Helping Your Teen Decide on Their Future

Any parent that has been through a matric exam with their child will be able to tell you that it’s a stressful time. Not only do parent and teen have to cope with an enormous workload, but the teen is now also expected to be able to answer the “what are you studying next year?” question posed by friends, family, teachers and everyone else they know.

While some teenagers have been preparing for this day, and know exactly where their life will take them next, many teens have no idea as to what they are supposed to do once they close their school text books for the last time. For these teens, a seemingly innocent question is the source of sleepless nights.

As a parent, you don’t want to see your child suffer – you want to help them; guide them through life’s many obstacles. And while you only mean well, you could very easily stress out your already stressed-out teen even further if the situation isn’t approached in the correct manner.

To help alleviate some of your teen’s worries, and to help them make the best choices for their future, be sure to heed the following advice:

Don’t put any pressure on them

The worst thing you can do right now is to put pressure on your teen to make life-changing choices. The first and foremost reason is that they could resent you for it. They could also decide to not make a decision, simply to spite you. An even worse alternative is that they choose a course in haste, only to regret their decision later. And unless they’re paying their own way, keep in mind that you’ll be the one who would’ve flushed thousands of Rands down the drain should they decide to drop out.

Consider career guidance

Guidance from an outside party won’t only be objective, it might also bring to light career options that neither you nor your teen has ever considered. There are a few options available to you – you could either go to any of South Africa’s universities that offer aptitude tests, or do an aptitude test online.

The alternative would be to sit with your teen to help them decide on their passion; that one thing they excel in and love to do. This might not lead to a career choice, but it will help steer them in the right direction at the very least.

Educate your teen

Have you considered that your teen is simply overwhelmed by the wealth of information at their disposal? Perhaps they are familiar with what a university, business college, university of technology or specialist school is, but they don’t know which one is right for them. Sit them down, find out what they know, then fill in the gaps. Map it out for them, so that the information is presented in bite sizes and easily digestible.

Tell them about their options

Studying isn’t the only option open to school leavers. And even if further studies is your preferred choice, you have to let your teen know there are other options. Being aware of them might be enough to free up your teen’s mind to help him or her decide on a career path.

So what are these options? Volunteering, travelling, interning and working while travelling. Some of these can be done from home; others would require flying the nest. Interning would be most helpful when trying to decide on a career, because it’s basically ‘trying out’ a career.

Whatever you do, remember that this is not your future – it is your teen’s future. It’s their dreams and aspirations. They are the only person who would need to deal with their decision in five or 10 years’ time. So keep it about them; don’t make it about you.

This advice was brought to you by Boston City Campus & Business College.

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Bullying: What parents and schools can do

ARTICLE BY PROF RITA NIEMANN, NALIZE MARAIS, ZENDRÉ SWANEPOEL AND MONIERA MOOSA

Bullying is a great concern for both parents and schools. Here we outline a number of measures that can help them both parties deal with bullying.

Parents

When parents notice that their child is behaving differently – not wanting to go to school, using illness as an excuse, suddenly performing poorly at school or enuresis – and suspect bullying, they need to act immediately.

Firstly, they must determine where this is happing (at school, at a sports club, on social media, etc.) and who the perpetrator(s) are.

Secondly, if the bullying is taking place in an organised environment such as at school or sports club, the authorities need to be informed and requested to step in. They are legally bound to protect the rights of the child.

Thirdly, parents have the responsibility to equip their children to cope by:

  • Instilling the knowledge that children must take a stand and that they have a choice in allowing someone else to victimise them.
  • Assisting children to terminate relationships that are potentially harmful, such as blocking a person on social media.
  • Helping them to identify bullies and the different forms of bullying.
  • Creating a safe space for children to speak about what is happening to them.
  • Emphasising assertive verbal communication if threatened.
  • Building children’s self-concept.
  • Getting the help of a psychologist, if necessary, to counsel the victim.
  • Emphasising that respectful behaviour is always the best option and thus preventing retaliation.
  • Fostering problem-solving and conflict resolution skills with the focus on restoring damaged relationships.
  • Working collaboratively to solve the problem with their children so that they can feel reassured.

Schools

As bullying is a deliberate act to hurt someone, there must be consequences for the bully. Once teachers are aware that a bullying incident has taken place at school, the matter must be dealt with by:

  • Asking the victim to provide the names of the perpetrator(s), as well as the names of friends of the victim, as soon as he/she has calmed down.
  • Counselling the victim and finding out whether he/she has been injured and what effect the bullying or harassment has had on him or her.
  • Cultivating a “no blame” approach towards bullying or harassment.
  • Establishing punitive sanctions for both the bully and for any bystanders.
  • Developing a bullying code of conduct/bullying policy and informing learners of this.
  • Having designated teachers to deal with incidents of bullying.
  • Facilitating mediation and discussions with the victim and the bully, depending on the severity of the bullying.
  • Passing the responsibility to the bully or group of bullies to make sure that the problem is solved.
  • Ensuring that potential bystanders understand that they have a vital role to play during bullying incidents.
  • Letting the victims feel protected after they have reported the incident.
  • Encouraging learners to make suggestions on how they can contribute to alleviating the negative experiences of the victim.
  • Scheduling follow-up meetings to monitor the situation where each party has to share how things are going.
  • Informing the parents of both the bully and the victim about the incident/s.

The principal and teachers have a crucial role to play in directing learners towards becoming responsible citizens. They should create a safe and secure environment, establish a non-violent culture, and be good role models for all learners.

Reference

Niemann, R., Marais, N., Swanepoel, Z. & Moosa, M. 2016. Problem areas in schools In: Jacobs, M. Teaching-learning Dynamics, Johannesburg: Pearsons

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Confessions of an Educational Advocate

When I graduated with my MA my favorite job was working in a program as an educational advocate for children who were wards of the state of Missouri. Once trained by the state I oversaw the education of 40 children for a period of three years. Half of the children were early childhood age and were enrolled in our on-site program, a local Head Start and an early intervention program run by the local school district. The other 20 were school age and attended the local public school, a magnet school, or were transferred out to the district they came from to maintain some level of consistency. As the children’s advocate I spent many days in the schools.  In addition it is a favorite saying of mine is that you have not been to a Parent-Teacher Conference until you have been to 15 in a row. I want to share with you what I did that I feel made me successful as an advocate.

First I contacted school personnel before school started. This included each child’s teacher for the year and all of the other professional staff including: Principal, School Secretary, the Ancillary teachers PE, Art, Music and Title I, Nurse, School Social Worker, the Psychologist, Librarian, School Chef, and the head Janitor. I gave each of them a business card and told them the best way to reach me was via telephone; on the back of each card were the names of the children.

Secondly, I kept in touch with the teacher regularly. For me as an advocate that was weekly. However for the average parent monthly should suffice.  I also let teachers know if something was happening that could cause mental, emotional, or physical distress to the child in their class. These things could include that the child was worried about something, the house pet was sick at the Vet, or they had fell down the stairs. This gives teachers a heads up that something is wrong and helps them to meet needs they otherwise may  not have anticipated.

Thirdly. I helped supervise homework time. As an educator I realize that a child’s time in school is not so much about learning as it is about instruction. Learning actually takes place as children take the instruction and put it into practice on their own which is the purpose of homework. I set up with my fellow co-workers a set homework time that stayed consistent. They and I would move around the room and help children to process what the teacher had instructed them on in class. We did this by asking open ended  questions such as:” What are the steps the teacher talked about in class today?”. This helped children to tie what they did in school back to what they were doing then.

Lastly, I attended Parent-Teacher Conferences. I approached these conferences as a chance for the teacher and I to get on the same page when it came to the children’s expectations.  I knew what homework had be hardest for them so I sought information on how to help them to process better. I came with a list of five questions I wanted answered about that particular child’s classroom performance, peer interactions, and overall school well-being. Then I took notes regarding our discussion and used these notes to inform my co-workers of the school progress of each child. We then worked as a team to help each child with their areas of challenge and weakness. This helped both homework and school progress improve.

Educational advocacy is all about being supportive of both your child and the teacher. Teachers are your team members. It is their job to instruct the children. As parents and caregivers it is our job to ensure children are learning what the teachers are laying out for them. It is also our job to ensure the educators are doing a good job making sure their instruction is meeting the needs of the children. Parents need to work hard not to take sides between children and teachers but, instead find a way to mediate.

I loved my time as an educational advocate and I hope these steps help you to feel confident as you advocate for your children. Please let me know what you think of this article and the steps that are outlined here.

 

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Is your child coping in class?

We’re a couple of weeks into the new school year,  this is a good time to assess how your child is coping at school. A child who is struggling to grasp new concepts or cope with the workload could be challenged in one or more developmental areas.

There are three areas of human develop that can influence a child’s ability to learn, namely physical, emotional and cognitive development. While these three areas are distinctly different they are connected in many ways. Due to this interconnectedness, your child might present with a problem in one area, but its cause actually lies in another. It is important to understand these development areas in order to assess where your child is excelling and where they may need help.

Your child’s physical health can influence how they perform at school. Children are naturally exuberant; a child that is exhibiting signs of listlessness or lethargy could be experiencing health problems. A healthy diet, moderate exercise and good sleeping patterns are tantamount to the health of your child. General practitioner, Dr Linda Baigent, says that the human body needs a good balance of carbohydrates, protein and fats as well as vitamins and minerals to develop and function properly. “Many vitamin deficiencies result in poor functioning of our nervous system and an inability to concentrate,” Baigent adds. “Children require more sleep than adults and a good night’s sleep is extremely important; nine to ten hours is vital for primary school learners. If your child is going to bed early but still seems tired, they may be a restless sleeper and may be suffering from allergies, post nasal drip, an iron deficiency or ear problems” advises Dr Baigent. “This warrants a trip to the family doctor.”

Your child’s emotional development relates to their feelings, how they handle situations and processes their emotional reaction to them. Emotional intelligence or EQ is a person’s ability to measure, identify and control their emotions. When your child reaches a maturity level where they are able to control their emotions, they are likely to be able to handle times of stress or disappointment better, show empathy to peers in difficult times and feel more confident about themselves and their abilities. Educational psychologist Annemi Scheepers says, “Problems at home can be challenging for your child to handle and may filter across to affecting their performance at school. Sibling rivalry, fighting between parents, divorce, the death of a close relative or an emotionally unavailable parent (though physical or mental illness) are just some of the problems which may occur in the home environment and affect your child in the classroom.”

Within the school environment, an emotional problem may be a school yard bully, lack of social skills (no friends) or teacher/child conflict. Scheepers also notes that a physical illness which has not yet been diagnosed could also affect a child emotionally.

Cognitive development refers to your child’s ability to learn, reason and solve problems. Cognitive skills like concentration, perception, memory and logical thinking are mental skills which are used to acquire knowledge. “These can be described as a child’s tools for learning,” explains Susan du Plessis, Director of Educational Programs at Edublox. “When a child struggles to acquire knowledge in certain areas, it may indicate a cognitive skill deficit.” If you know what to look for, cognitive problems are easy to spot. Does your child reverse letters like b and d or confuse numbers like 65 and 56? Do they have trouble with sequencing and putting letters in the incorrect order, for example write ‘act’ instead of ‘cat’?  Speak to your child’s teacher to find out if your child struggles to copy correctly from the board or if they battle with story sums.

If you suspect a cognitive deficit, du Plessis suggests that you get appropriate help for your child as soon as possible. “The gap between children with and without cognitive deficits gets wider and wider and may become more difficult or even impossible to close,” du Plessis says.

Du Plessis offers the following advice to parents when selecting a clinic to help their child’s cognitive development:

  • Have your child assessed, but budget wisely. The assessment is the first step; your budget should go towards helping your child.
  • Go to your first appointment with a critical mind and ask questions such as, “What method will be used to help my child? What is the theory behind the method? Can you show proof of success? Will my child be safe? Will my child enjoy it?” If they hate going, they won’t learn anything.
  • Get your full money’s worth. While tutoring your child, the teacher or therapist should not answer calls or leave the room to check on dinner.
  • Assess the help. You should see visible results and ultimately an improvement in schoolwork. If this isn’t evident, the method may not be working for your child.
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