As parents or guardians, most of us work long, exhausting days. We understand that with the price of food, petrol, school fees etcetera, work is a given – if we are fortunate enough to be employed – and this is not something we are ever going to change. The downside is that hard work often leaves us with very little time for anything else. As parents, we often feel guilty that we seem to have so little time with our children. Added to this, we often put pressure on our children to somehow perform, using their report cards as a measure of their effort and intelligence.
Many parents trust that teachers are in control simply because they don’t themselves have the extra bandwidth to step into academic support mode after a long day at work. Additionally, we often resort to pressuring our children, whether it be through threats, bribes, or encouragement to circumvent a bad report after examinations. Let’s be honest, not all children are those gorgeous self-starters, in the Top 20 at school who just seem to ‘get on with it’ and never seem to need the parental pressures that so many of us have to use on our children.
Most schools’ second term comprise those mid-year examinations where this pressure can bring added anxiety and chaos into a household. The pressure starts to mount when you do not see the evidence of studying.
As a principal, at Abbotts College JHB South, I see the despair when the report card comes and parents are called in to visit the deputy or principal about their child’s results.
But my advice today to parents is to practice love and patience. Young teenagers are still developing. Their adolescent brains, especially those going through puberty, where cognitive, emotional, and social maturation are being influenced by hormones, have a tremendous effect on the development of executive functioning in the brain. This functioning develops in the prefrontal cortex which is the area responsible for decision-making, planning, prioritizing, strategizing, coordinating thought and emotion, delaying gratification, inhibiting impulses and inappropriate behavior.
Research over the past 15 years has shown that these areas do not function as optimally as those of adults. The limbic system and other parts of the brain do not fully mature until the early 20s. Putting extreme pressure and anxiety onto a teenager to bring home the perfect report card will negatively affect them. We need to be realistic about their abilities and remember that one examination is never a determinant for success in life. We have to encourage them to perform to the best of their ability but not at the expense of our relationship with them or the damage parents can inflict on their self-esteem and identity formation.
Having said that there are some ways in which we can support our teenagers, by doing the following:
- Download the Examination timetable in advance and ensure it is visible in your house where you and your child can monitor the calendar.
- Assist your child in coming up with a study timetable (many schools may conduct workshops to assist with this).
- Ensure the scope of study for all subjects is downloaded and available in advance (most schools will give this out at least 4-6 weeks before examinations commence).
- Ensure your child has approached teachers early on if there are concepts that are challenging and need further clarification.
- If your child is struggling with finishing tests on time, does not get through work fast enough, reads very slowly, or does not write neatly, it may be a good idea to get him/her tested by an Educational Psychologist who can assist with applying for concessions.
- Buy A4 feint and margin books for every subject so that note-taking is in one place for the full year and not on pieces of paper that are scattered around the house.
- Ensure your child has a quiet place to study, with a desk and necessary stationery (‘passive studying’ on a bed is ineffective – separate, if possible, the spaces where they sleep and where they work)
- Eliminate distractions and lay down the rules during examination periods (especially cellphones, social media, gaming).
- Ensure your child continues with healthy pursuits such as exercising and sport; and that they eat as healthily as possible.
- Do not always believe your teen! Be aware, switched on, available, supportive yet receptive to how and what they are studying.
In my opinion, a little extrinsic motivation during study time for teenagers can be effective. Many are not intrinsically motivated to study and there are pros and cons to rewarding and incentivizing your teen. You know your child best and what they are capable of. Giving them goals and possible rewards, without undue pressure that could create anxiety may be the catalyst for your child to motivate them. We have to inculcate a sense of pride in what they do and encourage effort and autonomy. With so much riding on matric examinations, skills need to be developed early on in the junior grades in preparation for these. This does not happen overnight but with patience, assistance, organization, and loving guidance our children can overcome examination anxiety and learn the tools necessary for examination success.
By (Marion Kohler: Principal Abbotts College JHB South)
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