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Advice from the experts

The need-to-know about ADHD medication abuse

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) stimulants are prescribed by medical professionals to improve concentration, memory and motivation to complete tasks. Without treatment, ADHD symptoms (inattention, impulsivity and hyperactivity) can have an adverse impact on one’s social interactions and functioning in the school and work environment. When taken as prescribed, ADHD stimulants are safe and effective. With an accurate diagnosis and treatment plan, individuals with ADHD can face and overcome the challenges of modern life and live fulfilling lives. However, the misuse of stimulants by ADHD and non-ADHD children and adults has increased drastically over recent years. This is due to misconceptions and a lack of knowledge regarding the associated risks and potentially dangerous consequences. ADHD stimulants are commonly believed to give short bursts of enhanced concentration and academic or work performance. Reports reveal the occasional recreational use of stimulants by school children but most who misuse ADHD medication rely on it in high-pressure situations such as exams and working on big projects to improve multitasking, memory and performance. But to maintain this unsustainable level of efficiency, increased dosages and rates of use are often required. It is crucial to understand the dangers of stimulant abuse and the impact thereof on the brain. The effects and risks of ADHD stimulant abuse Research shows that ADHD is caused in part by chemical imbalances in the brain and structural differences in grey matter – a core component of the central nervous system. Grey matter is responsible for memory, executive functions, impulse control, emotions and speech. Likewise, dopamine and norepinephrine levels have an impact on concentration, memory, problem solving, decision making, motivation, impulse control, emotions and social behaviour. Prescription stimulants provide mental stimulation to harmonise chemical imbalances. It enables individuals to focus on the task at hand with enhanced concentration and energy. However, the abuse thereof can result in a lack of concentration, sleep deprivation, depression, social anxiety, an inability to communicate effectively, a fast and irregular heart rate, high body temperature, psychosis, paranoia and hallucinations. Understanding the prescribed uses of ADHD medication Modern-day school and workplace pressures are mounting. To keep up with life at breakneck speed, children and adults with or without ADHD are becoming overly reliant on coping mechanisms of all sorts, including ADHD stimulants. Explaining to a loved one with ADHD the importance of using medication as prescribed will go a long way in encouraging the responsible use of all sorts of stimulants and substances. Here’s how you can encourage a healthy understanding and appropriate use of ADHD medication. No evaluation. No meds. A comprehensive evaluation and diagnosis by a licensed medical professional is essential before considering any form of ADHD medication. Reports show that some individuals exaggerate their symptoms to get a larger dosage to misuse or shared with non-ADHD individuals. Having an in-depth knowledge of ADHD symptoms and how it typically presents in a friend or family member will help you draw that fine line and accurately report the symptoms. Know what the fuss is about Learn all you can about the effects of ADHD stimulants on your children and adults as well as the effects and potential reasons for misuse. Equip loved ones with life management skills to rely on instead of medication when balancing academics, work and social activities. With the right practical resources, individuals with ADHD can improve their focus and organisation skills. Explain the risks of abuse Children and adults with undiagnosed ADHD often struggle with social interactions and may be more susceptible to peer pressure. The desire to fit in can be a strong incentive to misuse or share medication. Explain the impact of ADHD on the brain and the risks of misusing or sharing prescribed medication with non-ADHD individuals. Know the red flags of abuse Signs of treatment abuse can range from signs of anxiety, manic behaviour and dilated pupils to sleep deprivation and difficulty concentrating. If you suspect a loved one may be misusing, sharing or abusing stimulant medication, share your concerns with a medical professional. Living with ADHD can be challenging. There is no room for the additional dangers of stimulant abuse. The importance of an accurate diagnosis and treatment usage can’t be overstated. If you suspect that an adult loved one has ADHD, suggest this self-assessment to see if their symptoms are consistent with ADHD. For the assessment of children, consult a licensed medical professional. With a holistic treatment plan, therapy and life management skills, children and adults with ADHD can manage everyday challenges and live successful lives.

August 1, 2018

Chasing academic A’s limits possibilities

Education, as we have known it for the past 100 years, is fixated on academic prowess. The percentage on the report card has always been the benchmark by which we believe we can determine if a child will become a successful adult, or not. Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres says “Self-worth is too often determined by academic assessments. Emotional walls are built, intelligence is defined, negative behaviours are acted upon, anxieties and depression are pandemic in young people – all because of society’s fixation on that percentage on the report.”

July 25, 2018

Some helpful tips on making subject choices for all Grade 9 learners

Our Grade 9 learners are currently standing at the crossroad of having to make subject-choices. This, in itself, does not seem to be too big a deal… EXCEPT that the subject choices that they make now will impact their path into the future. In addition, many, if not most, Grade 9 learners are not yet sure of what they want to do when they have finished school.

July 25, 2018

Help! My child is writing exams for the first time

The idea of writing exams rarely brings about emotions of excitement and happy anticipation! In fact, feelings of anxiety, panic and outright fear are what most parents and learners experience when exam time comes knocking at their door! Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres says “Generation after generation, people have passed on the baton of fear, anxiety and dread when it comes to exams. The stories are familiar to us all:

July 25, 2018

The benefits of bananas for babies

The children’s song ‘Go Bananas! Eat Eat Bananas!’ carries some good advice for parents. Bananas are a fantastic fruit option for children six months and older as they are soft, easy to eat and they don’t have seeds that could pose a choking risk for young children. However, more than the delicious taste and smooth texture that makes this fruit a firm favourite amongst moms and children alike, bananas also bring several benefits to babies and children when eaten regularly: High in fibre: The dietary fibre of bananas can be useful in helping to keep baby’s tummy regular. While a baby’s digestive system is still developing, adding fruits that contain pectins, such as bananas, can be helpful in alleviating constipation but also preventing a runny tummy. In addition, the high fibre content is useful in aiding digestion. Boosts immunity: Bananas contain several vitamins including vitamin B6 and vitamin C which help to maintain the immune system. This is particularly useful for babies and small children as they are still building up their immunity. Vitamin B6 is also assists in maintaining the nervous system and supports muscle function. Maintains a healthy heart: Bananas contain several essential minerals, most notably potassium. Potassium is important for a healthy heart and it helps to maintain blood pressure levels. Prevents anaemia: Iron is very important in the production of haemoglobin and formation of red blood cells. From six months of age, the iron stores of a baby become Bananas are a source of iron and can help maintain iron stores to reduce the risk of your baby becoming anaemic. Most of the vitamins and minerals that our babies need to growth healthy and strong cannot be produced by the body and need to come from the foods they eat. It is important that children eat nutritious foods, such as fruits and vegetables, from a young age in order to gain the nutrients they need to help their bodies develop and function optimally. The Truth vs the myth about bananas Bananas definitely do NOT cause constipation. As long as ripe bananas are eaten, the fibre and pectin is easily absorbed to keep the digestive system regular. Babies sometimes get constipated due to low fibre in the diet, however if you are breast feeding or formula feeding, this should provide the fibre that your baby needs, Simple fruits, such as bananas with their natural fibre assist in keeping the tummy regular. Providing nutritious foods can sometimes be a challenge for busy parents and that is why companies like De-lish have produced premium quality, wholesome pureed foods for babiesand toddlers. “The De-lish pouch range of products have been created with fresh fruit and are conveniently packaged to take along wherever you go to make sure you have easy access to the goodness of fruit, maize and oats at any time,” says Kate, Clamber Club mom. The De-lish range is available nationwide from Baby City. Contributed by De-lsih Website: http://de-lish.co.za/home-2/

July 24, 2018

6 Simple Practices to Keep Your Child Active and Healthy

No one said that parenting would be easy, but it doesn’t have to be a struggle. Although it’s normal to worry about your kids when they’re heading off to school, you can lower those anxiety levels by preparing for the transition. You also need to accept that your child is growing, and you can’t keep him or her in a protective bubble. In fact, over protective parenting can have far worse consequences for your child, persisting into adulthood. If you’re worried about frequent infections, fatigue or low energy, learning problems, and so on, there are steps that you can take to better prepare your child for the demands and stress of schooling. Before you try to impart good habits and practices to your child, just remember that kids can be quick to call you out on your hypocrisy and double standards, so be a good role model, or learn to cheat smart and not get caught!

July 24, 2018

4 Extended Breastfeeding Tips

As a mother that really struggled with breastfeeding I really take my hat off to the moms that have managed to breastfeed for a long period of time. Any mother that manages to breastfeed until her child self weans is a hero in my eyes.

July 24, 2018

Reactive Parenting…

We’ve all said it at some point: “I’m never going to be like my mother / father”. We know we can be better. We’ve given it a lot of thought. We still remember how hurt or angry or neglected we felt and we will categorically NOT do that to our own kids. No way!! And life, being the ever present comical teacher that it is, makes sure that if we parent in reaction to our own parents, then we will create the same results no matter how hard we try to be different. Let me give you an example of how patterns get passed from generation to generation… A mother feels that she is not good enough (due to her own upbringing) and so she projects this onto and takes it out on her daughter – she shouts at her and tells her she is useless or naughty or lazy or not behaving as she should. The daughter grows up believing she is not good enough and swears she will never be like her mother that she will make sure her own children believe that they are good enough. But, because she hasn’t dealt with this issue within herself, she can only teach what she knows. She tries to be completely different from her mother and so she tells her own daughter that she is amazing and special and gifted and will do amazing things in the world. Her daughter then has all this pressure on her to “be someone” and feels not good enough just being herself and so the cycle continues. Each generation parents in reaction to their own parents instead of from a place of presence and authenticity. The pattern will continue until someone deals with their own issue of not being enough and therefore stops projecting it onto their own children. Being the opposite to your own parents is not the same thing as being a “good” parent for your child. Each child is unique and each moment is unique, and what children really need is a parent who has let go of their past enough to be present with them in the moment and aware of what is actually called for; not what they think should be imposed on that situation due to their own baggage. Could this be you? Can say with certainty that you are grateful for your own childhood and upbringing exactly as it was? That you wouldn’t change anything about it because it has made you who you are and you are happy with who you are? Do you know that you are enough? If not, well, there is still some work to be done. But that really is the joy of parenting – our children will reflect for us those things that we need to focus on, and so they help us to raise ourselves. Instead of reacting to our own parents, we need to slow down and contemplate our own upbringing and find the gifts in it. We need to see our own parents as whole people with multiple traits, none of which are good or bad in and of themselves. We need to acknowledge that they were doing the best that they could based on their childhoods and that not all of it was bad. When we come to a place of gratitude for our own parents and the events of our childhoods and how these have helped us to grow and evolve, only then can we respond to our own children. This is how we finally break the pattern of reactive parenting.

July 13, 2018

Making Sense of the World Around Us

There is no denying the importance of the sense of sight. Using our sight, we are able to learn through visually exploring objects and the world in which we live, and thereby gain an understanding of the relationships between people and objects. It is for this reason that parents should invest as much time as possible helping their children develop their visual sense. Visual skills are divided in to two main areas; first is our eye’s ability to see; Visual Acuity and second is the brains ability to process, integrate and interpret what the eyes are seeing; Visual Perception. A problem with either of these systems may result in your child having problems related to their visual sense. Visual acuity can be assessed by an Optometrist. Assessed difficulties may be as a result of underlying weakness of the muscles which control eye movements, resulting in jerky or restricted movements of the eye. As a result, these children often have difficulty manipulating objects in their hands and experience fine motor difficulties in tasks such as cutting and writing or may have a slow rate of work as they require additional time to gain the necessary visual information in order to complete a task. Visual Perceptual skills can be assessed by an Occupational Therapist. Visual Perception is a broad term, used to describe a number of different skills which include: Visual Discrimination Is the ability to identify differences and similarities between shapes, objects and patterns based on their individual characteristics and features. For example a square has four sides and four corners, while a triangle has three sides and three corners. Form constancy The ability to recognize and interpret the fact that a shape remains a shape, despite changes in the presentation of the shape. For example, a square is still a square based on a specific set of properties, irrelevant of the size, direction, orientation, colour or texture of the square. Figure Ground Perception The ability to screen out irrelevant visual material in order to concentrate on an important stimulus. This is necessary for a child at the back of the class who has to look across the whole classroom and concentrate only on what is being written on the board. Position in Space The ability to perceive an objects position in our environment in relation to our own bodies. Following instructions related to objects, such as standing next to an object, requires an understanding of how that object is orientated in space in relation to ourselves and requires good position in space skills. Spatial Relations The ability to perceive the position of two or more objects in relation to our own bodies and in relation to the objects. During gross motor activities a child will need to plan movements taking in to consideration the location of other objects in their environment. Visual Closure The ability to recognise and identify a shape or object without having to see the whole shape or object. This requires the child to visually ‘fill in the gaps’. Good visual closure skills will assist a child with reading and comprehending what is being read. Visual Memory The ability to remember what has been seen and to recall it immediately. This skill enables a child to remember what they have read, as it moves from short-term memory in to long-term memory. Visual Sequencing The ability to remember shapes and characters in a specific order. This is a vitally important skill for learning to spell. “It is clear that the development of Visual Perceptual skills is closely linked to cognitive development,” says Kelly Westerman, Occupational Therapist and Clamber Club Franchisee. “In younger children it is important that a child experiences visual perception through the movement of their bodies before they progress to 3D activities like blocks, shape sorters and puzzles and then on to pen and paper tasks which include writing, cutting and pasting.” Due to the fact that vision is so integrated in to everything that a child does, symptoms and impairments may be broad and varied. In younger children, problems associated with the visual sense may result in delayed milestones and can experience a delay in language development as they struggle to grasp relationships and associations between people and objects. There is no doubt that good visual acuity and visual perceptual skills are vital for the acquisition of skills and knowledge that are needed for academic success. It is therefore important that parents create opportunities for the development of these skills in the everyday lives of their little ones. If parents have any concern they should consult with their Doctors or Paediatricians. Occupational Therapist and founder of Clamber Club, Liz Senior, has put together a list of activities and games that can help your child develop their visual sense: Playing ‘I spy’ e.g.: something round, something smaller than the table or my book Ask your child to locate specific items on a page in a book Arranging objects from largest to smallest, and vice versus Draw simple shapes on paper and ask your child to redraw the shapes Covering half a picture of an object and asking your child what the object is Hide the peanut – Place the nut (or raisin) under one of three cups and move them around slowly. Have the child try pick the cup the peanut is under. If he picks the right cup, he gets to eat the prize underneath. Add more cups to make this more challenging (up to five cups) Object games – Place some everyday objects on a tray. Start with 4 objects and show them to the child for 5 seconds. Cover them and see how many he can recall. Add more objects as the child becomes more proficient with this. Try work up to 10 objects in total

July 13, 2018

Play with purpose is essential for children with autism

Play is a powerful tool autistic children need to boost their development and an essential way for them to learn a range of skills. This according to Keri Delport, director of Autism Western Cape – an organisation committed to empowering individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) and educating their families and communities on the disorder. Autism is a neuro-development condition that impacts the way the brain works and processes information. In South Africa more than seven thousand children are born with autism every year; this means that 160 autistic children are born in the country every week, which is roughly 23 per day. “Autistics are incredible people who open doors for other people in different ways. They are extremely honest and tend to live in the moment. They focus really well when things interest them and have terrific memories once they understand a concept. It’s for this reason that play is so important. It provides the level of physical and psychological support the child needs and helps to develop language, creativity and problem-solving skills,” she says. Delport explains that engaging in play is the start of an important cycle for autistics, forms an integral part of teaching them how to interact with other children and is “absolutely necessary” to develop their social skills and encourage independence. Play types: Explanatory play – allows children to explore the toy in its entirety and helps him/her learn more about the world through shape, colour and texture Functional play – allows children to use the toy the way it’s designed to be used and helps to develop social skills. Sensory play – an invaluable form of play, provides children with a level of input to support their sensory modulation needs Toy types: Teddy bears and mouthing blocks Puzzles and Lego Play dough and kinetic sand Delport says parents play a crucial role in ensuring that autistic children “play with purpose” and advise that parents introduce children to toys/games that don’t overwhelm or pressurise them in order to boost their self-confidence. “After all, as Jean Piaget said: ‘play is the work of childhood’,” she says. And to encourage a culture of play with autistics and motivate parents to allow their autistic children to engage in play, Delport says Autism Western Cape recently partnered with toy retailer Toy Kingdom to host the first ever Autism Hour in several stores around the country. During this hour, specially trained staff was at-hand to assist and interact with autistic children; and carried-out sensory demonstrations that focussed on toys that stimulate senses. Since this disorder is characterised by several marked differences including social interaction and sensory activities, stores dimmed the lights and turned-down the music to create a safe space and ensure autistics feel comfortable and welcome. “This is a pioneering initiative in South Africa and provided autistic children the space they needed to play and simply be themselves. It also served as a space where parents could come together, support each other and feel less judged. We hope to see more of these initiatives rolled-out in the country in due course, they are extremely valuable,” Delport says.

July 9, 2018

How Fostering Will Change Your Life

Looking after a child is unlike any job you will ever have. It can be tiring, deflating and difficult. But any parent will tell you the positives outweigh the hard times: it’s rewarding, inspiring and life-changing. If you’ve reached the stage in your life where bearing children just isn’t an option, or if your own have flown the nest and you feel like your life needs purpose once again; then why not consider fostering? Fostering has many benefits for both yourself, and for the child you are taking in. Giving someone who’s had a tough time the chance for change and happiness is a wonderful experience that you’ll never forget. Give your life meaning Your children may have left for university and college, starting a life of their own and beginning new adventures. You may feel your life is lonely and without a purpose. On the other hand, perhaps you’ve never had the opportunity to have children of your own, coming to terms with that may have been the hardest stage of your life and could have left you feeling empty. The child you would be fostering will likely have been through similar emotions. Helping the child through their darkest days, giving them a loving, nurturing environment and watching them grow could be one of the most satisfying things you’ve ever done. Earn an extra income Of course, the primary reason for fostering a child should be because you want to change a child’s life. However, another benefit of fostering is the fostering allowance you can expect to receive. This will go towards everything the child could need including: food, clothing, leisure activities and toiletries. As a foster carer, you would also be classed as self-employed, allowing for a significant tax break. For birthday’s and Christmas, you are also given an extra allowance as these are often expensive times of the year, alleviating some of the stress they can bring. Teach your children If you’re already a parent to a young child or teenager, fostering another child can be greatly beneficial for both children. If your child is otherwise an only child, a foster child could bring companionship and friendship – something both children could have been missing from their lives. You will be showing your fostering child a world filled with love and joy, helping to shape their life and the adventures to come. Furthermore, you could foster more than one child. If you have the capacity to foster two or three children, then this could be greatly beneficial to those children who have gone into the foster system with their siblings and are wanting to be kept together. You will be offered all the help and support you need for each child to ensure they live a content and fulfilled life whilst they are under your care. Saying goodbye The fostering journey will not always be easy, but the overwhelming love and care you’ll develop for your foster children will stay with you, building an unbreakable bond between you. When it’s time for them to move on, when you’ve done everything you possibly can, you can be sure you have indefinitely changed someone’s life for the better – including your own.

July 6, 2018

Why is reading to your child so important?

As parents, we know that reading a book to our child before bedtime is a good routine to put in place. We also know that after the ‘witching hour’ (feed, bath and bed), our energy levels aren’t at their highest. As a matter of fact, reading a story, sometimes three times in a row at your child’s insistence, is the last thing you want to do. So how important is it that you introduce the concept of reading to a child from a young age? Does it really make a difference in their development? Studies and research say yes. These studies show that early language and literary development start in the first three years of a child’s life. Now this isn’t to say that your toddler should be reading and writing words. This literary development comes in the form of your young child enjoying books being read to them, exploring pictures within those books and the bonding experienced when a parent spends the time reading to them. Reading to your child teaches them all kinds of vital skills. They learn how to physically handle the book and turn pages. It helps increase their concentration and memory. You will find your child pointing to the pictures as you read the words, showing that even at such a young age they have an understanding of the story and recognise different elements and characters. Read to them often enough, and you can even video them babbling along and pretending to read themselves. Still not convinced? Did you know that most children’s books contain 50 percent more unusual or rare words than children’s TV shows, or even college students’ conversations? Which means your child is growing their vocabulary each time you read them a new story. And the better your child’s vocabulary is by the time they reach school going-age, the better chance they have at exceeding in their academic life. Now that you know the importance of reading to your children, where should you start? There are many books out there to choose from. They need to be age appropriate, picture- filled and have a fun story line to follow. Buy books that are soft-covered and small in size – meaning that your tot will be able to handle them with ease.

July 6, 2018

Social/Emotional Development Starts with Dad

The good news is that according to the US Census Bureau: “Between 1960 and 2016, the percentage of children living in families with two parents decreased from 88 to 69. Of those 50.7 million children living in families with two parents, 47.7 million live with two married parents and 3.0 million live with two unmarried parents.” The bad news is while Dad’s are living with their children they are not seeming to connect with them at early ages as much as needed. I think what we need here is to begin to recognize and accept the fact that Dads are different in how they relate to infants and young children and not only accept it but celebrate it. How do Dad’s relate differently? Research shows men are different right from the beginning. * Dads hold and stare into infant faces for hours to form their bond. * Dads never pick up a child the dame way twice * Dads tend to allow children to struggle longer to acomplish a task and celebrate with children each time they overcome. * Dads are more physically stimulating in how they interact with infants. These things are not ‘bad’ just different and very important for kids. This is how they learn to relate to the world. Men are wired differently and it is this difference that allows kids to develop a sens of anticipation and excitement about life. Dad is just often more exciting to deal with than Mom. There are some women who have a hard time with this and want to protect infants from this “rough housing” not realizing this is meeting a need the infant has which can not be received any other way. Men are just naturally different with children and this builds skills in children who do not regularly relate to men have a harder time developing. Much of the truth of this lies in the trouble children have when entering school. Social/Emotional development is the most important aspect of a child succeeding in the classroom. Children cared for by stay-at-home Dads, and male ECE teachers tend to be more resilient and have a greater ability to handle stress. Thus, they do better in kindergarten where these skills are essential in leaning to manage the more demanding world of elementary school classrooms. Society has long thought that women ae more emotional than men. However, recent psychological studies have shown this is not the case. Men are far more emotional than women however, they are taught to keep a tight reign on these emotions. In fact, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in an interview with Eric Metaxas spoke of a man in an argument can have his heart rate spike to 99 beats a minute which shows he is in warrior mode which if not controlled will cause him to physically strike. Women rarely get to this point in their emotional frustration level in an argument. As an early childhood educator I believe this is why when it come to young boys we see more aggressive tendencies until they learn to gain more control over their emotions. Knowing this explains why men are the actual social/emotional trainers, because they deal with emotions on a much more stringent level than women. Dads also tend to teach kids to think things through by walking kids through the thought process asking questions which asks kids to think through a process. Before age 5-8 when the process of myelination (nerves are coated by a sheath to keep nerve impulses to travel smoothly along nerve endings.) occurs children think out loud. Men tend to pick up on this naturally. The create a bond between Dads and kids. It is this relationship which helps Dads to: * Understand what kids are thinking and ask why * Help kids work out problems by asking open-ended questions * Get into the problem with the children and help them solve the answers So, why does this matter? Dads and their purposeful and meaningful interactions with kids help them to start off with skills, abilities, and temperaments which provide a strong foundation for thier abilities. Plugging into the role of Dad when baby is born is the best thing for kids. Mom’s who encourage Dads to coneet and stay connected are encouraging the relationships all children beed to be able to connect with the world with confidence.

July 6, 2018

Questioning Questions: Why your child needs to ask ‘why’…

There comes a time in the life of every parent when you wish the word “Why” had never been invented. I recall with my own kids how a 5-minute bedtime story suddenly became a 30-minute ordeal: The bear went over the mountain. Why? To get to the other side. Why? To visit his friend. Why? Because he was lonely. Why? Well, if you’ll let me carry on reading we’ll find out. Ok, so sentence number two… It was a lovely warm day. Why? You know how the story goes! So before you move on from why, I have two more why questions for you… Why do kids stop asking questions? And why is it important for us to encourage them to continue? There are three main reasons that children stop questioning. The first is that we discourage the questions. Understandably we get tired of answering a million why’s every day and our tone and attitude towards questioning becomes quite clear. Children get the message that their questioning is annoying. Perhaps they even get the message that they are annoying. The second is that we encourage a very narrow, limited way of thinking. We give definite answers and we don’t explore possibilities. We train our children to think like we think; to believe what we believe; to do things the way they have always been done. The third is that we are afraid of (and so teach our kids to be afraid of) making mistakes. Children learn that there is a right and a wrong answer to any given question and it is bad to give the wrong answer – this will be met with red lines on your page, bad marks, failure and disappointment. But why would we want to encourage this questioning when it drives us nuts? Well, because the quality of your life is directly related to the quantity and quality of the questions that you ask. Questions open doors, they explore new possibilities, they take us outside of limiting beliefs and outdated ways of thinking and being. Questions really are at the very fabric of being alive. They imply curiosity and interest and enthusiasm and a willingness to learn and grow. It is when we stop questioning and start assuming that we know the answers that our life light goes out. We become conditioned and trained and dull and habitual. We stop seeking alternative ways of thinking and being and doing and we become mundane. And our lives become mundane. And then we learn to complain instead of questioning. We whine about the hamster wheel of life without questioning how to get off it. We moan about our relationships instead of seeking alternative answers to how to engage. We hate our jobs but we don’t question why we have ended up where we are and what different choices we could make. It becomes ingrained in us to fear asking questions. We still have that child within that doesn’t want to be annoying, that doesn’t want to be the one to ask a stupid question, what is terrified of the consequences of getting the answers wrong. And so we live small. And constricted. And below our full potential. If we want our children to live rich, fulfilling, exciting lives then we have to encourage questions. We need to encourage the “why’s” of the 4 year old to everything we say, and the “why’s” of the teenager to everything we do. We need to embrace a questioning attitude to our own lives and habits and choices. We need to step out of our comfort zones and risk failure and all the learning that comes with it. Here are some tips to get you going… When your child asks you why they have to do or not do something never answer with “because I said so”. If you have a good reason, explain it to them. If you don’t, then start questioning why they have to do it yourself. (You may find that there are many things you expect just because your parents did it that way or someone else told you it should be that way). Question everything that you believe. From the most basic daily trivialities (the wall is solid) to the most fundamental life issues (I was born) to the things that limit you (I am not good enough) and see what happens. Some lines of questioning can allow you to let go of stagnation and move into new realms, and others may strengthen what you already believe. Either way there will be a depth to your life where previously you were just floating on the surface. Don’t answer all your child’s questions. Teach them how to find answers in the world and send them on a journey of exploration and curiosity. Point them in the direction of knowledgeable people, send them to the library, show them how to use search engines, help them to set up experiments. Be a model of excitement in finding out the answers to things you don’t know and how much you learn along the way. Ask your child questions. Ask deep, open ended, thought provoking questions. Even to the little ones. Encourage them to ponder things; to not need to come up with quick answers; to not know the answer at all. As much as possible, refrain from showing irritation when your child asks questions. If you’re really not up for it, let them know you’ll be happy to continue later. Treat all failure as an exercise in learning. Tell your kids about Edison failing hundreds of times before figuring out the light bulb. Give them examples from your own life where you got something wrong and it helped you to grow. When they get something wrong help them to focus on what they can learn and how this can help them to grow. If your child asks deep and meaningful questions about life / themselves / God / etc, don’t give them a standard practiced response. Rather turn the

July 6, 2018

Silent Children

When I first had my own kids I knew immediately that the responsibility I felt towards them extended to all the children out there – that only by caring for all the children of the world could I help to create a world where my own children would feel safe and loved. I started exploring… How could I help? Where to begin? How could I begin to bring stillness to such a chaotic world? There seemed to be so much pain, so much hatred, so many children unloved. When I finally came to the journey of coaching, it seemed self-evident to me that I would work with parents and teachers. I had tried to trace things back to where best to intervene in the lives of children, and realized that it was only by helping the parents and teachers to heal their own hurts that their children had a chance. And yet, over the years of working with adults I have come to realize that my work on this planet goes beyond just individually helping one parent or teacher at a time to heal and become whole so that they can pass this legacy on to their kids. It started one day as I was chatting to a good friend and Educational Psychologist and telling her about a little girl I knew who was malnourished and not flourishing. What she said to me has stuck – she said, “You have to be a voice for that child. She is too young to have a voice of her own”. And it was in that moment that I realized that part of what I needed to do was to be a voice for the silent children. Every day, as I work with the parents and teachers, I hear stories of trapped children – of the inner children of these adults who have been silent for 20, 30, 40, 50 years. Children who have been crying out for love, crying out to be noticed, crying out for someone to hear them; but crying out silently. Their cries are not heard, because just like our children now, their cries are not understood. All we see is misbehavior, anger, bitterness, fighting, nastiness and rejection, and yet all negative behavior is a cry. Every day there are a million ways that we can show our children they are not loved – by an unconscious dismissal of them as we chat on the phone, by not really listening, by the constant “just now’s”, the rushed bedtimes, the television babysitters, the disapproving looks, the expectation of performance or specific behaviours, the refusal to see their needs as equal, by the lack of our presence. And yet every day there are a million ways we can show them they are loved – by taking their concerns seriously, by slowing down, by really seeing, hearing and noticing them, by listening to them in their language – even if it is the language of screams and tantrums and naughtiness and obstinance. It is only when we look past the behaviour to the hidden message that we will stop pushing our children away just when they need us most. We need to learn to listen – to our own cries, to the cries of our loved ones, to the cries of our children. Everyone is doing the best they can with the programming they currently have. And everyone deserves to be heard, and every cry needs to be released. There are people I meet in my practice who have been holding back their tears for half a century, hanging on to hurt that everyone else has long since forgotten. I have a head full of stories of silent children, children who could not speak up for themselves because they didn’t have the language to express their pain and they were not allowed to express it physically. Let those children out; Let them cry. Let them find their voices so that the next generation of children can also be allowed the basic right of expression. Please, cry. And let your children cry. Allow the wounds of the past their expression and release. Let us put an end to silence so that stillness can emerge.

July 6, 2018

Children can burn out too!

Gone are the days when children went to school, came home, made a peanut butter sandwich and went to play with the neighbourhood kids! Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres explains “Children are naturally high-energy beings and very little thought is given to the extreme pressures and overloading of activities that our children face in the world that we find ourselves living in today! As adults, we are familiar with the challenges of physical and emotional burn-out, but we do not consider that children are prone to burn out as well. In fact, burn out in children, if left unchecked, can lead to depression, complete apathy and a myriad of health issues.” Cindy goes on to explain that many children are being subjected to competitive and pressured activities all day, every day and at a pace that most adults would find challenging to keep up! “Academic expectations, sports (school and clubs), cultural and religious studies, extra lessons, music, art, drama, dance…. the list goes on and on… when packed, back-to-back into the daily schedule of children can lead to overloaded children becoming exhausted and this may lead to burn out!” Parents who notice that their children are showing a combination of the following signs may want to consider that their children may be heading towards burn out-or worse-have already burned out! A loss of motivation or desire for activities that they once enjoyed or looked forward to. Anxiety, fearfulness and panic attacks Fatigue and tearfulness, withdrawn, uncharacteristic tantrums Feelings of dejection, making excuses or simply refusing to attend activities that they may have enjoyed before Physical illnesses, loss of appetite, nail biting Falling behind in academics or other activities Burn out is not something to be taken lightly. Cindy gives the following tips to consider when dealing with burn out in children: Choose to be a mindful parent. Watch, communicate, listen-with-understanding, acknowledge that something needs to change and act to help and support your child! Honestly assess the activities and stress causers in your child’s life. Work with your child to reduce or stop the activities that cause the greatest stress. Allow time for your children to just BE. Allow time for rest and reflection, for childish games and laughter. Teach your children the importance of listening to their bodies and making healthy choices for themselves—choices that are uplifting, enjoyable and less pressured. Be realistic in terms of how many activities your child is doing every day and every week. Watch for signs of exhaustion. Engender a relationship of non-judgemental communication with your child. Guide, support and teach them positive coping skills (which may or may not involve a change in schedule). Choose to create balance in yours and your children’s lives. There is no advantage or positive learning that can take place from overloading a child! It is important for children to learn a variety of skills as they grow, but be aware of how much is expected of them—too much can be counter-productive! Cindy concludes by saying “Burn out in children is more prevalent that we may have allowed ourselves to consider before! It can lead to serious consequences. As parents, it is essential that we acknowledge that children, although naturally high energy beings, can and will burn out if their lives are out of balance and the signs are left unchecked!”

July 6, 2018

Cursive writing – Is it still necessary?

Hilda Erasmus: Foundation Phase Specialist We live in an age of computers and technology. Why is it still necessary for our children to learn how to write in cursive? It’s so old-fashioned. Is it not time to move these old habits aside? Year in and year out teachers and parents are frustrated when they have to teach children how to write in cursive, but if it’s still in the curriculum it must be worthwhile. According to a study done by Graham and Santangelo1 learning to write in cursive can be a valuable skill. We list the five reasons why below: It is good for your brain Writing in print only activates one part of the brain, while writing in cursive activates different parts of your brain. It stimulates fine motor skills that help add letters together. So, instead of seeing letters as single sounds, they begin to form groups in the brain that sees and recognises words as a whole. You’ll have to sign your own name one day It might not sound like a worthy reason, but cursive writing gives each person a unique style. A signature that is made in your unique cursive writing is much more difficult to forge than a signature made in print or block letters. To sign your own name in cursive is like a small unique artwork that you can use over and over again without anyone making a perfect copy of it. You’ll be able to read old documents There are many old documents and manuscripts or even old family letters that are written in cursive. If we do not learn how to write in cursive, these documents will become hieroglyphs that no one will be able to read. It helps learners with a learning problem Learners with learning difficulties (especially dyslexia) often experience problems when learning numbers and sounds, especially the b and d sounds. In cursive writing, however, these letters are shaped in such a way that they look visually different. The learner can compare the letters in print and cursive and in this way many of the problems that these learners experience with confusing one letter with another can be solved. It is an art form To be able to write well is an art form. It is something most learners can easily master if they concentrate hard enough. For those learners who may not be top performers in other subjects, it is possible to do well in cursive writing. It can motivate these learners to work harder in other subjects too. Although cursive writing is not yet extinct, we still need to see its value. It is a skill that can be useful in the future. Source: 1. http://schools.nyc.gov/NR/rdonlyres/556F572F-4CDC-4BAC-9EC0-6990AD1AFB0E/0/CIPLteachingcursivewriting_WEB.pdf

July 6, 2018

Child drowning – a leading cause of childhood death that is entirely preventable

Drowning remains one of the top causes of unnatural childhood death in South Africa and for every child that dies from drowning, five are left with permanent brain damage from the lack of oxygen that occurs in a near-drowning. Manufacturer of the leading child safety pool cover in SA, PowerPlastics Pool Covers, is on a drive to remind parents that drownings are entirely preventable with multiple layers of safety applied to the pool. The PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover and adult supervision at all times should be included in these layers of safety at all times. The PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover offers parental peace of mind as it completely seals off the entire pool. The PVC cover is drawn over strong aluminium batons that rest on the coping, and a tamperproof ratchet fastening system makes it impossible for a small child to access the water. Small drainage holes prevent rain or sprinkler water from collecting on the cover as just a few millimetres of water can be fatal to a curious child. The cover withstands up to 220kg and is easily deployed by two people, or it can be semi-automated for single person usage. “For years we have been educators in pool safety for children and, with our solid safety cover, parents not only get peace of mind, the cover also allows significant savings on water, power and chemicals, unlike alternatives such as nets and fences which still leave the water exposed,” says Carolyn Idas of PowerPlastics Pool Covers. “But a cover only saves lives if it is actually on the pool. Being lazy about re-securing a pool after use is surprisingly common. For this reason, we developed our safety cover so that it is hassle-free and does not require brute force. Next time you ‘can’t be bothered’, consider the alternative which could be a drowning due to negligence.” The PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover is available in a range of colours, allowing it to blend into the outdoor area, or it can be custom printed with photos and graphics for a unique 3D effect. Thermal pool covers or ‘bubble’ covers that lie directly on the water should never be considered as child safety pool covers as they do not bear weight. These covers heat the pool and save water by stopping evaporation but their purpose does not include child safety. “As part of our education in the community, we launched TopStep, the home of pool safety, an educational website with tips and advice on preventing drownings. Aside from covering the pool, every adult in the home needs to know what a drowning in progress actually looks like as TV has created wide misconceptions around this. There is no noise or splashing nor calls for help. Drowning is quick and silent. Visit www.topstep.co.za to learn more about this.” Even if one doesn’t have children, it is still necessary to consider safety for visitors. Families living in residential complexes with a communal pool should insist that their body corporate install a safety pool cover. “The bottom line is that children need to be supervised around pools, and as long as the pool is covered by us and other layers of safety are in place, the likelihood of a tragedy occurring in your pool is greatly reduced.” Learn about the PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover here or email [email protected] Practical tips for pool safety Don’t let your pool’s water levels drop. Keeping the pool topped up allows for small arms to easily grab the edge if needed. For every two children in the pool, have one adult supervising. The more children, the more supervisors needed. Be aware that children’s pool parties are high risk events. For larger groups, give the designated supervisor a bright hat to wear so the children know who to call for help. Turn off fountains and water features. Not only do they waste water and power, they can cause ripples and splashing, making it harder to see when a child has encountered difficulty in the pool or has sunk to the bottom. Ensure that every adult in the home knows CPR, including domestic workers. Never hire a baby sitter or au pair who can’t swim. Don’t let anyone who has been drinking or on sedative medication supervise children in a pool. Don’t leave toys in or near an open pool as children will be tempted to retrieve them. Teach your child to swim fully clothed and with shoes on. If your child develops a fear of water, don’t ignore this – a child who panics is at greater risk of drowning. Never allow swimming after dark. Discourage your dogs from swimming. Children and pets in a pool are not a good mix. Never leave the pool without securing it with your PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover. Never design / build a pool that cannot be secured for child safety. Drowning myths Television has a lot to answer for when it comes to how drowning is portrayed and there are many myths out there. Be aware of the signs and remember that the appearance of a drowning can vary widely. Myth #1: Drowning children will shout for help Drowning children are physiologically unable to call out. The respiratory system is designed for breathing – speech is the secondary function. Drowning children’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface but while their mouth is above the surface, they need to exhale and inhale before they sink again. There is not enough time to cry out. Myth #2: Drowning children wave their arms to attract attention or will thrash in the water Drowning children cannot wave for help. A person who is drowning cannot perform voluntary movements such as waving or moving towards a rescuer. Envisage the surface of the water as a platform. Someone who is drowning often presses down on the surface and tries to use it as leverage to get their mouth above the water’s surface to breathe. So what the onlooker sees are arm movements that can appear

July 6, 2018

School yourself on feeder zones: A parent’s guide

South Africa, 13 June 2018: “If I buy in Kensington will my kids get into Jeppe?” “Will owning a house in Mowbray get Tanya into Rustenburg?” “Is that Lansdowne house in Livingstone’s catchment area?” Online property company PropertyFox gets asked questions like these daily. Most parents are preoccupied with whether to buy property in an area that may secure a spot at one of the country’s best schools. To assist buyers with better decision making, PropertyFox commissioned research into South Africa’s feeder zones and catchment area policies. Today it released the first ‘PropertyFox School Feeder Zones guide. The company’s research ring-fenced 65 of the top public high schools according to academic success at matriculation level. It found that: 6 specified their preferred suburbs (9%) 6 specified their preferred primary feeder schools (9%) 29 gave preference to learners who lived close to the school (44%) 25 had no explicit zones (38%) Crispin Inglis, co-founder and CEO of PropertyFox – which sells houses at a low commission to ensure customers get the best deal – says, “It is hard for parents to get to grips with exactly where to buy property so that they have the best chance of being accepted into a specific school. And it is a catch-22 because until you have an address and apply, you won’t know if you will get in.” “Catchment area information is extremely hard to find so our aim was to give parents some direction as to how to approach their property search, or how to find a school near their home. We’ve shared as much information as possible – from provincial legislation around policies through to hints as to which suburbs are viable options near schools.” PropertyFox also researched average house prices in some of the top school suburbs in the country – from Rondebosch and Durbanville in the Cape, to Northcliff in Jozi, Glenwood in Durban and Selborne in East London. Inglis continued that the feeder zone guide is aimed squarely at property buyers in the market for a house in the R1.5-million and above level who want to buy near their school of choice. Some of the key take-outs: Although guided by the province, each school has jurisdiction over its admission policy as set by the school governing body (SGB). Living in a feeder catchment area is never a guarantee of admission, it’s rather a contributing criterion. Legislation varies from province to province about feeder zones. In 2018, a default 5km radius for feeder zones applied in Gauteng. The updated 2019 policy gives preference to learners based in feeder zones, along with siblings, and pupils from primary schools that are closest to the high schools in the area. In the Western Cape, there’s no explicit provincial feeder zone policy, but the research shows some SGBs do sway preference towards certain areas. KwaZulu-Natal and the Eastern Cape also don’t have explicit provincial feeder zone policies, but many schools have SGB-determined catchment areas. In the Free State, provincial policy gives preference to learners living near a certain school. Competition for SA’s top public schools is high. Research for the guide revealed that some parents put their kids’ names down for school when they’re still in utero. Others camp outside desired schools all night and some change address, moving as close as possible to their coveted educational institute. PropertyFox partnered with independent education researcher Kerry Petrie on the project. She made personal contact with the person responsible for admissions at each of the public schools listed to compile the guide. Petrie says that public education in South Africa is complex as a result of the country’s history, “It is heartening that many schools have expanded – or are planning to expand – their radius to make sure they accept learners from further afield, giving people from diverse, less affluent suburbs access to the country’s top schools.” Some private schools were also included from a property location perspective. To download the report and for more information on PropertyFox, visitPropertyfox.co.za.

July 6, 2018

Facilitation and Divorce

By Shereen Volks, Head of Divorce & Family Law, STBB | Smith Tabata Buchanan Boyes Modern families turn gender stereotypes on their heads. Parents share the care and upbringing of their children in radically different ways to that of even one generation ago. Relationships between parents also break down more readily. People no longer stay together “for the sake of the children”. Divorce is more accessible and breakups no longer carry the social stigma they used to. Gone are the days when a pregnancy meant marriage or marriage was tradition. Although the Children’s Act is dated 2005, it was another few years before the Act was implemented. It has now been a decade since the age of majority was lowered by three years, from 21 to 18 and parents became the holder of shared parenting rights and jointly responsible for their children. Prior to these changes, conventional wisdom dictated that one parent should have primary responsibility for the children. The idea of “custody” embraced where a child would live for most of the time, and it included a primary authority over that child’s life. The custodian parent made all sorts of decisions about that child on his/her own. The custodian parent was usually the mother, who took domestic responsibility for the child’s arrangements. Most fathers took the primary financial responsibility for the children, seeing them on alternate weekends. It was unusual for a child to sleep over at the non-custodial parent’s house during the week. With more mothers becoming breadwinners and more fathers becoming nurturers, parents formed new partnerships in the home. Parenting became trickier to negotiate, particularly when the parents were no longer involved in a relationship together, or perhaps were never in a permanent relationship in the first place. The legal landscape that has emerged around and as a consequence of these changes is sometimes tricky to navigate. Even when parents have a similar approach to raising their children, conflict can arise and parents can struggle to overcome their differences. The concept of shared parental rights and responsibilities (introduced by the Children’s Act) focuses on the benefit to the children of having both parents participate in their everyday lives. Shared parental rights and responsibilities also imposes an obligation on the parents to consult with each other when making major decisions about their children. Usually parents agree to a Parenting Plan in terms of the Children’s Act. The Parenting Plan determines how their respective responsibilities and rights over the child will be exercised. While Parenting Plans usually set out living arrangements, contact times and sometimes matters such as religious upbringing, they cannot cast in stone or necessarily predict what the changing needs of the children and the parents will involve in the future. New relationships, geographical proximity, changes to parental working circumstances and the changing needs and preferences which the children develop over time and all require some parenting flexibility. Sometimes a child wants to spend more time in one parent’s home or wants to change schools. All is well when parents agree with these changes. If the parents do not agree on a decision, mediation is often helpful. Mediation involves sitting down with a skilled professional – usually a lawyer, psychologist or social worker, and working through the possibilities and ventilating each parent’s perspective. The beauty of mediation is having the skilled third party assist the parents in gaining a more objective perspective and seeing things from the child’s point of view. Parents often convince themselves that something is good for the child when, in fact, they are expressing an individual preference. Mediation is not adversarial and its success depends on the ability of both parents to come to an agreement. The mediator cannot and does not impose a decision on the parents. Instead, the mediator works with the parents to assist them in coming to a joint agreement on the issue. What happens when mediation fails and the parents cannot agree? Litigation is expensive and is time-consuming. Our Courts will not take decisions without allowing both sides an equal opportunity to explain their position. In practice, fairness requires an equal opportunity for each side to state their case, which in turn can mean long delays waiting for Court dates. Disputes become more intractable once the litigation practice commences. Parents feel that they have so much invested in the process that they often lose perspective altogether. Children then have to live in circumstances of hearing acrimony for months or even years at a time. Parents can also become financially and emotionally drained to the point of drastically reducing their parental capacity. In an endeavour to address this problem, a practice was developed a number of years ago in an attempt to keep parenting disputes out of Court by enhancing the powers of a mediator and elevating the position to what was called (in the Western Cape) “facilitation”. A facilitator was appointed by agreement between the parties in their Parenting Plan. A facilitator’s job involved first trying to mediate the dispute between parents but, if after making every effort to assist the parents in reaching agreement and finding that they were still in dispute, a facilitator was authorised in the Parenting Plan to make a binding directive or ruling. The parties undertook to be bound by this ruling. Thus, a facilitator’s directive was thought to determine many things which the parents could not agree on, from changes to contact arrangements to other big and small parenting decisions. Over time, the term “parenting co-ordinator” replaced the term “facilitator”, but the powers and the role of the professional concerned was the same, therefore, the terms are used interchangeably in this article. Over the last decade, a large number of divorces and Parent Plans have been ordered by Courts in the Western Cape containing facilitation or parenting co-ordination clauses. Frequently, the name of a particular professional is not included and these Parenting Plans state that if the parents in dispute cannot agree upon which facilitator to

July 6, 2018

Preparing youth for the workplace of the future

Entering the working world can be daunting for graduates, and even more so when the workplace is not what they expected. With the pace of mushrooming disruptive technologies, artificial intelligence (AI) and machine-driven learning, even the youth are feeling a sense of uncertainty. A recent study entitled “The Future of Skills: Employment in 2030” http://futureskills.pearson.com forecast that one in five workers are in professions today that will shrink worldwide. This means today more than ever before students need to make the right decision when it comes to selecting a course to study. To ensure the youth are selecting a career that offers longevity the study indicates that jobs involving knowledge, creation, and innovation are what to search for. While machines get down to the nitty-gritty manual tasks this will mean people are freed up to explore, knowledge share, and find interesting solutions collaboratively to some of the world’s complex problems. Managing Director for Pearson South Africa, Ebrahim Matthews says, “The study highlighted that while many jobs today will still be in demand by 2030 – the skills required for success in these roles are changing. When it comes to the daunting topic of ‘Jobs of the Future’ we are already doing the research to prepare our students for careers that don’t yet exist! There will be jobs that require certain human skills in the future, these cannot be replaced by the automated world – human skill, and experience that ultimately matter to learning.” Tertiary career options need to be taken seriously, for example institutions should forge close ties with various South African corporates and they should become involved in the induction and readiness workshops for students. Mid-year intakes are also a great option for students who didn’t quite know what to study straight after school. The first 6 months of the year could have solidified a career path, and given them more time to save toward studying. Matthews concludes, “Everything we; we do with employability in mind. All our academic programmes are focused on getting our students ready for the world of work. Our courses have been carefully selected to include academic fields that will give students the opportunity to exit with a qualification that is highly desirable in the market.” The full report: Jobs 2030 can be viewed here: http://futureskills.pearson.com.

July 5, 2018

Chastising Your Child: Parents Take Note

By Shereen Volks, Head of Divorce & Family Law, STBB | Smith Tabata Buchanan Boyes The question of whether parents should be allowed to chastise their children has been a heavily debated topic over the past couple of years. In terms of South African common law, parents were allowed to chastise their children, provided that such chastisement was reasonable. Parents could then raise a special defence of reasonable chastisement against assault charges arising therefrom. This principle was confirmed in the judgment of R v Janke and Janke 1913 TPD 382 and in numerous judgments thereafter. To date, no legislation has been promulgated to either regulate what constitutes reasonable chastisement or to prohibit it completely. It has, however, been argued (after the promulgation of the interim Constitution and later the 1996 Constitution, which focusses on human rights) that chastisement constitutes an infringement on these very rights. In line with this reasoning, the promulgation of the Schools Act, Act 84 of 1996, prohibits chastisement at schools. The recent judgment in the Gauteng High Court, YG v S 2018 (1) SACR 64 (GJ), took a stance against the defence of reasonable chastisement when it was tasked with determining whether this defence is unconstitutional. The father in this matter (the accused) was charged with assault with intention to do grievous bodily harm after he repeatedly smacked his 13-year-old son. The accused’s defence was that he was merely exercising his parental right of reasonable chastisement. The court found that even if parents’ actions fall within the scope of reasonable chastisement, there is still an element of physical violence involved and it therefore infringes on the child’s right to bodily integrity and dignity. Furthermore, allowing the defence of reasonable chastisement takes away children’s right to equal protection under the law and undermines the state’s obligation to protect children from violence. The infringement on children’s rights could not be reasonably justified and therefore the court held that the defence of reasonable chastisement is unconstitutional. According to the court, doing away with the defence of reasonable chastisement would not result in harsh criminal sanctions being imposed on all parents found guilty of assault, as these parents should rather be sent for prevention and intervention services with the aim of promoting positive parenting. Until this matter is dealt with in the Constitutional Court, this judgment does not have a binding effect on any court outside the jurisdiction of the Gauteng High Court. However, it will be considered when any other court is faced with answering the same question. Contact: [email protected]

July 5, 2018

The art of managing meltdowns and tantrums

Meltdowns and tantrumsare a normal part of growing up. All children have them. Contrary to what your friends or your interfering aunt may say, they certainly don’t mean that you are a bad parent or that your baby or toddler has problems. They are related to your child’s unique sensory temperament and developing brain, which means that some babies and toddlers are more inclined to have these emotional outburstthan others. If your baby hasn’t had one yet, don’t think “It will never happen”. I promise you that it will! And that’s not a bad thing. Having an emotional outburst while you are young, with a mom or dad or aunt or grandparent around who is able to help you find ways to make sense of all that emotions and guide your behaviour, is a wonderful opportunity for brain development and learning. It’s important to understand that there is a difference between meltdowns and tantrums. Once you understand this, then you can practise ways of managing it correctly. The result is your baby learning a very important (if not the most important) life skill. First there’s the meltdowns The peak age for meltdowns is eighteen to twenty-four months. Some have it earlier and for others it continues throughout toddlerhood. And don’t forget that adolescents and even us as adults can have the occasional meltdown. Big feelings like frustration, anger, disappointment and fear overwhelms little underdeveloped brains. It causes the primitive emotional part of the brain to be in the driving seat. And the thinking part of your baby’s brain is shutting off. The result is a hissy fit over something as apparently silly as having to share a favourite toy, having play interrupted, having to get into the car, having to put on a jersey or teeth brushed. Thinking being switched off also results in poor impulse control – making it difficult for a little kiddo to wait. If they want something they want it NOW! But there’s hope. Betweenthree and four years, with your toddler’s improved language skills, he is learning impulse control, his frustration tolerance is increasing and, owing to a more developed thinking brain, the frequency and intensity of his meltdowns will decrease. Then there’s the tantrums For some toddlers, however, the increase in the ability to use the thinking brain may lead to more deliberate and calculated behaviour. And this results in the nasty old tantrum. Caused by the desire to control and manipulate. If your toddler sees that they work then they will increase. He will learn that he is able to manipulate you in order to get what he wants. The secret lies in walking closer or walking away A baby or toddler having a meltdown needs someone who will move closer, give them a hug, talk softly and help find ways to calm down. Walking closer will help your baby or toddler feel safe and understood. With time she will learn to manage big feelings without falling apart. A baby or toddler having a tantrum need someone who can set the boundaries, give choices for expected behaviour and then walk away. Walking away tells your toddler that her manipulative behaviour will not cause you to give in. Lizanne du Plessisis the author of Raising Happy Children. She is an experienced occupational therapist with a special interest in the identification and treatment of children with sensory processing disorder. She presents training and workshops for parents, teachers and professionals and contributes to professional publications and magazines. Lizanne feels passionate about empowering parents and her work has enabled thousands of parents and professionals to discover and understand their child’s true nature, support their development, manage daily challenges and build strong relationships. Visit Lizanne’s blog at www.lizanneduplessis.comto read more as she continues her quest of raising happy kids and being a joyful parent, follow her speaking schedule and join in the conversation with other intentional parents.

July 4, 2018

How to prepare a child for an older sibling

Expecting the arrival of your second child is an exciting event, but this may not be so for your older child, especially those between two and six years old. Start by telling your older child about the arrival of his or her new sibling. Use age-appropriate language and pictures to explain how the baby is growing so the connection can be made from about the 5th month of your pregnancy. Encourage your child to talk to and sing to your bump. Explain that the baby will not be a playmate right away and will sleep and feed most of the time but can also cry a lot because that is a baby’s only means of communication. It is important that children and parents learn together about what it means have a new sibling in the family. Let your child take part in the preparations, but constantly talk about all the excitement and preparation you made for his/her arrival. Get out the family photos and talk about how you had to feed, change, rock and cuddle him/her. Be honest about how tired you sometimes felt and that you may get tired again and not be able to play so many games together, but just for a while. When the new baby arrives allow your child to visit you and the baby in hospital. Do not hold the baby during this time until you have given undivided attention to the older child. Introduce them and allow the child to gently stroke and maybe even hold the baby with you. Now is the time to talk about how careful you must be with a small baby. Very young children could be upset, simply because their routine has been disrupted and Mom is in bed in a strange place. For them, do not put too much emphasis on the baby but spend the visit cuddling and talking. Regardless of your older child’s age, make sure that he or she gets individual attention when the new baby arrives home. (Do not arrive with the baby in your arms!) Remember to include him or her in photographs or videos you take of the baby. Sometimes children will act out with arrival of a sibling. Praise positive behaviour and give love, understanding and assurance rather than corrective discipline. They may have toilet training accidents, want to drink from a bottle or ask for a dummy. These are normal reactions that require tolerance during regressive episodes. If you make no fuss and little comment, the phase will soon pass. No one goes to big school with a dummy! Encourage your older child to be gentle with the baby and include them in activities that involve the baby such as bathing, changing and dressing. Encourage singing and talking to the baby. Babies are usually fascinated by older children. Praise him or her when they are helpful and always try and plan one on one time with them, so they feel equally important and cared for Help your child develop a sense of why they are a valuable member of the family by focusing on what they can do, and the baby can’t. Tell them that each member of the family is important for what they bring to the unit and the family needs each person for it to be whole. Raising your child to accept and adapt to new conditions within the households will assist them in future changes that may be challenging. Raising resilient and collaborative children is a priority in our world. Written by: Academic Development Coordinator of ADvTECH Schools Division, Barbra Eaton And Bev O’Shea, Principal at Junior College Preschools Tiny Town.

July 2, 2018

5 steps to getting a good night’s sleep

Tips to ensure that baby andyou get a good night’s sleep Many parents must find themselves wondering where the idiom ‘sleeping like a baby’ comes from, considering the hours of crying, feeding and frustration that usually make up the night time norm. The good news for sleep-deprived moms out there is that there is a slumber-filled solution – it just takes some patience to pull off! Sleep and your baby “Just as babies must learn how to sit, talk and understand the world around them, they also need to learn how to fall asleep on their own,” says Liz Senior, Occupational Therapist and Founder of Clamber Club. “And as with most of baby’s developmental milestones, there’s no better teacher than mom and dad,” she adds. To start with, it is important for parents to understand how babies sleep. “Babies spend more time in the REM sleep (active sleep) phases than adults because they have so much information to process,” explains Petro Thamm, Clamber Club Expert and Founder of Good Night, a certified Sleep Sense Consultancy. “This means that a parent may think that the infant is sleeping, when in fact, as soon as baby is put down he wakes up because he has not yet settled into a deep sleep.” During the night, babies have sleep cycles that are considerably shorter than adults – 45 minutes long compared to 1.5 hours for adults. Quiet sleep comes at the end of the sleep cycle so when it’s over, your baby either begins the cycle again (re-entering active sleep) or he wakes up. By the age of four months, your baby will be sleeping for six to eight hours a night and by six months, he should typically be sleeping for between 10-12 hours. Thamm offers parents five tips for raising an independent sleeper: Eliminate ‘sleep props’ Children need to develop self-soothing strategies so they’re able to fall asleep independently and put themselves back to sleep when they wake in the night. If they depend on a ‘sleep prop’ (nursing or a bottle, pacifier, rocking, bouncing, patting or riding in the car), they will need someone to help them every time they wake up! Implement an early bedtime An early bedtime is best to ensure that baby doesn’t become overtired, which makes it more difficult for her to settle down and fall asleep. Based on your baby’s age and the timing of their last nap, you should pick a bedtime somewhere between 6–8pm. Create a predictable routine A bedtime routine is most effective when it is about 20-30 minutes long, and the majority of it takes place in your child’s bedroom. Some activities that work well include a bath, massage, going potty, brushing teeth, reading, sharing thoughts or a favourite song, and cuddling. Keep baby awake while feeding Feeding (whether breast or bottle) is the number one sleep prop children begin to rely on. Keeping baby awake during feedings will help break the association that sleeping and eating go hand in hand. She will then be awake when she’s put back in bed, letting her practise her self-soothing skills. Consistency Consistency is probably the most important part of teaching your child the skill of becoming an independent sleeper. Once you choose your method, you need to be consistent 100% of the time! If you give up or change rules every night, you will frustrate and confuse your little one. Keeping all sleep situations the same also sends a clear message about what’s expected of them. It’s not always easy, but do your best to stay committed to the process, and try not to fall back into bad habits when you’re exhausted. Having a child fall asleep on her own really is the best lullaby a parent could ask for!

June 29, 2018

How can parents be more involved in their children’s education?

Being a parent is the toughest job on the planet! Besides ensuring that your children are cared for, loved and that their emotional and physical needs are met, the very act of being a parent makes YOU, your children’s first and longest-standing teacher! Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres says “It is impossible to compartmentalise learning. Children are born with an innate need to learn. Parents are their first point-of-call as their first and most influential teachers! Learning that takes place at a school is called ‘education’, yet, education starts on the day that we are born! Parents cannot separate the learning taking place at school to the even greater learning taking place every day in our homes, on the sports-field or within our family, cultural and religious structures.” It seems necessary, then, that parents involve themselves in the extension- of- education that we call school. But, how? Cindy shares these helpful tips that you may want to consider: 1. Be an example of positive, productive learning and positive behavioural choices. Your children are one- hundred- percent more likely to do what you do rather than what you say. Avoid degrading teachers when facing challenges. Seek to find positive solutions which ensure that your children feel valued, yet respectful towards those who teach them at school. 2. Show sincere interest in what happens at school-on a daily basis. Ask questions and be willing to listen-to-understand when answers are shared. Find out how the day went. What was best/worst about the day? Who did your child hang out with? 3. Be excited about ANY positive news or progress-whether academic or social. All children seek acknowledgement and purpose. Acknowledged progress will result in greater progress! 4. Teach the art of determination, courage, a positive work ethic, resilience, self-responsibility and motivation by being these yourself! Challenges, frustrations, anxieties and fears are inevitable. It is how we choose to react to these that will ensure success! 5. Allow for error. Mistakes and some failures are inevitable. Teach your children to own these and to see them as opportunities to learn. A child who is willing to acknowledge his mistakes, own them and seek positive ways to learn from them will live a life without limitations! 6. Seek to build and maintain a positive working relationship with your children’s teachers. Attend meetings and activities whenever possible and be open to suggestions of support and additional aid where needed. 7. Wherever possible, find the time to look at the work that your child brings home. Do this with the aim of finding the best ways to support, encourage and motivate your children to become the best version of themselves. Cindy sums up by reiterating “Celebrate ALL learning, from academic to cultural to the arts. Your child’s positive sense of self is your most important priority. A child with a healthy sense of self is not afraid to try new things and make mistakes. They believe in themselves enough to stand firm in positive life values, despite obstacles along the way!”

June 28, 2018

Pregnancy: Taking care of your nutritional and financial needs

By 1Life You’ve finally taken steps to confirm the reason behind your weird cravings, unexpected emotional outbursts, the fatigue as well as all the other unusual things that have been happening to your body of late and so begins the journey towards motherhood. One moment you only had yourself to worry about, and now you’re making way for the new bundle of joy that’s growing inside of you. When you are expecting, taking care of your nutritional needs goes well beyond ‘eating for two’. Instead, there are certain nutrients that your body needs during this journey, to ensure your baby is healthy and that you keep yourself in excellent condition as well. Maryke Gallagher, a registered dietician in Cape Town and President of the Association of Diabetics in South Africa, states that from a nutritional point of view, the first 1000 days are the most important. This includes the time the baby spends in the womb, where the first 1000 days are said to set the stage for healthy brain development, growth and appropriate weight gain and building a strong immune system. Having a healthy nutritional plan is therefore vital and can also assist with protecting against chronic diseases like diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure later in life. As a result, what you put in your body during this period is extremely important. Some crucial nutritional needs include: Energy needs: These increase in the second and third trimester, but this does not mean you should eat for two. It means increasing the energy intake by 800-200kj per day, the equivalent of a small meal snack, like yoghurt, fruit and nuts, or a slice of rye bread with nut butter and a fruit. Protein needs increase: Focus on eating more safe proteins, at least twice per week. Options that are generally considered safe include trout, salmon, herring, pilchards and mackerel. Plant proteins are mostly incomplete proteins. This means that legumes like lentils, chickpeas and butterbeans need to be combined with grains such as brown rice, quinoa or barley to form complete proteins. Soya beans and tofu are some of the only complete plant proteins. It is generally believed that it is safe to be vegetarian while you are pregnant if you plan carefully to eat sufficient proteins that meet the body’s demands. Omega 3 Fatty Acids: These essential fats are important in pregnancy for healthy brain development in the baby. Fish is one such example of a good source of Omega 3 fatty acids, which you should consider before taking supplements to ensure that you are meeting your daily requirements. These type of vitamins reduce the risk of preterm birth and play a role in the visual acuity of the baby. Later in life, they play a role in the IQ and behaviour of the child. They also play a role in regulating the mood of the mother. Total fat intake: Every cell in the body is made up of fats, and cell membranes consist of phospholipids that influence how well cells communicate with each other within the body. Plant fats are particularly valuable and include nuts, seeds, avocado, olives, olive oil, and flaxseed oil. Micronutrients: These are essential vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals. During pregnancy, the important ones are Folic Acid, Iron, Calcium, Vitamin D, B12 and Choline. Choline plays a role in the first trimester development of the baby, in particular the brain development and formation of neural pathways. Choline is found in animal-protein-rich foods such as eggs and beef. Haricot beans, soya protein, pulses and dairy products (like milk and yoghurt) are good sources of Choline. Folic acid is found in fruits and vegetables such as leafy dark green vegetables, liver, legumes and fortified cereals. The above is all important to keep in mind. However, your nutritional needs are in fact only one of very many aspects that you will need to consider as an expecting mom. As you enter this new life stage, your financial needs are also set to change and you will then need to start asking yourself questions about your financial plan. Things like, can you provide for the wellbeing and financial security of your child, the schools you want them to attend and if you are saving enough towards their future education. Safeguarding your assets is also an important consideration, which ensures that these will go to your child in your absence. These are the first of many aspects related to your financial planning that you will need to consider as you enter this new chapter. When starting your pre–birth financial planning, do a financial needs analysis to determine what your future financial plan should look like. Then ask yourself if your current long-term insurance provider can adjust your cover to cater for your growing family and financial needs. If they are unable to, look for a provider who can – and one who will become your partner in providing financial assurance as your family grows.

June 27, 2018

Why a good holiday camp is worth the cost

You want your children to be productive during their school holidays, so you browse around for a good holiday program. However, the cost of a good sleepover holiday camp seems exorbitant. You wonder how the majority of American parents can afford to send their kids to summer camp for the entire school holiday, every year. You did find much cheaper camps – but are they any good? Why are some camps R200 per night, and others up to R900 per night? The price of a camp is often an indication of it’s quality. Although cheaper camps may keep your child busy during the school holidays, there are more pressing concerns you should settle before entrusting your child into the care of others. There are reasons why some camp prices are a little upscale. Here are four reasons that a pricey camp may be worth investing in: Safety You cannot expect a cheap camp to have high-end security measures, because high-end security doesn’t come cheap. Whether it is equipment or general safety measures, if a camp is too cost-conscious you may not be sending your child to the safest camp. For example, Sugar Bay holiday camp is protected by full perimeter electric fences, twenty-five closed-circuit televisions (CCTV), 24-hour armed response, patrolling night watchmen, access control at their point of entry and exit and panic buttons in every cabin. The camp has its own 24-hour Health Care Center for minor health issues, and always has a doctor on call. All equipment and gear is of the best quality to ensure the safest possible camp experience. Staff Cheaper camps may not spend money on providing professional staff training, and costs may also be cut by employing as few staff as possible. On the other hand, each staff member at Sugar Bay Camp is trained in Emergency First Response and CPR. They are also required to provide a police clearance certificate before employment. During their two week training program, all staff receive instruction in child psychology, theory and practice of teaching, leadership and activity instruction. Thereafter, only the best performing staff are selected for employment. Sugar Bay camp also has a strict 1:3 staff to child ratio, which is the highest in South Africa, to ensure that each child receives full-time supervision and individual attention. Activities and Facilities Camps that are easy on the pocket usually have limited and often compulsory activities, as well as inflexible schedules. Most children don’t like the idea of having to participate in activities that they don’t enjoy. Whereas, higher-priced camps are able to offer a wider range of activities and more flexible programs. For instance, Sugar Bay holiday camp offers over 100 activities, none of which are compulsory. Children may decide what they would like to participate in – and when. There are always multiple activities running at any given time, and kids may participate in whichever activity they prefer. This freedom of choice allows kids to make their own independent decisions and encourages them to try new things – like learning how to surf or skateboard. Meals Children require healthy meals and energizing snacks to fully enjoy their camp experience. The most affordable camps often compromise on the quality of food by offering the cheapest meals they can afford at bulk – food that most kids do not enjoy. These camps may also not be in a position to cater for special dietary needs like gluten intolerant, halaal, vegetarian or lactose intolerant children etc. Sugar Bay, on the other hand, offers fresh and tasty meals every day, with different meals served each day. Fresh fruits and veggies are available at every meal time. A balanced meal plan is offered with the right proportions of protein, carbohydrates, dairy and vegetables. All of the baked goods – like bread rolls and croissants – are made fresh on the premises. Individual dietary needs are also catered for. Some examples of breakfasts include: cheese croissants, bacon and eggs, quiche, french toast etc. There is always yoghurt, fresh fruit and cereals available in addition to these main meals. Lunches may be: fish and chips, chicken schnitzel, beef strips with rice etc. There is always a salad bar and fresh fruit available at lunch time. Dinner may be: lasange, cottage pie, curry, grilled chicken and rice, beef stew etc. There is always a salad bar and fresh vegetables available at dinner time. Dessert always follows, some examples of which include: peppermint crisp tart, ice-cream and chocolate sauce, chocolate brownies, malva pudding etc. Despite the exceptional safety protocols, professional staff, variety of activities and healthy and delicious meals, Sugar Bay also imparts life skills that you cannot put a price tag on. Every cent that you spend on a holiday camp at Sugar Bay is a worthwhile investment that accompanies your peace of mind as a parent. If you are interested in booking a camp for your child, or have further questions, contact Sugar Bay via their website, email [email protected] call (032) 485 3778.

June 26, 2018

10 things you need to ask about your child’s after-school care

Because aftercare shouldn’t be an afterthought. While pre-primary and primary schools are regulated in South Africa, after-school care is not. This has led to everyone and anyone running after-school care programmes, which can often result in an unstructured, unsafe and an unhappy environment for your child. In response to this, Janine Hammond, mother and entrepreneur, has brought the much-loved Sherpa Kids South Africa to the Western Cape. Sherpa Kids is an international program that is trusted by thousands of parents all over the world to take care of their childrens’ before-school, aftercare, and holiday care needs. Says Janine, “Our focus in the Western Cape is to put the ‘care’ back into ‘aftercare’. Our program removes the aftercare burden from schools, gives parents peace of mind, and lets children have so much fun at aftercare that they don’t want to leave.” But not all aftercare programs are like this. Here she shares her insight into what parents need to ask about their children’s after-school care programme. 1. What happens at the after-care? Ideal after-school care should be centred around the holistic development of a child, with a combination of free and structured play. Well-run after-school care programmes will include supervise homework (if required); engaging activities such as arts and crafts, sports and games, music, drama, experiments and technology experiments; and well-supervised free play. 2. Are children actively engaged and stimulated? If so, how? Theme-based activities, specifically designed to be age and stage appropriate, are critical to a comprehensive educational programme. Ensure there’s time for active play and extra-mural activities, but you also want the children to be in an environment where they can use their own imagination and curiosity to play freely under supervision. If the school programme is endorsed by a local or international education authority, such as the The Australian Children’s Education and Care Quality Authority (ACECQA), even better. 3. Is there a structure to the afternoon? Exactly what is it? The afternoon needs to start with a formal roll call system. If a child is not there, it is important to know why. This will be followed by lunch, when appropriate, and then homework supervision. The duration of homework supervision needs to be flexible, depending on the age and stage of the child. There also needs to be time for structured activities and free play. It’s very important that after-care is not experienced as an afternoon of extra lessons. It is not a double-up of the school day, it is about learning through play. This generation of children have incredibly structured days, which can lead to stress. Children need time to relax and play in their own time. 4. How many staff members are there and what type of experience/backgrounds do they have? International best practice for aftercare requires a staff-to-child ratio of between 1 to 10 and 1 to 15. Qualified graduates and retired childcare professionals make the ideal after school care providers. You want people who are passionate about childcare and filled with energy and enthusiasm to engage with the children in a positive way. It is important that the aftercare staff’s working day starts in the afternoon, so they are not tired after a work-day or just see the after-school programme as a ‘bolt on’ to their other work, rather than their core responsibility. Parents are paying for this service. 5. Are the staff trained in first aid? This is a critical area that parents should investigate and many current providers at schools fall short here. International best practice requires at least one staff member trained in first aid be on site at all times. It is also imperative that the staff are trained in paediatric first aid, rather than a general first aid course. The most frequent causes of death in children under the age of 12 are anaphylactic shock (allergic reactions) and choking… paediatric first aid ensures that staff members will know how to deal with these. Also, first aid qualifications expire after two years, so you need to ask whether their paediatric first aid training is up to date. 6. What type of training do staff have in behaviour management and incident reporting? Why it’s important is because staff members need to be able to know how to manage children in a variety of different circumstances. Scenario-based training is ideal for this. The staff also needs to know how to appropriately communicate with the parents. Transparency is vital and parents need to be informed. 7. Do you implement sun smart principles (no hat, no play) during playtime? If sun smart isn’t being implemented as a school rule, it is almost impossible for it to be implemented effectively at after-school care. Most schools do institute a sun smart programme in and school hours and aftercare, but it’s still a good idea to make certain. 8. Do you offer a full holiday care service (are all days in holidays covered for the full day)? You may be very happy with your after-school care provider, only to find out that there isn’t a holiday programme in place. You ideally want a comprehensive care provider, so that you are getting the full-service solution and are not being left stranded over the holiday periods. 9. What are the collection and sign out procedures? Many after-school care service providers allow children to sign out for themselves or go and wait by the gate after receiving a WhatsApp message. This is not an acceptable sign-out procedure. This makes children very vulnerable. Active sign out procedures are vital to ensure that your children are safe; only those authorised are allowed to collect the children. 10. How do you manage dispensing of medication? We dispense medication in line with legal regulations; we can only give the child medication when a parent has handed in a consent form, along with the medication. These forms should be issued at the beginning of the year, for parents to use when the need arises. To contact Janine Hammond from Sherpa Kids Western Cape: Email:

June 21, 2018

8 Steps to stop being a shouting mom

I’m not proud of it, but I became a shouting mom and this is not what I pictured or want for myself and my children. The problem is that when I started shouting I found it hard to stop using that as a way to get my children to listen to me. The bigger problem with this is that firstly my kids actually don’t listen to me when I shout and the damage is done. Shouting is not nice. I wouldn’t shout at my friends so why did I do it to my children? I’ve spoken to a number of moms about it, about my mom guilt and I thought I was the only one… but it turns out that I am not alone. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse though. I’ve made it my mission to stop being a shouting mom. This is not the way that I want to deal with my children. I want to be a patient mother that listens to my children and looks after their tender feelings. I want to be a positive and happy mother that nurtures my children. Here are some things that I have implemented in my life that help me to be a better mom and stop shouting at my kids: Make A Commitment To Stop Shouting This is always the first step, without making a commitment to changing a habit it simply won’t happen. It’s not a “I will try not to” – tell yourself “I have made the decision not to shout at my children”. Make it a mantra and chant it inside your head to keep yourself focused. Ok so it may sound crazy but this worked for me. I had become so used to yelling that it became second nature and my first reaction to any negative behavior I saw in my kids. This needs to be changed and it needs to be constantly on your mind so that you can consciously change it. Remember That You Are A Role Model One of the signs to me that I needed to change and right now, is when I saw my daughter yelling at her younger brother. It was like looking in a mirror and hearing my own voice. I did not like the look of anger on her face, her finger pointing at him or the things she was yelling at him. It made me feel ashamed of myself and how can I now reprimand my daughter for her completely inappropriate behavior? It came straight from me! Children learn from mimicking their parents and other role models way more than from the things that we say to them that they need to do. If I am shouting and behaving badly my kids don’t stand a chance do they? As much as I would like to push away the memories of my daughter doing that I need to keep it in the front of my mind so that I don’t slip up. Admit You Were Wrong And Apologize I am not perfect, no mom is, and just like we try to teach our kids to look at themselves, to admit when they were wrong and to say sorry we must do the same. If I do lose my rag I go back to my children and I say that I was wrong and that I am very sorry. It actually goes a long way to mending a tender heart. It also practices what we preach and shows our children that we also make mistakes and have to make right afterwards. Look At Yourself First Yes your kids are driving you batty, of course they are – that’s what children do. They whine, they fight, they jump all over the couch and they make a mess. Chances are very high that when you get upset and lose your temper it has very little to do with the thing your child did. It probably has more to do with you. Are you getting enough sleep, are you stressed in your job, do you have too much on your plate? Chances are high you will be able to tick all of these off, but that is no reason to take it out on your kids. I know that when I am tired and have a lot on the go I am much more likely to shout at my kids. It’s not always possible to make things easier so that your temper is not so short. If you have a new baby and you have a toddler and maybe even more kids there is not going to be any way for you to get more sleep… but just knowing the reason behind your short fuse can help you to deal better with the day to day challenges you face. Know Your Triggers Identify what behaviors in your kids rile you up the most. Is it the whining or when your kids start fighting with each other? Also identify when you are most likely to be short tempered. Is it when you are trying to get your kids ready for school so you can make it to work on time or is it when you get home with your hands full and you have to make dinner but the kids are demanding all your attention making even the most mundane task impossible. When you know what your triggers are and understand them you will be much better able to cope with them. Make A List Of Alternatives Write down a list of alternatives when it comes to dealing with your children. You are not going to shout, so what are you going to do when your kids are driving you batty and you feel unable to cope with red hot anger rising up? When the moment arrives and you feel the urge to shout at your kids draw on this list of other ways to deal with the situation. One thing that works really well for

June 19, 2018

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