Sibling Rivalry Survival Guide: What’s Normal and What Needs Help

Sibling rivalry is a common part of growing up in many families. While it’s normal for siblings to squabble and compete, constant fighting or deeper emotional issues may indicate a need for intervention. Understanding the difference helps parents foster healthier relationships and a more peaceful home environment.

🤼‍♂️ Why Sibling Rivalry Happens

Siblings share a unique bond but also compete for attention, resources, and their parents’ love. According to child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham, rivalry often stems from children’s natural desire for individuality and the challenge of navigating shared space and parental expectations.

⚖️ What’s Normal?

  • Occasional arguments or teasing
  • Jealousy over toys or attention
  • Mild competition in achievements or skills
  • Moments of reconciliation and play together afterward

These behaviours are typical and often help children develop conflict resolution and negotiation skills.

🚨 When to Get Help

  • Frequent or intense physical fights causing injury
  • Persistent emotional bullying or exclusion
  • Sibling relationships marked by fear or anxiety
  • One child consistently feeling unsafe or unsupported

If rivalry escalates to this level, it may impact children’s emotional wellbeing and require guidance from a counsellor or family therapist.

🛠️ Tips for Parents to Manage Rivalry

  1. Stay Neutral: Avoid taking sides and encourage fairness.
  2. Set Clear Boundaries: Define acceptable behaviour and consequences.
  3. Encourage Teamwork: Promote activities that require cooperation.
  4. Spend Individual Time: Give each child focused attention.
  5. Teach Conflict Resolution: Help children express feelings and negotiate solutions.
  6. Model Respectful Behaviour: Children learn from their parents’ interactions.

💬 The Role of Communication

Open family discussions where everyone’s feelings are heard can defuse tension and build empathy. Encouraging siblings to talk through issues helps develop emotional intelligence and long-lasting bonds.


Sources:

  • Dr. Laura Markham – “Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings”
  • American Academy of Pediatrics – “Helping Siblings Get Along”
  • Child Mind Institute – “Sibling Rivalry and Conflict”
  • Psychology Today – “Understanding Sibling Relationships”
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