Most parents will be woken at least once in their child’s life, to their little one screaming and crying from having a bad dream. Nightmares are especially prevalent in children who are between two and three years of age, as their imagination runs wild. Children want to be comforted during this time and even though it might take them a bit of time to let go of the scary thoughts and fall back asleep they will be comforted by the presence of a parent.
With calculators, spell-checkers and predictive text now being a common feature on computers and mobile phones, will today’s children still need strong mental skills to get by? Using technological software may be quick and easy, but there are real disadvantages that come when a child is so dependent on online assistance; namely, they will lack mental agility, fluency and accuracy, and they probably won’t be using their brain to its full capacity. Everyday tasks as simple as checking they’ve received the right change, or working out ratios of ingredients when preparing meals, require mental calculations which a child reliant on technology could struggle with. A student who looks to spell-checker to ensure the accuracy of their work will struggle when completing it offline; they’ll be marked down for inaccuracy during handwritten exams, or perhaps they know an answer but their poor spelling lets them down because the examiner is unable to understand their intention. Looking to the future, strong mental arithmetic and literacy skills are important in whatever career a child chooses to pursue, and are still noticed and sought after by most employers. A child who has these abilities will feel more confident and at ease in the workplace. In addition to all of the above, reading and writing, and solving mathematical calculations exercises the brain and keeps it healthy. The brain is a muscle, and like the other muscles in the body, it needs to be exercised and stimulated regularly to stay healthy and keep functioning at its optimum. Dr Ryuta Kawashima is a professor at Tohoku University in Japan and he is a leader in the field of Brain Imaging in Japan. He has conducted numerous experiments and research to discover what activities activate and stimulate the brain and what activities don’t. One activity that Dr Kawashima discovered that is excellent for stimulating the brain is performing mathematical calculations regularly, even simple ones. He conducted research to find out which activity exercised the brain more: playing very complex video games, or solving mathematical calculations of adding one digit numbers to each other e.g. 1 + 2 + 5 + 3 + 6 etc. Although at the outset he was sure that the video games would activate the brain more, when he measured activity using MRI scans, he saw that video games actually stimulated the brain very little, but that the arithmetical calculations had the brain firing on all cylinders. This surprising finding urged Dr Kawashima into further research and he has shown that mathematical calculations stimulate the brain, help to lay down neural pathways and keep the brain from degenerating. Dr Kawashima has this to say, “The prefrontal cortex, the area for thinking and learning, of both hemispheres [of the brain] is active during simple calculation. Dealing with numbers is an important and sophisticated activity for human beings. … From primary school to college, simple calculation triggers brain activity. … Calculation is extremely helpful in training and developing your brain.” (p.34). Another activity that is vital for the brain is reading, especially reading out loud. Through his research, Dr Kawashima has found that when reading, many parts of both sides of the brain, as well as the prefrontal cortex (the most important place in the brain for thinking and learning) are activated. (p.26). Reading out loud activates the brain even more than reading silently. This can be a useful tip when it comes to studying. Reading work out loud can help a learner to remember it better. Mental agility skills do take time to develop and improve but through practice they will make all the difference! How can you encourage the development of these skills in your child? Turn everyday experiences into learning opportunities – when shopping, ask your child to work out how much your bill will cost before you get to the checkout, and have them look at the receipt afterwards to check it’s correct. Have a weekly spelling bee at home or a times tables challenge – competitions and rewards are good incentives to encourage children to learn and make learning fun. When reading with your child, ensure they are familiar with all the words on the page and get them to write and spell out new words. Encourage your child to write regularly as this offers opportunities to spell. Through this, you’ll be able to see spellings they struggle with, and employ tracing, mnemonics and/or other strategies to help them improve. At Kumon, we aim to foster independent learners through our maths and English programmes. Our students do not rely on calculators, dictionaries or coping strategies to advance through their study; instead they are encouraged to become self-learners who develop in academic ability and skill with each worksheet they complete. Through daily practice our students develop in understanding, fluency and pace, allowing them to advance to more complexed work. If you’re interested in enrolling your child to Kumon, visit our website www.kumon.co.za to find your nearest study centre and contact your local Instructor for more information. Sources for this article: https://www.kumon.co.uk/blog/do-children-still-need-strong-mental-agility-when-then-can-rely-on-technology/ Kawashima, R. 2003. Train Your Brain. Kumon Publishing Co, Ltd. Tokyo, Japan Kawashima, R. and Koizumi, H. ed. 2003. Learning Therapy. Tohoku University Press. Sendai, Japan
Speech therapists, speech and language therapists and speech pathologists all refer to the same scope of practice. In South Africa, we study a 4 year Bachelor of Science degree at university followed by 1 year of community service at a government hospital or health care facility. It is a requirement that we register with the Health Professionals Council of South Africa (HPCSA). Thereafter, we can work in the public or private sector.
I have been assisting families with implementing sleep plans for many years and as it so happens that I am assisting the same families again with their second or third children. Often, the question comes up: “Why does the same plan of my first child not work with the other children? There is truth when I say: “Every child is different!”
Knowing how to speak more than one language is a wonderful gift – particularly when living in such a diverse country like South Africa! But how should you go about doing this? Well here are some tips on raising a bilingual child from Clamber Club Expert and Speech and Language Therapist, Savannah Senior: Start early. Children can pick up and absorb languages astonishingly fast. Before the ages of 3-4 years old is the best time to teach your child a new language. The earlier, the better!! Research shows that if we are not exposed to certain sounds early on, it becomes much harder to hear and pronounce them. Don’t mix languages i.e. use only one language at a time. Languages all have their own special characteristics – their own grammar, sounds, pronunciations and structure. When we mix languages, we mix all these characteristics and it will make it more difficult for your child to distinguish between them and learn them. Natural environments are best. You don’t need to use classroom-style teaching to learn a new language. The best way to teach your child a second, third or even fourth language is to use it in your everyday activities and play. Research has shown that children pick up languages faster in this way. Fluency is key. Your child will only really master a language when they are exposed to someone who speaks fluently, on a regular basis. Sometimes they will mess up! It is expected to sometimes confuse vocabulary or word order when learning multiple languages. Remember to not make this into a deal and to remind them it is okay to make mistakes. You can also repeat the phrase or sentence back to your child so they learn the correct vocabulary and word order. So, let’s get chatting! Bye bye; Totsiens; Uhambe Kahle; Sala hantle; Famba Kahle; Au Revoir; Auf Wiedersehen; Tchau Tchau; Ciao Ciao………
We often tell the legacies of our fathers in the fond stories of what we learnt about life from them. Positive, involved fathers help us to live a life driven by values, and guided by tried-and-true principles. Many fathers adeptly play the roles of coach and motivator, encouraging their children to focus on goals and to develop persistence and resilience in the face of life’s challenges. In the modern world of working parents, fathers have broken out of the restrictions of being sole breadwinners, freeing them to make more contributions to childcare and development. Involved fathers tend to develop deeper relationships and have stronger emotional bonds with their children. They enjoy a more fulfilling parenting experience while children benefit in innumerable, long-lasting ways from their father’s consistent affection and attention. However, South Africa is a country with a systemic crisis of fathering that goes hand-in-hand with its high levels of gender-based violence. It is estimated that around 70% of South African children are growing up in single-parent homes, and 4 out of 5 boys are growing up without positive male role models in their lives. Jaco van Schalkwyk, Founder and Director of The Character Company (TCC), a non-profit organisation offering a mentorship programme for fatherless boys says, “This Father’s Day it is important to celebrate all the amazing involved dads in South Africa, as well as to recognise that we are a society where broken masculinity is unfortunately, prevalent across our communities. Growing up without a healthy connection to a positive father or male role model has a staggering impact on too many of our boys. Fathers play an important role in helping their sons navigate masculinity and gender identity. Sons can learn emotional intelligence from their fathers and how to properly regulate themselves and constructively express their emotions. Direct exposure to adult men who act as wise guides can help growing boys develop a healthy sense of identity.” Research also shows that fatherless boys may be more vulnerable to: Fear of abandonment and sense of loss Sadness, anxiety and depression Poor social connections and relationship-building skills Behavioural issues Poor academic performance Substance abuse Exposure to crime and gangsterism Many of these impacts will change the course of a boy’s life, and the psychological effects may last a lifetime. Van Schalkwyk continues, “The cards are stacked against a fatherless boy. Of course, not all of them will under-achieve or take a wrong path to adulthood. There are many boys raised by single mothers who will turn out well and will one day become positive parents themselves despite the lack of a father’s love and involvement. But others will unfortunately, perpetuate the generational cycles of broken masculinity.” TCC harnesses the power of male volunteers for its activity-based mentorship programme which pairs fatherless boys with MENtors. Currently, 250 boys around the country are assigned to 55 vetted adult male volunteers. An outdoors focus helps to promote physical activity, life skills and healthy lifestyles. The boys benefit from exposure to living a values-based life and exploring life challenges and issues under the guidance of adult men in safe and contained spaces. Van Schalkwyk says, “The programme provides vital opportunities for boys to learn from men – about positive masculinity and the contributions of men to society. The programme’s strong values set high expectations and provides secure boundaries where the boys can gain skills, practice self-regulation and work towards self-mastery. In the absence of fathers in their lives, this chance to develop meaningful relationships with TCC MENtors empowers them by providing caring contact with male role models who are emotionally intelligent, consistent in their actions and true to their commitments. Our TCC MENtors step up and be part of ‘the villages’ that we need to raise all our children well. For South African men looking to make a difference to our country, getting involved in supporting and mentoring fatherless boys is a gift that is going to last a lifetime. They will never be forgotten by these boys. Even though they won’t be able to tell stories about what they learnt from their fathers, they will still have a heartfelt story to tell about what they learnt from their MENtor.” Find out how to volunteer as TCC mentor here Learn more about The Character Company
Most parents agree that they want their children to reach their full potential – whatever that may be. They won’t enjoy and celebrate a child any less if it turns out that his fullest potential doesn’t involve straight A’s and being hugely successful in the sports arena. In fact, most of us will be more than pleased to see our little ones grow up to be truly happy and successful in their own unique way. As long as they live their best life – everything else is a bonus. However, ask any adult about their happiness level and whether they think they are living meaningful lives and you will soon realise that “living your best life” is not as easy as it sounds. It’s so difficult, in fact, that any practical advice to parents about things that can be done during the early years to increase a child’s chances to be happy and content as an adult one day is extremely valuable. In this post we’ll be looking at what research teaches us about cultivating social skills in our children. It is, after all, impossible for a person to be happy and successful without being able to get along with people. Here are five things that parents can do to help lay a solid foundation with regards to social skills. 1. Talk about thoughts and emotions. Studies show that children, whose parents often talk about what they and their children are thinking and feeling, are more popular, more comfortable in social situations and better able to cope with anger and disappointment. [1] 2. Deliberately work on having a sunny outlook on life. Children with the most developed preschool social skills are the ones who experience more positive emotions at home. It’s not necessary or even realistic to be constantly happy, but practice a “can-do” attitude towards setbacks and frustrations. Researchers say children suffer when parents – and particularly mothers – tend to give in to anger or despair when things don’t go according to plan. The more often children see their mothers display negative emotions, the less likely they are to view their mothers as people who can comfort them and give them advice. [2] 3. Create special opportunities for “pretend play” and join in the action every now and then. One of the most important ways in which children develop friendships during the pre-school years is by playing pretend games together. Researchers have found that children who pretend together are less likely than other children to quarrel or have communication problems. They also develop self-control and the ability to “put themselves in somebody else’s shoes”. [3] Parents who play along from time to time are doing their children a huge favour. Children are found to play for longer and at a higher level when parents encourage them. But, remember to keep the experience upbeat and don’t take over; allow your little one to take the lead. 4. Use words wisely when you discipline your child. Peggy O’Mara said, “The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice”. What’s more, research shows that children, whose parents take the time to explain rules and discuss consequences of bad behaviour, are popular amongst their peers and they have more self-control and less conflict with peers. [4] 5. Be sensitive to your child’s emotions. One study, done by Suzanne Denham in 1997, asked children to say what they think their parents would do when they experience strong emotions in various situations, for instance when they wake up from a bad dream. The very same children who reported that their parents would comfort them and not ignore their emotions or get angry were the ones who were pointed out by teachers to be more socially skilled when they are with their friends. These children were also better able to relate to other children’s feelings and they were generally more cooperative. [5] What much of the research boils down to is that positive parental involvement is very important to their children’s social development. What’s more, discussing thoughts and emotions, whether positive or negative, helps our children to understand their own thinking and feelings, and therefore other people’s, so much better. This article is written by: The Practica Programme is a comprehensive research- and play-based home programme. This unique system has stood the test of time since 1993, and it comprises of a wooden box with specialized apparatus, parents’ guides, an advisory service and educational newsletters. From birth to 23 months of age, parents choose from a balanced selection of more than 1000 activities to develop the 14 fundamental skills age-appropriately. For children between 2 and 7 years, the 50 school readiness skills are divided into 6 groups and tackled systematically, year by year, with 10- to 20-minute games that can be adapted to a child’s level of functioning. References: Tompkins, V., Benigno, J.P., Lee, B.K., Wright, B.M. (2018). The relation between parents’ mental state talk and children’s social understanding: A meta-analysis. Social Development, 27(2), 223-246. Valiente, C., Fabes, R. A., Eisenberg, N., & Spinrad, T. L. (2004). The relations of parental expressivity and support to children’s coping with daily stress. Journal of Family Psychology : JFP : journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43), 18(1), 97–106. Goldstein, T. R., & Lerner, M. D. (2018). Dramatic pretend play games uniquely improve emotional control in young children. Developmental science, 21(4). Moreno-Ruiz, D., Estévez, E., Jiménez, T. I., & Murgui, S. (2018). Parenting Style and Reactive and Proactive Adolescent Violence: Evidence from Spain. International journal of environmental research and public health, 15(12), 2634. Denham, S. (2010). “When I have a bad dream, Mommy holds me.” Preschoolers’ conceptions of emotions, parental socialisation, and emotional competence. International Journal of Behavioral Development, Feb. 301-319.
Many parents wonder why they should teach their children ‘respectful’ behaviour before the age of 7-8, which is when they really only start to understand the concept of ‘respect’. For example, why force a two-year-old, who is at a very difficult stage socially, to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when they don’t understand the words? Is that not being unreasonable? Surely, children who grow up in an environment where other people are being considerate to them will eventually choose to turn into considerate human beings – when they are good and ready to do so? It’s a case of which came first, the chicken or the egg? In other words, does a child have to understand respect in order to behave respectfully? Well, in our research we have found three important reasons to strive to teach our children to be as well-mannered as is reasonably possible from early on. Firstly, acting respectfully leads to being respectful; secondly, good manners help pave the way to a higher EQ; and thirdly, manners teach self-control which leads to success. 1. Acting respectfully leads to being respectful Parents who put manners on the back burner until their child is old enough to develop his own convictions about the matter, usually find themselves in a rather precarious situation. The reality of the situation is that it becomes difficult for the parents and others in their child’s life to act as if their child is a blessing and a joy to be around if he’s running around like a self-centered mini-dictator … no matter how understanding they try to be. On the other hand, approving smiles, appreciative looks, and positive comments from parents and other people can have an almost miraculously positive impact on a child’s developing self-concept. It therefore makes sense to teach a child to be pleasant and courteous to people, even if he doesn’t really yet understand the concept underlying this behaviour. Then, by the time a child is old enough to truly understand what respect means, he will be used to thinking of himself as a ‘nice boy’. Then, acting in a way that is contrary to this will be unthinkable to him. 2. Good manners help pave the way to a higher EQ Just like a child can be born with an amazing aptitude of music or sport, which may never be realised due to lack of opportunities, a child can also be born with the potential to develop a high emotional intelligence (EQ) and never reach this potential due to lack of guidance. One of the most important components of EQ is a person’s ability to effectively ‘read’ what other people are feeling and respond accordingly. Since having good manners is in essence about being sensitive to the needs and feelings of other people, teaching manners is a wonderfully practical way to help your child develop his emotional intelligence. 3. Manners teach self-control which leads to success Dr Walter Mischel, a psychologist specialising in personality theory and social psychology, led a study between 1968 and 1974 at Stanford University that involved more than 600 children, who were on average 4½ years old. Each child was filmed as he or she was left alone in a room with a one-way-mirror for 15 minutes … with a marshmallow on a plate in front of them. Before leaving the room ‘to run an errand’, the doctor explained that the child was allowed to eat it, but if they could wait for him to return, they would be rewarded with a second marshmallow. Only one-third of the children were able to wait for his return and the reward of an extra marshmallow. Those who demonstrated the greatest capacity to wait ended up, in subsequent years, with better outcomes. Follow-up studies revealed that these children scored higher in achievement tests and were more likely to finish college. They also dealt with stress better, were more popular with their peers and less likely to develop substance abuse problems. In light of this, it is critically important for a child to develop the ability to delay gratification and control his impulses during the early years. Instead of leaving it up to our children to figure out for themselves how they should behave, parents should be present to direct and influence their child’s behaviour from early on. Self-discipline doesn’t spring up overnight, so we need to start early. Our expectations will naturally change as our children grow older, but the basics stay the same: consistently say ‘no’ to your child when he does something undesirable or oversteps boundaries, encourage him to try again when he is frustrated by a challenging task and remind him to mind his manners in various situations. This article is written by: The Practica Programme is a comprehensive research- and play-based home programme. This unique system has stood the test of time since 1993, and it comprises of a wooden box with specialized apparatus, parents’ guides, an advisory service and educational newsletters. From birth to 23 months of age, parents choose from a balanced selection of more than 1000 activities to develop the 14 fundamental skills age-appropriately. For children between 2 and 7 years, the 50 school readiness skills are divided into 6 groups and tackled systematically, year by year, with 10- to 20-minute games that can be adapted to a child’s level of functioning.
The demand for higher education in South Africa far outstrips the places available at the country’s 26 publicly funded universities. Private tertiary institutions play a critical role in making quality further education more available to the population. This is not simply about offering more or alternative places in tertiary education. Some of South Africa’s private higher institutions have evolved into leading providers in their educational fields. Whether, public or private, all tertiary institutions are overseen by the Department of Higher Education and Training, as well as the Council on Higher Education (CHE) which sets the quality standards for all universities and colleges. The Academic Dean of one of the country’s top private institutions, Dr Jaclyn Lotter of SACAP (The South African College of Applied Psychology)says, “Generally, there is a positive regard when it comes to the quality of higher education in South Africa. However, internationally, only a handful of our legacy universities are really well-known. In our highly mobile world, more and more post-graduate students and qualified job seekers are on the lookout for opportunities to either study further abroad or work internationally. They want their hard-earned qualifications to be recognised on a global scale, and this is why there is an increasing focus on reputable accreditation processes that signify that the college or university where you studied meets an international gold standard for higher education.” SACAP has recently achieved accreditation from the British Accreditation Council for Independent Further and Higher Education (BAC) which has benchmarked over 200 higher education providers in 20 countries impacting on over 300 000 students. A not-for-profit social enterprise established in 1984 and recognised by the UK Government, BAC helps students choose higher education institutions that meet globally recognised quality standards. Dr Lotter says, “This is an important way for private institutions, which don’t have the luxury of elite histories, to fairly build their reputations in the modern world based on their high standards of academics, student support, good governance and financial stability. The BAC accreditation process is a particularly rigorous one, and it is continuous as every four years, institutions must be able to demonstrate that they have maintained or exceeded the standards. Achieving the accreditation makes it easier for parents and prospective students to choose a reliable, quality higher education provider. SACAP graduates also benefit from the ways that BAC accreditation raises the profile of our institution in international markets.” The BAC accreditation of SACAP involved not only an extensive, 16-month document review process, but included a three-day site visit by three BAC inspectors who evaluated the institution based on: Governance, Strategy and Financial Management General and Academic Management and Administration Teaching, Learning and Assessment Student Support, Guidance and Progression Premises, Facilities and Learning Resources Quality Management, Assurance and Enhancement Dr Lotter says, “Working with the BAC has been a developmental process from the start. The inspectors are not just looking to judge and critique, they are also fostering collaboration and providing feedback which helps to position the institution for further improvement and growth. Despite it being a gruelling process, the whole experience was very positive. We chose BAC precisely because it is so rigorous. While SACAP has always maintained and exceeded the standards set by the South African regulators, this was an opportunity to reflect on our entire institution from a variety of angles and through an independent lens from beyond our borders.” Meeting rigorous international standards and achieving notable accreditation from organisations such as BAC helps to level the playing field for private tertiary institutions in South Africa. Due to high demand and limited places, global recognition assures students of quality education standards as well as potentially opening up international further study and career opportunities. To find out more about SACAP, visit www.sacap.edu.za
Pregnancy can be a very happy and exciting time of your life, however, it can also be a time that is very difficult for some expecting moms. This is often made more difficult by the fact that many family and friends expect you to be thrilled, and conflicting emotions are often surrounded by guilt. Your mental health is important, and you shouldn’t expect yourself to snap out of it, or soldier on alone. What is anxiety during pregnancy? It’s natural for an expecting mom to have worries, this is a new and ever-changing part of your life. However, if your anxiety is ever-present, can’t be controlled easily and impact on your daily life it may be time to seek help. Worrying is part of being human, and if you have struggled to conceive or have lost a baby before, it’s very understandable that you may worry about your baby’s health. You may also worry about whether you’ll be a good parent or how your family dynamic will change, and these are all normal worries. But if you find your heart racing, your breathing shallow, obsessively worrying with racing thoughts, feeling restless or struggling to eat or sleep you may have anxiety. Anxiety in pregnancy is fairly normal, and you’re more likely to experience it if you’ve had anxiety in the past, have a high-risk pregnancy or are dealing with huge life stresses. What can I do about it? If you think you may have anxiety during your pregnancy, know that you are not alone or abnormal, as many expecting moms have experienced this. If you’re struggling, the best way forward is not put up with it, but to seek help. Speaking to a psychologist is a good way to start dealing with why you are suffering from anxiety and how you can deal with it. Medication during pregnancy can be tricky but are an option if they’ll benefit you and your babies well being. Staying active, eating healthy and trying to get enough sleep are also ways in which you can help yourself. Talking to others that have gone through pregnancy, or making sure that you rely on your family and partner for support are also ways in which you cope with your feelings and feel less isolated.
Hiring a nanny is a big deal with many factors to consider. A key decision is whether to hire a nanny through an agency or on your own. Not hiring an agency means you’ll have to do all the legwork yourself which can be time-consuming and difficult, especially if you don’t know where to start. Using an agency can be a great way to find a nanny who meets your specific needs. The process of hiring a nanny through an agency can be a little bit daunting; However it’s worth it to have the peace of mind that comes with knowing that you’re hiring a qualified and experienced nanny who has been vetted by an experienced agency. Agencies can also provide support after the nanny is hired, such as addressing any concerns or replacing the nanny if things go wrong. Common Nanny Types Live-in nannies live with the family they work for full time. They are typically available 24/7 and can provide a high level of care for children. Live-out nannies do not live with the family they work for full time. They work a set number of hours per week and are not available overnight. Part-time nannies provide their services occasionally. Night nannies only work overnight to care for children. They can help with night feedings or diaper changes. Special skills nannies have skills or qualifications such as CPR training, first aid training, or experience with children with special needs Choosing the Right Nanny When choosing a nanny, it is important to consider your family’s needs and preferences such as: The age of your children. You may need a nanny with experience caring for infants or toddlers. Your family’s schedule. You may need a nanny who is available to work long hours or who can work nights or weekends. Your budget. The cost of nannies can vary depending on their experience, qualifications, and the number of hours they work. Your family’s values. You may want to choose a nanny who shares your religious beliefs. Interviews The aim of an interview is to ensure that the candidate is a good fit for your family. Interviews can take place telephonically, face-face or as a trial day. Be sure to ask questions about their experience, qualifications, childcare philosophy and availability. Using the Find Your Nanny Agency FindYourNanny is a South African agency that has helped over 3000 families find their dream nannies. The FindYourNanny hiring process is simple and straightforward: Go to www.findyournanny.co.za and select a nanny type and placement package to suit your needs. Complete the online registration form and pay the once off registration fees. FindYourNanny will send you candidate profiles including experience and references. Select candidates to interview. Make an offer to the nanny you want to hire. Pay the placement fee for your chosen package. Onboard your nanny and provide them with information about your family, your expectations, and your house rules. You can contact FindYourNanny on hello@findyournanny.co.za.
Giving birth to your firstborn child sees you worrying about how and what to do right as you find your feet and transition into first-time parent mode. Welcoming your second child into your new family, you will be backed by prior experience to support you in your new role as family ‘multi-tasker’ as you embrace managing the love, care, feeding, soothing, and sleeping of 2 under 2! Welcoming in a second child will be different for every family. Each child is born distinctive from their sibling and your role as mother or father becomes a balancing act which may take time to adjust to. What is true for all second-time parents is that with increased time pressures, there are higher stress levels mothering two children who need round the clock care. Now, instead of taking naps alongside your newborn you will be spending precious time with your toddler. Happily, in the changing world around us, traditional gender roles are evolving as Dads help more around the home and do a lot to ease motherhood for mum’s post the birthing process. Partners may bring their boardroom logic into crises managing a moment with quick thinking and the most direct solution when your toddler and baby are both demanding – at full volume – to be fed! Parenting routines and caring for your kids may come first, and taking time for things other than motherhood at this challenging stage can seem unrealistic but like a diamond is pressured into pure sparkling beauty, it is also an opportunity for you as new mums and dads to set routines, prep meals, and delegate responsibilities with the right tools on hand so you can still carve out space in the day to connect with your partner or spouse, take a restorative five minute walk around the block, or journal in your diary. Philips Avent South Africa share some life tips and home hacks to grounding your new family in a harmonious home routine and setting the perfect scene for both your tiny tykes to grow and thrive: #1 Home Coming & Family introductions: Even kids as young as 18 months to 2 years can feel that things are changing. Prepare your firstborn child for your new arrival into the family only when the time is right and you feel ready to do so. Introduce the idea to your toddler that baby will be someone new to love, and that having a sibling is a privilege and a gift and they can be excited having a new role as an older sibling. Don’t oversell the idea however as you may set them up for rivalry. #2 Home Help Routine: Once your newborn has been introduced home, set up your new routines as soon as possible, by aligning feeding and nap times as much as possible to avoid double duty during the day. Second time Mum Sandy (33) claims her superpowers of adaptation saw her master the art of breastfeeding her newborn and spoon feeding her toddler at the same time. She suggests that for whichever task you avoid or dislike the most, this is the area to adapt and master. “I felt challenged by breastfeeding as I had sore, cracked nipples making it painful, and uncomfortable to feed either of my sons so much so that I would dread feeding times! “I was ecstatic when I discovered Philips Avent nipple shields, they protected my scabbed, sensitive nipples so they could recover and I could breastfeed again. Nipple shields made all the difference, thank goodness.” Breastfeeding your newborn should be your priority, with proper latching and full feeds at correct times. For working mums, you newborn and toddler can still benefit from breastmilk when you master the art of breastmilk pumping to ensure you have milk stored in milk storage bags in the freezer. These can be defrosted for feeds for your newborn by Dad or other caregivers or used for meal top ups of breastmilk for your firstborn toddler. Having the right tools to soothe and protect your breasts and efficiently pump your breastmilk makes it easier to stay comfortable and continue breastfeeding until the minimum 24-month breastfeeding period has been reached. #3 Planning & Prepping Meals In the new era of breast pumping, both the Philips Avent manual and electric breast pumps are quiet, and you can stay positioned upright allowing you to continue pumping and feeding, providing the necessary elixir of breastmilk that your children require during the day. Small and inconspicuous, both the Philips Avent manual breast pump and the Philips Avent electric breast pump will easily fits into your bag when you are on the go. The Philips Avent Natural baby bottle is designed for mums who want to combine breast and bottle feeding, with its soft, breast-shaped teat which encourages a natural latch and mimics the feel of a breast, making the switch between breast and bottle as smooth as possible for you and your baby and other parents and caregivers to step in for supported feeds. The spiral design of the teat and petals ensure it naturally flexes and doesn’t collapse when your little one is feeding, so your baby can enjoy an uninterrupted feed. More importantly the anti-colic valve in the Philips Avent Natural baby bottle is designed to reduce colic and discomfort by venting air into the bottle and away from your baby’s tummy for 60% less fussing at night. Generally, after the first month, babies gain an average of 500g to 1 kilogram per month within the first six months. Breast milk is the ideal first food, but beyond this stage, both milk and solid foods are needed to help your baby grow and continue to gain around 2 kilograms per month. Many babies are happy to wait until around six months to begin weaning and at this age can learn the skills needed for eating solid food very quickly especially if there is an older brother or sister to mimic at feeding times. However, babies
As a parent, you already know the importance of child drowning prevention and how quickly accidents can happen. What you perhaps didn’t know is that in South Africa, pool safety will become a regulatory issue, governed by the SABS through its building Standards. According to the Safety Standard (SANS 10134), pool safety will need to be provided on all properties. The most effective way to address this is with a solid safety cover. But not all safety covers are made equal and it is important to understand the criteria when choosing a safety cover. These are the questions to ask and the critical factors to get right if your safety cover is to perform as it should and keep unsupervised children (and pets) safe. After rain, does the water drain off within 15 minutes, leaving no water pooled on top of the cover? A compliant safety cover must have drainage holes. Could an object measuring 114mm fit under the edge of the cover? This represents the size of a small child’s head. Is the cover’s weight tolerance 220kg or more? Can two adults and a child walk on it without harm to themselves or damage to the cover? Are the batons supporting the cover manufactured for solid safety pool covers and able to carry the intended weight? Similarly, are the ratchets of adequate quality? Are the supplier and the installer accredited by SANS 10134? Does the supplier provide official certification with the safety cover? The PowerPlastics Solid Safety Cover is the leading child safety cover and complies with all the abovementioned requirements. Solid Safety Covers were first designed and introduced to the South African market by PowerPlastics Pool Covers. Many have tried to copy it but don’t always get the quality right. Cutting corners by using cheap components could result in a pool cover that is as unsafe as an uncovered pool if not even more dangerous, imagine being trapped under a defective cover! A Solid Safety Cover is a specialist product, and requires specialist design and installation methods. Go with the original and best in quality cover from PowerPlastics Pool Covers. You will be glad you went the extra mile when your quality safety cover stops a child or pet drowning in your own home. Learn more at www.powerplastics.co.za
You’re sitting in front of your computer or on your phone right now. Is there something else you should probably be doing? Procrastination! This is a struggle many people experience because there are endless distractions in life. Children discover this pretty early in life and that can cause problems when things that need to get done (like homework, projects, and chores) don’t get done. So we’ve put together a few tips to help you help your child learn to curb procrastination. 1. Prioritize & Plan Making things that need to get done part of a predictable routine can help to minimize how much your brain will fight you on it. The longer you put off starting a task, the harder it seems to get started. So, don’t give the brain a chance to trip you up. Encourage your child to get started as soon as they think of the task that needs to get done and at a predictable moment of the day. They arrive at home and know they have homework to do? Get to it. Don’t give them that snack they want until after they’ve already gotten started or after they’ve completed their work. 2. Eliminate distractions Children naturally have shorter attention spans than adults, so the key to blocking out distractions is setting up a space free of temptation. Creating an area in the house that is quiet and devoid of technology and other distractions can be key to a successful study session. 3. Set Goals While having long-term goalscan play a big role in motivation and confidence, having short-term goals can be instrumental in the fight against procrastination. Specifically, if you’re focusing on the goal, you might be less likely to get distracted by all of the other things you might be inclined to wander off to. Help your child set small, incremental goals for themselves for each homework period. For example, instead of talking about “studying for your maths test”, try phrasing using the specific goal, “reviewing chapter 2”. One is vague and the other is specific. And if you can focus on a time frame, like aiming to finish by dinner time, this can help motivate your child to get it done. Repeatedly accomplishing these types of small goals can also improve overall motivation as it creates a sense of accomplishment. 4. Reward completion! A reward can look like a lot of things. It can be extrinsic (external rewards) such as earned time on a device or stickers on a rewards chart. Or it can be more intrinsic (internally focused) like offering praise for work well done. This cycle of effort and praise can help motivate a child, and motivation is one of the greatest tools in curbing procrastination. A reward can also be a way to bridge one task to the next in the form of a snack break! But take short, planned breaks in between one task and another… ideally not in the middle of tasks. That can lead to loss of momentum and further distraction. Pssst! Most of these “tips” are actually the lessons that Kumon students learn throughout their Kumon journey. Learn more the Kumon Maths and English Programmes here. This article is taken directly from the KUMON NORTH AMERICA website: https://www.kumon.com/resources/a-consistent-learning-routine-can-curb-procrastination/
Play is about so much more than simply passing the time or keeping the kids busy. For kids, it’s a crucial part of childhood development that helps them pick up important new skills while improving their gross and fine motor skills, showing them how to play well with others and, of course, giving them a chance to spend quality time with mum and dad, while building stronger ties as a family.
When it comes to children of any age, parenting is tough. One might think they know the answer, and then the question is changed. Like us, children sometimes find it challenging to regulate their emotions which often leads to meltdowns and the inability to problem-solve. Emotional self-regulation is as follows: Emotional self-regulation refers to the ability to control and be aware of one’s emotions to take on tasks more effectively. Although this may seem impossible in little humans, it is vital for ongoing development. Children learn to self-regulate over time – some benefits include the following: Improvement in emotional intelligence A sense of self-discipline may develop Becoming more independent Adapting better to environmental changes As adults, we often find it difficult to control and manage our emotions and behaviours, so the question you may be asking yourself now is, “How am I supposed to get my screaming child to manage and control their emotions?” Well, here are a few simple ideas to get you started. Number 1: regulate your own emotions and body before approaching the situation and trying to help your child handle it. It is often said that children feed off of their parent’s emotions and behaviours. As hard as it may be – try to sound calm. It would help if you also let them identify how they may feel. (Feelings chart can assist) Number 2: Participate in regulation strategies with your child. This may be things like spending time in a calm and quiet place; the critical component is a connection or tense and release activities (ball up your fists as tightly as you can while breathing in and releasing your fist or exhaling). There are many more effective strategies, but this step’s primary focus is establishing a calmer environment. Number 3: Make use of a problem-solving wheel with different strategies. Visual aids may benefit your child as they can act as a reminder of regulation strategies. Number 4: Verbal reminder: talk your child through each strategy. Allow them to choose which method they would like to use. Giving your child choices is always an excellent technique to establish independence. Number 5: Listen to your child and ensure that you allow them to express their needs, working collaboratively to find solutions that may be helpful. These simple suggestions make it easier for you as a parent to connect with your child’s emotions and allow them to establish and regulate their feelings. We tend to forget that our little people are people and sometimes require a helping hand to navigate life.
Teenagers are in a stage of life that entails high growth and a lot of personal development and investigation. Time on their own is absolutely essential for them to navigate this time in a healthy way and to get to know themsleves and their bodies, and to get to trust their own decision making and develop independence. Adolescence is a time of breaking away from the parents in order to foster independence and an ability to cope in the world without you. Teenagers need some space to figure things out for themselves, and time just to think and introspect. This does not mean that you leave them alone entirely and disconnect. Teenagers are still experiencing a lot of brain growth which affects their ability to make good decisions and often leads to impulsive behaviour and excessive risk taking. In other words, they still need your guidance, but they need you more as a mentor than a dictator! Think of healthy boundaries with your teens as you would healthy boundaries in any of your relationships. You wouldn’t go digging through a friend’s room or reading their diary unless you were really, genuinely concerned for their safety and wellbeing. If you keep an open channel of communication with your teens, show a real interest in their lives, and have a strong, respectful bond with them then you will find less need to interfere. Children who are treated with respect will also be more likely to respect you and your rules and guidelines. You need boundaries from both sides, but they need to be healthy boundaries. Unhealthy boundaries on the one hand can be parents who interefere too much in their teens lives – who enter their rooms without knocking, who check in on them hourly via phone, who ask too many questions. On the other side of the scale, unhealthy boundaries can be parents who are too removed – who never ask any questions, who appear to show no interest in their teens lives, or alternatively who see themselves as a friend rather than a mentor (who will smoke and drink with their teens and share inappropriate emotional content). The causes of unhealthy boundaries on either end of the scale are usually due to relationships that are not well formed. Parents who connect with their kids on a real, respectful level rarely have inappropriate boundaries as they communicate clearly with their teens and thereby catch problems before they develop. Teens should have as much privacy as they need provided that it is not infringing on their safety and wellbeing, and is balanced by time connecting with the rest of the family. Make sure that you have a daily time to connect with your teenager – have family mealtimes, go for a daily walk together, etc. Other than serious issues like drugs, the only real danger of teens spending a lot of time alone in their rooms is tied into technology. This can be overcome by keeping any devices where you can connect to the Internet in a communal space in the house, or by having a strictly open door policy with regards to technology (ie you need to keep the door open if you are connecting to the Internet). It is also worth discussing these issues with your teens and making them aware of their vulnerability online and the reasons that you are concerned for their safety so that they can be more aware themselves. Again, open communication is key. If you are concerned that your child may be depressed, suicidal, or have a drug or eating disorder for example, and you feel that you need to invade your teen’s privacy for their own safety, it is still best to consult your teen first. Explain that you will be going through his/her room or personal belongings, and even do this together. Make it very clear that you are concerned and only doing this for their wellbeing. If they have nothing to hide, they should be ok with this. If they do have something to hide, they will appreciate your care in the long run. Involve your teens in the rules and decision making of your household. They are much more likely to abide by rules that they have helped to set and that they understand the reasons behind. You win the trust of a child like you win the trust of anyone – by being trustworthy. Treat your children like whole people who deserve respect, understanding and trust themselves. Children, like all people, tend to live up (or down) to our expectations of them. Discuss your expectations with them and make sure these are realistic. Let them know that you trust them to meet these as you know how competent they are (and then act accordingly). When things go wrong (and they will from time to time) treat this not as a failure to be punished, but as an opportunity to connect and find out what is going on. The solution to dealing with teen privacy is trust, open communication, and respect. Every family will have different guidelines, rules and policies with regards to the privacy of their teens. If you keep an open and respectful line of communication between you then you will find solutions that work for everyone and where the teens do not feel the need to rebel against what they perceive to be unfair restrictions.
Parental responsibility is the responsibility to care for the child, to maintain contact with the child, to act as guardian of the child, and to contribute to the maintenance of the child. The Children’s Act further sets out that a person may have full or specific parental responsibilities and rights. Full parental responsibilities and rights means that a person may be entitled to all the rights set out in the Act. Specific parental responsibilities and rights means that a person may only have a specific right in terms of the Act; for example, the right to act only as guardian of the child.
The relationship between siblings is very special, no matter what the age. A good, trusting relationship does not just automatically happen. As a parent, opportunities for developing this kind of relationship need to be given so that it can be built from a very young age. When a child is told that a little brother or sister is on the way there is much excitement! But after the baby is born things aren’t quite as they imagined. Their little brother or sister cries a lot and takes a lot of mom and dad’s attention. It’s hard for toddlers to play and share when they don’t know how to socialize. This is the important time when the parents step in and they can practically help build and foster a relationship of trust between the siblings which will hopefully continue until they are adults. Trust has a major part to play in a sibling relationship. The meaning of the word trust is “a firm belief in the honesty, truthfulness, justice, or power of a person or thing” (Barnhart, 1987). When siblings have a sense of trust in their relationship, it provides a good foundation for a meaningful relationship. If a good relationship is in place when they are young this helps as they grow older and face challenges in life. They know that they are there for each other. Erik Erikson was an American developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst who had a theory about the psychosocial development of people. He is well known in the area of child development and he has some valid points when looking at the importance of relationships between people. In his theory he focuses on 4 stages of psychosocial development in children. The first two are applicable to young children. Stage one is called Trust verses Mistrust and this occurs from birth to about 1 year. A child needs to feel a sense of belonging and warmth from his family. He needs to feel that he can trust his family to provide for his needs. We can take this further and also apply it to a relationship with a sibling. A trusting relationship between siblings is there so that they feel they can rely on someone and relate to someone besides their parents. If there is mistrust between the child and the family at this young age he will develop a sense that no one can be trusted and that the world is an intimidating place. The second stage is Autonomy verses Shame and Doubt. This occurs in the ages 2-3 years of age. During this stage of the child becoming more independent the older sibling has a vital role to play. He will learn a lot from the older sibling and will model what he sees. The older sibling can encourage the younger one as he grows and learns. Having a trusting relationship between the sibling’s means that the younger sibling can trust the older sibling and feel comfortable to learn from them. If a younger sibling is battling with something and no one intervenes, they can feel a sense of failure and doubt themselves. Tips to build a trusting relationship between siblings: Friendship: Siblings should be encouraged to be friends. Encourage them to play together and spend time together. Find games and activities that they both enjoy and encourage them to take turns to choose what game to play. Individuality: Help your children to realize that they are unique individuals with different strengths and weaknesses. Siblings will argue and compete to see who is better! Parents need to intervene and help them see that there are advantages to having a sibling who has different strengths from their own. They can help with their problem areas. Provide opportunities to talk about their differences and unique traits. Helping each other: Giving opportunities to help each other, instead of the parents always intervening, also helps develop trust in their relationship. They learn to rely on each other and ask for help when needed. They also realize that their sibling is always there for them. Sorting out conflict: Conflict and arguments are bound to happen. Siblings need to realize that it’s ok to get cross with each other but the situation needs to be dealt with then and there. Working through the emotions and the cause of the problem, with the parent’s guidance, not only helps the sibling’s problem solve but also helps them to realize the importance of solving conflict. Even with conflict it is important to emphasize the fact that they still love each other and can trust each other. When helping them to solve conflict they also learn to understand each other more and it creates a sense of empathy. Saying ‘I love you’: These are very powerful words and it means a lot to vocalize this from a very young age. Siblings should be encouraged to say ‘I love you’ regularly to create a deeper relationship. Teaching young children to get on and have a good relationship can be challenging, but it is very important for them to realize that friends come and go but siblings are forever. Written By: Lauren Reddell (Gr 000 teacher at Trinityhouse Pre-Primary Little Falls)
From birth through to early childhood, children use their senses to explore and try to make sense of the world around them. It is critical to provide children with opportunities to use all their senses to explore their world through “sensory play” as each new sensory experience helps to build neural pathways in the brain, which assist with brain development and the child’s ability to complete more complex learning tasks in later years. A variety of sensory activities allow children’s brains to create stronger connections to be able to process and respond to sensory information. Any neural pathways which are not established will eventually die off. Sensory play includes any activity that stimulates a young child’s senses of touch, sight, smell, taste, and hearing as well as anything that involves movement and balance. I will explain this now. We are all familiar with the 5 basic senses of Taste, Touch, Smell, Sight, and Hearing. But there are two other very important senses people are not always aware of: Proprioception (Body Awareness) – When a baby or child moves, information from the muscles and joints are sent to the brain. The receiving and interpreting of this information is proprioception. This enables us to gain a sense of where our bodies are in space – Body Awareness. Vestibular system – The stimulation of the vestibular system of the inner ear tells the baby where their body is in relation to gravity. It helps to orientate the baby, It is important for the development of balance and postural control, and for the development of spatial orientation and perception. It strengthens the eye movements necessary for reading. It also promotes emotional stability and encourages pleasure in movement. Babies and children need to be exposed to different kinds of movement to ensure the proper development of the Vestibular (Balance) system. These different movements should include forwards and backward ( Like walking, running, swinging), Sideways ( rocking side to side, running sideways), Up and down ( lifting up and down, jumping up and down), Rotating head ( rolling from point A to B along the floor, somersaulting), Spinning ( going round and round, winding up a swing and then letting it unwind). Stimulating the Senses While it is important to stimulate all the senses in early childhood, The Tactile and Vestibular Systems are the most important systems in early development as they are the first systems to develop in Early development. (The baby was exposed to tactile and vestibular stimulation while in the womb). I have covered some ways to stimulate the vestibular system above. Now I would like to discuss more ways to stimulate the Tactile (Touch) system. Fine nerve endings found throughout the skin enable the sense of touch. The skin needs to be exposed to a variety of different textures and materials to enable children to discriminate between different sensations like rough, smooth, hard, soft, hot, cold, heavy, light etc. Because the receptors are found throughout the skin it is important to expose as much of the skin to a variety of different textures. But remember all stimulation must be offered in a play and fun environment and we must ensure we do not overstimulate babies and children. Just offer opportunities for them to explore and touch a variety of textures in a fun, playful environment and allow your child to explore at their own pace. Play with your child and describe the different textures – wet, dry, hot, cold, rough, smooth, etc. Simple things like walking bare feet, rolling across the grass with as little clothing as possible, and playing in a sandpit or in water with as little clothing as possible. Playing with a variety of textured materials and ideally letting your child feel the textures over their entire body – feathers, beans, polystyrene chips, rice, spaghetti, playdough, leaves, sand, etc. Playing with messy textures is also important. Like mixing cornstarch with water, playing in mud and water, playing with shaving foam, soapy bubbles, dry flour or flour and water, finger paints, etc. As mentioned children learn through ALL their senses – so here are a few points on the other sense too.: Auditory sensory play – let your child listen to different sounds while sitting in the garden – birds, airplanes, cars, trees rustling. Imitate animal sounds. Experiment with making different sounds – loud and soft, high and low. Tap out different rhythms using kitchen utensils. Read out loud together often. Listen to Nursery rhymes and fun songs. Visual sensory play – use torches in the dark and create interesting shapes, watch shadows on the wall, let them chase their own shadow, watch leaves blowing in the wind, exposing them to a variety of colourful lights, and help them identify objects in pictures, encourage them to track moving objects like balls, etc. Taste and smell – expose your child to a variety of food items to taste and smell – so they learn about sweet and sour, bitter, salty and spicy. Describe the tastes and the smells. Expose them to flowers, perfumes, fresh bread, etc. Sensory Play has many benefits. As discussed above children learn about and explore their environments through their senses. In this way, sensory play establishes neural pathways in babies’ and young children’s brains, which are important for all later learning. There are also many opportunities for developing fine motor skills by picking up different textured objects, and squishing and squeezing things – which develops pre-writing skills. There is potential for early maths skills by discussing size, weight, height, shape, counting, etc. Messy activities are excellent for encouraging vocabulary and language development. Always make the sensory play and the exploration fun and allow your child to explore at their own pace. You can play alongside them at times to describe the different textures, tastes, sounds, etc – but never bombard your child with information – allow them just to play, explore, figure their world out for themselves and most importantly have fun.
Parents generally see their children as wonderful gifts from the heavens but children don’t always see each other in that same light. They first see their primary caregivers, and the love and attention they get from them, as a limited commodity. They then see their siblings as competition for that love and attention and sometimes feel they have to fight for it. When a new child enters the family, the oldest or older children sometimes feel as if they have been dethroned and now have to share their parents with this new child. This can bring about feelings of animosity and jealousy between children. To deal with this problem effectively, parents can find ways that will allow the older child to become a teacher or leader to the younger child(ren). You can also give the older child special privileges and give them special time with you, such as one-on-one dates to help them feel like they haven’t lost their place in the family. Fighting and other forms of sibling rivalry also occur as a result of these feelings. Avoid racing into every little argument or disagreement. If you do, it will teach your children to create problems just to get you involved. It will also train them that they are NOT accountable for stopping fights and working things out, it teaches them instead that YOU are responsible for doing that. Because you ARE responsible for keeping everyone safe, sometimes the only solution is to just separate them. This is especially true for when toddlers and preschoolers hit one another or begin to fight. It just means they’ve had enough of that other person for a while and they want them out of their space. Avoid using punishments like time out and avoid taking sides. When a conflict breaks out, just separate both of them. It doesn’t matter who started it or who did what, just separate them in different spaces to be apart. And during this moment of behavior management, remain calm and talk very little. You can easily transfer your own negative feelings into the relationship between the children. Sometimes the conflict between the children is actually an imitation of what’s going on with the adults.
I received the following question in an email from a parent: “Our son is three years old and for the past three months he has not been sleeping well. Depending on the night, it can take numerous attempts to get him to go to sleep and then when he does, he wakes up every 3 hours or so and it can take a while for him to go back to sleep. He never had any issues with sleep prior to this. His father and I are married and have a great loving relationship and nothing has changed in our family at all over the past year. What thoughts do you have for us in dealing with his sleep issues?” Here is my reply to this parent: Children go through different phases throughout their childhood and sometimes their behavior doesn’t make sense to us. They could see something scary quickly, hear adults talking about something alarming or a friend at school might tell them something that bothers them. The most important thing for you to do is to remain calm around this issue. When children see their parents acting calm and not appearing anxious, it can actually help them calm down as well. Here are a few things you can do right away. DO SOMETHING AS A FAMILY IN THE HOUR OR TWO BEFORE HIS BEDTIME. I know it can be difficult for working parents, but make time for it anyway. Spend time together reading a book, playing a quiet game, or talking. This loving activity will help him to feel loved and know that his family is OK. IDENTIFY THE PRIMARY ACTIVITIES AT BEDTIME AND SEE THAT THEY HAPPEN. With him, create a visual list of what he needs to do: potty, get PJs on, a story, teeth brushing, and a drink of water. Creating a visual list will help create sameness and routine. Children with more sameness and routine in their lives feel more comforted and calm. I love the product called SCHKIDULES (http://www.schkidules.com) because they allow parents to create visual routines for little and big children. GUIDE HIM BACK SILENTLY EACH TIME HE GETS OUT OF BED. Tell him in advance that starting tonight, after he gets tucked into bed, one parent will guide him back to his bed and they will not be able to speak to him. Role play this. Make believe to tuck him into bed and then when he gets out, calmly and lovingly (without speaking) guide him back to his bed and leave the room immediately. Remember, no talking to the child when he gets out of bed after being officially tucked in. But be sure and smile and lovingly return him to his bed immediately and then leave his room. Do this whether he wakes while you’re up or after you go to sleep. Your job is to create sameness, routine and to draw boundaries and follow through.
When I deliver a live parent lecture, I sometimes ask my audience to raise their hand if their parents used punishment when they misbehaved. Most hands go up, revealing that punishment was a common parenting tool back in the day. Since that time, society has determined that punitive treatment of our children is no longer acceptable. Researchers have also determined that children who are punished are more likely to have low self-esteem and experience depression or even suicidal thoughts as adults. Many of today’s parents also understand how important the experience during the early years of childhood contribute to the success of their children in their adult years. This includes how happy they are, how well they seek out healthy living habits, and how well they are able to select other healthy adults into their lives. So if you want to set your child up for success, here are just a few suggestions on how to handle challenging behaviors with your children. This does not serve as a complete list, but simply a few suggestions to get you started. FIND A FUN WAY TO GET YOUR NEEDS MET. Sometimes a parent is on a mission to accomplish some task and his children are making it difficult by demonstrating uncooperative behavior. Ask yourself, “What fun can I add to this moment that will provide some cooperation. One day I was bound and determined to get the leaves raked up in the yard and my kids did not want to help. Instead of getting angry, yelling and punishing them, I issued a challenge to my three kids: WHOEVER COULD RAKE UP THE LARGES PILE OF LEAVES WOULD GET THROWN INTO IT. The kids immediately ran out into the yard to begin raking. My goal was accomplished GIVE YOUR CHILD A SENSE OF VALUE. A woman shared with me that her son would act out and misbehave whenever she was busy in the kitchen preparing for a big meal for a family gathering. Perhaps the boy felt as if he was competing with the kitchen activities for his mom’s attention. I told her to make a list of all the guests who will be coming to dinner, and have the boy create a drawing on a large 8.5″ x 17″ piece of paper, specifically for each of those individuals. Those drawing will be the placemats placed at each place setting. After the dinner is completed and the dishes are cleared, the little boy gets to explain what each drawing means to the person he drew it for. GIVE YOUR CHILD A CHOICE. Demanding a child to do something immediately doesn’t work in this modern age. It did back when we were young because it was a different time with a different style of parenting. Most of us were raised by autocratic parents who issued demands regularly and we were expected to comply. So instead of issuing commands to your child, give them a choice related to completing the task. Instead of saying, “Go brush your teeth!”, say, “Would you like me to brush your teeth or would you like to do it yourself?”
Mom is strolling around the supermarket with a six-month-old infant in the baby seat. Not once does she engage in eye contact, talk to the child or even smile. When the baby becomes restive, a dummy is thrust in his mouth without a word spoken. Contrast this with a dad in a fruit and veg store, with an infant of similar age. At every display he picks up a fruit, lets the baby touch and smell it and talks about the name of it, the colour and how good it tastes. Not hard to know which of these babies will develop a good language as he grows. Babies develop language through constant face to face engagement with a trusted care giver. These days many infants are left in the hands of untrained nannies who are too busy listening to music on their earphones or talking on their cell. The foundations of language are laid in utero and beyond. Two-year old’s who have been deprived of stimulating language are already developmentally behind their peers and the gap grows, requiring expensive therapeutic intervention before formal school entry. Adding to this language gap, we now place the child into a school where the language of learning is different and expect that the new language will be acquired rapidly-because that’s what we pay fees for! What is not understood is that a second language is based on the first. Almost like making a photocopy. If the original is poor, the copy will be too. Home language is important, but make it rich by talking, singing and reading to the baby/toddler. TV and tablets do not teach language, it is a reciprocal process. If someone in the home is fluent in the proposed language of learning, they should be doing all the above in that language, from day one. Babies are pre-programmed to learn as many as 4 languages simultaneously, AS LONG AS EACH LANGUAGE IS SPOKEN BY THE SAME PERSON. Granny can speak Sotho, Mum isiZulu and Dad English, but they must stick to their language until the child is at least 3. Don’t mix languages, this just results in language soup! Besides talking, singing and playing with the child, using a rich vocabulary, you should be reading to the baby from a very early age. Initially use board books with clear pictures that relate directly to the child’s home environment. Talk about the pictures, relate them to real objects if possible and let the baby touch them when you name them. Expand the range of books as the baby grows and by two, join the local library. A weekly visit in search of a new book will become a highlight. You will of course have taught the child how to handle books respectfully! Yes, you can use a tablet, but these are too heavy for young babies to handle and hold. Books in many of our official languages are scares, but you can translate! But what if my child is only speaking one language when he enters school? In this situation, parents will have to work hard to support the school. Here, a tablet can be useful as you can find good apps for simple songs that will help your child acquire the rhythm of the new language. Find books that have a picture with details of familiar rooms at home, animals, toys etc. to help your child learn as many new words as they are capable of, revising them daily. Use full sentences: “Look at the big red car. Let’s count the wheels. Let’s drive your car across the floor Does your car have four wheels? Your car can go fast. Can you make it go slowly?” Young children learn by doing and including plenty of action as you talk will help the learning process. If possible, enrol you child in language enrichment classes, or form groups and engage a good tutor. Find out what theme/inquiry your child is doing at school and link your support to it. Ask the teacher for a list of important vocabulary to practice. In order to cope well in Grade 1, a child needs a cognitive and perceptual vocabulary. Colour/number/shape/size/position in space/sounds in words etc. etc. School curriculums are available on line, which will help you keep pace. Playing with peers is a great help in learning a new language. Children can play without language, and for a couple of months they may just listen but will soon be joining in and may talk more in play than they do in class. If your child has difficulty acquiring the language of learning, talk to a speech and language therapist and get advice. Therapy before the age of six will pay dividends and results will be much faster than if you wait until troubles loom in Grade 1 and negatively affect learning to read. Lastly, make your child’s life as interesting as possible. Visit the zoo, animal parks, farms etc. as often as possible. Be with your child, not in the restaurant taking you ease, and talk, talk, talk. After the visit encourage your child to draw a picture and tell you what he saw. Going to one of our numerous eating venues and handing the child over to the resident nannies is wasting precious language time. Sitting together, talking about the food and having family conversation is making the most of the outing. By Barbara Eaton (Academic Development Co-ordinator for Junior Colleges)
Sure, you might think this, but the reality is, if they’re watching YouTube, playing games on your phone or streaming TV – they are online. Would you rather your child learns how to navigate this world from their peers or through trial and error? Studies have shown that teenage suicide has increased with the growth of cyberbullying. Cybercriminals do not discriminate on age; they attack anyone who is online and unprotected. Unexpected purchases happen from more pop-ups and ads that interrupt games than ever before. We live in a digital world; your child was born to a screen and the loving arms of mom and dad. Screens are a part of our lives, there is no getting away from it. Social Kids was founded out of a concern for what children are being exposed to at a young age with little to no control. The purpose of the course is to equip children with the skills to STOP. Think. Before they click. The content has been developed to be fun, engaging and memorable, along with an amazing team of professionals and many hours of research coupled with 20 years of digital marketing experience, this program was created to protect their own child and others like him. Social Kids is a series of pre-recorded videos to be watched over 5 weeks. There are five 20-minute videos. Each adventure tackles essential topics like how to be SMART online, deal with cyberbullies, spot fake new and having good manners online. Codey Crawler with his BFF Miss Nadie, a professional teacher guides the conversation to show children how they can approach these topics and keep talking to their loved ones. After each adventure, children must complete activities to earn digital badges. Once these adventures have been completed, children will receive a Global Surfer button and a certificate of achievement. Giving you the confidence that your child can face any situation that may find them, either now or later in life. Join Codey Crawler as he helps to guide our children through the digital world they play and learn in. Codey will give children aged 7 to 11 years old the confidence and guidance to surf the net, know their rights and handle uncomfortable situations before their tweens. Register today and save!
Adequate awareness, interpretation and use of sensory information is the cornerstone of all learning and behaviour. Some sensory deficits are easy to recognise, such as poor vision or hearing. Other difficulties are less easy to interpret, as they may result from difficulty with processing stimuli through movement, touch, pressure, position and gravity receptors. Some children may have adequate hearing, smell and eyesight but have trouble with using visual, auditory and olfactory information for function. Sensory Integration is the organisation of sensations for use. The brain locates, sorts and orders sensations- somewhat as a traffic officer directs moving cars. This enables interpretation of our surroundings and helps us form adaptive responses that form the foundation for behaviour and learning. When the flow of sensations is disorganised every second of one’s life can be like a rush hour traffic jam! Messages get jumbled and some don’t reach their destination at all. Improving sensory integrative functioning is like inserting traffic lights that order and control streams of traffic, organising the tangle of cars and roads, and helping the child predict what to do when the traffic gets really bad. School environments can be overwhelming to children with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) due to the enormous quantity and variability of incoming sensations. Common difficulties experienced by children with SPD include delayed development of activities of daily living (such as going to the toilet, putting on shoes), delayed milestones, poor fine motor coordination, poor gross motor coordination, poor posture, restlessness, clumsiness, difficulty socialising, anxiety and low self confidence, poor concentration and attention, poor impulse control, avoidance of play ground, very rough play, very active, very labile, slow work speed, difficulty learning letters and numbers, poor handwriting, difficulty with spatial orientation, difficulty following instructions, distractibility. These are only some of the problems that are most frequently experienced by children with minor or major sensory integrative difficulties. Each child’s symptoms, behaviour and academic ability is different. A closer look at how our senses process information: Vision Organ-Eyes Must be able to detect light and movement Must be able to follow moving objects Must be able to focus on one object Must be able to work together or separately (usually 1 eye dominant Visual processing Transmission of visual input to Occipital lobe in brain where information is interpreted. Manipulate visual concepts (figure ground, visual closure, spatial relations, position in space, form constancy) Integrate visual information with movement (Eye hand coordination, visual motor speed, copying) Filter and ignore non-pertinent, non-threatening information. Hearing Organ- Outer ear, middle ear (ear drum, ossicles), inner ear (Cochlear) Must be able to detect sound Must be able to interpret sound into meaningful information Must be able to accommodate according to noise Auditory processing Transmission of sound to Temporal Lobe and formation of adaptive response Discrimination between loud and soft/high and low/far and near Speech and language reception and expression Filter and ignore non-pertinent, non-threatening information Integration with movement impulses (semi-circular canals in inner ear) Connection with arousal and attention levels Position and movement Organ- muscles & joints Proprioceptive processing Transmission of information about position and movement of our bodies to the brain stem and cerebellum Automatic adjustment of posture and appropriate contraction/relaxation of muscles Enables subconscious awareness of the position of our limbs in space, and therefore provides foundation for any coordinated movement for function. Predicts self-orientation, self-awareness and in many cases interest and satisfaction in tasks. Gravity, Head Movement & Balance Organ- Semi-circular canals and otoliths in inner ear Vestibular processing Transmission of information about vibration and gravity (Otoliths), movement, acceleration and position of the head (Semicircular canals) to the brain stem, cerebellum and cerebrum. Interpretation of exactly where we are in relation to gravity, how fast we are going, and in what direction. Enable subconscious adjustments needed for balance, posture and movement Interaction and integration with all other impulses travelling up and down the spinal cord. Major influence on emotional and social responses, self regulation, arousal and concentration, self esteem, anxiety etc Types of sensory responses High threshold- need more sensory information than others to experience the same sensation. Child may present as lethargic, disinterested, weak, and spaced out (low registration). Child may present as very active, have poor motor planning, touches things, moves/spins/jumps etc., likes heavy blankets/tight clothing, inattentive, restless, rough during play. Both types are associated with poor body concept, difficulty with fine and gross motor skills, poor self-confidence. Low threshold- are more easily stimulated by sensory stimuli, need less input than others to experience same sensations. Child may present as anxious, avoidant, difficulty eating, poor motor planning, dislike of being messy, behaviour deteriorates in noisy environments, dislike of change, difficulty with attention and concentration, tantrums Common categories of SPD Dyspraxia Bilateral Integration and Sequencing Visual Praxis Modulation (Over-responsive/Under-responsive) What to do for kids with SI difficulties: Be patient. Kids with SPD take longer to develop thing even though their cognitive function may be normal. Allow more time for individuals with SPD to complete tasks (including going to the toilet, understanding a new concept etc.,) within appropriate classroom boundaries. Help them deal with frustrations and difficulties experienced as a result of SPD. Children with SPD often appear naughty, aggressive, oppositional and disengaged and are often associated with hyperactivity. These behaviours are the outcome of deregulation on an electro-chemical level in the brain. Use positive reinforcement for desired behaviours, and accommodations to make the environment more user-friendly’ to the SPD child. Provide a space that is quiet, dark and uncluttered for SPD kids to utilise as a regulatory tool. Explain that this is not a time-out space which is associated with bad behaviour, but a way to help our brains organise themselves again. Tents work well or you can use a desk with a blanket over it or a quiet room. Provide ample opportunity for movement. Engage SPD kids in taking messages, moving furniture, handing out books etc. Encourage SPD kids to engage in active play during break times. Seat SPD kids in the least distracting place in the classroom.
Just because it’s wrapped in pretty paper doesn’t mean it’s valuable. It’s because sometimes the best gifts aren’t appreciated until a child is older. Here are 7 gifts that are worthy of your financial or time investment today because they “pay off” (sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively) in the long run. Responsibility. Have you ever met a child that has no chores? Whose parents do everything for him with little or no appreciation? Or who gets everything she wants AND an expensive gift for her birthday? Teaching your children responsibility is a gift! By coddling a child, you do them a disservice to be prepared for life outside the home. Encourage them to volunteer, help around the house, get a holiday-job, and take responsibility for their actions and their future. Teach them how to do a budget, the importance of paying their bills on time, keep commitments, keep promises made, and be punctual. Responsibility is as much about valuing yourself as it is about valuing others. It builds independence, which is crucial for relationships, tertiary studies, work life, and mental health. A savings account. Consider opening a savings account or purchasing savings bonds for your children. Although savings accounts don’t typically earn a ton of interest, you’ve got time on your side and an opportunity to teach your children the importance and value of saving money. Academic Coaching. Being able to learn independently and successfully applying your knowledge, are just two of a long list of benefits your children will receive from professional academic coaching. Unlike tutoring, which focuses on reteaching academic information, academic coaching focuses on building learning skills, strategies and tactics that enables a child to become an independent learner. Definitely a gift with life-long benefits. A love of reading. Do your children have a library card? Do they have access to paper books or e-books? Head to a used or new bookstore, create a local book exchange with other parents, or find out when the book store is having their next sale. Few loves will take them further in life than a love of reading! Failure. Watching your child fail is hard, sometimes even heart breaking. But it’s a necessary part of life and knowing how to handle failure, a life skill every child should have. How else do they learn from their mistakes? Part of the beauty of failure is that it encourages us to take risks and learn that we can manage the results, no matter what they may be. Memberships. Teaching your children what it means to be a member of a group or club, is a gift in itself. What better way to help them experience the joys, responsibilities and value a membership brings, than to encourage them to become a member of a (formal or informal) group or club? Being part of something bigger than themselves, taking ownership of their role within that group or club, and understanding that others are depending on them, are just a few of the gifts your children will receive. Your time. This is probably the most valuable gift of all. Eat dinner as a family. Read to your children at bedtime (or have them read to you). Go cycling, fishing, hiking or camping together, or just picnic and stargaze from your garden. Teach them to bake, have a family movie night at home, or tell each other silly jokes. Let them know, through your words AND your actions, that they are your greatest gifts!
Staying active during your pregnancy is another important way of staying healthy. Not only is exercise good for you physically, but it helps relieve stress, improve sleep and boost your mood. However, being pregnant, especially later on in your pregnancy, means that you’ll need to consider what exercise you’re doing. Contact and high-risk sports are a no-no, but if you are looking for a way to stay fit, prenatal yoga and pilates could be your answer. Why yoga and pilates? Prenatal yoga and pilates can help you strengthen your body, stop excess weight gain and help prepare your body for childbirth. Both are low impact and can be adjusted to suit you and your growing baby. During your pregnancy, you may experience backache, aching legs and abdominal pain. Providing nothing serious is wrong, yoga and pilates can help alleviate pain through strengthening your body. Prenatal yoga and pilates classes are specifically tailored to expecting moms, so should be completely safe unless you are recommended otherwise. Getting ready for birth Not only can these practices help reduce stress and anxiety, but they can also help you during childbirth. The combo of stretching and strengthening your body should mean that your body is more equipped to deal with the stress of labour and birth. Strong core and pelvic will help support your spine and help you during birth. Joining prenatal yoga and pilates classes will help you connect with other expecting moms and, a professional can guide you through which poses are best for you throughout your pregnancy. Not only can yoga help you physically, but the breathing techniques you’ve learnt can help calm and focus you during labour. Is there anything I should be cautious of or avoid? Although good for you, there are still certain yoga and pilates poses and exercises that you should avoid during your pregnancy. If you are new to yoga and pilates, most studios offer prenatal classes for beginners, and, if you are practising already you can probably continue with most of your practice, just let your instructor know you’re expecting – they can help you modify your routine. Things to be cautious of are hot yoga, full inversions (poses on your head), deep twists and exercises that cause you to crunch your abdominal cavity. Your body is in constant flux as your baby develops, meaning some days you’ll feel energised whereas otherwise will leave you feeling drained. Because of this, it’s important that you are aware of how your body is feeling while practising. If you notice anything unusual or painful it’s best to chat with your doctor.
Cyberbullying is one of the online threats that parents dread the most. It’s covert and insidious, sometimes tricky to put your finger on, and hard to stop. It’s also frighteningly common and widespread, affecting children from around 10 to 18 years. Unchecked, cyberbullying can have serious consequences. Apart from the garden variety pain and distress it can cause, cyberbullying can lead vulnerable children to self-harm, suicidal ideation and suicide attempts. It’s a bona fide worst nightmare for parents, often provoking an intense emotional response. Unlike bullying that your child can walk away from in the schoolyard, an online bully can effortlessly violate the safe space of home to harass and hurt your child 24/7. All types of bullying can evoke a strong sense of shame, as well as anxiety about retribution if a child reveals what is happening to them to adults. Many bullied children and teens suffer in silence and secrecy which only compounds the negative impacts on them. Why your parental reaction to cyberbullying is so important When it comes to cyberbullying, children do think about how their parents might respond; and if they fear their parents may over-react or intervene in a way that worsens the situation, they may choose to rather not speak to their parents about what is happening to them. They may also fear that parents will take away their devices, impose new limits on their internet access or invade their privacy in some way. According to Registered Counsellor, Gurshwen Thöle who is the Counselling Centre Manager at the SACAP Foundation: The Youth Hub, parents need to know that cyberbullying is prevalent across a range of online platforms, and that the perpetrator may well be unknown in person to their child. He says, “Cyberbullying is often anonymous, making it very difficult to address. It happens frequently via instant messaging apps, in game chat rooms, via email and across social media platforms. It’s vital not only to be monitoring your child’s activities online but to also have a functional relationship so that you can quickly identify signs of change in your child’s behaviour. Frequent, open communications about cyberbullying – what it is, how to identify it and what to do if it happens; creates a high-level of awareness in your family and shows your children that you are ready and able to calmly and effectively support and act to stop cyberbullying.” Cyberbullying impacts on mental health Techpreneur and FYI play it safe app Founder, Rachelle Best, who conducts illuminating one-on-one interviews with South African teens for the podcast, Sip the Tea says, “So far, every teen I have chatted to has a story about cyberbullying to share. If it hasn’t happened to them directly, then they still know someone in their immediate circle of friends who has been bullied online. I have spoken to a girl who turned to self-harm due to being bullied, which is heart-breaking. Another surprise may be the prevalence of cyberbullying when it comes to boys. We tend to think of bullying amongst boys being much more about them pushing each other around physically, but cyberbullying amongst boys is common. A number of boys participating in Sip the Tea so far have had stories to tell of being bullied online because of their weight, or their physical appearance.” Gurshwen says, “The most concerning mental health impacts as a result of cyberbullying are depression and anxiety. These states can lead to suicidal ideation, self-harm activities, and plans to commit suicide, which is commonly seen in the news today. The signs that a child might be experiencing cyberbullying could include becoming withdrawn, changes in eating and sleeping patterns, changes in social behaviour, irritability, becoming angry or aggressive, talking about suicide and how meaningless life can be, self-isolation, distancing from activities they once enjoyed. Cyberbullying can cause long-term mental health complications that children can experience well into their adulthood.” What should you do if your child is being bullied online? Firstly, it’s important to stay calm, and respond rationally. Don’t blame your child or point fingers at the time they spend online or playing a game you don’t like. Resist any urge you have to take away devices or impose new limits on their connectivity. None of this is your child’s fault, and they should not feel punished because it has happened to them. Gurshwen says, “Be supportive of your child and acknowledge how this experience has made them feel. Parents should not judge, criticize, or make their child feel guilty for what has happened to them. It’s important to determine whether you need to seek professional help for your child so that they can manage the effects of the cyberbullying. You need to consider ways to protect your child from further cyberbullying and this may include reporting the matter to the police, school, or a cyberbullying helpline. There are various ways to take action, and you should involve your child in finding a solution.” Rachelle of FYI play it safe recommends: Tell the bully to stop – you can support your child to stand up to the bully by calling out their behaviour and insisting that it stops. Block the bully – this can be highly effective when you do not know the bully. Blocking them and reporting them to the platform can get the bully out of your child’s life. However, if the cyberbullying has crossed the line into a cybercrime, you may want to keep the connection so that you can rather report them to the police, ask for a criminal case to be opened against them and hand over the proof you have on your child’s device. Blocking and reporting on most platforms means that the history is deleted. Take it up with the bully’s parents or a supporter at school – if the bully is in your child’s friend or school circles, then you can explore whether opening up conversations can help to remedy the situation. Make sure your child is comfortable with this approach. Disengage, but otherwise do
