Advice from the experts
Doug Berry

Help your toddler survive your divorce

Divorce is unpleasant, emotional and can be a downright hurtful experience. The problem is that we sometimes forget that we aren’t the only ones experiencing this pain. Often our children suffer an unnecessary degree of hurt as a result of our incompatibility with our chosen partner… Some tips: Consistency This is a watchword for the divorcing parent! With toddlers, parents must be mindful of the need for consistency in the child’s life. This is not the time to drag them from house to house. If at all possible, they should stay in familiar surroundings with the noncustodial parent visiting there. Communication At this age, the toddler understands more than they are often given credit for. They can comprehend that one parent has left the home, but not understand why. At this age, their concept of time is also arbitrary. Your child may ask you when they are going to see their daddy, or why their daddy isn’t here anymore. No matter how many times you have to give them the answers, don’t get frustrated with them, as their world is very confusing at this time. This ties back into consistency, as you become their source of understanding and answers. Conflict If you have to argue or “debate passionately”, make sure to do it in a way that doesn’t cause your child undue fear or concern. Remember, you are the adults in this situation and you have a responsibility to your child, to reduce as much harm as this separation is causing, as possible. Behaviour Toddlers often test their boundaries by saying “No” to adults or testing limits, such as hitting or throwing. This behaviour and acting out can increase during the divorce process as a result of confused boundaries and definitions in the family environment. Toddlers need clear, consistent rules (back to consistency!) that are enforced in a loving way. Empathy Toddlers don’t have a very developed sense of empathy and tend to be concerned primarily with how their own needs are to be met. In the event of divorce, their sense of security becomes more self-oriented and their concern is about whether or not they will be secure, if they will be loved and nourished. Emotions As your toddler becomes more aware of their own feelings, they learn to express them through words and play. As tensions increase in the household due to impending divorce, they may become more reactive. Strong feelings are hard for them to manage and moderate. Don’t forget to let them know that its ok to feel them, but remember to help them manage the intensity by proper displays of your own emotional state, as well as appropriate levels of affection and understanding towards your child. Why do divorce rates increase? There are several reasons that have been put forward as to why there could be an increase in the number of divorces being seen. Here are just a few! Time of year There is a commonly recognised trend that causes a spike in divorce numbers around January and February. The assumption here is that partners who are already discontent often reach a decisive point after having to spend prolonged holidays with their partners over the festive season. This seems to galvanise many into initiating divorce proceedings in the New Year. Empowerment With the increase in awareness of rights according to the constitution of South Africa, more women have become more empowered and are less likely to remain in abusive or undesirable relationships.  In the past, many women would remain in unhappy relationships as they felt that they did not have another option, but in current times, a better degree of knowledge and understanding of women’s’ rights could be contributing to the rise of divorce. No-fault divorce South African law provides for no-fault divorce based on the “irretrievable breakdown” of the marital relationship. Couples no longer need to prove that one person is at fault. They can simply say that the marriage relationship has broken down. In essence, it has become much easier to secure a divorce on clear and available legal grounds, with less procedure than in the past. Traditional roles In the past, traditional roles played a strong part in maintaining the marital unit. Partners did not question their lot in the marriage as openly and as a result, there was less open conflict. This is not to say that there was more happiness, merely less interpersonal disagreement. With the blurring of the definition of these roles, there is a rise in open disagreement, ending too often in divorce. Greater social acceptance In certain cultural groups in South Africa, divorce has long held an extremely shameful cloud over the divorcee, especially for the former wife. This has resulted in shunning and community abandonment, which served to discourage others from initiating proceedings. The more accepting the societies become of the concept; the more individuals are willing to pursue it as a route out of an undesirable marriage. Less guilt It is not uncommon these days for couples to wait 10 years before having children. As a result, many do not feel the same degree of guilt over “breaking up” the family unit, or over causing children distress. The disclaimer “at least there aren’t kids involved” can be heard echoing through the divorce courts.

October 30, 2024
Aupair Exclusive

10 Questions to ask a Nanny in an Interview

This is always a very difficult decision for a mom. You have been at home for thee months on maternity leave or maybe even longer and now its time to return to work. You are now tasked with finding someone that will love and care for your child the same way that you do. So you have what you think is “ supper nanny “ sitting on the couch in front of you, and you are wondering what questions you should ask her to help you decide what makes her different from everyone else These are some of the most advisable questions, but at the end of the day a mom always goes with her gut. You are preparing a bottle of formula, do you put the water or formula in first ? surprising a lot of childminders think they should put the formula in first. Then how do you mix the formula ? So Basically how to prepare a bottle, someone who is fully trained and experience childminder should be able to give a full demonstration or explanation Have you done a first aid course ? if she yes, present her with a scenario and ask her what she would do What did you like about the last family you worked for ? not “ why did you leave ? “ that brings  negativity rather listen to how positive she is, does she speak kindly of their children, does she glow when she speaks about them. How would you stimulate my child? you want to see if she knows about age appropriate games and if she knows how to draw up a weekly schedule of activities involving arts and crafts, outdoor play, good old traditional games, nursery rhymes and she should be using items in the home to do this. How long do you want to work for my family ? ideally you want a long term relationship. Many  childminders now go on to get drivers license’s  and at a later stage become an Aupair for the family. They drive the children around and run errands for the family. What type of discipline will you use on my child ? You want to see if she understands the concept of time out. Best is to ask what type of discipline she used in previous homes. When my baby is crying what will you do ?  If your child is awake the best is to give your child to  her hold in the interview, especially if she does start crying. Second to that is you want know what motions does she use for example, does she put the baby on her back, or rock the baby etc. How many children have you taken care of at one time? most homes have 2 – 3 children now  days. However there is often a domestic worker to help and the mom could also be at home to help. You want to understand how many she took care of totally on her own. When changing a nappy which way do you wipe ? depending on whether you have a boy or a girl she should know a girl you wipe front to back to back. You could also ask her to change your child’s nappy during the interview to see how she does it. Questions aside have conversation with the lady, you want to understand her and her lifestyle, where she comes from, her life story. How many children does she have, who looks after them, is she married, how often does she go home, are her parents still alive, does she have siblings, does she want to study anything ( they love to do courses if you offer to help better themselves it is the start to a good relationship ). You are judging her character at the end of the day, you can always train her on the smaller things that need polishing up.

October 30, 2024
OneAid

10 Essential Tips To Prevent Poisoning In Your Home

I was recently prescribed some analgesics for a small day procedure. That afternoon, when I got home, I placed the packet of meds on my dresser and later found my daughter sitting on the floor inspecting the packet. My heart stopped! This careless mistake could have had devastating consequences. Unfortunately poisoning data in South Africa is lacking. One study dating back to 2012 found that the most common cause of accidental poisoning in SA children is pesticides. However, the list of potential poisons throughout our homes is extensive; here are just a few more obvious ones: Medications Household cleaners and disinfectants Cosmetics and toiletries Insect and rodent repellants Weed killers and other outdoor chemicals Swimming pool chemicals Flea and tick shampoos and other products for pets I have put together a list of some useful tips to prevent accidental poisoning at home. Some of them may seem fairly obvious but as I have recently experienced it is easy to forget. Keep all potential household and other hazards in their original containers. DO NOT transfer into coke bottles or Tupperware’s. Make sure seals of potential hazards are tight and secure before locking away. Please note that child resistant packaging of medications is NOT childproof. Keep potential hazards locked away in the highest cupboard with a childproof lock. The cupboard should even be high for you, as little minds can get quite creative with boxes and stools and climb up onto countertops. Keep potential hazards out of reach of children when in use and never leave bottles or buckets unattended. Never call medicine sweets/candy. This is a common mistake parents make in order to get their kids to take medicine when sick. This could lead to a child one day consuming an entire bottle of ‘sweets’. Never leave your handbag lying around and be extra cautious when you have visitors over as many people keep painkillers in their bags. Alcohol is often overlooked and is very dangerous to your little ones if consumed in excess. Keep alcohol out of reach of children especially when hosting parties. Any kind of battery can be dangerous if leaking or ingested. Keep remote controls and other battery containing devices away from children. If you are unsure about whether or not a household item is hazardous, assume it is and keep it locked away. Things that seem harmless are most often extremely dangerous. Most importantly TEACH your children about the dangers! It may be a good idea to identify what potential hazards you have in your home. Do a check of every room in the house including your garage and make sure your home is safe. RESOURCES Balme, K., Roberts, J.C., Glasstone, M., Curling, L. & Mann, M.D. (2012) The changing trends of childhood poisoning at a tertiarychildren’s hospital in South Africa. South African Medical Journal. [Online] 102 (3), pp. 142-146. Available from: http://www.scielo.org.za/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S0256-95742012000300023&lng=en&tlng=en [Accessed 8 August 2018]. Veale, D.J.H., Wium, C.A. & Müller, G.J. (2012) Toxicovigilance I: A survey of acute poisoning in South Africa based on Tygerberg Poison Information Centre data. South African Medical Journal. [Online] 103 (5), pp. 293-297. Available from: http://www.samj.org.za/index.php/samj/article/view/6647/5054 [Accessed 8 August 2018].

October 29, 2024
Mia Von Scha

WHY DO CHILDREN LIE?

The question of why children lie begs the greater question of why any of us lie. If you think back to the last time you lied (and I’ll bet my life you can think of a time), look at what was going on internally and this will give you a good idea of why your children do it and how to avoid it in future. Now before we get to that, let me just say that we all have all traits. We are all liars sometimes and every one of us will be pushed to lie under certain circumstances. So firstly, please never label your child as a liar. Once we apply a label to a child they are more likely (not less) to repeat this behaviour and to incorporate it into their sense of self as they grow up. ALL children lie sometimes (as do ALL adults). Ok, so it’s normal to lie sometimes, but why, and why do some lie more often? Going back to why we all do, lying is a fear-based behaviour. The child believes, for whatever reason, that if they tell the truth it will result in more pain than pleasure. And where do they get this message? From us, of course. We’re constantly giving kids unconscious messages that telling the truth will get you in trouble. “Who ate the sweets?” “I did” “Right, go to your room”. Sound familiar? What we need to get into the habit of doing is praising truth-telling and taking responsibility more than we punish “bad” behaviour. If our children own up and say that they “did it” we should be actively praising this behaviour and pointing out that while the behaviour is not ok with us, we’re really impressed that they told the truth. Children will only lie if they are afraid of our reaction to the truth. I know that many people worry that if they take this approach they will be too soft on the bad behaviour and will end up with unruly kids. One of the fundamental structures for well-behaved, compliant children is being their primary attachment (which implies complete trust, openness and closeness). If your children trust you completely and feel connected to you and loved no matter what they do they will actually be less likely to produce so called “bad” behaviours in the long run. Of course they will make mistakes along the way and present “negative” traits (like we all do) including lying, but this will not develop into any kind of delinquency if that adult-child connection is in place. And part of keeping it in place is keeping the lines of communication open and allowing your children to tell the truth and know they will be safe. I think this is a fundamental skill to work on when your children are little and to instil a sense of open communication and acceptance BEFORE they become teenagers. Once our kids hit the teen years, if we’ve shut off honest communication, we are in for a different level of trouble with our children lying to us about things that can be life threatening, or where they really could use our adult help and guidance. The next time your child lies to you think about why they would be afraid to tell the truth and then instead of punishing them for lying, rather address the rift in your relationship.

October 29, 2024
All4Woman

5 Tips for baby’s first outing

It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed at the thought of heading out with baby, for the first time. There’s a lot to prepare for and fear, but take heart, it will probably be easier than you foresee…

October 28, 2024
OneAid

A Bump To The Head: When Should You Worry?

I have attended to many children in the ER who have taken a tumble. In the US, falls account for around half the injury-related ER visits in children under 5 years of age. Most of these falls involve furniture such as changing mats, high chairs, baby walkers and beds. Parents are almost always concerned about head injuries. Majority of head injuries from a fall are usually minor. Children under one who fall are more likely to sustain head injuries regardless of the height from which they fall. Whereas older children are more prone to extremity fractures. This is because an infant’s head is much larger than the rest of their body. As a child grows, their head mass becomes more proportional and they develop upper body strength, which enables them to brace falls with their arms or legs. WHEN TO SEE A DOCTOR  If your child is awake, alert and behaving normally after a bump to the head with no other signs and symptoms then he or she will most likely be fine and you don’t have to rush to hospital right away. It’s a good idea to observe your child for 1-2 days afterwards, since symptoms of a brain injury may present late. Seek Medical Attention: For any bump to the head in an infant; If your child has lost consciousness, even if brief; If your child has any signs and symptoms of a concussion (see below); If your child is inconsolable; If your child is vomiting; If your child is difficult to wake; If your child has a seizure; and/or If you suspect a broken bone. If your child has had a bad fall and you suspect a neck injury DO NOT move your child. Call an ambulance right away! Always trust your gut. If you are unsure rather head straight to your nearest emergency room. CONCUSSION A concussion is a brain injury caused by a blow to the head. The signs and symptoms may be vague and may even take a few days to develop. It’s important to know that not all concussions cause a loss of consciousness. Concussions can be more difficult to diagnose in children, as they are not as vocal about their symptoms. Children older than 2 years will show more behavioural symptoms. Signs & symptoms will therefore depend on age and include but are not limited to: Irritable and fussy; Unusually sleepy; Crying more than usual; Change in appetite; Nausea and/or vomiting; Lack of interest in play; Headache; Confusion; Child is unsteady on his or her feet; Sensitivity to light and noise; Blurred or double vision; Dizziness; Unusual speech e.g.: slow or slurred; Poor concentration and memory; and/or Problems with co-ordination. DIAGNOSING A CONCUSSION  The doctor will do a thorough evaluation. A CT scan and MRI cannot diagnose a concussion. A CT scan will however, most likely be ordered to exclude a brain bleed or skull fracture depending on the mechanism of injury and presenting symptoms. The majority of falls in children are caused by modifiable factors and are therefore preventable. It’s impossible to bubble wrap our kids and we shouldn’t have to. Falls and tumbles can teach our children valuable lessons, but we can spend time baby proofing our homes and being more cautious to prevent serious injury. Remember to always buckle your baby in their high chair and never leave him or her unattended on a changing mat, not even for a second – it takes seconds for an accident to happen. RESOURCES Burrows, P. et al. (2015) Head injury from falls in children younger than 6 years of age. Arch Dis Child, [online] 100 (11), pp. 1032-1037. Available from: https://0-www-ncbi-nlm-nih-gov.innopac.wits.ac.za/pmc/articles/PMC4680174/ [Accessed 3 October 2018]. CDC (2017) Traumatic Brain Injury & Concussion [online]. Available from: https://www.cdc.gov/traumaticbraininjury/symptoms.html [Accessed 3 october 2018]. Chaudhary, S. et al. (2018) Pediatric falls ages 0–4: understanding demographics, mechanisms, and injury severities. Inj Epidemiol, [online] 5 (suppl 1). Available from: https://0-www-ncbi-nlm-nih-gov.innopac.wits.ac.za/pmc/articles/PMC5893510/ [Accessed 3 October 2018]. Kendrick, D. et al. (2015) Risk and Protective Factors for Falls From Furniture in Young Children Multicenter Case-Control Study. JAMA Pediatr, [online] 169 (2), pp. 145-153. Available from: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/1939058 [Accessed 3 October 2018]. Samuel, N. et al. (2015) Falls in young children with minor head injury: A prospective analysis of injury mechanisms. Brain Injury, [online] 29 (7-8), pp. 946-950. Available from: https://0-www-tandfonline-com.innopac.wits.ac.za/doi/full/10.3109/02699052.2015.1017005 [Accessed 3 October 2018].

October 25, 2024
Parenting Hub

What to do With Kids Who Always Want, Plead, Beg or Demand

I was shopping for a child relative’s gift and was looking at items in the toy section of a large department store.  Near me were a mother and her son who appeared to be about seven.  He was pleading with her to buy him a toy he really wanted and the begging began to escalate in intensity.  In response to each request, her responses also increased in intensity as she would reply NO and the offer a reason. Some of this mother’s reasons included: “we have no money,” “your father is on a business trip and he needed to take our extra money with him,” “you already have that kind of toy laying on your bedroom floor,” “you don’t play with what you have,” “I’m tired of buying you toys,” “you don’t appreciate what you have,” “your birthday is coming,” “stop asking for things,” and on and on and on. Standing next to this drama and hearing it all play out was excruciating.  But deep inside of me was the natural urge to want to stop his pleading by doing exactly what this mother did next… she bought him the toy!  When kids keep demanding something and the parent is already stressed and tired, the natural urge is to yell and get angry, or give in to the child’s demands to stop the noise.  Here are two things you can do to curb the “I want that” demands. SET UP A MONEY MANAGEMENT PROCESS.  Taking a look at this problem from the child’s perspective; they have little or no control over spending money and you have given in to their requests in the past.  The solution is to set up a money saving/spending plan that they can control. Whenever you take your child shopping with you, allow him/her to take whatever they have in the ‘spending’ envelope to buy something.  Your responsibilities are to help them set up this system, ensure that it is maintained (supervise it in the beginning) and to approve what they spend it on. HELP YOUR CHILD CREATE A DREAM BOOK.  Buy your child a composition book (black and white cover and what we used in school) that you can find in the office supply isle of most department or convenience stores.  Tell your child that this is going to be his/her ‘dream book’ where he/she can record all of the things he/she desires.  Encourage your child to draw pictures of what they want or cut out pictures from magazines and fliers to paste into the new dream book. When your child sees something a friend has or in a television commercial, you simply say “put it in your dream book.”  You are not responsible for fulfilling their dreams, your job is to teach them HOW to dream.  With the holidays upon us, now is a good time to implement some changes to keep the “I WANT IT” demands from overwhelming you. Finally, avoid arguing with your child and certainly don’t give in.  Doing so reinforces the behaviour (demanding) that drives you crazy.  When they ask for something you’re not willing to provide, tell them that and don’t use the word NO.  Simply say one time, “I’m not willing to buy that today,” and nothing more.  Avoid giving excuses if you know they aren’t going to accept them.  Saying NO seems to move them to demand even more.

October 24, 2024
Aupair Exclusive

How having Twins makes a better You!

Chances are whether you are expecting twins are already have them, you constantly hear about the challenges in having twins, along with some colourful commentary. There may be challenges along the way, but having multiples is special and amazing and can teach you so much about yourself. Here are some moms comments on what they have learnt about themselves since having twins. I enjoy every moment of life so much more I never knew I had so much love in me I have become a lot more easy going and have learnt to over look a lot, as long as my kids are happy, a messy house doesn’t stress me out as much as it did when I had just one child Patience……Lots and lots of patience I have become an expert in routines and time management Able to get so much more done in a short period of time – less time wastage Popularity has increased! Its like being a celebrity as people stare, smile and want to stop and talk to you the minute they spot the twin stroller Doing tasks faster than I imagined I could I have learnt not to sweat the small stuff and let go a little. I have also learnt to have fun again, through and with my boys Managing time for hubby and 2 year old twins is a big struggle Coping and multi tasking skills. Having twins plus 1 has taught me to cope with 3 kids on my own without getting over worked and just generally your strategic mind really gets into gear Having twins has taught me to adapt and give individual attention to each of the twins as if they were singletons My OCD has taken a back seat as I have learnt the world won’t end if everything is not clean / perfect / finished all the time I use my time better, worry less, do more laugh a lot!!!! I lost the super mom idea and had to ask for help especially when they were little. At age 3 I have to observe more , cant jump in to fight their fights for them. I have learnt grace, compassion and patience I have learnt I control everything, I’ve learnt not to sweat the small stuff and I’m actually a far more chilled person for having had twins I’ve learnt to ask for help, though I still battle with this sometimes, I like to do things myself, with twins it isn’t always possible and now with a 3rd even harder!! I have learnt to adjust our expectations and just go with the flow – they’re three now and at least we got out the other side with honour and sanity intact Having twins has taught me that I am capable of far more than I ever thought possible. I didn’t know if I would be able to survive twins, plus a 2 year old and a 4 year old with autism. But the twins are 6 months now and somehow we made it work and sometimes even have a lot of fun doing it Twins give you super powers. You can multi task like a pro. You get patience like you cant believe.You have this amazing overwhelming feeling of happiness and love. You cope with less because you have more. Twins don’t have a routine they have a drill sergeant behind them. One wrong move and there is chaos

October 24, 2024
Mia Von Scha

Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids…

Did you know that in the languages of Sweden, Norway and Finland, where they experience long snow-filled winters, there are as many as 180 snow and ice related words. That’s a lot of ways to talk about something we just call, well, snow and ice. Imagine how differently snow would appear to you if you had so many ways to describe it rather than just cold, wet and white!   Now think about how much richer your child’s emotional life would be if they could describe what they were feeling with more words than just happy, sad and mad. ​ The thing is, the labels that we apply to our emotions do more than just help us to communicate with others what is going on in our internal world. They also help us to understand how to process and cope with what is going on and assist us in directing our behavior appropriately.For example… If you are just “sad”, then you might have only two options… cry and/or wait it out. But if you differentiate sadness into loneliness, boredom, grief, tiredness, melancholy, nostalgia, heartbrokeness or disappointment, then you suddenly have a few more options. You can phone a friend to alleviate loneliness; you can hop onto Pinterest for some craft ideas if you’re bored; you can take a nap if you’re tired; or adjust your expectations if you’re disappointed.Our emotions are the language of the unconscious mind and are there to help us to live more authentic, fulfilled lives by directing our attention to things that need to be addressed, by changing our physiology for survival, and by drawing our attention to the things that bring us joy so that we can do more of them. The more in tune we are with these messages, the more likely we are to live a rich, meaningful existence.Think of this as a relationship between yourself and this other aspect of your mind. The relationship is going to be a fairly shallow one if you only know a few words of the other partner’s language!So the main key to helping children to develop emotional intelligence is to develop their emotional vocabulary.  Happy, sad and mad are fine when you’re three, but not when you’re 13 or 23 (or even 53!).  Get out that dictionary. Start by making a long list of all the feeling words you can find. Keep adding to this as you discover more. Turn these into a daily emotional tracking chart that the whole family can use. Play emotional charades by placing all your newly learned words into a hat and each family member picking one and acting it out to see if the others can guess the feeling. Load a thesaurus onto your phone and every time you want to describe how you feel find another 5 ways of saying that which would more accurately describe your state. Read to your kids and discuss how the characters are feeling. Engage your children in emotional discussions. Really really listen to what they are saying and see if you can find the perfect word to sum it all up. Consider making up your own words if the perfect word doesn’t exist yet. Adding “hangry” to our vocabularies to describe the irritation that comes when you haven’t eaten enough has helped us to take the right action in the situation (i.e. instead of punishing the child that is lashing out, we give them a snack!). Language helps us to process our world, to interact with others and to express our needs and desires. Emotional language assists us in understanding ourselves, having empathy for others, directing our behavior appropriately, and managing our internal state. Transform snow into a damp, piercing and ghostly environment where you are engulfed by its icy transparency… and transform your child’s emotional world into as colourful a landscape. Emotionally intelligent kids need a vocabulary that is rich enough to express the depth of their internal world.

October 23, 2024
Kip McGrath

Teaching Study Skills: Whose Responsibility Is It Anyway?

Exams bring its fair share of stress and pressure. It is a time when teachers, parents and children feel overwhelmed by the volumes of work that need to be covered in class and committed to memory at home. Parents often feel that teachers should provide more guidance about how to study. Teachers feel that they have mountains of content to cover and do not have enough time to review the content as well. This leaves one wondering, who will show a child how to get through all the topics on their exam scope? Too Little, Too Late There is no magic trick to replace making and spending enough time to review work covered in class well in advance. Children’s busy afternoon programmes barely leave them with enough time to complete their homework for the following day. If a child only completes homework and skims over work for weekly tests without making summaries of the work covered in class, it leads to huge chunks of content to be covered prior to the exam. Mom, is it perhaps time to help your child to cut down on afternoon activities? Keywords are Key Making summaries of work covered in class needs to be done on a consistent basis. It reduces the workload prior to exams. When the key points have been highlighted and summarised, the child only has to focus on what has already been selected as the most important content. The child can then use the keywords to formulate sentences in his/her own words. Children often think that they have to repeat the words of the textbook verbatim. However, it is more important to retell the facts in a way that makes sense to them. Mock Tests Help your child to set his/her own test paper by formulating their own questions with answers. This will help them feel more prepared and less anxious before their exams. Chrizelle Prinsloo is the owner of Kip McGrath Education Centres, Walmer.  She has a background in psychology and has taught in mainstream and special-needs schools both locally and abroad. Chrizelle is passionate about helping children gain confidence in their own abilities and about finding different ways to help them learn.

October 23, 2024
Mia Von Scha

ARE YOU ENCOURAGING YOUR CHILD TO REBEL WITHOUT KNOWING IT?

Control and freedom. We all want both. We like to feel some sense of power and authority and we definitely want the feeling that nobody has power or authority over us – freedom. These apparently contradictory ideas are actually one. What we all really want, the true control we want to yield, is the power over ourselves – to be able to direct our time and our lives and to be able to pursue what is most meaningful to us without interference from others. What we want is to control our own freedom. And parenting is the place where our misguided attempts to control others (instead of our own lives) plays out the most. If we sit quietly with our own frustration and anger and disappointment that we are directing towards our children and their behaviour; If we truly allow these feelings to surface without attack; If we go deeply into the pain underlying them, what we find is that our futile attempts to control our children always come from our own unresolved issues. Children pulse with their own life-force, with their own goals and dreams and desires. Children, too, have the innate desire to control their own freedom. But when we, the adults, are not living authentic lives then we feel the need to squash the freedom we see in them. We need to make them conform to the same societal expectations that killed our inner joy, to let go of childish fantasies and ‘grow up into the real world’. We create all sorts of control mechanisms – punishments, shaming, coercion, rewards and the giving or withholding of approval – and then agree on these as a society to justify our own sense of disillusionment with how our lives have panned out. We believe that our underlying motivation is pure: That we want our children to grow up and fit into society and be liked and acceptable. What we don’t realise is that the very techniques that we use to entice our children into conformity are the same things that will initiate their rebellion. Nobody can suppress their inner authenticity for long periods of time. Teenage rebellion is absolutely essential in a society that manipulates and coerces children into being something they are not; And is totally absent in communities that allow children freedom. What looks like successful control in childhood – a well-behaved, obedient child – is the perfect fertile soil for that teen rebellion. Control can never be an external factor. True control must always come from within. It must arise from living a life where we are true to ourselves and also allow others to be true to themselves. Children (and adults) who are internally free and happy and living on purpose never put obstacles the paths of others. It is fear that lies behind all other-control. And what we fear as parents is that our children will become unruly, unlikable delinquents. And our fear converts into control, which converts into rebellion, and we unwittingly create the very thing we are afraid of. Let your children be. But first, let yourself be. Take some time as you head into this new year to assess your life. Are you doing what you really want to do? Is your life meaningful and joyous and filled with engaging challenges? Are you free, or have you succumbed to the power of some authority? Do you wake in the morning excited to see what the day brings? There is a lot we can learn from our children if we stop trying to make them like us and instead we see if we could possibly be more like them. Start controlling your own life and your own freedom and you will see that letting go of control in terms of your children is not something you need to do, but something that will come naturally as you live a more authentic life. Sow the seeds of freedom in your own life and you will stop sowing the seeds of rebellion in theirs.

October 22, 2024
OneAid

Common First Aid Myths

I am often surprised by how some of my patients manage their injuries before they come to the emergency room. I think my own mother is also guilty of practising some really strange methods whilst I was growing up. Over the years, medical advice and management has evolved. What may have made sense years ago is now out of date and has been replaced with more sound research and often logic. Here are just a few of the first aid practices and myths that I have seen over the years.

October 22, 2024
All4Woman

6 Must-read tips for successful expressing

Ultimately, the reason why you are expressing will determine how long you carry on for and/or how much milk is expressed Whether you express to keep your baby guzzling breast milk while you’re at work (or step out), or you express because your little one struggles to breastfeed, we can all agree on one thing… … it’s hard work. Think: Time (so.much.time), fluctuations in milk supply and a million little parts, not to mention bottles, that need to be washed, assembled and kept track of. But, that doesn’t mean it’s not doable – especially if your follow these six tips, courtesy of Vicki Scott (baby feeding and well-being advisor at Philips AVENT): 6 Must-read tips for successful expressing Practice makes perfect – or certainly improves how easily you can express! Try to express at the same time every day for a few days (after baby’s first feed of the day is a good time) Stimulate the let-down reflex before you start to pump, if the milk does not flow very easily. Do this by having a warm bath or gently massaging your breast with the flat of your hand. Good to know: Expressing from one side whilst feeding from the other is effective, as baby does the job of stimulating let-down for you! If using a manual pump, depress the lever as far as is comfortable; hold for a second or two, release, then repeat. Find a rhythm which feels natural – you are trying to mimic your baby suckling at the breast in order for your milk to begin to flow. When your milk begins to flow, slow down the pumping rhythm a little to suit you Continue pumping until the milk flow ceases, then swap to the other side.When flow on the second side ceases, return to the first It may be helpful to continue to gently massage the breast towards the nipple throughout, as this could help with let-down The reason why you are expressing will determine how long you carry on for and/or how much milk is expressed Remember… As with breastfeeding, successful expressing depends on various factors. Being relaxed, comfy and unhurried is key to a successful pumping session! Expressing is not always an accurate indication of how much milk you make– and baby is far more efficient at extracting milk from your breast than a pump is! Author: LARA BESTBIER Writer. Creative. Word-nerd. Aspiring photographer. Oh, and mom to the only little girl more demanding than me. Parenting editor at All4Women (e-mail me at lara@all4women.co.za).

October 21, 2024
Mia Von Scha

HOW TO ENCOURAGE A GROWTH MINDSET IN CHILDREN

Have you heard of a growth mindset? It’s become somewhat of a buzzword lately and that’s because it really does make a difference to a child’s ability to learn something and their confidence in trying new things. A fixed mindset is one in which we say things like: “I can’t do that” or “I am not good at something”. It’s the belief that our abilities are fixed – that we are either clever or not, either sporty or not. The growth mindset is the opposite. With a growth mindset we acknowledge that we can always improve with a bit of effort. We understand that our brains are not fixed, but constantly changing; that our abilities are not just genetic but influenced by what we do. We see that it is possible for all people to learn new things, even though it may be more of a challenge for some. Why does this matter? Well, with a fixed mindset a child is less likely to try new things, and more likely to give up when something gets difficult – which can seriously limit their options in life. It also leads to misidentification and self-handicapping – protecting themselves from failure by either not investing their self-esteem or identity into something difficult, or having a good excuse ready for falling short. So here are ten tips for maintaining and encouraging a growth mindset: Expose your children to information on how the brain changes and learns. Teach them that intelligence grows like a muscle and it needs challenge in order to get the right exercise. Don’t praise cleverness – praise effort. Focus on a child’s hard work rather than on the outcome of that work or on fixed measurements like IQ. Encourage failure. Praise children for giving something a go and for having the courage to face challenges. Let them celebrate their failures as a sign of being brave enough to try. Show them how failure leads to growth. Avoid superhero worship. Focus on everyday people who do amazing things through hard work and struggle. Tell them stories of your own doubts and challenges and how you made it through. Teach them to say, “How can I?” instead of “I can’t”. Using a question opens up creative thinking and stops the brain from giving up on the problem. Teach them to add “…yet” to the end of things they can’t do. For example, “I can’t do maths… yet”. This helps them to focus on what they still need to do to master something rather than on their current inability. Give them examples of others who have failed and succeeded e.g. basketball players missing more goals than they hit. Give them examples of where they have failed and succeeded e.g. struggling with a new computer game that they now play effortlessly. 10. Acknowledge their frustration when they are doing something difficult without jumping in and doing things for them. Everything is difficult at first. Our kids often don’t get good role models of this because they see us doing things that we’ve done for years and years and of course these things look easy. Then they try to do these same things and struggle. We need to remind them that we also struggled once. In fact, everyone struggles to some degree with a new task. But with practice and a dedication to continue, everything gets easier. We were all born with the ability to learn and grow – not just some people.

October 18, 2024
Mia Von Scha

How To Be Angry Without Destroying Your Kids’ Self-Confidence

All too often I hear parents trying to repress their anger around their kids. Now this is not only unhealthy for you (repressed emotions actually create illness within the body) but it is also not great for your kids to grow up believing that some emotions are simply not ok to have. All emotions are a part of our human journey, and are messages from our unconscious mind regarding things we need to pay attention to or change in our lives. Having said that, it is also worth noting that telling your child that THEY are making YOU angry, sad, irritated (or even happy) is simply too much responsibility to place on another human being, particularly a little one! No one can MAKE you anything. Think about squeezing an orange. What comes out? I’m hoping that you’re saying “orange juice”! Not guava juice or pear juice or cherry flavoured Coca-Cola! Why? Because you only get out what is already within. So if your kids are pushing your buttons and there’s anger coming out, well then that’s what is within. Take responsibility for your own emotions. Own them – they’re yours. However, this does not mean that you are not allowed to experience these emotions, and even experience them very strongly in the presence of your children. So how do we express strong negative emotions without damaging our kids and making them feel responsible for us and our emotional state? How do we teach them to take responsibility for THEIR own emotions and not blame you or their siblings or teachers or life for how it is that THEY are feeling? It all starts with the little one-letter word “I”. “I am feeling soooo angry right now”, “I am feeling more and more and more irritated, so irritated that I could just scream”, “I am feeling ridiculously happy, like the luckiest person in the world”. As opposed to: “You are making me very angry”, “You are irritating me”, “You make your mom sooo happy”. Can you see the difference? And these can be said with as much emotion or volume as you feel is appropriate. You can even step it up in ways that they can relate to and that gives them some warning about where you’re at… “I am about as angry as a pea right now… Now I’m as angry as a small cat… AND NOW I’M AS ANGRY AS A LARGE ELEPHANT!!!” They will get the message. They will learn when to step away. They will learn how to experience strong emotional states themselves without lashing out at others. What they won’t learn is to take responsibility for you. What they won’t learn is to blame. What they won’t learn is to beat themselves up for your inner state. This builds emotional maturity, responsibility and self-confidence. All emotions are ok, but how we choose to express them is what makes the biggest difference.

October 17, 2024
OneAid

How Safe Are Teething Gels?

Every baby is different but common symptoms associated with teething include, mild irritability, drooling, low-grade fever and loss of appetite. If your baby is inconsolable or has a high fever chances are this is not due to teething. Teething should not make your baby very sick but rather very unhappy.

October 17, 2024
Kath Megaw

HEALTHY MEAL IDEAS FOR CHILDREN

Healthy eating is an important lesson you can teach your children. The example you set is the best way to help your kids make smart food choices and to develop a positive relationship with food. A healthy, balanced diet is not just good for kid’s bodies, it’s good for their brains, too. The right foods can improve brain function, memory, and concentration. Like the body, the brain absorbs nutrients from the foods we eat, and these 10 “superfoods”  can help children boost their brainpower. Fatty fish, such as salmon, is a good source of omega-3 fatty acids that are needed for brain growth and function. Getting enough of these fatty acids can help kids improve their mental skills. TRY: Make salmon sandwiches (on whole wheat bread) instead of tuna for a healthy alternative. Eggs are a great source of protein, and their yolks have choline, an important nutrient for memory development. TRY: A homemade breakfast wrap, loaded with veggies for a quick and healthy breakfast before school. Kids love peanut butter, and that’s a good thing since this healthy snack is packed with vitamin E, an antioxidant that protects nerve membranes. It also has thiamin, which is good for the brain, and glucose which gives energy. TRY: Peanut butter makes a great dip for fruits such as bananas, and for veggies such as celery. Whole grains such as breads and cereals provide glucose, an energy source the brain needs. Whole grains also contain B vitamins, which are good for the nervous system. TRY: Add whole grains to most meals by switching to whole grain breads, wraps, and crackers. Oats and oatmeal are excellent sources of energy and brain “fuel.” Oats are packed with fiber to help keep kids feeling full so they don’t snack on junk food. They are also an excellent source of vitamins E, B complex, and zinc to help kids’ brains work their best. TRY: Oatmeal can be a base for almost any topping such as apples, bananas, blueberries or even almonds. Berries can help improve memory and are packed with vitamin C and other antioxidants. Seeds from berries also contain omega-3 fats that help with brain function. Look for strawberries, cherries, blueberries, and blackberries – the more intense the colour of the berry, the more nutrition it has. TRY: Berries can be used in smoothies or just as they are for healthy snacks or desserts. Bean, beans, good for the heart… so the saying goes. They are also good for kid’s brains since they have energy from protein, complex carbohydrates, fiber, and vitamins and minerals. They can keep energy levels high. Kidney and pinto beans are good choices as they contain more omega-3 fatty acids that other bean varieties, which are important for brain growth and function. TRY: Add beans as a salad topper, as filler for lettuce wraps, or even add them to spaghetti for a more nutritious meal. Vegetables with rich, deep colour are an excellent source of antioxidants to keep the brain cells healthy. Some veggies to include in your child’s diet are tomatoes, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, carrots, or spinach. It’s easy to sneak veggies into spaghetti sauces or soups. TRY: Replace potato or corn chips in your child’s lunch with baked sweet potato wedges or easy-to-snack-on veggies such as sugar snap peas or baby carrots. B vitamins are necessary for growth of brain tissue, neurotransmitters, and enzymes, and dairy products are a good source for these nutrients. Low fat milk or yogurt is great sources of protein and carbohydrates foe the brain. Dairy is also an excellent source of vitamin D, which children and teens need in greater amounts than adults. TRY: Low-fat cheese sticks make a great to-go snack and are a good source of calcium. Lean beef or meat alternatives are excellent sources of iron, which helps kids maintain energy and focus in school. Beef is also a good source of zinc, which aids memory. Vegetarian kids can get their iron from black bean and soy burgers. Beans have what is called nonheme iron, which needs vitamin C to be absorbed so have them eat their veggie burgers or beans with good sources of vitamin C such as peppers or orange juice. TRY: Grilled lean-meat kabobs or grilled black bean burgers make a tasty and healthy alternative to regular hamburgers and hotdogs for your next braai!

October 16, 2024
Breastpumps and Beyond

What To Expect As A New Parent

Being a new parent is definitely no walk in the park. Therefore, knowing what you can be expecting can make the world of difference! This is why we have put together a list of things to expect as a new parent to make things a little less daunting for you and your partner! Read on below now for a few key pointers on surviving new parenthood! Expect A Lot Of Company A new baby will generally bring a lot of different visitors. This is the time in which you will need to start setting up a few boundaries. There is nothing wrong with doing so, so don’t feel guilty in doing so. Gently let your friends and family know that you are comfortable with certain times for visiting, however, other times are off limit and strictly family time for you, baby and partner.  And Then There Were Three… When a new little person enters into your life, your relationship dynamic with your partner will change. There will be a lot less ‘us’ time on the table. Therefore, it is important for you to still try to spend intimate time with your significant other. Call in the forces and leave baby with granny and grandpa for one night and take that time to appreciate each other. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help As A New Parent Being a parent can be tough. Especially if you are a first timer. Therefore, do not be ashamed to ask for help. Remember, it took two of you to make a baby, therefore sharing the responsibilities with your partner is only fair. Be sure to enlist the help of your other half, sharing the responsibilities of your little one. If you are a single parent, ask for help from family and friends whom you trust.  Converse With Your Baby  Be sure to shoot the breeze with your baby. Little ones love to be conversed with. This kind of interaction has a twofold effect: you will be bonding with your baby, and they will be learning! Be Gentle With Yourself Remember, being a new parent is a challenge. It is not the easiest task for one to take on. therefore, remember to be kind to yourself. Follow the above tips to take control of your new parenting life style.

October 11, 2024
Bennetts

Encouraging your Baby to Sleep

“The Secret is to Surrender… To the truth that your baby will interrupt your sleep… The sooner you are able to accept this, the less you will have a power struggle with your child… Early morning waking will then hold less frustration and become quiet…Treasured moments! ~ Natalie Guscott” Baby Sleep Signals Your baby will give you clear ‘sleep signals’, that he is ready for sleep. It may take you time to learn to interpret and recognise them. If you are alert and respond quickly to your baby’s ‘sleep signals’, it will be much easier to get your baby to fall asleep. You can then avoid the crying and fussing of an overtired baby. The yawn: It is one of the first signs is that baby is ready for sleep. The focused, fixed gaze: His eyes are wide open, un-blinking and staring, but not really ‘seeing’ anything. Nodding off to sleep: If in an upright position baby ‘nods’ off to sleep. He closes his eyes and his head drops forward or to the side. Just as he seems to be falling asleep, his eyes open suddenly and his head jerks back, jolting his whole body. He closes his eyes and repeats the process between 3 – 5 times until he finally enters dreamland. He moves his head from side to side, legs kick and arms move in an uncoordinated manner. Baby gives a cough-like cry. The older baby: Turns head away from people and buries their face into your chest. When held, will arch back, leaning away from you. Rub their eyes, pulls at their ears and scratch at their face or your chest when held. Their movement becomes noticeably less coordinated, with them falling or bumping into things. Tips for Good Sleeping Habits Keep the evening calm to avoid overstimulation. If a bath is relaxing for your baby, you can bath him before bed. If it’s too stimulating, bath him at another time in the day. Many babies sleep better and feel secure if they are swaddled in a cotton blanket. The way in which you regularly put your baby down to sleep, i.e. rocking or breastfeeding will create a sleep association; a ritual which your baby will become dependent on, to fall asleep. Use ‘contented’ times to practise good habits, like putting her to bed when she is a little drowsy, but not completely asleep. A dummy can be a wonderful source of comfort for a fussy baby, and a soothing way to fall asleep. If baby is wearing an absorbent nappy; it will not be necessary to change a urine nappy at night, unless she has passed a stoole, has wet through to her clothing or has a nappy rash. Do not rush in to pick him up at the first sound. Try to lull him back to sleep, by rhythmically patting his nappy and making a sh-sh sound.  Sleeping through the Night – for 6 hours that is! Encourage 3 hourly feeds during the day – especially from midday How to time a 3 hourly feed: It is 3 hours from the beginning of one feed, to the beginning of the next.  A baby who feeds 5 – 6 hourly in the afternoon, will be sure to keep you up with 1 ½ – 2 hourly feeds sometime in the early hours of the morning!! Your long afternoon nap will not be worth it!  These ‘cluster feeds’ will hopefully get baby to sleep past midnight, giving you 5-6 hours of rest. Follow a Feed – Bath – Feed routine in the early evening E.g. Feed her at 17:00 – Bath at 18:00 – Feed at 19:00; then off to sleep You could offer her a ‘Dream feed’ before you go to sleep; at 21:00 or 22:00. Baby might sleep till       04:00 or 05:00. This could be considered “Sleeping through The Overtired Baby who fights Sleep  An overtired baby tends to cry and cry until their high pitched screams reach a crescendo. They’ll stop for a moment, and then start all over again, having three or more crescendos before finally calming down. What happens, though, is that by the second crescendo of high pitched screaming, you have had enough! Desperate, you revert to anything to get your baby quiet! If you are attentive, you can prevent your baby from becoming overtired; making for a gentle transition into sleep. The solution is: The quicker you respond to your baby’s ‘sleep signals’, the easier it is to get them to fall asleep.

October 10, 2024
Wriggle and Rhyme

Wriggle and Rhyme celebrates its 16th birthday!

It’s got to be one of the top karaoke songs of all time!  ABBA’s “THANK YOU FOR THE MUSIC”.  How often haven’t you heard it and found yourself singing or humming along to those famous words?  “Thank you for the music, the songs I’m singing, thanks for all the joy they’re bringing”. My name is Kirsty Savides and I’m the Founder and Programme Director of Wriggle and Rhyme, a music and movement programme for babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers. ABBA’s words have been ringing in my ears recently.  You see, October 2024 marks Wriggle and Rhyme’s 16th birthday.  And boy, it is sweet! Celebrating 16 years of music It’s been 16 years since I ran the first ever Wriggle and Rhyme class from the lounge in my home in Fish Hoek. Since then, the business has grown and evolved.  I’ve gone through all the stages of motherhood with the business – from exciting conception to a crying newborn, to a demanding toddler, to a feisty tween, to a maturing teenage. Music for babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers and beyond In 2011, we branched out into PRE-SCHOOLS in Cape Town.  We extended the programme from babies and toddlers, to include children up to Grade R level.  We now have hundreds and hundreds of children participating in our music and movement classes in pre-schools each week. In 2013 the BABY and TODDLER programmes were licensed to allow other women to run classes from their venues too.  We now have Cape Town branches in MEADOWRIDGE, RONDEBOSCH, CLAREMONT and MELKBOSSTRAND.  We also launched our first National branch in Gqeberha earlier this year, with classes running in FERNGLEN. In 2017 we partnered with Lifeline Energy to bring our music to children across the African Continent.  Lifeline Energy distributes solar-powered radios and MP3 players to prisons, refugee camps and schools across Africa.  These children are now also singing our songs each week! You can read more about Lifeline Energy’s work here – https://www.lifelineenergy.org Music at home We’ve also created a range of unique and fun musical stories to enjoy.  Originally available on CD, these can now be accessed through your favourite music streaming platform – SPOTIFY, APPLE MUSIC, iTUNES, AMAZON etc. The highs and lows Running a business in South Africa has not always been easy.  We’ve had to weather global recessions, the really difficult COVID season and intermittent loadshedding. Sometimes the song in our hearts has been upbeat and full of joy, sometimes it’s been melancholy and slow. These are still challenging times that we’re living in.  With the rising cost of living, wars and rumours of wars across the world, pain and suffering all around us.  It’s easy to become despondent and feel anxious. But, I wake up every single morning saying “thank you for the music”.  Not just for Wriggle and Rhyme, but thank you that I get to be part of something that contributes so beautifully to the lives of children.  Thank you that Wriggle and Rhyme assists our family and many others financially each month.  Thank you that I have the flexibility to spend time with my children each day. Celebrating with gratitude So, as we celebrate Wriggle and Rhyme’s 16th birthday, I’m resolved, more than ever, to live in gratitude for all that life brings – the ups and downs, the highs and lows. My song today and every day is, “thank you for the music!”. Come and join us! If this resonates with you, come and sing along with us.  Join our team and discover the joy of adopting Wriggle and Rhyme into your own family! For more info about the W&R business opportunity, have a look at www.wriggleandrhyme.co.za/join-the-team For more info about the W&R musical stories and online resources, have a look at www.wriggleandrhyme.co.za/our-music Find us on Facebook and Instagram @wrigglerhyme or our YOUTUBE channel Wriggle & Rhyme SA https://www.youtube.com/WriggleRhyme

October 3, 2024
Toptots Head Office

Kangaroo care and its benefits

You may have heard the terms “skin-to-skin” or “kangaroo care” when it comes to interacting with a newborn baby. It refers to the amazing benefits that have been found when a mother has the opportunity to place their newborn baby skin-to-skin straight after birth. It also refers to skin-to-skin contact during the newborn phase from both mother and father. Of course, birth can be an unpredictable time – and that includes the need for doctors or nurses to have to handle your baby immediately after birth for medical reasons or for the baby to be placed in an incubator. If these things occur, skin-to-skin does not have an expiry date when it comes to your baby and can take place as soon as it is medically safe to. Here are just some of the scientifically proven benefits of kangaroo care: Skin-to-skin contact helps regulate a baby’s temperature. When mom/dad and baby are skin to skin, the parent’s chest temperature adjusts to warm up a cool baby, or cool down a too-warm baby. This phenomenon is called “thermal synchrony.” Skin-to-skin contact increases the paternal bond. One study followed mothers and babies who experienced skin-to-skin contact right after delivery compared to mothers who only viewed their child briefly immediately after birth. Days later the mothers who had skin-to-skin contact were shown to be more comfortable caring for and handling their babies. One year later those same mothers were found to touch, hold and interact with their children more. Skin-to-skin contact can help keep heart and breathing rates stable. Newborns panic when they are separated from their mother immediately after birth. That separation causes stress, which can increase both heart and breathing rates. Being skin to skin with their mother reduces stress and helps keep a baby’s heart rate and breathing normal. Babies cry less when they are skin to skin with their parent. Being close to their parents is natural for babies. Studies show that babies cry less when skin to skin with their mothers than babies who have been separated from mom. Human touch is an integral part of brain development. Touch and movement have been shown to be the basic building blocks for brain and social development. Early skin-to-skin contact helps to set a pattern for continued holding, carrying and touching. Moms who have early skin-to-skin contact breastfeed more and longer. When babies are placed skin-to-skin on their mother after delivery, research has shown that they follow a series of steps to familiarise themselves with their mother, eventually making their way to the breast on their own to begin breastfeeding. The research results are so strong, in fact, that the American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends that immediately after delivery all healthy infants be placed in direct skin-to-skin contact with their mothers as soon as possible and at least for the first hour. How to Hold Your Baby Skin to Skin: Find some good times throughout the day when skin-to-skin works best for you, your baby, and your partner. This might be during feedings (whether by breast or bottle), right before a bath, or just before putting pyjamas on for bedtime. Place your baby in a nappy only. Moms remove your bra. Hold your baby directly against your bare chest. Make sure your baby’s head is turned to the side, so he or she can easily breathe, and hold your baby close enough for you to kiss the top of their head. Your body will keep them warm. It’s fine to drape a thin blanket over your baby’s back. All you need to do after that is sit quietly and enjoy being close and together.

September 27, 2024
Bill Corbett

FOUR THINGS TO DO WITH AN EXPLOSIVE AND ANGRY CHILD OR TEEN

Before I go any further on this topic, it’s always a good idea to seek professional help with a child or teen who frequently becomes explosive and angry when told no. Keep in mind that this column is not a substitute for psychotherapy or family counselling. The advice that I offer is supplemental parent coaching that can help in many situations. The subject of today’s article is a common issue that many parents bring to me in my parent coaching practice. Generally, the child is usually anywhere from 7 to 14 years of age and often explodes at the smallest of problems, especially when they are told they can’t have or do something. The child is also likely to take out their anger on the parent or a sibling. So while you’re waiting for the appointment with your therapist regarding this problem, here are four things you can do immediately. Help them find their place in the family.  A large majority of these children tend to be first born. For many years, they enjoyed being in the family ‘spotlight’ and getting all of their parents’ love and attention. But as other children joined the family, they lost their place and don’t like it. By getting angry with limits and boundaries, they found a new and inappropriate way to fit in by becoming vocal and angry. Help them regain their position as the oldest child by seeking their help, their advice, and their assistance. Find purposeful ways for them to be in charge of activities that helps with the other children, such as reading to them, teaching, or mentoring. Allow them to have a few more privileges than the others so they will feel special and valuable to you. Stop doing too much for your child.  The triggers that cause the explosive episodes are sometimes over the parent trying to get the child to wake up in the morning, dressing them, controlling laundry, or getting them out of the house in the morning. If you’re trying to control the outcome of everything, stop. Some parents struggle with turning some responsibilities over to their children and many children or teens don’t like being controlled. Acknowledge good behaviour more often.  It’s unfortunate that it’s normal for many parents to point out when their children aren’t doing what they should, more often than pointing out when they ARE doing something good. Make it your mission to make a bigger deal of when your children are behaving or doing as you’d like them to do. Spend more time with the explosive child.  His behaviour may be his way of telling you that he doesn’t feel loved by, or important enough to, you. Schedule a date with each of your children (especially the explosive child) every week, even if it means for just a few minutes. Avoid taking him or her out to buy them something. The date should be about the experience of being together, not showering them with material things. Finally, when the anger comes out, don’t give it value by trying to stop it or by fighting back. Remain calm, stay quiet, and be ready to listen.

September 27, 2024
Kumon

How to build up your child’s confidence in maths

It’s a common experience… your child sits down to work on Maths homework but very quickly becomes visibly stressed, frustrated, or upset. For many kids, doing Maths can seem like a daunting task, even a scary one. And while many do overcome it, some of us carry this Maths anxiety with us for much of our lives. If you’re looking to help your child reduce their Maths anxiety, we have a few suggestions.  Be Empathetic to Maths Struggles  Empathy can go a long way. Whether it’s because you experienced similar struggles as a child or watched someone else struggle, making your child feel like they’re not alone can help ease their stress. When kids hear that others in their lives faced similar challenges it can help them to feel understood and a little more confident to tackle the task in front of them.   Teach Them to be OK with Making Mistakes  Learning to be OK with making mistakes is distinct from addressing the emotions that bubble up with failure. Once your child is no longer feeling overwhelmed, helping them to feel OK with making mistakes is all about showing them that mistakes are often how learning happens. We often remember our mistakes more clearly than the times we didn’t need to struggle at all. Identifying where we went wrong is one of the best ways to learn how to get to the answer or solution on your own. Understanding the path it took to get something right means committing to memory the path to success.   Tip: Try pointing out something that was previously hard for your child and is now easy because they figured out their mistakes and practiced until they got it. For example, learning to ride a bike, practicing a sport, or an earlier Maths concept.   Explain the Importance of Finding (And Filling) Gaps  Lastly, very often the cause of Maths anxiety is the fact that earlier concepts weren’t mastered. Gaps in foundational knowledge create a shaky foundation for more challenging concepts. Particularly, if children don’t do well in Maths at an early age, it can have a cumulative effect.   At Kumon, we focus on mastery. We start students off at a comfortable starting point, which can sometimes mean starting on material that is below their current grade level. Current struggles might be top of mind for parents and the kids themselves, but often the solution to current struggles is filling in gaps in knowledge of earlier concepts. If a child never fully mastered addition, multiplication, division, and other foundational concepts, they are likely to hit a wall when more complicated concepts are introduced.   Enrol In a Maths Programme to Help Them Practice and Master their Skills  Enrolling your child in an additional Maths study programme (such as Kumon) can help them fill those gaps as they consistently practice their Maths skills. While school studies march on, often leaving a child feeling overwhelmed and increasingly left behind, a supplementary programme can provide additional practice in key concepts and allow them sufficient time to truly master a concept before progressing to the next. This additional support can often help a struggling child to catch up, become confident and finally succeed in a previously dreaded subject. Maths anxiety is a condition that can be very detrimental to a child’s long-term school success, causing them to feel inadequate, not smart enough or even a failure. Anxiety can cause a child to get into a negative reinforcement cycle that perpetuates their feeling of inadequacy. When Maths work comes up they feel anxious because they don’t understand the work. This anxiety causes their brains to become confused or shut down which then prevents them from thinking logically or rationally and reinforces the experience that “I can’t do Maths!”  So, in conclusion, it is important to notice how your child feels about their Maths work and to identify Maths anxiety as early as possible. Then, if you notice this occurring, take every step possible to address the anxiety and to enable your child to overcome, feel confident and believe in themselves. The Kumon Maths programme helps children of all ages and ability levels to develop maths skills and a love of numbers. To find out more about what Kumon has to offer, visit www.kumon.co.za This article is courtesy of the Kumon North America website*   * https://www.kumon.com/resources/how-to-build-up-your-childs-math-confidence/ 

September 26, 2024
Bill Corbett

WHY DOES MY CHILD BEHAVE BETTER AT SCHOOL THEN AT HOME?

Based on helping thousands of parents over the years and spending time evaluating children while they interacted with both parents AND teachers, I’ve found that it is common for children to behave the worst while in the care of Mom!  As strange as this may seem, it is true.  The reason is that in general terms, the mother seems to create a safe environment in which a child can be him or herself. For example, a child craving more attention or power, two common internal needs, may be more likely to act out the desire for these unmet needs in her mother’s presence, rather than anyone else’s.  The more distant in relationship an adult is to a child, the more likely they may be at gaining a child’s cooperation and attention. If this theory is true, what can mothers everywhere begin doing to address this frustration?  Here are 10 things you’ll want to incorporate quickly that may be similar to what the teachers are doing at school.  If you’re doing some of these now, good job and keep them going.  If you’re not, make the time to implement them soon. LIMIT SCREEN TIME.  Remember the phrase, “All good things in moderation.”  Too much screen time can create anxiety in a child if it is not controlled and the parent needs the child’s cooperation. CONDUCT FAMILY MEETINGS.  They don’t have to be long and drawn out, and can even incorporate fun activities.  The best thing about family meetings with younger children is that they are usually short. SPEAK CALMLY, QUIETLY AND RESPECTFULLY.  Children will often quiet down to hear the adult speak.  Be sure that you’re demonstrating the kind of communications that you want him to emulate. COMMANDING AND DEMANDING DON’T WORK.  We no longer live in an autocratic world, so avoid using the parenting methods our parents used.  Teach, demonstrate and use cooperation. LISTEN QUIETLY WHEN SHE COMPLAINS.  Shutting a child down who is complaining will only back fire on you.  Practice empathic listening with your child and avoid solving her problems for her. THE RESPONSE TO “I’M BORED” SHOULD BE “WOW!”  Boredom is a problem owned by your child, not you.  When it occurs, listen at first and be expressive to acknowledge the problem, don’t rescue. LET TANTRUMS HAPPEN.  When your child throws a fit in response to a limitation or boundary, let it happen.  The fit is his way of venting frustration and also hoping you’ll give in.  Don’t cave! PUNISHMENT IS NOT THE ANSWER.  The use of timeout, taking things away, hitting, or yelling are NOT OK.  Nor are they productive in managing behavior effectively and with unconditional love. TALK LESS.  Talking too much to your children will undoubtedly send them into ‘parent deafness.’  If you feel they’re not listening to you, it might be because you’ve trained them to tune you out. VISUAL TIMERS AND SCHEDULES.  Setting the microwave timer to get a child to stop or start an activity does not work.  Seek out visual timers and schedules to increase your effectiveness with transitions.

September 26, 2024
Parenting Hub

The Benefits of Breastfeeding for Mom and Baby: A Comprehensive Guide

Breastfeeding is more than just a method of feeding; it’s a vital component of maternal and infant health. It provides unmatched nutritional benefits and fosters a unique bond between mother and baby. This guide delves into the myriad benefits of breastfeeding for both mother and child, emphasising its importance for long-term health and well-being. Benefits for the Baby Optimal Nutrition Breast milk is the ideal food for infants. It contains the perfect balance of nutrients that are easily digested and absorbed. Here are some key nutritional benefits: Rich in Antibodies: Breast milk is packed with antibodies, particularly Immunoglobulin A (IgA), which protects against infections by forming a protective layer in the baby’s nose, throat, and digestive system. Complete Nutrition: It contains the right amounts of fat, sugar, water, and protein needed for a baby’s growth and development. Adaptive Composition: The composition of breast milk changes according to the baby’s needs, providing tailored nutrition as the baby grows. Enhanced Immune System Breastfed babies have a stronger immune system due to the antibodies and other immunological factors in breast milk. This leads to: Reduced Illnesses: Lower incidence of respiratory infections, ear infections, and gastrointestinal problems. Protection Against Chronic Conditions: Reduced risk of developing asthma, allergies, and type 1 diabetes. Long-term Health Benefits: Lower likelihood of obesity and type 2 diabetes in later life. Cognitive Development Research indicates that breastfeeding contributes to better cognitive development. The presence of essential fatty acids, such as DHA, in breast milk supports brain development, leading to: Higher IQ Scores: Breastfed children often score higher on intelligence tests. Improved Academic Performance: Enhanced cognitive abilities translate to better academic outcomes in later years. Benefits for the Mother Physical Health Benefits Breastfeeding offers numerous health benefits for mothers, including: Faster Postpartum Recovery: The hormone oxytocin, released during breastfeeding, helps the uterus contract and return to its pre-pregnancy size more quickly, reducing postpartum bleeding. Lower Risk of Certain Cancers: Breastfeeding is associated with a reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancers. The longer a woman breastfeeds, the lower her risk. Reduced Risk of Osteoporosis: Women who breastfeed are less likely to develop osteoporosis and hip fractures in later life. Emotional and Psychological Benefits Breastfeeding also contributes to the mother’s emotional well-being: Bonding with the Baby: The act of breastfeeding fosters a close bond between mother and baby, enhancing emotional attachment and mutual trust. Reduced Risk of Postpartum Depression: The hormonal changes associated with breastfeeding can reduce the risk of postpartum depression. Sense of Accomplishment: Successfully breastfeeding can provide a sense of pride and achievement, boosting maternal self-esteem. Practical Benefits Convenience and Cost Savings Breastfeeding is not only beneficial health-wise but also practical in many ways: Cost-Effective: Breast milk is free, which can save families a significant amount of money compared to formula feeding. Always Available: Breast milk is always at the right temperature and ready to feed, eliminating the need for preparation and warming. Environmental Benefits: Breastfeeding reduces the environmental impact associated with the production, packaging, and transportation of formula. Overcoming Common Challenges Despite its benefits, breastfeeding can come with challenges. Understanding these and knowing how to address them can make the breastfeeding journey smoother. Sore Nipples and Breast Engorgement Proper Latch: Ensuring the baby has a good latch can prevent sore nipples. Frequent Nursing: Regular breastfeeding sessions can help prevent engorgement. Comfort Measures: Using lanolin cream and applying warm compresses can alleviate discomfort. Low Milk Supply Frequent Nursing: Breastfeed often to stimulate milk production. Hydration and Nutrition: Drink plenty of fluids and maintain a balanced diet. Lactation Consultants: Seeking help from a lactation consultant can provide personalised strategies to increase milk supply. Returning to Work Pumping and Storing Milk: Invest in a good-quality breast pump and establish a routine to pump and store milk. Supportive Workplace: Know your rights regarding breastfeeding and pumping at work. Many places require employers to provide time and space for mothers to pump milk. Consistency: Maintain breastfeeding routines when with the baby and pump at regular intervals when apart to keep up milk supply. Tips for Successful Breastfeeding Early Initiation: Start breastfeeding within the first hour after birth to stimulate milk production and encourage the baby’s natural instinct to latch. Skin-to-Skin Contact: This helps regulate the baby’s body temperature and promotes bonding. Seek Support: Join breastfeeding support groups or consult with a lactation consultant for advice and encouragement. Stay Informed: Educate yourself about breastfeeding techniques and challenges. Knowledge is empowering and can help you navigate potential difficulties. Be Patient and Persistent: Both mother and baby need time to learn how to breastfeed effectively. Patience and persistence are key to overcoming initial hurdles. Conclusion Breastfeeding is a powerful practice with profound benefits for both mother and baby. It offers optimal nutrition, strengthens the baby’s immune system, and enhances cognitive development. For mothers, it supports physical recovery, reduces the risk of certain diseases, and fosters emotional well-being. Despite potential challenges, the practical benefits and long-term health advantages make breastfeeding a valuable choice for many families. By understanding these benefits and seeking the necessary support, mothers can successfully navigate their breastfeeding journey, ensuring a healthy start for their babies and themselves.

September 25, 2024
Toptots Head Office

Budgeting with children

Having children gives you a myriad of rewards that we all get to brag about. However, what’s not often spoken about is the costs surrounding raising children. When you have a child, costs can sky-rocket if you are not careful. However, there are ways you can budget and save when you have a baby or toddler. Write your budget down One of the biggest personal finance mistakes people make is not knowing exactly where their money is going. One takeaway coffee here, another quick grocery shop there, and our budget goes out the window. Try this exercise. Carry a notebook with you wherever you go. For one week, write down absolutely everything you spend money on. From in-store shopping to online shopping. Once you have done that, you can take a realistic look at where your money is going when it comes to the small things. Is there anything on that list you don’t have to have? Then cut it out. Add these expenditures to your usual monthly debts and expenses, and you will have a great starting point to start your saving journey. Make budgeting a team effort Budgeting with your partner is essential. When you are sharing the costs of a child and a home, knowing who spends money on what is important. Sit down with your partner and have an open discussion about where money is coming in and going out. Make decisions on who is paying for certain expenses and stick to that.  Savings should be an expense You should have a ‘savings’ section under your expenses. No matter how small the amount, savings should not come at the end of your budget with the thought process of ‘I will save what is left over.’ You should try and save before you spend any money. Whether it is to a savings pocket, an investment fund, or a short-term endowment policy – make putting a little money aside a priority. Cut back on expenses Once you know where your money is going, it is much easier to start cutting back on certain things. Amazed at how much money you spend on takeaways? You probably didn’t know the extent of that amount until you had it written in front of you. Go through your expenses, set aside a reasonable amount for spoils, and cut back on the rest. Baby saving tips Buy in bulk – keep a lookout for any specials on baby products and groceries and buy these in bulk. Remember to consider that your baby is growing and may need a new size nappy or different aged formula in the near future. Significant bulk purchases for savings are nappies, wet wipes, toiletries, unperishable food, and cleaning products.  Make your own food – we know this is time-consuming, but bulk-making your own baby/toddler food and freezing it into portions is a fantastic money saver. Try to stick to one-pot meals that are filled with nutrients and label your freezing containers with the content and date. Google affordable meal recipes, and you will be surprised by the number of affordable meals out there. Clinic vaccinations – When vaccinating your child, take the extra time to go to your local government clinic for them. The wait may be longer, but the cost-saving is worth it. If you would like to get the vaccinations that are only available privately, then book with a private clinic for just those. Second-hand goods – It’s easy to get swept up in the mania of baby products and goods. And there may be a part of you that wants to ‘keep up with the Jones’. But we are here to tell you that your baby won’t notice whether their pram or cot is brand new or second-hand. Decide what you are willing to have second hand, then search the web and Facebook marketplace for the best deals you can find. Please just make sure that you do not pay upfront for items that you haven’t seen!  Sell it – If you are not planning on having another child in the near future, as soon as your baby outgrows something – sell it! 

September 25, 2024
PowerPlastics Pool Covers

Safety and sustainability from a single pool cover – the PowerPlastics Solid Safety ticks all the boxes

The PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover is the leading child safety pool cover in South Africa, favoured for its tamperproof design, overall aesthetics and its ability to create a more sustainable pool.  The PVC cover is supported by batons that rest on the coping and the tension is created with ratchets, providing a complete barrier over the pool. The upside to the water being sealed off to the natural elements is that the cover also saves water, electricity and chemicals.  Parts of South Africa are experiencing water shortages due to either drought or struggling infrastructure, so the need to save water is critical. A solid safety cover gives 98% water savings. And because the water is kept cleaner, the amount of chemicals and filtration needed is reduced. This could have a huge impact on alleviating load shedding if every pool was filtered less. Add these savings up month by month, coupled with safety benefits, and you will find yourself getting a lot more out of your pool – child safety as well as sustainability and a reduced carbon footprint from one pool cover, putting your mind at ease on multiple levels. This is what makes safety covers stand out when compared to other safety methods like nets and fences which still leave the water exposed to the natural elements.  PowerPlastics Pool Covers first designed the PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover, which has gone on to become the bestselling cover to prevent drownings. The cover tolerates 220kg and can be semi-automated to allow for single-person use. There is no substitute for adult supervision but by using the PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover as one ‘layer of safety’, you will achieve further peace of mind as well as rescuing your household budgets.  Learn more and get an instant quote on the PowerPlastics Pool Covers online store. www.powerplastics.co.za There are safety covers, and then there are safety covers. Know what you are buying. Understand compliance. Remember this is your child or pet’s life on the line here so it is perfectly OK to ask the difficult questions. A solid safety cover may seem like an easy enough cover to copy but a poor understanding of materials, installation methods and cover upkeep, coupled with lack of experience, all have a direct impact on your cover’s efficiency and longevity. When efficiency relates to lives, it can’t be more critical. If you have any reservations about a pool safety supplier, trust your instinct and go with a brand like PowerPlastics Pool Covers that has been covering pools for decades, not weeks. The questions get a lot harder after a tragedy has occurred in your pool and you are found to be non compliant with SANS 10134. The finer details of safety compliance There has been wide industry collaboration and years of research that has gone into laying out the pool safety guidelines and, in South Africa, the function is addressed by the SABS, forming part of the national building standards, specifically SANS 10134. The cover specs you need to know / the technical questions you should be asking the pool cover supplier to ensure your compliance are: Are there any gaps or openings that allow unsupervised entry? If yes, can I fit a ball of 9cm x 14cm x 30cm through the gap? (this being the size of a child’s head or torso). Can the device bear weights of up to 220 kg? (static load test). Opening test – is the cover sufficiently anchored to prevent a child gaining access to the pool water? Does rain or sprinkler water drain off so the cover is dry within 10 minutes, with no pools forming on top of the cover?

September 20, 2024
Toptots Head Office

Top ways to balance work and parenting

We all know that parenting can be a delicate juggling act at the best of times. Whether it is organising day-care, scheduling doctor appointments, making sure they are getting their five a day – being a parent is a lot to handle and think about. Throw a career into the mix, and often balls can start dropping. Here are five ways to not only help you manage your time but make sure that both your children and your job get the attention they need. Switch off This advice comes from some of the most successful business people in the world. Segment your time. When you are at work, focus solely on the tasks at hand. With that level of focus and concentration, you will be able to do your job more efficiently. The same applies at home. Make sure you switch off your work notifications when possible. Give your children and yourself the attention you all deserve when it is time to do so. Schedule This is a biggie! The more organised you are, the more time you have. For your children, for your job, to grab a coffee with a friend. There are many apps you can download to help you manage your and your families’ schedules. Some of them can even be shared amongst family members, so everyone that needs to can lend a hand. Make sure you have all the info you need at the touch of a button. Dentist appointments, Toptots classes, grocery lists and more. Knowing everything that needs to be done is one step closer to getting everything you need done! Prep time Most working parents swear by this. Whether packing lunches the night before or taking a few hours on a Sunday to meal prep for the week – using the time you have to give you breathing room during the crazy periods (AKA, bath and dinner time) is a smart use of time. Again, there are many online tools to assist you in things like meal prepping – use them to give you a helping hand. Time for you A burnt-out parent is not going to have the energy and capability to get anything done. Never mind spending quality time with their children. It is essential that you put yourself on the top of your ‘take care of’ list. Make sure you schedule time to do things you love, see friends and family and look after yourself. Happy parents make happy children.  Delegate You don’t need to do it all yourself. Everyone needs help, whether it be from a partner, parent or friend. There are always people around that are willing to lend a hand; you just need to reach out to them. Learning to let go of tasks, delegate responsibilities and ask for help with help to ease your load to focus on the things that matter – yourself and your children! Toptots Early Learning SA

September 19, 2024
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