Advice from the experts
DIBBER SA

How Mealtimes Shape a Child’s Heart for the World

The simple act of sitting down to a family meal can sometimes feel like a lost tradition, but the transformative power of shared mealtimes in shaping a child’s sense of connection, confidence, and belonging is as essential today as it was in the past. “Mealtimes are so much more than just nourishment for our bodies; they’re a time for children to feel truly seen and valued,” says Kelly Eyre, Quality and Pedagogy Lead at Dibber International Preschools. “When families and educators make time for these moments, they create a space where children learn that their voices matter, instilling confidence and a sense of belonging that prepares them for the world.” At Dibber, mealtime is a cherished part of each day, providing sustenance and an opportunity for fellowship and connection. By encouraging children to set aside screens and distractions, Dibber creates an environment where children can fully engage with each other. The table becomes a vibrant place of learning and bonding. Conversations are encouraged—about the food they are eating, where it comes from, and how it nurtures their bodies. “These discussions allow children to connect with their food and each other, gaining a deeper appreciation of the world around them,” explains Eyre. The experience of shared meals also fosters independence in young children. At Dibber, children are encouraged to serve themselves, use utensils, and make choices about their meals. This practice, often mirrored at home, helps children develop a sense of autonomy and confidence. “When children feel empowered to make their own choices at the table, it gives them a sense of responsibility and pride that they carry beyond mealtime,” adds Eyre. Dibber believes that mealtimes are equally valuable for families. Sitting together as a family without screens or interruptions opens up moments for genuine conversation. “When parents take this time, they discover so much about their children’s worlds—their joys, worries, and curiosities. It builds a foundation of trust and emotional security that is vital to a child’s development,” says Eyre. Regular family mealtimes also establish a comforting rhythm in a child’s life, creating a shared space for stories, traditions, and values that shape who they become. “What happens at the table extends far beyond our school walls. When families continue these mealtime conversations and practices at home, they’re nurturing their child’s physical growth and emotional and social development. These are the moments where memories are made, and traditions are born.” At Dibber International Preschools, mealtimes are about more than eating—they are about nurturing children’s hearts and souls. We give children the foundation to thrive in a connected, compassionate world through simple, intentional acts at the table.

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How to Create a Family Vision Board: Setting Goals Together

Creating a family vision board is a fantastic way to bring everyone together and visualise your aspirations, dreams, and goals. It encourages communication, creativity, and collaboration among family members while reinforcing the idea of shared objectives. Whether you’re looking to achieve personal milestones or collective family goals, a vision board can serve as a powerful motivational tool. Here’s how to create a family vision board that reflects your collective dreams and helps you work toward them together. 1. Gather Your Family The first step is to gather your family members for a vision board brainstorming session. Choose a relaxed setting where everyone feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and ideas. Make it a fun family activity, complete with snacks and music, to create an inviting atmosphere. 2. Discuss Your Goals Start the conversation by discussing what a vision board is and why it’s important. Encourage each family member to share their individual goals and dreams, as well as collective family aspirations. Here are some guiding questions to facilitate the discussion: Encourage openness and respect for each other’s ideas. It’s important to listen actively and build on one another’s suggestions. 3. Collect Supplies Once you’ve discussed your goals, gather the necessary materials for your vision board. Here’s a list of items you might need: Let everyone contribute their unique supplies or art materials to add a personal touch. 4. Create the Vision Board Now comes the fun part—creating the vision board! Have each family member choose images, words, or phrases that resonate with their goals. They can cut out pictures from magazines, draw their own designs, or print images from the internet. Encourage creativity and self-expression by allowing each person to arrange their chosen elements on the board. They can create sections for individual goals, family goals, and shared values. Make it visually appealing and reflective of your family’s personality. 5. Display the Vision Board Once the vision board is complete, find a prominent place in your home to display it. This could be in a common area, such as the living room or kitchen, where everyone can see it daily. The visibility of the board will serve as a constant reminder of your goals and encourage ongoing motivation. 6. Review and Reflect Regularly Set aside time as a family to review and reflect on your vision board regularly. You might choose to do this monthly or quarterly. Discuss what goals you’ve accomplished, what challenges you’ve faced, and what adjustments you may need to make. This ongoing dialogue will reinforce your commitment to each other and keep everyone focused on the shared vision. 7. Celebrate Achievements As you reach your goals, take the time to celebrate those achievements, both big and small. Acknowledging progress is essential for maintaining motivation and enthusiasm. Whether it’s a simple family dinner or a fun outing, celebrate together to strengthen your family bonds. Conclusion Creating a family vision board is not just a creative project; it’s a powerful tool for setting goals and fostering teamwork within your family. By collaborating on a vision board, you promote communication, support, and understanding among family members. So gather your family, let your imaginations soar, and embark on this exciting journey of visualising your dreams and working together to achieve them!

Parenting Hub

Creating a Positive Home Environment: Tips for a Happier Household

Creating a positive home environment is essential for the well-being of every family member. A supportive and nurturing atmosphere promotes happiness, reduces stress, and enhances overall quality of life. Here are some practical tips to help you foster a positive home environment for your family. 1. Foster Open Communication Encourage open and honest communication among family members. Set aside regular times for family discussions, where everyone can share their thoughts and feelings without judgment. This practice not only strengthens relationships but also helps children feel valued and understood. 2. Set a Positive Tone The atmosphere of your home is often influenced by your attitude and behaviours. Model positivity by expressing gratitude, kindness, and understanding. Celebrate small victories, encourage each other, and approach challenges with a can-do attitude. A positive tone can inspire the same in your family members. 3. Create a Safe Space Ensure your home is a safe and secure environment. This includes physical safety—such as childproofing areas for younger kids—and emotional safety, where family members feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings. Let your home be a refuge from the outside world. 4. Establish Routines Routines provide structure and predictability, which can reduce anxiety and stress. Develop daily or weekly routines for chores, family meals, and relaxation time. Having a predictable rhythm helps everyone know what to expect, making the home environment more stable and secure. 5. Encourage Individual Interests While family time is important, it’s equally essential to support individual interests and hobbies. Allow each family member to pursue their passions, whether it’s sports, arts, or reading. Encouraging individuality fosters a sense of identity and self-esteem, contributing to a positive home environment. 6. Declutter and Organise A cluttered home can lead to stress and distraction. Take time to declutter and organise your living spaces. Involve the whole family in the process, turning it into a fun activity. A tidy home promotes a sense of calm and makes it easier to maintain a positive atmosphere. 7. Prioritise Quality Family Time Make a conscious effort to spend quality time together as a family. Engage in activities that everyone enjoys, such as game nights, movie marathons, or outdoor adventures. Quality time strengthens bonds and creates lasting memories, reinforcing a sense of togetherness. 8. Practice Empathy and Kindness Encourage empathy and kindness within your home. Teach children to understand others’ feelings and perspectives. This practice not only cultivates a positive environment but also helps them develop strong social skills that will benefit them throughout life. 9. Create a Positive Physical Environment The physical space of your home plays a significant role in creating a positive atmosphere. Consider the colours, decor, and arrangement of furniture. Use soothing colours, incorporate plants, and create cozy areas for relaxation. A welcoming space can uplift moods and promote a sense of peace. 10. Lead by Example As a parent or caregiver, remember that you are a role model for your children. Demonstrate positive behaviours, such as problem-solving, kindness, and gratitude. Children learn by observing their parents, so embodying the values you wish to instil in them is crucial. Conclusion Creating a positive home environment takes effort and intention but yields rewarding results. By fostering open communication, promoting individuality, and prioritising family time, you can build a nurturing space where everyone feels valued and supported. Remember, a happy home leads to happy hearts, making it a place where love and positivity thrive.

Bonitas – innovation, life stages and quality care

Putting together your birth plan

As you enter your third trimester you’ll have probably done a fair bit of research on the birth process (if this is your first) and may have a good idea of what you want before, during and after delivery. There are many options and opinions, from whether or not you want pain medication to how many people you would like supporting you. However, trying to keep track of your choices during labour may be tricky, which is why you’d put together a birth plan. So what exactly is it and how do you put one together? Why should I put together a birth plan?  Your birth plan is your choices or preferences before, during and after labour and delivery. While things may not always go according to plan, having your preferences written down and communicated means you, your midwives and doctor have a more mutual understanding. However, if your pregnancy doesn’t go accordingly, you need to be prepared to make adjustments on the day. What should be in my birth plan? Your birth plan is how you’d like everything would go in the best-case scenario. Your birth plan will also have to take into consideration what is available at the hospital or place where you are giving birth. Some birth plans are very basic, just outlining a simple overview, whereas others may be far more detailed and in-depth. The choice is yours. Typically a birth plan will include before, during and after labour and birth preferences. Such as who you want to assist you during birth, whether or not you want any pain medication,  you birthing positions, and requests for newborn care, such as skin-to-skin time. How can I learn more about the birth process?  If you feel like you need to top up your birthing knowledge before putting together a plan they are a few ways you can go about this. Joining antenatal classes are a good way to learn more and to meet other women in your position. Chatting to friends or family who has been through the birthing process themselves is another good way to see what would work best for you. If you and your partner are having a baby together, keep them in the loop as well. Find out what they expect during labour and you can chat about what you want, and what role you see them playing in the process.

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Tips for Effective Communication with Teenagers: Building Bridges

Navigating the teenage years can feel like walking a tightrope for many parents. As adolescents strive for independence, they may also retreat into their shells, making it challenging for parents to connect. Effective communication is crucial during this pivotal time, fostering trust, understanding, and a stronger parent-teen relationship. Here are some valuable tips for building bridges through effective communication with your teenager. 1. Create a Safe Environment Establishing a safe space for open dialogue is essential. Ensure your teen knows that they can express themselves without fear of judgment or harsh reactions. Encourage them to share their thoughts, feelings, and opinions, even if they differ from yours. Show that you respect their views, which can help foster open communication. 2. Practice Active Listening When your teenager talks, practice active listening. This means fully concentrating on what they are saying rather than planning your response while they speak. Use non-verbal cues, like nodding and maintaining eye contact, to show your engagement. Reflect on their feelings by paraphrasing what they’ve said, which demonstrates that you value their perspective. 3. Be Mindful of Your Tone and Body Language Communication is not just about words; tone and body language play significant roles. Be aware of how your tone can affect your teen’s receptiveness. A calm, supportive tone encourages them to open up, while a harsh or dismissive tone may shut them down. Similarly, ensure your body language is welcoming; avoid crossing your arms or looking distracted. 4. Choose the Right Time and Place Timing is crucial when initiating conversations with your teenager. Avoid discussing important topics during stressful moments, like during homework time or when they are upset. Instead, choose calm, relaxed settings for more significant discussions. Casual environments, like during a walk or while cooking together, can help ease tension and promote openness. 5. Ask Open-Ended Questions Instead of yes-or-no questions, ask open-ended questions that encourage your teen to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings. For instance, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day at school?” try, “What was the best part of your day?” This approach invites deeper conversation and gives your teen a chance to express themselves more fully. 6. Share Your Experiences While it’s essential to listen, sharing your own experiences can also bridge the communication gap. Relating personal anecdotes can make you more relatable and show your teen that everyone faces challenges. However, avoid dominating the conversation; instead, weave in your experiences to emphasise understanding rather than to overshadow their feelings. 7. Respect Their Privacy Teenagers often value their privacy and independence. While it’s important to stay informed about their lives, respecting their boundaries is equally crucial. If your teen feels their privacy is invaded, they may become defensive or less willing to share. Reassure them that you trust them, and let them know you’re available when they want to talk. 8. Stay Calm During Conflicts Disagreements are natural in any relationship, especially between parents and teens. When conflicts arise, stay calm and avoid raising your voice. Use “I” statements to express how you feel, such as “I feel worried when you…” instead of accusatory “You” statements. This can help defuse tension and promote understanding. 9. Encourage Problem-Solving Instead of immediately jumping in with solutions, encourage your teen to think through their problems. Ask guiding questions like, “What do you think you could do about that?” or “How would you handle this situation?” This not only fosters their independence but also shows that you believe in their ability to navigate challenges. 10. Be Patient and Persistent Building effective communication with your teenager takes time and patience. Don’t be discouraged by initial resistance or reluctance. Keep the lines of communication open, and continue to show your support. Your consistent efforts will help foster a more robust, trusting relationship over time. Conclusion Effective communication with teenagers is a vital component of a healthy parent-child relationship. By creating a safe environment, practicing active listening, and respecting their boundaries, you can foster an open dialogue that strengthens your connection. Remember that patience and persistence are key; with time, your efforts will lead to deeper understanding and a stronger bond with your teen. Building bridges through effective communication is a journey worth embarking on for both you and your teenager.

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Building Healthy Sleep Habits for Kids of All Ages

Quality sleep is essential for children’s growth, development, and emotional well-being. However, getting kids to establish healthy sleep routines can sometimes be challenging, especially with varying needs at different ages. This guide provides practical tips to create age-appropriate sleep habits that help children thrive. Why Sleep is Important for Children Sleep Recommendations by Age The amount of sleep required varies by age: Healthy Sleep Tips for All Ages 1. Create a Consistent Sleep Routine 2. Foster a Comfortable Sleep Environment 3. Age-Specific Strategies 4. Monitor Nutrition and Activity How Parents Can Support Better Sleep When to Seek Help If your child experiences frequent sleep disruptions, insomnia, or signs of sleep disorders (like snoring or night terrors), consider consulting a paediatrician or sleep specialist. Conclusion Healthy sleep habits are essential for children’s physical, emotional, and cognitive well-being. By implementing consistent routines and age-appropriate strategies, parents can support their children’s sleep and overall development. Prioritising good sleep practices now will establish lifelong habits that benefit kids well into adulthood.

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Fun Family Activities to Strengthen Bonds and Create Memories

In today’s fast-paced world, carving out quality family time is more important than ever. Shared activities help create lasting memories, foster stronger connections, and encourage communication within the family. Whether it’s a spontaneous weekend adventure or a simple evening spent together at home, there are countless ways to nurture those cherished family bonds. In this article, we’ll explore a variety of fun activities that will help strengthen relationships and create moments you’ll treasure for years to come. Outdoor Adventures: Exploring Nature Together Spending time outdoors is a great way for families to bond while enjoying the beauty of nature. From exploring hiking trails to picnicking at a nearby park, the possibilities are endless. These outdoor experiences encourage teamwork, foster curiosity, and give everyone a chance to relax and recharge. Game Nights: Laughter and Friendly Competition Game nights are a wonderful way to bring the family together and spark some friendly rivalry. They offer an opportunity to laugh, collaborate, and even sharpen problem-solving skills. Game nights not only help with bonding but also encourage patience, communication, and teamwork. Cooking and Baking: Creating Delicious Memories Food has a way of bringing people together, and involving the whole family in the kitchen can turn meal prep into a fun event. Cooking and baking together teach kids essential skills, foster creativity, and offer plenty of opportunities for laughter. Arts and Crafts: Unleash Creativity as a Family Engaging in arts and crafts is a fun way to express creativity and spend quality time together. Plus, you’ll have homemade keepsakes to remind you of the time spent together. Crafting encourages self-expression and gives everyone a chance to contribute to shared projects. Family Movie Nights: Enjoying a Cinematic Experience Together Sometimes, the best way to bond is by curling up on the couch with popcorn and a great movie. Family movie nights are a cozy way to unwind and enjoy each other’s company. Movie nights provide a relaxed setting where everyone can share laughs, tears, and discussions about favourite scenes. Volunteering Together: Giving Back as a Family Helping others is a meaningful way to bond as a family while making a positive impact on the community. Volunteering teaches children empathy, teamwork, and the importance of giving back to others. Family Traditions: Strengthening Bonds Through Rituals Creating family traditions helps establish a sense of identity and belonging. They give everyone something to look forward to and create memories that are passed down through generations. Traditions foster connection and build a sense of continuity within the family. Conclusion: Strengthening Bonds, One Activity at a Time Family activities are more than just fun—they provide opportunities to connect, communicate, and grow together. Whether it’s an outdoor adventure, a cozy movie night, or a simple act of kindness, these moments foster closeness and create lasting memories. The most important thing isn’t the activity itself, but the time spent together. So, gather your family, try something new, and enjoy the journey of creating bonds that will last a lifetime.

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Coping with Parental Burnout: Self-Care Tips for Busy Moms and Dads

Parenting is one of the most rewarding experiences in life, but it can also be incredibly demanding. With the pressures of work, household responsibilities, and the never-ending needs of children, many parents find themselves feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. This phenomenon, known as parental burnout, can lead to feelings of frustration, fatigue, and even resentment. However, with the right strategies, parents can manage burnout and prioritise their well-being. Here are some self-care tips for busy moms and dads to help navigate the challenges of parenting. 1. Recognise the Signs of Burnout The first step in combating parental burnout is recognising the signs. Common indicators include chronic fatigue, irritability, feelings of inadequacy, and a lack of enthusiasm for activities you once enjoyed. If you find yourself experiencing these symptoms, it’s essential to acknowledge them and take proactive steps to address your needs. 2. Prioritise Self-Care Self-care is not selfish; it’s essential. Here are some self-care practices that can make a difference: 3. Set Boundaries Learning to say “no” is crucial for maintaining balance. It’s okay to decline invitations or limit commitments that add unnecessary stress to your life. Setting boundaries around work and personal time can help you manage your responsibilities more effectively. 4. Create a Support Network Don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Surround yourself with a supportive network of family, friends, or parenting groups. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others can provide relief and help you feel less isolated. Consider setting up a regular coffee date or virtual hangout with fellow parents to discuss challenges and share advice. 5. Schedule Quality Family Time While it’s important to take time for yourself, connecting with your children can also be a great stress reliever. Plan activities that everyone enjoys, whether it’s a family movie night, game day, or an outdoor adventure. Quality time together can strengthen bonds and create lasting memories, reminding you of the joys of parenting. 6. Seek Professional Help If feelings of burnout persist and interfere with your daily life, consider speaking with a therapist or counsellor. Professional support can provide valuable coping strategies and a safe space to express your feelings. 7. Establish Routines Creating a daily routine can bring structure to your day and make managing responsibilities feel less overwhelming. Involve your children in setting up a family schedule that includes chores, homework, and downtime. This not only lightens your load but also teaches your kids valuable skills. 8. Make Time for Hobbies Don’t forget to nurture your interests outside of parenting. Whether it’s reading, painting, gardening, or any other hobby, taking time for yourself can recharge your energy and creativity. 9. Limit Screen Time While technology can be a helpful tool, excessive screen time can contribute to feelings of burnout. Set aside specific times for social media and entertainment, allowing more room for real-life connections and activities. 10. Practice Gratitude Take a moment each day to reflect on what you’re grateful for. Keeping a gratitude journal or sharing positive experiences with your partner or family can shift your focus from stress to appreciation, fostering a more positive outlook. Conclusion Parenting can be a tough job, and feeling burnt out is not uncommon. By implementing these self-care strategies, busy moms and dads can reclaim their energy, reduce stress, and foster a more positive parenting experience. Remember, taking care of yourself is not just beneficial for you—it also sets a healthy example for your children. Embrace the journey of parenthood with the understanding that prioritising your well-being is key to being the best parent you can be.

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Making Chores Fun: How to Get Your Kids Involved Without the Struggle

Do your kids groan and complain about helping around the house or yard? Does it feel like an uphill battle to get them to tackle even the smallest tasks? And when you do assign a chore, do they put it off until you’re frustrated and ready to hand out punishments? If this sounds all too familiar, I’d love to share some advice. Think back to your own childhood—did you enjoy doing chores? Probably not! Many of us grew up with parents who took a more authoritarian approach, making sure we did what we were told. Today, many parents, like myself, are using a more democratic approach. When you take fear out of parenting, you allow space for opinions, emotions, and yes, even resistance, which can slow things down. So, how do you get kids to actually do their chores? If you’re practicing a more respectful and democratic parenting style like I am, the key is to extend that approach to chores as well. This involves setting expectations ahead of time, getting input from your kids, and creating agreements—both verbal and written. And when they don’t meet those agreements, using respect to guide them back on track. At your next weekly or bimonthly family meeting, start by making a list of chores the adults will handle, then ask the kids to help come up with a list of all the other tasks that need to be done. Listen to their suggestions on how and when they’ll get the work done. Create a schedule that everyone agrees to, and consider getting everyone to sign it. If one of your kids is especially resistant, it’s okay to table that discussion until the next meeting. Chores work best when there’s unanimous agreement from everyone. It’s also crucial that each chore has a specific deadline and clear expectations of what “done” looks like. I can’t stress enough how important it is to be specific when assigning tasks. And remember, you don’t truly have an agreement with your child until they verbally confirm the entire arrangement! If a chore isn’t completed, resist the urge to nag, remind, or scold. Instead, stay silent. Find your child, gently guide them with a touch on the back, and lead them to the chore that needs to be done. If they push back, it’s a sign that there may be a bigger issue in your relationship to address before this follow-up method can be effective. Lastly, I’m often asked what age is appropriate for kids to start helping with chores. In my experience, even preschoolers can take on small tasks, as long as they’re suited to their age and ability. For younger children, keep chores simple, fun, and achievable. And of course, be generous with praise and excitement when they successfully complete them.

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Teaching Empathy: Helping Your Child Understand and Respect Others

In a world that grows more interconnected every day, raising empathetic children has become essential. Empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of others—goes beyond kindness; it helps children build meaningful relationships, resolve conflicts, and develop emotional intelligence. Teaching empathy isn’t a one-time lesson; it’s a process that shapes how children relate to others throughout their lives. In this article, we explore practical ways to nurture empathy in children and guide them toward becoming thoughtful and compassionate individuals. What Is Empathy? Empathy is the ability to step into another person’s shoes and see the world from their perspective. It involves recognising and understanding the emotions of others, whether they are happy, sad, frustrated, or excited. There are two main types of empathy: Cognitive Empathy: Understanding someone else’s thoughts and feelings. Emotional Empathy: Feeling what another person feels, almost as if their emotions were your own. Children who develop both forms of empathy grow to be more compassionate, respectful, and capable of navigating social interactions. Why Is Teaching Empathy Important? Teaching empathy helps children: Build stronger friendships by understanding the feelings and perspectives of others. Develop conflict resolution skills by learning how to compromise and solve problems with kindness. Become more resilient by connecting with others in times of difficulty. Contribute positively to their communities, fostering inclusivity and respect. Practical Tips for Teaching Empathy 1. Model Empathy in Everyday Life Children learn by example. When parents show empathy—whether by listening attentively, offering comfort, or respecting others’ opinions—children internalise those behaviours. Use opportunities to discuss how your actions reflect kindness, such as, “I helped Mrs. Smith with her groceries because she looked like she needed a hand.” 2. Encourage Open Conversations About Emotions Help your child understand their emotions by naming and discussing them. For example, if your child is frustrated about losing a game, say, “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because you really wanted to win.” By validating their feelings, you teach them to acknowledge emotions in themselves and others. 3. Read Stories That Highlight Empathy Books are an excellent way to introduce children to different perspectives. Stories about characters facing challenges or learning to care for others can spark meaningful discussions. After reading, ask questions like, “How do you think the character felt?” or “What would you have done in that situation?” 4. Encourage Acts of Kindness Small acts of kindness help children practice empathy in action. Encourage them to notice when someone might need help—whether it’s a friend who looks sad or a sibling struggling with homework. Participating in community activities, like volunteering, can also deepen their understanding of others’ experiences. 5. Teach Active Listening Skills Active listening involves more than just hearing words; it requires paying attention to body language, tone of voice, and emotions. Teach your child to listen without interrupting, and when someone shares a problem, ask them to respond with understanding, such as, “That sounds hard. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way.” 6. Use Role-Playing to Build Empathy Role-playing different scenarios can help children imagine how others feel in various situations. For example, act out a scene where one friend accidentally hurts another’s feelings, and discuss what each character might feel. Then brainstorm ways to respond with empathy and kindness. 7. Foster Gratitude and Perspective-Taking Encourage your child to reflect on what they’re grateful for and compare it with the experiences of others. This helps them recognise that not everyone has the same privileges and can nurture empathy for people facing challenges. Activities like writing thank-you notes or journaling can also promote gratitude and empathy. When Children Struggle with Empathy It’s normal for children to have difficulty with empathy at times, especially if they are still learning to manage their own emotions. If your child struggles to see things from another’s perspective, be patient. Use these moments as teaching opportunities to gently guide them toward understanding how their actions impact others. The Long-Term Benefits of Raising Empathetic Children Children who learn empathy grow into adults with strong interpersonal skills, emotional intelligence, and a deeper sense of social responsibility. They are better equipped to handle conflicts, build meaningful relationships, and contribute positively to society. In the long run, empathetic individuals help create more inclusive and understanding communities. Conclusion: Empathy as a Lifelong Skill Teaching empathy is one of the most valuable gifts you can give your child. It lays the foundation for respectful relationships, emotional resilience, and social harmony. As parents, our role is to model empathy, encourage open conversations, and create opportunities for children to practice kindness. With patience and practice, empathy becomes a natural part of who they are—shaping not only their lives but also the lives of those around them. By nurturing empathy in children, we pave the way for a future filled with understanding, compassion, and mutual respect—one kind interaction at a time.

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Managing Sibling Rivalry: Strategies to Encourage Cooperation at Home

Sibling rivalry is a natural part of family life, but without proper management, it can become a source of ongoing conflict and tension. Disagreements among siblings are normal and even healthy, as they teach children about sharing, conflict resolution, and emotional regulation. However, it’s important to guide these interactions in positive ways that encourage cooperation and mutual respect. With the right strategies, parents can help turn rivalry into opportunities for personal growth and stronger sibling relationships. Understanding the Root of Sibling Rivalry Sibling rivalry often stems from competing for parental attention, differences in personalities, or feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Children may feel that their sibling receives more praise, privileges, or affection, leading to resentment. Understanding these root causes allows parents to address underlying issues before conflicts escalate. Effective Strategies to Encourage Cooperation Tip: Focus on each child’s unique strengths by celebrating their individual achievements. Example: Use phrases like, “What solution do you both think is fair?” or “How can we solve this together?” Family Rule Idea: “We use kind words with each other, even when we disagree.” Fun Idea: Introduce a “sibling teamwork jar,” adding a token each time they cooperate. When the jar is full, celebrate with a special treat or outing. Quality Time Idea: Schedule “date days” with each child to do an activity they enjoy. Example: “I love how you shared your toys with your sister today. That was very kind!” Conversation Starter: “How do you think your brother felt when you took his toy without asking?” Activity Idea: Rotate responsibility for planning a family day, allowing each child to contribute their ideas. Conclusion: Turning Rivalry into Lifelong Friendship Managing sibling rivalry is an ongoing process that requires patience, empathy, and consistency. By focusing on cooperation, teaching conflict resolution, and fostering positive sibling experiences, parents can help their children build strong, supportive relationships. These early lessons in empathy, teamwork, and respect will not only benefit them at home but also prepare them for healthy relationships throughout their lives. With a little guidance, sibling rivalry can evolve into lifelong friendship and mutual respect, creating a more peaceful and connected family environment.

Advtech Group

From pages to possibilities : How to inspire a love of reading in your child

In South Africa, the ability to read for meaning is a critical skill that remains elusive for many children. According to the Reading Panel 2030 report, a staggering 78% of Grade 4 learners cannot read for meaning in any language. This alarming statistic underscores the urgent need to foster a love of reading among students to ensure their academic success and personal development. “Reading is foundational to learning and personal growth. It enhances vocabulary, improves comprehension, and stimulates imagination. Moreover, reading is linked to better academic performance across all subjects. For South Africa, where educational disparities are significant, promoting reading can be a powerful tool to bridge the gap and empower future generations,” says Kassandra Strydom, Academic Advisor: Foundation Phase at ADvTECH, Africa’s leading private education provider. Strydom emphasises that in a world dominated by social media and mobile devices, keeping a child’s interest in reading can be challenging. However, she underscores that this is a vital responsibility for parents. “By integrating reading into daily life from a young age, and making it an enjoyable activity, parents can help their children develop a lifelong love for reading, thereby improving their prospects of personal and academic achievement,” she says. Strydom notes that the findings of the Reading Panel 2030 report highlight the critical need for efforts to ensure that all children in South Africa can read for meaning by 2030. And while the Department of Education committed to addressing challenges identified in the report at a recent session where Basic Education Minister Siviwe Gwarube delivered the keynote address, the mammoth task could not be left to educators alone, she said. “Schools and teachers play an important role in teaching students how to read, but few are equipped to instil a genuine love for reading by the time children begin formal education. This essential passion must be nurtured at home to create a supportive environment where students can thrive once they master their ABCs.” Strydom says parents play a pivotal role in nurturing a child’s love for reading, and says it can be done by: CREATING A READING-FRIENDLY ENVIRONMENT & LEADING BY EXAMPLE Second-hand books are often very affordable, and libraries are free, making it easy for families to fill their homes with a diverse selection that caters to their child’s interests and reading level. Choosing books together can be a fun and exciting activity, providing valuable parent-child bonding time. Once the books have been selected, engaging in paired or shared reading experiences can enhance this connection. Creating opportunities to read together in a relaxed and intimate setting—whether snuggled on the couch or curled up in bed—makes reading feel special. This not only fosters a love for reading but also connects the activity to positive emotions and quality time spent together.  By modelling positive reading habits and setting aside dedicated reading time each day, parents can help cultivate a lifelong passion for books in their children. USING TECHNOLOGY WISELY Excessive screen time can negatively impact children’s development, prompting many schools to limit mobile phone usage to create more focused learning environments. To balance screen time at home, families can implement “reading timeouts” that benefit both child and parent. While there are numerous reading apps and platforms that can make reading engaging, it’s important to choose those that offer personal learning pathways, allowing children to explore content beyond just reading.  These apps can foster deeper engagement with reading material by connecting it to real-world situations and encouraging critical thinking. However, it’s essential to also incorporate non-screen reading to ensure children develop a well-rounded love for literature alongside their digital experiences. MAKING READING AN INTERACTIVE EXPERIENCE When fostering a love for reading, it’s important to ensure that the experience is interactive. Encourage children to engage with books before diving into the text by taking time for ‘picture walks’, where they can flip through pages and explore the illustrations. This approach helps minimise distractions and prepares them for a more focused reading experience. Consider using the “5 W” principle—asking who, what, when, where, and why questions about the book—to spark discussion and curiosity. Before reading, ask children what they think the story might be about, and always include the follow-up question, “How do you know that?” This encourages them to articulate their thoughts and develops metacognition—thinking about their thinking—making the reading experience richer and more meaningful.

NB Hearing & Balance

Important Questions to Ask Your Child’s Audiologist

Empowering Your Child’s Hearing Health Journey As a parent, it is essential to advocate for your child’s hearing health. If you are concerned about your child’s hearing, preparing for appointments with an audiologist can make a significant difference in understanding your child’s condition and ensuring that your child receives the best care possible. Here are some of the critical issues to consider, and why they matter. CHOOSING AN AUDIOLOGIST Finding the right audiologist is a key step in caring for your child’s audiological needs. Audiologists who work with children should be caring, supportive of your questions and need for knowledge, and careful to take the time to fully understand your child’s home and school experience. Choices that you make together must be underpinned by an attitude of child- and family-centred care. The assessment and management of hearing loss in children can differ to management of the same issues in an adult, so your chosen audiologist should demonstrate care and knowledge about your child’s ‘whole person’ environment!   What Can We Expect from a Hearing Test? Knowing what may be involved in a hearing evaluation can help ease your (and your child’s) apprehension, making it comfortable to ease into the assessment. So read this link to find out more about a common testing process. Then, also ask:  What Type of Hearing Loss May My Child Have? Understanding whether your child has normal hearing, or whether a sensorineural, conductive, or mixed hearing loss is present, is crucial. This knowledge helps you comprehend the underlying cause/s and the most suitable management options. You can follow this up with: What Are the Management Options for Hearing Loss? If a hearing loss is identified, different management options are available to help your child function more effectively. Hearing aids are often appropriate ways to restore adequate sound when a hearing loss is permanent or semi-permanent because access to sound is essential for language and academic development. You may also be referred to an ENT or GP if the problem is amenable to treatment. Transient problems represent opportunities to return hearing to normal, quickly. Be empowered to make informed decisions about your child’s care! Ask questions like: How Do I Know What Type of Hearing Aid is Best for My Child? If semi-permanent or permanent hearing loss is identified, you may be exploring hearing aid options with your audiologist. Hearing aids come in a variety of styles and technologies, suitable for different acoustic, aesthetic, or contextual needs. These differences can also affect affordability. Knowing which options may suit your child’s lifestyle and hearing needs ensures that the best benefits may be achieved. Also, ensure that your audiologist explains your child’s full management plan, including the frequency of visits, regularity of device adjustments, and maintenance or servicing requirements. Good management is likely to result in a continuously good hearing experience.  How Can We Protect My Child’s Remaining Hearing? Good hearing habits are essential to preserve your child’s remaining hearing and prevent further deterioration. Your audiologist should advise you about hearing safety so that you can protect your child’s hearing function. This may include bespoke hearing or ear protection. What Should We Do If My Child’s Hearing Changes? Monitoring your child’s hearing subjectively (through your own observation of their responses) and objectively (with regular hearing assessment) ensures that you can alter your plan if your child’s hearing circumstances change. Problems can be tiny (such as a blocked tube or dead battery) to significant (such as an ear infection). Your audiologist can teach you to troubleshoot problems for self-maintenance or help you to check your devices. A good audiologist will also advise you about what signs and symptoms to look for that may require a consultation.  Are There Support Groups or Resources Available? Connecting with other parents and families with similar experiences can provide emotional support and practical advice. Often, audiologists can provide you with details for local or online support groups and useful parent resources. You can be properly empowered, uplifted, and encouraged by the right professional to support your child’s hearing needs throughout childhood. Our NB Hearing & Balance Team Is Here to Support Your Family Being proactive and informed about your child’s hearing health is vital. By asking these questions and asserting your needs, you can make informed decisions that ensure your child receives the best possible care. If you are ready to take the next step in your child’s hearing health journey, schedule a consultation with one of our NB Hearing & Balance audiologists. We have convenient locations across the Cape Peninsula, including Wynberg, Durbanville, Sea Point, Hout Bay, and Noordhoek.

Bonitas – innovation, life stages and quality care

Pregnancy, your body and your baby – week 40 of your pregnancy

Congratulations, you’ve reached the milestone that you’ve been counting up to from the beginning. It may feel surreal to think that 40 weeks ago you had your last period and now you’re about to welcome your new baby into your life. The third trimester of your pregnancy may have been fairly difficult, as your baby and belly take up more room, and your body adjusts to accommodate your growing little one. Your body at week 40 At week 40 your body is ready to give birth after housing and growing your baby for 9 months. So close to birth you may notice changes in your baby’s fetal movement, however, they will still be moving around, so if you notice a big decrease in movement, contact your doctor. Until birth, you’ll experience typical pregnancy symptoms, including leg cramps, back and pelvic pain, trouble sleeping and diarrhoea, which is normal close to birth. Your baby at week 40 At week 40 your baby is now full-term. When your baby is born you’ll notice that they are covered in a mixture of blood, vernix and amniotic fluid. On average, baby’s at week 40 weigh about 3,5 kg and they’ll be roughly the size of a pumpkin. Even though they are just about to be born, the lungs, liver and brain are still developing. Things to keep in mind at week 40 Labour can be overwhelming, and it’s important to remember that you can do this. While your doctor will have given you a due date, it is possible that your baby won’t arrive on the dot. So make sure that you keep aware of the signs of labour and have your birth plan, hospital bags and any additional plans ready (such as making sure you have someone to look after your other kids if you have).

Parenting Hub

Holiday Travel Tips for Families

The holiday season is a magical time filled with celebrations, gatherings, and the joy of being with loved ones. However, it can also be one of the busiest and most stressful periods for families planning to travel. Whether you’re heading to Grandma’s house, a tropical vacation, or a winter wonderland, thoughtful planning can help make your holiday travels smoother and more enjoyable. Here are some essential holiday travel tips for families to ensure a stress-free experience. 1. Plan Early One of the keys to successful holiday travel is planning ahead. Book your flights, accommodations, and rental cars as early as possible to secure the best rates and availability. The earlier you plan, the more options you’ll have for travel times and locations. Create a checklist of what you need to book and accomplish before the trip, including packing lists, itineraries, and travel documents. 2. Choose Your Travel Times Wisely Traveling during peak holiday times can lead to long lines and crowded airports or roads. If possible, try to schedule your travels during off-peak times. Flying on Christmas Day or the day after New Year’s, or leaving early in the morning or late at night, can help you avoid the busiest travel days. If you’re driving, consider hitting the road early in the morning or later in the evening to dodge heavy traffic. 3. Pack Smart Packing efficiently is crucial for family travel, especially when you have kids in tow. Use packing cubes or separate bags for each family member to stay organised. Make a packing list for everyone to ensure nothing gets left behind. Don’t forget to pack essentials like snacks, water bottles, toys, and comfort items (like blankets or stuffed animals) to keep children entertained during the journey. 4. Keep Essentials Accessible When traveling with kids, having essential items within easy reach can make a huge difference. Keep important documents, snacks, medications, and entertainment (like tablets or colouring books) in an easily accessible bag. If you’re flying, consider using a backpack for easy access to items during security checks and boarding. 5. Engage Kids in the Travel Process Involve your children in the travel planning process to build excitement. Discuss the travel route, the destination, and activities you have planned. Encourage them to help pack their own bags and choose a few toys or games to bring along. This engagement can help them feel more connected to the journey and reduce anxiety. 6. Embrace Flexibility Travel can be unpredictable, especially during the holidays. Flight delays, traffic jams, or last-minute changes can happen, so it’s important to stay flexible and maintain a positive attitude. Build extra time into your travel schedule to account for unexpected delays, and be prepared to adjust your plans if needed. This mindset can help reduce stress and make the journey more enjoyable. 7. Create Family Traditions Use travel time to establish fun family traditions. Whether it’s singing holiday songs, playing travel games, or sharing stories about past holidays, these activities can help create lasting memories. Consider starting a new tradition, such as a “travel journal” where each family member can write about their experiences, thoughts, and favourite moments from the trip. 8. Stay Healthy and Hydrated Travel can disrupt regular routines, so it’s essential to prioritise health during the holidays. Encourage your family to stay hydrated, eat nutritious meals, and get plenty of rest. If you’re flying, remind kids to wash their hands frequently or use hand sanitiser to prevent the spread of germs. If traveling by car, make frequent stops to stretch and enjoy some fresh air. 9. Be Mindful of Safety Ensure the safety of your family while traveling by keeping emergency contact numbers, health insurance information, and any necessary medical supplies readily available. If you’re flying, talk to your kids about airport security procedures and what to expect, helping to ease any anxiety they may have. Always keep an eye on your children in crowded places and establish meeting points in case anyone gets separated. 10. Enjoy the Journey Finally, remember that the holiday season is about creating joyful memories with your loved ones. Embrace the journey as part of your holiday experience, not just a means to an end. Take time to enjoy the sights along the way, engage in meaningful conversations, and cherish the moments spent together. The laughter, stories, and shared experiences will be what you remember most. Conclusion Holiday travel can be an exciting adventure for families, filled with opportunities to bond and create cherished memories. By planning ahead, staying organised, and embracing flexibility, you can navigate the challenges of holiday travel with ease. So pack your bags, gather your loved ones, and get ready to embark on a memorable holiday journey! Safe travels!

Doug Berry

Does your child suffer from low self-esteem?

When a child suffers from low self-esteem, it will almost always carry on into their adulthood if not addressed. Simple things such as meeting new people can be very difficult, as well as taking on challenges, valuing their own opinion and much more. It is so important for parents to understand just how crucial healthy self-esteem in a child can be because they have a crucial role to play in the development of their children’s sense of self-worth. If your child has a low self-esteem, parent intervention can prevent the following being carried through to adulthood. Poor communication skills: A child with low-esteem is likely to grow into an adult that has difficulty in communicating with others; whether it is with their spouse, coworkers or peers, as they often do not feel secure and confident with what they say and may be afraid to express themselves. Negative thoughts and feelings: Since a child with low self-worth will regularly have negative thoughts and feelings about themselves and even others, it will likely carry through into adulthood. Unfortunately, the difference in adulthood will be that they are more likely to keep their feelings internalised rather than expressing them. Hot temper: An adult with low self-esteem may have a hot temper. This is usually because of the frustration and constantly simmering negative thoughts that they experience. These bubble below the surface and spill over fairly readily when provoked. Blaming others: Instead of taking responsibility for things going wrong, they are often quick to blame others. This avoidance of responsibility takes blame from them and puts it onto others. For a while, they are able to feel buoyed up and justified. Difficulty with relationships: Relationship difficulty is common when your child takes their low self-worth into adulthood. It is hard to truly love and dedicated yourself to another when you don’t truly love yourself. What they end up giving to their partners is a less than whole self, often putting strain on the relationship. Keep in mind that while some of these signs may or may not carry through into adulthood, everyone is impacted differently. A child who has a low self-esteem won’t always be an adult with low self-esteem. Self-esteem is not a black-and-white-all-or-nothing matter. There are varying degrees of self-esteem or self-worth. A child can have very low self-esteem or just a little self-doubt which will impact how they transform into adults.

Bill Corbett

WHAT TO DO ABOUT KIDS CUSSING

Why do kids and teens cuss and what can we do about it effectively? Here are a couple of reasons and some suggestions on what you can do about it. These suggestions may not be appropriate for all children, all families or all situations. They are simply suggestions that you might be able to use, depending on your situation with your kids. It may be a learned behaviour. Children learn by watching, listening and experimenting. If they are exposed to inappropriate language, it is sometimes normal for them to try it out themselves as experimentation. If they get a big reaction from others around them, it could motivate them to repeat it. Oftentimes, young children aren’t really sure what the words mean, they just like the reaction it brings on. For starters, be sure that your children are not being exposed to inappropriate movies, music or video games. Also be sure that your children are not witnessing abusive interactions between those involved in unhealthy relationships. This experience for them can teach them that bad behaviour and bad language are both acceptable. It may be a sign of an unmet need. In addition to basic survival needs such as food, water, sleep, and medical care, children have a series of higher level needs such as love, attention, power and safety. If these needs aren’t being met, a child could adopt inappropriate behaviours as attempts to get these needs met. In other words, a child who is not getting an adequate amount of love and attention by use cussing to get any attention they can. If your child is intentionally using bad language, ask yourself, “What could my child be trying to tell me by using those words?” Could she be doing it because she is angry about a change in the family? Has there been a divorce or a death involving any of her caregivers? Does she get plenty of opportunities that help satisfy her need to feel important and valuable to you? Ask yourself, “How is my relationship with my child? Have I been too busy for him, or have I been distracted, distant or angry? Have I been yelling and punishing too much?” If any of these conditions currently exist, the child’s use of cuss words maybe garnering him inappropriate attention from you by getting you to react. Negative attention is better than no attention at all. If your child has picked up bad language from a playmate, limit play time with that other child or increase supervision when they are together. If your child has learned it somewhere else, limit his or her exposure to that source. And if it’s a sign that your relationship with your child is lacking, spend more undistracted and quality time with your child. More often than not, a child’s challenging behaviour is actually communication. Whether you’ve found the source or not, create moments of closeness with your child to talk about the cussing. State your position that the words they are using are not acceptable to you and are not allowed in the family. Without too much ‘drilling,’ ask them why they use those words. Work cooperatively with them to come up with other words they can use instead. Finally, be calm, patience and loving. Be sure that you are setting a good example.

Doug Berry

Help your toddler survive your divorce

Divorce is unpleasant, emotional and can be a downright hurtful experience. The problem is that we sometimes forget that we aren’t the only ones experiencing this pain. Often our children suffer an unnecessary degree of hurt as a result of our incompatibility with our chosen partner… Some tips: Consistency This is a watchword for the divorcing parent! With toddlers, parents must be mindful of the need for consistency in the child’s life. This is not the time to drag them from house to house. If at all possible, they should stay in familiar surroundings with the noncustodial parent visiting there. Communication At this age, the toddler understands more than they are often given credit for. They can comprehend that one parent has left the home, but not understand why. At this age, their concept of time is also arbitrary. Your child may ask you when they are going to see their daddy, or why their daddy isn’t here anymore. No matter how many times you have to give them the answers, don’t get frustrated with them, as their world is very confusing at this time. This ties back into consistency, as you become their source of understanding and answers. Conflict If you have to argue or “debate passionately”, make sure to do it in a way that doesn’t cause your child undue fear or concern. Remember, you are the adults in this situation and you have a responsibility to your child, to reduce as much harm as this separation is causing, as possible. Behaviour Toddlers often test their boundaries by saying “No” to adults or testing limits, such as hitting or throwing. This behaviour and acting out can increase during the divorce process as a result of confused boundaries and definitions in the family environment. Toddlers need clear, consistent rules (back to consistency!) that are enforced in a loving way. Empathy Toddlers don’t have a very developed sense of empathy and tend to be concerned primarily with how their own needs are to be met. In the event of divorce, their sense of security becomes more self-oriented and their concern is about whether or not they will be secure, if they will be loved and nourished. Emotions As your toddler becomes more aware of their own feelings, they learn to express them through words and play. As tensions increase in the household due to impending divorce, they may become more reactive. Strong feelings are hard for them to manage and moderate. Don’t forget to let them know that its ok to feel them, but remember to help them manage the intensity by proper displays of your own emotional state, as well as appropriate levels of affection and understanding towards your child. Why do divorce rates increase? There are several reasons that have been put forward as to why there could be an increase in the number of divorces being seen. Here are just a few! Time of year There is a commonly recognised trend that causes a spike in divorce numbers around January and February. The assumption here is that partners who are already discontent often reach a decisive point after having to spend prolonged holidays with their partners over the festive season. This seems to galvanise many into initiating divorce proceedings in the New Year. Empowerment With the increase in awareness of rights according to the constitution of South Africa, more women have become more empowered and are less likely to remain in abusive or undesirable relationships.  In the past, many women would remain in unhappy relationships as they felt that they did not have another option, but in current times, a better degree of knowledge and understanding of women’s’ rights could be contributing to the rise of divorce. No-fault divorce South African law provides for no-fault divorce based on the “irretrievable breakdown” of the marital relationship. Couples no longer need to prove that one person is at fault. They can simply say that the marriage relationship has broken down. In essence, it has become much easier to secure a divorce on clear and available legal grounds, with less procedure than in the past. Traditional roles In the past, traditional roles played a strong part in maintaining the marital unit. Partners did not question their lot in the marriage as openly and as a result, there was less open conflict. This is not to say that there was more happiness, merely less interpersonal disagreement. With the blurring of the definition of these roles, there is a rise in open disagreement, ending too often in divorce. Greater social acceptance In certain cultural groups in South Africa, divorce has long held an extremely shameful cloud over the divorcee, especially for the former wife. This has resulted in shunning and community abandonment, which served to discourage others from initiating proceedings. The more accepting the societies become of the concept; the more individuals are willing to pursue it as a route out of an undesirable marriage. Less guilt It is not uncommon these days for couples to wait 10 years before having children. As a result, many do not feel the same degree of guilt over “breaking up” the family unit, or over causing children distress. The disclaimer “at least there aren’t kids involved” can be heard echoing through the divorce courts.

Aupair Exclusive

10 Questions to ask a Nanny in an Interview

This is always a very difficult decision for a mom. You have been at home for thee months on maternity leave or maybe even longer and now its time to return to work. You are now tasked with finding someone that will love and care for your child the same way that you do. So you have what you think is “ supper nanny “ sitting on the couch in front of you, and you are wondering what questions you should ask her to help you decide what makes her different from everyone else These are some of the most advisable questions, but at the end of the day a mom always goes with her gut. You are preparing a bottle of formula, do you put the water or formula in first ? surprising a lot of childminders think they should put the formula in first. Then how do you mix the formula ? So Basically how to prepare a bottle, someone who is fully trained and experience childminder should be able to give a full demonstration or explanation Have you done a first aid course ? if she yes, present her with a scenario and ask her what she would do What did you like about the last family you worked for ? not “ why did you leave ? “ that brings  negativity rather listen to how positive she is, does she speak kindly of their children, does she glow when she speaks about them. How would you stimulate my child? you want to see if she knows about age appropriate games and if she knows how to draw up a weekly schedule of activities involving arts and crafts, outdoor play, good old traditional games, nursery rhymes and she should be using items in the home to do this. How long do you want to work for my family ? ideally you want a long term relationship. Many  childminders now go on to get drivers license’s  and at a later stage become an Aupair for the family. They drive the children around and run errands for the family. What type of discipline will you use on my child ? You want to see if she understands the concept of time out. Best is to ask what type of discipline she used in previous homes. When my baby is crying what will you do ?  If your child is awake the best is to give your child to  her hold in the interview, especially if she does start crying. Second to that is you want know what motions does she use for example, does she put the baby on her back, or rock the baby etc. How many children have you taken care of at one time? most homes have 2 – 3 children now  days. However there is often a domestic worker to help and the mom could also be at home to help. You want to understand how many she took care of totally on her own. When changing a nappy which way do you wipe ? depending on whether you have a boy or a girl she should know a girl you wipe front to back to back. You could also ask her to change your child’s nappy during the interview to see how she does it. Questions aside have conversation with the lady, you want to understand her and her lifestyle, where she comes from, her life story. How many children does she have, who looks after them, is she married, how often does she go home, are her parents still alive, does she have siblings, does she want to study anything ( they love to do courses if you offer to help better themselves it is the start to a good relationship ). You are judging her character at the end of the day, you can always train her on the smaller things that need polishing up.

Mia Von Scha

WHY DO CHILDREN LIE?

The question of why children lie begs the greater question of why any of us lie. If you think back to the last time you lied (and I’ll bet my life you can think of a time), look at what was going on internally and this will give you a good idea of why your children do it and how to avoid it in future. Now before we get to that, let me just say that we all have all traits. We are all liars sometimes and every one of us will be pushed to lie under certain circumstances. So firstly, please never label your child as a liar. Once we apply a label to a child they are more likely (not less) to repeat this behaviour and to incorporate it into their sense of self as they grow up. ALL children lie sometimes (as do ALL adults). Ok, so it’s normal to lie sometimes, but why, and why do some lie more often? Going back to why we all do, lying is a fear-based behaviour. The child believes, for whatever reason, that if they tell the truth it will result in more pain than pleasure. And where do they get this message? From us, of course. We’re constantly giving kids unconscious messages that telling the truth will get you in trouble. “Who ate the sweets?” “I did” “Right, go to your room”. Sound familiar? What we need to get into the habit of doing is praising truth-telling and taking responsibility more than we punish “bad” behaviour. If our children own up and say that they “did it” we should be actively praising this behaviour and pointing out that while the behaviour is not ok with us, we’re really impressed that they told the truth. Children will only lie if they are afraid of our reaction to the truth. I know that many people worry that if they take this approach they will be too soft on the bad behaviour and will end up with unruly kids. One of the fundamental structures for well-behaved, compliant children is being their primary attachment (which implies complete trust, openness and closeness). If your children trust you completely and feel connected to you and loved no matter what they do they will actually be less likely to produce so called “bad” behaviours in the long run. Of course they will make mistakes along the way and present “negative” traits (like we all do) including lying, but this will not develop into any kind of delinquency if that adult-child connection is in place. And part of keeping it in place is keeping the lines of communication open and allowing your children to tell the truth and know they will be safe. I think this is a fundamental skill to work on when your children are little and to instil a sense of open communication and acceptance BEFORE they become teenagers. Once our kids hit the teen years, if we’ve shut off honest communication, we are in for a different level of trouble with our children lying to us about things that can be life threatening, or where they really could use our adult help and guidance. The next time your child lies to you think about why they would be afraid to tell the truth and then instead of punishing them for lying, rather address the rift in your relationship.

OneAid

10 Essential Tips To Prevent Poisoning In Your Home

I was recently prescribed some analgesics for a small day procedure. That afternoon, when I got home, I placed the packet of meds on my dresser and later found my daughter sitting on the floor inspecting the packet. My heart stopped! This careless mistake could have had devastating consequences. Unfortunately poisoning data in South Africa is lacking. One study dating back to 2012 found that the most common cause of accidental poisoning in SA children is pesticides. However, the list of potential poisons throughout our homes is extensive; here are just a few more obvious ones: Medications Household cleaners and disinfectants Cosmetics and toiletries Insect and rodent repellants Weed killers and other outdoor chemicals Swimming pool chemicals Flea and tick shampoos and other products for pets I have put together a list of some useful tips to prevent accidental poisoning at home. Some of them may seem fairly obvious but as I have recently experienced it is easy to forget. Keep all potential household and other hazards in their original containers. DO NOT transfer into coke bottles or Tupperware’s. Make sure seals of potential hazards are tight and secure before locking away. Please note that child resistant packaging of medications is NOT childproof. Keep potential hazards locked away in the highest cupboard with a childproof lock. The cupboard should even be high for you, as little minds can get quite creative with boxes and stools and climb up onto countertops. Keep potential hazards out of reach of children when in use and never leave bottles or buckets unattended. Never call medicine sweets/candy. This is a common mistake parents make in order to get their kids to take medicine when sick. This could lead to a child one day consuming an entire bottle of ‘sweets’. Never leave your handbag lying around and be extra cautious when you have visitors over as many people keep painkillers in their bags. Alcohol is often overlooked and is very dangerous to your little ones if consumed in excess. Keep alcohol out of reach of children especially when hosting parties. Any kind of battery can be dangerous if leaking or ingested. Keep remote controls and other battery containing devices away from children. If you are unsure about whether or not a household item is hazardous, assume it is and keep it locked away. Things that seem harmless are most often extremely dangerous. Most importantly TEACH your children about the dangers! It may be a good idea to identify what potential hazards you have in your home. Do a check of every room in the house including your garage and make sure your home is safe. RESOURCES Balme, K., Roberts, J.C., Glasstone, M., Curling, L. & Mann, M.D. (2012) The changing trends of childhood poisoning at a tertiarychildren’s hospital in South Africa. South African Medical Journal. [Online] 102 (3), pp. 142-146. Available from: http://www.scielo.org.za/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S0256-95742012000300023&lng=en&tlng=en [Accessed 8 August 2018]. Veale, D.J.H., Wium, C.A. & Müller, G.J. (2012) Toxicovigilance I: A survey of acute poisoning in South Africa based on Tygerberg Poison Information Centre data. South African Medical Journal. [Online] 103 (5), pp. 293-297. Available from: http://www.samj.org.za/index.php/samj/article/view/6647/5054 [Accessed 8 August 2018].

All4Woman

5 Tips for baby’s first outing

It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed at the thought of heading out with baby, for the first time. There’s a lot to prepare for and fear, but take heart, it will probably be easier than you foresee…

OneAid

A Bump To The Head: When Should You Worry?

I have attended to many children in the ER who have taken a tumble. In the US, falls account for around half the injury-related ER visits in children under 5 years of age. Most of these falls involve furniture such as changing mats, high chairs, baby walkers and beds. Parents are almost always concerned about head injuries. Majority of head injuries from a fall are usually minor. Children under one who fall are more likely to sustain head injuries regardless of the height from which they fall. Whereas older children are more prone to extremity fractures. This is because an infant’s head is much larger than the rest of their body. As a child grows, their head mass becomes more proportional and they develop upper body strength, which enables them to brace falls with their arms or legs. WHEN TO SEE A DOCTOR  If your child is awake, alert and behaving normally after a bump to the head with no other signs and symptoms then he or she will most likely be fine and you don’t have to rush to hospital right away. It’s a good idea to observe your child for 1-2 days afterwards, since symptoms of a brain injury may present late. Seek Medical Attention: For any bump to the head in an infant; If your child has lost consciousness, even if brief; If your child has any signs and symptoms of a concussion (see below); If your child is inconsolable; If your child is vomiting; If your child is difficult to wake; If your child has a seizure; and/or If you suspect a broken bone. If your child has had a bad fall and you suspect a neck injury DO NOT move your child. Call an ambulance right away! Always trust your gut. If you are unsure rather head straight to your nearest emergency room. CONCUSSION A concussion is a brain injury caused by a blow to the head. The signs and symptoms may be vague and may even take a few days to develop. It’s important to know that not all concussions cause a loss of consciousness. Concussions can be more difficult to diagnose in children, as they are not as vocal about their symptoms. Children older than 2 years will show more behavioural symptoms. Signs & symptoms will therefore depend on age and include but are not limited to: Irritable and fussy; Unusually sleepy; Crying more than usual; Change in appetite; Nausea and/or vomiting; Lack of interest in play; Headache; Confusion; Child is unsteady on his or her feet; Sensitivity to light and noise; Blurred or double vision; Dizziness; Unusual speech e.g.: slow or slurred; Poor concentration and memory; and/or Problems with co-ordination. DIAGNOSING A CONCUSSION  The doctor will do a thorough evaluation. A CT scan and MRI cannot diagnose a concussion. A CT scan will however, most likely be ordered to exclude a brain bleed or skull fracture depending on the mechanism of injury and presenting symptoms. The majority of falls in children are caused by modifiable factors and are therefore preventable. It’s impossible to bubble wrap our kids and we shouldn’t have to. Falls and tumbles can teach our children valuable lessons, but we can spend time baby proofing our homes and being more cautious to prevent serious injury. Remember to always buckle your baby in their high chair and never leave him or her unattended on a changing mat, not even for a second – it takes seconds for an accident to happen. RESOURCES Burrows, P. et al. (2015) Head injury from falls in children younger than 6 years of age. Arch Dis Child, [online] 100 (11), pp. 1032-1037. Available from: https://0-www-ncbi-nlm-nih-gov.innopac.wits.ac.za/pmc/articles/PMC4680174/ [Accessed 3 October 2018]. CDC (2017) Traumatic Brain Injury & Concussion [online]. Available from: https://www.cdc.gov/traumaticbraininjury/symptoms.html [Accessed 3 october 2018]. Chaudhary, S. et al. (2018) Pediatric falls ages 0–4: understanding demographics, mechanisms, and injury severities. Inj Epidemiol, [online] 5 (suppl 1). Available from: https://0-www-ncbi-nlm-nih-gov.innopac.wits.ac.za/pmc/articles/PMC5893510/ [Accessed 3 October 2018]. Kendrick, D. et al. (2015) Risk and Protective Factors for Falls From Furniture in Young Children Multicenter Case-Control Study. JAMA Pediatr, [online] 169 (2), pp. 145-153. Available from: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/1939058 [Accessed 3 October 2018]. Samuel, N. et al. (2015) Falls in young children with minor head injury: A prospective analysis of injury mechanisms. Brain Injury, [online] 29 (7-8), pp. 946-950. Available from: https://0-www-tandfonline-com.innopac.wits.ac.za/doi/full/10.3109/02699052.2015.1017005 [Accessed 3 October 2018].

Parenting Hub

What to do With Kids Who Always Want, Plead, Beg or Demand

I was shopping for a child relative’s gift and was looking at items in the toy section of a large department store.  Near me were a mother and her son who appeared to be about seven.  He was pleading with her to buy him a toy he really wanted and the begging began to escalate in intensity.  In response to each request, her responses also increased in intensity as she would reply NO and the offer a reason. Some of this mother’s reasons included: “we have no money,” “your father is on a business trip and he needed to take our extra money with him,” “you already have that kind of toy laying on your bedroom floor,” “you don’t play with what you have,” “I’m tired of buying you toys,” “you don’t appreciate what you have,” “your birthday is coming,” “stop asking for things,” and on and on and on. Standing next to this drama and hearing it all play out was excruciating.  But deep inside of me was the natural urge to want to stop his pleading by doing exactly what this mother did next… she bought him the toy!  When kids keep demanding something and the parent is already stressed and tired, the natural urge is to yell and get angry, or give in to the child’s demands to stop the noise.  Here are two things you can do to curb the “I want that” demands. SET UP A MONEY MANAGEMENT PROCESS.  Taking a look at this problem from the child’s perspective; they have little or no control over spending money and you have given in to their requests in the past.  The solution is to set up a money saving/spending plan that they can control. Whenever you take your child shopping with you, allow him/her to take whatever they have in the ‘spending’ envelope to buy something.  Your responsibilities are to help them set up this system, ensure that it is maintained (supervise it in the beginning) and to approve what they spend it on. HELP YOUR CHILD CREATE A DREAM BOOK.  Buy your child a composition book (black and white cover and what we used in school) that you can find in the office supply isle of most department or convenience stores.  Tell your child that this is going to be his/her ‘dream book’ where he/she can record all of the things he/she desires.  Encourage your child to draw pictures of what they want or cut out pictures from magazines and fliers to paste into the new dream book. When your child sees something a friend has or in a television commercial, you simply say “put it in your dream book.”  You are not responsible for fulfilling their dreams, your job is to teach them HOW to dream.  With the holidays upon us, now is a good time to implement some changes to keep the “I WANT IT” demands from overwhelming you. Finally, avoid arguing with your child and certainly don’t give in.  Doing so reinforces the behaviour (demanding) that drives you crazy.  When they ask for something you’re not willing to provide, tell them that and don’t use the word NO.  Simply say one time, “I’m not willing to buy that today,” and nothing more.  Avoid giving excuses if you know they aren’t going to accept them.  Saying NO seems to move them to demand even more.

Aupair Exclusive

How having Twins makes a better You!

Chances are whether you are expecting twins are already have them, you constantly hear about the challenges in having twins, along with some colourful commentary. There may be challenges along the way, but having multiples is special and amazing and can teach you so much about yourself. Here are some moms comments on what they have learnt about themselves since having twins. I enjoy every moment of life so much more I never knew I had so much love in me I have become a lot more easy going and have learnt to over look a lot, as long as my kids are happy, a messy house doesn’t stress me out as much as it did when I had just one child Patience……Lots and lots of patience I have become an expert in routines and time management Able to get so much more done in a short period of time – less time wastage Popularity has increased! Its like being a celebrity as people stare, smile and want to stop and talk to you the minute they spot the twin stroller Doing tasks faster than I imagined I could I have learnt not to sweat the small stuff and let go a little. I have also learnt to have fun again, through and with my boys Managing time for hubby and 2 year old twins is a big struggle Coping and multi tasking skills. Having twins plus 1 has taught me to cope with 3 kids on my own without getting over worked and just generally your strategic mind really gets into gear Having twins has taught me to adapt and give individual attention to each of the twins as if they were singletons My OCD has taken a back seat as I have learnt the world won’t end if everything is not clean / perfect / finished all the time I use my time better, worry less, do more laugh a lot!!!! I lost the super mom idea and had to ask for help especially when they were little. At age 3 I have to observe more , cant jump in to fight their fights for them. I have learnt grace, compassion and patience I have learnt I control everything, I’ve learnt not to sweat the small stuff and I’m actually a far more chilled person for having had twins I’ve learnt to ask for help, though I still battle with this sometimes, I like to do things myself, with twins it isn’t always possible and now with a 3rd even harder!! I have learnt to adjust our expectations and just go with the flow – they’re three now and at least we got out the other side with honour and sanity intact Having twins has taught me that I am capable of far more than I ever thought possible. I didn’t know if I would be able to survive twins, plus a 2 year old and a 4 year old with autism. But the twins are 6 months now and somehow we made it work and sometimes even have a lot of fun doing it Twins give you super powers. You can multi task like a pro. You get patience like you cant believe.You have this amazing overwhelming feeling of happiness and love. You cope with less because you have more. Twins don’t have a routine they have a drill sergeant behind them. One wrong move and there is chaos

Mia Von Scha

Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids…

Did you know that in the languages of Sweden, Norway and Finland, where they experience long snow-filled winters, there are as many as 180 snow and ice related words. That’s a lot of ways to talk about something we just call, well, snow and ice. Imagine how differently snow would appear to you if you had so many ways to describe it rather than just cold, wet and white!   Now think about how much richer your child’s emotional life would be if they could describe what they were feeling with more words than just happy, sad and mad. ​ The thing is, the labels that we apply to our emotions do more than just help us to communicate with others what is going on in our internal world. They also help us to understand how to process and cope with what is going on and assist us in directing our behavior appropriately.For example… If you are just “sad”, then you might have only two options… cry and/or wait it out. But if you differentiate sadness into loneliness, boredom, grief, tiredness, melancholy, nostalgia, heartbrokeness or disappointment, then you suddenly have a few more options. You can phone a friend to alleviate loneliness; you can hop onto Pinterest for some craft ideas if you’re bored; you can take a nap if you’re tired; or adjust your expectations if you’re disappointed.Our emotions are the language of the unconscious mind and are there to help us to live more authentic, fulfilled lives by directing our attention to things that need to be addressed, by changing our physiology for survival, and by drawing our attention to the things that bring us joy so that we can do more of them. The more in tune we are with these messages, the more likely we are to live a rich, meaningful existence.Think of this as a relationship between yourself and this other aspect of your mind. The relationship is going to be a fairly shallow one if you only know a few words of the other partner’s language!So the main key to helping children to develop emotional intelligence is to develop their emotional vocabulary.  Happy, sad and mad are fine when you’re three, but not when you’re 13 or 23 (or even 53!).  Get out that dictionary. Start by making a long list of all the feeling words you can find. Keep adding to this as you discover more. Turn these into a daily emotional tracking chart that the whole family can use. Play emotional charades by placing all your newly learned words into a hat and each family member picking one and acting it out to see if the others can guess the feeling. Load a thesaurus onto your phone and every time you want to describe how you feel find another 5 ways of saying that which would more accurately describe your state. Read to your kids and discuss how the characters are feeling. Engage your children in emotional discussions. Really really listen to what they are saying and see if you can find the perfect word to sum it all up. Consider making up your own words if the perfect word doesn’t exist yet. Adding “hangry” to our vocabularies to describe the irritation that comes when you haven’t eaten enough has helped us to take the right action in the situation (i.e. instead of punishing the child that is lashing out, we give them a snack!). Language helps us to process our world, to interact with others and to express our needs and desires. Emotional language assists us in understanding ourselves, having empathy for others, directing our behavior appropriately, and managing our internal state. Transform snow into a damp, piercing and ghostly environment where you are engulfed by its icy transparency… and transform your child’s emotional world into as colourful a landscape. Emotionally intelligent kids need a vocabulary that is rich enough to express the depth of their internal world.

Kip McGrath

Teaching Study Skills: Whose Responsibility Is It Anyway?

Exams bring its fair share of stress and pressure. It is a time when teachers, parents and children feel overwhelmed by the volumes of work that need to be covered in class and committed to memory at home. Parents often feel that teachers should provide more guidance about how to study. Teachers feel that they have mountains of content to cover and do not have enough time to review the content as well. This leaves one wondering, who will show a child how to get through all the topics on their exam scope? Too Little, Too Late There is no magic trick to replace making and spending enough time to review work covered in class well in advance. Children’s busy afternoon programmes barely leave them with enough time to complete their homework for the following day. If a child only completes homework and skims over work for weekly tests without making summaries of the work covered in class, it leads to huge chunks of content to be covered prior to the exam. Mom, is it perhaps time to help your child to cut down on afternoon activities? Keywords are Key Making summaries of work covered in class needs to be done on a consistent basis. It reduces the workload prior to exams. When the key points have been highlighted and summarised, the child only has to focus on what has already been selected as the most important content. The child can then use the keywords to formulate sentences in his/her own words. Children often think that they have to repeat the words of the textbook verbatim. However, it is more important to retell the facts in a way that makes sense to them. Mock Tests Help your child to set his/her own test paper by formulating their own questions with answers. This will help them feel more prepared and less anxious before their exams. Chrizelle Prinsloo is the owner of Kip McGrath Education Centres, Walmer.  She has a background in psychology and has taught in mainstream and special-needs schools both locally and abroad. Chrizelle is passionate about helping children gain confidence in their own abilities and about finding different ways to help them learn.

Mia Von Scha

ARE YOU ENCOURAGING YOUR CHILD TO REBEL WITHOUT KNOWING IT?

Control and freedom. We all want both. We like to feel some sense of power and authority and we definitely want the feeling that nobody has power or authority over us – freedom. These apparently contradictory ideas are actually one. What we all really want, the true control we want to yield, is the power over ourselves – to be able to direct our time and our lives and to be able to pursue what is most meaningful to us without interference from others. What we want is to control our own freedom. And parenting is the place where our misguided attempts to control others (instead of our own lives) plays out the most. If we sit quietly with our own frustration and anger and disappointment that we are directing towards our children and their behaviour; If we truly allow these feelings to surface without attack; If we go deeply into the pain underlying them, what we find is that our futile attempts to control our children always come from our own unresolved issues. Children pulse with their own life-force, with their own goals and dreams and desires. Children, too, have the innate desire to control their own freedom. But when we, the adults, are not living authentic lives then we feel the need to squash the freedom we see in them. We need to make them conform to the same societal expectations that killed our inner joy, to let go of childish fantasies and ‘grow up into the real world’. We create all sorts of control mechanisms – punishments, shaming, coercion, rewards and the giving or withholding of approval – and then agree on these as a society to justify our own sense of disillusionment with how our lives have panned out. We believe that our underlying motivation is pure: That we want our children to grow up and fit into society and be liked and acceptable. What we don’t realise is that the very techniques that we use to entice our children into conformity are the same things that will initiate their rebellion. Nobody can suppress their inner authenticity for long periods of time. Teenage rebellion is absolutely essential in a society that manipulates and coerces children into being something they are not; And is totally absent in communities that allow children freedom. What looks like successful control in childhood – a well-behaved, obedient child – is the perfect fertile soil for that teen rebellion. Control can never be an external factor. True control must always come from within. It must arise from living a life where we are true to ourselves and also allow others to be true to themselves. Children (and adults) who are internally free and happy and living on purpose never put obstacles the paths of others. It is fear that lies behind all other-control. And what we fear as parents is that our children will become unruly, unlikable delinquents. And our fear converts into control, which converts into rebellion, and we unwittingly create the very thing we are afraid of. Let your children be. But first, let yourself be. Take some time as you head into this new year to assess your life. Are you doing what you really want to do? Is your life meaningful and joyous and filled with engaging challenges? Are you free, or have you succumbed to the power of some authority? Do you wake in the morning excited to see what the day brings? There is a lot we can learn from our children if we stop trying to make them like us and instead we see if we could possibly be more like them. Start controlling your own life and your own freedom and you will see that letting go of control in terms of your children is not something you need to do, but something that will come naturally as you live a more authentic life. Sow the seeds of freedom in your own life and you will stop sowing the seeds of rebellion in theirs.

OneAid

Common First Aid Myths

I am often surprised by how some of my patients manage their injuries before they come to the emergency room. I think my own mother is also guilty of practising some really strange methods whilst I was growing up. Over the years, medical advice and management has evolved. What may have made sense years ago is now out of date and has been replaced with more sound research and often logic. Here are just a few of the first aid practices and myths that I have seen over the years.

All4Woman

6 Must-read tips for successful expressing

Ultimately, the reason why you are expressing will determine how long you carry on for and/or how much milk is expressed Whether you express to keep your baby guzzling breast milk while you’re at work (or step out), or you express because your little one struggles to breastfeed, we can all agree on one thing… … it’s hard work. Think: Time (so.much.time), fluctuations in milk supply and a million little parts, not to mention bottles, that need to be washed, assembled and kept track of. But, that doesn’t mean it’s not doable – especially if your follow these six tips, courtesy of Vicki Scott (baby feeding and well-being advisor at Philips AVENT): 6 Must-read tips for successful expressing Practice makes perfect – or certainly improves how easily you can express! Try to express at the same time every day for a few days (after baby’s first feed of the day is a good time) Stimulate the let-down reflex before you start to pump, if the milk does not flow very easily. Do this by having a warm bath or gently massaging your breast with the flat of your hand. Good to know: Expressing from one side whilst feeding from the other is effective, as baby does the job of stimulating let-down for you! If using a manual pump, depress the lever as far as is comfortable; hold for a second or two, release, then repeat. Find a rhythm which feels natural – you are trying to mimic your baby suckling at the breast in order for your milk to begin to flow. When your milk begins to flow, slow down the pumping rhythm a little to suit you Continue pumping until the milk flow ceases, then swap to the other side.When flow on the second side ceases, return to the first It may be helpful to continue to gently massage the breast towards the nipple throughout, as this could help with let-down The reason why you are expressing will determine how long you carry on for and/or how much milk is expressed Remember… As with breastfeeding, successful expressing depends on various factors. Being relaxed, comfy and unhurried is key to a successful pumping session! Expressing is not always an accurate indication of how much milk you make– and baby is far more efficient at extracting milk from your breast than a pump is! Author: LARA BESTBIER Writer. Creative. Word-nerd. Aspiring photographer. Oh, and mom to the only little girl more demanding than me. Parenting editor at All4Women (e-mail me at lara@all4women.co.za).

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