My Son Wants to Quit an Activity… Should I Force Him to Play?

This was the question I received from a mother who told me that her son suddenly wanted to quit the sports team he was on, right in the middle of the season.  She asked me if she should allow him to quit or force him to continue.  I suggested that she have him finish out the season by attending the games to support his team, but not force him to play.  After sitting on the bench for a few games, he suddenly wanted back on the team.

Understanding why your child’s sudden decision is important but is not always easy to figure out.  Asking him why may only result in the response “I don’t Know.”  A child’s or teen’s sudden desire to quit a team can be a result of a number of things; a peer relationship issue, bullying, a fear of failing, competition, a lack of confidence or sights set on another activity that he or she likes better.  It can even be a result of a change in the family dynamics, such as the loss of a parent or other family member, or even divorce.

It’s not always best to force a child to participate, but instead, find out what he or she is willing to do within the activity for the remainder of the season.  Take notice of when your child is in a great mood and ask open ended questions about the situation to get him or her to open up and talk about it.  Give them some space and time to mull it over and avoid drilling them to find out why.

One day my tween-age son announced that he wanted to quit the school marching band (he had been playing since third grade and had held first chair for the past few years).  He came in, tossed his trumpet in the case into the closet, and declared that he didn’t want to play in the band anymore and marched off.  I was not happy about this since we had recently upgraded his trumpet to a much more expensive SILVER trumpet, at his request.

I did not respond to his declaration but later that day tried to engage him in conversation about why he had made that decision.  His response with full disdain was that the trumpet was a stupid instrument.  He then asked if he could get a set of drums.  I told him that I was into the silver trumpet for quite a bit of money and because of what I paid out for it, I might be willing to consider buying a different instrument in about two years.

That response got him mad.  So for the next few days he left for school without taking his trumpet to school.  I said nothing about it, but on a few occasions I again tried to engage him in conversation about why he was no longer playing his trumpet.  On each of those occasions he offered up a different excuse; the teacher was stupid, the trumpet was dumb, etc.  Then, on the last day that he could not bring his trumpet to school without being removed from the band, he took the trumpet to school.

I was relieved that he was back playing the trumpet in the school band.  What I later found out as the reason for this sudden dislike for an instrument he loved so much, was that he become careless and lost first chair.  If I had forced him to bring the trumpet to school, he might have retaliated in other ways and may have never owned up to the real problem.  If I had been one of those parents that did go out and buy him the drums, again, he may have been unable to learn what he needed to learn about himself and the consequences of not working hard.  Giving children space and time to learn from experiences is key to their emotional development.

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Maths Matter: Why it’s worth sticking it out when the going gets tough

In senior high school, the Mathematics syllabus becomes more challenging than ever, and many learners may be tempted to ditch the subject in favour of something less taxing, particularly if they intend to pursue a career that ostensibly doesn’t require Maths.

But an expert advises learners and parents to think very carefully before doing so, as a solid grounding in the subject can make a lifelong difference not only to one’s career prospects, but also to those areas of life which seemingly have nothing to do with numbers.

“At school we are told regularly that if we do not keep Mathematics as a subject we will not gain access to a Commerce or Science degree of our choice.  What we often do not hear is that apart from providing access to limited enrolment degrees, sticking with Maths provides important life skills and a competitive advantage you won’t find anywhere else,” says Aaron Koopman, Head of Programme: Faculty of Commerce at The Independent Institute of Education, SA’s largest private higher education provider.

Koopman says that even those learners opting for Maths Literacy should continue to take the mathematical steps and processes seriously, as a solid grounding in Maths truly sets one up for life.

Maths teaches you so much – from the memory and recall skills you gained from learning your times tables, to the focus and concentration that mental arithmetic calculations strengthen, through to the most important skills of all related logic, reason and problem-solving,” he says.

“Sure, you may never have to solve a quadratic equation again if you pursue a career in communication, but you will be required to understand a problem and the correct sequence of steps required to solve it, and there is no better place to get that discipline and expertise than from Maths.”

Koopman says Maths also enables you to understand sequencing and planning – starting at the right point and working methodically to get the right answer. And when it does not work out the way it should, it is one’s mathematical and analytical skills that help you to work through each step and figure out why things did not turn out the way they should have.

“Furthermore, Mathematics is believed to encourage creativity. Not only does it teach clear and sensible thought, but it exposes learners to challenging concepts and unresolved problems. Through this experience, learners can apply themselves in resolving these problems, often in a creative manner.”

It is also now well understood that nature follows many mathematical rules – and proportion, balance and pattern are all mathematical concepts, notes Koopman.

“That balance between creative freedom and leveraging the repetitive sequence of patterns that results in things humans see as beautiful is at the heart of much art that has continued to appeal over the centuries.

“Maths also helps you develop persistence as you apply and discard solutions while trying to make sense of a problem.  Maths is the bridge between the world we live in – think of the ‘story sums’ we started in our early grades – and the creative and brilliant solutions that lie behind the world’s best inventions.”

And very importantly, companies are increasingly looking for graduates with powerful thinking and troubleshooting capacity – just the competencies that are developed and nurtured through mathematics.

“A young person who is mathematically proficient and has honed these skills will find that the world of work is a flexible and engaging space where how you learn is recognised as so much more valuable than what you learned.  From understanding numbers and statistics – the ‘hard skills’ that Maths gives you – to applying systematic and logical reasoning or solving a human resource problem, a mind that has been exercised by Maths will reach strong conclusions quickly and have the skills to test itself,” Koopman says.

“The systematic nature of Mathematics develops clear and coherent thought of students. This results in the ability to understand how and why things work in a certain way. In a business environment that is characterised by constant change, the analysis of one’s environment becomes fundamentally important and through Mathematics, analytical skills and critical thinking is promoted. Mathematics equips learners with the ability to be proactive, detect problems and to develop suitable solutions earlier, which provides a competitive advantage regardless of one’s field.”

As we move into the fourth industrial revolution, in which technological innovation is at the forefront, graduates who did not necessarily study Maths but retained an engagement and respect for it will be well positioned to propel their organisations and respective divisions in the right direction, says Koopman.

Additionally, anyone leading a team or department regardless of industry will need to be financially literate and able to manage sometimes substantial budgets.

“Therefore we encourage learners to persevere and if necessary get additional help to master Maths, even if they feel they may not ‘need’ Maths in future. Regardless of what you are planning to do career-wise, a solid grounding in Maths will empower you for the rest of your life,” Koopman says.

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Curating your career starts in school

Teenagers are accustomed to curating their personal image on social media. They select what to share, who to tag and how to display their interests and activities in a snapshot, or a few hash tags. The next step for Generation Z, those born after 1995, is to start curating their career. Whether preparing to apply for a competitive university programme or starting an entrepreneurial venture, there is great value in starting to think about how to express one’s professional interests from an early age.

“Your extra-curricular activities during high school help you stand out from the crowd when applying for universities, especially top-ranked international ones,” says Duncan Parsons, Regional Manager for Crimson Education, a mentoring company that helps build high-schoolers’ candidacy to apply for universities in the States and United Kingdom. “Admissions boards are looking for well-rounded candidates with interesting personal stories – not just top marks.”

A report by brand management specialists, QWERTY found that nearly 70% of South Africans’ weekly activities are spent on social media channels. Growing up with the internet, Gen Zs have become accustomed to plugging hours into Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. They’re great at capturing their personal image online; which brands they associate with and which moments they share. Applying some of this time and skill to thinking about their careers can be hugely beneficial for when they finish school.

“Demonstrating a variety of skills and interests is a crucial part of an applicant’s success. Universities are increasingly interested in personal stories and motivations,” says Parsons. Crimson Education’s research indicates that about 30% of an application to an American university is based on activities outside of academic curricula; “Colleges look for and fund students who demonstrate that they’ll use the university’s resources to the fullest – they want to see initiative and the potential to become a leader in your field.”

Teachers, parents and school counsellors also play an important role in encouraging students to explore exciting career and study opportunities; “With the right guidance and support, students can start a small business or launch a social initiative before they even matriculate. Doing so will help them refine their interests and ultimately select the best fit programme at university, regardless of whether they study locally or abroad,” says Parsons.

A great university education, at an institution with leading research groups, lecturers and students from around the world can be a powerful starting point for future change makers. According to Parsons, landing that opportunity is challenging, but not impossible, for driven South African students who apply their finely tuned social media curating skills to their careers.

Crimson Education launched in South Africa earlier this year, making the company operational in 17 cities around the world. Parsons and his team regularly host information evenings for parents and learners interested in studying overseas and have recently introduced a career exploration service. For more information, visit www.crimsoneducation.org or email [email protected].

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Learning Difficulties Linked To Headaches

It is the start of the school year and many children are refreshed after the summer holidays. Unfortunately some children are frustrated by learning difficulties or Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). A recent study found something noteworthy: There is an association between headache diagnosis and school achievements.

The study, published in Pediatric Nursing, found that learning disabilities and ADHD are more common in children and adolescents who are referred for neurological assessment due to primary headaches than is described in the general pediatric population.

Dr. Elliot Shevel, a South African migraine surgery pioneer and the medical director of The Headache Clinic, says the research shows poor to average school academic performance were more prevalent among children with headaches. “We should look deeper at poor performance. It might be more complicated than parents think,” says Shevel.

A retrospective review of medical records of children and adolescents who presented with headache to outpatient pediatric neurology clinics during a one year period was done. Demographics, Headache type, attention deficit disorder (ADHD), learning disabilities and academic achievements were assessed.

A total of 243 patients met the inclusion criteria and were assessed: 135 (55.6%) females and 108 (44.4%) males. 44% were diagnosed with migraine (35.8% of the males and 64.2% of the females), 47.7% were diagnosed with tension type headache (50.4% of the males and 49.6% of the females). Among patients presenting with headache for the first time, 24% were formerly diagnosed with learning disabilities and 28% were diagnosed with ADHD.

When to see a doctor

It is crucial that if your headaches persist, you should get to the root of the problem. The longer the headache persists, the more damage will be done to the underlying structures. “A multidisciplinary assessment will need to be done,” is Shevel’s advice. Contact The Headache Clinic for help in this regard.

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