Help! My child is being bullied at school

Navigating a world of people can be more challenging that climbing the most treacherous of mountains! Cindy Glass, Director and Co-founder of Step Up Education Centres says “As people, we are governed by emotions, and, unless kept in check, negative emotions can lead to negative behaviours that are detrimental to others as well as to ourselves. Bullying is a national epidemic and the harmful effects on a bullied child can last a lifetime.  If you can remember that we can only give to others how we feel about ourselves, we will understand that someone who has a need to hurt another is hurting himself!”

Cindy goes onto say “As people, we are also like magnets.  We unconsciously attract into our lives, people who reinforce how we feel about ourselves! Bullies, who have low self-esteem, tend to target children who have low self-esteem! Both parties deal with a lack of self-esteem or self-worth in their own way and both need assistance in changing this! And, herein, lies the first and most important key to stamping out bullying- improving confidence and self- value!”

Cindy’s top tips for dealing with bullying: 

  1. Help your child by becoming his safe-place.  Ensure that you always have a non-judgemental ear to listen and a supportive shoulder to lean on! Help your child to reclaim his/her power. Within each of us is the power to make positive choices.  We can choose to internalise the words or actions of a bully or we can choose to stay detached and not allow these negative behaviours to determine who we are!
  2. Teach your child that it is not ok to be treated badly by others.  Do not ignore incidents of bullying in the hope that it will just go away. The lower your child’s sense of self becomes, the more intensely he/she is likely to be bullied! Remember that we cannot control the behavioural choices of others but we can control how we react to them.
  3. Consider enrolling your child into activities which build confidence. A confident child is less likely to be preyed upon by a bully.  Try drama, sports, scouts, dancing, art, debating etc.
  4. If your child shows signs of being physically hurt by bullies, you will need to ask the teacher or even principal for help.
  5. Do not confront the bully yourself.  This will most likely fuel the bully into expanding his attack on your child. Confronting the parents of the bully can lead to negative outcomes because of the intense emotions that both parties are likely to feel.
  6. Schools need to focus on teaching children emotional intelligence skills.  Remember, it is the bullied child as well as the bully who need support in developing positive self-worth.

Cindy concludes by stating “Bullying is never ok. There are no one-stop-shop solutions to the problem. We cannot ignore these destructive behaviours.  Building self-worth is the key to long-term success!”

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Bullying: What parents and schools can do

ARTICLE BY PROF RITA NIEMANN, NALIZE MARAIS, ZENDRÉ SWANEPOEL AND MONIERA MOOSA

Bullying is a great concern for both parents and schools. Here we outline a number of measures that can help them both parties deal with bullying.

Parents

When parents notice that their child is behaving differently – not wanting to go to school, using illness as an excuse, suddenly performing poorly at school or enuresis – and suspect bullying, they need to act immediately.

Firstly, they must determine where this is happing (at school, at a sports club, on social media, etc.) and who the perpetrator(s) are.

Secondly, if the bullying is taking place in an organised environment such as at school or sports club, the authorities need to be informed and requested to step in. They are legally bound to protect the rights of the child.

Thirdly, parents have the responsibility to equip their children to cope by:

  • Instilling the knowledge that children must take a stand and that they have a choice in allowing someone else to victimise them.
  • Assisting children to terminate relationships that are potentially harmful, such as blocking a person on social media.
  • Helping them to identify bullies and the different forms of bullying.
  • Creating a safe space for children to speak about what is happening to them.
  • Emphasising assertive verbal communication if threatened.
  • Building children’s self-concept.
  • Getting the help of a psychologist, if necessary, to counsel the victim.
  • Emphasising that respectful behaviour is always the best option and thus preventing retaliation.
  • Fostering problem-solving and conflict resolution skills with the focus on restoring damaged relationships.
  • Working collaboratively to solve the problem with their children so that they can feel reassured.

Schools

As bullying is a deliberate act to hurt someone, there must be consequences for the bully. Once teachers are aware that a bullying incident has taken place at school, the matter must be dealt with by:

  • Asking the victim to provide the names of the perpetrator(s), as well as the names of friends of the victim, as soon as he/she has calmed down.
  • Counselling the victim and finding out whether he/she has been injured and what effect the bullying or harassment has had on him or her.
  • Cultivating a “no blame” approach towards bullying or harassment.
  • Establishing punitive sanctions for both the bully and for any bystanders.
  • Developing a bullying code of conduct/bullying policy and informing learners of this.
  • Having designated teachers to deal with incidents of bullying.
  • Facilitating mediation and discussions with the victim and the bully, depending on the severity of the bullying.
  • Passing the responsibility to the bully or group of bullies to make sure that the problem is solved.
  • Ensuring that potential bystanders understand that they have a vital role to play during bullying incidents.
  • Letting the victims feel protected after they have reported the incident.
  • Encouraging learners to make suggestions on how they can contribute to alleviating the negative experiences of the victim.
  • Scheduling follow-up meetings to monitor the situation where each party has to share how things are going.
  • Informing the parents of both the bully and the victim about the incident/s.

The principal and teachers have a crucial role to play in directing learners towards becoming responsible citizens. They should create a safe and secure environment, establish a non-violent culture, and be good role models for all learners.

Reference

Niemann, R., Marais, N., Swanepoel, Z. & Moosa, M. 2016. Problem areas in schools In: Jacobs, M. Teaching-learning Dynamics, Johannesburg: Pearsons

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Start 2021 Smart with Smart Nutrition and a Great Education

Stand a chance to win a year’s worth of school fees

FUTURELIFE®, in partnership with Pick n Pay Smart Shopper, are thrilled to launch their Start Smart Campaign, an opportunity for one lucky child to win a year worth of school fees for 2021. “FUTURELIFE® was built on the vision to improve the lives of South African families through Smart Nutrition, and this exciting initiative is merely an extension of that commitment so that we can help future leaders start smart,” says Mark Bunn, FUTURELIFE®’s Managing Director.

He adds that education is key to unlocking future success, “Education empowers our youth with the knowledge, skills and values they need to build a better society, and it all starts with the foundation built during pre-, primary- and high-school. Much like Smart Nutrition, which also is fundamental for good health and development during the early years.”

How Start Smart will work:

1. Buy any 2 FUTURELIFE® bread and/or FUTURELIFE® cereal bars at any Pick n Pay across South Africa between 16 November 2020 – 10 January 2021 and swipe your Smart Shopper card.

2. You will then automatically be entered into a draw to stand a chance to win school fees for your child in 2021.

3. Winner will be drawn within four weeks of the competition closure date and will be contacted directly.

FUTURELIFE® has been using and leveraging the knowledge, expertise and experience, of a multi-disciplinary team of science and nutritional experts for over 13 years. This together with a proprietary manufacturing process, and a unique combination of essential nutrients and ingredients, in a specially formulated recipe, is of nutritionally superior smart food products.

“Our vision all those years ago has made a real impact. We have witnessed how far a little can go and appreciate how even the smallest action can make a huge difference. So, purchase your two participating products today and help your child to start 2021 smart with Smart Nutrition and a great education!” Bunn concludes.

Buy any two of the following participating products:

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Products are available from all leading Pick n Pay Retail Outlets.

For more information on the Start Smart Campaign, please go to www.futurelife.co.za or https://www.pnp.co.za/campaign/win-with-futurelife

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Getting insight into bullying

Rita Niemann

Bullying is an example of school violence, which mostly stems from aggression and poor self-image. Bullying can be defined as a conscious, wilful, and deliberate hostile activity and as it tends to happen at any point in time, it makes it very difficult to predetermine.

Louw and Louw (2007:230) emphasise the need for humans to belong and states that social development is characterised by an increasing involvement with peers as that contributes towards satisfying emotional needs. Teachers and parents, therefore, must account for the various phases of relationship building during adolescence and must guide children towards sound social and interpersonal relationships.

Because bullying cannot be contextualized by group, age or gender, any child can fall prey to a bully. However, children tend to follow the example of their parents and if parents condone acts of aggression or violence, children tend to emulate such acts, resulting in others feeling threatened and unsafe.

Legislatively, every learner has the right to be educated in an environment that is “clean and safe” and is “conducive to education” (RSA, 2006). Unfortunately, bullying has become both a national and international concern. Most acts of bullying are related to an imbalance of power to ensure dominance, boosting the bully’s self-image and getting attention (even if it is negative attention).

Barbara Coloroso (2005: 49-51) identified different kinds of bullies. Those who:

  • have powerful personalities, are admired by others and are not easily recognised as being a bully.
  • use gossip and verbal abuse to manipulate others.
  • show little emotion, but is determined to continue the bullying.
  • are hyperactive, struggle with schoolwork and have poor social skills.

Any child can become a bully’s target depending on the bully’s inner insecurities. Bullies tend to prefer submissive children, but it could also simply be because the person is younger, smaller, thinner, fatter, or even because of his or her gender. Bullies also tend to choose targets who have characteristics they crave themselves, such as being clever and dedicated.

Parents and teachers often wonder why victims do not report the bullying. Often, victims of bullying feel ashamed because of what is happening to them, or they feel that there must be something wrong with them. They also fear that the bullying may get worse if it is reported.

Bullying must be dealt with swiftly and deliberately – see the follow-up article in this regard.

References

Coloroso, B. 2005: The bully, the bullied and the bystander. From pre-school to secondary school – how parents and teachers can help break the cycle of violence. London:Piccadilly.

Louw, D., & Louw, A. 2007. Child and Adolescent Development. Bloemfontein: ABCPrinters.

Niemann, R., Marais, N., Swanepoel, Z. & Moosa, M. 2016. Problem areas in schools In: Jacobs, M. Teaching-learning Dynamics, Johannesburg: Pearsons

Republic of South Africa (RSA). 2006. Regulations for Safety Measures at Public School). Government Gazette No. 26663.  Pretoria: Government Printers.

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