The problem with labelling children in primary school

Labelling children, positively or negatively, in any phase of their lives, has a very direct effect on how they view themselves, as well as how they experience the world around them. A useful tool for exploring the effects of social labels on children is, “Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development”.

Approximate Age

Psycho Social Crises

Infant – 18 months

Trust vs Mistrust

18 months – 3 years

Autonomy vs Shame & Doubt

3 – 5 years

Initiative vs Guilt

5 – 13 years

Industry vs Inferiority

13 – 21 years

Identity vs Role Confusion

21 – 39 years

Intimacy vs Isolation

40 – 65 years

Ego Integrity vs Despair

 

Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development

The developmental phases where children are most affected by social labels would be their schooling years, when they have high frequency interactions with not only their parents, but also other children, teachers, coaches and the like. These would, therefore, be the phases of 5 – 13 years and of 13 – 21 years in age, where their psycho social development hinges on being industrious versus feeling inferior, and establishing identity versus role confusion respectively.

This article focuses on the 5 to 13-year-old phase, which is the contemporary Primary School years of a child. The main and desirable outcome of development in this phase is industriousness. The positive and helpful labels would, therefore, relate to promoting a sense of confidence within children, that they are capable to do “real” things, and do them well if they are prepared to put some effort into it. Helpful areas to work towards would be establishing healthy work ethic habits at home and at school, and then attaching positive social labels to this. For example, assisting a child with a realistic study roster for exams and then positively reinforcing their commitment, dedication and work ethic related to this. I.e. “I love your commitment to your school work”, or “You seem very dedicated to doing well this term”, etc.

It is, however, important to note that the initiative to create opportunities for this kind of “industry” in this age group lies mostly with teachers and parents. My wife, for example, recently tasked our 11-year-old daughter to cook for the family once a week. She was very excited at the opportunity to engage this challenging task, and with some “industriousness” and support from my wife, she now successfully “cooks” for the family once a week. This initiative, taken by my wife, then creates the context for excellent verbal and experiential positive affirmations, related to a very “real” thing. We, as parents and teachers, would therefore do well to create these types of opportunities, and then follow the experiences through with positive affirmations.

The negative labels to avoid in this phase, has to do with verbal affirmations or experiences that may lead to feelings of inferiority. Children in this age group are literally, in body and mind, changing daily as they grow and develop. These kids are well aware of the fact that they are changing, learning and growing. To them, there are very few absolute truths with regards to what they can and can’t do, because after all, they are still learning. Parents and teachers will, therefore, do well to steer away from labels aimed at pointing out areas of inferiority, such as, “You are pathetic”, “You are lazy”, “You are all over the place”, etc. These kind of comments will stifle growth and could become self – fulfilling prophesies if internalised by the child. We need to learn how to put some spin the negative, and find ways to address areas of concern in a manner that honours the developmental aspirations of the child, even if it sometimes feels like an exercise in diplomacy. For example, instead of saying, “You are pathetic”, maybe spin it a bit to something like, “This is not the way I know you, you can do much better”. That will potentially reset the child and allows them a chance to redeem themselves as someone more “industrious”, and possibly even successful in the end.

Authentic parenting, and truthful feedback to our children about their behaviour and the consequences thereof, are critical in raising well-balanced, successful adults. We, as parents and teachers, will however, do well to sharpen our pencils from time-to-time, to ensure that the labels we impress upon our youngsters are geared towards empowering them towards success. This may take a bit of thinking, and a lot of restraint, but they are certainly worth it in the end.

Parenting Hub
Latest posts by Parenting Hub (see all)
Post Views: 32,709

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Bullying: What parents and schools can do

ARTICLE BY PROF RITA NIEMANN, NALIZE MARAIS, ZENDRÉ SWANEPOEL AND MONIERA MOOSA

Bullying is a great concern for both parents and schools. Here we outline a number of measures that can help them both parties deal with bullying.

Parents

When parents notice that their child is behaving differently – not wanting to go to school, using illness as an excuse, suddenly performing poorly at school or enuresis – and suspect bullying, they need to act immediately.

Firstly, they must determine where this is happing (at school, at a sports club, on social media, etc.) and who the perpetrator(s) are.

Secondly, if the bullying is taking place in an organised environment such as at school or sports club, the authorities need to be informed and requested to step in. They are legally bound to protect the rights of the child.

Thirdly, parents have the responsibility to equip their children to cope by:

  • Instilling the knowledge that children must take a stand and that they have a choice in allowing someone else to victimise them.
  • Assisting children to terminate relationships that are potentially harmful, such as blocking a person on social media.
  • Helping them to identify bullies and the different forms of bullying.
  • Creating a safe space for children to speak about what is happening to them.
  • Emphasising assertive verbal communication if threatened.
  • Building children’s self-concept.
  • Getting the help of a psychologist, if necessary, to counsel the victim.
  • Emphasising that respectful behaviour is always the best option and thus preventing retaliation.
  • Fostering problem-solving and conflict resolution skills with the focus on restoring damaged relationships.
  • Working collaboratively to solve the problem with their children so that they can feel reassured.

Schools

As bullying is a deliberate act to hurt someone, there must be consequences for the bully. Once teachers are aware that a bullying incident has taken place at school, the matter must be dealt with by:

  • Asking the victim to provide the names of the perpetrator(s), as well as the names of friends of the victim, as soon as he/she has calmed down.
  • Counselling the victim and finding out whether he/she has been injured and what effect the bullying or harassment has had on him or her.
  • Cultivating a “no blame” approach towards bullying or harassment.
  • Establishing punitive sanctions for both the bully and for any bystanders.
  • Developing a bullying code of conduct/bullying policy and informing learners of this.
  • Having designated teachers to deal with incidents of bullying.
  • Facilitating mediation and discussions with the victim and the bully, depending on the severity of the bullying.
  • Passing the responsibility to the bully or group of bullies to make sure that the problem is solved.
  • Ensuring that potential bystanders understand that they have a vital role to play during bullying incidents.
  • Letting the victims feel protected after they have reported the incident.
  • Encouraging learners to make suggestions on how they can contribute to alleviating the negative experiences of the victim.
  • Scheduling follow-up meetings to monitor the situation where each party has to share how things are going.
  • Informing the parents of both the bully and the victim about the incident/s.

The principal and teachers have a crucial role to play in directing learners towards becoming responsible citizens. They should create a safe and secure environment, establish a non-violent culture, and be good role models for all learners.

Reference

Niemann, R., Marais, N., Swanepoel, Z. & Moosa, M. 2016. Problem areas in schools In: Jacobs, M. Teaching-learning Dynamics, Johannesburg: Pearsons

Parenting Hub
Latest posts by Parenting Hub (see all)
Post Views: 32,709
The benefits of art therapy for children

“Art is a place for children to learn to trust their ideas, themselves, and to learn what is possible.”– MaryAnn F. Kohl

Art has been a source of communication and recreation for centuries. Art therapy, which emerged as a distinct health discipline in the 1940s, is a form of therapy where creative materials and methods are used to help children explore their thoughts and feelings. 

Performed by art therapists and related professionals, it is particularly effective in helping children suffering from anxiety, depression, trauma, and grief. It has also been shown to help children who struggle with learning disabilities, behavioural issues, or developmental delays. 

Also read: ADHD: Setting the record straight

The benefits of art therapy include:

  • Helping children express their thoughts and feelings.
  • Enhancing executive functions such as attention, memory, and spatial orientation.
  • Improving language and communication.
  • Encouraging exploration.
  • Enhancing creativity.
  • Promoting self-awareness and boosting self-esteem.
  • Improving motor skills.
  • Encouraging creative and constructive problem-solving.

Art therapy encompasses visual arts, such as painting, drawing, sculpting, and music and movement, with each component offering specific benefits.

Music, for example, can connect us to our deepest emotions, making it a wonderful therapy tool. Not only does it enhance attention and memory, but it also strengthens creativity, encourages socialisation, and helps children structure language. 

Through movement, which includes theatre and dancing, children can integrate the emotional, cognitive, and physical, which helps with spatial orientation and strengthens creativity. Being physically active also does wonders for their mood! 

Also read: Why exercise is important for good academic results

Ten things to try at home

Although art therapy is only considered actual therapy when directed by an art therapist, doing art projects at home can still be beneficial. Here are a few guidelines for practising ‘art therapy’ at home:

  1. Clay: Make or buy clay and let your children make a ‘monster’ to express their feelings or simply let them pound and mould the clay.
  2. Collage: The physical sensation of handling different materials and textures is very comforting. In addition, the creative process of putting things together in a new and different way helps organise and calm the brain. 
  3. Dancing: Dancing has incredible therapeutic powers because it helps children channel their emotions. Through dance, body awareness is created, which allows children to connect to themselves.
  4. Drawing: Allow your children to draw what they are feeling, even if those feelings are negative. This allows free expression, especially for children who cannot verbalise their feelings.

Also read: Can homeschoolers take part in extracurricular activities?

  1. Mandalas: Drawing figures with repeated patterns, such as mandalas, is good for regulating emotions and the nervous system. It can also help children focus their attention and calm down.
  2. Masks: Creating or decorating a mask can lead to discovering different aspects of our personality. Give children preformed masks or make some out of paper and let them decorate it however they like. When they are finished, let them tell you the story of the mask. 
  3. Nature: Working with natural materials is soothing, and there are myriad items you can make. An added bonus is that children have to walk around outside to find useful materials, which is a natural mood booster.
  4. Painting: Children’s paintings offer a window into their world without them realising it. Finger painting, especially, is a great way to stimulate different parts of the brain at the same time.
  5. Puppets: Make puppets from old socks or paper bags, and let children use the puppets to tell you about their feelings and fears.
  6. Singing: Through song, children can express what they are feeling in a fun and creative way. 

Keep in mind that the goal is not necessarily to make something that is pretty because our feelings and emotions aren’t always pretty. Instead, try to focus on the benefits of being creative.

*Please contact a professional art or related therapist if your child is unable to share his or her feelings or becomes behaviourally out of control.

by Danielle Barfoot

Parenting Hub
Latest posts by Parenting Hub (see all)
Post Views: 32,709
Why Free Play, Gentle Guidance, and Community Matter More Than Ever 

In a world of packed schedules, rising anxieties, and digital distractions, the way we parent has never been more complex, or more important. Children don’t need perfect childhoods, they need real ones. Ones filled with play, protection and participation to grow.

“Today’s parenting styles often come from a place of deep love,” says Ursula Assis, Country Director for Dibber International Preschools in South Africa. “But when we hover too closely or clear every obstacle before our children reach it, we can unintentionally rob them of the small struggles that help them thrive.”

Modern terms like ‘helicopter parenting’ and ‘lawnmower parenting’ describe well-intentioned behaviours. ‘hovering’ to protect and help or smoothing every path to prevent discomfort. While these approaches are rooted in care, they often overlook what child development experts call the ‘just-right challenge’. Dibber’s approach, built on Nordic pedagogical principles, embraces this balanced philosophy which gives children the support they need while encouraging and maintaining independence.

“Children build confidence by trying, failing, and trying again. That’s where resilience begins”, explains Assis. “When we pair warmth with boundaries, and love with opportunity, we see incredible growth -not just academically, but socially and emotionally.”

Free play remains one of the most powerful developmental tools in early childhood. Whether it’s climbing, balancing, or imaginative playing, these experiences help children build executive function, manage emotions, and understand social dynamics. With adult support close by – but not overbearing – these activities become safe and enriching opportunities to learn.

In South Africa, Dibber believes parents have a unique advantage: community. Grandparents, neighbours, and extended families as they often play a vital role in raising children. “That village of support is our strength,” Assis adds. “We encourage families to use it -plan outdoor playdates, invite cousins to join, share learning spaces. There’s no app that can replace the value of human connection.”

At Dibber’s campuses across Gauteng, the Western Cape, and KwaZulu-Natal, the focus is on nurturing not just cognitive skills, but the whole child. Teachers act as gentle guides, helping children navigate early life’s hurdles with empathy, patience, and clear structure. The result? Children who feel seen, heard, and confident enough to explore the world.

“Resilience doesn’t come from a perfectly smooth path. It comes from knowing that when life gets bumpy, someone is there to support you while you take the wheel,” says Assis. “At Dibber, we’re not raising perfectionists—we’re helping raise capable, compassionate human beings.”

For parents wondering whether they’re doing it ‘right’, Dibber offers this reassurance: there is no single perfect parenting style. What matters most is balance. Guide, protect, listen, and most importantly let children play, explore, and grow into who they want to be.

Parenting Hub
Latest posts by Parenting Hub (see all)
Post Views: 32,709
Scroll to Top