Flying solo can sound wonderful, and as you adjust to a new lifestyle , new surroundings and new friends the world can become quite the adventure . The kids seem happy, you’ve consulted the right counselors , read all the books , crossed the T’s and dotted all the I’s and then it hits ….
Guilt! Deep rooted , gut wrenching guilt. A vicious combination of fear of failure , worry over not doing the best for your child , concern about their emotions , the guilt of the physiological impact on their innocent lives and if you don’t have your children live with you , a gnawing pain and ache that you are not an active , everyday part of their lives .
Layers and layers of guilt forming a void of negativity and self doubt. So , how does a single parent minimize the layers of guilt?
With love , humour and the 5 steps below :-
- Be your own inspiration – For the days, and there will be many, that seem to have attacked straight out of the guilt hood matrix , we just have to grab that lip gloss, take a look in the mirror and be inspired by our own “momabilities” to overcome, endure and do the best we can.
- Focus on the good – Staying positive will get you over most of the self induced moment of mommy guilt. By changing the way we view a problem we change our approach to it. It takes some practice and a few slapped on smiles, but positivity is infectious.
- Celebrate the small things – Celebrate every accomplishment ,no matter how small or insignificant. By enjoying a full active life with our children and appreciating the time, we reduce the layers of guilt we wrap around ourselves.
- Stop being so hard on yourself – My friend, Julie, says “moms are often too hard on themselves”. We are ! Our responsibility is towards ourselves , children , partners, work and home. We take it all on. All good moms just soak in the bath of despair if we cant fix, solve, sort, organize and run our families with our own illusions of perfection. My little girl reminded me “mom, you perfect because you love us”. So, I can’t be doing everything wrong.
- Support systems rock – Surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart. Those who support and encourage. And don’t forget the good friend who will let you cry, vent and laugh over a glass of red and a box of chocolates.
So when that guilt hits like a landslide of failure, grab your heels, add a smile, a dash of “momability” and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can.