Just about every one of us has experienced heartbreak at some point in our life.
We can literally still feel the pain in our heart from that time in our lives when it felt like the earth had come to a grinding halt and we were left gasping for breath.
How do we get over this pain and move on?
Well firstly everyone experiences a break-up differently. Some seem to move on quicker than others – there is no exact ‘one-size-all’ winning formula that works for everyone. Rather, what is it that you need for you to be able to let go and move on.
Here are 5 steps you can take towards healing from a broken heart.
Acknowledge your feelings; don’t avoid them by jumping into another relationship or finding unhealthy coping mechanisms such as drugs or alcohol. Avoidance will only drag out your anguish. Take the time to acknowledge what you are feeling what you are experiencing. As they say, ‘if you name it you can tame it’. Cry if you need to, crying is a form of release and with release comes healing. You will get through this but it takes time and it’s a process. Just as someone grieves the death of a person, so too do you need to grieve the death of the relationship.
Make sure you have a support system in place. Many of us feel it is ‘weak’ to reach out and ask for help. We don’t like feeling vulnerable, especially on an emotional level – and that’s exactly what we feel after a breakup. Use this time as an opportunity to let others be there for you – it’s ok to lean on those closest to you, there will come a time when the opposite will apply.
If you have begun to notice a pattern of picking the wrong kind of partner, this is an ideal opportunity to do some reflection as to why this happens. If need seek the help of a professional so that you can prepare yourself to choose a better potential partner in the future.
Learn as much you can from the experience as to what worked and what didn’t work so that you can integrate the positive into future relationships and look to prevent the negatives from happening again. For example, if you discovered that you were always compromising your own needs in the past, how can you ensure you have good boundaries in place going forward?”
How will you know when you are ready for the next relationship – when you are comfortable with yourself and your own company and you don’t feel the need to have someone around for companionship but rather because you enjoy their company and want to be with them because you are complete and not looking for someone to complete you.
Open yourself up to love and joy again.
Depending on how long you were together in your last relationship, the year of the firsts is always the hardest to navigate i.e. the first birthday, anniversary or Valentines’ day alone. For some it might even be things such as hearing your favourite song, a restaurant you went to or a memory you shared together.
Be gentle on yourself, this is a normal part of the grieving and letting go process.
Be very clear on what it is that you are looking for in a relationship and partner, otherwise how will you recognize it when it arrives on your doorstep if you don’t know what it is that you’re looking for?
Once you have that clear picture of what it is you are looking for, you then need to go out there and be that person – remember that cliché ‘like attracts like?’ You can’t expect your partner to do or be someone you yourself are not prepared to do. You will be setting them up for failure before you’ve even begun…..
Lastly, ditch the mean girl/bad boy attitude in your head and find the confidence you need to attract a great partner, the ONE that will TRULY be with you through thick and thin.