Parent Involvement: Stretch your vision for a long-term parenting role – Raising Free Range Children

Written by: Justin Kistan, English & Information Science teacher at Crawford College North Coast

Traveler, there is no path. The path is made by walking. ~Antonio Machado

It is not that the Way broadens humans; it is that humans broaden the Way.
~ Confucius, the Analects 

Where did the term ‘helicopter parents’ originate? Is it from the way they hover over their kids or is it because of the deafening sound they produce when their parental rotors are in a tizzy? Either way, it’s something of a spectacle to behold. We can’t blame parents for wanting the best for their children. It’s something we can all easily identify with. We want the people we care about to be looked after. We want to help them be happy, healthy and successful. But sometimes our help can be a hindrance. We need to ask ourselves difficult questions. When do our concern and best intentions become an obstacle to our loved ones continued evolution instead of an advantage? How do we empower our children so that they are strong enough to live without us?  And perhaps most importantly how do we go about making sure that our children will be amply prepared for the struggles of the 21st century and have the faculties about them to gain from its many opportunities?

So where do we start? As the proverb goes, “the best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago, but the second-best time is now.” So, let’s begin with ideas we can nurture and grow now…

· Parenting styles differ greatly. Julie Lythcott-Haims in her book, “How to Raise an Adult – Break Free of the Over-Parenting Trap and Prepare your Kid for Success”, mentions her preferred style, “AUTHORITATIVE, which is demanding and responsive. These parents set high standards, expectations, and limits, which they uphold with consequences. They are also emotionally warm and responsive to their child’s emotional needs. They reason with their kids, engaging in a give-and-take for the sake of learning. They give their child freedom to explore, to fail, and to make their own choices.” This style with its balance of strictness and warmth helps engender a child’s trust and respect.

  • We need to help our kids build self-efficacy. They need to see that success comes from doing work that matters and that it requires effort. They need to have faith in their own ability to complete tasks (without help from their parents!) and reach set goals. Foster grit and perseverance. They need to realize that while there will be challenges in life, they possess the tenacity to meet and overcome them. Encourage in them a Stoic mindset.  As Marcus Aurelius said, “What stands in the Way, becomes the Way. The obstacle is the path.’ the world will constantly test them. Can they get past the things that inevitably fall in their way? Will they stand up and show the world what they’re made of?
  • While we’re talking about the self, help your kids develop THE meta-skill of the 21st Century, SELF-AWARENESS, which is the ability to see ourselves for who we are, appreciate how others see us and to begin to understand our place in the world. Self-esteem which is the belief in one’s worth and value is important and must be appropriately nurtured but it is self-awareness that removes the blinkers from our kid’s eyes and allows them the vision to accurately tune into their current station in life. Our children will never get to where they want to go in the future if they don’t know where they are now. Help them develop their will and skill. Teach them to build their competence and with that, they will deserve their confidence.
  • Give them opportunities to enter Flow – “the zone” in which we achieve optimal performance and feel our best. Gaining access to flow means being completely engaged with a task, preferably something you love to do and setting achievable goals. The task is normally something beyond your current level of skill and this requires you to stretch your skill set and reach to ascend to new levels. Kids should find a hobby or seek meaning in their learning which could give them a chance to enter flow. The more they operate in flow, the greater and more spectacular the accomplishments that our kids will accomplish.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it is a place to start. We need to raise 21st Century Citizens. Future adults who are critical and creative thinkers, resilient and gritty in their approach and most importantly purpose driven. Children who are taught not just to survive life’s hardships but who will seek out and thrive on its challenges.

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Here’s How Tax Relief for Neurodivergent Kids Actually Works

If you’re raising a neurodivergent child in South Africa, you’re already doing a lot.

Appointments. School meetings. Forms. “Can you just send that report again?” moments. The daily juggling act of home + school + therapy + life.

So when someone says, “You might be able to claim tax relief,” it can feel like one more admin mountain… right when you’re already running on fumes.

Here’s the good news: tax relief is available, and there’s a real framework designed to give families some breathing room.

The bad news is: it’s not always obvious how it works, and the internet is full of conflicting advice.

This guide will help you understand the basics without spiralling.

Tax relief is available in South Africa

South Africa’s tax system includes support for families who carry additional medical and care costs. The main mechanism is the Additional Medical Expenses Tax Credit (AMTC).

It’s not a cash payout. It’s a tax credit that reduces the amount of normal tax you pay.

For many families, it becomes a crucial “safety valve”, especially when you’re paying for the kind of support your child needs to function well in the real world.

Where neurodiversity fits into the SARS framework

SARS doesn’t have a neat category called “neurodivergence.”

Instead, conditions like Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), ADHD, and PDA are considered based on their functional impact, in other words, how much they limit day-to-day life.

For tax purposes, a “disability” is defined as a moderate to severe limitation in a person’s ability to function or perform daily activities (including learning, thinking, communicating).

If your child’s challenges create a moderate to severe limitation that is expected to last more than a year, your family may qualify for tax relief.

If the limitations are considered milder, the condition may fall under what SARS calls a “physical impairment.” (Despite the name, this category isn’t limited to physical conditions and can still apply in some neurodevelopmental contexts.) 

Relief may still be available, but often with different thresholds and limits.

The common misunderstanding that trips parents up

One of the biggest myths is:

“If I have the diagnosis, we automatically qualify.”

Not necessarily.

SARS looks at whether the condition remains a significant limitation even after what it calls “maximum correction” (including appropriate therapy, treatment, or medication).

Because every child is different, eligibility is assessed case by case. Two families can have the same diagnosis and still have different outcomes depending on how the condition impacts daily functioning.

Which is frustrating, yes.
But also: it’s why getting clarity early matters.

Why paperwork and medical confirmation matter (even if you hate admin)

The admin requirements can feel like adding weight to an already heavy load.

But they’re also the keys to unlocking tax relief.

A diagnosis label isn’t enough. You need formal medical confirmation from a registered practitioner who is trained to give an opinion on your child’s condition.

The key document is the ITR-DD form (Confirmation of Diagnosis of Disability).

Whether this form is required in your situation can depend on how your child’s needs are classified (which is exactly where many parents get stuck).

Important: you typically don’t submit the form with your annual return, but you must keep it, along with invoices and proof of payments, for at least five years. 

SARS often verifies these claims, so having your paperwork organised from the start protects you later.

Think of it like this: a few clicks to save documents today can save you hours of stress later.

You don’t have to figure it all out today

If this feels complex, you’re not meant to decode it alone in between lunchboxes and meltdowns.

So we created a simple starting point for parents:

✅ Download the tax relief cheat sheet at www.dalza.com/tax-relief-cheat-sheet/
 A clear summary of what you need to know (and what to gather), without the jargon.

Supporting a neurodivergent child requires enough time, energy, and emotional bandwidth as it is. Tax admin shouldn’t be another thing you have to white-knuckle your way through.

Start with the cheat sheet.
Get the lay of the land.
And take it one step at a time.

👉 Download the free tax relief cheat sheet at www.dalza.com/tax-relief-cheat-sheet/

Disclaimer:

This content is provided for general information purposes only. It is not intended as legal, tax, or financial advice. Tax outcomes depend on individual circumstances, and eligibility for tax relief is assessed by SARS on a case-by-case basis. We recommend consulting a registered tax practitioner or qualified professional before submitting any tax claims

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Get a second chance at success

If you’ve recently completed Grade 12, you’ll know that your matric results can lead to many exciting opportunities. Your matric certificate can help you get into the university or course of your choice, it looks great on your CV and it can help you ace that job interview by showing that you have the necessary skills to do the job.

But, what if your results were not what you hoped they would be and all these opportunities seem out of reach? You don’t have to be stuck with your less-than-great grades for the rest of your life. You can get a second chance at success.

Impaq, an innovative education solution provider, can help. You can register to redo some of your Grade 12 subjects in order to improve your results. Plus, you don’t have to be an Impaq learner to qualify. If you went to a public or private high school or received your matric certificate through a distance learning provider, you can still apply to redo your matric subjects with Impaq. The only requirement is that you must have had a sitting for the final examination in order to qualify.

Once you’ve applied and been accepted, Impaq will register you with the South African Comprehensive Assessment Institute (SACAI) to ensure that you receive your new (and improved) National Senior Certificate after passing the NSC Examination for the rewritten subjects.

To see if you qualify, send an email to [email protected]. The final cut-off date for registrations is 15 February 2018.

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Bullying: What parents and schools can do

ARTICLE BY PROF RITA NIEMANN, NALIZE MARAIS, ZENDRÉ SWANEPOEL AND MONIERA MOOSA

Bullying is a great concern for both parents and schools. Here we outline a number of measures that can help them both parties deal with bullying.

Parents

When parents notice that their child is behaving differently – not wanting to go to school, using illness as an excuse, suddenly performing poorly at school or enuresis – and suspect bullying, they need to act immediately.

Firstly, they must determine where this is happing (at school, at a sports club, on social media, etc.) and who the perpetrator(s) are.

Secondly, if the bullying is taking place in an organised environment such as at school or sports club, the authorities need to be informed and requested to step in. They are legally bound to protect the rights of the child.

Thirdly, parents have the responsibility to equip their children to cope by:

  • Instilling the knowledge that children must take a stand and that they have a choice in allowing someone else to victimise them.
  • Assisting children to terminate relationships that are potentially harmful, such as blocking a person on social media.
  • Helping them to identify bullies and the different forms of bullying.
  • Creating a safe space for children to speak about what is happening to them.
  • Emphasising assertive verbal communication if threatened.
  • Building children’s self-concept.
  • Getting the help of a psychologist, if necessary, to counsel the victim.
  • Emphasising that respectful behaviour is always the best option and thus preventing retaliation.
  • Fostering problem-solving and conflict resolution skills with the focus on restoring damaged relationships.
  • Working collaboratively to solve the problem with their children so that they can feel reassured.

Schools

As bullying is a deliberate act to hurt someone, there must be consequences for the bully. Once teachers are aware that a bullying incident has taken place at school, the matter must be dealt with by:

  • Asking the victim to provide the names of the perpetrator(s), as well as the names of friends of the victim, as soon as he/she has calmed down.
  • Counselling the victim and finding out whether he/she has been injured and what effect the bullying or harassment has had on him or her.
  • Cultivating a “no blame” approach towards bullying or harassment.
  • Establishing punitive sanctions for both the bully and for any bystanders.
  • Developing a bullying code of conduct/bullying policy and informing learners of this.
  • Having designated teachers to deal with incidents of bullying.
  • Facilitating mediation and discussions with the victim and the bully, depending on the severity of the bullying.
  • Passing the responsibility to the bully or group of bullies to make sure that the problem is solved.
  • Ensuring that potential bystanders understand that they have a vital role to play during bullying incidents.
  • Letting the victims feel protected after they have reported the incident.
  • Encouraging learners to make suggestions on how they can contribute to alleviating the negative experiences of the victim.
  • Scheduling follow-up meetings to monitor the situation where each party has to share how things are going.
  • Informing the parents of both the bully and the victim about the incident/s.

The principal and teachers have a crucial role to play in directing learners towards becoming responsible citizens. They should create a safe and secure environment, establish a non-violent culture, and be good role models for all learners.

Reference

Niemann, R., Marais, N., Swanepoel, Z. & Moosa, M. 2016. Problem areas in schools In: Jacobs, M. Teaching-learning Dynamics, Johannesburg: Pearsons

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