school environment. Hiking, dancing, art, music and so many other activities will keep your child from becoming bored and tempted into negative groups and it has the added benefit of learning new skills and developing confidence! 7. Dream big! Remind your child of the possibilities that lie ahead for him/her! Having something to work towards is a wonderful way to stay out of trouble despite negative peer pressures! Cindy summarises by saying ‘You cannot force a change in friendships but you can help your child develop a better sense of self. Children who respect, honour and appreciates who they are, are less likely to seek connection with those who do not mirror their values.’

April 23, 2018

Five ways to crush first year

It’s time to pack your bags and head off to varsity – a whole different world to the one you’ve been used to at school. There’s loads more people to meet, places to go, and things to do… which could all be a little intimidating as you take your first step toward young adulthood and independence. Respublica, South Africa’s leading student accommodation provider, has welcomed thousands of first years to its halls over the last nine years, and offers the following tips to crushing your first year at varsity! Dare to dive right in Carpe the heck out of that diem and take part in as many activities and events as you can. While you may feel safe signing up for activities similar to those you aced in high school, now’s the time to try something different! Stretch your skills across the arts and culture, student traditions or even new sports that you’ve always wanted to try. There are also many different ways to serve your fellow students through fundraising or Students Representative Council activities. Friends are the family you get to choose They say the friends you meet at varsity will stick with you through life, and while it may be easy to stick with that one person you know from home who’s at varsity with you, take the chance to broaden your friendship circle and meet new friends from all walks of life! Strike up a conversation with the person you probably wouldn’t have spoken to at school, socialise with class mates, hang out with other students in your res who are studying completely different degrees. If you’re a gamer, chat to a rugby player, if you’re an arts major, chat to an accounting or law major– you’ll be surprised just how much you have in common! Varsity is the place where lifelong friendships are built, most often through chance encounters in unexpected places Work hard and play hard While you’ve been looking forward to the varsity social scene since you first filled in your application, don’t forget that your studies are the main reason you’re here – and you need to give them as much (if not more) attention. When you’re looking for accommodation, choose a res that gives you the perfect combination of entertainment areas and study spaces and academic support – with the best being those that offer a res-life programme to help you achieve that perfect balance between work and play. Avoid the budget blues If you’ve moved away from home for your studies, chances are that this is the first time you’ll be completely responsible for your own budget. Now’s the time to make sure you’re fully aware of all your costs, so that unexpected surprises like laundry costs or Wi-Fi in res don’t break the bank. Better yet, choose a residence that offers all-inclusive packages that cover all the essentials (including uncapped WiFi, on-site gym, laundry service and weekly housekeeping) in the monthly cost, and you’ll avoid having to choose between food and clean clothes at the end of the month. Healthy body = healthy mind The mythical first year fifteen is more of reality than many expect as many students find themselves stopping all physical activity once they get to varsity to attend classes, study and embrace newfound social lives. Remember to keep up with your exercise regime, even it’s an early-morning run around campus a few times a week. Alternately, choose a res that has an in-house gym with no extra membership fees, and you can make sure that you get a full-body workout, when it suits you. All Respublica residences include free uncapped WiFi, a computer lab and study rooms, a gym, a games room, a chill room, laundry facilities and a swimming pool, making sure that there is space to do anything you choose – whether it’s socialising, studying, or keeping fit and healthy.

April 20, 2018

Help ! My child’s being bullied

Unfortunately bullying, especially cyber-bullying is a major problem facing children. Sadly it isn’t ‘just an inevitable part of growing up’. Research shows that whether your child is being bullied, being the bully, or watching their friend being bullied, they need help. It affects everyone (even you as parents) and often has a major impact on children’s developing sense of self, school performance and self-esteem (even into adulthood). Often it’s emotionally terrifying – silently imprisoning kids in shame, feeling worthless and desperate. Some warning signs in children: depression and anxiety – often seen as a nervousness and loss of interest in usually enjoyable activities strong feelings of sadness, loneliness, worry and fear disturbances in sleep and eating patterns health complaints – poor appetite, headaches, abdominal pain, tiredness school refusal – skipping class, or dropping out performance deteriorates From shoving, hitting, mocking, threats, name-calling, shunning, spreading rumours or exclusion tactics to forcing victims to do or give them things, bullying is any ongoing/repetitive intentional tormenting. Cyber-bullying –via electronic messaging, online chatrooms, the internet and social media – is even more complex and has become a major problem worldwide. Warning signs in cases of cyber-bulling : loss of/obsessive interest in the computer and cell phone won’t talk about what’s going on gets stressed when receiving e-mail, texts or instant messages withdrawing from family and friends Bullying is all about power, with those with the lowest self-esteem (i.e. the least power) becoming the victims. Bullies have unfortunately learnt to feel powerful in destructive ways, and are often doing so from their own previous emotional hurt. Although children may respond differently, they will rarely admit that they’re being bullied (even if you have a close relationship.) This makes it vital to learn more about bullying and seek help for your child. Become involved – check whether your child’s school runs anti-bullying awareness campaigns and has a policy of how to deal with bullying. The best antidote is to help build their self-esteem. (see the author’s revolutionary children’s self-esteem game : www.raisingkidspositively.com/game)

April 20, 2018

7 Signs baby is ready for solids

Starting solids is a huge milestone for baby and for parents. Very often parents are keen to start as soon as possible. Signs Baby is Ready for Solids Check these signs baby is ready for solids before giving baby his or her first foods: Baby can hold head up well unsupported Baby sits well when supported Makes chewing motions when you eat Baby is curious when you eat (tries to grab food) Baby has doubled birth weight Baby has good coordination Loss of tongue-thrust reflex (for about the first 4 months the tongue-thrust reflex protects baby from choking) It is best to wait until baby is 6 months or older to start solids.

April 20, 2018

HOW DOES PLAY PROMOTE HEALTHY SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT

Play is a child’s language, his work, his relaxation and the way he builds relationships. Forming a healthy relationship with parents help children to feel secure. This sets the stage for a child’s social and emotional development for the rest of his life. Social development is how we interact with others, the ability to form secure relationships. Emotional development is the ability to regulate and express our emotions. Strong social-emotional development is the basis for all later social, emotional and academic success. According to the National Academy of Sciences there are three qualities children need to have to be ready for school. Intellectual skills, motivation to learn and strong social and emotional capacity. How do we as parents create the opportunities needed to develop these skills? It is simple, children need to play. Children use play to release emotions, work through feelings and understand their world better by play-acting in situations they can control. The give and take patterns of play allow children the opportunity to practice the skills necessary for healthy emotional development. Here are some practical ways to help: Suggest ways for children to interact and play together. If you see a child struggling to build a tower, suggest that one helps by holding it while other one builds. Help children learn to take turns, or share what they have. “Ethan wants to play too but he has no play-dough. Let’s give him some of ours so we can all play together.” Help your child build empathy and sympathy for others. If someone got hurt let him give a hug or a special toy to help him feel better. Teach him to help someone up if they fell. Build your child’s vocabulary regarding feelings. Being able to express his feelings adequately will result in less frustration and aggression. For example, disappointment, nervous, frustrated, curious, amazed and astonished. Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Help him to talk about how he is feeling. Comfort and hold him and speak to him softly and calmly. Love your child and show affection towards him. Give him lots of hugs and cuddles. Tell him that you are proud of him. Role play and pretend play are lovely ways to teach children about feelings. Tell a story about how the bear got hurt, or how someone said something ugly to him. Explain how he is feeling and give your child a chance to explain what feelings the bear could be having because of what has happened. Let him help the bear with suggestions of how he can make him feel better.

April 19, 2018

Don’t let your year go to waste- there are still great options for study in 2018

With the academic year now in full swing, many prospective students who missed out on a space at their chosen institution, or those who considered furthering their studies but left it too late, mistakenly think that their chance will only come around again next year. But education experts say there are quite a few options still open to people who find themselves sitting at home while their peers are studying, and to those who want to earn while they learn. “There are actually so many fantastic opportunities still out there,” says Renee Hill, Managing Director of Capsicum Culinary Studio and The Private Hotel School, both brands of ADvTECH, Africa’s largest private education provider. “Prospective candidates should know that some top institutions accept enrolments throughout the year, while others offer mid-year enrolments around June and July,” she says. Additionally, distance learning – which often has courses for which you can enrol at any time – is always an attractive option for those people who want to boost their career prospects, but who have to juggle a job, a family or both. Another group of people who may benefit from mid-year enrolments, are those students who realise soon into their first year of study that they made the wrong choice about course or institution. But Hill says prospective students who are considering signing up for a qualification in coming months should be as careful about their decision as they would be if they signed up at the start of the year. “Always check that the institution and the course you want to follow is respected in the industry, and that they are registered and accredited. Do not, out of desperation, be tempted to sign up with just anyone who printed some fliers and rented some office space in your town. You have to do your homework to ensure that the time and money you spend on gaining your qualification will be recognised and respected in the workplace,” she says. In addition, those who are considering the distance learning route should ensure that they are prepared for the increased demands that will be placed on them, and get in the right headspace before they start their studies, adds Sanet Nel of Oxbridge Academy, ADvTECH’s distance learning institution which serves more than 20 000 students annually. “Distance learning can make a tremendous difference to your career prospects and is great because it is quite flexible so you can study at your own pace. But it also comes with very unique challenges, and anyone considering it should make sure that they tackle this life-changing project with a strategy that will ensure their ultimate success,” she says. “You have to make sure that you have the right structures in place that will enable you to balance the demands of your studies with your personal and work life. So it is very important to get organised, with a daily schedule that takes into account all your responsibilities. You also need to become very disciplined, so that you don’t fall behind on assignments or studying for assessments.” Nel says distance learning students should also remember that they are not alone, even though they might feel like it sometimes. “Just like at contact institutions, good distance learning providers will have ample resources to assist you in making a success of your studies, and we encourage our students to get involved and make use of these opportunities for collaboration, discussion and support,” she says. Regardless of the reason why someone wants to embark on studies during the course of the year, it remains important for them to consider all their options and ensure a good fit between where they want to go and how the studies can help them get there, says Hill. Signing up with a contact institution will, for instance, provide benefits of gaining valuable experience while also making contacts in the industry which could open doors in future. Signing up with a distance institution on the other hand, will have the benefit of a person being able to remain in their current position while potentially gaining a valuable qualification to complement an existing one, or to provide the academic qualification to match their existing experience which increases earning prospects. “Most importantly, you have to decide what you want to do first. Then do your research of all your options and the institutions that offer them. Ultimately, those who would like to study should know that they don’t need to write off the entire year just because things didn’t work out right from the start. And also that there is no need to compromise on academic excellence, as there are many options of the highest standard out there, even at this late stage.”

April 18, 2018

Picture Perfect Parenting with Mirrorless Cameras

There’s a new emerging photographer – it’s the everyday parent who favours mirrorless cameras and with good reason as they are smaller, lighter and simpler to use. If you’re moving from DSLR to mirrorless, you might find a slight drop in image quality, but it’s all about weighing the pros and cons. Mirrorless holds a range of benefits for parents interested in capturing everyday family moments, outings and milestones. I’ve found that mirrorless cameras are less intimidating. Thanks to the Live View mode, you don’t even have to hold the camera to your face to take a picture. Think of it as going Incognito mode. It allows you to maintain eye contact and read facial expressions that come in handy when photographing children – no more funny faces or forced smiles. Mirrorless is also less noisy. People aren’t exactly sure if and when you are taking the pic, so they can relax in your presence. The LCD screen does drain battery life, but it’s comparable to using the LCD screen on a DSLR. I advise you to always carry a spare battery with you in case disaster strikes. What’s more is that you don’t have to worry about missing precious moments. Thanks to a simpler mechanical design and quick AF, mirrorless captures bouncy, energetic children well, making it ideal for everyday playdates and outings. DSLRs reign superior when it comes to sports and wildlife photography, but if you’re budget allows the fast shooting Sony a9 full-frame mirrorless, shooting your child’s sports games will be a breeze. It’s also true that DSLRs perform better in low light than mirrorless cameras do. But, if you’re taking pictures of the family, chances are it will be during the daytime or in a well-lit room. On the upside, mirrorless outshines DSLRs when it comes to video. Many mirrorless cameras these days shoot 4K, so your family videos will look like it was done by a pro. Mirrorless is just so effortless – the perfect photographic gear for busy parents. Pop it into your bag and take your own family portraits in your own time. You might still prefer DSLRs as they have more interchangeable lens options, but with a growing interest in mirrorless systems, more lenses are becoming available. For beginner to intermediate photographers, I’d recommend the crop-sensor Fujifilm X-T20 featuring an Electronic Viewfinder and 4K video. With built-in filters, you can take photos that often require less editing, and even a classic black-and-white photograph that is more forgiving in print. Pair the camera with a 35mm prime like the Fujinon fast, bright f/1.4 aperture lens for beautiful bokeh and great depth of field. Together, they weigh hardly more than half a kilogramme. Add a wide-angle and telephoto lens, and you’re set for trips to the local park or to the Kruger National Park. In addition to the Fujifilm X Series, I’d also recommend the Sony Alpha line. The crop sensor Sony α6500 a is a great option for the enthusiast photographer, and so is the full-frame Sony α7 II. As mentioned before, the Sony α9 is the perfect companion for expert photographers.

April 17, 2018

Cookie	Duration	Description
cookielawinfo-checkbox-advertisement	1 year	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Advertisement".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional	11 months	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy	11 months	The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_ga	2 years	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to calculate visitor, session, campaign data and keep track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookies store information anonymously and assign a randomly generated number to identify unique visitors.
_gid	1 day	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the website is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages visted in an anonymous form.

Cookie	Duration	Description
_gat_gtag_UA_18530557_4	1 minute	No description
pron_ip	session	No description
pvc_visits[0]	1 day	This cookie is created by post-views-counter. This cookie is used to count the number of visits to a post. It also helps in preventing repeat views of a post by a visitor.
tk_ai	session	Gathers information for WordPress by themselves, first party analytics tool about how WP services are used. A collection of internal metrics for user activity, used to improve user experience.