How many times as a child, were asked what you wanted to be when you grew up? I remember being asked many times and each time having a different idea about what my life would look like. Even though my new exact title was not decided on, a couple of factors came up every time.
- I knew I wanted to make a difference in this world and to help people.
- I wanted to spend time with people, being an extravert, I thrive in a people based environment.
- I wanted to learn, grow, and develop.
- I wanted to have a family of my own and specifically become a mom.
As I got older No 4 on my list gradually become No 1.
After being married for a couple of years. My husband and I decided to have a baby. I had always been a bit of a planner and started to access my current occupation. I tried out different scenario’s but could not see how I was going to make it work. At the time, I was working as the General Manager of a Salon and Spa Group. It was a stressful position with long hours and about an hour commute to and from work every day. My problem was that I could not see how I could be a good mom, a mom that was No 1 on my list if I stayed in this position. I then started the process to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life (some call it a midlife crises). All I knew is that I wanted to have a career and be a mom-there had to be a way I could do it. I went through an intense process of analysing my needs and wants and designing my new life and lifestyle. A process I now do with other new moms wanting to go back to work. The core principle of this process is to actively choose how you want to spend your day. This is like how you order something from a menu at a restaurant to eat. You choose something you would enjoy. You order that delicious Roast beef, cooked to perfection with crispy roast potato’s and delicious veg. You may even order an occasional dessert or a glass of bubbly? Many people skip this process and basically just wait to get whatever is left over at the restaurant. The day-old stale muffin that is just not worth the calories and leaves us hungry for something else. These leftover-orderers are the people that end up in jobs they don’t enjoy, leaving them unfulfilled and unhappy.
If the end goal for most people in life is happiness, then what is Happiness? And how do we know if we have achieved it? A Good question to ask to try figure out what is important to you is “Why is your life worth living?” Or what are your biggest regrets? Powerofpositivilty.com recently published an article named the top 10 regrets of the dying. These were the results.
- “I WISH I LIVED FOR MYSELF MORE”
- “I WISH I DIDN’T WORK SO HARD.”
- “I WISH I DIDN’T HOLD BACK MY FEELINGS.”
- “I WISH I STAYED IN TOUCH.”
- “I WISH I WAS HAPPIER.”
- “I WISH I CARED LESS OF WHAT OTHERS THINK.”
- “I WISH I DIDN’T WORRY SO MUCH.”
- “I WISH I TOOK BETTER CARE OF MYSELF.”
- “I WISH I DIDN’T TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED.”
- “I WISH I LIVED IN THE NOW”
Happify.com says happiness is NOT
Feeling good ALL the time, being rich and affording everything you want OR a final destination.
Acacia Parks the assistant professor of psychology at Hiram College says “Happiness is how satisfied you are with your life.
My own conclusion was that I
- Wanted to be a mom and have a happy family.
- I wanted a career where I help people and make a difference in people’s lives.
- I wanted flexibility to try new projects, be creative and to continually learn.
I decided to combine my wellness background with a new skill, coaching. This ticked all my boxes and I managed to find balance with my new business www.bitsandbobsformoms.co.za
Most moms experience mom guilt from time to time and especially when going back to work. This is completely normal. Try to cut yourself some slack. Things that can help with the adjustment is finding that caregiver earlier than you need to. Giving everyone some time to adjust. Once everyone is comfortable, start leaving your baby and care giver alone. These practice trips are a great time to catch up on some self-care. Take it one day at a time. It does get easier.
If you don’t feel like going through this process alone and would like support and guidance going through this process then get in contact with me, Michelle on firstname.lastname@example.org